Once again we are reminded that America is becoming a lonely place to live.
More and more people are leading single lives. Moving frequently, working harder, and making fewer lasting and deep personal relationships. It is touching all ages, affecting the way we work, interact, live and even die.
It’s easier to not get involved with other people, are we losing friends and not making new one because we’re just lazy?
What’s behind this failure to make friend?
Is our work schedule so demanding that it leaves no time to develop relationships?
Are we too individualistic, and not willing to tolerate and accept others that might differ or interfere with our idea of how to live?
Shall we blame society, divorce, dysfunctional families and politics?
Perhaps it’s time to think about what friendships are and what can offer over the course of a lifetime.
What does it take to initiate, cultivate and maintain a friend and friendships?
Related
March 26, 2007 at 8:57 pm
Having no friends is not a new phenomena in US. I don’t have any friends to be honest. I lost few that I had. Everytime I meet a group of people. they end up kicking me out of the group in less than 3 months.
I have gathered few advices that lay people often blurt out. They make no sense what soever.
1) be yourself: first of all, if you have no friends, that means that either there is a problem with yourself or environmental problems (your family moving around too much). In vast majority of people crying over the internet about having no friends, the former is probably the case. These people are shy, awkward, ugly, or weird. So telling them to be themselves would be telling them to be shy, awkward, ugly or weird. For shy, awkward, ugly or weird people, something revolutionary must occur. They need to start playing the game of making friends. Pleasing people in a very subtle way without showing one’s fakeness. You must think of making friends as a game and try to play the game by any means. I know many fake people with tons of friends. Bottomline, people don’t necessarily want honest, awkward, weird, ugly, and shy people. They want people they want to have fun with. This is of course generalizing. But you need to play the game.
2) Be nice to people: Being nice only gets you in half the way. And even if you are admitted to a circle of friends. Awkward, shy, ugly, and weird people will get stepped all over for being nice. You need to find a balance between being overly nice and being shy. PLAY THE GAME!
3) Try to be funny: Dude. People don’t usually laugh at the jokes. They laugh because they are in a good mood. Trust me. If an ugly weird guy tells the same joke a cool guy does, people will laugh at the latter but not the former. This is how people behave. PRACTICE PRACTICE! Practice being smooth.
If you are asking “why I have no freinds” questions on the internet, the chances are, you are not ready for a real friendship. Thus, for now, try to build fake friendships. And next year we will talk about real friendships.
July 22, 2007 at 1:34 pm
tired of the game
September 7, 2007 at 9:30 am
fake friendship? is that the best advice you could come up with?
September 14, 2007 at 6:12 pm
a guy with no friends gives advice about making friends… why would anyone believe this guy? although i think there is some truth to his “game” theory. but some people don’t like being fake at all (like me).
i have no friends and i have no idea how to make friends and still feel mostly comfortable. relationships with people always feel strained and weird. if someone does something for me do i owe them? if someone lies to me does that mean they are my enemy? how do you hit on a girl without making it blatanly obvious? if its obvious is that bad?
these are questions i just don’t have a simple answer to. being myself i guess means being self centered and selfish, because i am used to being by myself and having all the attention centered on me. i have become intolerant of others. the more i live without friends the harder it is to make any. 80% of the time i feel ok, but there’s that 20% when i feel so shitty, like now. i used to feel a lot worse in my teenage years as i was losing all my friends and my g/f cheated on me. i cried and felt so betrayed, so lonely. nobody came to help, nobody cared. the cold bitch didn’t care. i told my mom “mom, i have no friends, it sucks, what do it do?” mom couldn’t help. mom also left me when i was 5. now she expects me to be normal. bitch.
so here i am 23, life is kind of shitty. not being able to deal with people definitely hurts my quality of life. not making connections leaves me behind everyone else in life. but having to deal with people is like hell, too. i’m just no good at it.
i guess whichever way i look at it, life is shit. the only thing that makes me feel better is drugs and a soul who is willing to listen from time to time. but people aren’t always there, but i can always find 20 bucks and get myself some drugs to feel better. when i’m high, i tend to forget about how much life sucks. who cares about me? my mom, but she’s stupid and can’t do anything to help me. other people don’t even know i exist.
building relationships is really hard for me. i don’t think i’ll ever become good at it. so, i guess i’ll stick to trolling on the net posting random shit like this, doping up and maybe one day i’ll be able to pull that trigger when i put my gun to my head. i hope it will be soon, cuz life is shit without people.
October 10, 2007 at 6:17 pm
A wise person (forget who) once said, if you keep thinking what you’ve always thought, you keep getting what you’ve always got (come to think of it, it could have been Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup fame. We will never be complete as human beings as long as we continuely criticize our lives and allow other people to tell us who we are. We are prisioners of our own self consious thinking, we’re always on edge wondering if we are smart enough, good looking enough, fast enough, do we have anything interesting to say are we interesting enough to attract others into our lives.
It is the momment we beocme comfortable in our skin, flaws and all that we draw others to us. Make a list of the pro’s and cons of having no friends, and when your feeling down and lonely go over a list of Good Qualities and unique things about yourself, think about the kinds of events, clubs, activities that you like and take the iniative to go out and join them, learn some social skils, Confidence is the key, you can be a bald pimple faced obese man or women and you can still be confident, the great thing about confidence is you never have to try and prove it to others, be comfortable with yourself, what’s really holding you back from having friends is fear of rejection, fear of being judged.
If you knew you could not fail would you take the challenge of meeting new people? If your shy embrace your shyness, there are many reserved people, you must first learn to walk before you can run, there is alot to be said for taking it slow and just enjoying life. Again find out what your interest are and pursue them, love to act or think you’d like to give it a try, go out and join a theatre group or take drama in school, want to play a sport try out for the team, don’t be afraid to tread water and fail.
I learned along time ago to wash my hands of negative people, if you approach someone and they rejected you just say next and move on, it’s a numbers game, at the end of the day as long as you have tried and commited yourself to changing your situation, it will not matter what others have thought or said. Right now forget friends, forget what you think societies expections for you are, focus on your life, on listening to what you want and going after it, for the rest of your life you will spend every waking momment with a real friend, yourself, the most importatnt person you can commit to loving and giving your dreams and hopes to is yourself.
For those who do actually read this, you may think I can’t do that or he does’nt understand how I’m feeling or you’ll have a hard time really understanding what I am saying here. There is so much more I want to tell you, but for now I’m giving you the basics, it starts with you.
I have learned how to build my life up and find who I am, it was’nt an easy journey and I’m still discovering, but I realize I won’t be happy with friends or in any relationship until I spend time analyzing and exploring who I am and what I want from my life. I am slowly meeting people and while it is still acquintances and at work friends it is a work in progress (at 21 I am still learning)
Take it slow and don’t throw your life to the values and beliefs of society freely express yourself, you are beasts in this jungle called life baby, don’t worry about having no friends, focus on just exploring what you want
October 18, 2007 at 9:45 am
It is hard to make friends. It seems as though the world is uncaring and more and more people would rather be with out the two faced people in this world. I have heard you will only have 5 true friends in your life. I think it is true. The few friends that I do have are from childhood. These are people who I can trust and feel comfortable around. I care not to have fake friends who would stab me in the back. I have family and a life. I don’t care to make new fake friends.
October 18, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Hey everyone:
I too feel like I have no friends – I really dont. My co-worker are not friends. I have no one that I can call while washing dishes, or to call to just say hey guess what!! My last really good friend seemed very friendly with my husband more so then me, so I questioned it and she got pissed off. Slowly but surely just stopped speaking to me. I dont get it. I am fairly pretty, smile alot, and make okay money, and am funny and nice. On the outside, it all good. On the inside, I dont like myself, because I dont htink anyone else does. My husband would prefer me to have friends with husband that he can pal up with, but that isnt working either. I am just friendLESS. What can you offer in advice.? I am nervous about this message beacuse I have never done this type of thing before, because I thought this was for loosers – but now I guess I am a looser. I am 44, and do even know how to make a friend or keep one.
October 19, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Maybe u should try talking to ur coworkers…ask them alot of things about themself and try to branch conversations from w/e they say…I too am like you but i’m alot younger…Jeez don’t feel bad. Just try talking to them…i mean…u have a husband..just use the same method u used to get him to make friends.
November 15, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Good advice on half your post, being yourself will win you no friends if you have none already, but making fake friends isnt the answer. Thats just lame, do you really want fake friends?? Might as well have none, whats the difference. I would rather be home alone with a bottle of jack then hanging out with phonies. Real friends can only be made through happenstance IMO, usually through an intermediary.
November 16, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Hey- I have no friends in the town I live in. I had one but she acted like it was such a chore to take my calls that I couldn’t stand it anymore and so I took it upon myself to relieve her of the burden and quit calling her, which did not seem to phase her. The friends I have had here have a long line of people to hang out with and their phones ring constantly- but I never seem to click with any of their groups- most people just think I am weird. I live in red-neckville and am a little bit of a hippy. While everyone else wants to get plastered and party and cuss like sailors, or find a one night stand, I want to drink coffee and talk about literature and the funny crap I heard on The Daily Show and Colbert Report, or listen to some Zeppelin, or take a long country drive and take in some of the few remaining treasures on earth that man has not destroyed to create a high rise or shopping center; which very few people here reads, watches, listens to, or can appreciate my disdain for “the man.”
I see people all around me listening to the messages they received in the past couple of hours which takes them longer than it would take me to hear the messages I get all year. I’m also am single and into my 30s which sort of causes my group of available people to be friends with to dwindle. I had much more luck in my 20s, but that wasn’t all peaches and cream either.
I like what Thomas had to say. There are a lot of pros to not having friends. When I do have friends, sometimes I just wish I could stay home and relax. Working full time, going out more than once a week sometimes gets tedious to me and I just don’t even feel like trying to go to the bar anymore to catch a buzz. It is just starting to make me build belly fat while thinning out my wallet.
It is important to be true to yourself because I don’t think drawing people to you by acting like someone else is going to help build meaningful relationships. ALso, Paul, I am so sorry you feel that way about the gun and trigger. I really feel your lonliness. I wish there was something I could do to help you. I feel like absolute mud sometimes too but it makes me sad to think there are people out there so afflicted by not having close friendships that they consider taking their lives. Not that I know, but maybe your mom is not that stupid. I wish you could be overcome with a spirit of appreciation for her if she really cares about you and has not done you too overly wrong in the past. If you care about her at all, try to think of how all the sadness and suicidal tendencies you may or may not put on display make her feel- she’s the one who gave you life. I think you should accept her outreached hand. I know she may not come over and get drunk and high with you like maybe you want to in a friend (which I am not putting you down because I totally remeber those days), but maybe you should at least “fake” like you enjoy her company because if you do, the real thing will follow (unless she did something terrible to you growing up- like abused you or exposed you to abusive men in her life or whatever). If you can’t hack that, maybe you should gradually work yourself into some volunteer work with people, animals (if you’re not the biggest people person) or maybe something you are interested in. Just do it for an hour here and there. And I bet there are a lot of people who would like someone to bitch about how life sux, but maybe when you have the window of opportunity to meet someone, try to refrain from that. Don’t be fake, just stick with small talk or think of something at least neutral. I don’t even know you, but you are crying out for help with your message. ANyway, you could also get a dog or maybe a book or even a playstation or something. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and don’t you go and pull that trigger. Your life could be full of purpose.
Thomas you are right, as long as wer love ourselves, we have the best friend we could. If you learn to enjoy life without being surrounded by tons of people, you will never be at risk for not enjoying life- you always have yourself. It’s tough, believe me, I know, facing another weekend all by my lonesome, but it is not hopeless. Who knows, maybe having friends is completely overrated and just like everything else we hear and is programmed into our heads over our entire lives by media, maybe being alone is actually desirable. We just have bought into the idea that the number of friends we have is a measure of our merit- I think we should all just be happy to get to know numero uno (yourself). I will try to take my own advice too.
November 22, 2007 at 12:47 pm
lifes tough, what can we do? I to am “friendless”. firstly I ask myself what got me into this position, I’ve got personality and people seem to enjoy my company but why dnt I have any friends? dnt get me wrong, im not lazy to get friends, It just seems as though im stuck. lifes a journey and it just seems so pointless to me. Having no friends I guess was the primal reason for me feeling this way. I tried to make an effort, to change my life, start believing in myself and in my abilities and just have faith that every child of god is capable of achieving their goals and where did that get me? nowhere! this was the point where I almost reached insanity(once again this explains me being stuck). from this point what was I to do, it just felt as though I wanted to end this brutal cycle we call life but instead I realised it was not life that was the problem, it was me, I was the one with the negative influence, I was the one that thought it was pointless. then i realised that life is just life, it creates you and you have to participate in it. I don’t really know where im going with this message lol but I do know that the only way to happiness is through yourself. whether or not you know it, you can decide your fate, you just got to participate!
November 30, 2007 at 9:23 pm
I have come to discover soething over my lifetime of 25 years, people who have no friends are extremely lost and don’t know themselves, or they are individuals to a “T” and find it hard to relate to anyone. I fell under the first one in my youth (aka high school days) and now I fall under the second. I know who I am and like who I am, yet others seem to only like me from a distance. I have done the fake thing which I hate because I am a very sincere person. My best friend is my now ex-girlfriend but I am no longer attracted to her and I have pushed her away for the most part. I sadistically hold on to the only person in this world I love and connect with sincere feelings because I don’t want to be completely lonely again, and she still thinks everything will eventually be ok with us again.
Outside of her there is absolutely nobody. Co-workers don’t count, they are only friends of circumstance. I am attractive enough and some pretty good looking girls to try to hook up with me but I know it is just sex but they don’t know that I still read Harry Potter, play video games like a teenage asian kid, and masturbate like crazy. That may sound like I am sexually inexperienced but I have experienced the majority of the kama sutra (with my ex). That sounds like good fun but I feel so detached from all that now. One day I feel I must leave all this behind and just travel to some place new where there is at least a reason to have no friends. Truth be told I am a mess. All I know is that on this page is one of the few times I truly understand and relate with people on this subject. It is small but I don’t feel as lonely. I am glad you all are as open as you all have been.
Paul, you should know that you are not alone in this struggle with loneliness. I too have thought long and hard about suicide and it holds less promise than loneliness, therefore I continue to hold out for better days, and I TRULY hope you do too. It will only make things worse. I am learning slowly to better cope with my depression, and with the number of breakdowns I have had, I know there is help for you too.
December 4, 2007 at 8:13 pm
I never knew how it would feel to have no firends. school is torture. i walk to class alone, i eat lunch by myself, i dont hang out with anyone on the weekends….. my life is hell. I had my true friends last year but they were all a year older than me and graduated. so now im left all alone. People tell me im pretty, tons of people tell me they “love me” and that im “hilarious”, and i know im not as awkward and weird as some other people in my school but yet i have no friends. there is this guy at school and hes “popular” and all that and hes been interested in me since school started but i can see that he knows i have no friends. i absolutley hate it when he asks me what i did last weekend, its so imbarassing. so ive come up with some stupid lie that im “grounded”. i tried “playing the game” and that got me friends for about exactly 3 months, after that ive been by myself. i cant wait to graduate….hopefully this friend deficit will never happen again. i hate my life. i now know that the worst feeling in the world is to be lonely…… :(
December 13, 2007 at 9:59 pm
I’ve been stuck with these feelings of lonliness for a long time. Ever since I was young, I would stick to myself because I was so worried about what people thought of me. I only felt a close personal relationship with one person, and while she is my best friend from childhood, she always seems so be dominating over me. She makes fun of all of the little things that I do and does a great job at making me feel rediculous. She decided to leave town without even telling me, and for a long time I realized just how much of my social life revolved around her. Then, she just discards everything we had, like trash. Now I’m totaly alone. I’m in college, I’m a commuter, and I feel no connection with anyone here. A friendship may have been growing with this one girl, but shes moving away now, so I probrably won’t grow into anything else. Everyone else seems to walk right through me, or they never seem to see or hear me. I just feel so alone and worthless sometimes, I can understand why someone would consider suicide because of lonlines. Why live when it’s like nobody recognizes your existance?
December 15, 2007 at 9:46 am
i spend a lot of every day contemplating it. In many ways I’m worse off than the rest of you. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems you can tell within 30 seconds of meeting someone how life goes for them. There’s no mystery to any of this, and nothing at all redeeming as far as my life’s concerned. I know this- you can’t ignore loneliness, nor deny it, and for that matter, for reasons we can’t often help we may be relegated to loneliness. For me, I chalk a lot of up to wanting to really understand. I find my appearance, my awkward thin body, my very young look, which is not a good thing really. Frankly, it seems you can tell just about all you need to know from a person’s appearance, and branching off from that, their way. The better people never run into these sorts of dilemmas, they never have to worry about self-value because people’s responses to them are continual, if silent, affirmations. You know well if no one sees you, or if you’re continually relegated to the outside. And the older you get, the harder it becomes to deal with. As for me, because of my self-hatred, which wasn’t inborn with me, but has been continually developed by negative affirmations from the outside, i’ve given up on sex. I see the world well. Watching movies or TV does nothing for me b/c i see quite clearly these are people who i could never hang with. Most people, luckily, never experience the kind of depression that i deal with. It says in Proverbs, ‘what’s worse than a broken spirit?’…it’s true. There’s little way to fix it. There is something to be said about faking it. For instance, I’m a good musician and singer but i can’t relate to lyrics b/c frankly i was never part of anything. I don’t know whether to just play instrumental music so i won’t be faking or to just fake it and do it as a service to other people. It’s the only thing i can share with people, and b/c i don’t fit into the equation i can’t even share that. I’m 34 now and it’s worn on me although i still look 18 and get carded for cigarettes. When i see how classmates of mine are adults, and i sense their realities and the disparateness in our vibrations, there’s being frankly more healthy, they’re being on another plane…how can i not be depressed? i go through life like it’s nothing, there’s nothing magical or mysterious about it. It’s an unfair play. The better genes win, it’s not a mystery. And failed genetic combinations will put that one at a severe disadvantage, and no one who enjoys life wants to be around that, it’s just the way life goes. In many wqys, they are better, it’s not their fault.
December 15, 2007 at 9:52 am
just to finish off what i was writing before, the value of life is the experience you get. And the better realities get the better experience. And if you’re awake enough to see how their realities go, and yours is nothing but emptiness and desperateness, or just on a low, boring plane that will never improve, how are you supposed to feel?
December 19, 2007 at 6:22 am
Shawn, pretty people don’t necessarily have it easier. Nor do girls. Nor do the so-called successful people. My ex (the only girl I ever dated, so don’t let that get you down) was very pretty, but she didn’t have friends at all. Then again, she didn’t seem to want friends. And at least in the U.S., girls are often attracted more to personality than looks, so in many ways I think guys have a good deal there.
As far as making friends, I think a lot of it is just attitude, whether one wishes to put together the broken pieces of one’s soul, and whether one can be outgoing, look for common interests, and invite people to do things without fear, even knowing that one will be shot down by the vast majority of people in bitter, self-absorbed, hostile America. It probably helps to have a variety of interests that one can share with people, and run with these to build commonalities rather than push others away.
That said, this is all just theorizing based on the advise of others, since I have little experience with having friends. I’m 24.
December 19, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I’m miserable right now. I hate how whenever my life seems to be getting better and I’m making friends and stuff, something ruins everything. I hate how no one ever listens to me or respects me. I just want to feel valued and loved. But I don’t :(
December 24, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Hi.
I’m 14 and haven’t had a friend since I was 10. Every day I do everything alone. All my spare time is spent at the computer. School is hell because everyone just ignores me, or take advantage of me because I have manic depression, and don’t really understand them a lot of the time.
Once again it is Christmas and my family doesn’t really care that I’m severely depressed they’re too caught up in their own petty squabbles. Every time I try to make friends everyone just takes advantage of me and confuses me so I end up shaking and getting really scared and they taunt me for that.
I’m just at my computer half-listening to the radio once again, lonely. Every day I’m lonely and depressed and my family doesn’t care. I did have friends but then depression set in because of my troubles at home so they all jumped ship and abandoned me.
I often consider suicide, but never had the guts to do it. Maybe I won’t feel so bad when I can go to college but as it is, I really hate life.
December 25, 2007 at 5:34 am
My life sucks.I never had friends,literally.When I was little I always wanted a buddy(guy friend),as I got older I wanted a girlfriend but neither came.I attempted suicide twice ,once 13 and the other when I was 18.I drop out of school when I was 13 cause I couldnt take it anymore.Everyday all by myself.Nobody wants to have anything to do with me.Im 24 and still thinking about it.I live my life one day at a time.I know most of you are saying”wow you’re 24,still a virgin and you havent killed yourself?”.I know Im pathetic but Im working on it.This is not life,this is just an existance.I never fit in as a kid and never will,even as an adult.My co-worker can be just as cruel as the kids in school.I quit so many jobs because I dont fit in.Now theres nothing left for me to do but go to the next life.Maybe I belong in the graveyard,I dunno.
December 29, 2007 at 3:51 am
Its weird I’M 23 and long for friends on one hand, but I feel like for whatever reason I’m just not good enough for friends. Maybe it’s because I was never good enough for my parents. The lonliness kills me, I look @ the myspace pages of old classmates and I wish that I wasthe girl in the pic’ surronded by friends;I’ve never been to a party or a club because Ihave no one to go with and I have no one that I can call when I need totalk literally not one person. I don’t know what to do anymore, but I ca n’t go on like this. I even lie to my parents about having friends I make up storiesabout ‘julie’ or ‘ben’and they don’t even exist. Ijust don’t want my parents or husband to know what a complete loser I am. Now I know what you’re thinking a, I’m married so I can’t be lonely and b, how does my husband not knowthat these people are made up. Well me and my husband are not friends he has many and only requires a wife. and I’m sure he knows that all of these friends that Imeet in class are fake because he pays all of the phone bills, I’m sure he’s noticed my 3 calls amlnth to him or 411 versus his pagesof calls, Honestly he could just care less. I have a question, if everyome your whole lifelet you know how worthless youare does that mean you are? Have I been a bad person since like the age of 8 orsomething because everyone parents, grandparents,family friends have shit on meand they don’t treat my sisterthe same way. Does anyone think that there are just losers that are not meant to have friends.I feel like I was put on this earth to be a scapegoat.
December 31, 2007 at 10:22 pm
I’ve never had a true friend in my life and I often feel lonely. However, you should look on the bright side of not having friends. You can be yourself without having to worry about someone not liking something that you are doing. You have all the freedom in the world and all the time in the world to yourself. Maybe instead of trying to make new friends who will probably stab you in the back later in life, why don’t you try to improve yourself physically and mentally or work on some specific skill or do something you’ve always wanted to do? There’s nothing wrong with being a loner.
January 1, 2008 at 2:02 am
Well, I’m in the same boat as everyone else here, I basically have no friends. When I was a kid, I was a real pain in the butt, so I had no friends then. But eventually, I grew out of that, and made some really good/close friends. Then, we all grew up and got too busy to even pick up the phone and call each other. So this is how I once again ended up without friends. I haven’t met people since grade school that share the same religious/moral beliefs as me (at least in general), or even the same interests and sense of humor. The only reason I don’t feel too lonely is because I’m married, but it truly sucks to depend on just one person to fulfill all your social needs because that is a completely unrealistic expectation. I really wish I could meet someone I sync with, but even with how many people I socialize with at school and at work I haven’t really found anyone that I can say, “Gee, I wish I could be good friends with that person.” And the few times I have hung out with my sort-of friends, I am bored out of my mind, because I don’t have anything in common with them.
So, for those of you that posted about feeling like shit because no one wants to be your friend, first thing is to realize that there is a good chance you have not met the sort of people YOU would truly want as a friend. I know that is hard to accept when you are lonely, but believe me if you make friends with just random people you have nothing in common with, you will feel like the odd person out at some point. But that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means you need to meet people more like yourself. For anyone still in school, that can be really tough. Believe me, everything will change when you graduate from high school. The problem with school is that you’re with the same people everyday (which coincidentally is a problem for law school students too), and everyone is real cliquey and gossipy, and it makes it hard to be different. But again, that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. Your school years will suck, but think of it this way: You don’t want your best years to be behind you, you want them to be ahead of you. You want life to be better 5 years from now than it is today, and the odds are great that it will be.
My advice is to those that are older is to try to find a job/educational program where you have to interact with lots of people (not necessarily customer service, but more like working in teams) and try to be around the most educated people possible. Uneducated people don’t tend to treat those that are different very nicely. For the person that dropped out at 13, apparently you have many issues you need to sort out, but I believe the number one thing that is in your power that you must do is go to night school and get that high school diploma if you haven’t already. (If you did get the diploma, though, consider getting an Associate of Science at a community college.) This is the ticket to many decent jobs, and will give you a chance at interacting at a workplace with people that are pleasant and courteous. No, it’s not the same as having a friend, but it will still help you feel better, and when you do people will notice and naturally be more attracted to you. And at the very least, you’ll have more change in your pocket at then end of the day.
January 2, 2008 at 4:02 am
I relate so much to most of the responses. I’m in my mid 30s and I have no friends. I know its because I’m shy, self-conscious, and very quiet but I’m trying to change all that. LoneWolf wrote some interesting words- “Play the Game”. I guess I’ll have to do that because when I overhear people talking esp. at work, their conversations seem really boring and stupid sometimes. From the moms who can’t stop talking about their kids to the women who can’t stop talking about people’s hair, clothes, car, etc..The guys only discuss sports. To be their friends I’d have to feign interest 90% of the time. It’s my fault too because I have no hobbies, so at home I read and watch tv. The fact that I never learned to be particularly stylish or sophisticated might be part of it too. I’m trying to get out more but this shyness is really crippling- it’s like being in prison. I’ve occasionally tried to discuss books with others but I don’t know alot of readers.
I was in a live-in relationship for 8yrs and 1 of the benefits was that I could hide my need for friends by focusing solely on my man. Well, he’s gone now (died from cancer), and I’ve spent the last 4 yrs trying to fill this void with no success.
January 15, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I cant believe how much my life has fallen i am only 13 and in depression. When I was in 1st grade i only had one friend and he was my best. I remember going into school with my comb over and nerdy. w hatching the popular kids go buy. (Back then I was never shy to call up anyone…) At that time i promised myself that i want to be like my brother and sisters and become really popular. So i got new clothes new hair that everyone loved. As I got older i got in 2nd grade i got alot more friends then i had. I was the only one who knew swear words so alot people got interested then. In 3rd grade my popularity sky rocketed I had a new best friend I was hanging out with the popular kids everything was going perfect. In 4th grade my best friend moved away. But it didnt do anything to my popularity. It was the best year of my life. I just couldnt believe it I was the most popular kid in the school. Everybody knew me and everybody liked me I was voted school president everybody liked m e. Then something changed in me, not in popularity but personally. I had a birthday I invited about 60 people. Only 20 came. You would not imagine how that felt to me. I felt alone, ignored. From then on I waited until somebody called me. This 4th grade year was the climax in top of the chart of my downfall. In the summer i 5th grade started, and in the first day i already 3 new friends in the new school the most popular kids were me and this one kid. My best friend in 5th grade. We made fun out of a ton of people. When i look back i think wow we were so mean to people. Everyone wanted to be us. I had the most popular team. But I was a bad kid too, I got in fights all the time it seemed like people were even afraid of me. Chicks liked me. There was a very little sink in my popularity as i was friends with the most popular kid. In the summer i didnt hang out with much people. A few times my friends called. In the summer before 6th grade I hardly called anybody. I just waited for them to call me. But something happened, one day i was on my brothers computer( came back from college) and i was downloading a movie it was drumline or something. Then when i clicked on it, it was a porno video. I was astonished. I didnt even jackoff i didnt even no how i just get massive boners. It came to me an addiction that summer to pornographic material. Near the end of the summer i promised myself not to look at porn anymore. In 6th grade i walked into my class basically all sped kids. My best friend and other friends stopped liking me they said i had changed. When we had assigned tables in 6th grade I was sitting at the loser table. THE LOSER TABLE!!!!! Alot of the kids didnt like me for making fun of them. It was a miserable first 4 weeks for me and then I had faked cryed my way out of the team and lunch. I got a new team with 3 men teachers and everyone loved me. I made a rumor that i beat a kid to a pulp and they made me switch teams. Everyone loved me. The kids in that team worshiped me. My parents would ask me do u have friends and i would say yea. “Everyone likes me in my team” My dad would say “Why dont you call them up” and i would always say that they dont call me. Whole year went by many girlfriends kisses blah blah. End of the year there was a vocal music class man did i goof of in that class holy shit i did craszy shit. Rehearsal and stuff after school would make everyone laugh by screaming and making everyone scream words. Even at the concert we screamed. The teacher was all pissed. There was a fun fair that i was a total bad ass all the popular girls were all around me we stole shit. through pop cans at the school went into a teachers locker room kissed some people in thier. One of the funnest night of my life. Those chicks liked me. But i never asked them out when people ever told me that the most popular girl likes me i would think there lying then 2 years later they will tell me that they use to have a huge crush on me. Amazing oppurtunites waisted it seems like that been my whole life. in the summer i went to summer school and it was the 2nd funnest summer i had ever had. I knew one of the kids from baseball they were both unpopular kids but i had not laughed as hard as i did that summer. I learned everything about the school that i wasnt going to go into the next year. We snuck into every place in the school found a tunnel under our school snuck and saw perverted things in a gym teachers room. Went into the school kitchen stole twix out of it. We skipped our class. Wow it was fun there was this one kid there and you would never think that this kid would be the most popular kid the next school year or the one after. Then one day me in my friends snuck out and drank beer at age 11!Then it was over the summer and then started 7th grade. I was probably in the most unpopular team that year. But i got so much good friends. We made fun of our teachers I had become really food friends with people. Everyone thought i was the most funniest kid on earth. I did crazy stuff that no one had the guts to do I dance in the middle of my classroom and called it the lion king dance. I said a speech saying that my aunt was a lesbian. I even drank. Man that was stupid. It tasted so good to me and gave me a energy boost that i loved. I didnt even abuse it. I did it the healthy way. The way that it reduces your chance from heartattack and stroke. But sometimes i abused it. Like at a wedding i drank 5 glasses of wine. 5 GLASSES!! At 12 years old at a wedding i could have passes out and i had a hangover at age 12.And one of my teachers had a myspace and i snuck it under his door on a actuivity night. But at one time I had to make a desicion. The day of our new semester my best friends from 5th grade gathered around me and it was like we were back to our old days. I was rising my popularity fast it went way down from non popular teams the last years. Then it was the day of us to assign tables. All my friends from my team wanted me to sit with them. I think they may have been a touch jealous. So at first I sat down at the table where my best friend from 5th grade was at and he was talking to me and i thought man do u really want to end your friendship with the people in your team and right when he was talking to me I stood up and walked away i couldnt believe i was doing this it was like a slow motion walk. I turned my back from popularity. The one goal i had when i was in 1st grade. And i sat down with my team mates. In that year we became very good friends and i was afraid of summer since the loneliness i have had the last 4 summers since my best friend from 3rd grade moved away. But it was different. Everyday my friends called me and we hang out. They went over to my house and then i called people for a while. I went over to my friends pool. The first half of my summer was so fun. Then came the alcohol incident. Sometimes my friends would come over to my house and drink one day my parents went out of town. And i told a couple of my friends to come over when they leave so they came over. And i thought it was a good idea to bring a couple of beers down to drink. So we did. Then one of my friends went over to one of our old friends house to do something and he told our old friend that we were drinking. Well later that night he told his brother and his brother told his parents who told my friends who were drinking and everyone on thier hockey team who were all my best friends. At the time this happened me and my family were in Ireland. Then when we came back i got in trouble but before that i made out with this chick but……………… one of the dads called my dad and told him and my parents went crazy and i was grounded the rest of the summer I couldnt leave the house couldnt watch tv, video games no friends, cell phone or anything or computer for 2 weeks but all of the other groundings were for the rest of the summer. So all of my best friends that i was hanging out tthe whole summer i could no longer hang out with them for the rest of my life. I read the rest of the summer. I promised to myself that i wouldnt drink for the rest of the year when this happened. And since my unpopular teams 7th and 6th grade i prayed to god to give me the most popular team so i could get popular again.So then came the first high school football game. I saw all of the people that i was grounded from. It was so wierd seeing everybody. Everyone was quiet and it was wierd. Then came the worst school year of my life and still is today. This year 8th grade. My brothers favorite year and all the rest of my siblings. My team was like all the really popular kids put together into one team. I thought to my self. OMG this will be the best year ever. But i was wrong. The first month was good my relationship was getting better. But something hit me it was probably the effects of the time that i drank i started sluring me words a little bit. Id go into school looking drunk. Then i became quiet. All my old friends were talking behind my back then i suddenly had no friends. I couldnt believe it I had no friends. Times went by turkey trots other school events that use to be the best time of my life. Everyone following me laughing with me. Then i suddenly saw myself this year walking by myself. Sitting by myself at times. And i think how could this happen the most popular kid in 4th grade no friends. No has called for me in 4 and a half long months havent hung out with anyone since the beer incident. I come home almost everyday crying. My parents buy stuff for me to get better like church things and stuff. They think about calling a phsyciotrist for me. When i go online people ignore me. So there is no point. Which makes my popularity go down if i care…….. I stop and wonder has anyone gone through wat i have delt with as i see every popular kid and they have stayed the same since 2nd grade. No one has gone down in popularity more than me. Some people think i died. No one hears about the crazy stuff i use to do. Others think i have changed and am a new person. Missed oppurtunities. I look at the popular table and i probably would have sat at that table if i had sat at that table in 7th grade. Some people use my old jokes to gain popularity too. Others say that i can make anyone popular it seems as if all my best friends always use me to get popularity. No girls like me as they only see a has been depressed quiet kid in the corner. Today i went home from school crying its like my old friends dont even notice me. I didnt talk nor did anyone talk to me during the trip home. Its not like i never was good friends with these people person sitting next to me popular kid was good friends with in 4th and 3rd grade. Girl behind me good friend in 7th grade guy behind me friend in 5th and 6th guy next to him friend in 4th person person next to person next to me very good friends in 6th and 3rd and 4th grade. Person in front friends in 7th. In front good friends in 7th Next to him very good friend in 7th girl next to him liked me in 4th 5th and 6th grade. And others. I often think of suicide. Who wouldnt . I have put a knife to my hear 12 times but never had the guts afraid of pain and hell if thier was no hell or pain i would do it. But this is hell having no friends not being noticed. I would rather be poor and have friends then being rich with no friends. This is hell. I tell you this now because i need to get it off my chest before some evil takes over my body please right a message.
January 17, 2008 at 6:13 am
Hey everyone!!! My name is Jessica, i’m 20 years-old, and i would just like to say that….i would love to have all you guys as my friends! I’m so freaking serious……you guys seem like some really awesome people! Please contact me ASAP!!! :)
Your friend,
Jessica
http://www.myspace.com/jackdaball
jackdaball16@yahoo.com
January 18, 2008 at 7:53 am
i have discovered how one makes a world of solitude work for themself. I personally am 21 and gradually had less and less friends in highschool until I finally had none. for four years I went with very little or no friends until I finally panicked and decided to end this nonesense. I realized that through solitude you gain a different perspective on reality than the general public. Through this you can appeal to open minded people. screw jumping on someone elses train, expand your own ideas and style but really think it out, then express it. Talk to random people from work, school, the store, the mall,etc. who you feel are approachable. I have a bunch of friends now that I have figured out my own self.
January 23, 2008 at 11:21 pm
i was sooooooooooooooooooo lonely and hurt when i was in high school because my best friend said that she no longer want to be friends with me… and everyone in that high school all have their own friends already and i am just left ignored by my classmates… i am a pretty quiet, serious person and its just not natural for me to fake sillyness or become really talkative or outgoing. i have a set of expectations for how should be my friends too! i dont like people who swear alot, smoke, or talk about nonsense…. i prefer hanging out with people with more wisdom – who can boost my esteem and won’t say anything to hurt me like my peers. there are many people who say that i am cute… (i hope they are right… i really don’t know about this…) but i only have two honest and good friends that i can talk things with…. i want to find more friends… but it just looks like everyone around me are just selfish people who only care for themselves!! if i walk around they will say hi to me…. is that what u can call friends? i really don’t know!!
in my opinion, its better to be alone than be with people who hurt you… and its better to have good, wise friends over people who just hang out with you – anyone agrees?
January 29, 2008 at 10:23 pm
You don’t have to go out and try to make it your mission to find friends every day. But you should always be open and aware of people around you. Don’t judge people and assume they won’t like you because of the way they look, their age, their gender or how they dress. There are kind people out there. Most people in their twenties have friendships and might not be looking for new ones. But every once in a while, there will be someone who would like to talk to you. So don’t give up. Don’t let others make you feel badly about yourself, or affect your mood. All you can do is try. And if you’re not meeting people in your daily routine, change your routine. Keep trying new things and going new places. And always try to be the best version of yourself, and let the best of you show so that people know what you’re all about. Don’t change yourself or compromise yourself…. All we can do is try to see the beauty in life, be happy for others friendships and hope to find some of our own. We’re not all meant to have many friends. Those who have a few good friends or even one are lucky. It’s hard I know.
IF possible, I would suggest talking to a therapist of sorts. They won’t become your friend but they can help you work through how you feel. Going to a therapist or psychologist isn’t just for people with serious or life threatening illnesses….. I hope to be a psychologist some day, and I think we could all benefit from a bit of talk therapy. I suppose that’s what this reply is. Everyone wants to be heard. Life is hard for everyone, don’t give up because relationships are what it’s all about.
January 29, 2008 at 10:37 pm
After reading a few more of these, I have to tell you all, that you ALL DESERVE FRIENDSHIP, and that everyone has problems. Some people have bigger or more problems than others. You may feel strange, or weird—-but everyone is weird, everyone is different. What you see on TV, isn’t how people are in real life. What you see in the hallways at school, or at parties and bars—that is how SOME people behave in a social environment. These examples are only a few. There are many ways to live, all over the world people live different lifestyles. If you don’t feel like you fit into these few places, that’s OK. You can live however you wish and be whoever you want to be!
Many people go through depression, I suffer from depression. And I have been where you are, I don’t have many friends right now. But that’s just the present.
Who knows who I will meet in the future!
I feel the pain that all of you feel, but all you can do is be good to yourself, and make your life what you want it to be. There are always options to change what your life is like today. You might have to leave your comfort zone, and at least start looking for ways you can change your life to make it what you want. You create your life. You make your decisions. You decide how you will feel. With depression, you may need help….and sometimes you will have to be the one to find help-but find it! Do it because you care about yourself. Because you enjoy your own company.
Try, because some day you will find someone who cares. And they would be upset if you weren’t there. I swear, it can get better.
January 29, 2008 at 10:45 pm
You may have noticed there are many people who are lonely and ignored. But where are we? Inside on our computers, not about to meet new people, other than online which isn’t good enough. You want a real friend. Go outside, go to a coffee shop. Walk in the park, go somewhere that there are other people. Do it every day. It helps very much to smile at people and say hello :) You may not meet someone every day, but you should feel proud for trying.
It’s important to be yourself, so that people know the real you, and so that people know you are interested in making friends with someone who is as nice to you as you are to them. Treat people how you want to be treated, and don’t accept being treated badly by anyone, that’s not friendship.
I am sending wishes out to the universe that you all meet a good friend, because you’re all sincere people and you deserve friendship.
February 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm
hmmm… i’m 41. i like myself reasonably enough, have interests, style, decent enough looks, etc, go out a lot, am friendly, talk to people, etc., yet i don’t really have many friends. the odd thing is tht my friends and people who meet me think i have TONS of friends and this great social life. i never really did though. i’m not married, no kids though ive had several long relationships and tons of short ones. i guess i’m kind of hard to get along with.
anyway, the post that hit home was the one from the guy whose only friend was his ex and she wanted to get back together with him. ive been spending time (trying not to involve sex at the moment for obvious reasons) with this guy, same age, who has no friends and i think he’s using me for the same reason. pretty sure of it actually. he seems to think that i have zillions of friends and this great life. he thinks i can help him with his career. he’s pretty much admitted that i’m “his only friend,” and that he’s “taking advantage of me.” though i havent asked him to elaborate. i’m pretty sure he knows i’m nuts about him. once i even had a talk with him at his urging. his words were something like “i need to fix my life. please stay on the fence a little longer.” not good, right.
he’s attractive and smart, but he really does have no friends and a lot of mental problems (depression, personality issues, bitterness stemming from his childhood, self-loathing issues about his height which is perfectly normal for a guy — he’s “short”, so what?). in a million ways we’re very much alike and have been kind of circling each other for years. i’ve been close with him for about 7 months. i’m about on the edge, because i’m so into him and want to really share more with him, but want more encouragement from him, because i’m used to guys being the first to let these things be known.
i feel like i’ll give it another month, then just let him know i can’t really see him at all anymore, it just upsets me too much. i can’t just “be busy”, that doesnt work. he’s relentless in his calling, texting, wanting to hang out, etc.
totally devoting too much mental energy to this nutjob but keep thinking, maybe there’s hope. because i’m used to if a guy doesnt like you he just goes away. but reading about guys who will keep a woman around just not to be lonely kind of is a wake-up call, you know? thanks.
February 2, 2008 at 3:02 pm
to clarify: but reading about guys who will keep a woman (who he isn’t sleeping with) around just not to be lonely kind of is a wake-up call, you know?
February 17, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Like most of the people here – I don’t have any friends. I am in my mid twenties and moved to a new city around two years ago. I had a long relationship and several part jobs which took up most of my time. Then I broke up with my boyfriend, the few friends I had moved, stopped working as much, and realized I was completely alone.
The few people I talk to are my coworkers. I am arguably the most cheerful person at work so it is probably not noticeable that I am just extremely lonely. I had one friend at work who is superficially a nice person – but she is very fake and self-involved and is always talking about her personal life, her boyfriend her best friend, her schedule – basically just about herself. I am starting to find her so annoying it is a real chore to chat, but I do it anyway because at work there’s no choice.
I try to take a class and at least talk to my neighbors to alleviate my boredom, but this is only a temporary solution.
I think I have reached a downward spiral where I have no friends – become more negative about life – and this further accentuates my downward spiral. I could fill up my time with extra curricular activities but I have found that even though I can meet a lot of people this way, few of them will become good friends. I could also fill up my time with work (this is what I did before) but I don’t think this is the key to a happy life. I’m tired of expending effort socializing with people and getting so little in return. The funny thing is – I have tried asking acquaintances I know to go out with me and they usually agree. Most people seem to be social and openminded. However, I usually only make more acquaintances that don’t become friends this way. These acquaintances become more and more tedious to maintain, and I just end up having more superficial friendships. I want friends. Someone I can call to talk about life.
There was a time in my life where I didn’t know how to date or find a man. Now I am more confident in my ability to date or find a man but I have absolutely no idea how to make a friend. The world is indeed a very superficial place, when you are not the prettiest or the most successful or the most confident people do indeed look down on you. In reality it is like blaming the effect instead of the cause – sometimes when you have no friends, you feel ugly, unconfident, and unsuccessful, and although you may not be the most attractive and confident person in the world, it is unlikely you are as bad as you think as well – the dark glasses of loneliness tend to obscure reality a little bit.
Although I am in a period of my life where I have no friends – I have to say that looking for friends is a little bit like looking for love – when you stop trying so hard and forget about what others are doing it happens. People love the I don’t care vibes. I do think we live in a very, very individualistic society – if you go to places like latin america, africa, or southern europe, people talk to each other more often and it is a lot easier to make acquaintances – if not real friends. In america everyone goes home to watch tv and they put so much value on their personal time that they dont even care to talk to their neighbors or their friends that often. Then they complain about how they’re lonely.
I take time to talk to people and they usually reciprocate, but I get tired of initiating. I think I need to “fake it till I make it” – pretend to have something to talk about and thus gain friends. The thing is – although I am sometimes successful with this tactic it also makes me lonely – because people don’t know how I feel inside. They just expect me to entertain. If I divulge that I am not actually in a good mood, people don’t stick around. Noone cares to be around someone that is not at their best.
In any case, anyone who is actually considering suicide or is using drugs or alcohol as a solution to this problem really shouldn’t. I know that is easy to say and hard to do, but just because some people are shitty and the world is superficial, doesn’t mean YOU should punish yourself for it. SCREW the world – some of the best people I have known in my life have been outcasted and misunderstood – and some of the worst, most disgustingly fake and vile personalities have gotten it all. Just because you have no friends does not mean there is anything at all wrong with you.
In any case, today I tried to go out alone because I needed to get out of the house but it just made me feel more lonely. Sometimes I want to just get back together with my boyfriend because the loneliness is so great but I resist because there must be better times ahead. I think we were loneliness crutches for each other and I want someone that will love me for who I am, not because they’re lonely. It is truly hard to move on with life completely by yourself – but at the very least – there are good people out there, I am sure of it – it is just so difficult to FIND them.
February 20, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Hi guys, I’m 27, f. I study at university level and work part time. I have zero friends. I try not to make a big deal out of it but it hurts sometimes. Like some of you I’m a very helpful and generous person. I work hard and always take care of my family. I dress properly,exercise and eat healthy. I know the problem is ME. I want friendship but at the same time I don’t. If you want something you have to GIVE something and I have problems with sharing emotions and intimacy. I had a shitty childhood and I guess it messed up my head a bit band my soul a lot. I’ve never taken drugs or alcohol, but just before Christmas I decided to screw that and start drinking and maybe try some heavier stuff but then my oldest brother suddenly got divorced and had nowhere to go so I offered him to stay with me. I had to postpone my drinking plans. If he hadn’t moved in I’d probably have killed myself by now…
The friends I had, I scared off with my deranged personality.
The love of my life-same story.
February 22, 2008 at 2:12 am
Hello Everyone.
I have a number of things to say after googling “i have no friends”, finding this page of people like me and reading all the posts.
First thing, just as an analyzing psychologist, which I practice in my time away from being a Super Hero, I really think that there is a personality trait common among all of us. Even if we aren’t only children, we tend to have that syndrome… In that, we tend to have a greater sense of Self than most people. Count the number of “I” ’s on this page and you will see what I’m (sorry lol) talking about. There’s something to be said possibly, altho i’ve never reallllly applied it, that if a person would only concentrate LESS on themselves and more on something, someone, anything else besides ourselves, we might start to quote un quote ‘get better’ mmmm or soemthing….
Anyways, my story is similar to all yours… I’m 23, have no real friends. Like many of you, it went from being pretty normal early in high school, and then through the course of that 4 years, I began to feel insignificant compared to my peers. Depression set in, I tried to aid not really fitting in with trying to do stuff that would “fit me in” Weed, drinking, etc etc. I knew I wasn’t really happy, but whatever, atleast i could relate to people. By the end of high school, my best friend from middle school was really the only friend i had left. Actually, between graduation of senior year and freshman year of college, Weed was my best friend and this was honestly, the best time of my life. Everything revolved around smoking ganga, and it was fun. The fact that I still think it was the best time of my life, nowww 5 years later, is not a good thing and means i really haven’t grown up a lot. Don’t worry, I’m still addicted to weed. LOL. But i see it more now as how it really is a hinderance to where i want to go emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.
Green sticky HAS been my best friend since then, it never lets me down. It really is an escape from reality that I need to have sometimes. AFter H.S. grad, I moved to a new city. and basically had a couple nervous breakdowns in the process. I was sooo caught up in trying to act cool and trying so hard to fit in. I wouldn’t recommend this to ANYONE who thinks that acting a certain way will get you ahead or empower you in some way socially, its theeee worst thing you can do. Because now I really don’t know who I am and have no friends. I used to think about suicide, but I’m still here, so i had never had the guts. I really feel others who said they also consider it. I Know what you are feeling. You see no way out, but just the fact that you didn’t, THAT YOU DIDNT, only means that you ARE worth it, you see value in yourself, you WANT to get better, and you didn’t… that means you, deep down, think you can beat this.
Suicide is not that answer. I too am self conscious, i too am quiet, i too feel like an outkast when everyone else seems so at ease socially and in such good places in life. Trust me, there lives are fucked up too, they are just really outstanding at either hiding it or doing things that they think will give them happiness.
I love all of you, much much love and respect. I think eventually I will get better socially, I am still very much a work in process. If i had to give you all one thing of advice, it would be to not try and please everyone. Focus on pleasing yourself FIRST, that is the ultimate. If you do that, and are content in your own shoes, than nothing else really matters. Find a source of happiness.
Thank you,
Brandon
February 24, 2008 at 9:28 pm
ok f’starters, you guys rock. I mean it.
And just on what a few ppl’d said about being yourself and how changing yourself for the sake of wanting friends is not worth it… Look – changing yourself DOESN’T mean changing your nature. Changing yourself means changing your ways for the sake of what matters to YOU the most. So if you’re a shy person who has no faith in the things you have to say… and is desperately wanting to be heard – then change from being a quiet talker to someone who’d speak a little louder. In this change, you’re not eliminating the YOU, but you’re making it stronger.
What most of us here are wanting, myself included, isn’t a friend. At least the things we’re expecting out of our friend isn’t something we’re likely gonna get from the people around us.
Some of u are blessed with families who’re just supportive and accepting. But a lot of us don’t. Ever since i can remember, i’d been told things about me that just brings me down. Everything i did – everthing i am, was wrong. I got real lonely and wondered about myself being here. A lot of this loneliness had been added to by my own selfconscious, inward-looking ways. And whenever i was with the few friends i had, it became more about me than it was ever about them. If they didn’t appreciate me and all of me, they weren’t being good enough friends. (When in fact even i myself couldn’t appreciate myself.)
The truth be told – All of us here – it’s not a friend we’re needing. It’s a saviour. The one who’d tell us we matter.. someone to pull us from ourselves.. from all our failures, from this destructive cycle, from this worthlessness.. and yet at the same time value us, appreciate us, and love us for who we are, crippled and retarded and proud and all. The kind of love that we’re all needing is, realisticly speaking, superhuman. No-one can take that load. And we can’t blame anyone for loving us less. Neither can we blame ourselves. Blaming really doesn’t get us anywhere.. We can only try to be better. Having said that… IT’S A DECISION TO NOT BLAME. and that’s why it’s so difficult. The time we use on blaming/self-accusation is all wasted in bringing only more negativity into our lives.. not really changing a thing.)
It helps me when i look to God for this love… and find that my life weighs enough for His own life. He loves YOU (and you and you and you and you and you you you you you you you x as many of you out there as there is) and He’s got plans…. to prosper you and to give you life more abundantly. Isn’t that what all of us really want? For someone to completely understand us and yet not only has the love to cover all our needs, but the power to heal our deepest wounds, bring us back to LIFE, and make us better people, what He’d originally made us to be before this world and our pains had twisted us?
I think the only fair thing about life is that we ALL get to choose. Just that each individual has different tendencies. Being friendless sucks, and it’s probably the result of the many unconscious (and usually self-centred) choices we’d made down the road. But you can change that! We CAN still choose to be strong. We CAN still choose to get up again and try harder. It’s a choice we make in each waking moment, to live with all we’ve got. (and that’s the toughest part. But believe me, you’ll get better at it with God’s help) Even if we only have very little. The more we make use of what we have, the more God will add to it. And vice versa. If our focus is on how little we have… and we go on to waste our lives and deplete our health because of it… thinking life’s a bitch and being centred on our puniness and how much we suck, we only get punier and lose more. Guys. God will add to you and give you the strength you need. You just need to PRAY FOR IT and TAKE ACTION. If you really want friends – go for it! But make sure it’s not a ’saviour’ you’re wanting out of the person.. cos chances are… he or she will fail to reach that expectation. They need salvation themselves. Just like you and me.
With love, and GOD BLESS
Leslie.
February 25, 2008 at 12:58 am
@ Leslie I think you made a lot of good points, and I am going to try to think about some of the things you said.
I hope that people keep posting on this page. It’s my second time visiting this page and I just realized that this is the one thing in life that really makes me feel better… hearing from people who are just like me.
March 6, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Hi, I’m 14 and ever since i moved 2 years ago my life has change dramastically.I used to have alot of friends but now i have none.I think the reason i dont have any is because i scared of rejection and i dont think i can carry a conversation. Last year i had a friend named Elexia. She was the only one i hanged out with. We were really different like i was one of the smartest people in school and she was barely passing. I read harry potter and she hasnt even read a whole book. Now we havent talked since summer. When i call her to come over she always says she cant. One time i asked her if she want to see the play Dracula at school and she told me she couldnt go, but when i went there i saw her hanging out with another girl. When i talked to her she just ignored me. I think she doesnt want to talk to me anymore is because she thinks that im a losser or that im boring. Now I feel like no one likes me, no one understands me, no one respects me, they just think im some stupid girl. These last few years have been a burden. I think i have depression and most nights i cant go to sleep. Im just tired of being lonely because i have never been this way and i dont want to be this way. Today I hid in the bathroom this morning because I didnt want to be seen alone. Its embarrassing. My family doesnt care either. My sister read my diary and she found out that I was going through depression. Sometimes she makes fun of me and tells me I have no friends. One day my mom asked me what was i going to do for my 15th birthday and I said I didnt want to do anything because usually on my birthdays I invite friends over. And she told me thats because I dont have any friends and that Elexia had left me. Every once in a while I think about commiting suicide because I think that if I do people will finally care about me and feel sorry for me. But I know I will never do that.
March 6, 2008 at 5:44 pm
oh sorry i messed up im mean i think i cant carry a conversation!sorry
March 6, 2008 at 8:47 pm
nevermind that^
March 8, 2008 at 6:35 pm
I lost my best friends when I went away to college.I made new ones….but they still have their old friend….spring and Christmas break are extremely hard for me…going home with no friends….
March 21, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I too have no friends, I feel so lonely and suicidal about this. I never really had a friends anyway, just hung around a certain group. I had a neighbour who was the same age as me and so we hung out for most of my child hood and teenage year’s. all we did was play video games ( since that is all i am into ). once i had finished secondary school ( high school ) we never spoke again. he is intelligent and went to college and now lives in a city far away and has a great life while i am still living with my parent’s and have a shit factory job that i am sick of. i have been there 5 years now and can bearly remember anybody’s name, i have made no friend’s at all. the only person i can call is home, my mum or my sister. that is it. and i am tired of calling them, i need new people to interact with. i am 24 and also gay which makes things worse for me. being gay is a big burden and barrier for me expecially since i live in a rural area where everyone knows everyones business. I am afraid of what people will think of me especially my family. i think a lot of people who have been around me know well that i am gay but no one ever says anything except for when there are being thick and make smart comments to me to make themselves laugh or just to hurt me for whatever reason. I would love to kill myself but i know that no one would really give a fuck and that hurts me so i stick around ( i dont know why). i wish i had a friend or a counceller to talk too about this and mabe even get some help. I tried to kill myself once and ended up in the intensive care unit. the minute i got home i tried again b using a different method but could not go through iwth it. i got to see a counceller who was useless since i did not know what to say to him and wanted him to go away since all i could think about was death but know i could do with someone pretty badly, (even though i do not know what to say really). i have seen my doctor who has put me on prozac which seems to have helped even though just a little bit but now he told me he is going to take me off them in the next couple of month’s which just scares me since that is all i have. if i had some friends then i could just get some illegal drugs to help me out but that is impossible even though there are drugs every where these day’s. I dont know what to do anymore. i feel so messed up. i have no confidence or self esteem to help me get through anything in this life. i am not even sure i can kill myself. the doctor said he had sent a letter to a good friend of his who is a therapist who will talk to me but that has been ages and the this type of thing takes age’s where i live cause the mental health department sucks ass here along with a lot of other thing’s/ i know i am not doing anything to help myself and i should but i am to lazy and beside’s i dont know where to start. event talking to the doctor does not help. he can be pretty thivk sometimes and i am very sensitive ( im a pusrry basically). i feel so messed up. i dont know who i am or what i want. i dont really mind being by myself , its just when i see other people out with friends or just chating in the hallway i get so jelous. also not haveing arelationship sucks as well but if i cannot make any friends then how am i supposed to get into a relationship. especially a gay relationship. that is next to impossible. i hate writeing this also but i have no drink ( which is what useally calms me down ) so i need a outlet. i hope i either kill myself soon or end up in a fatla accident or get some fatal diesease. i cant stand my family since they dont seem to be doing any better than me though they sondt seem to care. i am tired of supressing my emotions just so i canget through another day, no one at works gives a fuck about me and that is the only time i leave the house and got somewhere social. if i was to lose my job i would not have a hope in hell of getting another one and i know that my parents would not put up with that. death is the only way out for me and even the people at work think so too ( i can tell) they will not fell anthing when i am gone nor withll the rest of the world. i hopw they dont find my body so there is no funerla sice it would have like 3 people at it. my family. that would be so lame.
April 9, 2008 at 7:50 am
Hi I’m Troy. I live in Australia. I’m in my 9th year in High School and I have no friends. The 1st High School I went 2 was the one up the road from my house. I hated it so much I got depressed. So I changed to the High School on the other side of town with my sister. It was great! I made friends super fast and I had a cool group to hang with. Weeks past and the 2 boys in the group drifted off so I was left with the 3 girls in the group. They were really nice and funny. They never left me behind. But then the holidays came and as I went back to my usual thing I noticed things changing. One of the girls in the group had other friends so she rarely hung out with us. The other 2 had other friends so they also went to talk with them leaving me in the year 7 area. I knew some people from Primary School so I talked to them. I hung out with my lesbian friend Kylie and some other people. I hung out with Kylie’s group for a while until my old group came back together. But the boys in the group became mean and one of the boys and me had a fight in the library. So now the boys in our group hate me and only talk to the girls. I was upset that day and cried. The 3 girls from my old group came down near the library and comforted me and then walked off. My new friend Rhonda took me to the office and the boy was grounded by his parents and suspended. Me and Rhonda and her friend and a girl I knew from Primary School walked around our school doing our own thing. But then the year finished and the 7th year was coming into its second year of High School. Rhonda had found a new group in the Quad but we talked and sat together in classes. So I tagged along with the 3 girls from my old group from year 7. They invited some of their friends to join our group and then finally our group was settled. Due to my sister Popularity I noticed complete strangers were asking me how I was and talking to me. Since I’m from Aboriginal background I noticed I had many cousins that told me they had my back. The year was looking bright. But then the group split and the 3 girls that I had known from the start of High School totally ignored me. I remember walking up to them and trying to talk to them. But one of the girls said “What do you want!?”. So I just said bye and walked the other way. I was now hanging out with the these random girls who were nice but had their own thing. But I managed to get along in School. My attendance was horrible and I now hated school. I had no real friends. Kylie had her own thing to and drifted away from her group. But in certain classes I knew many peoples. I had Mitchell from Primary School, Kylie and others. Plus that class was the lowest and our teacher was a former hippie and was cool with what ever we did. I met Macey in my math class and we became good friends. We hanged out rarely but we couldn’t stop talking and laughing in class. So me and Macey had our own groups and School was looking better. New people came to my School who seemed good but then really annoyed me. So there was another negative tick on the list. months passed and the end year was coming. I found myself sitting alone most of the time and missing many days. I eventually had enough and refused to go to school. I know it didn’t seem so hard but I just got really angry and sad. The holidays came and my cousins came down ( who were popular in their own schools ) to visit. We had a blast. I wondered to myself how I can get along with people out of school so well. But the holidays passed and here I am now back at the 1st school ( which I haven’t attended since ) and sadder than ever. I have no friends and my family thinks I’m an internet freak or a loner. But they mean well. I have no idea why but I love New York City. I see my future there. And hopefully I can make many many friends in the Big Apple due to its different culture and peoples.
Since I have no friends I can;t really help people but I had to get that off my chest.
I feel much better knowing that I’m not alone. But life works out and something
will come across. just remember to attack the opportunity.
April 19, 2008 at 6:04 am
Dear Troy,
I am too in year 9 and I feel you. For my whole life I had been with the same friends. I then, made a mistake by leaving them and going to another group. I have been making friends on and off all year long. But with everything I have been through I always had a friend to count on and know that I would never be alone. Now, with 2 months of school left, all of my friends have left me. Even the one person I thought I could always count on turned their back on me without allowing me to explain. They all have ruined my life and now, I have no reason to smile at all. I actually find it very hard to smile knowing that I have no hope of finding people to love again. I thought people were supposed to go through rough times but with people there supporting them. I am now offically depressed with nothing to look forward to. I still have a couple of years left of school and I have to go through them alone. I pray to God everything will work out for me and for you too.
I hope everything will turn out just great for you at the end because you sound like you deserve it. The only thing that hurts me the most is that they called me the one who has been betraying them.
Now, I just try my best to not lose hope and keep going on no matter what happens to me. For a girl my age, I have through so much and the only people there to support me are my family.
My only advice to you is to look and hope for a better future and to keep thinking of all of the positive things you have in your life. Think of all the other people who have far worse luck than you do. e.g Paralyzed, lost a member of their family or any loved ones, blind, deaf etc. Try to find a reason to smile and keep you going through the day.
Good Luck and Best Wishes**
Serah
P.S: Sorry if this isn’t helpful at all or if it didn’t provide anything you needed to know. But well, I tried
May 8, 2008 at 4:44 pm
first, just let me say finding this page and reading the replies
actually made me feel good..
for once i find people who are actually anywhere close to my situation.
i too have no friends.. and kind of lost them around high-school time..
when i really think about it i cant figure out if i rejected them or did they..
either way im pretty sure being “left alone” was bound to happen eventually.
so here i am, 22 .. 0 friends, never even kissed a girl.
smart as i am i actually managed to get myself into a (pretty high paying) job with a bunch of old people. im litteraly the youngest BY FAR in the whole company.
so i just blocked any path to finding friends completly.. yay me.
i dont see myself getting out of this in any way, i see myself.. keeping this job and just going on and on till i probably one day find a way to get a gun and just finish it allready.
this is maybe a bit dark but i truely believe some people are born (genetically) inferrior to others,
and all of this is basically natures way of saying, you have no place here.
kind of a modern day natural selection.
except im pretty sure this feels allot worse than prehistoric natural selection, fighting a lion is probably less painfull than 7 years of lonely torture.(so far)
i have some good qualities, im supposedly funny..im a nice guy and consider myself a good person, im good at my job..
but i dont fit.
going from 0 friends to finding friends at 22, does not seem like something possible.
if anyone actually managed to do it (without joining some cult/religious group) please tell me, i might give it a shot.. i dont have much to lose anyway.
sorry if my perspective is a bit bleak.. im just telling it how it is.
May 20, 2008 at 11:13 pm
For all those of you who feel bad, try this for size?
I’m 45 and have never dated. That means I’ve never had a girlfriend. And guess what that means? I’ve never had sex. I don’t even know what a kiss feels like. There is only one thing I’m an expert about when it comes to women: And that’s knowing that they have no interest in me. It’s just the way it is. It’s my destiny to be alone the rest of my life. I’ve tried everything, buying fancy cars, dressing up, trying to be funny, trying to talk more and be more out-going. After all, they say the more you can build yourself up, that attracts women, because women like confidence. Well, that only backfired as a turnoff, because it made women think I was too arrogant. So then I thought I’d downplay myself, saying I’m poor, not dressing up so sharp, etc., BUT that backfired because women don’t like men who lack confidence. So then I tried to just be myself, and that doesn’t work either because it’s too generic. So I’ve given up, because it’s a lot easier to be at home alone, watch TV alone, eat alone. And though it kills my soul that I will never have a girl friend, I’m also aware that many guys who are married have nothing but misery and stress in their lives. So at least I can thank my stars that I’ll never be in that situation. I would rather be lonely and have money in my pocket rather than be dirt poor and have oodles of female companionship.
Despite never being an attraction for girls or women, I’ve been fortunate to have friends, even though I was never popular in high school. Though I still have friends, we don’t hang out as much, because they now have family commitments. So, I’ll just have to wait until their kids grow up. And when they do, we can start hanging out again. Until then, I’ll just have to cope with loneliness. What they say is true: LIFE SUCKS AND THEN YOU DIE! Why some of us are put on this planet is beyond me, because I have no business or purpose to exist. I wish I was dead, but don’t want to deal with the pain of killing myself either.
June 11, 2008 at 5:50 pm
U guys dont be sad…everything happens for a reason. I know there are times in life when you winder why me, why I, all i ever wanted to be happy. You must look at the positives…evryone has a friend whether you know it or not…im you guys friend. I know how it feels to be scared of being alone…and its natural. No one wants to be alone and everyone wants to have friends and be popular. Just today i got into a squabble with three of my friends and who we are not talking. I was sad because i was scared I would be alone and have no one to hang out with or do anything with…they all left me. But you know what, God gives us situatuions like this to test yourself…you can do it…life is to short to be depressed and sad…get out there and make your mark on the world. I was very bumped almost depressed that i didnt have friends anymore so i text one person i knew and the said,” You still got me.” Everything will be alright…this is only a short time out of your whole world. HIGHSCHOOL sucks we all know it, but it also is the best thing..you have good memories and bad ones, but most important you grow. I always feel like no one understands me..that maybe im to deep and that things to seriously…but who cares…i am and I do…my family gets me and God gets me…if you look very closely you will realized you have friends…right now in life evrything seems to be blown out of proportion things that shouldnt mean anything mean the world…define who u are…if people see you one way either deal with it or change it. Change it by doing something…go to ur guadiance office and make an annocement, get into leadership, pass out a newsletter, write.
June 12, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I have some friends that I’ve known since kindergarden but now we’re at the end of 11th grade and they all seem to be branching off and finding new friends. I’m way too shy to start up conversations with random people so I’m the only one in my old circle of friends who isn’t moving on. I basically stay home Friday and Saturday nights watching tv or going on the computer. I really miss going to the movies with my friends and having bonfires and talking with them. Now I think there’s something wrong with me because I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. I’ve also had a serious crush on a kid in my grade for months and he used to talk to me, but I’m such a loser that I choked up and couldn’t think of anything to say when he tried to talk to me. Well, I don’t have to worry about that anymore because he stopped trying. I never go on these sites and talk about my life like some people but I really need to get this stuff out or I’ll explode. I wish I was popular. I wish I had a boyfriend. I wish I could make new friends. I hate high school.
June 14, 2008 at 9:47 am
to those who have had friends in the past – why didn’t you keep in touch with any of your friends from school? And to those who have only 1 or 2 friends – be appreciative because there are some people who have NONE!!!!!
June 17, 2008 at 5:54 am
thank u
June 25, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I think i’m too damaged too have any normal human relationships. Too many love rejections, too many betrayals, too many disappointments. I stopped fighting because there is never a reward only pain.
I used to be religious but my experiences made me open my eyes and use my brain. “God” …hahahaha, meaning to our suffering? There isn’t , we live , we suffer (more then others) and then we die (nothingness). Being a fucked up atheist didn’t bring me any joy either, it just made things simpler.
Why stick around to see everyone succeed where you will always fail, especially your siblings. If there was a potion i could take that would kill me instantly i would take it in a heartbeat. NO MORE OF THIS SHIT, I REJECT LIFE, I REJECT BEING HERE, DEATH IS MY ONLY FRIEND AND YET HE DOESNT COME AROUND.
July 9, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Im 39 year old male with no friends or relationships in my life. I still live at home becouse I have nowhere to go. My family questions me becouse Im by myself all the time. The only time I get lucky with a woman is when I pay for it . I dont have a job so I can”t even have co-worker friends Im realy thinking of leaving this world
July 15, 2008 at 9:26 am
1st of all id just like to say if you listen to my advise u will get further than ignoring it and hoping for an easy answer to yor life problem, cuz i have gone through the same problem. so heres my advise.
i recommend getting involved with ppl. For example iv joined a local youth boxing centre. I work out hard and gain respect and friendships.
try getting fit, you dont have to be buff. but i run evry morningg for about 45 mins, and evry afternoon i either workout or goto my boxing class for about an hour.
it dosnt matter if yor fat. eating healthy, and having an active lifstyle is socially attractive.
People arnt attracted to lazy people. or boring ppl.
And ppl find it hard to give respect to people who r lazy.
Its not hard to find a club or hobby. If you are reading this than u have acssess to the internet and search for yor hobby close to where u live.
Some examples include: Table tennis, Athletics, Surfing, Football, who knows u might like to collect stickers lol maybe thiers a club out there for that. but joinin a club is deffinatly the best way to meet ppl.
So if som1 asks hey supaman_18 how was yor day :P i can say it was tough, i worked out hard at my boxingg gym, i think i pulled one of my leg muscles though from the 5 km run i did this mornin but it was nothing :P how was yor day?
thats alot better than saying u did nothing but goto work.
ill repeat jst incase uv forgotten. if u listen to my advise u will get further than ignoring it and hoping for an easy answer to yor life problem that is quite obviously bothering u.
July 18, 2008 at 4:21 am
It’s 5am, and couldn’t sleep because, like you guys, I have no friends. Another “what I believed was real” friendship came to an end yesterday. It was like some sort of TV rerun that I know all too well. I make friends and then before I know it, it’s over. When this happens, I feel so lonely, like there is something seriously wrong with me, that I’m the only person in the world going through this. But, I’m feeling better since I found this site this morning. Like me, you all are going through this too. I’ve cried reading through your posts because I can relate to almost every single person’s post here.
I grew up with a lot of insecurities and coupled with a lack of meaningful friendships, I’m a 30 year old who feels socially crippled. I shy away from social settings, groups, clubs, because I don’t feel comfortable meeting others. I tend to stay home too often and maintain my usual routines (work, chores, watching tv, being on the computer). My husband is at times distant and when I try to talk about my feelings, he usually scoffs at them. So, I become complacent and think this is life–without friends.
I tell myself that friends are overrated especially when it seems like they were nothing more than acquaintances/coworkers. Like I’ve read in some of the previous posts, I’m not into “playing the game” and would rather do nothing than cultivate relationships with others who I don’t care about and who don’t care about me. I wish I could have even one good girlfriend I can laugh with and have fun, a friend I can truly feel comfortable around and be myself.
July 31, 2008 at 3:08 am
People, grow the f**k up! (myself included)
I’ve read every post here and some of them offer really great advice. Most of the others are posts about their depressions with ages ranging from 14 to 44. Nothing wrong with expressing yourselves, but its time to fix the issues that are bothering you, NOW! I cant stress that enough.
As for me, I’ve just realized that I have symptons of the so called “clinical depression” ever since I graduated high school in 05. So you could imagine how much fun I’m having and time is certainly against me! I could go on about this, but theres no need to.
So, what is it going to take? Are you eating and exercising right? If not, then do it. Are you reading and growing intellectually? Nope, don’t want to, you reached your limit? Oh well, that sucks… so continue to write about your depressions and stay on that downward spiral if it makes you feel better…. Are you going out, too shy?… Well, time waits for nobody, not even for the most successful.
I’d really recommend that you search for “Randy Pausch” because hes a great inspiration to alot of people. Just watching his lectures for five minutes will get you out of your depression spells.
Love yourself and live your lives to the fullest.
August 1, 2008 at 6:14 pm
So it’s a friday night. I’m 20 years old. I just kicked my boyfriend out of my room and house because he was making too much of a mess and I’m just a crazy neat freak. I’m on the verge of crying because I’ve gone through this too many times. I want my life back from before I was dating my boyfriend. Back then I had tons of friends, a lot of guys liked me, I was somewhat of a flirt but got along with people and was funny and outgoing. Once I started dating my boyfriend things just changed. I let go of alot of friends because I assumed that they wouldn’t be accepting since in our culture/religion people believe that it’s wrong to marry other races. So I pretty much almost abruptly stopped hanging out with friends or doing any of my regular activities. At that time I still felt okay because things were awesome with my boyfriend and I, We had an awesome summer together and then he moved away. I felt pretty lonely and friendless. Didn’t have anyone and that’s not an exaggeration. I’m not close to my family, and I don’t have a single friend that I could really go to. So now he’s back but we’ve been together for over 2 and 1/2 years now and things have gone real downhill. I think I’ve become a very intense neat freak& control freak. I have to have order and things in neat piles or I’ll flip and he thinks it funny to push my buttons. His life is still what it always was, right now he’s with his friends having fun making music. I feel like I just want to die. It would be easier I think, I wouldn’t have to deal with all this pain. I’m almost certain that I’m bipolar but don’t know where to go for help. My family would never understand. They would tell me to go to God, and I’ve been there and seemed to get no where. I pushed all my friends and old life away, thinking that it would be better and look where I am now. Friendless, alone, in my room on my laptop and I’ve just pushed away my boyfriend again. Here’s some advice to anyone out there, who gets so sucked into there lives, go back before you feel like your doomed to be there forever.
August 7, 2008 at 12:14 pm
With so many lonely and no friend people here, it seem we are NOT THAT ALONE! I have read several great advices but I have to say, sometimes, it is not neccessarily the person who is at fault, it could be the enviornment! Ever since I got in college, I couldn’t make any friend. The school so huge and connections so limited. I talk to a person and I never see them again. It totally sucks.
But I suppose in the end it is also the same: they always tell you:
YOU MUST TAKE THE INITIATIVE!.
YOU HAVE TO BE FRIENDLY! it doesn’t really work especially when there is racial discrimination and the same race only ten to hang out with their kind!!
and of course: JOIN CLUBS!
See the problem is not being afraid to fail, it is not having the opportunity to fail! I CAN”T FAIL AT MAKING A FRIEND! where am I suppose to go to fail! how ironical!
Sometimes, its just to give up the positive attitude for awhile and just let it all out, cry yourself sick or something. Its the healing process! Then the posivity might come back!
and for those who recommend to just be happy with being alone. True in some respects BUT that is saying there is i can do so I should just give up and let things go whichever! that is like giving up your life!! Don’t give up your life to some other existence that we don’t even know about.
Will will there is no solution just talking! Time will pass and who knows. Things are not going to change that easily, isn’t it?
August 24, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I am married and have a 2yo son my husband is a workaholic and we just were relocated to MA. I have no friends here and I live in the country side.. but I grew up in a city so I have no drivers license.. if any one wants to chat or talk Oshbaaya AT aol . com
August 26, 2008 at 3:39 am
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness
Thats me… :( didnt know they had something for it..
Ran from to many relationship offers.
August 31, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I had a few close friends in elementary school, but as middle and high school went on, it seemed like everyone was moving away or hanging out with different people.
I am now a college freshman and feel like I have no friends. There are a few people who once in a while will do something with me, but I have no one I can really tell secrets to, or a group that I feel comfortable with. It seems as though all the groups are already set, although it has been only a little under two weeks. My roommate and I do not get along, as he is a pothead-party-er, who barely spends any time in the dorm anyway.
I’m shy at first but as one gets to know me, I open up more and talk in increasing amounts. However, I’ve found that this is not ideal for making friends. I’ve tried being really out-going and talkative, but I feel so fake. I don’t want a fake relationship with anyone. If it starts out fake, it’s going to stay fake, unless there is a conscious, mutual effort – you can’t just gradually insert yourself into someone’s life, friendship is a two-way street.
I’ve tried acting like myself, and although I feel I am charismatic, I can’t develop any real friendships. I’m funny, too, but everyone sees me as a laugh or someone to be with as an absolute last resort. Everyone seems content with their groups as they are, so I’m having a tough time finding anyone who is like me; someone who is intelligent, and likes to have actual conversations. I put friends first, and perhaps this is my shortcoming. I would drop anything, to go do anything, with most anyone, at any time.
So, I don’t get many calls, e-mails, or messages. This loneliness may consume me I fear.
Life is not about what you do, but who you do it with.
So for me, it’s been crappy. This could imply that I do not like who I am, which is quite the contrary. I’m fine with who I am, but I just wish that someone else would be too. Life wasn’t meant to be spent alone.
Which is why I disagree that one should just be comfortable with themselves, so that they don’t need friends. Life needs to be acknowledged, or it’s not much of a life. It doesn’t even have to be to a great extent, just so that someone notices and appreciates you for who you are, and takes pleasure in your company, and you in theirs. I would be ecstatic with even one such friend.
I’ve considered the effects of suicide, but never attempted. Seems like the easy way out – cause God knows what I’m doing is tough.
And speaking of God, I am Catholic and believe, but taking solace in religion does not help one overcome the feelings of loneliness, cause God is someone you can talk to, but who will never talk back.
Overall, I’m well-liked when people do actually talk to me, but apparently not well-liked enough for people to want to spend more time with. I’ve tried taking the initiative but so far that hasn’t amounted to anything.
I’m a logical person, and I’ve looked at this from a variety of angles, and cannot come up with a solid conclusion. Seems like I’m doing everything right. So, I would appreciate some input if someone actually took the time to read this. I know that this was a little lengthy and that’s probably not the best way to be seeking out input on the internet, but you readers need to know the extent of my attempts.
Seems like the deck was stacked against me, and everyone else is holding a pair of aces.
If any other readers here and would like to chat, although I know the internet can’t provide much, perhaps we can help each other.
My e-mail is: psychicallergy@gmail.com
Thanks.
September 15, 2008 at 8:25 pm
here is what you need to do
1) stop caring about what the people you think you want to hang out with think, they are probably assholes and further what anybody thinks. who gives a shit “i don’t neither should you
2)find an active hobby,surfing, running, long boarding anything that more people than the math club are interested in. (not that math is a bad thing)
3) “buck the fuck up” if you are waiting for someone to come along and make you feel better they wont ever arrive. i had no father growing up and to this day still don’t know him but i always thought if i knew him i would know how to be a person and relate to others. sooner than later i figured that was a crock, i would never meet the guy. what i am trying to get across is that nobody is going to do it for you, nobody has the magic key to success you have to get out there and get shot down a few times. you know “real experience” so you know for yourself. yeah it sucks and it might not make you feel good sometimes but hey! walk it off like a bad fall. “you should consider yourself lucky if you have someone giving you pointers. so many kids i know wish they had a real life role model”
4) talk to people! not on the phone, not on the internet, do not even think about texting. face to face, one on one conversations even if it is for 15 seconds. besides text is so impersonal. the biggest part of a relationship of any kind is communication.
side track for a second
If you think you are too shy for this, go buy a moped and drive it around town. do everything you would in your car. you will get over what people think real quick.
*pointer on conversations if you don’t know what to say as the people around you are talking “listen to the conversation” for one you will learn about what it is that is being conversed and you may find out that you have something to bring to the table. second you wont look like a stupid person. save yourself, don’t say something just so you can be heard. “even a fool can look wise listening”
5) if you get an offer to do something you don’t even like, do it! “not drugs, they only make things worse, i know im going to get feedback from that from the guy who thinks he is the defender of drugs like” they were the best thing that ever happened to me man”.”DUDE I WAS YOU, THEY LIKE….DON’T HELP YOU OUT BRAH. THEY WILL MAKE YOU MORE CONFUSED AND GIVE YOU ANXIETY. I WOULD KNOW I DID THEM ALL!!!”yeah it might be awkward but it will teach you how to deal with situations.
its not as difficult as it you think, yeah sometimes you may run in to an asshole and it will pis you off. or you may get shot down by a chick and feel worthless but you know what FUCK’EM there are other nice, fun, interesting people out there.
if you have any questions post them. maYbE i can help you know give some tips.
oh yeah, this needs to be said. if you are 45 years old and have never even kissed a girl go buy a fucking hooker have some fun man. common
ALL OF US GUYS WANT YOU LAID
September 17, 2008 at 6:59 am
i shud say i actually got releived after realising there so many unfortunate people like me who are lonely. i relate to many of problems written above. i look quite young and miserable than my age, everyone seems to be going ahead and having fun while i am suffering with n number of psychological complications many of which i dont even know. in one word i am abnormal and a loser. a very wise term used here ‘genetically inferior’….. i and u dont deserve this..its unfair and i want justice. lets hope that god has actually helped us by directing us to this forum. we shud understand and then solve our problems. i wish luck to myself and all of you. God bless.
September 24, 2008 at 10:48 pm
My life is the most lonely experience. I never had many friends, I could probably count the true friends I’ve had on one hand. Its even worse now that I just started college and am living alone with absolutely no one to socialize with other than my dad and grandma over the phone. I don’t know why I’m like this, I always ponder how everyone else has friends and walk in groups and socialize and how they were able to get to that point.
September 25, 2008 at 7:31 pm
I feel the same as most of the rest of you. A lot of times I don’t think people really know what friendship means. I am ALWAYS there to listen to my friends, talk them through their problems, and help them out. Whenever they ask me to do something for them I always say “Yes” and do it right away. When I ask them to do something for me (which is rarely) they very seldom will do it. And when it comes to my problems they usually either say “I don’t know…” or something to that effect and just go on talking about themselves, it seems.
Another thing that sucks is that the majority of my friends don’t even live near me anymore. I am a senior in college and attend a school about 30 minutes south of my hometown, where I still live with my parents. One of my friends lives in Scotland, one lives in London, one in Germany, and one in Los Angeles. Two others live about 3 hours away. I have about three friends left that live near me, but they are all too busy working all the time or spending time with their boyfriends/girlfriends and other friends. It’s really depressing having so many friends so far away and then to have the ones I have left always cancel on me and never hang out with me.
I don’t mean to be so self-pitying, but it’s hard not to. I’m used to being the busy one and being spread so thin because so many people want to hang out with me and now it is the complete opposite. Life really sucks right now. Thanks for listening.
September 28, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Sadly, I have loneliness in common with all the other posts. It all started when I was 12 and fell in a maniac depression when I was taken away from my parents. I never went to a birthday party or a sleep over. I was the weirdo who ate lunch by herself at the bottom of the steps in high school.
And even to this day, it’s hard for me to keep a friend. Even if I do get friendly with a person, I don’t bother to get her number. I know it’s just a matter of time that we will get an argument and hate each other. Truth is I don’t hate any of them, I miss them. It’s me.. I’m hard to get along with and deserve to be by myself. I’m ugly with crooked teeth, acne, with a negative attitude. Somebody just shoot me!!
September 29, 2008 at 6:46 am
Omg!!! Exactly what is going on here!? Im about to leave some advice that Im sure would be effective, nevertheless I will keep my personal details confidential eg.. age, live and social status to avoid space for criticism… Okay, let me start off by saying that a blind person can never lead someone thats visually impaired to gratification! It seems as though you guys are giving each other some bad advice… It seems that most of you share the same traits eg. nice people, some form of phobia etc.. Okay to be honest most of these traits are not attractive, It doesnt attract people, It scares them away! It seems as though most of you have nothing to offer the next person! What exactly do I mean by offer? Lets consider this, would u hire someone that was a mean guy but provided an excellent service, or the one that was a nice guy but provided a poor service? This shows how irrelevent the hole “mean and nice” thing is ryt? Its what he offers that attracts you! Okay guys im going to continue on the next text…
September 29, 2008 at 7:15 am
… And it seems as though theres also a misinterpretation going on here! Peope say “Just be yourself”- thats a gud thing but It gives people a sense that they should not make any changes! THIS IS WRONG! CHANGE IS GOOD! You guys should learn to integrate and accept change in your life! Its natural! What people should rather say is dont be provoked because when you are provoked to do something, you come across as “fake”, rather make changes, then it would come across as real! As for the guys with phobias, why do you put so much emphasis on your phobias, lifes not worth living in fear! We not going to live forever u know! And why do so many of you feel so confined to the worlds ways? If you didnt go to that party ur friends were talking abt, It doesnt make you any less! Why do you feel the need to ride along with every1? We all individuals arent we? Finally dont punish yourself for irrelavent things! Gud friends wil come 2 those that arent afraid.. strive 4 the fact that u can create the desirable traits!!!
October 5, 2008 at 7:41 am
i’ve always preferd to have one truly good friend as opposed to a group of friends that i merely get along with.i had this kind of friend for twenty years.he was a cousin that i grew up with.recently,he moved away.now i’m lost. i don’t make friends easy as it seems that most of the guys out there tht i meet are’cocky’ and aggressive.i’ma rather quiet and shy type guy and cocky gets my goat.but i don’t see any other sort of male out there. also..i got used to hanging with someone that i had formed a relationship with over a 20 year period. our interests wree like totally alike regarding music,movies,personal beliefs about religion,life and everything in general.how in the hell do i meet someone like that again?? he and i even shared the personal tastes in women..if i thought she was ugly,he KNEW she was(so to speak). we were like 2 peas in a pod. after 20 years of hanging pretty much with this one guy..my cousin..i never thought i’d be looking for another friend just like him one day…it ain’t easy. a real close friend is someone you hang with who ,when you just naturally converse it’s more than just the typical”hey how’s your day been” ..that’s called superficial,,if i want superficial i’ll go the races with some guy i barely know just to pass one afternoon. good friends are hard to come by. i’m not sure society has much to offer these days
October 16, 2008 at 3:42 am
I am lonely as hell too. Sometimes lately I wonder why make any friends when you only see the back end of them. I moved to a new town, two years ago, and biggest mistake of my life, at least there were even some acquaintances to talk to before. In the old town, I did have some friends and community, but it was wiped away. I still talk to a few of them, but two years down the road, there are limits to long distant friendships especially when one has no money and health to travel.
Here no one talks to me and it is like I am invisible, and I have done things like take classes, volunteer work and join clubs. At least in small towns people talk to each other, here the yuppies turn up their noses even more at those who are even a little bit different.
I’m middle aged, and everyone “has their own life” and there is no room in it for me. I had my entire small town die, economically, saw about 4 friends leave, and then had no choice myself. A place I volunteered at for years folded as well as even my church due to this town demise. Family is all spread out, see them only once every year, we have become strangers to each other. Modern American life sucks, I wish I had been born in a European village or something, where I would have friends, family and others around me and something called community: I got a brief taste in my last small town and it was snatched away. If I was healthy, I would go find an intentional community or something to join, I am tired of living a life devoid of other people with no connections. I could never have children, so don’t even have their company.
I have several friends via the internet and 6 long distant friends I talk to, but it is just not enough, nothing against them, but I need someone here by my side for once, instead of distant voices on the telephone or talking to people constantly I’ve never met on the internet. I havent even had a lunch out with anyone in two years.
One thing when you get depressed from having no friends, being invisible, or seeing the back end of too many people, the shallow jerks dismiss you even more. Everyone is supposed to walk around perky, and if you’re not, forget it.
I am a Christian, and lately I have been asking God what is the purpose of leaving me so alone? How does one even serve the Lord, when no one wants anything to do with you.
I think to myself “Even JOB HAD FRIENDS”
:(
October 22, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Hey my names Danielle, im in the same situation but me well im a little different. You see when i was a kid until about 16 i was skinny and well liked, Until i lied a little too much and spoke my mind too much as well and i lost all my best friends because of it. Now i am very quiet, overweight but apparently i have a beauitful face and complextion. I dont understand why no one likes me now. I am 19 and am a telemarketer. ( Dont even say anything to that) I work in a small company and have gotten very close with a few pepole but i am so nice and esygoing that they walk over me…I mean i never let it go to far but this one guy Ricard i really liked has begun a fucking leech! I smoke and everyday he wants a cigerette and at first that didnt bother me i mean i make very good money for my age (19) but now i cant get away from him and it makes me think that hes using me for smokes.
Oh and the best part about all this is all my best friends who have been males for whatever reason. I was friends with them for a couple years but because of me….Because of the way i am i guess they got tired of me. Now i have had a best friend for 3 years and sadly i am in love with him but heres the suprise hes gay! Ha, ha I know what you have to be thinking, Why the hell would she be in love with someone who could never want her? Well i cant help it….But i hate it because we arent close anymore and its werid between us now. I dont know if its because i havent seen him in a while that i miss him so much and i feel like more and more everyday just telling him and not caring if he dosent want anything to do with me anymore. Other then that drama in my life i spend most of my days by crying out of no where and espically when im at work sitting on my ass and then i have to hold my tears until i get into the bathroom. I just think of how i smoke weed which also i think is why i cant make friends. and how my parents dont seem to give a shit, also im scared for my future. I dont know how to help any of you by telling you that one day you’ll meet a true friend im still trying to find a good boyfriend i have only had sex twice with one boy who was okay but lets just say it wasnt the best experiance for a girls first time. I sometimes think True love is all bullshit, its all about divorce and sex now a days along with Hiv.
The best advice i can give is just keep living life and see what happens…..But then again your taking advice from someone who sits on there porch everyday after work and gets high and the only friends she does have is her drug dealers (who r not friends)
_
November 14, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Great page. Seriously, if you are thinking something in this life then you are likely to be not alone in your thoughts, therefore you have friends somewhere out there you just havent found yet.
On the other hand if you are coming up with new knowledge, that noone else has thought, then you’ll most probably be rich in time and friends will come your way … for the wrong reasons.
I made that up, it feels pretty stupid now I re-read it, no wonder I have no friends!
November 18, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I’m sorry to hear most of you feel lonely . What is most important is that you love yourselves. My best friends are my mom and my younger sister. I have people that i talk to at school, people I hang out with occasionally but I do not consider them friends, they are just aquaintences.
November 21, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Im 25 and very lonely, my only family is my mom. my dad passed away 3 years ago, my dog who i felt was like my sister died in july, i have no friends whatsoever not even online, i spent 3 months stuck in my room i didnt felt like going out, im fat and ugly i have tried desperately to make friends only to fail miserably, everyone has their own friends and i never seem to fit in. I have a job now but i try to keep a facade and hide my real feelings, just smile and act as if nothing is wrong with me, my only real friend was my girlfriend, i broke up with her because i felt i no longer loved her, i cannot seem to feel love anymore….and i ended up hurting her so i decided that the best thing was for me to leave. i am socially akward sometimes it is hard for me to relate to other people my age, im an atheist, i hate cars, fashion, pop music and clubbing, so i cannot relate to anyone around me, i dont know how to approach people who might be like me, i have difficulty speaking and expressing myself i often forget words or ideas in the middle of a conversation, i feel envy of everyone else around, everyone seems to be living the dream, having tons of friends, traveling around the world, getting tons of money and i am broke, ugly, fat and stuck in my bedroom, i feel as if the world just doenst want me around, life seems so easier for everyone else, things that for me are extremely difficult for everyone else seem to be extremely easy and i hate it i feel its unfair i feel sad and suicidal, i have no one else to talk to so i usually end up talking to myself at night i dont have any motivation whatsoever, i dont exercise and i live a sedentary lifestyle which has seriously affected my looks, confidence and energy. i know there is something wrong with me, i am not normal i dont know what it is but im tired…thoughts of suicide are getting more common everyday…i dont know what to do…
November 21, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I am glad I am not the only one without friends. I disagree with those that think there is someone wrong with us. any of you in kansas ciity? maybe us friendless people can meet. just an idea.
with me I do have friends on occasion but sometimes people change and grow apart over the years to where we don’t have anything in common anymore. This happened to me. me and my best friend of 10 years pretty much called it quits. We have nothing in common like we used to have together. It seems like evey 8 to 10 years i find myself in this spot of having noone not even a boyfriend!
I tend to have problems making friends for i do not think people understand me or try to understand me. I am a very private person that likes a lot of alone time. I do want to go out , have fun, go to the movies with someone but i am not a needy person. I am very independent. I like doing things alone sometimes. It seems like people want someone to cling to all the time and me being independent i do not like that. to me going out with someone only 2 or 3 times a month is acceptable and some people think that if i do not want to devote all my free time with them that i do not want to be friends, which is untrue. My parents abandoned me in my early teens and learned to be very independent and self supporting so thats perhaps why its easier for me to do things alone then for most others for i had to learn to survive on my own. To be honest I want to meet one good friend. someone that can understand me and be patient witrh me. I want a friend that i can turn to in rough times. I rather just have one close friend then have a dozen “fair weather” friends.
November 25, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I have little insight towards my future, I changed schools (private schools) and I had around 5 friends in my old private school, 12 kids per grade, I went there from grade 8-10, now im in a different school for grade 11. I just can’t seem to connect with the people, I smile, I try to be friendly whenever someone talks to me, I even ask them questions “only conversations I can start”. but yet they are always ended shortly and we part our seperate ways. I wouldn’t say at all that i’m ugly, I have a few pimples on my face, and Im fairly tall “5′11″. I try to make friends in my new school but the only group I can seem to connect with is the “Nerdy” group, who’s into Anime and listening to Billy Talent. I’m not into Anime and I dont like punk rock, and talking about stupid things like that. I just find that some conversations are so meaningless like gossip which is basically all that goes around at my school. That’s essentially what the other majority of the kids the non geeky talk about. And the new school has around 55 people in my grade total. And out of all of these 55 NONE, of them seem to fit my personality. I blame my Social Awkwardness on my parents trying to shelter me for so long, and my long term use of video games. I had no problems with getting friends in Grade 7, Heck I was even dating. Now I have no self confidence left in me to build up the courage to just get crushed. There is a lot of girls I like but most have boyfriends, others im just afraid to ask because I wouldn’t know what the answer might be. I am already losing friends, due to lack of non communication with the ones at my previous school, I find it pathetic that I can’t find a single person on this earth to just moderately like me. My mom argued with me a few nights ago threatening to send me to a foster home, my dad keeps out of short contact with me, and whenever we do chat he always cuts it short and is brief, I can tell that he doesn’t want me. I am unloved by everyone I know. I don’t do drugs, and never will but I just want to end my pain, I don’t want to keep going through this, a life where no-one loves you or cares about you, I’m not the most intelligent person ever either, failing grade 10 math, and now a few subjects in my new school. I’ve tried to get a job to keep myself busy I applied, but was rejected. I just feel like I wasn’t meant for this world. Before you continue to read I have to say I’m not an emo, or a goth or whatever kind’ve sick person mutilates they’re body when they are depressed. Anyways I wont go on too much, but I just want to say that I wish I could promise you guys happiness, everyone deserves to be happy but sadly I dont think I have earned it or will ever earn it. I contemplate whether or not my existence on this earth is good, but I do have one person who loves me for who I am, and that is my Grandma, bless her soul, she is a great person with a great heart, and very genuine. I will probably just grow up to be a work habited person who keeps to himself and makes sure he gets his work done on time. I will live in a small apartment by myself, and go home and have dinner, maybe read, and then repeat the process for the rest of my life. I will never get married or never have the chance to even talk to a girl, vacations wont be an option. I wish my life hadn’t turned out this way but it did, I have to live with the cards I am dealt. If I could promise you happiness I would give you that so you wouldn’t have to go through what Im going to have to. Have a good night, and thank you for your time.
December 28, 2008 at 5:25 pm
im so lonely.the only friendd i have is my cat.
December 30, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I really relate to everyone here. I’m 35 years old with no friends and I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school. I had friends in high school, but we lost touch for the most part. In college, I hung around with one of my friends from high school, but I didn’t make any new friends. Lots of acquaintances, did a little partying, but didn’t make any lasting friends. Since graduating, I’ve mostly coped by being a workaholic. The past six months I haven’t gotten offered nearly as much overtime at my job, so I’ve had more free time than I know what to do with and I feel more lonely than ever. It is even worse because I work four 10-hour days per week, which gives me an extra day off to wander aimlessly without much to do.
January 9, 2009 at 5:36 pm
I am just like everyone else here. Though reading through all of these posts aome of them made me laugh. So ddramatic. I have had the feelings , worn out from trying , being a universalist, non judgemental, happy generally, listerner, shoulder to cry on, but I just dont seem to connect. I make the people around me feel uneasy because I do not drink or take drugs. I too am 39 but get told I look about 25 to 30 so I look younger than my age. Where ever I go I seem to be the odd one out. for so many reasons. I get on mainly with guys but it’s always wierd becuase of the chemistry thing. I dont really get on with women my culture or age they seem either to really dislike me or they are of a very different back ground or much younger than me. There is really nothing wrong with the difference in culture or age except the lack of experience or lack of things in common. these things prevent that special connection denote “friend”.
I will try most things because life is for living so if someone says , lets do this I will. But when I ask I don’t get the same response and this has happened soo many time I just dont ask anymore. I just go along. But nowadays I dont get asked. I really like to go out to enjoy myself.
Lately I am getting very worried about my niece because she spends a lot of time with me and her life is taking a simlilar shape to mines and I dont want that for her. I need to find friends so she doesnt rely on me and will be forced to find people her own age because I would always be here for her.
I am also ugly,with acne too woo hooo double whammy, (And I have been told this to my face several times so please do not suggest that its all me being negative about myself.) I am talkative so I try to keep my mouth shut becasue I get excited in converation. I am also just gereally gettting tired of chatting away and spending time with people without feeling I have connected. I feel like a satelllite. just always hovering around the outside of everything and everyone.
It can really get me down sometimes. Though when I keep myself busy I don’t really care. I feel like this at the moment because I spent all of xmas and new year on my own. again! this is the third year now.
January 11, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Well, I have no friends, and I am extremely lonely. I have a live-in girlfriend, but I have fears of relying too much on her for my social life. Both of my parents have passed away and I depend on my girlfriend for my emotional support and for everything else, and I realize now that I just can’t do that. I wish I had someone to call just to get a cup of coffee and talk about life. I am a very ‘normal’ guy – athletic, in good shape, good job, educated, intelligent, decent looking. But I tend to be shy and quiet when you first meet me, and it takes awhile for me to open up. I have so much to share and many different interests, but I get so nervous around new people and in social environments. Also, sometimes I stutter when I get nervous, which just makes me retreat even more. I live in New York City, and I am very lonely here. I don’t know, sometimes I get so lonely I feel physical pain. I feel sometimes like I am invisible, and if I was gone tomorrow, no one would really notice.
January 11, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Hi everyone,
I am a young twenty something man and I too am guilty of being friendless. I think the frontal lobe of my brain was damaged due to childhood head trauma. I’m rather intelligent, somewhat good looking, and have a pretty decent job but I cannot make normal connections with people. Doing everything on your own is extremely difficult and I think I have been remarkable successful considering what I am up against. But I am afraid for the future. Peace be with you.
January 13, 2009 at 4:16 am
From primary school i had difficulty making friends. I came from a stable home, good parents and a good upbringing. The other kids at my school were mean, nasty and just picked on anyone they didn’t like. I stayed away from them. I got hassled a lot and I learnt not to trust people. I took that attitude with me into high school and kept people at arms length so as not to be hurt. Even now after having left high school 15 years ago, i still find it difficult to interact and trust people.
February 2, 2009 at 11:31 am
Hello Lonely beautiful people:
Thanks so much to all of you for being so candid about your loneliness and aloneness. I’ve read all of your posts and find that most of you are experiencing the exact circumstances and feelings that are bothering me now, and have troubled me for most of my life. I am one of those “weird, shy, awkward” people, and I have no intention of being “fake,” and, frankly, I like being one of those special shy, weird, brilliant, different, unique, “not fake” people. Also, I have no interest in spending time with people just for the sake of being with someone. Often, I’d rather be alone and thinking my own thoughts. I’d rather read a book, take a walk, or listen to music. I feel lonely when I want to share my thoughts and feelings with another person, or when I want the sense that there are others who feel the same things. I long for a community of like minds. I haven’t found that community, but I still love people even if they don’t share my point of view.
Also, I know what it’s like to feel as though one is not connecting to others; to feel alone in school; to feel unwanted. And, it hurts to see others walking and talking together when I’m walking all alone. But, people are busy with their jobs, with their children, with homework, with personal problems that they don’t want to share with a stranger. So, perhaps just being friendly and kind is not really being fake, it’s just being friendly. And we can share a smile with another — in fact, I’ve found that when I have a smile and a look of mischief on my face, it seems to elicit smiles from complete strangers, and those smiles from strangers make me feel good, the eyes and smiles of others make me feel connected even if there are no words exchanged. Also, sometimes a social connection is short-lived and satisfying all at once: like helping someone decide which loaf of bread to purchase, or just saying hello to someone passing along on the sidewalk. I’ve known loneliness at age 15, at age 18, at age 21, at age 33, at age 42, at age 48, at age 55, and…it doesn’t just go away, and it’s obvious that most of us feel alone at some point and for some valid and understandable reason. Sometimes, I truly believe that corporate advertising makes us feel lonely because it displays a fake world of smiling happy people who are talking on phones (that they want to sell to us!), partying with beer (that they want to sell to us!), prancing about in fashionable clothing (that they want to sell to us!), driving new expensive cars (that they want to sell to us!), etc. And these images make us feel even more lonely because they display a world that isn’t real.
Humans want to be loved, and at the same time, they don’t always trust others to protect their interests. Humans are competitive and sometimes don’t respect the feelings of others. In this case, it is best to be wary and to just understand that this is the human condition. We are not perfect, but we need each other.
I feel best when I like myself and am engaged in a long-term activity with a goal. The pursuit of the goal makes the feelings of being alone vanish. Going back to school and pursuing a vocation that includes engagement with other people might be something to think about doing. Sitting around with alcohol and drugs does not bring deep satisfaction. Sex is also limited in its capacity for long-term satisfaction. But, having a goal helps, and so does liking your self for who you are: your heart, your sensitivity, your smile, your beautiful hands, the range of expression you are capable of feeling and communicating, each of these is a comfort. The rain and the sun are both beautiful and necessary. A friend is to love, and love is both laughter and tears and joy and sorrow. Let’s not all dwell on the sorrowful aspects of our loneliness, but think about the pleasures of being with ourselves. Thanks again for all of your comments. I feel as if you are all friends because you feel the same sense of aloneness in this life.
February 7, 2009 at 10:21 am
The problem here is you guys. You playing mind games with yourself. If you dont take the initiative to make friends, you only got yourself to blame so stop whinning and do something about it!
February 27, 2009 at 12:27 am
i am lonely
February 27, 2009 at 12:49 am
I am 39 years old, married (i think happily) and have been painfully lonely my whole life. I am a doctor–i spend all my time working (on call constantly). I can honestly say that I have really never had any friends. The rigorous nature of my education seems to have gotten in the way. I dont believe in whining, BUT I think that building friendships is a skill that one must master in early adolescence/adulthood, and if unsuccessful, one is unable to carry on healthy adult relationships. I grew up in an extremely poor environment (alcoholic, abusive, criminal of a father–much intense violence at home. I ran away at 17–luckily I was good at school, but I had to work my way through undergrad, then med school. As a child, I was embarassed to form relationships with people because of my father (its hard to bring home friends to a home with a intensely abusive drunk father). In high school, my father was famous in my small town as a drunken brawling petty criminal–high school is tons of fun when people know your father is in jail for trying to kill your mom or selling drugs (to people in your school!). So–20 years later, I have no friends–is this daddy’s fault–NO !!!! One can heal over the years…..a person can grow, mature, forgive, and forget. But, and I’m honestly not whining here–I JUST DONT HAVE THE SKILLS TO BE A GOOD FRIEND–I dont want anyone to find me out–to get too close–but I so long for a confidant. My wife was kind of like me (without the family baggage)–but she has made friends who she seems to like to spend more time with than me. I’m really happy for her, but , selfishly, it just makes me feel that more isolated and lonely. I’m lucky–my patients love me–i have an amazing practice: I am a small town practitioner and surgeon–people trust me implicitly. But at the end of the day, I have nobody. In high school I used to talk to myself about “the box”: I got up every morning, went to school–nobody spoke to me–I came home–no boby spoke to me–i did homework and went to bed–I SPENT MY LIFE IN THE BOX. I could go for days without anyone even knowing i was there. College: work to eat and pay for school (and support my mom and little brother)—no time/ability to make friends–same for med school. Now: almost 40–no friends in my life–increasingly isolated from my wife: the only friend i think i’ve ever had. SUCCESS IS NOT MAKING MONEY/STATUS/MATERIAL ITEMS–IT IS HOW MaNY PEOPLE COME TO YOUR FUNERAL WHEN YOU DIE A HAPPY OLD MAN!
March 4, 2009 at 1:36 pm
C -your last statement is so very true SUCCESS IS NOT MAKING MONEY/STATUS/MATERIAL ITEMS–IT IS HOW MaNY PEOPLE COME TO YOUR FUNERAL WHEN YOU DIE A HAPPY OLD MAN!)))
I am 23, a stay n home mom. My hubby works all the time. It does get lonely, My daughter is 2, she keeps me on my toes.
I did alot of scrapbooking to pass the time. Photo albums n such. It was a hobby I really liked.
Word of advice for all of you. Its not that no one doesnt like you, If you feel awkward and give off that aroma of that, Your example (cashier at the store) will feel like that also. So they dont know how to talk to u.
If you have been suffering from deep depression (and I have for past 5yrs) Depression effects everything , your physical being, like goin to the gym. Depression is a disease you cant help. It effects your relationships. The way you talk to people.
I went to church, i know it isnt everyones answer for everyone. But I met alot of nice people, I even talked to my pastor for advice. LIke whats wrong with me?? And actually helped. Having people surround you without critizing, complaining about you. It does help.
I wish everyone love and a happy life. Its a short one, take a walk around the park, say hi to your neighbors, heck even have a beer to relax.
God Loves You ALLLLLLL.
Never alone
huggggggs
Charity
March 10, 2009 at 12:34 am
Thanks for all the posts, it was a pleasure to read that I’m not the only one in the world who is lonely.
For about 3 years now I have had no friends, and previous to that I only had about 2 or 3, friends that I just clinged on to in high school just so I wouldn’t be alone.
I’ve never really been educated on how to make friends, what to say, things like how was your day? what did you do on the weekend? has never come across my mind as being “the standard” in talking to people.
Therefore I’ve only ever been able to talk to my existing friends as there is no hi and small talk its just straight into conversation and jokes.
So I’ve never been able to make good impressions for new people or acquaintances, I’m in university now living in dorms and I have made zero friends.
7 months… ZERO friends.
The thought of that puts me to shame, so so much.
University was supposed to be the time of youth, the times of our lives, going out clubbing having fun etc etc. It seems I’m paying all this money to live out and I’m not making the most out of it.
So these things made me think: OK, it is time to make some effort, DO somehting and DO it NOW.
I decided to be nice to everyone, initiate conversations and actually asking people for their numbers and email addresses, these things I have NEVER done before.
But what I got in return: nothing.
It’s always me calling/texting/messaging people, making conversations trying to do somehting interesting, but all I get back is a one liner like: “lol yea” then nothing.
It just seems that noone is willing to open up and let new people into their circles, that was my conclusion and in fact I went to bed at around 2am this morning, but I was thinking about it in my bed and couldn’t sleep.
So here I am on google searching for articles on loneliness and I’m glad I did because the various advice on this page has sparked a little more will in me. It is 6am now and I’m very tired so sorry if this post is badly structured, I have no energy to proofread it.
And finally for social anxiety, I used to have it in high school, so much I couldn’t talk loud enough or coherently, when asked to read in class I would sweat and go all red and stutter feeling like being crushed by the class.
But something made it go away, I’m pretty sure it was confidence lucky for me it came from nowhere, I realised that most of the girls that are like, regarded as the hottest in the school had liked me, I had learned there was something about me that was attractive.
I picked up more hobbies and became enthusaistic about them, embraced them even if people thought they were stereotypical or nerdy. This made me think that I am better than those good-for-nothing partiers who have nothing BUT social skills.
Anyway what I’m trying to say is improve yourself to improve your confidence, when you have overcome social anxiety you can go and make friends, this is the stage where I am at and I am ready to give it another shot.
Wish you all good luck!
cloudy.
March 10, 2009 at 12:53 am
Also to be honest, I am mostly motivated by.. revenge in a way. People doubt me and laugh at me for being lonely, but I want to show them that I will become much better than them, yet stay within my principles.
For example every person in Uni only cares about partying, dressing up and getting girls, but I am pretty sure that I can get more girls thatn any of them can. I’m not the type to go having a million one night stands, but to be able to shatter the wall of humiliation and inferiority, I will at least make a facebook and show everyone the new, successful, interesting me and show them what they’ve shunned and been missing out on.
I’m not sure if this is actually a good perspective, but I think that it definitely motivates the hell out of me.
What I’m building up on is my profession and looks.
So final advice is:
Excel in something and show it to the world, show off, be proud and be recognised for it.
Be elite at that one thing, and other enthusiasts in that area will envy and become your friends.
cloudy.
March 31, 2009 at 10:55 am
great messages. i am a 25 years old and have been depressed since i was about 16-17. lost all motivation to learn in school. and outside of school wasted time on girls and alcohol and drugs.
untill i pushed everyone away from me because of depression. social skills were great while i was on the drugs but as soon as i was straight i was a quiet boring miserable looser. had nothing to say.
slowly enough people stopped calling and even if they finally decided to meet with me we would just sit there awkwardly as if we were forcing out selves to be next to eachother not to feel alone.
anyway after years of trying u just give up, you lose interest. drugs messed up my brain and now i am in a constant state of confusion on the inside. but on the outside i work and appear fine.
i searched for happiness since i was 18 untill 25. didnt find it. there is no such thing as happiness in my world. only dreams and fantasies.
religion is when u reach rock bottom and i have been rock bottom many times. but religion just disconnects you from reality because people HAte talking about religion. because i dont know.
Religion is for shits like us who have nothing left to live for except a fantasy called god where we dream about going home to our fantasy life. the life we didnt have.
i just wonder if i will fantasise untill i die. how miserable. i am envious of the simple people who have a simple life and find happiness in their lives and satisfaction.
for i cannot get any satisfaction. everytime i start something, an interest or a book or a hobby. i lose motivation. nothing seems interesting anymore besides extreme crazy raligious or spiritual ideas of a better world.
this world sucks. and i hope we will all be saved from this miserable place. I am poor boring lonely and miserable.
and i hope i helped someone today to make them feel like they are at least not as miserable and unsatisfied with life as me.
the universe is huge and i just hope “gods” are just aliens who came down and gave us knowledge . we cant be the only life out there. how pathetic. how can we let people starve and without shelter while others are buying helicopters, 10000 dresses, 10000000 dollar cars. just for fun. what a greedy depressing world. i blame those who are in power.
but i dont have a better solution. the human race is shithouse. we are shit in nature.
thats why i dream about a better world. hope for the future generations. maybe reincarnation does exist so we will experience a good world who fullfills our desires and find contentment in being alive and are happy to have been alive.
because right now i just feel like i am a waste of existence . a piece of wasted space.
anyway keep the posts coming. i feel great after reading other miserable boring pathetic loosers, for i am one.
April 4, 2009 at 6:41 pm
i wrote awhile back and i can happily say things have gotten better. my then boyfriend is my now fiance and although things have gotten pretty bad with him, to the point of a possible call off of our engagement and maybe total end of our relationship, i feel better. here’s why. i started really getting interested in photography and loved it. an old friend from highschool encouraged me to go to college and take a class. i kind of was nervous to do it, heck i was totally SCARED. i didnt interact with classmates for over 2 years and just didn’t know how to sign up and go about any of it. but i finally gathered up the courage and signed up. i was soooo incredibly nervous my first day, but it actually helped alot that my boyfriend took the class with me :) he was very supportive. my hands and voice were so shaky when i had to introduce myself to the class on the first day but i did it and slowly things got better. i talked to the other student while we were in the darkroom. just nice friendly encouraging conversations about their work. and they would do the same to me. so let me tell you people, if you want to join some sort of club or activity, i think anything art related is great. hopefully your environment wont be competetive. for me it’s been very nice, everyone is so positive and kind and those who don’t seem that way, i avoid and ignore any rude looks.
so anywayyyyss… :) i took the class, discovered how much i truly love photography! and decided i would never talk a class with my boyfriend again because all he was lazy and kind of made the class hard for me when i had to nag him to finish his hw, but i knew if i would take a class alone it would give me more opportunities to make friends on my own, without needing him to lean on. so next semester i got the guts to sign up for a ceramics class to take on my own! and i was sorta nervous on my first day but a lot better than last semester! so im coming to really LOVE pottery. i would love to have this be my career someday. open a studio or something. :) but its pretty easy making friends, most people are so positive and encouraging in the studio. really NICE people and i love having them around me. they’re more acquantances than friends because we dont chill but they’re still so nice. there is a handful of some not so friendly people in there but i just avoid and ignore them, i dont need mean people in my life! but im really happy! i now have a life OUTSIDE of my fiance, i have a hobby i love and something to keep me busy. and ive been really making an effort to catch up with old friends and keep in touch. i just had dinner last week with the friend who encouraged me to take a class in the first place and thanked her for really pushing me. so, it takes effort on my part to keep friends, but its worth it. im a girl and i think girls really need that woman bond, of just having support and telling your probs to one another, and it helps that shes studying to be a psychologist. i remember hanging with her and one of her friends about 2 years ago and feeling sooooo socially awkward and just like something was so wrong in me, in my mind. i told her when we had dinner, how just not having friends for so long made it so hard to be able to communicate without feeling retarded, but ive improved. it feels good! sometimes when i talk to my boss though, i still have some problems. like if i think about what im saying too much, i get nervous and have to swallow alot or ill choke on my words. i dont know why it happens, but its my mind tripping me up. im gonna work on it, to just not worry so much about what im saying, or getting nervous. :\ so the probs with my fiance, just he doesnt know what he wants, doesnt know if hes ready to get married although hes the one who pushed getting engaged. he doesnt care to just work on himself, to better himself as a person. i really wanna work on myself, to not be judgemental and mean sometimes. i wanna be a happier more loving and patient person and i reallllly wanna work on it and plan to. but hes just stuck in his ways and its led to a lot of trouble. so i dont know. if he doesnt shape up, it might end. but if this wouldve happened a year ago, i wouldve crashed and died from it. but im stronger now. im better now, im more independant and happier. things are good with me, and if it were over, i have about 3 friends i could count on to help me through it, and i have hobbies that can get my mind off of him. and i know some people have harsh things to say about God but he’ll help me through it too. i realized how lonely and sad i feel without him. when i have him in my life, read pray go to church and follow him, try to please him with my life, when i have that, i feel so happy. i feel at peace and lifes not so chaotic. but as soon as i lose him i clearly see things going bad. im better off having him on my side, or me being on his i guess. so, i encourage you lonely people looking for answers, for me it was in alot of stuff, but it was stuff God showed me when i was right with him. he carried me through tough times, and last night when i was crying thinking how hard it could be if my engagement ended, i felt like he was holding me tight and would carry me through that too. so… turn to him, and he’ll do the same for you. :) i love all you people, my heart aches for all of you, because were all struggling here, but there’s hope. it doesnt have to be like this forever. :) life can be good. ill be praying for you all! <3
April 4, 2009 at 10:44 pm
I have no friends at 29. I lost all by 25. The ones I had prior all fell apart because they turned out to be hypocrites as time passed. Same with GFs. Tried moving back to Europe from Toronto & found salvation there but it didnt work out for legal reasons. Now I’m starting over. I’m tall, extremely handsome, well-spoken, well-read, good conversationalist, famiily-oriented. Im looking for a EUROPEAN girl in T.O who’d describe her self & ex-friendships similarly, weight isnt important 647 230 6849
April 10, 2009 at 8:13 am
I am 14 years old. I know what your thinking, she is so young she doesn’t know what she is talking about, she will find friends blah blah blah blah. I never really had a true friend. I mean in elementry school you had no choice because you were forced to be with these kids all the time. You had to be friends. But then I went into 6th grade. I got a taste of the real world. I was to young to relize that I had no friends. I mean I met a few people here and there but I wasn’t sattisfied. No one would come talk to me and I for damn sure wasn’t going to go up to them because I am to scared of rejection.
In 7th grade I had to change schools because my school zone changed. I acted like I was oh so upset to leave, like I had friends I was leaveing. I thought that it would please people.. but I was really happy because I thought new start! Wrong. I was just the same. I did come out of my shell just a tad and made a few “friends” But they wern’t real friends. I was just as fake because I was trying to be like everyone ealse and wear high end clothes. It didn’t really work out. And I am only still friends with 1 person from 7th grade.
Now I am in 8th grade. I relized I should just be myself, people will just treat me the same as they always did. It is close to the end of there year and I only have 2 people I consider friends. I mean I know people but they only talk to me when no one ealse is around. I don’t really want to be that type of person. It is now spring break and I have been sitting in my room on this fuckin lapt top all week.
I am moveing on to 9th grade next year and I am scared out of my mind. Not only am I going to be starting a new school but I will most likely not have any friends. I am so afraid of rejection that I will most likely not meet anyone! I want to find my group. I want to meet people that I can be me around and they still like me. I am not like everyone ealse. I just want someone that I know will be there for me other then my mother. After submiting this comment I will mostlikely go cry on her shoulder for the next fuckin hour. Please tell me if things will get better. I really need truth.
April 13, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Hi, Im 16 now and i have no friends atall my sister is a year younger than me and she is the totall oposite of me she is extremly confident and prety and popular and has loads of friends and is always going to fun places and doing fun things while im in the house all the time and its so boring i have nothing to do. I wish i had friends but i find it soo hard to make friends and havnt had a friend since i was 13 and its becuase im shy and ugly. i hate being shy its really horrible and i cant be myself and im always thinking about what other people think of me. i am the shyest person in the world :[………….but i cant think negative forever lol. life can change very quickly so ill just have to see what happens and try and change my ways. :D THINK POSITIVE, THINK POSITIVE, THINK POSITIVE, THINK POSITIVE, THINK POSITIVE
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April 29, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Is there a website that we people can go to that is similar to myspace so that we can make friends with people like ourselves
May 8, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Wow I guess I feel I lil better to know I am not the only one who feels this way. I consider myself a nice person but extremely shy. When I was at school I never really had many friends, sometimes I used to be just by myself and the feeling was horrible, people used to pick on me all the time and I could not even defend myself, I felt miserable I used to go home and cry everyday. I never told anything to my parents because I didn’t want them to feel bad. I always wanted to have many friends, someone who enjoyed my company. Finally when I was 23 I met that person, I am a very attractive person but because of my shyness I never had a boyfriend before that. This guy was my world, he enjoyed my company, showed me his love and I used to be happy and outgoing around him. However he was really outgoing and charming and always used to tell me that I was too shy, until one day after four years and a son he decided to leave me for some woman he met at school. What hurts me is that after so long he left like nothing and now he is happily married with her. Is been three years and I am still hurt, I don’t have any friends and when I am not with my son I feel extremely lonely and depress. Probably the reason why I haven’t find anyone else is because I am really shy and sometimes people see me as stuck up. I would like to go out more but I don’t have any friends, also memories from the past when people used to pick on me keep hunting me and make me feel really depress, I know I have to keep moving for my son he is what keeps me up, but most times I am sad and anxious, ever since my ex left me for someone else my self esteem went down like if I was not good enough for him.
May 10, 2009 at 9:18 am
Hello, I’m a girl in highschool and I don’t have much friends either. And its having a bad effect on me. So i thought I’ve gotta find some real friends one way or another! You guys seem like really nice people so…
melancholiclove@hotmail.co.uk
So, take my email and be sure to add me, all of you people who have commented above (and anyone who feels lonely). Just reading your comments left me feeling comforted. That’s why I’m sure that if WE became friends, our common feeling of loneliness would make us be of some comfort to each other. Who know’s – we might have other things in common? (especially if ur a highschool girl like me- u HAVE to add me, k?)
June 5, 2009 at 4:57 pm
just wondering how did you guys find this page? i think i searched im lonely and have no friends on google. lol
June 6, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Hello Everyone,
The last time I posted on here I was extremely depresed. I told my mom about what I was going through and she took me to the docters. They put me on some meds. Even though it is not really what I beleive in, the medicine really worked. I feel happy again. Now that my veiws are less hazy, I stoped worrying about having no friends, and finally got some. I opend myself up to the world, making me open to new friends. So, I was wondering if any of you guys wanted to talk about things, don’t hesitate to email.
ijustwantadamnemailadress@yahoo.com
June 14, 2009 at 11:36 pm
While it can’t be said that I have no friends, I am pathetically lonely. The two people my age that I am in semi-regular contact with are probably just as lonely as I am, which I thought would help us understand each other better. We don’t get along well, and the only time I can appreciate them at all is when I’m with them, and even then our conversations are short and awkward. I don’t know why I can’t be comfortable around them. What I want more than anything is a meaningful relationship, but I haven’t the slightest idea how to begin one. Email if you’d like. funshinebearr@yahoo.com
June 17, 2009 at 9:57 pm
hi there my name is byron im 17 yrs old a high school graduate and i know what its like without friends well i had a few friends throughout when i was in school and probrably the reason y i dont have much friends because im shy i never got involved in activities in school i just sometimes feel stupid for not getting involved and possibly i did wish i would wanna kill myself i never even had a real girlfriend especially for those guys who are way older i feel bad for guys who are 40+ yrs old who hasnt had a girlfriend so if u wanna talk by email is byron.hampton1991@gmail.com
June 17, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Sorry for bad grammar okay my name is byron im a high school graduate im 17 years old and to be honest i never much friends when i was school before i graduated when i was in school i was very quiet in my classes most of the time because i do stay at home a lot and when go to school a day later i never have anything to talk about well at my conversations last about 5 mins cuz i like i said i stay home every single day i never go out on weekends due to little friends i have so i know wat its like to be lonely all the time and i am a lonely person meaning i always walk to classes by myself i walk home by myself and thats the only reason y i dont have a girlfriend but i do want one i just cant spit no game to girls and another reason y i dont have friends is i never got involved in school activities or outside of school activities because i did not have intrest in doin school activities not even middle school and some girls i know even told me i was shy and the reason for that is i get to nervous to say something or i have to think to say something and it makes me a loser so if u talk my email is byron.hampton1991@gmail.com thanks for reading
July 4, 2009 at 1:04 am
Wow feeling emo when i stumbled across this website. Glad to find out that i am not the only lonely man in this world.. you see, after 18 years of living in this world, i realised that in my society, making true friendship is really impossible.How do i define true friendship? ” when you are in deep shit and they are there for you.”Thats what a friend would do..Apparently i have no luck in making friends and i know deep inside that if i get into any shit, my friends would be the first to abandon me.Despite the efforts i try to be as close as possible to them even like a brother.Family > friends for me now after experiences whereby my friends just abandon me and leave me behind… Really glad to know i have my family there for me no matter what. I really do not know how to make good frens and keep them… can somone give me good advice ? i can tell u my personality. I am always the one creating laughters for my friends( perhaps this is why they tink i am never serious and so they will not place frenship in my hands ? ). I am very honest in judging a person good or bad he gets it in my face ( apparently i made a couple of enemies cos they cant take my criticisms when they are being fucked up ) . I know my looks aint bad.. ( but never had enuf the confidence to hook up any girl..)my final sentence: i really hope i get to have a true girlfren who loves me as much as i love her before i hit the age 20 …. so that she can be my true friend… =) Emo Signs out =D being lonely is cool shit mother fuckers out there yall!!
July 10, 2009 at 2:26 am
I have no friends. I am so lonely. This is killing me. It actually hurts physically to be so lonely. I live in a small rural town, which I do not like. There are limited opportunies for work or meeting friends. I worked for 28 years at a medical office. I hated the job, but I was so timid, I could not break away and explore other job possibilities. I had a hard time with co-workers. They all seemed to make friends with each other and I felt that I was always left out. I could not connect with them in the appropriate way. I could not understand this and many times had to listen to their morning-after tales of the socialn nights out that they’d spent the night before. I was never invited. I could not figure out why. I did know that I was unable to be myself around them. I could not relax and was constantly wondering what to say and when I did, if it was the right thing to say and wondered how they reacted to it. Going to work was the hardest thing in the world for me to do. Some of these people I had worked with for 28 years and still I wasuncomfortable around them. This is true of my relationships with even my family members. I am only comfortable with one member of my family. The rest of them, I could not get in a car one-on-one and even go for a short ride. I would worry about what to say and would be very tense. This has been such a handicap in my life. I am 51 years old and I have been hiding most of my life. I finally did get married when I was 45. He is a wonderful man and we have a great time together. I am perfectally natural and outspoken around him, but the rest of the world is off limits to me. Then there was a family feud that resulted in a catastrophic situation with my mother’s health and the end of a crucial relationship with my sister. My mother now now requires constant care in the home which I help provide. My father is an alcoholic and comes home every night plastered drunk. The sad thing is that this is my only social encounter during the day. I actually look forward to it and I spend my evenings with a half-crazed mother and stumbling drunk father. This is the highlight of my day. I don’t know how this happened. I was young and very bright and had the whole world in the palm of my hand and then after I graduated from high school, life took a downward turn. And it has gone down even further. My husband is my friend, but that is not enough for me. I want a group of friends. I want to be with people who I can talk to, laugh and have fun. This is so depressing for me and also very embarassing. I put on a good show in the community. I am always all dressed up and go out and am very friendly, but it is mostly superficial and does not fill my emptiness. I have gone to counselors and psychiatrists, and am taking medications, but there are more bad days than good. I lost my job at the medical clinic because I turned my employers into the Medicare Fraud and Abuse hotline. They were convicted and had to pay a fine and the manager had to be under house arrest for six months. Because of this, I lost my job there and I have been unemployed for six years. I am feeling especially lonely today and I am glad that I found this site to write my feelings down.
July 10, 2009 at 2:38 am
ok