Lonely and have no friends
Once again we are reminded that America is becoming a lonely place to live.
More and more people are leading single lives. Moving frequently, working harder, and making fewer lasting and deep personal relationships. It is touching all ages, affecting the way we work, interact, live and even die.
It’s easier to not get involved with other people, are we losing friends and not making new one because we’re just lazy?
What’s behind this failure to make friend?
Is our work schedule so demanding that it leaves no time to develop relationships?
Are we too individualistic, and not willing to tolerate and accept others that might differ or interfere with our idea of how to live?
Shall we blame society, divorce, dysfunctional families and politics?
Perhaps it’s time to think about what friendships are and what can offer over the course of a lifetime.
What does it take to initiate, cultivate and maintain a friend and friendships?
Related
March 26, 2007 at 8:57 pm
Having no friends is not a new phenomena in US. I don’t have any friends to be honest. I lost few that I had. Everytime I meet a group of people. they end up kicking me out of the group in less than 3 months.
I have gathered few advices that lay people often blurt out. They make no sense what soever.
1) be yourself: first of all, if you have no friends, that means that either there is a problem with yourself or environmental problems (your family moving around too much). In vast majority of people crying over the internet about having no friends, the former is probably the case. These people are shy, awkward, ugly, or weird. So telling them to be themselves would be telling them to be shy, awkward, ugly or weird. For shy, awkward, ugly or weird people, something revolutionary must occur. They need to start playing the game of making friends. Pleasing people in a very subtle way without showing one’s fakeness. You must think of making friends as a game and try to play the game by any means. I know many fake people with tons of friends. Bottomline, people don’t necessarily want honest, awkward, weird, ugly, and shy people. They want people they want to have fun with. This is of course generalizing. But you need to play the game.
2) Be nice to people: Being nice only gets you in half the way. And even if you are admitted to a circle of friends. Awkward, shy, ugly, and weird people will get stepped all over for being nice. You need to find a balance between being overly nice and being shy. PLAY THE GAME!
3) Try to be funny: Dude. People don’t usually laugh at the jokes. They laugh because they are in a good mood. Trust me. If an ugly weird guy tells the same joke a cool guy does, people will laugh at the latter but not the former. This is how people behave. PRACTICE PRACTICE! Practice being smooth.
If you are asking “why I have no freinds” questions on the internet, the chances are, you are not ready for a real friendship. Thus, for now, try to build fake friendships. And next year we will talk about real friendships.
July 22, 2007 at 1:34 pm
tired of the game
September 7, 2007 at 9:30 am
fake friendship? is that the best advice you could come up with?
September 14, 2007 at 6:12 pm
a guy with no friends gives advice about making friends… why would anyone believe this guy? although i think there is some truth to his “game” theory. but some people don’t like being fake at all (like me).
i have no friends and i have no idea how to make friends and still feel mostly comfortable. relationships with people always feel strained and weird. if someone does something for me do i owe them? if someone lies to me does that mean they are my enemy? how do you hit on a girl without making it blatanly obvious? if its obvious is that bad?
these are questions i just don’t have a simple answer to. being myself i guess means being self centered and selfish, because i am used to being by myself and having all the attention centered on me. i have become intolerant of others. the more i live without friends the harder it is to make any. 80% of the time i feel ok, but there’s that 20% when i feel so shitty, like now. i used to feel a lot worse in my teenage years as i was losing all my friends and my g/f cheated on me. i cried and felt so betrayed, so lonely. nobody came to help, nobody cared. the cold bitch didn’t care. i told my mom “mom, i have no friends, it sucks, what do it do?” mom couldn’t help. mom also left me when i was 5. now she expects me to be normal. bitch.
so here i am 23, life is kind of shitty. not being able to deal with people definitely hurts my quality of life. not making connections leaves me behind everyone else in life. but having to deal with people is like hell, too. i’m just no good at it.
i guess whichever way i look at it, life is shit. the only thing that makes me feel better is drugs and a soul who is willing to listen from time to time. but people aren’t always there, but i can always find 20 bucks and get myself some drugs to feel better. when i’m high, i tend to forget about how much life sucks. who cares about me? my mom, but she’s stupid and can’t do anything to help me. other people don’t even know i exist.
building relationships is really hard for me. i don’t think i’ll ever become good at it. so, i guess i’ll stick to trolling on the net posting random shit like this, doping up and maybe one day i’ll be able to pull that trigger when i put my gun to my head. i hope it will be soon, cuz life is shit without people.
October 10, 2007 at 6:17 pm
A wise person (forget who) once said, if you keep thinking what you’ve always thought, you keep getting what you’ve always got (come to think of it, it could have been Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup fame. We will never be complete as human beings as long as we continuely criticize our lives and allow other people to tell us who we are. We are prisioners of our own self consious thinking, we’re always on edge wondering if we are smart enough, good looking enough, fast enough, do we have anything interesting to say are we interesting enough to attract others into our lives.
It is the momment we beocme comfortable in our skin, flaws and all that we draw others to us. Make a list of the pro’s and cons of having no friends, and when your feeling down and lonely go over a list of Good Qualities and unique things about yourself, think about the kinds of events, clubs, activities that you like and take the iniative to go out and join them, learn some social skils, Confidence is the key, you can be a bald pimple faced obese man or women and you can still be confident, the great thing about confidence is you never have to try and prove it to others, be comfortable with yourself, what’s really holding you back from having friends is fear of rejection, fear of being judged.
If you knew you could not fail would you take the challenge of meeting new people? If your shy embrace your shyness, there are many reserved people, you must first learn to walk before you can run, there is alot to be said for taking it slow and just enjoying life. Again find out what your interest are and pursue them, love to act or think you’d like to give it a try, go out and join a theatre group or take drama in school, want to play a sport try out for the team, don’t be afraid to tread water and fail.
I learned along time ago to wash my hands of negative people, if you approach someone and they rejected you just say next and move on, it’s a numbers game, at the end of the day as long as you have tried and commited yourself to changing your situation, it will not matter what others have thought or said. Right now forget friends, forget what you think societies expections for you are, focus on your life, on listening to what you want and going after it, for the rest of your life you will spend every waking momment with a real friend, yourself, the most importatnt person you can commit to loving and giving your dreams and hopes to is yourself.
For those who do actually read this, you may think I can’t do that or he does’nt understand how I’m feeling or you’ll have a hard time really understanding what I am saying here. There is so much more I want to tell you, but for now I’m giving you the basics, it starts with you.
I have learned how to build my life up and find who I am, it was’nt an easy journey and I’m still discovering, but I realize I won’t be happy with friends or in any relationship until I spend time analyzing and exploring who I am and what I want from my life. I am slowly meeting people and while it is still acquintances and at work friends it is a work in progress (at 21 I am still learning)
Take it slow and don’t throw your life to the values and beliefs of society freely express yourself, you are beasts in this jungle called life baby, don’t worry about having no friends, focus on just exploring what you want
October 18, 2007 at 9:45 am
It is hard to make friends. It seems as though the world is uncaring and more and more people would rather be with out the two faced people in this world. I have heard you will only have 5 true friends in your life. I think it is true. The few friends that I do have are from childhood. These are people who I can trust and feel comfortable around. I care not to have fake friends who would stab me in the back. I have family and a life. I don’t care to make new fake friends.
October 18, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Hey everyone:
I too feel like I have no friends - I really dont. My co-worker are not friends. I have no one that I can call while washing dishes, or to call to just say hey guess what!! My last really good friend seemed very friendly with my husband more so then me, so I questioned it and she got pissed off. Slowly but surely just stopped speaking to me. I dont get it. I am fairly pretty, smile alot, and make okay money, and am funny and nice. On the outside, it all good. On the inside, I dont like myself, because I dont htink anyone else does. My husband would prefer me to have friends with husband that he can pal up with, but that isnt working either. I am just friendLESS. What can you offer in advice.? I am nervous about this message beacuse I have never done this type of thing before, because I thought this was for loosers - but now I guess I am a looser. I am 44, and do even know how to make a friend or keep one.
October 19, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Maybe u should try talking to ur coworkers…ask them alot of things about themself and try to branch conversations from w/e they say…I too am like you but i’m alot younger…Jeez don’t feel bad. Just try talking to them…i mean…u have a husband..just use the same method u used to get him to make friends.
November 15, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Good advice on half your post, being yourself will win you no friends if you have none already, but making fake friends isnt the answer. Thats just lame, do you really want fake friends?? Might as well have none, whats the difference. I would rather be home alone with a bottle of jack then hanging out with phonies. Real friends can only be made through happenstance IMO, usually through an intermediary.
November 16, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Hey- I have no friends in the town I live in. I had one but she acted like it was such a chore to take my calls that I couldn’t stand it anymore and so I took it upon myself to relieve her of the burden and quit calling her, which did not seem to phase her. The friends I have had here have a long line of people to hang out with and their phones ring constantly- but I never seem to click with any of their groups- most people just think I am weird. I live in red-neckville and am a little bit of a hippy. While everyone else wants to get plastered and party and cuss like sailors, or find a one night stand, I want to drink coffee and talk about literature and the funny crap I heard on The Daily Show and Colbert Report, or listen to some Zeppelin, or take a long country drive and take in some of the few remaining treasures on earth that man has not destroyed to create a high rise or shopping center; which very few people here reads, watches, listens to, or can appreciate my disdain for “the man.”
I see people all around me listening to the messages they received in the past couple of hours which takes them longer than it would take me to hear the messages I get all year. I’m also am single and into my 30s which sort of causes my group of available people to be friends with to dwindle. I had much more luck in my 20s, but that wasn’t all peaches and cream either.
I like what Thomas had to say. There are a lot of pros to not having friends. When I do have friends, sometimes I just wish I could stay home and relax. Working full time, going out more than once a week sometimes gets tedious to me and I just don’t even feel like trying to go to the bar anymore to catch a buzz. It is just starting to make me build belly fat while thinning out my wallet.
It is important to be true to yourself because I don’t think drawing people to you by acting like someone else is going to help build meaningful relationships. ALso, Paul, I am so sorry you feel that way about the gun and trigger. I really feel your lonliness. I wish there was something I could do to help you. I feel like absolute mud sometimes too but it makes me sad to think there are people out there so afflicted by not having close friendships that they consider taking their lives. Not that I know, but maybe your mom is not that stupid. I wish you could be overcome with a spirit of appreciation for her if she really cares about you and has not done you too overly wrong in the past. If you care about her at all, try to think of how all the sadness and suicidal tendencies you may or may not put on display make her feel- she’s the one who gave you life. I think you should accept her outreached hand. I know she may not come over and get drunk and high with you like maybe you want to in a friend (which I am not putting you down because I totally remeber those days), but maybe you should at least “fake” like you enjoy her company because if you do, the real thing will follow (unless she did something terrible to you growing up- like abused you or exposed you to abusive men in her life or whatever). If you can’t hack that, maybe you should gradually work yourself into some volunteer work with people, animals (if you’re not the biggest people person) or maybe something you are interested in. Just do it for an hour here and there. And I bet there are a lot of people who would like someone to bitch about how life sux, but maybe when you have the window of opportunity to meet someone, try to refrain from that. Don’t be fake, just stick with small talk or think of something at least neutral. I don’t even know you, but you are crying out for help with your message. ANyway, you could also get a dog or maybe a book or even a playstation or something. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and don’t you go and pull that trigger. Your life could be full of purpose.
Thomas you are right, as long as wer love ourselves, we have the best friend we could. If you learn to enjoy life without being surrounded by tons of people, you will never be at risk for not enjoying life- you always have yourself. It’s tough, believe me, I know, facing another weekend all by my lonesome, but it is not hopeless. Who knows, maybe having friends is completely overrated and just like everything else we hear and is programmed into our heads over our entire lives by media, maybe being alone is actually desirable. We just have bought into the idea that the number of friends we have is a measure of our merit- I think we should all just be happy to get to know numero uno (yourself). I will try to take my own advice too.
November 22, 2007 at 12:47 pm
lifes tough, what can we do? I to am “friendless”. firstly I ask myself what got me into this position, I’ve got personality and people seem to enjoy my company but why dnt I have any friends? dnt get me wrong, im not lazy to get friends, It just seems as though im stuck. lifes a journey and it just seems so pointless to me. Having no friends I guess was the primal reason for me feeling this way. I tried to make an effort, to change my life, start believing in myself and in my abilities and just have faith that every child of god is capable of achieving their goals and where did that get me? nowhere! this was the point where I almost reached insanity(once again this explains me being stuck). from this point what was I to do, it just felt as though I wanted to end this brutal cycle we call life but instead I realised it was not life that was the problem, it was me, I was the one with the negative influence, I was the one that thought it was pointless. then i realised that life is just life, it creates you and you have to participate in it. I don’t really know where im going with this message lol but I do know that the only way to happiness is through yourself. whether or not you know it, you can decide your fate, you just got to participate!
November 30, 2007 at 9:23 pm
I have come to discover soething over my lifetime of 25 years, people who have no friends are extremely lost and don’t know themselves, or they are individuals to a “T” and find it hard to relate to anyone. I fell under the first one in my youth (aka high school days) and now I fall under the second. I know who I am and like who I am, yet others seem to only like me from a distance. I have done the fake thing which I hate because I am a very sincere person. My best friend is my now ex-girlfriend but I am no longer attracted to her and I have pushed her away for the most part. I sadistically hold on to the only person in this world I love and connect with sincere feelings because I don’t want to be completely lonely again, and she still thinks everything will eventually be ok with us again.
Outside of her there is absolutely nobody. Co-workers don’t count, they are only friends of circumstance. I am attractive enough and some pretty good looking girls to try to hook up with me but I know it is just sex but they don’t know that I still read Harry Potter, play video games like a teenage asian kid, and masturbate like crazy. That may sound like I am sexually inexperienced but I have experienced the majority of the kama sutra (with my ex). That sounds like good fun but I feel so detached from all that now. One day I feel I must leave all this behind and just travel to some place new where there is at least a reason to have no friends. Truth be told I am a mess. All I know is that on this page is one of the few times I truly understand and relate with people on this subject. It is small but I don’t feel as lonely. I am glad you all are as open as you all have been.
Paul, you should know that you are not alone in this struggle with loneliness. I too have thought long and hard about suicide and it holds less promise than loneliness, therefore I continue to hold out for better days, and I TRULY hope you do too. It will only make things worse. I am learning slowly to better cope with my depression, and with the number of breakdowns I have had, I know there is help for you too.
December 4, 2007 at 8:13 pm
I never knew how it would feel to have no firends. school is torture. i walk to class alone, i eat lunch by myself, i dont hang out with anyone on the weekends….. my life is hell. I had my true friends last year but they were all a year older than me and graduated. so now im left all alone. People tell me im pretty, tons of people tell me they “love me” and that im “hilarious”, and i know im not as awkward and weird as some other people in my school but yet i have no friends. there is this guy at school and hes “popular” and all that and hes been interested in me since school started but i can see that he knows i have no friends. i absolutley hate it when he asks me what i did last weekend, its so imbarassing. so ive come up with some stupid lie that im “grounded”. i tried “playing the game” and that got me friends for about exactly 3 months, after that ive been by myself. i cant wait to graduate….hopefully this friend deficit will never happen again. i hate my life. i now know that the worst feeling in the world is to be lonely…… :(
December 13, 2007 at 9:59 pm
I’ve been stuck with these feelings of lonliness for a long time. Ever since I was young, I would stick to myself because I was so worried about what people thought of me. I only felt a close personal relationship with one person, and while she is my best friend from childhood, she always seems so be dominating over me. She makes fun of all of the little things that I do and does a great job at making me feel rediculous. She decided to leave town without even telling me, and for a long time I realized just how much of my social life revolved around her. Then, she just discards everything we had, like trash. Now I’m totaly alone. I’m in college, I’m a commuter, and I feel no connection with anyone here. A friendship may have been growing with this one girl, but shes moving away now, so I probrably won’t grow into anything else. Everyone else seems to walk right through me, or they never seem to see or hear me. I just feel so alone and worthless sometimes, I can understand why someone would consider suicide because of lonlines. Why live when it’s like nobody recognizes your existance?
December 15, 2007 at 9:46 am
i spend a lot of every day contemplating it. In many ways I’m worse off than the rest of you. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems you can tell within 30 seconds of meeting someone how life goes for them. There’s no mystery to any of this, and nothing at all redeeming as far as my life’s concerned. I know this- you can’t ignore loneliness, nor deny it, and for that matter, for reasons we can’t often help we may be relegated to loneliness. For me, I chalk a lot of up to wanting to really understand. I find my appearance, my awkward thin body, my very young look, which is not a good thing really. Frankly, it seems you can tell just about all you need to know from a person’s appearance, and branching off from that, their way. The better people never run into these sorts of dilemmas, they never have to worry about self-value because people’s responses to them are continual, if silent, affirmations. You know well if no one sees you, or if you’re continually relegated to the outside. And the older you get, the harder it becomes to deal with. As for me, because of my self-hatred, which wasn’t inborn with me, but has been continually developed by negative affirmations from the outside, i’ve given up on sex. I see the world well. Watching movies or TV does nothing for me b/c i see quite clearly these are people who i could never hang with. Most people, luckily, never experience the kind of depression that i deal with. It says in Proverbs, ‘what’s worse than a broken spirit?’…it’s true. There’s little way to fix it. There is something to be said about faking it. For instance, I’m a good musician and singer but i can’t relate to lyrics b/c frankly i was never part of anything. I don’t know whether to just play instrumental music so i won’t be faking or to just fake it and do it as a service to other people. It’s the only thing i can share with people, and b/c i don’t fit into the equation i can’t even share that. I’m 34 now and it’s worn on me although i still look 18 and get carded for cigarettes. When i see how classmates of mine are adults, and i sense their realities and the disparateness in our vibrations, there’s being frankly more healthy, they’re being on another plane…how can i not be depressed? i go through life like it’s nothing, there’s nothing magical or mysterious about it. It’s an unfair play. The better genes win, it’s not a mystery. And failed genetic combinations will put that one at a severe disadvantage, and no one who enjoys life wants to be around that, it’s just the way life goes. In many wqys, they are better, it’s not their fault.
December 15, 2007 at 9:52 am
just to finish off what i was writing before, the value of life is the experience you get. And the better realities get the better experience. And if you’re awake enough to see how their realities go, and yours is nothing but emptiness and desperateness, or just on a low, boring plane that will never improve, how are you supposed to feel?
December 19, 2007 at 6:22 am
Shawn, pretty people don’t necessarily have it easier. Nor do girls. Nor do the so-called successful people. My ex (the only girl I ever dated, so don’t let that get you down) was very pretty, but she didn’t have friends at all. Then again, she didn’t seem to want friends. And at least in the U.S., girls are often attracted more to personality than looks, so in many ways I think guys have a good deal there.
As far as making friends, I think a lot of it is just attitude, whether one wishes to put together the broken pieces of one’s soul, and whether one can be outgoing, look for common interests, and invite people to do things without fear, even knowing that one will be shot down by the vast majority of people in bitter, self-absorbed, hostile America. It probably helps to have a variety of interests that one can share with people, and run with these to build commonalities rather than push others away.
That said, this is all just theorizing based on the advise of others, since I have little experience with having friends. I’m 24.
December 19, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I’m miserable right now. I hate how whenever my life seems to be getting better and I’m making friends and stuff, something ruins everything. I hate how no one ever listens to me or respects me. I just want to feel valued and loved. But I don’t :(
December 24, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Hi.
I’m 14 and haven’t had a friend since I was 10. Every day I do everything alone. All my spare time is spent at the computer. School is hell because everyone just ignores me, or take advantage of me because I have manic depression, and don’t really understand them a lot of the time.
Once again it is Christmas and my family doesn’t really care that I’m severely depressed they’re too caught up in their own petty squabbles. Every time I try to make friends everyone just takes advantage of me and confuses me so I end up shaking and getting really scared and they taunt me for that.
I’m just at my computer half-listening to the radio once again, lonely. Every day I’m lonely and depressed and my family doesn’t care. I did have friends but then depression set in because of my troubles at home so they all jumped ship and abandoned me.
I often consider suicide, but never had the guts to do it. Maybe I won’t feel so bad when I can go to college but as it is, I really hate life.
December 25, 2007 at 5:34 am
My life sucks.I never had friends,literally.When I was little I always wanted a buddy(guy friend),as I got older I wanted a girlfriend but neither came.I attempted suicide twice ,once 13 and the other when I was 18.I drop out of school when I was 13 cause I couldnt take it anymore.Everyday all by myself.Nobody wants to have anything to do with me.Im 24 and still thinking about it.I live my life one day at a time.I know most of you are saying”wow you’re 24,still a virgin and you havent killed yourself?”.I know Im pathetic but Im working on it.This is not life,this is just an existance.I never fit in as a kid and never will,even as an adult.My co-worker can be just as cruel as the kids in school.I quit so many jobs because I dont fit in.Now theres nothing left for me to do but go to the next life.Maybe I belong in the graveyard,I dunno.
December 29, 2007 at 3:51 am
Its weird I’M 23 and long for friends on one hand, but I feel like for whatever reason I’m just not good enough for friends. Maybe it’s because I was never good enough for my parents. The lonliness kills me, I look @ the myspace pages of old classmates and I wish that I wasthe girl in the pic’ surronded by friends;I’ve never been to a party or a club because Ihave no one to go with and I have no one that I can call when I need totalk literally not one person. I don’t know what to do anymore, but I ca n’t go on like this. I even lie to my parents about having friends I make up storiesabout ‘julie’ or ‘ben’and they don’t even exist. Ijust don’t want my parents or husband to know what a complete loser I am. Now I know what you’re thinking a, I’m married so I can’t be lonely and b, how does my husband not knowthat these people are made up. Well me and my husband are not friends he has many and only requires a wife. and I’m sure he knows that all of these friends that Imeet in class are fake because he pays all of the phone bills, I’m sure he’s noticed my 3 calls amlnth to him or 411 versus his pagesof calls, Honestly he could just care less. I have a question, if everyome your whole lifelet you know how worthless youare does that mean you are? Have I been a bad person since like the age of 8 orsomething because everyone parents, grandparents,family friends have shit on meand they don’t treat my sisterthe same way. Does anyone think that there are just losers that are not meant to have friends.I feel like I was put on this earth to be a scapegoat.
December 31, 2007 at 10:22 pm
I’ve never had a true friend in my life and I often feel lonely. However, you should look on the bright side of not having friends. You can be yourself without having to worry about someone not liking something that you are doing. You have all the freedom in the world and all the time in the world to yourself. Maybe instead of trying to make new friends who will probably stab you in the back later in life, why don’t you try to improve yourself physically and mentally or work on some specific skill or do something you’ve always wanted to do? There’s nothing wrong with being a loner.
January 1, 2008 at 2:02 am
Well, I’m in the same boat as everyone else here, I basically have no friends. When I was a kid, I was a real pain in the butt, so I had no friends then. But eventually, I grew out of that, and made some really good/close friends. Then, we all grew up and got too busy to even pick up the phone and call each other. So this is how I once again ended up without friends. I haven’t met people since grade school that share the same religious/moral beliefs as me (at least in general), or even the same interests and sense of humor. The only reason I don’t feel too lonely is because I’m married, but it truly sucks to depend on just one person to fulfill all your social needs because that is a completely unrealistic expectation. I really wish I could meet someone I sync with, but even with how many people I socialize with at school and at work I haven’t really found anyone that I can say, “Gee, I wish I could be good friends with that person.” And the few times I have hung out with my sort-of friends, I am bored out of my mind, because I don’t have anything in common with them.
So, for those of you that posted about feeling like shit because no one wants to be your friend, first thing is to realize that there is a good chance you have not met the sort of people YOU would truly want as a friend. I know that is hard to accept when you are lonely, but believe me if you make friends with just random people you have nothing in common with, you will feel like the odd person out at some point. But that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means you need to meet people more like yourself. For anyone still in school, that can be really tough. Believe me, everything will change when you graduate from high school. The problem with school is that you’re with the same people everyday (which coincidentally is a problem for law school students too), and everyone is real cliquey and gossipy, and it makes it hard to be different. But again, that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. Your school years will suck, but think of it this way: You don’t want your best years to be behind you, you want them to be ahead of you. You want life to be better 5 years from now than it is today, and the odds are great that it will be.
My advice is to those that are older is to try to find a job/educational program where you have to interact with lots of people (not necessarily customer service, but more like working in teams) and try to be around the most educated people possible. Uneducated people don’t tend to treat those that are different very nicely. For the person that dropped out at 13, apparently you have many issues you need to sort out, but I believe the number one thing that is in your power that you must do is go to night school and get that high school diploma if you haven’t already. (If you did get the diploma, though, consider getting an Associate of Science at a community college.) This is the ticket to many decent jobs, and will give you a chance at interacting at a workplace with people that are pleasant and courteous. No, it’s not the same as having a friend, but it will still help you feel better, and when you do people will notice and naturally be more attracted to you. And at the very least, you’ll have more change in your pocket at then end of the day.
January 2, 2008 at 4:02 am
I relate so much to most of the responses. I’m in my mid 30s and I have no friends. I know its because I’m shy, self-conscious, and very quiet but I’m trying to change all that. LoneWolf wrote some interesting words- “Play the Game”. I guess I’ll have to do that because when I overhear people talking esp. at work, their conversations seem really boring and stupid sometimes. From the moms who can’t stop talking about their kids to the women who can’t stop talking about people’s hair, clothes, car, etc..The guys only discuss sports. To be their friends I’d have to feign interest 90% of the time. It’s my fault too because I have no hobbies, so at home I read and watch tv. The fact that I never learned to be particularly stylish or sophisticated might be part of it too. I’m trying to get out more but this shyness is really crippling- it’s like being in prison. I’ve occasionally tried to discuss books with others but I don’t know alot of readers.
I was in a live-in relationship for 8yrs and 1 of the benefits was that I could hide my need for friends by focusing solely on my man. Well, he’s gone now (died from cancer), and I’ve spent the last 4 yrs trying to fill this void with no success.
January 15, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I cant believe how much my life has fallen i am only 13 and in depression. When I was in 1st grade i only had one friend and he was my best. I remember going into school with my comb over and nerdy. w hatching the popular kids go buy. (Back then I was never shy to call up anyone…) At that time i promised myself that i want to be like my brother and sisters and become really popular. So i got new clothes new hair that everyone loved. As I got older i got in 2nd grade i got alot more friends then i had. I was the only one who knew swear words so alot people got interested then. In 3rd grade my popularity sky rocketed I had a new best friend I was hanging out with the popular kids everything was going perfect. In 4th grade my best friend moved away. But it didnt do anything to my popularity. It was the best year of my life. I just couldnt believe it I was the most popular kid in the school. Everybody knew me and everybody liked me I was voted school president everybody liked m e. Then something changed in me, not in popularity but personally. I had a birthday I invited about 60 people. Only 20 came. You would not imagine how that felt to me. I felt alone, ignored. From then on I waited until somebody called me. This 4th grade year was the climax in top of the chart of my downfall. In the summer i 5th grade started, and in the first day i already 3 new friends in the new school the most popular kids were me and this one kid. My best friend in 5th grade. We made fun out of a ton of people. When i look back i think wow we were so mean to people. Everyone wanted to be us. I had the most popular team. But I was a bad kid too, I got in fights all the time it seemed like people were even afraid of me. Chicks liked me. There was a very little sink in my popularity as i was friends with the most popular kid. In the summer i didnt hang out with much people. A few times my friends called. In the summer before 6th grade I hardly called anybody. I just waited for them to call me. But something happened, one day i was on my brothers computer( came back from college) and i was downloading a movie it was drumline or something. Then when i clicked on it, it was a porno video. I was astonished. I didnt even jackoff i didnt even no how i just get massive boners. It came to me an addiction that summer to pornographic material. Near the end of the summer i promised myself not to look at porn anymore. In 6th grade i walked into my class basically all sped kids. My best friend and other friends stopped liking me they said i had changed. When we had assigned tables in 6th grade I was sitting at the loser table. THE LOSER TABLE!!!!! Alot of the kids didnt like me for making fun of them. It was a miserable first 4 weeks for me and then I had faked cryed my way out of the team and lunch. I got a new team with 3 men teachers and everyone loved me. I made a rumor that i beat a kid to a pulp and they made me switch teams. Everyone loved me. The kids in that team worshiped me. My parents would ask me do u have friends and i would say yea. “Everyone likes me in my team” My dad would say “Why dont you call them up” and i would always say that they dont call me. Whole year went by many girlfriends kisses blah blah. End of the year there was a vocal music class man did i goof of in that class holy shit i did craszy shit. Rehearsal and stuff after school would make everyone laugh by screaming and making everyone scream words. Even at the concert we screamed. The teacher was all pissed. There was a fun fair that i was a total bad ass all the popular girls were all around me we stole shit. through pop cans at the school went into a teachers locker room kissed some people in thier. One of the funnest night of my life. Those chicks liked me. But i never asked them out when people ever told me that the most popular girl likes me i would think there lying then 2 years later they will tell me that they use to have a huge crush on me. Amazing oppurtunites waisted it seems like that been my whole life. in the summer i went to summer school and it was the 2nd funnest summer i had ever had. I knew one of the kids from baseball they were both unpopular kids but i had not laughed as hard as i did that summer. I learned everything about the school that i wasnt going to go into the next year. We snuck into every place in the school found a tunnel under our school snuck and saw perverted things in a gym teachers room. Went into the school kitchen stole twix out of it. We skipped our class. Wow it was fun there was this one kid there and you would never think that this kid would be the most popular kid the next school year or the one after. Then one day me in my friends snuck out and drank beer at age 11!Then it was over the summer and then started 7th grade. I was probably in the most unpopular team that year. But i got so much good friends. We made fun of our teachers I had become really food friends with people. Everyone thought i was the most funniest kid on earth. I did crazy stuff that no one had the guts to do I dance in the middle of my classroom and called it the lion king dance. I said a speech saying that my aunt was a lesbian. I even drank. Man that was stupid. It tasted so good to me and gave me a energy boost that i loved. I didnt even abuse it. I did it the healthy way. The way that it reduces your chance from heartattack and stroke. But sometimes i abused it. Like at a wedding i drank 5 glasses of wine. 5 GLASSES!! At 12 years old at a wedding i could have passes out and i had a hangover at age 12.And one of my teachers had a myspace and i snuck it under his door on a actuivity night. But at one time I had to make a desicion. The day of our new semester my best friends from 5th grade gathered around me and it was like we were back to our old days. I was rising my popularity fast it went way down from non popular teams the last years. Then it was the day of us to assign tables. All my friends from my team wanted me to sit with them. I think they may have been a touch jealous. So at first I sat down at the table where my best friend from 5th grade was at and he was talking to me and i thought man do u really want to end your friendship with the people in your team and right when he was talking to me I stood up and walked away i couldnt believe i was doing this it was like a slow motion walk. I turned my back from popularity. The one goal i had when i was in 1st grade. And i sat down with my team mates. In that year we became very good friends and i was afraid of summer since the loneliness i have had the last 4 summers since my best friend from 3rd grade moved away. But it was different. Everyday my friends called me and we hang out. They went over to my house and then i called people for a while. I went over to my friends pool. The first half of my summer was so fun. Then came the alcohol incident. Sometimes my friends would come over to my house and drink one day my parents went out of town. And i told a couple of my friends to come over when they leave so they came over. And i thought it was a good idea to bring a couple of beers down to drink. So we did. Then one of my friends went over to one of our old friends house to do something and he told our old friend that we were drinking. Well later that night he told his brother and his brother told his parents who told my friends who were drinking and everyone on thier hockey team who were all my best friends. At the time this happened me and my family were in Ireland. Then when we came back i got in trouble but before that i made out with this chick but……………… one of the dads called my dad and told him and my parents went crazy and i was grounded the rest of the summer I couldnt leave the house couldnt watch tv, video games no friends, cell phone or anything or computer for 2 weeks but all of the other groundings were for the rest of the summer. So all of my best friends that i was hanging out tthe whole summer i could no longer hang out with them for the rest of my life. I read the rest of the summer. I promised to myself that i wouldnt drink for the rest of the year when this happened. And since my unpopular teams 7th and 6th grade i prayed to god to give me the most popular team so i could get popular again.So then came the first high school football game. I saw all of the people that i was grounded from. It was so wierd seeing everybody. Everyone was quiet and it was wierd. Then came the worst school year of my life and still is today. This year 8th grade. My brothers favorite year and all the rest of my siblings. My team was like all the really popular kids put together into one team. I thought to my self. OMG this will be the best year ever. But i was wrong. The first month was good my relationship was getting better. But something hit me it was probably the effects of the time that i drank i started sluring me words a little bit. Id go into school looking drunk. Then i became quiet. All my old friends were talking behind my back then i suddenly had no friends. I couldnt believe it I had no friends. Times went by turkey trots other school events that use to be the best time of my life. Everyone following me laughing with me. Then i suddenly saw myself this year walking by myself. Sitting by myself at times. And i think how could this happen the most popular kid in 4th grade no friends. No has called for me in 4 and a half long months havent hung out with anyone since the beer incident. I come home almost everyday crying. My parents buy stuff for me to get better like church things and stuff. They think about calling a phsyciotrist for me. When i go online people ignore me. So there is no point. Which makes my popularity go down if i care…….. I stop and wonder has anyone gone through wat i have delt with as i see every popular kid and they have stayed the same since 2nd grade. No one has gone down in popularity more than me. Some people think i died. No one hears about the crazy stuff i use to do. Others think i have changed and am a new person. Missed oppurtunities. I look at the popular table and i probably would have sat at that table if i had sat at that table in 7th grade. Some people use my old jokes to gain popularity too. Others say that i can make anyone popular it seems as if all my best friends always use me to get popularity. No girls like me as they only see a has been depressed quiet kid in the corner. Today i went home from school crying its like my old friends dont even notice me. I didnt talk nor did anyone talk to me during the trip home. Its not like i never was good friends with these people person sitting next to me popular kid was good friends with in 4th and 3rd grade. Girl behind me good friend in 7th grade guy behind me friend in 5th and 6th guy next to him friend in 4th person person next to person next to me very good friends in 6th and 3rd and 4th grade. Person in front friends in 7th. In front good friends in 7th Next to him very good friend in 7th girl next to him liked me in 4th 5th and 6th grade. And others. I often think of suicide. Who wouldnt . I have put a knife to my hear 12 times but never had the guts afraid of pain and hell if thier was no hell or pain i would do it. But this is hell having no friends not being noticed. I would rather be poor and have friends then being rich with no friends. This is hell. I tell you this now because i need to get it off my chest before some evil takes over my body please right a message.
January 17, 2008 at 6:13 am
Hey everyone!!! My name is Jessica, i’m 20 years-old, and i would just like to say that….i would love to have all you guys as my friends! I’m so freaking serious……you guys seem like some really awesome people! Please contact me ASAP!!! :)
Your friend,
Jessica
http://www.myspace.com/jackdaball
jackdaball16@yahoo.com
January 18, 2008 at 7:53 am
i have discovered how one makes a world of solitude work for themself. I personally am 21 and gradually had less and less friends in highschool until I finally had none. for four years I went with very little or no friends until I finally panicked and decided to end this nonesense. I realized that through solitude you gain a different perspective on reality than the general public. Through this you can appeal to open minded people. screw jumping on someone elses train, expand your own ideas and style but really think it out, then express it. Talk to random people from work, school, the store, the mall,etc. who you feel are approachable. I have a bunch of friends now that I have figured out my own self.
January 23, 2008 at 11:21 pm
i was sooooooooooooooooooo lonely and hurt when i was in high school because my best friend said that she no longer want to be friends with me… and everyone in that high school all have their own friends already and i am just left ignored by my classmates… i am a pretty quiet, serious person and its just not natural for me to fake sillyness or become really talkative or outgoing. i have a set of expectations for how should be my friends too! i dont like people who swear alot, smoke, or talk about nonsense…. i prefer hanging out with people with more wisdom - who can boost my esteem and won’t say anything to hurt me like my peers. there are many people who say that i am cute… (i hope they are right… i really don’t know about this…) but i only have two honest and good friends that i can talk things with…. i want to find more friends… but it just looks like everyone around me are just selfish people who only care for themselves!! if i walk around they will say hi to me…. is that what u can call friends? i really don’t know!!
in my opinion, its better to be alone than be with people who hurt you… and its better to have good, wise friends over people who just hang out with you - anyone agrees?
January 29, 2008 at 10:23 pm
You don’t have to go out and try to make it your mission to find friends every day. But you should always be open and aware of people around you. Don’t judge people and assume they won’t like you because of the way they look, their age, their gender or how they dress. There are kind people out there. Most people in their twenties have friendships and might not be looking for new ones. But every once in a while, there will be someone who would like to talk to you. So don’t give up. Don’t let others make you feel badly about yourself, or affect your mood. All you can do is try. And if you’re not meeting people in your daily routine, change your routine. Keep trying new things and going new places. And always try to be the best version of yourself, and let the best of you show so that people know what you’re all about. Don’t change yourself or compromise yourself…. All we can do is try to see the beauty in life, be happy for others friendships and hope to find some of our own. We’re not all meant to have many friends. Those who have a few good friends or even one are lucky. It’s hard I know.
IF possible, I would suggest talking to a therapist of sorts. They won’t become your friend but they can help you work through how you feel. Going to a therapist or psychologist isn’t just for people with serious or life threatening illnesses….. I hope to be a psychologist some day, and I think we could all benefit from a bit of talk therapy. I suppose that’s what this reply is. Everyone wants to be heard. Life is hard for everyone, don’t give up because relationships are what it’s all about.
January 29, 2008 at 10:37 pm
After reading a few more of these, I have to tell you all, that you ALL DESERVE FRIENDSHIP, and that everyone has problems. Some people have bigger or more problems than others. You may feel strange, or weird—-but everyone is weird, everyone is different. What you see on TV, isn’t how people are in real life. What you see in the hallways at school, or at parties and bars—that is how SOME people behave in a social environment. These examples are only a few. There are many ways to live, all over the world people live different lifestyles. If you don’t feel like you fit into these few places, that’s OK. You can live however you wish and be whoever you want to be!
Many people go through depression, I suffer from depression. And I have been where you are, I don’t have many friends right now. But that’s just the present.
Who knows who I will meet in the future!
I feel the pain that all of you feel, but all you can do is be good to yourself, and make your life what you want it to be. There are always options to change what your life is like today. You might have to leave your comfort zone, and at least start looking for ways you can change your life to make it what you want. You create your life. You make your decisions. You decide how you will feel. With depression, you may need help….and sometimes you will have to be the one to find help-but find it! Do it because you care about yourself. Because you enjoy your own company.
Try, because some day you will find someone who cares. And they would be upset if you weren’t there. I swear, it can get better.
January 29, 2008 at 10:45 pm
You may have noticed there are many people who are lonely and ignored. But where are we? Inside on our computers, not about to meet new people, other than online which isn’t good enough. You want a real friend. Go outside, go to a coffee shop. Walk in the park, go somewhere that there are other people. Do it every day. It helps very much to smile at people and say hello :) You may not meet someone every day, but you should feel proud for trying.
It’s important to be yourself, so that people know the real you, and so that people know you are interested in making friends with someone who is as nice to you as you are to them. Treat people how you want to be treated, and don’t accept being treated badly by anyone, that’s not friendship.
I am sending wishes out to the universe that you all meet a good friend, because you’re all sincere people and you deserve friendship.
February 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm
hmmm… i’m 41. i like myself reasonably enough, have interests, style, decent enough looks, etc, go out a lot, am friendly, talk to people, etc., yet i don’t really have many friends. the odd thing is tht my friends and people who meet me think i have TONS of friends and this great social life. i never really did though. i’m not married, no kids though ive had several long relationships and tons of short ones. i guess i’m kind of hard to get along with.
anyway, the post that hit home was the one from the guy whose only friend was his ex and she wanted to get back together with him. ive been spending time (trying not to involve sex at the moment for obvious reasons) with this guy, same age, who has no friends and i think he’s using me for the same reason. pretty sure of it actually. he seems to think that i have zillions of friends and this great life. he thinks i can help him with his career. he’s pretty much admitted that i’m “his only friend,” and that he’s “taking advantage of me.” though i havent asked him to elaborate. i’m pretty sure he knows i’m nuts about him. once i even had a talk with him at his urging. his words were something like “i need to fix my life. please stay on the fence a little longer.” not good, right.
he’s attractive and smart, but he really does have no friends and a lot of mental problems (depression, personality issues, bitterness stemming from his childhood, self-loathing issues about his height which is perfectly normal for a guy — he’s “short”, so what?). in a million ways we’re very much alike and have been kind of circling each other for years. i’ve been close with him for about 7 months. i’m about on the edge, because i’m so into him and want to really share more with him, but want more encouragement from him, because i’m used to guys being the first to let these things be known.
i feel like i’ll give it another month, then just let him know i can’t really see him at all anymore, it just upsets me too much. i can’t just “be busy”, that doesnt work. he’s relentless in his calling, texting, wanting to hang out, etc.
totally devoting too much mental energy to this nutjob but keep thinking, maybe there’s hope. because i’m used to if a guy doesnt like you he just goes away. but reading about guys who will keep a woman around just not to be lonely kind of is a wake-up call, you know? thanks.
February 2, 2008 at 3:02 pm
to clarify: but reading about guys who will keep a woman (who he isn’t sleeping with) around just not to be lonely kind of is a wake-up call, you know?
February 17, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Like most of the people here - I don’t have any friends. I am in my mid twenties and moved to a new city around two years ago. I had a long relationship and several part jobs which took up most of my time. Then I broke up with my boyfriend, the few friends I had moved, stopped working as much, and realized I was completely alone.
The few people I talk to are my coworkers. I am arguably the most cheerful person at work so it is probably not noticeable that I am just extremely lonely. I had one friend at work who is superficially a nice person - but she is very fake and self-involved and is always talking about her personal life, her boyfriend her best friend, her schedule - basically just about herself. I am starting to find her so annoying it is a real chore to chat, but I do it anyway because at work there’s no choice.
I try to take a class and at least talk to my neighbors to alleviate my boredom, but this is only a temporary solution.
I think I have reached a downward spiral where I have no friends - become more negative about life - and this further accentuates my downward spiral. I could fill up my time with extra curricular activities but I have found that even though I can meet a lot of people this way, few of them will become good friends. I could also fill up my time with work (this is what I did before) but I don’t think this is the key to a happy life. I’m tired of expending effort socializing with people and getting so little in return. The funny thing is - I have tried asking acquaintances I know to go out with me and they usually agree. Most people seem to be social and openminded. However, I usually only make more acquaintances that don’t become friends this way. These acquaintances become more and more tedious to maintain, and I just end up having more superficial friendships. I want friends. Someone I can call to talk about life.
There was a time in my life where I didn’t know how to date or find a man. Now I am more confident in my ability to date or find a man but I have absolutely no idea how to make a friend. The world is indeed a very superficial place, when you are not the prettiest or the most successful or the most confident people do indeed look down on you. In reality it is like blaming the effect instead of the cause - sometimes when you have no friends, you feel ugly, unconfident, and unsuccessful, and although you may not be the most attractive and confident person in the world, it is unlikely you are as bad as you think as well - the dark glasses of loneliness tend to obscure reality a little bit.
Although I am in a period of my life where I have no friends - I have to say that looking for friends is a little bit like looking for love - when you stop trying so hard and forget about what others are doing it happens. People love the I don’t care vibes. I do think we live in a very, very individualistic society - if you go to places like latin america, africa, or southern europe, people talk to each other more often and it is a lot easier to make acquaintances - if not real friends. In america everyone goes home to watch tv and they put so much value on their personal time that they dont even care to talk to their neighbors or their friends that often. Then they complain about how they’re lonely.
I take time to talk to people and they usually reciprocate, but I get tired of initiating. I think I need to “fake it till I make it” - pretend to have something to talk about and thus gain friends. The thing is - although I am sometimes successful with this tactic it also makes me lonely - because people don’t know how I feel inside. They just expect me to entertain. If I divulge that I am not actually in a good mood, people don’t stick around. Noone cares to be around someone that is not at their best.
In any case, anyone who is actually considering suicide or is using drugs or alcohol as a solution to this problem really shouldn’t. I know that is easy to say and hard to do, but just because some people are shitty and the world is superficial, doesn’t mean YOU should punish yourself for it. SCREW the world - some of the best people I have known in my life have been outcasted and misunderstood - and some of the worst, most disgustingly fake and vile personalities have gotten it all. Just because you have no friends does not mean there is anything at all wrong with you.
In any case, today I tried to go out alone because I needed to get out of the house but it just made me feel more lonely. Sometimes I want to just get back together with my boyfriend because the loneliness is so great but I resist because there must be better times ahead. I think we were loneliness crutches for each other and I want someone that will love me for who I am, not because they’re lonely. It is truly hard to move on with life completely by yourself - but at the very least - there are good people out there, I am sure of it - it is just so difficult to FIND them.
February 20, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Hi guys, I’m 27, f. I study at university level and work part time. I have zero friends. I try not to make a big deal out of it but it hurts sometimes. Like some of you I’m a very helpful and generous person. I work hard and always take care of my family. I dress properly,exercise and eat healthy. I know the problem is ME. I want friendship but at the same time I don’t. If you want something you have to GIVE something and I have problems with sharing emotions and intimacy. I had a shitty childhood and I guess it messed up my head a bit band my soul a lot. I’ve never taken drugs or alcohol, but just before Christmas I decided to screw that and start drinking and maybe try some heavier stuff but then my oldest brother suddenly got divorced and had nowhere to go so I offered him to stay with me. I had to postpone my drinking plans. If he hadn’t moved in I’d probably have killed myself by now…
The friends I had, I scared off with my deranged personality.
The love of my life-same story.
February 22, 2008 at 2:12 am
Hello Everyone.
I have a number of things to say after googling “i have no friends”, finding this page of people like me and reading all the posts.
First thing, just as an analyzing psychologist, which I practice in my time away from being a Super Hero, I really think that there is a personality trait common among all of us. Even if we aren’t only children, we tend to have that syndrome… In that, we tend to have a greater sense of Self than most people. Count the number of “I” ’s on this page and you will see what I’m (sorry lol) talking about. There’s something to be said possibly, altho i’ve never reallllly applied it, that if a person would only concentrate LESS on themselves and more on something, someone, anything else besides ourselves, we might start to quote un quote ‘get better’ mmmm or soemthing….
Anyways, my story is similar to all yours… I’m 23, have no real friends. Like many of you, it went from being pretty normal early in high school, and then through the course of that 4 years, I began to feel insignificant compared to my peers. Depression set in, I tried to aid not really fitting in with trying to do stuff that would “fit me in” Weed, drinking, etc etc. I knew I wasn’t really happy, but whatever, atleast i could relate to people. By the end of high school, my best friend from middle school was really the only friend i had left. Actually, between graduation of senior year and freshman year of college, Weed was my best friend and this was honestly, the best time of my life. Everything revolved around smoking ganga, and it was fun. The fact that I still think it was the best time of my life, nowww 5 years later, is not a good thing and means i really haven’t grown up a lot. Don’t worry, I’m still addicted to weed. LOL. But i see it more now as how it really is a hinderance to where i want to go emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.
Green sticky HAS been my best friend since then, it never lets me down. It really is an escape from reality that I need to have sometimes. AFter H.S. grad, I moved to a new city. and basically had a couple nervous breakdowns in the process. I was sooo caught up in trying to act cool and trying so hard to fit in. I wouldn’t recommend this to ANYONE who thinks that acting a certain way will get you ahead or empower you in some way socially, its theeee worst thing you can do. Because now I really don’t know who I am and have no friends. I used to think about suicide, but I’m still here, so i had never had the guts. I really feel others who said they also consider it. I Know what you are feeling. You see no way out, but just the fact that you didn’t, THAT YOU DIDNT, only means that you ARE worth it, you see value in yourself, you WANT to get better, and you didn’t… that means you, deep down, think you can beat this.
Suicide is not that answer. I too am self conscious, i too am quiet, i too feel like an outkast when everyone else seems so at ease socially and in such good places in life. Trust me, there lives are fucked up too, they are just really outstanding at either hiding it or doing things that they think will give them happiness.
I love all of you, much much love and respect. I think eventually I will get better socially, I am still very much a work in process. If i had to give you all one thing of advice, it would be to not try and please everyone. Focus on pleasing yourself FIRST, that is the ultimate. If you do that, and are content in your own shoes, than nothing else really matters. Find a source of happiness.
Thank you,
Brandon
February 24, 2008 at 9:28 pm
ok f’starters, you guys rock. I mean it.
And just on what a few ppl’d said about being yourself and how changing yourself for the sake of wanting friends is not worth it… Look - changing yourself DOESN’T mean changing your nature. Changing yourself means changing your ways for the sake of what matters to YOU the most. So if you’re a shy person who has no faith in the things you have to say… and is desperately wanting to be heard - then change from being a quiet talker to someone who’d speak a little louder. In this change, you’re not eliminating the YOU, but you’re making it stronger.
What most of us here are wanting, myself included, isn’t a friend. At least the things we’re expecting out of our friend isn’t something we’re likely gonna get from the people around us.
Some of u are blessed with families who’re just supportive and accepting. But a lot of us don’t. Ever since i can remember, i’d been told things about me that just brings me down. Everything i did - everthing i am, was wrong. I got real lonely and wondered about myself being here. A lot of this loneliness had been added to by my own selfconscious, inward-looking ways. And whenever i was with the few friends i had, it became more about me than it was ever about them. If they didn’t appreciate me and all of me, they weren’t being good enough friends. (When in fact even i myself couldn’t appreciate myself.)
The truth be told - All of us here - it’s not a friend we’re needing. It’s a saviour. The one who’d tell us we matter.. someone to pull us from ourselves.. from all our failures, from this destructive cycle, from this worthlessness.. and yet at the same time value us, appreciate us, and love us for who we are, crippled and retarded and proud and all. The kind of love that we’re all needing is, realisticly speaking, superhuman. No-one can take that load. And we can’t blame anyone for loving us less. Neither can we blame ourselves. Blaming really doesn’t get us anywhere.. We can only try to be better. Having said that… IT’S A DECISION TO NOT BLAME. and that’s why it’s so difficult. The time we use on blaming/self-accusation is all wasted in bringing only more negativity into our lives.. not really changing a thing.)
It helps me when i look to God for this love… and find that my life weighs enough for His own life. He loves YOU (and you and you and you and you and you you you you you you you x as many of you out there as there is) and He’s got plans…. to prosper you and to give you life more abundantly. Isn’t that what all of us really want? For someone to completely understand us and yet not only has the love to cover all our needs, but the power to heal our deepest wounds, bring us back to LIFE, and make us better people, what He’d originally made us to be before this world and our pains had twisted us?
I think the only fair thing about life is that we ALL get to choose. Just that each individual has different tendencies. Being friendless sucks, and it’s probably the result of the many unconscious (and usually self-centred) choices we’d made down the road. But you can change that! We CAN still choose to be strong. We CAN still choose to get up again and try harder. It’s a choice we make in each waking moment, to live with all we’ve got. (and that’s the toughest part. But believe me, you’ll get better at it with God’s help) Even if we only have very little. The more we make use of what we have, the more God will add to it. And vice versa. If our focus is on how little we have… and we go on to waste our lives and deplete our health because of it… thinking life’s a bitch and being centred on our puniness and how much we suck, we only get punier and lose more. Guys. God will add to you and give you the strength you need. You just need to PRAY FOR IT and TAKE ACTION. If you really want friends - go for it! But make sure it’s not a ’saviour’ you’re wanting out of the person.. cos chances are… he or she will fail to reach that expectation. They need salvation themselves. Just like you and me.
With love, and GOD BLESS
Leslie.
February 25, 2008 at 12:58 am
@ Leslie I think you made a lot of good points, and I am going to try to think about some of the things you said.
I hope that people keep posting on this page. It’s my second time visiting this page and I just realized that this is the one thing in life that really makes me feel better… hearing from people who are just like me.
March 6, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Hi, I’m 14 and ever since i moved 2 years ago my life has change dramastically.I used to have alot of friends but now i have none.I think the reason i dont have any is because i scared of rejection and i dont think i can carry a conversation. Last year i had a friend named Elexia. She was the only one i hanged out with. We were really different like i was one of the smartest people in school and she was barely passing. I read harry potter and she hasnt even read a whole book. Now we havent talked since summer. When i call her to come over she always says she cant. One time i asked her if she want to see the play Dracula at school and she told me she couldnt go, but when i went there i saw her hanging out with another girl. When i talked to her she just ignored me. I think she doesnt want to talk to me anymore is because she thinks that im a losser or that im boring. Now I feel like no one likes me, no one understands me, no one respects me, they just think im some stupid girl. These last few years have been a burden. I think i have depression and most nights i cant go to sleep. Im just tired of being lonely because i have never been this way and i dont want to be this way. Today I hid in the bathroom this morning because I didnt want to be seen alone. Its embarrassing. My family doesnt care either. My sister read my diary and she found out that I was going through depression. Sometimes she makes fun of me and tells me I have no friends. One day my mom asked me what was i going to do for my 15th birthday and I said I didnt want to do anything because usually on my birthdays I invite friends over. And she told me thats because I dont have any friends and that Elexia had left me. Every once in a while I think about commiting suicide because I think that if I do people will finally care about me and feel sorry for me. But I know I will never do that.
March 6, 2008 at 5:44 pm
oh sorry i messed up im mean i think i cant carry a conversation!sorry
March 6, 2008 at 8:47 pm
nevermind that^
March 8, 2008 at 6:35 pm
I lost my best friends when I went away to college.I made new ones….but they still have their old friend….spring and Christmas break are extremely hard for me…going home with no friends….
March 21, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I too have no friends, I feel so lonely and suicidal about this. I never really had a friends anyway, just hung around a certain group. I had a neighbour who was the same age as me and so we hung out for most of my child hood and teenage year’s. all we did was play video games ( since that is all i am into ). once i had finished secondary school ( high school ) we never spoke again. he is intelligent and went to college and now lives in a city far away and has a great life while i am still living with my parent’s and have a shit factory job that i am sick of. i have been there 5 years now and can bearly remember anybody’s name, i have made no friend’s at all. the only person i can call is home, my mum or my sister. that is it. and i am tired of calling them, i need new people to interact with. i am 24 and also gay which makes things worse for me. being gay is a big burden and barrier for me expecially since i live in a rural area where everyone knows everyones business. I am afraid of what people will think of me especially my family. i think a lot of people who have been around me know well that i am gay but no one ever says anything except for when there are being thick and make smart comments to me to make themselves laugh or just to hurt me for whatever reason. I would love to kill myself but i know that no one would really give a fuck and that hurts me so i stick around ( i dont know why). i wish i had a friend or a counceller to talk too about this and mabe even get some help. I tried to kill myself once and ended up in the intensive care unit. the minute i got home i tried again b using a different method but could not go through iwth it. i got to see a counceller who was useless since i did not know what to say to him and wanted him to go away since all i could think about was death but know i could do with someone pretty badly, (even though i do not know what to say really). i have seen my doctor who has put me on prozac which seems to have helped even though just a little bit but now he told me he is going to take me off them in the next couple of month’s which just scares me since that is all i have. if i had some friends then i could just get some illegal drugs to help me out but that is impossible even though there are drugs every where these day’s. I dont know what to do anymore. i feel so messed up. i have no confidence or self esteem to help me get through anything in this life. i am not even sure i can kill myself. the doctor said he had sent a letter to a good friend of his who is a therapist who will talk to me but that has been ages and the this type of thing takes age’s where i live cause the mental health department sucks ass here along with a lot of other thing’s/ i know i am not doing anything to help myself and i should but i am to lazy and beside’s i dont know where to start. event talking to the doctor does not help. he can be pretty thivk sometimes and i am very sensitive ( im a pusrry basically). i feel so messed up. i dont know who i am or what i want. i dont really mind being by myself , its just when i see other people out with friends or just chating in the hallway i get so jelous. also not haveing arelationship sucks as well but if i cannot make any friends then how am i supposed to get into a relationship. especially a gay relationship. that is next to impossible. i hate writeing this also but i have no drink ( which is what useally calms me down ) so i need a outlet. i hope i either kill myself soon or end up in a fatla accident or get some fatal diesease. i cant stand my family since they dont seem to be doing any better than me though they sondt seem to care. i am tired of supressing my emotions just so i canget through another day, no one at works gives a fuck about me and that is the only time i leave the house and got somewhere social. if i was to lose my job i would not have a hope in hell of getting another one and i know that my parents would not put up with that. death is the only way out for me and even the people at work think so too ( i can tell) they will not fell anthing when i am gone nor withll the rest of the world. i hopw they dont find my body so there is no funerla sice it would have like 3 people at it. my family. that would be so lame.
April 9, 2008 at 7:50 am
Hi I’m Troy. I live in Australia. I’m in my 9th year in High School and I have no friends. The 1st High School I went 2 was the one up the road from my house. I hated it so much I got depressed. So I changed to the High School on the other side of town with my sister. It was great! I made friends super fast and I had a cool group to hang with. Weeks past and the 2 boys in the group drifted off so I was left with the 3 girls in the group. They were really nice and funny. They never left me behind. But then the holidays came and as I went back to my usual thing I noticed things changing. One of the girls in the group had other friends so she rarely hung out with us. The other 2 had other friends so they also went to talk with them leaving me in the year 7 area. I knew some people from Primary School so I talked to them. I hung out with my lesbian friend Kylie and some other people. I hung out with Kylie’s group for a while until my old group came back together. But the boys in the group became mean and one of the boys and me had a fight in the library. So now the boys in our group hate me and only talk to the girls. I was upset that day and cried. The 3 girls from my old group came down near the library and comforted me and then walked off. My new friend Rhonda took me to the office and the boy was grounded by his parents and suspended. Me and Rhonda and her friend and a girl I knew from Primary School walked around our school doing our own thing. But then the year finished and the 7th year was coming into its second year of High School. Rhonda had found a new group in the Quad but we talked and sat together in classes. So I tagged along with the 3 girls from my old group from year 7. They invited some of their friends to join our group and then finally our group was settled. Due to my sister Popularity I noticed complete strangers were asking me how I was and talking to me. Since I’m from Aboriginal background I noticed I had many cousins that told me they had my back. The year was looking bright. But then the group split and the 3 girls that I had known from the start of High School totally ignored me. I remember walking up to them and trying to talk to them. But one of the girls said “What do you want!?”. So I just said bye and walked the other way. I was now hanging out with the these random girls who were nice but had their own thing. But I managed to get along in School. My attendance was horrible and I now hated school. I had no real friends. Kylie had her own thing to and drifted away from her group. But in certain classes I knew many peoples. I had Mitchell from Primary School, Kylie and others. Plus that class was the lowest and our teacher was a former hippie and was cool with what ever we did. I met Macey in my math class and we became good friends. We hanged out rarely but we couldn’t stop talking and laughing in class. So me and Macey had our own groups and School was looking better. New people came to my School who seemed good but then really annoyed me. So there was another negative tick on the list. months passed and the end year was coming. I found myself sitting alone most of the time and missing many days. I eventually had enough and refused to go to school. I know it didn’t seem so hard but I just got really angry and sad. The holidays came and my cousins came down ( who were popular in their own schools ) to visit. We had a blast. I wondered to myself how I can get along with people out of school so well. But the holidays passed and here I am now back at the 1st school ( which I haven’t attended since ) and sadder than ever. I have no friends and my family thinks I’m an internet freak or a loner. But they mean well. I have no idea why but I love New York City. I see my future there. And hopefully I can make many many friends in the Big Apple due to its different culture and peoples.
Since I have no friends I can;t really help people but I had to get that off my chest.
I feel much better knowing that I’m not alone. But life works out and something
will come across. just remember to attack the opportunity.
April 19, 2008 at 6:04 am
Dear Troy,
I am too in year 9 and I feel you. For my whole life I had been with the same friends. I then, made a mistake by leaving them and going to another group. I have been making friends on and off all year long. But with everything I have been through I always had a friend to count on and know that I would never be alone. Now, with 2 months of school left, all of my friends have left me. Even the one person I thought I could always count on turned their back on me without allowing me to explain. They all have ruined my life and now, I have no reason to smile at all. I actually find it very hard to smile knowing that I have no hope of finding people to love again. I thought people were supposed to go through rough times but with people there supporting them. I am now offically depressed with nothing to look forward to. I still have a couple of years left of school and I have to go through them alone. I pray to God everything will work out for me and for you too.
I hope everything will turn out just great for you at the end because you sound like you deserve it. The only thing that hurts me the most is that they called me the one who has been betraying them.
Now, I just try my best to not lose hope and keep going on no matter what happens to me. For a girl my age, I have through so much and the only people there to support me are my family.
My only advice to you is to look and hope for a better future and to keep thinking of all of the positive things you have in your life. Think of all the other people who have far worse luck than you do. e.g Paralyzed, lost a member of their family or any loved ones, blind, deaf etc. Try to find a reason to smile and keep you going through the day.
Good Luck and Best Wishes**
Serah
P.S: Sorry if this isn’t helpful at all or if it didn’t provide anything you needed to know. But well, I tried
May 8, 2008 at 4:44 pm
first, just let me say finding this page and reading the replies
actually made me feel good..
for once i find people who are actually anywhere close to my situation.
i too have no friends.. and kind of lost them around high-school time..
when i really think about it i cant figure out if i rejected them or did they..
either way im pretty sure being “left alone” was bound to happen eventually.
so here i am, 22 .. 0 friends, never even kissed a girl.
smart as i am i actually managed to get myself into a (pretty high paying) job with a bunch of old people. im litteraly the youngest BY FAR in the whole company.
so i just blocked any path to finding friends completly.. yay me.
i dont see myself getting out of this in any way, i see myself.. keeping this job and just going on and on till i probably one day find a way to get a gun and just finish it allready.
this is maybe a bit dark but i truely believe some people are born (genetically) inferrior to others,
and all of this is basically natures way of saying, you have no place here.
kind of a modern day natural selection.
except im pretty sure this feels allot worse than prehistoric natural selection, fighting a lion is probably less painfull than 7 years of lonely torture.(so far)
i have some good qualities, im supposedly funny..im a nice guy and consider myself a good person, im good at my job..
but i dont fit.
going from 0 friends to finding friends at 22, does not seem like something possible.
if anyone actually managed to do it (without joining some cult/religious group) please tell me, i might give it a shot.. i dont have much to lose anyway.
sorry if my perspective is a bit bleak.. im just telling it how it is.