What happens when we have NO friends?

23 06 2006

A sociological study of changes in American's personal networks and close friends, provides some very interesting food for thought.   I don't think the results of the study are earthshaking news, we are all aware that our lifestyles and mobility prevent us from forming close personal ties, and our present personal and social networks are very different from our past. 

The study provides the evidence, now I'd like you to think about the future.

What will these mean for the US society in the next 20-40 years if it continues?  What happens in a society when these relationships are no longer available?  What are the "new scenarios"  and what changes in behaviour do they provoke?

How will this affect our work, lifestyle, health, politics and consumer habits?  What opportunities or challenges are created for workers and businesses now and into the future? 

Is this an international phenomenon or limited only to the US?  

How is this affecting you and your family?  Is it noticeable?  Is it only nostalgic to think about being part of a larger social network or are there "real" consequences when it becomes smaller? 

A short quote from the article in the ASA News, June 16, 2006 says:

"AMERICANS' CIRCLE OF FRIENDS IS SHRINKING
Washington, DC —Americans’ circle of close confidants has shrunk dramatically in the past two decades and the number of people who say they have no one with whom to discuss important matters has more than doubled, according to a new study by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona.

“The evidence shows that Americans have fewer confidants and those ties are also more family-based than they used to be,” said Lynn Smith-Lovin, Robert L. Wilson Professor of Sociology at Duke University and one of the study’s authors.

“This change indicates something that’s not good for our society. Ties with a close network of people create a safety net. These ties also lead to civic engagement and local political action,” she said." America's Circle of Friends is Shrinking, American Sociological Association

Other Mentions on the Net:

American Sociological Association

Study, America's Social Contacts Slipping

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1,976 responses

27 10 2006
Oquendo JONES

I am 38 years old witha wife and 3 kids; Yet I have no confidants are freindships to speak of…I know that this will have an adverse effect on my senior years……a

I person without friends tends have more frustration buit up due to that fact they have noone to vioce their personal ideas and thoughts…communication with other people becomes more difficult and you tend to get paranoid more easily…

14 01 2007
n.h.

I grew up with socialphobia. I stopped making friends in 7th grades and the friends I did have did not want to be my friend anymore due to becoming so depressed I could not talk anymore. I became suicidual (also my family was very abusive their was a lack of concern for my safety and mental health. I could not keep a job due to working with people. I went to counseling and still have a hard time making friends. I am early and will graduate in august. It took me a while to go to college because i had to talk to people and usually hide in my mom’s house. I still am suicidal because i have only a few friends. and the friends i have are from a ex which makes it weird because he has another girlfriend. I am still friends with another ex boyfriend but am very codependent on him.

When you have no friends you do not know who you are. You don’t feel like you exist. there is no reason to smile. friends are their to listen t problems do something with. help you in your time of need. I fear making new friends. I will be moving soon and the friends I have will not be going with me.

23 01 2007
rare

I just don’t understand life, i have always been nice to people, gave and helped anyone but in the end no one ever helps me and i have no friends.
I am a gym fanatic and bodybuild but non of the people that i see over there can relate to my life, i feel alone and my pets are the only friends that care.

My life is a struggle, i am a good looking fella but any fun or friends that i have seems to go away and deep down inside it hurts , I am extremely nice and i have no friends but jerks and non caring souls always seem to have someone.

I have no one to talk to that can relate to what i go through, o well i guess thats just how life is, thanks for listening.

I hope to financially become stronger and maybe i will adopt a child and have a friend, i am a good person and it’s sad how socity is rotten. My child will be my friend and i will be his/her friend till i have a pulse .

24 01 2007
DH

I’m 21 years old and I have no friends. I had tons of friends in high school and now I have none. No one talked to me after we graduated. I guess I wasn’t a good friend. I miss them a lot. They are all still best friends and it breaks me heart that I have no one. I’m jealous of my bf because he is so liked and has so many friends. I can’t understand why I don’t. I have so much I need to say and no one to say it too. I’m always depressed because of it. Right now I hate my life and it’s because I feel so alone.

28 01 2007
rare

DH I know how you feel, I sit and type and i feel so alone and i have tons of phone numbers of friends from highschool next to me but none of them ever return my calls. I have always helped people and been there for everyone and no one has been there for me, my brother almost died and i was there for him slept 4 nights in a hospital till he was able to go home. I have visited my friends mother when her husband/his dad died and my friendship with him after 13 years is over. I am very social and i am a gym obsessed fella, i just don’t understand why life is like this. I bought my friend of 13 years coffee always, gave him money, helped him, took him to vegas for free , i did this because both of us had so much in common. i am 32 and a struggling entrepreneur, friendship is all i asked in my life, thats all i wanted, i just wanted someone to care as much as i have cared. My family is jaded and no one cares and i have no friends.

i have been there for everyone and no one ever been there for me, i could shed a tear but i won’t. Just my luck i guess, i want all of you lonely good people to know that i am with you and i will be your friend.

31 01 2007
n1a

rare, DH, tnx i dont feel that alone anymore :)

2 02 2007
Raphaela

Oh my god,
I feeling like crying as i read all your posts. I really understand, I can completely relate to all that you are saying. I am not cruel and nasty the way others are yet they seem to have all the friends. I am loving and caring like you, and i would give my life to anyone who needs help. I would be the best-est friend to anyone, if people would just give me the chance.
I cannot believe how much not having friends has changed and scultured my life. I am a completely different person. And i hate who i have become.
I am not a person that particulary likes to talk about my self, i am quite happy to listen and help others in any way that i can. I am so alone, i didn’t realise being so alone could be so demoralising. Why do i have no friends, i keep on asking myself. why? I honestly cannot answer, this question is way above me. Why do people walk all over me, why do i let them? I just dont know.
I wish i could help myself, but i dont know how. My confidence and self asteem is seriously running low. Please some one help me, please be my friend!
Love & Light,
Raphaela.

5 02 2007
Seraphina

I also don’t have any friends and I’ve been ashamed of it all my life.

6 02 2007
nitya

i am 20 yrs old. i feel the same way. i have no friends who i can share my sorrows or happiness with. i am not a bad person. i am a nice person but i have’nt managed to make any TRUE friends till now. My family and relatives make fun of me. this has made my self esteem very low. and now i have lost the ability to make friends. i somehow can’t find people who i can connect with. is there something wrong with me? or this is normal?

7 02 2007
Lasivian

I’m in the same boat. I’m 33, unemployed, with almost no social skills.

I think our society has moved into most things being “disposable”, and for the most part this has also applied to people.

We do not have long-term links with neighbors anymore, or hold lifetime jobs with co-workers we know and trust. Our lives are fragmented and broken, which means our friendships will be as well. The internet, google, etc. has also been a major cause, who needs a friend to help anymore with something you can just research yourself on the all-powerful world-wide-web?

I think the only real thing we can do is sort people on a massive scale as best we can. We must save our trust, love, empathy, etc. for those people that will go above and beyond to reciprocate.

Start with people who share your passions in life to the extent you do. IE. Go do what you want where other people also do it, and talk to each and every one of them until you find the ones who feel the same way. If they don;t accept you for who you are and how you act then move on to the next person.

Unfortunately the days of trusting people indiscriminately are over, if you disagree just try leaving your car in your driveway with the keys in it and see what happens. But this does not mean we have to be alone.

8 02 2007
pathetic soul

Well I am glad I found this site because I thought I was the only one feeling like this. I am 20 yrs old and All my life I had friends a ton of friends, but then I moved across the country when I was 13. I went all through high school with one friend. After high school she became this “preppy” girl and acted like she didn’t even know me. Now I have been in college for 2 1/2 years now and have not had a single friend. I feel like such an outcast. I am so depressed these days because I have no one to talk to. The only person I could vent to died last year (family member) and I had to go through that alone, I literally had no one to cry to. My parents never really talk to me much. If I ever went to them with a problem they would shrug me away or say their busy. I try to make friends but they never call me back or just eventually try to avoid me(so it seems). I don’t think im repulsive and I am not forward. I am a nice person and I have a really good personality. It just kills me. I have never been so depressed as I am now. I have actually been thinking of ways to commit suicide because I feel so alone and I feel like pretty much no one will miss me. I am so miserable it’s pathetic. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. This is the first time I have told some one about my feelings in a very long time and I told my feelings on a blog. I just don’t know how much longer I will be here. Thanks for listening…..

9 02 2007
Von

I’m 21. I have NO friends…not a single one. I’m really nice- at least I try to be. I am a bit shy but I do try to make friends. People just don’t seem to get me- or want to. I think I am a pretty girl, I dance and I love fashion. I’m an intelligent pre-med student. I have a lot to offer people, but I just cant make friends. I have an amazing boyfriend but I’m still lonely. Whats wrong with me? Somethimes I just want to curl up and cry. I reach out to people but they always just seem to dislike me. I don’t understand what I do wrong. I am quite confident and happy- but this part of my life is hideously depressing. I just want a few silly friends to have fun with. I’ve never expressed how I feel like this, but its amazing to see that so many other people feel the same way.

9 02 2007
Raphaela

I wish i could find you all and befriend you, you guys all sound so Amazing!
Its funny, up untill now i thought it was me! I thought i was doing something wrong to make people dislike me for no reason. But, now i realise it is not!

These nasty People are not even worth my time!
I have had enough trying to fit in with other people. I have tried some many times in so many ways, i have now completely lost who i am.
I am so upset to think i have let people make me feel like this.
I am a good person and i dont deserve to be treated like im not.

“To all you lovely people out there, Remember that you are good, and that you deserve the best, and no less!
You are worth so much, and if people are stupid enough not to realise what an amazing person you are, then…. they are Really losing out!
Dont compromise any part of yourself . You are who you are, and you cannot be something your not! You are not being true to yourself.
If you are not being just you, then nobody will ever see ‘just you’ and like you for ‘you’.
Accept who you are. you sound like such great people!
Remember ‘ There is always someone for everyone’!

Love & Light Forever!
Raphael.

9 02 2007
Viola

My God. I’m exactly the same. I’m a 22 yr old female. An Honest,caring, hard working girl.
I have only one real friend who is at University and lives about 100 miles away. I only get to see her when she comes back and because of my working rota we hardly get to see each other that way as well. Otherwise thats it. No-one else.
I have no idea what i’m doing wrong. I’m chatty,i smile alot,i would do anything for anyone for little or nothing in return,i have plenty of interests and i’m very loyal and trustworthy.
I’m of average looks and i’ve had BF’s in the past.
Like someone who posted earlier,I also had plenty of friends in high school, all of which magically stopped contacting me seemingly over night once we’d all left.This hurt ALOT!!!
I’m starting to loose hope that i’ll never make another true friend. I’m slightly shy but normally once people start to chat to me i’ll open up and be bubbly.
I don’t think i’ll get another BF. Most males chat to me and then go off me for what apprears to be no reason at all.
I hurt so much inside because of this. I live by myself and the only company i have is a lil hamster. I swear she understands me more than other people do,as mad as it sounds.
I look around my work place and everyone has there own lil “clicks” and when i try to join in polietly,i get shrugged off and i’m left isolated again.
Like so many of you my parents are always going on about my non existant social life and they constantly refer to me as “unnatural” about not having a BF in my life.
They only add to the pain each and everytime they do this.
I’m so glad i’m not the only one who feels like this. Makes me feel better to know their are plenty of other people out there who share this same horrid experience.

9 02 2007
Chloe

I have always had a few okay friends, then a few years ago I met Annelise, my best friend, but now I think our friendship is ending, and she is/was my only friend…It’s just so sad to have no one to talk to, and no one to have fun with anymore. All I do is homework; I just don’t feel like I have a life.. at all, but yes I am shy, so it is quite difficult for me to gain friends. But I believe I am a nice person who always gives, but never receives. With all of this happening this year my confidence has been decreasing…and I have had thoughts about suicide…a lot, but I know there’s others like you guys out there that I will hopefully meet one day, which makes me keep going.

~Chole Fransau

10 02 2007
T

Life is not fair.

10 02 2007
T

actually i dunno er help

10 02 2007
Coll

I’m glad I found this site. I’m 21 years old and have realized that as far back as i can remember, ive had difficulty with friends. i was always the mediater or mercy person, always the person who my friends would come to when they needed something. but, they never were there when i needed them and they used every opportunity they had to put me down as much as possible. now in college, the situation hasnt changed much. ive never liked the way i looked and i always knew thats why i didnt date much and the few guys i did date didnt treat me very well. ive tried so hard to be a good friend, and in a way, i dont mind so much that the same effort wasnt returned since deep down, i dont expect reciprocity, but, it would be nice to have someone to call and talk to…or someone call me and invite me out somewhere. my 21st birthday just passed, and it was terrible. i thought i had made good friends at school and we made plans for my birthday…all of them either forgot entirely or forgot to request off work and everything fell through. so i spent my birthday having dinner with my family, then lying to them about seeing my friends later so they wouldnt feel sorry for me. i only received two phone calls on my birthday wishing me a happy birthday. for a long time, ive blamed alot of my problems on how i look, and decided that boys only want to be friends w/ pretty girls, and girls dont want to be friends w/ unattractive girls b/c then boys wont flock to them as much…b/c of this thinking ive been bulimic since i was 14…and thats been my only good friend…i study and work alot, and i tell myself sometimes that i cant go out and do anything b/c i have work, but, really, i know i work so much so ill be busy and wont have time to think about how i have no one to do anything with. the only 2 people in my life i can call friends arent around…one is in denmark, the other married with a baby….and even before these events, i got passed over alot. maybe its selfish of me to say, but once, just once, id like to be the ‘better thing’. the something that someone would change plans or take off of work for…make time for…i know id make time for them… i wish all of you the best, and if you happen to read this, thanks, i know i wrote alot….

11 02 2007
BJC

Hi, everyone. I feel your pain. I’m a 28 year old dentist, and I’ve always had a hard time making and keeping friends. It’s funny how similar all your stories are to mine. It can be very depressing if you let yourself think about it. I hate checking my cell phone to see if someone called, getting excited if it says I have new voicemail, only to find out it was a patient calling to confirm an appointment time or something else like that. I’ve had many girlfriends as of late, long before I became a dentist, so I know they’re not into me for what I do. However, I hate the idea of getting married with me not having many friends at all come to my wedding. I have one friend from dental school, one from grade school, and one friend from high school that I keep in touch with. I went to college at two different places for a total of 5 years, and I don’t have a single friend that I keep in touch with from there. It’s sad, and it makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m a nice person, and I know I never had a hard time making friends as a child. It really just started in junior high and high school, then just got worse in college.

I wonder what people like us are supposed to do. The reality that we live with is constantly staring us in the face that we don’t have many friends. There is endless potential to have negative thoughts about ourselves for this reality.

11 02 2007
michelle lynn

(20 y/o Female) I don’t understand why I can’t make any friends. I am in college and I do try to talk to people but then they just ignore me after a few days. I am not blunt or forward. I just want that one (or a few) good girlfriend that I can go out with, shop with and just be silly with. I don’t even have one. I have a b/f who is wonderful but it’s not the same. I can’t tell him every single thing b/c it’s diff when it comes to girl talk. I love chick flicks, I love going to see them at the theatre but I usually end up renting them and watching them alone. Sure my b/f has sat through a few but like I said it’s not the same. I don’t think I am that ugly, Im blonde, blue eyes, and athletic. Just about all my clothes are designer. I try to stay up to date with the latest trends. I am so worried b/c my birthday is coming up and I don’t want to spend it alone. Another thing I am concerned with is my bf. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and have talked about possibley getting married in the near future but the problem is, is that I dont have any friends to be in the wedding nor do I have any family. All I have is my Mom and Dad. The rest of my family lives over 500 miles away and wont even try to make the trip here, they have never came to visit me and my parents since we moved and it’s been almost 7 years. So why come to my wedding. I just don’t want to embarrass myself or my b/f by not having any one on my side of the wedding. I just hate having to go through this part of my life alone. Like I said it’s not like I don’t try to make friends. I just wish I had that one good girl-friend or group of girl friends that I can pal around with and be silly with you know just be girls. I can’t help but cry b/c I feel so alone.

11 02 2007
Coll

if any of you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to IM me at pixiekiss145…

12 02 2007
James

It’s very sad that so many people have the same horrible experiences. I’ve just broke up with my girlfriend and now I’m very lonely and have nobody to talk to. What makes things worse is that the friend I thought I had hasn’t been there for me. She split up with her boyfriend last year and I got very close to her and was there to listen and help her get over it. We would talk for hours, socialise together and text each other most days. I broke up with my gf over 2 weeks ago and she still hasn’t even asked me about it. I feel used as well as lonely. The most frustrating thing is that I’m at university and absolutely surrounded by people who could be my friends and I do chat to people, but nobody seems to want to be anything more than class mates with me. I would not feel comfortable meeting any of them outside of class. However when I look around it appears as if everybody has made really close friends there, except for me. It makes me feel that there is something wrong with me.

13 02 2007
rare

My whole life has been a mess, in my 20s i got into computers and had great jobs but my managers hated on me for being a prodigy and I had to defend myself and decided to quit my corporate jobs in 2000 and go after my own business, it’s been a horrible 7 years and Living this nightmare without much support is very harsh and brutal.

I am very honest and would like to add that i suffer from ringing in the ears and both my income and my ringing has got worse, i don’t care about the rining anymore but i wish i was successful with a business. Being the person that always gives and never gets is horrible, i have given so much as friend to others and no one cared to be my friend, i am not ugly or badlooking , i dont base loneliness due to those matters.

I have a successful brother who always boasts about his life and its funny how i was there for him when he almost overdosed, life is just funny, the good get screwed and the idiots have the fun and have the friends.

please love yourself and never think suicide, just think of it like this we all came into this world alone and we shall leave alone.

Running a business would be awesome if i had success in it and that would be a great friend for me, being unemployed and struggling without anyone to talk to is very bad and brutal.

My outlet for life is the gym , and it has been like that since i became a failure with my income since 2000, the gym is one thing that i am king of, its my domain and my heaven and joy.

You guys should think of something that will give you some strength, life is BS i agree but don’t just lay there and get kicked.

If you have no friend try to be good to the homeless people, say a hi , hello, or give them a surprise dollar once in awhile.. I am broke but i still do that, remember homeless people are in more of hell than we are, always look at how much u have it better than others and count your blessing.

I will be all of your friends!

13 02 2007
Aaron

hey all, another person in the same boat.
I am an 18 year old male currently in first year college. Got one friend, but even that relationship isnt close. I had a few friends in highschool but they diminished before high school got done.
i went through depression for about 5 years. Im coming out of it now, been a lot happier even though my social life has been a lot less (weird eh?). What’s weirder is that i used to tell all my problems to this girl ONLINE who lived on the other side of hte world… sigh, and uh she stopped talking to me after 2.5 years… but ive been a lot happier since she left. We kind of had a romantic fling.
It’s so weird though, i chat to lots of people… Try to most times (sometimes i intentionally avoid ppl) but, everyone is like afraid of me. Im not really shy of anyone. Even people whom I never spoken to before sometimes have a hard time making eye contact with me or speaking to me.
I know something is wrong.. when my one friend doesn’t smile at the sight of me. He hasn’t for awhile, however some others that i talked to have. Sometimes I think it’s impossilbe for me establish strong relationships, and might not be far from the truth. I wonder if Im an annoying fake. Some times i know i can be fake. (Atleast i recognize it…).
Never have had a gf. Mostly cause ive been depressed during those school social years. Now it’s because girls are petrified of me (pretty sure they fidn me creepy, maybe cause im a loner?). I am a good looking guy. I know this… and I know within me I got a good personality. I just don’t know how to get it to it’s full potential. I don’t really care that i havent had a gf or even kissed a girl. Im sure that stuff will come to pass… Of course I’ve always been on the outside looking in. Seeing everyone in their cliques, them looking at pictures of them and friends having good times together. Sometimes i wish i could have pictures like that…
But Just got to look at the positive… Atleast being alone gives you time to do things you otherwise couldnt! Im pretty sure this sadness is just a laspe in my life and will go away, I cant be any more grateful, since I’ve been in the best condition I have been in years. There always ups and downs, kind of like a stock market chart.
Anyway, I dont expect anyone to read this. I know im jumping around blah blah and i basically wrote my life story. It just feels good to get stuff down. I was feeling sad today, and that’s what made me wrtie this…
I think the worst part of being alone is that… when you die, no one will be at your funeral service. That upsets me.
Anyway bless you all and dont fall into arrogance!
Bye.

14 02 2007
Sebastian

You know, maybe everyone on this list should make some sort of group and try to get to know each other. I have friends, though I lack the “close” friends that I once had. There are plenty of people I can talk to, but there is a definite change as compared to how things were when I was younger, when you had best friends whom you shared all your experiences with. I think that it’s a function of the way the world is right now – people are forced to specialize, to focus on work, to distrust others. The lack of personal communication, as well as easy access to massive groups via the internet, means that we don’t develop intimate relationships with individuals. We need individuals in our lives, or everything will fall apart. I have a lot to reflect on… used to be I could count out who my best friends were, now I don’t even think I have one.

15 02 2007
Jon

It’s 3am here, and I can’t sleep. I thought that maybe I just was too wired from work, because that always makes me ‘high energy’ (sarcasm). I’ve had a few beers tonight, thought it might help me sleep, no. So here I am, on this message board that I don’t know, with strangers I don’t know, the only people listening. I went through my cell phone’s address book, thinking of people to call. So I called the only person I thought would: A. Be awake, B. Willing to listen. And that person happens to be about the only friend I have. He wanted nothing to do with me. He was my best friend in school, and now, when I need him, nothing. I’m married, have a child, and that should be good enough. But for the first time in about 2 years I cried tonight. Out of nowhere. Just couldn’t do anything. I tried fighting it for about 20 minutes. I’m not a cryer. I just realized I’ve had it up to the perverbeal *here*, that I can no longer take a”it”. I don’t know what “it” is, but “it” is pissing me off.

I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying, I guess I just understand, and unfortunately I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’m sorry everyone else here has a similar story, and no friends alike. Maybe it’s because no matter how commanding we are, people don’t take us seriously. I can control me, but not what happens to me. I don’t know, maybe I need help. But being man, means not admitting weakness, so this is not an admission, just a venting I suppose.

Lastly, I just wish I had a friend I could have called tonight to have them just say, “Don’t worry man, everything’s gonna be alright! Do you want me to come over, we’ll have a beer, or just a cup of coffee.”

Thanks…

16 02 2007
Paul Nugent

Hi all. I know what its like to have no friends. In my twenties I went thru the same thing. Believe me it wont last forever. I dont know what changed, I had plenty of friends up until I left school. Then I had plenty of friends until the end of my apprenticeship and then I was alone. I`m a computer Tech now and do onsite repairs, so I`m always meeting people who want to be friends with me. This may sound a bit silly but I`ll give it a try. It sounds like you all try too hard. If you stop worrying about it and go about your lives, you will automatically make friends. start a business that involves going to peoples houses, Onsite dog Wash, computer help, (even offer tutoring for older people, they have children) babysitting. anything! If anything it will take your mind off your loneliness and you will gradually become popular thru meeting people. You will be surprised how often you will spend an entire afternoon chatting with a customer. I feel so sad for you all because I know exactly how it feels to be lonely. I once was desperate and suicidal too but it soon passes.Put an ad in your local paper, town Newspaper, mow lawns clean houses, not only will you make money but you will make friends. There are so many ways to start your own business and with it meet people. be confident in yourselves, grow plants, buy bulk lots of seeds for 5 cents each and grow them into $5.00 plants, then sell them at a trash and treasure market. I could go on for ages about ways to make money but especially to meet people. I live in a town of 300 people in rural Victoria, Australia and I have an endless supply of friends Say no to Drugs as it always ends up in despair. Love yourself first, all else follows. Many best wishes to you all. Paul. ratcat17@hotmail.com

16 02 2007
Paul Nugent

Sorry guys I didnt tell you about my current circumstances. I,m with a fabulous woman. I`ve never been married and we have two great kids, (not mine) I would never get married because I believe that its an old tradition that somehow lingers. I believe that if you meet your soulmate, why not exchange vows of tolerance but agreeing to find different paths if you both fall out of love. After all, that`s what divorce is all about, one or the other has fallen out of love but wont admit it. Agree on taking only what you brought with you into the relationship. If you bought things together sell them or one or other partner must pay half the value of the item to the other partner. If you fal in love, wait five years before you live together. I`m serious, If you still love each other after five years you will tolerate living in thje same house as each other. If you get married straight away then buy a house, you will have all the pressure of a mortgage and you will have to get used to your partners little quirks so in two out of three cases you will seperate. Some of you have partners or are already married so I should say this. Take time out for yourself and seek external pleasures from your partner. He/she will listen attentively to what you have been doing and in most cases you will find it helps your relationship. Paul.

17 02 2007
TrooBLeever

Hello everyone. I found this site while performing a web search on the phrase, “have no friends.” This Internet never ceases to amaze me with all the information you can find. I am in my 40’s and sometimes still wonder why I don’t really bond with people. I’ve been around people all my life–in school, church, work, and beyond; but yet still feel an unusual sense of isolation. Like all of you, I’m very nice and have even been told I’m very personable. I try to live by Christian principles and treat people with respect and kindess; but it seems the only time I get a phone call or e-mail from “friends” (I’d rather call them “acquaintances” or “associates”) is when there is a need or a service to be rendered. Otherwise, it’s as though you never come to mind and they never think to call you until then. You begin feeling like a commodity or a “used” item, rather than a true friend.

It’s fact that everyone does not “click” or “connect” with everyone else because of personality or temperment differences, or perhaps because of beliefs, income brackets, ethnicity, or whatever.

The Proverbs in the Bible says something like, “In order to have friends, you must first show yourself friendly.” I always try to practice showing myself friendly, even if it doesn’t yield any true friendships. I won’t grow angry or bitter because of not having a real circle of friends. Even as I type this, emotionally I’m starting to feel better than I have felt in weeks. I sometimes become down about not having friends to go see a movie or go sightseeing with, but I’m thankfue that it’s not to the point I can’t function in my daily life. Sometimes, it’s just “life.” That’s all it is. People just choose to associate with whomever they feel comfortable with. Other times, life is just so hectic and busy, and to widen the circle of friends for some people would be adding on to their already crowded life schedule. The truth is, TRUE friendships take time and work, and most aren’t willing to give either, or so it seems.

But in the midst of it all, I know I have a faithful friend who promises he will never leave or forsake me, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ, for he told me in the Bible, “Lo, I am with you always, even until the end of the world.” Blessings and peace of mind and heart to all of you!

18 02 2007
Cat

I have no friends or family and never have. I don’t want to depress anyone more than they are already but I was never really able to make friends and as I have got older (in my 50’s now) it hasn’t changed.

As an atheist I have to be careful whenever I speak to people because where I live it seems every other person went to the catholic school and I have found that hostility towards atheists has grown considerably since I was young.

I feel being alone all the time – except for my dog – I am going a but nuts, I talk to myself constantly, by nature I am quite outgoing and like to talk, so as I have no-one to talk to I invent conversations with myself. I wish I could control it.

I think I used to be normal but now I suspect I look and act a bit odd so my chances of anyone wanting to hang out with me are even less than before.

If I was a man I am sure I would visit hookers as even that company would be better than nothing but there is nothing available to women so each day is an endurance test to cope with alone.

18 02 2007
Raj

I understand completely. I think the problem is that we try to please others instead of pleasing ourselves. People are drawn towads strength. Have beliefs and strong opinions, and stick by them (without bending them to seem polite)!! And if you seem out of place where you live then move! (It’s what i did.) We have one life to live.

19 02 2007
mimi

Im the Same 18, when i left school no one contacted me only 2 ppl oonce and nothing since, ive always had a group of mates and 1 best friend till year 11 but i was never invited out to partys sleepovers and clubs, pubs, cinemas, shopping general things. i wasnt invited out for new years i did nothing for my birthday i never have done anyhhting with friends as no ones cared. iv had a few boyfriends nothing long term as im shy, my confidence is terrible now, i was bulied by popular girls for stupid reasons, im not ugly or anyhting but i dnt no what to do i havent been out in over a year to parts or an social gathering, i have noone to talk 2 on msn, no neighbours or old childhood friends. my family tell me to go out and get friends vbut i dnt no how, im too shy constantly think bout how do i look bet they think im ugly, and feeling completly uncomfortable in every way, i hate walking past people in the street, i dnt no where to look, id love to have atleast 1 person who cared for me, i do the same thing day in day out wich involved no contact with people or friends type situation. i just want to cry.

20 02 2007
Mike

I am 16 years old. I’m a Junior in highschool and will be starting on the football team next year. Yet, I still have no friends. In school I probably appear to be one of the popular kids, because I talk to everyone and hang out with the “popular people.” But, nobody invites me to do anything outside of school. In Illinois I had many friends, I basically lived at their house. But after my freshman year, we moved to Texas and at first, finding friends was easy. For about the first 2 months of school, all I did was go out with friends(mainly to smoke…)but when my parents found out and grounded me, everything seemed to fall apart. Even after I was off of punishment nobody invited me to do anything outside of school. I went through my whole sophomore at home, doing whatever, but never with friends. And so far, my Junior year is the exact same. I’m hoping that when I get my license things will change, but my parents seem reluctant to take me to get it. I don’t know what to do I’m just glad I found this site so that I may have people to talk to. Maybe I can find someone out there like me, and we can hang out.

21 02 2007
Karen

I am 41 and feel so lonely. I have a dysfunctional family who cause nothing but heartache and people around me take me for granted. I do things for others, show concern and help them in times of need, bit it seems to be a one way street. People are very selfish and self absorbed. I have a good husband and lovely boy of 8 but I sometimes feel so worthless.
Take heart all you lonely ones out there, the world does not deserve you.

21 02 2007
Shane

I’m 22 and am currently in my final year of college @ a Big Ten school. In high school I was voted most friendliest, was on the prom/homecoming court, and felt like i had a billion friends. After high school ended, i held on to a core group of 4-5 friends, and we sort of drifted away from the rest of my high school social network. This had a lot to do with weed, as we smoked up nearly every day. I came to college and started dating a girl from my high school who went to the same college. I never developed any friendships with ppl at my university. I would go out semi-often, and hang out with my g/f’s friends, or my roommates friends, but never had any friends of my own. No one to call up and just hang out and play some vids or whatnot. If my g/f wants to go hang out with her friends, i’m stuck alone on a fri nite and it’s embarrassing and depressing. I can choose to go hang out with my roommate and his friends, but i always feel like an outsider, so that’s not much better. I don’t understand what happened…it used to be so easy to make new friends. i try not to think about it…i tell myself that i like being alone. the truth hurts, so we lie. :(

21 02 2007
Diana

I am a high school freshman and I have a lot of casual friends, but not one best friend or a certain clique. This makes me anxious and I have had depression for a couple weeks because my close friends from elementary and middle school never hang around with me anymore. I feel hopeless sometimes, and am desperate search for a good group to hang out with. I think I am a great girl, have awesome grades, am nice, funny. So why do I have so few friends? Should I join a sport or club or something. I can’t stand how crowded my high school is and want a best friend. I am really close with my mom and brother, but I want to get closer with people at my school and my own age.
Wow, that felt really good to get all of these feelings out.

22 02 2007
Cat

Actually Raj I have lived in three different countries and over 20 different towns, villages and cites.

Bearing in mind I lives in the same town until I was 25 that’s a lot of moving in 28 years.

Could be that is part of the problem – I never did fit in but now I just don’t belong anywhere.

I have lived in my present country/town for about 18 months, I can’t move at present for various reasons including money and dogs but I don’t expect to be here two years from now.

By the way being alone is a very hard life every day and gets even harder as I get older but moving alone is one of the hardest things I do.

There is going to be a time when I won’t be able to do it alone anymore, I have a constant worry about what would happen if I ever had an accident or needed to go to hospital, who would look after my dogs and how would the bills get paid. I find it best to just get through life one day/hour/minute at a time.

22 02 2007
Cat

PS:

Holding and keeping strong views can be dangerous – wasn’t Madeline Murray O’Hare the ”most hated women in American” and lived with constant death threats and abuse.

She did at least have the support of family, friends, benefactors and an organisation. Being threatened, abused and harassed when you are alone without any support or protection is another story.

Talk is cheap and easy the real world is rather different.

24 02 2007
eef

My entry will definitely be the longest, though not necessarily the most tragic or enthralling.

I’m so surprised this latest comment was made so recently. Usually when I stumble upon and read “confessional” entries on sites like these, whether they are meant for confessional entries or not, they are years old and I wonder what’s happened to the people since. This is odd.
Reading through all of these has made me cry several times, but I guess it’s good to cry over someone other than myself once in a while. I can relate to a few of you, though most seem to have it much harder. I never used to think people could just *not have* friends, but there are so many of us, aren’t there? No one should have to be lonely like this.
I’m a junior in high school and I have no friends. I had friends my freshman year, a small and fairly tight group; we met in middle school and became friends out of a common shyness. We eventually became more confident around eachother. The relationships were not ever extraordinarily supportive or sentimental, but now I realize how much having friends affects your confidence, and your enjoyment of life in general.
I moved away after my freshman year. It’s a common teenage problem, but I seem to be dealing with it quite poorly. Sometime during the summer (when I moved), I broke off contact with all of them. I didn’t feel any need to chat idley with them. A number of them made calls (multiple by each) and left messages, but I never called back. I have a terrible fear of the phone, and any other sort of one-on-one conversation where escape is difficult and the pressure is on me to be witty and interesting. A few also tried to contact me over the internet. I’ve gone out of my way to avoid them. I’m convinced now I don’t miss them, as people, at all. I felt guilty for neglecting them at first, but I know now they were only contacting me out of boredom. After reflecting upon what our friendship was like, I realized that the only thing that held us together was our crude sense of humor. We harrassed people and did stupid things and broke minor rules together, like a group of immature guys would.
I only miss the abstract notion of friendship: being physically WITH someone, having a group to just be AROUND and to make me feel like I have an identity. I feel like a terrible person for not genuinely missing them, and I feel even worse for missing such empty relationships, which I was obviously only interested in for my own enterainment and self-confidence purposes. Maybe I’m too emotionally undeveloped for real friendship? Are some people just not “wired” properly, to be able to connect with others as individuals? Besides autistic kids. I don’t think I’m autistic. I want to like someone but I just don’t.
I don’t even have a reason to go to school anymore. My grades are shit because I lack any sort of motivation beyond not wanting to be yelled at. It seems pointless to strive for a well-paying career and successful future, as I doubt I will be happy regardless of what I accomplish. I have always considered personal relationships the most important things in life, but I realize now I have never really had any meaningful ones.
When I registered for my new school, my counselor told me that I would most definitely begin making friends in a matter of weeks. I know school counselors are paid to say things like that, but thinking about it just rubs in the fact that it’s been about two years and I still have no one. I accidentally convinced a certain religious girl, or she convinced herself, that we were good friends, but luckily it was broken off before it went on too long. I’m quite sure she was only trying to convert me, but I feel bad for leading her on anyway. I’m afraid to try and make friends now, because I will be stuck hanging out with and being pleasant to people I don’t like. It’s hard for me to outright tell someone I dislike them, but not saying so is basically lying. It’s such a dilemma.
Like Aaron, for the past two years or so of no real friendship I have often talked to a certain someone online who lives on the other side of the earth. I’d given up on “internet people” outside of him. I guess I would have considered him a friend at some point, but for the majority of our knowing eachother he has repeatedly hurt my feelings, and probably I, his. It’s like some kind of emotionally abusive marriage. I have clinged to him because I have needed him, and I could usually convince myself he cared about me up until now. He doesn’t display much interest in my problems, as petty as they are, and it hurts. He thinks I’m a stupid kid. And I don’t have enough energy to try and entertain him. He has his own shit to deal with, anyway. I worry about him all the time and I still feel like I love him. We’re just “drifting apart”, mostly my fault. It’s quite painful. I’ve been able to cope with being lonely in the real world, to some extent, with him. Now I’m just falling apart. When you don’t even have online friends you’re just utterly, utterly alone.

24 02 2007
chris

im 18 it was my birthday the other day and i did nothing but have dinner with my parents (not a word said) i had good friends in high school but lost all contact when it finished. i did have another group of friends a few years older than me but they worked all week and when the weekend came around they’ed never call me. i havent had a single friend for a year ive become affraid of talking to people and affraid of looking at people in the eyes, ive had one girlfriend. when i do meet people at work and stuff i fell like they arnt interested in the conversation so relationships are never formed i am very nice to and i hate how nice people never have and friends and the wankers and jerks all ways have a hot girlfriend and a big group of mates. it kills me

24 02 2007
Matt

I have no friends, i like to keep myself to myself, live with my parents and dont work :)

24 02 2007
Brandon

I feel terrible and had no idea that so many people felt a lot like I do. I am 22 years old and just graduated college and returned home. It was difficult becuase I met my first and only girlfriend 1 year prior to going away to school. I live in Illinois and my colege was 750 miles away in north dakota. Things went well though becuase I flew home every 3 day weekend, holidays, and summer. College wa so-so. I didnt really make any friends untill my last year which sucked. Then 2 months prior to graduation my girlfriend of over 5 years decides to cheat on me with a guy in a band and then a high school drop out druggie. I garduated school last december and returned home to zero friends since all were up at college. I now have no job or girlfriend either. My days now consist of surfing the net and watching tv. It so boring and depressing. Plus it hurts so bad thinking about my ex on top of that. I was planning on graduating and comming home to ask and her to marry me. Like many, I have always been very shy and had trouble making friends. I used to be much worse and have improved immensly, but still I have no socail life or social support. Since all of us on here have so much in common, why dont we talk to each other for support. My yahoo and aim id is brandon198406, feel free to message me anytime. I know what its like to struggle being shy and not having friends to help support you.

25 02 2007
Kevin

Nice to know there are other people out there who have similar problems and are willing to share them. I used to feel like I was a useless, unwanted anomaly, and I blamed myself for it. Sometimes I still do.

I’m a college frosh, and since middle school I don’t think I’ve had any close friends, just casual ones. Moving to a different city for high school probably didn’t help. It really sucks to not even have a single person to hang out with on a regular basis, and not really understand why that is. Sometimes I just feel this deep, desperate desire to pour my heart out to someone, which I’m sure you can all relate to. And when I find that there’s no one, I want to cry.

I considered committing suicide in high school, but I felt that would be letting my mom down a bit. So I’ve always tried to distract myself, or find things to concentrate on – school, mostly. Don’t know how the rest of you deal. I guess making posts like these is sorta therapeutic.

25 02 2007
Jennifer

Isn’t it funny how we all feel so alone, not having any friends. But yet it is very clear we are not alone at all, there are tons of people just like us.
I am 24 and happily married – but have no friends outside of my husband, who is my world.
Sometimes I feel like I have forgotten how to be friends with anyone. I have a great personality & am very friendly, but I have a hard time getting close to people or letting people get close to me.
I work with some great people & consider them aquanitences – but no more. I dont talk with any of them outside of work.
How can we better connect with each other? Where does everyone live? Anyone got a myspace?
I live in Arizona, USA
I do have a myspace – http://www.myspace.com/jenaust
It is set to private, but feel free to message me and add me to your friends list.

25 02 2007
Jane

I’m 25 and I don’t really have friends either. I’ve tried to join clubs, and organizations to meet people. It just seems like people are so busy. Nobody has time to catch a movie, or go for coffee. So much of what you all are say sounds similar to what I feel, and am going through.

25 02 2007
HEGGY!!!!

Hey I am 19 (20 in 14 days) and I have no friends. I am going to spend yet another year by myself. If any of you have any suggestions that would be great. According to my bebo page, I have 149 friends but they are nothing but acquaintances. I had no friends in junior school but in secondary school I always had close friends who I could tell everything to. They were a shoulder to cry on. But when I make friends I totally rely on that person for everything, which isn’t right at all. I had a best friend for 8 years and a boyfriend for 3 years of that and all of a sudden I had no-one. Neither of the 3 of us talk anymore and we haven’t for the last year.
Just as those friendships were ending I met this girl I work with, she is lovely. We grew friends really quickly. We did everything together. But one day a new girl started in the job and I feel she has stolen my best friend. I only see her once a week now; we don’t go out driving or drinking anymore. People in college think I am really popular because I talk to everyone. I float around the groups but I have no real close bond with anyone. Even though I talk to all these people in college when it comes to going out at the weekend not one person seems to invite me. I am a tad bit loud and love attention but that is only because I don’t get it anywhere else. I have a close bond with my parents and sisters but I need a person or group of friends who I can talk to, ring during the night if something is wrong.
I am nice to everyone, I loan people money, am always a shoulder to cry on and I am there for all my “friends”. But none of them are there for me when I need them. I think one of the reasons I don’t have any friends is because I tried to kill myself 2 years ago and when I get drunk I tell new people I meet this story. This stops them becoming my friend I think I don’t know though.
How are there so many of us out there that feel like this? I thought I was the only one. We need to form a group in our own country for people like us who need someone to talk to. We must do something. With so many people on the world no-one should be lonely. Thanks for taking time to read my life x

25 02 2007
michael

I’m glad that i found all of you and i know exactly what some of you are going through.
I am 23 years old and i havent had any friends outside my family. I’ve been going to a jr. college for about 2 years now, but im too shy to talk to anyone. I never know what to say, and if i do say something i feel akward. I don’t know what else to say, but i feel hopeless.

26 02 2007
loser

If you want to hear the bitchiest whining ever, read on.

I’m just another quarterlife loser kid out of college back home to live with parents, with no job, no friends, and no support network, aside from ol’ google. Lately I realize that my entire existence has been a downward spiral ever since I was born. Everything I tell you is the truth.

Ever since I was a little kid, I was a sore loser, and a lone wolf. For recess I walked in circles alone with my head lowered to the ground– literally. The insects were my companions then. In high school, I hung out in the library alone in the back, so I could carve bad words into a desk. Right now, I’d really like to make friends online, just any old platonic companion, but I can’t seem to even figure that out. I’ve tried yahoo chatrooms– people there just plain scare me. They are no different from normal people- they have their own world going on, and they leave outsiders in the dust. Not like I have anything in common with anybody in the entire world.

In college I made no friends. Tried the fencing team, anime clubs. No one liked me. And I was a really bad fencer anyway. I lost to a 4 foot tall fat Hawaiian girl at a novice tournament. And then I had a nervous breakdown, and completely embarrassed myself. Everyone laughed at me. Anyway, I’m not surprised no one likes me because I have a creepy stalker vibe that I can’t seem to wear off. And I’m so poor a thespian that the one time I tried acting preppy creeped people out even more.

I believe I am the way I am, because I DO in fact fear people deeply. I always think that people are out to judge me, and I don’t want to expose how big of a loser I am to anybody at all, and that’s why I barely do anything with other people. My only support network are my parents. Though I love them deeply, my parents rub in my loser status constantly and still treat me like a kid. I have to thoroughly explain what I am doing whenever I go out, they tell me when to go to bed, they make me exercise, I have to “wear a jacket when it’s cold,” a hat when it’s sunny, and they tell me when to brush my teeth still. It’s ridiculous.

Job-wise, being unemployed for nine months can really wear out your self-esteem and social skills. Just ordering a pizza ON THE PHONE makes me sweaty nervous. Despite this I always try hard at everything I do, I want the respect of other people deeply. I that’s why I studied aerospace engineering, which is a very difficult major. I went into it with not much science talent, or pure curiosity in the first place. I gave it my all just to get by with C’s, but I graduated with NO JOB PROSPECTS at all. Not even temp agencies want to interview me. In fact, the entire time I have been unemployed I haven’t even gotten ONE in-person interview. NOT EVEN ONE. And since I’ve never held any job experience or social skills of any kind I can’t even get a job at Borders. I am more useless than a pet rock.

I am in no way hedonistic at all. I adopt a life of extreme temperance. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, and I am a vegetarian. I barely spend money. I always try to be helpful to anyone I come across. I spend my free time perfecting my drawing skills, and piano playing, but in truth I know I’m very poor at these things. My parents and other family members share the same opinion. I just completely suck.

If you haven’t figured this out already I am also a virgin to the extreme. Never had a girl, never been kissed, never held hands with a lady. The ensuing sexual/romantic frustration has completely warped how I perceive women in a negative way that is too depressing to dwell on. I don’t look women in the eyes even. I am literally writing a manifesto- lets just say it’s the antithesis of the SCUM Manifesto. I think about my small penis size a lot, and I draw hentai of Gadget to solve my sexual problems (as my parents filter porn out of our internet).

I must be masochistic, because for every situation I must explore its negative connotations to the extreme. I constantly think of lazy yuppie Harvard communications grads with six-packs F***ing “babes” atop a high rise penthouse speaking fluent Urdu. I do this most often when I am awake, and cannot get out of bed. I usually cannot get out of bed until I need to pee which could take hours of not doing anything. Though many of you may be depressed at not having friends, at least you have a shred of respect for yourself in not being pathetic as I am- a man, perhaps less a man and more a callow toddler, with nothing but spite and this censored internet to vent.

P.S. Did I mention I don’t know how to swim, I still play with action figures, and that dairy products give me horrible gas?

27 02 2007
Jus me

I feel the same way Michael! I never know what to say to people and I feel akward when I do say somthing. I moved around a lot before college so i never made any closer long term friends. I try to make friends but I dunno. I guess im to ugly or somthing who knows. i use to be real depressed but now i am like who cares atleast i can get through college w/ out distractions….I really stay to busy with school to even have a social life. So i dont care any more

28 02 2007
Mark

Hi im 16 and anorexic. this is probably why ppl at school think im a weirdo or that im a freak .

Im nice, and cheery, talkative, sociable, gets along well etc. the usual. But i just can’t ge tover not having any friends.

I have maybe 1 or 2 friends. but i dont know if i can consider them best friends, friends or just school mates.

it hurts not having any friends and even my family doesnt seem to understand that.

I have almost given up on making friends now because all that happens is a brief chat and nothing else.

Im so envious of my brother because he seems to get evrything i dont. friends, best friends, suol mates, scessful jobs. etc…

I have always had the raw end of the stick and still do.

I hurts so much not being able to have friends. I try not to think but its make sit worse. even staying at home with my parents feels so depressing and boring.

I want to get out, and have fun, party, go out, enjoy what life has to offer but i cant. because i have no one to be with me.

On days i feel like this i just cant be happy and that brings ppl down to my level making ppl avoid me.

Sometimes i try to kill myself on a usual basis but i always end up waking up in hospital or getting caught.

I just cry because sometimes thats all i feel like doing.

I dont want to be a loner, i dont want to be alone and worst of all i dont want to become a hermit when i grow up.

Im so lonely.

28 02 2007
jt

I used to have friends in high school, but not anymore. I try to be friendly towards people, but I’m very quiet. I’m awkward and not very talkative around people that I don’t know. I never know what to say to people and when I do talk, I usually end up feeling like I’ve said something stupid. I have no one to go to movies or concerts with. Most of the time, I don’t let it bother me. But sometimes I just feel so lonely that I cry.

1 03 2007
Caroline

I can really relate to jt… I try to be nice to people, but I just cant think of anything to say to people I don’t know that good, especially when its with several people at once…I just let the others speak, I’m too shy to speak up in a group of more than one person.
I have absolutely no friends:(
I have had a boyfriend for almost 3 months now, and it really bothers me that I cant think of anything to say to his frends or family…I’m so afraid they wont like me because of that, or think I’m weird… what should I do? :(

2 03 2007
rare

All i can say is this its better to be yourself and not conform just to have friends rather than be a fake ass loser who acts, talks, walks like another person and is not their true self. I suffer from a bad case of tinnitus and my ears are pretty jacked up and thats life but I do hit the gym 5 days a week and powerlift.

Remember screw people if they don’t like you, these people are worthless and YOU hold the real value, although im not 100% religious..it does not hurt to go to some kind of gather based on whatever your faith is. You don’t have to be alone, i am alone because I have given up on people and i spend my time either in the gym or wrting marketing materials in a starbucks…FK people if they don’t like you, what makes them so special? Nothing, i have a brother who was spoon fed up da azz and is 100% fake and always lies, the most popular people are the ones that lie the most and have the lowest selfesteem.

I used to be in a relationship with a gal from engalnd and she was so beautiful and we met in college, i neglected all my friends and just had s*x with her for 4 years non stop and then we burned our romance due to too much s*x and that was that.

I have not been with a woman for 7 years and this is all because i became broke and had to live the folks, remember life goes on.

my point of the girlfriend rant was that she was a perfect 10 in beauty but also a perfect 10 in shallowness and lack of selfesteem…she always had to choose friends that were either fatter, uglier or not as smart.

we all have lots of problems, all people do, but just remember that having no friends is ok compared to being homeless and having no friends, no food and no clothing in a cold winter night.

My tinnitus has ruined my life but i have got to the point where i say fk it, even if i go deaf i will not be 100% controlled.

You can go after your dreams, fk people if they don’t like you, you don’t need fake azz people that pretend..

ps- im moving out of my folks home soon and i need to catchup on my 7 years of no s*x…..ill be OK and you can too…..be proud my friends and you will be ok

ok,,,im done :)

2 03 2007
Jane

Hi Everyone, I started this blog http://nofriendweb.blogspot.com/
I thought maybe we could all keep in touch this way. I’m not always the best at updating my blog (s)(’cause I have such a busy social life. :) )

3 03 2007
Sarah

Hi – It is somewhat strange that most of us are 20 something females! What is going on here?!
I always had lots of friends and never was lonely growing up, I always had a “best friend”! Starting about 7th grade, I started partying, and getting into trouble..so obviously, I was not the Happiest kid! I was abused by an ex-stepfather for many years which I believe has a lot to do with why I was troubled.. Anyway, I did a lot of partying up until 21 – when I found out I was pregnant – It completely turned my life around! All of my friends and my “best friends” were into partying still, and that was all that I really knew, being that I started so young! So, to say the least – they still party and we don’t have much in common anymore.
I have always had a job since 14, so working and supporting my beautiful daughter are the things I put the most effort into.
I am happy with the way things have turned around, I think I am doing great career wise for my age, having not gone to college especially. And I believe I am a good mother . I also havce a live-in bf of almost three years, we are very happy and in love – although tthe problem is that he works A LOT and I am ALONE w/ my daughter constantly, unless I am at work, I work 1st shift & he is working 2nd shift.
I find it very hard to make new friends…it seems people just really arent all that interested.. I am very friendly, very honest, and I am not too quiet or shy, I am attractive and into fashion.
I dont think I have much in common w/ anyone – being my past, and other mommys, etc… It is just hard to meet new people when you are either at work or stuck at home with a kid!!
I dont see myself becoming close to anyone on the job. I get along with mostly everyone.
I go to my sister’s house nearly every Friday and our children play together – she always has friends over, and I don’t really feel that I fit in w/ most of them, they are all younger, and don’t care about money or career goals, etc.
I am glad to see that I am not the only one that feels this way, and I hope we can all make new friends soon!
Thanks

3 03 2007
NAY

I am 28 yrs old and just married my boyfriend of 8 years. I have never had no more than 1-2 close friends but seems like the older I get the harder is to make friends. The friends I had in highschool and in college do not return my calls. I call them every once in a while to check on them but they never call me. I feel left out in every social event that I attend rather it be at work or at family functions. I sometimes feel that I am not close to anyone anymore. My phone never rings and nobody wants to be around me. Sometimes I feel like my husband avoids being around me. Even my kids say that I am boring. I dont know what happened.

4 03 2007
Stephanie Lindsey

I have no friends. I’m a very nice person as everyone who’s ever met me says but none of them want to become close friends. I’ve had a Few in the past but in every close friendship I was taken advantage of and, because I’m so passive they got away with horrendous actions and statements. And i take it because I get tired of being alone. But eventually I can’t and I’ll get rather depressed and suicidal because of the rudeness of people around me or the fact that there Are no people around. I would give anything I thik to just have someone to confide in but I feel thats never gonna happen for me. I’m a uh, modern time spinster who will end up living alone with all my pets. Anyway it seems liek alot of us feel alone and from what I’ve read a lot of you seem to be really nice people that aren’t appreciated. I’m sorry for that because I go through it too. Anyway My aol messenger is IvyStephWhite, and yahoo is quietandproud if anyone wants or needs someone to talk to.

4 03 2007
D

I read this web page with great interest; and I have strong statements to make, but with facts to back them up. This will help you better understand life. Myself, I have had many friends over the years who have come and gone. I have come to the conclusion that, because everyone has their own problems, people are too drowned in their own problems and in SELF interest such that any friends who do not advance their cause is not worthy of their time. this is d truth. currently, i have no close friends and i am happy that way. i am not cynical – wen friends get too close, jealousy, betrayal and backstabbing become almost inevitable. some facts:

1. Jesus Christ is the one and only through Friend, Friend to everyone, all you need to do is to believe by faith. Only Him can bring REAL human friends across your path. Just try what I have just said! Invite Him to your life.

2. Nobody really cares about your success as much as you do. Most of your “friends” would secretly wish to see you fail.

3. Friends come and go – you must keep making new friends; but in any case, you have got to realize that there is a limit to what your friends can do for u and vice versa.

Personally, i would rather die a loner than beg for friends.

need any assistance from me, drop me a line

4 03 2007
Pinky

I’m 20, male, and have no real friends. Dozens of people, most of whom I’ve met on the internet, claim to be my friends but have no interest in spending time with me in reality, even though we have in the past. I try hard to be a nice guy, help people and be likeable, but still find it impossible to make friends. I think to make friends you have to feel good about yourself. If you can’t be your own friend, then nobody else will either. Having been chronically depressed from an early age, I hate myself with a vigor that has led me, in the past, to injure myself and amputate my fingers. With a background like this it’s unlikely I’ll ever have any real friends, and I’m pretty much resigned to my fate. Some people just aren’t supposed to have friends. Suicide is the socially responsible thing to do in this situation. But since nobody likes you anyway, why kill yourself to make them happy?

6 03 2007
H@T D@G

I can definately relate to a bunch of you..I personally had a ton of friends in high school and dated lots of girls..Right before I was suppose to graduate my buddy did some stupid shit which got us both arrested and changed my life forever…A couple of my other friends got lost in meth and locked up themselves…my gf at the time was really messed up and vented all her BS on me which eventually destroyed our relationship… I made it into college and thought it would be an awesome chance to start over and it was the first year in the dorms meeting a ton of people…we partied alot and had good times…the second year (right now) shit hit the fan..the funny party guy who got along with eveyone turned into the drunk asshole who starts and talk shit….I’ve lost a ton of friends by being an idiot when im drunk…prob is now I can’t stop drinking becuase thats the only thing that takes the edge off of reality..so now I’m stuck without any friends..everyone already has all their clicks and it’s really hard to be HAPPY and OUTGOING when your so depressed and pissed off…

Nobody wants to be friends with people who are depressed and have issues. So one day I just decided to say fuck the world and not give a shit anymore. I used to care so much about what people think of me, how i looked/dressed all the time, sitting next to someone I know in class, blah blah…now I could a give a damn about society and how unfair it is…I mean I have a roomie who smokes weed all day and is flunking out of school and he has managed to connect with tons of people (other stoners of course but still!)

I definately agree that going to the gym helps! It allows you to get all that extra energy out and have some human interaction. I just can’t wait until I’m 21 and I can go to the bars and find some chick fucked up like me :)

6 03 2007
AussieHermit

I’m 20, female, and tell myself I love solitude.
Try to believe its better without friends.. been hiding away for like 6 years.

I found pot when I was 14.. it was then that I realised I dislike myself. I stopped going to school.. and staying at home smoking pot was my life now.

By the time I was 15 I was addicted to pot and had already had my arm stitched up.. and i didnt even cut myself for attention, because i knew id only be called an idiot. I seriously freaked myself out.. how could i do this to myself?

When I was 17 my clothes got darker and so did my mind. The only good thing that year (2004) is that I stopped smoking pot.
Depression got worse.. 2004-2005.

I could only hide in the dark for so long.. the year is 2006 and I still wasnt really going out of the house.. but i was kinda positive and started to look at myself more – I wanted to change and do something.. ya know, be happy.

Sadly i still didnt go out much and That state of mind lasted for like 6 months.

I got glasses in december 06 (im short sighted) I see everything clearer.. and Im getting sick of being alone and hiding.

I HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR TOO LONG.

I currently smoke a little bit of pot.. and im bored – I have no confidence .

Ive never had a job.. i know i have to make a change right now. where do i start..I cant hide anymore. Im sick of being weak. but i know i am the only one that can help myself.. i dont know where to start.

I currently go to a councilling once a month but its hard to talk about myself. I wanna learn to love mysellf.. I know once I do I can start to love others.

If you have any advice: frozenqueen05@gmail.com

6 03 2007
Lisa

Ditto to all. I am 27, married, 2 kids, and lonely. My life is fulfilling except there is one empty place and that is where I wish I had a best friend. Someone to talk to and hang out with. Someone that would call me first with a problem or when they are happy. I dress mainstream, I used to be told I am attractive in my dating years, I, like all of you, always try to be as nice as can be and never offensive. I think that is one thing we all have in common and maybe that is our problem somehow, whether or not that makes sense. I don’t really think it does. Well, when I was young I decided I wanted to be the ‘down to earth, nice’ type of person and so that is who I am today. Now I wish I would have decided to be funny or more outgoing. I think having no friends also can make people act sorta wierd in social situations. I know I have said some things I wish I didn’t. It further isolates us. My 2 boys love me now, but at this rate, I cannot help but think that they, like everone else, will grow up and grow further away from me and that kills me. This sucks.

7 03 2007
Zach

I can realte to almost everyone of you. I am 19 and am in college and completely alone, no friends, no girlfriend, no life for that matter all I do is sit in my dorm room and either look out the window at people walking by or go for a jog through the campus. I have a VERY hard time talking to people and only had 2 friends through high school that i treated with the best respect only to find out that the one that was supposed to room with me left me for a fraternity 1 week before school started (have not talked to him since) and the other got involved in drugs and ditched me for his drug buddies (have not even seen him in a year now). I am not suicidal or a weirdo just exteremly depressed because i see happy personable people around every corner while i walk by myself in a state of deppersion that is slowly turing into anger. I wanted to bring my dog from my house to live in my room but found out that animals are not allowed in on-campus housing. The only person left that i feel freindship in is my brother, so i travel home every weekend after my classes are over to see him which sadly enough even makes me feel more depressed because i feel like a complete loser going home while other kids are talking about the big bash they are going to that night. I gives me comfort to see that other people have the same feelings as i do, hopefully both mine and eveybody else’s life’s will become much happier through time, or at least we will be able to accept what we are more easily. Thanks for reading this if you did.

7 03 2007
NAY

Reading these posting in tears…. I can relate to some of what all of you have said. I am so sick of my situation. I feel as though I always, almost get to a certain point in my life and then my social issues hinder me from reaching my full potential. Do I like it? NO!! But I feel as though I am trapped and I can’t seem to find my way out of this slump. I am always portrayed as being quiet, but I really would like to be outgoing. This is the only place where I can vent and really and express my true feelings. I refuse to believe I have some type of social disorder…but if not what is it.? I am a Christian and I hope and pray that we all can find peace with in ourselves and our lives. Thank you for reading. I feel better now:)

8 03 2007
Zach

Sorry meant to put this in my first post. If anyone wants to drop me an e-mail it is toolfanaticm@aol.com (yes, i am a very huge Tool fan). I dont do facebook or any of that kind of crap because i dont want to make myself feel any more of a loser than i already am when i look at my friends list and see 0.

9 03 2007
Joseph

I am 19yrs old and i feel da same way. I feel incredibly lonely, with low self esteem, and i have been suffering from cynic deppression for 2 yrs now ever since i left high school. It was so different back in high school i used to have tonnes of friends, i was never left out and i felt really good.Things have changed after high school. Basically these days i only keep in touch wit 3 of my friends back from high school. But da fact dat i have very little friends makes me incredibly lonely and deppressed.It sux to be deppressed when ur a teenager, it supposed to be da best days of ur life bein a teen and being deppressed in my age is no good.I cant imagine wat it would be like though in 10 yrs from now when im 30yrs old, runnin my own business and a family to take care off. I feel lonely especially on the weekends when it seems everyone is partying and having a good time when im at home watching da whole Rocky- Rocky 5 all over again.

Sometimes i can be out goin but i jst say so many stupid things dat ppl jst get bored or get annoyed of me. I struggle to maintain a lasting friendship for more dan a year. I have never been kissed, let alone having a girlfriend in my life. I am not dat bad looking but im jst not good wit girls. Deppression and loneliness is da worst feeling of all. Deppression is getting to serious dat its stopping me from doing da things dat i want and need to do in life. Deppression makes me take days off from work or uni, from seeing my friends i jst feel so numb. But its not only dat i feel lonely, life is jst so overwhelming for me. It gives me da feeling dat every1 is better dan me and it makes me feel worthless and useless.

I need help guys ive spent two yrs seeing my concillor but nothing seems to work, i dont know guys how to snap out from my deppression. Im jst scared dat as days go by im running out of time to get rid of deppression and soon i would start running out of things to do in life. Im scared about da future. I also feel lonely because im a foreigner living in australia. I jst feel different to all australians, no one seems to understand me.

I need help!!!!!

9 03 2007
Joseph

Hey Heggy Happy 20th Birthday mate!!!!

9 03 2007
Joseph

feel free guys to send me an email on kingofthejungle87@hotmail.com

9 03 2007
real

my life is fucket up i dont have no friends my family dont care i wish life was fun but i thank these is my fate i dont no how too act around people im alone 100% of the time im 18 i youst to have friends but thay left one by one im at the start of my life with no body so how its goin too end

9 03 2007
Lisa

Joseph keep focusing on what you want, a family and your own business. Don’t lose sight of that and try to stay positive and things will fall into place. We attract what we are and if we can stay positive and keep our heads up and smile even when we are sad and lonely then we can get through the rocky times. At times I have felt so sad that I cried and thought about how if I died nobody would miss me and that my hubby and kids would find someone to replace me and eventually they too would not care(that was the depression talking). I got through that although it could come back. I just keep going and try to stay positive and try to fulfill all the things that I can even if there is something missing. I think someday I will be close to more people but right now I will just worry about the things that I can change and do for myself.

9 03 2007
guilda

Life becomes pointless without friends. I am 19 years old, these are supposeed to be the best years of my life – my youth. I’m drifting like a boat without a sail. Every day is a neverending blur. I don’t care about anything anymore. I lost all of my friends around 7 months ago – I went though an extremely severe bout of depression / anorexia. All of my ‘friends’ left me. Now i’m wandering aimlessly through life. I don’t know what I like/ dislike. I am only taking one course in school and I don’t work. So the rest of the time I am alone in my large empty house, willing away the endless hours, the realization that my youth is endlessly ticking away haunting me. I just don’t care anymore. What’s the point in trying, nobody wants to be my friend – everyone already has their own friends (who am I anyways). And then when they see me leeching on to them they will ask ‘well where are your friends’ and I will have to admit the horrid, bland truth that I have none and that would be enough to drive most people away.

I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I have done everything to try and make my life interesting: learning a new language, taking music lessons, and nothing works. I lose interest almost instantly. I have been to councilling but nothing works so I end up cutting or drinking. This life is pure hell. The only way I can describe it is like a boat without a sail – you just float wherever and it all looks the same and in the end you give up trying to direct the boat. God help me.

10 03 2007
amelie

I feel so much better after finding this, really. It comforts me to know that i am not alone in my aloneness. I am 23, I work and go to school, and in neither place have I come across anyone to whom I can really relate. Also, I was dumped about 8 months ago by a guy with whom I had a 4 year relationship. Any friends that I’ve had since highschool or from then talked just stop calling, and after a period of unreturned phonecalls, i start wondering what’s wrong with me. I try to follow up, but make sure not to smother anyone. Its weird, I never had this problem before. It gets heavy and I get depressed, even suicidal, and everything just seems to get worse. For the most part, I am positive, and I really care about people, and I just don’t know what to do.

10 03 2007
M.

It seems that every”friendship” i have always turns out bad…im not a bad person, i know im not, I am 20 yrs old… i listen to peoples problems, i dont argue….i recently lost a friendship for something that i think was so stupid. We both used to hangout alot, laugh about stupid things…i actually thought i found a “best friend” for the first time in my life, but then it all just went downhill…i really dont know exactly what happened, but she probably hates me now…its gotten to the point where i just dont believe in having friendships anymore, especially with females, ive lost that trust. I feel that theyre all just so dramatic, and full of crap…i hate people who have alot of friends, i hate myself for being alone…i dont go out like i used to, my weekends are spent at home or out somewhere with my family…im not saying thats a bad thing, i really do appreciate my family ALOT, i love them, but i do wish i had a friend…someone i can tell secrets to, my problems, make jokes that only we understand…i dont have that, and i think i never will.

11 03 2007
Bryan

I am 33 yo and have no friends, I met a really great friend but no more, Because I was so use to not having any friends I did not know how to handle the friendship and teh person who was my best friend is no more, I guess that I must resign myself that I will always be alone with no one to do anything with. The worst part is during the holidays and my birthday…no cards or phone calls and by myself, nobody seems to know that I exist. I try to always be nice and outgoing and portray a happy demeanor, but its exhausting because inside I am empty and cold. I am always by myself, no one to see a movie with or go to dinner with, there are so many things that I would like to do but dont as I have nobody to share the experience with. I wish it would change but at this point I guess it wont. It makes life very long and very pointless.

11 03 2007
Mike

I’m 16…short for my age….and have no friends. I’ve never had a girlfriend….never had someone to talk to when I was depressed….never had someone to get into trouble with….well, except my brothers :)..but I feel sad. I have low confidence and want to hang out with someone and you know…get a girlfriend but no girl would ever go for me….I’m 4’10 and 16…I’m not a midget but I’m just a late grower….I’ll sprout up soon but it’s just sad. I used to attend regular school….feeling embarraseed and shy because of my height, but now I’m home shooled …..

11 03 2007
aline

It’s early Sunday morning – March 11th – and I’ve got one thing to write to all you really young people out there with no friends: try to figure out how to get some before it’s too late! I’m a 50 year old, self-described “loner” but it’s gotten to the point where when the weekend comes, sometimes I don’t talk to a single human being other than maybe a checker at the grocery store. Seriously! I haven’t been on a date since September 2000, although people at work tell me I’m attractive enough and young-looking for my age – I’ve even had some of those people tell me I’m funny. But outside of ONE best friend (who lives in California and I live in Washington state), and my parents, I really do not have any social contacts.

I think the longer you wait to try and get help/join groups/take classes/whatever, the harder it gets. I have my dogs (thank God), but no friends otherwise.

11 03 2007
Nick

Entering highschool was a lot of fun. I had quite a few friends then, and even though I wasn’t the lady’s man, or the guy who was invited to all the great parties and social events…I was still content and happy with the way my life was. But in the middle of highschool, many of my close friends had somehow drifted away and really didn’t want anything to do with me. I never really talked to too many girls and I have never had a girlfriend.

I am 20 years old now. I have gone through 3 years of literally having nothing to do then the occasional movie or video games. I’m not a bad person, I’m not a bad-looking guy, and I have many interests and hopes. I may not have things great right now. (No job, no friends, no life.) But I still know that things will get better. I’m going to college this year and I hope to meet some people that I can befriend and have a good time with. I also am a christian, and I have faith in God that he will always lead me and bless me. That may sound like craziness to many, but I believe and I feel uplifted by him.

I notice that many people here state how bad things are in their lives. Life can be cruel that is true. I have a cousin who is dying of a rare cancer and probably will not live to see her mid-twenties, but she is still living life to the fullest. She is a beautiful, kind-hearted person who brightens up everybody around her. She is an inspiration.

Loneliness is common. Almost all of us will experience it sometime. It sucks…it really does. But we as North Americans have it good. If you go to some desolate impoverished nation, you see diseased children that have the biggest smiles. They put us to shame. These kids are often orphans, with a bleak future, but they still hope to have a better life.

I’m not a therapist, but I do know that it is important to have hope. No matter what your life throws at you, hope is something you should always try to keep. In my life, I have to forget those people from highschool. forget the fact that I don’t know any girls, and I shouldn’t feel so anguished over my situation. I believe that someday, my life will be awesome, I hope to travel, have a good job, and have a family and good friends.

To all you broken hearts and people who feel like they are living for nothing. Please do not let the sorrow fill your mind to the point where you do not want to go on. Think positive and know that even though you are lonely, you still have much goodness in your life. Also, try to put your trust in God. I’m not trying to convert people here. But believing and trusting in him has changed my mindset on life. My eyes have been opened and no matter how bad things get. I will always know that he is with me and will never leave. Comfort comes from people and fun comes with friends….but true hope and true love comes from God! He has given me hope and strength for me, why would he reject anybody else…Please do not read this thinking that I am some crazy religious fanatic.

I truly feel bad for everyone here and I hope that you will all find happiness somewhere. And I dearly hope that anybody who is suicidal will find comfort. Killing yourself is not the answer.

God Bless…

11 03 2007
Lisa

Today I feel bad inside. Sundays are my worst days because I go to church on Sundays and have no friends there. I sit alone and watch other people being so happy and having so much fun. I have been going to this particular church since we moved to our home last July and still have not connected with one other person. I try to talk to people and then the next week it is like they have never even seen me before. What is wrong with me? After church we have famiily functions a lot and that is when I get to watch my mother-in-law talking to my future sister-in-law like she is Oprah. And when it comes to me, of course, I get about 2 sentences said to me. Then my new sister-in-law gets hugs goodbye and I don’t. I am sick to my stomache right now just thinking about my ‘way with people’. Tomorrow will be a better day. Mondays are not as bad as Sundays. Hey Nick, what you wrote is beautiful. I agree with what you said. Thanks.

12 03 2007
mony

hai,i am looking girl friend pl..

12 03 2007
Alex

Hi, i’m Alex.Wow! it’s nice to hear out others in their struggle in society. I myself don’t have many friends. Never really had friends expect a couple of meanless friends that i got drunk back w/ in college. But overall my life is prety dull… My social is dependent on my girlfriend. Through my gf i meet people and talk to people. I never develop the skills to talk to people and make friendships. When growing my parents were very strick and isolated me from others;thus, hindering my social developement. Sometimes when i’m alone and my gf is not around i feel like going out, but then again i don’t have any friends, it would be nice to pick up the phone to call a friend and ask him to go to the bar with me..But ehh i guess life needs loners in this world..part of me likes to be alone and part doesn’t like to be alone. The part of me that likes to be a lone soul, likes it b/c i could be indepedent and do my thing w/out having to think about others;hence, less complicated. Don’t know y, but i feel depress, feeling like killing myself at times…but i think to myself what good do i get from killing myself… if i kill myself i would be commiting the ultimate sin, and go striaght to hell. I don’t want to go to hell. Does n e one? i don’t think many do. i just hope god puts a good friend in my path soon.

13 03 2007
Zestie2

I know how you all feel. I’ve never had any real friends. I was teased at school and have suffered from low self esteem my entire life. I had hoped that uni would bring friendship but it just ruined my self-esteem even more as i struggled through it.

To make matters worse, i went somewhere isolated where there was nothing to do. I wish i’d had the courage at 18 to move far away from home but low self-esteem made it impossible as did family problems. Come summertime all i had was my part time job and i would spend the entire hols in by myself in my isolated town. It didn’t even occur to me that i could go out and try and join a social group.

I’m only just starting to gain my independence but i’m still stuck at home. Hopefully i can find a decent job in the city and move in with some nice people so i can enjoy myself before it is too late. I’ll be 23 soon and feel like i have missed out on my youth because i’ve never had any fun.. Though it’s my own fault for being so weak. I don’t even have anyone to celebrate my birthday with which saddens me. How can people be so cruel to me? I’m not ugly and i’m a nice person.

13 03 2007
nay

Hello all,

by the way:::Nick your posting was well put and motivating. I think sometimes we tend to forget how bad a situation can be. For me I just have a hard time getting close to anyone. I feel like the only person who I have to vent is my sister and I feel that I put a burden on her with all my problems. For the most part I am happy with my life I just feel detatched and isolated from everybody. At lunch time, at work I sit at my desk and do not talk to anyone. I have tried the breakroom but I feel so awkward. I want friends and a social life outside my sister and my kids but I do not know what to say when I am around people. I need help………………………………maybe I need to take some social classes or something.

14 03 2007
john

Hey,

Im in a pretty bad situation, have been for a couple of years. Im 16, soon to be leaving school, and the last 5 years have been so hard. I was bullied for two years, every ‘freind’ i had turned their back on me. I lost every ounce of confidence and i turned from a happy guy to a wreck. I contemplated suicide,,many times but i guess i was scared. I saw a counceller and ended moving schools, and for the last two years ive made a lot of freinds, but im constantly paranoid and worrying that i will be abandoned again. It doesn’t help that my so called best freinds are two faced about me, it hurts so much but I dont have anyone else. So that means i have to be a push over just so i wont be alone. Ive seen guys in my school who dont have anybody and it breaks my heart to see them day in day out, and i just couldn’t bare to go through the same. It seems everyone i trust stabs me in the back, and they act as though im such a bad freind. I never betray them, always help them in bad times..And they say things behind my back and then phone me to go out every night and i dont understand. Ive got 2 months left in school, and i dont want my last memories of school to be on my own. I wont even post my real name on this site thats how bad this paranoia is..

I’m very good at putting up a front, looking happy, but when i come home at night this situation wont leave my mind and i end up sleeping all night, thinking that it would just be easier to kill myself, because the pressure would be lifted. I can relate to a lot of the people on this site and I am happy that I’m not alone, i just think i could use someone to talk to, who have been through similiar things,, because i cant speak to anyone else about it..Im sure i have major depression, and i just cant take it

well this is a long enough post to read so ill wrap it up there

thanks

14 03 2007
john

If anyone would like to chat,,contact me @ comewhatevermay@hotmail.co.uk

14 03 2007
john
15 03 2007
JC

Hello, I am 28 years old and I too have no friends.
At 20 I had my son and all the people who called them selfs my friends vanished. My best friend moved out of town two months later, my other childhood friend became busy working, his childless life parting Nd then he moved out of town , my cousin moved also out of town too. I could not go party like I use to because my day started at 6am to work then school then my son. So I have been stuck with no friends in the same place while everyone moved on with there life. MY sister and brother live a good distance away and too put the icing on top my parents moved also.

I have no friends, at work there no one I would call friend, I feel like have nothing in commen with people, I feel like I am to serious since everyone left…I use to be happy, fun person…..My world is my son and my boyfriend. But because I don’t have any friends I think it puts strain on our relationship. All his friends girlfriends hava a click together, I feel so out of place because I don’t hav eanything in commen with them, I don’t see things the same way as these girls because my lif is work and my son….not them, they have friends and a social life. I have become anti social because I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth is wrong. I am not a bad person, I am not unfriendly but I am sad and have no confidents in myself because of this. I sit down in my neighborhood while my son plays and I am alone while everyone is together. WHen did I become so unpopular and depress? I want friends, I want to have a group of friends to chat with, friends who have the same incommon, have play dates and more, friends to chill with.In my son’s school not even other parents are my friends, I have nothing incommen with them because I am one of the youngest moms who has her son in private school and they live some where else.

So I am damed if I do, Damed if I don’t. My phone does not even ring.

15 03 2007
JBN

Hey JC, you seem like a devoted mom and a girlfreind, and i think that if you allow yourself to be able to speak to more people you might find that in fact you do have things in common. You dont need to have a click, you need to feel comfortable about yourself to make freinds. I just hope you find the freinds you deserve and im sure you will.

15 03 2007
Lisa

My name isn’t even Lisa. I am paranoid too. I am a big loser because this is like my 4th or 5th time writing here. I just keep coming back to see if there are even more people out there like me. JC, I always feel left out of clicks too. I never fit in any groups. It sucks, but your not the only one.

15 03 2007
John

Just because its your 4th time of whatever doesnt make you a loser, your far from it, nobody here is a loser, i came here to clear my mind and tell somebody else my problems,,maybe finding some people to talk to in the process..Its easier for me to share personal issues with people ive never physically met, think its the same for most people. And im the same, with fitting in, i used to pretend i was somebody im not just so id have the sensation of popularity, and now ive realised that if people cant take me for who i am, then they obviously dont value me..

15 03 2007
John

and just to add to that i think that just coming on this site, telling us your problems then just never visiting again is not worth it, maybe a lot of people on this site will have things in common, I don’t know but i think it would be worth a try.

16 03 2007
Andrew

My heart goes out to all of you. I feel so close to you all because I understand your deepest sorrows. I guess every story counts and adds up so here’s mine. I’m a 19 year old guy in Toronto Canada. For about three years now, I had absolutely no friends. not even one. no girlfriend either (or boyfriend). I am very depressed almost all the time because I feel so out of place in this world. I am a loner, but NOT BY CHOICE. I can relate to what many people wrote here… I never thought that life could be so difficult, so harsh, and so unfair.
I dropped out of University after a month because I was exausted and felt like I needed rest. For nearly six months now, I have been doing absolutely nothing, mostly staying in my room, reading books, surfing the net and writing. Ocasionally I go out by myself for walks or to see a movie. I see people my age everywhere I go, spending time with friends, lovers, etc. I feel so so alone. I’m constantly remembering the friendships I used to have (not that many). These memories are so special to me and they help me go on.
I see a psychiatrist once a month about my ‘problems’ He tells me that I have no apparent disorders or anything of the sort, but why am I so lonely and so unhappy? It’s truly a mistery. If only someone would show some kind of interest in me, if only someone would cross my path and be willing to give me a chance. Maybe its too much too ask.
Before I was 16, I used to beleive in a higher greater power, God if you will, but I don’t anymore. I’ve prayed so many times for just one friend, thats all I ever asked for.
I don’t know what to beleive in, I don’t know where to start, how to put all the peices together of my broken soul. I’m just a walking corpse. I hate it. I feel I have so much love in me, but it’s fading… And I’m afraid that when it fades I will have nothing else to do but jump off a balcony. But I can’t do that to my parents. They will be devastated and I will break their souls too. SO what am I to do? Continue with this pathetic existence, continue suffering everyday?
I tell myself that maybe it is a ‘phase’ I must go through for some reason, that happiness is around the corner, that I just need to hold on for a little longer and someone will be apart of my life. I’m just afraid that I won’t let them in. That I’ll shut them out because I’ve been hurt so many times. I’m a man, yet I’m so fragile. I’m alive, yet I am really dead.
This dammned loop. I curse this loop. Will I ever break out of it?
Please, I will be very glad if someone would want to send me an email.
it’s liquid_blue88@hotmail.com WHO KNOWS, MAYBE WE”LL BECOME FRIENDS.

16 03 2007
John

Andrew do you have msn messenger or just a hotmail account? And im sure you will find hapiness it comes to everyone at some stage, i think going back to uni would help a lot

16 03 2007
Chelsea

Sara, that is so wierd because I was tormented by a brother too. You are the only other person I have ever heard say that. He would chase me through the house and then I would run in to a room and shut the door and try with all I had to hold the door closed as he would bang on it and push it and he was stronger than me so he always got in and then he would beat me up. I was emotionally abused by my mom and my dad is emotionally disconnected and sometimes he would get very physically violent towards me. I was really screwed up in high school and a little bit after, but I came out of that and have a pretty normal life now (except I have no friends). That is so wierd how similar some of our situations have been. I always think people are judging me too. I always think people are out to make me feel bad and be mean to me.

16 03 2007
Kelly

I am a 20/yr old female, and I am so happy to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. From the outside, I look like the perfect person…incredible boyfriend, great career, great family, confident, attractive etc. But I have no friends that I can just call and talk to, or ask to hang out. I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 3 years, where my boyfriend didn’t allow me to have any friends and controlled my every move. Since I got out of that relationship, I don’t think I have gotten past that. Yeah, I have made a few friends here and there, but they only last a month or so, and then all of a sudden we stop talking. I was lucky to meet my current boyfriend, and we are planning a great future together, but I still want to have friends. And to make things harder, we are moving to detroit in the summer, so I will know no one! All along I thought it was me…that I pushed people away…maybe it’s not me. In high school I realized how cruel people can be, but it always seems like those cruel people were the ones with a million friends.

16 03 2007
Amanda

Wow, I cannot believe how many people on here that I can relate to… I just went on a website search “I have no friends” and I came upon this. Unfortunantly I am in the same situation as all of you people that have written on here. I am 20 years old, and yes, I have no friends. This has kind of been a problem all of my life. Its very hard for me to keep steady friends. I am a very nice, kind, compassionate, caring, giving, smart young woman, and people just dont understand me. I really dont know what else to do anymore. Everytime I try to go and do something with someone that is in my cellphone contacts, they dont want to have anything to do with me. So its not like im not trying at all!! I can be a very funny and outgoing person, but people just dont give me a chance. It is extremely depressing and I try not to think about it, but like tonite which happens almost evey night, im sitting home, and no one has called my cellphone. Could anyone please give me any advice on what to do? Please???? Thanks!

17 03 2007
Jennifer

Sara: It is so funny you mention a secret hand signal to identfy each other in the wild – I was thinking the same thing! Or maybe a button with a specific image on it – something so we can recognize others in our situation.
We all want friends, but it so hard to actually make any I think because we all assume that everyone we meet in our daily lives (outside this forum!) HAS friends – but maybe, just maybe, they are suffering just like us!?! But how can we tell? *can any of us imagine going up to someone who looks interesting and introducing our selves by saying “Hi, I’m _____, I have no friends and would really like one, do you feel the same?” Riiiiiigggghhhttt!!!
To me, this is VERY frustrating – so many assumptions about others…..I think we all put on a good ‘front’ for others, (once again, outside this forum) saying that we dont mind not having any friends, when the truth is inside we are desprate for someone to call a friend.
I put this in an earlier post but I will put it again: I have a myspace acct if anyone would like to check it out http://www.myspace.com/jenaust – feel free to message me/add me.

18 03 2007
patricia

I am 22 and like so many of you, i don’t have much friends.I only have 1 best friend and another good friend.But I want more friends and more people like me.Just like you, I don’t know what or where I do wrong..But sometimes I really feel like a miserable creep just because I don’t have people around me.But what I discovered in the things you wrote was, everyone who doesnt have friends are “good and nice” people.All of us say “we can do everything for people with not expecting anything in return”.Maybe we shouldnt be that good and nice.You know, this is an “evil’s world”.

19 03 2007
lottalyfe

People! People!

Look around. DO you have a job? DO you go to church? Network! Friends do not just happen overnight! I am pretty sure, your social netwok is larger than you think. You come in contact with many of the same people everyday and I am sure if you offer a lunch date (you wanna catch some food, a drink?) these people would be happy to come, and more importantly pay for themselves. Before dooming yourself…think abou what you truly have… and a lot of people may know a large number of people but may not know them or be super “tight” with them!

Stay true to yourself, and kep your head up!

19 03 2007
Chelsea

Hi Lottalyfe. You are missing the point here. I do go to church and work, the problem is I do not fit in. The point is, I try to talk to people and be outgoing, but I never seem to make any friends in doing so. Also, the friends I have had and lost I tried with all I had to hold on to them, but lost them as a friend somehow. If you met me on the street you would think I am a norml happy person with a wonderful life. Loving husband, darling kids, cute little house, new car, nice job. But for some reason, although there are people surrounding me, I cannot connect. I used to make friends easily, but now it is extremely difficult. Why?

At this point it is almost easier to succumb to isolation because it is exhausting always trying to meet people and being shunned. Emotionally it has been exhausting.

20 03 2007
Joseph

Im calling this period of my life a quarter life crisis. I’ve been feeling pretty bad lately. I’m not really proud of anything I do. I don’t really feel like anything I do is any good. I’m overcome with feelings of jealousy and worthlessness. I look at what other people are doing and I think “Why can’t I be working on a project that is as cool as that?” or “I wish I was doing that” or just “Damn that looks . I could never make something as impressive and real-looking at that.” I suppose whatever you do, there’s always going to be someone better, and I should deal with that. Or maybe it is just a lack of perspective. That’s probably what other people would tell me. I hear how awesome I am, plenty of times but it doesn’t sink in. I know that, but how do I stop feeling like this isn’t true.

Stress is part of the problem. I have so much to do I can’t focus on doing anything well, and so I don’t do anything at all. I’m overwhelmed by all the things I want to do, and so I do nothing. I slept 11 hours last night. I’m overcome by dozens of projects for work, booth, finding a job, my websites, puzzlestorm, dealing with other things in my life, etc. All the things I need to do can’t even be listed. Thinking about the list right now makes my head hurt. I can’t imagine climbing out from under this pile for months at least. I know I won’t enjoy anything I do until I am free of this excessive burden and the thought of not enjoying anything in the forseeable future hurts.

20 03 2007
Lisa

I heard on the radio about a guy in Bosnia who faked his own funeral and then hid in the bushes to see who would show up. The only person that came was his mom. Maybe we should try it. ;)

20 03 2007
Anonymous

I can relate to all of you…

I’m 15 and I just flat-out have no friends. I keep telling myself I do, when deep-down I know I do not.

In elementary school I /did/ have friends. I remember we found a common interest in this anime show I used to watch and just became friends. We’d talk during class and lunch and hang out during recess. I also made friends with these 2 kids who lived behind my dad’s house–they were my best friends for a while.

Then came middle school… the first day of school I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It was a brand new school and I walked into the classroom for the first time and… I haven’t been a sociable person ever since. I had no friends my 6th grade year. In 7th grade I made friends with a group of girls after they discovered I frequented a website they did and we remained friends until 8th grade where I went to high school. 9th grade–no friends. 10th grade–no friends.

Online, my relationships with people are just as bad. I joined an MMORPG and made friends with a group of people and remained friends literally for years–until I was banned for 7 months one day for harassment. When I returned to the game July ’05, they were all gone.

I currently have no friends and it is ruining my life. At school I only talk to people if they talk to me, and when I get home from school I just… stay inside all day. I’m not ugly, I’m not fat, and I’m certainly not mean. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…

I miss having friends.

21 03 2007
gghhtt

God it’s relieving to know there are others out there going through the same thing I am.

I’m 16 years old and when I was 13 I switched schools. I had a handful of close friends at my old school but when I left, it was like out of sight out of mind. Everyone just forgot about me. I tried calling them, they seemed uninterested in talking to me, so I just gave up. I got very depressed and for about a year and a half, I just wanted to die. I stayed in the house as much as I could.

Then one day, I just got sick of feeling sorry for myself and decided to try to make friends. Easier said than done. After being isolated for so long, I have lost all of the confidence I once had, I get really nervous in situations where I have to talk to people. But that doesn’t keep me from trying. I’m as friendly as I can possibly be to everyone I meet, even though I’m scared to death of what they’re thinking of me. I’ve traded a few screen names and phone numbers, but nothing seems to happen. I even got up the nerve to ask one of these people to hang out with me over the summer, which he did but we haven’t said more than 10 words to each other since.

I also have tried rebuilding things with old friends. I saw my best friend from my old school in September and I went up to him and said hello. He looked at me, completely straight-faced and said “Hi” and walked away. I hadn’t seen him in so long. Was I wrong to expect a “Hey, how are you?” or even a smile? My childhood best friend and I are still in contact, she’ll talk to me occasionally but it’s small talk because we’ve really grown apart. She’ll talk about us hanging out, but never makes plans with me.

To make things even more difficult for me, I live in a small southern town. It’s really hard making friends when you don’t fit the mold. I’ve met one person with the same interests as me, but she’s in her early 20’s and I guess she doesn’t want to spend much time with a 16 year old when she can go out with her other friends to bars, where I’m not allowed.

I’m not giving up hope, but it can get really hard. I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights thinking, “God what’s wrong with me?”. I hope it’s just a phase that I get over in a few years.

21 03 2007
bitter sixteen

hey, troobleever, that is so freaky, i also found this site by googling the phrase “no friends” and coll, i really identify with what u sed. today my friends actually dumped me they tried to put it into nicer words but im not an idiot i know the cold hard truth when i hear it, its over. and it sux. majorly.

21 03 2007
bitter sixteen

*…continued*and its not like it was a superficial relationship i mean these people were my soul sisters. your soul sisters cant drop you!!! it just doesnt make any sense the people i care about most in the world dropped me like a fly. they used to love me! we were so great together. how could it all be gone. why dont they want it? was it nothing to them? it was my whole life that group! how can they just disgard the group with the bat of an eye! whats wrong with them? whats wrong with me? this cant be happening. i have no one. the only people i had are gone. i have nothing! i have no where to go. i am nothing without them. i loved them and they are gone. its like having 3 boyfriends dump u all at the same time. i have 3 broken hearts.

22 03 2007
depressed

i was so lonely and sad that i typed into my only freind (google) i have no freinds :( and found this site.. i like most here have no one im 3 weeks off my 30th birthday and know that i will again be spending my bday alone as i have for years. im a kind caring freind but it seems people use me then just toss me aside..its becomeing so hard to even talk to people now im so depressed that i think do i really want the heart ache of being disapointed again. most of my family live interstate and havnt called writed or responded to me in years and my brother who lives near me ive found out has sabotaged at least 2 possible relationships.. i have noone and it really hurts especially when you try to tell someone and they either tell you your being stupid or “i dont wanna hear this crap” wich is actually more disheartening than not trying ..i cant keep on like this i try everything and just seem to be troden on or left out all then time im not a happy person anymore and i hate it..u get so lonely and when ou have noone to turn to you just loose all hope and what have you got if you dont have hope…NOTHING
im gunna leave it there cause ill just burst into tears again and im tired of crying..especially since theres none to hear or comfort me

23 03 2007
Joseph

Are we the minority or are we the majority??

23 03 2007
chelsea

Hey everyone. Is it possible we might all be introverts? I felt like I was spiraling into some sort of depression about having no friends until I came upon the articles at the below websites. Once I read these articles, I felt a sense of relief because I now know I am an introvert. At least having an understanding of who I am has helped me. Also, in the article it states that introverts are not good at small talk so they are quiet in groups of people. That is so me. So now at least I know I have to work on my small talk and that way I think I can talk to people easier and they will find it easier to relate to me.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts

23 03 2007
chelsea

Also the article says introverts are misunderstood people. It seems like a lot of us here have felt misunderstood because all we feel on the inside is nice, compassionate, and caring, but on the outside, introverts seem sort of aloof and like they do not want to be bothered.

23 03 2007
Todd

Who thinks that it is possible to live a healthy and happy life with no friends? I think this scenarion feeds on itself. Meaning, if you don’t have friends nobody wants to be your friend and if nobody wants to be your friend you won’t have friends. I don’t have any close friends b am able to go out on dates with girls who I meet because I seem like a nice eduated respectful young man. However, once they meet me and findI out that I don’t have friends they don’t want to be with me. I’m going to try and make friends by talking to people not to please them but to please myself because I have so much to say and my feelings are not being expressed. Good Luck to everyone and my email is Pappelbon@yahoo.com I live in New York City with 8 million people and I don’t have a single friend. Go figure. I go to bars by myself but who which girl would want to talk to me if I seem like a loner? I do recall that if I went to a bar with friends I would almost forsure meet someone. Good Luck, stay strong, be positive, give ourselves a chance to succeed. Not trying guarantees failure. Try and give yourself a chance. Sounds like most of us have
nothing to lose anymore or very little. Let us be resourceful and try new tactics to get friends perhaps what we have been doing has not been working. Maybe we should show our other real face- the happy one instead of the sad one. They are both our true faces why not show our glow. It is clear that we all are very emotional people. We are all good people and we can not allow ourselves not to be happy. The
Constitution guarantees us a right to happiness– that is just a right to happiness. We also have a right to own a car. Now it is time for us to go out and get that happiness. Let’s get to it. Look for work if you are home and want a job. Don’t give up. Never give up. It is okay to have setbacks in life but we must get back on the path to happiness which we have strayed from. If we are on the correct path that is all we can from ourselves. If god forbid we were crippled it wouldn’t be fair to ask us to walk. We all have the ability to make friends and keep friends; that is clear from what waw written on this board. Now LETS GO DO IT.

23 03 2007
Phoebe

im only 15
but im so alone
i feel so stupid for writing this on some website of google
but it might help
i have nothing to lose

my best friend
she was my best friend
but i was never hers
and my boyfriend
he didnt care either
and i love him
and he said he did, but he doesnt

and i talk to people yes, i talk to lots of people
but i dont want just to talk to them
i want to be able to share things with them
and for them to share things with me

ive been depressed for 3 months now
and i dont know what to do

sometimes i think about suicide
sometimes i think things will get better
but they dont
and everyone else goes out
and goes to party’s
and gets drunk
and has fun

and i dont
and i should be
but i dont want to go out alone
i want to share it with people
people i care about
people that care about me

i tell myself once im out of high school i will meet new people
and it will be different
and thats the only thing that keeps me going

if anybody wants to talk to me(even though i live in london)
and if you have myspace
you can message me or add me
or something
ill always reply

and if you dont you can e-mail me
phoebe.plaut@virgin.net

i want to meet yuo all
i want to meet someone special
lots of special people
becuase i know im a good friend, a little sensitive, but im a good friend and im attractive and i have “mates” that all say that they like me and that we should go uot sometime
but we never will
i know that
there just trying to be nice
but why]
there’s nothing wrong with me
im funny
and loyal
and ill meet with you in the middle of the night
or first thing in the morning
i wont be friends with evereyone
but there hads to be someone out there right??
if your looking for the same thing as me, or even just wanna talk about shit
then please find me

its not an empty promise

i have people i talk to
but im looking for someone to

23 03 2007
callie

I feel like some thing in side of me is missing like I have a huge hole in my hart and there is nothing I could like my just straned on an iland.One min I cry and the next Iam s glad. there is so much in my haed I don’t know what to do what to feel or what to say. it’s like my mined went blank. At school I my scaerd inside. most of the time I don’t show it.I’m strong and I but there is somrthing inside telling me otherwis. I don’t know follow.I don’t show that I’m sad I’m aferd will make fun of me. and the quashton is will I ever have a true friend(s)

24 03 2007
vanessa

I suppose for all of us the truth is that we need to find a way to become friends with ourself – if we find a way to love ourselves and believe that we are lovable then others will follow.
I think that my lack of friends is down to the fact that I don’t trust or respect anyone who is interested in me – because I don’t like me… If I can gain even a little self-respect, self-esteem, self love then I might find those who like me more acceptable and make more friends.

24 03 2007
Carole

Hi everyone! Its actually quite funny, coming across this site. Funny that its so easy to pour out your feelings to blogs like these. Im from Australia, and I feel exactly the same as most of you have explained. Its one of those nights where Im sitting here by myself thinking why I have no friends. Everything else in my life is perfect. I have a great bf, work is good, uni is good, family is as good is it will ever be, but I lack true friends. Sure I have girls I go out with once in a while. But Im talking about a best friend. I sit and wish that 1 day i will find someone who will take me for me, is carefree, funny, laidback will call me up and wanna hang out, do funny shit. Its like ive figured out too late, you know that people have there own friendships and generally dont want to make new friends. All my friends from Highschool drifted away, best friend ended up being a bit of a snob. If I had 1 wish, i wish I could go back to highschool and actually care about friendship. Anyway, I dont really know how I am ever going to find someone. The whole perception that people who have no friends must have really bad personalities is whats ruining the capabilities of finding a friend (if you have none) which really sucks. Anyway after all that, anyone who is from Australia and wants to chat etc, email me, angelchick_555@hotmail.com.

24 03 2007
Kyle

Wow, you’re all as worthless as I am. congrats?

24 03 2007
Tes

Hello, I am Tes and I have no friends. (Feels almost like an AA meeting.)

It is so weird to see all these posts, I can see myself in all of them. I had a normal middle and high school life, and I had things to do with people on the weekends. I’m not sure what happened when I went to college. I was kind of worried in the beginning about making friends, but I thought it would just somehow happen like it did in high school or middle school, but it didn’t. I haven’t made a single friend in college, and I graduate next month. What the heck?

I have one person from high school that I see about twice a year. When I start a new class or am put into a situation with strangers, I can usually talk to a person for a long time about anything. I try and try but cannot remember how I ever made friends in the past. Since I graduated from high school, I think I have been even more outgoing than I was back then. I am baffled. It is so awkward when someone asks me a question like “what do your friends think of X” or “what do you like to do with your friend”. I usually try to find a way to avoid answering that, instead of saying “Sorry, that doesn’t apply to me. I have no friends.”

I have a boyfriend and I have been dating 3 guys (one after the other, not simultaneously) over the last 5 years. All my social activities (movies, out to dinner, parties (rarely)) involve my boyfriend and his friends. My boyfriend is extremely popular. Literally 9/10 times we go anywhere, he will run into someone he knows. Recently (actually two days ago) he dumped me. It is actually how I found this website. I just googled “no friends”. Go figure. I am now incredibly alone as it is Saturday night and I have absolutely nothing to do. This summer my boyfriend and I were on a break, and I nearly killed myself. The loneliness is suffocating.

24 03 2007
Pete

Anybody have any suggestions on how we can make friends? I don’t want to blame others for my having no friends but I don’t want to blame myself either. I should try not blaming anybody just like I don’t blame anybody for my being only 5’9 instead of 6 feet or over. But please, please an suggestions. My ears and eyes are open. I want to have friends my life is too good for me not to have friends.

24 03 2007
Tes

This is so depressing. I’ve been coming back to this site for the last hour and reading all the posts. I do have one friend left that I could call, but it is a guy and I have a feeling that he likes me. He also have a lot of friends that he’s probably doing something with, so I don’t want to bother him. It’s embarrassing, because I think he knows I have no other friends.

I actually have a confession. I’m not ugly and a lot of guys are attracted to me. When I meet a guy I usually don’t tell them I have a boyfriend so they’ll keep talking to me. If they think they have a chance with me, they’ll keep talking to me and I won’t be so lonely. I wish I had a best girl friend right now I could call and talk about being dumped. I used to have a best girl friend in middle school, but then she moved away and turned into a selfish snob. I want someone I can go shopping with. I hate that I always have to go with my (ex) boyfriend, he always got so bored and impatient.

I really just want someone to talk to, guy or girl. The weather is so beautiful right now, I wish I could go and enjoy it with someone. I too have the same fears as everyone that nobody will show up to my funeral, and that I won’t have anybody to invite to my wedding (how can I not have a maid of honor?). I am graduating next month and I’m afraid that nobody will clap for me. I won’t get any cheers from the crowd that everyone else gets.

If someone wants to talk I’ll probably be on AIM. My screenname is tes0918. I swear I’m not a weirdo. If you saw me in public you’d think I was a perfectly normal college girl.

24 03 2007
Jennifer

TES –
@ my wedding I had to have my husbands best mans girlfriend be my maid of honor. I hardly knew her. But I had no one else. I have only seen her about 3 times since I got married 3 years ago.

24 03 2007
Tes

Perhaps it’s fortunate that my boyfriend dumped me, because now I don’t have to worry about getting married.

I thought I was ridiculous – not wanting to get married because I have no friends, I mean what kind of a problem is that? But I guess it’s not that uncommon..

25 03 2007
vince

typing into google with no friends found me this site.

no friends here too. i am getting married and have no friends to come to my wedding. i donno how to love myself and this life really sucks.

tried committing suicide but still am around and feel like an idiot now.

diagnosed as having depression and lost all my pride as a guy.

damn it, this world sucks.

25 03 2007
This

Hi,
I thought I had a lot of friends until about a year and a half ago. Almost all of my friends were male, and I thought it was all cool until one by one they tried to make moves on me. By the time I announced my engagement to my boyfriend it was all over ~ not a one was happy to hear about it and I was left with nobody who had any reason to hang out with me.
Female friends? Hell no, every time I thought I had a female friend, it turns out they were after whomever I was dating.

Pretty late in the game to quit being naive (27 years old) but I finally learned my lesson. Making real friends takes time and patience.

The reason why it seems that the nicest people are rejected whereas the jerks are surrounded by friends has to do with confidence. People are, above all things, attracted to confidence. Assholes have confidence, but you don’t have to be an asshole in order to get the same effect.

Find something that will give you self esteem so you can be sure of yourself.
For me it was exercise and taking time to enjoy my hobbies.

No friends to invite to a wedding? Big deal! You want to get married right? So keep it small and simple. All that money you would blow on a wedding can go to a kickass honeymoon. That’s the route my fiance and I are taking.

Finally, join some clubs. Adults have clubs too! I’m taking this whole experience as an opportunity to meet people who really share my hobbies. Always before I would hide my true personality to fit in with others, now I’m thinking different. Try meetup.com, craigslist, or yahoo groups.

I don’t have a ton of friends now, but a couple who I can really talk to and trust. Even in America people can make friends.

25 03 2007
D

Okay, I feel the same as everyone. I’m a 17 year old girl from London – if you’re from London too and in the same boat, PLEASE just post up your Myspace or something? I want a TRUE friend.

25 03 2007
sadkid

lol…you guys…you’re just like me, my position and life…..is similar….
I’ve got no friends at all and my only real friend is my computer..hah.
Low self-esteem and having social phobia in the ‘outside world’. It really hurts when i think about not having friends to hang out with,talk with,laugh with,cry with etc. My family is the one that kept me going….17 now…. is it possible to find a place and meet-up? i want to meet u guys..

25 03 2007
mermaid

Oh God, as Vince above, I typed “no friends” in my Google bar and look what I found, so many of YOU, just like ME!!! I am the msot social girl in the world, I am 28 and I can honestly say I have never had real friends, except in my childhood, for a short period of time….

I have tried my best to have good friends, but I ran into people who only hurt me when I least expected it, sometimes, deeper than I thought….

25 03 2007
friendless in chicago

OMG I can see myself in almost ALL of you!

Im 20 in my sophmore year in college, and all I have are associates. It sucks living in the dorms on weekends because I can hear everyone going out and having a good time. In fact last nite I was looking out my window because people were making loud noises outside , and I saw that the people that I hung out with a couple of times last year were having the time of their lives. I felt soooo lame watching them clown around on the benches and talking about the party they went to. Whats even worse is that a kid that just transferred this semester is like their new member, and all I get is the casual “hey” or small talk when I run into them.

I also hate it cause its getting hot outside which means I have to see people hanging our more and more. Im so tired of spending my friday nights in my room watching tv, and pretending to talk on my cell when my roomate comes in from a party. It seems like everyday I make a pact to “try something different” and be more outgoing, yet i still find myself in the same position. I think we really need to kick up our relationships with our aquantences, no matter how embarresed we might be. I do not want to graduate college with no friends, and I definitly dont want to celebrate my 21st like I did me 20th….alone. We need to start taking those risks and asking what your coworkers or classmates are doing afterwards.

And its definetly no coincidence that all of us are extremely nice and giving, yet we have no friends. I think we might be coming off as goody goody, or as not having a personality. Im gonna make it my mission to be the cynical and funny person I am with my brother, as opposed to being the plastered smile pushover I am at school. People want to hang with interesting people, not people that do nothing but smile and agree with everything they say. Im not as depressed as alot of you are, and I do have some confidence…..but I think we all could benefit from being our true selves instead of what we think people will like.

25 03 2007
L

Friendless in chicago, funny that you mention pretending to talk on your cell phone when people are around because I do the same! It’s like I want people to think I have friends… online I will make different accounts for games and hold conversations with myself so it looks like I’m talking with a friend. Omg, I’m so pathetic! :\

25 03 2007
doogan

Dear every one out there,

I just turned twenty five years old, and still remain friendless. I’ve had social issues all my life, although usually managed to maintain at least one friendship at a time. All the girls that I was ever “friends” with would use me and put me down all the time and they even stole from me. I now have come to the age where people are going off and getting married and having children, and it seems like no one ever has time for friends anymore. I am lucky because I a fiance who loves me deeply, and says he does not care if I have no friends that all I need is him (although he has many friendships of his own). I feel so inadaquite as a person for not ever being able to form friendships, and often question myself as a person. Am I really that unappealing to be around? Am I boring? I can’t help feeling like it must be my fault. I have been rejected so many times that I feel like giving up. My hope has been crushed so often by people I try to make small talk with only to have them turn away in complete disinterest . I went to a very snobby high school and live in a snobby town were every body is sooo afraid to talk to others that might not be veiwed as cool. (I know this sounds ridiculous because of my age, but that is how people are in my town.) I am a very decent person and believe in treating others with respect. there has been alot of meaness and hate in my life and I still managed not to let it get the best of me. I’ve read through most of the stories here, and am glad to hear I am not alone. In all sincerity my heart goes out to all of you out there who are truley alone. I know from personal experience that there is nothing worse than having noone. It seems ashame that some of you could not ban together and form friendships, especially the younger people. I just finished being in a situation where I was forced to go away for a year to another country. One of the girls there hated me, and made my life hell, she prevented me from having any friends because she was seen as kind of a leader in the group. I was all alone for a whole year by myself, and the girl was happy because of what she was able to accomplish. Before then I kind of forgot how important it was to have friends until I had none. It is the worst feeling, especially to be shunned by a group. The girl was meaner to me than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. She was overweight and not too attractive and probably jealous of me. Appearances are not important to me (the person is) I certainly do not think that I am better than anyone, but to me she was very ugly on the inside mostly. It unfortunately has left a scar, and now I trust people even less. It seems as though people continually mistreat and reject me time and time again. I know that I am not ugly or fat, but do have a bit of a social problem. I hope that I have been helpfull by sharing my thoughts, and someone will be able to relate to what I’m saying. i feel most sorry for all the younger people who are still in high school. I didn’t have any friends for two years while i was in high school, and it was the one of the hardest things that I ever went through. I think to them i would say don’t give up there is still hope, all you need is to find the right person who appriciates you for who you are. They are still out there and I’m sure that they will treasure your so called “niceness” and not mistake it for a flaw or weakness.

25 03 2007
Nay

Chelsea,
I totally understand where you are coming from. I believe I am an introvert and I have had some of my close family members tell me that I act anti-social and like I dont want to be bothered. This is not true!!! I used to have friends when I was in school, but now I feel like I cant get close to anyone no matter how hard I try. I would be content with just one close friend. I dont have anyone to talk to and that became a reality when my kids and my sister was away for a week. Also when I do try to small talk I end saying something that just does not make sense at all. I tend to do that when I let go of my fears and try to be “fun”. Because of this I tend to just keep quiet around groups of people to keep from embarrising myself.

26 03 2007
chelsea

Nay: I am the same way.

26 03 2007
depressed

wow cant beleive the amount of posts since i posted ..i cant beleive that there are som many people out there that are lonely..i’ve tryed to make freinds ive never been someone that follows the crowd ive always had and expressed my own opinions and im funny charming and all that but it dont help you make freinds when noone seems to want to try..

i think jule put it perfectly people find something they dont like no matter how small and dont wanna be your friend or make the effort to be your freind which in it self is realy sad and it sounds as though a lot of the people posteing here have tryed and for one reason or another be it there fault oor not havent succeeded..and have come to the point were you start thinking is it worth it to try ,,ive “rebuilt ” my self now at least 5 or 6 times over the years got my confidence and self esteem back only to have none who was a true friend to help me stay there only people who wanted to pretend to be my friend and leave when i needed them most…

a friend is that person who drag you from the gutter and help patch you up not the people who beat you down so much that just cant do anymore

ive given so much to people i thought were friends yet in my times of need they all seem to turn there back.. i dont think its a matter of having somthing in common with some1 i think its more that you respect each other enough to accept your different and still care for the person as much as you do yourself i hope one day all who post here have that kind of friend the one that runs to your aid without being asked not the one that turns there back on you when you give into last of your pride and scream out for help.. people talk about finding there soulmate id just be happy with a true mate

26 03 2007
ck

friendless in chicago, your situation is almost exactly the same as mine–I’m a 19 year old college sophomore and lately it feels like the closest thing I have to a friend is the janitor who I make small talk with every morning. At the start of freshman year I used to hang out with a bunch of people from classes and my dorm, but none of us ever really got that close and around November or so I found myself eating every single meal alone.

Like a lot of people here I’ve always been really shy and not that assertive, but the thing is, I’m really not that quiet. If anything I’d say I talk too much sometimes, I mean, I used to spend hours talking with my friends in high school and even now when I call home to talk to my parents or brother, the conversations can go on for a good hour or two. That’s why it’s so strange when I find myself sitting alone everyday and not even talking to people in classes. It’s as if everyone is seeing me as this weird loner when I know that’s not who I am.

I guess the situation is partly my own fault since I never really made an effort to get out there and meet people in the beginning. I can’t stand huge parties or being drunk, so I chose not to get involved with the big Friday night social scenes, and I didn’t stick with any clubs since my school is so small and doesn’t offer that many interesting ones. But honestly, I find it kind of hard to believe that the ONLY way people make friends is by going to drunken frat parties and joining lousy college a cappella groups. Seems a little shallow if you ask me.

What you said about being super nice and caring is probably true though. I remember reading about some study that showed people actually prefer annoying, arrogant narcissists over timid or shy people who act like goody goodies. Yeah, that’s kind of depressing to think about, but it can probably make life a lot easier for people in the no friends situation. It means that even if you are naturally kind, you don’t have to act like a saint or a stepford wife 100% of the time. Acting incessantly nice and agreeable is hard, and like you said, it’s also incredibly boring everyone else. Being human means being selfish and opinionated sometimes, you know? Obviously people can’t just run around saying whatever the hell they want to whoever will listen, but it doesn’t hurt to have a little personality. You can’t develop relationships with people without showing them that you’re a person too.

A lot of the time it’s easy to hide behind a facade of pleasantness in order to avoid revealing anything of yourself and therefore to avoid the possibility of rejection, but you can’t form an honest relationship that way. First of all, people are petty and jealous and when you act like Mother Theresa it makes them feel like they’re inferior, and obviously people don’t want to be friends with someone who makes them feel like crap. It’s probably not a good idea to go on and on about your wide variety problems when you’re talking with someone you’ve just met, but you should at least make an effort to show something of yourself. Maybe just say something mildly controversial to show that you have actual thoughts about the world. Even if it scares some people off, you could just as easily attract someone else who feels the same way but wouldn’t know it otherwise.

26 03 2007
friendless in chicago

I agree that I really dont show my personality, even with the few people that I talk to on the regular! Its like Im too shy to be completely me, but once in a while I will, and my “friends” look at me like “whoa I didnt know you had it in you, or “OMG your the last person i would expect to say that lol”. Its so weird because When Im at home with my brother Im hilarious and loud, but when I’m around my peers I mumble alot, and I dont take the risk of showing my personality.

27 03 2007
Mele

Stay away from the drunken parties! You are doing the right thing. Drunk people always look like they have lots and lots of friends, but believe me, they don’t. When I stopped going to the parties, suddenly, I had NO friends. I suppose if I was still being a drunk, I would still feel like I had friends, but they would not be true friends. And all you people out there worried about no friends at your wedding…It’s not that big of a deal. We didn’t have a lot of friends show up at our wedding and my bride’s maids were not my very best friends, however, that was not the point of that day. The things I remember most were not my lack of friends, I remember that my parents were so happy and the atmosphere was so perfect and my husband and I were so excited. Actually, I barely remember it because of my nerves and the over whelming feelings I had, so a bit more advice would be take as many pictures and videos as possible. The thing that stung a bit, was my two friends that were my bride’s maids got married not long after, and they did not have me as a bride’s maid. Oh well, at least my wedding day was perfect. I agree with what someone said….Just have a small intimate wedding and save your money for the honeymoon. That sounds more romantic anyhow.

27 03 2007
kimberly

Observations: Many people here seem to be very involved in a romantic relationship. Maybe we are so involved with our love interests that we have a harder time meeting friends because we are with our boyfriend or girlfriend all the time and we give them all of ourselves emotionally.

#2: Many people here seem to have mentioned that they are more attractive than the average Joe. Maybe that works against us socially because (a) people are intimidated (b) people are jealous and feel inferior (c) anything said being slightly negative makes us come accross stuck up.

Again, just a couple of thoughts that I had after reading many of the posts. I have no friends. :(

27 03 2007
kimberly

I think that being attractive and not super outgoing could likely be a downfall in society.

27 03 2007
Tes

Kimberly – I agrree with your thoughts on being attractive. I believe that if I were more outgoing, people wouldn’t think I was stuck up. If you’re attractive and quiet, people think that you think you’re better than them. (I don’t usually give self compliments – but I’ll take a risk at sounding conceited here and say that I think I’m pretty. Trust me I have other faults and they are many). I get told that I come off as intimidating and stuck up; sometimes people would confess to me how they thought about me before they started talking to me. I have to admit I have the same prejudices against people who are attractive and quiet at the same time. I assume that they are (or feel they are) too good for me, and that they have better things to do than talk to me. But maybe I’m just looking in a mirror when I see one of those people.

I also agree with you about the romantic relationship. I know from experience that before I started dating (and I didn’t date until the end of my senior year in high school), I had a lot of friends. Soon I started spending all my time with my boyfriend, and all my girl friends started dating and we never saw each other. Funny thing is they all have come back from boyfriendland and actually have social lives. I, however, have somehow drifted off on my own and cannot connect with them anymore. I have forgotten how to make and remake friends. I have not been single for almost 6 years – perhaps it is best that I try to be on my own.

27 03 2007
doogan

I think that thing someone said about the narcisstic, arrogant people being more popular is definetly true. I always noticed the people who most seem like a-holes had more friends, but this could also be true because they are very confident, and don’t care what others think of them. They also possess a very good opinion of them self, a feature possibly untrue to those of a more humble personality. I think also that the really outgoing people are the ones people are drawn to and see them kind of as leaders or trend setters. They act as though they do not need our approval which seems to be more of an attractive quality then those that require constant validation. those who are arrogant/narcisstic also usually tend to be source of constant drama which could be looked at as exciting for people who are not that way. Maybe “nice” people are inaccuratley being viewed as dull or boring because they don’t come out and stir things up the same way non shy people do. I also noticed some of the comments stated that they are looking for a specific type of person, maybe we are limiting ourselves by searching for only that one type of person. I think that that was my mistake during high school. I rejected people in the same way they rejected me, just because they did not “seem” like my type of person, though maybe if I had gotten to know them better I would have seen we had more in common then I thought. This is just a thought I am definetly not trying to run blame on anyone for anything. I think that earlier comment was very helpful though. It really makes you think.

27 03 2007
Anon

I think about driving into oncoming traffic at least 4 times a day, driving off a cliff, shooting myself, hanging myself daily. I had few friends in High School, none of them talk to me, some don’t even remember me. I fell for a girl who I thought I could finally open up to but like everyone else, she lost all interest. And now I have nothing. No friends, family doesn’t talk to me, $18 to my name, and half empty tank of gas. Why do I bother with this shit? Every time I try, the gutter ends up being my only friend. I’ve threatened to kill myself before, one time even purposefuly causing an accident, 60mph into a telephone poll. I blame the SUV for being so safe. No one thinks anything of it when I tell them that I’m suicidal. At this point, I have no clue why I haven’t killed myself, not like I got anything to lose. I wish I had the guts to just leave, some way to just blink out of existance without leaving anyone hurt. I try to find a reason to live, some thread of hope. The thread shrinks and shrinks every day.

28 03 2007
Shana

Hmm, well I probably will be yelled at, and probably shouldn’t be here to begin with. I chanced upon this site while doing a assignment on depression. And I must say I’m surprised at how many people have posted here. Firstly I’m not an American, nor reside in America, so I’m speaking from my beliefs and experiences, which maybe completely different to America. I too have no friends. I haven’t had a casual conversation with anyone for the last 9 years, Parents never seemed interested in me, and after several of what I believe to be attempts to get “friendly” with them, eventually I just gave up. But putting family aside, I’ve never had a friend in my high school years and, while there were several occassions where I felt tempted to “make friends” it didn’t seem worth it.

I once asked a student in her final year of high schoo education why she chose not to have any friends and she replied “What’s the point? In a year I won’t see them again, and in another year if not sooner, no one will remember I even existed” Now here comes my critisicm, the world isn’t about you. It’s not about why people don’t like you, or why you don’t like them. The world is as it is. If you don’t do something nothing will happen. You can’t expect people to like you if you don’t make a move first. For those who try and fail, there are two possibilities, 1. Your asking the wrong person, ask other people, start up a conversation or whatever. Or 2. You look/smell/seem/etc horrible. I’m not saying you a horrible person, just that your not an appealing character, as sad as it is, many judge on initial impression, and I myself have to admit, if someone who seemed as if he/she hadn’t bathed in days, I’d tactfuly tell them to leave me alone, even if they had been the sweetest, most caring person in the world. But bringing this topic to a close, even such people can find peers, so it is not possible to not be able to make any friends.

No friends? Make new ones. I know an individual that started his friendships in a stalker like manner, he’d go to the same cafe, at the same time each day, and strike up a conversation with the same person. I recall he told me the first few thought he was a creep, and called him names such as “loner” and “freak” but that eventually ended. The problem with people is that they care too much how they look. That’s not to say we should be as care free as porn stars seem to be. But that it doesn’t matter how many times you look stupid. As I mentioned above, the girl who said there’s no point in friends. And many you have mentioned how empty or pointless your life seems, well might as well look stupid and try to flinging a pebble at the Great Wall of China (Symbolizing your isolation in this case) and who knows? It might just come tumbling down.

I guess I could write on, but I’ll stop here, before anyone starts calling me one of those “optimistic fools who haven’t had a worry in life” let me assure you, your dearly mistaken. If anything I’m probably a psychopath, my thoughts one abortion, euthenasia, suicide are contradictory to what society promotes. And while many will tell you “No, suicide is bad.” I’d tell you “If it’s what you really want, by all means go ahead” Cold hearted? Perhaps. Anyway if old friends don’t work, make new ones. I don’t have much to offer since I’m not a happy little person with her group of friends either. but honestly, instead of thinking the world is pointless, (I agree) might as well get as much pleasure as you can from it. If you need friends, go make them, But don’t become dependant on them, after all they too are human, and they too will pass you by like the faceless phantoms in the mall eventually.

28 03 2007
kimberly

Tes, you can talk to me about being dumped. I have been dumped before too. Those bastards.

28 03 2007
kimberly

Don’t worry about saying you are pretty here, we can all be honest here and sort out our feelings of trying to find out why we have no friends. P.S. I was pretty, but now I don’t feel pretty anymore because nobody says I am anymore. I haven’t gained much weight or anything so maybe I still am. Who knows.

28 03 2007
Tes

Being dumped is twice as hard when you have no friends.. not only am I dealing with a loss of a person but I am thrusted back into the harsh reality of loneliness. During the weekdays I am very busy so I keep occupied, but during the weekends it’s extremely difficult. I do have a friend that I talk to about it, but I think he is secretly happy that I got dumped because he probably likes me, and he was dumped recently too. I do think he is a genuinely good person that would talk to me and be my friend without having ulterior motives even if I was in a relationship. But there is always something awkward when talking to someone who you think is secretly, even if subconciously happy about your pain. So I try to keep my distance from him.

Right now I am so angry at him (my ex)… yes he’s a bastard, an asshole, a jerk. But sometimes it’s not so easy to be angry, especially when he didn’t do anything extreme like cheat on me or steal from me. I think it will be the most difficult when the anger wears off and I can focus only on the sadness.

28 03 2007
kimberly

Yeah well if he is not mean then at least he is stupid to dump you, right? You are smart, nice, and pretty. What and idiot. Maybe it is not the loss of an idiot that is hurting you so badly, but the fact that you lost your only friend as well. I know, because I have been there. I dumped this guy for another guy (pretty mean of me, huh). Well when the new guy dumped me I thought he was the biggest jerk in the world although we only dated for 3 months. The reason it hurt me so deeply is because his friends were my friends and before that my previous boyfriend was my only friend for 2 years and before him my only friend was my boyfriend I had before that for 2 years so you get the picture. I had no social life because everything was wrapped up into these guys. Okay, so now my point, when I dated dude #3, for the first time we had a circle of friends together and we all had so much fun then he dumped me and then I couldn’t hang out with those people anymore. Most of them did take my side and we did a couple more hang outs after, but it wasn’t the same and like usual, I have a hard time keeping in touch with people for some reason so we have all drifted apart. I don’t even know their last names to look them up or anything. Well, I was so angry with him for dumping me but I know that is just because after that I had to be alone in the world. There was no new guy to hang out with (actually I found some, but that turned out badly because I wasn’t that interested in them, I just needed someone to hang out with and one of them really liked me and so that ended up being messy). It took a long time to get over it, but now I have after a lot of self destructive behavior which in turn caused me to need a major change of life and I have and now I am happily married. That’s my 2 cents, sorry it went on and on.

29 03 2007
Tes

I’m so glad that whoever is making those posts has nothing better to do with their time than impersonating a total stranger on the internet.

I thought that, having no friends, my life was depressing, but I think I have found someone even more pitiful.

Thank you for making my day.

-The Real Tes Who Is Thankful for Stupid People

29 03 2007
Amanda

you know i had written on here like maybe a week or so ago and had asked if someone could help me with my situation or give me some advice and no1 had answered my post.. could someone please help me? or give me some advice??? …. . thanks

29 03 2007
Lisa

Hi Amanda. I don’t think this is a good website for finding advice on how to make friends because nobody here has any. I think most people found this page by typing “I have no friends” into google. Maybe you can type “how to make friends” in google or something similar. That’s all the advice I have.

Don’t worry Tes, it is obvious that wasn’t you making those comments. That person sounds illiterate and you seem way smarter than that in your posts.

29 03 2007
Lisa

Hi Amanda. I don’t think this is a good website for finding advice on how to make friends because nobody here has any. I think most people found this page by typing “I have no friends” into google. Maybe you can type “how to make friends” in google or something similar. That’s all the advice I have.

**Don’t worry Tes, it is obvious that wasn’t you making those comments. That person sounds illiterate and you seem way smarter than that in your posts.

29 03 2007
aussie

Hey everyone I’m 19 years old and live in Canada and although I haven’t gone threw what everyone here has because all my life I have hade a couple really good friends that I care about and they care about me and I can’t imagine what you people go threw and what I have read on this site I feel incredibly lucky that I have these friends and I believe that all you guys are incredibly strong and really feel bad for you guys but I know that you all will find people eventually I give all of my luck to you guys and if any of you need anyone to talk to email me I don’t bite lol hope to talk to some of you soon my email is
wdcvgca2@hotmail.com

30 03 2007
jule

hello,

I have read most of the comments on this site and have found the situations similar to mine. You see, I have always been ‘different’ and never a part of the group. Whenever I have been invited to be a part of someone’s clique I have always felt a disconnection. It is always said that the pretty, outgoing and intelligent people have the friends and never find themselves lonely, that that is the key to being the center of attention, but that isn’t so. I am all of those things yet have always felt disconnected. I am an honors student at school, have never been shy, and generally have liked being surrounded by people. Ever since grade school, however, while having a good first impression of me, people tended to shift away as the time went on and in return I tended to do the same.

Maybe it is because I have always been more mature for my age then others. I have always wished to find a person exactly like me, someone who could understand and share my opinions. Three years ago, I have found that person, a person about fifteen years older than me, even though, if you knew him, he would seem younger in the way he acts.

A few months ago, he has found himself a girlfriend who has children almost my age, and is now planning to propose. I cannot say that I am unhappy for him, but I miss him. Our friendship, of course, never went farther then just a friendship, but we would always have fun together, just going out on the weekends, and I miss that very much.

I now have other ‘friends’, if you can even call them that. I never find comfort around them, because everything they do seems immature to me in a way that I would think “I’d never do the things they do”. However, it is nice having someone to go out with on a Friday as pathetic as that seems. I never liked having just ‘anyone’ there. That’s probably another one of my reasons for having no one. I am very selective when it comes to people and would never be for a long period of time with a person who had nothing in common with me.

And now, I sometimes feel like I don’t need friends and at other times I truly feel bad for having no one. Sometimes I feel like I might be overwhelmed by loneliness if I stay alone on a Friday night. That’s why I always find somewhere to go or something to do.

In the end, I’d just like to say that relating to people is difficult these days. Whenever someone else finds something ‘out of order’ with you, they will start backing away and keeping at a distance. They may not realize that you are actually a great person and could be an amazing friend.

Also, I think that being ‘different’ or stranding out is never ‘your problem’. It is not a problem, in fact you might be better for it. Some people out there may never know what they’re missing.

Thanks a lot for reading and listening.

Jule

p.s. Send me an email when you have time.
It would be nice to talk. :) radeon001@hotmail.com

31 03 2007
peter

hi- im a little older than others here-45 so I guess you may have your own interpretation of that. however i’m with all that have posted here. Being alone is very diifcicult, is it feels like living in a void-walking around an empty city- sitting in a vacant house. I feel at times that im not meant to be here and many times I have thought that I shouldnt be. I dont feel anything is wrong with me- im educated, reasonably intelligent , open and honest- but concede that perhaps thats not how others may view me I dont have any friends to talk to – visit or telephone. Its really sad not being able to share your thoughts with others or just have company. It wasnt always like that- but over the past 5 years whatever connections I had seemed to have disappeared. My family are very distant so I dont have that support either. Its strange how so many people here have lamented how they have given to others – yet have been disappointed that their actions have not been recipricated. I understand that too-as its been the same for me. Ive helped friends get jobs,and counselled them through tough times yet when all is well they just disappeared. It feels bad- as you give of yourself to others because you believe in helping- yet when theyre ok- they forgot my friendship so quickly. I am a sociable person – I like going out- yet dont anymore- as id feel like a walking sign post -saying lonely -or friendless. I hate lonliness and just dont cope with it- I so wish I had someone who was a good friend that I could talk to and catch up with. It also seems the longer you become lonely – the harder it seems that anything will ever change. I go to walk and thats really the only place where I get to interact with others. Mosrly my colleagues are married with kids so its difficult to build solid personal friendships there. When I come back home from work the lonliness normally kicks in about an hour later. The telephone syopped ringing many years ago- I dont even know why I still have it connected. Its really awful to think that for the most part the only calls I get are for bills or telemarketers

One of the difficult things about being lonely is it makes you so vunerable- I drink sometimes to fill the void- as when im lucid it re opens doors from years gone by when I had friends. Its nice to reflect until sleep takes the memories. But its not an answer- just a mask to ease the pain temporarily

I have a beach house- which is nice- but ive realise that irrespective of where you are – without friends its hard to really enjoy or appreciate what you have

im scared that my lonliness sucumb to me going something drastic

I still have faith that one day things will change – but it seems to be slipping away.

2 04 2007
John

Hi, I am 28, and I only have 1 or 2 friends. I say 1 or 2, because we just don’t talk that often. Up until I started working I had some friends through out my school years. Not alot of friends, but at least a tight knit circle. But it’s so hard to keep friendships going when everyone starts to drift away. I wish I had made more friends in college and kept them close. I am friendly with my colleagues, but of course that isn’t the same. Once we all get off work, we go our separate ways.

I am grateful for the few friends that I do have, and talking to my family helps when I have noone else to turn to. I hope everyone finds some piece of happiness.

2 04 2007
anthony

im 19 and my social skills suck. i have friends but def no confidants.
it sucks.
but im optimistic, email me if you want to chat
insane901@aol.com
there’s no reason why we all can’t be friends. society through us out but we dont have to be walked all over.

2 04 2007
sarah

I’m so glad I found this site. It makes me feel less alone.

So…my story…I’m twenty years old and have no friends. It’s kinda sad, because I’m in college with over 5,000 people my own age. I feel like I’m missing out on what is supposed to be the best years of my life. Instead of going out with friends, I’m usually sitting in my dorm watching TV or doing homework. Life is so hard when you’re all alone.

Wouldn’t it be great if there were places where people in need of friends could meet each other? That’d be great!

My question for all of you is what do you do to feel less lonely?

3 04 2007
Jamie

Wow, I didnt think a forum like this existed. I thought I was the only one who felt isolated and disconnected from society but I guess not.
I am 20 yrs. old and I go to a major public institution in the south with thousands of kids but I have no one to talk to or even just kick it with sometimes. I admit I am not the most social person there is but I think I am a pretty friendly person.I’ve never really had trouble making triends. I am from Boston so I have always been sort of reluctant to go up to someone I don’t know and start talking to them. I’ve tried to start small talk conversations with people but it doesnt get much further than that. On occasion I’ll talk to my friends back home but I havent been there in eternity so sometimes theres not much to talk about anymore but the Red Sox.LOL After walking around with no friends all the time for such a long time you start to become very defensive towards everyone and you start thinkin’ f*** these people I don’t need them but deep down you know it hurts because you feel as though you dont even exist. I dont know if it is a cultural disconnect or what but it seems like people are so hesitant to approach me.I try to be friendly towards people,hold doors,smiling and saying hello but as strange as it seems these things are very hard for me sometimes being from Bos.
So much for southern hospitality.I admit my social skills may be lacking but I think I deserve to have friends too. You just get tired of studying chem equations and looking at The Adventures Of Indiana Jones all the time.LOL

3 04 2007
Heather

I am 20 years old. Reading all these post made me feel not as lonely. i talk to so many people when i was in middle school and elementary, i had a lot of different groups of friends that i could just hang out in and start a conversation….but ever since i moved when i started high school my social netwrork decreased!!…and when i made a couple of frineds…i moved again for college. now i have 2 friends but not close one. its SO sad because all we talk about is school! what we got on our exams, what homework we have. nothing more nothing less. i am a loner and outcast. every1 has a group of friends in my class except me. i dread when we do work in ‘groups’ or ‘partners’ because i am ALWAYS the loner in the corner with no one to talk to. i don’t eat lunch at school becasue i don’t want people to see me eat by myself. whenever i have a break, i hide in the library so no one finds me. i don’t talk for an entire school day, which is 8-10 hours. it seems like i dont even know how to communicate anymore. i dont even know how to talk properly. i studder so much. my best friend is the computer and tv. i never dated, never been to a club, never drank. i think moving + family issues during that crucial time of my youth (around 14yrs old) had screwed my life over. i am nice, willing to help others, i dress nice, and i am clean and present myself good. sometimes i wonder why i even spend so much time doing my hair or picking out my clothes when seriously, NO ONE cares about me, and no one even know that i EXIST. but a year ago i have developed major acne, which has totally made me even more depressed, low confidence and no self esteem. i see the new kid come to my class and automactically makes so much friends. why can’t i? i am officially the saddest person in this forum.

5 04 2007
doogan

Heather,
I used to have really bad skin too. I had pimples all over my face. Not to sound cheesy, but proactive works really well (although I know that is not really your major problem). I am also in a very similar situation to you too. I go to college and hide in the corner of the library, and always eat by myself. I have one friend in school, but I hardly ever see him. Then when ever I see other people they always seem to be so happy and well-liked, like there having so much fun. I dread working in groups too because it always seems like onone really wants to work with me, like they already have people they know and can’t be bothered with me.

5 04 2007
AH

I’m starting to feel that life is a complicated thing that cannot be breaken down to understand why is it bad sometimes. I spend most of my time alone with no one next to me, in early days of school I never been social, in other words I never felt satisfied. I tried to make friends all of the time and grab their attention but it just never worked. The thing is I really want to have friends and a good social life, but it just doesnt work. All of that led me to lose my self-esteem. I started thinking that looks might be the reason. I’ve asked my parents for a nose job at 16 years ! I’ve went through the pain and did it. I feel satisfied with the results but I realised that looks isn’t everything at all. What is really bothering me now is that I need people around me so bad but it doesn’t work for some reason. I even wish I could love and be loved sometime in my life. In high school, I always felt that I’m not good enough like the others, I felt I’m not wanted too. Most of my classmates used to make fun of my slim body. I’m a 18 years old guy now, and as I’m writing this i feel so lonely and I feel like crying. I spend most of my time working out to try to make my body look better, I try to talk to people at the gym and i always smile to everyone but still not good enough. When I see groups having fun I really start thinking why can’t I be like them ! I thought of committing suicide so many times, but then i think that it is just running away from reality. I really want to change this but I don’t know if this is how my life will go on …

6 04 2007
angela

Reading your messages is both saddening and enlightening at the same time. While it help s to know I’m not alone with this problem, it merely affirms my greatest fear i.e. it is possible to have no friends at all. While I might not have been the most gregarious of personalities, I have always kept a small group of confidantes. However, recent events have changed or rather revealed the true status of my fellowship with these people. Firstly, after I hinted, quite directly that there will never be anything more than friendship with person A, he lost interest in becoming my confidant. Apparently, his friendship was his efforts in getting laid. While I am tempted to say all men are dicks at this point, I choose not to believe it because it must be a sweeping and unfair statement. Secondly, this year has been a horrible year. I have failed to secure an internship with every interview I have been to. My friend B however has been really successful and the friendship has deteriorated to the point where I don’t think there is a point in keeping up with it. He only talks to me about his obsession with men and his body ( he is gay) and he didn’t use to be like that. Or was it just me who refused to see it. He seems so shallow and it will be okay if he cares about me too as a friend but he doesn’t. I’m the one making the effort to have a conversation/updates. I’m exhausted by people. I don’t trust people and somehow, I realize the true isolation and destitute that the character in notes on a scandal must feel. I realized that it could be my one true destiny not something that was just kept in the back of my mind. Its depressing to realize things like these. At a time when I need support, I have no support at all. Sigh. If there is a God, he really really sucks.

6 04 2007
cd

Hi everyone! I’m 22 and just came across this site today. I’ve been at home all day watching TV and surfing the internet while my boyfriend is out with his friend. I’m shocked and relieve to know that I’m not the only one who has this problem. For the longest time I though I was a loser or that something was wrong with me because I couldn’t make or keep friends. I try to tell myself I like being alone, but deep inside I wish I had someone close to talk to other than my boyfriend. i’ve been with him for almost 6 years now and I get jealous when he goes out with his friends (which is only like once a month) I just don’t know how to talk to people sometimes, I feel like I might say something wrong, but for the most part I’m very talkative. I think maybe a little too serious. I feel very insecure about myself and I feel like people are always judging me. Despite the fact that I’ve been told I very pretty ( i never believe it) my self esteem is really really low. I’v had this problem with friends ever since highschool. even tho I know now that you all are out there…. it still sucks. I hope that life will not be this way forever, i don’t know how to deal with it forever.

6 04 2007
cd

going back, I read a couple posts I missed… Wow Heather, you sound just like me when I was in college. I was always hiding on break and sat alone in class. It made me really depressed to know that everyone had a group or circle of friends but me. after a while, I just didn’t know how to talk to people, didn’t know what to say. I have never been to a club either which is something I am really ashamed of. Actually I’m afarid to go because I’d be way to nervous to mingle and dance with people. I’m even jealous of my sister for being so popular in university. all I have is my boyfriend…. if anyone wants to chat my address is c_douggie@hotmail.com

6 04 2007
Winky

Dear Everyone,
I feel the same way that alot of you guys do. My “friends” would always have parties and not invite me. Later on i would either find out about it unintentionally or they would just tell me about the fun they had, as if they want me to feel hurt. I have been really depressed recently, and i feel as if there is no one who can help me. i feel like my life is meaningless, and i’m just wasting my time with what i do. I can’t find anything I do fun. i’m a freshman in College. My life is just beginning, but it seems like it’s ending already. What should I do? Whom should I talk to?
Thank you for reading this. I feel much better after writing down my thoughts. Thank you everyone.

6 04 2007
Lisa

Currently in my neighborhood there is a party going on with some of the people that live around here. They are my age and we have children the same age. We have not been included in that circle. They are exremely social to one another, but they will not even look our way in passing. Our window is open and I can hear them talking and laughing. Why are we all in this situation? Are people in general just bastards, or is there something wrong with all of us? All these millions and millions of people in the world and I do not have a single one of them as a friend. Screw ‘em. I thought I was feeling good about myself today and then I heard the talking and laughing right outside my window and it all went to shit.

6 04 2007
Lifesucks

Yep, I wish each and everyday that I would die, life is useless roaming it all alone not being able to experience the joys that others do. never had a gf never had a friend to talk to without being made fun of. fuck life.

6 04 2007
cd

peter, that’s a sad, sad story (as is everyone elses) If you’re having this problem at 45 it leaves little hope that things will improve as we get older…..

7 04 2007
saskguy

It’s 2am and I sit here with tears in my eyes reading these posts, I don’t even know what to feel but pure sadness that there are others out there living the way I am. Up until I was about 12 everything was ok, my parents were divorced but that had happened when I was very young, I had plenty of friends and family there for me. At 13 or so everything changed. There was no one. My mom and stepfather fought non stop and only had anything to do with me when they had to yell at me about something for a few hours to take a break on each other. I spent all of junior high and high school with no friends, no one to talk to. There were a couple good years after high school, mainly because I made good money and started to spend it on booze. Easy to make friends when you buy lots of alcohol. As soon as I stopped drinking everyone i had drank with just stopped talking to me, I guess I should have expected as much, but I was blinded the booze.

Its now been 15 years since the depression and having no friends started. I don’t know how I make it through each day, I just do. Lately I break down crying and shaking or fly into a rage and punch myself in the side of the head calling myself an idiot, loser, whatever the whole time, I don’t understand why things got this way, I always tried to be nice to people and be respectful, I have worked since i was 14, I was a nice guy. Now I just have nothing to say, I try to smile but it just feels wrong on my face. I am at the edge of a complete breakdown and don’t know what to do, it’s not fair that this is happening to me, its not fair that it is happening to anybody.

sorry for being so long winded, just had to get it out

8 04 2007
Thomas

Im 15, I had a really great group of friends in primary school. Then I moved to secondary school and i never found close friends. I have a group at school of four mates, but they are labbelled as the school losers…so i fall in that category…i am popular, as in i am liked by alot of people, but i never get invited out to partys or clubs like any other 15 year old should. I stay at home most days, i have three very close friends but they dont know each other, therefore, i never go out with a group of mates…this makes me so sad…i would love to be in a big group of best mates, i dont have that. Someone tell me if they were the same at my age, and things will work out.

8 04 2007
Thomas

I WANT THE PERSON READING THIS, TO TRY FORGET ALL THEIR SORROWS FOR JUST ONE SECOND, TAKE A DEEP SIGH, AND JUST SMILE IT AWAY!

Cause just remember, you aint alone…
…things are bound to get better.

9 04 2007
Caz (Australia)

hey everyone! My second post, just an answer for sarah’s question on what I do to feel less lonely. Well I try to do anything that is bound to make me happier and busier. Watch comedy movies, drink, study (not that it makes me happy just fills the mind with other thoughts). There has been a whole lot of new posts since i sent my last post. I tell you what, it makes me feel a hell of a lot better knowing you guys are out there, exactly the same position as me. But instead of letting everyone know our depressive lonely state, maybe there is something we can do about it, set up a chatroom for us or something so we can actually have conversations. Im not a computer guru but if there is anyone who can set up some sort of chat site! then that would be sweet as!. The only other suggestion for anyone who wants to contact anyone from here is to put emails at the end of their posts. Cuz I would love to have a good old chat with someone. I havent met any of you but I really hope you and myself can find what we are looking for. :)

11 04 2007
cd

ok, I have a WIERD experiment….. How many of you are Leo’s?? I never used to believe in that stuff but a few experiences made me wonder. I know two people that are leo’s (male and female) and they are both quiet introverts, but after getting to know them I relized that they had a whole other personality to them (like me. I’m a leo by the way). They didn’t have many friends if any at all and they were both very sexy people. (kinda like me LOL) They were creative, fun and humorous. they liked to read, the guy loved drawing … so many things that I myself love to do. I had alot of fun with them and we can talk for hours but before I saw this side of them I thought they were stuck up people. (usually what people think of me) then I noticed that someone on this site was a leo too. No basis to my experiemnet really, just a funny coincidance and Im curious to know how many Leo’s are here.

11 04 2007
Lisa

Virgo. And from what I have read, Virgos can be like that too.

11 04 2007
cd

I have MSN messenger c_douggie@hotmail.com

12 04 2007
Georgia Lass

i dont understand why it is so hard to make friends these days. i am having trouble meeting new people. i would love to have a good group of friends that i can hang out with, and be close with. i don’t have a family, and thats why its really important for me to find a good group of friends. i am not really a shy person, but i still don’t know how to meet people. you cant just walk up to random people in the street, and say “hey lets be friends”. it obviously doesn’t work like that. i don’t really know where to meet people, or how to go about talking to new people. ive been pretty miserable because of not having anyone in my life. i have this one friend who has a lot of issues, so he isnt really dependable. i dont know how long he will stick around until he gets into his moods and turns into a scumbag. i work at a restaurant, but unfortunately, they aren’t really the type of people i can see myself hanging out with, because most of them are not really friendly. i just wish i knew the answers on how to meet new people

12 04 2007
Chelsea

Jack,

Read these articles because it sounds like you are an introvert, like me. Basically, since I came across these articles, it has helped me to understand who I am and helped me realize it is the small talk I am not doing with people. I need to talk about the weather a little more. I have felt a bit better about my situation in the last few weeks but I, like you, go through 1-2 days of slight depression every now and again, but I still go to work, so you may have it a little worse than me. I drank alchohol like a fish too because it was my only way of being uninhibited. I was free to say and do what I wanted and nothing would hold me back but when I was sober, I was back to my usual quiet self. They even called my Jackyl and Hide, which looking back was probably not the best nickname. Hang in there, with time this will pass for us all by either accepting who we are and living with it, or trying to change, but I think things will get better for all of us.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts

12 04 2007
Chelsea

I just thought of one more thing. Where I live, everyone has been talking about the book, The Secret. You guys may or may not have heard of it by now, but my husband is reading it and he said it is the best present I ever got him. He tells me all about it and even reads parts of it to me. I will be reading it when he is done. Anyway, it talks about the law of attraction and says that our thoughts our so powerful that they attract things and situations. It says that when we dwell on things like having no friends, like we all do, then we attract that into our lives even more. I know, it sounds kind of like hogwash, but I tried an experiment while driving to work. Instead of saying to myself “whatever lane I am in, is always the slow lane” I said “whatever lane I am in will be the fast lane” and it worked! It was the power of positive thinking. Okay, so maybe it isn’t true but maybe it is. If we want to better our situations, then it can’t hurt to read it, right? Hey, we’ve got nothing else to do with no social lives. So maybe if we say to ourselves, I will meet people and I will make friends, then we can attract people. At least we would probably look a little happier because we are not having these miserable thoughts going through our heads thinking that we are so lonely and nobody likes us. Lets try it.

12 04 2007
sam

hi, it made me cry after i read everyones entries, i feel so alone all the time.. and its so strange because no one would know it, i am extremely beautiful, an amazing personality, seriously.. yet i have zero confidence.. i have such a great life, i’m going to college, i play on a womens varsity soccer team, i have money, but i have no one.. i’ve never had a real boyfriend, because everytime i go on a date or have feelings for someone i push them away, and i hate it because some of them i really liked so much… i used to have alot of friends growing up, always someone close.. but then i hit grade 12 and i took myself out of everyones lives.. i kinda went to some other friends by the end of the year, but once college started, i never hear from them or see them… it hurts so much, the pain makes me stop talking to my family, and people around me.. yet i don’t even tell them because i dont want to bother them with my problems.. its just so fucked up because i can’t find any friends who i trust,.. seriously though, i don’t trust one person in this world, not even my parents.. i am one of the most trustworthy person you could probably ever meet,.. whatever i just don’t understand… i hate this world sometimes, and everyone in it

13 04 2007
unknown

Hey,

Ive been reading this site a lot the past couple of months and this is my first post, probably my final. A lot of you people dont deserve such misery in your lives. I’d like to say i dont but i feel as though i deserve it. Ive been depressed for a couple of years, with on and off periods, and only 17 years old. I was bullied constantly in my first years of high school, and as a result i have a constant paranoia and fear about people around me, because i have been let down and stabbed in the back by most of the friends ive had. I feel as though i cant go anymore and i just want to end my life, because its easier for me in the long run. You may call me a coward but i cant go on feeling like this 24 hours a day. even on good days things just build up inside and i just feel unhappy. for everything good something bad happens to me,,i dont think im meant to be here. i would say to you people feeling the same to not be weak like me and just look at life in a positive light and value yourself more than you value other people. My friends are two faced, i cant even trust my family, i get let down by everyone i care about, so is there a way out for me? i think not. Maybe i just need someone to talk to but i cant go on much longer like this..

16 04 2007
Lisa

No, are you?

18 04 2007
Leah

Hi there!
I was surprised when I found this site. My husband and I too are both lonely people. We are each others own best friends. We both have came from distant cold and dysfunctional families. For example, my husband had a Father that had actually commited suicide. Its been hard for him to get close to other men I believe now because of that. He is an office professional still trying to climb up that ladder of financial success at 42. I had 3 kids at a very young age in another marriage, finances for me had made it impossible for me to further myself, so now its about my hubby being the best bread winner. Today we live 1500 miles away from family. We decided to move from Minnesota to Myrtle Beach, SC, but things didn’t work out there, and now we are stuck smack in the middle of nowhere in the deep south about 110 miles from the Beach, because of my husband’s job relocation. My husband had gotten let go from the company out here, and the unemployment rate in SC is the highest in the nation. He just recently found work after 6 full months of being unemployed, and that was so scarey. Our beloved pomeranian dies a hideous painful death during this time of unemployment from the poison pet food recall you may have heard about. We miss him terribly.
We are outgoing and caring, kind, loving, thoughtful, hospitable, generous, and intelligent, common sensical type of people. We are not perfect, but we are much more together than most I believe. We love our pets, they are like our children, since we never had any kids together. We are also Christians. Sadly I have found that many of the churches are too clicky out here and are little more than clubs at best, and if you are a “yankee” in the south ( I hate that word now) and alone, its not a good thing. We have been lonely for many years. I’m 51 now and our situation is pathetic. I am a “people person” and I have alot to say. For me to be in this ongoing crisis of “Zero friends” is not where we should be. I have some standards that I will not hang out with druggies or criminals just to have friends also. I desire to talk with some of the nice types of people I have been reading on these posts. You might think I’m too old for some of you, but I am good a good listener too. I only hope none of you younger ones are suicidal because of your loneliness. You have to be tough in this world because even if we don’t know what the exact reason we are here for, know that God has a greater plan for all of us.
I have many interests and talents. I love the chance to entertain. I am a good cook. I am not arrogant as all this bragging may sound like. As I am just telling the facts. I refuse all these years to ever have completely taken away all of my self confidence and self esteem away. The Lord helps me get through each second, minute, hour and day, but there have been many times I thought maybe I wasn’t meant to have existed. But I know its just a dirty lie from the devil! I’m not suicidal by no means, but I do feel a little crazy at times without others to share my life with, besides only my husband and pets. I ask what is my purpose here on this crazy earth. Life is too short and we all need each other. I also know what it feels like to give and give and get nothing in return from others, that hurts but it something you must forgive. I have traveled much in my life. I have many interesting things to talk about. If anyone wants to e-mail me, I would like hearing from you. Jesus loves you and so do I! Leah thomashohenstein@yahoo.com

18 04 2007
Joe

It’s good to know that I am not, pardon the pun, “alone out there”. I’m a 35-year old male living in Connecticut, married with 3 kids. I had a close group of friends in high school and college, but, as so often happens, we have drifted apart. I still maintain occasional contact, but like so many of you, I find myself the one that’s usually making the effort for contact.

I no longer have anyone close to me that I feel I can confide in. The cold reality of the situation really hasn’t hit me until recently, maybe I’ve realized that I need something that I had been content to be without for so many years. My wife works a few nights a week, which means I’m by myself with the kids, which is fine, but sometimes it’s nice to talk about things other than Star Wars and Dora. Compunding things is that I’ve been under an increasing amount of pressure at work. For the past two months or so I’ve been feeling very depressed, and haven’t been out with someone else once in all that time. Last night my wife went out with friends from work, and I have to admit, I’m green with jealousy.

I’m not really sure what the problem is. I’m usually one of the first people that is included when people from the office head out to happy hour, but we’ve been so busy lately that everyone just wants to go home at the end of the day. I’ve always had a hard time making friends, even though pretty much everyone I know would classify me as a “good guy”. I’ve gone through little bouts of this in the past that would last a day or two, and then I’d pick up and be my typically happy self, but this has been going on two months now and is not getting any better.

I suppose my problem is that when it comes to social activities, I’m generally not an initiator, but it’s a hard step for me to take.

I’m really sorry that we all have to be here discussing this.

-Joe
husky_hoops@yahoo.com

18 04 2007
Always-alone

I am in the same boat as all of you. All my life I have strived to be a good person, to help people, be kind, laugh, smile and make people feel good. As a kid I was called happy-go-lucky. I had 1 friend back then. Through the years I would have a friendship which lasted a year or more and then they would always stab me in the heart. I know I am not perfect and I have made my mistakes but I have always been loyal, honest and a true. I got so tired of being stabbed in the heart by these so called friends so as the years passed I decided to just say the heck with it. I don’t need anyone. Though I am married happily I sometime need a friend to hang with. Someone to call on the phone, someone who accepts me for me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong with my life, why I have no friends. I never get invited to anyones huse, no parties, nothing. I try very hard to keep the depression at bay but at times it gets to be too much. Like now I feel very sad because someone at work who used to be a friend causes me heart ache with some of the things I hear her say about me. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of living in a fantasy world where I dream of being very popular. I don’t have to have a lot of firnds, just real friends who only want a friend, an honest and loyal friend. I read a lot, especially fantasy stories and dream I am like the person in the story. Everyone always wanting to be my friend, people love me, talk to me and listen to what I have to say. Then I wake up and reality sets in. Maybe its just me. maybe deep inside me I am a bad person. Maybe one day I’ll run across someone like me.

I just wanted to say that I know how you all are feeling. Maybe being a jerk to people is the way to go. If it is, I guess I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.

18 04 2007
no one

I am so alone and depressed. Even work no longer stops the sadness… I am so tired… I constanly feel so empty. I have (starting over a year ago) taken to eating lunch at my desk because no one ever asks me to join them, even the others on my “team”. and when i ask them to join me well… lets just say I do not bother anymore. I geuss its time just to pack it all in and call it a day. why…. why…. why….

18 04 2007
MR.J

Well, ive been on this site for almost an hour now reading all of your stories, and I have to say that my story is equally grim. Up until tonight I always thought that I was totally alone and that I MUST be the only person who didnt have a single friend. I finally decided to ask google “Why dont I have any friends?” and I wound up here.
I remember back in high school always having people to talk to, and people to hang out with in school, but even so I was still totally alone. It always seemed that during school hours I was popular and doing great, but for the life of me I cant remember one person from school ever hanging out with me afterward, unless of course they needed me to drive them somewhere, or do somthing for them. Im now 26 and not much has changed. It seems now a days I simply cant meet any new people, and the people I do meet are simply passers by. And aside from the first conversation I have with them, I never manage to get past that and onto anything that could actually turn into a relationship. I have told myself over the years that “This is simply how it is, and theres nothing you can do about it” but im really starting to question that, and what is actually going on in society to cause a need for a website like this. Obviously we are not alone, and there are many other people out there that are feeling the exact same way that I do, but if thats the case, why arent we running into each other all the time? Think about it. If one person like me actually found this site, and took the time to read it and post on it, how many other people in the same situation didnt find the site, or found the site and didnt post? 10, 100, 1000? I dont know, but as this has been a running post for over 2 months (based on the post dates) thats gotta make up an alarming percentage of North America feeling the exact same way I do!

So the question reamins then , why are so many of us in this situation? I dont know the true answer, but I can assume based on the numbers that we all cant have the same living situation, demographic, age group, race, sex, mental disorder, or really anything else that could possibly expain this. Really the only explanation that seems to make any sense at all (and please keep in mind that this is simply my opinion, and I am still in the same boat as all of you) is that our society has reached a point where it is no longer socally acceptable to meet new people, and actually open up to them. I mean, “God forbid that anyone know that I dont have any friends, and ill be damned if I ever let anyone know that. Thus I will soldier on as I am, somehow hoping to meet somone who is willing to talk to me, without me actually having to open up to them first.” Ive found myself thinking that many times in the past few years, and it begs the question, “Am I the only one who does this?”
Furthermore, I have seen noted many times on this page that it always seems that shallow, or “uncaring” people always seem to have all the friends. Has anyone ever considered that this might be due to the fact that those who may be considered shallow, or uncaring may always seem to have friends because they are not actually attempting to open up or share anything personal with anyone in their social circle? I cannot speak from experience, but assuming that these people are as shallow as we all seem to think they are, then it wouldnt be a total stretch to assume that the people they gather with are not actually they type of friends that would be willing to listen to personal problems, or for lack of a better saying “go out on a limb” for the people they know? I guess what im asking, is how do I/we know its not just posturing in an attempt not to appear to be as alone as the rest of us are willing to admit? Or really not willing to admit. Again, based on the numbers it would appear that we are not alone, and there are people just like us everywhere. Thus the only true solution to this delimma is for all of us to stop actiing like we are the only ones that feel this way, and perhaps attempt to open up to someone who may be a complete stranger…

I can’t say that im totally comfortable with this idea, but after spending my entire adult life feeling like an outcast in society I think I just might be willing to give it a try.

Thanks for reading my extremely long post. And if you are interested in being my friend heres my “myspace”
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=75441865 (I sure hope that link works!)

J.

19 04 2007
Gina

At work, I have tried opening up to people and talking to them. I ask questions about their lives only to get an answer to my question, and that is it. They don’t ask about me. Nobody wants to try and get to know me. I have been here 2 months now and I have opened up to 3-4 people and the rest of them, I have tried being pleasant to and still, at lunch time, nobody asks me to go. They order food for each other and go around asking what people want from the menu, but nobody ever asks me what I want. It is weird. I used to think that people were just mean to me for some unknown reason, but now I am beginning to think that I have seriouse problems. Hundreds of people can’t be wrong. I always thought I was normal, but now I don’t think that anymore. I must be really uninteresting or maybe I stink. It is getting to the point that I don’t even want to try anymore. Some days I just sit in my office all day and if I don’t start a conversation with anyone, then I don’t talk to anyone all day. At church it is the same way. The only time I am happy is when I am with my family, but when I am away from them I deteriorate quickly. My husband thinks I am awesome and he doesn’t understand it either. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. It keeps getting more and more difficult to deal with. Am I going to live like this forever? The only thing that keeps me going is thinking that “maybe when we move again (in a year), then I will meet some friends”, but that is what I thought last time we moved, and I haven’t met a single soul that wants to be my friend. I am mormon and I live in Utah. The Mormon community is a very tight knit community and when you move to a new neighborhood, you can usually assume you have instant friends, but that has not been the case with me. Nobody tries to get to know me. I wish I knew why. I have given up. There is not much more I can do at this point because I can’t say I never tried. I guess my family will be my only friends but I will have to wait like 20 years to be able to talk to my kids on an adult level. They are only babies.

19 04 2007
Lisa

Leah I am sorry to hear about your pet. That is so sad. You meant to exist because you brought 3 children into this world and your pets and your husband need you. So, how long have you been without friends? I know what you mean about wondering if you were meant to be here. Sometimes I feel invisible and like I don’t even exist. It would be nice to have people acknowledge my existence. I wonder why this is our fate? Maybe it will make us stronger some how.

19 04 2007
Leah

Hey, its Leah again.
I hope all of you are hanging in there okay. I really respect and appreciate everyone’s openess on this message board. I think you are all GREAT! This board has really got me to start really analyzing the “friendless” situation even more. I just wanted to say a few things. First is, what I wonder, how is it that if there are so many lonely people out there, then why is it, I see so many people yacking away on their cell phones all of the time, everywhere, and even ringing practically off the hook for some of them. Maybe some of this may relate to their jobs too. But that can’t always be the reason. Sometimes I wonder too, if there are people who just keep a cell phone in their ear, maybe are really just talking to the air, pretending they have lots of friends, and that they are trying to say to the world ” Hey look at me, I have lots of friends, I’m important.” Also, I want to say about how our society has come to be so over materialistic too. We are constantly shopping as a nation, buying many things we think we need, but actually don’t always need, at all. I believe that maybe it could be to just avoid the loneliness and depression and boredom, for lack of relationships in our lives. Maybe we try to use material things to fill those empty voids in life, but to no avail, and soon we are heading back at the stores shopping again. Thats why it could be at any given time you can see many of the Walmart stores parking lots filled to the maximum. Just think of the money one could save if we weren’t shopping so much. Look at the buffet restaurants too, how they are filled to the max, with everyone stuffing their faces and getting fat and unhealthy. And the Bars are full of people hanging there heads over there drinks up at the bar, getting drunk, or trying to have a sexual encounter with someone, hoping that sex will fill the void. Or feeling no one cares about them, or they feel so misunderstood by the world. What would we do if there were no Buffets, no Bars, no Walmarts?? Well we might become thinner, wealthier, soberer, healthier and saner for starters. In this type of a society people might come to depend on each other more for sharing and fun and enjoyment and self improvement. Also be learning to communicate better, while developing long term and more meaningful, and deeper connected friendships with each other. It might become much easier to go out on a limb for new friendships. and not just having a possible bunch of aquaintances or superficial relationships, or passerbys coming and going, passing on through our lives.
About a week ago, I just recalled when I was at the petfood store, there was this lady who was getting ready to pass me with her cart in the isle I was in, and then she stopped and noticed my little dog. She started the conversation talking about her new puppy, and then she went on about how she knew someone who was abusing their dogs, and that she had rescued the puppy she had. I spoke about the petfood that poisoned my first dog to death. And the next thing you know, we must of been standing in that isle for a good 20 minutes or longer talking about dogs and cats, when suddenly, she confesses to me, and says “I have NO friends. I was like surprised when she admitted this outright to me. Unfortunately I did not let her know that I was in the same exact boat as her. So I used the excuse to let her know what I had been reading about the petfood ingredients that she was unaware about, and I asked her if she had a computer that I could e-mail her the information I had about what was in the petfood ingredients, in hopes that maybe we could also strike up a friendship over time. But she said she didn’t have a computer. I didn’t feel right at the time about asking her for her phone number, so it was time to go, and then I wished her congratulations on her new puppy, and she thanked me for talking with her and then we moved on. Afterwards, I had regretted I had not been as open as she was about not having any friends. The lady was brave I thought to myself, imagine that to come right out and admit this to me, her being a total stranger. I sure hope I meet her again. She seemed very nice. I will offer my phone number if I see her again. I think it can help having a pet to be with in public. It can help break the ice to talk with others. But after that, you need to become creative, real quickly as to how you can stay in touch with a person to hopefully gain a new friendship. Maybe we just need to be more open like children can be. Remember how easy it was just to go run up to some new kid’s house and ask them if they would like to go outside and play with you. Alot of us didn’t think anything of it. We didn’t stop and think to ourselves “Hmm I wonder if that new little girl will say she doesn’t want to play with me and I will feel so rejected if she says no”. I bet if everyone were more like a kid that maybe we’d all have at least a couple good friends, you suppose? I think pride and fear too often times stand in the way of expressing our wants and needs to others we do not know. I guess maybe exposing our “friendless” situation with others can make us feel vulnerable, like we are sitting in a hotseat and what we fear most is the dirty word, REJECTION. This is just one of several possibilities I suppose. Life is full of risk taking, and I guess if you don’t take some risks in life, you won’t ever know the sweet taste of victory. If in times you get defeated, you just need to try and pick yourself back up to your feet again, dust your shoes off, and go on to the next opportunity till you get it right. Well, I am so sorry about how long my post has become on here. The Lord bless you all and be with you and direct your paths! Love, Leah

19 04 2007
Leah

Lisa,
Thank you so very much for your condolences about my dog. That means alot to me! Some people can be so cruel. As an example, my dog had just died that day and my mother says “oh you will get over it.” Well that dog was a big part of my life mom, I wanted to say to her ,please don’t be so callous, but thats just the way she is, I guess. Lisa I appreciate your kind words. I have been friendless for a long time now it seems. There had been some “aquaintances” and a few friends that have came and gone while I have been married. Events in some of their lives lead them to other places, such as (new marriage, divorce, distant moves etc.) But now I’m living in the South in a tiny town. There isn’t even a grocery store here, haha. Closest one 19 miles away. it has become even more challenging to make friends way out here. I am not going to give up though. Never! I don’t think being friendless is met to be a fate exactly, but I think maybe we are suppose to learn something out of it about ourselves from this experience. On the upside, maybe it will help us to help others in some unique way one day. Maybe its just to teach us to preservere more, develop more patience, humble ourselves, a time to get closer with God, getting immense insight about life in general, but only of course, if we choose to accept those paths. Life can destroy a person, but only if we let it. I believe we need to keep on going, because we are not the Master of this Universe. I believe there is a much more devine and higher purpose and larger destiny that each and every person on earth is called to fulfill. But its up to us to find it and decide what that is, whether we want to follow whats morally right and strive and struggle toward our unique and amazing destinies on this earth that we were put here for, or choose to stay miserable and angry at the world and let it destroy you, and possibly harming others along the way. Heres an example to the down side. You know that young Korean man on the news that had killed all those college students and professors in Virginia and himself recently. Well this is where friendlessness and arrogance and depression and loneliness and worthlessness, jealousy and hostility at the world. can take a person to its final conclusion if one isn’t careful and does not choose the right path. Its vitally important to control our own thought processes, and to not fall into the demise of the devil who wants to destroy peoples lives. I don’t have all the answers and probably never will, but I will never give up. Its okay to be lonely and down and angry for a little while, but only as long as you don’t act on those feelings in such a way that it can harm ourselves and others. You just can’t let yourself stay there. Sometimes you just need to discipline yourself to walk it off, eat healthier, be creative and do something nice for someone, whenever you see the opportunity at all, pray, read poetry etc. Thank you Lisa for your comments. Remember God loves you and so do I!
Love, Leah

19 04 2007
Lisa

I think there are people out there that really do have true friends. I see them all around and that is what makes it difficult. It is hard to see it all the time. I think people it for granted and they do not realize how lucky they are. What they have, a friend, is a wonderful thing. However, at the same time, they too do not have perfect lives and there are things they would change if they could. Nobody has a perfect life. We all struggle and that is what we are here for, to learn. We just have different struggles. Our job is to overcome our problems and to not let them get the best of us, right? I think a lot about that man at VA Tech too. Another thing I noticed as I watched the constant footage bombarding my television, is that many people had soooo many friends! They received texts from all these people making sure they were okay and I couldn’t help but put myself in that situation and think that if a catastrophic event happened in my area, nobody would text me to see if I am okay. I don’t need to be the most popular person around, but it would be nice to have people care about me. Hmmmm, maybe someday.

20 04 2007
Lansie

I think I would be okay without friends if it wasn’t for the fact that EVERYONE I know has friends. This has really hindered a lot of things in my life, so many simple stupid things like going shopping or to a movie or out to eat – you can’t do any of those things by yourself without getting the stare-down by everyone else. Also, right now, there is this guy pursuing me and I so want to go for it, but he has about a million friends and I don’t feel adequate at all. I just ended a relationship with a guy I dated for several years who was also Mr. Popular. It got to the point where I had to take a job on the weekends so he can have some free time to spend with his friends while I didn’t feel so pathetic doing nothing by myself. I think, how am I ever going to make friends when I don’t have any? I don’t think I can enter another relationship, friendship or something more, because I am so deeply embarrassed about my friend-less situation.

I mean, what is that? I have never heard of another person having this problem – turning down a wonderful guy (or girl) because they have no friends? What do you even tell them? I feel like I need to get some friends first before I start dating again.

Now that I think about it, I know now why I only ever date guys who are “popular”, who have a lot of friends. I know for a fact now, after coming to this site, that there are males out there, some my age, who also do not have friends or very few friends. However, we will never meet because we would both be in the same boat. A male version of myself would never approach me! Perhaps he would think I have a life and be intimidated, or feel inadequate. If only there was some sign I could wear on my forehead that only people in my situation could see. We could all just be friends with each other without feeling inadequate or stupid.

20 04 2007
Aries

Hello I just turn 18 a few months ago. I was a senior in high school I have heard you see who your real friends are when thing get tough and you need them the most. When I Battled with a drug addiction and was basically throwning my life away, my family disowned me, and was very depressed I turned to my close friends to guided me. What I found out is that all my friends turned their backs on me. I have no friends. Friends I would call brothers stopped talking to me. They didnt want to hang with me because of the drug but that was all I was left with, One friend stuck with me the longest and it was helping but shortly gave up leaving me crushed. I m still addicted. I hated going to school seeing old friends walk past me not saying a word. Everyday I think of them, I miss them and what to be friends with them again but I’m also angry at them for leaving me. I didnt expect any of them to do this to me. Most of them didnt even try to talk to me. My best friend I called crying and he told me he was busy. I want to have friends but I dont want get hurt again….

21 04 2007
Ray

Can I say ditto, ditto and ditto…? I’m emotionally overwhelmed trying to read these posts. I have done so many of the same things and feel so much the same way. I even found this article by trying to ask Google why I don’t have any friends as well.

I feel like I have no friends. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I have no close friends. I feel like I can get a long with most anyone, but all too often I find myself all alone trying to think of someone I could call and say ‘lets go do something’ but there isn’t anyone. I do have a couple of old friends. We all live in different cities now, so we’ve not seen each other in years but I do hear from them once in a while, which means a lot to me. The thing is, they both have friends in the cities where they live and they will tell me all about stuff they do with there new friends, but I have no one and I don’t understand why. Like I saw in one of the other posts, I’ve witness neighbors roughly the same age as me, get together for cook-outs etc, but I am not invited. I try to be friendly with my neighbors but nothing comes of it.

Hey PETER… I am not far behind you, I recently turned 40. I know what you mean about the couples with children thing. It is also tearing my heart out reading about the folks here in their teens and twenties who have the same problem. I know all to well how desperation and loneliness can drive bad decisions.

I’ve spent lots of money over the years essentially trying to buy peoples friendships, doesn’t work of course. Some times I’ve been know to order a pizza, not because I really wanted it, but for the few minutes of talking to the delivery person. I just wanted to some sort of human contact. There are times I go for days without having a conversation with anyone. I’ve done little tests at work, of not initiating a non-work discussion with anyone. Just to see if someone initiates one with me… and it’s very rare when someone does.

The other thing is, as I read these posts, I remembered a time with I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade sitting in the school lunch room, watching everyone next to me have conversations with each other, but no one was speaking with me. I remember thinking something like, if all the other lonely people in the world would get together they won’t be lonely anymore. So I’ve been struggling with this for a long time. Clearly it’s something about me. I think there is some merit in the introvert discussion. I am very introverted as well.

Can I be honest about my fear when I post this? No one will be interested enough in anything I have to say to respond. I recognize I am posting to what must be the most supportive group of people on this topic I’ve ever seen, however, because of all the times I have felt rejected by people, anymore I expect people to ignore me.

21 04 2007
Ivan

I don’t have any friends at all. The friends that I used to hang out with in high school are now gone. My family keeps telling me to get “more open” and “go out more”, but when you have no connections in this world there is not much that you would want to do alone, you need a companion to do something together. My grades have dropped as a result of my depression from realizing that I have no friends and no one to talk with. The feeling is horrible and I often ask God why this is the way for me but He never answers. On top of my social isolation, my parent’s house is a total mess both physically and financially. What depresses me even more is the fact that they won’t quit gambling and attempt to fix up what they have destroyed.

Sometimes I contemplate suiciding by leaping off a building like so many others have done so before me. How the gentle breeze of the air would surround me as I fell, suddenly cut off at the end by a sense of immeasurable pain, but only for an instant. Then I would either be able to find out what is on the other side after death or at least end my misery in life.

My sister and cousins have so many friends to hang out with while I have no one. This really makes me feel horrible. In my spare time all I do is play basketball at the park and work low-paying part-time jobs. I worked at Jewel-Osco last summer and they not only deducting a lot of taxes from my first job, but also took away more for Union fees. This world is so harsh and unforgiving to the inexperienced person making his way through. I’m so jealous of the people who have friends to talk with because all that I do is talk to myself.

21 04 2007
Leah

Hey Ivan,
If you have came back to this site, I hope you read my posting. Do Not Entertain Thoughts of Suicide!!! This is Leah’s husband here. My father committed suicide in 1986 while I was in the United States Marine Corps. All he did is make matters worse for his survivors. Suicide is not the answer! I know all about having a screwed up family…I lived it myself. My father was an alcoholic and when I was younger I drank alot too. All I did was make matters worse on myself! I quit drinkin and my life has improved. I am 42 years old and happily married. My wife is my best friend and I do not have any other friends than her. We get by the best we can, but we would like to have good friends too. Usually when we have met people, they have very different interests than we do, and it just doesn’t seem to work. But, we believe in God and we will never give up…we believe that it is God’s will to bring friends into our lives someday. It will happen when it happens! I did make friends while I was in the Marine Corps, but as time goes by, you lose contact with them since they live scattered across the country. I have tried to make friends by participating in some activities that are of interest to me. Sometimes this works, sometimes it hasn’t. The main thing that I do to keep a positive attitude is to have confidence in myself and my abilities. This has helped me especially in my work life, and I have moved into salary level jobs. Having the extra income in the past to enjoy traveling had helped. You may feel like a loser by not having friends, but the reality is that people who kill themselves are the real losers…like my father! Since his death, I have pushed myself to make the most of what I have been dealt. I have studied hard to get me the income I need to do the things that I want to do. I’ve learned to stay away from people that enjoy activities that bring trouble into my life, like drinking and drugs. I realize I only get one life on this earth, and I will not accept anything less than what I believe in! I just keep on going and going (plugging away) like my mom says. I’ve noticed through out life alot of people that claim to have alot of friends…really don’t have any at all! Not true friends at least. When trouble comes into their lives…these “So-called – good time” friends are nowhere to be found. What a joke! Real true-blue friends are difficult to find for most. A true friend will be there for you in the good times as well as the bad. Many people that claim to have all of these friends I don’t believe have this kind of relationship at all. My advice to you is to just be yourself, be honest and confident that you have a purpose and never give up! There have been many times that I have felt like giving up! But I convince myself that I am better than what life has dealt me, and that my circumstances are Not who I am as a person, and I always take the initiative to make my life better…with or without friends. I believe that a successful and honest, happy person attracts potential people to cultivate a friendship relationship. But it takes time…but it is not impossible. We all need to tough it out and hang in there. Good things happen to people who keep trying. Bad things happen to people who give up. I have a lot of tragic stories that I could tell you, but I’ve kept on going regardless. Sometimes it has been very hard and drinking had made it even worse. I’ve stopped drinking, I’ve attained Professional Certifications in my field of work and I now have a Bachelor’s degree level job and I never finished college. Sometimes I think how I amaze myself when I realize that I am the only guy in the office without a degree. But guess what, I know that I have been more qualified and intelligent about my work than many people with Master’s Degrees. You need to make life a challenge to what you want it to be. Not what your parents want you to be, or let work dictate that you can only have crappy jobs. You decide to be successful. Then you do something about it. My home life as a kid was a disaster and when I was 18, I joined the Marine Corps and began to continue the plan for my future while removing myself from a horrible situation with a chronically drunk father. When I was growing up, I was so embarrassed about my father that I did not want any of my friends to even come over. I always went to see them. I didn’t have a graduation party either, but I went to others parties. I played basketball for 7 years throughout my school years. My parents never came to any of my games. They just dropped me off and picked me up when it was over. I was an honor student and I always tried to please my parents with my grades. They acted like they didn’t care. Nonetheless, I chose to continue getting good grades…I knew that someday I would benefit from being knowledgeable instead of stupid. I’m not going to give up now after all this time. Please join me in this manner. We don’t know what the future holds. I believe the friends that you desire will come when God presents them to you. My wife and I are doing our best to believe for that. My wife, I know has had it even more difficult these days than I about not having friends and family near, because of where we are living at now in such a remote area in the South and is unemployed, while we are both suffering the loss of our beloved dog, thanks to the Petfood Recall you may have heard about on the news. Anyway, don’t let anyone, including yourself take your own self worth away from you. My wife had a grandma from Sweden that had this saying, “Love many, trust few, ALWAYS paddle your own canoe”. I totally agree with that! Life is short and its up to us to make the best of what we have to work with. Happiness comes from within first. Be a friend to your ownself first, and expect good things to happen from there. Nobody can give that gift to you, other than yourself. Hang in the there Buddy, and that goes for all of you as well that read this post.

21 04 2007
Lansie

Ray – I know what you mean about trying to buy people’s friendships. I haven’t necessarily tried to do that but it seems like back in the day I always tried so hard to keep my old friends. I was always the one sitting around waiting for them to confirm plans, only to usually find that they are busy or “forgot” to call. I’ve stopped trying now because it’s pathetic. All the time I wonder why nobody initiates conversations with me, usually. And when they do, the conversation always dies off – I just can’t keep it up for whatever reason. I almost never initiate conversations and when I do, it’s usually just to ask a mundane question, not usually because I need to know the answer, but because I just want human contact. The long for human contact and the lack of it is so strangely painful because there are obviously people everywhere, yet you can’t talk to anyone. Everywhere I go it’s like I’m being teased because I so long to reach out to just about anyone who would listen, yet everybody is a stranger. There are SO MANY people out there, why should anyone have to be alone?? It doesn’t make any sense.

21 04 2007
Ray

Hey Lansie – On the buying friends I used to do things like picking up the check when out with a group of people even if I didn’t really know most of them very well. Or spending a little too much on someone’s birthday present, things like that. I guess it was a certain amount of trying to make people like me.

My cell phone has liberated to an extent, even though no one calls me on it either, at least I don’t feel bound to the house just in case I miss there call. Not that I have anywhere to go. I know it’s very pathetic how insecure and borderline obsessive I can get when someone says they will call. I know to them, it’s not a big deal, but to me it’s everything.

I am also very sensitive to determining if a person is loosing interest in what I am saying. I don’t want to bore people. At the same time I can go into a panic in my head tying to think of something to ask the other person so they will talk about what they are interested in. Make the conversation a two way street, but then my mind goes blank. Somewhere about that time the conversation has just ends.

I feel loneliest when I am in a crowd. Church was the worst. I used to go regularly a few years ago. It just got too painful. I would be sitting there listening people talk about being raising there kids and being good parents, reaching out to people in need, and love thy neighbor. The whole time thinking I’ve been showing up here every week for years, someone could try reaching out to me. I would like to feel loved for a change.

I’ve been slowly withdrawing for years. I work from home most of the time and just don’t leave the house unless I need to. I feel so rejected by everyone it’s just safer to avoid people. It’s counterintuitive I know to withdraw and then complain about being alone. However being alone in a crowed is far more painful.

What I don’t get is I am not looking to unload my problems on people, I try really hard to not be a gloomy Gus. Most of the time I just want to have some fun. Tell stories, crack jokes just be silly. It would be nice to have someone to talk to when something is bothering me, but there are also days like to day. I am in a really good mood today and wish I had someone to be in a good mood with.

21 04 2007
Ivan

Thank you for replying to my post, husband of Leah’s. Your story inspired me to keep moving forward in life and never give up. I’m sorry that you lost your father at such a young age. I guess good things in life don’t come easy and you have to keep working at it. What you have accomplished despite your past is very impressive. I am not seriously considering suicide though, I am just occasionally depressed. Once again, thank you for telling me your story. I will keep looking for my purpose in life. Good luck to everybody here, I wish you peace and love.

22 04 2007
Lansie

Ray – I am always the one buying expensive, nice gifts for people. For instance I have a friend I see about twice a year, and we exchange birthday presents every year, and last year she completely forgot to get me something, even though I spent forever looking for a present for her.

I have found that loneliness is a terrible cycle. I am lonely because I can’t go out and meet people, and I can’t go out and meet people because I don’t have anyone to meet people with. It may not make any sense, but I couldn’t just go out and join any clubs, take any classes, go out to bars, or whatever it is that people suggest lonely people do by myself, I would have to have someone with me. I am scared to death of being alone in public, I am very conscious of that when I am.

I just get so nervous when I talk to almost anyone. When they don’t respond or give me what I consider a “courtesy” response, I feel like I’ve bored them. Sometimes when I get out of a conversation I analyze in my head repeatedly what I have said, analyze whether or not I made a fool of myself. Other times though, I don’t know, I have really good conversations with people, sometimes I can just really open up, but it doesn’t lead anywhere, it doesn’t turn into any friendships.

I’m about to move to a new city in a few months, and hopefully I can start over. I figured that perhaps when I meet new people, I would have an excuse to not have any friends, because I’m new. It used to be that I didn’t think about making friends, and it used to just happened. How did that happen??? Now I feel like if I want friends, I need to make a very conscious effort to do so. Every other aspect of my life is great, except I have no social skills. I used to wonder what people meant by “social skills”, but now I see, and I have none. I have been observing people who have a lot of friends, what they talk about and how they have so many friends. Sometimes these people talk to me, and what I have noticed is that they don’t talk about themselves too much, they seem genuinely interested in the other person and ask a lot of questions about them.

I let people think I don’t care that I have very few or no friends, but it hurts me so much more than I ever let on. I have to put this problem at the very top of my list – it needs to be remedied immediately, or I don’t think I can ever be happy.

22 04 2007
katie

Hello everyon

I havd read many of your entries. It is nice to know that I’m not alone, however it is sad to think that there are so many individuals who feel as empty as me. I am 25 years old, and have no friends. I work during the week, which keeps my mind busy. It hits me the most on weekends. I dunno why I’m not connecting with ppl very well. I am a really nice person. I’m loyal and non-judgmental. I work at a large organization and have no problem communicating with others. I really dont know what my problem is…any suggestions??….

I seem to attract people that want to use me, and dont give a flying fuck about my feelings….sigh…..

I wish things were different, I totally feel like an outsider.

thanks for listening.

ps… I consider you all my friends (we should arrange a meet and greet)

pss… Any one here in the GTA? Ontario?

22 04 2007
Ivan

If a meeting were possible, and it turns out to become a lonely persons group that helps lonely people everywhere that would be ideal and nice.

22 04 2007
Lisa

Yeah but wouldn’t starting a friendship based on knowing that you both have no friends be kind of awkward? Or is that just me making more excuses thus leaving me friendless. I have been tempted to e-mail some of the people on here, but that makes me feel kind of weird. Making friends now seems almost like dating or something. Like going up to someone of the same sex and asking them to hang out and feeling like you may get rejected. Maybe high school wasn’t so bad afterall.

Hey you two that buy people things in an effort to make friends, that is so funny because just last week, I told these two people at work that I would “hook them up” with this item that my husband is an owner of the company. I acted all like it was free, when in reality, I went to the store and bought it for them. I payed full price. I did have some other reasons to do it. I wanted it to look like it was selling well at the store and also I want it to get popular by word of mouth since it is a start up company. Even as I was thinking about giving it to them, that thought crossed my mind of buying some friends. So are you telling me that it doesn’t work and that these girls are not going to be my friends? ; ) Damn. Oh well.

22 04 2007
Ray

Ok everyone, we are a lot a like, we thought we were the only ones, we’ve found each other… and it freaks me out…

Ivan – I was thinking along those lines last night too, maybe we should form our own grass roots support group somehow. Not exactly sure if this is truly the right forum we have found here, but I guess something is better then nothing. I thought about somehow doing a web site or something. I am a little concerted about the age ranges represented here. We are vulnerable and hurting and so we need to be careful. After all this is the internet and you never know who you really talking too. Especially the teenagers I see posting. That said, maybe this could somehow turn in to a part of the answer we’ve all been searching for. What do you all think?

Lansie – I am with you there, I’ve done really nice things for people and at the time I really wasn’t looking for anything in return, I just wanted nice to them. However, I have to admit, not even getting acknowledged on my birthday or other special days hurts. And the pattern keeps repeating, it would be one thing if this only happened with a few people once in a while, but it keeps happening and consistently I feel ignored and left out and don’t know why.

I also don’t go any were alone and it makes all too much sense to me that you can not go out and meet people on your own. I am like that too. The worst part is I am so hyper-sensitive anymore, that even when I do go somewhere with someone, I tend to cling to them and either bug the crap out of them and use them as excuse so I don’t have to meet anyone new, or I will find a corner to stand in and pretend I really am having a good time looking at a plant or something. Not that anyone usually asks if I am having a good time.

Katie – I can relate to you too. During the work day I keep busy, which makes me a good employee and has led to a lot of success in my career. However, on the weekends… damn… I can only live vicariously through just so many reality TV shows. I too communicate well at work. I am often asked to work with some of our more difficult clients because I seem to have a knack for calming them down and making them feel heard. (and I hate it) I’ve also had co-workers call me when they are upset and they tell me I make them feel better. This makes me feel good in a way, but when it’s my turn and I try to reach out to someone I usually get something like, gee… well… I don’t know… hate to do this too you but I got this other thing I need to do right now… I’ll call you later… Of course they don’t, well not until they want something from me. Otherwise I am back on the shelf being ignored. What get’s me even more is when I want to go have fun with someone, any one, and I get put off too. I feel like I am always the outsider.

I’d love to meet up in Ontario, but I live in Seattle, beside I have this other thing I gotta go do. (just kidding)

22 04 2007
Ray

Lisa – How would I know? lol… I have clearly have a disability when it comes to being friends with people… :-)

22 04 2007
Ray

obtw: Here is my myspace if anyone is intereted. http://www.myspace.com/141095217

22 04 2007
katie

Ray- Thank you for your reply,

The development of a grass roots support group is a really good idea. Besides the support maybe we can arrange different social events for people in different areas. But it would be a little difficult because we seem to be all spread out

22 04 2007
Ivan

Just a thought: If we are able to pull off a successful grassroots community maybe we can lower the suicide rate of people. Imagine helping ourselves and saving the lives of others. We’d do a great service to humanity for all the people out there who are on antidepressants, silently suffering through life, etc.

But first of all, what would set this group apart from other options for making friends, such as the church, workplace, etc. What I mean is: How is this group supposed to succeed where others have already failed? If we do manage to meet somewhere at some time, will we just chill together for a while and then go our separate ways…back to our own lives? Because we all know that loneliness affects everyone here and will not just go away.

It would be a good start to find out where we all come from. I’m from Chicago, 20 years old.

Let’s keep this idea in the back of our minds for a while and see where it all goes. Hopefully, somewhere productive. Your thoughts? Let me know if you guys agree or disagree and why. If most of you here think that this is a good idea, then maybe we should get to know each other more better. But I also think that a major problem could be stalkers online and underage teens who post here.

23 04 2007
Ray

I think such a group can be about helping us understand ourselves and why we struggle with these feelings. Even though I am open to meeting everyone, figuring out how I can become friends with the people I am around in my everyday would be a very powerful thing for me. I think the traditional options for people to make friends are geared towards those that don’t struggle in this area as much. Just knowing I am not the only one with this problem is already having a positive impact.

I hope none of you saw the derogatory posts that were left this afternoon by some skulker. They have been removed since, so thank you Mr. Moderator whoever you are. When I saw them though, I decided to register a URL, (whynofriends.com) there is nothing out there but I had thoughts of creating a regular message board system with a bit more security. Plus I think this site we are on was intended for a different purpose. Maybe I jumped the gun, but I wanted way to continue our discussions in a more protected fashion. Sensitive issues are being discussed and being attacked by an immature person is not acceptable. Seeing those posts have been removed maybe it’s not necessary.

Personally, I am a little squeamish on the suicide topic. There is a line where people need to seek professional help. That said, I am one of those people on anti-depressants. The toughest thing I ever did was tell my doctor I was having a problem. I’ve been taking my little pill for a year and it has been a great thing. I do think that if I had a supportive group of friends around me I would not need it though, or perhaps they would have encouraged me to talk to my doctor a lot sooner.

I dunno, there are some very serious issues being discussed and a wide array of back grounds. It just seems like there is potential for a lot of good here.

24 04 2007
Nigel

I’m 17 and I have two close friends, but we don’t go out together or anything like that. I know this other group of friends and they always ask me to join them in parties, but I know their just doing it out of sympathy for me. What makes things worse is that my two older sisters are complete socialites and academically their both doing the things they love well. I’m the complete opposite; I feel nervous when I’m around people and when someone is good looking I get extremely anxious of what they will think of me and it just screws my train of thought up. I’m really bad at school… I fail almost all my subjects and I’m Asian, everybody expects me to do well especially my parents. I’ve been thinking of suicide since I was a young boy, but it stopped for awhile until I moved to a new “white” country. I’ve just never fitted in as well as I did in Asia. Well I know what your thinking “go bak you f’ing Asian”, I would but now I don’t even get along with Asians from the same country as me as well.

I’m just feeling so down and I play computer games just to forget everything, so it just makes things worst cause I am not trying to make friends as well. This loneliness is literally killing me and people are beginning to realise (especially my family) how lonely I am.

And oh did I tell you? My dad died two years ago…lol now I live in a house full of women including an aunt in an extremely small house. But we still have one room each (sort of) which is good. The thing is I never really felt like I lost anything when my dad died, I guess it was because I was depressed even before he passed.

I just don’t know how my life has turned out so wrong. I use to be a happy little boy, no I feel like I can never reclaim that happiness. I don’t even think I can achieve marriage… I am a complete failure. I’ve tried so hard to get along but nothing works, just more failures to ad to my huge failing list. But at least I ain’t a hobbo :D

I just want to say I would never kill my self… but I will, as far as I can see, think about it.

25 04 2007
sarah

lifes soooo hard. i use to have good mates but life took a turn and now feel the lowest of the low. I have a smashing personalitybut i have no friends to laugh with and share things with. when you have no one you change to a different peson. why?

25 04 2007
Al

Guys,

Its good to read all this stuff you have all written and just to know that other people are going through the same feelings and problems.

Stick with it, you will come out the other side and you will be better for it.

You will be wise and considerate of other people. You will understand suffering.

I think that sometimes it can be good to hit rock bottom. We can turn it round and learn from it. We can become better people.

Human life is so fragile. But that is half the beauty of it.

Don’t let it make you bitter. Let it make you determined.

Remember the world doesn’t have to be this way, you are part of it too. You can influence end change it.

Love and best wishes.

Al

25 04 2007
Tr

After reading all these posts I’m glad to know I’m not the only one out there either. I’m about 17, and I seriously have no friends except one person I know online.

I’m a really nice person, yet no one talks to me, one girl did ask me once if I was okay and I told her nothing was wrong, but other then that no one ever talks to me really.

I’m quite alone, I spend almost all my time doing work of some kind. I try to make friends but I guess I’m just too shy and nervous…

26 04 2007
Devin

Hi im Devin i graduated my HS 2 years ago and ever since that ive had no friends, i was good at skating once then after my friends stop noticing me i quit. My life sucks, i think about killing myself around 5-15 times a day. I need suggestions and anti-depression counselling didn’t do FUCK.

29 04 2007
seb

I’m 22, from MTL , and I do not have any close friends. My birthday is coming soon but I’d rather do nothing than having some pity from my family and cousin. I prefer thinking its a day like another and forget about it like every year…

Every damn year ( it was even worst with my girlfriend it was hard to let her know that I didnt have any friends not even for my birthdays…)

I feel ashamed and embarassed cause I’m simply not good at making and keeping good friendship, often I wish I could be someone else cause it seems so easy to everyone but not for me I guess…

P-S I’m a frenchy canadian (I hate celine dion by the way..) so if something you read sounds weard you’ll know why…
Callis !! ( french canadian swear..)

30 04 2007
Stephanie

Hi! I feel the same way all of you do. It is amazing how many of us do feel so lonely. I wanted to put out there that I am a 25 year old female living in Spokane, WA. I am currently in a relationship, but would love for any other girls in that area to email me! Maybe we can get together and build a friendship. My email is VvStephanievV@yahoo.com. Thank you!!!

Sincerely,

Stephanie

30 04 2007
richard

Why do I have no friends?

BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I TRULY DON’T WANT ANY. I like being alone. People are a hassle.

I’m sure some of you must agree. As much as I miss being around people…I secretly prefer my solitary existence.

1 05 2007
Lori

Richard you are an introvert. Aint nothing wrong with that. There are 16 different types. I am an ISFP. I recommend all of you do a google search and find one of the tests to find out if you are an introvert. I think Jung is the name of it. Just type in Jung personality test. Make sure you do not take one of the tests that they are wanting you to pay for because there are plenty that you do not have to pay for. It helps after taking the test because then you know you are a certain kind of normal. Sometimes I almost want to say to people, I am an introvert, just so they will leave me alone and let me sit in the corner and watch instead of being engaged in the activities. Instead, I uncomfortably and often times unsuccessfully try to fit in to all of the extroverted activities going on and nobody quite gets me. They do not understand that my brain does not even comprehend what to say in a crowd. the only time someone can really talk to me is one on one and then I will be the best listener they have met and I can talk and talk and talk if I am interested. However, getting to that point where people will come talk to me one on one is difficult because I don’t do small talk. I just don’t. I have tried, and I can’t, so get over it and while you are at it shut up, unless you have something to say that has meaning or is somewhat important or interesting. Don’t ask me how I am doing, most likely you don’t even care and I will not have much of an answer to give you unless you REALLY want to know, well then sit down cuz this is gonna take a while. But no, really you don’t care so just go away. Unless I care about the topic at hand, I am pretty quiet. Unless you are very, very close to me then I am quite funny and even fun. Few people are that close to me. Not even my mom sees that side of me often. Anyone who is willing to stick it out and really get to know me will be in for a treat because I will be your best friend and will do anything for you. I will lay down my life for you (not literally) unless you are my child, which you aren’t. But I will stop all I am doing in my life and be there for you, if you are my friend. Too bad so many people around me are missing out. Suckers.

1 05 2007
Kris

Lori, how do you expect people around you to know that you can be a good friend, if you don`t give any feedback? Extroversion or introversion do not have anything to do with friendships. The human mind is a combination of the two elements, one part pulling in each direction in specific situations. People just have to dare to open up. The answer is probably a combination of multiple and individual complex reasons.

In my own personal experience. I went from a guy who did not dare to change, seeking refuge in games and comics, to say **** IT……. WE ONLY HAVE ONE SHOT. Dumped all the games and comics and started to realize the potential every human being have within. People don`t want to be friends with you, burn`em and move on to you find someone. Remember that behind the rain, there is a sun.

1 05 2007
Lori

Well that is my point. I do open up. Just be patient with me and I will let you in on all my secrets. It is the people that are not willing to wait that are missing out on something special. Trust me, I have been very misunderstood in my life and if you google ISFP, that will sum my personality right up. Like I said, my brain cannot download what to say quick enough in order to make small talk and that is what socializing is. It is bullshitting and shooting the breeze. That is why in high school I always had 1-2 best friends, but never a large group of friends. Believe me, I am working on my ‘problem’, because believe me, it is very painful to not fit in and also being so sensitive. Sometimes I get very depressed. I ache for social contacts, but my personality does not allow for me to be extremely social. Now that I have lost my 1-2 best friends, it is a very lonely world. I am constantly trying to connect with those around me, but being easily hurt, I withdraw. See, you are just like everyone else and you cannot understand me. You must not be an ISFP. We are the most commonly misunderstood personality type.

You are correct however in saying it is complex. Because it is. I myself am just beginning to undertand this. I grasped bits and pieces all along on my journey of life and I always knew I was misunderstood and a few people that I cared about knew something was intriguing about me, but could not wait around for me to open up. I believe they missed out. I could have brought much beauty and fun into their lives.

1 05 2007
richard

I did do that test along time ago..I’m INTP. not suprising

1 05 2007
Kris

So as you say it is all about communication and feedback. I understand it can be hard after getting rejections, but humans can`t read minds. Let`em know this is who you are etc, maybe some will turn away, but one day it will click. Don`t get locked down in a pattern or framework.

1 05 2007
Lori

I know, I wish I could read minds. But I would not want anyone reading my mind. Then I reeeeaaaalllllly would not have any friends.

1 05 2007
JD

Im in highschool and Im naturally a shy person. It seems like I have a lot of friends in school, but when out of school no one wants to do anything with me and its like im locked up in my house. Most girls dont think im too attractive and during presentations in school I get extremely nervous. Right now I just feel terrible and lonely. I don’t have any “real” friends to do stuff with outside of school, who actually hang out with me, and I get embarresed real easily. Its making me depressed

1 05 2007
seb

Accept who you are

If not, stop being preoccupied

and move forward for yourself.

2 05 2007
Lori

Seb:

HaPpY bIrThDaY!

3 05 2007
Dianna

The only way i can cope with this feeling is with drugs. For 4 years. I don’t know who i am anymore. i can’t remember who i used to be.

im tired of this hurt

3 05 2007
Ichiru

Well Im 16 and I had social anxiety all my life. Since the day I entered pre-school (4 yrs old-ish) my life has been suffering, and loneliness. In the last year, I made some efforts, and I am a lot less anxious than I was before. I’m still a total social failuire, but I was able to make 2 friends this year. I didn’t keep them because I didnt like them, but I could have kept them if I wanted. Atleast that’s an improvement.

But I have to say all that loneliness makes you clever. Look at the other ppl around us. They’re dumbasses, because theyre so happy. While us, we were unhappy, alone in our heads, but it made us so much more intelligent than they will ever be.

Social anxiety is something you have to break. All those other people, they dont have it, but they are stupid. Those of us who can break off social anxiety will be both clever, and happy.

Of course, how to break through? I saw a psychiatrist, and I can say it doesn’t help. Well it helps to get started, after that not rilly. The way to go through this, I think we all know it in our hearts. We just hastle too much with our fears, or with logical thinking. I say, walk and just let things happen. And most of all, forget the fear. Forget the pain. I think with all the pain I’ve endured, I started enjoying it. More pain won’t matter, including the pain to get out of this.

I noticed that getting higher self-confidence helps. I lost weight lately, and I look much better than before, and I feel much better than before. So improving what embarasses you is really a must.

And pretty much never give up.

I intend to become like I have dreamed to become. And goddam the gap, I wont mind it.

3 05 2007
Juan

im a freshmen in high school. In middle school, everyone knew who i was, i talked to everyone, everyone talked to me. I felt great. But high school comes and large groups of people went to different schools. Now in high school, i just cant seem to make friends, i tried being talkative, didnt work; now quiet, worse then before. I feel like crap. I know ive never had good “friend-making” skills, but its worse then i thought. I dont know what to do.

4 05 2007
WhoCares

I’m a bitter old woman of 46 with no friends past, present and probably future. I read all of these posts and it makes me sad that there are so many of “US” out here with no friends to speak of.

I’ve come to the sad conclusion that friendship is a commodity that has a very high price in one way or another. For many years I found myself trying to buy other people’s friendship. I was the one who brought in the cookies and bought lunch for everyone on the team every few months – just trying to be nice and make other people happy. I figured out after a while that people were laughing at me as a desperate looser because I was trying too hard. I overheard several “I wish she would just quit it, she is pathetic.” comments that just hurt so bad at the time. Now I understand completely that we are all just selfish individuals that only allow friendships when it is profitable for us.

Why do we need friends? To have someone to talk to? To have someone to go out with? Selfish – nothing we do has anything to with those other people when it comes down to it. It is all about how being with other people and talking to them makes US feel. Unless you have something to offer others, something they really want, you will not have any true friends.

I’ve given up and expect to spent the rest of my life alone because I know that I have nothing to offer anyone that they might actually want. I am not attractive and I am not very interesting, so I am a pathetic looser by definition. Buying people’s friendship only lasts for a little while – until the money runs out.

As a bitter old broad I have only one thing to say… get over it or get used to it because it will never change. People are selfish by their nature and friendship is just a word that really has no meaning.

4 05 2007
seb

ThanKs Lori

4 05 2007
seb

Hi “whocares”

A lot of what youre saying is actually true..( youre mid part was quite interesting )
but, you should not stop being who you are, a know there’s a lot of dumbass out there
a lot of people who judges everyones but (you know)there doing that because they need to have the feeling there’s superior…in fact there hiding their own insecurity…

So what they think this or that…
you seem to be a giving person there’s nothing to be ashamed of here..

Salut

4 05 2007
katie

Hi everyone

sometimes i feel like a walking zombie just going through the motions every single day. Life has a weird way of working out differently for some ppl. We were all raised to be a part of a specific social system comprising; work, family, friends etc.. and if we dont fit properly into these social systems then we see ourselfs as outsiders, as weird or different, and then get sad about it, and others tend to see us in the same light, increasing our problem… :( …..

maybe the world has to have some friendless people in it too keep its balance, maybe everyone cannot be happy at the same time because it would interrupt things…. maybe happy people need us in order to appreciate life??…. i dunno… sorry about the yammering….

Anyways, Today, at work, some of the girls were talking about going out for drinks, they didnt invite me, (it could be due to the fact that i am fairly new, who knows), so i didnt let that bother me because i really didnt care. When i got home from work, i called an old acquaintence, asked her to go out for a movie or dinner or whatever, she said she was too sleepy, that she had a long day at work…. so i tryed my best…. im not gonna let myself get upset, there is no point..

peace

hope you guys had a better day

4 05 2007
emmm

Well…

I am young, and I’m younger than 18. It all started one year where I met all of these friends. After a couple of months they thought of me as annoying and bossy. The next year I matured and grew up, and they still thinkof me as my old young self. Just today, I was at a school carnival type thing, when everyone was invited to a party sleepover thing except me. I feel so lonely. I’m in need of a best friend, no one trusts me. I have no friends that will tell me their problems or talk to me. No one ever calls me, talks to me or anything, its always ME who has to go up to them. People think that I’ll blab, which I did in 7th grade. I try to explain to them that I am trustful and I AM.

You guys don’t have to read this. I’m just kind of letting this out.

I do not know if I am depressed or not. This is a matter where I have to go through. It sucks being lonely though, especially at an adolescent age.

4 05 2007
regi

hey guys
well I have the whole can’t-make-any-friends problem as well and it’s got worse, but besides that, there’s the fact that I don’t seem able to have a conversation with anyone. I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t communicate. I’m 17 years old, and specially at this age it’s all about chatting to get to know each other. I watch people talking to others so easily and I just don’t understand how they manage to do that. There are several people I could be friends with, but I simply can’t because of my lack of communication skills. It’s been like this since I was 13, and it’s really killing me. I have people to talk to, it’s just that I have nothing to say. This is the main reason why I don’t socialize. I’m nice to people, I consider myself an okay-looking girl. I have a nice body, which I could lose eventually due to my compulsive-eating habit, which has been caused by the emptyness of my life.
No one really knows me. Maybe I don’t either, because I try hard to please people and I’ve lost myself now.
Thnx for reading =)

5 05 2007
WL

I was a nerdy kid in grade school /w no friends. Parents dressed me funny and they couldnt afford normal clothes. I was always a little bit shy, but not overly so. Eventually developed social anxiety because my father would tell me what a stupid worthless son I was. Then everytime I tried to talk to a classmate they’d ignore me, pick on me, or make fun of me. 6th through 8th grade I was picked on and bullied because I had no friends. I finally started to make friends in 9th grade and was on the fringe of being in the main jock crowd. Then some jackasses thought it would be funny to make shit up about me. I had no enemies, it was just a few popluar kids that took pleasure in trying to destroy my social life. They succeeded my senior year so I had no friends.

My 2 years of solitude and my depression destroyed my conversational skills. I still cannot hold a conversation. Even if I do, I’m boring. That is my sin. I am boring. In the 10 years since I have made few friends and lost those friends. My work life is always hell because I’m such an easy target. The guy with no friends. Doesn’t matter how hard I work, how creative I am, etc. People lie about me and try to discredit my work. Nobody really cares because I’m that boring loser that no one wants to work with. Invite everybody out after work for drinks, parties, you name it…except me.. It’s incredibly tiresome to have these jackasses lie to my face and go out of their way just so I wont find out about a company liason. Everyone but me… maybe that is what my name should be? It’s always everyone but me……

Since senior year, my life has been hell. Even a college degree doesn’t mean much if your co-workers and supervisors always label you as a boring loser. Even with my glowing reviews, I’ve always been one of the first people to be let go once my employer starts cutting people. I’m not a minority, but people always treat me like a black man living in the 30’s in Georgia.

5 05 2007
Lansie

Can I ask you guys a question? Would you ever refrain from dating someone you really like because you have no friends? (Because you’re just too ashamed, or don’t want to have to explain why you have no friends, or feel like they would pity you, etc.) ..Especially if this person has a lot of friends? I’ve been fighting with myself on this situation, and I didn’t know who to ask for advice because it’s an awkward subject to bring up, but I figured you all would understand me on here.

Thanks for any input…

5 05 2007
WL

In response to Lansie:

Go for it. You don’t have to even bring it up. He probably wont even ask you about it for quite some time. If he does, you can do what everyone else does….that is, make up little white lies. Something around the lines of : my friends moved and went off to college or something similar, or maybe you can say that you moved away for a while and came back and lost track of your friends or whatever… just plan ahead..

If you guys date for a while you could possibly make friends with his friends. Or maybe not. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

6 05 2007
friendless in chicago

Hi guys. I posted about a month or so ago and I just wanted to say that you guys need to hang in there! This year started out horrible, and now I have made REAL friends out of previous aquantences. Just this week I have been invited to see spider man 3 with 3 other people, and I just got back from hanging out in my friends dorm room just chilling and watching tv. At first I was nervous going to the movies with just an aquantence who I never had a real convo with…and two complete strangers, but I figured this is my chance to make friends so I put my best face foward and it worked!

The girl who I “knew” said she had fun and that I should come out with her more often…she even suggested we see a new movie coming out I also have been going to the library with her roomate instead of by myself, and it is so much fun talking with her on our way there and back. Plus we sometimes laugh at funny youtube clips when we are supposed to be studying.

Anyway I dont want to delve too deep into this because I know it might hurt to see someone who’s situation has turned around while many of you are still struggling, but I hope that this post shows you that it IS possible to change things. My number one tip is to BE YOURSELF!

I think most of us have great personalities but often times the only people who see it are our younger/older siblings or other CLOSE relatives. We have to realize that being a generic shell of ourself in order for everyone to think we are nice is doing more harm than good! People dont want to befriend someone who has a plastered smile on their face and laughs at any and everything that is said. Instead of laughing nervously lets respond back with our own funny way, showing off our personality. I know that I used to laugh at pretty much everything someone would say, but I realized that by laughing I was able to play it safe and not expose my personality.

6 05 2007
seb

WL I got to say that youre not alone Ive been trough all this and still…

6 05 2007
katie

Lansie

I think you sould go for it. You really have nothing to lose. Take the chanse, you might be pleasently surprised.

Good luck girl

6 05 2007
courtney ammons

OMG Lonely in chicago I laugh alot too! I always hated it how other people would come up with hilarious quips or comments and all I could do was laugh. I feel like Im not in a real friendship because Im never the one being funny. When I am with my cousin I am always making her laugh, so I can totally relate to what your were saying. And dont worry about making us sad with your happiness because seeing someone make friends can be uplifting and encouraging :)

7 05 2007
Redhawk

Hey Guys

Well, i have had the same feeling few years back but now , i have made decision in my life not go behind searching for friends …friends ,relationship and love are always MAYA….being ourself is the truth…i deeply understand that every time when we think we need to make friends …..we desperately fail..the reason is every time when we want to make a friend its the play of the Ego..because we are not ourselves ..when we constantly think of making friends and in the process we tend to loose ourselves ……..and we find a person who matches with our ego and not with ourselves….when the ego mask unveils we tend to feel unsafe again and we don’t feel the connection…so we can only get true friends only when we are ourselves …and when we can stop complaing about ourselves.honestly i suffered from severe socialphobia and today i am an independent man….remeber we are the Truth

7 05 2007
mjfscuba

Hey,
I don’t have socialphobia, or at least i don’t think i do, but I have no friends. I feel depressed and lost and alone. I’m finishing up my senior year of highschool and i’m going to college in August. I live in New York and i’m moving to Boston and i’m scared shitless that i’m going to be completely alone up there. I live with my mom dad and sister and we get along well, but i don’t think they see how i’m feeling. Sometimes i leave my phone on and my instant messenger on to see if anybody calls or leaves a message, but i feel like lately noone has. I’ve really spent my whole life (aside from a couple short periods of time) without friends. I talk to people in school, and somtimes will go to a party, and i even had two parties at my house, but noone ever seems to want to be my friend.i was talking to this girl for about a month and she was wayyyyy out of my league, and i was really interested in her, and i was pretty sure she was interested in me, but when i was talking with her one night, she was telling me how she had a huge crush on some other guy. she just wanted to vent on someone and it happened to be me. I feel like i’m ment to be alone, even though i don’t want to be alone. i feel like i have noone to really talk to. i’m going to wallow in a pit of my own self loathing.

8 05 2007
Tr

I posted here a few weeks ago…

At Lori: I took the test as well, I turned out to be an ISTJ, and it said my career choice is the one I’m planing on taking.

At JD: I’m in the same boat as you man, I have friends at school too but no one wants to hang out with me after school.

At Everyone: This page is getting quite full, someone should start a forum or something.

8 05 2007
Rolfi

Hi everybody. I can relate to all your problems here….Look , I used to live in NYC. And because I lost my common law wife I had to move back to the suburbs of jersey for a stint. Even had a part time job…and boy how horrible people are in the suburbs….I have never expierenced animosity as I did there. People judge and go out of their way to make feel like your crap because you are not like them…..very highschoolish i guess even amongst adults and folks in thier mid to late 20’s…..strange expierence…..um but when you analize why they are like that it is because the world is small….listen move to New York. People are very friendly here. If you are a little cooky it don’t matter. If you are maybe a little creepy who cares but you will make friends…. So I moved back home to New York City and made a whole bunch of new friends you know I lost all those with the break- up with the girl and all.
Just come to new york….Feel the energy and make friends. Do things. Work make cash. Smile at that good looking person….just let all that crap about fear in social activities go.

8 05 2007
Gx

hey you guys, I understand all of you. I’m just like you in a way. Why don’t we all just exchange e-mail addresses? Add me, my e-mail is idboxx@hotmail.com. Post your emails and that way can all stop this heart wrenching loneliness. Post yours! You never know who might want to talk to us ;) Keep the soul alive!

9 05 2007
Lansie

Hey WL/Katie.. thanks for your input. I think I will go for it.. we are both going to be moving to a new city together so maybe I can just postpone it until then, because then I could really say I don’t know anyone but him.

You guys say I have nothing to lose, but the thing is, I just ended a relationship with a guy that was so very popular and had a ton of friends.. and he eventually found out I had no friends, and would feel sorry for me and let me tagalong everywhere. For a while he would ask me why I never introduced him to any of my friends, but eventually he figured it out. Towards the end when our relationship was going to hell, he would use the fact that I have no friends against me. Once he said “not many people care about you, so you better be nice to the few that do..” It hurt so much that I’d sooner avoid it and be lonely, than go through it again with someone else. But here I guess I am going to take another chance and hope that not everyone is as cruel as my ex.

What was the most hurtful was that he would blame me for not having any friends, tell me I’m unsocialable and embarrassing in public because I never talk and just seem unfriendly. But the truth is I could be such a great friend if I actually got the chance. I don’t know how to act around people sometimes, but I’m not unfriendly once you get to know me. I only wish my ex understood what it is like to be me. It is so easy for him to make friends that I know he would be shocked to find out that there are people like me out there where making friends is a problem.

9 05 2007
Tr

Lansie, that is a sad story indeed. I’m sorry that your Ex did that to you. I know how that feels, I’m yelled it everyday in school.

And yeah I know what you mean by the “Great friend” part, I would be too if people weren’t the idiots they are were I’m living. I understand what your saying about everything.

10 05 2007
The loner

Hi people…..

I dont know where to start really. Ive read a lot of posts on this site and im really feeling with you all. Its sad not having many friends or even worse none at all. Ive had many friends when i was a kid but it all changed when i got into my 16-17 years of age where i developed some kind of Social Anxiety. I got afraid that i was gonna blush infront of people and this just got worse and worse, it went from blushing a lil bit when someone yelled at me, / teacher and i didint care that much back then to being able to blush even in my own home infront of my parents!. When im saying this i kinda tear in my eye, because i know how much i was hurting at this time. Today im 21 and have no friends as a result of it, im trying now to get back some friends and make new ones but i must say that its not always the easiest. I feel a bit paranoid, when i ask someone like, “hey phone me whenever u got time” i think it sounds desperate even if its not. Years have passed and ive lived as a loner and was happy with it. No gf no friends, but friends online that i didint know irl, and played games, and whatever there is to do. Thing is people think i got many friends cuz for example at work etc i sometimes feel like im the one people really get suprised by, can be pretty charming lol. But if they only knew… and whats hardest is to keep this close bound with people, people you meet and even old friends now have their own friends, and i get the feeling they hangout etc if i might call them but they have their own friends and i mine… but thats not the truth. Anyhow, all i gotta say is, im feeling sorry for you all, especially the older ones, life aint fair and people are ignorant trust me on that one, im well aware of that.

10 05 2007
katie

WL

I really feel for you. I’ve had similar childhood experience. My parents never wanted me and my brother around, they were always encouraging us to play outside, we would play ouside every day ’till the street lamps came on. When we were around them, they were always putting us down, which led to low self esteem, and social anxiety. I am ok, I finished universiy. My brother unfortunately has a bad drug problem.

11 05 2007
Lori

Lansie: Your boyfriend was such a jerk! Good thing you got rid of him! Always in my relationships, my boyfriend was my only friend and they never ever cared. Now my husband and I are each other’s only friends and he doesn’t care. He actually wonders why I have no friends because he sees nothing wrong with me. Believe me, real men do not treat you the way your ex did so go for it with this new guy!

Rolfi: That’s funny, cuz I just got back from vacationing in NYC and my brother lives there. He has not made any friends in the last 3 years and he had to go to match.com to find his girlfriend (which is fine, but you would think in a city so large you wouldn’t have to go on the internet). I still think it would largely depend on your personality to make friends in NYC. BTW…I don’t think I could live like that but millions of people must like living there because it is packed. I like my car and my yard and the smell of open space. My brother likes it though.

11 05 2007
Lansie

Lori – I agree, he was such a moron. But he got rid of me, not the other way around! This actually turned out for the best, even though now I am all alone! It was through this experience that it really hit me that I have no friends, and it hit me that it is becoming a daily problem. It is on my mind almost literally all the time. It was such a slap in the face and such a reality check.. I think I really needed it to wake me up. I need to make a change and not depend on boyfriends only for companionship! I wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend also had no friends, but somehow I always date guys who have a ton of friends, so it’s quite awkward.

Also, I am willing to bet that there isn’t really anything “wrong” with most of us here! I think people think that friendless people must be somewhat hideous/sociopathic/mean/unfriendly.. but I am none of those, and from what I read I think most of us are also none of those. We all have problems.. it just happens that (for the moment) ours is a lack of friends. I have hope for myself, only because in the past I used to have friends, so why can’t I do it again? I’ve noticed that the older I get, the more inhibited I become. I am so scared of rejection or what other people think in social situations, that I usually just try to blend in with the surroundings. But now I realize I need to take risks and be bold(er), because being alone is no way to live my life anymore.

11 05 2007
anna

Hey all,

I’ll be repeating what a lot of people have said but I’m so glad I’ve found this page and I can relate to you guys. I’m 20 and nowadays I only ever seem to have acquaintances, no one I can talk to or go out with and it only seems to make me feel worse. I had a few friends at school but I only ever keep in touch with one person and even then I feel bad for it as I know she has a new life and lots of new friends, I don’t want to drag her down and I have nothing to talk to her about as I have nothing new in my life. Now I have no one I can turn to, recently I thought I had made a close friend only for her to use me and now shes laughing at me behind my back because I got upset. I’ve always tried to help others and been kind, but people seem to just use me and walk away. It’s difficult because feeling so lonely affects everything I do and it affects who I am, I don’t want to become someone differenta$nd hateful because of others. I feel as if I can’t make friends anymore, I don’t know how to and I can’t enjoy being with others, once bitten twice shy.
I’m hopeful for the future, I want to try to change things but it’s difficult. I’m trying to join clubs and go to places that I can meet nice people but loneliness and depression can be the worst things, it can stop you before you’ve even began. I wish you all luck, we all deserve a bit of happiness.
anna xxxxx

11 05 2007
Lori

Yeah Lansie, I agree. It is always on my mind too. I think I expect a lot out of the people I do come across because little do they know, this is what is consuming me. The fact that I have no friends. Then someone does something as small as not e-mailing me back or not calling me back or not saying hi or not being interested in what I have to say. These things are so small but to me they are huge and they hurt so bad. If I had some friends I would not care so much. Maybe people would not care anyway because maybe people are not as kind hearted as we want to thing they are. Life sure can be a bitch. I hope this is not always a problem I have to face. One thing that has helped me was going on a vacation. I forgot all my worries and problems and now that I am back, it is like starting fresh. All the little things that have been bothering me have not added up to where I feel like I cannot take it (that is how I was feeling before I left). I don’t know how long it will take for me to feel that way again. Now I know it was not depression, I truly feel that is was my lack of friends that was keeping me down. If I had depression, it would have stayed with me on my vacation, am I right? I don’t know how it works.

12 05 2007
Edward

We all should have a convention!! Get togeather and meeet and greet!! Maybe Vegas or somplace fun like that. Everyone needs things in life to look foreward to. Maybe we are all overdue for new lasting friendships!!

12 05 2007
Lansie

Hey Lori, once I was on antidepressants, because my doctor thought I was depressed. But I don’t know if I really was. I think my life would be practically perfect if I only had friends. I don’t even need a ton of friends, just one or two really good friends I could call about anything. I’ve wanted to take a vacation for so long, but nobody to take it with! My ex and I were supposed to go somewhere this summer, but obviously that’s not going to work out anymore. But yeah, I know what you mean by being ultra sensitive to things like someone not returning a call. I think a person with friends wouldn’t be so sensitive to these things because they have their friends as cushions to fall back on. When somebody doesn’t return a call or seems disinterested in me, that just amplifies my loneliness ten times more.

Anna, I too only keep in touch with one person from school, and we talk to each other maybe 3 or 4 times a year. We used to be best friends, but now she has so many new friends and I’m just more of an acquaintance now. I actually saw her and one of our mutual friends from school last weekend (first time in 8 months), and the three of us made plans to do something this weekend. I text’d her a few days but she didn’t respond, but I’ve been reading her myspace and she’s been making the same plans with her other friends! If my self esteem wasn’t so low I would probably have been able to brush it off and say “okay, some other time then”, but it just hurts so much, because I’ve been looking forward to this weekend. I know that I’m not very outgoing at all, and she and all of her friends are very free-spirited and outgoing, she’d probably feels awkward bringing me along. The thing is, she used to be like me, quiet and never really knowing how to carry on a conversation, but then.. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I could learn something from her.

It’s really the weekends that my loneliness hits me the hardest because I used to spend them all with my ex. Nowadays, sometimes I’ll go driving around for several hours at a time, just because even being around other cars out in traffic feels better than being alone. Sounds crazy but that’s how it is. If I weren’t moving to a new town in a few months, I don’t know how I would even have hope. The only reason I’m hopeful is because I can use my newness as an excuse to not have any friends, because not having any friends is a big part of what’s keeping me from befriending people. I feel like nobody would want to be friends with a loner, and I’m a loner because I have no friends. Hopefully I can break out of this terrible cycle.

13 05 2007
gghhtt

So, I posted awhile back. Well today, I’m pretty sure I made a friend. We’ll see what happens.

I just wanted to post to tell you all not to give up, because there’s always someone out there who is willing to be your friend. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, and just get over being scared or nervous. When trying to make a friend, always go into the situation with the thought “I’m going to make friends with this person” because having a negative attitude isn’t going to help at all.

Today has been the best day I have had in at least 3 years. I hope every one of you has a day like mine soon.

Good luck!

13 05 2007
KatyKane

Hi,
I’m 23 and I live in Seattle and I guess I am a “loner”. It’s strange because I’m in sales so I have to pretend to be social, but all my coworkers know that I am not because I don’t really talk to them unless I feel like it. And I like that about myself. But I feel bad because a “friend” from college wanted me to go to dinner with her and a few friends but I didn’t go. The thing is the whole idea of going and making small talk made me sick. And not to mention that I am moving to NYC in June and prior to her knowing that she never returned my calls or wanted to do anything with me. I had friends in college but now I don’t. I try to do stuff with them but our lives are different and they never invite me or they invite me at the last minute, and I do act like a brat about it, but I still don’t go.

It’s painful that my college friends ditched me but at the same time, I graduated and they did not. They probably think I am boring, judgemental or too serious which is probably true, but those are my strong points. Except being judgemental , but you have to have some standards in life.

I want friends because it looks like a lot of fun to have group photos when you go out, but sometimes I can’t handle the closeness too often. But I want to have authentic friends who I can be myself with and not feel pressure to act “cool”, because I’m not, well Ican be, but who wants to be “on” all the time?

Anyway, it’s sad that we all feel so lonely, but I am so happy that there several people that feel the same way. That in itself is encouraging enough for me.

14 05 2007
LONELY

I cant believe that there are so many people on this board who have the same exact feelings that I have. Its scary, though, because I know how lonely it is, I wouldnt want anyone else to feel this way. I’ve had a difficult childhood, which I think has caused me to have serious trust issues. Im 24, have never had any friends, nor have I had a boyfriend. I would love to have all this, but have no idea how to go about making friends. Im very self-conscious and have little self-esteem. I try to make excuses as to why I dont have friends…i.e. Im ugly, fat, etc..all this has caused me to develop an eating disorder. Its very lonely, and I cant wait to go home so I can go to bed and cry. My grandmother yells at me and belittles me because I dont have friends and thats “not normal”..I happened to do a search and came across this board. Its nice to know Im not the only person out there who’s like this. Im very shy and not outgoing, this in turn makes people think Im in a bad mood or stuck-up which is not the case. Also, I wouldnt want to change my beliefs in order to get people to like me (i.e. get drunk, talk about people, etc).

15 05 2007
Lori

My e-mail is ekbergtoo@gmail.com if someone wants to e-mail me.

15 05 2007
jackie

I too googled to get to this page. Being lonely has been so depressing. I can remember being like this when I was only 11 too. I’m now 29 years old. I have no boyfriend or husband or kids either. I’m surprised at the people who are married and/or have kids and say that they are lonely. Does anyone else regret it being summer when everyone is out playing and having fun and you have no one to be with?
I can’t stand it…..

BTW

Lansie – when you mentioned about not wanting to date someone b/c of th fact that you have no friends but he has a lot of friend and you would be embarrassed about that? I TOTALLY understand. Just reading what your wrote made me uncomfortable b/c I’ve definatley had that feeling whenever I was interested in a guy just so SCARED of having to come to that point of him finding out what a “loser” I am. I think that is part of the reason I could be a with a guy but never get close, but I was afraid of that vulnerable side of me.

15 05 2007
Lansie

Jackie – I’m so glad someone knows what I’m talking about! I always try to make it seem like it’s my choice to not have friends, but that’s kind of hard to pull off and he probably thinks I’m a “loser” anyway. I hate pretending to be some kind of antisocial people-hating recluse-freak, I just want to be honest and be myself, but I just can’t. I just think.. I already have no friends, now I can’t even have a boyfriend because of it? It’s such a miserable way to live. I would love to meet a guy with no friends, but if he is just like me, how on earth will we ever meet?

But yeah, I hate it in the summer when I see everyone out having fun.. with other people. You never see someone enjoying a picnic alone.. or playing frisbee alone.. even taking a walk is depressing. It depresses me when I see something beautiful, like a tree in bloom.. or a sunset, and I can’t share it with someone else. It’s just not the same.

16 05 2007
KatyKan

After reading these posts, I feel like I should try to speak with people like me who are out in the community by themselves, although I could see that becoming very embarassing. The whole thing is so wierd,but I think part of this situation for those in our 20’s is the drastic change that happens, because growing up you are always with people your age, even if you don’t have friends you at least know what your peers are like. In your 20’s you really are by yourself and trying to figure life out. Being lonely may just be a part of adulthood.

I am in complete support of a lonely convention in someplace sunny or fun. I too have needed a vacation but have no one to go with. We would have to call it something else besides a lonely convention. Maybe the Singular Circle or a Personal Development seminar where you learn and practice networkng skills?

16 05 2007
Lisa

KatyKan, lets get it organized. I am all for Vegas because I can drive there from where I live. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

16 05 2007
Sean

I’m 25 from Newcastle, UK. I’ve read every comment on this page and its so weird how similar all of our experiences are.

I’m most definately a loner. I do like to spend a most of my time on my own, however once in a while I’d like someone to maybe go see a movie with, or go to a bar with. Again, I’m a decent guy and a few people have tried to be my friends, but I always push them away/refuse to go out with them because I don’t want to spend to much time with them. I’ve been the same way since I was about 13 (before which I had lots of friends). Its so bad I’ve never been in a relationship.

I’ve often thought the solution may lie in trying to befriend a fellow loner. Someone else who understands your need to be alone.

16 05 2007
superlonely

i think self-confidence is the key to most of you guys’ sadness. and the more people reject your friendship, the less confidence you are going to have. so you really have to fight through that pain and maybe even fake that confidence, and you might find yourself attracting people. and i also think most of you need to get rid of your hate. if you look at yourself from the outside, would you want to be friends with you?

also, just because you don’t have friends does not mean you are pathetic or a loser. a lot of successful people don’t have friends, and there are plenty of lonely celebrities out there. and after reading this site you realize so many people are like you, so you are not alone.

please don’t give up on yourselves, this could be a God-given challenge that you must overcome. and it is definitely not easy.

i’m trying to give my advice because i came to this page a few days ago feeling extremely lonely. i have been feeling like i have lost all my friends and nobody is there for me. i read this page and thought alot about why things were the way they were. i recently broke up with my boyfriend because he also could never be there for me when i needed him, and i sort of depended on him for my happiness.

it’s extremely difficult, but you really shouldn’t depend on anyone for your happiness. the reason you are unhappy is because of you, and only YOU can change that. every minute you spend unhappy is a huge waste of your life so end it now. figure yourself out, then go take action to make some friends and not caring what others think of you. be confident. you have nothing to lose.

i hope this helped…

17 05 2007
tommo

Hi!

I also came to this website because I was feeling ultra lonely. I can relate to many of the posts on here. I used to have tonnes of friends when I was younger but after migrating to a new country my friendships became fewer.

Throughout High School I had a handful of friends and one close friend. Up until a year ago I had 1 close friend or what i would label a friend. The other people I would label associates.

As I became older I came to the realization that a TRUE friend is something pretty rare and special. Although maybe just rare for me? I somehow managed to lose my only recent friend as well. Maybe it my fault for not being in contact.

Over the last year I have been seeing a psychologist due to depression problems. I have always been a real nice person and extremely loyal although having been so lonely has probably turned me bitter and slightly anti people.

Sometimes I feel like I have lost faith in people and the world after sooo many disappointments. I know that this is something I have to get over and my self confidence is deteriorating bit by bit. I feel like crying right now.

I am a decent looking fellow and I have a tendency to put myself down a lot and often feel like I have nothing to contribute. Its great being able to express ones feelings even if its only in typed form. Thanks for listening to my ramble. It helps a bit knowing you are not alone.

17 05 2007
Lisa

Is it wierd to be married and still feel lonliness? That is pretty wierd, huh. I guess I just need a female contact. Just today I drove past this little shopping center with lots of cute boutiques and it said this weekend there is going to be a huge 2 day sale. I got really excited for a second, then I realized, I have nobody to go with. Another thing I feel I really have missed out on is having a sister. I do not have one. Is that wierd to be 27 and still be sad because I do not have a sister? Sometimes I think the loss I am feeling is not having a sister more than anything else, such as friends. If I just had one really close person that I could go do the girl stuff with, that would be perfect. The funny thing is, when I got pregnant the first time, I really really wanted a girl so I could have a female to relate to (I am not that close to my mom), well, I had a boy. I got pregnant again thinking for sure I would have a girl. We had another boy. Isn’t that funny?

17 05 2007
katie

Katykan & Lisa…

I think your ideas for a convention/meet and greet are great. You can count me in. We all need a fun and positive change!!

18 05 2007
Arucard

So many people here…now i dont feel as out of the ordinary haha. The only good friends i have had were when i was so young that i barely even remember them. I had a few somewhat friends during 6th grade…but then around 7th or 8th i lost them. I am now 19 and havent had a single friend since then. I am a pretty shy person and dont every really go up to people and initiate conversation…but i have good social skills and can carry on a conversation (kind of) if needed. Like most everyone else on here i completely dont understand why i am alone…i am a very nice person, and a great friend. I didnt used to mind being alone as much, but recently it has gotten to me. I have been in a relationship with a guy for over 4 years now, and its just that much worse when we get in fights and i have absolutely no one to talk to. I think it also has a bad effect on our relationship because he has other friends that he likes to hang out with,…but since i dont have any others i like spend most of my time with him. If only people would care to get to know me they would find out what a good person i am. But they dont. Oh well.

18 05 2007
KatyKan

I think Labor day weekend would be a good time to go because it will give everyone time to save money and it should be a little cheaper during that time right?

Vegas sounds fun, but I’m not really a huge gambler so hopefully there will be others interested in seeing the cheesy vegas shows ;).

Lisa what do you think? Is a labor day weekend trip doable? I’m sure there are some good group deals we could get. Ahhh, the privelege of group discounts.

18 05 2007
Chris

Hey all,

I found friends let me down in the past. I developed a tendency not to have friends after that. I would simply lose contact (not on purpose but for lack of effort). I think the high school thing applies to everyone (everyone loses contact). Recently i went on a work placement as part of my college. i met some great people and we had fun. since we came back, everyone has changed…i guess i let my guard down and wish i didnt make friends…now i am back to my lonely self and you know what…i think i am happier.

it seems a bit sad that i am happy alone but at least no one can let me down…i think friends are circumstantial with a time limit…

To anyone who hasn’t lost faith in friendship… forget about past experiences, the key to making good friends is to be a good listener…i see all too often the word ‘someone to confide in, someone to tell your problems to’ associated with friends…if you listen to peoples problems and sympathise, they will be your friend…think of it as an investment…

sorry for being a pessimist but i will not deny myself happiness or be depressed anymore, if i have problems i deal with them…i do not need to talk to anyone, i am my own person…i do not need anyone else…tell yourself that

19 05 2007
DaCii

Hey everyone. I’m 19..no friends.. Its so crazy how strong you guys sound. With me i feel suicidal pretty much every weekend because of the fact i dont have friends. in the summer its worse because you cant go to the beach alone ( well you can but who wants to?) you cant go to waterparks alone, or do any of the fun summer things by yourself. i tried going to the beach alone but i got really depressed because i saw all big groups of friends together laughing and enjoying themselves…

it just makes me think whats the point of going through life when you have no one? i literally have no one to talk to, i mean i go to college but even there i cant have a convo without the other person saying “oh me and my best friend are doing this..”

19 05 2007
DaCii

Hey everyone. I’m 19..no friends.. Its so crazy how strong you guys sound. With me i feel suicidal pretty much every weekend because of the fact i dont have friends. in the summer its worse because you cant go to the beach alone ( well you can but who wants to?) you cant go to waterparks alone, or do any of the fun summer things by yourself. i tried going to the beach alone but i got really depressed because i saw all big groups of friends together laughing and enjoying themselves…

it just makes me think whats the point of going through life when you have no one? i literally have no one to talk to, i mean i go to college but even there i cant have a convo without the other person saying “oh me and my best friend are doing this..” even where i work i come in every weekend and here how all of my co workers are going out to a party after work(i work with mostly guys) and i should bring my friends and come.. but i always say how i am busy even though i no the reason is that i have no one to bring with me

i have a boyfriend, and without him i dunno what i would do. its sad because he has so many friends and gets so many phone calls when we’re together. him and my mom are the only phone calls i ever get. i get over protected of him sometimes, because i feel like if i loose him ill never have another boyfriend, ill never get married, or even have kids.

this situation is so hard because when you go through life with no one you feel so vunerable and depressed. if i could only have that one girl to talk to or go out with it would mean the world to me! i just doubt that will ever happen…
thanks for listening

19 05 2007
Lansie

Hey DaCii – when I had a boyfriend, my parents and him were the only people to call me. I had two ringtones.. one for my parents, and one for anyone else.. and I could always tell when he called, because “anyone else” was always him. And of course, he always got a lot of calls when we were together. Maybe you could befriend just one of your coworkers.. and then hang out with them at their parties, and then trying to “use” them to make friends with their friends. Use isn’t a very good word here, but I think you know what I mean. It takes people to know people, which is why I think a lot of us are in this situation…

Summers really are the worst – especially if you are in school, and it is not in session in the summer. Suddenly your alone time increased by many hours each day. There are times too when I feel pretty suicidal.

It seems to be a recurring theme here – people only having their significant others (usually females with a boyfriend or husband, but I could be wrong?) as companionship. If we could only attract into our lives people who want us just as friends the same way we attract significant others, that would be great. I think this is so common because it takes no work on our part to attract boy/girlfriends since one always pursues the other.. but in a friendship, it’s a mutual pursuit. Perhaps I could be wrong, but I’m going to guess that almost everyone in this situation did not pursue their significant others, but was pursued by that person. Well, I don’t know if that made any sense at all, but it’s my 2 cents for what it’s worth.

20 05 2007
DaCii

Hey Lansie–
Yeah it sucks when your with your boyfriend and he’s getting calls none stop! I just sit there like an idiot watching him talk wishing that i could get at least one phone call from someone besides my mom!

I find myself going on people’s myspace from highschool and seeing pictures of them out at clubs, bars, partys and all.. its so depressing because it seems everyone made new friends or stuck with their old ones. in highschool i had 3 best friends. by junior year once we all had diff classes, we all ended up drifting apart. i really cant even consider them best friends because if they really were then wouldnt they have still kept in contact?

its crazy how many guys are on this page with the same problems. i thought it was mainly girls who dealt with this since girls have a lot more drama it seems. i thought all a guy had to do was bring up sports or something and he would make another guy friend. thats what my boyfriend does at least and he always sparks up convos with anyone.

its hard to try to go out with my co workers because their all guys and i no they just dont only want me there… they want me and my girl friends… too bad i dont have any! i also have a younger sister (by two years) and she is ms. popular with a lot of friends and a boyfriend. every weekend she does out to a party while her older sister sits at home and watches TV. i think having a younger sister who is that popular makes it a lot worse for me.

20 05 2007
Lisa

I am not a gambler either. (Besides the nickle machines). We can go somewhere else if anyone has any other ideas. That does give us plenty of time to save and plan for it. Mmmmmm…Paris buffet. Gooood.

20 05 2007
Steve

Charisma, look into it people. Get some

Also realize every other tosser is as self-absorbed as you are and are too busy being anxious to even pay attention to your anxieties.

20 05 2007
Ariel

hi, my name is Ariel Rodriguez, i moved to the USA when i was 21, now im 25, and all the frends that i had i left them there in uruguay my native country, all the people that i have met here in the usa have not been so friendly to me, my relatives are non existant, and from being a super social person working on my own office from the age 19 to the age of 21 and having a radio program on a poppular radio of my country working as a event organizer for high school students of all arround a state in uruguay,
i became the loneliest wolf on heart, i have been mistreated in all my jobs , suffered from racism and verval agression frequently in some of them i have realized something,
if you dont represent yourself youllbe treated like a useles idiot, guys pleasse it is not easy to make new social circles but is a must in cases like this , ask for peopple to become your friend if you feel like it to, but represent, no body matters more the yourselves, stop being nice to peopple that do not wish you the best, somethimes it is time for a change, maybe our time , so overcome your fears, all and every single one of them, and things will start to work out again, but make this decision a must,
our duty in this life is to be happy and to be happy we need to be able to feel free, to be ourselves, fear is the worst thing in the world, and las thing, do not waste time with people ho doesnt really appreciate you,
walk on (u2).

21 05 2007
plushpup

yo, any loneley ppl in australia?

21 05 2007
plushpup

hmmm, ill elaborate. well yr 10. highschool. meant to be a really tough time full of peer pressure, alcohol, drugs blah blah blah. not for me because i dont really have any friends. wat make sit worse is that because your australian your meant to be rip roaringly hilarious and out going, but im not. my “friends” at school think im funny, i have been many times complimented on my good looks. yet i never get invited anywhere.
im not completely anti-social, i like being around people and even though im not the most outgoing im not that shy either.
it sucks hearing people talk about that awesome party they went to and stuff and then when they ask you you have to make up and excuse like you have other friends or was woking all weekend (i do have a job-no friends there awell)
i feel really left out. my family loves me though and i am the main source of humor and entertainment, i just dont see how it can be so dfferent in another social group.
well because yall are in the states it kinda sucks more.
i hate highschool

21 05 2007
churchontheedge

Why is it so hard to “walk across the room” and introduce myself? That zone of the unknown is like a big black hole waiting to swallow me. Just thinking about it makes me nervous.

Here is a slideshow you may be able to relate to:

http://www.lostandlonely.com

21 05 2007
Jay

“# Steve Says:
May 20th, 2007 at 9:29 am

Charisma, look into it people. Get some

Also realize every other tosser is as self-absorbed as you are and are too busy being anxious to even pay attention to your anxieties”

Steve, coming here bashing on lonely people, who are sharing their problems. Real big of ya. Some people are different – look it up. On the flip side, an out-going, charismatic person wouldn’t have written a message like that,here, only a self-absorbed prude would bother to take the time to insult people consoling each other. I highly doubt you have any “charisma” yourself with such an ignorant post. Social phobias, and anxieties are not out of the norm, don’t let this little twit get to ya, ignorance at its best – Good job!

21 05 2007
rue_makoto

I’m 23 and have no close friends. I have friends at work and school but the only time I speak with them is when I’m there. I tend to find that a lot of people do like me but we never really connect or do things after work/school. I’m a really nice person but, maybe a bit shy at times. I would like have big group of friends to hang with every weekend or just have someone to talk too. It’s been like this for like 10 years. I try to cheer myself up by buying things but after a while I just get depressed again. It sucks having to go through this everyday. rman126@hotmail.com if anyone has any advice for me

22 05 2007
Lansie

DaCii – about your friends from high school.. Sometimes I feel that way too, that if they were really my friends, they would have kept in touch. But keeping in touch involves both parties, and maybe they are thinking that you don’t want to be friends with them anymore because YOU don’t keep in touch. Just a few days ago I emailed a friend from high school and she was so happy to hear from me. She is coming into town in a few days and we’ll probably meet up, although she lives in another state now, so we can’t be friends like we used to. But it feels good to know that she missed me, and was glad to hear from me. This whole time I thought she probably doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, or that she has better things going on in her life. But she seemed sincerely interested in getting together. I guess the bottom line is, if they were your friend once, they will most likely want to hear from you. (Unless your friendship ended in some messy fight.. but I think most people simply drift apart after a while.)

Lately I have learned to give people the benefit of the doubt – it’s almost never as bad as I think it is. I always think that people don’t like me, or dont want to talk to me, but maybe they are thinking the same thing about me. I am probably sending out bad vibes because I have these bad thoughts. If I gave everyone else some credit, I really think most people are friendly. I don’t think you can ever have too many friends, so it’s not like someone would NOT want to be my friend just because they already have an X number of friends. Now, I just need to put these thoughts into good use.

22 05 2007
shitman23

I’m lonely as shit that shit can be. Literally. I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O MY FCKING GOD!!!!!

22 05 2007
Lisa

Lansie,

I agree with you. Most people would welcome a friendship. I really think there is almost no such thing as being stuck up. So many times I hear that so and so thought that someone else was stuck up before they got to know them. Being shy can make people come across that way and many, many people are somewhat shy around people they do not know. Don’t get me wrong I am sure there is a certain percentage of the population that is truly snobbish and stuck up. That makes it all the more difficult to get to know people because we have that fear of being rejected when, like you said, that would not be likely. Aaaah, lonliness. It gives so much to think about and analyse. Can’t wait until this phase is over. P.S. Just got a new sister-in-law and I think we are going to be friends. We are going to start doing stuff together (girl stuff). :)

23 05 2007
Lesha

I’m a 22 year old female that lives in Southern Indiana. If I did’nt have my 1 year old son, I’d be completely lost. Seems like most of my friends drifted in the past. Needless to say, I feel terribly lonely.

http://www.myspace.com/pristinenight

23 05 2007
Lesha

By the way, feel free to contact me at Angelic_Sweetness2007@yahoo.com

23 05 2007
anonymous jane

I have no freinds. When I was younger I was never the center of attention but i always had a few small friends here and there. Then when I was 13 I developed a disorder, in which I suffer from bad body odor. I takes at least 4 showers a day, I am extremely hygenic and probably one of the cleanest people you’d ever meet. But I smell bad. Why would someone want to be friends with me? So now, at 18 I’ve accepted the fact that I have no one and probably never will. I can’t go to the store, the dentist, the Doctor, anywhere in public without being completely humiliated. As hard as it is to have no one to depend on, its even worse when you have everyone to defend yourself against. So, while I know its hard to feel lonely and alone, I’m envious of you all because you’re able to be in society without being degraded. I hope you all find someone and wish you the best.

23 05 2007
anonymous jane

I had a few typos there. Sorry about that.

24 05 2007
eyesonmywall

wow i’m so surprised that there are so many of us lonely people out there! i thought i was the only one!
i’m a 23 yr old female from nj and i have a bf but no friends. i had a few friends in college but we developed differing religious beliefs and stopped talking to each other. i have not been able to make any friends since. my only hope was that things would change once i graduated. well they have changed, for the worse. i’ve been out of school for 6 months now and in that time i’ve been mostly isolated. i live with my bf who is my only contact to the outside world. i had a full time job, but i quit because i couldn’t deal with it anymore. no one talked to me in the office and during one of my evaluations i was basically told that i was on the verge of being let go because i wasn’t perky/sociable enough.
i just don’t understand why making friends even acquaintances is so hard. sometimes i just feel like i don’t even exist.
worst of all is the fact that i feel so ashamed that i don’t have any friends! to the point where i am embarrassed to even contact people from high school for fear that they will find out what a loser i am. even though i have accomplished somewhat since high school, those things don’t matter since i have no friends and i’ve been with my bf since we were 13. it goes so far that i am seriously thinking about moving to california just so that i can use the move as an excuse for not knowing anyone. i can hopefully start over.

well i wasn’t expecting to go into such a rant, i guess i just needed to get it of my chest even if it is just typed. thank you to everyone for listening! i hope we all find an end to our loneliness soon!!

24 05 2007
DaCii

So my boyfriends friends are going down to PA this weekend… of course he wants to go but im trying to make every excuse in the book not to go, because i’ll feel so weird being the only girl there! actually there will be one other girl but shes a bitch and wouldnt talk to me anyway since i’m like 5 years younger than her!
i dunno what to do! i honestly hate this. i feel like i make my boyfriend miss out on doing things because of the fact i have no friends to bring along with me! i’m also scared to not go because what if the girl brings tons of her friends down and my boyfriend will be with them!
this honestly sucks.. can someone give me some advice

24 05 2007
Lansie

DaCii.. I understand your fears, particularly about the other girl bringing her friends. I don’t know how close you are to your boyfriend’s friends, but they are friendly and not going to leave you out, it would probably be okay. Personally I never got along with my ex’s friends, and it was always awkward for me to be with his friends. Would he ignore you if you hung around him while he’s with his friends? It’s probably not going to be a ‘guys only’ weekend if you are invited and another girl is invited. But, I think you can best assess the situation. If it really makes you uncomfortable, you could always just tell your boyfriend you just don’t feel like going.. maybe tell him you just want to relax, or work on some things.. surely you can make something up. I probably wouldn’t want to go either if I were you, especially if the only other girl is a bitch. But, you could possibly end up having a good time, depends on what your boyfriend and his friends’ plans are. Perhaps you could try making friends with that girl’s friends if she brings any.. just because she’s a bitch doesn’t mean her friends are. I think the only way to fix our friendless situations is to force ourselves to try and make friends, no matter how frightening it seems. No risk, no gain. But, it’s possible this wouldn’t be a good time. Good luck with whatever you decide! :)

26 05 2007
DaCii

Lansie-
thanks for writing. yeah i just dont feel too good about the situation considering she’ll have her friends there and they prob wont talk to me (im 18 theyre all like 25). my boyfriend does tend to leave me out sometimes when hes with his friends. i actually told him i feel sick so i wont be going. i seriously wouldnt mind going at all if i had at least ONE friend to bring with me so i wouldnt feel left out. ahh life sucks =(

26 05 2007
anna

Hello!

It feels like an age since I posted my message on here, I seem to get so depressed that I don’t want to expose myself to anything but I just seem to spent my time avoiding life.

Lansie, did things work out with your friend? Were you able to meet up? I think I know how you feel, me and my friend seemed to be so alike when we were at school but she has moved on and has grown as a person while I feel like i’m the same arkward person I always was and so I don’t fit in with her anymore. I try to remember that we’re all different and we all change in different ways so I just hope that I will become comfortable in my own skin eventually at least and I think we’ll all hopefully get to that point. I find that I can’t cope meeting people in groups so I’ve tried to get to know people on their own, I just can’t compete with groups, I get talked over. Recently I met up with my friend I mentioned earlier on her own and it’s easier than being in a group and I’d say that it helps when trying to get to know each other or anyone. I still can’t rely on her as she doesn’t return my calls.

eyesonmywall, I was just reading your post and I know how you feel about feeling ashamed but I found I had to try to forget the feeling if it’s possible and find somewhere completely different to meet people, like a fresh start as you were saying. I found I had lost who I was by being around the same people for so long and that I’ve only just starting to by finding new places no one knows me, it’s not easy but it’s a start and I think thats what counts in the long run.

I’ve been reading so many comments on boyfriends and until now I had never let anyone close to me and suddenly I understand what you are all talking about. Since I first post I’m now seeing a guy but he talks about all of these people he knows and all his friends as well as all these people who are antisocial and have no friends that he knows and doesn’t understand so I can’t be myself around him. I can’t explain how I feel to him. Does anyone else get jealous when they hear about what their boyfriend does or knows? I hate feeling like this, I get this pain of jealously that I’m not able to live the same way or cope as well as feeling so bad that I’m the type of person he moans about.

I’m sorry for going on, my head is all over the place tonight. I want to try to move forwards with things but I get stuck and don’t want to do anything, I just find it more comfortable sometimes to be depressed than to try and it’s horrible.

Someone mentioned the possibility of a forum? I think it sounded like a really good idea to be able to talk about anything and everything with people that understand.

Anna x

26 05 2007
anna

oh my goodness that was long! I’m so sorry, complete nonsense and ramblings, my head isn’t with it at the moment.

x

26 05 2007
guy319

Saturday night and I am sitting here reading everyones comments about being lonely and having no friends. It seems a lot of us have many things in common. I am 23 years old and would consider myself depressed. I have an okay job, i am a good looking guy, have a few talents, and have huge dreams/goals for my future. So whats my problem? I have no friends to support me, no friends to enjoy my life with now, and therefore I really don’t care about anything.

Though I do have one friend that I enjoy hanging out with, he is always busy. For me its not that I can’t make friends, because I always make good first impresison, I just end up losing them all. In fact, I have had more best friends that Ive lost than I can even count. What hurts the most is i see many of my past friends doing big things in their life, becoming successful, landing huge jobs, hooking up with lots of girls, few have become locally famous singers, generally always happy and living great.

For me life has just been going through the motions everyday, hoping that I will one day get where they are, lots of friends, lot of women, and accomplish my dreams. But for now, the interest in living or taking care of myself is gone. Thought of suicide has crossed my mind too in the past, but I know that I am never going to take my own life. I will either live for the rest of my life waiting and hoping, or finally get enough coverage to make something out of myself.

I have thought for the longest time that once I reach fame and fortune I will have more friends and women than I ever wanted, but the truth is these will never be true friends. These people will be my friends because of the things I can do for them. I find myself getting older everyday, more depressed as the time goes by, and confused by this world more and more. Its hard thing to understand, being a loser when you are far from it.

26 05 2007
Lansie

DaCii, I’m sorry you had to miss out on your weekend with your boyfriend. Honestly I probably would have done the same, because every guy I date seems to leave me out too when he’s with his friends. I don’t blame them because I can’t expect his attention 100% of the time.. I don’t know what it’s like because I never get the opportunity to leave HIM out.. he’s always my only companion. Does your boyfriend ever mention the fact that you have no friends? The last 2 guys I dated mentioned this to me, and it always made me so uncomfortable, and sometimes even angry.

Guy319, Yes it’s very hard to understand. I noticed that lots of people here do not consider themselves losers.. they think (and are probably correct) that they have decent jobs, looks, aspirations, skills, etc. I have one person that I hang out with regularly, but he is always busy Saturday nights so I don’t particularly enjoy Saturdays anymore (ever since my ex broke up with me). To be honest I don’t even enjoy being around this person very much (he is a great friend and great person, but there are just some things about him..) but I’d rather be with him than alone. And I think he has feelings for me, which I hate, but maybe that is why he hangs out with me so much. Looking back, most of my friends since high school have been guys, probably because they are only there because they like me in the wrong way. I wish I could attract female friends as easily, and they wouldn’t expect anything in return from me other than my companionship.

I too have lost a lot of friends since high school. I just graduated from college, and I just realized that I can’t insert the phrase “my college buddies” into any conversation because I never made any.. I keep in touch with about 4 people from my college, but they are all guys and only one of them I actually met AT college, and I would consider none of them ‘buddies.’

Anna, my friend isn’t coming into town until late next week, and I’ll probably only see her once or twice. She is bringing her husband and kids (she is my age, 23, and I guess that’s the age people start getting married, having babies.. but it just feels weird because I’m not close to doing anything like that), so it’s probably not going to be the same as it was between us when we were in high school. Still, I really look forward to seeing her. Everything you wrote in your post, I could have written. I completely understand .. especially the part about avoiding life, and being stuck, and being depressed. In fact I feel like I know most of you on some level; we are somehow all connected in this.. odd way. I no longer feel strange or abnormal.. and I think a forum would be a good idea, because this page is getting so long. If that never happens, I think we should at least exchange emails, or aim handles. Mine is oneraytheless@aol.com (aim is the same, minus the email part).

Anna, my post is probably longer than yours :)
But I’m not forcing anyone to read it!

26 05 2007
Lansie

BTW anonymous jane, I don’t know if you’ll read this, but I’ve actually been thinking about what you said about your disorder. It must be so very difficult for you, but there must be something that can be done? Is it a genetic disorder? Is there medication or anything that you take?

I don’t believe that you will never have anyone in life, even a person in the most unfortunate of circumstances can find companionship in life… have you seen that woman with only her upper torso and no legs? I mean she doesn’t even have stumps, I think she is cut off at around her belly button.. but, she is married and has a kid, and she seems pretty happy. I am not equating your situation to hers, but when I saw her story, I thought, if she can be happy, why can’t everyone else?? I won’t pretend to understand what you go through every day, because I don’t, but I know it must be extremely difficult to have to be preoccupied by something like that, to be consumed by it, even, on a daily basis. I have no doubt that there is companionship for you in the world, but I know it must require extraordinary leap of faith in other people. I truly hope you find the courage to live your life, because you are still so young and it is not too late.

27 05 2007
anonymous jane

Hi Lansie. If I knew a way to cure or even lessen this disorder I would but I haven’t found anything. The many different doctors that I’ve seen aren’t really sure why I have these issues or how to fix them. I’ve been put on diets, had many tests taken and their at a loss. I’ve been given medication over the years for my IBS symptoms that they think might cause this problem for me with only negative or no result. There are some others like me that suffer from bad body odor, many of us suffer from different kinds. But most of us have no known way of curing it.

The MSN body odor group, ibsgroup.org, are places where some of us talk and try to find ways to solve our disorders on our own.

Thanks for you’re kind words and I’m glad that people in worse situations than mine can find companions in friendship or otherwise. I will continue living and trying to find a way to relieve this disorder but it is difficult. Hopefully I’ll fix this someday and be able to live my life to the fullest. For all of you, I wish you the best in finding what you’re looking for.

27 05 2007
JD

I thought I’d share my short story with the board (I’ve never posted on a website).
I’m 22 and have really found it hard to make friends. My uni years up until the last half of my last year okay i guess, the only friends I had were the ones who were on my course (i went out with those ppl as well on ocasion), though when i went back home to halls of residence i was isolated (this was the case for the whole 3yrs).

Now I live with some ppl from my course who are kind of friends but not the “true” friends we all want. Thats not to say I don’t like them or talk to them but I’m not valued and doubt I will be missed that much/kept in touch with.
Even though we live in the same house it seems that I am always the one who goes to see them and not vice versa, which is a bit annoying. There have been a lot of birthdays here and out of everyones I was the only one not to recieve a present or even a card (but I was still asked to go in on other ppls presents and sign their cards)… there are more examples I could put here.

I will not be living with my present housemates this year as I will be off to find a good job, so I will be leaving them all and starting again from scratch. I can’t really make friends as I am completely hopeless at social situations (probably due to the way I was brought up) and so find it hard to interject into a conversation with little or no points of reference.
So isolation awaits me for now due to a distinct failure in my ability to adapt to social situations.

27 05 2007
no mates

I have struffgled to make friends since i started highschool. I was always the quietest of my friends in junior school but always had friends was liked and enjoyed the company of people. Around just before i left primaryschool at 11 my frineds decided it was my turn to get frozen out. I guess cos it was such a critical time i never really recoverd my self esteem from it and withdrew even more. I had always been shy amonsgt my family and although to those who knew me i was any thing but shy i guess i to everyone else they didnt know wat to make of me. I have never fully trusted anyone since and have spent my whole life longing for true friendships again. I am 22 and its scary too think i havent moved on too far from when i was 14 and feeling the same way. Its not hat i have no friends at all its just that i can;t rely on them, i don’t trust them and i feel as though i can’t be 100% myself around them. Also becuase they are individuals its like im not part of any social group or circle that meets regularly. I just meet these individuals separately every few weeks or so and speak to someof them maybe once or twice a week. But its like most of my friends are guys because of my experiences i have found it hard to get on with other females cos of the bitchyness.. I feel like ive missed out on so much in life. So many moments spent alone, so many nights spent crying. Its like not only am i in this situation but im also ashamed to be in this situation at my age. I know people will say just pull yourself together and get out there but its hard when you dont know how to be yourself, ive never had friends to validate me so im always second guessing myself. I knw i shouldnt need anyone to validate me but its hard to change my mindset on my own. I am attractive and people do try and befriend me but cos i can be myself they find me aloof or stand offish. Its like i dont belong anywhere. I am glaad i found this site though cos i dont feel so alone and can relate to what all of you are saying.

27 05 2007
no mates

me again. Apologies for the spellings was typing real fast. Like i said I have a few friends but most of them are male and have their own lives. I have no girlfriends to do anything with. Well i do but one of them spends all her time with her boyfriend, the other one calls me like once every 3 months and the other one we speak quite regularly and are kinda in the same disatisfied state friendswise but she brings me down all the time cos she never tries to be positive about it and we just end up spending four hours finding ways to prove that life is shit, so i try to avoid her . Other than that i have a a few aquantences at work and an old school friend who is like the biggest most competitive bitch in the world so i try to distance myself from her too but no one who is actually here for me and who makes me comfortable to be myself. Its like i dont feel comfortable around anyone enough to trully be myself and to top it all off the majority of my guy friends (4 out of 5) want to either sleep with me, marry me, make me thier girl, or something along those lines. I stay frineds with them cos thier all i have little do they know but it can get awkward at times when you know someone has feelings for you. and even when i keep telling them we’re just friends its like they keep trying. But like i said they’re all i have so i just keep working through it with them. You know what i really miss, just chilling out with a bunch of people and laughing about dumb stuff. Having people to go places with and belonging to a social group being known as one of the gang typa thing. Maybe thats a childish fantasy but it used to be like that and it hurts cos alot of the people that used to be in my social group are still tight and have expanded their network of friends whilst mine has decreased. My female friends like i said either have partners or are fickle friends. Im really lonely and feel like ihave no life. I go out maybe once evry 3 months on a girls night out. I probly see my male aquaintences more often maybe once every week or two but my phone hardly rings anymore and no one calls for me anymore. I feel like such a loser at 22.

27 05 2007
no mates

sorry im not trying to flood the board but at guy319 i just read your post and even though it may not seem like it from what ive written but i couldve written your post from a female perspective. I am so ambitious and alot of my friends are doing well in music and differnt things, everyone in the ends is coming up and its like im waiting for my time to shine. I like you can make a good first impression but have trouble keepin friends and holding onto the relationships or turning them into more than just casual friendships. All i keep hearing from people is about my potential, how i should be doing this and doing that but y am i not. No one can understand why a girl like me looks so down all the time. This is nt where i d hoped to be at all by this age

28 05 2007
Kris

I’m 23 yr old male in Australia and I’ve just been through a seperation. I have a 2 yr old daughter but I hardly get to see her at the moment because my ex is preventing me. I am going to have to go to court to see my little girl.

I have had friends in the past but I never had a really close friend. I never had someone to really rely on or share my feelings with and it’s made me really depressed. I think I have failed to keep in touch with a lot of people especially since I have moved a lot in the last few years.

I’m fighting a battle of feeling like I have no friends but my brain knows that it just takes time, making friends is a slow process and you have to listen and care for people even if you don’t feel like it. Every second I share with another person I am grateful for, because loneliness is painful.

I believe adversity suffered by us or our friends is a time when you can really get to know your friends better and connect with them. I am suffering some major adversities at the moment but I know I must put them aside and attempt to connect with other people. I don’t believe anyone can make friends if they focus on their own problems.

I hear so many people here talking about their situation and having no friends and I hope my little story here might be beneficial. I want you all to know that when you feel hopeless that there is hope, the hopelessness you feel is a overpowering grief but it isn’t realistic. Life is a tree that grows slowly.

Anyone, if you want to email me feel free to, kdba18@hotmail.com I am happy to chat or listen if you feel like venting. I have MSN too.

28 05 2007
Anon

I’m a 23 year old male and i’ve had pretty bad social skills my entire life. I had a few friends in high school but they have abandoned me even though I never treated them badly and was a great friend to them. I’ve only had one girlfriend in my life and it only lasted a month, what sucks is I know girls are attracted to me but the only way I find out is if someone else tells me. I started going to the gym a few years ago hoping that it would give me more confidence and better luck at getting friends or a girlfriend but so far it hasn’t, in fact it might have had the opposite effect because now people think I look intimidating. I’m a nice guy but people don’t bother trying to get to know me because they judge me by my appearance and think i’m mean, i’ve even had people say I look stuck up. I just don’t get it, I guess some people are meant to be alone.

29 05 2007
Lisa

Anonymous Jane: We will be your friend any time. You seem like a very nice person and I see no reason to judge you on here. As long as you keep aspiring to live your life to the fullest, people will see you as a neat, fun loving, and nice person who has overcome things in this life and you will have even more respect than some people who do have it easier.

Anon: I have been told I am intimidating as well and that I look and act stuck up (only cuz I am shy). Even my husband told me that at first he was scared of me. I am so grateful for him, he is the only person who saw me for who I really was and sees me as the person I feel like I am on the inside. He was willing to wait for me to come around and I know he is glad he did.

Lansie: Even though you and your friend are in different situations as far as marriage and kids, chances are she still needs you in her life. She probably still feels like the same person on the inside and if family is something you want in your life, it will not be long before you have plenty in common with her. I think that is a reason I have lost some of my friends. We had different circumstances and felt like we had less in common. I still needed them, but they were not around in some of my most difficult times. Now they do have babies, but we have already gone our seperate ways.

Guy319: Lots of women = lots of drama. Just try to find one that makes you happy. Marriage has been 100% better than just dating lots of men.

29 05 2007
Lisa

Hey all. Just one more thing…I have stopped being so impatient and so consumed by this problem and I just want to say that things are looking up for me. I have so much planned in the upcoming weeks, that I have had to reschedule things just because they overlap other plans. I don’t want to get too excited, because a lot of these people are just aquaintances, but I really thing positive things are happening here. I still long for closeness to people, but I really hope that in time I will have that since, like many have mentioned, it takes a long time.

Also, I have lowered my expectations from people. If you expect less, you get hurt less. Just put forth your best self, and expect nothing in return. Eventually, you will get something in return and you will be pleasantly surprised because you did not even expect it. Good luck to all.

31 05 2007
ruby

i’ve pretty much gone through my whole life with few real friendships. the people i was friends with either went away or we had a falling out. i’ve just finished university and i hardly went to any parties and the ones i did go through were of friends of my exs.
grad week was a little while ago and i didn’t bother to attend any of the events b/c what’s the point? when you’re not friends with anyone (and the faculty is SO clicky) i’d just be there by myself.

i try to be friendly when i meet people, first impressions are everything…but after the fact, things just don’t really go anywhere.

lisa & anon:

people have always told me i look intimidating. one person told me he thought i was a snotty bitch when he was first around me, and my ex told me he was afraid to approach me cause i looked like i thought i was better than everyone else. The truth is though that ever since i can remember i was scared of groups of people and i would try to look like i wasn’t – a defense thing i suppose. Now that i’m aware of it i try not to come off like it but most of the time, when i’m out in public i get stressed out and probably come off that way. It’s to the point now that i hardly ever notice it.

It’s nice to know that there are other people out there in the same situation…facebook will be the death of me i think.

1 06 2007
Jolene

I’m sitting here reading most of these posts and am so sad myself because I totally feel the same exact way as all of you. Out of my teen years, I had only friends but, they weren’t exactly people I should have called my dear friends, even though, I’ve known them all of my life practically. Yet, the whole time when I was in school and I did have friends (not many), i always felt awkward and isolated from them. I also started suffering from major depression. I felt so alone. I would cry all the time about how alone I was and how I didn’t have any friends and to this day (I’m 32 now), I don’t have one friend that I can really count on. It makes me so sad when I think about it. It’s not like I need a whole huge group of friends because I actually do better in small social situations but, if I can only have just ONE. Just one best friend, I would be so happy.

I have been in a online community for several years and have met lots of people. I am a sweet, sensitive, trustworthy, honest person. I have poured my soul out to people to to no avail do I feel like I have gained one good friend out of the bunch. It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong and more than that, being that I have clinical depression (have for years), when I get socially rejected, I feel as though it is because I am too depressed or that they know i have depression. I feel so isolated.

Anyhow.. just thought I share my thoughts. It is good to know that I’m not the only one who’s feeling that way even though, it doesn’t fix the problem.

1 06 2007
Jolene

I just want to point out also that like some of you have mentioned in some way or another, I feel as though I can’t be myself. After being socially rejected for so long, I have often find myself, distancing myself even further from anything that is social. It is not because I want to but, I feel it is my way of protecting myself from getting hurt or rejected again so, I do understand that feeling very well also.

3 06 2007
Steve

I know how all of you feel. I’m 22 now and have gone through most of my life not knowing friendship. I’ve had a couple buddies but things always fell through early on. I never had anyone to confide in or just hang out with. Since 13, I’ve had terrible acne, so that had a lot to do with it. All I ever really wanted out of life was to be normal, have a few friends…things people take for granted. I’m trying to hold out hope, and reading these posts helps.

3 06 2007
Mrs. Peabody

It makes me sad to hear so many young people say they have no friends. And even sadder to not be able to give you hope. I am 50 years old, soon to be divorced, and no friends. My birth parents didn’t want me so gave me up for adoption. My adoptive mother died when I was 3 and my stepmom hated me from the day she met me. She couldn’t wait to get me out of the house so she pushed me into marrying a man who never really loved me. It took him 30 years to decide he didn’t want to be married anymore, although I still love him. (not too bright, since he’s screwed around from the beginning). I’ve tried to establish friendships, but had personal information you only share w/someone you feel close to, used against me. My kids are married and have lives of their own. Every day I sink deeper in the hole of depression and I’m not so sure I’ll survive this time. It really pisses me off when you hear that someone committed suicide, and then all of a sudden people are coming out of the woodwork saying stupid crap like “if I’d only known” or “he/she should have said something, I would have helped.” WTF!! I try telling them all the time and they don’t listen! Or when I just try to be quiet and not trouble them, they think I’m pissed off. The couple of times I’ve tried to tell people how truly depressed I’ve been, they don’t want to hear it. I’m just plain tired now and don’t want to deal w/people anymore. There will come a day when I slip out of this torture and into a better world beyond. Until then, I just exist, one more day….

5 06 2007
Jolene

Aw. I missed some of the posts about opening our own forum but I think that would be great! Being that we seem to think we are the loneliest people with no friends, here we found each other and we aren’t alone! Maybe making a forum could help us and others who may feel the same way that haven’t found their way here! I know a great place to create a forum to do that. It is free and protected. I think we should do it!!!!!!! =]

Steve:
I feel the same way. I had only two friends out of highschool and they feel through. Ever since, I haven’t had any great friends to speak of. It’s just me, my bf , and my cat but, i do understand where your coming from too.

Mrs Peabody:
I’m so sorry to hear about your marriage. That must be a rough thing that you are going through right now. As for people using personal stuff against you (especially someone you had trusted), I had the same thing happen to me also and it hurts when people can take something so personal and use it to their own amusement or just to bully someone. There are alot of cruel people in this world, unfortunately. Over the last few weeks, my depression has been really bad at times that I too, didn’t feel like I would pull out of it. Sometimes it scares the hell out of me because I start to get afraid that I might actually do something to hurt myself and I don’t like that feeling at all so, I definately understand that feeling, as well. I feel like I am constantly telling people in my life how I really feel but, they aren’t listening either which, makes things a bit more frustrating. Sad thing is, people don’t want to hear how depressed you are. I feel the same way and it’s sad because IF they were a REAL FRIEND, they wouldn’t care. They would be there to listen and even if they didn’t have a solution for you, just being there to listen is all one can ask for when they are that down but, i have trouble getting that too then, I start to feel like I’m dumping too many of my problems onto other people so, I back off and keep my feelings bottled inside and I do that alot.

I do understand each and everyone of you and I think we should start a forum. I really do.

5 06 2007
anna

Hey all,

I’ll try not to write too much this time but I suppose it’s the best place for it at the moment :)
I’d really like a forum like a lot of people have mentioned and I’m sure it would be helpful to us all, sometimes all you need is someone who understands and everyone here understands what we’re going through. Jolene it sounds really good if you know a place we could create one, I don’t know the first things about what would be involved but can help if you need any. My e-mail is foggy-day@hotmail.co.uk if anyone needs to chat about anything at all, my head gets filled up with so much nonsense that sometimes you just have to talk about it and as lansie said just in case anything happens, it could be good to swap e-mails.
I hope everyone is well
anna x

5 06 2007
Presley

I can’t believe I found this site. Reading all your entries makes me think that I’m not alone and I really appreciate that.

I just turned 20 years old and I have zero friends. None. My last two years of high school, I sat alone in the cafeteria, in the library in class. At the end of the day my voice would be hoarse, because I had literally not spoken a single word all day. Those were the bad days. Other days, I was pretty fun to be around. I made people laugh and people generally liked me. But after school and on Friday and Saturday nights, I sat at home alone and watched movies. I go everywhere alone. The only friend I ever had was my identical twin sister. I always thought I didn’t need anybody because I had her, but when she made her own friends, I was left alone in the dark. I realized what a loser I had become. My family would constantly make fun of me and judge me. They say it’s my own fault, that I’m not “friendly” enough. Their advice was to join a club or a team. So I started cheerleading. I did it it for 4 years and did not make one single friend. I was friendly, nice, offered up things we could do together. But they all just blew me off. The same thing is starting to happen at work too. I started at the exact same time as 3 of my other co-workers. We all had the same lunch break and all 3 of them went out to lunch their first day and didn’t even ask me! And they continue to do it. I even try to be funny, and said, “Thanks for inviting me,” so they would remember me next time, and they still haven’t invited me out. One time, on my 19th birthday, they were all starting to go out, stopped, turned around and said, “Do you want us to get you anything?”

But my story may have a happy ending. I decided I needed to force myself to be in a situation where you have to make friends to survive. I believe that is in the army. My sister used to be just like me, until she joined the army. She said she has made some of the best friends she will ever meet in her life and it is like a dream come true. People in the army become very dependent on each other and they end up with friends for life. She just finished basic training and she is now going to be a bridesmaid in 3 weddings this summer. Three! 4 months ago, she didn’t even have a best friend. I really hope this works out for me and I pray all you people out there find the best friends in the world. The greatest friends out there, still need to be found and this blog is living proof of that. If only people could open their hearts to others and realize that every single person out there could use another friend. I think all of you are like me in some way. We must have some sort of personality trait that ties us all together, I think it is that we all have high standards as people. i want every one of you to e-mail me at soul_sista_69@hotmail.com.

I know one day that when I have kids they will have friends. I’ll bet my life on it. No way will any kid of mine have the same loneliness I feel. You can count on it.

5 06 2007
Nova

Hello,

I’m 16 and I have no friends. I used to have 1, but I got into a relationship with my ex where I devoted myself to making him happy. It didn’t work out, it ended really bad. My friend wasn’t there after it ended. I found out she was planning a trip to Disney World and she could bring 3 friends, her boyfriend told me she thought about bring me, but decided not to. It really hurts, and it really sucks. In 8th I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with my ex. Since then I’ve decided to pick my close friends carefully, but it doesn’t matter now that I think of it, people can be deceiving. All I have are acquaintances. On Myspace I can’t even put up a top friends list, I have to hide it. I have nice internet friends who I’ve met through online games I’ve played who have been there for me, but I know they don’t understand how I feel. I cry every night, just thinking of people I know having fun with their friends, going to the beach, watching movies, and going to sleep overs, wishing I could have that fun.

You all sound like the nicest people. Presley I agree with you, I would definitely make sure my children will have friends, this sadness is horrible.

My email address is: j.l.tyler@hotmail.com if anyone wants to email me.

5 06 2007
Nova

It’s not that I have a phobia with people, or I can not interact with people. I just want to have a real close friend who would be there for me and not backstab me. Somehow for me they are hard to find. It’s hard to make friends in high school…everyone has that “circle of friends” and doesn’t need anymore. All my friends moved away in 7th-8th grade…

5 06 2007
Nova

Ahh I feel so much better after I typed that

: )

6 06 2007
plushpup

nova, i know how you feel, im nearly sixteen and my mum keeps asking if ill have a party and its really depressing because i have no one to invite. its especially hard for us young people because hwne your older you can hide away at home, at school youre bare and open and people see everything.

also, are you a guy or a girl? because you said your boyfriend cheated on your ex, so he is a bisexual or you are? just asking and no, im not a homophobe so its ok i wont rant :)

6 06 2007
Nova

I am a girl, I ment my boyfriend cheated on me with my bestfriend :/ a LOT of times……….

8 06 2007
Kris

I added most of you to my MSN Messenger and I have caught up with about 4 people here. It’s cool to speak to you guys.

Download MSN Messenger and add kdba18@hotmail.com

I use it everyday – if anyone wants to chat or anything.

8 06 2007
whisper123

Is anyone in or around MS? It is tough having zero friends and no boyfriend so I can relate due to severe social phobia. On top of that I have agoraphobia.

8 06 2007
Jolene

I want to start a forum for us all but, I’m not sure what to call it. I think it should not only pertain to us our given situation with social phobia or lack of socialness but, I think it should be a forum for other things that people have.

I just haven’t had the energy to start one yet come up with a name or anything because I’ve been in a really, really, down period for the last several weeks. I think this is the lowest point I’ve ever been in my whole life and when you feel down, you don’t feel like doing much. I need to break out of this habit but it’s so hard.

Last night, I was with my bf at his friends house with his friend and his girlfriend and I felt out so out of place. It was depressing to say the least. Its like when I talk, I fumble my words which makes me feel even more stupid so, I just sit there quiet like which, makes it more uncomfortable. It’s a vicious cycle.

Ugh. I’m so depressed. It sucks not being able to be social yet, I can talk like crazy on a forum with people I barely know. Yet, this is like my only outlet cause I really can’t talk to my bf or my parents about this kinda stuff which, makes me feel even more isolated. =/

9 06 2007
plushpup

er……..the lonely forum? lol i cant think of names, ahhh best friend…it all makes sense now, well i would make a forum but unfortunaltely im very computer illeterate i cant even spell illeterate.

yea, i think i may be at that point. i cant do anything, im so bored!! and lonely. and depressed. eh, then that gets me thinking about all th poeple in famine places with lost limbs and starving and then i feel guilty. so if i killed myself it would be incredibly selfish to throw away my life wher i have food and shelter when those people are suffering. i dont know.

9 06 2007
joey

Reading the entries here made me feel a lot better because i always thought that i was the only one experiencing these thoughts. I’m in my senior year at high school and school ends in a week. Today was valedictory and it really hit me hard that when i went up to receive the diploma, there was only little forced screams instead of the popular kids who get the top of the lung screams that shake the room, and even the unpopular kids have their friends to cheer them on. I have no one. At break i usually stand with the “popular” crowd, but i have nothing to say to them and just stand there. I eventually stopped standing there and went home at breaks, lunches and spares.I literally became a ghost in my school. I started becoming paranoid, self-concious and insecure. I was depressed about the no friends issue ever since grade 10 and it kept on getting worse. I tried hanging out with different groups of ppl and it started out fine, but i always seem to ask them to hang out and never get proposals. Eventually we stopped contacting. Whats worse is that i now have a weed addiction and feeling more and more hopeless everyday. If i had a girlfriend, maybe it would be better, but how can i meet good girls when i have no friends to go to parties/events with? I want to kill my self but i’m scared of going to hell. What can i do, i get more hopeless and depressed every day, and its also straining my relationship with my family because of my mood swings and frustrations. I just want this whole situation to be over and become a normal person. I’m so desperate its pathetic.

9 06 2007
gotallassociates

wow, its really disheartening to see people of all ages having the same problem as i do.

im a 17yr old male with alot of associates but no real friends (like most of u). i can hang out with these people in school and even have some fun but outside of school i have no life. Nobody invites me out for parties or gatherings. its really funny coz in school the ppl i know think im fun to be and we really seem to be enojying but again the only thing i hear about parties and outings is that HOW FUN THEY WERE or HOW MUCH PPL ENJOYED them after they have taken place… (nobody tells me when there gonna happen)

Right now as im typing this , two groups of my “friends” are having great times.I know this coz 1 of them just called me from his pals cellphones asking me the directions to a popular hang out spot , while another one recently borrowed my camera for capturing the fun moments hes gonna have with his friends (there my “friends” too in school btw)

so u see to those all jackasses im perfect as a tool but apparantly, a lousy friend for actually helping them out…i just wanted to get this out , thx

9 06 2007
Anon

I’ve experienced the same thing as you bro, supposed “friends” wouldn’t invite me to come with them to parties or anything and then the next day they’d tell me all about their good times like they were rubbing it in my face. Those people are called social climbers, meaning they will do anything to climb the social ladder and try to become popular. Do yourself a favor and stop talking to those people.

10 06 2007
Mathew

I really feel like there must be something wrong with me. There exists only a very small number of people I feel I can be open with, and I have a very hard time keeping people interested outside of that. I also have trouble with attracting dropkicks as friends, as I find it hard to let them know how I feel about them or simply brushing them off.

As an aside I’d just like to add that in terms of a gf, I’ve never had no one ever. And if it hasn’t happened by now (I’m 20), when is it ever going to happen?

14 06 2007
Nate

Reading these posts make me feel sad. I know there are people who want to make new friends, but the insecurity of finding them is difficult. I am lucky enough to have 1 good friend, but she never really listens to me, so it’s not like I have someone to confide my feelings. She just wants someone to talk to, but I can tell she doesn’t really care. I know this because I have gone to her house over 100 times, but she has only visited me once. We only live about 4 blocks from each other and I live in a high rise with a great view and she has a small ground level studio with no view. I haven’t told her, but everything I own is better than hers and that we would have a better time on my balcony facing the ocean then in her small, dirty apartment. I think that friendship is a 2 way street and that compromising your principles to gain respect from others is a losing battle. I feel so alone and I just want to run away from everyone. People don’t look each other in the eye anymore. I have no idea if I will find new friends, but I really hope that there is someone who has something in common with me and wants to hang-out.

14 06 2007
Lonelyboy from 0Z

here is a website forum for everyone please try this out its

http://www.alonelylife.com

Please try it out

15 06 2007
Leah

Dear Nate,

Unfortunately I think your friend is on the jealous side of where you are living at and what you own. I know this sounds very pathetic, but it happens alot more than you think.
This “jealousy” had happened to me also with a couple of “friends” in my past too.
Since you are always willing to go over to your friend’s little dumpy apartment, she probably doesn’t mind having you over for company. She probably likes it because you are always doing the chasing after her. But if you would stop going over to her place, you probably wouldn’t hear back from her either, unless she might call you up one day when she gets bored, and decide to ask you why you haven’t been over to her place in a long while. Your friend is probably too self absorbed in comparing what you have, and what she doesn’t have, and is afraid that her jealousy might slip out and show in front of you if she were to hang out at your place as if with everything around her being flaunted, she’d feel thrown in her face. She probably wonders why you even hang out with her at all the way you do, since she might feel she has nothing to really offer you. Unfortunately, but NOT all, but some, of the snootiest and arrogant people I’ve ever met are actually poor people. The only thing I can suggest is that you move on from that empty relationship. Because if you try to tell someone like that, that material things mean nothing to you and that true friendships are whats most important in life, it will probably be just falling on deaf ears. To this day I have learned not to ever trust someone that I believe is jealous of me, because I know they are incapable of being a true and loyal friend. They cannot be trustworthy. These types aren’t out for my best interests or anybodys, just their own. They will spitefully make up things about you and gossip behind your back to others too.
True friendships are a give and take situation. If it becomes one sided, where one does all the giving, and the other all of the taking, its never in the givers best interest at all to keep associating oneself with people like that. They are petty, self-centered and cruel. It isn’t what one owns, or has in this world that makes a person a true success in life anyway, it is whats in the heart that truly matters. Anyway, material things mean zilch unless one has true friends to enjoy them with. Take care and listen to what your heart tells you. I hope this helped.

15 06 2007
Nate

Hi Leah, I don’t know if she is jealous of my material possessions, but there is something missing in our relationship. We’ve known each other for a long time and I know what kind of person she is and I’ve come to accept it, but I find it difficult to accept that she won’t allow me to be me, she spends most of the time showing off what she is, instead of listening what I have to offer and how we can work together. Albeit, she is extremely talented ( amateur artist, magician, cook) but whenever I feel it is my turn to contribute something, she has something else that is more important to do and that’s why I feel it when you say she is petty, self-centered and cruel.
Last night, I think she warmed up to me a little more…she gave me a facial! We watched a movie and she kinda snuggled up to me. She is die in the wool lesbian, so this was unexpected. Anyways, I’ve bitched and moaned enough; I just feel so emotionally used up these days.

15 06 2007
katie

hello everyone.

I havent posted for a while, but have been reading your entries. I’ve been feeling extra low today. I tought I had a handle on things but i guess not everyone is made of stone. May 24 weekend was bad because ppl at work were asking me what i was up to and i had to lie… how pathetic is that!!
today my mother asked me to pick up something for her at the liquor store, being friday, there were a lot of groups of friends in the store, the parking lot, etc… they were getting boose for bbq’s house party’s, the cottage and sofourth. It was very hard for me to see them, its like every time i see tight groups of friends, & tight family members, i get this extremly sad feeling. i really wish things were different. I keep tellig myself that im going through a transitional phase in my life that will pass… now im not so sure

16 06 2007
kate925

Hello-

This is my first posting. I am 28 year old with no friends. I work as a designer and thought that people in the design community would make great friends. But I can’t seem to find any. I can’t even find any who are not designers. At work people barely speak to me and it hurts cause I speak to them whenever I see them. They to speak each other but not to me. Its hard to work because I am not an unfreindly person. I think it maybe me. People judge me before they get to know me. Maybe my personality is weak and people sense that or maybe I just someone who would want as a friend. I even get prejudged sometimes by my boyfriend. And what people don’t realize is that when you constantly judge someone, soon that person will start to think they can’t do things
for themselve and start to watch everything they do are make mistake people expect from you. And its only happening because you start to feel pressured. Not having friends made me realize how low my self confidence is. I don’t know how to raise it. But I do find out how, I still don’t think I will have friends because or make friend aswell because I am black.

16 06 2007
Amit

Hello my name is Amit and i have no friends i am 23 years old. This is my first post.
I have never had any friends. In high school, i was bullied, teased, racism etc when i was younger. But i used the anger with-in me as strength and channeled it into my education and now i am successful with a bright future ahead of me.. but i have no friends and my past haunts me. People around me would never think twice what i have gone through i put such a good front on and smile that its hidden deep with-in my heart. I try and go out socialize but people don’t seem to want to know me. I always help people with money, advise i listen to their problems..But who listens to mine…!? I don’t think i am a bad looking guy,.. or person.. i have also tried to get a partner to fill the gap but no one seems to like me… To that end i sit alone every evening and weekend lonely on my own thinking what it would be like to have some people in my life that cared about me for a change. When people in work ask me what I am doing on the weekend I really am lost for words..My brother and sister do not care about me either which hurts even more…i am truly alone in this world.

16 06 2007
katie

kate:925:

i totally understand where your coming from. if you wanna chat let me know, im on msn

16 06 2007
Amit

thanks kate, let me know what your address is. i dont fancy posting mine on a public forum and we can have a chat if you like. I understand where your comming from too.

16 06 2007
Cathy

Hi, I’m from England and 39 and living with my parents (for financial reasons). I’ve not had any close friends since I was about 16 and then I only had one! I’m quiet, but kind and caring but it seems society doesnt value these qualities any longer. I’ve longed to be married for over ten years but have no boyfriend, life is so very lonely, I doubt I’ll get the chance now to have a family, life is so unfair, but I guess we have to battle on…hugs to you all xxx

17 06 2007
Insignifcant

Hey, just found this when i typed ‘lonliness’ into google, so here i am. Im 15 years old, living in the united kingdom. up to a month ago my life was fine, i had friends, a girlfriend and was doing well in my studies, now im reduced to pretty much nothing. I spent more time with my girlfriend than my friends, and they did not like this and now have all abandoned me, and im no longer with my girlfriend. I was always there for my friends, and i dont think i deserve to be treated this way, like all of you have posted, and ive now realised good guys always finish last. So now i have nobody, so i spend my days behind a computer, which i cant live like for much longer. Ive had to pretty much fight my way through school and always had my friends by my side but now im alone, and i’m close to the edge. I can relate to a lot of people on this site but i dont want to bore you with my experiences, i just need someone who can understand..thanks guys stay strong =]

17 06 2007
Anael'

i am 24 years old girl and im russian. i was born in a difficult time, it was for all of us. i was a very slow child. in kindergarden i used to sleep so much that children would make fun of me and never accept into their small groups. later on when i went to school i was not improving my learning skills and was considered as probably the stupidest child in the class, its not that i was lazy, i was not, but i could never understand anything. so i didnt have friends. i was emotionally and physically abused through all my childhood. i lurned to live with it. and still couldnt make to have a friend i could share everything that was possible. i grew into a beautiful model, but still never gained any confidence, i became one of the best students in the overseas college, i now understand i wanted to prove to myself that i can be better than what they made me be. i have buddies, but not friends, i cant trust women and men are difficult to deal with. i met my fiance, thats when i finally realised i dont have to worry anymore, he was and is everything to me. to all people out there, please dont ever give up, pay attention to people next to you, the reason they might be distant and cold could be exactly like yours. be proud of having a good heart, but learn how to protect it. love yourselves and thats when you ll be able to love others. dont just accept your miserable lives, try understand and work with yourselves. ive been through all that i know what i am saying. i know its very hard, its so hard that you hate yourself for being different. we are not different, always try to find something that will unite us but not keep us apart. dont expect others to be the way you want them to be, be in their shoes. be positive at least find something that will keep you that way and always hope!

18 06 2007
ruby

hi everyone – i’ve been reading these posts since i posted a while ago and it is good to know that there are others out there who feel the same way as i do.

i’ve been feeling really crappy the past few days especially…since i finished school and moved back home i’ve been doing nothing but sitting on the computer and looking for work. i’ve got no real friends in my hometown so i pretty much sit around and hang out with the dog :S

everyone always says things will get better and i do try to think that way but that’s what i said to myself when i went away to school, then when i moved out of rez and into a house, then when i moved back home…i dunno, things just blow right now.

thanks for reading my rambles.

19 06 2007
Ava

hi I’m a sophmore in Highschool and I feel like I have no one I can really trust and talk too.
growing up I had a lot of friends and one bestfriend, I spent most of my time with her, we even decided to go to highschool together. Being in highschool with her didn’t exactly work out. She basically ruined my freshman year and made all the girls hate me. I transferred to a new school with my old friends from middle school, which has been okay. It seems like everyday, its the same, I wake up and feel the same sadness inside of me, every single day. I put up a great front smileing to people, but really I’m lonely and depressed. I have good days and bad days, but mostly bad days. I just don’t understand why people don’t like me. I’m very shy, but I can at least hold a conversation with someone. I just get so nervous around people I don’t know that well. I’m trying to make new friends desperately, I see all these pictures of girls from my school at parties and each others house and I go “that should be me” “whats wrong with me, people my age have tons of friends” I just can’t make new friends, as hard as I try. I just want to know whats wrong with me. I’m shy, but if people get to know me I can be a lot of fun! everyone says once you get involved with teams and clubs in school you meet A lot of new people, but I have and still nothing. I maybe come off as unfriendly, but really I’m super shy and I’m very afraid of being judged. I really I want to make friends soo bad and be a part of a group of friends that hang out on weekends, go shopping, and have fun.

19 06 2007
Amanda

Hey everyone. I’m going to be junior in high school. I feel so depressed sometimes that I sometimes wish I could just die. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All through elementary school I had at least 2 best friends, who I had over and really could confide in, and some other friends as well. looking back at those times, i just wish I could be as close to anyone as I was then. I’d give anything to love life again, to be as happy as I was then. I feel like I don’t know how to make friends anymore. To the person who posted above, i know just what you mean. Everyone thinks that if you go to clubs or ‘get involved’ at school, you will somehow automatically make friends. But that is not the case with me. I joined three clubs last year, and I was in marching band, so obviously i had the opportunity to make dozens of friends-i just didn’t. i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am a straight A student, I play the clarinet, I am a very talented writer, I am physically active, blonde, and pretty, I love animals, history, art, my family, and nature. or maybe loved is the right word. i can’t seem to get emotional about anything anymore. when i pick up one of my favorite books, i try to remember why i loved it, and reread my favorite parts of it, but it doesn’t seem to have an effect on me anymore. nothing does. no wonder i can’t make friends. i used to just be shy, like extremely shy, but at least i always knew that i has something to offer the world. i might have been nervous talking to people, but once they got to know me, i was funny and smart and caring. now i feel like i’ve lost all that. i never say anything anymore, not because i’m shy, but because i feel like i don’t have anything to offer anyone anymore. my sophomore year was devastating for me. my advice for all of you is to be yourselves. you all sound like wonderful people, and i bet if you just let others see you for who you really are, you will have close friends in no time. i am terrified that it won’t ever be that way for me again. I think, by ignoring my own beliefs, and trying so hard to fit in, i lost who I am. I don’t seem to have a personality at all anymore. how can i make friends when I have no emotion except sadness, and i’m not motivated to do anything except cry? i feel like my face is a mask. i don’t really show that much emotion anymore. sometimes, for seemingly no reason, i feel sure that i am crazy because of all these depressed thoughts going through my head. i’m always sure that no one else has to deal with such a terrible, never-ending cycle of self-doubt and misery in the inner world of their minds. i put on a happy face, and hope no one can see through it. i hope desperately that i don’t have depersonalization issues, or worse, that im turning into a schizoid. no offense to anyone, but being shy is one thing, but actually not wanting to be around any people at all would make me want to kill myself…more than i already do. I can’t write anymore, since i have no inspiration. i feel like everything i say to the two friends i have left is fake. i don’t feel a real connection to anyone. i wish i could rediscover who I am. I was such a wonderful person last year. I knew who I was, and I was happy, although shy. I had my first boyfriend, who turned out to be a complete idiot, I was making friends, even though i was too shy to call them, I was writing and singing and going to church. it wasn’t like my life was anything out of the ordinary, but i would do anything to have it back. just to be happy again. to feel like myself. to have my opinions again, even if i was sometimes stubborn. my friend didn’t understand at all when I tried to talk to her about how terrible last year was for me. she, and my mom, just told me that I have ‘nothing to be depressed about’ and then my friend went on to tell me how she’s the one who should be depressed, since she had to live through being beaten by an abusive father, then an abusive stepfather, then moving to America from Russia……and so on. but it made me feel so bad. no one in my life understands what i’m going through. i didn’t ask for this. i just want to have friends, and be a normal teenager. i’ve gotten so pathetic that i’d be willing to give up all the goals i had for my life a few years ago, like being an author, traveling to the rainforest and fighting to stop global warming, just to have a few friends who i really connect with. i don’t want to be at my graduation, and have no one cheer for me. i don’t want to watch people in class talk anymore and sit in silence, secretly wishing they would talk to me, or that i could join in and laugh and talk with them. i don’t want to be the loner, the wierdo, of the school. when i was in 9th grade, people actually warned one of my friends that they shouldn’t talk to me, because I’m strange and never talk. if only they knew how much i wished i could talk. *sighs*… i don’t want to grow up and live alone. i want to fall passionately, head-over-heels, in love, and i never want to be alone, my whole life. i want best friends, who i can call at any time of day, and who call me at any time of day, for anything. i always hoped someone would ‘rescue me’. you know, that some wonderful, friendly person would come into my life, see how wonderful i am, and save me from all this. but i realize that it’s just not going to happen, and I am really starting to consider the possibility that I might end up alone, friendless, and childless.

well, i don’t know if any of you would still be interested after reading that, but if anyone wants to talk, about anything, feel free. i know it’s superficial, but my myspace is
http://www.myspace.com/amandapandathetreehugger, or my email is WritergirlAD@aol.com.

21 06 2007
kaitlyn

Hey everyone, I’m so glad I found this website…to be able to read everyone’s stories and know that I’m not alone. I guess loneliness finds each other.

Well I’m 19 and from nyc, attending a university. I’ve been feeling lonely since high school. I’ve had many friends but none were close and they were just people I hung out with but not really talk to. There was a time in which I was dating a lot (one bf after another) and I haven’t had friends during that time. I’ve been with one guy for about 3 years on and off and one day it wasn’t working so I decided to break it off and finally hang out with friends more. So even with many new friends I made in hs, none of them are that close to me.

Since I don’t have any close friends, I wanted at least a nice family, but no I don’t. My dad always yells at my mom all the time, I don’t get a long with my sister, so I just cry in my bed at night. I feel like no one loves me. It’s so horrible to have no one to talk to, to bottle up my feelings all the time.

Being in college really sucks. I feel like I have to do well in school and be successful. I’m studying to be some kind of healthcare profession so with my major, there’s no time to make friends and hang out. One of my hs friends was my roommate, but she was always on the phone with her bf all the time and made a lot of noise so I wasn’t able to sleep. This led to a big argument, but it doesn’t matter because she wasn’t a close friend anyway. So basically, I hate college and hope to come home and it’ll be better, but there’s so much screaming and fighting at home too. So I have nowhere to run to.

I haven’t had a boyfriend for the past 3 years now and really want one in hopes of having someone to talk to and hold me. I don’t get it. How come I can’t connect with anyone. It’s funny because when I meet some people at parties (yea I do go to parties from time to time, yet I’m still lonely…it’s like you feel more lonely in crowded places), they ask if I have a bf, I tell them no and they say they don’t believe. I think it’s cause I guess I’m attractive so people assume I should have a bf. I’m actually open-minded and like to try new things. I think one of my problems is that my parents don’t allow me to stay out late and since everyone can by the age 19, I don’t go out as much since I have to be home by 10pm.

So here I am wasting my summer at home watching tv everyday and sleep. I love sleeping because when you’re sleeping, you don’t feel anything and you don’t exist and have to feel lonely. But yeah, I don’t get it, we’re all normal, nice and fun people yet we can’t seem to have any close friends.

When I say life sucks, it doesn’t actually. It only sucks because we don’t have people to spend it with and make memories. Life really is wonderful, if only we all had someone to spend it with.

21 06 2007
kaitlyn

I wanna add that I always walk to class alone, sit in class alone and am always in my dorm studying and doing work and mostly haven’t spoken with anyone throughout the day. maybe a few hi’s here and there, but that’s it. Imagine that endless cycle everyday of not socializing, it makes people go crazy. And on weekends I try catch up on my sleep and study.

21 06 2007
Jolene

It is so lonely.

I don’t know what is wrong with me either. The only conclusion, in my mind, that I can come to is the fact that I have depression and anxiety. It seems for those who have it are the ones who are likely to be outcasts. If you’ve heard the term ‘Fair Weather Friends’ then you’d understand what I mean. In other words, people only like being around others when the ‘weather is fair’ or when they are happy and when things are going well but, if the ‘weather is stormy’ well, you get what I mean. You’re basically pushed to the side. I can’t help that I have this disease and un-fortunately, the weather is rather ‘stormy’ but, I’m a very sweet, honest and caring person. I love people and I’m a highly devoted friend. It doesn’t matter to be if you are green, blue, rich, poor, happy or sad. If a friend is a ‘true’ friend, would it matter if you were green, blue, rich, poor, happy or sad?

21 06 2007
Jolene

Eh. That didn’t make much sense. lol

But, what I mean to say is that I wouldn’t be like that. If I had a friend who suffered, as I do, I would be there for her or him all the way!!! It is just a shame that their is a stigma or even cliques for that matter.

As someone earlier said, people who follow that way, are social climbers. They don’t really care about the friendship as much as they like the idea of making themselves look good and if something were to come along that was better than you, well then you would be tossed aside. I hate people like that. People can really be cruel. It is so sad.

22 06 2007
anna

I’m having a really bad evening, nothing has happened, it’s stupid but I feel so bad at the moment. I normally try so hard to just keep going but I’m just tired and want to give up. I just want to sleep for the rest of the summer

Ruby and Kaitlyn, I can understand what you were saying about how moving home makes it worse, all i’m doing is sitting in front of the tv too, I have no energy to do anything and no one to go out with. I’m normally ok enough at university as I’m busy with work and I enjoy what I study but now thats it’s summer I don’t know what to do with myself.

I have a boyfriend at university but the more I get to know him, the less I feel like I can talk to him, he makes comments about people and is so criticial of everyone. I can’t talk to him at all. I’m sorry for rambling, I’m just feeling bad tonight.

22 06 2007
kate925

Katie:
I would like that. How do I log on?

23 06 2007
David

I’m 28, and i’ve nobody in my life except me. I used to live a transitory lifestyle abroad and those few close friends i had i have lost contact with or have died. I came back to my home country and most of my old friends have moved on or just can’t be bothered with me anymore.

I started a business here and worked very hard for 2 years only for it to completely collapse earlier this year. I own nothing, i know nobody, i have no money and feel in a word “devoid”. I feel like i have completely wasted my adult life especially when i know my contemporaries are enjoying themselves. I don’t so much as exist, more subsist with a complete lack of everything starved of human contact of just someone to even talk to.

The worst part is now i have nothing i feel i lack the strength to attain anything anymore and don’t have any idea how i can get back to who i once was. I was relatively successful and liked by most, confident and happy. I haven’t felt any of those things in years and will probably die trying in some folorn effort. Welcome to purgatory.

23 06 2007
gotallassociates

thx for ur reply annon, i realize how pathetic ppl can get just to get popular

oh yea and yesterday my so called “best friend” (best associate in my opinion) who shares all of his frustrations and secret desires for guys as well as gals held a bday party yesterday in a very fancy and extravagant manner, and guess what , he didnt invite me coz he said that he didnt have enough money to invite me ….. FOR GOD SAKE he invited the ppl that he says he doesnt like just coz theyre popular , and the bday itself was pretty extravagant( he’s very well off ) and he cant invite me coz he dont have enough money ???

i really hope something that shitty doesnt happen to anyone of u …

24 06 2007
Cix

Dear Jesus,
I know that you are with me. But I feel so lonely. Lord please help me. The enemy is attacking from all directions. Help me to put on your armor Lord. Lord you know that I have no friends. My two brothers are dead. I miss them terribly. I don’t know what else to do now Lord. Please have mercy on me.

J.

24 06 2007
ajbx1989

Hi. I am a 17 year old guy going on 18 and i will be starting my senior year old high school. I currently have only 1 friend and even she don’t have much time for me. She lives in NC and I live in PA so we only talk on the phone. We talk every day and lately she hasn’t been talking as much. I know your probably all thinking its great i have someone i can talk to all the time. But Its hard because she is my ONLY friend and we ONLY talk. She comes up to visit about twice a year but thats it. So thats the only time I hang out with anyone. The rest of the time I spend at home feeling sad and depressed and lonely. Plus my parents are in their early 60’s and they’re not social. They don’t even talk to each other let alone anyone else. And since they’re older, they don’t want to do much. The only places my mom goes it shopping. I have one sister but shes 15 years older than me, is married and lives 40 some miles away. But anyway, I might as well tell you my past problems with friends. When I was 6 years old I met two sisters who lived on my street, one was 2 and the other 4. After a while they became my best friends. When I was 11 years old, they met another girl in the neighboorhood who was my age and more athletic than I plus she was an older girl, someone who they looked up to whereas I was more of like an older brother to them rather than a friend. So anyway, from the time I met them I hung out with them like every day because theyre parents both worked during the day and they had an AuPair which is like a live in nanny from another country. Anyway, so they met this older girl and they used to ignore me when she was around and then they’d treat me like shit and it made me upset. And they did because I was a sensitive person, especially for a guy. So, when they did that, I’d just leave. Usally, they’d let me leave, but sometimes they’d even try to stop me from leaving, like they wanted to harass me. But if I leftm the’d call me on the phone and appoligize and I’d go back to them and they treated me better for the rest of they day. Anyway, that older girl eventually stopped hanging around as much and I felt like I had my friends back. By the time I was 15, they were both 13, and 11 and theyre mother was conserned about me hanging around there because of the age difference. Just so you know, they didn’t act like they’re age, they acted older, and they even looked older. the 11 year old girl was 5’7 and on the chubby side. Anyway, the summer I was 15, they’re mother was pissed of that I was hangng out with them so since she worked during the day, they still invited me over and we’d go places together. And even theyre father knew I was ahnging out with them and he was really cool with it. But the mother was not. One day I was hanging outside with them and I was aloud to see them when theyre mother was there and she was sitting outside and we let it slip to her that I went to the pool with them that day. Their father said that was nice, but the mother had this horrified look on her face like I had killed someone, then she stared at her kids with this look, but she never said anything outright to me. But I knew she had a problem with me. Anyway, by the end of the summer, we had been hangout almost everyday. But the last week of the summer, i called them and the AuPair said t me that they were busy. And I didn’t see them for a whole week which was very strange. At the end of that week, we had a Block Party and so I thought that that would be a perfect chance for me to hang out with them. Boy, was I wrong. At first, we were talking, but as the day went on they invited theyre friends and family to this block party and totally ignored me. After that, I saw them one more time, two weeks later, and they acted so odd and so distant that I though that our friendship was over. And I was right. That was the summer of ’05 and it was the last time I talked to them. Now my current friend, I met while I was friends witht he other two. She used to hang out with us but I definatly wasn’t that close to her. But she moved away to NC in 2004 and we didnt talk for 2 months until she called me one day and we talked for a while. Then we started talking every day after a while. I think this made the other girls jealous or someting so they used to answer my cell phone and tell her I was busy. And I didn’t really care because I thought i would be hanging out with the other two forever. At the end of the summer of 05, right before my other friends dumped me, she and I were in a big fight and wern’t talking. Luckilly, we made up after that and we have talked pretty much every day. But now, I feel like the same thing is happening between me and her. Plus, she has a very stressful life, her parents are on drugs and she has a whole lot of problems. So when I tell some of my problems, I know she does’nt care because she so many problems of her own. I’m always worried that she’ll stop being my friend because I am dependend on her because she is my only friend. But like I said, I think thats going down the drain and it is a long distance relationship. So now I feel lonely and I just feel that my life has no meaning. And I am so jealous of those people who have like 200 friends when I dont even have 2! I get so bored that I have to leave the house so I go and visit my 84 year old grandmother at least once a week. Now its like 3 times a week since it is the summer and I don’t have school. I don’t know why I have had such bad luck. I have alway’s tried to be nice, I try to help people out, but It doesn’t pay off at all. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If you read all of this, I thank you for listening to my story because it was a long one! And I hope that oneday, i will find a friend who I can count on to be there for me. until then, I dont know.

25 06 2007
Lisa

Hi.

Right now I am sitting at work and everyone is talking about this party that took place over the weekend. I knew nothing of it until now. It is so strange because the past few weeks I have been doing and feeling so good. Even up until Friday I felt great. Well over the weekend I went to a wedding and some people from my high school were there. Only 1 of them acknowledged me. They were all my age. Then yesterday church kind of sucked as usual. Just me not fitting in. And now I get to work and have to listen to everyone raving about this stupid party. To top it off I am under stress for other reasons in my life. I am working while my husband stays home with our kids. He has income from his own business but that will only last a few more months and then we don’t know what he will do for a living. I don’t make enough to support all of us. I am trying to pay off debt as fast as I can leaving just a small amount of money in our account with little room for error. I am the only one who pays the bills so I have that weighing on my mind. I do the laundry, cook dinner, and am still in charge of making sure the kids look good and get haircuts, our house basically doesn’t get cleaned. As soon as I walk in the door from work the kids are all my responsibility. I have to go to bed early so I can get to work by 7 AM and my husband gets all pissy if the kids are still awake and he has to take care of them then he lounges on the couch until midnight and then sleeps in the next day. I don’t even want to work, I want to be a stay at home mom. He has MY job and I want it back but he won’t do anything about it. All of this and nobody to talk to. I feel like anyone that I talked to would secretly be happy that I am struggling. I feel like everyone I know is in competition with me. I am probably the competetive person. I am going crazy. I just want to go somewhere by myself and get really drunk and go to sleep. My kids are the only thing keeping me going right now. If it weren’t for them I would be passed out in a bar every night.

25 06 2007
Me

Hey you guys,

Yeah im in the same exact situation as all of you. Im a girl in my early 20’s and all the friends I had in high school ended up stabbing me in the back or turning into complete losers that I didnt want around me anymore. They would stay at home and drink all night every night, never go out and just find pleasure in gossip and drama with eachother. They would go to Six Flags and make plans to go there right in front of me but never invite me. They would make fun of me and trash me in front of everyone and I didnt need to take that from anyone. Also they werent making the right decisions for themselves and their lives are going down the drain pretty quick so I figured if they cant help themselves, how will they ever be there for me? I think of myself as a very level headed and smart woman and yeah I have my low points but they just pull me down even lower. I want people in my life that will give me good advice, care about me and not want to see me get hurt and help me avoid making mistakes. I try to be that way with my friends but it wasnt working out with them and I figured I would rather be alone than unhappy so I decided to end those friendships.

So alone I am and it sucks so bad. I am very alone. I only have 1 “friend” and she isnt even that good of a friend. She lies to her boyfriend and keeps things from him and she did the same to me but since im so freakin lonley and she “apologized” I figure ill just keep her around because shes really the only person I have left. Guys flock to her and I feel so invisible around her sometimes, especially when we go out. I dont undetstand why because I see myself as an attractive girl but who knows. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep or go see my therapist because I feel so frustrated and angry at the world. I dont understand why me but I guess society just changed over the years, or maybe its just life and growing up?

Anyway I read an idea someone had farther up the page about making some sort of signal or sign to have around for other people like us and I think that is a really great idea. Maybe wear a specific color string around our wrists or something just so we know who we are and arent shy to approach eachother. It could help develop friendships or even save lives. Just a thought. What do all you guys think?

25 06 2007
Me

By the way if this idea starts some worldwide trend, I want a piece of that money pie :-)

Seriously.

26 06 2007
meghna

hi people..my situation in life is similar!i am extremely lonely..i am 20 years .i have like just one close friend in the entire world.People just dont want to be my friend.i am the one who sits all alone in college because nobody talks to me.i try being friendly to them,but they all just ignore me.i am smart and a very nice person like the rest of you. i am a helpful and a kind girl.i dress well,and i smell good also.i feel like such a loser..!to top it all,my boyfriend turned out to be a jerk.i found out that he was cheating me and two-timing me.i am so frustrated and wish i was never born.i have never been to parties and night-stays ,n stuff like that.sigh!i wonder if god ever wants me to have friends and be happy.i feel so empty and lonely because i have no one to share my problems with.i wish from the bottom of my heart that i had a life full of friends and love. it is only that one friend who i have,no other friends. can someone please help me by advising me?i would be reely grateful..and thankful..!take care all of you and god bless you all..!

26 06 2007
Jake

17 yrs old…male…someone please help me….

28 06 2007
Leah

I just want to let everyone of you know I have read everyone of your posts on here. To you younger ones I wish you were all my kids, and some of you my grandkids, because I feel just terrible for you and love you all!!! To the adults on here, my heart really goes out to you. I understand completely how hard things can become and I wish you were more than friends, but my sisters and my brothers. (I’m crying as I write this to you.) Please stay strong, and take good care of yourselves. You all are very special and have something good and wonderful to offer, in such a loveless and uncaring evil world.
A few days ago I was given some awful pain medication for a tooth infection by my dentist, and I was all alone, and I had a serious reaction from it, and I believed I was going to die. That made my loneliness even more frightening. But I prayed to God to please not let me die. My husband was in a meeting and I couldn’t get a hold of him at work and I had nobody I could call to let them know I was scared that I was dying. I still want to live, in spite of my friendless and lonely and stranded situation out here. I thank God for my husband and my puppies! I’m so sorry for getting over-emotional on here, but I just needed to say this to you all. Love, Leah

29 06 2007
Beth

im a 17yr old girl from South Wales UK , i had a good group of friends in secondary school but now we have just drifted apart , we talk briefly every now and then but we dont hang out no more. ill be 18 in 4 months and i dont want to be stuck at home for my birthday like lasy year it suked!! i think im a good friend , who you can trust , i dont slag people off behind their backs i hate that bitchy shit, is there a good friend out there?? lonsdalesmith@msn.com

29 06 2007
Chelsea

I have acquaintances of which to speak, and a few friends on msn to talk to, but I don’t feel like I have anyone. I’m 14 and life seems like it can only get worse. I have nothing to look forward to and no one to make me feel better. I feel like a cold, empty shell.

29 06 2007
Jessica

hey everyone! i live in the UK and i’m a total loner! never seemed to get along with people for sum reason…used to be real nice, bit shy like but nice u know and caring nd shizz but got walked over and used by like everyone and eventualy i just just thot f**k it! It seems to be the bigger the arsehole u are the more friendz u get and its tru! im 17 and have no friends! i mean wtf is with that?? (excuse the language lol) I’ve got no one to talk to(cept my mom) but u no u cant tell ur parents EVERYTHING and i just feel like giving up grrr! its sooo crap!

i don’t even no why I’m writin on this blog thingy but like alot of otha ppl have said its nice to know i aint the only one.i got a piece of advice to: act like an ass and walk over everyone and be an asshole and u’ll get on fine in this life cuz if your at least half decent ur screwed!

bye!

29 06 2007
T

@Chelsea:

I know how you feel, I’m in the same boat with a few people I talk to on msn and such, I remember feeling the same way you did when I was around 14 (I’m 17 By the way.), but you seem like a nice person so I hope for the best for you in the future.

On to my post:

I’m 17, I know a few people, but they don’t really talk to me much, so I don’t have friends, I’m extreamly unsocial and can’t normally have a good conversation with people, but I am a nice person. Alot of the people I meet don’t want to hang or anything or only want to get drunk, goto parties and do it 24/7, and because I’m not like that, nobody where I live wants to hang with me, so I guess it’s cause there’s not other people that do other stuff then the 3 I mentioned above.

I don’t have many interests, but I am willing to try new things with people I meet, but I guess that never seems to work with anyone I meet. So uh yeah, I guess that’s my story…

1 07 2007
EsteeFlrwPot

Hey if any of you guys need someone to talk to you can always im me. I’m 21yrs old, a girl, and pretty lonley most of the time. My sn is Macluresmorgel. I came up with it when I was about 15 so i have no idea what it means :-). Hope to hear from one of you guys soon. Good luck

1 07 2007
T

EsteeFlrwPot, what messenger do you use?

1 07 2007
Matt

I used to have lots of friends as a teenager, but then we emigrated to another country. Sixteen years later, I have none. I get the occasional email from my old friends but it’s hardly much of a social life. I don’t seem to have anything in common with anybody, and frankly I sometimes think I’ve lost the ability to even have a conversation. Over the years, I’ve tried making friends at various colleges etc, but even when you think you’re making headway, as soon as it’s over they don’t want to know you. I’m at the stage I can’t even be bothered to try anymore.

1 07 2007
Matt

I’d like to add that I’ve never had a girlfriend either. I don’t get it. I;m a decent guy, fairly intelligent, reasonably good-looking, and young-looking, too. Yet not one has ever been interested, yet I see some really lovely looking young lasses out and about with some of the most repulsive guys you’ve ever clapped eyes on. I really don’t get it.

3 07 2007
Anael'

It seems everyone speaks up about their problems, but no advices on the solutions, which makes this place still lonely and uncomforting. I think we should stop, and do something about it, dont mobe around, go and have a therapy, theres nothing bad about going to a professional who might help you more than your lonely blog friends or parents. it might all sound rough, but you know ive been going through the same shit all my life up to now! and i gotta tell you, noone will care and solve your problems unless theres an interest or benefit that they can get from it. you got to solve it yourself! most of you need a good slap on the face so you can wake up and see that you are not the only one , look behind, pay attention, dont be self centered. life is great, and its only great when you build it this way! look at the rest of the world, look around you, see what a miserably life other people live! anyways enough preaching, i guess none of you will like this post, simply cause it speaks up the truth! pick up your lasy, egoistic, self centered, depressed asses and live your life to its full, or life will wear you out!

4 07 2007
Suzie

Anael’, this is my second post although I note my first 1 was not printed?! I think people often come to a place like this because they want to change and they want to check in and make sure they are not alone in feeling this way. I think your critical comments are unhelpful and unwise. People who are feeling down don’t need the hole dug deeper for them… doing so is dangerous and frankly stupid. I ask you 1 question Anael’ why are you here if you are so derogatory yourself?

4 07 2007
Suzie

Cool to see my text in the real!! Hey guys im Suzie and im 32 living down in the Southern Hemisphere with my 3 children. I have been having a hard time since I lost my partner and father to my children, suddenly in an accident 1 year ago (June 30th 2006) it was 1 year ago today we were at his funeral.
He was my best friend and soul mate and since losing him life has just not been the same.
I am also amazed and saddend by how shallow the human race can be. Immediately after his passing there were too many people and I couldn’t think. Now a year on people who we had considered friends and confidants have almost but disapeared.
Grief, on the other hand does not and to be a friend you need to understand grief takes its own course. I certainly don’t walk around crying. Im a strong lady I guess, I tend to cry alone at night for my love. So why have my friends disappeared it feels, that is why im here… to seek others opinions, please feel free to ask me questions to enable you to help me find the answers I am seeking. And in return I will try to help you.

May God Bless you all as you find your own individual strengths to move through this loneliness and come out the other side enriched by your experiences and be enabled to help others in their own phlight.

Suzie x

4 07 2007
Anael'

Dear Suzie i study people like you, im here for my projects, and you might be one of them. I dont think people find solutions here, as the matter of fact they hope and they search for it, they look for someone who can listen, but find that there are many who are enough busy and collapsed from their own situations. I call it a scream from deep down , the last step before totally falling apart. All can help each one of them is action, im not a stranger to feelings they all go through, but im not a supporter of this method. ive lost few friends, everyone was trying to help, but its the inside will that will help you out. I am not critical to specific cases as you might be my dear, im critical to the situations people fall and dont wanna fight. Chear up!

4 07 2007
Michelle

It’s interesting to sit and contemplate the idea of being a person who has literally NO ONE. I feel tiny and insignificant. I imagine myself sitting on the Earth and the Earth surrounded by space, other planets, stars, infinity. I feel smaller than a grain of sand.

I am 38, a single mom, unemployed with -0- friends or family (except for my 2 kids). I remember being a child and realizing that my parents had no friends. I think social phobia can be learned as well as being an inherent trait.

My childhood was crappy with my parents being emotionally abusive. I believe I isolate to protect myself from further pain. It served its purpose in my childhood. I was able to survive because I trained myself to not need anyone. That survival mechanism has back fired though. I want friends now and desperately try to spark friendships but then I let them die out. I make exuses, “I can’t meet for coffee because…” OR I make freinds with people who are more F’d up than I am and they disappear on me. They probably as isolating as a safety mechanism too.

This is a miserable way of life for sure. It is 7:40 pm on the 4th of July. Everyone in my buiding is gone to their barbeques/firework shows, even my kids are at their Dad’s house. I didn’t have even a single friend to give me an invite. I drove my kids to their Dad’s and drove past street after street with tons of cars almost blocking the roads there were so many parked on the curbs. Lots of people outside with freinds and family as I drove by…I feel like a ghost sometimes. Am I real?? I wish I could change this behavior but don’t even know where to start. I wish I was one of those people who really believe deep in their hearts that they don’t need anyone and don’t feel sad or lonely. I am a pathetic soul really. If I didn’t have my kids, I’d commit suidice in a heartbeat! This is no life!!

4 07 2007
anonymous

hey everyone,
i posted here before at the age of 15. i’m 16 now, learning to drive.
it hasn’t gotten better at all.
i can drive now, so rather than waste away at home, i’ll go to the park, the mall, the bookstore… and just wander aimlessly…

i’ve planned my future out. i’m going to college in finland, and i’m never coming back. i live in the US and am currently teaching myself the language. i am in a program that will pay for all my college funds, so parents aren’t an issue.
when i’m 18 and graduate high school, i’m gone. on that airplane and GONE.
maybe, this will give me a chance to start over. i’ll have an excuse for my loneliness as i’d be new to the country entirely, so meeting people will be easier.
i’ll be in COLLEGE. taking a finnish language course with other english-speaking people…
hopefully………..

i can’t wait.
just the thought of this lying ahead, in the future, for CERTAIN, is amazing…

5 07 2007
Suzie

Dear Michelle

I hear you!! I know and understand how you feel I really do. How old ae your kids? Mine are 13, 10 and 6. They are great, I live for them. Where are you? Im in NZ.
Please remember that everything changes and even though right now you and I both feel sad about the life we appear to be living it can improve and all it takes maybe is a new day…?
I was interested to read what you were saying about excuses. I am definitely guity of that. So often I will have a friend ask what are you up to and I will make some reason that I cannot catch up. In the end they just stop asking. I guess maybe the answer to alot of how we are feeling is true depression.
I am thinking of returning to my counsellor as I also get very angry at times and am concerned I keep this under control… before I lose it and regret it.

Well anyway I must away to bed… May God Bless you Michelle and your wonderful children and you too Anon it is so good to have plans for our futures its what keeps us going.

Suzie x

5 07 2007
ella

Does anyone have any solutions? Like maybe over-sensitivity being an issue? Waiting for other people to make the move, though you are willing to be a great friend, unwilling to initiate? Most friendships go through ups and downs, and it is a difficult balance to get to keep one. I also could do with some positive insight.

5 07 2007
Suzie

Hi Ella
Im very sensitive and I guess these days since I lost my partner im prone to being oversensitive and feel let down by others as I believe I am a very good friend to my friends and if they’d been in the my situation I would have treated them with care and sensitivity throughout the grieving.
I tend to have no problem meeting new people or making new aquantances, I seem to have that one sussed. Its the maintaining friendships bit. I guess because iv been so sad I tend to withdrawal and then make excuses as Michelle yesterday was talking about. Also due to a low opinion of myself I think I tend to undervalue the friendship I can give others often thinking but why would they want to be friends with me what can I offer? So its different for different people. I have more hope/expectation from long time friends who iv helped out too and nothing from new ones thinking why would they want to be friends with me anyway?

Well these are just my thoughts…
Suzie x

6 07 2007
Mcky

I am 51 y/o man married 25 years with 3 kids. I have never had a friend. My relatives don’t like me. My neighbors don’t like me. Nobody likes me and I have never figured out why. I am a nice person and would give the shirt off my back to help anyone. It seems to me that everyone I’ve ever known has many friends, and I can’t figure out why I don’t. I wish there was a pill I could take that would change whatever is wrong with me so people would like me. But that ain’t going to happen.

I’m not suicidal, but I think I am depressed. I can’t talk to a doctor because I don’t want any “mental health” issues in my medical records, which almost anyone can get access to.

I’m leaving instructions with my wife and kids that when I die (from old age) I don’t want anyone coming to my service to talk about how good a person I was. I told them to invite a local biker gang, supply lots of beer, and make everyone pi$$ on my grave.

I hate me.

6 07 2007
Jack Barns

I have spent about an hour reading each post. I remember when I felt the same as all of you. I have no magical answer, but I do know what helped me. I don’t mean to put anyone down because I have been there too. I did not like it either. I found something that helped me by accident. What I am hearing from most of you is that you are feeling left out. It sounds like the only one you are really concerned about is you (again, I am not putting anyone down). I know many of you seem to care about others, or so it sounds. That is the ONLY way I overcame my loneliness. I began to do something besides just careing about people; I began to invest in their lives. I made up my mind that I would not look for anything in return, nothing. Most of the time that is what I get, but it has changed my life. You see, that few times that someone lets me know they really care makes the difference. Friends? You have to take them as they are. If it is just a smile or a word or a look that lets you know you have made someone’s day better, it is worth it. As for those of you who have at one time, or are now thinking about suicide, think about what you are really saying. You are saying that you don’t care about anyone else. Pardon me, but damn it, that’s selfish!!! If you think others are selfish because they don’t want to be you friends, think how you are acting. I have been there too. I have acted that way too. It was not until I quit thinking about myself and started thinking only about others that I overcame my loneliness. Do you REALLY want to have TRUE friends? THEN FIND SOMEONE, ANYONE, WHO IS IN NEED AND INVEST, INVEST, INVEST IN THAT LIFE. The Bible say that we should “love thy neighbor as thyself.” That means we MUST love ourseves first, or no one else will love us. Peach and love to each of you, and may God bless you all in special ways, even the atheist.

6 07 2007
Jack Barns

This post is for Matt. Matt. it is simple. Those guys with the good looking girls are extreme listeners. Women may like good looking guys, but what they really want is a man who listens to them and really cares what they have to say. Women want to be thought of as intellegent, which they are. Keep your ears open, smile a lot, and above all be yourself. Women can’t stand guys who try to be more than they really are. Pay attention to the ladys when they speak. Good luck

6 07 2007
Leah

Check out these self-help cds or tapes you can buy.

http://www.thinkrightnow.com/audios/audiowinfriends.htm

7 07 2007
lissa

Often, I’ve been very alone and sometimes its hard, well i wish i was more insensitive. Difficult things in life seems to make you more sensitive I think. I’m learning to thrust people again and well, to see them in a more positiv light…

When a time like that happen it should not let us feel down but stronger, i was born alone, i will try to do what i can alone if its how it gotta be. I know maybe its not human but the reality is that the majority of people are self centered and not human. This is the society we are living in, the system encourage the people to be selfish, competitive, mean and heartless. We arent in heaven we are in earth. I know there are still nice people out there at least or the planet will have already been blown by now. Know that If you connect with someone by the way, well good, if not, why care? You will only suffer for notthing, when you focuse on those negative feelings. Lately I just entherstood that more you focus in not being able to make friends more it will kind of reinforce this belief you have.

Years ago, I was that strong girl making friends easily without a care, then I want into a traumatize period of my life that ad left me king of vulnerable I became the opposite of myself, low self confidence ,letting insult get to me etc at this time I was going to a ghetto high school surround with tough and mean kids and as you know how the human nature can be very low some of them took this great opportunity to continuing being very mean and direspectfull to me day after days who influenced others to do as well. One girl actually the only girl that have accepted me said to me i was not at anyone level. The second girl that i had fun with was when we were outside of the school , in school she wasent talking to me and because I was a grade higher then her it wasent suppose to be a reason. Another girl said to me what is that girl find in me. Anyway it was eveyday hell. When I think about my adolescence right now i feel like I want to vomit I got over it but I still feel angry at myself for choosing false friends better no friends then false friend, i’m teling you..

( my first language is french, i tried my best here)

8 07 2007
chris

im 19 and i guess i can say i have no friends. in middle school i was really close with about 4 or 5 ppl. but i was also at a small private school out of town. wen i got to high school i didnt know anyone, and i got really depressed. starting smoking pot and drinking a lot. i managed to get on speaking terms with a few ppl sophomore year but i never saw anyone outside of school. this really hurt me. i let my grades slip, i would skip school a lot and just do drugs. i ended up dropping out and i got into a serious mess wen i was 17-18. in that time i finally got a group of “friends” that all did the same things as me; smoking, drinking, dropped out of school. but i was also like their punching bag. i didnt care though because i figured crappy friends were better than no friends. well needless to say, they dropped me when i decided i didnt want to do that stuff anymore. and they did it in the most awful way imaginable. now there are only 2 people that i really talk to, but they have sort of distanced themselves from me since they are doing stuff with their lives and making new friends. i have tried recently to make new friends but no one seems to want to become good friends. i feel like everyone my age is progressing smoothly into adulthood and leaving me in the dust. dont really know what to do. if someone on here is interested in just having someone to talk to, then IM on aim: xchrisisnotherex

sorry for ranting

8 07 2007
Pete

Hello everyone. I am 27 and I have a similar problem like most of you, only in my case I have absoltely no physical contact with anyone. I am living over seas and there are only a few other Americans here. They are all busy with their families, so i’m stuck living in this big house in a foreign country by myself. Why not make friends with some locals? It’s not possible. There is some kind of phenomenon that keeps Americans and locals apart. It’s like I’m not even alive out here. I don’t even exist.
I read about some cruel experiments done in the 1800’s with monkeys, where they were isolated in order to observe the effects of isolation. Apparently all of the subjects eventually just huddled in the corner of their box and slept all day until they just went insane. I’m quite sure I am experiencing the same thing. I just sleep all day long. I try to exercise but i have a bad back, and usually after a week of exercising i pull a muscle in my neck. So i just end up sitting in the house reading. I practically read an entire novel every day.
I try to get outside but that usually just consists of a trip to the local grocery store, which is pretty much useless since everything is in a different language. And the local food here isn’t very good. I don’t drink, so I don’t like to hang out at the clubs or anything. No one wants to do that by themself anyway. It makes you feel even more lonely. I’ve tried to keep in contact with family and friends over the phone and email, but time and distance has proven that if you are “out of sight”, you are “out of mind”. I’ve even tried online chat rooms. That only works for an hour or two. There is no substitute for physical human contact.
For all of you that live near your family, or maybe even near just one half-way-decent friend, please don’t take that for granted. Even a cousin or something, utilize what resources you can, and stop by and visit someone, even if they are not your best friend. I would give anything to be able to go visit someone, or even go to a hospital and bring some toys to sick kids or something. I don’t even know what a hospital looks like here. I’ve probably driven past it 20 times and never noticed because this place is inconspicuous like that.
I have just over a year left here, and if something doesn’t change, I fear I will lose my mind (what ‘s left of it). I’m quite anxiety prone, so that doesn’t help either. I have a good income, if only i could buy a friend or two, hahah, no seriously, where can i buy one?

8 07 2007
youngn

wow. this page has been commented on from january till june.
its nice to know im not alone, and everyone here should remember that you arent either.

Im not a strange person, i think im decent looking, im sociable, nice, like sports, like to party, trendy, etc, but i’ve found out if you fall out of your circles, its REALLY tough to get back in. I’ve had friends, but they seem to have moved on without me.
I dont understand why. Whats so off-putting about people like us that others won’t put forth the effort to reach out? I dont feel i should be the one to make all the phone calls.
What could i possibly be doing wrong to not have made the deep connections needed to maintain friendships. I had a best friend. He called me his best friend once too. It was about 2 years ago. Why doesnt he think, “i wonder what so and so is up to? maybe i should call and see if he wants to hang out.”

Im probably just ranting too.
Good luck to everyone.

11 07 2007
Torin

I can relate to everyone here.. I am a 23 year old male. I am an atheist but this quote from the bible gets me through the days sometimes.

“For the day of vengeance was in My heart, And My year of redemption has come.

“I looked, and there was no one to help, And I was astonished and there was no one to uphold; So My own arm brought salvation to Me, And My wrath upheld Me.

“I trod down the peoples in My anger And made them drunk in My wrath, And I poured out their lifeblood on the earth.”

ISAIAH 63.4-63.6

My love for everything has turned into vehement abhorrence. Oh how i’d love to trample humanity for what it has done to each other.

11 07 2007
Tommy

Being 17, I could only explain how I’ve felt throughout this short amount of time. Ever since I was a toddler, I’ve been extremely introverted. Throughout my life, i never found anything that impacted me, anything that defied me as a sole individual. Perhaps this is the reason for being so lonely. I’m not sure, but I’m sick and tired of it all. I wish I could break free out of this steel cage my body has placed upon me. I wish the world could see who I really am, the person that I was meant to represent. I hate spending my day- every day- in my room. Sitting, staring, sleeping. A constant roulette of boredom, something nobody ever wishes to have. I’ll be honest, I’ve never made a valient effort to ease this loneliness. Breaking into social groups seems much harder, when you’ve never really met anyone that befriends you. I don’t blame society, or humanity, for my loneliness. I blame it on myself. It’s my burden, my problem to overcome, regardless of how society treats me as a being.

One day, I wish to remove the shackles from my mind, and become a part of society.

13 07 2007
Mandy

Hi I just wish my existance could be erased. That way I would have never been born to my parents, I would have never been my husband’s wife, and I would have never been my children’s mother. I cannot kill myself now. I have kids and a husband and now I would be considered “selfish” if I took my own life. So I now I have to stay here on this earth and be completely miserable “for my kids”. This is bullshit.

13 07 2007
guy319

Thanks for the reply no mates. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m starting to realize that for most of us, it is our own fault why we are unhappy. People like us are afraid of change because we are so used to getting let down and watching other people become happy and successful. You said you have potential and that you are waiting for your time to shine?!?! Just like I have been telling myself, I will tell you the same – Things dont just happen, you make them happen. Success and fortune don’t just fall on our laps, we have to go out there and achieve it. The people that do this are not necessarily smarter, more talented or better, they just have the willpower and the courage to make it happen for themselves. I quit my job today (put in a two week notice of course) and hopefully going to get this new job that I am going for an interview for on monday. But first I am taking a month off and going to tackle everything I always wanted to do but haven’t had the time, courage, or energy to. I am 23 like I said and I am not getting any younger. No matter what we do in life, we have to realize that there will always be obstacles to overcome, but this the whole game of life, and this is what makes us stronger. I am not as happy as I would like to be, I do not have many realiable friends, and theres nothing quite exciting about my life right now…however my choice is be unhappy the rest of my life or make myself happy. Don’t be afraid of change and don’t be afraid to reverse all the negative feeling. Remember you are here because whatever you are doing now is not working for you. Try doing it differently, talk to be people differently, act differently, approach life work love family differently.

15 07 2007
MileStone

All of you have touch my heart just as i was goin thru all my sh!tY
stuff in this life i have been walked on hit on beaten down stomp on in all way of those words litterly i am 33 year old male
living with my parents unemployed and havent had one of those job thingys since 2004 even then it was 2 months before that it was 2 years so yes i have walked thru a neiborhood where people said not to goto and walked out alive becuase i am invisible seems or look pychopathic i have lost all my top teeth in the last 4 years and the the ablity to have a erections and then its like a bad nitemare havent been in a fight for 5 years but before that i was fighting people for the right to stand in buses and sitt in trains
Urban area i live
its been 4 years since anyone of my Bestfriends even said hello i had 3 of them i have two people i sorta talk to like once a month even then they dont listen they hear me sometimes but no listening i havent seen a good day since 1994 everything just goes downward even with the extreme effort and tring i put into all i do with females and trying to make new friends
i remember everything my memory is like kept up people say dont live in the past dont listen to them think about the memory’s and situation that got you where your at like i have try to oppsite and still nothing just like is there a shadow figure that follows all of you too becuase IT is scary thats what the time between happy and i was a shadow figure and well IT left me but IT seems to gotten into others let me explain It is no caring no trust no honesty no love no hate isnt evil or good IT isnt anything nothing IT isnt a balance either of the both just nothing walks right thru ya but IT is taken over the world seems like
looks like a shadow no form scares me
when you Become IT yourself years and i mean 5-6 years go by with time not existing just blam your 5 years older and loser or idiot not listen too or other stuff still
anyone who has looked thru religion IT gets ya
many have gone Insane after IT happens just wonder if anyone can relate

15 07 2007
MileStone

then i havebackwards visions of future events in the form of the four diffrent parts of who i am
Good,Evil,The balance,Shadow
i try to explain these to anyone that will listen but they are like the shadow no love and feeling caring nothing

15 07 2007
MileStone

before and after i have loved cared searched found
searching for answers i found many more questions and answered them but still i always loved myself enuff and loved others and always will be there for those that are here
i love life just seems lost are the others to those ways
and turned into a shadow are those that oppose love

16 07 2007
NO IDENTITY

hi guys im 28 years old and have a beautiful family but 0 friends i can relate to all of the above. the most important thing we all need to realize there is at least a few hundred people on this site alone in the same situation as ourselves.take comfort and find solice in that fact and try to make friends with everyone on this site .i know its not the same as having friends on the outside but its better than having none at all.
If any one wants to leave an email adress id be happy to have a chat with anyone of you as ill keep checking this site on a daily basis
All the very best and try to stay positive!

17 07 2007
cali24

I am 24 years old and I have never really had any friends. When I was in grade school I talked to other kids but could never really carry a friendship outside of school. One thing that also went against me was that I have always looked alot younger then my age, I guess its a good thing , but when you’re in grade school kids look at you like a runt or not being cool cuz you don’t look older. even now people mistake me for 17 or 18.Growing up I had 2 close friends one of them being my cousin and the other a neighborhood kid. my cousin and his mom (my aunt) lived with our family for awhile and after i kept in touch by visting them out of state during my summer vacation, but as we reached our late teens we grew apart and I guess he just got tired of me. My other friend was actually 3 years younger than me and we too grew apart as I reached my late teens. We were once really close and even shared a few friends growing up and now I only see how they are doing through their myspace page, but they don’t know i see their myspace page. Both of them seem to have plenty of friends but i guess they just got tired of hangin around me. Me not having friends actually makes having a relationship with a girl hard because they find it weird that I have no social life. Its hard cuz I’m a Good looking guy and I get plenty of attention from girls all over , but they just find it weird That I have no Friends. I befriend quite a few people at work and school and meet girls that show interst towards me, but i never take that friendship outside work or school because I feel They will think I’m wierd because I have social life.I feel very cold and lonely at 24 years of age and my best friends right now is my mom, her boyfriend,my 60 year old aunt, and my 12 year old brother which i encourage to always have friends, but he seems to be doing ok. I don’t want my brother to be like me and have no friends. I find myself making up stories to people I talk to at work and school when they ask me how my weekend went or where I went for vacation, usually telling them I went with some friends to Las vegas or somewhere else. I’m sad because I have never been to a club or bar or any social event with a group of friends which is something I have always wanted to do. I’m VERY afraid of getting old and dieing lonely because I know my mom and aunt won’t be around forever and my little brother will grow up and live his own life.I get jealous when I see young people like myself hanging out with friends or chatting on the cellphone with friends,even thou i shouldn’t feel like that. I really pray that this all will change soon and one day will be able to go out with friends and show a girl that i do have a social life before i get too old. thanks for reading and best wishes to all of you.

17 07 2007
Leah

(This is an interesting excerpt I came across for those who battle with shyness.)
Estimates range that from 3 to 12 percent of the overall population suffers from social phobia or extreme shyness. Most individuals who are affected never seek help because of fear of humiliation and embarrassment. For this reason, social phobics are very much an unstudied population. Those who do seek help often receive inappropriate or ineffective treatment. Most current treatment of social anxiety is based on medication. For many individuals this just breeds further dependence, which itself is a big part of the problem.
The by-products of social anxiety include depression; self medication, with alcohol usually the drug of choice; an inability to compete in today’s stressful society characterized by poor performance and a lack of productivity, and often family distress.

When people hear the word “shy,” they often think of children. The reality is that most people who seek help for this problem are adults. The common response to children with this problem is “They will grow out of it.” In cases where the problem is substantial, it worsens over time.

It is important to grasp some basic concepts about the two closely related dynamics of shyness and social anxiety: Both terms describe a learned response to social interaction. I refer to this fear response as interactive inhibition. When interactions are inhibited by social anxiety, a person is unable to get as much out of life as is possible. When individuals who have this problem think that “shyness” is an unchangeable personality trait, they are creating a major obstacle for themselves that stands in the way of fulfillment and productivity. The reality is that shyness is social anxiety. Social anxiety is a learned response and habit that can be broken. Furthermore, at the risk of being controversial, as an individual begins to understand that social anxiety is a combination of attitudinal, emotional. behavioral, and physical responses, it will be understood that there actually is no such thing as shyness. Rather what was understood as “shyness” is actually social anxiety, a psychophysiological response that can be learned to be controlled. In other words, it is a way of reacting, not an unchangeable instinct that has chosen the person in question.

18 07 2007
Jake

Hello… Over the last hour I have been debating with myself if I should post my story. After reading most of the post on here I am comforted to know that not only are there more people out their like me but that people have also found friends. I am 22, live with my workaholic older brother and like many on here have no friends. In high school I was never picked on but instead was just plain ignored by everyone. I am now more than halfway thought my college education and I am finding it harder to cope with my loneliness. I find it hard to just talk to people in general because i have a slight stutter and when people actually talk to me I get so excited that the words get jumbled and come out all at once. My insecurities about speaking lead me to retreat into myself and put on a mask for everyone else (not literally :)) and this has destroyed my creative spirit or at least wounded it. I used to paint and play the guitar but now I can’t seem to find any joy or satisfaction anymore. I try to talk to people everyday but it is hard for me to walk up and start a conversation. I don’t know where this was going when I started to type but its purpose eludes me now, maybe it was just to vent. I guess I just wanted to thank everyone for being so…. open.

18 07 2007
Christian

So sad to read all the unlucky souls that have emptied their hearts here. Some have all the luck, others don`t. That is my theory on life after many trials. All alone in the world for most of my life. Going to college at the moment, having the time of my life, NOT. That is what everyone around me seems to have. Going to class seeing people laughing and joking together, forming studies groups…. my grades have fallen since I don`t have access networks of people around to help me, discuss, etc… People around me going to parties every weekend. I have tried to connect to people at the beginning of the semester when we had some welcome parties at college. I see guys talking to girls and girls to boys. My Facebook account gets filled with what my “friends” are up to after school. I keep up a wall of being busy with made up stories about what I have done in the weekend. I really don`t know if I have some kind of warning signs that scares people from me.

F***ing hard to talk about these feelings. I could cry every f***ing night. Almost every single day I think about just ending it, but somehow I keep going with the little hope that our time to shine will come. I try every day to connect to people, but no answer. It would cost so little to just include me one time. Maybe I was chosen as a benchmark for other people to measure against. Born into this miserable life. Maybe I am being to selfish and don`t think about all the people that have to struggle each day to find basic stuff, like food.

21 07 2007
MScott R

Not sure what to say, I sit here, in the only place I feel safe, (my home office) and i wonder what the rest of the world is doing. I’m a 37 yr old woth a wife and 2 wonderful children, I very lucky on that aspect, but they are gone for the day to a party that “dads” don’t go to, or so I’m told, they do a lot of these things together, I sit here, I want to go but like I said I’m told “dads” don’t show up, so I start thinking to myself, if I could ahve just one friend, I could make plans, ( i know a little whiny) but it’s the making friends part thats hard, I freeze up at functions, or events, even family get togethers are hard for me, relatives I don’t see very often shy away, and I don’t know why, I’m not a drinker, so I’m never drunk, don’t do drugs, not a child molester, don’t have a crime record, or even a bad reputation. I known as a good provider, loving husband, and told I’m the “best daddy” by my 3 yr old and 4 yr old, so I just don’t get why even family shys away from me, my own father never has abything to say, my mother struggles with converstation, brother and sister always make disapproving comments to me about me. My family loves my wife and children, (I’m lucky there, that everybody gets along great) and they always have great talks, I seem to get stuck by the side, and rarley ever speak up, when I do it’s quickly glossed over, or just dismissed all together, (i know, still whiny). I used to have a few friends, not a lot growing up, unless it was summer, then I had every kid in the neighborhood around,(we had the only pool around), but that was just to obvious. through scholl I never had a lot of friends, I tried, did all the things, played sports, tried joining clubs, went to scholl events, never really fitting in. I used to think for a long time that suicde was the cure, but I realized that I wasn’t a desease that needed to be cured, I just needed a friend, I wanted a friend. I had finally found a friend, we clicked like a buckle, perfectly, he never had any friends either, he had been diagnosed as Bi-polar, and was put into “special” classes, there by branding him as a “retard” or what ever people were calling him, but to know him, and listen to him, I found a person that was just like me inside, lonely, and confused about it, why him, why me, we were both good people, always trying to help others, and do the right thing. He moved away severalyears ago, and we don’t see each other, we talk on the phone, but it’s not thet same, I feel like I’m missing a peice of my puzzle. I think I should have some counseling, or thereapy, maybe be put through some tests, just to rule out the possibility of something, anything that could be wrong with me. I don’t really know what I should be saying, I only know that it fells really good to be saying this, I’m sorry if this was a bad post, it’s my first and I’m not sure rules, please understand. MScott R

22 07 2007
randall jr

I can totally relate to all of you. it is so comforting to hear there are loads of others in my situation. i am 16yrs old and have 2 casual aqaintances from school,(if that) and have no social life during the holidays. i would love to have loads of friends and go out to parties, to town and to the cinema, but i just dont. my brother died when i was 5, and that badly affected me, according to my parents, i wouldnt go to any playgroup or socialise with any other children and it left me chronically shy. even when i was 9 or 10 yrs old i would cry every morning before school. i hated leaving the house and wouldnt do anything on without my mum. but as i got older, things got a lot better for a short while. i had about 6 or 7 very close friends in junior school, and also lots of friends in my street, which i really liked. but then i changed schools and moved house, which was ok as my closest friend moved school with me. but then his mum and my mum fell out, causing me to fall out with him. i think that is really when most of my current problems started. i then went to secondardy school in a village far outside my city, which is probably the reason why i have no social life now, because they all live in the village and i live miles away in the city so i never see anyone. but the weird thing now is that i dont mind doing things on my own, and being independant. i have a job in a restaurant and my own money to spend. i leave the house lots to go spending, but thats all really. there was a time when i was really desperate for friends and a social life, but as ive got older i seem to have gotten over that phase. i would still like to be normal, and have friends like everyone else. but i am quite with my life the way it is now and dont see having friends as an absouloute necessity o life. my parents think this is abnormal, and that i need to speak to a councillor or a doctor. do you think this?

23 07 2007
zack

hey everyone, i have no close friends.

my AIM name is kghalo21 if you want to talk…

23 07 2007
zack

all i want/need is a gf

25 07 2007
S

Wow, i can’t believe how many people there out there in the same boat, i can totally relate to how you all feel. i’m 25 have a great husband but 0 friends, i used to have really close friends and had a great social life before but around my wedding time, all my friends just deserted me, none of them even bothered to have a hen night with me and i had to literally force them to attend my wedding, i still cant understand why they changed…i had done so much for them in the past all they had to do was ask and i’d be there, yet when i needed them most they weren’t there for. i dont know if i could ever trust anyone to get that close enough to hurt me again, but it does get lonely, i’m bubbly, good looking, talkative, supportive and would never hurt a soul… all i can do is hope this is a phase, a really sucky phase!

26 07 2007
RCV

I haven’t had any friends all my life. From my earliest memories I was an outcast. I was always made fun of constantly and never was included in much. In school, I always did group projects alone. No one picked me. I’m perfectly normal and nice, but no one ever talked to me or wanted to be my friend. I’ve always tried to make friends, but no one wants to be my friend. I’ve since given up on trying. I just try to wish that other people are happy. I try to be happy by seeing other people happy it makes my loneliness go away for a bit.

I don’t have much contact with my family. They never invite me to anything. I’m even an outcast their. No one remembers my birthday or even worries about my well-being. I don’t doubt they probably wouldn’t even come to my funeral. Once, a family member asked me not to go to a place with them. They have always treated me differently I don’t know why. You’re supposed to be able to depend on your family, but they don’t even care.

I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything. I don’t really try for a boyfriend, still working on just getting a regular friend first. I just get really depressed and shut myself in and focus on other things. I find that I like to eat now when I feel very sad, but I’m not fat or anything. I exercise normally, eating just makes me happy for a second. Anyways, that is my story. Good luck, you guys. Hope at least one of us makes it. I’m not going to.

26 07 2007
Petkez

Well I am a 32 year old guy with no friends! I had a close friend once. We were best mates from about age 12 until 21. I started to put on weight when I was 21 and he made smart ass remakes about it all the time. It really hurt my feelings so within a few months we stopped talking. Since then I’ve had no friends! In school a had 2 or 3 friends but after I completed high school I’ve become a loner who can’t make friends. I’ve worked at 4 different jobs in the last 10 year and I can’t make friends! I am always the outsider. Back in 2002 my whole workplace ( about 10 employees ) went paintballing. I was the only person not invited and I didn’t even find out about it until the following Monday after they all had gone. That hurt my feelings. I worked with these guys 5 years and never caused any trouble or anything. I changed jobs and the same thing happen again a few years later. This time a guy at work had his engagement party and everyone was invited except me. I helped this guy move house one day and I thought we were friends but after being left out again I guess not. I don’t know what to do. I get depressed and embarrassed. I would have a hard time finding 1 person to help me if I needed it!

27 07 2007
The Mood

You all need to go to http://www.wikihow.com and go to the “Relationships” section.

LISTEN UP AND READ THIS CLEARLY

THE ONLY WAY TO GET FRIENDS IS BY ACTIVELY SEEKING PEOPLE

http://www.wikihow.com/Category:Relationships

TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE WHINING ABOUT HOW THEY CAN’T GET FRIENDS FORGET YOU ALL

YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT BAD??? HOW ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN SOMALIA WHO ARE STARVING? OR THE CONFLICT IN DARFUR? OR THE PALESTIANIAN CONFLICT? OR THE COUNTLESS NUMBER OF HOMELESS PEOPLE, PEOPLE WITH DISEASES, THE ELDERLY (WHOSE CHILDREN HAVE DESERTED THEM).

WAKE UP YOU PANSIES AND STOP BEING PUSSIES.

You have no excuse to go out and start talking to someone, i have already included the link:

http://www.wikihow.com/Category:Relationships

READ UP.

Look at your downsides: 1) ARE YOU TOO ARGUMENTATIVE? AVOID THIS
2) ARE YOU FAT? EXERCISE
3) DO YOU DRESS BAD? DRESS WELL
4) DO YOU STINK? SHOWER MORE
5) ARE YOU STUPID? STUDY HARD AND WORK HARDER
6) Are you lazy?
7) DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES? AND LISTEN UP PALS COMPUTER GAMING, TV, ETC DOES NOT COUNT BECAUSE THESE ALIENATE YOU FROM PEOPLE.

Awww, don’t want to go to the bar by yourself? GO TO A VOLUNTEER CLINIC.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE THE NICE PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF ARE? GO TO THE VOLUNTEER CLINICS, GO TO THE RETIREMENT CENTERS, GO TO HOSPITALS, VOLUNTEER.

All of you are sorry excuses of human beings, especially if you’re American. You have everything given to you to provide you materialistically and by being lazy and NOT learning how to deal with others you are screwing yourself.

Here’s another book to read:

DALE CARNEGIE’S How To Win Friends And Influence People

Someone said earlier in this superlong thread that they felt that there was a universal link between all of us posting here, well i’lll tell you it’s this INTROVERSION

You’re all shy f*ckheads so stop being bashful and BE CONFIDENT.

How do you be confident? EXERCSIE, GET A STRONG BODY, STRONG SPIRIT (through whatever you believe), DRESS WELL, POLISH YOUR SPEAKING SKILLS, READ MORE, AND KEEP UP WITH THE NEWS, ENTERTAINMENT, ETC.

Remember, you’re not looking for people to necessarily complain to. Friends are for that too, but you should be focused on haaving fun with them.

And yes, this goes to the older generation of people here too. There is no excuse none at at all.

This post is HARSH, but remember this is for YOU

FOR YOU!

~
The Mood

28 07 2007
metoo

I am sorry to hear that, people are so mean. I would love to talk to you by email.
I feel the same way a lot of the time. dancingbarbies@gmail.com

28 07 2007
ckzboy

hey leah ,
did you try any of those tapes or cds you recommeneded? wondering if it helps or not. they are reasonabally priced though. thanks for the info. i hope we can all find ways to get better this seems like a good tool but cannot help being skeptical. please let me know if you tried it or not thanks

28 07 2007
Via

Hello, I am 22 years old and it seems like the older I get the less I fit in. I have a loving boyfriend and lots of acquaintances but no real friends. I don’t understand. I might not be the most exciting person because I am very simple but that never stopped the few friends I have actually had in my life previously. I get along with just about everyone and used to be the weird one (in a good way most of the time) but now all my acquaintances are weirder than me so I guess I am not exciting enough to be close with. I try not to think about it to much lately because my entire life I would have one friend and then that friend would go away (for one reason or another) but a couple of months would go by and someone else would come in to my life. It has now been almost 3 years. I just don’t understand I am not a bad person but I am lonely.

31 07 2007
Leah

ckzboy-
No, I haven’t tried the tapes/cds because I don’t battle with shyness. I had just put the info out there for the ones that “maybe” battling with it. So, I cannot really say whether or not that those cds will help anyone. It was just something I happened to come across accidently, and it sounded good, and thought it might be useful to some of you on here. Take care! God Bless!

31 07 2007
AnneRx

I’ve never fit in..I used to think being a loner and going my own way was cool…you know, like DH Thoreau said, ‘step to the beat of your own drum’…but now, I’m a woman in my mid-40’s and I don’t have friends…not even work friends (primarily due to the fact that I work with colleagues who are 15-20 years younger than I am!!) I don’t fit in with the mommy-track, cuz I’m not married and have no children..so..who am I supposed to befriend?…

31 07 2007
alone1985

I just found this site and I am after spending at least an hour reading most of these posts. And i feel a little bit better knowing theres other people who feel the same. Im a 22 year old male, and i just have no real friends right now. The thing is, I always had a group of friends in high school, and it was great, and before leaving high school I had my first girlfriend, and i realise how happy I was back then, and how nice It was (this was 4 years ago)

But after leaving high school i realised I totally lost all off them. no texts on my phone, no calls, absolutely nothing. I went to College and have done a few courses here and there, and have made a few friends but now im starting to believe whether or not they were my real friends? since they no longer exist in my life either, just like the friends i had in high school….its like a merry-go-round, and now its happening yet again. Were these people my friends in the first place?
The holidays are always the worst for me, as i am always home, and I have no friends in my hometown to go out for a night, or even just to talk to. My birthday is always at the end of May, and i never really had a birthday party. Most of the time i just keep all these things inside.
Then Last week I broke down and I felt like i was losing my mind, and then I just shut down completely staring into space (this hasnt been the frst time either) I feel very lonely, and scared, but most of all – Angry, angry at the world, and angry at the people who I thought were my ”friends”. I keep thinking im in Hell and that im being punished for something I did. I have become a totally different person to who I was. I hate what I’ve become. I am in a very dark place right now. I want my Life back.

Sorry for the long post, and the rambling. Good luck to all of you

31 07 2007
annie

Hi,

I connect with alot of the experiences people have posted on here, but reading so many of them at once like this kind of makes me realise that there are different groups of people who feel they are friendless. I’ve identified just two generally while skimming through the posts. There seems to be people who feel they are friendless and like to just moan about it without becoming pro active. Secondly, there are people who might have a real psychological issue preventing them from seeking, making or holding onto friendships. I know for myself its based on anxiety I’ve suffered in the past, and that was made worse by my whole life situation. After leaving uni I went back home- which was nice, but it broke up the nice circle of friends I had made there, and because I was so far away from everyone and could’nt afford to move out of the family home, the bond we had deteriorated. We did’nt see each other as much, began developing separate lives and phone calls were less.

Being at work I never found anyone who I wanted to relate to socially outside of work, and so it meant alot of lonely nights in, or relying on family for excursions here and there. It sounds really sad, but thats the reality. I do enjoy my own company more than others though, and so that probably helped me cope, but being social animals (humans) we need conversation and interaction, especially with our peers.

Luckily for me I found a job where there were alot of people my own age and we formed a pretty tight social network, where we’d all go out at least one night a week after work. I realised my problem was my shyness and not being pro active enough to help myself get out there. I’m not working at this place any more, and should have tried to keep in touch with more people from there more regularly, but I’ve identified my weaknesses in making and keeping friends and am working on it.

If you are down and feeling depressed you should seek help from a health professional- you can be transfrered for counselling which some very impersonal and clinical, but it is a room with just you and another person who is most often a kind and caring person which is why they chose to go into the profession. Because of this they have the urge and are also trained to listen. So you can talk for how ever long your session is about what ever you are feeling, are upset or even happy about- the time is your time and its for you. They identify areas in your life that may be contributing to your emotional pain and will offer strategies to cope with these. You should’nt feel afraid or embarresed, it is a worth while option.

Good luck everyone and enjoy your life- x

31 07 2007
annie

Hi,

just so you know I know that referal to a consellor is available in England through the NHS. I am not sure about other contries although I am sure most countries do have facilities in place that cater for people who are feeling depressed and anxious to seek professional advice and counselling. This may not be free though as it is on the NHS.

Take care, and have fun, but be safe getting out there and making new friends! x

1 08 2007
F off "the mood"

don’t compare us to the destitute in darfur or a 3rd world war country. the situations are different. I hate it when people say oh yeah? poor you, you have a roof over your head you’ve got 3 meals a day. fuck off seriously, because I have the sustenance and necessities I am able to sulk about what a loser I am

Your suggestions were the first in here that were not positive or helpful
Hope your karma takes a turn for you when you realize your social skills cannot be mastered through a book.

2 08 2007
anonymous

i am a guy, 15, going into grade 10 in about a month, and i really dont have any close friends. i had a lot of friends, mostly girls (i got along with girls alot more and still do), in grade 8 and the beggining of grade 9, but for some reason my mood seemed to change dramatically and those friends became mere aquaintences, and some dont even notice or care to notice me anymore. one of my really close friend’s from grade 8, rachel, we used to talk together and laugh together, now when i talk to her in school or on msn, she pretends like she doesnt know me. im thinking i should just avoid her, because she tries to be a “popular girl”, but it just breaks my heart that this friend and confidant i had is now a snotty ego-obsessed girl that wants nothing to do with me. i have, however, made a lot of new friends who came to my high school from other elementary schools, yet still, i have no communacation with them outside of school and i still dont belong to ay clique. I dread lunch hour; i often just wander around the school halls just looking for someone or a group to talk to, but i never find them. usually i just give up and go walk along the nature trail a block from my school. i remember how painful the last day of grade 9 was for me; everyone was out in the halls, having fun, while music was playing loudly in the atrium.. i just couldnt handle it, so i went to my usual routine of going out and just walking. now that i look back, i think to myself “what a waste”.

the more painful thing is, is that i see all my former elementary school friends in groups, laughing, talking, but something holds me back from reaching out to them, and when i do, it’s as if noone cares. i know it’s easy to click on someone’s msn name and type “hey, what are you up to this summer?” but i just fear that they either wont reply or they will give a nasty response , like my friend rachel. I’ve turned to online video games, noteably “world of warcraft”, and as strange as it sounds i have more friends there than i do in “real life”.

I am glad to see that while i am alone, other people share my loneliness too. I dont know whether it’s puberty, the online game, or the fact that i fear talking to anyone because of the fact that they will respond like my ex friend rachel did; but whatever it is, i hope its just a phase. sometimes i am happier being alone but i always like someone to talk to — everyone does.

if you read all this (i know i wrote alot), thanks for reading.

2 08 2007
alan

lets be friends here

4 08 2007
BurnerfromLA

I just moved here from Europe… dont have a lot of friends, therefore i get depressed and sart drinking and smoking… i am in my mid 20s i know this is fucked up.. i cry sometimes and it hurts me very much.. i need to find friends and a girlfrien or else i feel useless…. once i talk to people they like me immediately..i dont know what i am doing wrong.. maybe i just think that i am better than others? i have to change i guess :(

4 08 2007
whatdididowrong?

Someone please help me… i am loosing it…………………………………………………………………..

5 08 2007
Tabitha

Someone whose brighter and more organized than I am should come up with a “lonely people’s club” with chapters in different cities, where people like us could go to be ourselves, laugh at our problem with friendlessness, and connect with eachother for real. (Also, I wish there were a “shy kids club” for young children in my town — as my shy daughter is isolated from her peers, and I’m SURE there are other kids in similar straits who would make great playmates for her if only I could find them.)

It’s such a lift to know I’m not the only lonely one in the world. I want you all to know that your courage in posting here has made a difference to me… so, if you feel like you don’t matter, or your life doesn’t touch anyone’s, you are wrong! If none of you had the problem of loneliness — if I really were the only friendless soul in the world — it would kill me. But, now knowing that this is a common feeling lets me recast it as just one rough aspect of my life, not my defining characteristic and brand of shame.

So I’m socially isolated and have a lifelong difficulty connecting with people. So it hurts a lot of the time. These things are true. But I’m a lot of other (good) things, too. And so are you all.

God bless.

5 08 2007
ckzboy

what did i do wrong post back i’ll try to at least listen

5 08 2007
Chris

http://www.myspace.com/planetharrier

Hit me up if anybody want to talk….

6 08 2007
Lone Ranger

It’s nice to see that I’m not alone in this situation. I’m in my twenties and I have given up my hopes to have any friends whatsoever. I have had friends when I was in my teens for about three years when I was in highschool but then I moved away to another country, I couldn’t seem to keep any friends. I have always had trouble making friends since I was very young. I didn’t really have any friends until highschool. Now I’ve graduated from university for four years now and it seems that it is impossible to meet anyone. Some of the posts suggest to become more proactive instead of whinning about it and not do anything. The truth is if you have been in the same boat with me, you’ve been crashed and burned for god knows how many times that you didn’t want to have your heart broken another time. One of the resistance for trying to make friends is that when you meet a person, you may click with them at first but then because you maybe too self-conscious about having no friends, you didn’t reveal that fact with this person and ended up by closing yourself up before any friendships can be built. Not everyone you meet will understand your friendless situation. They may just think that you’re weird or something wrong with you. If you can’t even tell your only existing friend that she’s the only one, then it’s pretty hard to tell a stranger. I’m guilty of making up stories about what I’ve done on the weekends and off times to others so they don’t think I’m a loner. I think pretty much everyone at my work thinks I’m socially-retarded as in my line of work, it shows. Seeing all my co-workers socialize just makes me feel even bad because my work is sales and customer service and they can alway get away with anything by talk the talk. My friendless situation (lack of social skills thus no friends and lack of friends thus can’t develop social skills: catch 22) has both affected my personal and my professional life.

6 08 2007
PC

I”m nice. I’m not shallow. there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with me. but I have just never belonged… had acquaintences.. but never invited to a birthday or wedding.. there is no one really in my life… and when it comes to making a checklist there is just no reason why.. the connection and the membership is just not there.. I have 102 people on my facebook. But no one to call for a coffee or celebrate a birthday with.. and the feedback I get is that people think I’m really nice and strong.. it makes me sad to have no social life… no sense of belonging.. and I have gotten to the point where I give up.

6 08 2007
Pizzagirl

I feel for you PC. I feel the same way. Everytime I meet a friend whom i think is someone I can depend on they let me down in some way. I am nice and I am strong. I spend alot of time aloen due to the fact that I am sick of drama. Everytime I meet someone they drag me into there ciricle of friends and then the thing i have with that person is gone. There circle of friends gossips about me and I find out I no longer have a friend I can trust. its hard I am too nice I have tryed to be mean but I cant. I just want a friend who cares about me as much as I care about them.

I sometimes think that god put me on this planet to help others like a guardian angel. it always seems that I help that friend out through there diffficult times and then they move on. But when its time for me to need help with something. no one is there *crys*
I am at the point where I have given up and just accepted being alone. I also belive god puts people in peoples lives for a certin reason. For me it seems he puts me there to agian help like a guardian angel, but this gets old after awhile as I have no friends at all.

7 08 2007
Steve

PC and Pizzagirl, I more or less feel the exact same way as you. Plain and Simple

7 08 2007
Tabitha

An observation:

Mostly I’d characterize myself as shy and boring, without much to say… but twice in my life something amazing happened: I met someone I clicked with immediately. When that happened — when I felt securely liked and admired — I suddenly became funny, entertaining, chattery and smart when I was with them. Also I felt so much love and generosity toward those friends, like they brought out the best in me and made me the person I’ve always wanted to be. Has anyone else ever had that experience?

Sadly, both those friendships eventually got poisoned and finally dissolved. But still, it makes me think: if a boring person like me can become a comic genius when I feel loved and secure, then perhaps that’s the great secret here. Maybe all the people who seem boring superficially, really have the same potential to be funny and loving and the life of the party. It’s just that we keep our real selves under lock and key due to shyness or fear of ridicule. We feel boring, because we’re trapped in boring fake masks instead of being ourselves.

Question is, how to free up our real selves? Alcohol helps… but, too bad, I can’t walk around buzzed all day…

10 08 2007
Tayla

ok well i had good friends a lot of years but since i go to a different school now it feels like with all my friends im like the odd ball out i still talk to most of them and i use to hang out a lot with my friend amber but i always feel were just drifting and that one day im not gonna call and shes not and our whole relationship will end but i have new friends at my school but there all already close with other people so they wont really let me in all the way so over the summer no one really kept in touch including myself so im hoping for the best this upcoming school year but right now i feel friendless and im a female 17 of years

12 08 2007
Paul

I just found this site, and having no friends to speak of i thought it might help to tell someone – anyone how i feel.

Im in my late 20’s, and live alone in the UK, i havent had any real friends since i was 18, i havent had a proper relationship with a women in years.

Whilst i have just been to see my sisters wedding, and was incredibly happy for her, i have come away realising what i was missing. One one had im so happy my kid sister is married and the happiest she has ever been, on the other hand it hits home how depressed and alone i am.

My mum and dad do live near by and come see me regulary, but i cannot tell them how i feel, i make things up, i lie about my social live and girlfriends as im so embarrased i have had neither for so long. I dont think im a bad looking guy, but i dont even get out much now to meet any girls, or even meet new friends. At work i have a few people i go for a beer with at lunch, but after work it ends.

I dont think im a bad person, the main problem now is im so embarrased about my life, i tend to lie to people, tell them i have friends and a girlfriend, i feel like im a complete failure, everywhere i look i see groups of guys walking around having a laugh, or couples looking so happy, i dont have any real hobbies to speak of, i end up dat on the PC most of my free time.

I try not to let it get me down, but sometimes all the lonliness and pain builds up, and i just sit there and cry for an hour, i think i messed up somewhere in my life, but i dont know how or why, even now im sat there, thinking that all it would take would be for someone to be here and to hug me and tell me it will all be okay, but that wont happen.

Im at an all time low, although i wont ever do anything too stupid, i cant help but think i need to get some help, but i dont want to have to take pills or drugs, when all i need is a cuddle and someone to say it will be okay.

Anyways i feel a little better for getting it off my chest. Now back to being lonely.

14 08 2007
Lonely

Probably no one will read this or care. I just wanted to type this out. All my life I never fit in happily. Everybody is different, but I’m more like an outcast, I guess. I’m nice to everyone and I know I’m a good person inside. But no one wants to take the time to know me. And I’m always bothered by the possibility that trying to get to know someone will be too much of a hassle for me, because it takes a lot of time and energy. When I loved someone, now my ex-boyfriend, I always wanted to do great things for him. I always thought about how to make us happier. Now that he’s left me, I’m back to being lonely little me again. Maybe that’s just the person I’m supposed to be for the rest of my life. It’s not fair how people with just good looks and snooty personality and no morals get all the attention and at least someone wants to be with them. It’s not fair. Good people are so often overlooked. I wish I could meet someone who will love me for who I am no matter what. I’m sick and tired of being so lonely and feeling unwanted and unnecessary. They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. But I wish I never met my ex-boyfriend. All the good memories tear me up inside. Especially because he’s the first person in my life who made me feel truly beautiful.

15 08 2007
cj

AM 22 amd have no friends its painful most of the times esspecially when i see other people hanging out and doing all sorts of things with it eachother well what do i say, i gata get used to it even though i get hurt sometimes

16 08 2007
CyrusArdain

I had friends when I was young. I left America and made the best friends of my life in other countries. Then I came back to America and have been an outcast ever since. I’m still not sure if its this country, or just me. I always thought being well cultured and intelligent and being a good person in general would be enough, but it seems life just can’t give me a break. The sad thing is I’m in college right now and I can’t connect with anyone. This should be the best time of my life so they say. If the rest of my life is like this, then this sucks. Maybe it is american society, or maybe its me just making an excuse.

16 08 2007
James

hey guys.
I’m 15 at the moment and currently have quite few friends from school and a small amount outside. That isn’t to say i don’t sympathise with you. When i was younger i went to a primary school that had only 11 people in my year and we were all extremely close and it was very difficult when i had to go to my next school. I made a few friends who i thought i would be close to at first, but either they found me annoying or vice versa (a friendship HAS to be mutual or they’ll be that horrible clingy thing that no-one wants to be or be around). I still have friends at school but im currently enduring an incredibly boring summer in which i’ve done next to nothing with them even after trying to contact them. Because i have a few friends but also have gone through those almost suicidal feelings i feel as though i can ive some advice. Please don’t completely hate me straight off and say that you have done these following points but everyones mean. You’ve just mixed witha bad group of people that have lowered your self-esteem and throwing you into a horrible cycle that difficult to get out of, yet possible.

1. Be proactive. You must have heard this a number of times but your not going to make friends sitting here in front of your computer. If you have any friends contacts, contact all the ones you might want to see just a little bit. It doesn’t matter if you have one contact or 20, get in touch. If you have no contacts or none that you feel comfortable with, you’ve still got to be proactive. Go out. Join clubs. I’m sure to a lot of you thats a terrifying prospect, walking into a room of unfamiliar faces who might no each other but don’t know you, but if you go up to someone or a group and jsut say “Hi i’m new and i was wondering if you could show me around/ help me with something/ introduce me to those people over there”. Bare in mind that not everyone here will like you and if you run into another group of nasty “think they’re superior” crowd you always have to option of jsut leaving. Thats right, i did it once, i walked out in the middle of a sports club because there was a crowd who i just plain didn’t get on with. And guess what, i never saw those people again. Point is get out and control the situation. You meet new people. You decide if you want to be friends and if they’ve decided they don’t want to be friends move on and don’t let it lower you self-esteem.

2. Be friendly and smile. Again the obvious one but still effective. This means be relaxed, calm in any situation and even if your shaking on the inside don’t show it on the outside. A calm relaxed smile is a great invitation to a great conversation. Do not try to be funny, if you have a joke in your head then say it. Don’t tailor one to make it perfect because they never are. The best humour is the spur of the moment one. If its funny you’ll make people laugh, if it’s not then you can state how unfunny that once and laugh about that! Point is humour is great with friends but trying to be funny makes you annoying.

3. Don’t be shy. You could be lucky in that someone will come up to you and try and be friends and make that first move, but if you think about it they’re in the same position as you and you may as well make the first move. If your new to a club or something its more likely a group of friends will come up to you. This is horiibly intimidating, but you should just say how horribly intimadating it is in a joking way and they’ll probably laugh. If your making the first move i suggest going for the person away from the group as they’ll be obvious as people who want to be friends. But with experience you’ll realise that most in the group do as well.

4. Introduce yourself. I’ve done it so many times. Finally made friends with someone friendly and who likes me for me then either never got their name or more often no way of contact like phone or email. It can easily be slipped in. Your name at the beginning of the conversation like “Hi i’m Brian (you may get blank faces so carry on).. sorry im new and thought i’d come say hi/ i thought i’d come up and just telling you that i love your sweater ( the compliment is much easier for women to pull off without sounding a bit gay).
Then at the end of the conversation or if it comes up in between “Oh ill write my number down so we can get together and do something sometime/ can i get your email and we’ll talk later”. The contact exchanging is usually much more natural than the beginning and name giving which can get very awkward and conversation starting is always difficult (i’d like some tips here).

Bottom line is there are so many potential friends around you and many are willing to make friends and i can be horrible to go up to someone and say high, but give it a try, feel relaxed, be pleasant and you’ll ake friends in no time. AND DONT’T LET ANYONE ELSE LOWER YOUR SELF-ESTEEM ANY FURTHUR TO THE POINT THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN TALK TO PEOPLE

16 08 2007
Sarah

I’m in high school. I don’t have any friends either. I’ve been depressed all summer. I’ve always been really nice. I’ve even been nice to people who treat me like crap. I get nothing in return. My “best friend” no longer wants to talk to me, and we had been friends since the first day of kindergarten. We havent had a fight or anything, its just she wants to hang out with her cousin all the time. She started smoking pot, but as far I as know hsant done so in awhile. Since that happened though, shes had no interest in me. I’m not trying to say the world owes me, but it could at lease cut me some slack. No one should have to live like this.

16 08 2007
hibou

Wow, this list is amazing. People of all ages, so many situations, with one thing in common…

I feel much better after realising I’m not alone. Deep down I’ve felt for so long that things could only get worse. But these posts helped me today.

I like the advice of James (Aug 16) and Jack Barnes (July 6) – I’m sure there’s plenty of other good advice but I can’t read it all…

I want to put everyone’s comments up somewhere so they aren’t lost [I hope they don't mind!!]. I think they are valuable. There are forums for lonely people like http://www.alonelylife.com but I wonder if there is a chatroom… that might be good as well. I might try working on something like that…

My own experience…It helped me a lot when I phoned the Samaritans about my loneliness (the night before my previous birthday!), I spoke to a guy who really listened and was sympathetic. When I went for counselling, opening up to a sensitive person you can trust, that was really good too.

My birthday is coming up again, and I’ll probably be spending it alone, here in UK (family are away). My dad trying to tell me to invite “my friends” – altough I can’t tell him that none of them actually feel like friends. It’s sad because I’m certain _they_ see me as a friend. I feel like some are exploiting me; I’m still ashamed of being treated as a ‘likeable idiot’ (sounds stupid, but I am). And it’s hard to feel friendly cos I’m so awkward and way too sensitive and moody, like I need “handle with care” stickers.

I used to feel like I had friends – before 15 y/o. Then I guess my dumb streak showed itself, because I realised I didn’t “get” or care about many things that they cared about. Pop culture, politics… I read news, tried to fit in many ways, but somehow it didn’t work. My brother also struggled, but unlike me, he found his way, and made/contacted many friends and relatives.
I am 23, almost 24. I don’t know how it will go. I may have a small circle of close friends after all – or I may lose them cos of those issues. I can relate to people in a simple way – I can even flirt sometimes – but most people (m or f) don’t really want to get too close and personal… problem is, I can’t talk, I can only listen, so relationships are sparse.

I can relate to people saying how they try to act nice, but nothing happens. My two cents worth: stop trying to be so nice, and just be yourself. Your natural kindness will shine through. Don’t push yourself to be perfect and angelic just because others “think it’s good”. Be kind to yourself, and be selfish sometimes. It’s only fair – don’t you accommodate others that way?

Good luck to you all.

17 08 2007
Ava

hi
Im in highschool. I have a couple of close friends from middle school but ever since I started highschool a year ago I can’t seem to make friends. I transferred middle way into the year and keep using it as an excuse why I dont have new friends
I’m shy, I admitt. these last 3 days we had field hockey try outs and I was very nervous of going because all the girls who I knew were going to be there are all close friends and when I came to the school they really didn’t show any interest in being my friend so why would they show any now. As I had expected they didn’t really, but I tried my hardest to talk and be as friendly as I could, asking questions and getting in on coversations, but it just doesnt seem like they care about me or want to get to know me you know? I really want to make friends so bad. Lately I have just been wanting to give up, it’s like I dont want to put in any effort anymore. well I guess thats all

18 08 2007
Chris

Lots of unlucky souls here, but no one drops their contact info for people that might be interested in making friends….

19 08 2007
Florian

Hello everyone,
Reading these posts, I realize that I am not alone. I am a 19 year old guy in NYC. During my first year in college, I had absolutely no friends whatsoever and people were even cruel and assholes to me for no reason. Its this feeling of loneliness, of despair, of anger, of self pity that just keeps spiraling downward and makes you feel even worse. I have gone so far as to study socio-dynamics for almost 6 months fervently, and I will share with you all information that might help you all.
1. A person can do 5 things during an interaction
-IOI-indicate interest
-IOD-indicate disinterest
-DHV-demonstrate higher value
-DLV-demonstrate lower value
-Compliance testing
The fun social guys I see whenever I am eating at my table in the corner of the vast lunchroom are able to DHV very well to all the people they are talking to, as well as lower their values so the guy has a higher value. This in return generates IOIs, which can be communicated or through body language. They do this through stories, humor (the #1 non-sexual trait), emotional push-pulls etc and have their body language 100% match it. Well, I have been trying to be all funny, cool, etc, but I have ended up being an asshole to my very family.
2. I dont even feel like sharing more stuff, it makes me too depressed, I have become a social robot, spiraled down to the ultimate dark side of having no one and a total loss of identity. For the rest of you who question yourselves, ask yourselves, do you REALLY CARE to know this person and are you willing to PUT EFFORT in the future to get to know them and are you DISPLAYING that you care and want to be friends? Is there anything you do, NO MATTER HOW SMALL, that comes off as not really wanting to be friends, etc? I have learned that women are more socially deft than men, and can more easily pick up on these things. If you REALLY CARE and DISPLAY to know another person, and you can DEMONSTRATE HIGHER VALUE, you might just have them care back.
3. I know this is long, but this can change how you see things. “We are an obsolete species, twisted by futuristic demands.” Why do we have friends, social networks and talk to family? Long ago, in the caveman ages, it ensured survival in the wilderness. We STILL GO BY THIS PRINCIPLE, we look for people who can increase our chances of survival (women look for this in men). If a man can give the ILLUSION that he has lots of friends, etc, DHV, she will PERCIEVE (this is all percieved of course) that you can help her survive and be interested in you. THIS IS EVERYTHING.
4. What about futuristic demands? People in the US generally work much much harder than you would ever think. We are extremely pressured to get a good education to get a good job to be able to survive and provide for our offspring to survive (caveman age concept). This society today is one of the mind, and it has cautioned us, warned us and imposed laws upon us. The mind has schemas, where we see what is acceptable social behaivor and what is not, which has been altered, believe it or not. According to a recent study, only kids with ADD and elders born before 1938 can display TRUE AFFECTION. (look up the research somewhere, i forget) We have become as mechanized as the technology that follows with it, needing to maintain PROFESSIONALITY. But there is someone behind all of this, someone pulling the strings, but that is too far from this topic of discussion.

I am just as lost as you in the social life, and realize that others are just as worried of their acceptance as you are of theirs. Everyday, if I have the guts to get lunch at the tables, I sit alone and in a table corner on my laptop, pretending I have useful work to do. I havent learned all about socio-dynamics, but once I do, I will be godly, like the nautrals (sorry if it sounds too much like seduction). And one last note, friends talk about an ARRAY OF SUBJECTS (dont stick on one too long) and a study was done that the more time was spent with something, the more it become used with (hmm, a possible friend option, just spend more time togehter, doing whatever, even on aim or in a game). Sorry if this post was too long, but I have enjoyed wallowing in my despair.

Florian
AIM: pale0000

22 08 2007
rare

another lonely night,
another endless fight

why do we have to suffer like this
we pour our hearts into a friendship
and at the end we are the ones that are not missed

we are born alone
and we die alone

but why can’t we have faith and trust in a friend
why is it that the good times always tend to end

I may be weak now and i may feel hurt
but I won’t live my life and think of people that are as good as Dirt

I shall hold my head high and continue to be strong
because in the end that is all the I didn’t do wrong!

…………………………………………………………………………….

Life is harsh when we have no one to share our happiness, sadness, anger, fear, joy,
excitement, nervousness with, I am very sad how life mistreats many of us, I was at my brother’s bedside when he has a heroin overdose and i sat by that bed for 4 nights as he recovered and now he is making 40ks a month and never seems to think that I was there for him and he doesn’t do anything to help me out.

please be strong my friends, life is wicked and we feel hurt but do find something that you an do to feel good about yourself, i have thought of suicide many times but i know there is more to life than putting a gun to your head and endng it.

you may have it bad but other people always have it worst, and just remember that.

take care and be strong!

24 08 2007
AnnaRed

And I thought it was only me!

I’m in the same boat as many of you: I run my own successful small business, am active in my local church and drama group…and have no friends. If I join a group of mums in conversation at the school gate, they’ll quickly ignore me – just today everyone in the group apart from me was invited to drinks at one of them’s house. And I was standing right there! Isn’t that just rude? I had to pretend not to hear and turn away!

Either that or they’re ‘just having a private word’ so don’t want me to join them…which is OK once, but after two or three times you kind of take a hint. I’ve invited people round to dinner etc but the invitation is seldom returned – I’ve even thrown parties and faced the embarrassment of hardly anyone turning up.

The only time some of these women talk to me is when they want me to do something for them. I really have absolutely no idea where I’m going wrong. I think I must just really annoy people somehow, but I don’t know how…or how I can fix it. In a business context I’m fine, but socially I’m a complete disaster.

AnnaRed

28 08 2007
amber

im with you guys.
i have not one TRUE friend.
but i believe that everybody on this site (including me) is to scared to let there real self show. and i think that with a little self confident which is hidding in everybody, then you can show people the real you. and when people begin to know you personality then they will want to hang out and do things that friends do. but be patient and dont sound desperit, because most people dont want to be friends with a person that doesnt have there life together. but the number one thing is to just be yourself and then you’ll find people that like the same kind of things you like, and the next the you know your the best of friends. my favortie phrase to say when im feeling down is “LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME”.

28 08 2007
Brian

When every conversation begins with “I used to”

I am 20 years old, a college junior (technically but It will take me at least 5 years to graduate) and I’ve just now realized what a looser I really am. I am completely missing my college experience because I’m so consumed with trying to “make” my college experience. It never occurred to me before what a dork I was but I realize now that I am and will always be a dork because of the things I never did, tried, or stuck with. Most of which because as soon as I got over the initial excitement of trying something new, I got distracted or gave up. My entire life, every relationship that I’ve encountered eventually ends with my somehow revealing that I’m a complete social idiot (despite my excellent customer service skills) and my complete ignorance of pop culture or even counter culture. Its to the point that because I was so afraid to admit that I didn’t know anything about subject x that I missed out on creating an identity for myself. The closest thing was my brief obsession with musicals (I acted in high school), and my stint of lazyass pot smoking in which I envisioned myself as some kind of hippie (despite the fact that I wore designer clothing….I know). Its occurred to me that everything I thought I wanted to be, everything that I was interested in, was merely superficial…I didn’t actually enjoy what it was that I was doing. Thats not completely true….its just that I realize now that there were so many other things I shouldve tried, or stuck with…that I would’ve gotten the same effect from. Then it occurred to me that I have no good stories because I’ve never maintained a friendship long enough to get adventurous. Now I’m at the point where embarrasing myself, doing stupid things, embarrases others and is awkward.

For some reason I thought I was cool when I got a job working for an attorney my freshman year of college….it wasn’t. It took me away from the dorms (not that I was really included there anyway…not that others didn’t try…I just didn’t even bother because I knew that I wasn’t “cool” enough.)

Basically I’m lazy. I own a keyboard. I owned a guitar. I have a nice regular camera. I used to have a digital camera. I used to hate shopping for music because I didn’t know what was the right or wrong things to buy because I had never heard of anything before. When I would listen to it in the store, I wouldn’t know if I liked it or not because I had so little experience. Same with books. Same with class. Same with friends. Same with everything and everyone I’ve ever met becasue I’ve had so little experience that I’ve never really been able to gage what I like and what I dont like. Whether someone is nice or a jerk.

I used to be involved. But somewhere I just got lazy and stopped planning. I stopped thinking ahead. Now, literally everywhere I look I see opportunities taht I’ve missed and stupid choices taht I’ve made because I was so damn lazy/scarred.

Im at the point where I’m barely even trying. I feel like saying “help me to be cool and popular like you” and then I realize how stupid that sounds. That was the whole problem…I cared. I didn’t do things because I knew I sucked and I looked stupid, then I tried doing new things but I had to do them by myself because I was behind.

Life really is a popularity contest….and you know what? It was a contest that I really wanted to win…I just didn’t realize it and didn’t bother to “tune in” to what was popular or what people wanted to hear. Add in the fact that I’m extremely analytical of people and theres no wonder why I dodge phone calls and emails. My worst fear is being exposed for being a boring idiot. So I went ahead and told people things about myself that no normal person should share…just to be interesting. That was cool for awhile, but its not stuff you should really bond over and when all your exciting news is a lie or exaggerated (because either your were too lazy or too disorganized to actually partake or it was really more boring than it sounded) you miss out on a lot.

Its no use trying to be cool. Either you are, or you aren’t. Im at the point where I avoid people so I don’t have to talk with them…because I’m incapable of concealing the fact that I’m a loser with only bad news. I’m loosing all my “friends”, not that I’m sure they were my friends to begin with.

What kind of idiot goes home from college to party? This one does. Its not that I didn’t have money or the ability to make myself better, to work out, to dress nice, to do exciting things….I was just lazy. Or easily amused I guess. Not really, thats why I was always tired I suppose.

The truth is that I have loved so many of my friends….I just never knew how to show it i guess. Than they do things that piss me off, I bitch to them (or someone else) and then they all realize what an idiot or crazy I am. Maybe I’m just paranoid. I don’t know.

Those are my thoughts. I look forward to yours.

30 08 2007
Lily

I’m 15…I have no friends. All the friends I used to have don’t talk to me anymore because people have started spreading rumors about me. I have one friend that I can’t find because my classes aren’t the same as his and I go to a big friends. I’m so desperate for friends yet nobody likes me. I try to be nice and I really am, but everyone likes the mean kids. I don’t see why people want to be friends with mean people. I’m often picked on because of my race and how I act. Apparently I don’t act or look like ‘normal’ black kids. I have long hair that makes black girls jealous of me. O also don’t talk like normal black kids. I really want to be their friends with them but they just ignore me. I can count how many friends I’ve had in the past two years and that’s only three. Two of them I don’t talk to anymore…I’m really sad about this and I think I’m depressed. I wish I was someone else.

30 08 2007
Mark

I have no friends either and it sucks. every day I get a little closer to hanging myself, maybe slit my wrists in the bathtub. really the only choice left is how to die.

31 08 2007
the bad guy

Hey all
Brian, I know how you and countless other people in college and high school ask themselves “IS THIS IT??? IS THIS ALL THAT IVE LIVED FOR??? Well make no mistakes, these are experiences which will remain with us to our dying days!! DO YOU WANT TO LOOK BACK TO YOURSELF AND BE LIKE, WOW I SO MISSED OUT SO MANY THINGS (A PLAYFUL KISS, A PLAYFUL DATE, BEING COMPLETELY IN LOVE AND NOT CARING as well as other youthful things i would get weepy over saying. TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!! The window of opportunity to carve memories is already closing. I always compare myself to my brother, how he had every girl dying to talk to him and I was in the corner or at a window during parties. He’s always on the phone talking to people who would do so much for him, and every single call he gets reminds me that i have no one. IT HURTS, BEING ALONE, NOT BEING LIKED, HURTS MORE THAN cutting yourself, because that pain is only temporary. It hurts being a loser at parties, being ostracized, being socially awkward. BUT LET ME TELL YOU MY STORY AND I WILL ONLY TELL IT ONCE:

This pain drove me to the DARK SIDE. My utter hate and incessant pain actually spurred me, giving me the strongest, deepest, most powerful motivation i have ever felt to become better. All of you out there, especially nerds, IM def a nerd, JOIN ME, JOIN ME, JOIN ME IN OVERTAKING THE JOCKS, THE JERKS, THE ASSHOLES, THE COOL GUYS, THE ALPHA MALE OTHER GUYS THAT ALWAYS MAKE US LOOK LIKE IDIOTS. WE WILL DESTROY THEM, SOCIALLY OF COURSE. IT IS TIME THAT THE MOST VALUED THING OF SOCIETY, THE BRAIN, IS USED BY THOSE WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know all of you are 1000x smarter than your friends, that why some of you dont even have friends, blind jealously. but in my SUPRRING STUDIES OF SOCIOLOGICAL INTERCATION, i have learned that PEOPLE ARE PREDICTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE ARE PREDICTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE ARE PREDICTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have the minds to UTTERLY CRUSH EVERYONE THAT HAS RUN US DOWN, MADE US FEEL LIKE IDIOTS, MADE US SUFFER, KEPT US UP CRYING AT NIGHT FOR NO GODDAMN REASONS. WE WILL TURN IT UPON THEM. WE WILL BE LOVED BY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE WILL SEE WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN MISSING OUT ALL THIS TIME!!!!!!!

For those of you 14-35, Ill tell you this. I have spent almost a year studying, purely out of HATE, KEPT ME GOING AND BREATHING, socidynamic relations. I ask myself constantly: HOW BAD DO YOU WANT TO BE GOOD?????????? HOW BAD DO YOU WANT TO BE GOOD?????????? Excellence comes with a price, learning. For anyone seeking to learn the mysteries of socializations that our parents never taught us, including seduction (my favourtie), IM ME. Having applied what I have learned has led me to become FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE: LOVED BY ALL!!!!!! I have not mastered it, but the SECRET is the underlying principle that all these asshole people, these distant people, these weird people, these whatever people know and WE DONT!!!!!!! AND WE ARE ALIENATED!!! AND WE ARE VERY PISSED OFF!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME TO LET YOURSELF MAKE YOUR REALITY INTO WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AIM: pale0000

2 09 2007
Just a guy

@Sarah (Aug 16th)
I know how that feels, my best friend dated a series of trashy chicks who he hung out with all the time (Resulting in a fight with me in him some months later).

But he smartened up eventually, though he’s not the same, but don’t lose hope in your Best friend, but if she starts to use you for something, just be careful.

3 09 2007
md

it’s the end of my long day….if no one calls, do i dissappear….i’ve spent a large part of this long weekend thinking about the lines from this Everything but The Girl song (single), and realized that I have dissappeared…I am at what I guess is yje end of a 13 year relationship, he’s moved to a new city – i haven’t….I have no friends, and i know deep down that it’s entirely down to me……i have not spoken a single word verbally today…..no one alive knows what i did today….i have no idea how to get past this whole desperation feeling….i feel like just ending everything sometimes, but i am not that selfish…..it’s not the answer…i am otherwise bright, attractive and socially adept…..it’s my extreme lack of self esteem and awareness that no one seems to care that’s hard to get past

3 09 2007
JOHN DOE 21yrs/male

wow, people that i can really relate to. first of all, i had friends through out elementary, middle school was eh, i barely had anyone to go around during lunch and same thing with high school, during freshman year, i had friends of a differnt enthncity, i thought we were good friends but they always talk against me and said shit behind my back. i was jumped during my fresh year, i thought i they had my back, nope. didnt come to my rescue. i moved to diffent high school sophmore year, was lonely the whole year. junior year, met some cool people, but i think they want to chill with me because i had a car, transportation, so they used me. Now I am in college, i dont hear from them alot. i try to make or get new friends it dosent work.

i never had a gf, always wanted one so i dont have to have friends, but then i will look like a loner with no one else to talk to. since i was young, i have been picked on and name called. this made get low essteeem. i didnt feel like talking to people anymore, all i do is go on the internet and stay in my room. i dont do anything else. i feel good sometimes that iam by myself but then later i would feel sad that i have nothin else to do, just sitting at home on a friday night while ppl around my age are having fun doing whatever their doing.

i work hard, and try to save up for stuff wat i want, but its not gettin me happy. you need to socialize to become better happy people if you wanna say. but i am scared talking to people. i rather go to the drive thru then going into the fast food restaurant so i wont have to interact with people.

i been sad and lonely all of my life i have to say. one day i always think, that one girl will come to my life then it will be great. am still waiting that special girl. i had crushes on some girls in my years of my youth.

i just dont get ppl sometimes. I BEEN A GOOD PERSON!!! i help ppl, when they need something, i will help them anyway i can. but they cant be in my aid!! this makes me mad.

my mom thinks iam a loser, she hasnt told me, but i know down in there that she thinks iam one since i never get out. Man!!!! I NEED A GIRL, OR SOMEONE TO TALK TO!!!…

someone PLZ make a forum or chatroom!!!!

4 09 2007
M C

It’s interesting reading all of these comments. I never though that there were so many people in a position similar to mine. I’ll vent, too.

I’m a 22 year old male. Never had a lot of friends, but until college I always had about 3 very close friends. I was very close to my friends in middle school, not so close in high school. I was always a little shy, but some people found this endearing.

I used to get picked on in high school, and this affected my self esteem. I was a very nice kid in high school, respectful to everyone, you know, and people took advantage of that and made me feel like sh*t and dragged me down. At the time, I did not believe in being uncourteous to people, so I said nothing.

I think during this time, I developed a fear and distrust of people. This lack of self-esteem and distrust lingers today. I am a pretty good looking guy, slender, I work out, I am tall, etc., but I always have the fear in my mind that if I’m too nice, people will think I’m a pussy and take a sh*t on my head (figuratively speaking). So I think this makes me seem distant or unfriendly to other people. This is combined with my I guess lack of esteem, so it’s difficult for me to approach ppl (i.e. girls) and for people to approach me as well, I guess.

In college, I was disappointed with my results in high school, socially and intellectually. I became more distant. I thought that if I was nice to other nice people, people would think of me as a “loser” and would pick on me. I worked very hard scholastically, but I did not go to any social functions.

I did not, and still don’t, get asked out to drink beer or anything like that, and the idea of going to a party with my peers petrifies me, because I am afraid that people will not like me or I will not know how to act.

It’s just crazy. I was reading the comment above by a girl who seems like a very nice person and for some reason spends birthdays alone, etc.

It’s very sad, because I feel like I am stuck in a rut, that I do not know how to help myself. That no matter how much I think about this, or convince myself that things will get better, my fear of some other people sort of paralyzes me, and my life stays the same. I am where I was in 8th grade in some ways.

It’s not that I’m weak, I am strong intellectually and physically, obviously, I am good person, etc.

5 09 2007
stacey

Hi my names Stacey and I have no friends:-(
Ive really enjoyed reading everyones posts its really nice to find out your not the only one. Im only 18 and really I should be spending every night partying and having fun. Ive never been to a club and ive only been to one party in my life.

Im starting to worry life is passing me by and Ill get to 60 and I wont have anything interesting to say about my life. Ill never have experienced things others take for granted.

I feel Im a good person and yet Ive never had a real friend. I try so hard to get people to like me. Yesterday was my first day at a new college and it was awful, I summoned up the courage to go talk to a girl only to have a very awkward 5 minute conversation and to have her ditch me at lunch. In the end I had to go sit on a bench alone for 2 hours till class started up again and then I skipped today because its just to lonely and upsetting to see everyone else having fun.

I just wish I knew how to talk to people because I feel I could be a really good friend to someone if they just gave me the chance.

If anyone wants to chat then please add me to msn jossismyhero@hotmail.co.uk
It feels good to let this out. We should really stick together, theres so many of us good people who are missing out on so much. I say we should become friends, the amount of posts on here we should all have people who live relatively close to us.
If you read all that then thank you.

5 09 2007
Diana

Hey guys. It’s nice to know that I;m not the only person in the world that feels lonely. I’m only 15. I think I’m a really nice person. I never bully anyone and I try to amile a lot, but for some weird reason people just don’t seem to like me very much. I used to have so many friends and now they all hate me. Last year I was bullied and that really damaged my self-esteem. I just switched to a new school and I hardly know anyone. I only know about 10 people and I’m not good friends with any of them. I always feel like such a loser when I’m tagging along and I know no one likes me. I never have anything interesting to say either. I feel so stupid when I see everyone else hanging around with millions of friends. I really sympathize with you stacy. I wish I knew how to talk to people too. Thanks for listening to me complain :P I hope you guys all make some good friends soon. =)

6 09 2007
Jess

I am 15 years old and i am crying my eyes out reading these posts.

It all started when i was 12, i had 2 close friends but gradually the more “dominent” one of the two all of a sudden decided that she didnt like me anymore and got one of the biggest bullies in school to sort me out when i didnt do anything wrong in the first place. The other friend left me for her and since then ive had noone.

Over the next year i really tried to make more friends. I managaed to be included in a quite large group of friends of both sexes and i used to make them laugh and have a joke with them and i became to close to about 1/2 of them. However, again, there was a “dominant” one in the group, a girl, and everyone else in the group seemed to listen to her and once she decided she didnt like me, the others began to ignore me totally and bitch behind my back and laugh at me when i wasnt around.

Deep down, i do have a great fun and bubbly personality and i am not horrible at all. I am quite a quiet person but i do try and make conversation.. but it seems i am too late though to be included in a group of people because they already know eachother and stuff and i just feel like an outsider, knowing that none of them liked me.

So when the new term came, i just gave up on people totally. I spend all of the school day by myself and i rarely talk to anyone and noone willingly talks to me so… im very very depressed and i cry constantly but in my bedroom. I have noone to talk to about my problems, not even my parents will listen to me. The other day i said to them “Mum, i have no friends” and she just said “aww” in a comical way…

I feel so lonely that i’m even starting to consider taking drugs to escape from my lonely reality.

I haven’t done anything to deserve this…

6 09 2007
M C

Reading all of those posts, I get the feeling that everyone here is…
* intelligent
* kind
* has a great deal to be proud of.
Everyone here seems like a great person and I think everyone here should almost not give a sh*t what other people think, not give in to personal doubts etc., but really keep in mind how awesome of a person you trully are, and to really believe in yourself, even when no one else wants to believe in you or life seems like its unfair crap.

6 09 2007
stacey

Hey jess email me. my addy is in a post just a bit up. Dont take drugs, thats just letting them win. We all deserve much more than this.
If you want someone to listen to then im here for you.

Reading some of these posts is so upsetting, why dont people notice when someone is genuinely hurting and why do some people go out of their way to upset others.
I dont understand that.

7 09 2007
why do i feel so alone?

I know how everyone feels. Thanks to a certain ‘friend’ from the past who used to boss me around I have stopped believing in true friends and I have also never had a best friend. I feel like the friends I have now are always too busy or always some excuse for not to hang out with me. I have never done anything to these people to make them ignore or hate me so and I wish they wouldn’t hate me.

7 09 2007
Diana

Hey Jess. I know exactly how you feel :( I used to have best friends but they too decided they hated me. Last year I was bullied. This year i moved to a new school and I’m having a hard time making friends. If you ever want to talk email me or add me on msn. My adress is diana_dramaqueen@hotmail.com. And if anyone else needs to talk, you can email me too. I know how awful it is to be alone.

7 09 2007
Louise

I am so shocked by the amount of people who feel exactly like I do. I’m 22 and have had no real friends since i was 16. I am lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend but he lives a 2 hour drive away so i spend most of my week very lonely. Like many other people on this website have said, I am a nice person, kind, people seem to like me. I make short-term friends quite easily but these friends all have proper friends of their own and never get close to me. I have felt very depressed recently when people from school have added me to facebook. I have looked on their pages and found they are all still best friends with each other. My best friend at school is very close with my other old friends and I have begun to wonder what is wrong with me? I have moved away from home to go to university and things whereas these friends have always stayed in this area but i never imagined when I was 16 that 6 years later i would feel so lonely. I have a lot of internet friends and have done since i was about 14 and I think this is one of the reasons I am so lonely now. As a teenage i spent too much time online talking to these so called friends instead of making more effort with real friends.

Anyway thank you to everyone who has posted on here. I feel better knowing I am not alone especially as there are so many others my age with the same problem. Like Stacey said in her post, I should be out partying every night having lots of fun and instead i’m at home online.

7 09 2007
Jen

I also don’t have any friends. I am a 21 year old female. I am smart, stylish, and quite pretty. I don’t say that to sound conceited, but since I have no friends I feel like I should at least try to see my good qualities and love myself. I go to this huge university and everyday I see groups of giggling girls…people looking so happy together…people that don’t have to stay home on the weekend and watch tv or read. I cry so much about it…I struggle with my grades because I am so consumed by sadness. You know…I always thought college would be great. I always thought it would be the best time of my life…a place where I would have so many happy memories and friends. But sometimes I can’t even get out of bed, it just hurts so much. I have tried student organizations with little success. I go to the meetings and they seem ok, but you soon see that these people already have a lot of friends, and if you seem too eager, it just looks awkward. I suffer terribly from social anxiety. I will physically not be able to do social activities because I cant breathe. But in the end, I have my family and sister. I have my cat and I do have a boyfriend and we live together. I know you may be thinking ‘well she has a boyfriend, it can’t be that sad’. But that is not true at all. I do love him very much, but I am still terribly lonely. I so want female companionship. Just a small group of friends. People who care about me. People I can talk on the phone with or text. Friends I can just laugh with and feel silly and young. I just want to feel accepted. And to those who are feeling just like me, hang in there and don’t give up hope. =)

7 09 2007
a guy...

is it werid, that the majority here are girls?!!!

its amazing, hey girls will you talk to me? post ur emails here and ill email you.

7 09 2007
Casey Joseph Burk

It is Friday, September the 7th at the time of this posting of mine. As I read these posts from so many of you, I sit here asking myself why things have to be the way they are in a world of terrorism, hatred, economic deterioration, bad music, bad acting, and perpetual sadness. When I do this, I begin to think about those that have crossed my path at one point or another, and begin to realize that although I am completely alone with no friends vis-à-vis lovers, I have myself to depend on. This, alone, keeps me within the realm of happiness because I start to see how wonderful the possibilities are. I feel it is necessary to give a semi-short context of myself before I continue so that you will all see where I have come from. Take this with a grain of salt, if you wish. Otherwise, weigh in on it as if it were Halley’s Comet.

As many of you have had the opportunity to experience, I too have come from a broken family life. Literally, ever since I can remember and was able to understand my human language, I remember nothing but family disputes, sadness and depression. For example, when I was ‘5’, I remember my older brother rushing into the living room to break up a father / mother argument gone physical. This was the night that fireworks amazed my young eyes for the first time in my life as it was my first Fourth-of-July as well as my first chance to experience how a divorce transcends into bitterness and custody jargon. That night ended in my grandmother’s bed with bloodstains on the fireplace banister.

Upon growing up through elementary school and high school, I learned to always keep ‘2’ single friends at my side at all times. Of course, I had other friends here-and-there, but these ‘2’ (and later on, ‘3’) were connected to my hip. They were the King’s Knights. As time progressed, and as I graduated from high school, things began to fall apart despite my best efforts to maintain good will and kinship with these individuals. A sour love-relationship was one aspect of the downfall between my friends and me, but another was sheer spite for reasons I will never seem to understand. To make a long SECTION short, this lead to the reckoning of many relationships from my hometown. Maybe this was overall my fault somehow, but in the end, I am almost happy this happened the way it did. I am getting to “why”…

When I moved out of my father’s home, I relocated to the city I attended undergraduate classes in. This was where I should have committed suicide. There were many days where I would come home from nine hours worth of school, go to work at Wal-Mart for another five or six, and come home at 8:00 PM only to start crying over all the ended friendships I used to have (as well as torn love partners). Keep in mind, I left everyone for school. I had no one… My old friends began to make new friends, and old lovers moved on to greener grasses, and when I saw this reoccur, I slowly began to realize that I needed help because I was on my last leg of life. I did not see any reason to continue living. I had no one, and I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. My family even began to display frustration that was beyond their control for my disposition, and although part of me does not blame them for this, it is something I have always remembered and held in their contempt to this very day… Family should never turn their back to you. No matter what…

When I finally sought help, I was able to change my life a little at a time. Some of the original problems persist even today like mistakes I made, of course, but to me, these “problems” have coalesced into something of a godsend in the “now”. They taught me how poisoning those around me were and sometimes, still are. These “problems” were in fact my lack of respect for those committing and acting in ways which I saw as negative to my wellbeing. These “problems” were the birth of my new vision, my new survival, and my new life. It was my key to freedom.

I later graduated with a B.S. in Information Technology. I now work for a Fortune 500 company as a Programmer Analyst, and I wake up everyday wanting to go to work since I feel as if I am attaining friendships there (though minor, friendships none-the-less). I love my job, and I love the people I work with. I have more money than I know what to do with, and best of all, I am away from my past diseases. I am not saying that I am completely passed my prior disappointments because even to this day, I hold a bitter tongue for those who tried to harm me in one way or another. The difference now, though, is that I am, for the first time in my life, completely independent. I depend on no one. Not some lover, friend, or guardian… I am my own person, with my own beliefs and goals. This does not, of course, take away from the bad things I have done throughout my lifetime (because those things will haunt me for the rest of my life), but it does allow for me to reflect on some of those things, mend my life and the strands that comprise of it, and mold my world into something I always knew I deserved. Some people call this “running away from your problems”. Maybe, but regardless, what other way is there to fix problems that refuse to be fixed despite the best efforts of email, phone calls, apologies, gifts, and shedding tears?

…Loneliness? …Depression? Sure… As I type this up, I feel exactly that…. Sometimes I look at my ex-friends’ MySpace pages, or whatever they have on the Internet, and it makes me sad because of all the feelings I have for them (good or bad). I think about the times we shared, and I think about the things we never got to share. It is hard and sometimes and makes me cry to this day despite all the effort I have invested in getting beyond my grief and pain. To me, however, I see these feelings of sadness as reminders of me being alive and kicking. I think that in the end, your heart is what determines the success of attaining inner tranquility and peace. If you follow the wisdom of it, you will never fail in the end. You just have to have patience in thought and consideration. I have been thrown through the worst of relationships, had my deepest, darkest secrets displayed to the public for all who care to know, and have had my best allies slit my throat over things that they did not even care to understand about me in order to resolve peacefully. My own father tried to rip me off with car payments taking advantage of my naivety, and my mother is someone who could be considered Mephistopheles’ wife.

Guess what? My tears do not last as long as they used to now…

My loneliness is my shield, my armor. It always has been. We live in a world where trust is the single, most important “key” to the biggest and brightest doors, and it is this that is the rarest of treasures. The loneliness you have in your lives is not something to be afraid of. Instead, cherish it. Take advantage of it, and before you know it, you will be in another world which you never knew existed. …One full of happiness, life, and hope. Fight against the diseases of today… The constant work schedules, finances and gas prices, mean people, and road rage. Shun that which is stressful, uncooperative and incompetent. These things are the things which eat away at your soul. Your mind is a tool given to you by your God. Use it. That sadness that is constantly held inside can be released, but you have to open the door. Love is not just the bond between two entities. It is the peace of mind you discover when you can carry yourself by yourself. When you can do this, only then can you be a sort of partner for those around you. Do not let those whom you feel take advantage of you do that anymore. The buck stops with that right now. Do not take advantage of others too, and do what is right at all times. But most importantly, follow your heart. Always, follow your heart.

8 09 2007
c

i am 20 and i have no friends.. i’ve tried volunteering and stuff but people my age usually ignore me.. i think it might be because of my looks.. or maybe i just appear too nervous.
anyways, its hard because i have no one to talk to.. sometimes it even physically hurts and gets hard to breathe, just thinking about going through the rest of my life in this situation. i havent had a friend since i was 13, and never had a boyfriend.
i dont know what to do.. i dont want to kill myself or anything, i’ve been through that mindset before and i’m done with it.. i just dont know what to do.

8 09 2007
lily

I totally understand what you feel like c,

it hurts having no friends, physically too. i can completly relate to that. i hope you find friends soon c. u sound like a very nice person.

8 09 2007
Hannah

I understand what most of these people are going through.
last week was my 18th birthday. the BIG one right? well, not so much. it was one of the saddest days of my life. I have three friends. one is in Germany and another is mad at me 1/2 the time, and the 3rd is always busy. I have never had more than a few friends throughout my whole life. I know its partially because i am not the size of a victoria’s secret model but i dont understand. I just graduated high school! i should have a lot of friends! i should be happy and running around and having fun…but im not. im sitting in my room, crying most of the time because as much as i try, not one person wants to befriend me even when i go out of my way to be nice and curtious and conversastional….
maybe its just destiny…
maybe God doesnt want me to have friends.
i dont know.
its not Gods fault.
i just wish i could have one good friend. just one!

9 09 2007
Pepi:)))

hi there:)im 15 and i cant beleive there are so many people like me….i used to have the bestest friend ever(at least i thought so)….few people told me that my friend was telling lies about me but i didnt beleive i guess i didnt want to beleive:)but one day someone opened my eyes and i realised that ive been blind all the time…so when my best friend called me i told her that i hate her for everything that she had done to me.that was a year ago…i moved to another city and another school…but…i feel so lonely even though now im one of the ‘popular’ girls.i dont even have someone to ‘hang out’ with….yeah i do miss my od friend and im ready to forgive her but i know that she wont.
i decided to have a birthday party but i realised that noone will come…it makes me feel so….sometimes i act cold because i dont want people to see my lonlyness…i hope that someday ill met a friend who will erease

9 09 2007
Pepi:)))

thanks to that pain now im stronger but knowing the price i wish i wasnt!!if someone wants to talk to me ill be happy to share my e-mail!!:)))))))

9 09 2007
Pepi:)))

is there something wrong with us?i dont think so!we all want to have someone who will be there for us and we will be there for him or her…someone who likes us the way we are….i am scared to be who i am…i am scared people wont like me ….and i think we are all scared of being rejected or backstabbed.you know what….WE RULE!!!:)))))))))))))))))))))))we are like big happy family:)))heres my e-mail:pepi999999999@abv.bg!!lily write if you want:)))
PEACE!!!

9 09 2007
Louise

I have made a site with a forum on and there will soon be a chatroom too for people who have posted on here and want to chat to other people in similar situatitons. I think we can all gain strength from knowing we are not alone in feeling the way we do and also knowing there is nothing wrong with us.. it just seems to be a problem lots of us have,

I don’t know if my website will be used but i thought it was worth a try so if your interested go on my forum and leave a message. freewebs.com/makesomechanges/

10 09 2007
lonely forever

I have no friends. I spend my life on the computer. I don’t have a drivers license. My father won’t allow me to talk to anyone on the phone. I live in a small town. There’s absolutely no way for me to make any friends. None. Because of my location and because of my Father. There. OH, I feel sooooo “much better now.” =/

11 09 2007
tom

I have no friends, no girlfriend, no hobbies or interests. I just sit in my mums house on my own. I think i have some kind of social fobia because i hate social situations and will do whatever i can to get out of them.
i cant see how i can go all my life like this.

11 09 2007
Alone In A Crowd

I too do not have friends. I never really fit in anywhere. Never understood why because I was friendly I helped people out when they needed it but when it came time for someone to lend me a hand invite me somewhere, it never happened. I can’t seem to remember having a friend so I brought a dog. I talk to him a lot. I take him to the park and play with him all the time and realize that the lack of human interaction has made me incapable of functioning in a situation where I actually have a conversation. I use to go out and put my best face on because you are always told to have a friend you have to be a friend. It is simpy not true. So now I realize this is the hand that I was dealt and there is nothing I can do about it. I don’t have to worry about having kids because I can’t even get a guy to look my way. You would think you would find a friend in church but that isn’t the case either. I am just someone who people don’t see and at first it made me fine but I realize that is the way my life has to be and I will forever be alone in a crowd.

11 09 2007
Diana

It’s soo sad that we have to put up with being lonely and unwanted and unloved all the time. You guys all seem so nice and sensitive and caring. I wish that we all lived near each other and were friends, because you guys are all so amazing. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not worth anything. Nothing is wrong with you guys. Don’t blame yourself for having no friends. It’s not your fault. It’s the rest of the world that’s messed up and can’t see us for who we really are – caring, kind people that deserve to be loved. So when you guys are having bad days where you feel miserable and lonely, just remember that you ARE beautiful and amazing and that you’re not alone. Remember that there’s others like you who are feeling alone, and that there’s always someone thinking about you and hoping that at the end of the day, you’ll be a little happier. Love you guys <3

11 09 2007
JN

hey everyone I am a 19 year old guy and I can never seem to make and keep friends like I want to. Part of this is that I am painfully shy and have low self esteem, although it has peaks where it is higher than others. While I am shy when I am first around others, I truly believe that I do have a good personality and a kind heart, it just takes a while to come out because of the shyness. Ive always wanted to be the kind of person who has lots and lots of friends that they can always hang out with. When I was in middle school, I was picked on, but I had a couple of close friends that I could count on.

In my Freshman year of HS, I began to hang out with this new group of friends, along with my old friends. This new group of friends was into partying and drinking, while my old group of friends was more into video games and stuff like that. As a result, I began to spend more time with the new group of friends then the old. Well, at the beginning of sophmore year, the new group of friends abandoned me, sending me into a deep depression that caused me to fail two classes that year in school. That summer, I met a girl at summer camp and we sort of had a realtionship, unfortunately, she lived four hours away. So since I spent all this time talking to her and I was happy, I sort of unconsciously ignored the fact that the remaining close friends that I did have didnt talk to me anymore. Of course, we broke up, leaving me friendless and lonely once again. I tried to break into groups of cliques that it seemed like I could get along with the people, but that didn’t work.

Fortunately, senior year got better, as one of the few friends I still talked to decided to let me into his group of friends, and as a result, that school year was by far the most fun I had becasue I finally had a group of friends.

Of course, we all went our seperate ways when we went to college. Now, because I was never a very good student in HS, I had to go to a school that wasnt very well known for its academics, and it was in a very rural area, which wasn’t for me, as I am more of a big city person. Alot of the kids in my college were hicks and seemed not very interested in doing well in school, and as a result, we just didn’t get along. Also, I had met a girl during my senoir year of HS on a youth group trip, and by this time we were together. Unfortunately, she lived 6 hours away from my hometown, and 12 hours away from my college (I know, there is something about me a long distance relationships)

After a month or two, I could tell that my college wasn’t for me, so I looked for schools to transfer to. All I had at the time was my girlfriend, and she supported me throughout that first semester. But then, over winter break, I went to visit her, and to make a long story short, we ended up taking a break just beofre I headed back to school. This was probably one of the worst times of my life. I was at a school that I hated, and the girl I loved more then anything didn’t want to have anything to do with me. Basically, that semester, I put all my effort into school so I could get the heck out of there. Inroinclly, I did foster a realtionship with someone else on my hall, who is one of the few people who talks to me semi-often.

Anyways, I got into the first college my of choice. However, I was dissapointed to find out that I was not guaranteed on campus housing due to the fact that it is a very big school, so I was going to live in a fraternity house that was just off campus rather then living in a dorm, but I figured that this wasn’t so bad, as I still got to meet people, and go to lots of parties in the process. I was pretty excited to head to my new school, as the summer was sort of blah. Most of my friends from HS didnt really hang out with me anymore, as they sort of had their own lives I guess, not to mention that I did an internship in NYC for most of the summer, so I wasnt around anyways.

When I got to my school, I found that I didn’t really click with the other people in my franterinty house. So I figured that I would check out some of the other fraternity houses on campus, and I found one that I liked. I went to all of the rush events, parties, talked with the brothers, and I felt like I really got along with them and that I really fit in. I was so happy, I felt like I was finally going to have the group of friends that I had wanted for so long. But then, just a couple of days before bids were announced, for no reason at all, they started to not act as friendly to me. They werent being mean, but just cold. I began to panic and wonder why this was happening, when I was so close to accomplishing what I wanted for so long. I ended up not getting the bid. Now this really sucks because of the fact that I had spent so much time hanging out with them, that I havent even had a chance to meet other people at all. SO now I am friendless and lonely. I have no one here to turn to, and everyday I always see everybody here having fun, and I see my friends at other schools having fun too, and I want to have that so badly it hurts.

I truly wish all the rest of you the best in making friends, because good people do not deserve to be lonely like this, and if you ever want someone to talk to drop me an email: Jtrain351209@yahoo.com

12 09 2007
stacey

Hope everyone on here is okay, stick in there..Love you guys<3

I had the worst day today, I was at school for 8 hours and no one had spoken to me, Id spent lunchtime just wondering around again alone:-(

Then I was in English and this girl leaned over to talk to me and I was like screaming inside because I really wanted to make a friend and she just said:

‘Hi, do you mind moving up so my friend can sit there?’

I had to try and smile and be like sure but inside I was crying. I know Im not going to stay there that long. We have 2hours lunch everyday and then half way through lessons we have a little break. They dont consider the fact that some people dont have any friends and dont have anything to do for that amount of time.

I wish I didnt care…

12 09 2007
ava

I’ve posted a couple weeks ago
but
I’ve been so depressed lately
it’s unbelievable
I’m fooling myself into thinking I have friends
sitting at the lunch table watching everyone laughing and talking while I feel so alone
like an outsider.
it’s sick
i don’t know what to do anymore, seriously.
my email is Instyle713@aol.com
if anyone wants to talk!

13 09 2007
steve

my girlfriend put a stop to me having any friends

13 09 2007
steve

The first reason I give for my lack of friends is that Im boring with nothing to offer
Sorry ,I have nothing more to offer.

13 09 2007
steve

QUOTE:a large group of friends can be worse than having none at all. Most people with large amounts of friends have poor quality relationships with these people, keep their company with no interest in who they actually are, and typically use the amount of people they talk to as an unhealthy personal validation; it’s all superficial and a little sick. Now the one with few to no friends could be an intolerable person (isn’t that something you’d notice right away..like before you noticed the lack of friends?) or they could want a few really good friends they can depend on -they can be rare.

I agree

13 09 2007
chris

everyone check out louise’s entry sept 9th

Go to her link
check out her website hopefully she’ll have a chat room soon
It’s worth a look at

peace

13 09 2007
the one people love to hate

fuck. im so depressed. no friends, in college, sit alone, the general air gets to me that people hate me, call me creep whatnot… they are creeps, they are stupid, they dont understand anything, theyll never find real meaning in life. im in college and i tell myself, MAN THE FUCK UP AND GET A LIFE OTHERWISE ULL REGRET IT LATER. fukc
wtf… invent some better curses, fuck fuck fuck, thats all i hear. bunch of weird people, im outsider, i have accent. i hate people at this moment, wish they could feel the pain they inflict on themselves… it will come back to haunt them

14 09 2007
Lilli

Just wanted to recommend a book that helped me a great deal with what the rest of you are dealing with. Mind you it is not a cure-all, but it definitely eases your pain and sheds light on new perspectives:

16 09 2007
Adrian

michelle lynn said:
” Just about all my clothes are designer. I try to stay up to date with the latest trends.”

Now that’s the sad part of your story I’m afraid, from the nation where ppl define themselves by what they own.

And to the Mood:

Although certainly a number of ppl on here could take your advice and wake up to some degree, it’s not that simple with others. Many like myself have a mental ilness or personality disorder etc. I am 33 jobless, car-less, nearly homeless(sharing) 8 yr employment gap, only one girlfriend in my entire life. But I weight train, i dress well, i smell nice, i go out, it’s because i’m too considerate, too this too that blah blah blah…..y’know i couldnt be bothered…you just STFU, lol.

To the woman who wrote there is nothing wrong with the sensitive sweet nice guys on here. I would say your right as long as they aren’t bleeding hearts and do go out occasionaly and strive for balance, but unfortunately it wouldnt matter 2 shits because these days, that is exactly what is wrong with them. I know i’m one of them, recently looking thru a free dating site and the wildest out there ppl with big attitudes and slogans like “if you think i’m not hot then fuck you” etc.. are the most bookmarked and added to favs, lol. And where are the nice woman like you ?!? for gods sake. The women on dating sites are generally hideous. (i love using that word) Some woman make a point of poking their tongue out in at least one photo to show “look i have a tongue stud’ y’know what their inferring. Then you get the one sounds fairly normal describing themselves etc and at the end says something like “I am VERY handy’ or ^%#% whatever, that was a bad example. also “i have a wicked sense of humour” “I like/love to have fun” (no shit sherlock) and the woman who went and ignored guys like me, got fucked by half the town(it seemes) and ended up alone with 2-4 kids putting a personal add up saying: “Looking for nice intelligent man, must be attractive and love kids and financially secure, i have so much love i have to give”. GOOD GOD somebody shoot the cunt. Why are we turning into disposables, or OBJECTS even to eachother.

It’s funny how so many come here just to vent and then piss off. It would be nice like some others have said if you left an email address or something,

Here is my email if someone wants to talk acasevk@mail.com

You could be forgiven for thinking perhaps i’m not so nice writing how i have to some degree. Exactly the opposite, i’m very nice, genuine smiles from old ppl walking by on the street make my heart thump. But if you’ve also spent years analysing things and realised how shitted on you were finally, and providing you have a strong sense of social justice, you will like me appear like an asshole sometimes, lol. Simply because you ARE nice but your not BLIND foolish nice anymore. Like offering to do absolutely anything for anyone type shit.

ahh honestly I hate typing crap on the internet, i havent joined a single website unless i had to to d/l a file. I’ts lacking in substance totally to much for me to get any joy out of yakking in forums where ppl can’t see, feel, smell, etc. And everyman and his dog could be absolute fugging liars.

ehh, this is getting out of hand, so long. And no this is not how i sound at all normally, hehe this is pure frusssstration, yeppers X-)

16 09 2007
Adrian

Oh yes, and i also have 1 associate and NO friends or family or girlfriend for 3 years.
sry for strying off topic ;-)

17 09 2007
Cursed

Hi, it took me couple hours to read more then half this blog site and a lot of you literally spilled your soul here, all relating to the same type of pain, longing for someone who cares for you. I am almost 25 yrs old, male and for the past 1.5 yrs I’ve been coming home from work, surf the web, play comp games, watch tv….sleep…..go to work….then repeat the same process. I absolutely have no friends what so ever, and I would like to bare my soul to you folks here today.
For the past week or so I’ve been experiencing severe flashbacks of my whole life, contemplating where it all went wrong, I don’t even know where to begin. I was born with no testicles(that literally means I have no balls), I’m 25 and I look like I haven’t gone through a single day of puberty, I’m not trying to get your pity but I believe it is the source to all my pain and grief.
In Elementary I hanged out with the sort of big dogs of class till 5th grade and we separated to different schools. Then in 7th grade I met one of the big friends just sitting down in recess not doing anything. I sat next to him and talked for hours of the most stupidest shit. We became best friends/partner in crime. We BBQ at the beach, sneak in R rated movies, went hiking and stole tons of candy.
By high school freshmen my big friend grew to 6ft 3″, me 5ft. Then we pretty much reunited with all the big dog friends from elementary. I was was the only small fry that looked like I was still 12 yrs old in our group. My big friend had no trouble making new friends, as for me I slowly started to realize he was the only friend I had. I met my first and only girlfriend through my brother which barely lasted 2 months. I’m still a virgin.
Due to my inability to generate hormones and lack of testosterones I’ve uddered out a lot of girly shit and acted like a girl a lot in front of my friends. My whole family and my whole group of friends would practically call me gay every single day except for my lurch sized supposedly best friend.
After High School the gay bashing continued for a couple of years and my childhood friendship is just bout to go belly up. No more invitations to go cruise out, I would even be rejected to hang out at the crib even though everybody else was there. Then one night when I finally was able to hang out at my best friends house with a few others it all ended. The gay basher friend had the remote and we all had to watch “Will & Grace” pretending to be secure in our own masculinity, afterwards when I was channel surfing I thought it would be funny to watch “Chips” and make fun of the duality of this show. Then my best friend yelled out “someone grab the remote from him”. I got angry and replied why is it ok if gay basher watches Will & Grace but if I watch a remotely gay show its full blown gay? Then for the 1st time ever my best friend looked right into my eye and said “Cause your a Faggot”!
Then that was it, no call no show for the past 1.5 yrs from my friend. I’m so lonely. It would make my day if could talk to someone, anyone.
E-mail Address= p0kerphace@yahoo.com

17 09 2007
Apollonia

Want to hear something innovative? I don’t merely want friends, and not because they aren’t valuable. But because In everything there is a lesson, perhaps this time of isolation will teach me something. I certainly feel that nothing in the world should depress me about being solitary a fair amount of the time.
Familiarity with isolation enhances your ability to entertain yourself with out getting bored, to be creative, to do things alone and not be fearful or overly reliant on someone else.
In case you do have any relationships, you make sure you find someone like yourself, with your values, together you are intense, loyal and stronger than the average relationship because you invest more in it once it’s there.
No matter what, with or without or with out friends, quality is more important than
quantity anyday. External validation means very little if you don’t know who you are. You could be all alone in the universe, or the most popular person in the universe but if you have a strong sense of self you will always be better off than a person with no opinions or thoughts who has many friends.
In truth, it’s all a matter of perception. You may be isolated, but your attitude will inevitably determine whether or not you are unhappy about it. I’m not saying
the minute you cheer up about it you’ll start becoming a friend magnet, no, that’s silly.
just be prepared to face the fact that like minds are hard to come by in any given situation, fretting about having no friends only increases the odds that you’ll have too little self-confidence when the time come to make any new friends.
People are on all various levels, really. Intelligence wise, emotionally, etc…don’t epxect to waltz into the room and have people cluster around you. Everyone is shy.
Nobody likes making introductions and small talk and getting to know each other.
They might not be thinking the worst of you, for all you know.
At this point in my life, I am quite familiar with my own company and isolation.
It allows me to reflect and be philosophical. There is no reason to torment yourself for being solitary. It can be rather lovely not to have so many disagreements, I never seem to agree with what anyone else thinks, I get tired of explaining what I mean.
i mean, Isn’t is obvious? Instead of being self-deprecating, say something you know is true and also good about yourself. for instance. “Man, I am a genius!”

17 09 2007
MC

To Adrian

Obviously you don’t have to reply but I am curious…

I agree with you that, although it doesn’t make any sense why this is the case, it seems like our society favors people who are not “nice.” People who are capable but society deems less so because they are more moral than others…or whatever; like I said, it doesn’t make sense.

It’s terrible to hear about your problems with work, etc., and I sincerely wish you the best. Do you think those issues were caused by your being “nice” or other factors such as work ethic, etc.? I am not pointing fingers at all, obviously I do now know, but I am curious what you yourself think.

With respect to women, isn’t it possible that there are nice women that like and respect nice guys, just like there are nasty women that like and respect nasty guys? There have to be good women out there somewhere.

As for leaving emails, I am cautious about meeting people (esp. people I may have talked to just once or twice online).

19 09 2007
ARB

I to can totally relate to everyone else who’s posted here. I’m 27yr old male and haven’t a single real friend in the world. My problems started in my childhood, I was constanly teased and picked on in Grade School because I was extremelly shy and timid and had a speech impediment. I once kept a Log for an entire year of all the times I was called ugly or stupid by classmates and what made it worst was the fact that the teasing went on in front of teachers who said or did nothing about it. My siblings and myself were also severly abused by one of my Mother’s Boyfriends while she was away at work, I still have unresovled anger towards her and and my Father for putting me, the oldest child, in such a precurious postion at such a young age. Highschool was ok because I played sports and had a pretty imposing body but I still felt like that geeky little kid from grade schoo.

Things did become a bit better as i grew older, I joined the Military at 17 and seemed to have no problems making friends and fitting in, the problem was/is that I gay. Being Gay and being Military is really hard on the pysch because you constanly have to hide who you are from others. It forces you into lie after lie to protect your idenity and the only relief that can be found is of the secritive type. I couldn’t tell my Parents that I was gay because they are pretty religious, I certainly couldn’t tell my peers or Leadership. So I learned how to hide who I really was from people, I learned how to say the right thing at the right time and to always smile when yet another silly Homophobic joke was made. In the back of my mind I carried this hope that perhaps this whole gay thing was only tempory, I just hadn’t meet the right girl or she hadn’t meet me.

But of course that wasn’t the case and three years later at the age of 20 I decided that i’d had enough of hiding and decided to get out of the military. That’s when the real problems began. I simily didn’t have the social skills nesscairy to build and maintain friendships outside of the military which forces many different personality types to conform to one mission. I didn’t know how to handle my freedom and independence and I was still in the closet sexully. The tougest part about being gay for me at that time was the lack of role models and direction. There wasn’t a family member or a close friend that I could go to for guidence on how to navigate my way through the gay community so I was forced to learn all those hard lessons that were to come alone. And like many here I consider myself pretty decent looking, 6’3, 230 all muscle from years of Powerlifting. I thought that if i simply put myself out there that put would like me and want to get to know me. I was wrong!

For those who don’t know it’s nearly impossible to make Friends in the gay community because first and foremost there has to be an attraction befoe anyone will even consider looking at you. If there is an attaction that is usually all they want from you, sex, not friendship. So, after 7 years and 1 Horrible relationship i still haven’t made a single Friend Gay or Stright. I’ve come back to school and joined a Military program here on campus in hopes of acquiring some social skills and maybe form some friendships. Only, i’m still gay, and i’m still shy and quiet not to mention big and black which basically means that i’m treated like an idoit around here. I don’t know how much longer I can take this, the plastic smile on the outside can’t cover up the fire that threatens to burst loose for much longer.

19 09 2007
Ravi

hi im 21 from england no friends its jus sad u knw being alone all the time i do everythin alone can u lot be my friend :) i knw u guys r in the usa an its far away but u knw lol..
myspace any 1?

19 09 2007
Ravi
19 09 2007
Adrian

To MC,

Thankyou for your concern, I was very suprised that someone would make any kind of sincere statement regarding my situation. It is heartfelt.

With regard to work, no it has nothing to do with being a genuine hearted person. That is to do with my own low self confidence and concurrent self detachment due to an early childhood facial disfigurement (nose) that has been partially rectified. Unfortunately though, this caused a loss of self identity and totally derailed the progress of natural emotional maturity and independence, leading me to ‘float’ along for many years in limbo.

As for women, absolutely there is some good women (like men) but they never seem to be around. I understand that in part it’s because of where I am like (no job, car etc…) and because of that I mainly meet ppl that are also ‘down’n’out’ but nearly always so far, it’s because they are not good ppl period. I’ve phoned to do some volunteer work today in order to try and help myself meet ppl.

It’s difficult for me to explain anything on ‘HERE’ though.

I found a website some months ago, the author being a guy that left America and went to Japan because he failed to meet women he deemed decent.
I have to say I found a lot of truth, revelation (and laughs) on this site. Although ppl who write such things do tend to migrate towards the boundaries of fantaticism.

http://www.the-niceguy.com/overview.php

But please realise, although yes, I have self image problems from childhood, I am NOT just nice because I need to gain acceptance and understanding etc…or for any similiar reason. I don’t kid myself. Ppl can judge what they will, I know my heart. It wouldnt matter if I won lotto, I would still be the same person. I believe in values lost. Perhaps I’m an idealistic nitwit. I sometimes like listening to songs like Dione Warwicks – “That’s what friends are for”.
(No pun on topic intended)

I’ve tried thinking positive things about myself like Appollnia said above “man, I am a genius” etc.. but the logic in these self said statements seems wasted If I am the only person to believe it, lol.

I understand your apprehension towards leaving an email address here, but do you really think I would leave my real email? It’s just a web based one made under a fake name (but it is linked to messenger) :-)

Adrian

20 09 2007
thomas

I’m 20 years old, and I haven’t had a friend since primary school. The only thing, in my opinion, that matters in life is personal satisfaction through achievement, and I think, in most cases, friends or other close relationships only deter us from aattaining what could possibly be a greater maximum potnential achievement.

As I read a lot of these comments, I have to pity a lot of the people who posted them. Most of you are simply feeling sorry for yourself. Get over it, please. You are the pariah of our society. If you would only focus all the self-resentment that you carry for yourselves and redirected it into something more useful, you might actually be a little less dispicable.

You don’t actually need friends, regardless of what you may think. You only feel lonely because you see people around you in your society with relationships. You are envious of these relationships because you don’t want to be an outcast of society. Too late; you are one already, or you wouldn’t have posted here. The sooner you can move on from pathetic needs such as friends, the sooner you can realize that you could be using your precious time more wisely.

20 09 2007
Adrian

Did you read that everyone? Like thomas(the Grandmaster) has stated, get over yourselves, you don’t need friends you only need yourself and achievment.
Yes you! as thomas clearly states could be (if you weren’t such a sadomasochistic individual) free of being lonely and less dispicable if only you would unshackle yourselves from the ridiculous notion of friendship and perhaps aspire to a higher realm of complete emotionless autonomy thats also devoid of any of the characteristics that make you weak (and despicable) like friendship, love and good mates. Honestly, what on earth were you thinking posting here ppl??? that having a friend will fix things. /sarcasm

You seem to embrace the idea of an emotionless society like in the film Equilibrium.

And if ppl who post here are outcasts, why did you post here.

Others I’m sure are not posting here so geniuses like you can lay down their unique forms of strategy that are pertaining only to their own personal strengths and weaknesess.

“Pariah’s of our society”, gimme a break. You say that like you believe we’re a sickness upon a wonderfull society, take the blinkers off.

Thomas, ppl like you and “the mood” are not welcome with your ‘constructive criticsm’ imo. I really really really didn’t want to post this and start some stupid flame war (unless hopefully you never come back)but, I had to as some don’t wish to post here again after reading ‘you and your’s’ ill conceived sentiments.

21 09 2007
Jeff

I am 43 and haven’t had a friend other then my wife for 9 years. In the past I’ve had co-workers who share the same interests to spend time with away from work and just to hang out with. For the most part I am able to entertain myself but weekends are the hardest, I can only do so much by myself and hangin with the wife and her (girl) friends got old about 4-5 years ago.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a hermit or anything! I’ve put myself out there via the internet since I like cars and have been to car meets but the majority of the crowd is much younger. I felt very out of place and even the few times I got the wife to tag along it seem more like a place to brag/show your car than make/meet people.

I’ve gone with the wife to visit her (girl) friends and their male SO will keep me company but I don’t sense any “true” friendship bonding happening. I’ve put myself out there the best I can, not sure what else to do. I had a neighbor for a few years that I could converse with and that felt good but he’s moved on; email isn’t the same…

I generally blow it off but as of late its bothered me more and more. I blame much of it on the job field I went into; software development. God I’m hating it more and more! I just don’t know what else to go into…

I wish you all the best.

22 09 2007
Elisa

I’m 52 and have no friends. I have acquaintances, but no one who really cares. I’m glad to see there are people who feel the same pain I feel. Thank you.

23 09 2007
karla

hey
my name is karla and im 20
i have no problem making friends,its jus keeping them im a good person i help anyone who needs it ive given them food,clothes and a place to stay,in the end the walk all over me and use me,when all ive done is be a good friend,ive been stolen from,lied to.talked about,my house has been trashed,and they have been rude to my mother,i got rid of these friends,but now i only have a few friends who i dont see i feel very alone,i kno there isnt anything wrong with me,when i talk to people it goes well but im scared to get close in case they hurt me,i have a boyf of 4 years,and he is always going out with his mates and im left in the house alone for hours,i feel so pathtic and sad,its hard to find good friends who like the real you,i wont fake myself to make friends i am who i am and it seems people always want to control me and wont let that happan,i can just about cope with being alone,i cant belive how many other people are in the same situation,i dont feel so alone now,im sure you are all great people its socity its changed!

23 09 2007
Eza

Hi all – totally feel the same reguarding some of these posts. I am 24 years old now, and have no friends what so ever – of course there are internet aquaintences but nobody i would consider a friend – as you can never truley know them. I made the stupid mistake of just leaving my home one day aged 16 leaving all my schoolfriends behind – non of them really speak to me anymore, and the one that was my best friend rarely does but when we do its online and never feels the same. I went out around this new area (totally different county) and tried to make friends, and thought I had – they all at some point or another betrayed me. This town rotates on gossip and spreading peoples lives very thinly.. so i ended up with no friends. I spend my days working on the internet and socializing on it – I cant actually remember the last time I spoke to someone who didnt want to A) compete with me out of spite or B) hurt me in some way. I had asked as a prime example here asked some people to come to a bar with me and celebrate my birthday – I had promises left right and centre – yet I ended up going back home early because nobody turned up. It’s not like I hadn’t tried. I always go out of my way for people, but i reckon this is something not to be done anymore – it seems to invite people who want something and then ditch you the minute they got what they want.

I do believe it makes a huge difference on your family if you dont have friends. I have 3 small children, and a partner (he just doesnt understand – he comes form this area so he has ample friends all of which do not wish to socialize with me also). I’m grumpy at my children alot, I lash out verbally all the time and basically I know its a result of frustration and anger that they all have vibrant brilliant lives while I feel like I’m wallowing in something that I just cant change. Its a case of stuck between a rock and a hard place. with no room for anyone else to come in and help. I gave up on the search for true friendship now and have assigned myself a life of 4 walls and a computer. I even chose a job where my collegues are just boxes of text because I am so untrusting towards “outsiders” now. I can safely say I have gone from semi popular with a wide base of different friends to just those who need a computer like me…

Its a very sad horrible way to be, but while people act and behave antisocially there’s very little you can do to change that.

Regards and sympathies with all you who are in a similar situation!

23 09 2007
marie

Well, Hi guys.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE LOTS OF GOOD FRIENDS. YOU THINKING NEGATIVELY MAKES YOU FEEL THAT ITS WRONG JUST TO HAVE ONE OR MAYBE JUST 2 FRIENDS.

I guess I feel good knowing that I am not the only one that feels this way. I too am 22years old and I have a lot of things to be happy about. The thing is that I really get bored being around some people. The topics are boring I just don’t relate. Sometimes I hate shopping or being with other people in big groups. I would rather do things on my own. My breathing gets really deep, I feel anxious and I can’t bear to look at the other person and really listen to them,

I think I know where all of this stems from:

1. I have friends in the past who I lost my trust with. They hurt me and now this is my way of not getting hurt.

2. I had a stepfather who always put down my opinions. Sometimes he would use verbal abuse or violence to get his message across that he was right and I was wrong. Now, anyone who I meet that is a dominant or heiracheal nature. I feel intimidated, insecure and just want to get away.

3. I am different. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, love learning and being wise about things. I am also very silly and laugh about almost anything. I am a successful painter. I have also inherited my mothers good looks. I think people feel funny around people that are successful and beautiful. But also the majority of people today feel like that to fit in you have to drink and smoke. I refuse.

The solution?

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. When you have fun doing the things that you truly want to do in life guess what happens? The people who truly share your interests and want to be there… will be there. Go and do things in solitude: get a massage, watch movies alone, go to the gym, read a book. Then once you are comfortable: Join a badminton club, go traveling, go kite surfing, join a public speaking class. Be proud that you can be comfortable on your own and that you are doing what you love. If people don’t want to be a part of that or don’t understand.. who cares. If you don’t want to do what the crowd is doing..don’t do it.

Enjoy life. Why let others enjoy it while you wallow sadness? Obviously. By reading all these messages on this website. Some of us are different and thats okay. There is nothing abnormal about having no friends. Its the way you think about it :-)

23 09 2007
Sara

I’m in the same boat. I too had friends in grade school & high school. But when I was 15 I had a serious relationship with a guy who was 20 & I became obsessed over him & was with him for 4 1/2 years (I loved him very much) – but I didn’t concentrate on anything or anyone else during those years & now I’m 36 and a mother & wife – and to date have not recovered socially. I often feel very lonley. I was a stay at home mom for a few years & was sooo lonly. Once when my son was a baby I initiated a get together lunch with a friend (actuual 2 friends – the other one just didn’t respond) from since kindergarten & the friendship sort of faded in highschool – but we were so close for so many years – that it seemed ok to suggest a get together. She more or less had me over for a quick lunch & basically said we should go our seperate ways when the babies go down for their naps. It was really painful. Go our seperate ways for that day – or forever – it sort of had a double meaning.
I went back to school to become a nurse & LOVED that time in my life & love going to work – even if nobody is a close friend – I love interacting with people. But I still crave friendship – close friendship sooo bad. I feel very sad when the answering machine blinks 0 messages. (My husband’s friend’s call his cell). & mostly I’m so ashamed & embarrassed. I would love to have a best friend or a group of girlfriends to chat with often & be with often. Reading these posts made me cry. I prayed for many of you.

By the way – I’m not trying to give unwanted advice – BUT a few times I took antidepressants & they worked like magic – I took Prozac & Paxil – both times I excelled at my job – my social skills seemed to magnify – I drew people towards me while on those drugs. I even met my husband while i was taking Prozac. The main reason I stopped is because of the sexual side effects – it makes you sort of numb (no – DEAD) sexually. It wouldn’t be fair to my husband. I might consider it though after i’m done being pregnant & done with breastfeeding.

24 09 2007
Sam

If there’s anyone out there that needs a chat, I am more than welcome to listen. I am struggling a lot myself at the moment, feel no self worth, that people are better of without me, have no friends, no love life, no social life. Work stresses me out, and combined with the area i live in, threatens to tip me over the edge. The only things that ever stop me are that I am a complete coward to do anything, and know deep down how much it would destroy my family. But I have no-one to talk to, to go out with, anyone to understand me – there’s only so much “it’ll get better” and “you can only help yourself” that I can take. I need to chat with understanding people, and maybe that way we can help each other to overcome the negatives in our lives and start to live and feel and dream. I’m not sure whether it will post it or not, by my MSN is samllewelyn@hotmail.com for anyone who would like to get in contact. Either way, I’m hoping eventually we can all find happiness in our lives, whatever form that may take.

24 09 2007
Diana

Thanks for sharing guys. It always makes me feel better reading all of you posts, because then I know I’m not alone. Love you guys <3

24 09 2007
Diana

By the way, is anyone here from Canada? Because it seems like everyone lives in the U.K.

25 09 2007
Victor Beneska

Dear Friends,

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
–Jiddu Krishnamurti

I have read all these responses, I have talked with people, I could tell you my story (and actually it is not all that sad) and I am someone who realizes that life can only be rich with friends. Your friends will determine your success in life, how you get work, how much money you make, the children and mates you have, the experiences and wisdom you accumulate. Make no mistake about that. All you young people who think that your life will just fall into place with a good education and a little motivation–the terrible truth is that no man(woman) is an island, without social contacts your life will be impoverished in many, many ways. I am 45 and I will also tell you that those who think that things will just magically get better with time…well, for some it does. For others things are much the same at 45 as they were at 20.

Terrifying? Yes. Is there something we can do about this? I am convinced there is. I see nasty, selfish people with more friends than they like while some attractive, intelligent people spend every night alone. Why?I have looked at self-help books, inquired with therapists, asked older people, thought it was my “fate” or “destiny”, listened to happy horseshit advice (“just smile more and people will gravitate towards you!”) I have spent countless hours wondering and worrying, what is wrong with me? I can’t tell you how sick I am of it, and I see that you are, too.

It is time to join together and work it out. Not in desperation, not in depression, not in drugs but in an atmosphere of inquiry.

I have had enough of the loneliness. Have you? One life to live, one chance at this game. You can be fifteen and still be desperate. But desperation, anger, sadness can be a great motivator.

I promise you by the end of October 2007 I will form a group in my community (Tucson, Arizona) and I will advertise this group where I can. I am going to find others who have had enough of the lonely weekends, the lost nights, the mind-numbing days. Somehow, some way we will work on this, joined together. I will call these groups, “One Life to Live” Alcoholics have their groups, cancer-survivors have theirs, even model plane fliers have their groups. For Christ’s sake, it is time for us because there are more of us all the time.

Its time to move forward my friends, I am tired of being cheated of the rich life I hoped for. It does not have to be this way.

But this is what you need to do, you need to come out of your shells for just a while to enable you to get up and come to a meeting. It will not work if you stay away.

Victor: contact me if you like: arsenura@hotmail.com

26 09 2007
Chris 2

I wrote a reply to this board but for some reason I forgot to save it. I can hardly believe there are people just like me. Sure I know there are loner out there but wow especially the girl. To make it short since I wrote a extremely long post but forgot to save is that I have no friend also. I haven’t had a single friend since elementary school and even that I only had 1 friends. I have always be excluded from groups even since Elementary school and have since been made fun off and left out in sport games because there are so many racist people in this world. I am SCARE when I have to eat alone, whenever I’m alone and other people have friend, it kill me. I’m SCARE that if I die, no will will ever remember me beside my family. LIFE is so hard for me. I have had thought of suicide before if it wasn’t for my mom and the impact it would have on her if I did. She would kill herself I am sure of that since she is also in a down mood because she hate my dad nows. Like many of you I never had a single gf and there were time that it sort of happen, but I chicken out. I’m just really shy toward girl and even sometime guys which is weird. When I see a hot girls walking in the opposite direction of me, my heart literally freeze for a moment until I pass that. It feel sort of like a roller coaster ride when you stomach hurt because you are falling at a fast speed. There are many events and circumstances that have lead to my low self esteem but most of it I can’t changes…so I blame my loneness status as a natural born disease, and that I will be alone forever. I’m really a nice guys and if only people got to know me, they would see. I guess I’m scare of opening up to people and saying wrong thing would feel very awkward. It scary now that I’m in colleges since everybody parties…and it seem the only way to get a gf and make friends is to get drunk and have a girl grind on you. I don’t drink and I can’t dance or am too stiff and too scare to try new thing. my aim is eckoballers2 and my email is chrisbtn8841. Feel free to chat with me. I have felt tears after reading every single one of you guys reply. It break my heart to see so many people in pains as I am. I just hope that today is my last day of eating alone. We could all be friends but it only a temporary illusion and dream only to find it shattering once the next day begins. To be honest, we won’t actually get to meet each other anytime soon if ever, so even though we all share a common desire, no one around us is dealing with that. I would love to be all of you guys friend so aim me or email me.

I hope you guys get better and don’t kill yourself. I will be here

26 09 2007
joseph

Hey, Just started reading some of the posts on this page. I am awake surfing the web for answers. Maybe there are some here..
Me… always thought myself to be friendly…. but now.. as I get older… and having been consumed by disappointment of what I perceive to be failed friendships… I am looking for answers.
I guess at times I am fine.. but like today, the depth of my “friendships” just don’t reach far enough… I am empty. I am married with 3 kids…. but that doens’t each a spot. Does anyone else know what i mean?

27 09 2007
Rudolph

I’ve been reading through many of these posts and I’ve noticed that although many of you don’t have many friends, you have the ability to make friends. My situation is worse.. for not only do I have no friends, it seems like no one would want to be my friend. I don’t know what it is about me, but I guess I’m just a very unlikeable person. When I first meet people I seem to do fine, but as time goes by they push me further and further away from them. I have trouble being the humorous, funny guy people expect me to be. I just turned 17and I’m scared of all the long lonely years ahead of me.

27 09 2007
Mystery

It’s so heartbreaking to hear these stories. I’m going through the same exact thing-being friendless. I’m 23 years old now and my social phobia has ruined my life. I go to school online just to avoid people. I feel like a loser because i’m 23 and i still have 2 years of college to complete and have no friends at all whatsoever to talk to about my problems. I feel like people will look down on me if they knew that I still lived at home with my mom and haven’t gotten my degree yet.

The reason why I quit school in my second year was because I had a melt down. I was frustrated when I went to college and had no friends. I met a girl online and she ripped my heart apart and I got extremely depressed, so I withdrew from my classes. I spent 2 years doing absolutely nothing but watching tv the whole day, wallowing, thinking and just being miserable. I tried going to a regular university so I can meet friends and have social cred, but it seems like everyone there is already established and aren’t open to meet new friends. So now I going to school online where I’m devoid of socializing with people is the only solution to obtaining my degree.

The problem is, there’s a giant whole in soul because I have no friends which makes studying online really hard to do sometimes. I have all the time in world and no one to enjoy life with. What’s even worst is that I’m a lesbian. I want nothing more than to go out to clubs and meet girls but I have NO friend to go there with. I feel like if i go there alone no one would talk to me and they’d wonder why I don’t have any friends. It’s hard to make friends because the friends you end up making reject you one they know you have no other friends. I thought friendships come naturally and easily but now it feels like a chore. Getting an A in nuclear physicas would be alot easier for me than to meet one friend. All the friends I’ve made are people online and even with them, I never tell them that I don’t have real life friends. I’ve had tihis really depressing problem most of my life since high school and college. I just don’t know how to fix it or what’s wrong with me. The only thing people care about these days is social cred and if you don’t have it already, people won’t care to be your friend. With this realization, how can someone like me who has NO friends to begin with, make any at all and keep them? Life sucks!

My screename is EsqNJ143 if anyone wants to chat.

27 09 2007
ryan

hi,im a 33 yr old uk male and since aged 14 i have never had any real friends,i found it worse since leaving school.i had no social life,no gf for years and was totally miserable.i am engaged and she is my best friend.i dont have any other friends at all.im so ashamed and embarrassed that im like this.why the hell do we end up like this?im not a bad person and thats what really makes me sad!!.

does anyone wanna talk more about this?does anyone wanna become friends?we are all here for the same thing s please get back to me friends :)

27 09 2007
ryan

sorry i forgot to introduce myself properly,im ryan and from england,uk,my email is kingofthemountains@hotmail.co.uk that is also my msn address too,please anyone want to chat male or female uk or abroad feel free to message.we can all help each other..stay strong

27 09 2007
Diana

Hey guys. I had an awful day. Everything seems to be going wrong in my life right now. Hope things are getting a bit better for you guys. Here’s a big hug for all you <3 And if anyone needs someone to talk to, just email me at diana_dramaqueen.. i’m a very good listener.

27 09 2007
Diana

Opps! my FULL email is diana_dramaqueen@hotmail.com.

28 09 2007
Chris 2

Since the last time I talk on this board, I have no longer live in fear without friends. That right! I have now a couple of good friends now. Both her and I are going around our dorm and meeting new peoples. The best feeling was that I got a *hug*, like a really loving hugs. I guess I do have friends, the problem for me was not opening to people. When I got to my dorm, I always close the door behind me. I decided to open my doors and already I got 2 people to greet me, and now there also my facebook friends. Then the crowd that I had nothing in common who I stood for 2 hours long without knowing what to say are actually kind of cool. I took a risk and said hi to them and they said Hi back. But since I never really socialize or laugh in H.S or JR. H, I thought I didn’t know how to laugh. But it turn out I can laugh and so when all was silent, I said “ANYWAY” and everyone laugh. So my advice is don’t be afraid to make people laugh, I have to admit that is not who I am, but it is who I am that I never knew existed. Do you guys sort of get it? I actually ask a bad question but I quickly change the subject and comment the girl on how lovely her hair was, and after a few more subject changes, she forgot the whole thing. The only thing I wish was I had open my door the first day I came to college, not the 5th days here. But I guess it better late than never. So yesterday I was hanging out with them and we ate dinner together, and normally I would be stiff and silent. And I guess no one want to be with a boring person…So I talk about how a girl almost got hit todays by a car, and then I told them my story about how I survive a car accident on my bike, and everyone was interested in what I said. Then they were going to some guys room to watch the office, and they invited me, but I was still eating, so one of the girl was like hey Chris, “I don’t want you to sit alone, so I stay and wait with you here, but eat fast OK?” That my friends is one of the best feeling in the world. It show that I did matter and everything I did in the past didn’t matter anymore. So guys, I am really shy but if I can do it, you guys can do it too. Now one of the girls that thought I was boring, until I open up to her, I overheard her talk to a group how I was actually pretty cool and wasn’t stuck up like they initially thought. So this could be why you guys don’t have friend, because people believe it or not think that some people are just plain stuck up. So now my friendless day are over!

28 09 2007
Chris 2

I might add that you guys should give out your aim name, then we could have a chat room.

Never give up! There are nice people out there, but you have to take a risk. For me it was

easy I guess because I’m new here, so people wouldn’t expect me to have friends. Anyways the fear of people asking you that you don’t have any friends, is better than not having any friends at all.

here a few tips to make become friends with people who think your weird cuz you don’t have any friends.

1. Just say you have a social disorder
2. I just move here
3. I’m shy
4. make a jokes
5. comment on what there wearing
6. find a common interest
7. say hi to them every time you guys see each other, even if they don’t say hi to you back
8. if your working, socialize with people even if their not your type of group. It worth a try.
9. if your marry, go over to your neighbor house and introduce yourselves, maybe bake them a cake.
10. THE BOTTOM LINE: No one should be without friends.

I hope this help, I would love to be all you guys friends even if I now have friends I don’t know why is it that people don’t like to be friends with a loner, but remember everyone is different. NEvER be judgemental!!!

just aim me anytime you want, it good talking to people.

like I say ” the more friends, the merrier”

28 09 2007
katie

Hey all! ive been reading trough some of the posts and i feel i cn def relate to ur comments. im 16 years old and am now in college. in prmary school i had tones of friends/best friends i could tell them anythink and we had such a laugh,. in the first couple of years in secondary school i was still close to the friends i had in primary, but i think in around year 9 we driffded apart. my best mates all made other mates and had another best friend(which really hurt me) I, and the close friends i had in primary skool did hang around wiv the same group of people however. i was in the popular group, and seen as being a popular girl. however this group of girls i hung out with where not good mates to me most of the time. they would mostly leave me out of social events e.g partys,sleepover. which was very sad cause i didnt know what i had done wrong. i am quite a pretty girl, nice, trustwovy can be shy and quiet at times but only when im feeling low. i think however my shyness came from being picked on and left out from things, and this was from my supposnly group of friends in secondary school, they would usually whisper about me behind my back and make me feel low, quite frankly they werent good mates atall! however i stuck with them most of my time in school because i felt i could not make any other mates in my year. any time i tried to it seemed other ppl in my year didnt like me. maybe because my supposanly group of mates said made-up things about me to other people, whch made them make fun of me aswell. i did have a few boyfriends at secondary school, and am known as beng quite popular with the boys becasue i am good looking, so have never had a problem wth boyfriends. however the boys in my year where very nasty to me and most the tme completly humilliated me which made me very sad and propbly ncreased my shyness. i did make 1 best mate in year 10 n we are really close now, she was my only mate and i can tell her most things. we have such a laugh and i wonder why i cant make other frinds lke her? now that i have left school i do see my old suposinly friends around but we only have small tlk, nowadays we never see each other, which is a good thng now looking bk on the way they treated me. i am in college now and it seems im not havi any luck making mates agen. i do have a couple of casul mates at college n dats all !!!i hardly ever see my best mate ne mre as she is at a dif college to me. i have no class mates rly cause it seems know one really wants to talk to me which really upsets me! i try and make convasation bt t seems like i dont really know what to say, or after talk to someone i regret what i said. and most times i just want to keep my self to myself becasu i am scared of openng up now! which makes me feel really sad becasu i used to have so much confidence. i feel like a complete werdio at college…..and very parinoid that people are judgng me or talkin about me, and i dont know why i feel this way now, beacasue i never did in the past. i always wish i could go back in time to the past when i was very confident , happy and had good mates, but i know that will never happen, as i have wished so many times that thing will be good for me but they never are.:( i feel so anxtious aswell latley, lke im scared to go out now caus something bad wll happen, like ill be humilliated or something will happen which will make me feel low. and know i can get low very easily becasue i am qute sensative. however i do know why i feel like this now, becasue of my past at school. going nto school everyday getting humilliated and feeling parnoid, it seemed like something bad happened every day at school. and at the end of the day i rarly felt happy, instead very very low, looking back on my day at school. feeling like this made me not want to go to school and i usually bunked of lessons that i didnt like becasue i knew that people would pick on me (mostly the boys). i feel i dont know where to go wigth my life and usully worry about the furture. i feel like dropping out of college and working somewhre where i will make new friends, but i feel scared about this as i fnk what if i dont make new mates, then dropping out of college was completly pointless. and also the fact that am qute anxtious, even when im walking down the street i feel parinod. i feel soo low and just want to have friends and feel happy again. i feel that the only people keepn me living our my family, becasue they are great and always stck by me. however no of them know the problems i have gone through, although i fink they may have sensed that something was wrong. i can remember most tmes coming home from school lookin low my mum would ask me whats wrong and would say nothing, but ther was really something wrong and then she would say are you being bullied? iand i would say no and laugh. i am getting my confidense back a bit but still feel qute anxtious and parinoid which usually holds me back…..

i just read through a little which i have written, and it looks like i have soo many problems lol.(which is true) i just think what has my life come to, i just want to be happy and confident like i used to be.

i could go on and on about the thngs in my life, as alot of bad events have happened in the past, i dont know how i have coped! but it was gd to let some of it t out on this blog
i feeel for all the people that feel the same way as me becasue i know t feels terible but i now know that going through what you are going through aswel only makes us stronger! and shows how strong u are! i now know that u should forget about them people that dont feel ntrested in you becasue they are obvisoly not worth talking to, so dont bover! they are iver jelouse of u or fyou have a bubbly, outgoing personalltly will which will make most pittiful ppl feel jelous of that, so dont waste your time on tryng to make frends wiv people like that, u r to good for them! also i now tho that tryng to hard to make friends will never get you anywhere, beacuse some people can see right through fakness, so if you are tryng to be fake, dont! just be ureself. i know am gettng better at feelng that i dont care what people think of me anymore, and if u dont like me you dont like me but f you do then yu do lol. i know i will be alright in the end, i hope! thanks for reading x x x x x <3

28 09 2007
James

Just like most of you I thought I was the only one with this problem. It makes me feel better to know I’m not alone. I had a group of friends in High School and we did talk a little bit after graduation but that turned into less and less and now is nothing. I have a girlfriend who I spend most all of my time with. I also live in the country so it’s difficult to find a job or meet people. When I meet new people I have nothing to say because I don’t do anything. If anyone would like to talk my MSN is streetlegal45@yahoo.com. Thanks for reading.

28 09 2007
Sam

This is a response to Katie’s blog… firstly, e-mail me/add me on MSN if you ever feel like a chat – samllewelyn@hotmail.com (actually, that goes for the rest of you too!)… I’ll keep this short, as it’s quite late, but I do understand where you’re coming from, having been in near enough the same situation… All I will say, is don’t drop out of college – don’t give anyone that satisfaction, you’re too good for that. It may be tough, but working through it, although it may not seem like it, will actually make you stronger than if you dropped out (I think we would all have a tendency to feel like we’ve “failed” if we don’t follow through with something we know we’re good at). And make as much possible effort with your best mate (even if she is at a different college). You may well find that she’s in exactly the same boat. She seems pretty sound. And keep smiling – you never know who’s day you might brighten with it, and who might become a prominent part of your life purely by a single simple gesture such as this. *hugs n kisses*

28 09 2007
Kelsey

Wow.. like some others I too found this site by Googling “I have no friends”.

I preschool/grade school I had a stable home life and I had a “best friend” and several other friends with whom I was close. I also has lots of casual friends, and went to all the playdates, birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. Then in middle school/high school things changed.. my best friend moved to a different school district and I found that my popularity had been really dependent on her popularity. Anyhow, from then on I have failed to keep any relationship long term. I had a close friendship with a girl when we were 12 up until 14 or so, at which point she started doing drugs and our friendship dissolved.

Around 13ish I started being really involved in church and made some “friends” there, but while they were always friendly at church and at any of the youth functions I would go to, we never really became close in the sense that we went out every weekend and stuff.

It was also at this point that my anxiety and depression (they both run in the family… yay genetics!) became really bad, and I began to drift far away from all of my real life friends, and I found comfort in online friends. Once the anxiety became controllable again I soon realized that I don’t have any real friends, just lots of aquaintances and people with whom I “used to be friends years ago” with. Those people somehow naturally kept friends, and I just haven’t. I’m now 18 and at community college to save up money, and I’m transferring next fall. I’ve found that lots of people in my classes know each other from when they were younger. I talk to a lot of people and there are several people in each of my class that I am friendly with and vice versa. They already have their group of friends though and even though I may be completely wrong, I feel as though having me as a friend would be unnecessary for them. Plus everyone, myself included, is so busy, when is there time to socialize?

I hate the fact that I don’t have a group that I belong in, and feel as though I wasted my high school years on anxiety. This past week I’ve been trying to reconnect with people but all it leaves me is feeling bitter because they are happy and well-adjusted and I’m, well.. not.

Yesterday I saw a “friend” – really more of an aquaintance that I haven’t hung out with since I was 14. Actually, she saw me – I was walking up the stairs lost in my own thoughts when I felt someone touch my arm and she said “hi!” and smiled. It was the first time in a very very long time that someone other than my mother has purposely made physical contact with me. Then before I knew it she was gone and we were both back on our way to rushing to our classes. I wish I could tell her how nice it was to see her, if only for a moment, and how much it meant to have someone happy to see me after enduring so many indifferent faces, but that would make me seem weird and pathetic. Which I quite possibly am.

I just want back the sense of safety and normalcy I had in early childhood. I am on the brink of adulthood and realize that the choices I make now are going to make or break my future. It’s so overwhelming to deal with both college/career decisions AND socializing. The one positive in my life is that I have a very loving and supportive, only slightly dysfunctional, family. Also I do have one very understanding online friend (though this certainly doesn’t replace real friendship) and one close friend who, while we don’t ever share deep feelings or get together all the time (because of distance), shares similar interests with me and we can talk for hours about random stuff. Unfortunately I don’t think any of the aforementioned people realize how much they mean to me..

I hope that once I leave and go to college in a completely new places that I can use the excuse “I’m new here” as my reason for having no friends. I intend on going and being the fun, outgoing person that I was in grade school, and not the melodramatic social outcast I’ve let myself become as a teenager. Nobody who already knows me as “the quiet one”. There’s still hope, I think, even though it is hard to see through the veil of depression that I’m currently looking through. Although I must say, I thought this was maybe only a problem that teens and young adults went through, but I guess not seeing as there are people in their 40’s and 50’s posting here. I for one am going to wish each and every one of you the best of luck, but I am not going to return because I think right now I need to surround myself with as much positive stuff as possible if I’m ever going to feel better.

28 09 2007
Chris 2

In reply to Kelsey. Btw you have a very nice name I might add. Of Course you will have an amazing chance to meet new friend once you transfer so just focus on school work now OK? Remember saying that “i’m new” should definitely work to your advantage. It seem to me your a great girl and if your outgoing like your old days, you should make lot of friend in no times. And don’t worry, CC or Community College is not the place to make friend, because you don’t dorm with them. CC for short is just like H.S just with more mature people and maybe a little bit harder than H.S. BTW do you have aim? I’m a Aim person type of guy not really into email so whenever you guys are all aim I’m will im you.

So keep your head up high! Follow my advice as mention above and you will do just fine.

I wish you the best of luck kelsey. I’m going later on to dinner to meet new people because a lot of new frost at my school are loner and this is the best time to meet them.

Bye and keep up the good work

Your friend

CHRIS

28 09 2007
Alan

I don’t know how this has happened.

I’m a single 37 year old man. I always used to be able to surround myself with my friends in my 20s, and I was generally stable and happy. I’ve been told many times that I’m attractive, but I can’t see that. I’ve been involved with several girls in my life but all of them ended things and left me flat. But that was ok, because I always had my friends around to help me through bad times.
Things started to change when I turned 30. Some of them got married, had kids, and had no time for me. A person whom I considered my closest friend dropped off the radar for no reason, and has never been there for me ever since. That really hurts. I tried reaching out to new people and all it did was backfire; they were in my life at some level but then pretty much abandoned me for no reason. I have been a martyr to my friends all the favours, and generous help and support I have offered. I have gotten nothing in return.
I felt I was on really shaky ground, due to my pile of unmet needs recently, but somehow managed to have a sexual encounter with a girl I met at a wedding. I experienced feelings that I had not felt in years; I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel that way.
She made it obvious that she was interested and led me on for a week; only to end it at the last second.
The pain of this letdown has made me realize just how lonely I have been, I cry almost every day. I don’t want the girl back – I want friends.
Maybe I’m such damaged goods and don’t even notice it so people avoid me like the plague as a result. I really don’t know. I’m sophisticated, intelligent, sensititve, better than average looking, have a respected profession, and a teaching career ahead of me.

I’m constantly depressed and have no energy for anything. I wish myself dead all the time. I wish I had my best friend back.

28 09 2007
Chris 2

Since the last time I wrote, I am still depress. Even thought I have a fun times yesterday, it seem like a one days thing. I have neither received any call to dinner or even a single reply on facebook. So I’m guessing we don’t deserve friend or something because of now I’m giving up on making friend. I think making friend is too late, it start early in elementary school where you actually make friend. I do have a couple of people I know, but I don’t think I know how to keep a friendship going. Everyone outside my room is laughing and having fun and I just can’t find myself out there. I guess I’m not meant to have friend. It OK I guess, once my parent die or something, I’ll just commit suicide.

29 09 2007
Sam

I now have AIM for anyone that’s interested in adding me at all – spikeymackai2007

29 09 2007
ryan

all i can say is thank god for the internet,i mean if we never had this then we could,nt even have online friends or forums like this to chat.when you think about it,the “net”really is a fantastic thing.
id just like to ask if anyone has a myspace account and if they want to chat on there?if yes my address is ww.myspace.com/yellowjersey7 feel free to send me an add,male or female it,s all good.it,s on private but just send an add and i,ll add you.im a good listener and a good friend when people get to know me..just no-one does takes the time too in my life,i have met 1 good friend already on here and wanna meet so many more.hope you all have a great weekend :) ryan uk

29 09 2007
Chris 2

I have no fucking life. The girl that I talk to with earlier has a boyfriend so it felt awkward. So I’m guessing I’m alone again because most of the people I know have either bf or gf.

FUCK life. Life is hella gay

Why am I so scare when I see people talking in the hall. I tend to avoid them, What am I afraid of. I was talking with them the other night and eating dinner together, then we went to some guys room and watch the office, and yet I am still scare to even say hi to them. When I see them down the hall, I just go hey, People probably think I’m a jerk. I guess I don’t know how to make friend and make it last.

I just want to kill myself now, no point in being alone forever. I’ll be a loner for 8 or 9 years, I thought college would be my savior but it isn’t.

I give up all hope. I will never have a gf either because I’m too shy.

29 09 2007
Chris 2

I’m just so MISERABLE, how do I even concentrate in my study? I always dream of having a gf and a group of us would go on a road trip to Las Vegas or somewhere fun and exciting, but I guess I don’t know how to have fun.

BTW is anyone here from UCSC?

29 09 2007
Natalia

It’s sad how this site somehow makes me feel better about myself, because I can relate to a lot of these comments. =) I had a few close friends in middle-school, but complications arose and I lost them (or they moved away), so now in my sophomore year of high-school I’m pretty much all alone. After freshman year I actually grew accustomed to it, and I don’t feel much self-pity, but it would be so great if someone would just pop up and talk to me and be my friend. Hell, nowadays I talk to myself all the time, a sign of 1. very pathetic loneliness and 2. insanity. xD Sigh.

I’m very poor at initiating and holding conversations, but once I’ve gotten close to someone I can bleed my heart out to them. If I keep myself locked up for all of high school, I think I’ll explode. Or grow depressed, at least.

My hope is that I’ll find some people in college, or I can join some kind of social group when I’m an adult… if such a thing exists.

29 09 2007
Chris 2

I would talk to you if I could, of course I don’t think I really talk to a person who is alone because well what if they already have friends and I am intruding on them.

29 09 2007
Chris 2

I can’t take this anymore, I know I have a problem but am afraid of what the psy would think of me. Please everyone email me at chrisbtn8841@yahoo.com please

My hand are shaking as I write this and I’m crying at the same time. Everyone I know is out partying the whole weekend while I’m here miserable and I don’t even exist.

Should I just kill myself, I been alone since middle school. No girl like a shy guy.

I’m screw. I”M so SCARE, and no one on here can confort me. But I can’t die yet because of my mom because she would kill herselve too. I”m Really SCARE, I don’t even think I will be able to finish college with this mentality. The people who I hang out with yesterday completely ignore me, it probably because I’m afraid to talk to people. GoD help me

We all need to meet in some way or another. one of the guy who actually read my messenge, we talk and we decided to meet because we have lot in common. But it won’t be until a few years.

Does God exist even? my parent don’t even know how I am feeling. The only phone call I get is from my mom, how embarrasing is that? I only have 1 friend on facebook and she next room to me, but I haven’t had a single reply. I’m such a LOSER

How did I get to this point in my life. I use to have lot of friends, what happen? But maybe I wasn’t a good friend back then, and now that I try, it is god punishment for me or something. I don’t know. But I don’t want to go back home either. I’m so lonely. If i die right now, it just going to be my family there.

I’m not a nerd, I dress nice and do my hair and stuff yet I’m so lonely.

If you guys don’t reply soon, I don’t know what will happen to me, I’m so lonely that as everyday pass by I am one step closer to going to crazy.

will anyone be my friend and we can actually meet?

29 09 2007
Susan

I can relate to everyone who has posted a comment. I to have zero friends. Many aquantances but no real friends. My phone never rings and all I do is work and come home to my cats. My cats are actually my best friends right now. All my life I have had boyfriends but now, being single for the first time in a while, I’m realizing how I think I focused too much on my relationships and shut others out of my life. Now I’m extremely lonely.Today I went to the movies by myself. I would give anyting to have a nice group of girlfriends to laugh with. I don’t understand why no one will be my friend.I’m very friendly and I speak with other girls when ever I can but no one wants to hang out with me.I smile alot but maybe they can pick up on how unhappy I really am. It sucks being lonely. I heard it’s very unhealthy. Maybe I’m just unlikeable. Who know. Does anyone know of a friendless group I can join? I ‘m getting desparate.

29 09 2007
Chris 2

I’m so desperate at this point that I’m giving out my phone number

(626) 674-5501

30 09 2007
Chris 2

ok so I decided to tell you my whole story, which I have never told anyone privately nor publicly. I guess I don’t even care if you know who I am now, what more is there to be afraid of?

Nothing gonna change…I cry fill with tears as I read your message. Someone finally pm me. How can someone live without having friend or even feeling love. Sure if I continue to work hard in college, I will get a good job and probably afford anything I want, but what good is it? To me Socializing is just as important as food or water.

So I stare at my screen the whole days, waiting for someone I know to get on aim, check this forum and the other lonely board for some reply. I was formerly a peer support student so I know all about suicide prevention and that, but there is a limit to a person own mental and social self. I don’t know how much longer I will last. I have been alone ever since elementary and now I’m a freshman in college. Not to mention that my parent are hella strict. When we had the chance to move to Westminster where my best friend was, we didn’t move. I have also live in a racist town all my life. I never had a brother and I spent time talking on aim more than my family. I never had a dog, only one time when some random dog came by and well stranger took him away. That might have been the happiest time of my life. Oh how I wish I had a dog now to hold onto my lab. I move to the U.S when I was 2 and meeting new people might have cause my social disorder. I never meet my people back home because of the wars and so I never knew how to socialize. My sis on the other hand was back in our home country until she was 8 so she had contact. Now when I got to elementary school, I guess due to malnutrition in my home country, my lip stick out and I couldn’t smile, so everyone in elementary school laught at me and made fun of me, even call me big lip. The girl that I really like slap me across the face and call me ugly. Do you see, there really no point in living now. I honestly think I’m a mistake, and I dare think this isn’t a coincedence but my birthday is the last day of the year, so I get everything last? I never told anyone my whole story like I just told you. I guess I don’t have much longer to live. College is too hard to socialize, everyone has different schedule. I also knew at an earlier age that I would never fall in love with a beautiful girl because it me. Everyone in elementary school was so mean to me, always exclude me from the group because of my big lips, I didn’t choose to be born with a malnutrition disease. Why me? I ask that everyday of my life. If they didn’t make fun of me, or if I was normal like the rest of the kids at school, I would be just like everyone else now. When I tell my parents of my big lips, they said it was natural. They don’t even believe me, so those years I had no one to talk to, as a child I was lonely. I always wanted either a sibbling or a brother or even a big family. I never got anything I ask for. I mean is it too much to ask to have a brother or a sibbling? Tell me please. Do you see why I am a MISTAKE? Why kid myself and pretend everything is gonna be alright? It never will and never is. Today i even try to hang out with a couple of people on my floor in the lounge where they were watching football. After I sit with them for 1 minute, they decided to leave, and I’m all alone again. It hurt me so much that I actually went outside behind some bush and cry my heart out. I don’t even cry even in extreme situation, but my limit has been reach. I dress nice and do my hair, I’m am not even a nerd, but go Fuck me, There is no place in the world for me.

30 09 2007
ryan

to susan…damm your braver than me,i would,nt go to the movies by myself but i like you,re decision to say “hell i dont care”i know what you mean though that you want a group of gf,s to go with.it,s still hard to imagine we are all after the same thing here.you alays assume you are the only one in the world.

ive been through the years of depression,suicide attempts,sitting in my bedroom through my childhood,making excuses not to go to school,lying to people saying i have friends just to appear popular etc.

please anyone who is saying”they want to die/kill themselves etc” please contact me either email or myspace,i would love to be able to help,chat,be friends with you and hell even be a shoulder if you need it.im 100%genuine and just wanna be of some use to people.

my email is kingofthemountains@hotmail.co.uk and my myspace is http://www.myspace.com/yellowjersey7 please male or female i wanna chat to anyone that needs a friend.does,nt matter if you are uk or usa or anywhere else,come say hi

30 09 2007
ryan

susan go to http://www.alonelylife.com it is a forum for people like us…god it sounds like we have a disease.i,ll rephrase that it,s for decent people like us who just find it difficult to make friends.the only problem is i joined but when they send the activation code to your email it does,nt work.
i,ve emailed the moderatoe but no reply yet so i cant leave messages,everybody check it out if you have,nt already.my name on there is steelers4174 and steelersUK,i had to do 2 sites to see if the activation code worked but it did,nt.soon as iget n there i,ll delete one of them

30 09 2007
chimochimo

Hey all. I’m very selective with my friends, and get easily annoyed as do MOST human beings. If you don’t have friends, and its not your fault……….IT IS!!!! I’m guilty too, so don’t get pissy, but listen, you came on here looking for help and all I see are a hundred whiny posts. (as for suicide threats, thats not cool at all. that is a health condition. there are places to go that you can stay for weeks/months at a time with supervised staff that will help you through it)

Here is a list of reasons/tips of stuff my PREVIOUS friends did to make me not want to be around them:

1 – Don’t whine to people about your problems. Confide in your friends, it builds a relationship but any relationship will suffer if you are just dumping on a person. (maybe a 1 to 3 negative/positive ratio with what you talk about) I had a friend that would just nag me about absolute personal things, and make me feel bad every time I wanted to just go home. He made me feel bad, and never wanted to hear or take advice. He just wanted someone to help him feel sorry for himself.

2 – Share your interests, don’t push them. If I don’t work at your job…I DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT! If I don’t like football, don’t come to my house and put on the game. and lastly, if you are a girl or gay, DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE!!! No guy in his right mind would wanna hear about how some other guy kisses or…..well you get the idea already about that.

3 – Don’t work so much. Also, parenting, drug abuse, excessive life styles…these all leave very little in quality time for having friends. You have to work, but do you NEED 60 hrs a week? How can I make plans with someone if they only have 1 day a month, and that varies? If you can’t make it to b-days, movie nights, concerts, than you aren’t really there for me, and not really a friend anymore. Parenting is complicated, but it will drain you of a social life for obvious reasons. Just make sure you still get to keep some portion of your life.

4 – This one sucks, but its the truth about life. If you are handicapped, obese, drug addict, overly religious or your religion is different from your location, a foreigner, or have some physical attribute that makes you stand out you will have problems with friends. I have no tolerance to drug addicts, foreigners make me nervous, religious views can kill an opinion on someone, and handicapped people make me nervous because I’m not sure how to act around them or what to do. Most other people are FAR more vain then I am, and won’t give obese, or moderately ugly people a chance to even talk to them. Your personality might rock, but many people just segregate that way. I’m sure you once popular before college types understand this all to well.

Keep this in mind though, there is always a way around your circumstance. I have obese friends because they are fun to be around with great jokes and aren’t uptight about their weight. If I got to know a handicapped person or foreigner I’d be okay with them, it would just take time for me to become comfortable, and that in itself is usually too much for people. I’m just saying that if you apply to #4, you’re gonna need more patience, or luck.

30 09 2007
Chris 2

I guess I’m use to going to the movie alone, all you need to bring is a headphone and people shouldn’t notice you. With that said, I would love to go to the movie with you Susan, if I did knew you. I admit it not fun going to the movie alone, but I have many times, with my music on, I don’t care if other people are looking at me. But once the movie start and the light are out, it get less lonely. Still all you guys need right now is one good friend, don’t be sad that you don’t have a whole group of friends, you never know, one person might actually be better than a whole group. I guess I was never a good friend before so I learn my lesson the hard way.

1 10 2007
gotallassociates

if u guys are looking for a forum, well theres this site called http://www.alonelylife.com , which is pretty goood.

also chris 2 i agree with u on that whole group thingy. I was in a group of friends 2-3 yrs ago . It wasnt as fun or even enjoyable as ppl crack it up to be. HOWEVER we really do need somebody to voice our thoughts out to, i hope we are all successful one day, but till then …

1 10 2007
chimochimo

Hey Chris. Its true pal, so sorry. Hey quoting you: “I guess I was never a good friend before so I learn my lesson the hard way.” A lot of people on here good benefit from some social anxiety medicine, or just more practice with social situations. But, if you expect to keep a friend, you’re gonna have to realize why you haven’t been able to in the past.

1 10 2007
Sam

Chimochimo

I think I can say, on behalf of everyone on here, that your comments are not welcome. We don’t choose to be lonely, left out, treated badly by people or ignored – that choice is other people’s. Your comments just make people feel worse about themselves, which they shouldn’t do, cos the people on here are damn good people who deserve a helluva lot better than they’ve been given so far. So please, go away and post somewhere else.

1 10 2007
Chris 2

Reply to chimochimo

You need to not be harsh on people like that. Everything Sam said I agree, you must be understanding toward people. Not everyone has a perfect life, because utopia doesn’t exist and never will. That out of the way, Everyone on here deserve more than what society treat them. It funny how all the bad kids have the most friend, while people on here don’t. I don’t know why that is, but these people are the best people in the world. The saying goes “rich kids are snob”, “cheerleader are preppy”, and yet their popular??? Well all I know is real friend are here, people who grown up being alone are more kind and forgiving than any popular kids.

1 10 2007
ryan

chimochimo,im registered disabled so your comments are offensive to me,basically everything you have said is total rubbish!!i would use stronger language/phrases to describe you but im above all that.you seem to think people are attention seeking and saying”im gonna kill myself”for attention?
i have been through that and trust me you must be a pretty lonely and sad person to go that far,it is not something taken lightly.please take your uncaring,unsympathetic,unwanted advice elsewhere.everyone ignore this advice he has given.thanks sam as im now seeing what you meant by these types of forum posters.

3 10 2007
victor

In regard to the comments about not being able to have friends if you are fat, ugly, disabled… (or bald, short, small-breasted, or whatever)

Many of you here are pretty young, so maybe listen to someone who has a few years more than you.

There are plenty of examples of people who were(are) ugly, disabled or even fat who were very successful socially. Look up Diego Rivera, the man who did not bathe for weeks yet bedded some of the most beautiful women in Hollywood, or Gabrielle D’Annunzio, or Rasputin, how about Gertrude Stein, Andy Warhol, Carson McCullers? Stephen Hawking? I give you these examples because these are famous people you can find information about. Look at these people, tell me if you think they would win a beauty contest.

This does not include all the examples of people from my life who were obese or ugly who had plenty of friends. These were not accomplished, talented people I am talking about now. In fact, rather than being an inspiration, many times in my life, I have looked at these people and felt mystified and said to myself, “EVEN THEY HAVE FRIENDS!”

So, I am not trying to put a shiny, happy face on things but I tell you this: my experience indicates that it doesn’t matter what you look like, if you are socially adept you can have plenty of friends and lovers.

And the religious types? Many people join religious groups so they can find commonality and a social life.

Chimochimo is full of SH*T.

V

3 10 2007
Jorge Maldonado

Hi everyone,
I’ve read a few of the responses and they all seem to reflect nearly exactly what I’m going through and what I’ve been going through since high school. Currently, I’m going to community college and am 28 years old. I don’t have any close friends except for a girl that wants to be more than friends. I feel kind of bad because I know I don’t feel the same for her. Yet, I keep her around because I have noone else to talk to. I never get invited to parties and my supposed friends very rarely call me. I’m very nice to people and try to be “cool” but I guess something about me turns them off or makes people not want to be my friend. People I’m nice to are nice in return such as in school and they act like their my friends during class but outside of class, noone calls me. I have to call them and most of the time they don’t answer or leave me out of parties or gatherings that I find out they went to. What should I do? I think I need to join a support group or something before my suicidal thoughts overpower me.

3 10 2007
gotallassociates

jorge, im suffering from the same situation as u except im 17 and in the last year or high school now. I too have ppl who talk to me and act as my friends and we even have good times BUT ALL IN SCHOOL. out side of it nobody really talks to me and i get invited nowhere. Like one time i think half of my class (batch) went to some place , most of them consisted of ppl who really show as if there my good friends, but nobody even bothered to tell me .

Let me just say that this happens alot in life , and to top that off i dont even have a gf or have ever had 1 ( i dont even have any female friends).

But let me just remind u that it gets better from here. I have a couple of friends that i talk to outside of school everyday. There not the most coolest ppl or the most clever ppl in the world, but theyre good ppl who arnt like those other fcking assholes.

I suggest that u just be urself around ppl. And if u see that some ppl who u wanna be friends with dont wanna be ur pals, then just forget them coz theyre just some idiots . eventually u will find some ppl who will be more than acquaintances. it mite take a lil time ,but i guarantee u it will work. it worked for me and my life is a lil better, though it REALLY REALLY hurts when i see the whole batch telling each other “are u coming to place X?” and nobody ever tells me or asks me until the next day when that party/event has ended. Im not free of this dilemma 100% and i do get bummed out a few days a week but since i do have a couple of pals i can hang out with its like 50-60& done.

Also friends dont really last long for most ppl. for eg i see alot of ppl in my school who are in groups or cliques. these last for like a coupe of years max and when ur out of school or college, very very few ppl actually remain good friends, the rest just become acquaintances…

and plz dude dont stop sleeping .sleep at least 8-9 hrs a day and trust me , u will barely feel depressed or friendless

good luck dude . good luck to all of us…

3 10 2007
Chris 2

I suggest you not be yourself. If you some of you were like me, then you would have known that I lost my identity at the age of 2. What this mean is that my parent didn’t let me be who I want to be. So adding on to that, if I was me, which my parent would have wanted, then I would probably be friendless like the rest of you guys.

Now I have some good news!

For gotallassociates and all who still remain in highschool, you should have no problem making friends. Join social club, and work out at the gym and that should boost up your confident. Good Luck, just stick it out one more year pal.

3 10 2007
kirstan

hi i am 33 with no friends i just came out of a relationship with bloke who wanted to stay friends. so i thought why not it was just phone calls now he wants nothing to do with me because he is dating.
i did have a friend years ago but she just thought of herself and got a partner and did not bother with me. i live at my mother now and at the moment do not work sometimes i think whats the point i felt like slashing my wrists but my ex who just used me did not give a damn when i turned up outside his house depressed and needing someone to talk to, he just ignored me.

i think to myself hes out having fun while i have no life and he rubbed my nose in it. i hate going to town and looking at people outside bars and there i am all alone it sucks. if anyone wants to email you can contact me on eyedbrowngirl@yahoo.co.uk.

sorry to be negative

3 10 2007
Flopcorn

I wasn’t aware that other people are in the same situation as me. I just finished High School a few months ago. Normally, you would think that I would feel happy, pleased, content, optimistic, hopeful, etc… But the opposite is occurring.
As I look back, I now realize that my life of 19 years was, to a great extent, wasted. My High School Diploma does not mean anything to me, especially without close colleagues. An accomplishment in life without associates means nothing. I do not feel hopeful, brave, self-determined and confident. For me, Elementary and High School has not been an experience from which to develop as a person. I don’t feel as a human that has much to offer to the world. I don’t feel that I have finished something. I don’t feel that my abilities as a person are highly developed. (I’m not autistic) Depression is forming and I do not envision a good future. When I look to the future, what forms is an image of a “dead” life void of happiness.
I have arrived at the point where I feel that I do not deserve to have any associates and abhor feeling nervous around others. (I feel that people are better off without me because I have not had close aids for a long time). Normally, one would expect one to become more sociable with time, but for me, the opposite is occurring. I don’t wish to accept the idea that I do not and cannot maintain contact with others (I’m not mentally ill or anything…). I would like to think of myself as a lively, worthy and meaningful individual.
I’ve always been timid, but I have started to feel shyer around 8th grade. Either I am the same, the conditions changed or my negative traits have becomes more obvious, I have become more shy or something else. I wished that I could have thought like this when I was of a very young age! I should have been more out-going in my past. But I didn’t ignore people at all, I’m not like that. I used to play outside very much when I was younger. Around 7th and 8th grade, despondence formed and maintained itself and the enjoyment of nature started to wane endlessly. Perhaps I knew that I was apprehensive from a young age but the realization immediately gained strength right after I finished school because distractions from work disappeared.
The point is that if someone asks me to hang out with them, I will. As I think of what others have told me (I’ve been told that I’m not ugly, I should get a girl-friend, should “party” more and be more assertive and self-determined), it seems that I am missing “that something extra” in life that everyone should experience.
I’ve been accused of being autistic because I have never dated. But, that’s not true, I enjoy the opposite sex but I guess that I’m too nervous to speak to girls. This is ridiculous. If Karma and Reincarnation is hopefully a reality, I would love to start another life over and the most weight and importance would be given to the idea of being sociable from as of a young age as possible, if I were to ask the ultimate prayer. I’m becoming increasingly worried from having the possible prospect of a lonely life.

3 10 2007
Flopcorn

It is good for those who are highly sociable from as of a younger age as possible to be encouraged as much as possible to continue being so.

Here’s two links that I thought were relevant to this site and for those who wish to deepen their relationship with the opposite sex,

http://alonelylife.com/

http://www.oregoncounseling.org/ArticlesPapers/Documents/DifferencesMenWomen.htm

5 10 2007
clip

Facts about friends.
1. Appearance do matter to them, no matter what they say. They may tell you they like you for who you are inside and similar bs, but appearance is definitely something they care about.

2. This is not meant to be a sexist comment (i’m male). I am usually surrounded by asians, so it is to them that my comment refers to. I observed that among females, the ones that are really friends aren’t those who always seem friendly with each other. Women are good at concealing their feelings, and also get very paranoid of other people’s feelings about them. They smile to each other, but they are actually fighting a mind battle, testing one another’s true intentions. This is why I say that with females,nothing is what you think it is. Again, this is not to be a sexist or offensive comment, but if it has offended anyone, i’m really sorry.

5 10 2007
Diana

You’re totally right Clip. At my high school, everyone is really preppy and they all wear hollister and abrecrombie and fitch clothes. And if you don’t, people don’t really like you.

6 10 2007
clip

This is my advice: Don’t be depressed if no one is as close to you as you want them to be. And the word friend is deceptive. I read this article about internet companionship, but I feel that it also applies to our face to face interactions with people.

tell me if the link is not working..

http://carlo.zottmann.org/2007/07/24/were-not-friends-sorry/

7 10 2007
Leda

Wow, I feel like I’ve found my people. I’ve been reading the responses on this site and they all ring so true.

I’ve been struggling with this for a long time. For me it started in childhood. My parents are both loners and never really socialized or went anywhere unless it was with family (that’s still the case but it’s even sadder because all of our family has moved away). So I never really had social models. Despite that I had friends in elementary and middle school.

In high school things went downhill. I got very depressed and school was a nightmare for me. My best friend dumped me and it really broke my heart. I hated going to school. Therapy and antidepressants didn’t help that much. On the outside I guess it looked like things were going well–I was cute, smart and had people I spoke with in school–but on the inside I was dying.

University was difficult for me. I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by people. I never felt like I fit in really. I did make one good friend but we both switched schools after one year and I could never find her after that.

I too did not want to get married because I have no friends. I was with my boyfriend for 9 years before we seriously considered marriage. I knew everyone would know that I had no friends, no one to stand up for me. I wanted to elope. We mentioned it to my parents and they insisted on giving us a wedding. I was terrified of being the center of attention, of everyone looking at me, of everyone *knowing* that I have no friends, no one.

Despite my fears, I insisted on no bridal party (we put everything together in 6 weeks so it was kind of a good excuse for not having bridesmaids and all that). I