A sociological study of changes in American's personal networks and close friends, provides some very interesting food for thought. I don't think the results of the study are earthshaking news, we are all aware that our lifestyles and mobility prevent us from forming close personal ties, and our present personal and social networks are very different from our past.
The study provides the evidence, now I'd like you to think about the future.
What will these mean for the US society in the next 20-40 years if it continues? What happens in a society when these relationships are no longer available? What are the "new scenarios" and what changes in behaviour do they provoke?
How will this affect our work, lifestyle, health, politics and consumer habits? What opportunities or challenges are created for workers and businesses now and into the future?
Is this an international phenomenon or limited only to the US?
How is this affecting you and your family? Is it noticeable? Is it only nostalgic to think about being part of a larger social network or are there "real" consequences when it becomes smaller?
A short quote from the article in the ASA News, June 16, 2006 says:
"AMERICANS' CIRCLE OF FRIENDS IS SHRINKING
Washington, DC —Americans’ circle of close confidants has shrunk dramatically in the past two decades and the number of people who say they have no one with whom to discuss important matters has more than doubled, according to a new study by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona.
“The evidence shows that Americans have fewer confidants and those ties are also more family-based than they used to be,” said Lynn Smith-Lovin, Robert L. Wilson Professor of Sociology at Duke University and one of the study’s authors.
“This change indicates something that’s not good for our society. Ties with a close network of people create a safety net. These ties also lead to civic engagement and local political action,” she said." America's Circle of Friends is Shrinking, American Sociological Association
Other Mentions on the Net:
Lee Iwan Accumulated Experience 
I am 38 years old witha wife and 3 kids; Yet I have no confidants are freindships to speak of…I know that this will have an adverse effect on my senior years……a
I person without friends tends have more frustration buit up due to that fact they have noone to vioce their personal ideas and thoughts…communication with other people becomes more difficult and you tend to get paranoid more easily…
I grew up with socialphobia. I stopped making friends in 7th grades and the friends I did have did not want to be my friend anymore due to becoming so depressed I could not talk anymore. I became suicidual (also my family was very abusive their was a lack of concern for my safety and mental health. I could not keep a job due to working with people. I went to counseling and still have a hard time making friends. I am early and will graduate in august. It took me a while to go to college because i had to talk to people and usually hide in my mom’s house. I still am suicidal because i have only a few friends. and the friends i have are from a ex which makes it weird because he has another girlfriend. I am still friends with another ex boyfriend but am very codependent on him.
When you have no friends you do not know who you are. You don’t feel like you exist. there is no reason to smile. friends are their to listen t problems do something with. help you in your time of need. I fear making new friends. I will be moving soon and the friends I have will not be going with me.
I just don’t understand life, i have always been nice to people, gave and helped anyone but in the end no one ever helps me and i have no friends.
I am a gym fanatic and bodybuild but non of the people that i see over there can relate to my life, i feel alone and my pets are the only friends that care.
My life is a struggle, i am a good looking fella but any fun or friends that i have seems to go away and deep down inside it hurts , I am extremely nice and i have no friends but jerks and non caring souls always seem to have someone.
I have no one to talk to that can relate to what i go through, o well i guess thats just how life is, thanks for listening.
I hope to financially become stronger and maybe i will adopt a child and have a friend, i am a good person and it’s sad how socity is rotten. My child will be my friend and i will be his/her friend till i have a pulse .
I’m 21 years old and I have no friends. I had tons of friends in high school and now I have none. No one talked to me after we graduated. I guess I wasn’t a good friend. I miss them a lot. They are all still best friends and it breaks me heart that I have no one. I’m jealous of my bf because he is so liked and has so many friends. I can’t understand why I don’t. I have so much I need to say and no one to say it too. I’m always depressed because of it. Right now I hate my life and it’s because I feel so alone.
DH I know how you feel, I sit and type and i feel so alone and i have tons of phone numbers of friends from highschool next to me but none of them ever return my calls. I have always helped people and been there for everyone and no one has been there for me, my brother almost died and i was there for him slept 4 nights in a hospital till he was able to go home. I have visited my friends mother when her husband/his dad died and my friendship with him after 13 years is over. I am very social and i am a gym obsessed fella, i just don’t understand why life is like this. I bought my friend of 13 years coffee always, gave him money, helped him, took him to vegas for free , i did this because both of us had so much in common. i am 32 and a struggling entrepreneur, friendship is all i asked in my life, thats all i wanted, i just wanted someone to care as much as i have cared. My family is jaded and no one cares and i have no friends.
i have been there for everyone and no one ever been there for me, i could shed a tear but i won’t. Just my luck i guess, i want all of you lonely good people to know that i am with you and i will be your friend.
rare, DH, tnx i dont feel that alone anymore :)
Oh my god,
I feeling like crying as i read all your posts. I really understand, I can completely relate to all that you are saying. I am not cruel and nasty the way others are yet they seem to have all the friends. I am loving and caring like you, and i would give my life to anyone who needs help. I would be the best-est friend to anyone, if people would just give me the chance.
I cannot believe how much not having friends has changed and scultured my life. I am a completely different person. And i hate who i have become.
I am not a person that particulary likes to talk about my self, i am quite happy to listen and help others in any way that i can. I am so alone, i didn’t realise being so alone could be so demoralising. Why do i have no friends, i keep on asking myself. why? I honestly cannot answer, this question is way above me. Why do people walk all over me, why do i let them? I just dont know.
I wish i could help myself, but i dont know how. My confidence and self asteem is seriously running low. Please some one help me, please be my friend!
Love & Light,
Raphaela.
I also don’t have any friends and I’ve been ashamed of it all my life.
i am 20 yrs old. i feel the same way. i have no friends who i can share my sorrows or happiness with. i am not a bad person. i am a nice person but i have’nt managed to make any TRUE friends till now. My family and relatives make fun of me. this has made my self esteem very low. and now i have lost the ability to make friends. i somehow can’t find people who i can connect with. is there something wrong with me? or this is normal?
I’m in the same boat. I’m 33, unemployed, with almost no social skills.
I think our society has moved into most things being “disposable”, and for the most part this has also applied to people.
We do not have long-term links with neighbors anymore, or hold lifetime jobs with co-workers we know and trust. Our lives are fragmented and broken, which means our friendships will be as well. The internet, google, etc. has also been a major cause, who needs a friend to help anymore with something you can just research yourself on the all-powerful world-wide-web?
I think the only real thing we can do is sort people on a massive scale as best we can. We must save our trust, love, empathy, etc. for those people that will go above and beyond to reciprocate.
Start with people who share your passions in life to the extent you do. IE. Go do what you want where other people also do it, and talk to each and every one of them until you find the ones who feel the same way. If they don;t accept you for who you are and how you act then move on to the next person.
Unfortunately the days of trusting people indiscriminately are over, if you disagree just try leaving your car in your driveway with the keys in it and see what happens. But this does not mean we have to be alone.
Well I am glad I found this site because I thought I was the only one feeling like this. I am 20 yrs old and All my life I had friends a ton of friends, but then I moved across the country when I was 13. I went all through high school with one friend. After high school she became this “preppy” girl and acted like she didn’t even know me. Now I have been in college for 2 1/2 years now and have not had a single friend. I feel like such an outcast. I am so depressed these days because I have no one to talk to. The only person I could vent to died last year (family member) and I had to go through that alone, I literally had no one to cry to. My parents never really talk to me much. If I ever went to them with a problem they would shrug me away or say their busy. I try to make friends but they never call me back or just eventually try to avoid me(so it seems). I don’t think im repulsive and I am not forward. I am a nice person and I have a really good personality. It just kills me. I have never been so depressed as I am now. I have actually been thinking of ways to commit suicide because I feel so alone and I feel like pretty much no one will miss me. I am so miserable it’s pathetic. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. This is the first time I have told some one about my feelings in a very long time and I told my feelings on a blog. I just don’t know how much longer I will be here. Thanks for listening…..
I’m 21. I have NO friends…not a single one. I’m really nice- at least I try to be. I am a bit shy but I do try to make friends. People just don’t seem to get me- or want to. I think I am a pretty girl, I dance and I love fashion. I’m an intelligent pre-med student. I have a lot to offer people, but I just cant make friends. I have an amazing boyfriend but I’m still lonely. Whats wrong with me? Somethimes I just want to curl up and cry. I reach out to people but they always just seem to dislike me. I don’t understand what I do wrong. I am quite confident and happy- but this part of my life is hideously depressing. I just want a few silly friends to have fun with. I’ve never expressed how I feel like this, but its amazing to see that so many other people feel the same way.
I wish i could find you all and befriend you, you guys all sound so Amazing!
Its funny, up untill now i thought it was me! I thought i was doing something wrong to make people dislike me for no reason. But, now i realise it is not!
These nasty People are not even worth my time!
I have had enough trying to fit in with other people. I have tried some many times in so many ways, i have now completely lost who i am.
I am so upset to think i have let people make me feel like this.
I am a good person and i dont deserve to be treated like im not.
“To all you lovely people out there, Remember that you are good, and that you deserve the best, and no less!
You are worth so much, and if people are stupid enough not to realise what an amazing person you are, then…. they are Really losing out!
Dont compromise any part of yourself . You are who you are, and you cannot be something your not! You are not being true to yourself.
If you are not being just you, then nobody will ever see ‘just you’ and like you for ‘you’.
Accept who you are. you sound like such great people!
Remember ‘ There is always someone for everyone’!
Love & Light Forever!
Raphael.
My God. I’m exactly the same. I’m a 22 yr old female. An Honest,caring, hard working girl.
I have only one real friend who is at University and lives about 100 miles away. I only get to see her when she comes back and because of my working rota we hardly get to see each other that way as well. Otherwise thats it. No-one else.
I have no idea what i’m doing wrong. I’m chatty,i smile alot,i would do anything for anyone for little or nothing in return,i have plenty of interests and i’m very loyal and trustworthy.
I’m of average looks and i’ve had BF’s in the past.
Like someone who posted earlier,I also had plenty of friends in high school, all of which magically stopped contacting me seemingly over night once we’d all left.This hurt ALOT!!!
I’m starting to loose hope that i’ll never make another true friend. I’m slightly shy but normally once people start to chat to me i’ll open up and be bubbly.
I don’t think i’ll get another BF. Most males chat to me and then go off me for what apprears to be no reason at all.
I hurt so much inside because of this. I live by myself and the only company i have is a lil hamster. I swear she understands me more than other people do,as mad as it sounds.
I look around my work place and everyone has there own lil “clicks” and when i try to join in polietly,i get shrugged off and i’m left isolated again.
Like so many of you my parents are always going on about my non existant social life and they constantly refer to me as “unnatural” about not having a BF in my life.
They only add to the pain each and everytime they do this.
I’m so glad i’m not the only one who feels like this. Makes me feel better to know their are plenty of other people out there who share this same horrid experience.
I have always had a few okay friends, then a few years ago I met Annelise, my best friend, but now I think our friendship is ending, and she is/was my only friend…It’s just so sad to have no one to talk to, and no one to have fun with anymore. All I do is homework; I just don’t feel like I have a life.. at all, but yes I am shy, so it is quite difficult for me to gain friends. But I believe I am a nice person who always gives, but never receives. With all of this happening this year my confidence has been decreasing…and I have had thoughts about suicide…a lot, but I know there’s others like you guys out there that I will hopefully meet one day, which makes me keep going.
~Chole Fransau
Life is not fair.
actually i dunno er help
I’m glad I found this site. I’m 21 years old and have realized that as far back as i can remember, ive had difficulty with friends. i was always the mediater or mercy person, always the person who my friends would come to when they needed something. but, they never were there when i needed them and they used every opportunity they had to put me down as much as possible. now in college, the situation hasnt changed much. ive never liked the way i looked and i always knew thats why i didnt date much and the few guys i did date didnt treat me very well. ive tried so hard to be a good friend, and in a way, i dont mind so much that the same effort wasnt returned since deep down, i dont expect reciprocity, but, it would be nice to have someone to call and talk to…or someone call me and invite me out somewhere. my 21st birthday just passed, and it was terrible. i thought i had made good friends at school and we made plans for my birthday…all of them either forgot entirely or forgot to request off work and everything fell through. so i spent my birthday having dinner with my family, then lying to them about seeing my friends later so they wouldnt feel sorry for me. i only received two phone calls on my birthday wishing me a happy birthday. for a long time, ive blamed alot of my problems on how i look, and decided that boys only want to be friends w/ pretty girls, and girls dont want to be friends w/ unattractive girls b/c then boys wont flock to them as much…b/c of this thinking ive been bulimic since i was 14…and thats been my only good friend…i study and work alot, and i tell myself sometimes that i cant go out and do anything b/c i have work, but, really, i know i work so much so ill be busy and wont have time to think about how i have no one to do anything with. the only 2 people in my life i can call friends arent around…one is in denmark, the other married with a baby….and even before these events, i got passed over alot. maybe its selfish of me to say, but once, just once, id like to be the ‘better thing’. the something that someone would change plans or take off of work for…make time for…i know id make time for them… i wish all of you the best, and if you happen to read this, thanks, i know i wrote alot….
Hi, everyone. I feel your pain. I’m a 28 year old dentist, and I’ve always had a hard time making and keeping friends. It’s funny how similar all your stories are to mine. It can be very depressing if you let yourself think about it. I hate checking my cell phone to see if someone called, getting excited if it says I have new voicemail, only to find out it was a patient calling to confirm an appointment time or something else like that. I’ve had many girlfriends as of late, long before I became a dentist, so I know they’re not into me for what I do. However, I hate the idea of getting married with me not having many friends at all come to my wedding. I have one friend from dental school, one from grade school, and one friend from high school that I keep in touch with. I went to college at two different places for a total of 5 years, and I don’t have a single friend that I keep in touch with from there. It’s sad, and it makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m a nice person, and I know I never had a hard time making friends as a child. It really just started in junior high and high school, then just got worse in college.
I wonder what people like us are supposed to do. The reality that we live with is constantly staring us in the face that we don’t have many friends. There is endless potential to have negative thoughts about ourselves for this reality.
(20 y/o Female) I don’t understand why I can’t make any friends. I am in college and I do try to talk to people but then they just ignore me after a few days. I am not blunt or forward. I just want that one (or a few) good girlfriend that I can go out with, shop with and just be silly with. I don’t even have one. I have a b/f who is wonderful but it’s not the same. I can’t tell him every single thing b/c it’s diff when it comes to girl talk. I love chick flicks, I love going to see them at the theatre but I usually end up renting them and watching them alone. Sure my b/f has sat through a few but like I said it’s not the same. I don’t think I am that ugly, Im blonde, blue eyes, and athletic. Just about all my clothes are designer. I try to stay up to date with the latest trends. I am so worried b/c my birthday is coming up and I don’t want to spend it alone. Another thing I am concerned with is my bf. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and have talked about possibley getting married in the near future but the problem is, is that I dont have any friends to be in the wedding nor do I have any family. All I have is my Mom and Dad. The rest of my family lives over 500 miles away and wont even try to make the trip here, they have never came to visit me and my parents since we moved and it’s been almost 7 years. So why come to my wedding. I just don’t want to embarrass myself or my b/f by not having any one on my side of the wedding. I just hate having to go through this part of my life alone. Like I said it’s not like I don’t try to make friends. I just wish I had that one good girl-friend or group of girl friends that I can pal around with and be silly with you know just be girls. I can’t help but cry b/c I feel so alone.
if any of you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to IM me at pixiekiss145…
It’s very sad that so many people have the same horrible experiences. I’ve just broke up with my girlfriend and now I’m very lonely and have nobody to talk to. What makes things worse is that the friend I thought I had hasn’t been there for me. She split up with her boyfriend last year and I got very close to her and was there to listen and help her get over it. We would talk for hours, socialise together and text each other most days. I broke up with my gf over 2 weeks ago and she still hasn’t even asked me about it. I feel used as well as lonely. The most frustrating thing is that I’m at university and absolutely surrounded by people who could be my friends and I do chat to people, but nobody seems to want to be anything more than class mates with me. I would not feel comfortable meeting any of them outside of class. However when I look around it appears as if everybody has made really close friends there, except for me. It makes me feel that there is something wrong with me.
My whole life has been a mess, in my 20s i got into computers and had great jobs but my managers hated on me for being a prodigy and I had to defend myself and decided to quit my corporate jobs in 2000 and go after my own business, it’s been a horrible 7 years and Living this nightmare without much support is very harsh and brutal.
I am very honest and would like to add that i suffer from ringing in the ears and both my income and my ringing has got worse, i don’t care about the rining anymore but i wish i was successful with a business. Being the person that always gives and never gets is horrible, i have given so much as friend to others and no one cared to be my friend, i am not ugly or badlooking , i dont base loneliness due to those matters.
I have a successful brother who always boasts about his life and its funny how i was there for him when he almost overdosed, life is just funny, the good get screwed and the idiots have the fun and have the friends.
please love yourself and never think suicide, just think of it like this we all came into this world alone and we shall leave alone.
Running a business would be awesome if i had success in it and that would be a great friend for me, being unemployed and struggling without anyone to talk to is very bad and brutal.
My outlet for life is the gym , and it has been like that since i became a failure with my income since 2000, the gym is one thing that i am king of, its my domain and my heaven and joy.
You guys should think of something that will give you some strength, life is BS i agree but don’t just lay there and get kicked.
If you have no friend try to be good to the homeless people, say a hi , hello, or give them a surprise dollar once in awhile.. I am broke but i still do that, remember homeless people are in more of hell than we are, always look at how much u have it better than others and count your blessing.
I will be all of your friends!
hey all, another person in the same boat.
I am an 18 year old male currently in first year college. Got one friend, but even that relationship isnt close. I had a few friends in highschool but they diminished before high school got done.
i went through depression for about 5 years. Im coming out of it now, been a lot happier even though my social life has been a lot less (weird eh?). What’s weirder is that i used to tell all my problems to this girl ONLINE who lived on the other side of hte world… sigh, and uh she stopped talking to me after 2.5 years… but ive been a lot happier since she left. We kind of had a romantic fling.
It’s so weird though, i chat to lots of people… Try to most times (sometimes i intentionally avoid ppl) but, everyone is like afraid of me. Im not really shy of anyone. Even people whom I never spoken to before sometimes have a hard time making eye contact with me or speaking to me.
I know something is wrong.. when my one friend doesn’t smile at the sight of me. He hasn’t for awhile, however some others that i talked to have. Sometimes I think it’s impossilbe for me establish strong relationships, and might not be far from the truth. I wonder if Im an annoying fake. Some times i know i can be fake. (Atleast i recognize it…).
Never have had a gf. Mostly cause ive been depressed during those school social years. Now it’s because girls are petrified of me (pretty sure they fidn me creepy, maybe cause im a loner?). I am a good looking guy. I know this… and I know within me I got a good personality. I just don’t know how to get it to it’s full potential. I don’t really care that i havent had a gf or even kissed a girl. Im sure that stuff will come to pass… Of course I’ve always been on the outside looking in. Seeing everyone in their cliques, them looking at pictures of them and friends having good times together. Sometimes i wish i could have pictures like that…
But Just got to look at the positive… Atleast being alone gives you time to do things you otherwise couldnt! Im pretty sure this sadness is just a laspe in my life and will go away, I cant be any more grateful, since I’ve been in the best condition I have been in years. There always ups and downs, kind of like a stock market chart.
Anyway, I dont expect anyone to read this. I know im jumping around blah blah and i basically wrote my life story. It just feels good to get stuff down. I was feeling sad today, and that’s what made me wrtie this…
I think the worst part of being alone is that… when you die, no one will be at your funeral service. That upsets me.
Anyway bless you all and dont fall into arrogance!
Bye.
You know, maybe everyone on this list should make some sort of group and try to get to know each other. I have friends, though I lack the “close” friends that I once had. There are plenty of people I can talk to, but there is a definite change as compared to how things were when I was younger, when you had best friends whom you shared all your experiences with. I think that it’s a function of the way the world is right now – people are forced to specialize, to focus on work, to distrust others. The lack of personal communication, as well as easy access to massive groups via the internet, means that we don’t develop intimate relationships with individuals. We need individuals in our lives, or everything will fall apart. I have a lot to reflect on… used to be I could count out who my best friends were, now I don’t even think I have one.
It’s 3am here, and I can’t sleep. I thought that maybe I just was too wired from work, because that always makes me ‘high energy’ (sarcasm). I’ve had a few beers tonight, thought it might help me sleep, no. So here I am, on this message board that I don’t know, with strangers I don’t know, the only people listening. I went through my cell phone’s address book, thinking of people to call. So I called the only person I thought would: A. Be awake, B. Willing to listen. And that person happens to be about the only friend I have. He wanted nothing to do with me. He was my best friend in school, and now, when I need him, nothing. I’m married, have a child, and that should be good enough. But for the first time in about 2 years I cried tonight. Out of nowhere. Just couldn’t do anything. I tried fighting it for about 20 minutes. I’m not a cryer. I just realized I’ve had it up to the perverbeal *here*, that I can no longer take a”it”. I don’t know what “it” is, but “it” is pissing me off.
I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying, I guess I just understand, and unfortunately I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’m sorry everyone else here has a similar story, and no friends alike. Maybe it’s because no matter how commanding we are, people don’t take us seriously. I can control me, but not what happens to me. I don’t know, maybe I need help. But being man, means not admitting weakness, so this is not an admission, just a venting I suppose.
Lastly, I just wish I had a friend I could have called tonight to have them just say, “Don’t worry man, everything’s gonna be alright! Do you want me to come over, we’ll have a beer, or just a cup of coffee.”
Thanks…
Hi all. I know what its like to have no friends. In my twenties I went thru the same thing. Believe me it wont last forever. I dont know what changed, I had plenty of friends up until I left school. Then I had plenty of friends until the end of my apprenticeship and then I was alone. I`m a computer Tech now and do onsite repairs, so I`m always meeting people who want to be friends with me. This may sound a bit silly but I`ll give it a try. It sounds like you all try too hard. If you stop worrying about it and go about your lives, you will automatically make friends. start a business that involves going to peoples houses, Onsite dog Wash, computer help, (even offer tutoring for older people, they have children) babysitting. anything! If anything it will take your mind off your loneliness and you will gradually become popular thru meeting people. You will be surprised how often you will spend an entire afternoon chatting with a customer. I feel so sad for you all because I know exactly how it feels to be lonely. I once was desperate and suicidal too but it soon passes.Put an ad in your local paper, town Newspaper, mow lawns clean houses, not only will you make money but you will make friends. There are so many ways to start your own business and with it meet people. be confident in yourselves, grow plants, buy bulk lots of seeds for 5 cents each and grow them into $5.00 plants, then sell them at a trash and treasure market. I could go on for ages about ways to make money but especially to meet people. I live in a town of 300 people in rural Victoria, Australia and I have an endless supply of friends Say no to Drugs as it always ends up in despair. Love yourself first, all else follows. Many best wishes to you all. Paul. ratcat17@hotmail.com
Sorry guys I didnt tell you about my current circumstances. I,m with a fabulous woman. I`ve never been married and we have two great kids, (not mine) I would never get married because I believe that its an old tradition that somehow lingers. I believe that if you meet your soulmate, why not exchange vows of tolerance but agreeing to find different paths if you both fall out of love. After all, that`s what divorce is all about, one or the other has fallen out of love but wont admit it. Agree on taking only what you brought with you into the relationship. If you bought things together sell them or one or other partner must pay half the value of the item to the other partner. If you fal in love, wait five years before you live together. I`m serious, If you still love each other after five years you will tolerate living in thje same house as each other. If you get married straight away then buy a house, you will have all the pressure of a mortgage and you will have to get used to your partners little quirks so in two out of three cases you will seperate. Some of you have partners or are already married so I should say this. Take time out for yourself and seek external pleasures from your partner. He/she will listen attentively to what you have been doing and in most cases you will find it helps your relationship. Paul.
Hello everyone. I found this site while performing a web search on the phrase, “have no friends.” This Internet never ceases to amaze me with all the information you can find. I am in my 40’s and sometimes still wonder why I don’t really bond with people. I’ve been around people all my life–in school, church, work, and beyond; but yet still feel an unusual sense of isolation. Like all of you, I’m very nice and have even been told I’m very personable. I try to live by Christian principles and treat people with respect and kindess; but it seems the only time I get a phone call or e-mail from “friends” (I’d rather call them “acquaintances” or “associates”) is when there is a need or a service to be rendered. Otherwise, it’s as though you never come to mind and they never think to call you until then. You begin feeling like a commodity or a “used” item, rather than a true friend.
It’s fact that everyone does not “click” or “connect” with everyone else because of personality or temperment differences, or perhaps because of beliefs, income brackets, ethnicity, or whatever.
The Proverbs in the Bible says something like, “In order to have friends, you must first show yourself friendly.” I always try to practice showing myself friendly, even if it doesn’t yield any true friendships. I won’t grow angry or bitter because of not having a real circle of friends. Even as I type this, emotionally I’m starting to feel better than I have felt in weeks. I sometimes become down about not having friends to go see a movie or go sightseeing with, but I’m thankfue that it’s not to the point I can’t function in my daily life. Sometimes, it’s just “life.” That’s all it is. People just choose to associate with whomever they feel comfortable with. Other times, life is just so hectic and busy, and to widen the circle of friends for some people would be adding on to their already crowded life schedule. The truth is, TRUE friendships take time and work, and most aren’t willing to give either, or so it seems.
But in the midst of it all, I know I have a faithful friend who promises he will never leave or forsake me, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ, for he told me in the Bible, “Lo, I am with you always, even until the end of the world.” Blessings and peace of mind and heart to all of you!
I have no friends or family and never have. I don’t want to depress anyone more than they are already but I was never really able to make friends and as I have got older (in my 50’s now) it hasn’t changed.
As an atheist I have to be careful whenever I speak to people because where I live it seems every other person went to the catholic school and I have found that hostility towards atheists has grown considerably since I was young.
I feel being alone all the time – except for my dog – I am going a but nuts, I talk to myself constantly, by nature I am quite outgoing and like to talk, so as I have no-one to talk to I invent conversations with myself. I wish I could control it.
I think I used to be normal but now I suspect I look and act a bit odd so my chances of anyone wanting to hang out with me are even less than before.
If I was a man I am sure I would visit hookers as even that company would be better than nothing but there is nothing available to women so each day is an endurance test to cope with alone.
I understand completely. I think the problem is that we try to please others instead of pleasing ourselves. People are drawn towads strength. Have beliefs and strong opinions, and stick by them (without bending them to seem polite)!! And if you seem out of place where you live then move! (It’s what i did.) We have one life to live.
Im the Same 18, when i left school no one contacted me only 2 ppl oonce and nothing since, ive always had a group of mates and 1 best friend till year 11 but i was never invited out to partys sleepovers and clubs, pubs, cinemas, shopping general things. i wasnt invited out for new years i did nothing for my birthday i never have done anyhhting with friends as no ones cared. iv had a few boyfriends nothing long term as im shy, my confidence is terrible now, i was bulied by popular girls for stupid reasons, im not ugly or anyhting but i dnt no what to do i havent been out in over a year to parts or an social gathering, i have noone to talk 2 on msn, no neighbours or old childhood friends. my family tell me to go out and get friends vbut i dnt no how, im too shy constantly think bout how do i look bet they think im ugly, and feeling completly uncomfortable in every way, i hate walking past people in the street, i dnt no where to look, id love to have atleast 1 person who cared for me, i do the same thing day in day out wich involved no contact with people or friends type situation. i just want to cry.
I am 16 years old. I’m a Junior in highschool and will be starting on the football team next year. Yet, I still have no friends. In school I probably appear to be one of the popular kids, because I talk to everyone and hang out with the “popular people.” But, nobody invites me to do anything outside of school. In Illinois I had many friends, I basically lived at their house. But after my freshman year, we moved to Texas and at first, finding friends was easy. For about the first 2 months of school, all I did was go out with friends(mainly to smoke…)but when my parents found out and grounded me, everything seemed to fall apart. Even after I was off of punishment nobody invited me to do anything outside of school. I went through my whole sophomore at home, doing whatever, but never with friends. And so far, my Junior year is the exact same. I’m hoping that when I get my license things will change, but my parents seem reluctant to take me to get it. I don’t know what to do I’m just glad I found this site so that I may have people to talk to. Maybe I can find someone out there like me, and we can hang out.
I am 41 and feel so lonely. I have a dysfunctional family who cause nothing but heartache and people around me take me for granted. I do things for others, show concern and help them in times of need, bit it seems to be a one way street. People are very selfish and self absorbed. I have a good husband and lovely boy of 8 but I sometimes feel so worthless.
Take heart all you lonely ones out there, the world does not deserve you.
I’m 22 and am currently in my final year of college @ a Big Ten school. In high school I was voted most friendliest, was on the prom/homecoming court, and felt like i had a billion friends. After high school ended, i held on to a core group of 4-5 friends, and we sort of drifted away from the rest of my high school social network. This had a lot to do with weed, as we smoked up nearly every day. I came to college and started dating a girl from my high school who went to the same college. I never developed any friendships with ppl at my university. I would go out semi-often, and hang out with my g/f’s friends, or my roommates friends, but never had any friends of my own. No one to call up and just hang out and play some vids or whatnot. If my g/f wants to go hang out with her friends, i’m stuck alone on a fri nite and it’s embarrassing and depressing. I can choose to go hang out with my roommate and his friends, but i always feel like an outsider, so that’s not much better. I don’t understand what happened…it used to be so easy to make new friends. i try not to think about it…i tell myself that i like being alone. the truth hurts, so we lie. :(
I am a high school freshman and I have a lot of casual friends, but not one best friend or a certain clique. This makes me anxious and I have had depression for a couple weeks because my close friends from elementary and middle school never hang around with me anymore. I feel hopeless sometimes, and am desperate search for a good group to hang out with. I think I am a great girl, have awesome grades, am nice, funny. So why do I have so few friends? Should I join a sport or club or something. I can’t stand how crowded my high school is and want a best friend. I am really close with my mom and brother, but I want to get closer with people at my school and my own age.
Wow, that felt really good to get all of these feelings out.
Actually Raj I have lived in three different countries and over 20 different towns, villages and cites.
Bearing in mind I lives in the same town until I was 25 that’s a lot of moving in 28 years.
Could be that is part of the problem – I never did fit in but now I just don’t belong anywhere.
I have lived in my present country/town for about 18 months, I can’t move at present for various reasons including money and dogs but I don’t expect to be here two years from now.
By the way being alone is a very hard life every day and gets even harder as I get older but moving alone is one of the hardest things I do.
There is going to be a time when I won’t be able to do it alone anymore, I have a constant worry about what would happen if I ever had an accident or needed to go to hospital, who would look after my dogs and how would the bills get paid. I find it best to just get through life one day/hour/minute at a time.
PS:
Holding and keeping strong views can be dangerous – wasn’t Madeline Murray O’Hare the ”most hated women in American” and lived with constant death threats and abuse.
She did at least have the support of family, friends, benefactors and an organisation. Being threatened, abused and harassed when you are alone without any support or protection is another story.
Talk is cheap and easy the real world is rather different.
My entry will definitely be the longest, though not necessarily the most tragic or enthralling.
I’m so surprised this latest comment was made so recently. Usually when I stumble upon and read “confessional” entries on sites like these, whether they are meant for confessional entries or not, they are years old and I wonder what’s happened to the people since. This is odd.
Reading through all of these has made me cry several times, but I guess it’s good to cry over someone other than myself once in a while. I can relate to a few of you, though most seem to have it much harder. I never used to think people could just *not have* friends, but there are so many of us, aren’t there? No one should have to be lonely like this.
I’m a junior in high school and I have no friends. I had friends my freshman year, a small and fairly tight group; we met in middle school and became friends out of a common shyness. We eventually became more confident around eachother. The relationships were not ever extraordinarily supportive or sentimental, but now I realize how much having friends affects your confidence, and your enjoyment of life in general.
I moved away after my freshman year. It’s a common teenage problem, but I seem to be dealing with it quite poorly. Sometime during the summer (when I moved), I broke off contact with all of them. I didn’t feel any need to chat idley with them. A number of them made calls (multiple by each) and left messages, but I never called back. I have a terrible fear of the phone, and any other sort of one-on-one conversation where escape is difficult and the pressure is on me to be witty and interesting. A few also tried to contact me over the internet. I’ve gone out of my way to avoid them. I’m convinced now I don’t miss them, as people, at all. I felt guilty for neglecting them at first, but I know now they were only contacting me out of boredom. After reflecting upon what our friendship was like, I realized that the only thing that held us together was our crude sense of humor. We harrassed people and did stupid things and broke minor rules together, like a group of immature guys would.
I only miss the abstract notion of friendship: being physically WITH someone, having a group to just be AROUND and to make me feel like I have an identity. I feel like a terrible person for not genuinely missing them, and I feel even worse for missing such empty relationships, which I was obviously only interested in for my own enterainment and self-confidence purposes. Maybe I’m too emotionally undeveloped for real friendship? Are some people just not “wired” properly, to be able to connect with others as individuals? Besides autistic kids. I don’t think I’m autistic. I want to like someone but I just don’t.
I don’t even have a reason to go to school anymore. My grades are shit because I lack any sort of motivation beyond not wanting to be yelled at. It seems pointless to strive for a well-paying career and successful future, as I doubt I will be happy regardless of what I accomplish. I have always considered personal relationships the most important things in life, but I realize now I have never really had any meaningful ones.
When I registered for my new school, my counselor told me that I would most definitely begin making friends in a matter of weeks. I know school counselors are paid to say things like that, but thinking about it just rubs in the fact that it’s been about two years and I still have no one. I accidentally convinced a certain religious girl, or she convinced herself, that we were good friends, but luckily it was broken off before it went on too long. I’m quite sure she was only trying to convert me, but I feel bad for leading her on anyway. I’m afraid to try and make friends now, because I will be stuck hanging out with and being pleasant to people I don’t like. It’s hard for me to outright tell someone I dislike them, but not saying so is basically lying. It’s such a dilemma.
Like Aaron, for the past two years or so of no real friendship I have often talked to a certain someone online who lives on the other side of the earth. I’d given up on “internet people” outside of him. I guess I would have considered him a friend at some point, but for the majority of our knowing eachother he has repeatedly hurt my feelings, and probably I, his. It’s like some kind of emotionally abusive marriage. I have clinged to him because I have needed him, and I could usually convince myself he cared about me up until now. He doesn’t display much interest in my problems, as petty as they are, and it hurts. He thinks I’m a stupid kid. And I don’t have enough energy to try and entertain him. He has his own shit to deal with, anyway. I worry about him all the time and I still feel like I love him. We’re just “drifting apart”, mostly my fault. It’s quite painful. I’ve been able to cope with being lonely in the real world, to some extent, with him. Now I’m just falling apart. When you don’t even have online friends you’re just utterly, utterly alone.
im 18 it was my birthday the other day and i did nothing but have dinner with my parents (not a word said) i had good friends in high school but lost all contact when it finished. i did have another group of friends a few years older than me but they worked all week and when the weekend came around they’ed never call me. i havent had a single friend for a year ive become affraid of talking to people and affraid of looking at people in the eyes, ive had one girlfriend. when i do meet people at work and stuff i fell like they arnt interested in the conversation so relationships are never formed i am very nice to and i hate how nice people never have and friends and the wankers and jerks all ways have a hot girlfriend and a big group of mates. it kills me
I have no friends, i like to keep myself to myself, live with my parents and dont work :)
I feel terrible and had no idea that so many people felt a lot like I do. I am 22 years old and just graduated college and returned home. It was difficult becuase I met my first and only girlfriend 1 year prior to going away to school. I live in Illinois and my colege was 750 miles away in north dakota. Things went well though becuase I flew home every 3 day weekend, holidays, and summer. College wa so-so. I didnt really make any friends untill my last year which sucked. Then 2 months prior to graduation my girlfriend of over 5 years decides to cheat on me with a guy in a band and then a high school drop out druggie. I garduated school last december and returned home to zero friends since all were up at college. I now have no job or girlfriend either. My days now consist of surfing the net and watching tv. It so boring and depressing. Plus it hurts so bad thinking about my ex on top of that. I was planning on graduating and comming home to ask and her to marry me. Like many, I have always been very shy and had trouble making friends. I used to be much worse and have improved immensly, but still I have no socail life or social support. Since all of us on here have so much in common, why dont we talk to each other for support. My yahoo and aim id is brandon198406, feel free to message me anytime. I know what its like to struggle being shy and not having friends to help support you.
Nice to know there are other people out there who have similar problems and are willing to share them. I used to feel like I was a useless, unwanted anomaly, and I blamed myself for it. Sometimes I still do.
I’m a college frosh, and since middle school I don’t think I’ve had any close friends, just casual ones. Moving to a different city for high school probably didn’t help. It really sucks to not even have a single person to hang out with on a regular basis, and not really understand why that is. Sometimes I just feel this deep, desperate desire to pour my heart out to someone, which I’m sure you can all relate to. And when I find that there’s no one, I want to cry.
I considered committing suicide in high school, but I felt that would be letting my mom down a bit. So I’ve always tried to distract myself, or find things to concentrate on – school, mostly. Don’t know how the rest of you deal. I guess making posts like these is sorta therapeutic.
Isn’t it funny how we all feel so alone, not having any friends. But yet it is very clear we are not alone at all, there are tons of people just like us.
I am 24 and happily married – but have no friends outside of my husband, who is my world.
Sometimes I feel like I have forgotten how to be friends with anyone. I have a great personality & am very friendly, but I have a hard time getting close to people or letting people get close to me.
I work with some great people & consider them aquanitences – but no more. I dont talk with any of them outside of work.
How can we better connect with each other? Where does everyone live? Anyone got a myspace?
I live in Arizona, USA
I do have a myspace – http://www.myspace.com/jenaust
It is set to private, but feel free to message me and add me to your friends list.
I’m 25 and I don’t really have friends either. I’ve tried to join clubs, and organizations to meet people. It just seems like people are so busy. Nobody has time to catch a movie, or go for coffee. So much of what you all are say sounds similar to what I feel, and am going through.
Hey I am 19 (20 in 14 days) and I have no friends. I am going to spend yet another year by myself. If any of you have any suggestions that would be great. According to my bebo page, I have 149 friends but they are nothing but acquaintances. I had no friends in junior school but in secondary school I always had close friends who I could tell everything to. They were a shoulder to cry on. But when I make friends I totally rely on that person for everything, which isn’t right at all. I had a best friend for 8 years and a boyfriend for 3 years of that and all of a sudden I had no-one. Neither of the 3 of us talk anymore and we haven’t for the last year.
Just as those friendships were ending I met this girl I work with, she is lovely. We grew friends really quickly. We did everything together. But one day a new girl started in the job and I feel she has stolen my best friend. I only see her once a week now; we don’t go out driving or drinking anymore. People in college think I am really popular because I talk to everyone. I float around the groups but I have no real close bond with anyone. Even though I talk to all these people in college when it comes to going out at the weekend not one person seems to invite me. I am a tad bit loud and love attention but that is only because I don’t get it anywhere else. I have a close bond with my parents and sisters but I need a person or group of friends who I can talk to, ring during the night if something is wrong.
I am nice to everyone, I loan people money, am always a shoulder to cry on and I am there for all my “friends”. But none of them are there for me when I need them. I think one of the reasons I don’t have any friends is because I tried to kill myself 2 years ago and when I get drunk I tell new people I meet this story. This stops them becoming my friend I think I don’t know though.
How are there so many of us out there that feel like this? I thought I was the only one. We need to form a group in our own country for people like us who need someone to talk to. We must do something. With so many people on the world no-one should be lonely. Thanks for taking time to read my life x
I’m glad that i found all of you and i know exactly what some of you are going through.
I am 23 years old and i havent had any friends outside my family. I’ve been going to a jr. college for about 2 years now, but im too shy to talk to anyone. I never know what to say, and if i do say something i feel akward. I don’t know what else to say, but i feel hopeless.
If you want to hear the bitchiest whining ever, read on.
I’m just another quarterlife loser kid out of college back home to live with parents, with no job, no friends, and no support network, aside from ol’ google. Lately I realize that my entire existence has been a downward spiral ever since I was born. Everything I tell you is the truth.
Ever since I was a little kid, I was a sore loser, and a lone wolf. For recess I walked in circles alone with my head lowered to the ground– literally. The insects were my companions then. In high school, I hung out in the library alone in the back, so I could carve bad words into a desk. Right now, I’d really like to make friends online, just any old platonic companion, but I can’t seem to even figure that out. I’ve tried yahoo chatrooms– people there just plain scare me. They are no different from normal people- they have their own world going on, and they leave outsiders in the dust. Not like I have anything in common with anybody in the entire world.
In college I made no friends. Tried the fencing team, anime clubs. No one liked me. And I was a really bad fencer anyway. I lost to a 4 foot tall fat Hawaiian girl at a novice tournament. And then I had a nervous breakdown, and completely embarrassed myself. Everyone laughed at me. Anyway, I’m not surprised no one likes me because I have a creepy stalker vibe that I can’t seem to wear off. And I’m so poor a thespian that the one time I tried acting preppy creeped people out even more.
I believe I am the way I am, because I DO in fact fear people deeply. I always think that people are out to judge me, and I don’t want to expose how big of a loser I am to anybody at all, and that’s why I barely do anything with other people. My only support network are my parents. Though I love them deeply, my parents rub in my loser status constantly and still treat me like a kid. I have to thoroughly explain what I am doing whenever I go out, they tell me when to go to bed, they make me exercise, I have to “wear a jacket when it’s cold,” a hat when it’s sunny, and they tell me when to brush my teeth still. It’s ridiculous.
Job-wise, being unemployed for nine months can really wear out your self-esteem and social skills. Just ordering a pizza ON THE PHONE makes me sweaty nervous. Despite this I always try hard at everything I do, I want the respect of other people deeply. I that’s why I studied aerospace engineering, which is a very difficult major. I went into it with not much science talent, or pure curiosity in the first place. I gave it my all just to get by with C’s, but I graduated with NO JOB PROSPECTS at all. Not even temp agencies want to interview me. In fact, the entire time I have been unemployed I haven’t even gotten ONE in-person interview. NOT EVEN ONE. And since I’ve never held any job experience or social skills of any kind I can’t even get a job at Borders. I am more useless than a pet rock.
I am in no way hedonistic at all. I adopt a life of extreme temperance. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, and I am a vegetarian. I barely spend money. I always try to be helpful to anyone I come across. I spend my free time perfecting my drawing skills, and piano playing, but in truth I know I’m very poor at these things. My parents and other family members share the same opinion. I just completely suck.
If you haven’t figured this out already I am also a virgin to the extreme. Never had a girl, never been kissed, never held hands with a lady. The ensuing sexual/romantic frustration has completely warped how I perceive women in a negative way that is too depressing to dwell on. I don’t look women in the eyes even. I am literally writing a manifesto- lets just say it’s the antithesis of the SCUM Manifesto. I think about my small penis size a lot, and I draw hentai of Gadget to solve my sexual problems (as my parents filter porn out of our internet).
I must be masochistic, because for every situation I must explore its negative connotations to the extreme. I constantly think of lazy yuppie Harvard communications grads with six-packs F***ing “babes” atop a high rise penthouse speaking fluent Urdu. I do this most often when I am awake, and cannot get out of bed. I usually cannot get out of bed until I need to pee which could take hours of not doing anything. Though many of you may be depressed at not having friends, at least you have a shred of respect for yourself in not being pathetic as I am- a man, perhaps less a man and more a callow toddler, with nothing but spite and this censored internet to vent.
P.S. Did I mention I don’t know how to swim, I still play with action figures, and that dairy products give me horrible gas?
I feel the same way Michael! I never know what to say to people and I feel akward when I do say somthing. I moved around a lot before college so i never made any closer long term friends. I try to make friends but I dunno. I guess im to ugly or somthing who knows. i use to be real depressed but now i am like who cares atleast i can get through college w/ out distractions….I really stay to busy with school to even have a social life. So i dont care any more
Hi im 16 and anorexic. this is probably why ppl at school think im a weirdo or that im a freak .
Im nice, and cheery, talkative, sociable, gets along well etc. the usual. But i just can’t ge tover not having any friends.
I have maybe 1 or 2 friends. but i dont know if i can consider them best friends, friends or just school mates.
it hurts not having any friends and even my family doesnt seem to understand that.
I have almost given up on making friends now because all that happens is a brief chat and nothing else.
Im so envious of my brother because he seems to get evrything i dont. friends, best friends, suol mates, scessful jobs. etc…
I have always had the raw end of the stick and still do.
I hurts so much not being able to have friends. I try not to think but its make sit worse. even staying at home with my parents feels so depressing and boring.
I want to get out, and have fun, party, go out, enjoy what life has to offer but i cant. because i have no one to be with me.
On days i feel like this i just cant be happy and that brings ppl down to my level making ppl avoid me.
Sometimes i try to kill myself on a usual basis but i always end up waking up in hospital or getting caught.
I just cry because sometimes thats all i feel like doing.
I dont want to be a loner, i dont want to be alone and worst of all i dont want to become a hermit when i grow up.
Im so lonely.
I used to have friends in high school, but not anymore. I try to be friendly towards people, but I’m very quiet. I’m awkward and not very talkative around people that I don’t know. I never know what to say to people and when I do talk, I usually end up feeling like I’ve said something stupid. I have no one to go to movies or concerts with. Most of the time, I don’t let it bother me. But sometimes I just feel so lonely that I cry.
I can really relate to jt… I try to be nice to people, but I just cant think of anything to say to people I don’t know that good, especially when its with several people at once…I just let the others speak, I’m too shy to speak up in a group of more than one person.
I have absolutely no friends:(
I have had a boyfriend for almost 3 months now, and it really bothers me that I cant think of anything to say to his frends or family…I’m so afraid they wont like me because of that, or think I’m weird… what should I do? :(
All i can say is this its better to be yourself and not conform just to have friends rather than be a fake ass loser who acts, talks, walks like another person and is not their true self. I suffer from a bad case of tinnitus and my ears are pretty jacked up and thats life but I do hit the gym 5 days a week and powerlift.
Remember screw people if they don’t like you, these people are worthless and YOU hold the real value, although im not 100% religious..it does not hurt to go to some kind of gather based on whatever your faith is. You don’t have to be alone, i am alone because I have given up on people and i spend my time either in the gym or wrting marketing materials in a starbucks…FK people if they don’t like you, what makes them so special? Nothing, i have a brother who was spoon fed up da azz and is 100% fake and always lies, the most popular people are the ones that lie the most and have the lowest selfesteem.
I used to be in a relationship with a gal from engalnd and she was so beautiful and we met in college, i neglected all my friends and just had s*x with her for 4 years non stop and then we burned our romance due to too much s*x and that was that.
I have not been with a woman for 7 years and this is all because i became broke and had to live the folks, remember life goes on.
my point of the girlfriend rant was that she was a perfect 10 in beauty but also a perfect 10 in shallowness and lack of selfesteem…she always had to choose friends that were either fatter, uglier or not as smart.
we all have lots of problems, all people do, but just remember that having no friends is ok compared to being homeless and having no friends, no food and no clothing in a cold winter night.
My tinnitus has ruined my life but i have got to the point where i say fk it, even if i go deaf i will not be 100% controlled.
You can go after your dreams, fk people if they don’t like you, you don’t need fake azz people that pretend..
ps- im moving out of my folks home soon and i need to catchup on my 7 years of no s*x…..ill be OK and you can too…..be proud my friends and you will be ok
ok,,,im done :)
Hi Everyone, I started this blog http://nofriendweb.blogspot.com/
I thought maybe we could all keep in touch this way. I’m not always the best at updating my blog (s)(’cause I have such a busy social life. :) )
Hi – It is somewhat strange that most of us are 20 something females! What is going on here?!
I always had lots of friends and never was lonely growing up, I always had a “best friend”! Starting about 7th grade, I started partying, and getting into trouble..so obviously, I was not the Happiest kid! I was abused by an ex-stepfather for many years which I believe has a lot to do with why I was troubled.. Anyway, I did a lot of partying up until 21 – when I found out I was pregnant – It completely turned my life around! All of my friends and my “best friends” were into partying still, and that was all that I really knew, being that I started so young! So, to say the least – they still party and we don’t have much in common anymore.
I have always had a job since 14, so working and supporting my beautiful daughter are the things I put the most effort into.
I am happy with the way things have turned around, I think I am doing great career wise for my age, having not gone to college especially. And I believe I am a good mother . I also havce a live-in bf of almost three years, we are very happy and in love – although tthe problem is that he works A LOT and I am ALONE w/ my daughter constantly, unless I am at work, I work 1st shift & he is working 2nd shift.
I find it very hard to make new friends…it seems people just really arent all that interested.. I am very friendly, very honest, and I am not too quiet or shy, I am attractive and into fashion.
I dont think I have much in common w/ anyone – being my past, and other mommys, etc… It is just hard to meet new people when you are either at work or stuck at home with a kid!!
I dont see myself becoming close to anyone on the job. I get along with mostly everyone.
I go to my sister’s house nearly every Friday and our children play together – she always has friends over, and I don’t really feel that I fit in w/ most of them, they are all younger, and don’t care about money or career goals, etc.
I am glad to see that I am not the only one that feels this way, and I hope we can all make new friends soon!
Thanks
I am 28 yrs old and just married my boyfriend of 8 years. I have never had no more than 1-2 close friends but seems like the older I get the harder is to make friends. The friends I had in highschool and in college do not return my calls. I call them every once in a while to check on them but they never call me. I feel left out in every social event that I attend rather it be at work or at family functions. I sometimes feel that I am not close to anyone anymore. My phone never rings and nobody wants to be around me. Sometimes I feel like my husband avoids being around me. Even my kids say that I am boring. I dont know what happened.
I have no friends. I’m a very nice person as everyone who’s ever met me says but none of them want to become close friends. I’ve had a Few in the past but in every close friendship I was taken advantage of and, because I’m so passive they got away with horrendous actions and statements. And i take it because I get tired of being alone. But eventually I can’t and I’ll get rather depressed and suicidal because of the rudeness of people around me or the fact that there Are no people around. I would give anything I thik to just have someone to confide in but I feel thats never gonna happen for me. I’m a uh, modern time spinster who will end up living alone with all my pets. Anyway it seems liek alot of us feel alone and from what I’ve read a lot of you seem to be really nice people that aren’t appreciated. I’m sorry for that because I go through it too. Anyway My aol messenger is IvyStephWhite, and yahoo is quietandproud if anyone wants or needs someone to talk to.
I read this web page with great interest; and I have strong statements to make, but with facts to back them up. This will help you better understand life. Myself, I have had many friends over the years who have come and gone. I have come to the conclusion that, because everyone has their own problems, people are too drowned in their own problems and in SELF interest such that any friends who do not advance their cause is not worthy of their time. this is d truth. currently, i have no close friends and i am happy that way. i am not cynical – wen friends get too close, jealousy, betrayal and backstabbing become almost inevitable. some facts:
1. Jesus Christ is the one and only through Friend, Friend to everyone, all you need to do is to believe by faith. Only Him can bring REAL human friends across your path. Just try what I have just said! Invite Him to your life.
2. Nobody really cares about your success as much as you do. Most of your “friends” would secretly wish to see you fail.
3. Friends come and go – you must keep making new friends; but in any case, you have got to realize that there is a limit to what your friends can do for u and vice versa.
Personally, i would rather die a loner than beg for friends.
need any assistance from me, drop me a line
I’m 20, male, and have no real friends. Dozens of people, most of whom I’ve met on the internet, claim to be my friends but have no interest in spending time with me in reality, even though we have in the past. I try hard to be a nice guy, help people and be likeable, but still find it impossible to make friends. I think to make friends you have to feel good about yourself. If you can’t be your own friend, then nobody else will either. Having been chronically depressed from an early age, I hate myself with a vigor that has led me, in the past, to injure myself and amputate my fingers. With a background like this it’s unlikely I’ll ever have any real friends, and I’m pretty much resigned to my fate. Some people just aren’t supposed to have friends. Suicide is the socially responsible thing to do in this situation. But since nobody likes you anyway, why kill yourself to make them happy?
I can definately relate to a bunch of you..I personally had a ton of friends in high school and dated lots of girls..Right before I was suppose to graduate my buddy did some stupid shit which got us both arrested and changed my life forever…A couple of my other friends got lost in meth and locked up themselves…my gf at the time was really messed up and vented all her BS on me which eventually destroyed our relationship… I made it into college and thought it would be an awesome chance to start over and it was the first year in the dorms meeting a ton of people…we partied alot and had good times…the second year (right now) shit hit the fan..the funny party guy who got along with eveyone turned into the drunk asshole who starts and talk shit….I’ve lost a ton of friends by being an idiot when im drunk…prob is now I can’t stop drinking becuase thats the only thing that takes the edge off of reality..so now I’m stuck without any friends..everyone already has all their clicks and it’s really hard to be HAPPY and OUTGOING when your so depressed and pissed off…
Nobody wants to be friends with people who are depressed and have issues. So one day I just decided to say fuck the world and not give a shit anymore. I used to care so much about what people think of me, how i looked/dressed all the time, sitting next to someone I know in class, blah blah…now I could a give a damn about society and how unfair it is…I mean I have a roomie who smokes weed all day and is flunking out of school and he has managed to connect with tons of people (other stoners of course but still!)
I definately agree that going to the gym helps! It allows you to get all that extra energy out and have some human interaction. I just can’t wait until I’m 21 and I can go to the bars and find some chick fucked up like me :)
I’m 20, female, and tell myself I love solitude.
Try to believe its better without friends.. been hiding away for like 6 years.
I found pot when I was 14.. it was then that I realised I dislike myself. I stopped going to school.. and staying at home smoking pot was my life now.
By the time I was 15 I was addicted to pot and had already had my arm stitched up.. and i didnt even cut myself for attention, because i knew id only be called an idiot. I seriously freaked myself out.. how could i do this to myself?
When I was 17 my clothes got darker and so did my mind. The only good thing that year (2004) is that I stopped smoking pot.
Depression got worse.. 2004-2005.
I could only hide in the dark for so long.. the year is 2006 and I still wasnt really going out of the house.. but i was kinda positive and started to look at myself more – I wanted to change and do something.. ya know, be happy.
Sadly i still didnt go out much and That state of mind lasted for like 6 months.
I got glasses in december 06 (im short sighted) I see everything clearer.. and Im getting sick of being alone and hiding.
I HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR TOO LONG.
I currently smoke a little bit of pot.. and im bored – I have no confidence .
Ive never had a job.. i know i have to make a change right now. where do i start..I cant hide anymore. Im sick of being weak. but i know i am the only one that can help myself.. i dont know where to start.
I currently go to a councilling once a month but its hard to talk about myself. I wanna learn to love mysellf.. I know once I do I can start to love others.
If you have any advice: frozenqueen05@gmail.com
Ditto to all. I am 27, married, 2 kids, and lonely. My life is fulfilling except there is one empty place and that is where I wish I had a best friend. Someone to talk to and hang out with. Someone that would call me first with a problem or when they are happy. I dress mainstream, I used to be told I am attractive in my dating years, I, like all of you, always try to be as nice as can be and never offensive. I think that is one thing we all have in common and maybe that is our problem somehow, whether or not that makes sense. I don’t really think it does. Well, when I was young I decided I wanted to be the ‘down to earth, nice’ type of person and so that is who I am today. Now I wish I would have decided to be funny or more outgoing. I think having no friends also can make people act sorta wierd in social situations. I know I have said some things I wish I didn’t. It further isolates us. My 2 boys love me now, but at this rate, I cannot help but think that they, like everone else, will grow up and grow further away from me and that kills me. This sucks.
I can realte to almost everyone of you. I am 19 and am in college and completely alone, no friends, no girlfriend, no life for that matter all I do is sit in my dorm room and either look out the window at people walking by or go for a jog through the campus. I have a VERY hard time talking to people and only had 2 friends through high school that i treated with the best respect only to find out that the one that was supposed to room with me left me for a fraternity 1 week before school started (have not talked to him since) and the other got involved in drugs and ditched me for his drug buddies (have not even seen him in a year now). I am not suicidal or a weirdo just exteremly depressed because i see happy personable people around every corner while i walk by myself in a state of deppersion that is slowly turing into anger. I wanted to bring my dog from my house to live in my room but found out that animals are not allowed in on-campus housing. The only person left that i feel freindship in is my brother, so i travel home every weekend after my classes are over to see him which sadly enough even makes me feel more depressed because i feel like a complete loser going home while other kids are talking about the big bash they are going to that night. I gives me comfort to see that other people have the same feelings as i do, hopefully both mine and eveybody else’s life’s will become much happier through time, or at least we will be able to accept what we are more easily. Thanks for reading this if you did.
Reading these posting in tears…. I can relate to some of what all of you have said. I am so sick of my situation. I feel as though I always, almost get to a certain point in my life and then my social issues hinder me from reaching my full potential. Do I like it? NO!! But I feel as though I am trapped and I can’t seem to find my way out of this slump. I am always portrayed as being quiet, but I really would like to be outgoing. This is the only place where I can vent and really and express my true feelings. I refuse to believe I have some type of social disorder…but if not what is it.? I am a Christian and I hope and pray that we all can find peace with in ourselves and our lives. Thank you for reading. I feel better now:)
Sorry meant to put this in my first post. If anyone wants to drop me an e-mail it is toolfanaticm@aol.com (yes, i am a very huge Tool fan). I dont do facebook or any of that kind of crap because i dont want to make myself feel any more of a loser than i already am when i look at my friends list and see 0.
I am 19yrs old and i feel da same way. I feel incredibly lonely, with low self esteem, and i have been suffering from cynic deppression for 2 yrs now ever since i left high school. It was so different back in high school i used to have tonnes of friends, i was never left out and i felt really good.Things have changed after high school. Basically these days i only keep in touch wit 3 of my friends back from high school. But da fact dat i have very little friends makes me incredibly lonely and deppressed.It sux to be deppressed when ur a teenager, it supposed to be da best days of ur life bein a teen and being deppressed in my age is no good.I cant imagine wat it would be like though in 10 yrs from now when im 30yrs old, runnin my own business and a family to take care off. I feel lonely especially on the weekends when it seems everyone is partying and having a good time when im at home watching da whole Rocky- Rocky 5 all over again.
Sometimes i can be out goin but i jst say so many stupid things dat ppl jst get bored or get annoyed of me. I struggle to maintain a lasting friendship for more dan a year. I have never been kissed, let alone having a girlfriend in my life. I am not dat bad looking but im jst not good wit girls. Deppression and loneliness is da worst feeling of all. Deppression is getting to serious dat its stopping me from doing da things dat i want and need to do in life. Deppression makes me take days off from work or uni, from seeing my friends i jst feel so numb. But its not only dat i feel lonely, life is jst so overwhelming for me. It gives me da feeling dat every1 is better dan me and it makes me feel worthless and useless.
I need help guys ive spent two yrs seeing my concillor but nothing seems to work, i dont know guys how to snap out from my deppression. Im jst scared dat as days go by im running out of time to get rid of deppression and soon i would start running out of things to do in life. Im scared about da future. I also feel lonely because im a foreigner living in australia. I jst feel different to all australians, no one seems to understand me.
I need help!!!!!
Hey Heggy Happy 20th Birthday mate!!!!
feel free guys to send me an email on kingofthejungle87@hotmail.com
my life is fucket up i dont have no friends my family dont care i wish life was fun but i thank these is my fate i dont no how too act around people im alone 100% of the time im 18 i youst to have friends but thay left one by one im at the start of my life with no body so how its goin too end
Joseph keep focusing on what you want, a family and your own business. Don’t lose sight of that and try to stay positive and things will fall into place. We attract what we are and if we can stay positive and keep our heads up and smile even when we are sad and lonely then we can get through the rocky times. At times I have felt so sad that I cried and thought about how if I died nobody would miss me and that my hubby and kids would find someone to replace me and eventually they too would not care(that was the depression talking). I got through that although it could come back. I just keep going and try to stay positive and try to fulfill all the things that I can even if there is something missing. I think someday I will be close to more people but right now I will just worry about the things that I can change and do for myself.
Life becomes pointless without friends. I am 19 years old, these are supposeed to be the best years of my life – my youth. I’m drifting like a boat without a sail. Every day is a neverending blur. I don’t care about anything anymore. I lost all of my friends around 7 months ago – I went though an extremely severe bout of depression / anorexia. All of my ‘friends’ left me. Now i’m wandering aimlessly through life. I don’t know what I like/ dislike. I am only taking one course in school and I don’t work. So the rest of the time I am alone in my large empty house, willing away the endless hours, the realization that my youth is endlessly ticking away haunting me. I just don’t care anymore. What’s the point in trying, nobody wants to be my friend – everyone already has their own friends (who am I anyways). And then when they see me leeching on to them they will ask ‘well where are your friends’ and I will have to admit the horrid, bland truth that I have none and that would be enough to drive most people away.
I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I have done everything to try and make my life interesting: learning a new language, taking music lessons, and nothing works. I lose interest almost instantly. I have been to councilling but nothing works so I end up cutting or drinking. This life is pure hell. The only way I can describe it is like a boat without a sail – you just float wherever and it all looks the same and in the end you give up trying to direct the boat. God help me.
I feel so much better after finding this, really. It comforts me to know that i am not alone in my aloneness. I am 23, I work and go to school, and in neither place have I come across anyone to whom I can really relate. Also, I was dumped about 8 months ago by a guy with whom I had a 4 year relationship. Any friends that I’ve had since highschool or from then talked just stop calling, and after a period of unreturned phonecalls, i start wondering what’s wrong with me. I try to follow up, but make sure not to smother anyone. Its weird, I never had this problem before. It gets heavy and I get depressed, even suicidal, and everything just seems to get worse. For the most part, I am positive, and I really care about people, and I just don’t know what to do.
It seems that every”friendship” i have always turns out bad…im not a bad person, i know im not, I am 20 yrs old… i listen to peoples problems, i dont argue….i recently lost a friendship for something that i think was so stupid. We both used to hangout alot, laugh about stupid things…i actually thought i found a “best friend” for the first time in my life, but then it all just went downhill…i really dont know exactly what happened, but she probably hates me now…its gotten to the point where i just dont believe in having friendships anymore, especially with females, ive lost that trust. I feel that theyre all just so dramatic, and full of crap…i hate people who have alot of friends, i hate myself for being alone…i dont go out like i used to, my weekends are spent at home or out somewhere with my family…im not saying thats a bad thing, i really do appreciate my family ALOT, i love them, but i do wish i had a friend…someone i can tell secrets to, my problems, make jokes that only we understand…i dont have that, and i think i never will.
I am 33 yo and have no friends, I met a really great friend but no more, Because I was so use to not having any friends I did not know how to handle the friendship and teh person who was my best friend is no more, I guess that I must resign myself that I will always be alone with no one to do anything with. The worst part is during the holidays and my birthday…no cards or phone calls and by myself, nobody seems to know that I exist. I try to always be nice and outgoing and portray a happy demeanor, but its exhausting because inside I am empty and cold. I am always by myself, no one to see a movie with or go to dinner with, there are so many things that I would like to do but dont as I have nobody to share the experience with. I wish it would change but at this point I guess it wont. It makes life very long and very pointless.
I’m 16…short for my age….and have no friends. I’ve never had a girlfriend….never had someone to talk to when I was depressed….never had someone to get into trouble with….well, except my brothers :)..but I feel sad. I have low confidence and want to hang out with someone and you know…get a girlfriend but no girl would ever go for me….I’m 4’10 and 16…I’m not a midget but I’m just a late grower….I’ll sprout up soon but it’s just sad. I used to attend regular school….feeling embarraseed and shy because of my height, but now I’m home shooled …..
It’s early Sunday morning – March 11th – and I’ve got one thing to write to all you really young people out there with no friends: try to figure out how to get some before it’s too late! I’m a 50 year old, self-described “loner” but it’s gotten to the point where when the weekend comes, sometimes I don’t talk to a single human being other than maybe a checker at the grocery store. Seriously! I haven’t been on a date since September 2000, although people at work tell me I’m attractive enough and young-looking for my age – I’ve even had some of those people tell me I’m funny. But outside of ONE best friend (who lives in California and I live in Washington state), and my parents, I really do not have any social contacts.
I think the longer you wait to try and get help/join groups/take classes/whatever, the harder it gets. I have my dogs (thank God), but no friends otherwise.
Entering highschool was a lot of fun. I had quite a few friends then, and even though I wasn’t the lady’s man, or the guy who was invited to all the great parties and social events…I was still content and happy with the way my life was. But in the middle of highschool, many of my close friends had somehow drifted away and really didn’t want anything to do with me. I never really talked to too many girls and I have never had a girlfriend.
I am 20 years old now. I have gone through 3 years of literally having nothing to do then the occasional movie or video games. I’m not a bad person, I’m not a bad-looking guy, and I have many interests and hopes. I may not have things great right now. (No job, no friends, no life.) But I still know that things will get better. I’m going to college this year and I hope to meet some people that I can befriend and have a good time with. I also am a christian, and I have faith in God that he will always lead me and bless me. That may sound like craziness to many, but I believe and I feel uplifted by him.
I notice that many people here state how bad things are in their lives. Life can be cruel that is true. I have a cousin who is dying of a rare cancer and probably will not live to see her mid-twenties, but she is still living life to the fullest. She is a beautiful, kind-hearted person who brightens up everybody around her. She is an inspiration.
Loneliness is common. Almost all of us will experience it sometime. It sucks…it really does. But we as North Americans have it good. If you go to some desolate impoverished nation, you see diseased children that have the biggest smiles. They put us to shame. These kids are often orphans, with a bleak future, but they still hope to have a better life.
I’m not a therapist, but I do know that it is important to have hope. No matter what your life throws at you, hope is something you should always try to keep. In my life, I have to forget those people from highschool. forget the fact that I don’t know any girls, and I shouldn’t feel so anguished over my situation. I believe that someday, my life will be awesome, I hope to travel, have a good job, and have a family and good friends.
To all you broken hearts and people who feel like they are living for nothing. Please do not let the sorrow fill your mind to the point where you do not want to go on. Think positive and know that even though you are lonely, you still have much goodness in your life. Also, try to put your trust in God. I’m not trying to convert people here. But believing and trusting in him has changed my mindset on life. My eyes have been opened and no matter how bad things get. I will always know that he is with me and will never leave. Comfort comes from people and fun comes with friends….but true hope and true love comes from God! He has given me hope and strength for me, why would he reject anybody else…Please do not read this thinking that I am some crazy religious fanatic.
I truly feel bad for everyone here and I hope that you will all find happiness somewhere. And I dearly hope that anybody who is suicidal will find comfort. Killing yourself is not the answer.
God Bless…
Today I feel bad inside. Sundays are my worst days because I go to church on Sundays and have no friends there. I sit alone and watch other people being so happy and having so much fun. I have been going to this particular church since we moved to our home last July and still have not connected with one other person. I try to talk to people and then the next week it is like they have never even seen me before. What is wrong with me? After church we have famiily functions a lot and that is when I get to watch my mother-in-law talking to my future sister-in-law like she is Oprah. And when it comes to me, of course, I get about 2 sentences said to me. Then my new sister-in-law gets hugs goodbye and I don’t. I am sick to my stomache right now just thinking about my ‘way with people’. Tomorrow will be a better day. Mondays are not as bad as Sundays. Hey Nick, what you wrote is beautiful. I agree with what you said. Thanks.
hai,i am looking girl friend pl..
Hi, i’m Alex.Wow! it’s nice to hear out others in their struggle in society. I myself don’t have many friends. Never really had friends expect a couple of meanless friends that i got drunk back w/ in college. But overall my life is prety dull… My social is dependent on my girlfriend. Through my gf i meet people and talk to people. I never develop the skills to talk to people and make friendships. When growing my parents were very strick and isolated me from others;thus, hindering my social developement. Sometimes when i’m alone and my gf is not around i feel like going out, but then again i don’t have any friends, it would be nice to pick up the phone to call a friend and ask him to go to the bar with me..But ehh i guess life needs loners in this world..part of me likes to be alone and part doesn’t like to be alone. The part of me that likes to be a lone soul, likes it b/c i could be indepedent and do my thing w/out having to think about others;hence, less complicated. Don’t know y, but i feel depress, feeling like killing myself at times…but i think to myself what good do i get from killing myself… if i kill myself i would be commiting the ultimate sin, and go striaght to hell. I don’t want to go to hell. Does n e one? i don’t think many do. i just hope god puts a good friend in my path soon.
I know how you all feel. I’ve never had any real friends. I was teased at school and have suffered from low self esteem my entire life. I had hoped that uni would bring friendship but it just ruined my self-esteem even more as i struggled through it.
To make matters worse, i went somewhere isolated where there was nothing to do. I wish i’d had the courage at 18 to move far away from home but low self-esteem made it impossible as did family problems. Come summertime all i had was my part time job and i would spend the entire hols in by myself in my isolated town. It didn’t even occur to me that i could go out and try and join a social group.
I’m only just starting to gain my independence but i’m still stuck at home. Hopefully i can find a decent job in the city and move in with some nice people so i can enjoy myself before it is too late. I’ll be 23 soon and feel like i have missed out on my youth because i’ve never had any fun.. Though it’s my own fault for being so weak. I don’t even have anyone to celebrate my birthday with which saddens me. How can people be so cruel to me? I’m not ugly and i’m a nice person.
Hello all,
by the way:::Nick your posting was well put and motivating. I think sometimes we tend to forget how bad a situation can be. For me I just have a hard time getting close to anyone. I feel like the only person who I have to vent is my sister and I feel that I put a burden on her with all my problems. For the most part I am happy with my life I just feel detatched and isolated from everybody. At lunch time, at work I sit at my desk and do not talk to anyone. I have tried the breakroom but I feel so awkward. I want friends and a social life outside my sister and my kids but I do not know what to say when I am around people. I need help………………………………maybe I need to take some social classes or something.
Hey,
Im in a pretty bad situation, have been for a couple of years. Im 16, soon to be leaving school, and the last 5 years have been so hard. I was bullied for two years, every ‘freind’ i had turned their back on me. I lost every ounce of confidence and i turned from a happy guy to a wreck. I contemplated suicide,,many times but i guess i was scared. I saw a counceller and ended moving schools, and for the last two years ive made a lot of freinds, but im constantly paranoid and worrying that i will be abandoned again. It doesn’t help that my so called best freinds are two faced about me, it hurts so much but I dont have anyone else. So that means i have to be a push over just so i wont be alone. Ive seen guys in my school who dont have anybody and it breaks my heart to see them day in day out, and i just couldn’t bare to go through the same. It seems everyone i trust stabs me in the back, and they act as though im such a bad freind. I never betray them, always help them in bad times..And they say things behind my back and then phone me to go out every night and i dont understand. Ive got 2 months left in school, and i dont want my last memories of school to be on my own. I wont even post my real name on this site thats how bad this paranoia is..
I’m very good at putting up a front, looking happy, but when i come home at night this situation wont leave my mind and i end up sleeping all night, thinking that it would just be easier to kill myself, because the pressure would be lifted. I can relate to a lot of the people on this site and I am happy that I’m not alone, i just think i could use someone to talk to, who have been through similiar things,, because i cant speak to anyone else about it..Im sure i have major depression, and i just cant take it
well this is a long enough post to read so ill wrap it up there
thanks
If anyone would like to chat,,contact me @ comewhatevermay@hotmail.co.uk
comewhatevermay90@hotmail.co.uk**
Hello, I am 28 years old and I too have no friends.
At 20 I had my son and all the people who called them selfs my friends vanished. My best friend moved out of town two months later, my other childhood friend became busy working, his childless life parting Nd then he moved out of town , my cousin moved also out of town too. I could not go party like I use to because my day started at 6am to work then school then my son. So I have been stuck with no friends in the same place while everyone moved on with there life. MY sister and brother live a good distance away and too put the icing on top my parents moved also.
I have no friends, at work there no one I would call friend, I feel like have nothing in commen with people, I feel like I am to serious since everyone left…I use to be happy, fun person…..My world is my son and my boyfriend. But because I don’t have any friends I think it puts strain on our relationship. All his friends girlfriends hava a click together, I feel so out of place because I don’t hav eanything in commen with them, I don’t see things the same way as these girls because my lif is work and my son….not them, they have friends and a social life. I have become anti social because I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth is wrong. I am not a bad person, I am not unfriendly but I am sad and have no confidents in myself because of this. I sit down in my neighborhood while my son plays and I am alone while everyone is together. WHen did I become so unpopular and depress? I want friends, I want to have a group of friends to chat with, friends who have the same incommon, have play dates and more, friends to chill with.In my son’s school not even other parents are my friends, I have nothing incommen with them because I am one of the youngest moms who has her son in private school and they live some where else.
So I am damed if I do, Damed if I don’t. My phone does not even ring.
Hey JC, you seem like a devoted mom and a girlfreind, and i think that if you allow yourself to be able to speak to more people you might find that in fact you do have things in common. You dont need to have a click, you need to feel comfortable about yourself to make freinds. I just hope you find the freinds you deserve and im sure you will.
My name isn’t even Lisa. I am paranoid too. I am a big loser because this is like my 4th or 5th time writing here. I just keep coming back to see if there are even more people out there like me. JC, I always feel left out of clicks too. I never fit in any groups. It sucks, but your not the only one.
Just because its your 4th time of whatever doesnt make you a loser, your far from it, nobody here is a loser, i came here to clear my mind and tell somebody else my problems,,maybe finding some people to talk to in the process..Its easier for me to share personal issues with people ive never physically met, think its the same for most people. And im the same, with fitting in, i used to pretend i was somebody im not just so id have the sensation of popularity, and now ive realised that if people cant take me for who i am, then they obviously dont value me..
and just to add to that i think that just coming on this site, telling us your problems then just never visiting again is not worth it, maybe a lot of people on this site will have things in common, I don’t know but i think it would be worth a try.
My heart goes out to all of you. I feel so close to you all because I understand your deepest sorrows. I guess every story counts and adds up so here’s mine. I’m a 19 year old guy in Toronto Canada. For about three years now, I had absolutely no friends. not even one. no girlfriend either (or boyfriend). I am very depressed almost all the time because I feel so out of place in this world. I am a loner, but NOT BY CHOICE. I can relate to what many people wrote here… I never thought that life could be so difficult, so harsh, and so unfair.
I dropped out of University after a month because I was exausted and felt like I needed rest. For nearly six months now, I have been doing absolutely nothing, mostly staying in my room, reading books, surfing the net and writing. Ocasionally I go out by myself for walks or to see a movie. I see people my age everywhere I go, spending time with friends, lovers, etc. I feel so so alone. I’m constantly remembering the friendships I used to have (not that many). These memories are so special to me and they help me go on.
I see a psychiatrist once a month about my ‘problems’ He tells me that I have no apparent disorders or anything of the sort, but why am I so lonely and so unhappy? It’s truly a mistery. If only someone would show some kind of interest in me, if only someone would cross my path and be willing to give me a chance. Maybe its too much too ask.
Before I was 16, I used to beleive in a higher greater power, God if you will, but I don’t anymore. I’ve prayed so many times for just one friend, thats all I ever asked for.
I don’t know what to beleive in, I don’t know where to start, how to put all the peices together of my broken soul. I’m just a walking corpse. I hate it. I feel I have so much love in me, but it’s fading… And I’m afraid that when it fades I will have nothing else to do but jump off a balcony. But I can’t do that to my parents. They will be devastated and I will break their souls too. SO what am I to do? Continue with this pathetic existence, continue suffering everyday?
I tell myself that maybe it is a ‘phase’ I must go through for some reason, that happiness is around the corner, that I just need to hold on for a little longer and someone will be apart of my life. I’m just afraid that I won’t let them in. That I’ll shut them out because I’ve been hurt so many times. I’m a man, yet I’m so fragile. I’m alive, yet I am really dead.
This dammned loop. I curse this loop. Will I ever break out of it?
Please, I will be very glad if someone would want to send me an email.
it’s liquid_blue88@hotmail.com WHO KNOWS, MAYBE WE”LL BECOME FRIENDS.
Andrew do you have msn messenger or just a hotmail account? And im sure you will find hapiness it comes to everyone at some stage, i think going back to uni would help a lot
Sara, that is so wierd because I was tormented by a brother too. You are the only other person I have ever heard say that. He would chase me through the house and then I would run in to a room and shut the door and try with all I had to hold the door closed as he would bang on it and push it and he was stronger than me so he always got in and then he would beat me up. I was emotionally abused by my mom and my dad is emotionally disconnected and sometimes he would get very physically violent towards me. I was really screwed up in high school and a little bit after, but I came out of that and have a pretty normal life now (except I have no friends). That is so wierd how similar some of our situations have been. I always think people are judging me too. I always think people are out to make me feel bad and be mean to me.
I am a 20/yr old female, and I am so happy to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. From the outside, I look like the perfect person…incredible boyfriend, great career, great family, confident, attractive etc. But I have no friends that I can just call and talk to, or ask to hang out. I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 3 years, where my boyfriend didn’t allow me to have any friends and controlled my every move. Since I got out of that relationship, I don’t think I have gotten past that. Yeah, I have made a few friends here and there, but they only last a month or so, and then all of a sudden we stop talking. I was lucky to meet my current boyfriend, and we are planning a great future together, but I still want to have friends. And to make things harder, we are moving to detroit in the summer, so I will know no one! All along I thought it was me…that I pushed people away…maybe it’s not me. In high school I realized how cruel people can be, but it always seems like those cruel people were the ones with a million friends.
Wow, I cannot believe how many people on here that I can relate to… I just went on a website search “I have no friends” and I came upon this. Unfortunantly I am in the same situation as all of you people that have written on here. I am 20 years old, and yes, I have no friends. This has kind of been a problem all of my life. Its very hard for me to keep steady friends. I am a very nice, kind, compassionate, caring, giving, smart young woman, and people just dont understand me. I really dont know what else to do anymore. Everytime I try to go and do something with someone that is in my cellphone contacts, they dont want to have anything to do with me. So its not like im not trying at all!! I can be a very funny and outgoing person, but people just dont give me a chance. It is extremely depressing and I try not to think about it, but like tonite which happens almost evey night, im sitting home, and no one has called my cellphone. Could anyone please give me any advice on what to do? Please???? Thanks!
Sara: It is so funny you mention a secret hand signal to identfy each other in the wild – I was thinking the same thing! Or maybe a button with a specific image on it – something so we can recognize others in our situation.
We all want friends, but it so hard to actually make any I think because we all assume that everyone we meet in our daily lives (outside this forum!) HAS friends – but maybe, just maybe, they are suffering just like us!?! But how can we tell? *can any of us imagine going up to someone who looks interesting and introducing our selves by saying “Hi, I’m _____, I have no friends and would really like one, do you feel the same?” Riiiiiigggghhhttt!!!
To me, this is VERY frustrating – so many assumptions about others…..I think we all put on a good ‘front’ for others, (once again, outside this forum) saying that we dont mind not having any friends, when the truth is inside we are desprate for someone to call a friend.
I put this in an earlier post but I will put it again: I have a myspace acct if anyone would like to check it out http://www.myspace.com/jenaust – feel free to message me/add me.
I am 22 and like so many of you, i don’t have much friends.I only have 1 best friend and another good friend.But I want more friends and more people like me.Just like you, I don’t know what or where I do wrong..But sometimes I really feel like a miserable creep just because I don’t have people around me.But what I discovered in the things you wrote was, everyone who doesnt have friends are “good and nice” people.All of us say “we can do everything for people with not expecting anything in return”.Maybe we shouldnt be that good and nice.You know, this is an “evil’s world”.
People! People!
Look around. DO you have a job? DO you go to church? Network! Friends do not just happen overnight! I am pretty sure, your social netwok is larger than you think. You come in contact with many of the same people everyday and I am sure if you offer a lunch date (you wanna catch some food, a drink?) these people would be happy to come, and more importantly pay for themselves. Before dooming yourself…think abou what you truly have… and a lot of people may know a large number of people but may not know them or be super “tight” with them!
Stay true to yourself, and kep your head up!
Hi Lottalyfe. You are missing the point here. I do go to church and work, the problem is I do not fit in. The point is, I try to talk to people and be outgoing, but I never seem to make any friends in doing so. Also, the friends I have had and lost I tried with all I had to hold on to them, but lost them as a friend somehow. If you met me on the street you would think I am a norml happy person with a wonderful life. Loving husband, darling kids, cute little house, new car, nice job. But for some reason, although there are people surrounding me, I cannot connect. I used to make friends easily, but now it is extremely difficult. Why?
At this point it is almost easier to succumb to isolation because it is exhausting always trying to meet people and being shunned. Emotionally it has been exhausting.
Im calling this period of my life a quarter life crisis. I’ve been feeling pretty bad lately. I’m not really proud of anything I do. I don’t really feel like anything I do is any good. I’m overcome with feelings of jealousy and worthlessness. I look at what other people are doing and I think “Why can’t I be working on a project that is as cool as that?” or “I wish I was doing that” or just “Damn that looks . I could never make something as impressive and real-looking at that.” I suppose whatever you do, there’s always going to be someone better, and I should deal with that. Or maybe it is just a lack of perspective. That’s probably what other people would tell me. I hear how awesome I am, plenty of times but it doesn’t sink in. I know that, but how do I stop feeling like this isn’t true.
Stress is part of the problem. I have so much to do I can’t focus on doing anything well, and so I don’t do anything at all. I’m overwhelmed by all the things I want to do, and so I do nothing. I slept 11 hours last night. I’m overcome by dozens of projects for work, booth, finding a job, my websites, puzzlestorm, dealing with other things in my life, etc. All the things I need to do can’t even be listed. Thinking about the list right now makes my head hurt. I can’t imagine climbing out from under this pile for months at least. I know I won’t enjoy anything I do until I am free of this excessive burden and the thought of not enjoying anything in the forseeable future hurts.
I heard on the radio about a guy in Bosnia who faked his own funeral and then hid in the bushes to see who would show up. The only person that came was his mom. Maybe we should try it. ;)
I can relate to all of you…
I’m 15 and I just flat-out have no friends. I keep telling myself I do, when deep-down I know I do not.
In elementary school I /did/ have friends. I remember we found a common interest in this anime show I used to watch and just became friends. We’d talk during class and lunch and hang out during recess. I also made friends with these 2 kids who lived behind my dad’s house–they were my best friends for a while.
Then came middle school… the first day of school I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It was a brand new school and I walked into the classroom for the first time and… I haven’t been a sociable person ever since. I had no friends my 6th grade year. In 7th grade I made friends with a group of girls after they discovered I frequented a website they did and we remained friends until 8th grade where I went to high school. 9th grade–no friends. 10th grade–no friends.
Online, my relationships with people are just as bad. I joined an MMORPG and made friends with a group of people and remained friends literally for years–until I was banned for 7 months one day for harassment. When I returned to the game July ’05, they were all gone.
I currently have no friends and it is ruining my life. At school I only talk to people if they talk to me, and when I get home from school I just… stay inside all day. I’m not ugly, I’m not fat, and I’m certainly not mean. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…
I miss having friends.
God it’s relieving to know there are others out there going through the same thing I am.
I’m 16 years old and when I was 13 I switched schools. I had a handful of close friends at my old school but when I left, it was like out of sight out of mind. Everyone just forgot about me. I tried calling them, they seemed uninterested in talking to me, so I just gave up. I got very depressed and for about a year and a half, I just wanted to die. I stayed in the house as much as I could.
Then one day, I just got sick of feeling sorry for myself and decided to try to make friends. Easier said than done. After being isolated for so long, I have lost all of the confidence I once had, I get really nervous in situations where I have to talk to people. But that doesn’t keep me from trying. I’m as friendly as I can possibly be to everyone I meet, even though I’m scared to death of what they’re thinking of me. I’ve traded a few screen names and phone numbers, but nothing seems to happen. I even got up the nerve to ask one of these people to hang out with me over the summer, which he did but we haven’t said more than 10 words to each other since.
I also have tried rebuilding things with old friends. I saw my best friend from my old school in September and I went up to him and said hello. He looked at me, completely straight-faced and said “Hi” and walked away. I hadn’t seen him in so long. Was I wrong to expect a “Hey, how are you?” or even a smile? My childhood best friend and I are still in contact, she’ll talk to me occasionally but it’s small talk because we’ve really grown apart. She’ll talk about us hanging out, but never makes plans with me.
To make things even more difficult for me, I live in a small southern town. It’s really hard making friends when you don’t fit the mold. I’ve met one person with the same interests as me, but she’s in her early 20’s and I guess she doesn’t want to spend much time with a 16 year old when she can go out with her other friends to bars, where I’m not allowed.
I’m not giving up hope, but it can get really hard. I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights thinking, “God what’s wrong with me?”. I hope it’s just a phase that I get over in a few years.
hey, troobleever, that is so freaky, i also found this site by googling the phrase “no friends” and coll, i really identify with what u sed. today my friends actually dumped me they tried to put it into nicer words but im not an idiot i know the cold hard truth when i hear it, its over. and it sux. majorly.
*…continued*and its not like it was a superficial relationship i mean these people were my soul sisters. your soul sisters cant drop you!!! it just doesnt make any sense the people i care about most in the world dropped me like a fly. they used to love me! we were so great together. how could it all be gone. why dont they want it? was it nothing to them? it was my whole life that group! how can they just disgard the group with the bat of an eye! whats wrong with them? whats wrong with me? this cant be happening. i have no one. the only people i had are gone. i have nothing! i have no where to go. i am nothing without them. i loved them and they are gone. its like having 3 boyfriends dump u all at the same time. i have 3 broken hearts.
i was so lonely and sad that i typed into my only freind (google) i have no freinds :( and found this site.. i like most here have no one im 3 weeks off my 30th birthday and know that i will again be spending my bday alone as i have for years. im a kind caring freind but it seems people use me then just toss me aside..its becomeing so hard to even talk to people now im so depressed that i think do i really want the heart ache of being disapointed again. most of my family live interstate and havnt called writed or responded to me in years and my brother who lives near me ive found out has sabotaged at least 2 possible relationships.. i have noone and it really hurts especially when you try to tell someone and they either tell you your being stupid or “i dont wanna hear this crap” wich is actually more disheartening than not trying ..i cant keep on like this i try everything and just seem to be troden on or left out all then time im not a happy person anymore and i hate it..u get so lonely and when ou have noone to turn to you just loose all hope and what have you got if you dont have hope…NOTHING
im gunna leave it there cause ill just burst into tears again and im tired of crying..especially since theres none to hear or comfort me
Are we the minority or are we the majority??
Hey everyone. Is it possible we might all be introverts? I felt like I was spiraling into some sort of depression about having no friends until I came upon the articles at the below websites. Once I read these articles, I felt a sense of relief because I now know I am an introvert. At least having an understanding of who I am has helped me. Also, in the article it states that introverts are not good at small talk so they are quiet in groups of people. That is so me. So now at least I know I have to work on my small talk and that way I think I can talk to people easier and they will find it easier to relate to me.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts
Also the article says introverts are misunderstood people. It seems like a lot of us here have felt misunderstood because all we feel on the inside is nice, compassionate, and caring, but on the outside, introverts seem sort of aloof and like they do not want to be bothered.
Who thinks that it is possible to live a healthy and happy life with no friends? I think this scenarion feeds on itself. Meaning, if you don’t have friends nobody wants to be your friend and if nobody wants to be your friend you won’t have friends. I don’t have any close friends b am able to go out on dates with girls who I meet because I seem like a nice eduated respectful young man. However, once they meet me and findI out that I don’t have friends they don’t want to be with me. I’m going to try and make friends by talking to people not to please them but to please myself because I have so much to say and my feelings are not being expressed. Good Luck to everyone and my email is Pappelbon@yahoo.com I live in New York City with 8 million people and I don’t have a single friend. Go figure. I go to bars by myself but who which girl would want to talk to me if I seem like a loner? I do recall that if I went to a bar with friends I would almost forsure meet someone. Good Luck, stay strong, be positive, give ourselves a chance to succeed. Not trying guarantees failure. Try and give yourself a chance. Sounds like most of us have
nothing to lose anymore or very little. Let us be resourceful and try new tactics to get friends perhaps what we have been doing has not been working. Maybe we should show our other real face- the happy one instead of the sad one. They are both our true faces why not show our glow. It is clear that we all are very emotional people. We are all good people and we can not allow ourselves not to be happy. The
Constitution guarantees us a right to happiness– that is just a right to happiness. We also have a right to own a car. Now it is time for us to go out and get that happiness. Let’s get to it. Look for work if you are home and want a job. Don’t give up. Never give up. It is okay to have setbacks in life but we must get back on the path to happiness which we have strayed from. If we are on the correct path that is all we can from ourselves. If god forbid we were crippled it wouldn’t be fair to ask us to walk. We all have the ability to make friends and keep friends; that is clear from what waw written on this board. Now LETS GO DO IT.
im only 15
but im so alone
i feel so stupid for writing this on some website of google
but it might help
i have nothing to lose
my best friend
she was my best friend
but i was never hers
and my boyfriend
he didnt care either
and i love him
and he said he did, but he doesnt
and i talk to people yes, i talk to lots of people
but i dont want just to talk to them
i want to be able to share things with them
and for them to share things with me
ive been depressed for 3 months now
and i dont know what to do
sometimes i think about suicide
sometimes i think things will get better
but they dont
and everyone else goes out
and goes to party’s
and gets drunk
and has fun
and i dont
and i should be
but i dont want to go out alone
i want to share it with people
people i care about
people that care about me
i tell myself once im out of high school i will meet new people
and it will be different
and thats the only thing that keeps me going
if anybody wants to talk to me(even though i live in london)
and if you have myspace
you can message me or add me
or something
ill always reply
and if you dont you can e-mail me
phoebe.plaut@virgin.net
i want to meet yuo all
i want to meet someone special
lots of special people
becuase i know im a good friend, a little sensitive, but im a good friend and im attractive and i have “mates” that all say that they like me and that we should go uot sometime
but we never will
i know that
there just trying to be nice
but why]
there’s nothing wrong with me
im funny
and loyal
and ill meet with you in the middle of the night
or first thing in the morning
i wont be friends with evereyone
but there hads to be someone out there right??
if your looking for the same thing as me, or even just wanna talk about shit
then please find me
its not an empty promise
i have people i talk to
but im looking for someone to
I feel like some thing in side of me is missing like I have a huge hole in my hart and there is nothing I could like my just straned on an iland.One min I cry and the next Iam s glad. there is so much in my haed I don’t know what to do what to feel or what to say. it’s like my mined went blank. At school I my scaerd inside. most of the time I don’t show it.I’m strong and I but there is somrthing inside telling me otherwis. I don’t know follow.I don’t show that I’m sad I’m aferd will make fun of me. and the quashton is will I ever have a true friend(s)
I suppose for all of us the truth is that we need to find a way to become friends with ourself – if we find a way to love ourselves and believe that we are lovable then others will follow.
I think that my lack of friends is down to the fact that I don’t trust or respect anyone who is interested in me – because I don’t like me… If I can gain even a little self-respect, self-esteem, self love then I might find those who like me more acceptable and make more friends.
Hi everyone! Its actually quite funny, coming across this site. Funny that its so easy to pour out your feelings to blogs like these. Im from Australia, and I feel exactly the same as most of you have explained. Its one of those nights where Im sitting here by myself thinking why I have no friends. Everything else in my life is perfect. I have a great bf, work is good, uni is good, family is as good is it will ever be, but I lack true friends. Sure I have girls I go out with once in a while. But Im talking about a best friend. I sit and wish that 1 day i will find someone who will take me for me, is carefree, funny, laidback will call me up and wanna hang out, do funny shit. Its like ive figured out too late, you know that people have there own friendships and generally dont want to make new friends. All my friends from Highschool drifted away, best friend ended up being a bit of a snob. If I had 1 wish, i wish I could go back to highschool and actually care about friendship. Anyway, I dont really know how I am ever going to find someone. The whole perception that people who have no friends must have really bad personalities is whats ruining the capabilities of finding a friend (if you have none) which really sucks. Anyway after all that, anyone who is from Australia and wants to chat etc, email me, angelchick_555@hotmail.com.
Wow, you’re all as worthless as I am. congrats?
Hello, I am Tes and I have no friends. (Feels almost like an AA meeting.)
It is so weird to see all these posts, I can see myself in all of them. I had a normal middle and high school life, and I had things to do with people on the weekends. I’m not sure what happened when I went to college. I was kind of worried in the beginning about making friends, but I thought it would just somehow happen like it did in high school or middle school, but it didn’t. I haven’t made a single friend in college, and I graduate next month. What the heck?
I have one person from high school that I see about twice a year. When I start a new class or am put into a situation with strangers, I can usually talk to a person for a long time about anything. I try and try but cannot remember how I ever made friends in the past. Since I graduated from high school, I think I have been even more outgoing than I was back then. I am baffled. It is so awkward when someone asks me a question like “what do your friends think of X” or “what do you like to do with your friend”. I usually try to find a way to avoid answering that, instead of saying “Sorry, that doesn’t apply to me. I have no friends.”
I have a boyfriend and I have been dating 3 guys (one after the other, not simultaneously) over the last 5 years. All my social activities (movies, out to dinner, parties (rarely)) involve my boyfriend and his friends. My boyfriend is extremely popular. Literally 9/10 times we go anywhere, he will run into someone he knows. Recently (actually two days ago) he dumped me. It is actually how I found this website. I just googled “no friends”. Go figure. I am now incredibly alone as it is Saturday night and I have absolutely nothing to do. This summer my boyfriend and I were on a break, and I nearly killed myself. The loneliness is suffocating.
Anybody have any suggestions on how we can make friends? I don’t want to blame others for my having no friends but I don’t want to blame myself either. I should try not blaming anybody just like I don’t blame anybody for my being only 5’9 instead of 6 feet or over. But please, please an suggestions. My ears and eyes are open. I want to have friends my life is too good for me not to have friends.
This is so depressing. I’ve been coming back to this site for the last hour and reading all the posts. I do have one friend left that I could call, but it is a guy and I have a feeling that he likes me. He also have a lot of friends that he’s probably doing something with, so I don’t want to bother him. It’s embarrassing, because I think he knows I have no other friends.
I actually have a confession. I’m not ugly and a lot of guys are attracted to me. When I meet a guy I usually don’t tell them I have a boyfriend so they’ll keep talking to me. If they think they have a chance with me, they’ll keep talking to me and I won’t be so lonely. I wish I had a best girl friend right now I could call and talk about being dumped. I used to have a best girl friend in middle school, but then she moved away and turned into a selfish snob. I want someone I can go shopping with. I hate that I always have to go with my (ex) boyfriend, he always got so bored and impatient.
I really just want someone to talk to, guy or girl. The weather is so beautiful right now, I wish I could go and enjoy it with someone. I too have the same fears as everyone that nobody will show up to my funeral, and that I won’t have anybody to invite to my wedding (how can I not have a maid of honor?). I am graduating next month and I’m afraid that nobody will clap for me. I won’t get any cheers from the crowd that everyone else gets.
If someone wants to talk I’ll probably be on AIM. My screenname is tes0918. I swear I’m not a weirdo. If you saw me in public you’d think I was a perfectly normal college girl.
TES –
@ my wedding I had to have my husbands best mans girlfriend be my maid of honor. I hardly knew her. But I had no one else. I have only seen her about 3 times since I got married 3 years ago.
Perhaps it’s fortunate that my boyfriend dumped me, because now I don’t have to worry about getting married.
I thought I was ridiculous – not wanting to get married because I have no friends, I mean what kind of a problem is that? But I guess it’s not that uncommon..
typing into google with no friends found me this site.
no friends here too. i am getting married and have no friends to come to my wedding. i donno how to love myself and this life really sucks.
tried committing suicide but still am around and feel like an idiot now.
diagnosed as having depression and lost all my pride as a guy.
damn it, this world sucks.
Hi,
I thought I had a lot of friends until about a year and a half ago. Almost all of my friends were male, and I thought it was all cool until one by one they tried to make moves on me. By the time I announced my engagement to my boyfriend it was all over ~ not a one was happy to hear about it and I was left with nobody who had any reason to hang out with me.
Female friends? Hell no, every time I thought I had a female friend, it turns out they were after whomever I was dating.
Pretty late in the game to quit being naive (27 years old) but I finally learned my lesson. Making real friends takes time and patience.
The reason why it seems that the nicest people are rejected whereas the jerks are surrounded by friends has to do with confidence. People are, above all things, attracted to confidence. Assholes have confidence, but you don’t have to be an asshole in order to get the same effect.
Find something that will give you self esteem so you can be sure of yourself.
For me it was exercise and taking time to enjoy my hobbies.
No friends to invite to a wedding? Big deal! You want to get married right? So keep it small and simple. All that money you would blow on a wedding can go to a kickass honeymoon. That’s the route my fiance and I are taking.
Finally, join some clubs. Adults have clubs too! I’m taking this whole experience as an opportunity to meet people who really share my hobbies. Always before I would hide my true personality to fit in with others, now I’m thinking different. Try meetup.com, craigslist, or yahoo groups.
I don’t have a ton of friends now, but a couple who I can really talk to and trust. Even in America people can make friends.
Okay, I feel the same as everyone. I’m a 17 year old girl from London – if you’re from London too and in the same boat, PLEASE just post up your Myspace or something? I want a TRUE friend.
lol…you guys…you’re just like me, my position and life…..is similar….
I’ve got no friends at all and my only real friend is my computer..hah.
Low self-esteem and having social phobia in the ‘outside world’. It really hurts when i think about not having friends to hang out with,talk with,laugh with,cry with etc. My family is the one that kept me going….17 now…. is it possible to find a place and meet-up? i want to meet u guys..
Oh God, as Vince above, I typed “no friends” in my Google bar and look what I found, so many of YOU, just like ME!!! I am the msot social girl in the world, I am 28 and I can honestly say I have never had real friends, except in my childhood, for a short period of time….
I have tried my best to have good friends, but I ran into people who only hurt me when I least expected it, sometimes, deeper than I thought….
OMG I can see myself in almost ALL of you!
Im 20 in my sophmore year in college, and all I have are associates. It sucks living in the dorms on weekends because I can hear everyone going out and having a good time. In fact last nite I was looking out my window because people were making loud noises outside , and I saw that the people that I hung out with a couple of times last year were having the time of their lives. I felt soooo lame watching them clown around on the benches and talking about the party they went to. Whats even worse is that a kid that just transferred this semester is like their new member, and all I get is the casual “hey” or small talk when I run into them.
I also hate it cause its getting hot outside which means I have to see people hanging our more and more. Im so tired of spending my friday nights in my room watching tv, and pretending to talk on my cell when my roomate comes in from a party. It seems like everyday I make a pact to “try something different” and be more outgoing, yet i still find myself in the same position. I think we really need to kick up our relationships with our aquantences, no matter how embarresed we might be. I do not want to graduate college with no friends, and I definitly dont want to celebrate my 21st like I did me 20th….alone. We need to start taking those risks and asking what your coworkers or classmates are doing afterwards.
And its definetly no coincidence that all of us are extremely nice and giving, yet we have no friends. I think we might be coming off as goody goody, or as not having a personality. Im gonna make it my mission to be the cynical and funny person I am with my brother, as opposed to being the plastered smile pushover I am at school. People want to hang with interesting people, not people that do nothing but smile and agree with everything they say. Im not as depressed as alot of you are, and I do have some confidence…..but I think we all could benefit from being our true selves instead of what we think people will like.
Friendless in chicago, funny that you mention pretending to talk on your cell phone when people are around because I do the same! It’s like I want people to think I have friends… online I will make different accounts for games and hold conversations with myself so it looks like I’m talking with a friend. Omg, I’m so pathetic! :\
Dear every one out there,
I just turned twenty five years old, and still remain friendless. I’ve had social issues all my life, although usually managed to maintain at least one friendship at a time. All the girls that I was ever “friends” with would use me and put me down all the time and they even stole from me. I now have come to the age where people are going off and getting married and having children, and it seems like no one ever has time for friends anymore. I am lucky because I a fiance who loves me deeply, and says he does not care if I have no friends that all I need is him (although he has many friendships of his own). I feel so inadaquite as a person for not ever being able to form friendships, and often question myself as a person. Am I really that unappealing to be around? Am I boring? I can’t help feeling like it must be my fault. I have been rejected so many times that I feel like giving up. My hope has been crushed so often by people I try to make small talk with only to have them turn away in complete disinterest . I went to a very snobby high school and live in a snobby town were every body is sooo afraid to talk to others that might not be veiwed as cool. (I know this sounds ridiculous because of my age, but that is how people are in my town.) I am a very decent person and believe in treating others with respect. there has been alot of meaness and hate in my life and I still managed not to let it get the best of me. I’ve read through most of the stories here, and am glad to hear I am not alone. In all sincerity my heart goes out to all of you out there who are truley alone. I know from personal experience that there is nothing worse than having noone. It seems ashame that some of you could not ban together and form friendships, especially the younger people. I just finished being in a situation where I was forced to go away for a year to another country. One of the girls there hated me, and made my life hell, she prevented me from having any friends because she was seen as kind of a leader in the group. I was all alone for a whole year by myself, and the girl was happy because of what she was able to accomplish. Before then I kind of forgot how important it was to have friends until I had none. It is the worst feeling, especially to be shunned by a group. The girl was meaner to me than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. She was overweight and not too attractive and probably jealous of me. Appearances are not important to me (the person is) I certainly do not think that I am better than anyone, but to me she was very ugly on the inside mostly. It unfortunately has left a scar, and now I trust people even less. It seems as though people continually mistreat and reject me time and time again. I know that I am not ugly or fat, but do have a bit of a social problem. I hope that I have been helpfull by sharing my thoughts, and someone will be able to relate to what I’m saying. i feel most sorry for all the younger people who are still in high school. I didn’t have any friends for two years while i was in high school, and it was the one of the hardest things that I ever went through. I think to them i would say don’t give up there is still hope, all you need is to find the right person who appriciates you for who you are. They are still out there and I’m sure that they will treasure your so called “niceness” and not mistake it for a flaw or weakness.
Chelsea,
I totally understand where you are coming from. I believe I am an introvert and I have had some of my close family members tell me that I act anti-social and like I dont want to be bothered. This is not true!!! I used to have friends when I was in school, but now I feel like I cant get close to anyone no matter how hard I try. I would be content with just one close friend. I dont have anyone to talk to and that became a reality when my kids and my sister was away for a week. Also when I do try to small talk I end saying something that just does not make sense at all. I tend to do that when I let go of my fears and try to be “fun”. Because of this I tend to just keep quiet around groups of people to keep from embarrising myself.
Nay: I am the same way.
wow cant beleive the amount of posts since i posted ..i cant beleive that there are som many people out there that are lonely..i’ve tryed to make freinds ive never been someone that follows the crowd ive always had and expressed my own opinions and im funny charming and all that but it dont help you make freinds when noone seems to want to try..
i think jule put it perfectly people find something they dont like no matter how small and dont wanna be your friend or make the effort to be your freind which in it self is realy sad and it sounds as though a lot of the people posteing here have tryed and for one reason or another be it there fault oor not havent succeeded..and have come to the point were you start thinking is it worth it to try ,,ive “rebuilt ” my self now at least 5 or 6 times over the years got my confidence and self esteem back only to have none who was a true friend to help me stay there only people who wanted to pretend to be my friend and leave when i needed them most…
a friend is that person who drag you from the gutter and help patch you up not the people who beat you down so much that just cant do anymore
ive given so much to people i thought were friends yet in my times of need they all seem to turn there back.. i dont think its a matter of having somthing in common with some1 i think its more that you respect each other enough to accept your different and still care for the person as much as you do yourself i hope one day all who post here have that kind of friend the one that runs to your aid without being asked not the one that turns there back on you when you give into last of your pride and scream out for help.. people talk about finding there soulmate id just be happy with a true mate
friendless in chicago, your situation is almost exactly the same as mine–I’m a 19 year old college sophomore and lately it feels like the closest thing I have to a friend is the janitor who I make small talk with every morning. At the start of freshman year I used to hang out with a bunch of people from classes and my dorm, but none of us ever really got that close and around November or so I found myself eating every single meal alone.
Like a lot of people here I’ve always been really shy and not that assertive, but the thing is, I’m really not that quiet. If anything I’d say I talk too much sometimes, I mean, I used to spend hours talking with my friends in high school and even now when I call home to talk to my parents or brother, the conversations can go on for a good hour or two. That’s why it’s so strange when I find myself sitting alone everyday and not even talking to people in classes. It’s as if everyone is seeing me as this weird loner when I know that’s not who I am.
I guess the situation is partly my own fault since I never really made an effort to get out there and meet people in the beginning. I can’t stand huge parties or being drunk, so I chose not to get involved with the big Friday night social scenes, and I didn’t stick with any clubs since my school is so small and doesn’t offer that many interesting ones. But honestly, I find it kind of hard to believe that the ONLY way people make friends is by going to drunken frat parties and joining lousy college a cappella groups. Seems a little shallow if you ask me.
What you said about being super nice and caring is probably true though. I remember reading about some study that showed people actually prefer annoying, arrogant narcissists over timid or shy people who act like goody goodies. Yeah, that’s kind of depressing to think about, but it can probably make life a lot easier for people in the no friends situation. It means that even if you are naturally kind, you don’t have to act like a saint or a stepford wife 100% of the time. Acting incessantly nice and agreeable is hard, and like you said, it’s also incredibly boring everyone else. Being human means being selfish and opinionated sometimes, you know? Obviously people can’t just run around saying whatever the hell they want to whoever will listen, but it doesn’t hurt to have a little personality. You can’t develop relationships with people without showing them that you’re a person too.
A lot of the time it’s easy to hide behind a facade of pleasantness in order to avoid revealing anything of yourself and therefore to avoid the possibility of rejection, but you can’t form an honest relationship that way. First of all, people are petty and jealous and when you act like Mother Theresa it makes them feel like they’re inferior, and obviously people don’t want to be friends with someone who makes them feel like crap. It’s probably not a good idea to go on and on about your wide variety problems when you’re talking with someone you’ve just met, but you should at least make an effort to show something of yourself. Maybe just say something mildly controversial to show that you have actual thoughts about the world. Even if it scares some people off, you could just as easily attract someone else who feels the same way but wouldn’t know it otherwise.
I agree that I really dont show my personality, even with the few people that I talk to on the regular! Its like Im too shy to be completely me, but once in a while I will, and my “friends” look at me like “whoa I didnt know you had it in you, or “OMG your the last person i would expect to say that lol”. Its so weird because When Im at home with my brother Im hilarious and loud, but when I’m around my peers I mumble alot, and I dont take the risk of showing my personality.
Stay away from the drunken parties! You are doing the right thing. Drunk people always look like they have lots and lots of friends, but believe me, they don’t. When I stopped going to the parties, suddenly, I had NO friends. I suppose if I was still being a drunk, I would still feel like I had friends, but they would not be true friends. And all you people out there worried about no friends at your wedding…It’s not that big of a deal. We didn’t have a lot of friends show up at our wedding and my bride’s maids were not my very best friends, however, that was not the point of that day. The things I remember most were not my lack of friends, I remember that my parents were so happy and the atmosphere was so perfect and my husband and I were so excited. Actually, I barely remember it because of my nerves and the over whelming feelings I had, so a bit more advice would be take as many pictures and videos as possible. The thing that stung a bit, was my two friends that were my bride’s maids got married not long after, and they did not have me as a bride’s maid. Oh well, at least my wedding day was perfect. I agree with what someone said….Just have a small intimate wedding and save your money for the honeymoon. That sounds more romantic anyhow.
Observations: Many people here seem to be very involved in a romantic relationship. Maybe we are so involved with our love interests that we have a harder time meeting friends because we are with our boyfriend or girlfriend all the time and we give them all of ourselves emotionally.
#2: Many people here seem to have mentioned that they are more attractive than the average Joe. Maybe that works against us socially because (a) people are intimidated (b) people are jealous and feel inferior (c) anything said being slightly negative makes us come accross stuck up.
Again, just a couple of thoughts that I had after reading many of the posts. I have no friends. :(
I think that being attractive and not super outgoing could likely be a downfall in society.
Kimberly – I agrree with your thoughts on being attractive. I believe that if I were more outgoing, people wouldn’t think I was stuck up. If you’re attractive and quiet, people think that you think you’re better than them. (I don’t usually give self compliments – but I’ll take a risk at sounding conceited here and say that I think I’m pretty. Trust me I have other faults and they are many). I get told that I come off as intimidating and stuck up; sometimes people would confess to me how they thought about me before they started talking to me. I have to admit I have the same prejudices against people who are attractive and quiet at the same time. I assume that they are (or feel they are) too good for me, and that they have better things to do than talk to me. But maybe I’m just looking in a mirror when I see one of those people.
I also agree with you about the romantic relationship. I know from experience that before I started dating (and I didn’t date until the end of my senior year in high school), I had a lot of friends. Soon I started spending all my time with my boyfriend, and all my girl friends started dating and we never saw each other. Funny thing is they all have come back from boyfriendland and actually have social lives. I, however, have somehow drifted off on my own and cannot connect with them anymore. I have forgotten how to make and remake friends. I have not been single for almost 6 years – perhaps it is best that I try to be on my own.
I think that thing someone said about the narcisstic, arrogant people being more popular is definetly true. I always noticed the people who most seem like a-holes had more friends, but this could also be true because they are very confident, and don’t care what others think of them. They also possess a very good opinion of them self, a feature possibly untrue to those of a more humble personality. I think also that the really outgoing people are the ones people are drawn to and see them kind of as leaders or trend setters. They act as though they do not need our approval which seems to be more of an attractive quality then those that require constant validation. those who are arrogant/narcisstic also usually tend to be source of constant drama which could be looked at as exciting for people who are not that way. Maybe “nice” people are inaccuratley being viewed as dull or boring because they don’t come out and stir things up the same way non shy people do. I also noticed some of the comments stated that they are looking for a specific type of person, maybe we are limiting ourselves by searching for only that one type of person. I think that that was my mistake during high school. I rejected people in the same way they rejected me, just because they did not “seem” like my type of person, though maybe if I had gotten to know them better I would have seen we had more in common then I thought. This is just a thought I am definetly not trying to run blame on anyone for anything. I think that earlier comment was very helpful though. It really makes you think.
I think about driving into oncoming traffic at least 4 times a day, driving off a cliff, shooting myself, hanging myself daily. I had few friends in High School, none of them talk to me, some don’t even remember me. I fell for a girl who I thought I could finally open up to but like everyone else, she lost all interest. And now I have nothing. No friends, family doesn’t talk to me, $18 to my name, and half empty tank of gas. Why do I bother with this shit? Every time I try, the gutter ends up being my only friend. I’ve threatened to kill myself before, one time even purposefuly causing an accident, 60mph into a telephone poll. I blame the SUV for being so safe. No one thinks anything of it when I tell them that I’m suicidal. At this point, I have no clue why I haven’t killed myself, not like I got anything to lose. I wish I had the guts to just leave, some way to just blink out of existance without leaving anyone hurt. I try to find a reason to live, some thread of hope. The thread shrinks and shrinks every day.
Hmm, well I probably will be yelled at, and probably shouldn’t be here to begin with. I chanced upon this site while doing a assignment on depression. And I must say I’m surprised at how many people have posted here. Firstly I’m not an American, nor reside in America, so I’m speaking from my beliefs and experiences, which maybe completely different to America. I too have no friends. I haven’t had a casual conversation with anyone for the last 9 years, Parents never seemed interested in me, and after several of what I believe to be attempts to get “friendly” with them, eventually I just gave up. But putting family aside, I’ve never had a friend in my high school years and, while there were several occassions where I felt tempted to “make friends” it didn’t seem worth it.
I once asked a student in her final year of high schoo education why she chose not to have any friends and she replied “What’s the point? In a year I won’t see them again, and in another year if not sooner, no one will remember I even existed” Now here comes my critisicm, the world isn’t about you. It’s not about why people don’t like you, or why you don’t like them. The world is as it is. If you don’t do something nothing will happen. You can’t expect people to like you if you don’t make a move first. For those who try and fail, there are two possibilities, 1. Your asking the wrong person, ask other people, start up a conversation or whatever. Or 2. You look/smell/seem/etc horrible. I’m not saying you a horrible person, just that your not an appealing character, as sad as it is, many judge on initial impression, and I myself have to admit, if someone who seemed as if he/she hadn’t bathed in days, I’d tactfuly tell them to leave me alone, even if they had been the sweetest, most caring person in the world. But bringing this topic to a close, even such people can find peers, so it is not possible to not be able to make any friends.
No friends? Make new ones. I know an individual that started his friendships in a stalker like manner, he’d go to the same cafe, at the same time each day, and strike up a conversation with the same person. I recall he told me the first few thought he was a creep, and called him names such as “loner” and “freak” but that eventually ended. The problem with people is that they care too much how they look. That’s not to say we should be as care free as porn stars seem to be. But that it doesn’t matter how many times you look stupid. As I mentioned above, the girl who said there’s no point in friends. And many you have mentioned how empty or pointless your life seems, well might as well look stupid and try to flinging a pebble at the Great Wall of China (Symbolizing your isolation in this case) and who knows? It might just come tumbling down.
I guess I could write on, but I’ll stop here, before anyone starts calling me one of those “optimistic fools who haven’t had a worry in life” let me assure you, your dearly mistaken. If anything I’m probably a psychopath, my thoughts one abortion, euthenasia, suicide are contradictory to what society promotes. And while many will tell you “No, suicide is bad.” I’d tell you “If it’s what you really want, by all means go ahead” Cold hearted? Perhaps. Anyway if old friends don’t work, make new ones. I don’t have much to offer since I’m not a happy little person with her group of friends either. but honestly, instead of thinking the world is pointless, (I agree) might as well get as much pleasure as you can from it. If you need friends, go make them, But don’t become dependant on them, after all they too are human, and they too will pass you by like the faceless phantoms in the mall eventually.
Tes, you can talk to me about being dumped. I have been dumped before too. Those bastards.
Don’t worry about saying you are pretty here, we can all be honest here and sort out our feelings of trying to find out why we have no friends. P.S. I was pretty, but now I don’t feel pretty anymore because nobody says I am anymore. I haven’t gained much weight or anything so maybe I still am. Who knows.
Being dumped is twice as hard when you have no friends.. not only am I dealing with a loss of a person but I am thrusted back into the harsh reality of loneliness. During the weekdays I am very busy so I keep occupied, but during the weekends it’s extremely difficult. I do have a friend that I talk to about it, but I think he is secretly happy that I got dumped because he probably likes me, and he was dumped recently too. I do think he is a genuinely good person that would talk to me and be my friend without having ulterior motives even if I was in a relationship. But there is always something awkward when talking to someone who you think is secretly, even if subconciously happy about your pain. So I try to keep my distance from him.
Right now I am so angry at him (my ex)… yes he’s a bastard, an asshole, a jerk. But sometimes it’s not so easy to be angry, especially when he didn’t do anything extreme like cheat on me or steal from me. I think it will be the most difficult when the anger wears off and I can focus only on the sadness.
Yeah well if he is not mean then at least he is stupid to dump you, right? You are smart, nice, and pretty. What and idiot. Maybe it is not the loss of an idiot that is hurting you so badly, but the fact that you lost your only friend as well. I know, because I have been there. I dumped this guy for another guy (pretty mean of me, huh). Well when the new guy dumped me I thought he was the biggest jerk in the world although we only dated for 3 months. The reason it hurt me so deeply is because his friends were my friends and before that my previous boyfriend was my only friend for 2 years and before him my only friend was my boyfriend I had before that for 2 years so you get the picture. I had no social life because everything was wrapped up into these guys. Okay, so now my point, when I dated dude #3, for the first time we had a circle of friends together and we all had so much fun then he dumped me and then I couldn’t hang out with those people anymore. Most of them did take my side and we did a couple more hang outs after, but it wasn’t the same and like usual, I have a hard time keeping in touch with people for some reason so we have all drifted apart. I don’t even know their last names to look them up or anything. Well, I was so angry with him for dumping me but I know that is just because after that I had to be alone in the world. There was no new guy to hang out with (actually I found some, but that turned out badly because I wasn’t that interested in them, I just needed someone to hang out with and one of them really liked me and so that ended up being messy). It took a long time to get over it, but now I have after a lot of self destructive behavior which in turn caused me to need a major change of life and I have and now I am happily married. That’s my 2 cents, sorry it went on and on.
…
I’m so glad that whoever is making those posts has nothing better to do with their time than impersonating a total stranger on the internet.
I thought that, having no friends, my life was depressing, but I think I have found someone even more pitiful.
Thank you for making my day.
-The Real Tes Who Is Thankful for Stupid People
you know i had written on here like maybe a week or so ago and had asked if someone could help me with my situation or give me some advice and no1 had answered my post.. could someone please help me? or give me some advice??? …. . thanks
Hi Amanda. I don’t think this is a good website for finding advice on how to make friends because nobody here has any. I think most people found this page by typing “I have no friends” into google. Maybe you can type “how to make friends” in google or something similar. That’s all the advice I have.
Don’t worry Tes, it is obvious that wasn’t you making those comments. That person sounds illiterate and you seem way smarter than that in your posts.
Hi Amanda. I don’t think this is a good website for finding advice on how to make friends because nobody here has any. I think most people found this page by typing “I have no friends” into google. Maybe you can type “how to make friends” in google or something similar. That’s all the advice I have.
**Don’t worry Tes, it is obvious that wasn’t you making those comments. That person sounds illiterate and you seem way smarter than that in your posts.
Hey everyone I’m 19 years old and live in Canada and although I haven’t gone threw what everyone here has because all my life I have hade a couple really good friends that I care about and they care about me and I can’t imagine what you people go threw and what I have read on this site I feel incredibly lucky that I have these friends and I believe that all you guys are incredibly strong and really feel bad for you guys but I know that you all will find people eventually I give all of my luck to you guys and if any of you need anyone to talk to email me I don’t bite lol hope to talk to some of you soon my email is
wdcvgca2@hotmail.com
hello,
I have read most of the comments on this site and have found the situations similar to mine. You see, I have always been ‘different’ and never a part of the group. Whenever I have been invited to be a part of someone’s clique I have always felt a disconnection. It is always said that the pretty, outgoing and intelligent people have the friends and never find themselves lonely, that that is the key to being the center of attention, but that isn’t so. I am all of those things yet have always felt disconnected. I am an honors student at school, have never been shy, and generally have liked being surrounded by people. Ever since grade school, however, while having a good first impression of me, people tended to shift away as the time went on and in return I tended to do the same.
Maybe it is because I have always been more mature for my age then others. I have always wished to find a person exactly like me, someone who could understand and share my opinions. Three years ago, I have found that person, a person about fifteen years older than me, even though, if you knew him, he would seem younger in the way he acts.
A few months ago, he has found himself a girlfriend who has children almost my age, and is now planning to propose. I cannot say that I am unhappy for him, but I miss him. Our friendship, of course, never went farther then just a friendship, but we would always have fun together, just going out on the weekends, and I miss that very much.
I now have other ‘friends’, if you can even call them that. I never find comfort around them, because everything they do seems immature to me in a way that I would think “I’d never do the things they do”. However, it is nice having someone to go out with on a Friday as pathetic as that seems. I never liked having just ‘anyone’ there. That’s probably another one of my reasons for having no one. I am very selective when it comes to people and would never be for a long period of time with a person who had nothing in common with me.
And now, I sometimes feel like I don’t need friends and at other times I truly feel bad for having no one. Sometimes I feel like I might be overwhelmed by loneliness if I stay alone on a Friday night. That’s why I always find somewhere to go or something to do.
In the end, I’d just like to say that relating to people is difficult these days. Whenever someone else finds something ‘out of order’ with you, they will start backing away and keeping at a distance. They may not realize that you are actually a great person and could be an amazing friend.
Also, I think that being ‘different’ or stranding out is never ‘your problem’. It is not a problem, in fact you might be better for it. Some people out there may never know what they’re missing.
Thanks a lot for reading and listening.
Jule
p.s. Send me an email when you have time.
It would be nice to talk. :) radeon001@hotmail.com
hi- im a little older than others here-45 so I guess you may have your own interpretation of that. however i’m with all that have posted here. Being alone is very diifcicult, is it feels like living in a void-walking around an empty city- sitting in a vacant house. I feel at times that im not meant to be here and many times I have thought that I shouldnt be. I dont feel anything is wrong with me- im educated, reasonably intelligent , open and honest- but concede that perhaps thats not how others may view me I dont have any friends to talk to – visit or telephone. Its really sad not being able to share your thoughts with others or just have company. It wasnt always like that- but over the past 5 years whatever connections I had seemed to have disappeared. My family are very distant so I dont have that support either. Its strange how so many people here have lamented how they have given to others – yet have been disappointed that their actions have not been recipricated. I understand that too-as its been the same for me. Ive helped friends get jobs,and counselled them through tough times yet when all is well they just disappeared. It feels bad- as you give of yourself to others because you believe in helping- yet when theyre ok- they forgot my friendship so quickly. I am a sociable person – I like going out- yet dont anymore- as id feel like a walking sign post -saying lonely -or friendless. I hate lonliness and just dont cope with it- I so wish I had someone who was a good friend that I could talk to and catch up with. It also seems the longer you become lonely – the harder it seems that anything will ever change. I go to walk and thats really the only place where I get to interact with others. Mosrly my colleagues are married with kids so its difficult to build solid personal friendships there. When I come back home from work the lonliness normally kicks in about an hour later. The telephone syopped ringing many years ago- I dont even know why I still have it connected. Its really awful to think that for the most part the only calls I get are for bills or telemarketers
One of the difficult things about being lonely is it makes you so vunerable- I drink sometimes to fill the void- as when im lucid it re opens doors from years gone by when I had friends. Its nice to reflect until sleep takes the memories. But its not an answer- just a mask to ease the pain temporarily
I have a beach house- which is nice- but ive realise that irrespective of where you are – without friends its hard to really enjoy or appreciate what you have
im scared that my lonliness sucumb to me going something drastic
I still have faith that one day things will change – but it seems to be slipping away.
Hi, I am 28, and I only have 1 or 2 friends. I say 1 or 2, because we just don’t talk that often. Up until I started working I had some friends through out my school years. Not alot of friends, but at least a tight knit circle. But it’s so hard to keep friendships going when everyone starts to drift away. I wish I had made more friends in college and kept them close. I am friendly with my colleagues, but of course that isn’t the same. Once we all get off work, we go our separate ways.
I am grateful for the few friends that I do have, and talking to my family helps when I have noone else to turn to. I hope everyone finds some piece of happiness.
im 19 and my social skills suck. i have friends but def no confidants.
it sucks.
but im optimistic, email me if you want to chat
insane901@aol.com
there’s no reason why we all can’t be friends. society through us out but we dont have to be walked all over.
I’m so glad I found this site. It makes me feel less alone.
So…my story…I’m twenty years old and have no friends. It’s kinda sad, because I’m in college with over 5,000 people my own age. I feel like I’m missing out on what is supposed to be the best years of my life. Instead of going out with friends, I’m usually sitting in my dorm watching TV or doing homework. Life is so hard when you’re all alone.
Wouldn’t it be great if there were places where people in need of friends could meet each other? That’d be great!
My question for all of you is what do you do to feel less lonely?
Wow, I didnt think a forum like this existed. I thought I was the only one who felt isolated and disconnected from society but I guess not.
I am 20 yrs. old and I go to a major public institution in the south with thousands of kids but I have no one to talk to or even just kick it with sometimes. I admit I am not the most social person there is but I think I am a pretty friendly person.I’ve never really had trouble making triends. I am from Boston so I have always been sort of reluctant to go up to someone I don’t know and start talking to them. I’ve tried to start small talk conversations with people but it doesnt get much further than that. On occasion I’ll talk to my friends back home but I havent been there in eternity so sometimes theres not much to talk about anymore but the Red Sox.LOL After walking around with no friends all the time for such a long time you start to become very defensive towards everyone and you start thinkin’ f*** these people I don’t need them but deep down you know it hurts because you feel as though you dont even exist. I dont know if it is a cultural disconnect or what but it seems like people are so hesitant to approach me.I try to be friendly towards people,hold doors,smiling and saying hello but as strange as it seems these things are very hard for me sometimes being from Bos.
So much for southern hospitality.I admit my social skills may be lacking but I think I deserve to have friends too. You just get tired of studying chem equations and looking at The Adventures Of Indiana Jones all the time.LOL
I am 20 years old. Reading all these post made me feel not as lonely. i talk to so many people when i was in middle school and elementary, i had a lot of different groups of friends that i could just hang out in and start a conversation….but ever since i moved when i started high school my social netwrork decreased!!…and when i made a couple of frineds…i moved again for college. now i have 2 friends but not close one. its SO sad because all we talk about is school! what we got on our exams, what homework we have. nothing more nothing less. i am a loner and outcast. every1 has a group of friends in my class except me. i dread when we do work in ‘groups’ or ‘partners’ because i am ALWAYS the loner in the corner with no one to talk to. i don’t eat lunch at school becasue i don’t want people to see me eat by myself. whenever i have a break, i hide in the library so no one finds me. i don’t talk for an entire school day, which is 8-10 hours. it seems like i dont even know how to communicate anymore. i dont even know how to talk properly. i studder so much. my best friend is the computer and tv. i never dated, never been to a club, never drank. i think moving + family issues during that crucial time of my youth (around 14yrs old) had screwed my life over. i am nice, willing to help others, i dress nice, and i am clean and present myself good. sometimes i wonder why i even spend so much time doing my hair or picking out my clothes when seriously, NO ONE cares about me, and no one even know that i EXIST. but a year ago i have developed major acne, which has totally made me even more depressed, low confidence and no self esteem. i see the new kid come to my class and automactically makes so much friends. why can’t i? i am officially the saddest person in this forum.
Heather,
I used to have really bad skin too. I had pimples all over my face. Not to sound cheesy, but proactive works really well (although I know that is not really your major problem). I am also in a very similar situation to you too. I go to college and hide in the corner of the library, and always eat by myself. I have one friend in school, but I hardly ever see him. Then when ever I see other people they always seem to be so happy and well-liked, like there having so much fun. I dread working in groups too because it always seems like onone really wants to work with me, like they already have people they know and can’t be bothered with me.
I’m starting to feel that life is a complicated thing that cannot be breaken down to understand why is it bad sometimes. I spend most of my time alone with no one next to me, in early days of school I never been social, in other words I never felt satisfied. I tried to make friends all of the time and grab their attention but it just never worked. The thing is I really want to have friends and a good social life, but it just doesnt work. All of that led me to lose my self-esteem. I started thinking that looks might be the reason. I’ve asked my parents for a nose job at 16 years ! I’ve went through the pain and did it. I feel satisfied with the results but I realised that looks isn’t everything at all. What is really bothering me now is that I need people around me so bad but it doesn’t work for some reason. I even wish I could love and be loved sometime in my life. In high school, I always felt that I’m not good enough like the others, I felt I’m not wanted too. Most of my classmates used to make fun of my slim body. I’m a 18 years old guy now, and as I’m writing this i feel so lonely and I feel like crying. I spend most of my time working out to try to make my body look better, I try to talk to people at the gym and i always smile to everyone but still not good enough. When I see groups having fun I really start thinking why can’t I be like them ! I thought of committing suicide so many times, but then i think that it is just running away from reality. I really want to change this but I don’t know if this is how my life will go on …
Reading your messages is both saddening and enlightening at the same time. While it help s to know I’m not alone with this problem, it merely affirms my greatest fear i.e. it is possible to have no friends at all. While I might not have been the most gregarious of personalities, I have always kept a small group of confidantes. However, recent events have changed or rather revealed the true status of my fellowship with these people. Firstly, after I hinted, quite directly that there will never be anything more than friendship with person A, he lost interest in becoming my confidant. Apparently, his friendship was his efforts in getting laid. While I am tempted to say all men are dicks at this point, I choose not to believe it because it must be a sweeping and unfair statement. Secondly, this year has been a horrible year. I have failed to secure an internship with every interview I have been to. My friend B however has been really successful and the friendship has deteriorated to the point where I don’t think there is a point in keeping up with it. He only talks to me about his obsession with men and his body ( he is gay) and he didn’t use to be like that. Or was it just me who refused to see it. He seems so shallow and it will be okay if he cares about me too as a friend but he doesn’t. I’m the one making the effort to have a conversation/updates. I’m exhausted by people. I don’t trust people and somehow, I realize the true isolation and destitute that the character in notes on a scandal must feel. I realized that it could be my one true destiny not something that was just kept in the back of my mind. Its depressing to realize things like these. At a time when I need support, I have no support at all. Sigh. If there is a God, he really really sucks.
Hi everyone! I’m 22 and just came across this site today. I’ve been at home all day watching TV and surfing the internet while my boyfriend is out with his friend. I’m shocked and relieve to know that I’m not the only one who has this problem. For the longest time I though I was a loser or that something was wrong with me because I couldn’t make or keep friends. I try to tell myself I like being alone, but deep inside I wish I had someone close to talk to other than my boyfriend. i’ve been with him for almost 6 years now and I get jealous when he goes out with his friends (which is only like once a month) I just don’t know how to talk to people sometimes, I feel like I might say something wrong, but for the most part I’m very talkative. I think maybe a little too serious. I feel very insecure about myself and I feel like people are always judging me. Despite the fact that I’ve been told I very pretty ( i never believe it) my self esteem is really really low. I’v had this problem with friends ever since highschool. even tho I know now that you all are out there…. it still sucks. I hope that life will not be this way forever, i don’t know how to deal with it forever.
going back, I read a couple posts I missed… Wow Heather, you sound just like me when I was in college. I was always hiding on break and sat alone in class. It made me really depressed to know that everyone had a group or circle of friends but me. after a while, I just didn’t know how to talk to people, didn’t know what to say. I have never been to a club either which is something I am really ashamed of. Actually I’m afarid to go because I’d be way to nervous to mingle and dance with people. I’m even jealous of my sister for being so popular in university. all I have is my boyfriend…. if anyone wants to chat my address is c_douggie@hotmail.com
Dear Everyone,
I feel the same way that alot of you guys do. My “friends” would always have parties and not invite me. Later on i would either find out about it unintentionally or they would just tell me about the fun they had, as if they want me to feel hurt. I have been really depressed recently, and i feel as if there is no one who can help me. i feel like my life is meaningless, and i’m just wasting my time with what i do. I can’t find anything I do fun. i’m a freshman in College. My life is just beginning, but it seems like it’s ending already. What should I do? Whom should I talk to?
Thank you for reading this. I feel much better after writing down my thoughts. Thank you everyone.
Currently in my neighborhood there is a party going on with some of the people that live around here. They are my age and we have children the same age. We have not been included in that circle. They are exremely social to one another, but they will not even look our way in passing. Our window is open and I can hear them talking and laughing. Why are we all in this situation? Are people in general just bastards, or is there something wrong with all of us? All these millions and millions of people in the world and I do not have a single one of them as a friend. Screw ’em. I thought I was feeling good about myself today and then I heard the talking and laughing right outside my window and it all went to shit.
Yep, I wish each and everyday that I would die, life is useless roaming it all alone not being able to experience the joys that others do. never had a gf never had a friend to talk to without being made fun of. fuck life.
peter, that’s a sad, sad story (as is everyone elses) If you’re having this problem at 45 it leaves little hope that things will improve as we get older…..
It’s 2am and I sit here with tears in my eyes reading these posts, I don’t even know what to feel but pure sadness that there are others out there living the way I am. Up until I was about 12 everything was ok, my parents were divorced but that had happened when I was very young, I had plenty of friends and family there for me. At 13 or so everything changed. There was no one. My mom and stepfather fought non stop and only had anything to do with me when they had to yell at me about something for a few hours to take a break on each other. I spent all of junior high and high school with no friends, no one to talk to. There were a couple good years after high school, mainly because I made good money and started to spend it on booze. Easy to make friends when you buy lots of alcohol. As soon as I stopped drinking everyone i had drank with just stopped talking to me, I guess I should have expected as much, but I was blinded the booze.
Its now been 15 years since the depression and having no friends started. I don’t know how I make it through each day, I just do. Lately I break down crying and shaking or fly into a rage and punch myself in the side of the head calling myself an idiot, loser, whatever the whole time, I don’t understand why things got this way, I always tried to be nice to people and be respectful, I have worked since i was 14, I was a nice guy. Now I just have nothing to say, I try to smile but it just feels wrong on my face. I am at the edge of a complete breakdown and don’t know what to do, it’s not fair that this is happening to me, its not fair that it is happening to anybody.
sorry for being so long winded, just had to get it out
Im 15, I had a really great group of friends in primary school. Then I moved to secondary school and i never found close friends. I have a group at school of four mates, but they are labbelled as the school losers…so i fall in that category…i am popular, as in i am liked by alot of people, but i never get invited out to partys or clubs like any other 15 year old should. I stay at home most days, i have three very close friends but they dont know each other, therefore, i never go out with a group of mates…this makes me so sad…i would love to be in a big group of best mates, i dont have that. Someone tell me if they were the same at my age, and things will work out.
I WANT THE PERSON READING THIS, TO TRY FORGET ALL THEIR SORROWS FOR JUST ONE SECOND, TAKE A DEEP SIGH, AND JUST SMILE IT AWAY!
Cause just remember, you aint alone…
…things are bound to get better.
hey everyone! My second post, just an answer for sarah’s question on what I do to feel less lonely. Well I try to do anything that is bound to make me happier and busier. Watch comedy movies, drink, study (not that it makes me happy just fills the mind with other thoughts). There has been a whole lot of new posts since i sent my last post. I tell you what, it makes me feel a hell of a lot better knowing you guys are out there, exactly the same position as me. But instead of letting everyone know our depressive lonely state, maybe there is something we can do about it, set up a chatroom for us or something so we can actually have conversations. Im not a computer guru but if there is anyone who can set up some sort of chat site! then that would be sweet as!. The only other suggestion for anyone who wants to contact anyone from here is to put emails at the end of their posts. Cuz I would love to have a good old chat with someone. I havent met any of you but I really hope you and myself can find what we are looking for. :)
ok, I have a WIERD experiment….. How many of you are Leo’s?? I never used to believe in that stuff but a few experiences made me wonder. I know two people that are leo’s (male and female) and they are both quiet introverts, but after getting to know them I relized that they had a whole other personality to them (like me. I’m a leo by the way). They didn’t have many friends if any at all and they were both very sexy people. (kinda like me LOL) They were creative, fun and humorous. they liked to read, the guy loved drawing … so many things that I myself love to do. I had alot of fun with them and we can talk for hours but before I saw this side of them I thought they were stuck up people. (usually what people think of me) then I noticed that someone on this site was a leo too. No basis to my experiemnet really, just a funny coincidance and Im curious to know how many Leo’s are here.
Virgo. And from what I have read, Virgos can be like that too.
I have MSN messenger c_douggie@hotmail.com
i dont understand why it is so hard to make friends these days. i am having trouble meeting new people. i would love to have a good group of friends that i can hang out with, and be close with. i don’t have a family, and thats why its really important for me to find a good group of friends. i am not really a shy person, but i still don’t know how to meet people. you cant just walk up to random people in the street, and say “hey lets be friends”. it obviously doesn’t work like that. i don’t really know where to meet people, or how to go about talking to new people. ive been pretty miserable because of not having anyone in my life. i have this one friend who has a lot of issues, so he isnt really dependable. i dont know how long he will stick around until he gets into his moods and turns into a scumbag. i work at a restaurant, but unfortunately, they aren’t really the type of people i can see myself hanging out with, because most of them are not really friendly. i just wish i knew the answers on how to meet new people
Jack,
Read these articles because it sounds like you are an introvert, like me. Basically, since I came across these articles, it has helped me to understand who I am and helped me realize it is the small talk I am not doing with people. I need to talk about the weather a little more. I have felt a bit better about my situation in the last few weeks but I, like you, go through 1-2 days of slight depression every now and again, but I still go to work, so you may have it a little worse than me. I drank alchohol like a fish too because it was my only way of being uninhibited. I was free to say and do what I wanted and nothing would hold me back but when I was sober, I was back to my usual quiet self. They even called my Jackyl and Hide, which looking back was probably not the best nickname. Hang in there, with time this will pass for us all by either accepting who we are and living with it, or trying to change, but I think things will get better for all of us.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts
I just thought of one more thing. Where I live, everyone has been talking about the book, The Secret. You guys may or may not have heard of it by now, but my husband is reading it and he said it is the best present I ever got him. He tells me all about it and even reads parts of it to me. I will be reading it when he is done. Anyway, it talks about the law of attraction and says that our thoughts our so powerful that they attract things and situations. It says that when we dwell on things like having no friends, like we all do, then we attract that into our lives even more. I know, it sounds kind of like hogwash, but I tried an experiment while driving to work. Instead of saying to myself “whatever lane I am in, is always the slow lane” I said “whatever lane I am in will be the fast lane” and it worked! It was the power of positive thinking. Okay, so maybe it isn’t true but maybe it is. If we want to better our situations, then it can’t hurt to read it, right? Hey, we’ve got nothing else to do with no social lives. So maybe if we say to ourselves, I will meet people and I will make friends, then we can attract people. At least we would probably look a little happier because we are not having these miserable thoughts going through our heads thinking that we are so lonely and nobody likes us. Lets try it.
hi, it made me cry after i read everyones entries, i feel so alone all the time.. and its so strange because no one would know it, i am extremely beautiful, an amazing personality, seriously.. yet i have zero confidence.. i have such a great life, i’m going to college, i play on a womens varsity soccer team, i have money, but i have no one.. i’ve never had a real boyfriend, because everytime i go on a date or have feelings for someone i push them away, and i hate it because some of them i really liked so much… i used to have alot of friends growing up, always someone close.. but then i hit grade 12 and i took myself out of everyones lives.. i kinda went to some other friends by the end of the year, but once college started, i never hear from them or see them… it hurts so much, the pain makes me stop talking to my family, and people around me.. yet i don’t even tell them because i dont want to bother them with my problems.. its just so fucked up because i can’t find any friends who i trust,.. seriously though, i don’t trust one person in this world, not even my parents.. i am one of the most trustworthy person you could probably ever meet,.. whatever i just don’t understand… i hate this world sometimes, and everyone in it
Hey,
Ive been reading this site a lot the past couple of months and this is my first post, probably my final. A lot of you people dont deserve such misery in your lives. I’d like to say i dont but i feel as though i deserve it. Ive been depressed for a couple of years, with on and off periods, and only 17 years old. I was bullied constantly in my first years of high school, and as a result i have a constant paranoia and fear about people around me, because i have been let down and stabbed in the back by most of the friends ive had. I feel as though i cant go anymore and i just want to end my life, because its easier for me in the long run. You may call me a coward but i cant go on feeling like this 24 hours a day. even on good days things just build up inside and i just feel unhappy. for everything good something bad happens to me,,i dont think im meant to be here. i would say to you people feeling the same to not be weak like me and just look at life in a positive light and value yourself more than you value other people. My friends are two faced, i cant even trust my family, i get let down by everyone i care about, so is there a way out for me? i think not. Maybe i just need someone to talk to but i cant go on much longer like this..
No, are you?
Hi there!
I was surprised when I found this site. My husband and I too are both lonely people. We are each others own best friends. We both have came from distant cold and dysfunctional families. For example, my husband had a Father that had actually commited suicide. Its been hard for him to get close to other men I believe now because of that. He is an office professional still trying to climb up that ladder of financial success at 42. I had 3 kids at a very young age in another marriage, finances for me had made it impossible for me to further myself, so now its about my hubby being the best bread winner. Today we live 1500 miles away from family. We decided to move from Minnesota to Myrtle Beach, SC, but things didn’t work out there, and now we are stuck smack in the middle of nowhere in the deep south about 110 miles from the Beach, because of my husband’s job relocation. My husband had gotten let go from the company out here, and the unemployment rate in SC is the highest in the nation. He just recently found work after 6 full months of being unemployed, and that was so scarey. Our beloved pomeranian dies a hideous painful death during this time of unemployment from the poison pet food recall you may have heard about. We miss him terribly.
We are outgoing and caring, kind, loving, thoughtful, hospitable, generous, and intelligent, common sensical type of people. We are not perfect, but we are much more together than most I believe. We love our pets, they are like our children, since we never had any kids together. We are also Christians. Sadly I have found that many of the churches are too clicky out here and are little more than clubs at best, and if you are a “yankee” in the south ( I hate that word now) and alone, its not a good thing. We have been lonely for many years. I’m 51 now and our situation is pathetic. I am a “people person” and I have alot to say. For me to be in this ongoing crisis of “Zero friends” is not where we should be. I have some standards that I will not hang out with druggies or criminals just to have friends also. I desire to talk with some of the nice types of people I have been reading on these posts. You might think I’m too old for some of you, but I am good a good listener too. I only hope none of you younger ones are suicidal because of your loneliness. You have to be tough in this world because even if we don’t know what the exact reason we are here for, know that God has a greater plan for all of us.
I have many interests and talents. I love the chance to entertain. I am a good cook. I am not arrogant as all this bragging may sound like. As I am just telling the facts. I refuse all these years to ever have completely taken away all of my self confidence and self esteem away. The Lord helps me get through each second, minute, hour and day, but there have been many times I thought maybe I wasn’t meant to have existed. But I know its just a dirty lie from the devil! I’m not suicidal by no means, but I do feel a little crazy at times without others to share my life with, besides only my husband and pets. I ask what is my purpose here on this crazy earth. Life is too short and we all need each other. I also know what it feels like to give and give and get nothing in return from others, that hurts but it something you must forgive. I have traveled much in my life. I have many interesting things to talk about. If anyone wants to e-mail me, I would like hearing from you. Jesus loves you and so do I! Leah thomashohenstein@yahoo.com
It’s good to know that I am not, pardon the pun, “alone out there”. I’m a 35-year old male living in Connecticut, married with 3 kids. I had a close group of friends in high school and college, but, as so often happens, we have drifted apart. I still maintain occasional contact, but like so many of you, I find myself the one that’s usually making the effort for contact.
I no longer have anyone close to me that I feel I can confide in. The cold reality of the situation really hasn’t hit me until recently, maybe I’ve realized that I need something that I had been content to be without for so many years. My wife works a few nights a week, which means I’m by myself with the kids, which is fine, but sometimes it’s nice to talk about things other than Star Wars and Dora. Compunding things is that I’ve been under an increasing amount of pressure at work. For the past two months or so I’ve been feeling very depressed, and haven’t been out with someone else once in all that time. Last night my wife went out with friends from work, and I have to admit, I’m green with jealousy.
I’m not really sure what the problem is. I’m usually one of the first people that is included when people from the office head out to happy hour, but we’ve been so busy lately that everyone just wants to go home at the end of the day. I’ve always had a hard time making friends, even though pretty much everyone I know would classify me as a “good guy”. I’ve gone through little bouts of this in the past that would last a day or two, and then I’d pick up and be my typically happy self, but this has been going on two months now and is not getting any better.
I suppose my problem is that when it comes to social activities, I’m generally not an initiator, but it’s a hard step for me to take.
I’m really sorry that we all have to be here discussing this.
-Joe
husky_hoops@yahoo.com
I am in the same boat as all of you. All my life I have strived to be a good person, to help people, be kind, laugh, smile and make people feel good. As a kid I was called happy-go-lucky. I had 1 friend back then. Through the years I would have a friendship which lasted a year or more and then they would always stab me in the heart. I know I am not perfect and I have made my mistakes but I have always been loyal, honest and a true. I got so tired of being stabbed in the heart by these so called friends so as the years passed I decided to just say the heck with it. I don’t need anyone. Though I am married happily I sometime need a friend to hang with. Someone to call on the phone, someone who accepts me for me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong with my life, why I have no friends. I never get invited to anyones huse, no parties, nothing. I try very hard to keep the depression at bay but at times it gets to be too much. Like now I feel very sad because someone at work who used to be a friend causes me heart ache with some of the things I hear her say about me. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of living in a fantasy world where I dream of being very popular. I don’t have to have a lot of firnds, just real friends who only want a friend, an honest and loyal friend. I read a lot, especially fantasy stories and dream I am like the person in the story. Everyone always wanting to be my friend, people love me, talk to me and listen to what I have to say. Then I wake up and reality sets in. Maybe its just me. maybe deep inside me I am a bad person. Maybe one day I’ll run across someone like me.
I just wanted to say that I know how you all are feeling. Maybe being a jerk to people is the way to go. If it is, I guess I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.
I am so alone and depressed. Even work no longer stops the sadness… I am so tired… I constanly feel so empty. I have (starting over a year ago) taken to eating lunch at my desk because no one ever asks me to join them, even the others on my “team”. and when i ask them to join me well… lets just say I do not bother anymore. I geuss its time just to pack it all in and call it a day. why…. why…. why….
Well, ive been on this site for almost an hour now reading all of your stories, and I have to say that my story is equally grim. Up until tonight I always thought that I was totally alone and that I MUST be the only person who didnt have a single friend. I finally decided to ask google “Why dont I have any friends?” and I wound up here.
I remember back in high school always having people to talk to, and people to hang out with in school, but even so I was still totally alone. It always seemed that during school hours I was popular and doing great, but for the life of me I cant remember one person from school ever hanging out with me afterward, unless of course they needed me to drive them somewhere, or do somthing for them. Im now 26 and not much has changed. It seems now a days I simply cant meet any new people, and the people I do meet are simply passers by. And aside from the first conversation I have with them, I never manage to get past that and onto anything that could actually turn into a relationship. I have told myself over the years that “This is simply how it is, and theres nothing you can do about it” but im really starting to question that, and what is actually going on in society to cause a need for a website like this. Obviously we are not alone, and there are many other people out there that are feeling the exact same way that I do, but if thats the case, why arent we running into each other all the time? Think about it. If one person like me actually found this site, and took the time to read it and post on it, how many other people in the same situation didnt find the site, or found the site and didnt post? 10, 100, 1000? I dont know, but as this has been a running post for over 2 months (based on the post dates) thats gotta make up an alarming percentage of North America feeling the exact same way I do!
So the question reamins then , why are so many of us in this situation? I dont know the true answer, but I can assume based on the numbers that we all cant have the same living situation, demographic, age group, race, sex, mental disorder, or really anything else that could possibly expain this. Really the only explanation that seems to make any sense at all (and please keep in mind that this is simply my opinion, and I am still in the same boat as all of you) is that our society has reached a point where it is no longer socally acceptable to meet new people, and actually open up to them. I mean, “God forbid that anyone know that I dont have any friends, and ill be damned if I ever let anyone know that. Thus I will soldier on as I am, somehow hoping to meet somone who is willing to talk to me, without me actually having to open up to them first.” Ive found myself thinking that many times in the past few years, and it begs the question, “Am I the only one who does this?”
Furthermore, I have seen noted many times on this page that it always seems that shallow, or “uncaring” people always seem to have all the friends. Has anyone ever considered that this might be due to the fact that those who may be considered shallow, or uncaring may always seem to have friends because they are not actually attempting to open up or share anything personal with anyone in their social circle? I cannot speak from experience, but assuming that these people are as shallow as we all seem to think they are, then it wouldnt be a total stretch to assume that the people they gather with are not actually they type of friends that would be willing to listen to personal problems, or for lack of a better saying “go out on a limb” for the people they know? I guess what im asking, is how do I/we know its not just posturing in an attempt not to appear to be as alone as the rest of us are willing to admit? Or really not willing to admit. Again, based on the numbers it would appear that we are not alone, and there are people just like us everywhere. Thus the only true solution to this delimma is for all of us to stop actiing like we are the only ones that feel this way, and perhaps attempt to open up to someone who may be a complete stranger…
I can’t say that im totally comfortable with this idea, but after spending my entire adult life feeling like an outcast in society I think I just might be willing to give it a try.
Thanks for reading my extremely long post. And if you are interested in being my friend heres my “myspace”
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=75441865 (I sure hope that link works!)
J.
At work, I have tried opening up to people and talking to them. I ask questions about their lives only to get an answer to my question, and that is it. They don’t ask about me. Nobody wants to try and get to know me. I have been here 2 months now and I have opened up to 3-4 people and the rest of them, I have tried being pleasant to and still, at lunch time, nobody asks me to go. They order food for each other and go around asking what people want from the menu, but nobody ever asks me what I want. It is weird. I used to think that people were just mean to me for some unknown reason, but now I am beginning to think that I have seriouse problems. Hundreds of people can’t be wrong. I always thought I was normal, but now I don’t think that anymore. I must be really uninteresting or maybe I stink. It is getting to the point that I don’t even want to try anymore. Some days I just sit in my office all day and if I don’t start a conversation with anyone, then I don’t talk to anyone all day. At church it is the same way. The only time I am happy is when I am with my family, but when I am away from them I deteriorate quickly. My husband thinks I am awesome and he doesn’t understand it either. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. It keeps getting more and more difficult to deal with. Am I going to live like this forever? The only thing that keeps me going is thinking that “maybe when we move again (in a year), then I will meet some friends”, but that is what I thought last time we moved, and I haven’t met a single soul that wants to be my friend. I am mormon and I live in Utah. The Mormon community is a very tight knit community and when you move to a new neighborhood, you can usually assume you have instant friends, but that has not been the case with me. Nobody tries to get to know me. I wish I knew why. I have given up. There is not much more I can do at this point because I can’t say I never tried. I guess my family will be my only friends but I will have to wait like 20 years to be able to talk to my kids on an adult level. They are only babies.
Leah I am sorry to hear about your pet. That is so sad. You meant to exist because you brought 3 children into this world and your pets and your husband need you. So, how long have you been without friends? I know what you mean about wondering if you were meant to be here. Sometimes I feel invisible and like I don’t even exist. It would be nice to have people acknowledge my existence. I wonder why this is our fate? Maybe it will make us stronger some how.
Hey, its Leah again.
I hope all of you are hanging in there okay. I really respect and appreciate everyone’s openess on this message board. I think you are all GREAT! This board has really got me to start really analyzing the “friendless” situation even more. I just wanted to say a few things. First is, what I wonder, how is it that if there are so many lonely people out there, then why is it, I see so many people yacking away on their cell phones all of the time, everywhere, and even ringing practically off the hook for some of them. Maybe some of this may relate to their jobs too. But that can’t always be the reason. Sometimes I wonder too, if there are people who just keep a cell phone in their ear, maybe are really just talking to the air, pretending they have lots of friends, and that they are trying to say to the world ” Hey look at me, I have lots of friends, I’m important.” Also, I want to say about how our society has come to be so over materialistic too. We are constantly shopping as a nation, buying many things we think we need, but actually don’t always need, at all. I believe that maybe it could be to just avoid the loneliness and depression and boredom, for lack of relationships in our lives. Maybe we try to use material things to fill those empty voids in life, but to no avail, and soon we are heading back at the stores shopping again. Thats why it could be at any given time you can see many of the Walmart stores parking lots filled to the maximum. Just think of the money one could save if we weren’t shopping so much. Look at the buffet restaurants too, how they are filled to the max, with everyone stuffing their faces and getting fat and unhealthy. And the Bars are full of people hanging there heads over there drinks up at the bar, getting drunk, or trying to have a sexual encounter with someone, hoping that sex will fill the void. Or feeling no one cares about them, or they feel so misunderstood by the world. What would we do if there were no Buffets, no Bars, no Walmarts?? Well we might become thinner, wealthier, soberer, healthier and saner for starters. In this type of a society people might come to depend on each other more for sharing and fun and enjoyment and self improvement. Also be learning to communicate better, while developing long term and more meaningful, and deeper connected friendships with each other. It might become much easier to go out on a limb for new friendships. and not just having a possible bunch of aquaintances or superficial relationships, or passerbys coming and going, passing on through our lives.
About a week ago, I just recalled when I was at the petfood store, there was this lady who was getting ready to pass me with her cart in the isle I was in, and then she stopped and noticed my little dog. She started the conversation talking about her new puppy, and then she went on about how she knew someone who was abusing their dogs, and that she had rescued the puppy she had. I spoke about the petfood that poisoned my first dog to death. And the next thing you know, we must of been standing in that isle for a good 20 minutes or longer talking about dogs and cats, when suddenly, she confesses to me, and says “I have NO friends. I was like surprised when she admitted this outright to me. Unfortunately I did not let her know that I was in the same exact boat as her. So I used the excuse to let her know what I had been reading about the petfood ingredients that she was unaware about, and I asked her if she had a computer that I could e-mail her the information I had about what was in the petfood ingredients, in hopes that maybe we could also strike up a friendship over time. But she said she didn’t have a computer. I didn’t feel right at the time about asking her for her phone number, so it was time to go, and then I wished her congratulations on her new puppy, and she thanked me for talking with her and then we moved on. Afterwards, I had regretted I had not been as open as she was about not having any friends. The lady was brave I thought to myself, imagine that to come right out and admit this to me, her being a total stranger. I sure hope I meet her again. She seemed very nice. I will offer my phone number if I see her again. I think it can help having a pet to be with in public. It can help break the ice to talk with others. But after that, you need to become creative, real quickly as to how you can stay in touch with a person to hopefully gain a new friendship. Maybe we just need to be more open like children can be. Remember how easy it was just to go run up to some new kid’s house and ask them if they would like to go outside and play with you. Alot of us didn’t think anything of it. We didn’t stop and think to ourselves “Hmm I wonder if that new little girl will say she doesn’t want to play with me and I will feel so rejected if she says no”. I bet if everyone were more like a kid that maybe we’d all have at least a couple good friends, you suppose? I think pride and fear too often times stand in the way of expressing our wants and needs to others we do not know. I guess maybe exposing our “friendless” situation with others can make us feel vulnerable, like we are sitting in a hotseat and what we fear most is the dirty word, REJECTION. This is just one of several possibilities I suppose. Life is full of risk taking, and I guess if you don’t take some risks in life, you won’t ever know the sweet taste of victory. If in times you get defeated, you just need to try and pick yourself back up to your feet again, dust your shoes off, and go on to the next opportunity till you get it right. Well, I am so sorry about how long my post has become on here. The Lord bless you all and be with you and direct your paths! Love, Leah
Lisa,
Thank you so very much for your condolences about my dog. That means alot to me! Some people can be so cruel. As an example, my dog had just died that day and my mother says “oh you will get over it.” Well that dog was a big part of my life mom, I wanted to say to her ,please don’t be so callous, but thats just the way she is, I guess. Lisa I appreciate your kind words. I have been friendless for a long time now it seems. There had been some “aquaintances” and a few friends that have came and gone while I have been married. Events in some of their lives lead them to other places, such as (new marriage, divorce, distant moves etc.) But now I’m living in the South in a tiny town. There isn’t even a grocery store here, haha. Closest one 19 miles away. it has become even more challenging to make friends way out here. I am not going to give up though. Never! I don’t think being friendless is met to be a fate exactly, but I think maybe we are suppose to learn something out of it about ourselves from this experience. On the upside, maybe it will help us to help others in some unique way one day. Maybe its just to teach us to preservere more, develop more patience, humble ourselves, a time to get closer with God, getting immense insight about life in general, but only of course, if we choose to accept those paths. Life can destroy a person, but only if we let it. I believe we need to keep on going, because we are not the Master of this Universe. I believe there is a much more devine and higher purpose and larger destiny that each and every person on earth is called to fulfill. But its up to us to find it and decide what that is, whether we want to follow whats morally right and strive and struggle toward our unique and amazing destinies on this earth that we were put here for, or choose to stay miserable and angry at the world and let it destroy you, and possibly harming others along the way. Heres an example to the down side. You know that young Korean man on the news that had killed all those college students and professors in Virginia and himself recently. Well this is where friendlessness and arrogance and depression and loneliness and worthlessness, jealousy and hostility at the world. can take a person to its final conclusion if one isn’t careful and does not choose the right path. Its vitally important to control our own thought processes, and to not fall into the demise of the devil who wants to destroy peoples lives. I don’t have all the answers and probably never will, but I will never give up. Its okay to be lonely and down and angry for a little while, but only as long as you don’t act on those feelings in such a way that it can harm ourselves and others. You just can’t let yourself stay there. Sometimes you just need to discipline yourself to walk it off, eat healthier, be creative and do something nice for someone, whenever you see the opportunity at all, pray, read poetry etc. Thank you Lisa for your comments. Remember God loves you and so do I!
Love, Leah
I think there are people out there that really do have true friends. I see them all around and that is what makes it difficult. It is hard to see it all the time. I think people it for granted and they do not realize how lucky they are. What they have, a friend, is a wonderful thing. However, at the same time, they too do not have perfect lives and there are things they would change if they could. Nobody has a perfect life. We all struggle and that is what we are here for, to learn. We just have different struggles. Our job is to overcome our problems and to not let them get the best of us, right? I think a lot about that man at VA Tech too. Another thing I noticed as I watched the constant footage bombarding my television, is that many people had soooo many friends! They received texts from all these people making sure they were okay and I couldn’t help but put myself in that situation and think that if a catastrophic event happened in my area, nobody would text me to see if I am okay. I don’t need to be the most popular person around, but it would be nice to have people care about me. Hmmmm, maybe someday.
I think I would be okay without friends if it wasn’t for the fact that EVERYONE I know has friends. This has really hindered a lot of things in my life, so many simple stupid things like going shopping or to a movie or out to eat – you can’t do any of those things by yourself without getting the stare-down by everyone else. Also, right now, there is this guy pursuing me and I so want to go for it, but he has about a million friends and I don’t feel adequate at all. I just ended a relationship with a guy I dated for several years who was also Mr. Popular. It got to the point where I had to take a job on the weekends so he can have some free time to spend with his friends while I didn’t feel so pathetic doing nothing by myself. I think, how am I ever going to make friends when I don’t have any? I don’t think I can enter another relationship, friendship or something more, because I am so deeply embarrassed about my friend-less situation.
I mean, what is that? I have never heard of another person having this problem – turning down a wonderful guy (or girl) because they have no friends? What do you even tell them? I feel like I need to get some friends first before I start dating again.
Now that I think about it, I know now why I only ever date guys who are “popular”, who have a lot of friends. I know for a fact now, after coming to this site, that there are males out there, some my age, who also do not have friends or very few friends. However, we will never meet because we would both be in the same boat. A male version of myself would never approach me! Perhaps he would think I have a life and be intimidated, or feel inadequate. If only there was some sign I could wear on my forehead that only people in my situation could see. We could all just be friends with each other without feeling inadequate or stupid.
Hello I just turn 18 a few months ago. I was a senior in high school I have heard you see who your real friends are when thing get tough and you need them the most. When I Battled with a drug addiction and was basically throwning my life away, my family disowned me, and was very depressed I turned to my close friends to guided me. What I found out is that all my friends turned their backs on me. I have no friends. Friends I would call brothers stopped talking to me. They didnt want to hang with me because of the drug but that was all I was left with, One friend stuck with me the longest and it was helping but shortly gave up leaving me crushed. I m still addicted. I hated going to school seeing old friends walk past me not saying a word. Everyday I think of them, I miss them and what to be friends with them again but I’m also angry at them for leaving me. I didnt expect any of them to do this to me. Most of them didnt even try to talk to me. My best friend I called crying and he told me he was busy. I want to have friends but I dont want get hurt again….
Can I say ditto, ditto and ditto…? I’m emotionally overwhelmed trying to read these posts. I have done so many of the same things and feel so much the same way. I even found this article by trying to ask Google why I don’t have any friends as well.
I feel like I have no friends. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I have no close friends. I feel like I can get a long with most anyone, but all too often I find myself all alone trying to think of someone I could call and say ‘lets go do something’ but there isn’t anyone. I do have a couple of old friends. We all live in different cities now, so we’ve not seen each other in years but I do hear from them once in a while, which means a lot to me. The thing is, they both have friends in the cities where they live and they will tell me all about stuff they do with there new friends, but I have no one and I don’t understand why. Like I saw in one of the other posts, I’ve witness neighbors roughly the same age as me, get together for cook-outs etc, but I am not invited. I try to be friendly with my neighbors but nothing comes of it.
Hey PETER… I am not far behind you, I recently turned 40. I know what you mean about the couples with children thing. It is also tearing my heart out reading about the folks here in their teens and twenties who have the same problem. I know all to well how desperation and loneliness can drive bad decisions.
I’ve spent lots of money over the years essentially trying to buy peoples friendships, doesn’t work of course. Some times I’ve been know to order a pizza, not because I really wanted it, but for the few minutes of talking to the delivery person. I just wanted to some sort of human contact. There are times I go for days without having a conversation with anyone. I’ve done little tests at work, of not initiating a non-work discussion with anyone. Just to see if someone initiates one with me… and it’s very rare when someone does.
The other thing is, as I read these posts, I remembered a time with I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade sitting in the school lunch room, watching everyone next to me have conversations with each other, but no one was speaking with me. I remember thinking something like, if all the other lonely people in the world would get together they won’t be lonely anymore. So I’ve been struggling with this for a long time. Clearly it’s something about me. I think there is some merit in the introvert discussion. I am very introverted as well.
Can I be honest about my fear when I post this? No one will be interested enough in anything I have to say to respond. I recognize I am posting to what must be the most supportive group of people on this topic I’ve ever seen, however, because of all the times I have felt rejected by people, anymore I expect people to ignore me.
I don’t have any friends at all. The friends that I used to hang out with in high school are now gone. My family keeps telling me to get “more open” and “go out more”, but when you have no connections in this world there is not much that you would want to do alone, you need a companion to do something together. My grades have dropped as a result of my depression from realizing that I have no friends and no one to talk with. The feeling is horrible and I often ask God why this is the way for me but He never answers. On top of my social isolation, my parent’s house is a total mess both physically and financially. What depresses me even more is the fact that they won’t quit gambling and attempt to fix up what they have destroyed.
Sometimes I contemplate suiciding by leaping off a building like so many others have done so before me. How the gentle breeze of the air would surround me as I fell, suddenly cut off at the end by a sense of immeasurable pain, but only for an instant. Then I would either be able to find out what is on the other side after death or at least end my misery in life.
My sister and cousins have so many friends to hang out with while I have no one. This really makes me feel horrible. In my spare time all I do is play basketball at the park and work low-paying part-time jobs. I worked at Jewel-Osco last summer and they not only deducting a lot of taxes from my first job, but also took away more for Union fees. This world is so harsh and unforgiving to the inexperienced person making his way through. I’m so jealous of the people who have friends to talk with because all that I do is talk to myself.
Hey Ivan,
If you have came back to this site, I hope you read my posting. Do Not Entertain Thoughts of Suicide!!! This is Leah’s husband here. My father committed suicide in 1986 while I was in the United States Marine Corps. All he did is make matters worse for his survivors. Suicide is not the answer! I know all about having a screwed up family…I lived it myself. My father was an alcoholic and when I was younger I drank alot too. All I did was make matters worse on myself! I quit drinkin and my life has improved. I am 42 years old and happily married. My wife is my best friend and I do not have any other friends than her. We get by the best we can, but we would like to have good friends too. Usually when we have met people, they have very different interests than we do, and it just doesn’t seem to work. But, we believe in God and we will never give up…we believe that it is God’s will to bring friends into our lives someday. It will happen when it happens! I did make friends while I was in the Marine Corps, but as time goes by, you lose contact with them since they live scattered across the country. I have tried to make friends by participating in some activities that are of interest to me. Sometimes this works, sometimes it hasn’t. The main thing that I do to keep a positive attitude is to have confidence in myself and my abilities. This has helped me especially in my work life, and I have moved into salary level jobs. Having the extra income in the past to enjoy traveling had helped. You may feel like a loser by not having friends, but the reality is that people who kill themselves are the real losers…like my father! Since his death, I have pushed myself to make the most of what I have been dealt. I have studied hard to get me the income I need to do the things that I want to do. I’ve learned to stay away from people that enjoy activities that bring trouble into my life, like drinking and drugs. I realize I only get one life on this earth, and I will not accept anything less than what I believe in! I just keep on going and going (plugging away) like my mom says. I’ve noticed through out life alot of people that claim to have alot of friends…really don’t have any at all! Not true friends at least. When trouble comes into their lives…these “So-called – good time” friends are nowhere to be found. What a joke! Real true-blue friends are difficult to find for most. A true friend will be there for you in the good times as well as the bad. Many people that claim to have all of these friends I don’t believe have this kind of relationship at all. My advice to you is to just be yourself, be honest and confident that you have a purpose and never give up! There have been many times that I have felt like giving up! But I convince myself that I am better than what life has dealt me, and that my circumstances are Not who I am as a person, and I always take the initiative to make my life better…with or without friends. I believe that a successful and honest, happy person attracts potential people to cultivate a friendship relationship. But it takes time…but it is not impossible. We all need to tough it out and hang in there. Good things happen to people who keep trying. Bad things happen to people who give up. I have a lot of tragic stories that I could tell you, but I’ve kept on going regardless. Sometimes it has been very hard and drinking had made it even worse. I’ve stopped drinking, I’ve attained Professional Certifications in my field of work and I now have a Bachelor’s degree level job and I never finished college. Sometimes I think how I amaze myself when I realize that I am the only guy in the office without a degree. But guess what, I know that I have been more qualified and intelligent about my work than many people with Master’s Degrees. You need to make life a challenge to what you want it to be. Not what your parents want you to be, or let work dictate that you can only have crappy jobs. You decide to be successful. Then you do something about it. My home life as a kid was a disaster and when I was 18, I joined the Marine Corps and began to continue the plan for my future while removing myself from a horrible situation with a chronically drunk father. When I was growing up, I was so embarrassed about my father that I did not want any of my friends to even come over. I always went to see them. I didn’t have a graduation party either, but I went to others parties. I played basketball for 7 years throughout my school years. My parents never came to any of my games. They just dropped me off and picked me up when it was over. I was an honor student and I always tried to please my parents with my grades. They acted like they didn’t care. Nonetheless, I chose to continue getting good grades…I knew that someday I would benefit from being knowledgeable instead of stupid. I’m not going to give up now after all this time. Please join me in this manner. We don’t know what the future holds. I believe the friends that you desire will come when God presents them to you. My wife and I are doing our best to believe for that. My wife, I know has had it even more difficult these days than I about not having friends and family near, because of where we are living at now in such a remote area in the South and is unemployed, while we are both suffering the loss of our beloved dog, thanks to the Petfood Recall you may have heard about on the news. Anyway, don’t let anyone, including yourself take your own self worth away from you. My wife had a grandma from Sweden that had this saying, “Love many, trust few, ALWAYS paddle your own canoe”. I totally agree with that! Life is short and its up to us to make the best of what we have to work with. Happiness comes from within first. Be a friend to your ownself first, and expect good things to happen from there. Nobody can give that gift to you, other than yourself. Hang in the there Buddy, and that goes for all of you as well that read this post.
Ray – I know what you mean about trying to buy people’s friendships. I haven’t necessarily tried to do that but it seems like back in the day I always tried so hard to keep my old friends. I was always the one sitting around waiting for them to confirm plans, only to usually find that they are busy or “forgot” to call. I’ve stopped trying now because it’s pathetic. All the time I wonder why nobody initiates conversations with me, usually. And when they do, the conversation always dies off – I just can’t keep it up for whatever reason. I almost never initiate conversations and when I do, it’s usually just to ask a mundane question, not usually because I need to know the answer, but because I just want human contact. The long for human contact and the lack of it is so strangely painful because there are obviously people everywhere, yet you can’t talk to anyone. Everywhere I go it’s like I’m being teased because I so long to reach out to just about anyone who would listen, yet everybody is a stranger. There are SO MANY people out there, why should anyone have to be alone?? It doesn’t make any sense.
Hey Lansie – On the buying friends I used to do things like picking up the check when out with a group of people even if I didn’t really know most of them very well. Or spending a little too much on someone’s birthday present, things like that. I guess it was a certain amount of trying to make people like me.
My cell phone has liberated to an extent, even though no one calls me on it either, at least I don’t feel bound to the house just in case I miss there call. Not that I have anywhere to go. I know it’s very pathetic how insecure and borderline obsessive I can get when someone says they will call. I know to them, it’s not a big deal, but to me it’s everything.
I am also very sensitive to determining if a person is loosing interest in what I am saying. I don’t want to bore people. At the same time I can go into a panic in my head tying to think of something to ask the other person so they will talk about what they are interested in. Make the conversation a two way street, but then my mind goes blank. Somewhere about that time the conversation has just ends.
I feel loneliest when I am in a crowd. Church was the worst. I used to go regularly a few years ago. It just got too painful. I would be sitting there listening people talk about being raising there kids and being good parents, reaching out to people in need, and love thy neighbor. The whole time thinking I’ve been showing up here every week for years, someone could try reaching out to me. I would like to feel loved for a change.
I’ve been slowly withdrawing for years. I work from home most of the time and just don’t leave the house unless I need to. I feel so rejected by everyone it’s just safer to avoid people. It’s counterintuitive I know to withdraw and then complain about being alone. However being alone in a crowed is far more painful.
What I don’t get is I am not looking to unload my problems on people, I try really hard to not be a gloomy Gus. Most of the time I just want to have some fun. Tell stories, crack jokes just be silly. It would be nice to have someone to talk to when something is bothering me, but there are also days like to day. I am in a really good mood today and wish I had someone to be in a good mood with.
Thank you for replying to my post, husband of Leah’s. Your story inspired me to keep moving forward in life and never give up. I’m sorry that you lost your father at such a young age. I guess good things in life don’t come easy and you have to keep working at it. What you have accomplished despite your past is very impressive. I am not seriously considering suicide though, I am just occasionally depressed. Once again, thank you for telling me your story. I will keep looking for my purpose in life. Good luck to everybody here, I wish you peace and love.
Ray – I am always the one buying expensive, nice gifts for people. For instance I have a friend I see about twice a year, and we exchange birthday presents every year, and last year she completely forgot to get me something, even though I spent forever looking for a present for her.
I have found that loneliness is a terrible cycle. I am lonely because I can’t go out and meet people, and I can’t go out and meet people because I don’t have anyone to meet people with. It may not make any sense, but I couldn’t just go out and join any clubs, take any classes, go out to bars, or whatever it is that people suggest lonely people do by myself, I would have to have someone with me. I am scared to death of being alone in public, I am very conscious of that when I am.
I just get so nervous when I talk to almost anyone. When they don’t respond or give me what I consider a “courtesy” response, I feel like I’ve bored them. Sometimes when I get out of a conversation I analyze in my head repeatedly what I have said, analyze whether or not I made a fool of myself. Other times though, I don’t know, I have really good conversations with people, sometimes I can just really open up, but it doesn’t lead anywhere, it doesn’t turn into any friendships.
I’m about to move to a new city in a few months, and hopefully I can start over. I figured that perhaps when I meet new people, I would have an excuse to not have any friends, because I’m new. It used to be that I didn’t think about making friends, and it used to just happened. How did that happen??? Now I feel like if I want friends, I need to make a very conscious effort to do so. Every other aspect of my life is great, except I have no social skills. I used to wonder what people meant by “social skills”, but now I see, and I have none. I have been observing people who have a lot of friends, what they talk about and how they have so many friends. Sometimes these people talk to me, and what I have noticed is that they don’t talk about themselves too much, they seem genuinely interested in the other person and ask a lot of questions about them.
I let people think I don’t care that I have very few or no friends, but it hurts me so much more than I ever let on. I have to put this problem at the very top of my list – it needs to be remedied immediately, or I don’t think I can ever be happy.
Hello everyon
I havd read many of your entries. It is nice to know that I’m not alone, however it is sad to think that there are so many individuals who feel as empty as me. I am 25 years old, and have no friends. I work during the week, which keeps my mind busy. It hits me the most on weekends. I dunno why I’m not connecting with ppl very well. I am a really nice person. I’m loyal and non-judgmental. I work at a large organization and have no problem communicating with others. I really dont know what my problem is…any suggestions??….
I seem to attract people that want to use me, and dont give a flying fuck about my feelings….sigh…..
I wish things were different, I totally feel like an outsider.
thanks for listening.
ps… I consider you all my friends (we should arrange a meet and greet)
pss… Any one here in the GTA? Ontario?
If a meeting were possible, and it turns out to become a lonely persons group that helps lonely people everywhere that would be ideal and nice.
Yeah but wouldn’t starting a friendship based on knowing that you both have no friends be kind of awkward? Or is that just me making more excuses thus leaving me friendless. I have been tempted to e-mail some of the people on here, but that makes me feel kind of weird. Making friends now seems almost like dating or something. Like going up to someone of the same sex and asking them to hang out and feeling like you may get rejected. Maybe high school wasn’t so bad afterall.
Hey you two that buy people things in an effort to make friends, that is so funny because just last week, I told these two people at work that I would “hook them up” with this item that my husband is an owner of the company. I acted all like it was free, when in reality, I went to the store and bought it for them. I payed full price. I did have some other reasons to do it. I wanted it to look like it was selling well at the store and also I want it to get popular by word of mouth since it is a start up company. Even as I was thinking about giving it to them, that thought crossed my mind of buying some friends. So are you telling me that it doesn’t work and that these girls are not going to be my friends? ; ) Damn. Oh well.
Ok everyone, we are a lot a like, we thought we were the only ones, we’ve found each other… and it freaks me out…
Ivan – I was thinking along those lines last night too, maybe we should form our own grass roots support group somehow. Not exactly sure if this is truly the right forum we have found here, but I guess something is better then nothing. I thought about somehow doing a web site or something. I am a little concerted about the age ranges represented here. We are vulnerable and hurting and so we need to be careful. After all this is the internet and you never know who you really talking too. Especially the teenagers I see posting. That said, maybe this could somehow turn in to a part of the answer we’ve all been searching for. What do you all think?
Lansie – I am with you there, I’ve done really nice things for people and at the time I really wasn’t looking for anything in return, I just wanted nice to them. However, I have to admit, not even getting acknowledged on my birthday or other special days hurts. And the pattern keeps repeating, it would be one thing if this only happened with a few people once in a while, but it keeps happening and consistently I feel ignored and left out and don’t know why.
I also don’t go any were alone and it makes all too much sense to me that you can not go out and meet people on your own. I am like that too. The worst part is I am so hyper-sensitive anymore, that even when I do go somewhere with someone, I tend to cling to them and either bug the crap out of them and use them as excuse so I don’t have to meet anyone new, or I will find a corner to stand in and pretend I really am having a good time looking at a plant or something. Not that anyone usually asks if I am having a good time.
Katie – I can relate to you too. During the work day I keep busy, which makes me a good employee and has led to a lot of success in my career. However, on the weekends… damn… I can only live vicariously through just so many reality TV shows. I too communicate well at work. I am often asked to work with some of our more difficult clients because I seem to have a knack for calming them down and making them feel heard. (and I hate it) I’ve also had co-workers call me when they are upset and they tell me I make them feel better. This makes me feel good in a way, but when it’s my turn and I try to reach out to someone I usually get something like, gee… well… I don’t know… hate to do this too you but I got this other thing I need to do right now… I’ll call you later… Of course they don’t, well not until they want something from me. Otherwise I am back on the shelf being ignored. What get’s me even more is when I want to go have fun with someone, any one, and I get put off too. I feel like I am always the outsider.
I’d love to meet up in Ontario, but I live in Seattle, beside I have this other thing I gotta go do. (just kidding)
Lisa – How would I know? lol… I have clearly have a disability when it comes to being friends with people… :-)
obtw: Here is my myspace if anyone is intereted. http://www.myspace.com/141095217
Ray- Thank you for your reply,
The development of a grass roots support group is a really good idea. Besides the support maybe we can arrange different social events for people in different areas. But it would be a little difficult because we seem to be all spread out
Just a thought: If we are able to pull off a successful grassroots community maybe we can lower the suicide rate of people. Imagine helping ourselves and saving the lives of others. We’d do a great service to humanity for all the people out there who are on antidepressants, silently suffering through life, etc.
But first of all, what would set this group apart from other options for making friends, such as the church, workplace, etc. What I mean is: How is this group supposed to succeed where others have already failed? If we do manage to meet somewhere at some time, will we just chill together for a while and then go our separate ways…back to our own lives? Because we all know that loneliness affects everyone here and will not just go away.
It would be a good start to find out where we all come from. I’m from Chicago, 20 years old.
Let’s keep this idea in the back of our minds for a while and see where it all goes. Hopefully, somewhere productive. Your thoughts? Let me know if you guys agree or disagree and why. If most of you here think that this is a good idea, then maybe we should get to know each other more better. But I also think that a major problem could be stalkers online and underage teens who post here.
I think such a group can be about helping us understand ourselves and why we struggle with these feelings. Even though I am open to meeting everyone, figuring out how I can become friends with the people I am around in my everyday would be a very powerful thing for me. I think the traditional options for people to make friends are geared towards those that don’t struggle in this area as much. Just knowing I am not the only one with this problem is already having a positive impact.
I hope none of you saw the derogatory posts that were left this afternoon by some skulker. They have been removed since, so thank you Mr. Moderator whoever you are. When I saw them though, I decided to register a URL, (whynofriends.com) there is nothing out there but I had thoughts of creating a regular message board system with a bit more security. Plus I think this site we are on was intended for a different purpose. Maybe I jumped the gun, but I wanted way to continue our discussions in a more protected fashion. Sensitive issues are being discussed and being attacked by an immature person is not acceptable. Seeing those posts have been removed maybe it’s not necessary.
Personally, I am a little squeamish on the suicide topic. There is a line where people need to seek professional help. That said, I am one of those people on anti-depressants. The toughest thing I ever did was tell my doctor I was having a problem. I’ve been taking my little pill for a year and it has been a great thing. I do think that if I had a supportive group of friends around me I would not need it though, or perhaps they would have encouraged me to talk to my doctor a lot sooner.
I dunno, there are some very serious issues being discussed and a wide array of back grounds. It just seems like there is potential for a lot of good here.
I’m 17 and I have two close friends, but we don’t go out together or anything like that. I know this other group of friends and they always ask me to join them in parties, but I know their just doing it out of sympathy for me. What makes things worse is that my two older sisters are complete socialites and academically their both doing the things they love well. I’m the complete opposite; I feel nervous when I’m around people and when someone is good looking I get extremely anxious of what they will think of me and it just screws my train of thought up. I’m really bad at school… I fail almost all my subjects and I’m Asian, everybody expects me to do well especially my parents. I’ve been thinking of suicide since I was a young boy, but it stopped for awhile until I moved to a new “white” country. I’ve just never fitted in as well as I did in Asia. Well I know what your thinking “go bak you f’ing Asian”, I would but now I don’t even get along with Asians from the same country as me as well.
I’m just feeling so down and I play computer games just to forget everything, so it just makes things worst cause I am not trying to make friends as well. This loneliness is literally killing me and people are beginning to realise (especially my family) how lonely I am.
And oh did I tell you? My dad died two years ago…lol now I live in a house full of women including an aunt in an extremely small house. But we still have one room each (sort of) which is good. The thing is I never really felt like I lost anything when my dad died, I guess it was because I was depressed even before he passed.
I just don’t know how my life has turned out so wrong. I use to be a happy little boy, no I feel like I can never reclaim that happiness. I don’t even think I can achieve marriage… I am a complete failure. I’ve tried so hard to get along but nothing works, just more failures to ad to my huge failing list. But at least I ain’t a hobbo :D
I just want to say I would never kill my self… but I will, as far as I can see, think about it.
lifes soooo hard. i use to have good mates but life took a turn and now feel the lowest of the low. I have a smashing personalitybut i have no friends to laugh with and share things with. when you have no one you change to a different peson. why?
Guys,
Its good to read all this stuff you have all written and just to know that other people are going through the same feelings and problems.
Stick with it, you will come out the other side and you will be better for it.
You will be wise and considerate of other people. You will understand suffering.
I think that sometimes it can be good to hit rock bottom. We can turn it round and learn from it. We can become better people.
Human life is so fragile. But that is half the beauty of it.
Don’t let it make you bitter. Let it make you determined.
Remember the world doesn’t have to be this way, you are part of it too. You can influence end change it.
Love and best wishes.
Al
After reading all these posts I’m glad to know I’m not the only one out there either. I’m about 17, and I seriously have no friends except one person I know online.
I’m a really nice person, yet no one talks to me, one girl did ask me once if I was okay and I told her nothing was wrong, but other then that no one ever talks to me really.
I’m quite alone, I spend almost all my time doing work of some kind. I try to make friends but I guess I’m just too shy and nervous…
Hi im Devin i graduated my HS 2 years ago and ever since that ive had no friends, i was good at skating once then after my friends stop noticing me i quit. My life sucks, i think about killing myself around 5-15 times a day. I need suggestions and anti-depression counselling didn’t do FUCK.
I’m 22, from MTL , and I do not have any close friends. My birthday is coming soon but I’d rather do nothing than having some pity from my family and cousin. I prefer thinking its a day like another and forget about it like every year…
Every damn year ( it was even worst with my girlfriend it was hard to let her know that I didnt have any friends not even for my birthdays…)
I feel ashamed and embarassed cause I’m simply not good at making and keeping good friendship, often I wish I could be someone else cause it seems so easy to everyone but not for me I guess…
P-S I’m a frenchy canadian (I hate celine dion by the way..) so if something you read sounds weard you’ll know why…
Callis !! ( french canadian swear..)
Hi! I feel the same way all of you do. It is amazing how many of us do feel so lonely. I wanted to put out there that I am a 25 year old female living in Spokane, WA. I am currently in a relationship, but would love for any other girls in that area to email me! Maybe we can get together and build a friendship. My email is VvStephanievV@yahoo.com. Thank you!!!
Sincerely,
Stephanie
Why do I have no friends?
BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I TRULY DON’T WANT ANY. I like being alone. People are a hassle.
I’m sure some of you must agree. As much as I miss being around people…I secretly prefer my solitary existence.
Richard you are an introvert. Aint nothing wrong with that. There are 16 different types. I am an ISFP. I recommend all of you do a google search and find one of the tests to find out if you are an introvert. I think Jung is the name of it. Just type in Jung personality test. Make sure you do not take one of the tests that they are wanting you to pay for because there are plenty that you do not have to pay for. It helps after taking the test because then you know you are a certain kind of normal. Sometimes I almost want to say to people, I am an introvert, just so they will leave me alone and let me sit in the corner and watch instead of being engaged in the activities. Instead, I uncomfortably and often times unsuccessfully try to fit in to all of the extroverted activities going on and nobody quite gets me. They do not understand that my brain does not even comprehend what to say in a crowd. the only time someone can really talk to me is one on one and then I will be the best listener they have met and I can talk and talk and talk if I am interested. However, getting to that point where people will come talk to me one on one is difficult because I don’t do small talk. I just don’t. I have tried, and I can’t, so get over it and while you are at it shut up, unless you have something to say that has meaning or is somewhat important or interesting. Don’t ask me how I am doing, most likely you don’t even care and I will not have much of an answer to give you unless you REALLY want to know, well then sit down cuz this is gonna take a while. But no, really you don’t care so just go away. Unless I care about the topic at hand, I am pretty quiet. Unless you are very, very close to me then I am quite funny and even fun. Few people are that close to me. Not even my mom sees that side of me often. Anyone who is willing to stick it out and really get to know me will be in for a treat because I will be your best friend and will do anything for you. I will lay down my life for you (not literally) unless you are my child, which you aren’t. But I will stop all I am doing in my life and be there for you, if you are my friend. Too bad so many people around me are missing out. Suckers.
Lori, how do you expect people around you to know that you can be a good friend, if you don`t give any feedback? Extroversion or introversion do not have anything to do with friendships. The human mind is a combination of the two elements, one part pulling in each direction in specific situations. People just have to dare to open up. The answer is probably a combination of multiple and individual complex reasons.
In my own personal experience. I went from a guy who did not dare to change, seeking refuge in games and comics, to say **** IT……. WE ONLY HAVE ONE SHOT. Dumped all the games and comics and started to realize the potential every human being have within. People don`t want to be friends with you, burn`em and move on to you find someone. Remember that behind the rain, there is a sun.
Well that is my point. I do open up. Just be patient with me and I will let you in on all my secrets. It is the people that are not willing to wait that are missing out on something special. Trust me, I have been very misunderstood in my life and if you google ISFP, that will sum my personality right up. Like I said, my brain cannot download what to say quick enough in order to make small talk and that is what socializing is. It is bullshitting and shooting the breeze. That is why in high school I always had 1-2 best friends, but never a large group of friends. Believe me, I am working on my ‘problem’, because believe me, it is very painful to not fit in and also being so sensitive. Sometimes I get very depressed. I ache for social contacts, but my personality does not allow for me to be extremely social. Now that I have lost my 1-2 best friends, it is a very lonely world. I am constantly trying to connect with those around me, but being easily hurt, I withdraw. See, you are just like everyone else and you cannot understand me. You must not be an ISFP. We are the most commonly misunderstood personality type.
You are correct however in saying it is complex. Because it is. I myself am just beginning to undertand this. I grasped bits and pieces all along on my journey of life and I always knew I was misunderstood and a few people that I cared about knew something was intriguing about me, but could not wait around for me to open up. I believe they missed out. I could have brought much beauty and fun into their lives.
I did do that test along time ago..I’m INTP. not suprising
So as you say it is all about communication and feedback. I understand it can be hard after getting rejections, but humans can`t read minds. Let`em know this is who you are etc, maybe some will turn away, but one day it will click. Don`t get locked down in a pattern or framework.
I know, I wish I could read minds. But I would not want anyone reading my mind. Then I reeeeaaaalllllly would not have any friends.
Im in highschool and Im naturally a shy person. It seems like I have a lot of friends in school, but when out of school no one wants to do anything with me and its like im locked up in my house. Most girls dont think im too attractive and during presentations in school I get extremely nervous. Right now I just feel terrible and lonely. I don’t have any “real” friends to do stuff with outside of school, who actually hang out with me, and I get embarresed real easily. Its making me depressed
Accept who you are
If not, stop being preoccupied
and move forward for yourself.
Seb:
HaPpY bIrThDaY!
The only way i can cope with this feeling is with drugs. For 4 years. I don’t know who i am anymore. i can’t remember who i used to be.
im tired of this hurt
Well Im 16 and I had social anxiety all my life. Since the day I entered pre-school (4 yrs old-ish) my life has been suffering, and loneliness. In the last year, I made some efforts, and I am a lot less anxious than I was before. I’m still a total social failuire, but I was able to make 2 friends this year. I didn’t keep them because I didnt like them, but I could have kept them if I wanted. Atleast that’s an improvement.
But I have to say all that loneliness makes you clever. Look at the other ppl around us. They’re dumbasses, because theyre so happy. While us, we were unhappy, alone in our heads, but it made us so much more intelligent than they will ever be.
Social anxiety is something you have to break. All those other people, they dont have it, but they are stupid. Those of us who can break off social anxiety will be both clever, and happy.
Of course, how to break through? I saw a psychiatrist, and I can say it doesn’t help. Well it helps to get started, after that not rilly. The way to go through this, I think we all know it in our hearts. We just hastle too much with our fears, or with logical thinking. I say, walk and just let things happen. And most of all, forget the fear. Forget the pain. I think with all the pain I’ve endured, I started enjoying it. More pain won’t matter, including the pain to get out of this.
I noticed that getting higher self-confidence helps. I lost weight lately, and I look much better than before, and I feel much better than before. So improving what embarasses you is really a must.
And pretty much never give up.
I intend to become like I have dreamed to become. And goddam the gap, I wont mind it.
im a freshmen in high school. In middle school, everyone knew who i was, i talked to everyone, everyone talked to me. I felt great. But high school comes and large groups of people went to different schools. Now in high school, i just cant seem to make friends, i tried being talkative, didnt work; now quiet, worse then before. I feel like crap. I know ive never had good “friend-making” skills, but its worse then i thought. I dont know what to do.
I’m a bitter old woman of 46 with no friends past, present and probably future. I read all of these posts and it makes me sad that there are so many of “US” out here with no friends to speak of.
I’ve come to the sad conclusion that friendship is a commodity that has a very high price in one way or another. For many years I found myself trying to buy other people’s friendship. I was the one who brought in the cookies and bought lunch for everyone on the team every few months – just trying to be nice and make other people happy. I figured out after a while that people were laughing at me as a desperate looser because I was trying too hard. I overheard several “I wish she would just quit it, she is pathetic.” comments that just hurt so bad at the time. Now I understand completely that we are all just selfish individuals that only allow friendships when it is profitable for us.
Why do we need friends? To have someone to talk to? To have someone to go out with? Selfish – nothing we do has anything to with those other people when it comes down to it. It is all about how being with other people and talking to them makes US feel. Unless you have something to offer others, something they really want, you will not have any true friends.
I’ve given up and expect to spent the rest of my life alone because I know that I have nothing to offer anyone that they might actually want. I am not attractive and I am not very interesting, so I am a pathetic looser by definition. Buying people’s friendship only lasts for a little while – until the money runs out.
As a bitter old broad I have only one thing to say… get over it or get used to it because it will never change. People are selfish by their nature and friendship is just a word that really has no meaning.
ThanKs Lori
Hi “whocares”
A lot of what youre saying is actually true..( youre mid part was quite interesting )
but, you should not stop being who you are, a know there’s a lot of dumbass out there
a lot of people who judges everyones but (you know)there doing that because they need to have the feeling there’s superior…in fact there hiding their own insecurity…
So what they think this or that…
you seem to be a giving person there’s nothing to be ashamed of here..
Salut
Hi everyone
sometimes i feel like a walking zombie just going through the motions every single day. Life has a weird way of working out differently for some ppl. We were all raised to be a part of a specific social system comprising; work, family, friends etc.. and if we dont fit properly into these social systems then we see ourselfs as outsiders, as weird or different, and then get sad about it, and others tend to see us in the same light, increasing our problem… :( …..
maybe the world has to have some friendless people in it too keep its balance, maybe everyone cannot be happy at the same time because it would interrupt things…. maybe happy people need us in order to appreciate life??…. i dunno… sorry about the yammering….
Anyways, Today, at work, some of the girls were talking about going out for drinks, they didnt invite me, (it could be due to the fact that i am fairly new, who knows), so i didnt let that bother me because i really didnt care. When i got home from work, i called an old acquaintence, asked her to go out for a movie or dinner or whatever, she said she was too sleepy, that she had a long day at work…. so i tryed my best…. im not gonna let myself get upset, there is no point..
peace
hope you guys had a better day
Well…
I am young, and I’m younger than 18. It all started one year where I met all of these friends. After a couple of months they thought of me as annoying and bossy. The next year I matured and grew up, and they still thinkof me as my old young self. Just today, I was at a school carnival type thing, when everyone was invited to a party sleepover thing except me. I feel so lonely. I’m in need of a best friend, no one trusts me. I have no friends that will tell me their problems or talk to me. No one ever calls me, talks to me or anything, its always ME who has to go up to them. People think that I’ll blab, which I did in 7th grade. I try to explain to them that I am trustful and I AM.
You guys don’t have to read this. I’m just kind of letting this out.
I do not know if I am depressed or not. This is a matter where I have to go through. It sucks being lonely though, especially at an adolescent age.
hey guys
well I have the whole can’t-make-any-friends problem as well and it’s got worse, but besides that, there’s the fact that I don’t seem able to have a conversation with anyone. I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t communicate. I’m 17 years old, and specially at this age it’s all about chatting to get to know each other. I watch people talking to others so easily and I just don’t understand how they manage to do that. There are several people I could be friends with, but I simply can’t because of my lack of communication skills. It’s been like this since I was 13, and it’s really killing me. I have people to talk to, it’s just that I have nothing to say. This is the main reason why I don’t socialize. I’m nice to people, I consider myself an okay-looking girl. I have a nice body, which I could lose eventually due to my compulsive-eating habit, which has been caused by the emptyness of my life.
No one really knows me. Maybe I don’t either, because I try hard to please people and I’ve lost myself now.
Thnx for reading =)
I was a nerdy kid in grade school /w no friends. Parents dressed me funny and they couldnt afford normal clothes. I was always a little bit shy, but not overly so. Eventually developed social anxiety because my father would tell me what a stupid worthless son I was. Then everytime I tried to talk to a classmate they’d ignore me, pick on me, or make fun of me. 6th through 8th grade I was picked on and bullied because I had no friends. I finally started to make friends in 9th grade and was on the fringe of being in the main jock crowd. Then some jackasses thought it would be funny to make shit up about me. I had no enemies, it was just a few popluar kids that took pleasure in trying to destroy my social life. They succeeded my senior year so I had no friends.
My 2 years of solitude and my depression destroyed my conversational skills. I still cannot hold a conversation. Even if I do, I’m boring. That is my sin. I am boring. In the 10 years since I have made few friends and lost those friends. My work life is always hell because I’m such an easy target. The guy with no friends. Doesn’t matter how hard I work, how creative I am, etc. People lie about me and try to discredit my work. Nobody really cares because I’m that boring loser that no one wants to work with. Invite everybody out after work for drinks, parties, you name it…except me.. It’s incredibly tiresome to have these jackasses lie to my face and go out of their way just so I wont find out about a company liason. Everyone but me… maybe that is what my name should be? It’s always everyone but me……
Since senior year, my life has been hell. Even a college degree doesn’t mean much if your co-workers and supervisors always label you as a boring loser. Even with my glowing reviews, I’ve always been one of the first people to be let go once my employer starts cutting people. I’m not a minority, but people always treat me like a black man living in the 30’s in Georgia.
Can I ask you guys a question? Would you ever refrain from dating someone you really like because you have no friends? (Because you’re just too ashamed, or don’t want to have to explain why you have no friends, or feel like they would pity you, etc.) ..Especially if this person has a lot of friends? I’ve been fighting with myself on this situation, and I didn’t know who to ask for advice because it’s an awkward subject to bring up, but I figured you all would understand me on here.
Thanks for any input…
In response to Lansie:
Go for it. You don’t have to even bring it up. He probably wont even ask you about it for quite some time. If he does, you can do what everyone else does….that is, make up little white lies. Something around the lines of : my friends moved and went off to college or something similar, or maybe you can say that you moved away for a while and came back and lost track of your friends or whatever… just plan ahead..
If you guys date for a while you could possibly make friends with his friends. Or maybe not. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Hi guys. I posted about a month or so ago and I just wanted to say that you guys need to hang in there! This year started out horrible, and now I have made REAL friends out of previous aquantences. Just this week I have been invited to see spider man 3 with 3 other people, and I just got back from hanging out in my friends dorm room just chilling and watching tv. At first I was nervous going to the movies with just an aquantence who I never had a real convo with…and two complete strangers, but I figured this is my chance to make friends so I put my best face foward and it worked!
The girl who I “knew” said she had fun and that I should come out with her more often…she even suggested we see a new movie coming out I also have been going to the library with her roomate instead of by myself, and it is so much fun talking with her on our way there and back. Plus we sometimes laugh at funny youtube clips when we are supposed to be studying.
Anyway I dont want to delve too deep into this because I know it might hurt to see someone who’s situation has turned around while many of you are still struggling, but I hope that this post shows you that it IS possible to change things. My number one tip is to BE YOURSELF!
I think most of us have great personalities but often times the only people who see it are our younger/older siblings or other CLOSE relatives. We have to realize that being a generic shell of ourself in order for everyone to think we are nice is doing more harm than good! People dont want to befriend someone who has a plastered smile on their face and laughs at any and everything that is said. Instead of laughing nervously lets respond back with our own funny way, showing off our personality. I know that I used to laugh at pretty much everything someone would say, but I realized that by laughing I was able to play it safe and not expose my personality.
WL I got to say that youre not alone Ive been trough all this and still…
Lansie
I think you sould go for it. You really have nothing to lose. Take the chanse, you might be pleasently surprised.
Good luck girl
OMG Lonely in chicago I laugh alot too! I always hated it how other people would come up with hilarious quips or comments and all I could do was laugh. I feel like Im not in a real friendship because Im never the one being funny. When I am with my cousin I am always making her laugh, so I can totally relate to what your were saying. And dont worry about making us sad with your happiness because seeing someone make friends can be uplifting and encouraging :)
Hey Guys
Well, i have had the same feeling few years back but now , i have made decision in my life not go behind searching for friends …friends ,relationship and love are always MAYA….being ourself is the truth…i deeply understand that every time when we think we need to make friends …..we desperately fail..the reason is every time when we want to make a friend its the play of the Ego..because we are not ourselves ..when we constantly think of making friends and in the process we tend to loose ourselves ……..and we find a person who matches with our ego and not with ourselves….when the ego mask unveils we tend to feel unsafe again and we don’t feel the connection…so we can only get true friends only when we are ourselves …and when we can stop complaing about ourselves.honestly i suffered from severe socialphobia and today i am an independent man….remeber we are the Truth
Hey,
I don’t have socialphobia, or at least i don’t think i do, but I have no friends. I feel depressed and lost and alone. I’m finishing up my senior year of highschool and i’m going to college in August. I live in New York and i’m moving to Boston and i’m scared shitless that i’m going to be completely alone up there. I live with my mom dad and sister and we get along well, but i don’t think they see how i’m feeling. Sometimes i leave my phone on and my instant messenger on to see if anybody calls or leaves a message, but i feel like lately noone has. I’ve really spent my whole life (aside from a couple short periods of time) without friends. I talk to people in school, and somtimes will go to a party, and i even had two parties at my house, but noone ever seems to want to be my friend.i was talking to this girl for about a month and she was wayyyyy out of my league, and i was really interested in her, and i was pretty sure she was interested in me, but when i was talking with her one night, she was telling me how she had a huge crush on some other guy. she just wanted to vent on someone and it happened to be me. I feel like i’m ment to be alone, even though i don’t want to be alone. i feel like i have noone to really talk to. i’m going to wallow in a pit of my own self loathing.
I posted here a few weeks ago…
At Lori: I took the test as well, I turned out to be an ISTJ, and it said my career choice is the one I’m planing on taking.
At JD: I’m in the same boat as you man, I have friends at school too but no one wants to hang out with me after school.
At Everyone: This page is getting quite full, someone should start a forum or something.
Hi everybody. I can relate to all your problems here….Look , I used to live in NYC. And because I lost my common law wife I had to move back to the suburbs of jersey for a stint. Even had a part time job…and boy how horrible people are in the suburbs….I have never expierenced animosity as I did there. People judge and go out of their way to make feel like your crap because you are not like them…..very highschoolish i guess even amongst adults and folks in thier mid to late 20’s…..strange expierence…..um but when you analize why they are like that it is because the world is small….listen move to New York. People are very friendly here. If you are a little cooky it don’t matter. If you are maybe a little creepy who cares but you will make friends…. So I moved back home to New York City and made a whole bunch of new friends you know I lost all those with the break- up with the girl and all.
Just come to new york….Feel the energy and make friends. Do things. Work make cash. Smile at that good looking person….just let all that crap about fear in social activities go.
hey you guys, I understand all of you. I’m just like you in a way. Why don’t we all just exchange e-mail addresses? Add me, my e-mail is idboxx@hotmail.com. Post your emails and that way can all stop this heart wrenching loneliness. Post yours! You never know who might want to talk to us ;) Keep the soul alive!
Hey WL/Katie.. thanks for your input. I think I will go for it.. we are both going to be moving to a new city together so maybe I can just postpone it until then, because then I could really say I don’t know anyone but him.
You guys say I have nothing to lose, but the thing is, I just ended a relationship with a guy that was so very popular and had a ton of friends.. and he eventually found out I had no friends, and would feel sorry for me and let me tagalong everywhere. For a while he would ask me why I never introduced him to any of my friends, but eventually he figured it out. Towards the end when our relationship was going to hell, he would use the fact that I have no friends against me. Once he said “not many people care about you, so you better be nice to the few that do..” It hurt so much that I’d sooner avoid it and be lonely, than go through it again with someone else. But here I guess I am going to take another chance and hope that not everyone is as cruel as my ex.
What was the most hurtful was that he would blame me for not having any friends, tell me I’m unsocialable and embarrassing in public because I never talk and just seem unfriendly. But the truth is I could be such a great friend if I actually got the chance. I don’t know how to act around people sometimes, but I’m not unfriendly once you get to know me. I only wish my ex understood what it is like to be me. It is so easy for him to make friends that I know he would be shocked to find out that there are people like me out there where making friends is a problem.
Lansie, that is a sad story indeed. I’m sorry that your Ex did that to you. I know how that feels, I’m yelled it everyday in school.
And yeah I know what you mean by the “Great friend” part, I would be too if people weren’t the idiots they are were I’m living. I understand what your saying about everything.
Hi people…..
I dont know where to start really. Ive read a lot of posts on this site and im really feeling with you all. Its sad not having many friends or even worse none at all. Ive had many friends when i was a kid but it all changed when i got into my 16-17 years of age where i developed some kind of Social Anxiety. I got afraid that i was gonna blush infront of people and this just got worse and worse, it went from blushing a lil bit when someone yelled at me, / teacher and i didint care that much back then to being able to blush even in my own home infront of my parents!. When im saying this i kinda tear in my eye, because i know how much i was hurting at this time. Today im 21 and have no friends as a result of it, im trying now to get back some friends and make new ones but i must say that its not always the easiest. I feel a bit paranoid, when i ask someone like, “hey phone me whenever u got time” i think it sounds desperate even if its not. Years have passed and ive lived as a loner and was happy with it. No gf no friends, but friends online that i didint know irl, and played games, and whatever there is to do. Thing is people think i got many friends cuz for example at work etc i sometimes feel like im the one people really get suprised by, can be pretty charming lol. But if they only knew… and whats hardest is to keep this close bound with people, people you meet and even old friends now have their own friends, and i get the feeling they hangout etc if i might call them but they have their own friends and i mine… but thats not the truth. Anyhow, all i gotta say is, im feeling sorry for you all, especially the older ones, life aint fair and people are ignorant trust me on that one, im well aware of that.
WL
I really feel for you. I’ve had similar childhood experience. My parents never wanted me and my brother around, they were always encouraging us to play outside, we would play ouside every day ’till the street lamps came on. When we were around them, they were always putting us down, which led to low self esteem, and social anxiety. I am ok, I finished universiy. My brother unfortunately has a bad drug problem.
Lansie: Your boyfriend was such a jerk! Good thing you got rid of him! Always in my relationships, my boyfriend was my only friend and they never ever cared. Now my husband and I are each other’s only friends and he doesn’t care. He actually wonders why I have no friends because he sees nothing wrong with me. Believe me, real men do not treat you the way your ex did so go for it with this new guy!
Rolfi: That’s funny, cuz I just got back from vacationing in NYC and my brother lives there. He has not made any friends in the last 3 years and he had to go to match.com to find his girlfriend (which is fine, but you would think in a city so large you wouldn’t have to go on the internet). I still think it would largely depend on your personality to make friends in NYC. BTW…I don’t think I could live like that but millions of people must like living there because it is packed. I like my car and my yard and the smell of open space. My brother likes it though.
Lori – I agree, he was such a moron. But he got rid of me, not the other way around! This actually turned out for the best, even though now I am all alone! It was through this experience that it really hit me that I have no friends, and it hit me that it is becoming a daily problem. It is on my mind almost literally all the time. It was such a slap in the face and such a reality check.. I think I really needed it to wake me up. I need to make a change and not depend on boyfriends only for companionship! I wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend also had no friends, but somehow I always date guys who have a ton of friends, so it’s quite awkward.
Also, I am willing to bet that there isn’t really anything “wrong” with most of us here! I think people think that friendless people must be somewhat hideous/sociopathic/mean/unfriendly.. but I am none of those, and from what I read I think most of us are also none of those. We all have problems.. it just happens that (for the moment) ours is a lack of friends. I have hope for myself, only because in the past I used to have friends, so why can’t I do it again? I’ve noticed that the older I get, the more inhibited I become. I am so scared of rejection or what other people think in social situations, that I usually just try to blend in with the surroundings. But now I realize I need to take risks and be bold(er), because being alone is no way to live my life anymore.
Hey all,
I’ll be repeating what a lot of people have said but I’m so glad I’ve found this page and I can relate to you guys. I’m 20 and nowadays I only ever seem to have acquaintances, no one I can talk to or go out with and it only seems to make me feel worse. I had a few friends at school but I only ever keep in touch with one person and even then I feel bad for it as I know she has a new life and lots of new friends, I don’t want to drag her down and I have nothing to talk to her about as I have nothing new in my life. Now I have no one I can turn to, recently I thought I had made a close friend only for her to use me and now shes laughing at me behind my back because I got upset. I’ve always tried to help others and been kind, but people seem to just use me and walk away. It’s difficult because feeling so lonely affects everything I do and it affects who I am, I don’t want to become someone differenta$nd hateful because of others. I feel as if I can’t make friends anymore, I don’t know how to and I can’t enjoy being with others, once bitten twice shy.
I’m hopeful for the future, I want to try to change things but it’s difficult. I’m trying to join clubs and go to places that I can meet nice people but loneliness and depression can be the worst things, it can stop you before you’ve even began. I wish you all luck, we all deserve a bit of happiness.
anna xxxxx
Yeah Lansie, I agree. It is always on my mind too. I think I expect a lot out of the people I do come across because little do they know, this is what is consuming me. The fact that I have no friends. Then someone does something as small as not e-mailing me back or not calling me back or not saying hi or not being interested in what I have to say. These things are so small but to me they are huge and they hurt so bad. If I had some friends I would not care so much. Maybe people would not care anyway because maybe people are not as kind hearted as we want to thing they are. Life sure can be a bitch. I hope this is not always a problem I have to face. One thing that has helped me was going on a vacation. I forgot all my worries and problems and now that I am back, it is like starting fresh. All the little things that have been bothering me have not added up to where I feel like I cannot take it (that is how I was feeling before I left). I don’t know how long it will take for me to feel that way again. Now I know it was not depression, I truly feel that is was my lack of friends that was keeping me down. If I had depression, it would have stayed with me on my vacation, am I right? I don’t know how it works.
We all should have a convention!! Get togeather and meeet and greet!! Maybe Vegas or somplace fun like that. Everyone needs things in life to look foreward to. Maybe we are all overdue for new lasting friendships!!
Hey Lori, once I was on antidepressants, because my doctor thought I was depressed. But I don’t know if I really was. I think my life would be practically perfect if I only had friends. I don’t even need a ton of friends, just one or two really good friends I could call about anything. I’ve wanted to take a vacation for so long, but nobody to take it with! My ex and I were supposed to go somewhere this summer, but obviously that’s not going to work out anymore. But yeah, I know what you mean by being ultra sensitive to things like someone not returning a call. I think a person with friends wouldn’t be so sensitive to these things because they have their friends as cushions to fall back on. When somebody doesn’t return a call or seems disinterested in me, that just amplifies my loneliness ten times more.
Anna, I too only keep in touch with one person from school, and we talk to each other maybe 3 or 4 times a year. We used to be best friends, but now she has so many new friends and I’m just more of an acquaintance now. I actually saw her and one of our mutual friends from school last weekend (first time in 8 months), and the three of us made plans to do something this weekend. I text’d her a few days but she didn’t respond, but I’ve been reading her myspace and she’s been making the same plans with her other friends! If my self esteem wasn’t so low I would probably have been able to brush it off and say “okay, some other time then”, but it just hurts so much, because I’ve been looking forward to this weekend. I know that I’m not very outgoing at all, and she and all of her friends are very free-spirited and outgoing, she’d probably feels awkward bringing me along. The thing is, she used to be like me, quiet and never really knowing how to carry on a conversation, but then.. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I could learn something from her.
It’s really the weekends that my loneliness hits me the hardest because I used to spend them all with my ex. Nowadays, sometimes I’ll go driving around for several hours at a time, just because even being around other cars out in traffic feels better than being alone. Sounds crazy but that’s how it is. If I weren’t moving to a new town in a few months, I don’t know how I would even have hope. The only reason I’m hopeful is because I can use my newness as an excuse to not have any friends, because not having any friends is a big part of what’s keeping me from befriending people. I feel like nobody would want to be friends with a loner, and I’m a loner because I have no friends. Hopefully I can break out of this terrible cycle.
So, I posted awhile back. Well today, I’m pretty sure I made a friend. We’ll see what happens.
I just wanted to post to tell you all not to give up, because there’s always someone out there who is willing to be your friend. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, and just get over being scared or nervous. When trying to make a friend, always go into the situation with the thought “I’m going to make friends with this person” because having a negative attitude isn’t going to help at all.
Today has been the best day I have had in at least 3 years. I hope every one of you has a day like mine soon.
Good luck!
Hi,
I’m 23 and I live in Seattle and I guess I am a “loner”. It’s strange because I’m in sales so I have to pretend to be social, but all my coworkers know that I am not because I don’t really talk to them unless I feel like it. And I like that about myself. But I feel bad because a “friend” from college wanted me to go to dinner with her and a few friends but I didn’t go. The thing is the whole idea of going and making small talk made me sick. And not to mention that I am moving to NYC in June and prior to her knowing that she never returned my calls or wanted to do anything with me. I had friends in college but now I don’t. I try to do stuff with them but our lives are different and they never invite me or they invite me at the last minute, and I do act like a brat about it, but I still don’t go.
It’s painful that my college friends ditched me but at the same time, I graduated and they did not. They probably think I am boring, judgemental or too serious which is probably true, but those are my strong points. Except being judgemental , but you have to have some standards in life.
I want friends because it looks like a lot of fun to have group photos when you go out, but sometimes I can’t handle the closeness too often. But I want to have authentic friends who I can be myself with and not feel pressure to act “cool”, because I’m not, well Ican be, but who wants to be “on” all the time?
Anyway, it’s sad that we all feel so lonely, but I am so happy that there several people that feel the same way. That in itself is encouraging enough for me.
I cant believe that there are so many people on this board who have the same exact feelings that I have. Its scary, though, because I know how lonely it is, I wouldnt want anyone else to feel this way. I’ve had a difficult childhood, which I think has caused me to have serious trust issues. Im 24, have never had any friends, nor have I had a boyfriend. I would love to have all this, but have no idea how to go about making friends. Im very self-conscious and have little self-esteem. I try to make excuses as to why I dont have friends…i.e. Im ugly, fat, etc..all this has caused me to develop an eating disorder. Its very lonely, and I cant wait to go home so I can go to bed and cry. My grandmother yells at me and belittles me because I dont have friends and thats “not normal”..I happened to do a search and came across this board. Its nice to know Im not the only person out there who’s like this. Im very shy and not outgoing, this in turn makes people think Im in a bad mood or stuck-up which is not the case. Also, I wouldnt want to change my beliefs in order to get people to like me (i.e. get drunk, talk about people, etc).
My e-mail is ekbergtoo@gmail.com if someone wants to e-mail me.
I too googled to get to this page. Being lonely has been so depressing. I can remember being like this when I was only 11 too. I’m now 29 years old. I have no boyfriend or husband or kids either. I’m surprised at the people who are married and/or have kids and say that they are lonely. Does anyone else regret it being summer when everyone is out playing and having fun and you have no one to be with?
I can’t stand it…..
BTW
Lansie – when you mentioned about not wanting to date someone b/c of th fact that you have no friends but he has a lot of friend and you would be embarrassed about that? I TOTALLY understand. Just reading what your wrote made me uncomfortable b/c I’ve definatley had that feeling whenever I was interested in a guy just so SCARED of having to come to that point of him finding out what a “loser” I am. I think that is part of the reason I could be a with a guy but never get close, but I was afraid of that vulnerable side of me.
Jackie – I’m so glad someone knows what I’m talking about! I always try to make it seem like it’s my choice to not have friends, but that’s kind of hard to pull off and he probably thinks I’m a “loser” anyway. I hate pretending to be some kind of antisocial people-hating recluse-freak, I just want to be honest and be myself, but I just can’t. I just think.. I already have no friends, now I can’t even have a boyfriend because of it? It’s such a miserable way to live. I would love to meet a guy with no friends, but if he is just like me, how on earth will we ever meet?
But yeah, I hate it in the summer when I see everyone out having fun.. with other people. You never see someone enjoying a picnic alone.. or playing frisbee alone.. even taking a walk is depressing. It depresses me when I see something beautiful, like a tree in bloom.. or a sunset, and I can’t share it with someone else. It’s just not the same.
After reading these posts, I feel like I should try to speak with people like me who are out in the community by themselves, although I could see that becoming very embarassing. The whole thing is so wierd,but I think part of this situation for those in our 20’s is the drastic change that happens, because growing up you are always with people your age, even if you don’t have friends you at least know what your peers are like. In your 20’s you really are by yourself and trying to figure life out. Being lonely may just be a part of adulthood.
I am in complete support of a lonely convention in someplace sunny or fun. I too have needed a vacation but have no one to go with. We would have to call it something else besides a lonely convention. Maybe the Singular Circle or a Personal Development seminar where you learn and practice networkng skills?
KatyKan, lets get it organized. I am all for Vegas because I can drive there from where I live. Does anyone have any other suggestions?
I’m 25 from Newcastle, UK. I’ve read every comment on this page and its so weird how similar all of our experiences are.
I’m most definately a loner. I do like to spend a most of my time on my own, however once in a while I’d like someone to maybe go see a movie with, or go to a bar with. Again, I’m a decent guy and a few people have tried to be my friends, but I always push them away/refuse to go out with them because I don’t want to spend to much time with them. I’ve been the same way since I was about 13 (before which I had lots of friends). Its so bad I’ve never been in a relationship.
I’ve often thought the solution may lie in trying to befriend a fellow loner. Someone else who understands your need to be alone.
i think self-confidence is the key to most of you guys’ sadness. and the more people reject your friendship, the less confidence you are going to have. so you really have to fight through that pain and maybe even fake that confidence, and you might find yourself attracting people. and i also think most of you need to get rid of your hate. if you look at yourself from the outside, would you want to be friends with you?
also, just because you don’t have friends does not mean you are pathetic or a loser. a lot of successful people don’t have friends, and there are plenty of lonely celebrities out there. and after reading this site you realize so many people are like you, so you are not alone.
please don’t give up on yourselves, this could be a God-given challenge that you must overcome. and it is definitely not easy.
i’m trying to give my advice because i came to this page a few days ago feeling extremely lonely. i have been feeling like i have lost all my friends and nobody is there for me. i read this page and thought alot about why things were the way they were. i recently broke up with my boyfriend because he also could never be there for me when i needed him, and i sort of depended on him for my happiness.
it’s extremely difficult, but you really shouldn’t depend on anyone for your happiness. the reason you are unhappy is because of you, and only YOU can change that. every minute you spend unhappy is a huge waste of your life so end it now. figure yourself out, then go take action to make some friends and not caring what others think of you. be confident. you have nothing to lose.
i hope this helped…
Hi!
I also came to this website because I was feeling ultra lonely. I can relate to many of the posts on here. I used to have tonnes of friends when I was younger but after migrating to a new country my friendships became fewer.
Throughout High School I had a handful of friends and one close friend. Up until a year ago I had 1 close friend or what i would label a friend. The other people I would label associates.
As I became older I came to the realization that a TRUE friend is something pretty rare and special. Although maybe just rare for me? I somehow managed to lose my only recent friend as well. Maybe it my fault for not being in contact.
Over the last year I have been seeing a psychologist due to depression problems. I have always been a real nice person and extremely loyal although having been so lonely has probably turned me bitter and slightly anti people.
Sometimes I feel like I have lost faith in people and the world after sooo many disappointments. I know that this is something I have to get over and my self confidence is deteriorating bit by bit. I feel like crying right now.
I am a decent looking fellow and I have a tendency to put myself down a lot and often feel like I have nothing to contribute. Its great being able to express ones feelings even if its only in typed form. Thanks for listening to my ramble. It helps a bit knowing you are not alone.
Is it wierd to be married and still feel lonliness? That is pretty wierd, huh. I guess I just need a female contact. Just today I drove past this little shopping center with lots of cute boutiques and it said this weekend there is going to be a huge 2 day sale. I got really excited for a second, then I realized, I have nobody to go with. Another thing I feel I really have missed out on is having a sister. I do not have one. Is that wierd to be 27 and still be sad because I do not have a sister? Sometimes I think the loss I am feeling is not having a sister more than anything else, such as friends. If I just had one really close person that I could go do the girl stuff with, that would be perfect. The funny thing is, when I got pregnant the first time, I really really wanted a girl so I could have a female to relate to (I am not that close to my mom), well, I had a boy. I got pregnant again thinking for sure I would have a girl. We had another boy. Isn’t that funny?
Katykan & Lisa…
I think your ideas for a convention/meet and greet are great. You can count me in. We all need a fun and positive change!!
So many people here…now i dont feel as out of the ordinary haha. The only good friends i have had were when i was so young that i barely even remember them. I had a few somewhat friends during 6th grade…but then around 7th or 8th i lost them. I am now 19 and havent had a single friend since then. I am a pretty shy person and dont every really go up to people and initiate conversation…but i have good social skills and can carry on a conversation (kind of) if needed. Like most everyone else on here i completely dont understand why i am alone…i am a very nice person, and a great friend. I didnt used to mind being alone as much, but recently it has gotten to me. I have been in a relationship with a guy for over 4 years now, and its just that much worse when we get in fights and i have absolutely no one to talk to. I think it also has a bad effect on our relationship because he has other friends that he likes to hang out with,…but since i dont have any others i like spend most of my time with him. If only people would care to get to know me they would find out what a good person i am. But they dont. Oh well.
I think Labor day weekend would be a good time to go because it will give everyone time to save money and it should be a little cheaper during that time right?
Vegas sounds fun, but I’m not really a huge gambler so hopefully there will be others interested in seeing the cheesy vegas shows ;).
Lisa what do you think? Is a labor day weekend trip doable? I’m sure there are some good group deals we could get. Ahhh, the privelege of group discounts.
Hey all,
I found friends let me down in the past. I developed a tendency not to have friends after that. I would simply lose contact (not on purpose but for lack of effort). I think the high school thing applies to everyone (everyone loses contact). Recently i went on a work placement as part of my college. i met some great people and we had fun. since we came back, everyone has changed…i guess i let my guard down and wish i didnt make friends…now i am back to my lonely self and you know what…i think i am happier.
it seems a bit sad that i am happy alone but at least no one can let me down…i think friends are circumstantial with a time limit…
To anyone who hasn’t lost faith in friendship… forget about past experiences, the key to making good friends is to be a good listener…i see all too often the word ‘someone to confide in, someone to tell your problems to’ associated with friends…if you listen to peoples problems and sympathise, they will be your friend…think of it as an investment…
sorry for being a pessimist but i will not deny myself happiness or be depressed anymore, if i have problems i deal with them…i do not need to talk to anyone, i am my own person…i do not need anyone else…tell yourself that
Hey everyone. I’m 19..no friends.. Its so crazy how strong you guys sound. With me i feel suicidal pretty much every weekend because of the fact i dont have friends. in the summer its worse because you cant go to the beach alone ( well you can but who wants to?) you cant go to waterparks alone, or do any of the fun summer things by yourself. i tried going to the beach alone but i got really depressed because i saw all big groups of friends together laughing and enjoying themselves…
it just makes me think whats the point of going through life when you have no one? i literally have no one to talk to, i mean i go to college but even there i cant have a convo without the other person saying “oh me and my best friend are doing this..”
Hey everyone. I’m 19..no friends.. Its so crazy how strong you guys sound. With me i feel suicidal pretty much every weekend because of the fact i dont have friends. in the summer its worse because you cant go to the beach alone ( well you can but who wants to?) you cant go to waterparks alone, or do any of the fun summer things by yourself. i tried going to the beach alone but i got really depressed because i saw all big groups of friends together laughing and enjoying themselves…
it just makes me think whats the point of going through life when you have no one? i literally have no one to talk to, i mean i go to college but even there i cant have a convo without the other person saying “oh me and my best friend are doing this..” even where i work i come in every weekend and here how all of my co workers are going out to a party after work(i work with mostly guys) and i should bring my friends and come.. but i always say how i am busy even though i no the reason is that i have no one to bring with me
i have a boyfriend, and without him i dunno what i would do. its sad because he has so many friends and gets so many phone calls when we’re together. him and my mom are the only phone calls i ever get. i get over protected of him sometimes, because i feel like if i loose him ill never have another boyfriend, ill never get married, or even have kids.
this situation is so hard because when you go through life with no one you feel so vunerable and depressed. if i could only have that one girl to talk to or go out with it would mean the world to me! i just doubt that will ever happen…
thanks for listening
Hey DaCii – when I had a boyfriend, my parents and him were the only people to call me. I had two ringtones.. one for my parents, and one for anyone else.. and I could always tell when he called, because “anyone else” was always him. And of course, he always got a lot of calls when we were together. Maybe you could befriend just one of your coworkers.. and then hang out with them at their parties, and then trying to “use” them to make friends with their friends. Use isn’t a very good word here, but I think you know what I mean. It takes people to know people, which is why I think a lot of us are in this situation…
Summers really are the worst – especially if you are in school, and it is not in session in the summer. Suddenly your alone time increased by many hours each day. There are times too when I feel pretty suicidal.
It seems to be a recurring theme here – people only having their significant others (usually females with a boyfriend or husband, but I could be wrong?) as companionship. If we could only attract into our lives people who want us just as friends the same way we attract significant others, that would be great. I think this is so common because it takes no work on our part to attract boy/girlfriends since one always pursues the other.. but in a friendship, it’s a mutual pursuit. Perhaps I could be wrong, but I’m going to guess that almost everyone in this situation did not pursue their significant others, but was pursued by that person. Well, I don’t know if that made any sense at all, but it’s my 2 cents for what it’s worth.
Hey Lansie–
Yeah it sucks when your with your boyfriend and he’s getting calls none stop! I just sit there like an idiot watching him talk wishing that i could get at least one phone call from someone besides my mom!
I find myself going on people’s myspace from highschool and seeing pictures of them out at clubs, bars, partys and all.. its so depressing because it seems everyone made new friends or stuck with their old ones. in highschool i had 3 best friends. by junior year once we all had diff classes, we all ended up drifting apart. i really cant even consider them best friends because if they really were then wouldnt they have still kept in contact?
its crazy how many guys are on this page with the same problems. i thought it was mainly girls who dealt with this since girls have a lot more drama it seems. i thought all a guy had to do was bring up sports or something and he would make another guy friend. thats what my boyfriend does at least and he always sparks up convos with anyone.
its hard to try to go out with my co workers because their all guys and i no they just dont only want me there… they want me and my girl friends… too bad i dont have any! i also have a younger sister (by two years) and she is ms. popular with a lot of friends and a boyfriend. every weekend she does out to a party while her older sister sits at home and watches TV. i think having a younger sister who is that popular makes it a lot worse for me.
I am not a gambler either. (Besides the nickle machines). We can go somewhere else if anyone has any other ideas. That does give us plenty of time to save and plan for it. Mmmmmm…Paris buffet. Gooood.
Charisma, look into it people. Get some
Also realize every other tosser is as self-absorbed as you are and are too busy being anxious to even pay attention to your anxieties.
hi, my name is Ariel Rodriguez, i moved to the USA when i was 21, now im 25, and all the frends that i had i left them there in uruguay my native country, all the people that i have met here in the usa have not been so friendly to me, my relatives are non existant, and from being a super social person working on my own office from the age 19 to the age of 21 and having a radio program on a poppular radio of my country working as a event organizer for high school students of all arround a state in uruguay,
i became the loneliest wolf on heart, i have been mistreated in all my jobs , suffered from racism and verval agression frequently in some of them i have realized something,
if you dont represent yourself youllbe treated like a useles idiot, guys pleasse it is not easy to make new social circles but is a must in cases like this , ask for peopple to become your friend if you feel like it to, but represent, no body matters more the yourselves, stop being nice to peopple that do not wish you the best, somethimes it is time for a change, maybe our time , so overcome your fears, all and every single one of them, and things will start to work out again, but make this decision a must,
our duty in this life is to be happy and to be happy we need to be able to feel free, to be ourselves, fear is the worst thing in the world, and las thing, do not waste time with people ho doesnt really appreciate you,
walk on (u2).
yo, any loneley ppl in australia?
hmmm, ill elaborate. well yr 10. highschool. meant to be a really tough time full of peer pressure, alcohol, drugs blah blah blah. not for me because i dont really have any friends. wat make sit worse is that because your australian your meant to be rip roaringly hilarious and out going, but im not. my “friends” at school think im funny, i have been many times complimented on my good looks. yet i never get invited anywhere.
im not completely anti-social, i like being around people and even though im not the most outgoing im not that shy either.
it sucks hearing people talk about that awesome party they went to and stuff and then when they ask you you have to make up and excuse like you have other friends or was woking all weekend (i do have a job-no friends there awell)
i feel really left out. my family loves me though and i am the main source of humor and entertainment, i just dont see how it can be so dfferent in another social group.
well because yall are in the states it kinda sucks more.
i hate highschool
Why is it so hard to “walk across the room” and introduce myself? That zone of the unknown is like a big black hole waiting to swallow me. Just thinking about it makes me nervous.
Here is a slideshow you may be able to relate to:
http://www.lostandlonely.com
“# Steve Says:
May 20th, 2007 at 9:29 am
Charisma, look into it people. Get some
Also realize every other tosser is as self-absorbed as you are and are too busy being anxious to even pay attention to your anxieties”
Steve, coming here bashing on lonely people, who are sharing their problems. Real big of ya. Some people are different – look it up. On the flip side, an out-going, charismatic person wouldn’t have written a message like that,here, only a self-absorbed prude would bother to take the time to insult people consoling each other. I highly doubt you have any “charisma” yourself with such an ignorant post. Social phobias, and anxieties are not out of the norm, don’t let this little twit get to ya, ignorance at its best – Good job!
I’m 23 and have no close friends. I have friends at work and school but the only time I speak with them is when I’m there. I tend to find that a lot of people do like me but we never really connect or do things after work/school. I’m a really nice person but, maybe a bit shy at times. I would like have big group of friends to hang with every weekend or just have someone to talk too. It’s been like this for like 10 years. I try to cheer myself up by buying things but after a while I just get depressed again. It sucks having to go through this everyday. rman126@hotmail.com if anyone has any advice for me
DaCii – about your friends from high school.. Sometimes I feel that way too, that if they were really my friends, they would have kept in touch. But keeping in touch involves both parties, and maybe they are thinking that you don’t want to be friends with them anymore because YOU don’t keep in touch. Just a few days ago I emailed a friend from high school and she was so happy to hear from me. She is coming into town in a few days and we’ll probably meet up, although she lives in another state now, so we can’t be friends like we used to. But it feels good to know that she missed me, and was glad to hear from me. This whole time I thought she probably doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, or that she has better things going on in her life. But she seemed sincerely interested in getting together. I guess the bottom line is, if they were your friend once, they will most likely want to hear from you. (Unless your friendship ended in some messy fight.. but I think most people simply drift apart after a while.)
Lately I have learned to give people the benefit of the doubt – it’s almost never as bad as I think it is. I always think that people don’t like me, or dont want to talk to me, but maybe they are thinking the same thing about me. I am probably sending out bad vibes because I have these bad thoughts. If I gave everyone else some credit, I really think most people are friendly. I don’t think you can ever have too many friends, so it’s not like someone would NOT want to be my friend just because they already have an X number of friends. Now, I just need to put these thoughts into good use.
I’m lonely as shit that shit can be. Literally. I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O MY FCKING GOD!!!!!
Lansie,
I agree with you. Most people would welcome a friendship. I really think there is almost no such thing as being stuck up. So many times I hear that so and so thought that someone else was stuck up before they got to know them. Being shy can make people come across that way and many, many people are somewhat shy around people they do not know. Don’t get me wrong I am sure there is a certain percentage of the population that is truly snobbish and stuck up. That makes it all the more difficult to get to know people because we have that fear of being rejected when, like you said, that would not be likely. Aaaah, lonliness. It gives so much to think about and analyse. Can’t wait until this phase is over. P.S. Just got a new sister-in-law and I think we are going to be friends. We are going to start doing stuff together (girl stuff). :)
I’m a 22 year old female that lives in Southern Indiana. If I did’nt have my 1 year old son, I’d be completely lost. Seems like most of my friends drifted in the past. Needless to say, I feel terribly lonely.
http://www.myspace.com/pristinenight
By the way, feel free to contact me at Angelic_Sweetness2007@yahoo.com
I have no freinds. When I was younger I was never the center of attention but i always had a few small friends here and there. Then when I was 13 I developed a disorder, in which I suffer from bad body odor. I takes at least 4 showers a day, I am extremely hygenic and probably one of the cleanest people you’d ever meet. But I smell bad. Why would someone want to be friends with me? So now, at 18 I’ve accepted the fact that I have no one and probably never will. I can’t go to the store, the dentist, the Doctor, anywhere in public without being completely humiliated. As hard as it is to have no one to depend on, its even worse when you have everyone to defend yourself against. So, while I know its hard to feel lonely and alone, I’m envious of you all because you’re able to be in society without being degraded. I hope you all find someone and wish you the best.
I had a few typos there. Sorry about that.
wow i’m so surprised that there are so many of us lonely people out there! i thought i was the only one!
i’m a 23 yr old female from nj and i have a bf but no friends. i had a few friends in college but we developed differing religious beliefs and stopped talking to each other. i have not been able to make any friends since. my only hope was that things would change once i graduated. well they have changed, for the worse. i’ve been out of school for 6 months now and in that time i’ve been mostly isolated. i live with my bf who is my only contact to the outside world. i had a full time job, but i quit because i couldn’t deal with it anymore. no one talked to me in the office and during one of my evaluations i was basically told that i was on the verge of being let go because i wasn’t perky/sociable enough.
i just don’t understand why making friends even acquaintances is so hard. sometimes i just feel like i don’t even exist.
worst of all is the fact that i feel so ashamed that i don’t have any friends! to the point where i am embarrassed to even contact people from high school for fear that they will find out what a loser i am. even though i have accomplished somewhat since high school, those things don’t matter since i have no friends and i’ve been with my bf since we were 13. it goes so far that i am seriously thinking about moving to california just so that i can use the move as an excuse for not knowing anyone. i can hopefully start over.
well i wasn’t expecting to go into such a rant, i guess i just needed to get it of my chest even if it is just typed. thank you to everyone for listening! i hope we all find an end to our loneliness soon!!
So my boyfriends friends are going down to PA this weekend… of course he wants to go but im trying to make every excuse in the book not to go, because i’ll feel so weird being the only girl there! actually there will be one other girl but shes a bitch and wouldnt talk to me anyway since i’m like 5 years younger than her!
i dunno what to do! i honestly hate this. i feel like i make my boyfriend miss out on doing things because of the fact i have no friends to bring along with me! i’m also scared to not go because what if the girl brings tons of her friends down and my boyfriend will be with them!
this honestly sucks.. can someone give me some advice
DaCii.. I understand your fears, particularly about the other girl bringing her friends. I don’t know how close you are to your boyfriend’s friends, but they are friendly and not going to leave you out, it would probably be okay. Personally I never got along with my ex’s friends, and it was always awkward for me to be with his friends. Would he ignore you if you hung around him while he’s with his friends? It’s probably not going to be a ‘guys only’ weekend if you are invited and another girl is invited. But, I think you can best assess the situation. If it really makes you uncomfortable, you could always just tell your boyfriend you just don’t feel like going.. maybe tell him you just want to relax, or work on some things.. surely you can make something up. I probably wouldn’t want to go either if I were you, especially if the only other girl is a bitch. But, you could possibly end up having a good time, depends on what your boyfriend and his friends’ plans are. Perhaps you could try making friends with that girl’s friends if she brings any.. just because she’s a bitch doesn’t mean her friends are. I think the only way to fix our friendless situations is to force ourselves to try and make friends, no matter how frightening it seems. No risk, no gain. But, it’s possible this wouldn’t be a good time. Good luck with whatever you decide! :)
Lansie-
thanks for writing. yeah i just dont feel too good about the situation considering she’ll have her friends there and they prob wont talk to me (im 18 theyre all like 25). my boyfriend does tend to leave me out sometimes when hes with his friends. i actually told him i feel sick so i wont be going. i seriously wouldnt mind going at all if i had at least ONE friend to bring with me so i wouldnt feel left out. ahh life sucks =(
Hello!
It feels like an age since I posted my message on here, I seem to get so depressed that I don’t want to expose myself to anything but I just seem to spent my time avoiding life.
Lansie, did things work out with your friend? Were you able to meet up? I think I know how you feel, me and my friend seemed to be so alike when we were at school but she has moved on and has grown as a person while I feel like i’m the same arkward person I always was and so I don’t fit in with her anymore. I try to remember that we’re all different and we all change in different ways so I just hope that I will become comfortable in my own skin eventually at least and I think we’ll all hopefully get to that point. I find that I can’t cope meeting people in groups so I’ve tried to get to know people on their own, I just can’t compete with groups, I get talked over. Recently I met up with my friend I mentioned earlier on her own and it’s easier than being in a group and I’d say that it helps when trying to get to know each other or anyone. I still can’t rely on her as she doesn’t return my calls.
eyesonmywall, I was just reading your post and I know how you feel about feeling ashamed but I found I had to try to forget the feeling if it’s possible and find somewhere completely different to meet people, like a fresh start as you were saying. I found I had lost who I was by being around the same people for so long and that I’ve only just starting to by finding new places no one knows me, it’s not easy but it’s a start and I think thats what counts in the long run.
I’ve been reading so many comments on boyfriends and until now I had never let anyone close to me and suddenly I understand what you are all talking about. Since I first post I’m now seeing a guy but he talks about all of these people he knows and all his friends as well as all these people who are antisocial and have no friends that he knows and doesn’t understand so I can’t be myself around him. I can’t explain how I feel to him. Does anyone else get jealous when they hear about what their boyfriend does or knows? I hate feeling like this, I get this pain of jealously that I’m not able to live the same way or cope as well as feeling so bad that I’m the type of person he moans about.
I’m sorry for going on, my head is all over the place tonight. I want to try to move forwards with things but I get stuck and don’t want to do anything, I just find it more comfortable sometimes to be depressed than to try and it’s horrible.
Someone mentioned the possibility of a forum? I think it sounded like a really good idea to be able to talk about anything and everything with people that understand.
Anna x
oh my goodness that was long! I’m so sorry, complete nonsense and ramblings, my head isn’t with it at the moment.
x
Saturday night and I am sitting here reading everyones comments about being lonely and having no friends. It seems a lot of us have many things in common. I am 23 years old and would consider myself depressed. I have an okay job, i am a good looking guy, have a few talents, and have huge dreams/goals for my future. So whats my problem? I have no friends to support me, no friends to enjoy my life with now, and therefore I really don’t care about anything.
Though I do have one friend that I enjoy hanging out with, he is always busy. For me its not that I can’t make friends, because I always make good first impresison, I just end up losing them all. In fact, I have had more best friends that Ive lost than I can even count. What hurts the most is i see many of my past friends doing big things in their life, becoming successful, landing huge jobs, hooking up with lots of girls, few have become locally famous singers, generally always happy and living great.
For me life has just been going through the motions everyday, hoping that I will one day get where they are, lots of friends, lot of women, and accomplish my dreams. But for now, the interest in living or taking care of myself is gone. Thought of suicide has crossed my mind too in the past, but I know that I am never going to take my own life. I will either live for the rest of my life waiting and hoping, or finally get enough coverage to make something out of myself.
I have thought for the longest time that once I reach fame and fortune I will have more friends and women than I ever wanted, but the truth is these will never be true friends. These people will be my friends because of the things I can do for them. I find myself getting older everyday, more depressed as the time goes by, and confused by this world more and more. Its hard thing to understand, being a loser when you are far from it.
DaCii, I’m sorry you had to miss out on your weekend with your boyfriend. Honestly I probably would have done the same, because every guy I date seems to leave me out too when he’s with his friends. I don’t blame them because I can’t expect his attention 100% of the time.. I don’t know what it’s like because I never get the opportunity to leave HIM out.. he’s always my only companion. Does your boyfriend ever mention the fact that you have no friends? The last 2 guys I dated mentioned this to me, and it always made me so uncomfortable, and sometimes even angry.
Guy319, Yes it’s very hard to understand. I noticed that lots of people here do not consider themselves losers.. they think (and are probably correct) that they have decent jobs, looks, aspirations, skills, etc. I have one person that I hang out with regularly, but he is always busy Saturday nights so I don’t particularly enjoy Saturdays anymore (ever since my ex broke up with me). To be honest I don’t even enjoy being around this person very much (he is a great friend and great person, but there are just some things about him..) but I’d rather be with him than alone. And I think he has feelings for me, which I hate, but maybe that is why he hangs out with me so much. Looking back, most of my friends since high school have been guys, probably because they are only there because they like me in the wrong way. I wish I could attract female friends as easily, and they wouldn’t expect anything in return from me other than my companionship.
I too have lost a lot of friends since high school. I just graduated from college, and I just realized that I can’t insert the phrase “my college buddies” into any conversation because I never made any.. I keep in touch with about 4 people from my college, but they are all guys and only one of them I actually met AT college, and I would consider none of them ‘buddies.’
Anna, my friend isn’t coming into town until late next week, and I’ll probably only see her once or twice. She is bringing her husband and kids (she is my age, 23, and I guess that’s the age people start getting married, having babies.. but it just feels weird because I’m not close to doing anything like that), so it’s probably not going to be the same as it was between us when we were in high school. Still, I really look forward to seeing her. Everything you wrote in your post, I could have written. I completely understand .. especially the part about avoiding life, and being stuck, and being depressed. In fact I feel like I know most of you on some level; we are somehow all connected in this.. odd way. I no longer feel strange or abnormal.. and I think a forum would be a good idea, because this page is getting so long. If that never happens, I think we should at least exchange emails, or aim handles. Mine is oneraytheless@aol.com (aim is the same, minus the email part).
Anna, my post is probably longer than yours :)
But I’m not forcing anyone to read it!
BTW anonymous jane, I don’t know if you’ll read this, but I’ve actually been thinking about what you said about your disorder. It must be so very difficult for you, but there must be something that can be done? Is it a genetic disorder? Is there medication or anything that you take?
I don’t believe that you will never have anyone in life, even a person in the most unfortunate of circumstances can find companionship in life… have you seen that woman with only her upper torso and no legs? I mean she doesn’t even have stumps, I think she is cut off at around her belly button.. but, she is married and has a kid, and she seems pretty happy. I am not equating your situation to hers, but when I saw her story, I thought, if she can be happy, why can’t everyone else?? I won’t pretend to understand what you go through every day, because I don’t, but I know it must be extremely difficult to have to be preoccupied by something like that, to be consumed by it, even, on a daily basis. I have no doubt that there is companionship for you in the world, but I know it must require extraordinary leap of faith in other people. I truly hope you find the courage to live your life, because you are still so young and it is not too late.
Hi Lansie. If I knew a way to cure or even lessen this disorder I would but I haven’t found anything. The many different doctors that I’ve seen aren’t really sure why I have these issues or how to fix them. I’ve been put on diets, had many tests taken and their at a loss. I’ve been given medication over the years for my IBS symptoms that they think might cause this problem for me with only negative or no result. There are some others like me that suffer from bad body odor, many of us suffer from different kinds. But most of us have no known way of curing it.
The MSN body odor group, ibsgroup.org, are places where some of us talk and try to find ways to solve our disorders on our own.
Thanks for you’re kind words and I’m glad that people in worse situations than mine can find companions in friendship or otherwise. I will continue living and trying to find a way to relieve this disorder but it is difficult. Hopefully I’ll fix this someday and be able to live my life to the fullest. For all of you, I wish you the best in finding what you’re looking for.
I thought I’d share my short story with the board (I’ve never posted on a website).
I’m 22 and have really found it hard to make friends. My uni years up until the last half of my last year okay i guess, the only friends I had were the ones who were on my course (i went out with those ppl as well on ocasion), though when i went back home to halls of residence i was isolated (this was the case for the whole 3yrs).
Now I live with some ppl from my course who are kind of friends but not the “true” friends we all want. Thats not to say I don’t like them or talk to them but I’m not valued and doubt I will be missed that much/kept in touch with.
Even though we live in the same house it seems that I am always the one who goes to see them and not vice versa, which is a bit annoying. There have been a lot of birthdays here and out of everyones I was the only one not to recieve a present or even a card (but I was still asked to go in on other ppls presents and sign their cards)… there are more examples I could put here.
I will not be living with my present housemates this year as I will be off to find a good job, so I will be leaving them all and starting again from scratch. I can’t really make friends as I am completely hopeless at social situations (probably due to the way I was brought up) and so find it hard to interject into a conversation with little or no points of reference.
So isolation awaits me for now due to a distinct failure in my ability to adapt to social situations.
I have struffgled to make friends since i started highschool. I was always the quietest of my friends in junior school but always had friends was liked and enjoyed the company of people. Around just before i left primaryschool at 11 my frineds decided it was my turn to get frozen out. I guess cos it was such a critical time i never really recoverd my self esteem from it and withdrew even more. I had always been shy amonsgt my family and although to those who knew me i was any thing but shy i guess i to everyone else they didnt know wat to make of me. I have never fully trusted anyone since and have spent my whole life longing for true friendships again. I am 22 and its scary too think i havent moved on too far from when i was 14 and feeling the same way. Its not hat i have no friends at all its just that i can;t rely on them, i don’t trust them and i feel as though i can’t be 100% myself around them. Also becuase they are individuals its like im not part of any social group or circle that meets regularly. I just meet these individuals separately every few weeks or so and speak to someof them maybe once or twice a week. But its like most of my friends are guys because of my experiences i have found it hard to get on with other females cos of the bitchyness.. I feel like ive missed out on so much in life. So many moments spent alone, so many nights spent crying. Its like not only am i in this situation but im also ashamed to be in this situation at my age. I know people will say just pull yourself together and get out there but its hard when you dont know how to be yourself, ive never had friends to validate me so im always second guessing myself. I knw i shouldnt need anyone to validate me but its hard to change my mindset on my own. I am attractive and people do try and befriend me but cos i can be myself they find me aloof or stand offish. Its like i dont belong anywhere. I am glaad i found this site though cos i dont feel so alone and can relate to what all of you are saying.
me again. Apologies for the spellings was typing real fast. Like i said I have a few friends but most of them are male and have their own lives. I have no girlfriends to do anything with. Well i do but one of them spends all her time with her boyfriend, the other one calls me like once every 3 months and the other one we speak quite regularly and are kinda in the same disatisfied state friendswise but she brings me down all the time cos she never tries to be positive about it and we just end up spending four hours finding ways to prove that life is shit, so i try to avoid her . Other than that i have a a few aquantences at work and an old school friend who is like the biggest most competitive bitch in the world so i try to distance myself from her too but no one who is actually here for me and who makes me comfortable to be myself. Its like i dont feel comfortable around anyone enough to trully be myself and to top it all off the majority of my guy friends (4 out of 5) want to either sleep with me, marry me, make me thier girl, or something along those lines. I stay frineds with them cos thier all i have little do they know but it can get awkward at times when you know someone has feelings for you. and even when i keep telling them we’re just friends its like they keep trying. But like i said they’re all i have so i just keep working through it with them. You know what i really miss, just chilling out with a bunch of people and laughing about dumb stuff. Having people to go places with and belonging to a social group being known as one of the gang typa thing. Maybe thats a childish fantasy but it used to be like that and it hurts cos alot of the people that used to be in my social group are still tight and have expanded their network of friends whilst mine has decreased. My female friends like i said either have partners or are fickle friends. Im really lonely and feel like ihave no life. I go out maybe once evry 3 months on a girls night out. I probly see my male aquaintences more often maybe once every week or two but my phone hardly rings anymore and no one calls for me anymore. I feel like such a loser at 22.
sorry im not trying to flood the board but at guy319 i just read your post and even though it may not seem like it from what ive written but i couldve written your post from a female perspective. I am so ambitious and alot of my friends are doing well in music and differnt things, everyone in the ends is coming up and its like im waiting for my time to shine. I like you can make a good first impression but have trouble keepin friends and holding onto the relationships or turning them into more than just casual friendships. All i keep hearing from people is about my potential, how i should be doing this and doing that but y am i not. No one can understand why a girl like me looks so down all the time. This is nt where i d hoped to be at all by this age
I’m 23 yr old male in Australia and I’ve just been through a seperation. I have a 2 yr old daughter but I hardly get to see her at the moment because my ex is preventing me. I am going to have to go to court to see my little girl.
I have had friends in the past but I never had a really close friend. I never had someone to really rely on or share my feelings with and it’s made me really depressed. I think I have failed to keep in touch with a lot of people especially since I have moved a lot in the last few years.
I’m fighting a battle of feeling like I have no friends but my brain knows that it just takes time, making friends is a slow process and you have to listen and care for people even if you don’t feel like it. Every second I share with another person I am grateful for, because loneliness is painful.
I believe adversity suffered by us or our friends is a time when you can really get to know your friends better and connect with them. I am suffering some major adversities at the moment but I know I must put them aside and attempt to connect with other people. I don’t believe anyone can make friends if they focus on their own problems.
I hear so many people here talking about their situation and having no friends and I hope my little story here might be beneficial. I want you all to know that when you feel hopeless that there is hope, the hopelessness you feel is a overpowering grief but it isn’t realistic. Life is a tree that grows slowly.
Anyone, if you want to email me feel free to, kdba18@hotmail.com I am happy to chat or listen if you feel like venting. I have MSN too.
I’m a 23 year old male and i’ve had pretty bad social skills my entire life. I had a few friends in high school but they have abandoned me even though I never treated them badly and was a great friend to them. I’ve only had one girlfriend in my life and it only lasted a month, what sucks is I know girls are attracted to me but the only way I find out is if someone else tells me. I started going to the gym a few years ago hoping that it would give me more confidence and better luck at getting friends or a girlfriend but so far it hasn’t, in fact it might have had the opposite effect because now people think I look intimidating. I’m a nice guy but people don’t bother trying to get to know me because they judge me by my appearance and think i’m mean, i’ve even had people say I look stuck up. I just don’t get it, I guess some people are meant to be alone.
Anonymous Jane: We will be your friend any time. You seem like a very nice person and I see no reason to judge you on here. As long as you keep aspiring to live your life to the fullest, people will see you as a neat, fun loving, and nice person who has overcome things in this life and you will have even more respect than some people who do have it easier.
Anon: I have been told I am intimidating as well and that I look and act stuck up (only cuz I am shy). Even my husband told me that at first he was scared of me. I am so grateful for him, he is the only person who saw me for who I really was and sees me as the person I feel like I am on the inside. He was willing to wait for me to come around and I know he is glad he did.
Lansie: Even though you and your friend are in different situations as far as marriage and kids, chances are she still needs you in her life. She probably still feels like the same person on the inside and if family is something you want in your life, it will not be long before you have plenty in common with her. I think that is a reason I have lost some of my friends. We had different circumstances and felt like we had less in common. I still needed them, but they were not around in some of my most difficult times. Now they do have babies, but we have already gone our seperate ways.
Guy319: Lots of women = lots of drama. Just try to find one that makes you happy. Marriage has been 100% better than just dating lots of men.
Hey all. Just one more thing…I have stopped being so impatient and so consumed by this problem and I just want to say that things are looking up for me. I have so much planned in the upcoming weeks, that I have had to reschedule things just because they overlap other plans. I don’t want to get too excited, because a lot of these people are just aquaintances, but I really thing positive things are happening here. I still long for closeness to people, but I really hope that in time I will have that since, like many have mentioned, it takes a long time.
Also, I have lowered my expectations from people. If you expect less, you get hurt less. Just put forth your best self, and expect nothing in return. Eventually, you will get something in return and you will be pleasantly surprised because you did not even expect it. Good luck to all.
i’ve pretty much gone through my whole life with few real friendships. the people i was friends with either went away or we had a falling out. i’ve just finished university and i hardly went to any parties and the ones i did go through were of friends of my exs.
grad week was a little while ago and i didn’t bother to attend any of the events b/c what’s the point? when you’re not friends with anyone (and the faculty is SO clicky) i’d just be there by myself.
i try to be friendly when i meet people, first impressions are everything…but after the fact, things just don’t really go anywhere.
lisa & anon:
people have always told me i look intimidating. one person told me he thought i was a snotty bitch when he was first around me, and my ex told me he was afraid to approach me cause i looked like i thought i was better than everyone else. The truth is though that ever since i can remember i was scared of groups of people and i would try to look like i wasn’t – a defense thing i suppose. Now that i’m aware of it i try not to come off like it but most of the time, when i’m out in public i get stressed out and probably come off that way. It’s to the point now that i hardly ever notice it.
It’s nice to know that there are other people out there in the same situation…facebook will be the death of me i think.
I’m sitting here reading most of these posts and am so sad myself because I totally feel the same exact way as all of you. Out of my teen years, I had only friends but, they weren’t exactly people I should have called my dear friends, even though, I’ve known them all of my life practically. Yet, the whole time when I was in school and I did have friends (not many), i always felt awkward and isolated from them. I also started suffering from major depression. I felt so alone. I would cry all the time about how alone I was and how I didn’t have any friends and to this day (I’m 32 now), I don’t have one friend that I can really count on. It makes me so sad when I think about it. It’s not like I need a whole huge group of friends because I actually do better in small social situations but, if I can only have just ONE. Just one best friend, I would be so happy.
I have been in a online community for several years and have met lots of people. I am a sweet, sensitive, trustworthy, honest person. I have poured my soul out to people to to no avail do I feel like I have gained one good friend out of the bunch. It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong and more than that, being that I have clinical depression (have for years), when I get socially rejected, I feel as though it is because I am too depressed or that they know i have depression. I feel so isolated.
Anyhow.. just thought I share my thoughts. It is good to know that I’m not the only one who’s feeling that way even though, it doesn’t fix the problem.
I just want to point out also that like some of you have mentioned in some way or another, I feel as though I can’t be myself. After being socially rejected for so long, I have often find myself, distancing myself even further from anything that is social. It is not because I want to but, I feel it is my way of protecting myself from getting hurt or rejected again so, I do understand that feeling very well also.
I know how all of you feel. I’m 22 now and have gone through most of my life not knowing friendship. I’ve had a couple buddies but things always fell through early on. I never had anyone to confide in or just hang out with. Since 13, I’ve had terrible acne, so that had a lot to do with it. All I ever really wanted out of life was to be normal, have a few friends…things people take for granted. I’m trying to hold out hope, and reading these posts helps.
It makes me sad to hear so many young people say they have no friends. And even sadder to not be able to give you hope. I am 50 years old, soon to be divorced, and no friends. My birth parents didn’t want me so gave me up for adoption. My adoptive mother died when I was 3 and my stepmom hated me from the day she met me. She couldn’t wait to get me out of the house so she pushed me into marrying a man who never really loved me. It took him 30 years to decide he didn’t want to be married anymore, although I still love him. (not too bright, since he’s screwed around from the beginning). I’ve tried to establish friendships, but had personal information you only share w/someone you feel close to, used against me. My kids are married and have lives of their own. Every day I sink deeper in the hole of depression and I’m not so sure I’ll survive this time. It really pisses me off when you hear that someone committed suicide, and then all of a sudden people are coming out of the woodwork saying stupid crap like “if I’d only known” or “he/she should have said something, I would have helped.” WTF!! I try telling them all the time and they don’t listen! Or when I just try to be quiet and not trouble them, they think I’m pissed off. The couple of times I’ve tried to tell people how truly depressed I’ve been, they don’t want to hear it. I’m just plain tired now and don’t want to deal w/people anymore. There will come a day when I slip out of this torture and into a better world beyond. Until then, I just exist, one more day….
Aw. I missed some of the posts about opening our own forum but I think that would be great! Being that we seem to think we are the loneliest people with no friends, here we found each other and we aren’t alone! Maybe making a forum could help us and others who may feel the same way that haven’t found their way here! I know a great place to create a forum to do that. It is free and protected. I think we should do it!!!!!!! =]
Steve:
I feel the same way. I had only two friends out of highschool and they feel through. Ever since, I haven’t had any great friends to speak of. It’s just me, my bf , and my cat but, i do understand where your coming from too.
Mrs Peabody:
I’m so sorry to hear about your marriage. That must be a rough thing that you are going through right now. As for people using personal stuff against you (especially someone you had trusted), I had the same thing happen to me also and it hurts when people can take something so personal and use it to their own amusement or just to bully someone. There are alot of cruel people in this world, unfortunately. Over the last few weeks, my depression has been really bad at times that I too, didn’t feel like I would pull out of it. Sometimes it scares the hell out of me because I start to get afraid that I might actually do something to hurt myself and I don’t like that feeling at all so, I definately understand that feeling, as well. I feel like I am constantly telling people in my life how I really feel but, they aren’t listening either which, makes things a bit more frustrating. Sad thing is, people don’t want to hear how depressed you are. I feel the same way and it’s sad because IF they were a REAL FRIEND, they wouldn’t care. They would be there to listen and even if they didn’t have a solution for you, just being there to listen is all one can ask for when they are that down but, i have trouble getting that too then, I start to feel like I’m dumping too many of my problems onto other people so, I back off and keep my feelings bottled inside and I do that alot.
I do understand each and everyone of you and I think we should start a forum. I really do.
Hey all,
I’ll try not to write too much this time but I suppose it’s the best place for it at the moment :)
I’d really like a forum like a lot of people have mentioned and I’m sure it would be helpful to us all, sometimes all you need is someone who understands and everyone here understands what we’re going through. Jolene it sounds really good if you know a place we could create one, I don’t know the first things about what would be involved but can help if you need any. My e-mail is foggy-day@hotmail.co.uk if anyone needs to chat about anything at all, my head gets filled up with so much nonsense that sometimes you just have to talk about it and as lansie said just in case anything happens, it could be good to swap e-mails.
I hope everyone is well
anna x
I can’t believe I found this site. Reading all your entries makes me think that I’m not alone and I really appreciate that.
I just turned 20 years old and I have zero friends. None. My last two years of high school, I sat alone in the cafeteria, in the library in class. At the end of the day my voice would be hoarse, because I had literally not spoken a single word all day. Those were the bad days. Other days, I was pretty fun to be around. I made people laugh and people generally liked me. But after school and on Friday and Saturday nights, I sat at home alone and watched movies. I go everywhere alone. The only friend I ever had was my identical twin sister. I always thought I didn’t need anybody because I had her, but when she made her own friends, I was left alone in the dark. I realized what a loser I had become. My family would constantly make fun of me and judge me. They say it’s my own fault, that I’m not “friendly” enough. Their advice was to join a club or a team. So I started cheerleading. I did it it for 4 years and did not make one single friend. I was friendly, nice, offered up things we could do together. But they all just blew me off. The same thing is starting to happen at work too. I started at the exact same time as 3 of my other co-workers. We all had the same lunch break and all 3 of them went out to lunch their first day and didn’t even ask me! And they continue to do it. I even try to be funny, and said, “Thanks for inviting me,” so they would remember me next time, and they still haven’t invited me out. One time, on my 19th birthday, they were all starting to go out, stopped, turned around and said, “Do you want us to get you anything?”
But my story may have a happy ending. I decided I needed to force myself to be in a situation where you have to make friends to survive. I believe that is in the army. My sister used to be just like me, until she joined the army. She said she has made some of the best friends she will ever meet in her life and it is like a dream come true. People in the army become very dependent on each other and they end up with friends for life. She just finished basic training and she is now going to be a bridesmaid in 3 weddings this summer. Three! 4 months ago, she didn’t even have a best friend. I really hope this works out for me and I pray all you people out there find the best friends in the world. The greatest friends out there, still need to be found and this blog is living proof of that. If only people could open their hearts to others and realize that every single person out there could use another friend. I think all of you are like me in some way. We must have some sort of personality trait that ties us all together, I think it is that we all have high standards as people. i want every one of you to e-mail me at soul_sista_69@hotmail.com.
I know one day that when I have kids they will have friends. I’ll bet my life on it. No way will any kid of mine have the same loneliness I feel. You can count on it.
Hello,
I’m 16 and I have no friends. I used to have 1, but I got into a relationship with my ex where I devoted myself to making him happy. It didn’t work out, it ended really bad. My friend wasn’t there after it ended. I found out she was planning a trip to Disney World and she could bring 3 friends, her boyfriend told me she thought about bring me, but decided not to. It really hurts, and it really sucks. In 8th I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with my ex. Since then I’ve decided to pick my close friends carefully, but it doesn’t matter now that I think of it, people can be deceiving. All I have are acquaintances. On Myspace I can’t even put up a top friends list, I have to hide it. I have nice internet friends who I’ve met through online games I’ve played who have been there for me, but I know they don’t understand how I feel. I cry every night, just thinking of people I know having fun with their friends, going to the beach, watching movies, and going to sleep overs, wishing I could have that fun.
You all sound like the nicest people. Presley I agree with you, I would definitely make sure my children will have friends, this sadness is horrible.
My email address is: j.l.tyler@hotmail.com if anyone wants to email me.
It’s not that I have a phobia with people, or I can not interact with people. I just want to have a real close friend who would be there for me and not backstab me. Somehow for me they are hard to find. It’s hard to make friends in high school…everyone has that “circle of friends” and doesn’t need anymore. All my friends moved away in 7th-8th grade…
Ahh I feel so much better after I typed that
: )
nova, i know how you feel, im nearly sixteen and my mum keeps asking if ill have a party and its really depressing because i have no one to invite. its especially hard for us young people because hwne your older you can hide away at home, at school youre bare and open and people see everything.
also, are you a guy or a girl? because you said your boyfriend cheated on your ex, so he is a bisexual or you are? just asking and no, im not a homophobe so its ok i wont rant :)
I am a girl, I ment my boyfriend cheated on me with my bestfriend :/ a LOT of times……….
I added most of you to my MSN Messenger and I have caught up with about 4 people here. It’s cool to speak to you guys.
Download MSN Messenger and add kdba18@hotmail.com
I use it everyday – if anyone wants to chat or anything.
Is anyone in or around MS? It is tough having zero friends and no boyfriend so I can relate due to severe social phobia. On top of that I have agoraphobia.
I want to start a forum for us all but, I’m not sure what to call it. I think it should not only pertain to us our given situation with social phobia or lack of socialness but, I think it should be a forum for other things that people have.
I just haven’t had the energy to start one yet come up with a name or anything because I’ve been in a really, really, down period for the last several weeks. I think this is the lowest point I’ve ever been in my whole life and when you feel down, you don’t feel like doing much. I need to break out of this habit but it’s so hard.
Last night, I was with my bf at his friends house with his friend and his girlfriend and I felt out so out of place. It was depressing to say the least. Its like when I talk, I fumble my words which makes me feel even more stupid so, I just sit there quiet like which, makes it more uncomfortable. It’s a vicious cycle.
Ugh. I’m so depressed. It sucks not being able to be social yet, I can talk like crazy on a forum with people I barely know. Yet, this is like my only outlet cause I really can’t talk to my bf or my parents about this kinda stuff which, makes me feel even more isolated. =/
er……..the lonely forum? lol i cant think of names, ahhh best friend…it all makes sense now, well i would make a forum but unfortunaltely im very computer illeterate i cant even spell illeterate.
yea, i think i may be at that point. i cant do anything, im so bored!! and lonely. and depressed. eh, then that gets me thinking about all th poeple in famine places with lost limbs and starving and then i feel guilty. so if i killed myself it would be incredibly selfish to throw away my life wher i have food and shelter when those people are suffering. i dont know.
Reading the entries here made me feel a lot better because i always thought that i was the only one experiencing these thoughts. I’m in my senior year at high school and school ends in a week. Today was valedictory and it really hit me hard that when i went up to receive the diploma, there was only little forced screams instead of the popular kids who get the top of the lung screams that shake the room, and even the unpopular kids have their friends to cheer them on. I have no one. At break i usually stand with the “popular” crowd, but i have nothing to say to them and just stand there. I eventually stopped standing there and went home at breaks, lunches and spares.I literally became a ghost in my school. I started becoming paranoid, self-concious and insecure. I was depressed about the no friends issue ever since grade 10 and it kept on getting worse. I tried hanging out with different groups of ppl and it started out fine, but i always seem to ask them to hang out and never get proposals. Eventually we stopped contacting. Whats worse is that i now have a weed addiction and feeling more and more hopeless everyday. If i had a girlfriend, maybe it would be better, but how can i meet good girls when i have no friends to go to parties/events with? I want to kill my self but i’m scared of going to hell. What can i do, i get more hopeless and depressed every day, and its also straining my relationship with my family because of my mood swings and frustrations. I just want this whole situation to be over and become a normal person. I’m so desperate its pathetic.
wow, its really disheartening to see people of all ages having the same problem as i do.
im a 17yr old male with alot of associates but no real friends (like most of u). i can hang out with these people in school and even have some fun but outside of school i have no life. Nobody invites me out for parties or gatherings. its really funny coz in school the ppl i know think im fun to be and we really seem to be enojying but again the only thing i hear about parties and outings is that HOW FUN THEY WERE or HOW MUCH PPL ENJOYED them after they have taken place… (nobody tells me when there gonna happen)
Right now as im typing this , two groups of my “friends” are having great times.I know this coz 1 of them just called me from his pals cellphones asking me the directions to a popular hang out spot , while another one recently borrowed my camera for capturing the fun moments hes gonna have with his friends (there my “friends” too in school btw)
so u see to those all jackasses im perfect as a tool but apparantly, a lousy friend for actually helping them out…i just wanted to get this out , thx
I’ve experienced the same thing as you bro, supposed “friends” wouldn’t invite me to come with them to parties or anything and then the next day they’d tell me all about their good times like they were rubbing it in my face. Those people are called social climbers, meaning they will do anything to climb the social ladder and try to become popular. Do yourself a favor and stop talking to those people.
I really feel like there must be something wrong with me. There exists only a very small number of people I feel I can be open with, and I have a very hard time keeping people interested outside of that. I also have trouble with attracting dropkicks as friends, as I find it hard to let them know how I feel about them or simply brushing them off.
As an aside I’d just like to add that in terms of a gf, I’ve never had no one ever. And if it hasn’t happened by now (I’m 20), when is it ever going to happen?
Reading these posts make me feel sad. I know there are people who want to make new friends, but the insecurity of finding them is difficult. I am lucky enough to have 1 good friend, but she never really listens to me, so it’s not like I have someone to confide my feelings. She just wants someone to talk to, but I can tell she doesn’t really care. I know this because I have gone to her house over 100 times, but she has only visited me once. We only live about 4 blocks from each other and I live in a high rise with a great view and she has a small ground level studio with no view. I haven’t told her, but everything I own is better than hers and that we would have a better time on my balcony facing the ocean then in her small, dirty apartment. I think that friendship is a 2 way street and that compromising your principles to gain respect from others is a losing battle. I feel so alone and I just want to run away from everyone. People don’t look each other in the eye anymore. I have no idea if I will find new friends, but I really hope that there is someone who has something in common with me and wants to hang-out.
here is a website forum for everyone please try this out its
http://www.alonelylife.com
Please try it out
Dear Nate,
Unfortunately I think your friend is on the jealous side of where you are living at and what you own. I know this sounds very pathetic, but it happens alot more than you think.
This “jealousy” had happened to me also with a couple of “friends” in my past too.
Since you are always willing to go over to your friend’s little dumpy apartment, she probably doesn’t mind having you over for company. She probably likes it because you are always doing the chasing after her. But if you would stop going over to her place, you probably wouldn’t hear back from her either, unless she might call you up one day when she gets bored, and decide to ask you why you haven’t been over to her place in a long while. Your friend is probably too self absorbed in comparing what you have, and what she doesn’t have, and is afraid that her jealousy might slip out and show in front of you if she were to hang out at your place as if with everything around her being flaunted, she’d feel thrown in her face. She probably wonders why you even hang out with her at all the way you do, since she might feel she has nothing to really offer you. Unfortunately, but NOT all, but some, of the snootiest and arrogant people I’ve ever met are actually poor people. The only thing I can suggest is that you move on from that empty relationship. Because if you try to tell someone like that, that material things mean nothing to you and that true friendships are whats most important in life, it will probably be just falling on deaf ears. To this day I have learned not to ever trust someone that I believe is jealous of me, because I know they are incapable of being a true and loyal friend. They cannot be trustworthy. These types aren’t out for my best interests or anybodys, just their own. They will spitefully make up things about you and gossip behind your back to others too.
True friendships are a give and take situation. If it becomes one sided, where one does all the giving, and the other all of the taking, its never in the givers best interest at all to keep associating oneself with people like that. They are petty, self-centered and cruel. It isn’t what one owns, or has in this world that makes a person a true success in life anyway, it is whats in the heart that truly matters. Anyway, material things mean zilch unless one has true friends to enjoy them with. Take care and listen to what your heart tells you. I hope this helped.
Hi Leah, I don’t know if she is jealous of my material possessions, but there is something missing in our relationship. We’ve known each other for a long time and I know what kind of person she is and I’ve come to accept it, but I find it difficult to accept that she won’t allow me to be me, she spends most of the time showing off what she is, instead of listening what I have to offer and how we can work together. Albeit, she is extremely talented ( amateur artist, magician, cook) but whenever I feel it is my turn to contribute something, she has something else that is more important to do and that’s why I feel it when you say she is petty, self-centered and cruel.
Last night, I think she warmed up to me a little more…she gave me a facial! We watched a movie and she kinda snuggled up to me. She is die in the wool lesbian, so this was unexpected. Anyways, I’ve bitched and moaned enough; I just feel so emotionally used up these days.
hello everyone.
I havent posted for a while, but have been reading your entries. I’ve been feeling extra low today. I tought I had a handle on things but i guess not everyone is made of stone. May 24 weekend was bad because ppl at work were asking me what i was up to and i had to lie… how pathetic is that!!
today my mother asked me to pick up something for her at the liquor store, being friday, there were a lot of groups of friends in the store, the parking lot, etc… they were getting boose for bbq’s house party’s, the cottage and sofourth. It was very hard for me to see them, its like every time i see tight groups of friends, & tight family members, i get this extremly sad feeling. i really wish things were different. I keep tellig myself that im going through a transitional phase in my life that will pass… now im not so sure
Hello-
This is my first posting. I am 28 year old with no friends. I work as a designer and thought that people in the design community would make great friends. But I can’t seem to find any. I can’t even find any who are not designers. At work people barely speak to me and it hurts cause I speak to them whenever I see them. They to speak each other but not to me. Its hard to work because I am not an unfreindly person. I think it maybe me. People judge me before they get to know me. Maybe my personality is weak and people sense that or maybe I just someone who would want as a friend. I even get prejudged sometimes by my boyfriend. And what people don’t realize is that when you constantly judge someone, soon that person will start to think they can’t do things
for themselve and start to watch everything they do are make mistake people expect from you. And its only happening because you start to feel pressured. Not having friends made me realize how low my self confidence is. I don’t know how to raise it. But I do find out how, I still don’t think I will have friends because or make friend aswell because I am black.
Hello my name is Amit and i have no friends i am 23 years old. This is my first post.
I have never had any friends. In high school, i was bullied, teased, racism etc when i was younger. But i used the anger with-in me as strength and channeled it into my education and now i am successful with a bright future ahead of me.. but i have no friends and my past haunts me. People around me would never think twice what i have gone through i put such a good front on and smile that its hidden deep with-in my heart. I try and go out socialize but people don’t seem to want to know me. I always help people with money, advise i listen to their problems..But who listens to mine…!? I don’t think i am a bad looking guy,.. or person.. i have also tried to get a partner to fill the gap but no one seems to like me… To that end i sit alone every evening and weekend lonely on my own thinking what it would be like to have some people in my life that cared about me for a change. When people in work ask me what I am doing on the weekend I really am lost for words..My brother and sister do not care about me either which hurts even more…i am truly alone in this world.
kate:925:
i totally understand where your coming from. if you wanna chat let me know, im on msn
thanks kate, let me know what your address is. i dont fancy posting mine on a public forum and we can have a chat if you like. I understand where your comming from too.
Hi, I’m from England and 39 and living with my parents (for financial reasons). I’ve not had any close friends since I was about 16 and then I only had one! I’m quiet, but kind and caring but it seems society doesnt value these qualities any longer. I’ve longed to be married for over ten years but have no boyfriend, life is so very lonely, I doubt I’ll get the chance now to have a family, life is so unfair, but I guess we have to battle on…hugs to you all xxx
Hey, just found this when i typed ‘lonliness’ into google, so here i am. Im 15 years old, living in the united kingdom. up to a month ago my life was fine, i had friends, a girlfriend and was doing well in my studies, now im reduced to pretty much nothing. I spent more time with my girlfriend than my friends, and they did not like this and now have all abandoned me, and im no longer with my girlfriend. I was always there for my friends, and i dont think i deserve to be treated this way, like all of you have posted, and ive now realised good guys always finish last. So now i have nobody, so i spend my days behind a computer, which i cant live like for much longer. Ive had to pretty much fight my way through school and always had my friends by my side but now im alone, and i’m close to the edge. I can relate to a lot of people on this site but i dont want to bore you with my experiences, i just need someone who can understand..thanks guys stay strong =]
i am 24 years old girl and im russian. i was born in a difficult time, it was for all of us. i was a very slow child. in kindergarden i used to sleep so much that children would make fun of me and never accept into their small groups. later on when i went to school i was not improving my learning skills and was considered as probably the stupidest child in the class, its not that i was lazy, i was not, but i could never understand anything. so i didnt have friends. i was emotionally and physically abused through all my childhood. i lurned to live with it. and still couldnt make to have a friend i could share everything that was possible. i grew into a beautiful model, but still never gained any confidence, i became one of the best students in the overseas college, i now understand i wanted to prove to myself that i can be better than what they made me be. i have buddies, but not friends, i cant trust women and men are difficult to deal with. i met my fiance, thats when i finally realised i dont have to worry anymore, he was and is everything to me. to all people out there, please dont ever give up, pay attention to people next to you, the reason they might be distant and cold could be exactly like yours. be proud of having a good heart, but learn how to protect it. love yourselves and thats when you ll be able to love others. dont just accept your miserable lives, try understand and work with yourselves. ive been through all that i know what i am saying. i know its very hard, its so hard that you hate yourself for being different. we are not different, always try to find something that will unite us but not keep us apart. dont expect others to be the way you want them to be, be in their shoes. be positive at least find something that will keep you that way and always hope!
hi everyone – i’ve been reading these posts since i posted a while ago and it is good to know that there are others out there who feel the same way as i do.
i’ve been feeling really crappy the past few days especially…since i finished school and moved back home i’ve been doing nothing but sitting on the computer and looking for work. i’ve got no real friends in my hometown so i pretty much sit around and hang out with the dog :S
everyone always says things will get better and i do try to think that way but that’s what i said to myself when i went away to school, then when i moved out of rez and into a house, then when i moved back home…i dunno, things just blow right now.
thanks for reading my rambles.
hi I’m a sophmore in Highschool and I feel like I have no one I can really trust and talk too.
growing up I had a lot of friends and one bestfriend, I spent most of my time with her, we even decided to go to highschool together. Being in highschool with her didn’t exactly work out. She basically ruined my freshman year and made all the girls hate me. I transferred to a new school with my old friends from middle school, which has been okay. It seems like everyday, its the same, I wake up and feel the same sadness inside of me, every single day. I put up a great front smileing to people, but really I’m lonely and depressed. I have good days and bad days, but mostly bad days. I just don’t understand why people don’t like me. I’m very shy, but I can at least hold a conversation with someone. I just get so nervous around people I don’t know that well. I’m trying to make new friends desperately, I see all these pictures of girls from my school at parties and each others house and I go “that should be me” “whats wrong with me, people my age have tons of friends” I just can’t make new friends, as hard as I try. I just want to know whats wrong with me. I’m shy, but if people get to know me I can be a lot of fun! everyone says once you get involved with teams and clubs in school you meet A lot of new people, but I have and still nothing. I maybe come off as unfriendly, but really I’m super shy and I’m very afraid of being judged. I really I want to make friends soo bad and be a part of a group of friends that hang out on weekends, go shopping, and have fun.
Hey everyone. I’m going to be junior in high school. I feel so depressed sometimes that I sometimes wish I could just die. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All through elementary school I had at least 2 best friends, who I had over and really could confide in, and some other friends as well. looking back at those times, i just wish I could be as close to anyone as I was then. I’d give anything to love life again, to be as happy as I was then. I feel like I don’t know how to make friends anymore. To the person who posted above, i know just what you mean. Everyone thinks that if you go to clubs or ‘get involved’ at school, you will somehow automatically make friends. But that is not the case with me. I joined three clubs last year, and I was in marching band, so obviously i had the opportunity to make dozens of friends-i just didn’t. i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am a straight A student, I play the clarinet, I am a very talented writer, I am physically active, blonde, and pretty, I love animals, history, art, my family, and nature. or maybe loved is the right word. i can’t seem to get emotional about anything anymore. when i pick up one of my favorite books, i try to remember why i loved it, and reread my favorite parts of it, but it doesn’t seem to have an effect on me anymore. nothing does. no wonder i can’t make friends. i used to just be shy, like extremely shy, but at least i always knew that i has something to offer the world. i might have been nervous talking to people, but once they got to know me, i was funny and smart and caring. now i feel like i’ve lost all that. i never say anything anymore, not because i’m shy, but because i feel like i don’t have anything to offer anyone anymore. my sophomore year was devastating for me. my advice for all of you is to be yourselves. you all sound like wonderful people, and i bet if you just let others see you for who you really are, you will have close friends in no time. i am terrified that it won’t ever be that way for me again. I think, by ignoring my own beliefs, and trying so hard to fit in, i lost who I am. I don’t seem to have a personality at all anymore. how can i make friends when I have no emotion except sadness, and i’m not motivated to do anything except cry? i feel like my face is a mask. i don’t really show that much emotion anymore. sometimes, for seemingly no reason, i feel sure that i am crazy because of all these depressed thoughts going through my head. i’m always sure that no one else has to deal with such a terrible, never-ending cycle of self-doubt and misery in the inner world of their minds. i put on a happy face, and hope no one can see through it. i hope desperately that i don’t have depersonalization issues, or worse, that im turning into a schizoid. no offense to anyone, but being shy is one thing, but actually not wanting to be around any people at all would make me want to kill myself…more than i already do. I can’t write anymore, since i have no inspiration. i feel like everything i say to the two friends i have left is fake. i don’t feel a real connection to anyone. i wish i could rediscover who I am. I was such a wonderful person last year. I knew who I was, and I was happy, although shy. I had my first boyfriend, who turned out to be a complete idiot, I was making friends, even though i was too shy to call them, I was writing and singing and going to church. it wasn’t like my life was anything out of the ordinary, but i would do anything to have it back. just to be happy again. to feel like myself. to have my opinions again, even if i was sometimes stubborn. my friend didn’t understand at all when I tried to talk to her about how terrible last year was for me. she, and my mom, just told me that I have ‘nothing to be depressed about’ and then my friend went on to tell me how she’s the one who should be depressed, since she had to live through being beaten by an abusive father, then an abusive stepfather, then moving to America from Russia……and so on. but it made me feel so bad. no one in my life understands what i’m going through. i didn’t ask for this. i just want to have friends, and be a normal teenager. i’ve gotten so pathetic that i’d be willing to give up all the goals i had for my life a few years ago, like being an author, traveling to the rainforest and fighting to stop global warming, just to have a few friends who i really connect with. i don’t want to be at my graduation, and have no one cheer for me. i don’t want to watch people in class talk anymore and sit in silence, secretly wishing they would talk to me, or that i could join in and laugh and talk with them. i don’t want to be the loner, the wierdo, of the school. when i was in 9th grade, people actually warned one of my friends that they shouldn’t talk to me, because I’m strange and never talk. if only they knew how much i wished i could talk. *sighs*… i don’t want to grow up and live alone. i want to fall passionately, head-over-heels, in love, and i never want to be alone, my whole life. i want best friends, who i can call at any time of day, and who call me at any time of day, for anything. i always hoped someone would ‘rescue me’. you know, that some wonderful, friendly person would come into my life, see how wonderful i am, and save me from all this. but i realize that it’s just not going to happen, and I am really starting to consider the possibility that I might end up alone, friendless, and childless.
well, i don’t know if any of you would still be interested after reading that, but if anyone wants to talk, about anything, feel free. i know it’s superficial, but my myspace is
http://www.myspace.com/amandapandathetreehugger, or my email is WritergirlAD@aol.com.
Hey everyone, I’m so glad I found this website…to be able to read everyone’s stories and know that I’m not alone. I guess loneliness finds each other.
Well I’m 19 and from nyc, attending a university. I’ve been feeling lonely since high school. I’ve had many friends but none were close and they were just people I hung out with but not really talk to. There was a time in which I was dating a lot (one bf after another) and I haven’t had friends during that time. I’ve been with one guy for about 3 years on and off and one day it wasn’t working so I decided to break it off and finally hang out with friends more. So even with many new friends I made in hs, none of them are that close to me.
Since I don’t have any close friends, I wanted at least a nice family, but no I don’t. My dad always yells at my mom all the time, I don’t get a long with my sister, so I just cry in my bed at night. I feel like no one loves me. It’s so horrible to have no one to talk to, to bottle up my feelings all the time.
Being in college really sucks. I feel like I have to do well in school and be successful. I’m studying to be some kind of healthcare profession so with my major, there’s no time to make friends and hang out. One of my hs friends was my roommate, but she was always on the phone with her bf all the time and made a lot of noise so I wasn’t able to sleep. This led to a big argument, but it doesn’t matter because she wasn’t a close friend anyway. So basically, I hate college and hope to come home and it’ll be better, but there’s so much screaming and fighting at home too. So I have nowhere to run to.
I haven’t had a boyfriend for the past 3 years now and really want one in hopes of having someone to talk to and hold me. I don’t get it. How come I can’t connect with anyone. It’s funny because when I meet some people at parties (yea I do go to parties from time to time, yet I’m still lonely…it’s like you feel more lonely in crowded places), they ask if I have a bf, I tell them no and they say they don’t believe. I think it’s cause I guess I’m attractive so people assume I should have a bf. I’m actually open-minded and like to try new things. I think one of my problems is that my parents don’t allow me to stay out late and since everyone can by the age 19, I don’t go out as much since I have to be home by 10pm.
So here I am wasting my summer at home watching tv everyday and sleep. I love sleeping because when you’re sleeping, you don’t feel anything and you don’t exist and have to feel lonely. But yeah, I don’t get it, we’re all normal, nice and fun people yet we can’t seem to have any close friends.
When I say life sucks, it doesn’t actually. It only sucks because we don’t have people to spend it with and make memories. Life really is wonderful, if only we all had someone to spend it with.
I wanna add that I always walk to class alone, sit in class alone and am always in my dorm studying and doing work and mostly haven’t spoken with anyone throughout the day. maybe a few hi’s here and there, but that’s it. Imagine that endless cycle everyday of not socializing, it makes people go crazy. And on weekends I try catch up on my sleep and study.
It is so lonely.
I don’t know what is wrong with me either. The only conclusion, in my mind, that I can come to is the fact that I have depression and anxiety. It seems for those who have it are the ones who are likely to be outcasts. If you’ve heard the term ‘Fair Weather Friends’ then you’d understand what I mean. In other words, people only like being around others when the ‘weather is fair’ or when they are happy and when things are going well but, if the ‘weather is stormy’ well, you get what I mean. You’re basically pushed to the side. I can’t help that I have this disease and un-fortunately, the weather is rather ‘stormy’ but, I’m a very sweet, honest and caring person. I love people and I’m a highly devoted friend. It doesn’t matter to be if you are green, blue, rich, poor, happy or sad. If a friend is a ‘true’ friend, would it matter if you were green, blue, rich, poor, happy or sad?
Eh. That didn’t make much sense. lol
But, what I mean to say is that I wouldn’t be like that. If I had a friend who suffered, as I do, I would be there for her or him all the way!!! It is just a shame that their is a stigma or even cliques for that matter.
As someone earlier said, people who follow that way, are social climbers. They don’t really care about the friendship as much as they like the idea of making themselves look good and if something were to come along that was better than you, well then you would be tossed aside. I hate people like that. People can really be cruel. It is so sad.
I’m having a really bad evening, nothing has happened, it’s stupid but I feel so bad at the moment. I normally try so hard to just keep going but I’m just tired and want to give up. I just want to sleep for the rest of the summer
Ruby and Kaitlyn, I can understand what you were saying about how moving home makes it worse, all i’m doing is sitting in front of the tv too, I have no energy to do anything and no one to go out with. I’m normally ok enough at university as I’m busy with work and I enjoy what I study but now thats it’s summer I don’t know what to do with myself.
I have a boyfriend at university but the more I get to know him, the less I feel like I can talk to him, he makes comments about people and is so criticial of everyone. I can’t talk to him at all. I’m sorry for rambling, I’m just feeling bad tonight.
Katie:
I would like that. How do I log on?
I’m 28, and i’ve nobody in my life except me. I used to live a transitory lifestyle abroad and those few close friends i had i have lost contact with or have died. I came back to my home country and most of my old friends have moved on or just can’t be bothered with me anymore.
I started a business here and worked very hard for 2 years only for it to completely collapse earlier this year. I own nothing, i know nobody, i have no money and feel in a word “devoid”. I feel like i have completely wasted my adult life especially when i know my contemporaries are enjoying themselves. I don’t so much as exist, more subsist with a complete lack of everything starved of human contact of just someone to even talk to.
The worst part is now i have nothing i feel i lack the strength to attain anything anymore and don’t have any idea how i can get back to who i once was. I was relatively successful and liked by most, confident and happy. I haven’t felt any of those things in years and will probably die trying in some folorn effort. Welcome to purgatory.
thx for ur reply annon, i realize how pathetic ppl can get just to get popular
oh yea and yesterday my so called “best friend” (best associate in my opinion) who shares all of his frustrations and secret desires for guys as well as gals held a bday party yesterday in a very fancy and extravagant manner, and guess what , he didnt invite me coz he said that he didnt have enough money to invite me ….. FOR GOD SAKE he invited the ppl that he says he doesnt like just coz theyre popular , and the bday itself was pretty extravagant( he’s very well off ) and he cant invite me coz he dont have enough money ???
i really hope something that shitty doesnt happen to anyone of u …
Dear Jesus,
I know that you are with me. But I feel so lonely. Lord please help me. The enemy is attacking from all directions. Help me to put on your armor Lord. Lord you know that I have no friends. My two brothers are dead. I miss them terribly. I don’t know what else to do now Lord. Please have mercy on me.
J.
Hi. I am a 17 year old guy going on 18 and i will be starting my senior year old high school. I currently have only 1 friend and even she don’t have much time for me. She lives in NC and I live in PA so we only talk on the phone. We talk every day and lately she hasn’t been talking as much. I know your probably all thinking its great i have someone i can talk to all the time. But Its hard because she is my ONLY friend and we ONLY talk. She comes up to visit about twice a year but thats it. So thats the only time I hang out with anyone. The rest of the time I spend at home feeling sad and depressed and lonely. Plus my parents are in their early 60’s and they’re not social. They don’t even talk to each other let alone anyone else. And since they’re older, they don’t want to do much. The only places my mom goes it shopping. I have one sister but shes 15 years older than me, is married and lives 40 some miles away. But anyway, I might as well tell you my past problems with friends. When I was 6 years old I met two sisters who lived on my street, one was 2 and the other 4. After a while they became my best friends. When I was 11 years old, they met another girl in the neighboorhood who was my age and more athletic than I plus she was an older girl, someone who they looked up to whereas I was more of like an older brother to them rather than a friend. So anyway, from the time I met them I hung out with them like every day because theyre parents both worked during the day and they had an AuPair which is like a live in nanny from another country. Anyway, so they met this older girl and they used to ignore me when she was around and then they’d treat me like shit and it made me upset. And they did because I was a sensitive person, especially for a guy. So, when they did that, I’d just leave. Usally, they’d let me leave, but sometimes they’d even try to stop me from leaving, like they wanted to harass me. But if I leftm the’d call me on the phone and appoligize and I’d go back to them and they treated me better for the rest of they day. Anyway, that older girl eventually stopped hanging around as much and I felt like I had my friends back. By the time I was 15, they were both 13, and 11 and theyre mother was conserned about me hanging around there because of the age difference. Just so you know, they didn’t act like they’re age, they acted older, and they even looked older. the 11 year old girl was 5’7 and on the chubby side. Anyway, the summer I was 15, they’re mother was pissed of that I was hangng out with them so since she worked during the day, they still invited me over and we’d go places together. And even theyre father knew I was ahnging out with them and he was really cool with it. But the mother was not. One day I was hanging outside with them and I was aloud to see them when theyre mother was there and she was sitting outside and we let it slip to her that I went to the pool with them that day. Their father said that was nice, but the mother had this horrified look on her face like I had killed someone, then she stared at her kids with this look, but she never said anything outright to me. But I knew she had a problem with me. Anyway, by the end of the summer, we had been hangout almost everyday. But the last week of the summer, i called them and the AuPair said t me that they were busy. And I didn’t see them for a whole week which was very strange. At the end of that week, we had a Block Party and so I thought that that would be a perfect chance for me to hang out with them. Boy, was I wrong. At first, we were talking, but as the day went on they invited theyre friends and family to this block party and totally ignored me. After that, I saw them one more time, two weeks later, and they acted so odd and so distant that I though that our friendship was over. And I was right. That was the summer of ’05 and it was the last time I talked to them. Now my current friend, I met while I was friends witht he other two. She used to hang out with us but I definatly wasn’t that close to her. But she moved away to NC in 2004 and we didnt talk for 2 months until she called me one day and we talked for a while. Then we started talking every day after a while. I think this made the other girls jealous or someting so they used to answer my cell phone and tell her I was busy. And I didn’t really care because I thought i would be hanging out with the other two forever. At the end of the summer of 05, right before my other friends dumped me, she and I were in a big fight and wern’t talking. Luckilly, we made up after that and we have talked pretty much every day. But now, I feel like the same thing is happening between me and her. Plus, she has a very stressful life, her parents are on drugs and she has a whole lot of problems. So when I tell some of my problems, I know she does’nt care because she so many problems of her own. I’m always worried that she’ll stop being my friend because I am dependend on her because she is my only friend. But like I said, I think thats going down the drain and it is a long distance relationship. So now I feel lonely and I just feel that my life has no meaning. And I am so jealous of those people who have like 200 friends when I dont even have 2! I get so bored that I have to leave the house so I go and visit my 84 year old grandmother at least once a week. Now its like 3 times a week since it is the summer and I don’t have school. I don’t know why I have had such bad luck. I have alway’s tried to be nice, I try to help people out, but It doesn’t pay off at all. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If you read all of this, I thank you for listening to my story because it was a long one! And I hope that oneday, i will find a friend who I can count on to be there for me. until then, I dont know.
Hi.
Right now I am sitting at work and everyone is talking about this party that took place over the weekend. I knew nothing of it until now. It is so strange because the past few weeks I have been doing and feeling so good. Even up until Friday I felt great. Well over the weekend I went to a wedding and some people from my high school were there. Only 1 of them acknowledged me. They were all my age. Then yesterday church kind of sucked as usual. Just me not fitting in. And now I get to work and have to listen to everyone raving about this stupid party. To top it off I am under stress for other reasons in my life. I am working while my husband stays home with our kids. He has income from his own business but that will only last a few more months and then we don’t know what he will do for a living. I don’t make enough to support all of us. I am trying to pay off debt as fast as I can leaving just a small amount of money in our account with little room for error. I am the only one who pays the bills so I have that weighing on my mind. I do the laundry, cook dinner, and am still in charge of making sure the kids look good and get haircuts, our house basically doesn’t get cleaned. As soon as I walk in the door from work the kids are all my responsibility. I have to go to bed early so I can get to work by 7 AM and my husband gets all pissy if the kids are still awake and he has to take care of them then he lounges on the couch until midnight and then sleeps in the next day. I don’t even want to work, I want to be a stay at home mom. He has MY job and I want it back but he won’t do anything about it. All of this and nobody to talk to. I feel like anyone that I talked to would secretly be happy that I am struggling. I feel like everyone I know is in competition with me. I am probably the competetive person. I am going crazy. I just want to go somewhere by myself and get really drunk and go to sleep. My kids are the only thing keeping me going right now. If it weren’t for them I would be passed out in a bar every night.
Hey you guys,
Yeah im in the same exact situation as all of you. Im a girl in my early 20’s and all the friends I had in high school ended up stabbing me in the back or turning into complete losers that I didnt want around me anymore. They would stay at home and drink all night every night, never go out and just find pleasure in gossip and drama with eachother. They would go to Six Flags and make plans to go there right in front of me but never invite me. They would make fun of me and trash me in front of everyone and I didnt need to take that from anyone. Also they werent making the right decisions for themselves and their lives are going down the drain pretty quick so I figured if they cant help themselves, how will they ever be there for me? I think of myself as a very level headed and smart woman and yeah I have my low points but they just pull me down even lower. I want people in my life that will give me good advice, care about me and not want to see me get hurt and help me avoid making mistakes. I try to be that way with my friends but it wasnt working out with them and I figured I would rather be alone than unhappy so I decided to end those friendships.
So alone I am and it sucks so bad. I am very alone. I only have 1 “friend” and she isnt even that good of a friend. She lies to her boyfriend and keeps things from him and she did the same to me but since im so freakin lonley and she “apologized” I figure ill just keep her around because shes really the only person I have left. Guys flock to her and I feel so invisible around her sometimes, especially when we go out. I dont undetstand why because I see myself as an attractive girl but who knows. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep or go see my therapist because I feel so frustrated and angry at the world. I dont understand why me but I guess society just changed over the years, or maybe its just life and growing up?
Anyway I read an idea someone had farther up the page about making some sort of signal or sign to have around for other people like us and I think that is a really great idea. Maybe wear a specific color string around our wrists or something just so we know who we are and arent shy to approach eachother. It could help develop friendships or even save lives. Just a thought. What do all you guys think?
By the way if this idea starts some worldwide trend, I want a piece of that money pie :-)
Seriously.
hi people..my situation in life is similar!i am extremely lonely..i am 20 years .i have like just one close friend in the entire world.People just dont want to be my friend.i am the one who sits all alone in college because nobody talks to me.i try being friendly to them,but they all just ignore me.i am smart and a very nice person like the rest of you. i am a helpful and a kind girl.i dress well,and i smell good also.i feel like such a loser..!to top it all,my boyfriend turned out to be a jerk.i found out that he was cheating me and two-timing me.i am so frustrated and wish i was never born.i have never been to parties and night-stays ,n stuff like that.sigh!i wonder if god ever wants me to have friends and be happy.i feel so empty and lonely because i have no one to share my problems with.i wish from the bottom of my heart that i had a life full of friends and love. it is only that one friend who i have,no other friends. can someone please help me by advising me?i would be reely grateful..and thankful..!take care all of you and god bless you all..!
17 yrs old…male…someone please help me….
I just want to let everyone of you know I have read everyone of your posts on here. To you younger ones I wish you were all my kids, and some of you my grandkids, because I feel just terrible for you and love you all!!! To the adults on here, my heart really goes out to you. I understand completely how hard things can become and I wish you were more than friends, but my sisters and my brothers. (I’m crying as I write this to you.) Please stay strong, and take good care of yourselves. You all are very special and have something good and wonderful to offer, in such a loveless and uncaring evil world.
A few days ago I was given some awful pain medication for a tooth infection by my dentist, and I was all alone, and I had a serious reaction from it, and I believed I was going to die. That made my loneliness even more frightening. But I prayed to God to please not let me die. My husband was in a meeting and I couldn’t get a hold of him at work and I had nobody I could call to let them know I was scared that I was dying. I still want to live, in spite of my friendless and lonely and stranded situation out here. I thank God for my husband and my puppies! I’m so sorry for getting over-emotional on here, but I just needed to say this to you all. Love, Leah
im a 17yr old girl from South Wales UK , i had a good group of friends in secondary school but now we have just drifted apart , we talk briefly every now and then but we dont hang out no more. ill be 18 in 4 months and i dont want to be stuck at home for my birthday like lasy year it suked!! i think im a good friend , who you can trust , i dont slag people off behind their backs i hate that bitchy shit, is there a good friend out there?? lonsdalesmith@msn.com
I have acquaintances of which to speak, and a few friends on msn to talk to, but I don’t feel like I have anyone. I’m 14 and life seems like it can only get worse. I have nothing to look forward to and no one to make me feel better. I feel like a cold, empty shell.
hey everyone! i live in the UK and i’m a total loner! never seemed to get along with people for sum reason…used to be real nice, bit shy like but nice u know and caring nd shizz but got walked over and used by like everyone and eventualy i just just thot f**k it! It seems to be the bigger the arsehole u are the more friendz u get and its tru! im 17 and have no friends! i mean wtf is with that?? (excuse the language lol) I’ve got no one to talk to(cept my mom) but u no u cant tell ur parents EVERYTHING and i just feel like giving up grrr! its sooo crap!
i don’t even no why I’m writin on this blog thingy but like alot of otha ppl have said its nice to know i aint the only one.i got a piece of advice to: act like an ass and walk over everyone and be an asshole and u’ll get on fine in this life cuz if your at least half decent ur screwed!
bye!
@Chelsea:
I know how you feel, I’m in the same boat with a few people I talk to on msn and such, I remember feeling the same way you did when I was around 14 (I’m 17 By the way.), but you seem like a nice person so I hope for the best for you in the future.
On to my post:
I’m 17, I know a few people, but they don’t really talk to me much, so I don’t have friends, I’m extreamly unsocial and can’t normally have a good conversation with people, but I am a nice person. Alot of the people I meet don’t want to hang or anything or only want to get drunk, goto parties and do it 24/7, and because I’m not like that, nobody where I live wants to hang with me, so I guess it’s cause there’s not other people that do other stuff then the 3 I mentioned above.
I don’t have many interests, but I am willing to try new things with people I meet, but I guess that never seems to work with anyone I meet. So uh yeah, I guess that’s my story…
Hey if any of you guys need someone to talk to you can always im me. I’m 21yrs old, a girl, and pretty lonley most of the time. My sn is Macluresmorgel. I came up with it when I was about 15 so i have no idea what it means :-). Hope to hear from one of you guys soon. Good luck
EsteeFlrwPot, what messenger do you use?
I used to have lots of friends as a teenager, but then we emigrated to another country. Sixteen years later, I have none. I get the occasional email from my old friends but it’s hardly much of a social life. I don’t seem to have anything in common with anybody, and frankly I sometimes think I’ve lost the ability to even have a conversation. Over the years, I’ve tried making friends at various colleges etc, but even when you think you’re making headway, as soon as it’s over they don’t want to know you. I’m at the stage I can’t even be bothered to try anymore.
I’d like to add that I’ve never had a girlfriend either. I don’t get it. I;m a decent guy, fairly intelligent, reasonably good-looking, and young-looking, too. Yet not one has ever been interested, yet I see some really lovely looking young lasses out and about with some of the most repulsive guys you’ve ever clapped eyes on. I really don’t get it.
It seems everyone speaks up about their problems, but no advices on the solutions, which makes this place still lonely and uncomforting. I think we should stop, and do something about it, dont mobe around, go and have a therapy, theres nothing bad about going to a professional who might help you more than your lonely blog friends or parents. it might all sound rough, but you know ive been going through the same shit all my life up to now! and i gotta tell you, noone will care and solve your problems unless theres an interest or benefit that they can get from it. you got to solve it yourself! most of you need a good slap on the face so you can wake up and see that you are not the only one , look behind, pay attention, dont be self centered. life is great, and its only great when you build it this way! look at the rest of the world, look around you, see what a miserably life other people live! anyways enough preaching, i guess none of you will like this post, simply cause it speaks up the truth! pick up your lasy, egoistic, self centered, depressed asses and live your life to its full, or life will wear you out!
Anael’, this is my second post although I note my first 1 was not printed?! I think people often come to a place like this because they want to change and they want to check in and make sure they are not alone in feeling this way. I think your critical comments are unhelpful and unwise. People who are feeling down don’t need the hole dug deeper for them… doing so is dangerous and frankly stupid. I ask you 1 question Anael’ why are you here if you are so derogatory yourself?
Cool to see my text in the real!! Hey guys im Suzie and im 32 living down in the Southern Hemisphere with my 3 children. I have been having a hard time since I lost my partner and father to my children, suddenly in an accident 1 year ago (June 30th 2006) it was 1 year ago today we were at his funeral.
He was my best friend and soul mate and since losing him life has just not been the same.
I am also amazed and saddend by how shallow the human race can be. Immediately after his passing there were too many people and I couldn’t think. Now a year on people who we had considered friends and confidants have almost but disapeared.
Grief, on the other hand does not and to be a friend you need to understand grief takes its own course. I certainly don’t walk around crying. Im a strong lady I guess, I tend to cry alone at night for my love. So why have my friends disappeared it feels, that is why im here… to seek others opinions, please feel free to ask me questions to enable you to help me find the answers I am seeking. And in return I will try to help you.
May God Bless you all as you find your own individual strengths to move through this loneliness and come out the other side enriched by your experiences and be enabled to help others in their own phlight.
Suzie x
Dear Suzie i study people like you, im here for my projects, and you might be one of them. I dont think people find solutions here, as the matter of fact they hope and they search for it, they look for someone who can listen, but find that there are many who are enough busy and collapsed from their own situations. I call it a scream from deep down , the last step before totally falling apart. All can help each one of them is action, im not a stranger to feelings they all go through, but im not a supporter of this method. ive lost few friends, everyone was trying to help, but its the inside will that will help you out. I am not critical to specific cases as you might be my dear, im critical to the situations people fall and dont wanna fight. Chear up!
It’s interesting to sit and contemplate the idea of being a person who has literally NO ONE. I feel tiny and insignificant. I imagine myself sitting on the Earth and the Earth surrounded by space, other planets, stars, infinity. I feel smaller than a grain of sand.
I am 38, a single mom, unemployed with -0- friends or family (except for my 2 kids). I remember being a child and realizing that my parents had no friends. I think social phobia can be learned as well as being an inherent trait.
My childhood was crappy with my parents being emotionally abusive. I believe I isolate to protect myself from further pain. It served its purpose in my childhood. I was able to survive because I trained myself to not need anyone. That survival mechanism has back fired though. I want friends now and desperately try to spark friendships but then I let them die out. I make exuses, “I can’t meet for coffee because…” OR I make freinds with people who are more F’d up than I am and they disappear on me. They probably as isolating as a safety mechanism too.
This is a miserable way of life for sure. It is 7:40 pm on the 4th of July. Everyone in my buiding is gone to their barbeques/firework shows, even my kids are at their Dad’s house. I didn’t have even a single friend to give me an invite. I drove my kids to their Dad’s and drove past street after street with tons of cars almost blocking the roads there were so many parked on the curbs. Lots of people outside with freinds and family as I drove by…I feel like a ghost sometimes. Am I real?? I wish I could change this behavior but don’t even know where to start. I wish I was one of those people who really believe deep in their hearts that they don’t need anyone and don’t feel sad or lonely. I am a pathetic soul really. If I didn’t have my kids, I’d commit suidice in a heartbeat! This is no life!!
hey everyone,
i posted here before at the age of 15. i’m 16 now, learning to drive.
it hasn’t gotten better at all.
i can drive now, so rather than waste away at home, i’ll go to the park, the mall, the bookstore… and just wander aimlessly…
i’ve planned my future out. i’m going to college in finland, and i’m never coming back. i live in the US and am currently teaching myself the language. i am in a program that will pay for all my college funds, so parents aren’t an issue.
when i’m 18 and graduate high school, i’m gone. on that airplane and GONE.
maybe, this will give me a chance to start over. i’ll have an excuse for my loneliness as i’d be new to the country entirely, so meeting people will be easier.
i’ll be in COLLEGE. taking a finnish language course with other english-speaking people…
hopefully………..
i can’t wait.
just the thought of this lying ahead, in the future, for CERTAIN, is amazing…
Dear Michelle
I hear you!! I know and understand how you feel I really do. How old ae your kids? Mine are 13, 10 and 6. They are great, I live for them. Where are you? Im in NZ.
Please remember that everything changes and even though right now you and I both feel sad about the life we appear to be living it can improve and all it takes maybe is a new day…?
I was interested to read what you were saying about excuses. I am definitely guity of that. So often I will have a friend ask what are you up to and I will make some reason that I cannot catch up. In the end they just stop asking. I guess maybe the answer to alot of how we are feeling is true depression.
I am thinking of returning to my counsellor as I also get very angry at times and am concerned I keep this under control… before I lose it and regret it.
Well anyway I must away to bed… May God Bless you Michelle and your wonderful children and you too Anon it is so good to have plans for our futures its what keeps us going.
Suzie x
Does anyone have any solutions? Like maybe over-sensitivity being an issue? Waiting for other people to make the move, though you are willing to be a great friend, unwilling to initiate? Most friendships go through ups and downs, and it is a difficult balance to get to keep one. I also could do with some positive insight.
Hi Ella
Im very sensitive and I guess these days since I lost my partner im prone to being oversensitive and feel let down by others as I believe I am a very good friend to my friends and if they’d been in the my situation I would have treated them with care and sensitivity throughout the grieving.
I tend to have no problem meeting new people or making new aquantances, I seem to have that one sussed. Its the maintaining friendships bit. I guess because iv been so sad I tend to withdrawal and then make excuses as Michelle yesterday was talking about. Also due to a low opinion of myself I think I tend to undervalue the friendship I can give others often thinking but why would they want to be friends with me what can I offer? So its different for different people. I have more hope/expectation from long time friends who iv helped out too and nothing from new ones thinking why would they want to be friends with me anyway?
Well these are just my thoughts…
Suzie x
I am 51 y/o man married 25 years with 3 kids. I have never had a friend. My relatives don’t like me. My neighbors don’t like me. Nobody likes me and I have never figured out why. I am a nice person and would give the shirt off my back to help anyone. It seems to me that everyone I’ve ever known has many friends, and I can’t figure out why I don’t. I wish there was a pill I could take that would change whatever is wrong with me so people would like me. But that ain’t going to happen.
I’m not suicidal, but I think I am depressed. I can’t talk to a doctor because I don’t want any “mental health” issues in my medical records, which almost anyone can get access to.
I’m leaving instructions with my wife and kids that when I die (from old age) I don’t want anyone coming to my service to talk about how good a person I was. I told them to invite a local biker gang, supply lots of beer, and make everyone pi$$ on my grave.
I hate me.
I have spent about an hour reading each post. I remember when I felt the same as all of you. I have no magical answer, but I do know what helped me. I don’t mean to put anyone down because I have been there too. I did not like it either. I found something that helped me by accident. What I am hearing from most of you is that you are feeling left out. It sounds like the only one you are really concerned about is you (again, I am not putting anyone down). I know many of you seem to care about others, or so it sounds. That is the ONLY way I overcame my loneliness. I began to do something besides just careing about people; I began to invest in their lives. I made up my mind that I would not look for anything in return, nothing. Most of the time that is what I get, but it has changed my life. You see, that few times that someone lets me know they really care makes the difference. Friends? You have to take them as they are. If it is just a smile or a word or a look that lets you know you have made someone’s day better, it is worth it. As for those of you who have at one time, or are now thinking about suicide, think about what you are really saying. You are saying that you don’t care about anyone else. Pardon me, but damn it, that’s selfish!!! If you think others are selfish because they don’t want to be you friends, think how you are acting. I have been there too. I have acted that way too. It was not until I quit thinking about myself and started thinking only about others that I overcame my loneliness. Do you REALLY want to have TRUE friends? THEN FIND SOMEONE, ANYONE, WHO IS IN NEED AND INVEST, INVEST, INVEST IN THAT LIFE. The Bible say that we should “love thy neighbor as thyself.” That means we MUST love ourseves first, or no one else will love us. Peach and love to each of you, and may God bless you all in special ways, even the atheist.
This post is for Matt. Matt. it is simple. Those guys with the good looking girls are extreme listeners. Women may like good looking guys, but what they really want is a man who listens to them and really cares what they have to say. Women want to be thought of as intellegent, which they are. Keep your ears open, smile a lot, and above all be yourself. Women can’t stand guys who try to be more than they really are. Pay attention to the ladys when they speak. Good luck
Check out these self-help cds or tapes you can buy.
http://www.thinkrightnow.com/audios/audiowinfriends.htm
Often, I’ve been very alone and sometimes its hard, well i wish i was more insensitive. Difficult things in life seems to make you more sensitive I think. I’m learning to thrust people again and well, to see them in a more positiv light…
When a time like that happen it should not let us feel down but stronger, i was born alone, i will try to do what i can alone if its how it gotta be. I know maybe its not human but the reality is that the majority of people are self centered and not human. This is the society we are living in, the system encourage the people to be selfish, competitive, mean and heartless. We arent in heaven we are in earth. I know there are still nice people out there at least or the planet will have already been blown by now. Know that If you connect with someone by the way, well good, if not, why care? You will only suffer for notthing, when you focuse on those negative feelings. Lately I just entherstood that more you focus in not being able to make friends more it will kind of reinforce this belief you have.
Years ago, I was that strong girl making friends easily without a care, then I want into a traumatize period of my life that ad left me king of vulnerable I became the opposite of myself, low self confidence ,letting insult get to me etc at this time I was going to a ghetto high school surround with tough and mean kids and as you know how the human nature can be very low some of them took this great opportunity to continuing being very mean and direspectfull to me day after days who influenced others to do as well. One girl actually the only girl that have accepted me said to me i was not at anyone level. The second girl that i had fun with was when we were outside of the school , in school she wasent talking to me and because I was a grade higher then her it wasent suppose to be a reason. Another girl said to me what is that girl find in me. Anyway it was eveyday hell. When I think about my adolescence right now i feel like I want to vomit I got over it but I still feel angry at myself for choosing false friends better no friends then false friend, i’m teling you..
( my first language is french, i tried my best here)
im 19 and i guess i can say i have no friends. in middle school i was really close with about 4 or 5 ppl. but i was also at a small private school out of town. wen i got to high school i didnt know anyone, and i got really depressed. starting smoking pot and drinking a lot. i managed to get on speaking terms with a few ppl sophomore year but i never saw anyone outside of school. this really hurt me. i let my grades slip, i would skip school a lot and just do drugs. i ended up dropping out and i got into a serious mess wen i was 17-18. in that time i finally got a group of “friends” that all did the same things as me; smoking, drinking, dropped out of school. but i was also like their punching bag. i didnt care though because i figured crappy friends were better than no friends. well needless to say, they dropped me when i decided i didnt want to do that stuff anymore. and they did it in the most awful way imaginable. now there are only 2 people that i really talk to, but they have sort of distanced themselves from me since they are doing stuff with their lives and making new friends. i have tried recently to make new friends but no one seems to want to become good friends. i feel like everyone my age is progressing smoothly into adulthood and leaving me in the dust. dont really know what to do. if someone on here is interested in just having someone to talk to, then IM on aim: xchrisisnotherex
sorry for ranting
Hello everyone. I am 27 and I have a similar problem like most of you, only in my case I have absoltely no physical contact with anyone. I am living over seas and there are only a few other Americans here. They are all busy with their families, so i’m stuck living in this big house in a foreign country by myself. Why not make friends with some locals? It’s not possible. There is some kind of phenomenon that keeps Americans and locals apart. It’s like I’m not even alive out here. I don’t even exist.
I read about some cruel experiments done in the 1800’s with monkeys, where they were isolated in order to observe the effects of isolation. Apparently all of the subjects eventually just huddled in the corner of their box and slept all day until they just went insane. I’m quite sure I am experiencing the same thing. I just sleep all day long. I try to exercise but i have a bad back, and usually after a week of exercising i pull a muscle in my neck. So i just end up sitting in the house reading. I practically read an entire novel every day.
I try to get outside but that usually just consists of a trip to the local grocery store, which is pretty much useless since everything is in a different language. And the local food here isn’t very good. I don’t drink, so I don’t like to hang out at the clubs or anything. No one wants to do that by themself anyway. It makes you feel even more lonely. I’ve tried to keep in contact with family and friends over the phone and email, but time and distance has proven that if you are “out of sight”, you are “out of mind”. I’ve even tried online chat rooms. That only works for an hour or two. There is no substitute for physical human contact.
For all of you that live near your family, or maybe even near just one half-way-decent friend, please don’t take that for granted. Even a cousin or something, utilize what resources you can, and stop by and visit someone, even if they are not your best friend. I would give anything to be able to go visit someone, or even go to a hospital and bring some toys to sick kids or something. I don’t even know what a hospital looks like here. I’ve probably driven past it 20 times and never noticed because this place is inconspicuous like that.
I have just over a year left here, and if something doesn’t change, I fear I will lose my mind (what ‘s left of it). I’m quite anxiety prone, so that doesn’t help either. I have a good income, if only i could buy a friend or two, hahah, no seriously, where can i buy one?
wow. this page has been commented on from january till june.
its nice to know im not alone, and everyone here should remember that you arent either.
Im not a strange person, i think im decent looking, im sociable, nice, like sports, like to party, trendy, etc, but i’ve found out if you fall out of your circles, its REALLY tough to get back in. I’ve had friends, but they seem to have moved on without me.
I dont understand why. Whats so off-putting about people like us that others won’t put forth the effort to reach out? I dont feel i should be the one to make all the phone calls.
What could i possibly be doing wrong to not have made the deep connections needed to maintain friendships. I had a best friend. He called me his best friend once too. It was about 2 years ago. Why doesnt he think, “i wonder what so and so is up to? maybe i should call and see if he wants to hang out.”
Im probably just ranting too.
Good luck to everyone.
I can relate to everyone here.. I am a 23 year old male. I am an atheist but this quote from the bible gets me through the days sometimes.
“For the day of vengeance was in My heart, And My year of redemption has come.
“I looked, and there was no one to help, And I was astonished and there was no one to uphold; So My own arm brought salvation to Me, And My wrath upheld Me.
“I trod down the peoples in My anger And made them drunk in My wrath, And I poured out their lifeblood on the earth.”
ISAIAH 63.4-63.6
My love for everything has turned into vehement abhorrence. Oh how i’d love to trample humanity for what it has done to each other.
Being 17, I could only explain how I’ve felt throughout this short amount of time. Ever since I was a toddler, I’ve been extremely introverted. Throughout my life, i never found anything that impacted me, anything that defied me as a sole individual. Perhaps this is the reason for being so lonely. I’m not sure, but I’m sick and tired of it all. I wish I could break free out of this steel cage my body has placed upon me. I wish the world could see who I really am, the person that I was meant to represent. I hate spending my day- every day- in my room. Sitting, staring, sleeping. A constant roulette of boredom, something nobody ever wishes to have. I’ll be honest, I’ve never made a valient effort to ease this loneliness. Breaking into social groups seems much harder, when you’ve never really met anyone that befriends you. I don’t blame society, or humanity, for my loneliness. I blame it on myself. It’s my burden, my problem to overcome, regardless of how society treats me as a being.
One day, I wish to remove the shackles from my mind, and become a part of society.
Hi I just wish my existance could be erased. That way I would have never been born to my parents, I would have never been my husband’s wife, and I would have never been my children’s mother. I cannot kill myself now. I have kids and a husband and now I would be considered “selfish” if I took my own life. So I now I have to stay here on this earth and be completely miserable “for my kids”. This is bullshit.
Thanks for the reply no mates. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m starting to realize that for most of us, it is our own fault why we are unhappy. People like us are afraid of change because we are so used to getting let down and watching other people become happy and successful. You said you have potential and that you are waiting for your time to shine?!?! Just like I have been telling myself, I will tell you the same – Things dont just happen, you make them happen. Success and fortune don’t just fall on our laps, we have to go out there and achieve it. The people that do this are not necessarily smarter, more talented or better, they just have the willpower and the courage to make it happen for themselves. I quit my job today (put in a two week notice of course) and hopefully going to get this new job that I am going for an interview for on monday. But first I am taking a month off and going to tackle everything I always wanted to do but haven’t had the time, courage, or energy to. I am 23 like I said and I am not getting any younger. No matter what we do in life, we have to realize that there will always be obstacles to overcome, but this the whole game of life, and this is what makes us stronger. I am not as happy as I would like to be, I do not have many realiable friends, and theres nothing quite exciting about my life right now…however my choice is be unhappy the rest of my life or make myself happy. Don’t be afraid of change and don’t be afraid to reverse all the negative feeling. Remember you are here because whatever you are doing now is not working for you. Try doing it differently, talk to be people differently, act differently, approach life work love family differently.
All of you have touch my heart just as i was goin thru all my sh!tY
stuff in this life i have been walked on hit on beaten down stomp on in all way of those words litterly i am 33 year old male
living with my parents unemployed and havent had one of those job thingys since 2004 even then it was 2 months before that it was 2 years so yes i have walked thru a neiborhood where people said not to goto and walked out alive becuase i am invisible seems or look pychopathic i have lost all my top teeth in the last 4 years and the the ablity to have a erections and then its like a bad nitemare havent been in a fight for 5 years but before that i was fighting people for the right to stand in buses and sitt in trains
Urban area i live
its been 4 years since anyone of my Bestfriends even said hello i had 3 of them i have two people i sorta talk to like once a month even then they dont listen they hear me sometimes but no listening i havent seen a good day since 1994 everything just goes downward even with the extreme effort and tring i put into all i do with females and trying to make new friends
i remember everything my memory is like kept up people say dont live in the past dont listen to them think about the memory’s and situation that got you where your at like i have try to oppsite and still nothing just like is there a shadow figure that follows all of you too becuase IT is scary thats what the time between happy and i was a shadow figure and well IT left me but IT seems to gotten into others let me explain It is no caring no trust no honesty no love no hate isnt evil or good IT isnt anything nothing IT isnt a balance either of the both just nothing walks right thru ya but IT is taken over the world seems like
looks like a shadow no form scares me
when you Become IT yourself years and i mean 5-6 years go by with time not existing just blam your 5 years older and loser or idiot not listen too or other stuff still
anyone who has looked thru religion IT gets ya
many have gone Insane after IT happens just wonder if anyone can relate
then i havebackwards visions of future events in the form of the four diffrent parts of who i am
Good,Evil,The balance,Shadow
i try to explain these to anyone that will listen but they are like the shadow no love and feeling caring nothing
before and after i have loved cared searched found
searching for answers i found many more questions and answered them but still i always loved myself enuff and loved others and always will be there for those that are here
i love life just seems lost are the others to those ways
and turned into a shadow are those that oppose love
hi guys im 28 years old and have a beautiful family but 0 friends i can relate to all of the above. the most important thing we all need to realize there is at least a few hundred people on this site alone in the same situation as ourselves.take comfort and find solice in that fact and try to make friends with everyone on this site .i know its not the same as having friends on the outside but its better than having none at all.
If any one wants to leave an email adress id be happy to have a chat with anyone of you as ill keep checking this site on a daily basis
All the very best and try to stay positive!
I am 24 years old and I have never really had any friends. When I was in grade school I talked to other kids but could never really carry a friendship outside of school. One thing that also went against me was that I have always looked alot younger then my age, I guess its a good thing , but when you’re in grade school kids look at you like a runt or not being cool cuz you don’t look older. even now people mistake me for 17 or 18.Growing up I had 2 close friends one of them being my cousin and the other a neighborhood kid. my cousin and his mom (my aunt) lived with our family for awhile and after i kept in touch by visting them out of state during my summer vacation, but as we reached our late teens we grew apart and I guess he just got tired of me. My other friend was actually 3 years younger than me and we too grew apart as I reached my late teens. We were once really close and even shared a few friends growing up and now I only see how they are doing through their myspace page, but they don’t know i see their myspace page. Both of them seem to have plenty of friends but i guess they just got tired of hangin around me. Me not having friends actually makes having a relationship with a girl hard because they find it weird that I have no social life. Its hard cuz I’m a Good looking guy and I get plenty of attention from girls all over , but they just find it weird That I have no Friends. I befriend quite a few people at work and school and meet girls that show interst towards me, but i never take that friendship outside work or school because I feel They will think I’m wierd because I have social life.I feel very cold and lonely at 24 years of age and my best friends right now is my mom, her boyfriend,my 60 year old aunt, and my 12 year old brother which i encourage to always have friends, but he seems to be doing ok. I don’t want my brother to be like me and have no friends. I find myself making up stories to people I talk to at work and school when they ask me how my weekend went or where I went for vacation, usually telling them I went with some friends to Las vegas or somewhere else. I’m sad because I have never been to a club or bar or any social event with a group of friends which is something I have always wanted to do. I’m VERY afraid of getting old and dieing lonely because I know my mom and aunt won’t be around forever and my little brother will grow up and live his own life.I get jealous when I see young people like myself hanging out with friends or chatting on the cellphone with friends,even thou i shouldn’t feel like that. I really pray that this all will change soon and one day will be able to go out with friends and show a girl that i do have a social life before i get too old. thanks for reading and best wishes to all of you.
(This is an interesting excerpt I came across for those who battle with shyness.)
Estimates range that from 3 to 12 percent of the overall population suffers from social phobia or extreme shyness. Most individuals who are affected never seek help because of fear of humiliation and embarrassment. For this reason, social phobics are very much an unstudied population. Those who do seek help often receive inappropriate or ineffective treatment. Most current treatment of social anxiety is based on medication. For many individuals this just breeds further dependence, which itself is a big part of the problem.
The by-products of social anxiety include depression; self medication, with alcohol usually the drug of choice; an inability to compete in today’s stressful society characterized by poor performance and a lack of productivity, and often family distress.
When people hear the word “shy,” they often think of children. The reality is that most people who seek help for this problem are adults. The common response to children with this problem is “They will grow out of it.” In cases where the problem is substantial, it worsens over time.
It is important to grasp some basic concepts about the two closely related dynamics of shyness and social anxiety: Both terms describe a learned response to social interaction. I refer to this fear response as interactive inhibition. When interactions are inhibited by social anxiety, a person is unable to get as much out of life as is possible. When individuals who have this problem think that “shyness” is an unchangeable personality trait, they are creating a major obstacle for themselves that stands in the way of fulfillment and productivity. The reality is that shyness is social anxiety. Social anxiety is a learned response and habit that can be broken. Furthermore, at the risk of being controversial, as an individual begins to understand that social anxiety is a combination of attitudinal, emotional. behavioral, and physical responses, it will be understood that there actually is no such thing as shyness. Rather what was understood as “shyness” is actually social anxiety, a psychophysiological response that can be learned to be controlled. In other words, it is a way of reacting, not an unchangeable instinct that has chosen the person in question.
Hello… Over the last hour I have been debating with myself if I should post my story. After reading most of the post on here I am comforted to know that not only are there more people out their like me but that people have also found friends. I am 22, live with my workaholic older brother and like many on here have no friends. In high school I was never picked on but instead was just plain ignored by everyone. I am now more than halfway thought my college education and I am finding it harder to cope with my loneliness. I find it hard to just talk to people in general because i have a slight stutter and when people actually talk to me I get so excited that the words get jumbled and come out all at once. My insecurities about speaking lead me to retreat into myself and put on a mask for everyone else (not literally :)) and this has destroyed my creative spirit or at least wounded it. I used to paint and play the guitar but now I can’t seem to find any joy or satisfaction anymore. I try to talk to people everyday but it is hard for me to walk up and start a conversation. I don’t know where this was going when I started to type but its purpose eludes me now, maybe it was just to vent. I guess I just wanted to thank everyone for being so…. open.
So sad to read all the unlucky souls that have emptied their hearts here. Some have all the luck, others don`t. That is my theory on life after many trials. All alone in the world for most of my life. Going to college at the moment, having the time of my life, NOT. That is what everyone around me seems to have. Going to class seeing people laughing and joking together, forming studies groups…. my grades have fallen since I don`t have access networks of people around to help me, discuss, etc… People around me going to parties every weekend. I have tried to connect to people at the beginning of the semester when we had some welcome parties at college. I see guys talking to girls and girls to boys. My Facebook account gets filled with what my “friends” are up to after school. I keep up a wall of being busy with made up stories about what I have done in the weekend. I really don`t know if I have some kind of warning signs that scares people from me.
F***ing hard to talk about these feelings. I could cry every f***ing night. Almost every single day I think about just ending it, but somehow I keep going with the little hope that our time to shine will come. I try every day to connect to people, but no answer. It would cost so little to just include me one time. Maybe I was chosen as a benchmark for other people to measure against. Born into this miserable life. Maybe I am being to selfish and don`t think about all the people that have to struggle each day to find basic stuff, like food.
Not sure what to say, I sit here, in the only place I feel safe, (my home office) and i wonder what the rest of the world is doing. I’m a 37 yr old woth a wife and 2 wonderful children, I very lucky on that aspect, but they are gone for the day to a party that “dads” don’t go to, or so I’m told, they do a lot of these things together, I sit here, I want to go but like I said I’m told “dads” don’t show up, so I start thinking to myself, if I could ahve just one friend, I could make plans, ( i know a little whiny) but it’s the making friends part thats hard, I freeze up at functions, or events, even family get togethers are hard for me, relatives I don’t see very often shy away, and I don’t know why, I’m not a drinker, so I’m never drunk, don’t do drugs, not a child molester, don’t have a crime record, or even a bad reputation. I known as a good provider, loving husband, and told I’m the “best daddy” by my 3 yr old and 4 yr old, so I just don’t get why even family shys away from me, my own father never has abything to say, my mother struggles with converstation, brother and sister always make disapproving comments to me about me. My family loves my wife and children, (I’m lucky there, that everybody gets along great) and they always have great talks, I seem to get stuck by the side, and rarley ever speak up, when I do it’s quickly glossed over, or just dismissed all together, (i know, still whiny). I used to have a few friends, not a lot growing up, unless it was summer, then I had every kid in the neighborhood around,(we had the only pool around), but that was just to obvious. through scholl I never had a lot of friends, I tried, did all the things, played sports, tried joining clubs, went to scholl events, never really fitting in. I used to think for a long time that suicde was the cure, but I realized that I wasn’t a desease that needed to be cured, I just needed a friend, I wanted a friend. I had finally found a friend, we clicked like a buckle, perfectly, he never had any friends either, he had been diagnosed as Bi-polar, and was put into “special” classes, there by branding him as a “retard” or what ever people were calling him, but to know him, and listen to him, I found a person that was just like me inside, lonely, and confused about it, why him, why me, we were both good people, always trying to help others, and do the right thing. He moved away severalyears ago, and we don’t see each other, we talk on the phone, but it’s not thet same, I feel like I’m missing a peice of my puzzle. I think I should have some counseling, or thereapy, maybe be put through some tests, just to rule out the possibility of something, anything that could be wrong with me. I don’t really know what I should be saying, I only know that it fells really good to be saying this, I’m sorry if this was a bad post, it’s my first and I’m not sure rules, please understand. MScott R
I can totally relate to all of you. it is so comforting to hear there are loads of others in my situation. i am 16yrs old and have 2 casual aqaintances from school,(if that) and have no social life during the holidays. i would love to have loads of friends and go out to parties, to town and to the cinema, but i just dont. my brother died when i was 5, and that badly affected me, according to my parents, i wouldnt go to any playgroup or socialise with any other children and it left me chronically shy. even when i was 9 or 10 yrs old i would cry every morning before school. i hated leaving the house and wouldnt do anything on without my mum. but as i got older, things got a lot better for a short while. i had about 6 or 7 very close friends in junior school, and also lots of friends in my street, which i really liked. but then i changed schools and moved house, which was ok as my closest friend moved school with me. but then his mum and my mum fell out, causing me to fall out with him. i think that is really when most of my current problems started. i then went to secondardy school in a village far outside my city, which is probably the reason why i have no social life now, because they all live in the village and i live miles away in the city so i never see anyone. but the weird thing now is that i dont mind doing things on my own, and being independant. i have a job in a restaurant and my own money to spend. i leave the house lots to go spending, but thats all really. there was a time when i was really desperate for friends and a social life, but as ive got older i seem to have gotten over that phase. i would still like to be normal, and have friends like everyone else. but i am quite with my life the way it is now and dont see having friends as an absouloute necessity o life. my parents think this is abnormal, and that i need to speak to a councillor or a doctor. do you think this?
hey everyone, i have no close friends.
my AIM name is kghalo21 if you want to talk…
all i want/need is a gf
Wow, i can’t believe how many people there out there in the same boat, i can totally relate to how you all feel. i’m 25 have a great husband but 0 friends, i used to have really close friends and had a great social life before but around my wedding time, all my friends just deserted me, none of them even bothered to have a hen night with me and i had to literally force them to attend my wedding, i still cant understand why they changed…i had done so much for them in the past all they had to do was ask and i’d be there, yet when i needed them most they weren’t there for. i dont know if i could ever trust anyone to get that close enough to hurt me again, but it does get lonely, i’m bubbly, good looking, talkative, supportive and would never hurt a soul… all i can do is hope this is a phase, a really sucky phase!
I haven’t had any friends all my life. From my earliest memories I was an outcast. I was always made fun of constantly and never was included in much. In school, I always did group projects alone. No one picked me. I’m perfectly normal and nice, but no one ever talked to me or wanted to be my friend. I’ve always tried to make friends, but no one wants to be my friend. I’ve since given up on trying. I just try to wish that other people are happy. I try to be happy by seeing other people happy it makes my loneliness go away for a bit.
I don’t have much contact with my family. They never invite me to anything. I’m even an outcast their. No one remembers my birthday or even worries about my well-being. I don’t doubt they probably wouldn’t even come to my funeral. Once, a family member asked me not to go to a place with them. They have always treated me differently I don’t know why. You’re supposed to be able to depend on your family, but they don’t even care.
I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything. I don’t really try for a boyfriend, still working on just getting a regular friend first. I just get really depressed and shut myself in and focus on other things. I find that I like to eat now when I feel very sad, but I’m not fat or anything. I exercise normally, eating just makes me happy for a second. Anyways, that is my story. Good luck, you guys. Hope at least one of us makes it. I’m not going to.
Well I am a 32 year old guy with no friends! I had a close friend once. We were best mates from about age 12 until 21. I started to put on weight when I was 21 and he made smart ass remakes about it all the time. It really hurt my feelings so within a few months we stopped talking. Since then I’ve had no friends! In school a had 2 or 3 friends but after I completed high school I’ve become a loner who can’t make friends. I’ve worked at 4 different jobs in the last 10 year and I can’t make friends! I am always the outsider. Back in 2002 my whole workplace ( about 10 employees ) went paintballing. I was the only person not invited and I didn’t even find out about it until the following Monday after they all had gone. That hurt my feelings. I worked with these guys 5 years and never caused any trouble or anything. I changed jobs and the same thing happen again a few years later. This time a guy at work had his engagement party and everyone was invited except me. I helped this guy move house one day and I thought we were friends but after being left out again I guess not. I don’t know what to do. I get depressed and embarrassed. I would have a hard time finding 1 person to help me if I needed it!
You all need to go to http://www.wikihow.com and go to the “Relationships” section.
LISTEN UP AND READ THIS CLEARLY
THE ONLY WAY TO GET FRIENDS IS BY ACTIVELY SEEKING PEOPLE
http://www.wikihow.com/Category:Relationships
TO ALL OF YOU WHO ARE WHINING ABOUT HOW THEY CAN’T GET FRIENDS FORGET YOU ALL
YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT BAD??? HOW ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN SOMALIA WHO ARE STARVING? OR THE CONFLICT IN DARFUR? OR THE PALESTIANIAN CONFLICT? OR THE COUNTLESS NUMBER OF HOMELESS PEOPLE, PEOPLE WITH DISEASES, THE ELDERLY (WHOSE CHILDREN HAVE DESERTED THEM).
WAKE UP YOU PANSIES AND STOP BEING PUSSIES.
You have no excuse to go out and start talking to someone, i have already included the link:
http://www.wikihow.com/Category:Relationships
READ UP.
Look at your downsides: 1) ARE YOU TOO ARGUMENTATIVE? AVOID THIS
2) ARE YOU FAT? EXERCISE
3) DO YOU DRESS BAD? DRESS WELL
4) DO YOU STINK? SHOWER MORE
5) ARE YOU STUPID? STUDY HARD AND WORK HARDER
6) Are you lazy?
7) DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES? AND LISTEN UP PALS COMPUTER GAMING, TV, ETC DOES NOT COUNT BECAUSE THESE ALIENATE YOU FROM PEOPLE.
Awww, don’t want to go to the bar by yourself? GO TO A VOLUNTEER CLINIC.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE THE NICE PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF ARE? GO TO THE VOLUNTEER CLINICS, GO TO THE RETIREMENT CENTERS, GO TO HOSPITALS, VOLUNTEER.
All of you are sorry excuses of human beings, especially if you’re American. You have everything given to you to provide you materialistically and by being lazy and NOT learning how to deal with others you are screwing yourself.
Here’s another book to read:
DALE CARNEGIE’S How To Win Friends And Influence People
Someone said earlier in this superlong thread that they felt that there was a universal link between all of us posting here, well i’lll tell you it’s this INTROVERSION
You’re all shy f*ckheads so stop being bashful and BE CONFIDENT.
How do you be confident? EXERCSIE, GET A STRONG BODY, STRONG SPIRIT (through whatever you believe), DRESS WELL, POLISH YOUR SPEAKING SKILLS, READ MORE, AND KEEP UP WITH THE NEWS, ENTERTAINMENT, ETC.
Remember, you’re not looking for people to necessarily complain to. Friends are for that too, but you should be focused on haaving fun with them.
And yes, this goes to the older generation of people here too. There is no excuse none at at all.
This post is HARSH, but remember this is for YOU
FOR YOU!
~
The Mood
I am sorry to hear that, people are so mean. I would love to talk to you by email.
I feel the same way a lot of the time. dancingbarbies@gmail.com
hey leah ,
did you try any of those tapes or cds you recommeneded? wondering if it helps or not. they are reasonabally priced though. thanks for the info. i hope we can all find ways to get better this seems like a good tool but cannot help being skeptical. please let me know if you tried it or not thanks
Hello, I am 22 years old and it seems like the older I get the less I fit in. I have a loving boyfriend and lots of acquaintances but no real friends. I don’t understand. I might not be the most exciting person because I am very simple but that never stopped the few friends I have actually had in my life previously. I get along with just about everyone and used to be the weird one (in a good way most of the time) but now all my acquaintances are weirder than me so I guess I am not exciting enough to be close with. I try not to think about it to much lately because my entire life I would have one friend and then that friend would go away (for one reason or another) but a couple of months would go by and someone else would come in to my life. It has now been almost 3 years. I just don’t understand I am not a bad person but I am lonely.
ckzboy-
No, I haven’t tried the tapes/cds because I don’t battle with shyness. I had just put the info out there for the ones that “maybe” battling with it. So, I cannot really say whether or not that those cds will help anyone. It was just something I happened to come across accidently, and it sounded good, and thought it might be useful to some of you on here. Take care! God Bless!
I’ve never fit in..I used to think being a loner and going my own way was cool…you know, like DH Thoreau said, ‘step to the beat of your own drum’…but now, I’m a woman in my mid-40’s and I don’t have friends…not even work friends (primarily due to the fact that I work with colleagues who are 15-20 years younger than I am!!) I don’t fit in with the mommy-track, cuz I’m not married and have no children..so..who am I supposed to befriend?…
I just found this site and I am after spending at least an hour reading most of these posts. And i feel a little bit better knowing theres other people who feel the same. Im a 22 year old male, and i just have no real friends right now. The thing is, I always had a group of friends in high school, and it was great, and before leaving high school I had my first girlfriend, and i realise how happy I was back then, and how nice It was (this was 4 years ago)
But after leaving high school i realised I totally lost all off them. no texts on my phone, no calls, absolutely nothing. I went to College and have done a few courses here and there, and have made a few friends but now im starting to believe whether or not they were my real friends? since they no longer exist in my life either, just like the friends i had in high school….its like a merry-go-round, and now its happening yet again. Were these people my friends in the first place?
The holidays are always the worst for me, as i am always home, and I have no friends in my hometown to go out for a night, or even just to talk to. My birthday is always at the end of May, and i never really had a birthday party. Most of the time i just keep all these things inside.
Then Last week I broke down and I felt like i was losing my mind, and then I just shut down completely staring into space (this hasnt been the frst time either) I feel very lonely, and scared, but most of all – Angry, angry at the world, and angry at the people who I thought were my ”friends”. I keep thinking im in Hell and that im being punished for something I did. I have become a totally different person to who I was. I hate what I’ve become. I am in a very dark place right now. I want my Life back.
Sorry for the long post, and the rambling. Good luck to all of you
Hi,
I connect with alot of the experiences people have posted on here, but reading so many of them at once like this kind of makes me realise that there are different groups of people who feel they are friendless. I’ve identified just two generally while skimming through the posts. There seems to be people who feel they are friendless and like to just moan about it without becoming pro active. Secondly, there are people who might have a real psychological issue preventing them from seeking, making or holding onto friendships. I know for myself its based on anxiety I’ve suffered in the past, and that was made worse by my whole life situation. After leaving uni I went back home- which was nice, but it broke up the nice circle of friends I had made there, and because I was so far away from everyone and could’nt afford to move out of the family home, the bond we had deteriorated. We did’nt see each other as much, began developing separate lives and phone calls were less.
Being at work I never found anyone who I wanted to relate to socially outside of work, and so it meant alot of lonely nights in, or relying on family for excursions here and there. It sounds really sad, but thats the reality. I do enjoy my own company more than others though, and so that probably helped me cope, but being social animals (humans) we need conversation and interaction, especially with our peers.
Luckily for me I found a job where there were alot of people my own age and we formed a pretty tight social network, where we’d all go out at least one night a week after work. I realised my problem was my shyness and not being pro active enough to help myself get out there. I’m not working at this place any more, and should have tried to keep in touch with more people from there more regularly, but I’ve identified my weaknesses in making and keeping friends and am working on it.
If you are down and feeling depressed you should seek help from a health professional- you can be transfrered for counselling which some very impersonal and clinical, but it is a room with just you and another person who is most often a kind and caring person which is why they chose to go into the profession. Because of this they have the urge and are also trained to listen. So you can talk for how ever long your session is about what ever you are feeling, are upset or even happy about- the time is your time and its for you. They identify areas in your life that may be contributing to your emotional pain and will offer strategies to cope with these. You should’nt feel afraid or embarresed, it is a worth while option.
Good luck everyone and enjoy your life- x
Hi,
just so you know I know that referal to a consellor is available in England through the NHS. I am not sure about other contries although I am sure most countries do have facilities in place that cater for people who are feeling depressed and anxious to seek professional advice and counselling. This may not be free though as it is on the NHS.
Take care, and have fun, but be safe getting out there and making new friends! x
don’t compare us to the destitute in darfur or a 3rd world war country. the situations are different. I hate it when people say oh yeah? poor you, you have a roof over your head you’ve got 3 meals a day. fuck off seriously, because I have the sustenance and necessities I am able to sulk about what a loser I am
Your suggestions were the first in here that were not positive or helpful
Hope your karma takes a turn for you when you realize your social skills cannot be mastered through a book.
i am a guy, 15, going into grade 10 in about a month, and i really dont have any close friends. i had a lot of friends, mostly girls (i got along with girls alot more and still do), in grade 8 and the beggining of grade 9, but for some reason my mood seemed to change dramatically and those friends became mere aquaintences, and some dont even notice or care to notice me anymore. one of my really close friend’s from grade 8, rachel, we used to talk together and laugh together, now when i talk to her in school or on msn, she pretends like she doesnt know me. im thinking i should just avoid her, because she tries to be a “popular girl”, but it just breaks my heart that this friend and confidant i had is now a snotty ego-obsessed girl that wants nothing to do with me. i have, however, made a lot of new friends who came to my high school from other elementary schools, yet still, i have no communacation with them outside of school and i still dont belong to ay clique. I dread lunch hour; i often just wander around the school halls just looking for someone or a group to talk to, but i never find them. usually i just give up and go walk along the nature trail a block from my school. i remember how painful the last day of grade 9 was for me; everyone was out in the halls, having fun, while music was playing loudly in the atrium.. i just couldnt handle it, so i went to my usual routine of going out and just walking. now that i look back, i think to myself “what a waste”.
the more painful thing is, is that i see all my former elementary school friends in groups, laughing, talking, but something holds me back from reaching out to them, and when i do, it’s as if noone cares. i know it’s easy to click on someone’s msn name and type “hey, what are you up to this summer?” but i just fear that they either wont reply or they will give a nasty response , like my friend rachel. I’ve turned to online video games, noteably “world of warcraft”, and as strange as it sounds i have more friends there than i do in “real life”.
I am glad to see that while i am alone, other people share my loneliness too. I dont know whether it’s puberty, the online game, or the fact that i fear talking to anyone because of the fact that they will respond like my ex friend rachel did; but whatever it is, i hope its just a phase. sometimes i am happier being alone but i always like someone to talk to — everyone does.
if you read all this (i know i wrote alot), thanks for reading.
lets be friends here
I just moved here from Europe… dont have a lot of friends, therefore i get depressed and sart drinking and smoking… i am in my mid 20s i know this is fucked up.. i cry sometimes and it hurts me very much.. i need to find friends and a girlfrien or else i feel useless…. once i talk to people they like me immediately..i dont know what i am doing wrong.. maybe i just think that i am better than others? i have to change i guess :(
Someone please help me… i am loosing it…………………………………………………………………..
Someone whose brighter and more organized than I am should come up with a “lonely people’s club” with chapters in different cities, where people like us could go to be ourselves, laugh at our problem with friendlessness, and connect with eachother for real. (Also, I wish there were a “shy kids club” for young children in my town — as my shy daughter is isolated from her peers, and I’m SURE there are other kids in similar straits who would make great playmates for her if only I could find them.)
It’s such a lift to know I’m not the only lonely one in the world. I want you all to know that your courage in posting here has made a difference to me… so, if you feel like you don’t matter, or your life doesn’t touch anyone’s, you are wrong! If none of you had the problem of loneliness — if I really were the only friendless soul in the world — it would kill me. But, now knowing that this is a common feeling lets me recast it as just one rough aspect of my life, not my defining characteristic and brand of shame.
So I’m socially isolated and have a lifelong difficulty connecting with people. So it hurts a lot of the time. These things are true. But I’m a lot of other (good) things, too. And so are you all.
God bless.
what did i do wrong post back i’ll try to at least listen
http://www.myspace.com/planetharrier
Hit me up if anybody want to talk….
It’s nice to see that I’m not alone in this situation. I’m in my twenties and I have given up my hopes to have any friends whatsoever. I have had friends when I was in my teens for about three years when I was in highschool but then I moved away to another country, I couldn’t seem to keep any friends. I have always had trouble making friends since I was very young. I didn’t really have any friends until highschool. Now I’ve graduated from university for four years now and it seems that it is impossible to meet anyone. Some of the posts suggest to become more proactive instead of whinning about it and not do anything. The truth is if you have been in the same boat with me, you’ve been crashed and burned for god knows how many times that you didn’t want to have your heart broken another time. One of the resistance for trying to make friends is that when you meet a person, you may click with them at first but then because you maybe too self-conscious about having no friends, you didn’t reveal that fact with this person and ended up by closing yourself up before any friendships can be built. Not everyone you meet will understand your friendless situation. They may just think that you’re weird or something wrong with you. If you can’t even tell your only existing friend that she’s the only one, then it’s pretty hard to tell a stranger. I’m guilty of making up stories about what I’ve done on the weekends and off times to others so they don’t think I’m a loner. I think pretty much everyone at my work thinks I’m socially-retarded as in my line of work, it shows. Seeing all my co-workers socialize just makes me feel even bad because my work is sales and customer service and they can alway get away with anything by talk the talk. My friendless situation (lack of social skills thus no friends and lack of friends thus can’t develop social skills: catch 22) has both affected my personal and my professional life.
I”m nice. I’m not shallow. there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with me. but I have just never belonged… had acquaintences.. but never invited to a birthday or wedding.. there is no one really in my life… and when it comes to making a checklist there is just no reason why.. the connection and the membership is just not there.. I have 102 people on my facebook. But no one to call for a coffee or celebrate a birthday with.. and the feedback I get is that people think I’m really nice and strong.. it makes me sad to have no social life… no sense of belonging.. and I have gotten to the point where I give up.
I feel for you PC. I feel the same way. Everytime I meet a friend whom i think is someone I can depend on they let me down in some way. I am nice and I am strong. I spend alot of time aloen due to the fact that I am sick of drama. Everytime I meet someone they drag me into there ciricle of friends and then the thing i have with that person is gone. There circle of friends gossips about me and I find out I no longer have a friend I can trust. its hard I am too nice I have tryed to be mean but I cant. I just want a friend who cares about me as much as I care about them.
I sometimes think that god put me on this planet to help others like a guardian angel. it always seems that I help that friend out through there diffficult times and then they move on. But when its time for me to need help with something. no one is there *crys*
I am at the point where I have given up and just accepted being alone. I also belive god puts people in peoples lives for a certin reason. For me it seems he puts me there to agian help like a guardian angel, but this gets old after awhile as I have no friends at all.
PC and Pizzagirl, I more or less feel the exact same way as you. Plain and Simple
An observation:
Mostly I’d characterize myself as shy and boring, without much to say… but twice in my life something amazing happened: I met someone I clicked with immediately. When that happened — when I felt securely liked and admired — I suddenly became funny, entertaining, chattery and smart when I was with them. Also I felt so much love and generosity toward those friends, like they brought out the best in me and made me the person I’ve always wanted to be. Has anyone else ever had that experience?
Sadly, both those friendships eventually got poisoned and finally dissolved. But still, it makes me think: if a boring person like me can become a comic genius when I feel loved and secure, then perhaps that’s the great secret here. Maybe all the people who seem boring superficially, really have the same potential to be funny and loving and the life of the party. It’s just that we keep our real selves under lock and key due to shyness or fear of ridicule. We feel boring, because we’re trapped in boring fake masks instead of being ourselves.
Question is, how to free up our real selves? Alcohol helps… but, too bad, I can’t walk around buzzed all day…
ok well i had good friends a lot of years but since i go to a different school now it feels like with all my friends im like the odd ball out i still talk to most of them and i use to hang out a lot with my friend amber but i always feel were just drifting and that one day im not gonna call and shes not and our whole relationship will end but i have new friends at my school but there all already close with other people so they wont really let me in all the way so over the summer no one really kept in touch including myself so im hoping for the best this upcoming school year but right now i feel friendless and im a female 17 of years
I just found this site, and having no friends to speak of i thought it might help to tell someone – anyone how i feel.
Im in my late 20’s, and live alone in the UK, i havent had any real friends since i was 18, i havent had a proper relationship with a women in years.
Whilst i have just been to see my sisters wedding, and was incredibly happy for her, i have come away realising what i was missing. One one had im so happy my kid sister is married and the happiest she has ever been, on the other hand it hits home how depressed and alone i am.
My mum and dad do live near by and come see me regulary, but i cannot tell them how i feel, i make things up, i lie about my social live and girlfriends as im so embarrased i have had neither for so long. I dont think im a bad looking guy, but i dont even get out much now to meet any girls, or even meet new friends. At work i have a few people i go for a beer with at lunch, but after work it ends.
I dont think im a bad person, the main problem now is im so embarrased about my life, i tend to lie to people, tell them i have friends and a girlfriend, i feel like im a complete failure, everywhere i look i see groups of guys walking around having a laugh, or couples looking so happy, i dont have any real hobbies to speak of, i end up dat on the PC most of my free time.
I try not to let it get me down, but sometimes all the lonliness and pain builds up, and i just sit there and cry for an hour, i think i messed up somewhere in my life, but i dont know how or why, even now im sat there, thinking that all it would take would be for someone to be here and to hug me and tell me it will all be okay, but that wont happen.
Im at an all time low, although i wont ever do anything too stupid, i cant help but think i need to get some help, but i dont want to have to take pills or drugs, when all i need is a cuddle and someone to say it will be okay.
Anyways i feel a little better for getting it off my chest. Now back to being lonely.
Probably no one will read this or care. I just wanted to type this out. All my life I never fit in happily. Everybody is different, but I’m more like an outcast, I guess. I’m nice to everyone and I know I’m a good person inside. But no one wants to take the time to know me. And I’m always bothered by the possibility that trying to get to know someone will be too much of a hassle for me, because it takes a lot of time and energy. When I loved someone, now my ex-boyfriend, I always wanted to do great things for him. I always thought about how to make us happier. Now that he’s left me, I’m back to being lonely little me again. Maybe that’s just the person I’m supposed to be for the rest of my life. It’s not fair how people with just good looks and snooty personality and no morals get all the attention and at least someone wants to be with them. It’s not fair. Good people are so often overlooked. I wish I could meet someone who will love me for who I am no matter what. I’m sick and tired of being so lonely and feeling unwanted and unnecessary. They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. But I wish I never met my ex-boyfriend. All the good memories tear me up inside. Especially because he’s the first person in my life who made me feel truly beautiful.
AM 22 amd have no friends its painful most of the times esspecially when i see other people hanging out and doing all sorts of things with it eachother well what do i say, i gata get used to it even though i get hurt sometimes
I had friends when I was young. I left America and made the best friends of my life in other countries. Then I came back to America and have been an outcast ever since. I’m still not sure if its this country, or just me. I always thought being well cultured and intelligent and being a good person in general would be enough, but it seems life just can’t give me a break. The sad thing is I’m in college right now and I can’t connect with anyone. This should be the best time of my life so they say. If the rest of my life is like this, then this sucks. Maybe it is american society, or maybe its me just making an excuse.
hey guys.
I’m 15 at the moment and currently have quite few friends from school and a small amount outside. That isn’t to say i don’t sympathise with you. When i was younger i went to a primary school that had only 11 people in my year and we were all extremely close and it was very difficult when i had to go to my next school. I made a few friends who i thought i would be close to at first, but either they found me annoying or vice versa (a friendship HAS to be mutual or they’ll be that horrible clingy thing that no-one wants to be or be around). I still have friends at school but im currently enduring an incredibly boring summer in which i’ve done next to nothing with them even after trying to contact them. Because i have a few friends but also have gone through those almost suicidal feelings i feel as though i can ive some advice. Please don’t completely hate me straight off and say that you have done these following points but everyones mean. You’ve just mixed witha bad group of people that have lowered your self-esteem and throwing you into a horrible cycle that difficult to get out of, yet possible.
1. Be proactive. You must have heard this a number of times but your not going to make friends sitting here in front of your computer. If you have any friends contacts, contact all the ones you might want to see just a little bit. It doesn’t matter if you have one contact or 20, get in touch. If you have no contacts or none that you feel comfortable with, you’ve still got to be proactive. Go out. Join clubs. I’m sure to a lot of you thats a terrifying prospect, walking into a room of unfamiliar faces who might no each other but don’t know you, but if you go up to someone or a group and jsut say “Hi i’m new and i was wondering if you could show me around/ help me with something/ introduce me to those people over there”. Bare in mind that not everyone here will like you and if you run into another group of nasty “think they’re superior” crowd you always have to option of jsut leaving. Thats right, i did it once, i walked out in the middle of a sports club because there was a crowd who i just plain didn’t get on with. And guess what, i never saw those people again. Point is get out and control the situation. You meet new people. You decide if you want to be friends and if they’ve decided they don’t want to be friends move on and don’t let it lower you self-esteem.
2. Be friendly and smile. Again the obvious one but still effective. This means be relaxed, calm in any situation and even if your shaking on the inside don’t show it on the outside. A calm relaxed smile is a great invitation to a great conversation. Do not try to be funny, if you have a joke in your head then say it. Don’t tailor one to make it perfect because they never are. The best humour is the spur of the moment one. If its funny you’ll make people laugh, if it’s not then you can state how unfunny that once and laugh about that! Point is humour is great with friends but trying to be funny makes you annoying.
3. Don’t be shy. You could be lucky in that someone will come up to you and try and be friends and make that first move, but if you think about it they’re in the same position as you and you may as well make the first move. If your new to a club or something its more likely a group of friends will come up to you. This is horiibly intimidating, but you should just say how horribly intimadating it is in a joking way and they’ll probably laugh. If your making the first move i suggest going for the person away from the group as they’ll be obvious as people who want to be friends. But with experience you’ll realise that most in the group do as well.
4. Introduce yourself. I’ve done it so many times. Finally made friends with someone friendly and who likes me for me then either never got their name or more often no way of contact like phone or email. It can easily be slipped in. Your name at the beginning of the conversation like “Hi i’m Brian (you may get blank faces so carry on).. sorry im new and thought i’d come say hi/ i thought i’d come up and just telling you that i love your sweater ( the compliment is much easier for women to pull off without sounding a bit gay).
Then at the end of the conversation or if it comes up in between “Oh ill write my number down so we can get together and do something sometime/ can i get your email and we’ll talk later”. The contact exchanging is usually much more natural than the beginning and name giving which can get very awkward and conversation starting is always difficult (i’d like some tips here).
Bottom line is there are so many potential friends around you and many are willing to make friends and i can be horrible to go up to someone and say high, but give it a try, feel relaxed, be pleasant and you’ll ake friends in no time. AND DONT’T LET ANYONE ELSE LOWER YOUR SELF-ESTEEM ANY FURTHUR TO THE POINT THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN TALK TO PEOPLE
I’m in high school. I don’t have any friends either. I’ve been depressed all summer. I’ve always been really nice. I’ve even been nice to people who treat me like crap. I get nothing in return. My “best friend” no longer wants to talk to me, and we had been friends since the first day of kindergarten. We havent had a fight or anything, its just she wants to hang out with her cousin all the time. She started smoking pot, but as far I as know hsant done so in awhile. Since that happened though, shes had no interest in me. I’m not trying to say the world owes me, but it could at lease cut me some slack. No one should have to live like this.
Wow, this list is amazing. People of all ages, so many situations, with one thing in common…
I feel much better after realising I’m not alone. Deep down I’ve felt for so long that things could only get worse. But these posts helped me today.
I like the advice of James (Aug 16) and Jack Barnes (July 6) – I’m sure there’s plenty of other good advice but I can’t read it all…
I want to put everyone’s comments up somewhere so they aren’t lost [I hope they don’t mind!!]. I think they are valuable. There are forums for lonely people like http://www.alonelylife.com but I wonder if there is a chatroom… that might be good as well. I might try working on something like that…
My own experience…It helped me a lot when I phoned the Samaritans about my loneliness (the night before my previous birthday!), I spoke to a guy who really listened and was sympathetic. When I went for counselling, opening up to a sensitive person you can trust, that was really good too.
My birthday is coming up again, and I’ll probably be spending it alone, here in UK (family are away). My dad trying to tell me to invite “my friends” – altough I can’t tell him that none of them actually feel like friends. It’s sad because I’m certain _they_ see me as a friend. I feel like some are exploiting me; I’m still ashamed of being treated as a ‘likeable idiot’ (sounds stupid, but I am). And it’s hard to feel friendly cos I’m so awkward and way too sensitive and moody, like I need “handle with care” stickers.
I used to feel like I had friends – before 15 y/o. Then I guess my dumb streak showed itself, because I realised I didn’t “get” or care about many things that they cared about. Pop culture, politics… I read news, tried to fit in many ways, but somehow it didn’t work. My brother also struggled, but unlike me, he found his way, and made/contacted many friends and relatives.
I am 23, almost 24. I don’t know how it will go. I may have a small circle of close friends after all – or I may lose them cos of those issues. I can relate to people in a simple way – I can even flirt sometimes – but most people (m or f) don’t really want to get too close and personal… problem is, I can’t talk, I can only listen, so relationships are sparse.
I can relate to people saying how they try to act nice, but nothing happens. My two cents worth: stop trying to be so nice, and just be yourself. Your natural kindness will shine through. Don’t push yourself to be perfect and angelic just because others “think it’s good”. Be kind to yourself, and be selfish sometimes. It’s only fair – don’t you accommodate others that way?
Good luck to you all.
hi
Im in highschool. I have a couple of close friends from middle school but ever since I started highschool a year ago I can’t seem to make friends. I transferred middle way into the year and keep using it as an excuse why I dont have new friends
I’m shy, I admitt. these last 3 days we had field hockey try outs and I was very nervous of going because all the girls who I knew were going to be there are all close friends and when I came to the school they really didn’t show any interest in being my friend so why would they show any now. As I had expected they didn’t really, but I tried my hardest to talk and be as friendly as I could, asking questions and getting in on coversations, but it just doesnt seem like they care about me or want to get to know me you know? I really want to make friends so bad. Lately I have just been wanting to give up, it’s like I dont want to put in any effort anymore. well I guess thats all
Lots of unlucky souls here, but no one drops their contact info for people that might be interested in making friends….
Hello everyone,
Reading these posts, I realize that I am not alone. I am a 19 year old guy in NYC. During my first year in college, I had absolutely no friends whatsoever and people were even cruel and assholes to me for no reason. Its this feeling of loneliness, of despair, of anger, of self pity that just keeps spiraling downward and makes you feel even worse. I have gone so far as to study socio-dynamics for almost 6 months fervently, and I will share with you all information that might help you all.
1. A person can do 5 things during an interaction
-IOI-indicate interest
-IOD-indicate disinterest
-DHV-demonstrate higher value
-DLV-demonstrate lower value
-Compliance testing
The fun social guys I see whenever I am eating at my table in the corner of the vast lunchroom are able to DHV very well to all the people they are talking to, as well as lower their values so the guy has a higher value. This in return generates IOIs, which can be communicated or through body language. They do this through stories, humor (the #1 non-sexual trait), emotional push-pulls etc and have their body language 100% match it. Well, I have been trying to be all funny, cool, etc, but I have ended up being an asshole to my very family.
2. I dont even feel like sharing more stuff, it makes me too depressed, I have become a social robot, spiraled down to the ultimate dark side of having no one and a total loss of identity. For the rest of you who question yourselves, ask yourselves, do you REALLY CARE to know this person and are you willing to PUT EFFORT in the future to get to know them and are you DISPLAYING that you care and want to be friends? Is there anything you do, NO MATTER HOW SMALL, that comes off as not really wanting to be friends, etc? I have learned that women are more socially deft than men, and can more easily pick up on these things. If you REALLY CARE and DISPLAY to know another person, and you can DEMONSTRATE HIGHER VALUE, you might just have them care back.
3. I know this is long, but this can change how you see things. “We are an obsolete species, twisted by futuristic demands.” Why do we have friends, social networks and talk to family? Long ago, in the caveman ages, it ensured survival in the wilderness. We STILL GO BY THIS PRINCIPLE, we look for people who can increase our chances of survival (women look for this in men). If a man can give the ILLUSION that he has lots of friends, etc, DHV, she will PERCIEVE (this is all percieved of course) that you can help her survive and be interested in you. THIS IS EVERYTHING.
4. What about futuristic demands? People in the US generally work much much harder than you would ever think. We are extremely pressured to get a good education to get a good job to be able to survive and provide for our offspring to survive (caveman age concept). This society today is one of the mind, and it has cautioned us, warned us and imposed laws upon us. The mind has schemas, where we see what is acceptable social behaivor and what is not, which has been altered, believe it or not. According to a recent study, only kids with ADD and elders born before 1938 can display TRUE AFFECTION. (look up the research somewhere, i forget) We have become as mechanized as the technology that follows with it, needing to maintain PROFESSIONALITY. But there is someone behind all of this, someone pulling the strings, but that is too far from this topic of discussion.
I am just as lost as you in the social life, and realize that others are just as worried of their acceptance as you are of theirs. Everyday, if I have the guts to get lunch at the tables, I sit alone and in a table corner on my laptop, pretending I have useful work to do. I havent learned all about socio-dynamics, but once I do, I will be godly, like the nautrals (sorry if it sounds too much like seduction). And one last note, friends talk about an ARRAY OF SUBJECTS (dont stick on one too long) and a study was done that the more time was spent with something, the more it become used with (hmm, a possible friend option, just spend more time togehter, doing whatever, even on aim or in a game). Sorry if this post was too long, but I have enjoyed wallowing in my despair.
Florian
AIM: pale0000
another lonely night,
another endless fight
why do we have to suffer like this
we pour our hearts into a friendship
and at the end we are the ones that are not missed
we are born alone
and we die alone
but why can’t we have faith and trust in a friend
why is it that the good times always tend to end
I may be weak now and i may feel hurt
but I won’t live my life and think of people that are as good as Dirt
I shall hold my head high and continue to be strong
because in the end that is all the I didn’t do wrong!
…………………………………………………………………………….
Life is harsh when we have no one to share our happiness, sadness, anger, fear, joy,
excitement, nervousness with, I am very sad how life mistreats many of us, I was at my brother’s bedside when he has a heroin overdose and i sat by that bed for 4 nights as he recovered and now he is making 40ks a month and never seems to think that I was there for him and he doesn’t do anything to help me out.
please be strong my friends, life is wicked and we feel hurt but do find something that you an do to feel good about yourself, i have thought of suicide many times but i know there is more to life than putting a gun to your head and endng it.
you may have it bad but other people always have it worst, and just remember that.
take care and be strong!
And I thought it was only me!
I’m in the same boat as many of you: I run my own successful small business, am active in my local church and drama group…and have no friends. If I join a group of mums in conversation at the school gate, they’ll quickly ignore me – just today everyone in the group apart from me was invited to drinks at one of them’s house. And I was standing right there! Isn’t that just rude? I had to pretend not to hear and turn away!
Either that or they’re ‘just having a private word’ so don’t want me to join them…which is OK once, but after two or three times you kind of take a hint. I’ve invited people round to dinner etc but the invitation is seldom returned – I’ve even thrown parties and faced the embarrassment of hardly anyone turning up.
The only time some of these women talk to me is when they want me to do something for them. I really have absolutely no idea where I’m going wrong. I think I must just really annoy people somehow, but I don’t know how…or how I can fix it. In a business context I’m fine, but socially I’m a complete disaster.
AnnaRed
im with you guys.
i have not one TRUE friend.
but i believe that everybody on this site (including me) is to scared to let there real self show. and i think that with a little self confident which is hidding in everybody, then you can show people the real you. and when people begin to know you personality then they will want to hang out and do things that friends do. but be patient and dont sound desperit, because most people dont want to be friends with a person that doesnt have there life together. but the number one thing is to just be yourself and then you’ll find people that like the same kind of things you like, and the next the you know your the best of friends. my favortie phrase to say when im feeling down is “LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME”.
When every conversation begins with “I used to”
I am 20 years old, a college junior (technically but It will take me at least 5 years to graduate) and I’ve just now realized what a looser I really am. I am completely missing my college experience because I’m so consumed with trying to “make” my college experience. It never occurred to me before what a dork I was but I realize now that I am and will always be a dork because of the things I never did, tried, or stuck with. Most of which because as soon as I got over the initial excitement of trying something new, I got distracted or gave up. My entire life, every relationship that I’ve encountered eventually ends with my somehow revealing that I’m a complete social idiot (despite my excellent customer service skills) and my complete ignorance of pop culture or even counter culture. Its to the point that because I was so afraid to admit that I didn’t know anything about subject x that I missed out on creating an identity for myself. The closest thing was my brief obsession with musicals (I acted in high school), and my stint of lazyass pot smoking in which I envisioned myself as some kind of hippie (despite the fact that I wore designer clothing….I know). Its occurred to me that everything I thought I wanted to be, everything that I was interested in, was merely superficial…I didn’t actually enjoy what it was that I was doing. Thats not completely true….its just that I realize now that there were so many other things I shouldve tried, or stuck with…that I would’ve gotten the same effect from. Then it occurred to me that I have no good stories because I’ve never maintained a friendship long enough to get adventurous. Now I’m at the point where embarrasing myself, doing stupid things, embarrases others and is awkward.
For some reason I thought I was cool when I got a job working for an attorney my freshman year of college….it wasn’t. It took me away from the dorms (not that I was really included there anyway…not that others didn’t try…I just didn’t even bother because I knew that I wasn’t “cool” enough.)
Basically I’m lazy. I own a keyboard. I owned a guitar. I have a nice regular camera. I used to have a digital camera. I used to hate shopping for music because I didn’t know what was the right or wrong things to buy because I had never heard of anything before. When I would listen to it in the store, I wouldn’t know if I liked it or not because I had so little experience. Same with books. Same with class. Same with friends. Same with everything and everyone I’ve ever met becasue I’ve had so little experience that I’ve never really been able to gage what I like and what I dont like. Whether someone is nice or a jerk.
I used to be involved. But somewhere I just got lazy and stopped planning. I stopped thinking ahead. Now, literally everywhere I look I see opportunities taht I’ve missed and stupid choices taht I’ve made because I was so damn lazy/scarred.
Im at the point where I’m barely even trying. I feel like saying “help me to be cool and popular like you” and then I realize how stupid that sounds. That was the whole problem…I cared. I didn’t do things because I knew I sucked and I looked stupid, then I tried doing new things but I had to do them by myself because I was behind.
Life really is a popularity contest….and you know what? It was a contest that I really wanted to win…I just didn’t realize it and didn’t bother to “tune in” to what was popular or what people wanted to hear. Add in the fact that I’m extremely analytical of people and theres no wonder why I dodge phone calls and emails. My worst fear is being exposed for being a boring idiot. So I went ahead and told people things about myself that no normal person should share…just to be interesting. That was cool for awhile, but its not stuff you should really bond over and when all your exciting news is a lie or exaggerated (because either your were too lazy or too disorganized to actually partake or it was really more boring than it sounded) you miss out on a lot.
Its no use trying to be cool. Either you are, or you aren’t. Im at the point where I avoid people so I don’t have to talk with them…because I’m incapable of concealing the fact that I’m a loser with only bad news. I’m loosing all my “friends”, not that I’m sure they were my friends to begin with.
What kind of idiot goes home from college to party? This one does. Its not that I didn’t have money or the ability to make myself better, to work out, to dress nice, to do exciting things….I was just lazy. Or easily amused I guess. Not really, thats why I was always tired I suppose.
The truth is that I have loved so many of my friends….I just never knew how to show it i guess. Than they do things that piss me off, I bitch to them (or someone else) and then they all realize what an idiot or crazy I am. Maybe I’m just paranoid. I don’t know.
Those are my thoughts. I look forward to yours.
I’m 15…I have no friends. All the friends I used to have don’t talk to me anymore because people have started spreading rumors about me. I have one friend that I can’t find because my classes aren’t the same as his and I go to a big friends. I’m so desperate for friends yet nobody likes me. I try to be nice and I really am, but everyone likes the mean kids. I don’t see why people want to be friends with mean people. I’m often picked on because of my race and how I act. Apparently I don’t act or look like ‘normal’ black kids. I have long hair that makes black girls jealous of me. O also don’t talk like normal black kids. I really want to be their friends with them but they just ignore me. I can count how many friends I’ve had in the past two years and that’s only three. Two of them I don’t talk to anymore…I’m really sad about this and I think I’m depressed. I wish I was someone else.
I have no friends either and it sucks. every day I get a little closer to hanging myself, maybe slit my wrists in the bathtub. really the only choice left is how to die.
Hey all
Brian, I know how you and countless other people in college and high school ask themselves “IS THIS IT??? IS THIS ALL THAT IVE LIVED FOR??? Well make no mistakes, these are experiences which will remain with us to our dying days!! DO YOU WANT TO LOOK BACK TO YOURSELF AND BE LIKE, WOW I SO MISSED OUT SO MANY THINGS (A PLAYFUL KISS, A PLAYFUL DATE, BEING COMPLETELY IN LOVE AND NOT CARING as well as other youthful things i would get weepy over saying. TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!! The window of opportunity to carve memories is already closing. I always compare myself to my brother, how he had every girl dying to talk to him and I was in the corner or at a window during parties. He’s always on the phone talking to people who would do so much for him, and every single call he gets reminds me that i have no one. IT HURTS, BEING ALONE, NOT BEING LIKED, HURTS MORE THAN cutting yourself, because that pain is only temporary. It hurts being a loser at parties, being ostracized, being socially awkward. BUT LET ME TELL YOU MY STORY AND I WILL ONLY TELL IT ONCE:
This pain drove me to the DARK SIDE. My utter hate and incessant pain actually spurred me, giving me the strongest, deepest, most powerful motivation i have ever felt to become better. All of you out there, especially nerds, IM def a nerd, JOIN ME, JOIN ME, JOIN ME IN OVERTAKING THE JOCKS, THE JERKS, THE ASSHOLES, THE COOL GUYS, THE ALPHA MALE OTHER GUYS THAT ALWAYS MAKE US LOOK LIKE IDIOTS. WE WILL DESTROY THEM, SOCIALLY OF COURSE. IT IS TIME THAT THE MOST VALUED THING OF SOCIETY, THE BRAIN, IS USED BY THOSE WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know all of you are 1000x smarter than your friends, that why some of you dont even have friends, blind jealously. but in my SUPRRING STUDIES OF SOCIOLOGICAL INTERCATION, i have learned that PEOPLE ARE PREDICTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE ARE PREDICTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE ARE PREDICTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have the minds to UTTERLY CRUSH EVERYONE THAT HAS RUN US DOWN, MADE US FEEL LIKE IDIOTS, MADE US SUFFER, KEPT US UP CRYING AT NIGHT FOR NO GODDAMN REASONS. WE WILL TURN IT UPON THEM. WE WILL BE LOVED BY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE WILL SEE WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN MISSING OUT ALL THIS TIME!!!!!!!
For those of you 14-35, Ill tell you this. I have spent almost a year studying, purely out of HATE, KEPT ME GOING AND BREATHING, socidynamic relations. I ask myself constantly: HOW BAD DO YOU WANT TO BE GOOD?????????? HOW BAD DO YOU WANT TO BE GOOD?????????? Excellence comes with a price, learning. For anyone seeking to learn the mysteries of socializations that our parents never taught us, including seduction (my favourtie), IM ME. Having applied what I have learned has led me to become FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE: LOVED BY ALL!!!!!! I have not mastered it, but the SECRET is the underlying principle that all these asshole people, these distant people, these weird people, these whatever people know and WE DONT!!!!!!! AND WE ARE ALIENATED!!! AND WE ARE VERY PISSED OFF!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME TO LET YOURSELF MAKE YOUR REALITY INTO WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AIM: pale0000
@Sarah (Aug 16th)
I know how that feels, my best friend dated a series of trashy chicks who he hung out with all the time (Resulting in a fight with me in him some months later).
But he smartened up eventually, though he’s not the same, but don’t lose hope in your Best friend, but if she starts to use you for something, just be careful.
it’s the end of my long day….if no one calls, do i dissappear….i’ve spent a large part of this long weekend thinking about the lines from this Everything but The Girl song (single), and realized that I have dissappeared…I am at what I guess is yje end of a 13 year relationship, he’s moved to a new city – i haven’t….I have no friends, and i know deep down that it’s entirely down to me……i have not spoken a single word verbally today…..no one alive knows what i did today….i have no idea how to get past this whole desperation feeling….i feel like just ending everything sometimes, but i am not that selfish…..it’s not the answer…i am otherwise bright, attractive and socially adept…..it’s my extreme lack of self esteem and awareness that no one seems to care that’s hard to get past
wow, people that i can really relate to. first of all, i had friends through out elementary, middle school was eh, i barely had anyone to go around during lunch and same thing with high school, during freshman year, i had friends of a differnt enthncity, i thought we were good friends but they always talk against me and said shit behind my back. i was jumped during my fresh year, i thought i they had my back, nope. didnt come to my rescue. i moved to diffent high school sophmore year, was lonely the whole year. junior year, met some cool people, but i think they want to chill with me because i had a car, transportation, so they used me. Now I am in college, i dont hear from them alot. i try to make or get new friends it dosent work.
i never had a gf, always wanted one so i dont have to have friends, but then i will look like a loner with no one else to talk to. since i was young, i have been picked on and name called. this made get low essteeem. i didnt feel like talking to people anymore, all i do is go on the internet and stay in my room. i dont do anything else. i feel good sometimes that iam by myself but then later i would feel sad that i have nothin else to do, just sitting at home on a friday night while ppl around my age are having fun doing whatever their doing.
i work hard, and try to save up for stuff wat i want, but its not gettin me happy. you need to socialize to become better happy people if you wanna say. but i am scared talking to people. i rather go to the drive thru then going into the fast food restaurant so i wont have to interact with people.
i been sad and lonely all of my life i have to say. one day i always think, that one girl will come to my life then it will be great. am still waiting that special girl. i had crushes on some girls in my years of my youth.
i just dont get ppl sometimes. I BEEN A GOOD PERSON!!! i help ppl, when they need something, i will help them anyway i can. but they cant be in my aid!! this makes me mad.
my mom thinks iam a loser, she hasnt told me, but i know down in there that she thinks iam one since i never get out. Man!!!! I NEED A GIRL, OR SOMEONE TO TALK TO!!!…
someone PLZ make a forum or chatroom!!!!
It’s interesting reading all of these comments. I never though that there were so many people in a position similar to mine. I’ll vent, too.
I’m a 22 year old male. Never had a lot of friends, but until college I always had about 3 very close friends. I was very close to my friends in middle school, not so close in high school. I was always a little shy, but some people found this endearing.
I used to get picked on in high school, and this affected my self esteem. I was a very nice kid in high school, respectful to everyone, you know, and people took advantage of that and made me feel like sh*t and dragged me down. At the time, I did not believe in being uncourteous to people, so I said nothing.
I think during this time, I developed a fear and distrust of people. This lack of self-esteem and distrust lingers today. I am a pretty good looking guy, slender, I work out, I am tall, etc., but I always have the fear in my mind that if I’m too nice, people will think I’m a pussy and take a sh*t on my head (figuratively speaking). So I think this makes me seem distant or unfriendly to other people. This is combined with my I guess lack of esteem, so it’s difficult for me to approach ppl (i.e. girls) and for people to approach me as well, I guess.
In college, I was disappointed with my results in high school, socially and intellectually. I became more distant. I thought that if I was nice to other nice people, people would think of me as a “loser” and would pick on me. I worked very hard scholastically, but I did not go to any social functions.
I did not, and still don’t, get asked out to drink beer or anything like that, and the idea of going to a party with my peers petrifies me, because I am afraid that people will not like me or I will not know how to act.
It’s just crazy. I was reading the comment above by a girl who seems like a very nice person and for some reason spends birthdays alone, etc.
It’s very sad, because I feel like I am stuck in a rut, that I do not know how to help myself. That no matter how much I think about this, or convince myself that things will get better, my fear of some other people sort of paralyzes me, and my life stays the same. I am where I was in 8th grade in some ways.
It’s not that I’m weak, I am strong intellectually and physically, obviously, I am good person, etc.
Hi my names Stacey and I have no friends:-(
Ive really enjoyed reading everyones posts its really nice to find out your not the only one. Im only 18 and really I should be spending every night partying and having fun. Ive never been to a club and ive only been to one party in my life.
Im starting to worry life is passing me by and Ill get to 60 and I wont have anything interesting to say about my life. Ill never have experienced things others take for granted.
I feel Im a good person and yet Ive never had a real friend. I try so hard to get people to like me. Yesterday was my first day at a new college and it was awful, I summoned up the courage to go talk to a girl only to have a very awkward 5 minute conversation and to have her ditch me at lunch. In the end I had to go sit on a bench alone for 2 hours till class started up again and then I skipped today because its just to lonely and upsetting to see everyone else having fun.
I just wish I knew how to talk to people because I feel I could be a really good friend to someone if they just gave me the chance.
If anyone wants to chat then please add me to msn jossismyhero@hotmail.co.uk
It feels good to let this out. We should really stick together, theres so many of us good people who are missing out on so much. I say we should become friends, the amount of posts on here we should all have people who live relatively close to us.
If you read all that then thank you.
Hey guys. It’s nice to know that I;m not the only person in the world that feels lonely. I’m only 15. I think I’m a really nice person. I never bully anyone and I try to amile a lot, but for some weird reason people just don’t seem to like me very much. I used to have so many friends and now they all hate me. Last year I was bullied and that really damaged my self-esteem. I just switched to a new school and I hardly know anyone. I only know about 10 people and I’m not good friends with any of them. I always feel like such a loser when I’m tagging along and I know no one likes me. I never have anything interesting to say either. I feel so stupid when I see everyone else hanging around with millions of friends. I really sympathize with you stacy. I wish I knew how to talk to people too. Thanks for listening to me complain :P I hope you guys all make some good friends soon. =)
I am 15 years old and i am crying my eyes out reading these posts.
It all started when i was 12, i had 2 close friends but gradually the more “dominent” one of the two all of a sudden decided that she didnt like me anymore and got one of the biggest bullies in school to sort me out when i didnt do anything wrong in the first place. The other friend left me for her and since then ive had noone.
Over the next year i really tried to make more friends. I managaed to be included in a quite large group of friends of both sexes and i used to make them laugh and have a joke with them and i became to close to about 1/2 of them. However, again, there was a “dominant” one in the group, a girl, and everyone else in the group seemed to listen to her and once she decided she didnt like me, the others began to ignore me totally and bitch behind my back and laugh at me when i wasnt around.
Deep down, i do have a great fun and bubbly personality and i am not horrible at all. I am quite a quiet person but i do try and make conversation.. but it seems i am too late though to be included in a group of people because they already know eachother and stuff and i just feel like an outsider, knowing that none of them liked me.
So when the new term came, i just gave up on people totally. I spend all of the school day by myself and i rarely talk to anyone and noone willingly talks to me so… im very very depressed and i cry constantly but in my bedroom. I have noone to talk to about my problems, not even my parents will listen to me. The other day i said to them “Mum, i have no friends” and she just said “aww” in a comical way…
I feel so lonely that i’m even starting to consider taking drugs to escape from my lonely reality.
I haven’t done anything to deserve this…
Reading all of those posts, I get the feeling that everyone here is…
* intelligent
* kind
* has a great deal to be proud of.
Everyone here seems like a great person and I think everyone here should almost not give a sh*t what other people think, not give in to personal doubts etc., but really keep in mind how awesome of a person you trully are, and to really believe in yourself, even when no one else wants to believe in you or life seems like its unfair crap.
Hey jess email me. my addy is in a post just a bit up. Dont take drugs, thats just letting them win. We all deserve much more than this.
If you want someone to listen to then im here for you.
Reading some of these posts is so upsetting, why dont people notice when someone is genuinely hurting and why do some people go out of their way to upset others.
I dont understand that.
I know how everyone feels. Thanks to a certain ‘friend’ from the past who used to boss me around I have stopped believing in true friends and I have also never had a best friend. I feel like the friends I have now are always too busy or always some excuse for not to hang out with me. I have never done anything to these people to make them ignore or hate me so and I wish they wouldn’t hate me.
Hey Jess. I know exactly how you feel :( I used to have best friends but they too decided they hated me. Last year I was bullied. This year i moved to a new school and I’m having a hard time making friends. If you ever want to talk email me or add me on msn. My adress is diana_dramaqueen@hotmail.com. And if anyone else needs to talk, you can email me too. I know how awful it is to be alone.
I am so shocked by the amount of people who feel exactly like I do. I’m 22 and have had no real friends since i was 16. I am lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend but he lives a 2 hour drive away so i spend most of my week very lonely. Like many other people on this website have said, I am a nice person, kind, people seem to like me. I make short-term friends quite easily but these friends all have proper friends of their own and never get close to me. I have felt very depressed recently when people from school have added me to facebook. I have looked on their pages and found they are all still best friends with each other. My best friend at school is very close with my other old friends and I have begun to wonder what is wrong with me? I have moved away from home to go to university and things whereas these friends have always stayed in this area but i never imagined when I was 16 that 6 years later i would feel so lonely. I have a lot of internet friends and have done since i was about 14 and I think this is one of the reasons I am so lonely now. As a teenage i spent too much time online talking to these so called friends instead of making more effort with real friends.
Anyway thank you to everyone who has posted on here. I feel better knowing I am not alone especially as there are so many others my age with the same problem. Like Stacey said in her post, I should be out partying every night having lots of fun and instead i’m at home online.
I also don’t have any friends. I am a 21 year old female. I am smart, stylish, and quite pretty. I don’t say that to sound conceited, but since I have no friends I feel like I should at least try to see my good qualities and love myself. I go to this huge university and everyday I see groups of giggling girls…people looking so happy together…people that don’t have to stay home on the weekend and watch tv or read. I cry so much about it…I struggle with my grades because I am so consumed by sadness. You know…I always thought college would be great. I always thought it would be the best time of my life…a place where I would have so many happy memories and friends. But sometimes I can’t even get out of bed, it just hurts so much. I have tried student organizations with little success. I go to the meetings and they seem ok, but you soon see that these people already have a lot of friends, and if you seem too eager, it just looks awkward. I suffer terribly from social anxiety. I will physically not be able to do social activities because I cant breathe. But in the end, I have my family and sister. I have my cat and I do have a boyfriend and we live together. I know you may be thinking ‘well she has a boyfriend, it can’t be that sad’. But that is not true at all. I do love him very much, but I am still terribly lonely. I so want female companionship. Just a small group of friends. People who care about me. People I can talk on the phone with or text. Friends I can just laugh with and feel silly and young. I just want to feel accepted. And to those who are feeling just like me, hang in there and don’t give up hope. =)
is it werid, that the majority here are girls?!!!
its amazing, hey girls will you talk to me? post ur emails here and ill email you.
It is Friday, September the 7th at the time of this posting of mine. As I read these posts from so many of you, I sit here asking myself why things have to be the way they are in a world of terrorism, hatred, economic deterioration, bad music, bad acting, and perpetual sadness. When I do this, I begin to think about those that have crossed my path at one point or another, and begin to realize that although I am completely alone with no friends vis-à-vis lovers, I have myself to depend on. This, alone, keeps me within the realm of happiness because I start to see how wonderful the possibilities are. I feel it is necessary to give a semi-short context of myself before I continue so that you will all see where I have come from. Take this with a grain of salt, if you wish. Otherwise, weigh in on it as if it were Halley’s Comet.
As many of you have had the opportunity to experience, I too have come from a broken family life. Literally, ever since I can remember and was able to understand my human language, I remember nothing but family disputes, sadness and depression. For example, when I was ‘5’, I remember my older brother rushing into the living room to break up a father / mother argument gone physical. This was the night that fireworks amazed my young eyes for the first time in my life as it was my first Fourth-of-July as well as my first chance to experience how a divorce transcends into bitterness and custody jargon. That night ended in my grandmother’s bed with bloodstains on the fireplace banister.
Upon growing up through elementary school and high school, I learned to always keep ‘2’ single friends at my side at all times. Of course, I had other friends here-and-there, but these ‘2’ (and later on, ‘3’) were connected to my hip. They were the King’s Knights. As time progressed, and as I graduated from high school, things began to fall apart despite my best efforts to maintain good will and kinship with these individuals. A sour love-relationship was one aspect of the downfall between my friends and me, but another was sheer spite for reasons I will never seem to understand. To make a long SECTION short, this lead to the reckoning of many relationships from my hometown. Maybe this was overall my fault somehow, but in the end, I am almost happy this happened the way it did. I am getting to “why”…
When I moved out of my father’s home, I relocated to the city I attended undergraduate classes in. This was where I should have committed suicide. There were many days where I would come home from nine hours worth of school, go to work at Wal-Mart for another five or six, and come home at 8:00 PM only to start crying over all the ended friendships I used to have (as well as torn love partners). Keep in mind, I left everyone for school. I had no one… My old friends began to make new friends, and old lovers moved on to greener grasses, and when I saw this reoccur, I slowly began to realize that I needed help because I was on my last leg of life. I did not see any reason to continue living. I had no one, and I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. My family even began to display frustration that was beyond their control for my disposition, and although part of me does not blame them for this, it is something I have always remembered and held in their contempt to this very day… Family should never turn their back to you. No matter what…
When I finally sought help, I was able to change my life a little at a time. Some of the original problems persist even today like mistakes I made, of course, but to me, these “problems” have coalesced into something of a godsend in the “now”. They taught me how poisoning those around me were and sometimes, still are. These “problems” were in fact my lack of respect for those committing and acting in ways which I saw as negative to my wellbeing. These “problems” were the birth of my new vision, my new survival, and my new life. It was my key to freedom.
I later graduated with a B.S. in Information Technology. I now work for a Fortune 500 company as a Programmer Analyst, and I wake up everyday wanting to go to work since I feel as if I am attaining friendships there (though minor, friendships none-the-less). I love my job, and I love the people I work with. I have more money than I know what to do with, and best of all, I am away from my past diseases. I am not saying that I am completely passed my prior disappointments because even to this day, I hold a bitter tongue for those who tried to harm me in one way or another. The difference now, though, is that I am, for the first time in my life, completely independent. I depend on no one. Not some lover, friend, or guardian… I am my own person, with my own beliefs and goals. This does not, of course, take away from the bad things I have done throughout my lifetime (because those things will haunt me for the rest of my life), but it does allow for me to reflect on some of those things, mend my life and the strands that comprise of it, and mold my world into something I always knew I deserved. Some people call this “running away from your problems”. Maybe, but regardless, what other way is there to fix problems that refuse to be fixed despite the best efforts of email, phone calls, apologies, gifts, and shedding tears?
…Loneliness? …Depression? Sure… As I type this up, I feel exactly that…. Sometimes I look at my ex-friends’ MySpace pages, or whatever they have on the Internet, and it makes me sad because of all the feelings I have for them (good or bad). I think about the times we shared, and I think about the things we never got to share. It is hard and sometimes and makes me cry to this day despite all the effort I have invested in getting beyond my grief and pain. To me, however, I see these feelings of sadness as reminders of me being alive and kicking. I think that in the end, your heart is what determines the success of attaining inner tranquility and peace. If you follow the wisdom of it, you will never fail in the end. You just have to have patience in thought and consideration. I have been thrown through the worst of relationships, had my deepest, darkest secrets displayed to the public for all who care to know, and have had my best allies slit my throat over things that they did not even care to understand about me in order to resolve peacefully. My own father tried to rip me off with car payments taking advantage of my naivety, and my mother is someone who could be considered Mephistopheles’ wife.
Guess what? My tears do not last as long as they used to now…
My loneliness is my shield, my armor. It always has been. We live in a world where trust is the single, most important “key” to the biggest and brightest doors, and it is this that is the rarest of treasures. The loneliness you have in your lives is not something to be afraid of. Instead, cherish it. Take advantage of it, and before you know it, you will be in another world which you never knew existed. …One full of happiness, life, and hope. Fight against the diseases of today… The constant work schedules, finances and gas prices, mean people, and road rage. Shun that which is stressful, uncooperative and incompetent. These things are the things which eat away at your soul. Your mind is a tool given to you by your God. Use it. That sadness that is constantly held inside can be released, but you have to open the door. Love is not just the bond between two entities. It is the peace of mind you discover when you can carry yourself by yourself. When you can do this, only then can you be a sort of partner for those around you. Do not let those whom you feel take advantage of you do that anymore. The buck stops with that right now. Do not take advantage of others too, and do what is right at all times. But most importantly, follow your heart. Always, follow your heart.
i am 20 and i have no friends.. i’ve tried volunteering and stuff but people my age usually ignore me.. i think it might be because of my looks.. or maybe i just appear too nervous.
anyways, its hard because i have no one to talk to.. sometimes it even physically hurts and gets hard to breathe, just thinking about going through the rest of my life in this situation. i havent had a friend since i was 13, and never had a boyfriend.
i dont know what to do.. i dont want to kill myself or anything, i’ve been through that mindset before and i’m done with it.. i just dont know what to do.
I totally understand what you feel like c,
it hurts having no friends, physically too. i can completly relate to that. i hope you find friends soon c. u sound like a very nice person.
I understand what most of these people are going through.
last week was my 18th birthday. the BIG one right? well, not so much. it was one of the saddest days of my life. I have three friends. one is in Germany and another is mad at me 1/2 the time, and the 3rd is always busy. I have never had more than a few friends throughout my whole life. I know its partially because i am not the size of a victoria’s secret model but i dont understand. I just graduated high school! i should have a lot of friends! i should be happy and running around and having fun…but im not. im sitting in my room, crying most of the time because as much as i try, not one person wants to befriend me even when i go out of my way to be nice and curtious and conversastional….
maybe its just destiny…
maybe God doesnt want me to have friends.
i dont know.
its not Gods fault.
i just wish i could have one good friend. just one!
hi there:)im 15 and i cant beleive there are so many people like me….i used to have the bestest friend ever(at least i thought so)….few people told me that my friend was telling lies about me but i didnt beleive i guess i didnt want to beleive:)but one day someone opened my eyes and i realised that ive been blind all the time…so when my best friend called me i told her that i hate her for everything that she had done to me.that was a year ago…i moved to another city and another school…but…i feel so lonely even though now im one of the ‘popular’ girls.i dont even have someone to ‘hang out’ with….yeah i do miss my od friend and im ready to forgive her but i know that she wont.
i decided to have a birthday party but i realised that noone will come…it makes me feel so….sometimes i act cold because i dont want people to see my lonlyness…i hope that someday ill met a friend who will erease
thanks to that pain now im stronger but knowing the price i wish i wasnt!!if someone wants to talk to me ill be happy to share my e-mail!!:)))))))
is there something wrong with us?i dont think so!we all want to have someone who will be there for us and we will be there for him or her…someone who likes us the way we are….i am scared to be who i am…i am scared people wont like me ….and i think we are all scared of being rejected or backstabbed.you know what….WE RULE!!!:)))))))))))))))))))))))we are like big happy family:)))heres my e-mail:pepi999999999@abv.bg!!lily write if you want:)))
PEACE!!!
I have made a site with a forum on and there will soon be a chatroom too for people who have posted on here and want to chat to other people in similar situatitons. I think we can all gain strength from knowing we are not alone in feeling the way we do and also knowing there is nothing wrong with us.. it just seems to be a problem lots of us have,
I don’t know if my website will be used but i thought it was worth a try so if your interested go on my forum and leave a message. freewebs.com/makesomechanges/
I have no friends. I spend my life on the computer. I don’t have a drivers license. My father won’t allow me to talk to anyone on the phone. I live in a small town. There’s absolutely no way for me to make any friends. None. Because of my location and because of my Father. There. OH, I feel sooooo “much better now.” =/
I have no friends, no girlfriend, no hobbies or interests. I just sit in my mums house on my own. I think i have some kind of social fobia because i hate social situations and will do whatever i can to get out of them.
i cant see how i can go all my life like this.
I too do not have friends. I never really fit in anywhere. Never understood why because I was friendly I helped people out when they needed it but when it came time for someone to lend me a hand invite me somewhere, it never happened. I can’t seem to remember having a friend so I brought a dog. I talk to him a lot. I take him to the park and play with him all the time and realize that the lack of human interaction has made me incapable of functioning in a situation where I actually have a conversation. I use to go out and put my best face on because you are always told to have a friend you have to be a friend. It is simpy not true. So now I realize this is the hand that I was dealt and there is nothing I can do about it. I don’t have to worry about having kids because I can’t even get a guy to look my way. You would think you would find a friend in church but that isn’t the case either. I am just someone who people don’t see and at first it made me fine but I realize that is the way my life has to be and I will forever be alone in a crowd.
It’s soo sad that we have to put up with being lonely and unwanted and unloved all the time. You guys all seem so nice and sensitive and caring. I wish that we all lived near each other and were friends, because you guys are all so amazing. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not worth anything. Nothing is wrong with you guys. Don’t blame yourself for having no friends. It’s not your fault. It’s the rest of the world that’s messed up and can’t see us for who we really are – caring, kind people that deserve to be loved. So when you guys are having bad days where you feel miserable and lonely, just remember that you ARE beautiful and amazing and that you’re not alone. Remember that there’s others like you who are feeling alone, and that there’s always someone thinking about you and hoping that at the end of the day, you’ll be a little happier. Love you guys <3
hey everyone I am a 19 year old guy and I can never seem to make and keep friends like I want to. Part of this is that I am painfully shy and have low self esteem, although it has peaks where it is higher than others. While I am shy when I am first around others, I truly believe that I do have a good personality and a kind heart, it just takes a while to come out because of the shyness. Ive always wanted to be the kind of person who has lots and lots of friends that they can always hang out with. When I was in middle school, I was picked on, but I had a couple of close friends that I could count on.
In my Freshman year of HS, I began to hang out with this new group of friends, along with my old friends. This new group of friends was into partying and drinking, while my old group of friends was more into video games and stuff like that. As a result, I began to spend more time with the new group of friends then the old. Well, at the beginning of sophmore year, the new group of friends abandoned me, sending me into a deep depression that caused me to fail two classes that year in school. That summer, I met a girl at summer camp and we sort of had a realtionship, unfortunately, she lived four hours away. So since I spent all this time talking to her and I was happy, I sort of unconsciously ignored the fact that the remaining close friends that I did have didnt talk to me anymore. Of course, we broke up, leaving me friendless and lonely once again. I tried to break into groups of cliques that it seemed like I could get along with the people, but that didn’t work.
Fortunately, senior year got better, as one of the few friends I still talked to decided to let me into his group of friends, and as a result, that school year was by far the most fun I had becasue I finally had a group of friends.
Of course, we all went our seperate ways when we went to college. Now, because I was never a very good student in HS, I had to go to a school that wasnt very well known for its academics, and it was in a very rural area, which wasn’t for me, as I am more of a big city person. Alot of the kids in my college were hicks and seemed not very interested in doing well in school, and as a result, we just didn’t get along. Also, I had met a girl during my senoir year of HS on a youth group trip, and by this time we were together. Unfortunately, she lived 6 hours away from my hometown, and 12 hours away from my college (I know, there is something about me a long distance relationships)
After a month or two, I could tell that my college wasn’t for me, so I looked for schools to transfer to. All I had at the time was my girlfriend, and she supported me throughout that first semester. But then, over winter break, I went to visit her, and to make a long story short, we ended up taking a break just beofre I headed back to school. This was probably one of the worst times of my life. I was at a school that I hated, and the girl I loved more then anything didn’t want to have anything to do with me. Basically, that semester, I put all my effort into school so I could get the heck out of there. Inroinclly, I did foster a realtionship with someone else on my hall, who is one of the few people who talks to me semi-often.
Anyways, I got into the first college my of choice. However, I was dissapointed to find out that I was not guaranteed on campus housing due to the fact that it is a very big school, so I was going to live in a fraternity house that was just off campus rather then living in a dorm, but I figured that this wasn’t so bad, as I still got to meet people, and go to lots of parties in the process. I was pretty excited to head to my new school, as the summer was sort of blah. Most of my friends from HS didnt really hang out with me anymore, as they sort of had their own lives I guess, not to mention that I did an internship in NYC for most of the summer, so I wasnt around anyways.
When I got to my school, I found that I didn’t really click with the other people in my franterinty house. So I figured that I would check out some of the other fraternity houses on campus, and I found one that I liked. I went to all of the rush events, parties, talked with the brothers, and I felt like I really got along with them and that I really fit in. I was so happy, I felt like I was finally going to have the group of friends that I had wanted for so long. But then, just a couple of days before bids were announced, for no reason at all, they started to not act as friendly to me. They werent being mean, but just cold. I began to panic and wonder why this was happening, when I was so close to accomplishing what I wanted for so long. I ended up not getting the bid. Now this really sucks because of the fact that I had spent so much time hanging out with them, that I havent even had a chance to meet other people at all. SO now I am friendless and lonely. I have no one here to turn to, and everyday I always see everybody here having fun, and I see my friends at other schools having fun too, and I want to have that so badly it hurts.
I truly wish all the rest of you the best in making friends, because good people do not deserve to be lonely like this, and if you ever want someone to talk to drop me an email: Jtrain351209@yahoo.com
Hope everyone on here is okay, stick in there..Love you guys<3
I had the worst day today, I was at school for 8 hours and no one had spoken to me, Id spent lunchtime just wondering around again alone:-(
Then I was in English and this girl leaned over to talk to me and I was like screaming inside because I really wanted to make a friend and she just said:
‘Hi, do you mind moving up so my friend can sit there?’
I had to try and smile and be like sure but inside I was crying. I know Im not going to stay there that long. We have 2hours lunch everyday and then half way through lessons we have a little break. They dont consider the fact that some people dont have any friends and dont have anything to do for that amount of time.
I wish I didnt care…
I’ve posted a couple weeks ago
but
I’ve been so depressed lately
it’s unbelievable
I’m fooling myself into thinking I have friends
sitting at the lunch table watching everyone laughing and talking while I feel so alone
like an outsider.
it’s sick
i don’t know what to do anymore, seriously.
my email is Instyle713@aol.com
if anyone wants to talk!
my girlfriend put a stop to me having any friends
The first reason I give for my lack of friends is that Im boring with nothing to offer
Sorry ,I have nothing more to offer.
QUOTE:a large group of friends can be worse than having none at all. Most people with large amounts of friends have poor quality relationships with these people, keep their company with no interest in who they actually are, and typically use the amount of people they talk to as an unhealthy personal validation; it’s all superficial and a little sick. Now the one with few to no friends could be an intolerable person (isn’t that something you’d notice right away..like before you noticed the lack of friends?) or they could want a few really good friends they can depend on -they can be rare.
I agree
everyone check out louise’s entry sept 9th
Go to her link
check out her website hopefully she’ll have a chat room soon
It’s worth a look at
peace
fuck. im so depressed. no friends, in college, sit alone, the general air gets to me that people hate me, call me creep whatnot… they are creeps, they are stupid, they dont understand anything, theyll never find real meaning in life. im in college and i tell myself, MAN THE FUCK UP AND GET A LIFE OTHERWISE ULL REGRET IT LATER. fukc
wtf… invent some better curses, fuck fuck fuck, thats all i hear. bunch of weird people, im outsider, i have accent. i hate people at this moment, wish they could feel the pain they inflict on themselves… it will come back to haunt them
Just wanted to recommend a book that helped me a great deal with what the rest of you are dealing with. Mind you it is not a cure-all, but it definitely eases your pain and sheds light on new perspectives:
michelle lynn said:
” Just about all my clothes are designer. I try to stay up to date with the latest trends.”
Now that’s the sad part of your story I’m afraid, from the nation where ppl define themselves by what they own.
And to the Mood:
Although certainly a number of ppl on here could take your advice and wake up to some degree, it’s not that simple with others. Many like myself have a mental ilness or personality disorder etc. I am 33 jobless, car-less, nearly homeless(sharing) 8 yr employment gap, only one girlfriend in my entire life. But I weight train, i dress well, i smell nice, i go out, it’s because i’m too considerate, too this too that blah blah blah…..y’know i couldnt be bothered…you just STFU, lol.
To the woman who wrote there is nothing wrong with the sensitive sweet nice guys on here. I would say your right as long as they aren’t bleeding hearts and do go out occasionaly and strive for balance, but unfortunately it wouldnt matter 2 shits because these days, that is exactly what is wrong with them. I know i’m one of them, recently looking thru a free dating site and the wildest out there ppl with big attitudes and slogans like “if you think i’m not hot then fuck you” etc.. are the most bookmarked and added to favs, lol. And where are the nice woman like you ?!? for gods sake. The women on dating sites are generally hideous. (i love using that word) Some woman make a point of poking their tongue out in at least one photo to show “look i have a tongue stud’ y’know what their inferring. Then you get the one sounds fairly normal describing themselves etc and at the end says something like “I am VERY handy’ or ^%#% whatever, that was a bad example. also “i have a wicked sense of humour” “I like/love to have fun” (no shit sherlock) and the woman who went and ignored guys like me, got fucked by half the town(it seemes) and ended up alone with 2-4 kids putting a personal add up saying: “Looking for nice intelligent man, must be attractive and love kids and financially secure, i have so much love i have to give”. GOOD GOD somebody shoot the cunt. Why are we turning into disposables, or OBJECTS even to eachother.
It’s funny how so many come here just to vent and then piss off. It would be nice like some others have said if you left an email address or something,
Here is my email if someone wants to talk acasevk@mail.com
You could be forgiven for thinking perhaps i’m not so nice writing how i have to some degree. Exactly the opposite, i’m very nice, genuine smiles from old ppl walking by on the street make my heart thump. But if you’ve also spent years analysing things and realised how shitted on you were finally, and providing you have a strong sense of social justice, you will like me appear like an asshole sometimes, lol. Simply because you ARE nice but your not BLIND foolish nice anymore. Like offering to do absolutely anything for anyone type shit.
ahh honestly I hate typing crap on the internet, i havent joined a single website unless i had to to d/l a file. I’ts lacking in substance totally to much for me to get any joy out of yakking in forums where ppl can’t see, feel, smell, etc. And everyman and his dog could be absolute fugging liars.
ehh, this is getting out of hand, so long. And no this is not how i sound at all normally, hehe this is pure frusssstration, yeppers X-)
Oh yes, and i also have 1 associate and NO friends or family or girlfriend for 3 years.
sry for strying off topic ;-)
Hi, it took me couple hours to read more then half this blog site and a lot of you literally spilled your soul here, all relating to the same type of pain, longing for someone who cares for you. I am almost 25 yrs old, male and for the past 1.5 yrs I’ve been coming home from work, surf the web, play comp games, watch tv….sleep…..go to work….then repeat the same process. I absolutely have no friends what so ever, and I would like to bare my soul to you folks here today.
For the past week or so I’ve been experiencing severe flashbacks of my whole life, contemplating where it all went wrong, I don’t even know where to begin. I was born with no testicles(that literally means I have no balls), I’m 25 and I look like I haven’t gone through a single day of puberty, I’m not trying to get your pity but I believe it is the source to all my pain and grief.
In Elementary I hanged out with the sort of big dogs of class till 5th grade and we separated to different schools. Then in 7th grade I met one of the big friends just sitting down in recess not doing anything. I sat next to him and talked for hours of the most stupidest shit. We became best friends/partner in crime. We BBQ at the beach, sneak in R rated movies, went hiking and stole tons of candy.
By high school freshmen my big friend grew to 6ft 3″, me 5ft. Then we pretty much reunited with all the big dog friends from elementary. I was was the only small fry that looked like I was still 12 yrs old in our group. My big friend had no trouble making new friends, as for me I slowly started to realize he was the only friend I had. I met my first and only girlfriend through my brother which barely lasted 2 months. I’m still a virgin.
Due to my inability to generate hormones and lack of testosterones I’ve uddered out a lot of girly shit and acted like a girl a lot in front of my friends. My whole family and my whole group of friends would practically call me gay every single day except for my lurch sized supposedly best friend.
After High School the gay bashing continued for a couple of years and my childhood friendship is just bout to go belly up. No more invitations to go cruise out, I would even be rejected to hang out at the crib even though everybody else was there. Then one night when I finally was able to hang out at my best friends house with a few others it all ended. The gay basher friend had the remote and we all had to watch “Will & Grace” pretending to be secure in our own masculinity, afterwards when I was channel surfing I thought it would be funny to watch “Chips” and make fun of the duality of this show. Then my best friend yelled out “someone grab the remote from him”. I got angry and replied why is it ok if gay basher watches Will & Grace but if I watch a remotely gay show its full blown gay? Then for the 1st time ever my best friend looked right into my eye and said “Cause your a Faggot”!
Then that was it, no call no show for the past 1.5 yrs from my friend. I’m so lonely. It would make my day if could talk to someone, anyone.
E-mail Address= p0kerphace@yahoo.com
Want to hear something innovative? I don’t merely want friends, and not because they aren’t valuable. But because In everything there is a lesson, perhaps this time of isolation will teach me something. I certainly feel that nothing in the world should depress me about being solitary a fair amount of the time.
Familiarity with isolation enhances your ability to entertain yourself with out getting bored, to be creative, to do things alone and not be fearful or overly reliant on someone else.
In case you do have any relationships, you make sure you find someone like yourself, with your values, together you are intense, loyal and stronger than the average relationship because you invest more in it once it’s there.
No matter what, with or without or with out friends, quality is more important than
quantity anyday. External validation means very little if you don’t know who you are. You could be all alone in the universe, or the most popular person in the universe but if you have a strong sense of self you will always be better off than a person with no opinions or thoughts who has many friends.
In truth, it’s all a matter of perception. You may be isolated, but your attitude will inevitably determine whether or not you are unhappy about it. I’m not saying
the minute you cheer up about it you’ll start becoming a friend magnet, no, that’s silly.
just be prepared to face the fact that like minds are hard to come by in any given situation, fretting about having no friends only increases the odds that you’ll have too little self-confidence when the time come to make any new friends.
People are on all various levels, really. Intelligence wise, emotionally, etc…don’t epxect to waltz into the room and have people cluster around you. Everyone is shy.
Nobody likes making introductions and small talk and getting to know each other.
They might not be thinking the worst of you, for all you know.
At this point in my life, I am quite familiar with my own company and isolation.
It allows me to reflect and be philosophical. There is no reason to torment yourself for being solitary. It can be rather lovely not to have so many disagreements, I never seem to agree with what anyone else thinks, I get tired of explaining what I mean.
i mean, Isn’t is obvious? Instead of being self-deprecating, say something you know is true and also good about yourself. for instance. “Man, I am a genius!”
To Adrian
Obviously you don’t have to reply but I am curious…
I agree with you that, although it doesn’t make any sense why this is the case, it seems like our society favors people who are not “nice.” People who are capable but society deems less so because they are more moral than others…or whatever; like I said, it doesn’t make sense.
It’s terrible to hear about your problems with work, etc., and I sincerely wish you the best. Do you think those issues were caused by your being “nice” or other factors such as work ethic, etc.? I am not pointing fingers at all, obviously I do now know, but I am curious what you yourself think.
With respect to women, isn’t it possible that there are nice women that like and respect nice guys, just like there are nasty women that like and respect nasty guys? There have to be good women out there somewhere.
As for leaving emails, I am cautious about meeting people (esp. people I may have talked to just once or twice online).
I to can totally relate to everyone else who’s posted here. I’m 27yr old male and haven’t a single real friend in the world. My problems started in my childhood, I was constanly teased and picked on in Grade School because I was extremelly shy and timid and had a speech impediment. I once kept a Log for an entire year of all the times I was called ugly or stupid by classmates and what made it worst was the fact that the teasing went on in front of teachers who said or did nothing about it. My siblings and myself were also severly abused by one of my Mother’s Boyfriends while she was away at work, I still have unresovled anger towards her and and my Father for putting me, the oldest child, in such a precurious postion at such a young age. Highschool was ok because I played sports and had a pretty imposing body but I still felt like that geeky little kid from grade schoo.
Things did become a bit better as i grew older, I joined the Military at 17 and seemed to have no problems making friends and fitting in, the problem was/is that I gay. Being Gay and being Military is really hard on the pysch because you constanly have to hide who you are from others. It forces you into lie after lie to protect your idenity and the only relief that can be found is of the secritive type. I couldn’t tell my Parents that I was gay because they are pretty religious, I certainly couldn’t tell my peers or Leadership. So I learned how to hide who I really was from people, I learned how to say the right thing at the right time and to always smile when yet another silly Homophobic joke was made. In the back of my mind I carried this hope that perhaps this whole gay thing was only tempory, I just hadn’t meet the right girl or she hadn’t meet me.
But of course that wasn’t the case and three years later at the age of 20 I decided that i’d had enough of hiding and decided to get out of the military. That’s when the real problems began. I simily didn’t have the social skills nesscairy to build and maintain friendships outside of the military which forces many different personality types to conform to one mission. I didn’t know how to handle my freedom and independence and I was still in the closet sexully. The tougest part about being gay for me at that time was the lack of role models and direction. There wasn’t a family member or a close friend that I could go to for guidence on how to navigate my way through the gay community so I was forced to learn all those hard lessons that were to come alone. And like many here I consider myself pretty decent looking, 6’3, 230 all muscle from years of Powerlifting. I thought that if i simply put myself out there that put would like me and want to get to know me. I was wrong!
For those who don’t know it’s nearly impossible to make Friends in the gay community because first and foremost there has to be an attraction befoe anyone will even consider looking at you. If there is an attaction that is usually all they want from you, sex, not friendship. So, after 7 years and 1 Horrible relationship i still haven’t made a single Friend Gay or Stright. I’ve come back to school and joined a Military program here on campus in hopes of acquiring some social skills and maybe form some friendships. Only, i’m still gay, and i’m still shy and quiet not to mention big and black which basically means that i’m treated like an idoit around here. I don’t know how much longer I can take this, the plastic smile on the outside can’t cover up the fire that threatens to burst loose for much longer.
hi im 21 from england no friends its jus sad u knw being alone all the time i do everythin alone can u lot be my friend :) i knw u guys r in the usa an its far away but u knw lol..
myspace any 1?
http://www.myspace.com/ravi99k
To MC,
Thankyou for your concern, I was very suprised that someone would make any kind of sincere statement regarding my situation. It is heartfelt.
With regard to work, no it has nothing to do with being a genuine hearted person. That is to do with my own low self confidence and concurrent self detachment due to an early childhood facial disfigurement (nose) that has been partially rectified. Unfortunately though, this caused a loss of self identity and totally derailed the progress of natural emotional maturity and independence, leading me to ‘float’ along for many years in limbo.
As for women, absolutely there is some good women (like men) but they never seem to be around. I understand that in part it’s because of where I am like (no job, car etc…) and because of that I mainly meet ppl that are also ‘down’n’out’ but nearly always so far, it’s because they are not good ppl period. I’ve phoned to do some volunteer work today in order to try and help myself meet ppl.
It’s difficult for me to explain anything on ‘HERE’ though.
I found a website some months ago, the author being a guy that left America and went to Japan because he failed to meet women he deemed decent.
I have to say I found a lot of truth, revelation (and laughs) on this site. Although ppl who write such things do tend to migrate towards the boundaries of fantaticism.
http://www.the-niceguy.com/overview.php
But please realise, although yes, I have self image problems from childhood, I am NOT just nice because I need to gain acceptance and understanding etc…or for any similiar reason. I don’t kid myself. Ppl can judge what they will, I know my heart. It wouldnt matter if I won lotto, I would still be the same person. I believe in values lost. Perhaps I’m an idealistic nitwit. I sometimes like listening to songs like Dione Warwicks – “That’s what friends are for”.
(No pun on topic intended)
I’ve tried thinking positive things about myself like Appollnia said above “man, I am a genius” etc.. but the logic in these self said statements seems wasted If I am the only person to believe it, lol.
I understand your apprehension towards leaving an email address here, but do you really think I would leave my real email? It’s just a web based one made under a fake name (but it is linked to messenger) :-)
Adrian
I’m 20 years old, and I haven’t had a friend since primary school. The only thing, in my opinion, that matters in life is personal satisfaction through achievement, and I think, in most cases, friends or other close relationships only deter us from aattaining what could possibly be a greater maximum potnential achievement.
As I read a lot of these comments, I have to pity a lot of the people who posted them. Most of you are simply feeling sorry for yourself. Get over it, please. You are the pariah of our society. If you would only focus all the self-resentment that you carry for yourselves and redirected it into something more useful, you might actually be a little less dispicable.
You don’t actually need friends, regardless of what you may think. You only feel lonely because you see people around you in your society with relationships. You are envious of these relationships because you don’t want to be an outcast of society. Too late; you are one already, or you wouldn’t have posted here. The sooner you can move on from pathetic needs such as friends, the sooner you can realize that you could be using your precious time more wisely.
Did you read that everyone? Like thomas(the Grandmaster) has stated, get over yourselves, you don’t need friends you only need yourself and achievment.
Yes you! as thomas clearly states could be (if you weren’t such a sadomasochistic individual) free of being lonely and less dispicable if only you would unshackle yourselves from the ridiculous notion of friendship and perhaps aspire to a higher realm of complete emotionless autonomy thats also devoid of any of the characteristics that make you weak (and despicable) like friendship, love and good mates. Honestly, what on earth were you thinking posting here ppl??? that having a friend will fix things. /sarcasm
You seem to embrace the idea of an emotionless society like in the film Equilibrium.
And if ppl who post here are outcasts, why did you post here.
Others I’m sure are not posting here so geniuses like you can lay down their unique forms of strategy that are pertaining only to their own personal strengths and weaknesess.
“Pariah’s of our society”, gimme a break. You say that like you believe we’re a sickness upon a wonderfull society, take the blinkers off.
Thomas, ppl like you and “the mood” are not welcome with your ‘constructive criticsm’ imo. I really really really didn’t want to post this and start some stupid flame war (unless hopefully you never come back)but, I had to as some don’t wish to post here again after reading ‘you and your’s’ ill conceived sentiments.
I am 43 and haven’t had a friend other then my wife for 9 years. In the past I’ve had co-workers who share the same interests to spend time with away from work and just to hang out with. For the most part I am able to entertain myself but weekends are the hardest, I can only do so much by myself and hangin with the wife and her (girl) friends got old about 4-5 years ago.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a hermit or anything! I’ve put myself out there via the internet since I like cars and have been to car meets but the majority of the crowd is much younger. I felt very out of place and even the few times I got the wife to tag along it seem more like a place to brag/show your car than make/meet people.
I’ve gone with the wife to visit her (girl) friends and their male SO will keep me company but I don’t sense any “true” friendship bonding happening. I’ve put myself out there the best I can, not sure what else to do. I had a neighbor for a few years that I could converse with and that felt good but he’s moved on; email isn’t the same…
I generally blow it off but as of late its bothered me more and more. I blame much of it on the job field I went into; software development. God I’m hating it more and more! I just don’t know what else to go into…
I wish you all the best.
I’m 52 and have no friends. I have acquaintances, but no one who really cares. I’m glad to see there are people who feel the same pain I feel. Thank you.
hey
my name is karla and im 20
i have no problem making friends,its jus keeping them im a good person i help anyone who needs it ive given them food,clothes and a place to stay,in the end the walk all over me and use me,when all ive done is be a good friend,ive been stolen from,lied to.talked about,my house has been trashed,and they have been rude to my mother,i got rid of these friends,but now i only have a few friends who i dont see i feel very alone,i kno there isnt anything wrong with me,when i talk to people it goes well but im scared to get close in case they hurt me,i have a boyf of 4 years,and he is always going out with his mates and im left in the house alone for hours,i feel so pathtic and sad,its hard to find good friends who like the real you,i wont fake myself to make friends i am who i am and it seems people always want to control me and wont let that happan,i can just about cope with being alone,i cant belive how many other people are in the same situation,i dont feel so alone now,im sure you are all great people its socity its changed!
Hi all – totally feel the same reguarding some of these posts. I am 24 years old now, and have no friends what so ever – of course there are internet aquaintences but nobody i would consider a friend – as you can never truley know them. I made the stupid mistake of just leaving my home one day aged 16 leaving all my schoolfriends behind – non of them really speak to me anymore, and the one that was my best friend rarely does but when we do its online and never feels the same. I went out around this new area (totally different county) and tried to make friends, and thought I had – they all at some point or another betrayed me. This town rotates on gossip and spreading peoples lives very thinly.. so i ended up with no friends. I spend my days working on the internet and socializing on it – I cant actually remember the last time I spoke to someone who didnt want to A) compete with me out of spite or B) hurt me in some way. I had asked as a prime example here asked some people to come to a bar with me and celebrate my birthday – I had promises left right and centre – yet I ended up going back home early because nobody turned up. It’s not like I hadn’t tried. I always go out of my way for people, but i reckon this is something not to be done anymore – it seems to invite people who want something and then ditch you the minute they got what they want.
I do believe it makes a huge difference on your family if you dont have friends. I have 3 small children, and a partner (he just doesnt understand – he comes form this area so he has ample friends all of which do not wish to socialize with me also). I’m grumpy at my children alot, I lash out verbally all the time and basically I know its a result of frustration and anger that they all have vibrant brilliant lives while I feel like I’m wallowing in something that I just cant change. Its a case of stuck between a rock and a hard place. with no room for anyone else to come in and help. I gave up on the search for true friendship now and have assigned myself a life of 4 walls and a computer. I even chose a job where my collegues are just boxes of text because I am so untrusting towards “outsiders” now. I can safely say I have gone from semi popular with a wide base of different friends to just those who need a computer like me…
Its a very sad horrible way to be, but while people act and behave antisocially there’s very little you can do to change that.
Regards and sympathies with all you who are in a similar situation!
Well, Hi guys.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE LOTS OF GOOD FRIENDS. YOU THINKING NEGATIVELY MAKES YOU FEEL THAT ITS WRONG JUST TO HAVE ONE OR MAYBE JUST 2 FRIENDS.
I guess I feel good knowing that I am not the only one that feels this way. I too am 22years old and I have a lot of things to be happy about. The thing is that I really get bored being around some people. The topics are boring I just don’t relate. Sometimes I hate shopping or being with other people in big groups. I would rather do things on my own. My breathing gets really deep, I feel anxious and I can’t bear to look at the other person and really listen to them,
I think I know where all of this stems from:
1. I have friends in the past who I lost my trust with. They hurt me and now this is my way of not getting hurt.
2. I had a stepfather who always put down my opinions. Sometimes he would use verbal abuse or violence to get his message across that he was right and I was wrong. Now, anyone who I meet that is a dominant or heiracheal nature. I feel intimidated, insecure and just want to get away.
3. I am different. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, love learning and being wise about things. I am also very silly and laugh about almost anything. I am a successful painter. I have also inherited my mothers good looks. I think people feel funny around people that are successful and beautiful. But also the majority of people today feel like that to fit in you have to drink and smoke. I refuse.
The solution?
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. When you have fun doing the things that you truly want to do in life guess what happens? The people who truly share your interests and want to be there… will be there. Go and do things in solitude: get a massage, watch movies alone, go to the gym, read a book. Then once you are comfortable: Join a badminton club, go traveling, go kite surfing, join a public speaking class. Be proud that you can be comfortable on your own and that you are doing what you love. If people don’t want to be a part of that or don’t understand.. who cares. If you don’t want to do what the crowd is doing..don’t do it.
Enjoy life. Why let others enjoy it while you wallow sadness? Obviously. By reading all these messages on this website. Some of us are different and thats okay. There is nothing abnormal about having no friends. Its the way you think about it :-)
I’m in the same boat. I too had friends in grade school & high school. But when I was 15 I had a serious relationship with a guy who was 20 & I became obsessed over him & was with him for 4 1/2 years (I loved him very much) – but I didn’t concentrate on anything or anyone else during those years & now I’m 36 and a mother & wife – and to date have not recovered socially. I often feel very lonley. I was a stay at home mom for a few years & was sooo lonly. Once when my son was a baby I initiated a get together lunch with a friend (actuual 2 friends – the other one just didn’t respond) from since kindergarten & the friendship sort of faded in highschool – but we were so close for so many years – that it seemed ok to suggest a get together. She more or less had me over for a quick lunch & basically said we should go our seperate ways when the babies go down for their naps. It was really painful. Go our seperate ways for that day – or forever – it sort of had a double meaning.
I went back to school to become a nurse & LOVED that time in my life & love going to work – even if nobody is a close friend – I love interacting with people. But I still crave friendship – close friendship sooo bad. I feel very sad when the answering machine blinks 0 messages. (My husband’s friend’s call his cell). & mostly I’m so ashamed & embarrassed. I would love to have a best friend or a group of girlfriends to chat with often & be with often. Reading these posts made me cry. I prayed for many of you.
By the way – I’m not trying to give unwanted advice – BUT a few times I took antidepressants & they worked like magic – I took Prozac & Paxil – both times I excelled at my job – my social skills seemed to magnify – I drew people towards me while on those drugs. I even met my husband while i was taking Prozac. The main reason I stopped is because of the sexual side effects – it makes you sort of numb (no – DEAD) sexually. It wouldn’t be fair to my husband. I might consider it though after i’m done being pregnant & done with breastfeeding.
If there’s anyone out there that needs a chat, I am more than welcome to listen. I am struggling a lot myself at the moment, feel no self worth, that people are better of without me, have no friends, no love life, no social life. Work stresses me out, and combined with the area i live in, threatens to tip me over the edge. The only things that ever stop me are that I am a complete coward to do anything, and know deep down how much it would destroy my family. But I have no-one to talk to, to go out with, anyone to understand me – there’s only so much “it’ll get better” and “you can only help yourself” that I can take. I need to chat with understanding people, and maybe that way we can help each other to overcome the negatives in our lives and start to live and feel and dream. I’m not sure whether it will post it or not, by my MSN is samllewelyn@hotmail.com for anyone who would like to get in contact. Either way, I’m hoping eventually we can all find happiness in our lives, whatever form that may take.
Thanks for sharing guys. It always makes me feel better reading all of you posts, because then I know I’m not alone. Love you guys <3
By the way, is anyone here from Canada? Because it seems like everyone lives in the U.K.
Dear Friends,
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
–Jiddu Krishnamurti
I have read all these responses, I have talked with people, I could tell you my story (and actually it is not all that sad) and I am someone who realizes that life can only be rich with friends. Your friends will determine your success in life, how you get work, how much money you make, the children and mates you have, the experiences and wisdom you accumulate. Make no mistake about that. All you young people who think that your life will just fall into place with a good education and a little motivation–the terrible truth is that no man(woman) is an island, without social contacts your life will be impoverished in many, many ways. I am 45 and I will also tell you that those who think that things will just magically get better with time…well, for some it does. For others things are much the same at 45 as they were at 20.
Terrifying? Yes. Is there something we can do about this? I am convinced there is. I see nasty, selfish people with more friends than they like while some attractive, intelligent people spend every night alone. Why?I have looked at self-help books, inquired with therapists, asked older people, thought it was my “fate” or “destiny”, listened to happy horseshit advice (“just smile more and people will gravitate towards you!”) I have spent countless hours wondering and worrying, what is wrong with me? I can’t tell you how sick I am of it, and I see that you are, too.
It is time to join together and work it out. Not in desperation, not in depression, not in drugs but in an atmosphere of inquiry.
I have had enough of the loneliness. Have you? One life to live, one chance at this game. You can be fifteen and still be desperate. But desperation, anger, sadness can be a great motivator.
I promise you by the end of October 2007 I will form a group in my community (Tucson, Arizona) and I will advertise this group where I can. I am going to find others who have had enough of the lonely weekends, the lost nights, the mind-numbing days. Somehow, some way we will work on this, joined together. I will call these groups, “One Life to Live” Alcoholics have their groups, cancer-survivors have theirs, even model plane fliers have their groups. For Christ’s sake, it is time for us because there are more of us all the time.
Its time to move forward my friends, I am tired of being cheated of the rich life I hoped for. It does not have to be this way.
But this is what you need to do, you need to come out of your shells for just a while to enable you to get up and come to a meeting. It will not work if you stay away.
Victor: contact me if you like: arsenura@hotmail.com
I wrote a reply to this board but for some reason I forgot to save it. I can hardly believe there are people just like me. Sure I know there are loner out there but wow especially the girl. To make it short since I wrote a extremely long post but forgot to save is that I have no friend also. I haven’t had a single friend since elementary school and even that I only had 1 friends. I have always be excluded from groups even since Elementary school and have since been made fun off and left out in sport games because there are so many racist people in this world. I am SCARE when I have to eat alone, whenever I’m alone and other people have friend, it kill me. I’m SCARE that if I die, no will will ever remember me beside my family. LIFE is so hard for me. I have had thought of suicide before if it wasn’t for my mom and the impact it would have on her if I did. She would kill herself I am sure of that since she is also in a down mood because she hate my dad nows. Like many of you I never had a single gf and there were time that it sort of happen, but I chicken out. I’m just really shy toward girl and even sometime guys which is weird. When I see a hot girls walking in the opposite direction of me, my heart literally freeze for a moment until I pass that. It feel sort of like a roller coaster ride when you stomach hurt because you are falling at a fast speed. There are many events and circumstances that have lead to my low self esteem but most of it I can’t changes…so I blame my loneness status as a natural born disease, and that I will be alone forever. I’m really a nice guys and if only people got to know me, they would see. I guess I’m scare of opening up to people and saying wrong thing would feel very awkward. It scary now that I’m in colleges since everybody parties…and it seem the only way to get a gf and make friends is to get drunk and have a girl grind on you. I don’t drink and I can’t dance or am too stiff and too scare to try new thing. my aim is eckoballers2 and my email is chrisbtn8841. Feel free to chat with me. I have felt tears after reading every single one of you guys reply. It break my heart to see so many people in pains as I am. I just hope that today is my last day of eating alone. We could all be friends but it only a temporary illusion and dream only to find it shattering once the next day begins. To be honest, we won’t actually get to meet each other anytime soon if ever, so even though we all share a common desire, no one around us is dealing with that. I would love to be all of you guys friend so aim me or email me.
I hope you guys get better and don’t kill yourself. I will be here
Hey, Just started reading some of the posts on this page. I am awake surfing the web for answers. Maybe there are some here..
Me… always thought myself to be friendly…. but now.. as I get older… and having been consumed by disappointment of what I perceive to be failed friendships… I am looking for answers.
I guess at times I am fine.. but like today, the depth of my “friendships” just don’t reach far enough… I am empty. I am married with 3 kids…. but that doens’t each a spot. Does anyone else know what i mean?
I’ve been reading through many of these posts and I’ve noticed that although many of you don’t have many friends, you have the ability to make friends. My situation is worse.. for not only do I have no friends, it seems like no one would want to be my friend. I don’t know what it is about me, but I guess I’m just a very unlikeable person. When I first meet people I seem to do fine, but as time goes by they push me further and further away from them. I have trouble being the humorous, funny guy people expect me to be. I just turned 17and I’m scared of all the long lonely years ahead of me.
It’s so heartbreaking to hear these stories. I’m going through the same exact thing-being friendless. I’m 23 years old now and my social phobia has ruined my life. I go to school online just to avoid people. I feel like a loser because i’m 23 and i still have 2 years of college to complete and have no friends at all whatsoever to talk to about my problems. I feel like people will look down on me if they knew that I still lived at home with my mom and haven’t gotten my degree yet.
The reason why I quit school in my second year was because I had a melt down. I was frustrated when I went to college and had no friends. I met a girl online and she ripped my heart apart and I got extremely depressed, so I withdrew from my classes. I spent 2 years doing absolutely nothing but watching tv the whole day, wallowing, thinking and just being miserable. I tried going to a regular university so I can meet friends and have social cred, but it seems like everyone there is already established and aren’t open to meet new friends. So now I going to school online where I’m devoid of socializing with people is the only solution to obtaining my degree.
The problem is, there’s a giant whole in soul because I have no friends which makes studying online really hard to do sometimes. I have all the time in world and no one to enjoy life with. What’s even worst is that I’m a lesbian. I want nothing more than to go out to clubs and meet girls but I have NO friend to go there with. I feel like if i go there alone no one would talk to me and they’d wonder why I don’t have any friends. It’s hard to make friends because the friends you end up making reject you one they know you have no other friends. I thought friendships come naturally and easily but now it feels like a chore. Getting an A in nuclear physicas would be alot easier for me than to meet one friend. All the friends I’ve made are people online and even with them, I never tell them that I don’t have real life friends. I’ve had tihis really depressing problem most of my life since high school and college. I just don’t know how to fix it or what’s wrong with me. The only thing people care about these days is social cred and if you don’t have it already, people won’t care to be your friend. With this realization, how can someone like me who has NO friends to begin with, make any at all and keep them? Life sucks!
My screename is EsqNJ143 if anyone wants to chat.
hi,im a 33 yr old uk male and since aged 14 i have never had any real friends,i found it worse since leaving school.i had no social life,no gf for years and was totally miserable.i am engaged and she is my best friend.i dont have any other friends at all.im so ashamed and embarrassed that im like this.why the hell do we end up like this?im not a bad person and thats what really makes me sad!!.
does anyone wanna talk more about this?does anyone wanna become friends?we are all here for the same thing s please get back to me friends :)
sorry i forgot to introduce myself properly,im ryan and from england,uk,my email is kingofthemountains@hotmail.co.uk that is also my msn address too,please anyone want to chat male or female uk or abroad feel free to message.we can all help each other..stay strong
Hey guys. I had an awful day. Everything seems to be going wrong in my life right now. Hope things are getting a bit better for you guys. Here’s a big hug for all you <3 And if anyone needs someone to talk to, just email me at diana_dramaqueen.. i’m a very good listener.
Opps! my FULL email is diana_dramaqueen@hotmail.com.
Since the last time I talk on this board, I have no longer live in fear without friends. That right! I have now a couple of good friends now. Both her and I are going around our dorm and meeting new peoples. The best feeling was that I got a *hug*, like a really loving hugs. I guess I do have friends, the problem for me was not opening to people. When I got to my dorm, I always close the door behind me. I decided to open my doors and already I got 2 people to greet me, and now there also my facebook friends. Then the crowd that I had nothing in common who I stood for 2 hours long without knowing what to say are actually kind of cool. I took a risk and said hi to them and they said Hi back. But since I never really socialize or laugh in H.S or JR. H, I thought I didn’t know how to laugh. But it turn out I can laugh and so when all was silent, I said “ANYWAY” and everyone laugh. So my advice is don’t be afraid to make people laugh, I have to admit that is not who I am, but it is who I am that I never knew existed. Do you guys sort of get it? I actually ask a bad question but I quickly change the subject and comment the girl on how lovely her hair was, and after a few more subject changes, she forgot the whole thing. The only thing I wish was I had open my door the first day I came to college, not the 5th days here. But I guess it better late than never. So yesterday I was hanging out with them and we ate dinner together, and normally I would be stiff and silent. And I guess no one want to be with a boring person…So I talk about how a girl almost got hit todays by a car, and then I told them my story about how I survive a car accident on my bike, and everyone was interested in what I said. Then they were going to some guys room to watch the office, and they invited me, but I was still eating, so one of the girl was like hey Chris, “I don’t want you to sit alone, so I stay and wait with you here, but eat fast OK?” That my friends is one of the best feeling in the world. It show that I did matter and everything I did in the past didn’t matter anymore. So guys, I am really shy but if I can do it, you guys can do it too. Now one of the girls that thought I was boring, until I open up to her, I overheard her talk to a group how I was actually pretty cool and wasn’t stuck up like they initially thought. So this could be why you guys don’t have friend, because people believe it or not think that some people are just plain stuck up. So now my friendless day are over!
I might add that you guys should give out your aim name, then we could have a chat room.
Never give up! There are nice people out there, but you have to take a risk. For me it was
easy I guess because I’m new here, so people wouldn’t expect me to have friends. Anyways the fear of people asking you that you don’t have any friends, is better than not having any friends at all.
here a few tips to make become friends with people who think your weird cuz you don’t have any friends.
1. Just say you have a social disorder
2. I just move here
3. I’m shy
4. make a jokes
5. comment on what there wearing
6. find a common interest
7. say hi to them every time you guys see each other, even if they don’t say hi to you back
8. if your working, socialize with people even if their not your type of group. It worth a try.
9. if your marry, go over to your neighbor house and introduce yourselves, maybe bake them a cake.
10. THE BOTTOM LINE: No one should be without friends.
I hope this help, I would love to be all you guys friends even if I now have friends I don’t know why is it that people don’t like to be friends with a loner, but remember everyone is different. NEvER be judgemental!!!
just aim me anytime you want, it good talking to people.
like I say ” the more friends, the merrier”
Hey all! ive been reading trough some of the posts and i feel i cn def relate to ur comments. im 16 years old and am now in college. in prmary school i had tones of friends/best friends i could tell them anythink and we had such a laugh,. in the first couple of years in secondary school i was still close to the friends i had in primary, but i think in around year 9 we driffded apart. my best mates all made other mates and had another best friend(which really hurt me) I, and the close friends i had in primary skool did hang around wiv the same group of people however. i was in the popular group, and seen as being a popular girl. however this group of girls i hung out with where not good mates to me most of the time. they would mostly leave me out of social events e.g partys,sleepover. which was very sad cause i didnt know what i had done wrong. i am quite a pretty girl, nice, trustwovy can be shy and quiet at times but only when im feeling low. i think however my shyness came from being picked on and left out from things, and this was from my supposnly group of friends in secondary school, they would usually whisper about me behind my back and make me feel low, quite frankly they werent good mates atall! however i stuck with them most of my time in school because i felt i could not make any other mates in my year. any time i tried to it seemed other ppl in my year didnt like me. maybe because my supposanly group of mates said made-up things about me to other people, whch made them make fun of me aswell. i did have a few boyfriends at secondary school, and am known as beng quite popular with the boys becasue i am good looking, so have never had a problem wth boyfriends. however the boys in my year where very nasty to me and most the tme completly humilliated me which made me very sad and propbly ncreased my shyness. i did make 1 best mate in year 10 n we are really close now, she was my only mate and i can tell her most things. we have such a laugh and i wonder why i cant make other frinds lke her? now that i have left school i do see my old suposinly friends around but we only have small tlk, nowadays we never see each other, which is a good thng now looking bk on the way they treated me. i am in college now and it seems im not havi any luck making mates agen. i do have a couple of casul mates at college n dats all !!!i hardly ever see my best mate ne mre as she is at a dif college to me. i have no class mates rly cause it seems know one really wants to talk to me which really upsets me! i try and make convasation bt t seems like i dont really know what to say, or after talk to someone i regret what i said. and most times i just want to keep my self to myself becasu i am scared of openng up now! which makes me feel really sad becasu i used to have so much confidence. i feel like a complete werdio at college…..and very parinoid that people are judgng me or talkin about me, and i dont know why i feel this way now, beacasue i never did in the past. i always wish i could go back in time to the past when i was very confident , happy and had good mates, but i know that will never happen, as i have wished so many times that thing will be good for me but they never are.:( i feel so anxtious aswell latley, lke im scared to go out now caus something bad wll happen, like ill be humilliated or something will happen which will make me feel low. and know i can get low very easily becasue i am qute sensative. however i do know why i feel like this now, becasue of my past at school. going nto school everyday getting humilliated and feeling parnoid, it seemed like something bad happened every day at school. and at the end of the day i rarly felt happy, instead very very low, looking back on my day at school. feeling like this made me not want to go to school and i usually bunked of lessons that i didnt like becasue i knew that people would pick on me (mostly the boys). i feel i dont know where to go wigth my life and usully worry about the furture. i feel like dropping out of college and working somewhre where i will make new friends, but i feel scared about this as i fnk what if i dont make new mates, then dropping out of college was completly pointless. and also the fact that am qute anxtious, even when im walking down the street i feel parinod. i feel soo low and just want to have friends and feel happy again. i feel that the only people keepn me living our my family, becasue they are great and always stck by me. however no of them know the problems i have gone through, although i fink they may have sensed that something was wrong. i can remember most tmes coming home from school lookin low my mum would ask me whats wrong and would say nothing, but ther was really something wrong and then she would say are you being bullied? iand i would say no and laugh. i am getting my confidense back a bit but still feel qute anxtious and parinoid which usually holds me back…..
i just read through a little which i have written, and it looks like i have soo many problems lol.(which is true) i just think what has my life come to, i just want to be happy and confident like i used to be.
i could go on and on about the thngs in my life, as alot of bad events have happened in the past, i dont know how i have coped! but it was gd to let some of it t out on this blog
i feeel for all the people that feel the same way as me becasue i know t feels terible but i now know that going through what you are going through aswel only makes us stronger! and shows how strong u are! i now know that u should forget about them people that dont feel ntrested in you becasue they are obvisoly not worth talking to, so dont bover! they are iver jelouse of u or fyou have a bubbly, outgoing personalltly will which will make most pittiful ppl feel jelous of that, so dont waste your time on tryng to make frends wiv people like that, u r to good for them! also i now tho that tryng to hard to make friends will never get you anywhere, beacuse some people can see right through fakness, so if you are tryng to be fake, dont! just be ureself. i know am gettng better at feelng that i dont care what people think of me anymore, and if u dont like me you dont like me but f you do then yu do lol. i know i will be alright in the end, i hope! thanks for reading x x x x x <3
Just like most of you I thought I was the only one with this problem. It makes me feel better to know I’m not alone. I had a group of friends in High School and we did talk a little bit after graduation but that turned into less and less and now is nothing. I have a girlfriend who I spend most all of my time with. I also live in the country so it’s difficult to find a job or meet people. When I meet new people I have nothing to say because I don’t do anything. If anyone would like to talk my MSN is streetlegal45@yahoo.com. Thanks for reading.
This is a response to Katie’s blog… firstly, e-mail me/add me on MSN if you ever feel like a chat – samllewelyn@hotmail.com (actually, that goes for the rest of you too!)… I’ll keep this short, as it’s quite late, but I do understand where you’re coming from, having been in near enough the same situation… All I will say, is don’t drop out of college – don’t give anyone that satisfaction, you’re too good for that. It may be tough, but working through it, although it may not seem like it, will actually make you stronger than if you dropped out (I think we would all have a tendency to feel like we’ve “failed” if we don’t follow through with something we know we’re good at). And make as much possible effort with your best mate (even if she is at a different college). You may well find that she’s in exactly the same boat. She seems pretty sound. And keep smiling – you never know who’s day you might brighten with it, and who might become a prominent part of your life purely by a single simple gesture such as this. *hugs n kisses*
Wow.. like some others I too found this site by Googling “I have no friends”.
I preschool/grade school I had a stable home life and I had a “best friend” and several other friends with whom I was close. I also has lots of casual friends, and went to all the playdates, birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. Then in middle school/high school things changed.. my best friend moved to a different school district and I found that my popularity had been really dependent on her popularity. Anyhow, from then on I have failed to keep any relationship long term. I had a close friendship with a girl when we were 12 up until 14 or so, at which point she started doing drugs and our friendship dissolved.
Around 13ish I started being really involved in church and made some “friends” there, but while they were always friendly at church and at any of the youth functions I would go to, we never really became close in the sense that we went out every weekend and stuff.
It was also at this point that my anxiety and depression (they both run in the family… yay genetics!) became really bad, and I began to drift far away from all of my real life friends, and I found comfort in online friends. Once the anxiety became controllable again I soon realized that I don’t have any real friends, just lots of aquaintances and people with whom I “used to be friends years ago” with. Those people somehow naturally kept friends, and I just haven’t. I’m now 18 and at community college to save up money, and I’m transferring next fall. I’ve found that lots of people in my classes know each other from when they were younger. I talk to a lot of people and there are several people in each of my class that I am friendly with and vice versa. They already have their group of friends though and even though I may be completely wrong, I feel as though having me as a friend would be unnecessary for them. Plus everyone, myself included, is so busy, when is there time to socialize?
I hate the fact that I don’t have a group that I belong in, and feel as though I wasted my high school years on anxiety. This past week I’ve been trying to reconnect with people but all it leaves me is feeling bitter because they are happy and well-adjusted and I’m, well.. not.
Yesterday I saw a “friend” – really more of an aquaintance that I haven’t hung out with since I was 14. Actually, she saw me – I was walking up the stairs lost in my own thoughts when I felt someone touch my arm and she said “hi!” and smiled. It was the first time in a very very long time that someone other than my mother has purposely made physical contact with me. Then before I knew it she was gone and we were both back on our way to rushing to our classes. I wish I could tell her how nice it was to see her, if only for a moment, and how much it meant to have someone happy to see me after enduring so many indifferent faces, but that would make me seem weird and pathetic. Which I quite possibly am.
I just want back the sense of safety and normalcy I had in early childhood. I am on the brink of adulthood and realize that the choices I make now are going to make or break my future. It’s so overwhelming to deal with both college/career decisions AND socializing. The one positive in my life is that I have a very loving and supportive, only slightly dysfunctional, family. Also I do have one very understanding online friend (though this certainly doesn’t replace real friendship) and one close friend who, while we don’t ever share deep feelings or get together all the time (because of distance), shares similar interests with me and we can talk for hours about random stuff. Unfortunately I don’t think any of the aforementioned people realize how much they mean to me..
I hope that once I leave and go to college in a completely new places that I can use the excuse “I’m new here” as my reason for having no friends. I intend on going and being the fun, outgoing person that I was in grade school, and not the melodramatic social outcast I’ve let myself become as a teenager. Nobody who already knows me as “the quiet one”. There’s still hope, I think, even though it is hard to see through the veil of depression that I’m currently looking through. Although I must say, I thought this was maybe only a problem that teens and young adults went through, but I guess not seeing as there are people in their 40’s and 50’s posting here. I for one am going to wish each and every one of you the best of luck, but I am not going to return because I think right now I need to surround myself with as much positive stuff as possible if I’m ever going to feel better.
In reply to Kelsey. Btw you have a very nice name I might add. Of Course you will have an amazing chance to meet new friend once you transfer so just focus on school work now OK? Remember saying that “i’m new” should definitely work to your advantage. It seem to me your a great girl and if your outgoing like your old days, you should make lot of friend in no times. And don’t worry, CC or Community College is not the place to make friend, because you don’t dorm with them. CC for short is just like H.S just with more mature people and maybe a little bit harder than H.S. BTW do you have aim? I’m a Aim person type of guy not really into email so whenever you guys are all aim I’m will im you.
So keep your head up high! Follow my advice as mention above and you will do just fine.
I wish you the best of luck kelsey. I’m going later on to dinner to meet new people because a lot of new frost at my school are loner and this is the best time to meet them.
Bye and keep up the good work
Your friend
CHRIS
I don’t know how this has happened.
I’m a single 37 year old man. I always used to be able to surround myself with my friends in my 20s, and I was generally stable and happy. I’ve been told many times that I’m attractive, but I can’t see that. I’ve been involved with several girls in my life but all of them ended things and left me flat. But that was ok, because I always had my friends around to help me through bad times.
Things started to change when I turned 30. Some of them got married, had kids, and had no time for me. A person whom I considered my closest friend dropped off the radar for no reason, and has never been there for me ever since. That really hurts. I tried reaching out to new people and all it did was backfire; they were in my life at some level but then pretty much abandoned me for no reason. I have been a martyr to my friends all the favours, and generous help and support I have offered. I have gotten nothing in return.
I felt I was on really shaky ground, due to my pile of unmet needs recently, but somehow managed to have a sexual encounter with a girl I met at a wedding. I experienced feelings that I had not felt in years; I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel that way.
She made it obvious that she was interested and led me on for a week; only to end it at the last second.
The pain of this letdown has made me realize just how lonely I have been, I cry almost every day. I don’t want the girl back – I want friends.
Maybe I’m such damaged goods and don’t even notice it so people avoid me like the plague as a result. I really don’t know. I’m sophisticated, intelligent, sensititve, better than average looking, have a respected profession, and a teaching career ahead of me.
I’m constantly depressed and have no energy for anything. I wish myself dead all the time. I wish I had my best friend back.
Since the last time I wrote, I am still depress. Even thought I have a fun times yesterday, it seem like a one days thing. I have neither received any call to dinner or even a single reply on facebook. So I’m guessing we don’t deserve friend or something because of now I’m giving up on making friend. I think making friend is too late, it start early in elementary school where you actually make friend. I do have a couple of people I know, but I don’t think I know how to keep a friendship going. Everyone outside my room is laughing and having fun and I just can’t find myself out there. I guess I’m not meant to have friend. It OK I guess, once my parent die or something, I’ll just commit suicide.
I now have AIM for anyone that’s interested in adding me at all – spikeymackai2007
all i can say is thank god for the internet,i mean if we never had this then we could,nt even have online friends or forums like this to chat.when you think about it,the “net”really is a fantastic thing.
id just like to ask if anyone has a myspace account and if they want to chat on there?if yes my address is ww.myspace.com/yellowjersey7 feel free to send me an add,male or female it,s all good.it,s on private but just send an add and i,ll add you.im a good listener and a good friend when people get to know me..just no-one does takes the time too in my life,i have met 1 good friend already on here and wanna meet so many more.hope you all have a great weekend :) ryan uk
I have no fucking life. The girl that I talk to with earlier has a boyfriend so it felt awkward. So I’m guessing I’m alone again because most of the people I know have either bf or gf.
FUCK life. Life is hella gay
Why am I so scare when I see people talking in the hall. I tend to avoid them, What am I afraid of. I was talking with them the other night and eating dinner together, then we went to some guys room and watch the office, and yet I am still scare to even say hi to them. When I see them down the hall, I just go hey, People probably think I’m a jerk. I guess I don’t know how to make friend and make it last.
I just want to kill myself now, no point in being alone forever. I’ll be a loner for 8 or 9 years, I thought college would be my savior but it isn’t.
I give up all hope. I will never have a gf either because I’m too shy.
I’m just so MISERABLE, how do I even concentrate in my study? I always dream of having a gf and a group of us would go on a road trip to Las Vegas or somewhere fun and exciting, but I guess I don’t know how to have fun.
BTW is anyone here from UCSC?
It’s sad how this site somehow makes me feel better about myself, because I can relate to a lot of these comments. =) I had a few close friends in middle-school, but complications arose and I lost them (or they moved away), so now in my sophomore year of high-school I’m pretty much all alone. After freshman year I actually grew accustomed to it, and I don’t feel much self-pity, but it would be so great if someone would just pop up and talk to me and be my friend. Hell, nowadays I talk to myself all the time, a sign of 1. very pathetic loneliness and 2. insanity. xD Sigh.
I’m very poor at initiating and holding conversations, but once I’ve gotten close to someone I can bleed my heart out to them. If I keep myself locked up for all of high school, I think I’ll explode. Or grow depressed, at least.
My hope is that I’ll find some people in college, or I can join some kind of social group when I’m an adult… if such a thing exists.
I would talk to you if I could, of course I don’t think I really talk to a person who is alone because well what if they already have friends and I am intruding on them.
I can’t take this anymore, I know I have a problem but am afraid of what the psy would think of me. Please everyone email me at chrisbtn8841@yahoo.com please
My hand are shaking as I write this and I’m crying at the same time. Everyone I know is out partying the whole weekend while I’m here miserable and I don’t even exist.
Should I just kill myself, I been alone since middle school. No girl like a shy guy.
I’m screw. I”M so SCARE, and no one on here can confort me. But I can’t die yet because of my mom because she would kill herselve too. I”m Really SCARE, I don’t even think I will be able to finish college with this mentality. The people who I hang out with yesterday completely ignore me, it probably because I’m afraid to talk to people. GoD help me
We all need to meet in some way or another. one of the guy who actually read my messenge, we talk and we decided to meet because we have lot in common. But it won’t be until a few years.
Does God exist even? my parent don’t even know how I am feeling. The only phone call I get is from my mom, how embarrasing is that? I only have 1 friend on facebook and she next room to me, but I haven’t had a single reply. I’m such a LOSER
How did I get to this point in my life. I use to have lot of friends, what happen? But maybe I wasn’t a good friend back then, and now that I try, it is god punishment for me or something. I don’t know. But I don’t want to go back home either. I’m so lonely. If i die right now, it just going to be my family there.
I’m not a nerd, I dress nice and do my hair and stuff yet I’m so lonely.
If you guys don’t reply soon, I don’t know what will happen to me, I’m so lonely that as everyday pass by I am one step closer to going to crazy.
will anyone be my friend and we can actually meet?
I can relate to everyone who has posted a comment. I to have zero friends. Many aquantances but no real friends. My phone never rings and all I do is work and come home to my cats. My cats are actually my best friends right now. All my life I have had boyfriends but now, being single for the first time in a while, I’m realizing how I think I focused too much on my relationships and shut others out of my life. Now I’m extremely lonely.Today I went to the movies by myself. I would give anyting to have a nice group of girlfriends to laugh with. I don’t understand why no one will be my friend.I’m very friendly and I speak with other girls when ever I can but no one wants to hang out with me.I smile alot but maybe they can pick up on how unhappy I really am. It sucks being lonely. I heard it’s very unhealthy. Maybe I’m just unlikeable. Who know. Does anyone know of a friendless group I can join? I ‘m getting desparate.
I’m so desperate at this point that I’m giving out my phone number
(626) 674-5501
ok so I decided to tell you my whole story, which I have never told anyone privately nor publicly. I guess I don’t even care if you know who I am now, what more is there to be afraid of?
Nothing gonna change…I cry fill with tears as I read your message. Someone finally pm me. How can someone live without having friend or even feeling love. Sure if I continue to work hard in college, I will get a good job and probably afford anything I want, but what good is it? To me Socializing is just as important as food or water.
So I stare at my screen the whole days, waiting for someone I know to get on aim, check this forum and the other lonely board for some reply. I was formerly a peer support student so I know all about suicide prevention and that, but there is a limit to a person own mental and social self. I don’t know how much longer I will last. I have been alone ever since elementary and now I’m a freshman in college. Not to mention that my parent are hella strict. When we had the chance to move to Westminster where my best friend was, we didn’t move. I have also live in a racist town all my life. I never had a brother and I spent time talking on aim more than my family. I never had a dog, only one time when some random dog came by and well stranger took him away. That might have been the happiest time of my life. Oh how I wish I had a dog now to hold onto my lab. I move to the U.S when I was 2 and meeting new people might have cause my social disorder. I never meet my people back home because of the wars and so I never knew how to socialize. My sis on the other hand was back in our home country until she was 8 so she had contact. Now when I got to elementary school, I guess due to malnutrition in my home country, my lip stick out and I couldn’t smile, so everyone in elementary school laught at me and made fun of me, even call me big lip. The girl that I really like slap me across the face and call me ugly. Do you see, there really no point in living now. I honestly think I’m a mistake, and I dare think this isn’t a coincedence but my birthday is the last day of the year, so I get everything last? I never told anyone my whole story like I just told you. I guess I don’t have much longer to live. College is too hard to socialize, everyone has different schedule. I also knew at an earlier age that I would never fall in love with a beautiful girl because it me. Everyone in elementary school was so mean to me, always exclude me from the group because of my big lips, I didn’t choose to be born with a malnutrition disease. Why me? I ask that everyday of my life. If they didn’t make fun of me, or if I was normal like the rest of the kids at school, I would be just like everyone else now. When I tell my parents of my big lips, they said it was natural. They don’t even believe me, so those years I had no one to talk to, as a child I was lonely. I always wanted either a sibbling or a brother or even a big family. I never got anything I ask for. I mean is it too much to ask to have a brother or a sibbling? Tell me please. Do you see why I am a MISTAKE? Why kid myself and pretend everything is gonna be alright? It never will and never is. Today i even try to hang out with a couple of people on my floor in the lounge where they were watching football. After I sit with them for 1 minute, they decided to leave, and I’m all alone again. It hurt me so much that I actually went outside behind some bush and cry my heart out. I don’t even cry even in extreme situation, but my limit has been reach. I dress nice and do my hair, I’m am not even a nerd, but go Fuck me, There is no place in the world for me.
to susan…damm your braver than me,i would,nt go to the movies by myself but i like you,re decision to say “hell i dont care”i know what you mean though that you want a group of gf,s to go with.it,s still hard to imagine we are all after the same thing here.you alays assume you are the only one in the world.
ive been through the years of depression,suicide attempts,sitting in my bedroom through my childhood,making excuses not to go to school,lying to people saying i have friends just to appear popular etc.
please anyone who is saying”they want to die/kill themselves etc” please contact me either email or myspace,i would love to be able to help,chat,be friends with you and hell even be a shoulder if you need it.im 100%genuine and just wanna be of some use to people.
my email is kingofthemountains@hotmail.co.uk and my myspace is http://www.myspace.com/yellowjersey7 please male or female i wanna chat to anyone that needs a friend.does,nt matter if you are uk or usa or anywhere else,come say hi
susan go to http://www.alonelylife.com it is a forum for people like us…god it sounds like we have a disease.i,ll rephrase that it,s for decent people like us who just find it difficult to make friends.the only problem is i joined but when they send the activation code to your email it does,nt work.
i,ve emailed the moderatoe but no reply yet so i cant leave messages,everybody check it out if you have,nt already.my name on there is steelers4174 and steelersUK,i had to do 2 sites to see if the activation code worked but it did,nt.soon as iget n there i,ll delete one of them
Hey all. I’m very selective with my friends, and get easily annoyed as do MOST human beings. If you don’t have friends, and its not your fault……….IT IS!!!! I’m guilty too, so don’t get pissy, but listen, you came on here looking for help and all I see are a hundred whiny posts. (as for suicide threats, thats not cool at all. that is a health condition. there are places to go that you can stay for weeks/months at a time with supervised staff that will help you through it)
Here is a list of reasons/tips of stuff my PREVIOUS friends did to make me not want to be around them:
1 – Don’t whine to people about your problems. Confide in your friends, it builds a relationship but any relationship will suffer if you are just dumping on a person. (maybe a 1 to 3 negative/positive ratio with what you talk about) I had a friend that would just nag me about absolute personal things, and make me feel bad every time I wanted to just go home. He made me feel bad, and never wanted to hear or take advice. He just wanted someone to help him feel sorry for himself.
2 – Share your interests, don’t push them. If I don’t work at your job…I DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT! If I don’t like football, don’t come to my house and put on the game. and lastly, if you are a girl or gay, DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE!!! No guy in his right mind would wanna hear about how some other guy kisses or…..well you get the idea already about that.
3 – Don’t work so much. Also, parenting, drug abuse, excessive life styles…these all leave very little in quality time for having friends. You have to work, but do you NEED 60 hrs a week? How can I make plans with someone if they only have 1 day a month, and that varies? If you can’t make it to b-days, movie nights, concerts, than you aren’t really there for me, and not really a friend anymore. Parenting is complicated, but it will drain you of a social life for obvious reasons. Just make sure you still get to keep some portion of your life.
4 – This one sucks, but its the truth about life. If you are handicapped, obese, drug addict, overly religious or your religion is different from your location, a foreigner, or have some physical attribute that makes you stand out you will have problems with friends. I have no tolerance to drug addicts, foreigners make me nervous, religious views can kill an opinion on someone, and handicapped people make me nervous because I’m not sure how to act around them or what to do. Most other people are FAR more vain then I am, and won’t give obese, or moderately ugly people a chance to even talk to them. Your personality might rock, but many people just segregate that way. I’m sure you once popular before college types understand this all to well.
Keep this in mind though, there is always a way around your circumstance. I have obese friends because they are fun to be around with great jokes and aren’t uptight about their weight. If I got to know a handicapped person or foreigner I’d be okay with them, it would just take time for me to become comfortable, and that in itself is usually too much for people. I’m just saying that if you apply to #4, you’re gonna need more patience, or luck.
I guess I’m use to going to the movie alone, all you need to bring is a headphone and people shouldn’t notice you. With that said, I would love to go to the movie with you Susan, if I did knew you. I admit it not fun going to the movie alone, but I have many times, with my music on, I don’t care if other people are looking at me. But once the movie start and the light are out, it get less lonely. Still all you guys need right now is one good friend, don’t be sad that you don’t have a whole group of friends, you never know, one person might actually be better than a whole group. I guess I was never a good friend before so I learn my lesson the hard way.
if u guys are looking for a forum, well theres this site called http://www.alonelylife.com , which is pretty goood.
also chris 2 i agree with u on that whole group thingy. I was in a group of friends 2-3 yrs ago . It wasnt as fun or even enjoyable as ppl crack it up to be. HOWEVER we really do need somebody to voice our thoughts out to, i hope we are all successful one day, but till then …
Hey Chris. Its true pal, so sorry. Hey quoting you: “I guess I was never a good friend before so I learn my lesson the hard way.” A lot of people on here good benefit from some social anxiety medicine, or just more practice with social situations. But, if you expect to keep a friend, you’re gonna have to realize why you haven’t been able to in the past.
Chimochimo
I think I can say, on behalf of everyone on here, that your comments are not welcome. We don’t choose to be lonely, left out, treated badly by people or ignored – that choice is other people’s. Your comments just make people feel worse about themselves, which they shouldn’t do, cos the people on here are damn good people who deserve a helluva lot better than they’ve been given so far. So please, go away and post somewhere else.
Reply to chimochimo
You need to not be harsh on people like that. Everything Sam said I agree, you must be understanding toward people. Not everyone has a perfect life, because utopia doesn’t exist and never will. That out of the way, Everyone on here deserve more than what society treat them. It funny how all the bad kids have the most friend, while people on here don’t. I don’t know why that is, but these people are the best people in the world. The saying goes “rich kids are snob”, “cheerleader are preppy”, and yet their popular??? Well all I know is real friend are here, people who grown up being alone are more kind and forgiving than any popular kids.
chimochimo,im registered disabled so your comments are offensive to me,basically everything you have said is total rubbish!!i would use stronger language/phrases to describe you but im above all that.you seem to think people are attention seeking and saying”im gonna kill myself”for attention?
i have been through that and trust me you must be a pretty lonely and sad person to go that far,it is not something taken lightly.please take your uncaring,unsympathetic,unwanted advice elsewhere.everyone ignore this advice he has given.thanks sam as im now seeing what you meant by these types of forum posters.
In regard to the comments about not being able to have friends if you are fat, ugly, disabled… (or bald, short, small-breasted, or whatever)
Many of you here are pretty young, so maybe listen to someone who has a few years more than you.
There are plenty of examples of people who were(are) ugly, disabled or even fat who were very successful socially. Look up Diego Rivera, the man who did not bathe for weeks yet bedded some of the most beautiful women in Hollywood, or Gabrielle D’Annunzio, or Rasputin, how about Gertrude Stein, Andy Warhol, Carson McCullers? Stephen Hawking? I give you these examples because these are famous people you can find information about. Look at these people, tell me if you think they would win a beauty contest.
This does not include all the examples of people from my life who were obese or ugly who had plenty of friends. These were not accomplished, talented people I am talking about now. In fact, rather than being an inspiration, many times in my life, I have looked at these people and felt mystified and said to myself, “EVEN THEY HAVE FRIENDS!”
So, I am not trying to put a shiny, happy face on things but I tell you this: my experience indicates that it doesn’t matter what you look like, if you are socially adept you can have plenty of friends and lovers.
And the religious types? Many people join religious groups so they can find commonality and a social life.
Chimochimo is full of SH*T.
V
Hi everyone,
I’ve read a few of the responses and they all seem to reflect nearly exactly what I’m going through and what I’ve been going through since high school. Currently, I’m going to community college and am 28 years old. I don’t have any close friends except for a girl that wants to be more than friends. I feel kind of bad because I know I don’t feel the same for her. Yet, I keep her around because I have noone else to talk to. I never get invited to parties and my supposed friends very rarely call me. I’m very nice to people and try to be “cool” but I guess something about me turns them off or makes people not want to be my friend. People I’m nice to are nice in return such as in school and they act like their my friends during class but outside of class, noone calls me. I have to call them and most of the time they don’t answer or leave me out of parties or gatherings that I find out they went to. What should I do? I think I need to join a support group or something before my suicidal thoughts overpower me.
jorge, im suffering from the same situation as u except im 17 and in the last year or high school now. I too have ppl who talk to me and act as my friends and we even have good times BUT ALL IN SCHOOL. out side of it nobody really talks to me and i get invited nowhere. Like one time i think half of my class (batch) went to some place , most of them consisted of ppl who really show as if there my good friends, but nobody even bothered to tell me .
Let me just say that this happens alot in life , and to top that off i dont even have a gf or have ever had 1 ( i dont even have any female friends).
But let me just remind u that it gets better from here. I have a couple of friends that i talk to outside of school everyday. There not the most coolest ppl or the most clever ppl in the world, but theyre good ppl who arnt like those other fcking assholes.
I suggest that u just be urself around ppl. And if u see that some ppl who u wanna be friends with dont wanna be ur pals, then just forget them coz theyre just some idiots . eventually u will find some ppl who will be more than acquaintances. it mite take a lil time ,but i guarantee u it will work. it worked for me and my life is a lil better, though it REALLY REALLY hurts when i see the whole batch telling each other “are u coming to place X?” and nobody ever tells me or asks me until the next day when that party/event has ended. Im not free of this dilemma 100% and i do get bummed out a few days a week but since i do have a couple of pals i can hang out with its like 50-60& done.
Also friends dont really last long for most ppl. for eg i see alot of ppl in my school who are in groups or cliques. these last for like a coupe of years max and when ur out of school or college, very very few ppl actually remain good friends, the rest just become acquaintances…
and plz dude dont stop sleeping .sleep at least 8-9 hrs a day and trust me , u will barely feel depressed or friendless
good luck dude . good luck to all of us…
I suggest you not be yourself. If you some of you were like me, then you would have known that I lost my identity at the age of 2. What this mean is that my parent didn’t let me be who I want to be. So adding on to that, if I was me, which my parent would have wanted, then I would probably be friendless like the rest of you guys.
Now I have some good news!
For gotallassociates and all who still remain in highschool, you should have no problem making friends. Join social club, and work out at the gym and that should boost up your confident. Good Luck, just stick it out one more year pal.
hi i am 33 with no friends i just came out of a relationship with bloke who wanted to stay friends. so i thought why not it was just phone calls now he wants nothing to do with me because he is dating.
i did have a friend years ago but she just thought of herself and got a partner and did not bother with me. i live at my mother now and at the moment do not work sometimes i think whats the point i felt like slashing my wrists but my ex who just used me did not give a damn when i turned up outside his house depressed and needing someone to talk to, he just ignored me.
i think to myself hes out having fun while i have no life and he rubbed my nose in it. i hate going to town and looking at people outside bars and there i am all alone it sucks. if anyone wants to email you can contact me on eyedbrowngirl@yahoo.co.uk.
sorry to be negative
I wasn’t aware that other people are in the same situation as me. I just finished High School a few months ago. Normally, you would think that I would feel happy, pleased, content, optimistic, hopeful, etc… But the opposite is occurring.
As I look back, I now realize that my life of 19 years was, to a great extent, wasted. My High School Diploma does not mean anything to me, especially without close colleagues. An accomplishment in life without associates means nothing. I do not feel hopeful, brave, self-determined and confident. For me, Elementary and High School has not been an experience from which to develop as a person. I don’t feel as a human that has much to offer to the world. I don’t feel that I have finished something. I don’t feel that my abilities as a person are highly developed. (I’m not autistic) Depression is forming and I do not envision a good future. When I look to the future, what forms is an image of a “dead” life void of happiness.
I have arrived at the point where I feel that I do not deserve to have any associates and abhor feeling nervous around others. (I feel that people are better off without me because I have not had close aids for a long time). Normally, one would expect one to become more sociable with time, but for me, the opposite is occurring. I don’t wish to accept the idea that I do not and cannot maintain contact with others (I’m not mentally ill or anything…). I would like to think of myself as a lively, worthy and meaningful individual.
I’ve always been timid, but I have started to feel shyer around 8th grade. Either I am the same, the conditions changed or my negative traits have becomes more obvious, I have become more shy or something else. I wished that I could have thought like this when I was of a very young age! I should have been more out-going in my past. But I didn’t ignore people at all, I’m not like that. I used to play outside very much when I was younger. Around 7th and 8th grade, despondence formed and maintained itself and the enjoyment of nature started to wane endlessly. Perhaps I knew that I was apprehensive from a young age but the realization immediately gained strength right after I finished school because distractions from work disappeared.
The point is that if someone asks me to hang out with them, I will. As I think of what others have told me (I’ve been told that I’m not ugly, I should get a girl-friend, should “party” more and be more assertive and self-determined), it seems that I am missing “that something extra” in life that everyone should experience.
I’ve been accused of being autistic because I have never dated. But, that’s not true, I enjoy the opposite sex but I guess that I’m too nervous to speak to girls. This is ridiculous. If Karma and Reincarnation is hopefully a reality, I would love to start another life over and the most weight and importance would be given to the idea of being sociable from as of a young age as possible, if I were to ask the ultimate prayer. I’m becoming increasingly worried from having the possible prospect of a lonely life.
It is good for those who are highly sociable from as of a younger age as possible to be encouraged as much as possible to continue being so.
Here’s two links that I thought were relevant to this site and for those who wish to deepen their relationship with the opposite sex,
http://alonelylife.com/
http://www.oregoncounseling.org/ArticlesPapers/Documents/DifferencesMenWomen.htm
Facts about friends.
1. Appearance do matter to them, no matter what they say. They may tell you they like you for who you are inside and similar bs, but appearance is definitely something they care about.
2. This is not meant to be a sexist comment (i’m male). I am usually surrounded by asians, so it is to them that my comment refers to. I observed that among females, the ones that are really friends aren’t those who always seem friendly with each other. Women are good at concealing their feelings, and also get very paranoid of other people’s feelings about them. They smile to each other, but they are actually fighting a mind battle, testing one another’s true intentions. This is why I say that with females,nothing is what you think it is. Again, this is not to be a sexist or offensive comment, but if it has offended anyone, i’m really sorry.
You’re totally right Clip. At my high school, everyone is really preppy and they all wear hollister and abrecrombie and fitch clothes. And if you don’t, people don’t really like you.
This is my advice: Don’t be depressed if no one is as close to you as you want them to be. And the word friend is deceptive. I read this article about internet companionship, but I feel that it also applies to our face to face interactions with people.
tell me if the link is not working..
http://carlo.zottmann.org/2007/07/24/were-not-friends-sorry/
Wow, I feel like I’ve found my people. I’ve been reading the responses on this site and they all ring so true.
I’ve been struggling with this for a long time. For me it started in childhood. My parents are both loners and never really socialized or went anywhere unless it was with family (that’s still the case but it’s even sadder because all of our family has moved away). So I never really had social models. Despite that I had friends in elementary and middle school.
In high school things went downhill. I got very depressed and school was a nightmare for me. My best friend dumped me and it really broke my heart. I hated going to school. Therapy and antidepressants didn’t help that much. On the outside I guess it looked like things were going well–I was cute, smart and had people I spoke with in school–but on the inside I was dying.
University was difficult for me. I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by people. I never felt like I fit in really. I did make one good friend but we both switched schools after one year and I could never find her after that.
I too did not want to get married because I have no friends. I was with my boyfriend for 9 years before we seriously considered marriage. I knew everyone would know that I had no friends, no one to stand up for me. I wanted to elope. We mentioned it to my parents and they insisted on giving us a wedding. I was terrified of being the center of attention, of everyone looking at me, of everyone *knowing* that I have no friends, no one.
Despite my fears, I insisted on no bridal party (we put everything together in 6 weeks so it was kind of a good excuse for not having bridesmaids and all that). It was a beautiful, special day and I’m so grateful to them.
My husband is a loner too. He’s kind of socially awkward because he’s not used to interacting with people socially. He has no friends but is close with his family (though his close-in-age brother and cousin live far away). So at least we have each other. But I think it might not be healthy for us to only be with eachother constantly.
I’m in graduate school now and I’ve tried reaching out to people. I got close with one girl but she turned on me. We worked on a group project and she got mad at me for offering editing suggestions on her writing. She froze me out, junior-high style. She had some mental problems but I never expected that. It felt horrible and I felt like I had done something terrible when I hadn’t.
Then I met another student, one much older than me (I’m 29, this woman is 47). We emailed a lot and she was so nice and supportive and caring. I told her about what happened with the other girl and we just chatted about things. Recently she started being cold and distant, then ignoring me at school and only responding in terse one-liners over email. I asked her over email if she was ok, if she was mad at me. She claimed she wasn’t.
I’m very sensitive to other people’s emotions and I can pick upon these things right away. I called her on the phone and she was extremely cold and rude. I was so nice and really wanted to know what was up. I asked if she was OK, if she was mad at me, if I had said something to upset her, etc. She was so snotty, saying, Can’t you underSTAND that I don’t want to TALK about it over the phone! She said she thought she had offended me and that’s why she had backed off but refused to elaborate, said she wanted to talk to me in person so she could read my body language.
I was annoyed and offended by her tone and did not speak to her at school. I emailed her to tell her that she sounded different on the phone and that I was surprised. She emailed back a rude message about how she was willing to talk to me but I chose not to talk to her, that we’re both adults and should be able to discuss this in person.
Discuss what?! I have no idea. I think she’s acting like a child playing games. I’m not interested in that. I already don’t like her anymore for the way she’s acting. I don’t know what her problem is but if she can’t be upfront with me I don’t want her in my life.
What upsets me is that this is the second time in 6 months that someone’s just turned on me. I thought I was good at reading people but apparently not! There’s my reward for reaching out :(
For those of you who have mentioned this, I think you’re onto something: I think perhaps we, or at least me, come across as too eager; desperate, even. I suppose this turns people off, or maybe activates something in the meanies (like the ones I’ve encountered) that want to hurt us.
We are oftentimes gentle, very sensitive souls who wear our hearts on our sleeves. Some people feed on that kind of vulnerability–they see an easy target, someone they can trample right over, or play mind games with.
I continue to suffer with this friend thing. I don’t know how I can possibly trust anyone. I can be polite and have acquaintances but what’s the point of trying for more? What’s more, I’d feel bad if I found someone who wanted to hang out with me but what about my husband? How could I just leave him alone? We’ve always been there for eachother. I don’t know where we could find another couple that we both liked and wanted to be friends with.
I am very quiet, reserved and shy–super-introverted. I’m a loner by nature and feel like I don’t even like people most of the time, but that’s what I’ve told myself as self-protection. I don’t want to get hurt again. Maybe I just got unlucky these past couple of times with those head cases but…who’s to say it couldn’t happen again?
I’m thinking about going to therapy again but it didn’t help the last times I tried (I’ve been going on and off for 10+ years). One of my doctors was arrested for planning to chop his patients into pieces and drop their bodies into the ocean!! I only went to him once and I knew instantly that he was bad news. So it kind of turned me off of therapy.
I feel like I’m living life in a vacuum. Even if I do accomplish things–finish school, get a job, etc.–they don’t matter and it’s like I don’t exist without someone, a social support network, to share them with. If I didn’t have my husband, parents and brother I’d have absolutely no one. There’d be no point.
I feel like a pathetic loser every day. I’m always scared someone will find out about my friendlessness, which is why I try not to talk about my personal life and hate when people ask me about my weekend plans–what I’m doing or what I did.
Other people make it look so easy and effortless to have friends. I’m sure they take it for granted that they have friends.
I’ve never felt normal and I doubt I ever will.
Hey,
I read the self-esteem book that someone on here recommended. I think it is very, very good and everyone here should read it. It will definitely open your eyes.
For example, the book helps you identify and fight that critical inner voice (the “pathological critic”) that damages self esteem, i.e. it says “You are a loser, you have no friends and never will, you are boring, you are unnattractive,” etc, etc. This voice, I realized, just beats you down and makes you very, very scared to try things or even speak to someone because you think you are flawed in some way and not good enough.
I am trying to be more open with people, less afraid of being hurt, disappointed, or criticized. I think I am progressing but it slow and difficult, because I have to change how I think and perceive the world.
For example, there is a girl in my school that I like. She seems to have a nice personality and really sweet and is pretty too. But it is incredible, even to me, how insanely difficult it is for me to even say “hi” to her, in part because of all the thoughts running through my mind. I would wake up at 5 in the morning and think for an hour about what to say to her. In school I had the chance to talk to her and one part of me pushed my mind to say something – “Hi”, whatever, but this incredible wall came up and I just struggled and struggled for like 10 seconds and could not say anything. I felt angry and frustrated afterwards, but I am not going to give up, just calm down and be myself and believe in myself and talk to her.
Another thing: I read an excerpt from a book about shyness. And it said that shy people often interpret things differently from gregarious people. For instance, shy people interpret a conversation with another person more negatively than an objective observer would. I know that this is true for me so far but I am pushing myself to change. Outgoing people do not seem to think this way, or do not admit it. I was at a social gathering recently and this sort of loud kid said “The professor loves me.”
I would never, ever, ever think to myself “the professor loves me.” In fact I would think the opposite and try to think of a reason to justify that emotion.
I am trying to fight through this and I think we all should fight. It is definitely not easy to change how you think and fight to change your life for the better but it is fulfilling and necessary.
For me, it is already sort of a meaningful step. In college, I thought there was no way any girl could like me and that I did not deserve to have a girlfriend. That thought process is changing now but I am forcing myself to change, and sometimes I still have doubts, and it is very difficult and painful sometimes. Not to compare myself to others, but to affirm my self-worth: I am tall and good looking and smart and definitely a very good (in the best sense of the word) guy.
I was crying as I wrote most of this.
I feel so alone tonight, today marks the 11 year anniversary that my child was aborted, i am 32 and a struggling entreprenneur, in 1996 i met a gal who got pregnant and we were both broke and she got pregnant by accident and both of our families dis-owned us till the child was aborted, I never had anyone and my child would have been 11 years old tonight. I have been robbed of my life and my friends have screwed me over and all i have ever done is protect and take care of my folks who have heart attacks here n there and fall out of their beds.
this world is unfair and i feel like ending it so many times but i don’t, i am sorry my child i know you are 11 today and in heaven and daddy misses you ( tears)
Love you, and hope to see you soon.
YEAH WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS, YOU CONSTANTLY HAVE TO PLAY GAMES WITH PEOPLE FOR THEM TO LIKE YOU AND IF YOU ARE NICE THEN THEY WILL LOSE INTEREST… WHERE ARE THE NICE PEOPLE, WHY CAN’T I MEET THEM? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE???
Hi everyone
I’m happy to have read these posts. I felt like the only person in the world with this problem.
I’m a 21/f. No friends.
Growing up I had the tightest friendship with 2 girls. I was apart of their families and spent just about every day with them for years.
As time went on I smoked pot and drank and had FUN!
Eventually I got depressed and always very anxious. Learned that I showed some signs of social phobia. I stopped going out and lost touch with my friends due to my social fears.
I took some zoloft for a while and started working. I got much better at socializing and talking with people. And over the years I got back with those girls that are like family just stayed away from the parties.
I met a guy who was very emotionally abusive and I am still with him. He did drugs and has taken alot away from me.
One of my BEST friends just recently passed away 12/24. I feel completley alone in this world and it’s hard to open up to anyone. I feel like I’d put a burden on them being so down all the time.
I don’t go out. I don’t talk to anyone I just work.
Does anyone have any suggestions? I don’t want to take any pills I think I just need some type of counseling. I just don’t know where to start?
Psychologist? Therapist?
Hope to get some replies.
Thanks SM
yea i have this trouble too, im 20 and male living in england i had quite a few friends when i was at school, but since i left i never hear off of any of them. i have one friend that i get to talk to but rarely. it does hurt and has hurt. im a decent, nice and caring person, and as someone said. all the total arseholes are really popular. why is this? i cant fathom it. but anyway, but im now at the point where i dont really give a shit. if people dont like me then they can just piss off and kill themselves. humans are for the most part scum. when i hang about at my local club its full of cocky, moronic, drunken studenty types. BASTARDS dont fucking know theyre born. but anyway, im positive that all you people will be ok. just be yourself, you all sound so wonderful. wooooooo hooooooooooooo :)
hey im 20 right now and i don’t understand why i don’t have friends. i have always been there for my friends and have never betrayed them, but all i get in return is them betraying and leaving me. I don’t really have anyone to talk to and the only person i have to hang out with is my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend , but i wish i had some other people to hang out with. I try to be as nice as i can be and be there for people .yet i ended up in the same place where i started.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I have isolated myself on purpose and rejected others more than they have rejected me. This is very complex, but in remaining aloof and keeping away from the things that could widen my contacts and connections I have ultimately determined for myself the place I am in. With out resorting to self-blame and guilt which would only be indulgant, I must confess It is my fault for being too hesitant to commit to something which as far as I was always concerned, I had no control over and could not be certain of success in if I went after it. Therefore, my terrible habit since youth was that it was better to quit before I could be disappointed. At anything hard. I was terrified of failing and being made a mockery of publicly. I feel aimless and restless for change but do not know how to discipline myself to meet my goals. I was being sort of stuck up when I said all that stuff about determining how being alone will affect you. That’s only true to a point. You see, I don’t want to let on that I have problems. But I do! I do! I am not above them. I have had my share of frustrations when it comes to connecting to people. The bottom line is that I find it diffcult to relate to people because I am deeply self-absorbed! I have a tendency to want to talk on and on about my own feelings and want them to be so intense and pay so much attention to me that I frighten them off with my intensity and clingy, sensitive, dependent nature. Laziness has become a real problem for me, I sleep alot, I stay up really late, it’s one a.m in the morning, hehe, I don’t have a job or go to school, I am very intelligent and bright, a twenty three years old girl who spends most of my time worrying and thinking, but not doing anything about it. I long for romance, friends, a life, passions, everything…but I am a daydreamer, I daydream about being famous, doing all sorts of amazing things, writing, playing music, learning languages, going to college even though I never did and getting good grades, travel,
making people see how talented I am…the list goes on and on, oh man. Sorry for all this wordiness it is just flooding out of me in a great surging manic burst of heat and light. I fluctuate between extreme narcissicm and extreme self-flagulation, ugh. I don’t have my own email right now, this is my husbands I believe, but soon I might get one and then maybe somebody smart will talk to me…I am dying for real stimulation and to get out of my own head for once. I am trapped in my own head. It’s kind of dark in here. hmm…
Oh, I have more to say. I am on 10 milligrams of a drug called lexapro for anxiety and depression, go figure. The stuff is good for making one less panicky, but it doesn’t exactly provide me with the motivation I desperately need to make a life out of scratch. Grr. I am deeply skeptical about therapy and psychology at any rate. How is sitting there and telling some doctor all you’re problems going to get you moving, tell me? I would think that droning on and on week after week about how bad you feel would only make one foggier and more despondant overall. Not to fear, though, in my opinion it is not all our fault. As a whole, we are given too many options and not enough clear direction for our lives. We are stranded and told to make something up, as it were. We need leadership, council, good advice and generally we recieve none and are told that there is no definite path, but that we must carve one out ourselves from nothing. Nothing! How am I supposed to see my way through this nebulous maze that is my youth? I would like to discover what my destiny is and have comrades to share it with, but how am I supposed to know my destiny, when I’m so weary, beaten and burdened with fear and sickness that I am weeping day and night, night and day? Well, I cannot hide it anymore, I cannot pretend nor pretend to be aloof, am I mad? Am I sane? I can nearly see why people think I am quite an odd one. Friends? They would have to be mad or uh, sane, in the way that I am, too! (hiccups with insane laughter, wonders whether people will think I’m quite imbalanced and off my rocker for this head-spinning outburst. Friends? Friends! Sometimes I feel like I create people to talk to out of thin air. This monologue is basically myself talking to myself talking to others who don’t really exist because only I exist. Does anybody else exist? Do they? Do words, with their double meaning torment them the way words torment me? Are you alive? is anybody out there?
I’m from the United States, by the way. But it’s no different anywhere. Lonliness and despair are a plague that can devastate anyone anywhere they are. Does anyone else feel paralyzed? Lost? Confused? Endangered? Like their body is insubstantial? Like the world is a dangerous place meant only for confident, outgoing, strong individuals, and not for the weak, compassionate, kind, unworldly sort?
Ooh, I swear this is it, I won’t be crazy and type anything else. Just one more thing: I like this Morrissey Lyric, “It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate, it takes guts to be gentle and kind.” Maybe that oughta cheer somebody up. I want to cheer somebody up more than anything in the world I want to be a source of happiness to people. I’ll even stand on my head to cheer somebody up, if need be! So picture a girl standing on her head, there! How can you be upset now?
Heh, Ok, I lied, but this is my last post, I promise, please don’t get impatient with me. I’m probably not that special as I try to come off as. And yet…At this point, I don’t care if I sound mentally unstable or not. It’s the truth! And it’s hard not to write everyone off and think you are in a category of you’re own mentally and emotionally. I’ve never met anyone like me, maybe one or two people in my life have been able to understand me. But it’s rare! Rare, rare. I’ll bet that because I poured out my soul, I will be misunderstood somehow, even here. Where people are all friendless and feel rejected. I suspect that even if I yell out my feelings, really loud, make myself very clear, there will never be an outlet, or a person with enough discernment to comprehend what I am saying and have it truly resonate for them. That is the stuck up part speaking. My ex best friend was a negative person who although I bent over backwards to try and show her I was truly there for her, always had a complaint about me no matter what I did or said to try and make her happy. The last time we spoke on the phone, ( I called her to try to resolve things, which were really bad) She told me I was always too depressed and she didn’t know me anymore and hung up on me. That was unfair, to say the least, since I’d practically been the only person to comfort her when she was suicidal. I am drawn to toxic people, sometimes. I want to save them or something. Don’t know why.
Wow, how many times did I post? Is this some kind of record. Profusely apologizes!
I can do this anymore, most of you guys said that you have no friend but have either a bf or gf.
Would any white cute girl be interested in an asian guys? I just want to KNOW. I would think that girl would like any type of guys but I’m not sure.
I’m not a bad looking asian guys and I would party and stuff, there only 1 thing I won’t do and that is doing any types of drugs. Other time I’m home free.
And BTW I have a very big penis I would think LOL
Shit interracial dating is so hard. I rarely see a asian guys dating a white girl, but most asian girl date white guys.
Why is the world so BS? What do white guys have that I don’t? Or is it because asian guys are so shy?
I need answer from the girl on here.
I don’t even know the point of living without ever feeling love.
I would post up my pic if I had to.
White girls are while, just like today when most of them run naked around UCSC because of the first annual rains.
Chris, its not because your asian that u cant get a gf? is it because u have never asked a girl out before.
reply to cutesexy62
Yea I never ask a girl out. I really don’t know how either. My parent were always too strict so I hardly had any friends or a girlfriend. I’m pretty sure if most girl know my personality, they would fall for me, but anyways I don’t know how to ask a girl outs.
Can I post my picture on here? I want to know if I’m good looking enough or not good looking enough to date a white girl. Maybe give me you guys your email or something. I’m currently working out, doing my hair, getting a new hair cut, and building confidence at the same time.
Hey
I talked to that girl since my last post…I forced myself to talk to her in the elevator. I was sort of like an idiot, I kept cool but we didn’t really get a conversation going. I think she sort of likes me, but I’m not sure. This other guy asked her out yesterday, she said no, and afterward sort of flirted with me. Today she was a bit more cool and distant, I don’t if she thinks I’m a piece of sh*t.
It’s weird too b/c…I feel horrible when I say this…when I could tell that she liked me, my drive sort of died down a bit, I think because I felt “safe,” like she would be there for me, I could take her anytime…after today I don’t know and I want to talk to her more…
Every time I want to talk to her, regardless whether she’s flirting with me or not, it’s the same maelstrom of thoughts; it is hard to get up and talk to her each time. I have to force myself and push myself in my mind so hard, just to talk to her. I am so scared about what other people think and especially what she will think. If she thinks I am a loser that will just kill me. Also I start comparing myself to other guys and I hate myself for that. I tell myself, “STOP THINKING THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!” but it is hard.
I can talk to women, I can talk to girls, they like me, and I can have very good conversations with women such as my mom, grandmother, coworkers, etc., but I am sort of shy and it’s very very very hard to even approach a woman off the bat, especially an attractive woman.
JUST TO GET YOUR ATTENTION:
Can any of the girls/women on here (or guys) POST SOME SUGGESTION (again, caps to get your attention) for us guys about how to ask you out? I try to be confident, to believe in myself…sometimes I get these thoughts…like she will think I’m being a prick or a stalker or something (I am not by the way, obviously!)…I get guilty and afraid whenever I want to ask a girl out. I know that has to do with my confidence/self esteem overrall, and I’m working on it, but if you girls don’t mind I would really appreciate you helping out and suggesting how a guy can approach a girl. I just want her to like me and not think of me as sleeze. I am a good guy, sometimes this is very hard though.
Like I said, I have to push myself and sort of plan ahead: “she will be in the class, I can sit next to her then, or what will I say to her,” I think of all this in advance b/c I get frozen when I’m near an attractive woman.
As to Chris,
Why are you obsessed with dating white girls? I mean, it’s perfectly possible that you can date a white girl, but why are you setting up this crazy unecessary hurdle for yourself? Why do you worship white girls? There are plenty of pretty Asian girls too with whom you can be happy. I’m not saying you shouldn’t pursue them, but I think it would be sort of like a guy wanting to date a supermodel (obviously much more extreme than your case) and not looking at all the pretty, but less pretty girls
Also don’t get obsessed with how you look. I worry about my looks to but deep inside I KNOW that I am a good looking guy because girls flirt with me all the time. Still I think about it and it is a hindrance, it does not help to think or worry about it
Obviously I’m no expert but that’s my take
I apologize for writing this to all, but I just have to vent, I am so sick of everything.
I am in my mid forties, hate my dead end job, hate my dead end marriage, have a child who I am trying to get through college, and is busting my hump every step of the way, have absolutely no one that I can talk to, I have not a single friend, they have all vanished.
I have a tendency to “rub people the wrong way” as my wife likes to tell me, but it’s not intentional, I am just very moody, some days I don’t even feel like speaking, like today, I wish I could crawl under ground.
I’ve been looking for a better job, but it has been so dismal, I just lack the necessary credentials for what I’d like to do.
Man some days are so hard. It is amazing how I painted myself into a corner so slowly.
I don’t want to be who I am anymore. It’s like I woke up from a sleep and I’m in a strangers body.
It gets harder when you can hear the clock ticking.
Thanks for the reply MC.
I just know that there something seriously wrong with me, just today I pass by a hot girl and I fell like I was dying. I’m not bad looking and when I look myself in the mirror, I think I look good. I dress nice and spike up my hair. I bet if a girl get to know me, and see how I treat them, they would fall in love with me. But…because of my horrible childhood experience, I can’t deal with it without psychiatrist treatment. It doesn’t matter if your good looking or bad looking because if u had a childhood like mind, socializing and dating is the worst fear. I’m going to make a appointment with my school psychiatrist.
I hope it help, cuz I’m not normal right now.
I’m having mood swing again…I don’t even care now that I don’t have any friends even though I have 2 good ones. I don’t care about people anymore. Society as a whole is cruel and wicked. I will live as an automaton for the rest of my life. Some people aren’t meant to felt in love in anyway. It not true that everyone will find love. I’m should be happy because since I’m a MISTAKE, it not really my fault. I was born to suffer and to make other people feel better about themselves. Sort of like how the Jewish people die to make Hitler happy. Idk what i’m saying anymore. What the fucking point of living if you can’t have any fun, can express how u feel to other, can’t interact with other, can find a girlfriend. Idk anymore, of what right or wrong. I give up, even if it the coward way to do, but I been depress and suicidal for 15 years already. It not like I just give up. I hate to pretend I’m happy, cuz I’m not. FUCK FUCK FUCk LIFE
I understand just how many of you feel. I’ve been a loner in college for 5 years now. I went on my first date in two years over the summer and thought it was developing into something. It turns out it was all a big joke. He was keeping texts and emails so he and his friends could laugh the whole time. Oh well, nothing I haven’t gone through before. You know what though. I am going to keep looking. I have dealt with bouts of depression my whole life, and I am going to keep fighting that too. I am kind, honest, fair, trusting, open, and I don’t deserve to be treated like crap. I can’t control how others treat me, but why should I let them control me to the point of giving up. I say NO! I am a great person, and one day I will find somewhere I belong, and I know the rest of you will too. Keep looking….and God Bless.
To chris and all the other men and boys on here who want to know how to talk to girls etc. I’m a girl and I’m married for two years. Being involved with someone is very nice but it’s not exactly like it fixes all you’re problems. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking that once you have that you won’t have insecurities and feel inferior. Sure, someone is there to boost you’re confidence, but they can’t do it for you, you have to do it for yourself! Having a girlfriend, boyfriend, husaband or wife doesn’t garauntee you will be happy. I know I’ve said this before, trust me though, this sort of thing is really up to you. As for talking to girls, heck, most girls wonder why men\boys are so shy! On the other hand you have to avoid coming on too strongly or seeming like you want something from us. Remember, you might think it would be better if things happen fast, but the girl is usually thinking, unless she was that taken by you at first sight: (Which is rare.) “Who is this character anyway? Should I be worried or interested?” So keeping this in mind, don’t push her when she hasn’t made up her mind about you yet, be friendly, to a degree… certainly, but don’t be corny, like telling her every other five seconds how you feel about her before she’s ready. Be natural. You’ll scare her off if you aren’t or if she senses you’re really uncomfortabl. Make sure you actually are ready to communicate about something intelligently. A girl will get bored if you don’t have anything to say beyond “Hey, you’re hot.” To me there’s nothing worse than a guy who only seems to have half a brain, it’s more important than how he looks. Provided, women are attracted to tall men, handsome manly types of men, or whatnot, but brains do count, do they ever! It can be scary being a girl when some guy hits on you and you don’t have a chance to even get to know him even if you wanted to, because he made sure to make the encounter too awkward. I don’t know, thats my experience being talked to by random guys. Most of the time they said alltogether too much! Or not enough that sounded geniune…I have alot to say on this subject. If you like, if you have any questions, since I am familiar here, (Once a young man told me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, that was how he introduced himself to me! Flattering and an odd way to introduce oneself!) So, if i’m not sounding totally convoluted here, do ask. That said, there is no diagram for talking to girls\women, but there should be rules on most occassions. Sometimes boys say the funniest, strangest things.
Oh and to MC… Was the woman on the elevator someone you had connections to from somewhere, or a complete stranger? Personally, since I married someone I knew from school, I’m always scratching my head thinking about how people make it out there trying to date utter strangers. You absolutely have to find someone cluelessly, like finding a needle in a stack of hay. But I don’t think it’s that effective overall, as a system. That’s why if you know them from somewhere, where they have a chance to observe and get to know you more casually, it’s ten times better than bumping into a stranger you don’t know from Adam. It seems to me that the goal would not be merely asking women out, ( like casting a fishing line into a place with no fish would be pointless) But making sure you’re in the position to do so. If you cannot handle the failure of being turned down than you have to improve you’re chances of getting a positive response, right? What are you doing wrong? You need to analyze this critically. You wouldn’t get a good job by blindfolding yourself and walking into the nearest store and saying, “I want to work here?” Would you?
Apollonia,
Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it…my thinking has gravitated toward yours in like the month that I’ve been trying to get to know (yes, get to know, not “ask out”) this girl, in terms of not “picking up” but just first being friends with another human being.
She is not a complete stranger, we go to school together. However, we have assigned seats so I can’t really sit with her as easily as I would like.
Like I said, I can talk nicely to women/girls that I am NOT attracted to. Plenty of girls like me or would like to get to know me better (so I think, from my point of view). I have a good sense of humor and nice, etc. I work out, I am even what some may call “cut”…
The issue with me, though, is when I want to talk to someone that I am ATTRACTED to. Yesterday I typed like 7 single-spaced pages of negative thoughts (and positive responses) that I have when I think about talking to this girl (or even any girl that I am attracted to, not necessarily this girl). She is not the stereotypical grade A female either, she is just a normal girl that I am attracted to.
Maybe I can list some of these thoughts: Does she like me? Will she think I am a creep if I go up to her? Will she think that I want something from her? Am I good enough for her? Basically some of the things you mentioned you don’t like to see from guys. I do WANT something from her…obviously…and maybe that is why I feel guilty, and yet “X” is of course not all that I want.
These thoughts, in total, make me very anxious. I am sort of reserved with people as it is (I am working on it), but when it’s an attractive person it’s worse. It is sort of like a wall that comes up. I broke through the wall when I talked to her on the elevator and I want to talk to her again on Monday, but each time it is hard. I guess the worst thought is “she is so GOOD…she is smart, she is pretty…what would she want to do with me?” And I have tried to break this, you know, by telling myself that she is not that special, that I don’t even know her, that I am intelligent and good too, etc. but it is still hard, it is hard for me to even look her in the eyes.
I know that if we have some time to talk it will be fine, but it is this “approach anxiety,” strongest with girls that I am attracted to, that really hurts.
I have tried talking to lots of women lately, just to build my confidence, and that has helped, but it is still hard. When I see girls that I am attracted to, it’s hard for me to even make eye contact. I am getting better though and plan on practicing some flirting and things like that, though like I said it’s a challenge.
Like I said, in college I sort of avoided girls entirely because I didn’t think I was good enough for ANYONE. I thought I would only be good enough for someone if I had a good job, made a lot of money, was better looking, was this, was that. Now I realize how crazy that was and how I was depriving myself, and now I am trying to make the adjustment, and I think I have gotten better in the last month or so, but it is an uphill climb
Thanks again for the feedback and I would appreciate hearing any other advice anyone would like to offer
Also the thing that is scaring me about talking to her a second time is…I was sort of nervous when I talked to her the first time. I have no idea what she thinks, especially because she is sort of shy and I think doesn’t flirt much, like me. So I am worried that I will be nervous again, and I know how much women hate it when you’re not confident or you’re nervous, so it’s like a catch 22: talk –> nervous –> nervous = bad result –> bad result for sure = no point in trying. so I am trying to figure out how not to be nervous i guess, or whether it’s OK if I’m nervous and just talk to her. And again I don’t want to impose or make her think I’m harassing her or something. Future advice will be appreciated
one more thing…sorry that I’m flooding this with my posts…
I have thought about emailing her or adding her as a friend on facebook to sort of break the barrier and at least somehow get to know her more easily….but again if I do this I am worried that she will think I have no guts or I’m a freak or reject me or something…
Hi,
Reading all these posts brings a tear to my eye. They all sound so similar to me…I too am an honest, cheerful, loyal girl (22 yr). I too cannot understand why I can’t seem to make many friends. I have “friends” that say hi when we pass by each other. I have many “friends” in my cell phone, none of whom ever phones me. I can never fit in….for some reason they always leave me out…They openly discuss future plans with each other, knowing that I am right there, but never inviting me. I have asked them about plans that they have, but they always tell me they haven’t planned anything, even though I know they did. My bday is the worst day of the year…I try hard not to let things bother me, but sometimes it’s just too much
Hey all, Im a 15 year old guy and i’ve had a good group of friends who i’ve hung out with for a looong time and ive also had another group of friends who date back to when i was playing soccer and other sports. Anyway, the first group of friends just kind of pushed me aside for no reason.. just me, no one else. I have always been nice to everyone and helpful and they still seem kind and pretty cool when i talk to them but i never go anywhere with them anymore. The second group of friends live on the other side of town like a mile away and i never get calls from them anymore. I say hi to them in school but they stick with their new “pack” and call me gay and crap. This is kind of annoying because i;ve known most of these guys for almost 10 years. So i am now friendless… thanks for listening
Depressed,lonely,scared and sucidial is how i fell everyday. Im only 15 and I dont have any really good friends. I cry everyday hoping that things will get better, but my whole life seems to be falling apart. Ive always been a shy girl. I try to be nice and confront people but it always seem that they make no effort to get to know me. I did have a bestfriend until she moved away. My feelings are always bottled up and I have noone to talk to about it.
Its seems like the only people that want to be my friends are all guys and i dont know why. ive been asked out quite a lot but then turn them down because i feel afraid. I have low self esteem and confidence i look up to the outgoing girls who dont care what people think of them. i dont want people
to get the wrong idea of me and first impressions count i may come off as stuck up but i am not!, just because im really shy. I just really wish I had at least 1 really good friend(bestfriend) Please help me! :(
Hey Lindsay,
All I can say is that you are not alone. I had the same problem when i was younger. Everyone who didn’t really know me thought I was a rich, stuck-up snob. But, I was really just too petrified to talk to other kids I really didn’t know too well.
I probably looked like I didn’t care. Oh well. I found out about this later on by making friends with a girl who told me her and her friends thought I was some rich snob. Wow did I ever laugh. She soon found out that this wasn’;t true. I guess you aren’t always aware how you can come off to other people.
Hang in there kiddo. Is there anyone you’d like to get to know better at school? Any groups you could join? Sports or hobbies?
Take care
Another day wasted…
This is the story of my life. I will not say that I am the same as most of you guys. My problem started in the early childhood years. I was born with a you might say malnutrition. I was laugh and bullied through out elementary and middle school. High school came and gone…not much has change. Then came college, it unimaginative how what you dream are never the same. College show me how isolated I have become. I have become faded in an overcrowd of smiling sea. I am lost in an endless opportunity of gaining friendship and love. I have now become nothing more than a lost soul, trying to survive everyday with hope for a better future.
I have become my own worst nightmare.
when did my life become what it is presently?
i look around and it seems like all I see are happy people with friends.
I don’t understand.
why does life have to be this way?
someone please explain
Maybe it all has to do with how you look at it. If you start to focus on something it can grow than dominate in your mind .
You Have to change the way you look at things for it to get better. Easier said than done but , it’s got to have something to do with why things feel the same or you feel stuck.
If we see happy people try to feel glad for them not feel left out. Smile on their happiness. I don’t know for sure if it will help but it’s worth a try.
I think everyone goes through this they just don’t want to admit it or remember.
Hey guys. I totally understand how you feel Lindsay. I’m 15 too, and I am really shy. I find it really hard to get close to people. I’m at a new school and everyone already has friends, so I’m kind of an outsider. I have people to sit with at lunch, but I never talk to them because I’m too shy, and they always leave me out of their plans. I’ve never been asked out by a guy either. I can’t help thinking that I’m really ugly and unattractive, especially since all the other girls I know have had boyfriends before. I really wish I had a best friend. I just need a girl my own age that I can talk to and hang with and be myself without worrying about what others think of me. If anyone wants to talk, my email is diana_dramaqueen@hotmail.com. I don’t care how old you are or whether you’re a boy or a girl, if you need someone to listen to you, I’ll be there.
I’m 22 and I have like two friends. I feel so cut off from the world. Most people say they have no friends but have amazing bfs, well I don’t have a bf and I’m not quite sure the friends I do have balance the equation. I wish I had friends to hang out with instead of sitting at home with my parents. I don’t really like to party i guess is my problem and when I do, I don’t have groups of people I can party with because all my friends are different types. What is life outside my house like lol I sound like a hermit.
I have absolutely NO friends whatsoever! I’m a 20 year old female, and in my 3rd year of university. The only time I remember having sincere good friends (ones with whom I truly had a good time) was up until grade 7. After moving to a new school in grade 8, I had such a hard time making friends, and this carried on through highschool. I would talk to people in class but when it came to lunchtime they left to hang out with their own friends. Going to university, I thought things would change, but they didn’t. I was soo ready to start my life and meet new people, but it never happened. I joined two social clubs, but I never got the chance to connect with anyone. I’m beginning to think I’m developing some social phobia, because I get really nervous when I have to speak with people. The only time I socialize is when I get home and my parents or siblings talk to me. Other than that I just shut myself off and avoid all people. I recently found a job that involves working with infants, which requires that I smile a lot, but I just cannot do it anymore even though I love those kids so much (it’s so exhausting for me now). Seeing my cousin who is 21 having all this fun time with her bf and so many friends (going out EVERY single day) just kills me inside. It’s become so bad that I completely shut her away from my life (and the rest of my family too). I don’t want to know any of them anymore because they all think I’m weird for doing nothing but spending most of my days at home doing homework. It’s so sad. I have the lowest self-esteem anyone could imagine. I’ve thought about suicide since gr 10, but I don’t want to hurt my mom by leaving this world. I’m soo lost that I know everything I wrote does not even make sense, but those are just the random thoughts that came to my head. Anyway I’m so depressed right now that I’m going to bed to cry.
i’m a 16 year old girl. i’m in eleventh grade and i just switched out of public school into homeschool because i just couldn’t stand school. i also didn’t really like that my close friends started to hang out with a lot of other people that i’m not friends with. i dont have any interest in these people. im not really a party girl. i much rather just hang out and chill with people who i like. my two best friends kind of got on my nerves. they think theyre all that and theyre not always the best people in my opinion. i love them a lot of the time that im with them but other times i feel otherwise. theyre also a lot closer with eachother than they are with me. anyway i got away from all of that by leaving school. but i feel really lonely being at home instead of going to school. i thought that being homschooled would allow me to only be around the people i like on my own terms. i have an amazing family. and i have friends but i dont have one big group of friends. all of my friends have other friends that they hang out with. so i kind of feel like im alone. i really want a boyfriend but i dont know how i’m going to meet a really great guy. i feel like having a great boyfriend would ease a lot of my loneliness. i kind of fear that no guy will want a girlfriend who doesnt have a lot of friends of her own though…
im trying to figure my life out right now. im not unnattractive and im not a weird person or anything. im not really attracted to guys my age though because they seem so immature and i want an all around good guy. ive definately realized that theyre extremely hard to come by though. does anyone have any advice for me? i feel like i have no friends because the ones that i have im not even very close with, except 1 or 2, and everyone has a group of friends that theyre really close with. will i make more friends when i go to college in a couple of years? or will nobody want to be friends with someone who doesnt already have a lot of friends? hopefully as i get older i will make new friends and the ones that are true will stick with me over the years…and the others will come and go. in the meantime i dont even know how to make new friends to begin with since im homeschooled now. this is turning into a really long post so now i’m finished confiding in all of you who i don’t even know. please give me some feedback!
Like many here, I too am living a lonely, uneventful life. I’m 21 and I feel like I’m missing out on all the good things, the best years of my life – all because of my social phobia/anxiety disorder. I’ve had it for as long as I can remember and have pretty much always avoided social situations because of it .
I don’t really feel like an all around loser – I’ve always been above average when it comes to intelligence and physical abilities. I was never really teased or bullied in school. I have ambition and feel I have potential but my anxiety is crippling me. Instead of risking rejection and failure, for the most part I’ve avoided putting myself in any such position and have forfeited my life as a result.
Why do I even bother doing anything? Why do I post on here when no one cares. Why do I think that my feelings matter to anyone when they don’t? These thoughts and more right now are swarming through my brain. My life is in shambles, my own husband cannot do anything for me, he is always too tired or busy or angry to talk to me. Everyone overlooks me, I think about killing myself because I’ve been rejected too many times. The self-pity is so immense and overwhelming that I cannot think straight. Medication is worthless, doctor’s are worthless, friends are worthless, my prayers aren’t granted.
Oh god Oh god Oh god, OMG I can’t take this anymore. Suicide thought is temporary??? WTF that all lied people. I had suicide thought since I was 8 and now I’m 18. Ten years is not temporary. I hate my life so much. I have Social Phobia.
I want to live a new life. I want to experience love before it too late. Geeshes society is so cruel, they would lend me a hand when I’m down. I pratically stand in the rain for 6 hours today, soaking wet and not caring if I get sick or not. Miss all my classes. It doesn’t matter now. I have no social skill, I can’t express how I feel, I don’t know how to hug a girl, I don’t know how to show love.
And no matter what u guys tell me on here, I don’t care, I would done the same. It not going to be ok, I call all 8 suicidal prevention service and yet no one pick up the dam phones. It like those people are also ignoring me. Whatever I can’t live life as a outcast the rest of my life. It not my fault, I have social anxiety disorder.
God Help me
God I’m going crazy, w/e nothing ever gonna change, even with therapy I’ll never been 100% recover and I will never be normal like other people.
I am my own worst nightmare. DAMMMMMITTTTTFUUUCKKKKLLLIFFFEEFEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To Apollonia and Faded and anyone here who has thought of suicide:
our lives may not be the way we want them to be, maybe not even a little, but killing yourself is NEVER the solution.
I think I have socialphobia too, and every day of my life is a struggle, but I know that taking my life would only bring suffering to those I love. I wish I could tell you what to do, but I don’t know as I’m in the same situation.
The one thing I can tell you is to trust GOD, only he knows exactly what we’re going through and why.
I’m not gonna tell you everthing will be ok cause who knows if it will, but we can try to make it better by changing our attitude towards the problem.
This incapacity to socialize is in our heads. It’s not REAL.
I know it doesn’t seem like it but it’s true. And the reason people can sometimes reject us or ignore us is that we don’t VALUE OURSELVES. How is anyone going to care about us or think what we say is important if we don’t do it ourselves??
When you first meet someone, you unconsciously notice what the person’s like. If you think you’re worthless, the other person will notice, you don’t have to tell them. It’s not about trying to look confident. It’s about actually being confident.
It’s not easy to have a high self-esteem. No one really does, no matter how popular they are or how self-secure they look. But you can start by building your self-confidence.
You can try reading self-esteem books, going to therapy, asking someone you trust for help. And of course, you can try to talk more.
It’s not easy, but you have to try. There’s gotta be a solution.
We have to strive to be happy every day. Keep that in mind.
And, Please, please, hang in there.
God bless
To abcdefg:
I think you should go back to school. Isolating yourself won’t solve anything, on the contrary, it’ll make things worse.
Are you sure you don’t get along with your friends’ friends because they’re not good people or it’ just that you’re being a liiiitttle close minded? (no offense).
You don’t mention to have any social anxieties, so i’m guessing it shouldn’t be that hard for you to make friends as it is to others. My advice would be for you to join clubs or take classes or something like that. Meet new people. Try to bond with them. Hang out with them. Get to know them and let them get to know you. Your real self, not who you want them to think you are.
Plus, I don’t think a boyfriend is gonna solve your problem. You may feel less lonely, but probably he’ll be your only friend and that’s not the point right?
Good luck =)
I have no one that understand me. My parent don’t give a shit about me. They are part of the causes of my problem. I don’t know what to do? I’m in college right now, I can’t go to parties, have friend, talk to people. I can’t even get to experience love. I’m not bad looking. i HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. I WENT TO SEE TONS OF PSYCHOLOGIST AND PSYCHIATRIST AND IT NO USE. THE TREATMENT THAT i NEED IS OUT OF CAMPUS AND WOULD COST A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY. IT SO HARD BEING ME. AND DON’T TELL ME THAT BS ABOUT HAVING FAITH IN GOD. i HAVE FAITH IN GOD MY WHOLE LIFE, LOOK WHERE I AM NOW. I’M AN OUTCAST AND EVEN IN COLLEGE. I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT THIS YEARS ON MY BIKE, GOT HIT BY A CARS AND GOD WOULDN’T LET ME DIE. WHY WON’T I GET TO END MY MISERY, WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE ON LIKE THIS? WHY THE TORTURE, EVERYDAY I’M LIVING IN HELL, REALITY HIT ME HARDER IN COLLEGE. I WISH SOMEONE WOULD HOLD MY HAND AND TELL ME EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALRIGHT. I DON’T CONSIDER MYSELF EMO (I KNOW IT PROFILING) BUT I DON’T CARE, I’LL CALL MYSELF EMO BECAUSE AS LIFE WOULD HAVE IT I’M A WASH CAUSE. WTF DO I DO NOW, COUNSELING WON’T HELP, THERAPY COST THOUSAND OF DOLLARS? I BEEN ALONE ALL MY LIFE STARTING IN FIRST GRADE, BUT U MIGHT SAY WHEN I WAS BORN. WTF DO I DO NOW???? I CAN’T GET HELP, I KNOW I’M EMOTIONALLY STRONG BUT DO I HAVE TO LIVE LIFE ALONE? IT AFFECTING MY SCHOOLS, I HAVE NO ONE TO RELIED ON. i HAVE IT WORST THEN ANYONE HERE, AND THAT THE TRUTH. FUCK LIFE
Hi.
I Am 13 Years Old And In My First Year In High School.
I Used To Have Many Friends In Primary School But That All Changed For Some Reason. Me And My Best Friend (Lucas) Were Going To Go To The Same High School And We Were Very Happy. One Day He Called Me On The Phone And Said ‘What Happens If We Don’t Play With Each Other’. I Told Him Not To Be Silly But He Was Right. At Our First Few Weeks At High School ‘I’ Thought He Was Becoming Gay, So I Started Running From Him With My Other Friend (Martin) Who Also Attended My Primary School. Camp Came Up And I Slept In A Tent With Martin Even Though Lucas Asked Me To Sleep With Him I Said No And Ran To Martin. After Camp Martin Was Feeling Sick So I Went To Look For Lucas. When I Found Him He Was Playing Hand Ball With A Huge Gang Of At Least 10 People. He Looked So Happy And I Started Feeling Weird. The Next Day Martin Arrived But He Was Also Playing With Another Group Of People. I Was Going To Go Ask Lucas To Play With Me But I Was Too Scared. I Couldn’t Just Asked Him To Play With Me Because I Has Treated Him So Bad And I Was So Mean To Him. One Day I Decided To Ask Him If I Was His Best Friend. He Told Me No And Went Off With His New Gang. I Knew I Deserved This. Now A Days I Sit In The Toilets Listening To My iPod, Reading Books, And Other Stuff. I Don’t Want To Go Out And Start Playing With My Class Mates Because I Have Eczema On My Face And I Am A Shy Person, And I Already Tried It But A Group Of Guys In My Class Asked Me If I Was On The Drug Ice Because There Was A Commercial Of A Woman On Ice Digging In Her Skin. I Miss Lucas And Know I Shouldn’t Have Been So Mean. He Had So Many Things In Common With Me, We Had Eczema, Our Favourite Sport Was Basket Ball, We Were Hand Ball Masters, But Now That’s All Changed. Thanks.
I’m Also Suicidal.
Regi,
It was definitely wrong for me to make such a threat. Honestly, I’m really far too level headed most of the time to attempt anything so banal, pointless and immature as suicide. That was the rage and lonliness of that moment in time talking through me. As for your advice, I can understand seeking spiritual aid, but I do not agree about Therapists at all.
In my opinion, Therapy is just a well meaning but imperfect idea, it’s not really that great in practice. I don’t like how it works and let me give my reasons why:
A: The Counseler cannot not make the changes for you, all they can do is mostly sten and perhaps give some feedback based on education and training. But why do we trust these people as if they know everything? There isn’t any proof that they can do much beyond listening to you talk and trying to respond. But they are usually cautious to undermine what you say in any way, they are being paid to be supportive not assertive.
B All the talking in the world might only lead you to more talking, create more confusion and questions than solutions. It’s easy to trick a Therapist, it’s easy to convolute and manipulate someone else. In the case of people like myself, Therapy is just an escuse for playing mind games and twisting someone’s head around. Which ends up being an indulgant, sick kind of game rather than a good thing in the end.
Almost anyone would do better to find a hobby they loved, or work for charity. Or anything, practically, except commit suicide. :)
I could go on, but that’s the short version.
To the young ones, in high school and below: Don’t be too hard on yourself! Those years can be pretty awkward, even for those with the most developed identities later on. Everyone with a brain hates high school. You are going to change alot and things won’t look like they do now in several years. Keep going, don’t look back, realize that friends at your age are not going to be reliable, sometimes they don’t want to talk to you, and that’s not the end of the world! You aren’t worthless as a person, you are just not yet completely sure of yourself. That’s ok. All that matters is treating people respectfully and doing your best. If you do badly, you can always try it again. The people who you know now aren’t going to stay when your an adult. You have to base your actions and thoughts not on them, but on knowing that you want to go in a certain direction. Pick yourself up and start over, don’t let them hold you back or discourage you.
Those were the lessons I learned, at any rate, from not doing that properly. I cared too much about what people thought, if someone I wanted to like me, disliked me, I took it to heart. Often I let doubt destroy my will to accomplish anything, I wouldn’t practice, I would just look around at others and live in fear of their judgement, of being laughed at for being a freak. But, I was not seeing the truth at all. Normally the one’s who disliked me were people I shouldn’t have wanted to be friends with, so, only bother to put out an effort to care what they think for those who deserve it and value you. Otherwise you’ll put yourself through a hell of a time with out gaining anything, except perhaps the wisdom not to make the same mistake when your older.
I wish someone explained to me that I could be a better person merely by recognizing that my condition wasn’t permanent. The power will be more in your hands as you mature and grow smarter.
So thirteen year olds out there, fifteen year olds, seventeen year olds, whatever ridiculously young age you are, trust me when I say everything is going to be different in a few years, you and everything around you. Wait a bit. you’ll see. Ignore whatever I said before that about suicide. It was a lie. There is a different answer.
hi
I’m always feeling depressed.
I have a few close friends, but I can’t seem to make any new friends.
I’m at a fairly new school, 10th grade, I transfered schools in the middle of my freshman year.
I think part of my problem is right when someone is trying to get to know me I suddenly put up a wall and I don’t let them see the really fun outgoing side.
I really want people to get to know me, but i feel no one really puts the time and effort because they already have all their friends and groups.
and I really want a boyfriend.
but like someone said up there, I fear too no guy is going to want a girl that doesn’t even have a lot of friends of her own.
I’ve joined sports teams, I’m desperately trying, but no one cares.
I hate my life.
any advice?
I posted here July 11th 9:16.. I am still friendless.
I am a 21 year old female.. Artsy fartsy, intelligent (I’d like to think), plenty to contribute to conversation, but introverted. I’m lacking in the friend department myself. It comforts me to know other people have the same problem.
I had a fantastic group of friends in high school, never had to give a second thought to building friendships. But when college came around, I have yet to build any long lasting friendships. It’s quite obviously depressing…
I sort of developed a general loathing of people. I’ve been trying & learning how to give people a chance, but I’ve been proved over and over that not too many people are worth it or have something to say.
I’m now at a small, liberal college that’s expensive and full of students who’s parental units are paying their way & mostly hoping they come out with a husband. There’s no culture and it feels like nothings worth my time. … Like if i put my two-cents in, no one would understand me anyway.
I laugh at how many times I’ve googled “How to make friends.” I’m not sure what to do anymore.
*Shrug
wow… i feel the same way too
Wow. I share many of the same experiences and feelings as many of you.
I am a 41 year old gay white guy. I too have had a lot of trouble in my life making friends and keeping friends. I was picked on in elementary school, Jr. High School, High School and in College. Even now as an adult, I have had sometimes to deal with people who aren’t that nice. The nice thing about being an adult though is that you can pick and choose who you want to or don’t want to deal with. My boss has sometimes made some hurtful comments and I finally decided I wouldn’t tolerate it anymore and so I told him to stop and he did.
I agree that a lot of it has to do with your self esteem. I’ve had a tough time my whole life trying to figure out how to like myself. I know I’m not a great looking guy, but I also know I’m not the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I’m an average looking guy. There are probably things I could to improve my looks, but I’m also kind of lazy. Maybe it has something to do with the depression.
I did have friends throughout my K-12 years and in College. I’ve always had a few close friends. Even now, I have a couple of friends. One friend is a friend from High School who I still keep in touch with. The problem is that he lives in Ohio and I live in FL. So other than chatting on the phone every so often, I don’t get to see him. I had another close friend down here who left a couple of years ago. Part of the problem is as you get older many people are in relationships or married and they want to have friends who are also in relationships or married. Couples like hanging out with other couples.
The other issue is gay men aren’t exactly nice to each other especially if you aren’t that good looking. They can be down right mean. But, I continue to attempt to make new friends. It is a work in progress.
Most of the friends I have made have either been through School or Work. If you are shy and introverted like me and also have a low self esteem it is definitely a challenge to make friends. But, here’s what I have learned.
First of all no matter how ugly you might think you are, you probably aren’t that ugly. We are our own worst critics. Go as I have done to Match.com. Look through the ads of men or women. How many of the people with the photo ads are really good looking. You will see that there aren’t that many. Most of the people are average to below average looking. This exercise will make you realize that you aren’t a lone.
Secondly, we all have a talent. We all have strengths. Accentuate your strengths. Don’t focus on your weaknesses. The key is you have to be a friend to the one person who matters and that’s yourself. As many people have said on here, if you don’t like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to like you. I haven’t figured it out myself, but I haven’t given up.
Truthfully, I don’t mind being a lone many days because being with other people can be exhausting for me, but I know I need to continue trying to make friends. Eventually I will succeed and you will too.
Best wishes to us all.
Have hope everyone! There will be light at the end of this tunnel. It’s always darkest before dawn. I am a sophomore in college and I too am going through similar trials. The only thing that helps me to keep my sanity is my supportive family, ie. mother and sister and a collection of online people I have known for several years. Whom I could consider friends but of course, they are not quite the same as the buddy that you can go to a movie with. I like to watch the news and learn about the conditions and cultures of other people throughout the world..and lets say it helps me keep things in perspective. I may not be as popular as I want but things can be a whole lot worse. I know alot of times it helps to just have someone to talk to about problems whether you know the person or not. I am studying to be some sort of psychologist and reading through the majority of the posts not only fascinates me because of how so many people have gone through the same feelings that I have and am going through and there seems to be a field of study that needs more research. People should not have to go through this emotional and mental pain. We aren’t asking for much right? People who care? How can that possibly be as hard as it is? As some have previously suggested and through my own personal experiences, commonalities help create foundations for good friendships. Whether it be a common sport you play or even(such as in my case) going to home football or basketball games with other students on my campus or something like a book club. No other person can solve the lack of confidence and the feelings of emptiness. This strength needs to come from within. Even for you old-timers out there, there are people out there looking for the same thing you are:friendships. Typing “How to make friends” in google is not a very constructive use of time..although I and probably many of you found this page through that method. Everyone has some sort of niche, whether it be reading books, exercising or watching movies. We need to put ourselves in situations where everyone shares some sort of common interest, it breaks the ice much easier. Most of us have mentioned that we would do anything for someone else, etc. Most people aren’t attracted to people that will bend over backwards for them. People are attracted to people not just in romantic relationships or for romantic purposes; people want their friends to have certain qualities. Whatever they might be, those qualities are what attract people to each other. Most of you are looking for someone to talk to. I know y’all don’t know who I am but if any of you are looking for someone to chat with you can send me a message on aim. SN: uberhuber21 or e-mail at silentcalm@gmail.com. I also have a facebook, but you will have to learn my name(chat with me) first before you can have access to that. Hang in there. The human mind is your best friend and your worst enemy. When you sit by yourself stewing, your mind will infect you. Get out there and enjoy nature, exercise…anything to keep that mind busy. Best of luck. Things will change. =)
Wow, I’m glad there are others that are experiencing the same situation. I won’t whine, but here is my situation:
Through high school and college I had a few friends, but we were never really close. They have all moved to other states now, and we don’t really stay in touch. I just graduated college in May (I’m 22), and I have a great job! The only thing is…it’s at a really SMALL company, where I just work with a married couple and a woman who works remotely in another state. When I come home from work, it’s just my dad (my sister is 2 hours away, and my mother died in ’05). Well, my dad actually works until midnight, so I usually only see him for about 30 minutes each day, and some on the weekends. He’s getting re-married soon, and has a new life. Also, I’ll be moving out into my own apartment in about 4 months.
I should be excited about moving out, and I am! I’ll be more independent, have my own place to call home and to decorate…but I’ll be even more alone! I already don’t have anyone to hang out with at all, other than my dad and sister occasionally. I’m also gay, and have been in a few relationships. Now, I’m single. I’m having a hard time meeting sane guys, making any friends, and I just feel so isolated. I have a lot of interests (remixing music, computers, movies, politics), but I don’t know where to go to make friends around here. I live in Charlotte, NC, which is a fairly big city…but I don’t seem to fit in here being gay and non-religious. There are no real outlets for me to express my creativity with others here, and I feel lonely. I don’t want to be a hermit, and I’m trying to think positively! So what can I do to get me out and about as a single person, by himself…and make friends in the process? I need advice.
I posted here before, but today I had the biggest fight with my parents about my “antisocialness” so I feel like posting again. By the way I’m a 20 year of female in 3rd year university. First of all, I must say my entire family does not understand me, so in addition to having no friends, I get no support from the closest people to me. My parents think I DON’T want anyone around me, like I’m rejecting everybody and want to have nothing in common with other humans! WRONG! I am desperately looking for someone who cares, a sincere friend who truly wants to have a good time with me. Everytime I talk with people, they’re always bringing up the worst in me and we always end up talking about how I have “problems”, which I don’t. Just because I don’t have any friends right now doesn’t mean I don’t want them or that I’m weird and ugly. If you ever saw me on the street, you would not be able to tell that I don’t have any friends. Why don’t I have any friends. Well, because whenever I do connect with someone just a bit, they automatically realize through conversation that they are the only friend I have and so they feel awkward and leave me alone. And the cycle continues!!! In order to make friends, you need friends to start with, because once these new potential friends find out about your past they tend to avoid you, because a)they don’t want to look like some loser hanging around some loner and b)they want to meet and party with my own friends so that they could enlarge their own circle of potential friends. So you see, it’s tough making friends and since I have no friends right now. I avoid making new ones (because I am ashamed of my past) and don’t want to face rejection. I’m not weird, just misunderstood and need someone to help me get over the wall! Once I pass that point, it’s pretty much smooth sailing as long as I maintain the connections I’ve made. Hope I made sense. Peace!
I became extremely socially phobic after probably 5th grade. As a child I had a lot of friends. I’m now 22 years old. I have one friend, but I only see him a few times a year.
I’ve also never been in a relationship or even been in any way physical with a female.
I have a hard time making conversation with people, and I have a low desire to talk to people. I also majored in something I didn’t want to major in because of urgings from various people. Now I’m 22 and still haven’t graduated. I hate the courses I take, but I can’t change my major because I’d have to start over again and I’ve invested too much time and money in this one.
I feel weird about approaching people on campus, as friends or as romantic partners, because of how socially/romantically inept I am, and because they are usually younger than me unless they are in graduate school, which makes me feel like an even bigger loser. My grades are either hit or miss. I either ace the semester or I get depressed and do poorly. I also live at home. I want to move out so badly but I don’t have the money to rent a place.
I also know that I am addicted to the internet. I spend 5-16 hours a day on it. I’m sure this is the source of most of my problems, but my life is so bleak I have an incredible time keeping myself away from the computer. It is my only source of happiness, which is utterly pathetic I realize. I know that internet addiction is one of my greatest problems, but every strategy I use to avoid it fails after about a week.
I know that that is completely my own fault. I’ve found that rationing internet time only leads me back into my old habits, so the best way must be to go cold turkey. It’s strange to think about that though, because for the past 8 or so years my daily life has basically been structured around reading various newsfeed websites, internet forums, bulletins, and informational sites like wikipedia. My thoughts are basically structured around this nonsense and it’s become my life. When I keep myself away I’m just itching over the information I am missing and events I am missing.
Writing this all out actually helps me to see better how poor the decisions I make are. I usually don’t realize how much times elapses when I’m on the internet. Like today for example, I feel like I just woke up, but now I realize I’ve been on the internet for 13 hours. I really have a problem. It is so amazingly bad. I can’t believe it. I have to stop.
Hi casio here again. If anyone lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and wants to be friends e-mail me at “celerywins” at gmail dot com.
Hi friendly people
I am so dissapointed that we are all in this togerther. i am also so sad at the number of young people are starting off with the same depression I have for a long time (I’m 44). What happens now. This site is all I have. I am strangely embarrased to JUST talk to some one. I have tried to make friends at work, mostly with the new people, but I feel like they just look at me and I get the feeling they want to say, “Why are you talking to me”? i am pretty atractive and I think i am funny and fun to be with. i am married and have 3 grown children. But no one to just call. I dont feel like I am interesting. what do you do to try to make a friend with out someone thinking that you are trying to be fresh with them or noisey and get in their business. i though i made a friend and then her mother got sick and she never returned any of my calls, that has been about 3 months maybe longer. I am just a normal girl.
Cloudy:
I know just what you are talking about! My parents used to say I was too shy or that I was too shy, and that actually made me want to isolate myself even more!! Now, I’m 22, and just starting out with a new job (where I work with only 2 other people, so it gets lonely), and moving out on my own in a few months. I think the hardest part is trying to find someone who has commons interests. For me, I like electronic music production and traveling…and most people near me aren’t into that, and like just staying at home. It can be frustrating!!
Relationships are entirely different… But for just friends, I think you DO have to make an effort to get to know people. If someone sends an invitation, GO! No matter how awkward or shy you may feel…you need to confront social challenges, and eventually you’ll find friends. And I know how it feels like if you had more friends, it would be easier to make friends! I think that’s because friends start introducing you to other friends. Don’t give up… get offline, and go out!
Well, my life is doomed. I’m 36 years old with absolutely no friends. I kinda know why I ended up like this. God gave me so-called parents who verbally abused me. My biological Mother corrected me by making me feel like the stupidest most retared person on Earth and she allowed my stepfather to discipline me. My stepfather saw that I never fought back or expressed how I felt, so whenever my Mother was not around the verbal abuse and occasional physical abuse was at it’s worse. He cursed at me and complained how he was sick and tired of me and my mother. I believe this is where my personality was shaped because I never had the guts to talk to my mother about what happened behind her back. From the time I was in 3rd grade all the way through high school I sat there and took the worse kind of verbal abuse. Not once did I lash back. Can you imagine years of this internal torment. Only one time I told her, but this was much later in my years. My mom and I are cool now, but I often wondered what the hell she was thinking. I believed she was disgusted by me somehow. She hated my presence. What was she thinking. If only she knew what went on behind her back.
Through this experience I just never developed any social skills. I was not allowed to go out much. Today, nobody picks up the phone to call me and I can tell that no-one is interested in me. To be honest I’m not that interesting. I don’t think I would hang around me. I’m kind of boring. I have never had a boyfriend and next year will make four years since I have been intimate. I don’t see myself ever being intimate again. I mean, what man would want to be around me 24/7. So what is my point – a lifetime of no friends and life as an incel?
This is going to offend some people but I hate God. As I write this my tears are burning my eyes. I just don’t understand why God has blessed so many people and allow other people to have such sucky lives.
I have a huge student loan bill, recently launched a failing business which led me into more dept. I just feel that everytime I try to better my life I face roadblocks while other people excel.
I have no one. I’ve been searching the net trying to find the most peaceful way to kill myself. that’s the only thing that is keeping me alive because I’m too cowardly to blow my brains out. ***sigh***
Yea I got so bore that I post as another user. Cloudy do u have an Aim Sn?
Dear Tranquil,
Don’t be hurt by the thought that God has abandoned you or something. Why? Because God does not exist! I used to be a very devoted Catholic until I started university where I came to my senses and realized the truth. It’s sad eh? No more imaginary friend (aka “God”) for those who realize the truth. Some people still cling to the idea of a supernatural being, because it gives them conform despite the evidence which points to the fact that a god is highly improbable. But anyway this site is not about God, but if you wish to believe in him, that’s your choice. Just realize though, that by believing, your life is not going to get any better if it isn’t already so. I love that saying “God helps those who help themselves”. Only you can change your fate, although it may seem like it’s not easy at times (eg when we want to make friends). Sometimes things aren’t always going to be the way we want them because the situation may require a permission to proceed from both sides (ie. not only do YOU have to WANT friends and make an effort to make them, but also the other person must agree to befriend you). Being religious back then didn’t make me any less depressed and friendless than I am now (an athiest). Some people are just lucky to begin with. They may have close family members like cousins close in age who help each other meet new people which would allow them to develop their social skills from there. Others aren’t as fortunate. They may not have had as many experiences in life to make them feel good about themselves. I remember my whole life has been pretty much boring in comparison to others so I blame myself for the person I am today, not some sort of god. Social development obviously starts very very early in life, but it’s never too late to start making friends now. All we need is motivation and courage. Even if it doesn’t appear to work out at the beginning, don’t give up, because among all the rejecting people you’ll face, there is bound to be at least one good friend to you.
Dear Chris 2 (AKA Faded),
I have never heard of Aim Sn so no, sorry, I do not have that. Peace!
To Cloudy
When your in colleges, you need more than just a few friends.
Being twenty three years old, female and a NEET, it’s hard for me to relate to your average person at all. That is, I am someone who is presently and has been for awhile, without a job or going to school (Not seeking employment or education or training.)
So what do I do? That’s the age old question I constantly cringe to hear. when it’s asked of me I inevitably want to crawl under the nearest piece of furniture and hide from them and their questioning gaze, even if it is mild and informal. I know they mean well, and are simply making social chit chat and doing what’s required, but it’s the world’s most agonizing question for me. How can I, a recluse, answer that question at all with out humiliating myself publicly or lying and feeling like a fraud?
What do you do? This question begins most conversations nowadays, that and
alot of uninteresting stuff that I find dreadfully dull. Am I the only person who finds television and the obsession with talking on cell phones mind numbing? I’m not attempting to completely question accepted social conventions, I’m just putting in an opinion when I say this, but I’m having trouble making stuff up to tell people, to tell the truth. So mostly I just grin nervously and tell them some little white lie about a job which I don’t have. Sometimes I say, “Right now I’m not doing anything. I’m trying to write a novel, blah blah blah, bullshit, this that. ” But these answers aren’t very sufficient. I’m obviously able bodied, young, healthy, reasonably bright, ok, ok, I’m much more intelligent than I let on sometimes.
So what’s the deal with me? Right? Why am I spazzing out and not functioning since I am apparently capable of it? Why do I hide out and retire? Why am I so withdrawn?
I’m terrified of being judged. It seems no matter where you go these days, there is some kind of test taking place. If there’s one thing I discovered about my personality over the years it’s that I don’t take well to being scrutinized heavily or pushed into doing things. To make a long story short, I have fallen through the holes in society’s floorboards some way or other, even though I am not deficient in any way, shape, or form except in my perception of things. Oddly, my perception can either be my friend or my enemy, when I am not low it can elevate my mind, but when I am disoriented sometimes it makes me want to cut off my ear and mail it to someone like Vincent Van Gogh. (Don’t freak out, it’s just a metaphor for feeling manic, not a threat.)
I’m inevitably long winded I suppose because I have been isolated for such a terribly long time. I feel old, sick and tired. Not to mention aching to have intense conversations with somebody who thinks like I do enough and thinks differently enough, that there is some kind of electrifying connection. Is that friendship? I don’t know, I’m used to my own company. I don’t meet with people my age, people my age don’t understand me, in a certain sense because I might seem very sad or otherworldly to them. I want it all! I’m seen as enigmatic, eccentric or quiet. I hate the word. i’m not quiet, look at this outpouring, look at this, I could go on forever about how I feel. I could fill up more than what has been written by all the people combined and still not be near done talking. I’m not quiet!
People seem to shy away from any talk that extends beyond the superficial. I don’t know how to shut up and not open myself up, though. I like conversing about things other than jobs and television shows and other inane topics. Not that work isn’t rewarding, but right now, I am lost as to what I should be working at. An artist? In this day and age? Ha, I laugh. I have an artistic temperment sadly, but not the motivation to be a workaholic twenty four seven. Writing novels? Dear lord, I will end up cutting off my ear if I’m not careful. A poet, yeah right, Apollonia, child of Apollo. Why isn’t poetry back in style? Regular jobs don’t appeal to me. I wish I were Apollo, I wish I were a greek god. Instead I’m just a confused girl living in the entirely wrong time. I should of been born a long time ago…Yes, I am being dramatic. Well, I should of gotten over my stage fright and become an actress. At least than I would have adoring fans. As it is, I am completely unknown. that is the worst agony. Not not having friends, not having adoring admirers and besotted fans! Alas! Alas! Oh, the agony!
I have an alter ego named Olaf. Olaf is a gay male, as well. If I was male, I would be a gay male. Olaf is a lovely person, too. Sometimes I experience fantasies that I am a boy. Is this gender confusion, or extreme heterosexuality? I love men. Hey, is this allowed?
I told you I was bored.
Tranquil, if you ever need just an ear to bend please don’t hesitate to write to me: kennydoc1999@hotmail.com
Dear Apollonia,
I can relate to what you said in your long rant. I too feel as though people my own age do not understand me. Heck, I make better friends with old people, those who have gone through many years of life. I don’t know why that is. Maybe I’m just too serious and can’t seem to attract those cocky young folks. Sometimes I daydream that if I was born sometime in the past, life would have been better. I hate modern life, as convenient and luxiurious as it may be. *sigh*
Cloudy-I can relate to your feelings 100%, I find that I am reluctant to find any new friends because I am embarassed by the fact that I don’t have any friends presently. I just give up and don’t feel like communicating with anyone, I am older than you and it just gets harder, I would suggest that you get involved with group activities, cycling club or hiking club or anything social to broaden your interaction with people on a level playing field, this is the mistake that I made, not doing enough sooner.
My life is another story I have made some really dreadful mistakes as far as choices and I am just trying to find an outlet to express myself.
After reading some of these posts, I am starting to feel like I’m not alone, though I am alone. It seems it takes an isolated person o truely see how cruel and self centered most of society seems to be. I have absolutely no friends, and most of the time no inclination to make any. This goes back and forth, as I’m sure anyone in this position knows it is depressing, disheartening, and just overall crappy to not have even minor aquaintances. Through no fault of our own, perhaps the only fault being an ability to actually care about other people, we (and yes i’m referring to the posts I’ve read so far) seem to have slipped through the cracks into an adulthood filled with stress, cold stares, dinner for one, television catharsis, etc. I apologize if this doesn’t actually describe anybody but myself, i’ve just gotten so caught up in the whole “I’m not the only social misfit alive” feeling after viewing this page. It is sad to be alone, unable to make any real connections in real life, and even sadder when you can’t make fake connections in fake life I.E. the internet. I’m the only person I know who cannot make a friend, even online. I’m talking about the feeling of being on every ignore list in every chatroom and forum across the world wide web. That might sound paranoid, and I doubt it’s true, but it might as well be a fact, because that is exactly the treatment I recieve, which would be none. I don’t want to take up any more of anyone’s time, but I felt the need to write something, because being alone sucks, and not being able to find a way out of it sucks worse.
My only problem is I have Social Anxiety Disorder. So it in anyway my fault, but it still feel like it.
im exactly the same as all of you guys.. im a 25 year old female, and while i do have a bf, all of the other times i am alone..even when i have jobs i dont make any friends..i tried playing table tennis and indoor cricket to try and make friends.. but that didnt work..it didnt work when i played music either…
at this point in time ive given up even trying to make any friends.. i dont see the point..the really sucky thing is also with the internet, you can chat in very nice and happy chatrooms, get along with everyone..or type out rants like this..but everything you do on the net is just going into a big empty void….why do people lie and make their way NOT to even meet you for?? ive never understood it…thats why i tough this world out on my own…ive always gone to most places by myself these days – otherwise i would just sit there and sulk at home (which ive done heaps of for heaps of reasons)…
this life is just one lonely journey..and then you die….geez..
I agree with you Patrick, I am in exactly the same boat. Alone and have an extremely difficult time relating to people due to social anxiety and also have an issue with general anxiety. It makes it hard to keep going . You just sometimes say what’s the use. But there remains a glimmer of hope alive in me that maybe things will some day improve. I sure hope so. At 50 and screaming rapidly toward senior status, I can’t last like this forver. Send me an email for further discussion Patrick. Or anyone else.
reno2003bill@yahoo.com
It’s bizarre that i found myself reading so many of these posts in the middle of a Saturday. To keep it short i know how it all goes. I had tons of friends in High School and was even a multiple state champion in 2 sports. Even in college i had a close group of friends i met first day of class, go figure. Here’s where it gets fun. I did everything for any of my friends, from driving 5 hours to one of their homes after they got in a car accident and missed school for a week to be with them through it (i had known this person maybe 6 months). My best friend from the group ended up living with me because of hard times where i payed a majority of his share just to help him out. Now a year and half down the road he got him a girlfriend and he never will call me back…nor will all my other friends. Get this for the nerve of my “best friend”..he sends me a text after about 2 months of ignoring me saying “you may think you can escape my friendship, but you can’t.” I was irrate, can you see the irony. But to get back to the point, i would do anything for anybody even if i didn’t know them, if i ever saw a person that looked like they were in my shoes i would go give them a big hug and be there for them. Why do i now sit at home with nothing but empty relationships? I did just get out of a year long relationship that i put my heart and soul (and bank account) into, where because of her depression i couldn’t help her any more, she had things to figure out on her own. I think her depression swayed my mind because i now don’t find happiness in simple things, i wonder what life is about all the time and nothing seems fulfilling in the grander scheme…i date alot but once again i must be too picky or just can’t find what i want (which i don’t know what it is). I feel lost in life for so many reasons. I found out my dad has been cheating on my mom my whole life and he does drugs, broke up with the gf, and have had 3 car accidents, etc. but i still see myself as a happy person at heart, i just don’t know why life is feeling so surreal right now…i don’t have a single person to vent to so i am very sorry..this helps :) If anyone lives in Oklahoma and feels the same, just needs a friend, text me at 405-623-6899 i would love to help anybody i can. love you all
In respond to Justin
NO you don’t know what it like. I never had any friends.
I wish people like you would stop posting on these forum.
As for me, I always been an Outcast, and still am. All I want in life is a hot girl that I can fall in love with.
That the only reason why I’m still living this long
most of us aren’t trying to be outcasts bro. That’s why it seems kind of hypocritical that you are complaining. Be nice to people, you may see changes.
Hey Justin, I know how you feel. Life just sucks sometimes doesn’t it? If you ever want to talk here’s my e-mail.
great-laughter@hotmail.com
To Chris 2
yeah I may have a boyfriend an I do appreciate him very much yet I miss having friends in my life. I think it helps the relationship if you both have your own friends or share friends with each other.
Your partner cannot be everything to you. It can be unhealthy. I hope you find a girlfriend, but, you will not know what I’m talking about until you do. I think it’s better to have friends first ( or learn how to )than a bf or gf. You’ll always need that kind of support. you have to hit it off as friends anyways if you want a good romantic rel. to last. Believe me I know. It’s all fun in the beginning but when the real life shit hits the fan, you better really be there for each other like a best friend.
Just remember, having a bf or gf doesn’t solve all of your issues. It just brings them even more into the light.
Good luck
Thank you for the reply ck. Your statement make me think a little about having a gf. Of course I could argue that girl think differently from guy. From a guy perspective, I just really want a girl and though your statement make sense, I could also say that it your own experience of love. Do you sort of get what I mean?
Now on to the question of friends. When you say that you have a bf and yet you have no friend? I wonder why it is so, it shouldn’t be hard making friend if you already have a bf. And I come to the conclusion through my own thinking that let say, I really like you and found out you had a boyfriends, there a good chance on my own account, I wouldn’t be your friend at all. I don’t tend to be friend with someone who already has a gf or bf. I don’t know if you understand the point I’m making, but for me it would be so awkward just being friend with a couple.
And lastly I might added, that though I don’t know your bf, I don’t think he treating you like a princess. If any girl ever dated me, they would know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not like most guys, I am romantic in all account, and I won’t date a girl unless I know the relationship will last.
The question now become: Do I want to get laid? Of course I do, but I also rather be with someone in a long relationship, after all it human nature to find love.
I am in my late twenties, living in a new town with my husband and NO friends. As a kid we moved a lot and I went to a different school almost every year. Therefore every friend I made was never alloted to be long term. In college I made 2 best friends whom i left behind when I got married and moved away. Now I can’t make a girlfriend for the life of me. I want friends but I feel as though I’ve gotten so burnt from so many girls in the last few years that it’s getting way too complicated for me. I’m at a point where i’m looking internally at what’s wrong with me. I’m very pretty, stable, good listener, a good person and a great friend but can’t find anyone to even call me back. It sucks. What’s a girl to do without female companionship?
AIM: rasmugirl16 if anyone ever wants conversation…..may as well make use of us being in the same boat together
first To chris 2
I’m glad that some of what I said made you think a little.
Why do you find it hard that even though I have a bf I have no friends? He can’t do much about it. He knows it is important to me . But this is my situation . Yeah we’d like to meet another couple that we hit it off with but haven’t lately. We usually like one of the couple and not the other this happened just recently
When I my bf I had two really close friends (girl and guy) the gf got engaged and everything became her wedding and her new guy. she didn’t put much energy into our friendship anymore and with time it just ended ,even though I tried calling attention to this , she didn’t want to see it or didn’t care anymore. My son saw this ,my sisters saw it ,and my bf saw it , it really hurt me . She made everything all about her new man.
The same thing happened with my guy friend. He met a girl , got serious ,and drifted away from all of his friends ( not just me). I ran into one of his best friends and he told me he never sees him or hears from him evre since he started seeing this girl.
O.K. So that’s what happened to me. Guess I feel like I got hurt and left behind they were like a brother and sister to me. When I met my bf I made sure I included them into my life I had time in the beginning to be alone with my new bf but I still made an effort to be close to my friends I learned it isn’t good to put all of your eggs into one basket a long time ago. But when it was their turn they chose different.
I sometimes wonder if they even miss me. Just try to see it isn’t good to make “one person” be the “everything ” to you can set yourself up for a fall.
My bf has a twin brother it’s his best friend for life. He’s lucky. They also have a group of guy friends they hang out with more like aquaintenances not too close. I encourage him to do his own thing have his time with his brother or alone.
Can you see now how I’d like to have my own friends girlfriend or guyfriend.? It just seems to balance the whole situation out.
Why do you think he doesn’t treat me well? He’s the best. He is a true friend he is very supportive and wants the best for me.
ToMoreMe
I totally relate to your situation. I know I got close than hurt and it’s getting in the way of me getting back out there taking a risk. Guess I have to get over it . but I still have a sense that i’ll get close and “bam” the rug will be pulled out from under me.
GOt to let go and know that this is a part of life. I can’t take this personally. It’s hard for me cause I’m too damn sensitive. Hope things get better for you.
More Me
Email me sometime at just1friend4me@yahoo.com. I am female (older then you) but my pain of lonliness is still there. You just dont know who to trust anymore and people may think thing are better then they are. I am open for email. Keep your chin up. Although I have not met my True BFF. I know someone is there for chatting, but where I a dont know
hey everyone… i know how all you women feel. i’m 20 with no friends. i really just lost contact to everyone i thought was my best friend. i met one girl in college but its like she only talks to me when shes on campus since she doesnt know anyone else.. but when she goes home its like i dont even exist. it hurts because i honestly thought we were becoming close and its like i just get used from mon-fri. but it feels good to see texts and calls from someone else besides my boyfriend and parents. also my boyfriend has tons of friends and like everyother min someone is calling him and everything. i get real self conscience when i see groups of girls together. i wonder how do they make friends. i hate going to the mall or doing anything because i always see a bunch of people hanging out and i wish it could be me. i’m always with my boyfriend because i really have no one else to be around. we fight a lot because i really dont give him space. i mean its hard because if i dont hang out with him i sit at home all night. i just hate the way people are so closed minded to making new friends. it really bothers me because i feel like my entire life i’m not going to have any people to be close with. i mean what about my wedding day? whos going to be my bridesmaids and all that? life really sucks..
OMG…This can’t be happening to me, I don’t know what to do? Please you guys please tell me what to do?
Today I went to get a laptop loan and they disapprove me, so now I’m suck here and the only way I can do work is in my room and I can’t concentrate in there. My floor is so nosy and the parking lot is outside my window, so when people leave to party and get back, they always scream and it so hard. I want to do it in the library but I don’t have a laptop.
Well PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO?
i WISH I WAS LIKE ALL OF YOU GUYS, BUT I’M NOT, i AIN’T NORMAL. I NEVER WILL BE ALSO. I’LL THINKING OF SUICIDE AND NOW W/E WHO CARE IF PEOPLE DON’T REMEMBER ME, NO ONE WILL WHEN I’M OLD AND DIE. I JUST WANT PEACE AND I DON’T WANT TO WORRY ANYMORE, I CAN’T TAKE THIS SHIT.
FIRST OF ALL BEING POOR IS ALREADY BAD AS IT IS, BUT NOW I HAVE TO SEE PEOPLE WITH BF/GF AND DRESSING ALL UP FOR HOLLOWEEN. I’M SO POOR I CAN’T EVEN AFFORD A COSTUME. I BARELY HAVE ENOUGH LOAN TO COVER MY EDUCATION. I’M SERIOUSLY SICK RIGHT NOW, I GET MOODSWING EVERY COUPLE OF HOURS, IT USE TO BE DAYS, NOW HOURS. I HOPE IT RAIN ON HOLLOWEEN, I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
I’M SUCH A LOSER.
sigh,,,it sucks seeing people going out for Halloween all dressed up and shit ready to have fun. All I do every year is stay home and give out candy. :(
im 20 years old and have no friends for 3 years now.Im a nice guy iv always treated people with respect ,im always nice to them.You see i have a small percentage of ADD and at times i got bullied in school because of it.It affected me really badly socially and mentally my friends never really understood my problems and some of them did not care,anyway it got to a point where they became the bullies to make them selfs look good and to fit in,ever since then iv felt alone and hopeless i have only my family,no gf aswell.im afraid to have a girlfriend to be honest im afraid i may get rejected also the fact that she will find out i have no friends which will be very humiliating for me also because i feel so isolated It has gotting to a point now where im so depressed i find it very hard to sincerly smile around someone which gives me no hope in finding new friends.It affected my working life alot in many ways.i even left my job 3 months ago after a year and a half .I have being suicidal for 3 years now i feel i have no future and everyday hoping that someday soon i will get cancer and die .i feel if i can get a friend back in my life again i can put my life back on track and be happy again but i dont see how that going to happing.
I’ve noticed two main problems that people have been stating here. Having no girlfriend and/or boyfriend and being too reserved, shy.
Below is the link to a site that, in my opinion, shows you how to effectively associate with the opposite sex for the purpose of a lasting marriage(love) and friendship and in the process become more assertive, so two problems are being solved at the same time in equal measure.
The link is,
http://www.cmosnetworks.com/HowToGetAndKeepAGoodMan.html
Can somone explain why I always have to walk alone? 25 years old, I go out, I give out my cell-number, but come weekend, I am all alone…..This is tearing down my soul. In class all I think about is: what if I had had a group to work with……. My grades suffer, my soul suffer…….others are smiling and laughing….I just found out that they had a party for the whole class , expect me….
Maybe it is best to end it…….
hello im 19 and am so lonely. i have gotten to the point in life i dont care anymore have had frineds no more tho for so long now and im just so depressed iv lost all my fmily to death and i codd giv a crap less anymore u all dont have friends because OF ONE REASON AND HERE THIS WE ARE ALL TOO NICE AND CARING AND LOVING AND TRULY HAPPY INSIDE SO WE HAVE SHOWED IT AND IN THIS CRUEL WORLD THAT IS CONSIDERED WEAK MAKING PPL REPEL FROM US BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY CANT GET ANYTHING FROM US
some people are just unfortunate in life and some are,even if you don’t deserve it thats why life is normaly said to be unfair…… i know it sucks.
I am 17, 18 in December. I have gone back and forth between two countries. I’ll call them country A and B. In A, although I had a wide circle of friends and someone who did give a f*** about me (ie. call from time to time and be bothered to dig me out of bed to go out), I still felt lonely at times and could not get into a relationship. Also I think I should mention that I’m gay and at A I had a range of gay friends and places to go to with them. At A I felt great but had to move because my education would have suffered and there were no career oppurtunities there.
Background info: Born in B, moved to A for 9 years, moved to B for 8, went back to A for 6 months and now back in B.
B carries many bad memories for me. At one point (I was badly depressed and later hospitalised) I fell out with most of my friends. When I moved to A I didn’t keep in touch. Now I’m back and no one cares. The few people that used to still speak to me, blank me and ignore my texts/calls. In school I stand out like a sore thumb and although I do speak to people, none of them are the people I would form close friendships with or even hang out out of school. I have only felt this useless and alone at one point in my life and this was before I tried to take my own life. I am terrified of my depression returning. The councillor at my school is terrible. She can’t be bothered with me and tries to dodge me whenever I try to see her. Had bad experience with psychiatrists and psychologists out of school so don’t really want to go there.
I am not shy but then again my personality switches in both of the countries. In A I was terrorised by my homophobic grandparents who I stayed with and in B my stepfather hates my guts.
At least I’m not alone, eh? ;)
pete d i think what you said was very pessimistic…..yet very true.
I’ve learned that the tough way. At one point in all of our lives, that our “friends” are really just like a vending machine. If you don’t toss coins in, nothing will come out.
I’d disagree. Although it’s usually me who listens to their problems than the other way round, I usually try and get rid of people areound. Or I see if they could be of any use to me.
Which, in a way, is worse because I know about it but have no control over it. A fear of intimacy I guess. At some point when I feel I’m too close to someone or that there is potential then I do everything to make them want to leave me or I set them up with somebody else.
Hey everyone, :) I am an introvert and I find it incredibly difficult to approach and have conversations with people I don’t know. In social situations I either overcompensate for feeling like I will be misunderstood if I cannot express myself that well, and act aloof, convinced they won’t understand at all anyway.
The main problem is, I’m in my early twenties and I am technically what you would call a recluse. Meaning I stay at home instead of working or going to school and have trouble going out alone. I do go out, when with others only, but not alone and I quit every job I ever had because I found working too pressureful and stressful.
I find it hard to follow through on anything I start, no matter how excited it makes me at first. So I often think if I went to school I would not be able to do the work because I would get too distracted or frustrated mid-attempt and start to fail classes. Also being around all those people would terrify me.
In truth, I am terrified of crowds. I start to feel like everyone can read my thoughts and they can see how messed up I am. I’m paranoid people can read my thoughts. Not insanely, just enough so that it impairs my ability to go out and work and make friends and such.
I don’t know anyone else who has these same issues, making friends as a recluse is near impossible. Who would want to talk to me if they knew I stay at home?
Recently I discovered through research and a newly found love of Anime, that in Japan many young people are secluding themselves and aren’t able to emerge from their homes. They are called Neet (Not employed, seeking education or training) and
Hikkikomori. (Shut-Ins) Apparently it’s supposed to be only a Japanese cultural phenomenon, but I have been living similiarily since I was a teenager. I find it interesting that so many people who work and go to school have trouble making friends even though they are more adjusted to society. It could be something is wrong with society, in general to make people either anti-social or failures.
Sorry, mispelled a few things there. It is spelled Hikikomori! (Similarily…) You get the picture. D:
I must say, it is very refreshing to know that there are other people out ther just like me. When I was younger like in middle school, I had a couple close girl friends and they would come over and we would swim in my pool. When I got in high school, I only had a couple friends and then in 11 and 12 grade I got into the “wrong” crowd and really went downhill. That was 3 yrs ago and I have no friends. ALl the people I used to hang around were friends, just bad influences and now that I dont do that stuff anymore, we NEVER talk anymore. I do have a boyfriend and we have been together for three years. but he is it. he has alot of friends and i am very jealous bc his phone is always ringing but mine does not. im at a university and i dont really find it hard to talk to people sitting next to me… i find it VERY HARD to actually make a friend and hang out with someone outside of school. I dont even remember the last time me and a “friend” hung out… It is a very lonely life and deep down it hurts like hell and there is a HUGE hole that i believe will never be filled unless i have true friends. i wish soooo bad i had friends because i love life. we would go out to eat … the beach.. go shopping… go to each other houses… call each other when times are tough or i have great news… usually on the weekdn my bf is with his friends and i am stuck alone on the weekend in my room. i know this sucks and sometimes i find myself crying bc i am so very very lonely. like many of u i think i have a good personality and am friendly. i am very nice and always want to make others happy and put others before myself. i see many of us have those qualities in common.
Yeah i’m 18 just graduated, had alot of friends. But I really have a hard time holding onto friends so after time i lost ALL of them. Now I’m at home with no direction or purpose, I’m so confused. I feel like I’m nothing and I really don’t want to do anything… WHY!! WHY does it have to be me… I just wish I could hold onto friends/make friends… UGH I don’t know what to do….
Sometimes I think I just need to accept that I’m not as fortunate as the more “social” people out there… but its just so hard… Because I cannot picture living the rest of my life with no friends, sometimes I think ill just drive myself so crazy ill kill myself or something… IDK I just pray that things will change for the better.. heh.
i’m 21, the only true friend i had moved away when we were 16 so we never get to see each other anymore, the rest of my “friends” in school/college didn’t want to know me outside school/college. so now i have been on my own for nearly 5 years. i sit here and try to think what i ever done wrong and can’t actually think of anything apart from just being a nice person.
Im 17 and its nice to know that there are (what appear to be) a thousand posts here by people who have no friends. Im in the same position as many of the people here – I used to have friends but after a while decided that being stupid and retarded just to keep friends and keep respect wasnt worth it (besides, I get none from them).
Feels kinda funny to have nobody talking to you…. its like a coming off a drug at first – with severe withdrawal symptoms – but it will get better.
Just remember that mourning over having no friends is weak (if it starts to affect your life) – so is suicide.
Much better to 1) Fight for respect and gain friends 2) Find true friends somewhere else 3) Live it out
Cheer up – its all the same in the end
Just a thought, since I’m an insomniac, if anyone needs to chat my email is eeijit@gmail.com
I’m from London, England :)
I’m a transfer sophomore this year in college and I don’t know a single person at school. It sucks.
Can anyone guess why we’re in the situation we are? … Are we anti-social? Shy? Too picky? or do we just suck?
I’m in the same boat myself, i have one real friend but i am attending college while he is currently not attending school so i rarely get to talk to him. The few people i can talk to at college, i suspect only talk to me because they feel sorry for me, but its all i have. Even if i did feel like turning around and talking to somebody else in class, what would i say? I asked a couple of people how they were doing and they just said “good” and basically avoided further conversation with me by turning and talking to someone else. I had five good friends in high school, one of them backstabbed me and won’t talk to me anymore, one of them passed away a week after high school graduation, another one moved to the other end of the country to attend university, and one of them is now a drug addict who i haven’t seen since graduation, which leaves only one remaining friend who has stayed by my side. If i were to ever lose my only friend i don’t know what i would do. All my life i have been a good person who was always willing to put others first but it seems to be all the jerks and assholes who have many friends and i just don’t get it, makes me wonder if i should just become a jerk myself. I wish i could meet someone like myself but a person like that seems impossible to find.
As I went down the page i smiled as I now know I am not the only one who thinks and feels the way I do. It’s sad, but not as much so knowing that there really are people that can relate. If only I knew and could become friends with you all.
I will now bookmark this page so I can come back and look at it read it when I feel like shit again.
How do you feel when you here the song
“you’ve got a friend” James taylor carol king ?
Or “I get by with a little help from my friends” beatles
“Oh you gotta have friends” Bette midler
Does it make it even more painfuly obvious that something’s misssing?
Or hopeful? Just wondering.
Hi All,
Its been awhile again since I last posted on here. Still am reading all of you dear people’s posts though.
I just got my third beautiful Pom puppy. He is less than 8 months old. This one had been deserted at a Pet Smart, because the owners didn’t want him anymore. By the time I got him from the clerk, he had just broken his front leg while being left alone at her home while at work, the day after she took him we met her and picked him up. So he is in a cast now . The vet bills are seriously piling up. But I guess that is what you do for the “unloved and deserted” animal friends, right?
We named him Rambo Windwalker because he has had to overcome so much in his short life.
I wanted to say that the Bible speaks on friendlessness, it states that the poorest person of all is one who does not have any friends.
ck- I listen to all those songs on my cds, and the words are very truthful.
Well, take good care everyone. Each of you are all very special in God’s eyes, even if the world cannot see it and you do not feel that way. Please realize that. Bye All for now!
Hey Flopcorn (and everyone else here),
I am the author of that Web page that you referenced (How to Get and Keep a Good Man). Glad you found it interesting, and I hope it helps someone. From a man’s perspective, it really is true.
Ladies, if you’d like to change how the opposite sex views you, you indeed would do well to take a look. Any questions, feel free to ask. The email address is on the Web site, albeit in a form to defeat spambots.
–TP
I just wanted to say that Social Anxiety RUINED my life for most of my childhood. Now I don’t know you guys so I won’t judge, but you guys must have some sort of reason why you don’t have any friends? I on the other hand have a few very good friends here in college and we are going to be lifetime friends because it the exact type of people I want to hang around withs. However what sicken me is that because of my anxiety, I could have made so much more friends than the few I have now. I’m not saying that have a few is bad or that I take them for granted. I’m just saying this so you guys know where I’m coming from. In fact most of my floor mates either think I’m a jerk or just plain weird because I hardly talk to them. By now it been really hard because I will have to hide when I see them. I can’t believe how pathetic I am at that, but since I have fear of most people, I tend to only come out of my room until it quiet.
So I want to know why you guys can’t make friend? There are so many times when people who wanted to be my friend left because I just didn’t hang out with them the next day because of my illness.
Terrell Prude’ Jr.,
I am thankful for your essay (you are a very sensible person) because it gave weight to the notion that marriage is something to grow, learn from and as a means to help one another, not just “excitement” or “mystery,” and that dating shouldn’t even exist because it only serves as a barrier between a potential husband and wife. (In my opinion, one should be honest from the beginning and tell a potential husband or wife that he/she is an interest and also, that divorce is a possible alternative if both partners have learned all they can from their marriage and agree to do so). This is my viewpoint.
Chris 2,
Perhaps having a few close associations from which one can gain strength for life and speak about countless topics in depth is more valuable than speaking to many people about trivial matters and from which one can therefore gain no direction or help in life. (My opinion…)
Sarah,
I was wondering the same thing. What’s to become of us or someone like me? I have no friends, I don’t have the social personality to keep friends, and I also lack sex appeal, I’ve been an incel going on 4 years now.
My question is, can I survive? What can I do? It’s one thing to live your life out as a loner, but without intimacy as well? has anyone ever written a book about being alone and happy?
When I was in grade 6 I met a girl we clung together, but after a while she got tired of hanging out with me and said “stop following me.” After that I realized I was on my own. In high school I had trouble making friends. One friend I just met at lunch because she saw me alone. The worst part, she was eating with that girl! The other friend was the daughter of my mom’s friend. It sucked. I suffered throughout high school. I hoped it would end quickly. But guess what, now I hope my college days would end quickly. What’s my problem? Maybe not figuring that out is. I hope people like me see the light some day. Right now I have no faith.
To Sarah and Tranquil
My psychologist recommend a book call “feel happy”, I forgot the author of that book, but I definitely think you guys should either borrow it from the library or buy it.
Now on to me
I’M SO SOCIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY FUCKED IN ALL RESPECT TO WHAT IT IS TO BE A HUMAN OF ANY SORT. I FEAR TALKING TO PEOPLE MORE THAN GETTING HIT BY A CAR. LOL DK ANYMORE. GUESS I’M JUST FUCK UP. I GUESS THERE NOTHING WE CAN DO, WERE ALL GONNA LIVE LIFE WITHOUT EVER FEELING LOVE.
Dear all, I have some advise for you as a young single mom who has a son of 21 yrs with the same problem of lonelines as you all. When you can’t fight a situation in the physical (= doing you utmost and things still won’t turn out) you should try to fight it in the SPIRITUAL. God is the owner of all of us and our situations, he’s the only one that can bring a change to your loneliness or the rejection you experience. Don’t expect an overnight miracle but DO continue to walk in Faith with lots of prayer untill you reach your breakthrough.
A verse to meditate on: Matthew 21 verse 22. “if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer”
Bye, Blessings!
RARE! Listen very closelu, there is people out there that can relate to you because i am one of them. I am 23 now and my life has been a consent have a friend for a little while and then nobody for even longer. May weekends I’d sit home wishing one of my so-called friends would call but they don’t. Then out of nowhere I would start talking to an old friend, we’d hang out on and off and Id become dependent on that person until we are no longer friends anymore either. MY life is an ongoing recycling of old friends. Yes I am gym fanatic too. I am at the gym almost everyday, am friendly with most of the people there, but its like i have to try to be friends with people and doesn’t come natural. People think im strange, different and usually i like to pride myself with that even though it gets me nowhere. I am not one of those guys who gets hidden in the crowd but i seem to stand out to much and people keep their distance for whatever reason. I seem to be good at talking to girls that are strangers, but even they seem to try and keep things on the down low. I am also a struggling entrepenuer, hoping to one day “make it” and then have lots of friends and beautiful women admire me. I have a tendancy to have big dreams then get discouraged easily and ultimately do nothing. I write music and sing the same songs over and over again when im bored or depressed, research the same shit over and over again hoping for motivation, and then lay down depressed. I am good looking guy with a big heart and appear on the outside strong, determinded, and intelligent. But inside i know i got many problems. I also have many old friends numbers who dont return my phone calls and a family who is jaded. My suggestion to you, if it means anything is continue doing everything right. Continue to work out, still be nice to people even though the favor isnt returned, still be there for people. Good luck I know how you feel
When i was working i got on well with most of the people.I socilist and laught with them alot but u c they where foreigners eg polish,cezc,lithuanian i was more confindent around them.When im around people of my own nationality im less confindent because there have been many times my old friends let me down by being very 2faced.lying avoiding me ect. i have no friends now sadly i feel foreigners are more easy going ,there for i feel no preseare to be myself around them and be accepted,it worked i made a couple of friends went out drinking and having laughs with them BUT it didn’t last long,they went back to their country for good which was a real killer for me.I tried to keep in touch with them but eventually they stoped replying.Im a real nice and normal guy fearly good looking i don’t know why im alone iv now lost my confidence and will to live.Believe me if i was living in the usa i would b dead by now because gunshot to the head is the easyiest and only way i can do it i can’t get access to guns legally where im from so im going have to find another way.I really feel its a pitty we all can’t meet up with each other in real life and hang out or something that would change things for the better for sure.
i have “friends” at work, but i don’t see them outside of work
and why is it that everyone i meet just wants to go to a pub/nightclub and get drunk and have sex every weekend? booooooriiiing… even more boring when they dont want to do anything at the weekend because they have such a bad headache from the ridiculous amount of alcohol they consumed the night before.
i feel like a normal person compared to them.
I was born an only child to older parents in 1967. They were about 40 when they had me. My mum was not able to have any other kids. I moved 5 times in my life during schooling, and thus made only one friend, who I have not seen in 20 years.
I get asthma, I’m a little over weight, but I’m very pleasant.
I replaced my inability to obtain friends or a job for the first 10 years of my post-schooling life with studying. So now I know everything about history, and science, to Masters degree level, but I still have no friends.
I still live with my mum and dad because my job – I’ve had it for about 7 years – doesn’t pay enough to buy a house or rent one and still survive.
This means I am trapped. I believe that I am designed to be alone. Nature has intended it to be so. If I go out, nobody bothers with me who I would be interested in talking to. So I stay at home, as being with people all on your own is a horrible feeling.
I have no interest in alcohol. Boozing is not fun, it’s just stupid.
People say I ought to join clubs, go out. What clubs? Walking clubs where old people hang out? Courses that I have no interest in whatsoever. So I stay at home. Better to be their than having to put up with humans who want to take the piss out of me because I’m clever or I say the wrong thing.
Most women are not interested in me, as all they want is some over muscular hunk, who has the brain of a pea, and the body of tight-arsed ape. They don’t want a romantic old 40 year old who 10 years ago fell for a girl called Katie and never got over her. But she was too young, and I wasn’t what she wanted.
But at least my life has a purpose. My purpose is to exist alone until I die. Life is indeed purposeless, and whether one has friends and children or not makes no difference. You still die in the end. I will die possibly sometime before 2040 I guess. Not long now.
John, i feel a lot of the same things that you have described, although much younger than you, i still feel as alone. my problem is confidence, and im the sort of person who enjoys his own company but also i enjoyed being with all my friends.. a recent argument with one has turned them all against me, which is the worst feeling. i work 10 hours a day, i have no time for a social life.. and im only 17 years old. i sometimes think im just meant to be lonely but i try to convince myself otherwise, often to no improvement. i like my alone time, but i feel so shit being alone all the time..ive had relationships lately which has caused disputes between friends.. seems that nothing i can do can make my life any better. sometimes i just think it would be easier to be alone, but i feel so ashamed to be so alone when my family asks me why im not going out with ‘friends’..and wonder why i have no friends round to parties and things..
John i know im a young guy, but you sound like a good guy and i doubt that everyone is looking for a tight arsed ape with no IQ.. i think if you put yourself out there then something will happen.. ive always felt that my lack of confidence in myself shows through and lets people take advantage. get back to me as soon as you like
Jessie I can see how you feel. When i feel lonely i find myself calling up old high school friends or something and then we’d hang out we get sick of each other, more or less. I do have a really good friend but she’s in London, so nvm. Other “local” friends I either lost when I graduated or recycled like you do. Then I ran into trouble with one of the recycled friends and we stopped seeing each other just recently. Right now I feel like shitty crap. I’m not confident, though. That’s my problem. Sometimes an old good friend would call but it kinda ends there. I also dream a lot and end up complaining about it (to myself, mostly). I’m not like those good people who wish they could make differences and all that I just wish I could be rich and blah blah blah, but most important, I want to be confident and happy, and I want to make others around me happy when they’re with me. if only… but i’ve said that too many times
Yea, i know how u guys feel. Im 18 years old, goin to college, first year. I barely have any friends. Basically my life is work and school. If i dont work, i stay home all day on the computer. Which is frustrating for me since I like to go outside but I have noone to be with. Since the first day, theres this beatiful girl looking at me in a class. She has recently gave me her number, but for the purpose of giving her the hw assignment. But i felt she gave it to me so i can talk to her. we have been texting back and forth but i have to start the text conversation, she dosent. i ask her out for coffee and she accepted but lately, i have been gettin a feeling she dosent want me to talk to her. I feel like i been played. i have no where to go, i feel really down, i really like her too, i thought she might change my life, i hope i can resolve this issue and be with her, i think shes the one but i hope she realizes that for me too. I lost all of my “friends” due to some fucker who fuckin used me. Im wayy to nice of a person.
I gave my friends a job, and they abandon me, now i stay home and they have fun. life is BS and its the lowest point of my life. i wish i had u that sweet girl in class. :(
I have no friends honestly. Like the 2 oe 3 that I do talk to on the phone, they dont know me. For some reason when i started high school i started hanging around these bunch of ghetto gay people. Yea, im black and Im gay but I never was like that/them. I am now 20 and have really come to see how much Ive changed. My mother tells me all the time. So now its like I dont even know how to be myself anymore. Ive put on a front for so long its crazy. People use to pick on me about how “White” i acted so i felt i had to change that. Now ive lost myself and i feel so uncomfortable and weird talking to people. I try to buy nice clothes and shit to make myself feel better i guess but when i get around people i just dont know. Okay yea i came out of the closet but that didnt necessarily mean that i had to change who i was. & that is exactly what ive done. Now its like the people that i talk to i feel like we have nothing to talk about. My mind is on college and doing better, theirs is on smoking, fighting, and just nothing basically. I cant believe i let myself get around that. I mean all my friends who ive ever had have always been white or spanish and they were real friends to me i guess because thats was who i was raised around and they just felt the way i felt. These people are like….insane! No i feel like i dont fit in with these black people, white people, or anybody else. Im really cute and i really sad on the inside. I wish i could just be straight and have a fuckin girlfriend man. Fuck itll be so much easier i swear to god. so much easier. this sux.
Hey folks,
I too know what it is to feel “shut out.” I was a geek in high school, never the popular guy, especially with girls. But I also know that my life doesn’t have to “suck” unless I allow it.
I had to be deliberate about the successes in my life. I was told many negative things about me, and I mean some truly hateful stuff, up to and including the word “nigger”. But I made a decision many years ago that such nonsense does not define me. Not the blacks who still call me “honky white boy” nor the whites who called me that aforementioned word then.
*I* define me. Nobody else gets that honor.
I cannot imagine that you want to go on feeling all that despair. Nobody *likes* feeling that kind of lonely despair. So, I invite you to do something about it.
Go to my Web site. Read the article. Consider some of the material in it and see if you can apply it to your own life; maybe it’ll help you. And above all else, be yourself. There was a lot of wisdom in something that Star Trek’s Capt. Picard said in the first episode of ST:TNG: “If we’re going to be damned…then let’s be damned for what we really are!” And he was right. Plenty of people can’t handle me, either…but I walk with my head high, nonetheless, and I always will. I am a Prude’ man, and I will not do otherwise!
Happy Thanksgiving (Buen Dia de Dar Gracias), and good luck to all of you.
–TP
People I always liked to think were my friends spend the holidays with their families and probably never even remember me. I don’t have any family and this time I’m making myself face the harsh reality that I have no friends. I’m alone. I can’t count on anyone to be there for me. I give up. I’ve tried for so long. I’m always the one who sends gifts and calls and keeps in touch … they never call me. From this day I vow to stop fooling myself, no matter how much it hurts to face the truth, and stop trying so hard to keep up these one-sided “frieendships.” If they want to talk to me, they can call me … and I’m sure they don’t and they won’t. How dare they call me a friend. One of them called me her best friend … I haven’t heard from her in years. I quit.
i am in the same postion actually i put myself there sadly i have a really fucked up life. My sister is a jelous bitch who helped mess my life up i dont want to be in the same room as her so i skipped out on thanksgiving. i did some stuff to in result of being sad all the time and it haunts me. i think that all the shy people should break out of there shell im very quite but people like me until if fucked my life up. Dont let any one bring you down!!! and be yourself people will like you people are are quite they scare people who talk. go up to someone and make conversation its not hard its the fear. and if your boring like me cause my life is fucked up now soon in 1 or 2 years hopefully i will have a friend agian. when im dont paying money back and get my license back to so for now im fucked i had it so good but i was alway depresed and took it forgranted at the time it seemed like i was fuked now im really fuckd any way i guarnttee that if you try to bust out of your reserved shell. you will be ok but make it quick you have to start to adujest to people agian and thats scary i have to do that to and i try but fucked i have to work after school every day. also i have mean girls my school who are out to get me i have no dad a man who likes me accross the cournty that he has a poison to me im at someguys house getting away from my evil sister and didnt see faimly. im extreemly poor to i have other things on my mind than what the kids at school are talking about. so i have no friends but i feel cofident that when things get back on track i will make frisnds agian. oh and the people at my high school most of them turned on me so i dont want to be friends with them ever agian i cant forget i never will freshman n sohmore year were hell i had to hide in the bathroom and never went either. i will never be in there crew again!!!!! they lost out because if they were not so curel there lives would be better to i guarntte it because there is something special about me. and i know it
they do to thats why they dont want me they know it to…………..i wish i had more money so i could be a cheerleader i would fit in with them….. and my causual friend told be that i remind her of a prepie so if i had more money i wouldnt be so fucked because those goth kids are so weird and weird thoughs. its not me its the circumstances.
I am a 24 year old guy. I am about to graduate from college without ever knowing what actual college life is all about. First of all I am an international student who has been here for over eight years. My first experience in the US was more than the regular culture shock a person has. I had never known of racism and I experienced the worst ever in my opinion. I could not understand why people hated me for a thing I had no control over (I still don’t understand). Over the years, I have gotten used to it but I try not to have it control me. I try to have friends from all races and creeds but I don’t. Even people of my own skin color do not like me because I have an accent and I come from a different culture. I came here when I was really young so I do not relate with alot of stuff back home but yet i am not fully incorporated into this soceity. I am kinda “in limbo” caught between two worlds. I am coming to a point in my life where I have begun to accept and adapt to the fact that I will have no friends, not get married etc. I was just wondering if anyone knows how I can completely adapt to this and still feel happy with myself.
i left home at 18 because my father was making things very hard for me. i moved to live with my boyfriend and i havent had friends in years. my only friend has her own friends she prefers to be around. now that im in this unknown place, my depression has gotten worse and im becoming physically sick. i go to work everyday and everyone is so nice to me there but after my shift im non-existent. i try so hard to do things right by everyone, be nice, and be cheerful but it seems like its wasted. i cant afford to go back to college so i won’t make any friends there. i have my boyfriend, but i can tell that he doesn’t really listen to anything i say and just enjoys the thought of having a girl around. my birthday is coming up in a few days and i know he won’t remember. i wish i could leave here so bad but i can’t and im powerless. everyday i feel like dying and i know people say it gets better, but i don’t see any hope.
To Cloudy: (and everyone else!)
omg, thats weird i feel the same. I sometimes wish that i’d lived in the past. I’m a 23 yr old girl at uni and i thought that i’d make loads of friends when i started but i didn’t. Maybe it is just me. I don’t relate to ppl that easily and i don’t want to be fake just to ‘fit in’. It just seems like there isn’t many genuine ppl out there…..maybe us loners are actually the normal ones….
I searched “i have no friends” because I really have no close friends. But reading the comments on this page was kind of depressing. In many cultures like China and Korea people who are quiet and reserved are the norm not the outcast losers many in this post seem to see themselves as. I also have no close friends and I don’t care or don’t beat myself up about it. Most people I meet are loud, annoying and most of their converstions revolve around talking about other people. It seems to be the Western way to say “Hey everyone pay attention to me, I’m special”, and to judge their worth on how large their circle of friends is. Its just the way it is in the West.
My recommendation would be to try and meet people from different cultures and country’s who don’t usually base their worth on how many friends they have. They live like many people in this post but instead of hating on themselves they view it as normal behavior. I spend most of my time alone listening to music, reading and occasionally smoking a certain plant that is grown throughout North America. I don’t mind spending time alone and the alternative would be to fake interest in other peoples life which I can only do for so long. Keep your head up and stop thinking your weird and awkward because everybody is weird and akward in some aspects of their life.
No animal has ever been observed to survive their physical death so don’t waste your life hating how you were born and how you responded to certain experiences in your life. Like that song on the radio you only got 100 years to live. This may be the only life you have so I’d recommend counseling or realize that nothing is wrong with you except for the fact that you have certain expectations in your head about what you feel is normal. Trust me nobody is “Normal”.
Hi everybody, my name is Leon and I’m 20 years old.
I’ve read many of your replies, and I can relate to many of them. I suffer from a condition known as “Borderline Autism”. This is a mental disability that gives the sufferer a slight edge in certain areas of academia (in particular Mathematics) but makes their social skills suffer. I’m noticably “different” than “normal” people. I may appear unfriendly, and antisocial.
Ever since I was 13, my social life started to suffer. My best friend left at the end of year 8, and even before he left he played many cruel tricks on me, because I had made a new best friend. Once year 9 started, my best friend shunned me, telling me to stop following him. This really upset me, as I thought we were really close friends. It changed me, a lot. I became subdued, bitter, paranoid and my self esteem plummeted, the fact that I had a bit of domestic trouble back at home, and that I was being bullied on the taxi that took me to school each day served only to plummet my already low self esteem to new lows. I suppose it was then that I started to really suffer teh effects of my disability. Additionally, everyone else seemed to shun me as well, whether as a result of my former best friend shunning me, or my personality change I don’t know, but it made me feel even worse. Eventually, I did rekindle my friendship with my best friend, but it was never the same. I remember acting like an idiot to try and fit in, but eventually I became known as a wierdo.
The only things that supported me during this were my Dad and video games. You see, I threw myself completely in my video games. JRPG’s were and still are my favourite genre because they allow you to immerse yourself in a fantasy world, where you’re a hero whom everyone likes, and the hero you play as often has many great friends. The rich fantasy setting helped me put the loneliness I feel out of my mind. Outside of school I became a virtual hermit. i think that was one of teh reasons why my social skills suffered so much. I convinced myself that I had no need of friends, and that Final Fantasy, Grandia and Wild Arms were the only friends I really needed. My dad convinced me to try Go Kan Ryu Karate, I tried one lesson and I made fool of myself, and I couldn’t bring myself to go there again, ashamed of myself for looking so foolish. I suppose it was just my own insecurties and paranoia moreso than anything…
In year 10 and year 11, the “in crowd” started to form in my class, which of course, I was not a part of. I was also verbally bullied by a few of “in crowd” people. I suppose they viewed me as easy pickings, a weak, pathetic saddo who couldn’t defend himself, and unfortunately they were right… But it wasn’t all doom and gloom. I did make a new best friend, whom I got on well with. He too was quite a shy person, although not much of a gamer. By the way it was at about that time, that I started finding it really difficult to “connect” to people. Whenever I entered a conversation, half teh time I felt really awkward because I couldn’t thinkl of anything to talk about, that wasn’t gaming related. I did ok in my exams then that was teh end of my school life.
I decided to stay on the sixth form. The bullying in teh classroom got worse, and I got wierder it seemed. I was very depressed, and very lonely by this time. I remember when I went on a college taster thing for 6 weeks, and I was verbally bullied terribly there, it got to teh point in which I couldn’t bear to be around the class, but I persevered. After 1 year in teh sixth form, I decided to go to college. At the end of teh sixth form, I intended to swap numbers with my best friend (as I hadn’t yet done so). He had to go to funeral, so I quickly jotted my number ona piece of paper and gave it to him. I made him promise that he’d never lose contact with me, and that I’d do the same. As far as I know he never did call me, so at this time I had no real friends at all.
A few months later I start college, a basic ICT course. A few of my former classmates from school were on teh same course. About a week into teh course, I make friends with this fellow gamer. Now I hadn’t really known a fellow hardcore gamer before, so I was really excited about this, and perhaps obsessed with him. After a few weeks of knowing him, we got on quite well (or so I thought) and I decided to tell him something that’d been eating me up for a long time, a really sensitive secret. He seemed pretty understanding. For some reason, behind his back I was constantly bitching about him. Looking back now, I know the reason for this is because around college, he always spent his time with two other people, who weren’t very nice people. I was extremely envious, because I wanted him all to myself. Anyhow the bitching went on for abou a month or so, he found out about it several times, and warned me that he’d only stand for it for so long, I complained that he wasn’t spending enough time with me, but he argued that I shoudl try walking with them in group, so I tried ita few times, but the 1 other guy started making nasty, personal comments about me (to which teh otehr two laughed) and I knew I wasn’t welcome. Anyhow, 1 day he calls me at about 10am, and gives me an anger fueled lecture, that reduces me to tears. I found out that the only reason he became friends with me in teh first place was because I reminded him of how he used to be, and because he pitied me. Even to this day I regret what I said about him, but he was just as bad as he let my secret out in college, and it spread liek wildfire. I Really did fear for my life some days, and thereafter I kept myself to myself. Every day I was bullied, constantly about what was said. I remember one time, that an asian student came upto me and showed me the beheading of Kenneth Bingley. This really frightened me. I thought that many asian students were going to gang up on me and kill me. But I didn’t let that stop me from going to college. By teh way, by now my confidence was at its lowest point. I decided that I should try counselling, so I started seeing teh college counsellor. This went on for months, and it helped me figure out my mixed up feelings; guilt, self loathing, loneliness, bitterness. I hated my first year at college, it was such a horrible, anxious and lonely time for me. I didn’t geta very good grade, but i firmly believe that was due to a particular tutor, who really had it in for me. I still hate that bastard even now.
During Summer Break, I got something that altered my life slightly; the internet. This opened me up to a new world of games that I’d never played before.
For teh second year of college, I decided to take a slightly more advanced ICT course, the first day I went there, i saw that the diversity of students was much teh same as before (wannabe “gangstas”, chavs and idiots). Thankfully, most of the people who were in teh last course, had gone onto different things. There were however, a few people from the last course who were on it. Unfortunately one of them remembered teh vicious rumours about me. fortunately most people didn’t take much notice, so I was able to do my work with little bother. I still felt really anxious though, and my social life was not much better.
About a few months into the second college course, I discovered MMORPGs. I was surfing teh net for free games, when I came across an ad banner for a game called Ragnarok Online. It had the naem of said game and a picture of two animesque girls. I then started playing it, and before long I had made some friends on it. This made me feel a lot better. They knew about the games I played; I could relate to them. I quickly became hooked to RO. I still speak to some of the people I played RO with over MSN every now and then, and hopefully always will :)
However, my addiction to RO, cost me dearly; my coursework really suffered, and I eneded up failing teh course. I tried applying to another college, but there weren’t enough people who wanted to do that particular course.
So i had a gap year, I guess you could call it. It was now that I well and truly became a hermit. I started to play World of Warcraft, as well as Ragnarok Online, I made some friend on WoW as well, a fe wof which I keep irregular contact with through email. Eventaully, when the novelty of online friends wore off, I started to feel lonely again. Please, don’t get me wrong, I value my online friends very highly, but I needed somebody I could see and speak to in person, somebody I could connect to and do stuff with, somebody who wouldn’t judge me based on appearance, and my lack of friends. Somebody whom I could trust, and feel comfortable with. Perhaps my expectations in a person are unrealistic, but I still have hope.
Anyhow, early this year I heard about a new college course. A two year course which teaches the students how to make video games. This is my lifelong dream, so I was realy excited about it.
Fast forward to September (this year). I came in teh first day, and we were all in this big room. I felt really awkward, not knowing where to look, and trying not to make eye contact with anybody. Anyhow over teh next few days, I keep myself to myself. 1 day though, we’re introducing ourselves as part of some sort of “icebreaker”. We all had to introduce ourselves, say a bit about ourselves and say what our favourite game was. I was disappointed to find that everyone else liked different genres than I did. I’m quiet particular about what games I like to play. They tend to liek FPS games like Halo and Call of Duty 4, whereas I prefer Japanese RPGs and retro games. Perhaps I’m being too narrow-minded, but I just couldn’t hold a conversation about a game that I barely know anything about. i simply -cannot- do small talk. Anyhow, the next day after teh intruduction, I pluck up enough courage to ask a person about the game that they said was tehri favourite, he showed me a websiet about it, I told him that it looks similar to certain games I’ve played, and I struck a conversation with him. At break time, he introduced me to his shy friend. We all seemed to get on quite well. At teh start of the next week, a new student came into the class, and the only seat taht was free was next to me. So he introduces himself, and we find out that we have a LOT in common (or so it seemed). With this person, for teh first few weeks at least, I coudl talk to him non-stop about the games I loved. I’m ashamed to admit that i unintentionally shunned my other two friends. Evetually, I started to run out of things to talk to the new student about, and surely enough, teh conversations started to become awkard, and stilted :( I spent time with the other two again. Oh , I did make another friend as well, who is a bit of an arsehole to my other friend, because they don’t get along.
Fast forward to now. the new student I made friends with, has virtually shunned me and buddied up with someone else, 1 of teh first two students I made friends with on this course has left, 1 that still remains is obsessed with his physical appearance, and is a bit naive…perhaps even stupid, also he isn’t much of a gamer, despite this being a video games course. The other one plays truant a lot, so he’s reaely ever in. Additionally, i’ve recently made a anotehr friend at college, who is actually a pretty nice guy. However, he has physical health problems, so isn’t in college much, which is a shame :(
Now, you may think that I have no right to post here, as I do have “friends”, but the fact is, that outside of college, yeah they may talk to me on MSN sometimes, but I never do stuff outside of college with them. I still haven’t met a true friend. I don’t know, perhaps I’m being too picky. I just want a true friend, even if just one…
I still feel anxious, and still find it difficult to talk to new people, and hold conversations, and am still a hermit. I thought college would change everything, but nothings really changed. Am i being ungrateful? Or am I right to feel unsatisfied? I know it may seem as though I’m wallowing in self-pity, but this is how I feel.
To be honest, I really don’t know the surefire way to make friends. I think as my recent experience shows, having a lot in common isn’t the sole basis of a true friendship. Perhaps “clicking” with people can’t be learned or explained, perhaps it just happens.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my post, if you can offer any understanding, and positive feedback then I’d be most grateful.
hey Leo
I can relate to what you wrote about not being able to have a normal conversation and that feeling of running out of things to say. It sucks.
I have a group of friends and they’re all pretty cool, most times we hang out they talk and I listen and give them advices or my opinion, or we talk about school or music, but when they’re like “so what´s up with you” I dont know what to tell them. Its so awkard. I’ve been like this for 5 years know. It’s so frustrating cause when I was younger I was the total opposite
You seem to spend a lot of time playing video games, maybe that made worse your communication skills
by the way, how do you know for sure that you have Borderline Autism?
I’ve been reading through the comments for the past two hours, and somehow I feel a lot better, even though I still have no friends. I had tons of friends in anohter state where I was living (including a really good best friend, and lots of friends she introduced me to) but I recently moved to a new state (about four months ago), and I literally have no friends out here in this other state. I moved here to go to graduate school, wanting to improve my career possibilities, but I’m not sure that was the right decision. What good does it do to have a great job and make lots of money, if you have no one to share it with? I’m so tempted to drop out of the other school and move back to the other state, but that seems like not the best idea since I can’t really get ahead in my career without an advanced degree, and my BF or other friends in the other state might end up moving since none of them plan on staying longterm where they are at.
The thing that gets to me most is the weekends and Sundays. I hate Sundays. Today for instance, I went to church (I’m a Mormon and we have three hours of church,) but I couldn’t take how alone I felt, seeing everyone else with their friends, so I left after the second hour of church. Upon getting home there was nothing to do, and because I felt depressed I didn’t feel like doing anything (like reading or scrapbooking, etc.) so I just went to bed and took a two hour nap. Sleep that I obviously didn’t need since I didn’t even get up until 11:30 this morning, but there was nothing else to do.
My first few weeks out here in this new state I called different family members including my mom and my sister on different occassions, and cried, telling them how alone I felt and how I missed all my friends in CA. Both of them told me everything would be alright, and that I’d meet friends within a few weeks. Well, I’ve made efforts to meet people, haven’t met any, and I just don’t feel like I have the strength to keep on “putting myself out there” without getting any results.
I’m sure people in my graduate school class think I have friends and that I’m “normal.” At least that’s the impression I try to give off. I’m friendly and talk to my classmates, but since most of them are married, (this is Utah afterall,) there’s not much of an incentive for them to get to know me–a single person–and so I haven’t become friends with any of them.
Having had a best friend in the other state where I was, and lots of other friends, I know that I can be a good friend, but sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like making new friends should not be this hard. Here it is four months that I’ve been in Utah, and there’s no one I have to hang out with or watch a movie with.
I don’t understand why God hasn’t give me a good friend or two out here in Utah. The program I’m doing is a three year program, and I guess I don’t have much hope, because I don’t see myself suddenly having good friends anytime in the future. To think of going through three years with nobody really makes me sad. I mean does God really want me to spend my life sleeping or watching stupid t.v. shoes just to void the pain? I would think He would want me to share my “great personality” through interactions with others, but maybe not.
People say good things can come from bad situations, but I don’t possibly see what good can come from feeling all alone and friendless. It makes it possible for me to identify with all of you, but beyond that, what purpose is there to be all alone? I read and believe in the Bible, and it says to be content with what you have in life; with the things that are allotted to you. How am I supposed to be content with not having friends? I really am a believer that good things come from trials, but I dont’ see what–if any–good comes from me feeling all alone.
There were a few people at my church who were friendly, but some of the people that were friendly to me seem nerdy. No offense to anyone who seems nerdy–I could very well seem nerdy myself at times, but I don’t want to be friends with people I think are neerds; I want to be friends with people I think are cool. Maybe it’s partly my problem; maybe I’m more relaxed, and therefore more friendly with people I don’t have that high of an impression with, and more reserved around people that I think are “cool.”
I wish I could have some friends. It’s gotten to the point where I am lying to my family members just to make them feel happy. They’re sad when I’m sad, but if they think I’m happy, then they’re happy. My mom asked how my day was and I told her it was great (instead of the hugely crappy day it was in reality,) and she was happy. If I’d told her the truth, she would’ve been sad, but unable to do anything about it, so I think it was better to lie to her.
Same thing with my dad and stepmom. Every night on the weekend I’m home, down in my room in the basement, studying, and they tell themselves it’s becasue I like studying, and they think I’m going to get perfect grades. Whenever I’ve tried to tell them the truth–that I study all the time because I have no friends–it’s like they can’t deal with the sad reality of that; so after one mess up of telling them the truth, I’ve never told them the reality a second time; and I just pretend that I “like” studying 24-7. Granted that only adds to my “weirdness” as far as my stepsisters (who are my same age but don’t live at home,) are concerned. They think I’m their “strange stepsister” who “never goes out,” and “likes to study all the time.” But, hey, I’d rather have them think that than know the truth–that I have no friends, and nobody to hang out with.
I think Sundays are particularly hard because I don’t study on Sundays because I’m religious and thereby trying to keep the day “holy,” and also because I truly think my mind and body needs a break from studying equations and the like. I don’t play the piano that well, but if I did, I think I’d just go to an old folks’ home and play the piano for hours on Sunday. Maybe that should be my focus–to get to the point where I play the piano well enough to spend my time playing for other people. Least that way I wouldn’t be sitting around feeling sorry for myself 24-7 on Sundays.
Hey im a very sociable teen! I’d b willing to talk and offer advice. sammy_withey@hotmail.com
I’ve read every single reply here and I can relate to ALL of you. I’m 17.5 years old and I only have 2 close friends, I don’t understand myself. I talk to people in all my classes but the conversations are just so shallow and boring, I don’t make any connections with anyone. I’m a very unique person and have unique interests and priorities. I think part of my problem is that I’m a minority in my school, I’m pretty outgoing and would kill to have a social life. I used to be popular and hang out with the “cool” people just until Grade 8, when my entire attitude changed and I ditched them, which I’m glad i did because ALL of my old friends have either dropped out or are currently struggling in school due to drama etc. I just don’t fit in anywhere, I don’t get great grades, I’m not good at anything besides acting and some non mainstream things that no one really acknowledges. I have very low confidence due to letting myself go(after i ditched my friends I gained 20 pounds)
Guys, I think that the fact hat we all share this shittttty experience is enough for us to become friends for life. I know that sometimes it gets really lonely and you just want to kill yourself, at least I’ve felt that, on many occasions, but we gotta stop feeling sorry for ourselves, cause if we don’t love ourselves, how do we expect other people to love us? I think we should form a club, and we could vent and talk to each other about our problems, let’s call it” the loners!” haha I’m sure we’ll have so much fun! Anybody interested?
Yea I can relate to you Leon. A lot of ppl have autism but i dunno if that’s the same thing with you. Anyway I’m not one of them and I feel more ashamed because I have no excuse.
First of all about that”clicking”. I think as a normal human being I can function normally and talk and all that but I just can’t seem to keep anybody. I have this friend who’s probably life-long. Other than that tho, I hav no other real friends. I tried talking to ppl in college but end up getting awkward like u.
Sometimes I feel like an outcast, I think I have good reasons for feeling so, and I’m right. My mom keeps telling me to make frds, which produces the exact opposite effect. Even my dad, who’s in a foreign country, encourages me to be more outgoing over the phone. How embarassing. That’s like the worst thing imaginable.
Second ( I wandered off topic), I also created this little world of mine online. I even met this guy at this game that I still wish I could play. That was stupid but I can’t stop thinking wut could’ve happened. During that period my grades went from bad to worse. My first semester at university went ok, but I failed the 2nd one. Got kicked out and that’s why I said I’m in college rite now not in university. My mom’s health suffered and it didn’t do me any good except maybe taught me a lesson.
In high school, I wasn’t bullied like u were, but it wasn’t all that nice. I rmb fearing ppl finding out I had no friends, eventually they did but I still pretended I wasn’t. In gr.9 a guy in class who occasionally picked on me called me a loner, and I got this chill all over my body. ppl would assume i grow out of it already, but i didn’t. i still fear that the one or two frds, one of which known in high skool btw, would find out how friendless i was. i think it’s no secret but still, i dunno y i even bother.
Now i just stay in my room/go to class, that’s about it for my daily routines. I wish it were more diverse than that, but i can’t help myself clunging to the stillness of everything at home and the fact that i don’t have to communicate with anybody except for my mom at dinner.
I just stopped a lot of the pretending, that i did back in high skool, that’s about it..
Leon if you see this give me a reply or sth
Hey, if any of you live in or near Salt Lake City, Utah, and like dancing, running, or going to plays, let me know. (wvicky63@yahoo.com) I think part of my problem has been “mourning” so to speak, all the friends I left behind when I moved out here to Utah four months ago. As I was thinking this evening about things and unable to sleep, the realization dawned on me that I’ve been focusing on the wrong things. For four months I’ve been praying, “please bless me with friends,” rather than praying for guidance to be led to the people and places where I will find people who want to be my friend. I’m realizing I really need to be proactive about this. When I had that epiphany, it dawned on me that I’ve already passed up a couple of opportunities for friends that I didn’t recognize as such, because I’ve been waiting for and expecting a “best friend” to be dropped in my lap, without realizing that’s what I’ve been doing. Tomorrow I’m going to try to make some changes. I’m going to text an old friend/acquaintance who told me to let him know when I got back in Utah, but I forgot about, and he told me that five months ago, he probably thinks I’ve forgotten about him, I’m going to call this girl who told me about four weeks ago that we should get together some time, and I’m going to make myself go to this church dance this weekend–even if I have to go by myself–and I’m really hoping that if I follow one or more of those “friendship leads” that something will pan out. (At least I really hope so).
I think it could be cool if this page becomes kind of a support group thing where we all kind of support each other in our attempts to make friends. We’ve all had friends at one point or another, but we currently don’t have friends, and that puts us in the same boat. However, the fact that we’ve all had a friend or friends, means that we’re all likeable, at least to some extent, right? And I would think that would mean that it’s just a matter of time/effort before we all get new friends.
No offense to those of you who just sit in your rooms and study, (I’ll admit that’s all I’ve been doing the last four months), but if we really want to meet people, which I’ve decided I do because I’m so sick of being friendless out here, we have to stick our neck out a little bit, and actually go places where other people are.
hi,
I’m 28 and I can relate to the posts above. I have met people and seemed to be evolviing friendships. But haven’t been able to sustain them so that I have people to call – to talk to. Or to go out at night. I was never invited to events or parties or camping when I was in highschool… I just figured some kids weren’t, and when I grew up I would make some friends. I had roommates in university.. well, let’s just say it’s a lot like a lot of the stories above. My family is very social and each of my sisters and mom and dad have extensive social circles… so they kind of love eachother in a seperate lives kind of way… and they don’t understand that I have no friends, or even that I might need my family in a ‘family’ way. I’ve tried, I’ve taken up hobbies, volunteered, joined clubs. But, Saturday is my birthday and I will be alone. And I haven’t been invited to a birthday party in so long, that I don’t remember the last time.
I don’t know if I was depressed before, but after being alone so long, I know I am definitely deeply sad and lonely now. I have started giving up. But I really don’t want to. Does anyone have any ideas on how to turn this around?
Hi there Matha, I read your reply. Yeah, I completely understand what you said about not being able to “keep” a friend. I think I’m always subconciously worried that people will get bored of me, so that’s one thing that makes it so awkward for me to speak naturally.
Secondly, what you said about the online game. Yeah, I can relate to that. I didn’t have any romantic encounters on the MMORPG’s I played, but I certainly felt close to some of the friends I made in the game. When I was playing them (World of Warcraft in particular), i felt as though I really -was- in said world (as cheesy as it may sound). It helped me escape from my lonely, friendless reality.
What you said about your mom telling you to go out more, I too understand that. My Dad was always telling me “you need to go out more, Leon” and “do you want to end up a lonely old man?”. I knew he meant well, but it juts rubs it in… reminds me of just how friendless I am.
About your daily routine, I can relate to that too. My home is my comfort zone, the place in which I can escape thoughts of loneliness even if just for awhile. I was in college today, and everybody (but me it seemed) was laughing and joking, while I was drawing a chimaera. 1 person I was thinking of plucking up the courage to talk to, well I saw a side of him I didn’t like. I guess that at a distance, when one is nervous about going near that person to talk to them you don’t see what they’re really like. I know it’s nothing knew, but still quite dissapointing all the same.
Yes, i too would like to take up new hobbies. I think I mentioned in my last post about how I tried Go Kan Ryu Karate about 5 years ago, and didn’t ever go again due to embarrasment and extreme self-conciousness. But I would definately like to try new things, I just have no idea what I would try. Trying new things would help me met new people, but I would likely have the same problems; awkward stillted conversations with people who would eventually shun me. It sounds pessimistic but that may be what would happen. Regardless, I cannot let that stop me. But just like almost everything I’ve ever set out to do in life, it’s alright me saying it, but I usually never do it, although I will have an induction at the college gym tomorrow, so that’s a start at least.
There’s nothing that evokes a feeling of low self-esteem, and shame that the though of telling a person that you have no friends does. I guess there’s a stigma attached to people who don’t have any friends. It’s like if people know then you’d feel much more awkward, anxious, vunerable, almost as though your dignity had been stripped away.
Oh, I think I should say that a couple of days ago, a friend from college (the one whom I said was obsessed with his physical beauty) well he’s quite annoying at times, but I think he’s quite loyal. Anyway one of teh tutors was ill again, so we finished early. Him and I went to the city centre, and I just suddenly felt an urge to try outa new style of clothes, so I went all over town, trying out various styles of clothes, and asking for his opinion on them. I enjoyed myself, and I felt good in my new clothes, perhaps I may have misjudged him, maybe he can be my “shopping friend” from now on, haha.
I’m not trying to get my hopes up, but perhaps this friend genuinely cares about me. I guess because I acted kindly towards him, giving him advice, and trying to stop him making mistakes that I made have shown him that I cared for him, so we have a mutual friendship, even if we don’t have that much in common. Perhaps it truly is a matter of finding the right people.
But please don’t feel so down Matha. I think that we may be able to be friends, or at the very least contacts since we have both experienced such bitter loneliness. I try to think postively, and I do sometimes have days when I don’t have a care in teh world and feel happy. Oh, I must apologise though, as I seemed to have talked about myself a lot, even though it’s a reply. I hope you don’t think I’m self-absorbed.
Matha, if you have MSN Messenger or Google Mail then please feel free to add me, it’d be nice to speak with you. I mean there’s no reason why we shouldn’t I think.:)
mrrpg@hotmail.co.uk
rpgtzar@googlemail.com
Also, if anyone else would wish to add me to their IM friend list, then please feel free to do so. :)
Oh, and one last thing. FanFan, your idea of a club for friendless people sounds like a great idea! That way we wouldn’t be alone anymore, I’m sure that we wouldn’t be judgemental, and I’d be able to speak my mind without fear of being shunned by others. I completely agree, we can’t afford to feel sorry for ourselves. I know that I for one felt sorry for myself for a very long time. With that being said though, putting ourselves down, due to feeling a failure can be even more damaging to ones self-esteem But would it be a club where we all meet up in person, or some sort of IRC chat or forum type thing? If anybody can suggest some practical ideas for making this idea a reality, then maybe they should post the suggestions on this forum.
there is a website forum for lonely people
A Lonely life Forums
Check it out
www. alonelylife.com
PC Happy Birthday!~
Leon I just added you on MSN but cus I don’t go online alot( it reminds me more of my loneliness) I’ll leave a relpy here. Anyway I can relate to all of the things you said, too. It’s nice that you’re trying, though. And it seems like it’s working. For me, there’re a lot of things besides this friendless thing that is making it even more difficult. I’m really lazy so I don’t really try as hard, but if I knew more people then maybe it might encourage me to act. I hope things get better for you Leon.
PS I also like that club thing. If anybody feels the same maybe we can make it work somehow?
Hey i’d add meny ppl from here but they seems to be offline. Maybe they have friends.
-Why say that ppl here dont have friends? fake??
Thanks for the happy birthday! It means a lot. Tomorrow I will be 29 and have no friends. When I have asked for help from counsellors and therapists… I get good feedback, I get “you are a very nice person, you are articulatte and bright”. Oh yes, and appearantly I am really insightful. And it’s a weird thing, I’m not looking to meet only the best people on the planet. Just people to go to the movies with or talk to… cofee.. just to be called to hang out on a friday or saturday night – this would be a good place to start. But for some reason I can meet people, but they don’t turn into life fixtures. I seem to be a nice, bright, okay person who just can’t seem to make friends. Older people think I am a sweet-heart..
With the whole birthday thing – I’ve realised that I am just determined to change… in a year I will be 30 – I don’t want a whole new decade to be as lonetly and defeating as the last one has been… I just feel like writing this down, I don’t know who I am writing to… I’m just putting hope out there I guess.
I’m writing a self-help/support book for adults who find they have no friends. I understand what the pain and shame is like…this is a topic that is taboo in our society which only seems to compound the problem.
hi
i feel so sad right now
I feel so alone, like no one understands what I’m feeling
I can be around so many people who are laughing and talking with me, but still inside I feel so bad. It seems like everyone belongs somewhere and when I reflect on my own life I can’t find a single place where I belong. I am constantly comparing myself to people, which I know in reality I could never be as good as them at certain things. I want to achieve my dreams and goals, but it seems so far away when everyday keeps getting worse and I feel shitty about myself. It’s funny, I have 4 close friends, which are great to me and without them I couldn’t survive, but it seems like other people are judging me and seeing who my friends are and if i have a lot, how I act around people and every move I make, just waiting to criticize me in any way. I’ve been through a lot with past friendships that ended and I feel betrayed.
I’m 25 and I have no friends. I had good friends until I was 13, and we moved from the city to the country. The country kids thought I was stuck up, but I eventually made two friends. When high school ended I lost touch with them, and concentrated on my boyfriend, who only had two friends as well.
When we broke up I answered an ad for a roommate and found myself living with a ‘popular girl’ who took under her wing, and I got a glimpse of what it was like to have a huge group of friends. I loved it, and made a mistake that cost me dearly – I foolishly believed that her friends really were truly mine, too.
I spent four years hanging out with the group, but one of the boys told complete lies about me for a reason he’s never divulged, and she didn’t stick up for me, so I lost every single ‘friend.’ The ‘friendships’ had felt so real to me! I had been invited to parties, dinners, concerts, films…everywhere, all the time! And for the first time in my life, I’d been able to celebrate my birthday with big dinners, just like I’d always dreamed of!
But the lying boy was charming, a common link between everyone, and the life of the party, so I can only assume that’s why everyone took his side. The part that hurt the most was that no one even asked my side of the story -and when I tried to tell them they didn’t want to know. I think they knew he was lying – but they didn’t want to fracture the group. I tried to ask him why he lied, but he ignored my phone calls and emails, and even ran away from me when he saw me in public.
Now, three years later, I find myself utterly alone, except for my family who live in different states. During the week I laugh and smile, so no one would ever guess that I have no friends. It’s my dirty little secret, and I feel terribly ashamed. When my colleagues ask me what I did on the weekends, I make stuff up to include ‘my friends.’ I’m an introvert, but I get around that by forcing myself to make small talk, asking people questions, and making a big effort to be charming. And it works – people like me, but I can’t bring myself to get close to others again. The weekends are excruciating – I do many activities by myself, but I’m so lonely that life feels completely pointless. I often think of taking my life, but the thought of how much I’d hurt others stops me.
In hindsight, I was very naive for a very long time. I thought that people genuinely wanted to be my friend, because that’s all I wanted from others. I always went out of the way to help people, and treated ‘friends’ like family. But I never realised that some people ‘collect’ friends like stamps or trophys – I must have had some social currency to ‘the popular girl’. The irony is that earlier this year I had 126 ‘friends’ on Facebook until I closed my account. They were mostly old colleagues, many of whom had barely ever spoken to me, and some of whom had treated me poorly – I couldn’t ring one of them up for a personal chat. When I closed my account I sent a nice email to every person and told him or her to stay in touch. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that only my current colleagues have! I think it’s sad that today the illusion of friendship so often passes as the real thing. We’re fooling each other, and yet fooling no one. We need to remember what truly matters in life as a society, and provide real world networks for those who have no friends. Becuase there’s more of us out there than anyone will ever admit.
I’m hoping that when I eventually have a child I’ll have a chance to start again with friendships – through meeting other parents at school and the likes. But this time I want to be very, very careful to get friendships right. I’m scared of meeting a man though – who wants to date someone with no friends? He’ll think I’m a horrible person. And yes, there is the whole wedding thing – no one but my family will be there for me.
I honestly don’t know what to do.
I didn’t have tons of friends in high school, but the ones I did have were great and were always there for me no matter what. Then I moved away to college and it has been the most miserable semester of my life. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years the first week. I broke my arm a few hours after moving in and spent my first week being too high on pain pills to meet people in my dorm and missed out on the initial bonding of everyone. I try to get involved in organizations and stuff but no one really pays any attention to me. I have a new guy I’m dating who lives in a fraternity, but it really hasn’t helped me make friends with anyone. I love the college, but I’m sick of spending my nights alone in my room watching TV when my bf is too busy to hang out with me. Why is it that on a campus of 12,000 people I feel so alone?!?!
I’m a successful 26 year old guy, a commercial pilot. I moved to North America two years ago and found a great job here. I’ve been here for two years now and I don’t have any friends, I only have colleagues. I spend all my evenings alone, so to avoid that I work a lot. I have no social life, nobody invites me, and when I call other people they find some excuse or you can hear the awkwardness in the phone call. Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely fluent in English and being a foreigner isn’t the reason. Society is so harsh, it’s unbelievable. I know many guys here who aren’t going anywhere with their life and they have a bunch of friends and are very successful with girls. But me, being a successful not bad looking guy I don’t have any success with girls. Sometimes I get desperate too, reading this blog really makes me feel less alone. I bet you all know what I mean when I say that oblivious/dumb/arrogant people seem to get all the friends. I also used to think it was me, but after reading this webpage I realise it’s not me. Society prefers to be friends with what we call losers. The reality is that being socially accepted makes you a winner, not having a great job or a great career. So the ones we think of as losers seem to be the winners, and we, successful people, seem to be the losers. I almost wish I wasn’t going anywhere with my life, but that I had a great circle of friends…
I’m a married 46 year old with two older sons. Yet here I am lonely and with out friends. I sometimes ask myself how can you be so lonely when you have a perfectly nice family. The whole thing is, I really do not have anyone to talk to or discuss things with to hang out with and just be supportive to me. Every day seems to meld into the other. Wake up, go to work, go home, watch the tv, go to bed then repeat this over and over. Life is boring and dull and lonely. I hate it.
Hey I’ve been reading through some of these posts and I can’t believe how many people out there are struggling with this! I’m 16 and I’ve always had around 4 or 5 close friends until this year. It seems like all of my friends have become these insane social climbers and they decided that I’m not good enough for them. They haven’t completly abandoned me, there are still 2 that I talk to, but I would never tell them how sad this has made, we’re just not that close anymore. It seems like I’m being forgotten, which is incredibly depressing. I spend Friday and Saturday nights just at home…chilling, which gets boring and sad pretty quick if thats all you do. I have a part time job, and I do sports but I just really miss going out and having fun. Hear me?
I’m a 22 year old guy that goes to commnity college. I dress well, am generally outgoing, and have many interets. My high school friends and I drifted apart, so I don’t have that base aymore. My community college is rather dead socially. That may be part of why I don’t have any friends lately. People will gladly talk to me in school, text me, whatever. Although when it comes time for people to have fun on the weekends and stuff, no one contacts me. People usually dont contact me at all unless I initiate it. I’m really tired of that. In short my issue is with people not spending their free time with me.
My name is Jon.
WHY ARE ALL OF US COMPLAINING SO MUCH ABOUT LIFE?
I WAS GOING TO WRITE A SOB STORY, BUT I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO EVERY PERSON OUT THERE WHO IS MAKING OTHERS FEEL SORRY FOR THEMSELVES.
Haven’t you ever taken a look at yourself and asked, “What’s wrong with me?” It’s not other people’s fault that you do not have friends or a social life. THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR FRIENDS IS OURS. Most of these comments have said, “I don’t know what to do” or “they won’t listen to me.” One of my professors in college said that most problems begin with you.
I used to have this problem where I would never agree with what anyone was saying. I felt that everyone had a superficial and stupid view of life and that I knew better than them. The fact is that, WHO CARES? You know that you have more knowledge than anyone out there and you are better than others who pretend, so what’s the point in stressing about what others say or do?
In the same way, why should you care about other people’s motives for not liking you? There are billions of people on this earth, and even if you live in a small town or a gigantic city where it may be hard to make friends, there are always people you can connect to someway. You may have to adjust or change your ways to be liked by other people. Perhaps by being less critical, more fun, less boring, happier to be alive or take a genuine interest in what people have to say…you may have more friends.
I am not telling anyone to change their personality or their habits, but your attitude. If you want to have friends, you can. There are quadriplegics (handicapped people) who manage to run triathlons. Why can they do this? BECAUSE THEY WANT TO. If you put your mind to it, you can do anything.
Why, when there is the impossibility of people NOT having to interact with others, should you be unsocial? You should want to be social because there is no way to live without others. No animal survives on its own in the world, without eating another or without traveling or mating with another. It is a necessity of life to interact with others. So, why not make some friends along the way? You have to.
How do we do this? Well, I have to admit, I am jealous of my brother. He is only 16, but he has more friends than I could ever imagine having. He spends all of his day on the phone, online chatting with people, at school he talks during class, outside of class, takes presents to his friends, goes to parties, goes out with girls….because he wants to. My mom always tells him to do his homework but he never does it when she tells him. It’s always “Facebook” first or this last game with a friend. I asked him one day how he has so many friends, and he told me “Jon, just be happy with other people…” If people act stupid or like they know everything, just go along with it…If you are watching basketball with a group of people and everyone is analyzing all the plays, do the same. People like people that are like themselves.
But again, throw in your personality with it. That is what makes you stand out in a group. Your personality. When someone is organizing a party and they think of you, it has to be like an ingredient they can throw into the party “salad.” For example, a salad needs tomatoes, lettuce, and dressing to taste good. A party needs someone who is funny, someone who is cute, and everyone else to glue it together. Bring something original to the group, whether it be a great smile, good manners, good taste in music, cool clothes…something that will bring out your personality in a way that people can appreciate at the same time that you are with them.
So, talk to other people and find out what they are like. Try to be more understanding of people and remember that you only have one life to live. Why should you live it ashamed and scared or regretful of what you have done? You shouldn’t because the past is in the past and all we can do is live NOW, in the present. So, try to make a change for yourself and have fun doing it. Make friends, love, lose, argue, cry, laugh, drink, eat…with people who care for you and love you. If anyone has any suggestions to this comment, please add on to it or respond.
It is important to remember that you are the only one who can make a change for yourself. You have to be the one to call people, text them, email them, hug them, tell them how cool it is that they play guitar. Do not be jealous or scared. Be courageous and confront the world with a sense of happiness and joy.
When you are on your deathbed, what will you think to yourself? “God, I wish I should have had more friends….I should have talked to that girl…met that guy…told my friend how I really felt about her…”
We only have one life to live.
Why live it sad?
I cried tonight, because the loneliness is just lonely and you know in response to the post above. It’s not a pity party. And it’s not a choice. I joined clubs, I was in toastmasters for a good long time and even took a position as an exec handling the club’s PR. I am generally nice, and funny – no complaints from people. It just seems that when social lives were picking teams, I was sick that day. So, the few people I do know will make a date now and then outside of their normal social lives to hang out with me. But I have no social network. And then eventually, these one on one friendships die out too.
And I find myself in this position, where I would like to talk to a friend or see a movie, or just do something, just not be alone and there is no one to call. And no one calls me. I work at a large corporation and people seem nice enough at work, but they have their groups and I don’t – and I can’t seem to find my way in.
I’ve met that guy, I’ve taken chances and fallen in love and relationships end. I’ve put myself out there and gotten involved and tried to make friends. When people want advice they do call me. But they don’t neccessarily include me in the group.. and they are usually busy when I call. And then our relationship fades..
I have confronted the world, There is nothing wrong with me that isn’t wrong with any normal person. Having friends or having a social life is not about fear or negativity or lack of any kind. Jerks have friends, drug addicts have friends. People that are not happy and not rays of sunshine still have friends. Jealous people, who talk behind eachother’s backs, still have birthdays and weddings to go to.
I’m nice and trust worthy – and most people do come to me for advice or tell me that I am an okay person. But they already have their group – and I don’t know the secret handshake.
I am a male in my 30’s and don’t have many friends at this point in my life. I have had many friends, girlfriends and aquaintences throughout the course of my life. I used to love night life, and goofing around throughout my teens and twenties. However, over the last 5 yrs, i fell ill, went through a few physical changes and experienced a a few losses. I suddenly found myself feeling introverted, anxious and depressed. I was unable to communicate much of my feelings to any of my friends, although they knew there was a lot going on. As time went on, i started to avoid social situations and make up excuses, sometimes not return any calls. I felt ashamed and guilty about my state of mind. Today (about 5 years later), i was lucky enough to meet a beautiful woman who is now my wife , but my friends are almost non-existent. My personality is such that i have an easy time talking and meeting people, however i have alot of guilt over what has happend over the last few years.
I am 18 years old and a freshman in college. I still have my best friends from high school, who I’m not even sure how I became friends with. All four of my best friends have steady girlfriends now and I’ve never had one my entire life. I feel so inferior to my friends. In college, I have made essentially no friends. The only people I talk to are my roommates friends and people I knew from before, and believe me thats not often. I was friends with one girl for awhile but we stopped talking 3 weeks ago, and I have had no one to talk to since. I feel like I’m just not adaptable – I just can’t make new friends the way I used to. I’m too shy and I hate myself for it, but I care too much about what people might think of me to talk to them. I dont think I’m a bad person. I’m generally nice to people when I talk to them and like to help with doing things. The things I’m most proud of are the fact I don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs. But that seems to mean nothing nowadays, as most people do those things and I feel alone and unable to find anyone to relate to. I had suicidal thoughts in the past but I don’t think about that anymore and I’m just really depressed. I walk around pretending like I don’t have problems, but I carry them with me and feel I have no one in which to confide. I have had problems making friends of both sexes, but especially girls, who I cannot work myself to talk to. I read some of your stories and was glad to find someone to whom I could relate and convey my feelings.
Jonny I totally agree with you. That was a pretty true post. But as PC says, it’s not just about being friendly and nice. I mean, of course that is important, but I think what matters the most is the way we see ourselves because that affects how others perceive us. If I don’t REALLY think that I’m a worthwhile person, why would anyone think that I am?
If you go and talk to someone and you are thinking “Oh I hope this person likes me”, they will percieve how desperately you’re looking for acceptance.
If you think you’re shit, they’ll treat you like shit.
So it’s not about pretending to be a positive person, but to really love yourself and realize you’re lucky and important because you’re alive, while lost of people die every day. And taking that into account, start to see things in a brighter light.
Yeah I am not quite sure why I have no real riends. I come across a lot of people ut at the end of the day things never get anywhere
I had many friends during high school and for the 5 to 10 years afterwards, but later that was it.
Being nice does not help, although it is important that people feel good about themselves after talking to you.
I’m 18, and I just recently finished my first year of university, and not surprisingly, i was the only one who didn’t have anywhere to go on the last day cos I have no-one to go with! I don’t know what happened to me, everyhting was ok up until I was about 16 and my best friend emigrated. I fell into a depression, but even after I was ok again nothing was the same again. I was kinda hoping that once i got to varsity, things would get better, but they never did. In some ways I can make friends, but they’re just ppl I can sit with in class-nothing more. I never get invited anywhere, and I have no-one to invite anywhere either! This year i mostly hung out with this girl I was friends with when I was 14, but now I’ve realised she was just using me til some other more interesting ppl came along. Now she’s pretty much abandoned me and I have no-one. I’m just angry at myself because this isnt the first time she’s done this, and I allowed myself to become so dependent on her even tho deep down I knew she wasn’t trustworthy. Most of the time I can surpress the lonliness but on days like today it really gets to me.I totally lost it when this guy I know came up to me and asked why i was always alone. I felt so ashamed. What I really miss having is a close girl friend. Like some of you guys, I’ve seriously considered suicide, but the only thing that holds me back is my parents and how that would affect their lives. But maybe one day I’ll snap and do it anyways.
I’m 16, and I have no friends. That sounds odd, doesn’t it? Once upon a time I went to school, and took American Sign Language lessons and karate on the side. But I had anxiety problems, and suffered panic attacks. I couldn’t go to school anymore, but luckily I’m still getting an education.
My old friends are busy with their lives, and it hurts that I am not with them. I can’t even walk to their houses, considering that we live in the country.
I enjoyed conversing with them, having fun with them, but most of all being of use to them. I loved being able to hear them out, advise them, and protect them. Being able to help the people I cared about made me feel valuable, but now I feel worthless.
My story is so similar to PC’s, yet not exactly the same (no one calls me at all, even for advice). I have had friends in high school and college, and very good friends in graduate school. They’ve all faded away. Married, moved away. Those who are in town still socialize, but never invite me anymore. I am not sure why. My last set of friends just had a baby, bought a new huge house, new car, etc. I’m partially terribly jealous, and partially think there’s just no friendship left. No common ground. They much prefer seeing other people to me now. I always hear about these life changes being normal and hard to take but people manage. I’m nearly crushed. I’m 36 and completely isolated other than my husband, who I met during a much more social period in my life. I’m jealous that my husband has friends (but I encourage him to keep them; I would never try to suck him down into this bleak hole I seem to be falling into). He says to me similar things to the post that made PC cry, “you can get out there! You are the one who decides how to feel, etc.” I believe he’s trying to be helpful but it’s not at all helpful. My parents also seem to be pulling away from me. They’ve disinvited me from visiting on two major holidays recently. My friends include husband, my dog and my work. I don’t mean people at work; there I “don’t know the secret handshake.” I mean just work. My value seems entirely limited to getting things done.
My situation is a litle weird. I am 21 and never had a GF or a close relation ship(that`s normal I guess since I know some people in the same situation). Usually, I was the popular guy in the class. However, I don’t know why, I barely go out because not a lot of people think that I have no friends. My social life is near zero outside school and I am becoming suicidal. The few friends I had during highschool are gone to other states and I was not able to do new friends in 4years. I knew some people, but it seem that I am not able to handle long relation with people. I gained almost 50pounds and my self estime is abolished (I can use this word I guess). Anyway, I can’t get support from my family because they think that I am a looser and I am afraid talking to the few people I know. Actually, it`s the first time I express myself. I am not a big talker. Because I am in Biochemestry, I know a lot of way to kill my self with chemical products. I am afraid to do it one day. I am also mixing reality with a virtual world (some time I dream and I think for a few day that it`s not a dream).
Hi everyone. I’ve been reading all these comments here and it’s amazing that we are not alone in this. I too have no friends (except for my husband) and more so because I have this social anxiety. I was at a neighbor’s house tonight for their holiday party, and I left within 10 minutes because I knew of nothing to say to anyone. It was so uncomfortable. I started to sweat due to my anxiety. Maybe I should be on another site for this problem, but I do truly want to find true friends to hang out with, go out to eat, go shopping, maybe travel or just whatever.
However, I am lucky that I have a wonderful husband that totally gets me and supports me. I understand how some of you felt when you wrote that no one would be on your side of the ceremony (or bridesmaids, best man) when you get married. I got pregnant so I convinced my boyfriend (now husband) to just marry in the courthouse. It was definitely not my dream wedding. I didn’t get to have the whole fairy tale wedding with the dress, flowers and cake, but what I did get was a wonderful partner.
They say that in life, if you only have one true, dear friend then this life was never wasted.
Respond back if needing to talk, because I know I sure need it as well. I’m always looking for a good friend.
I am 23 and have no friends at all. I dont even want to go out because i think people dont like me. I used to be really out going when i was in school because i had friends then but now no one phones and they walk past me in the street without even looking my way. I just feel like crying all the time. All i have is my husband and my 19m daughter. My husband is a singer so is really popular with everyone and that makes me worse. He doesnt really understand, he tries, but he thinks all i need is family. I am worried my anxiety is going to rub off on my daughter because i am starting to worry about her making friends and what will happen if no one turns up to her birthday parties like it used to happen to me
Please help me some one
I was sitting here thinking about how many friends I DON’T have, and thinking that I was all alone in this, or at least in the minority. Until I happened to read all the posts on this board. I’m 47, in a wheelchair. I have 3 sons who all live with me. I am married to a wonderful British man who I met over XBox Live playing Halo 2. However, with all the family around me, as well as my husband, I still feel alone. Why? Because I have no FRIENDS to speak of. My husband, who has only been in America since January, gets invited out with friends, but yet I never do. No one ever calls up and says “hey, let’s go somewhere”. My sons all have friends, but I feel left out whenever they or my husband go somewhere and I don’t go along. I practically have to invite myself to go anywhere with them. My husband and I have people we socialize with on XBox Live, or MySpace, people that know BOTH of us, but they all seem to respond to him, and not me. They all seem to like him better. This makes me feel a bit jealous because some of these people I’ve known before he did. They’re always asking about him to me, but never asking about me to him. I don’t understand why I am so forgotten or disliked.
IMPORTANT. READ THIS.
I’ve personally met someone on this website, when I wrote here. I could tell you about it, but I’m not going to. And it wasn’t some scary meeting arranged at a gas station at night or anything, so maybe some of you on here could connect as well. I’m not saying that the person was the best for me or anything, but it wasn’t a complete waste either. Don’t be afraid to take a step. Don’t sit in front of your computers your entire lives and read this blog. It won’t help just feeling better about yourself for a minute, you have to take a leap and put your pieces back together. Make your life complete. Only you can. If you feel inhibited by the environment of your city, then move someplace else. If you live in an apartment you can’t stand, live in another one. If you hate your college and the people who surround you there, go someplace else.
And I know it’s not as simple as all that, I’ve often felt sorry for m myself too. But sometime in your life you have to wake up, stop feeling sorry about yourself, and do something spontaneous that will change your life forever. That will help you eventually rid yourself of loneliness somehow. I know this might not sound too promising to you, but if you try, at least you know you did. Just look at this site, look at all these lonely people around. Wouldn’t you want to connect with them, with the rest of the world?
I tried, and something happened. Something that made me step forward, open up my eyes. Something that made me see that special things don’t just happen in films, but in real life. And it might not have been all that, but it was definitely worth it.
So take a chance, don’t wait.
Thank you.
Hi everyone:
I used to feel so bad that i didnt really have any friends… but after reading your posts i want to meet you.. you sound alot like me. Heres my story, i just needed to tell someone:
Right now i am in high school, a freshman. I had friends in middle school but they just dont talk to me anymore! Whenever I talk to them about something, they give me a one-word answer and then pay attention to something else. Its mainly because i dont have anything to talk about. I think Im pretty nice and easy to talk to, they just make it hard for me! Girls like me at first, i used to get compliments about my looks. But after they talk with me and see I dont have any friends or anything to talk about, they just give up. I feel i could have made so many relationships.. If only my stupid head could think of something to say! my mind goes blank when i talk to someone new and i HATE having attention drawn to me. Which is a Very bad combination.
Now I try to forget about it, drown myself in my studies, and come home to the computer. I occasionaly invite a friend over, but they havent invited me EVER after high school started. I feel like they are my last hope, and if i lose them i might become suicidal. My parents + family try to help me, but sadly they cannot relate with me. So please, someone talk and relate with me. Id really appreciate it. :)
I have an introverted personality and I wish I was born the bubbly type. But the thing is, my brother isn’t outgoing either and he’s a loser in that he is still studying to get his bachelors for almost 7 years (and it’s not becuz he’s financially strapped), and all his friends have gotten great careers etc. and married, yet he still has his friends! As of this moment I feel like I have no friends…or actually no TRUE friends. I’m also a closeted lesbian and to the straight friends that I had (one being my best friend from high school) they grew away from me. This past year, I am employed at a big company with lots of good people but I too find it so hard to just connect with someone. Mycoworkers are nice enough but they kind of go off on their own sometimes without asking me about lunch etc. I used to feel that part of the problem is with me hiding my sexual identity from my family, coworkers etc. and this in turn affects my low self-esteem because I can’t be myself. Yet, I’ve joined a lesbian organization a few years ago, but I couldn’t build any close connections to them either. I know a lot of the posters here blame the world for their lack of friends, but I mostly blame myself because maybe I don’t smile enough (been told that a few times) or not “charming” like so-and-so like my parents always tell me although I’m a pretty girl. Anyhow, I’ve had friends throughout my life but only in certain segments at a time. I had made some friends when I worked for my last employer but again noone I can feel like I can be myself. It could just be that I’m in a different environment so this new anxiety is making me withdrawn when I’m around people . Anyhow, I have to agree with a poster who mentioned that we should appreciate what we have in life right now. At least we are better off than the homeless who are probably even more alone. I have to tell myself how lucky I am and work from there and just try not to get myself deeper and deeper into this dark hole I’m heading to. Maybe I should try volunteer work..
my fathers a drunk, my mother was homeless for a while and now finaly sorted but still having a hard time. my friends are all either going someware or whatever the fuck the case might be and the ones i have left dont care a fuck. ive come a little way, im 17 and im looking at the big bright white light already. i think im just gonna do it. the other day a half friend of mine shot himself in front of my old school with students inside of it watching his brains fly everyware. mabye i should do the same. that will give tha fucking news somthing to talk about. everynight is abusive! since i was 6 ive been fuckin mentaly abused and shit. my two brothers dont care a fuck. my family split since i was 8, since i was 14 ive had the worst possible anxiety and panic attacks most of the time thinking i was gonna have a heart attack or a stroke or some fuckin case. i really am on the verge of ending it all, mabye on christmiss, im still thinking about it but yea, sorry to complain but this is the only place i can for once do it. none of the people who i know care. anyway, ill hopefully see all of you from above, im sorry for you all, i wish it could have worked out better. you all deserve some good people in your lifes but somtimes life does the complete fucking oppisite. take care..
Br**d*n don’t kill yourself!!!!!you deserve good ppl in ur life too, life sucks and everything, but don’t do it, just don’t fucking do it.
Doesn’t anybody here really wanna meet up in real life? I feel like that would start it off for us. But I guess most of you are from the states?
To Br**d*n, and all those who are looking at the “white light”
Please don’t kill yourself. Please don’t. My father killed himself. Please don’t kill yourself. Stay here and complain several times a day, email some of us just to say “what’s up?”, just don’t kill yourself. Most of us have lost the meaningful people in our lives, but look at how many of us there are! There has to be someone here who clicks with you, someone who you could call a friend, or at least someone who you can email when you feel f*cked up. Please don’t kill yourself. That would make me very sad.
~
If anyone feels like venting, talking about the weather, or whatever:
cricket_keeper_@hotmail.com
for some there’s no way to avoid lonely, owing to inauspicious circumstances…i try not to think too much about it…i was always a terrible friend…i’m terrible with the ladies, i’m not masculine enough physically, although mentally i’m just fine…i think i’ve figured out that i’m somewhat cursed trapped in a weak body with a small babyface, i’m 34 but i get carded for cigarettes…i command the respect of an 18 year old…i just feel ugly and gross, weak and inexperienced…i’ve thrown my whole life away, it was like i was never there…i have no idea what to do…it hasn’t been any good so far and i can’t imagine what in me would make me think that would change…
I never understund, why i have no friends. . People talk to me , but never call or invite me out. When i talk to people, it’s like they don’t listen . and when i had friends, no one ever invited me to partys or any thing else. When I graduated high school, i went home and watched t.v. I didn’t get any cards or invites to partys. I hate New years eve, watching everyone having fun, while i’m at home by myself watching t.v. I feel invisiable. I hate watching everyone get christmas cards. you realized that you don’t matter to anyone. my parents and grandparents are the same. no one ever invites them out, and when my parents invited them to a party no one comes. my family gets shit on all the time. i’m so jealous when i see a group of women having a girls night out. i never had any female friends to go shopping with or have girl talk. my sister tells everyone i have no friends, and i feel like they judge me before they know me. my sister once told her friend, the only reason she when with me to a concert was because she felt bad for me. thanks sis. thank god i have a great family. i spent my days hanging out with my grandmother. she’s my best friend. i sick of being lonely. i don’t what i am doing wrong, why no one wants to be my friend or talk to me.
if your lonely like me, you should listen to Morrissey and The Smiths. he totally understands you
Just came across this site. I’m feeling really depressed and lonely tonight so I thought I would give this a try. I’m a 29 year-old male and have been without friends for a good 7 or 8 years now. The one friend I had in college (my ex-girlfriend) pretty much gave up on me and I’ve been without anyone since then. She said I was too quiet and introverted around other people and the fact that I had no other friends was ruining the relationship so she left me. I’ve been living in Boston for about 4 years now and have tried everything possible to make friends. I tried going out with co-workers, my roommates friends, and dating sites but nothing seems to work and most people give up on me after meeting me 1 or 2 times because it takes me a while to open up and become more friendly, so people never really give me a chance. Anyway, just looking for someone to talk with who knows what I’m going through and can relate to me. It would also be cool if anyone reading this is near my age (in their 20s) and/or lives in the Boston area, but I’ll talk with anyone who’s interested. Just really need someone to talk to right now. If interested in talking online sometime, e-mail me at danc112@hotmail.com.
I came across this site doing a search for . I am 47 years old and have been married for over 20+ years. I for the most part grew up in a loving family, although somewhat disfunctional. I currently have no friends and this has plagued me for many years. Since taking the vows of marriage, I have pretty much alienated my self from society indirectly, to the point that when I did not want to establish friendships since Ifind it VERY HARD to socialize, thus creating a barrier of unending turmoil in that I want to have friends but do not have what it takes, I guess, to allow me to maintian friendships. I wished there was an easy way to fill my life with life long friends but found this hard with moving every year of middle and high school. I have found even in the recent year, that I have just started to get close to someone and for reasons unknown, they slowly pull away. Maybe I have an aura of fustration/despiration that eventually slowly unveals itself as I share more with those I try to become friends with. I am almost at the point now that I feel I have to contain so many of my inner thoughts just to prevent a potential friend from stearing away. I guess I need to get involved in some activities outside of work that may open up some channels of friendships. My marriage has been on the rocks for many years and is hanging on a thin strand, if efforts to not have my children go through the pain of having been a child in a divorse, like what I had experiance at age 11.
I recently (civilly) confronted my roommate, who is the most rude, disgusting, and inconsiderate person I’ve ever had the displeasure to meet. She has a lot of friends here at my apartment complex and is friends with all my neighbors. They probably think I am some strange recluse because I don’t socialize (why I don’t is another story). A few months ago, someone called the cops on them for being too loud, and I am pretty sure they think it was me (it wasn’t). Now I think they all hate me because my roommate now has an outward hatred for me, and I am sure she talks to all her friends (who are my neighbors and such).
Anyway, I feel completely alienated now from everyone here, and not only do I not have a single friend, I am making enemies. I did not want to do this but I feel the problems with my roommate needed to be addressed. The issues had been going on for several months, and I could no longer take it. I wanted to cry after arguing with her today, because I had no one to talk to about it, whereas she has a whole network of support.
I haven’t had friends in a truly long time, but I never thought I would make enemies. This is truly a horrible feeling.
wow its amazing to hear that there is somebody else who goes through the pain i go through. i’m a very nice person sometimes too nice, i guess it’s because i don’t have any friends and i feel like everyone i meet could be my new friend or something. i’m in my 3rd year of college and i didn’t make any new friends i met some people but they are just acquaintances and nothing more, i know it’s very pathetic. i think because of that i have very low self-esteem, i would go make some guy friends but that would bother my boyfriend and my mother (who is very strict/old fashioned) would greatly disapprove. i don’t know what to do before i go crazy i just keep bottling these bad feelings inside and i can’t tell ya’ll how many times i have cried at night over this, i can’t leave my boyfriend because he is the only friend i have. i think i’m bi-polar & mildly depressed because of this i’m sad at times an then i’ll suddenly be happy again, i don’t like how i act i wish i just have at least 3 people i could call my REAL friends and i would be beyond happy in life.
i just want advice on how you think i could make some friends. i’ve tried joining clubs but i’m about to leave my school after this coming spring semester to hopefully attend nursing school and i feel like i won’t be able to make sustaining friendships. should i try to work somewhere on campus and make friends with co-workers? someone please give my some advice and direction because this is no way to live life feeling like that everyday.
Hi Everyone,
This is an especially difficult time of the year isn’t it? Especially for someone like me who has no close friends that are local in my area. Yes, I have my Mom who doesn’t live far from me and her dog who I enjoy playing with, but it isn’t the same as having people who I can call my friends and hang out with, go out to eat, and a movie.
I replay over and over in my head how it got to this point in my life. I mean I had friends all throughout my K-12 years and into College. But now, especially the last few years, any close friends I had have all left the State of FL. So I still keep in touch with a couple of friends/acquaintances, but for the most part they either aren’t people I can hang out with often or they just don’t live here.
I don’t know if anyone on here can relate, but I often feel like I am an alien from another planet, and sooner or later the mother ship is going to land on the golf course in my back yard coming to take me back to the planet where people see me as normal and enjoy my company.
To those who come on this site telling people like me that we should stop moping and feeling sorry for ourselves and do something about our predicament, I wish you would try not to judge others until you have been in their shoes for a year or so. To be so desperate for any kind of human interaction that you go on chat room sites, just searching for a conversation even if it doesn’t mean anything.
Believe me I have tried and will continue to try to change. I will attempt to join other groups even though groups are hard for me to be a part of because I’m kind of introverted. I will continue to search on Craigslist for friends, but it continues to be a challenge. I haven’t given up yet. Honestly, I’m too afraid to give up.
Anyway, if anyone likes movies, good conversation, music, political discussion (I lean liberal) or if you would just like to drop me a line. Feel free to do so at joshua825@gmail.com. I’m willing to listen. I’ve been told I have a good sense of humor so maybe I can even cheer you up.
Happy Holidays to all and Here’s to Better days ahead for us all!!!
Take care,
Josh
Its my first time here and i think i’ll tell you guys my life story but cut a lot. i just don’t no if u guys will understand cuz i am so much younger than u guys i’m in gr8. i always find a little group of friends i can hang out with and i become really close friends with the leader, but then the leader dumps me and we get in a fight and then since she is the leader everyone is her friend and just stops hanging with me.( they r not mad at me they just stop hangin) and i want to be her friend again even though i hate ppl like her but i want to belong. so does anyone have any idea? it would help me or i’ll just still be wandering around the playground by myself.
It’s weird. Throughout junior high and part of high school I have always had a large handful of friends to do everything with. Whenever the weekend came, I was spending every waking moment with friends. Well, to make a long story short, two of my friends were best friends. They were both jealous of each other, because I spent so much time with the both of them. One of them ended up spreading a nasty rumor about me throughout the school, betrayed me, spoke horrible things about me, persuaded my other best friend (along with others) to hate me on false pretenses, and now I am alone. I hear from this girl that betrayed me day to day. She spends every day with my old best friend and others. It’s something you’d have to see to believe the intensity of emotions that I feel from this.
I have no friends now. Not a single one. School will get out, and I will spend the weekend alone. I will sit here all night, knowing that all of my peers are out in groups have a good time. And I continue to sit here alone. I feel so much anger, along with depression. The feelings are unbearable. I have nobody to go to. My parents have emotionally neglected me all my life, and my siblings don’t care to speak to me at all.
I have never been anything but a good friend. And now I have none. I am so alone.
To erica
The same thing would happen to me when i was your age. I think it’s cause you are not a follower . Yes you want to belong and be accepted by the group, but you butt heads with the “leader of the pack”. Why does it have to be this way?. I made friends from different groups spent time with them on individual basis. one-on-one. I never wanted to be a follower or a leader I just wanted some friends. There’s nothing wrong with you. In time you will find your own group. Just keep being yourself. Don’t ever conform just to fit in. I feel for you.
Hi Everyone,
Thanks for all of your stories. I was reading through them all. It’s nice to know that others have been in my situation, and that it has lasted for decades and isn’t just something you laugh off or ‘grow up’ and get over. I’ve been told lots of times to just do activities that you enjoy, or that making friends should come naturally…well, no, it doesn’t work for me, and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only person on the planet like this.
I have no friends within 1,500 miles. I’m a guy, 24. I made one good friend since second grade, and am now in graduate school at a top university. I try to work hard, be respectful, have good ettiquette, joke around, be polite to people, talk about a wide range of subjects, laugh, open doors for people, be really nice to people. I’m attractive. I rarely invite people I see out to do things, perhaps because of negative reinforcement in the past where folks end up never reciprocating. I don’t help people with homework at all, or work together on homework, though maybe this is what you’re supposed to do to get friends, I never did this because I always figured that it was necessary to learn the subject for oneself in order to do well.
A couple times I’ve even come out and said that I have no friends, and am just looking for a friend, but people often look at me like I have a disease, and shun me afterwards, so I stopped doing that.
I’ve often considered moving to another nation where people are more sociable, in order to have friends. I know some of the problem is with me, for not having friends, but I can’t ever find anyone who will talk about the subject, no one will explain it to me, no one will help me, and I don’t know how to fix it myself.
My one friend tried to come to my wedding, but was stopped due to snow. It was really embarrassing that I had no one of my age at all at my wedding. My wife didn’t have friends either! I got divorced since then (she left me, in the most awful manner) and am living away from my family for the first time in my life. It’s really hard when you don’t have any one to talk to. I’ve tried to make friends at graduate school, but haven’t really succeeded in the first 1.5 years.
I’m not sure what the answer to how to get friends is, but I’ll keep reading. Would it help to have some sort of social website where we could all talk, post our thoughts, essays, make friends with each other, and figure out what we’re doing wrong?
I should add that part of what is confusing me about people is that people often seem merely to want something and not to want to be friends, or to pretend to be interested in being a friend only so long as you help them with what you want. So I guess I have helped people with homework, but I always kind of wrote it off afterwards because these people always just wanted, they weren’t interested in hanging out or being kind or doing anything, just getting what they wanted. It doesn’t bother me too much. I just can’t believe that no one wants to make friends; I’m shocked by the difficulty of doing this.
I’m in the U.S. by the way.
New Jersey, to be more precise.
I am 25, and I have no friends. I believe I am deeply a considerate, kind, loving person. I would see a person stricken with poverty at the T and I’d feel like giving them all the money in my wallet. I don’t feel sorry for people per say, I am more displaced in my heart for the less fortunate, when I compare what they have to go through with what I go through. I am so deeply calmed by reading this, knowing that I was not alone. I had a few friends in highschool, compounded by the fact that I went to a british style all boys academy. But then I moved to the U.S to pursue college, where I had formed a few friends, two guys and one girl. I transfered from one college to a top notch one where I graduated in civil engineering. Now I am an airport design engineer and a pilot. Ironically I live in a place that isn’t too pleasant in terms of making friends, I guess you could say by today’s social terms its urban life style “ghetto”. Even though Im not from here, I am originally from an island. See how distorted my life has become and the many transformations of self I had to take just to feel comfortable and function in society…sometimes I feel like I do not belong, even with everything, see, money cannot by you happiness, even with your dream job you may still feel “unsatisfied” without friends to share it with.
What I’ve realized from reading these passages is one true genuine trait of all of you ..you are all very very nice amicable respectful people from the feelings you express and your stories. I sense a closeness to you…you seem to fault yourself for what is wrong with humanity, bearing the sorrow of the world on your shoulders and in the veins of your heart, in this “instant graitification, my documents, folder, i-pod” society. There are forces far greater than just our immediate attempts at play here…globalization, hedonism, self-worship forces are plaguing us as we populate exponentially into the limited resources of our earth.
See, if you feel like you do not belong, it probably is because we don’t. because deep inside the few of us never really gave up our honorable personalities…and though none of us are perfect angels, i would like to remind you that the fact that you’re even here, writing this, expressing grief, sadness, hope is because your heart is in tact, because you still care.
Some of you may not be religious, but please view this as an analogy, or just a story with a moral…I do not mean to offend. Say we take a simple text from the Holy Bible, without scrutiny of its sources or whow made it, just take it as a fairy tale with a moral…the origins…when God created the first human, he saw that he was alone and so made another one. Very simple yes? but it is powerful…it seems to acknowledge that we all need someone, that ultimately in life we must interact, for it is how children get born..we are all here because our parents formed one, to manifest the bond between two individuals into a physical being. Even though our parents may not be together now, or whatever, ..it takes two to make one.
I want everyone here to know that I am much like you. I am lonesome, and I am depressed, and I am glad when Im at work, or I drive around aimlessly just so not to feel alone, or I want to belong to something too. Nothing is wrong with us, its just…what we seek, and how we regard “Friendship” and “honesty” and “trust” and “loyalty” may be far too great for the rest of the forgotten world to understand. Perhaps we each have a purpose in life, whether it has been initiated or not, perhaps we do. Keep writing here your feelings, this is a hope well.
You all have a friend in me, by virtue of our being, you all do. thank you. Happy Holidays to you all! shine the light in your hearts like the brightest star in the night sky, brighter than the suns of billions of galaxies, for the world tends to see us only when it is pitch dark, when they have fallen into despair and the distractions of the city lights have failed them…that is why people come to us in need…because that is when they see us, when it is dark…perhaps , in a way, we are like God.
You guys are all right :)
I like this web site guys. :)
I know it’s kind of sad with the different situations people are experiencing in their lives, but ever since I found it and posted here, I keep coming back whenever I feel down, or all alone in the world. I come back when I feel like the only one who’s different and reading people’s stories makes me feel better.
Anyway, that’s how I feel.
I’m glad I found it, and I’m glad that someone made it.
Thanks you guys.
Jules
I find the older you get the harder it is to break into new social groups…
Im a 38 Year old male, no kids, never married recently broken up from gf of 2 years. I work in a small office with no people my own age, and in have not managed to make friends independently from my ex.
Where do you start?
Thanks Irv! Merry Christmas!
One thing I noticed after thinking about the subject of friends for a while is that being in nature is very calming. It’s very peaceful, and by no means a substitute for human contact…but in a society of extroverts, I think sometimes we might overestimate our need for camaraderie, and a walk in the wilderness might soothe our souls more. As far as friends, as an introvert, I find it easy to say: quality over quantity. If today were the last day of my life, here’s what I’d do: find some nice peaceful place full of grass and trees and a brook and dirt and bugs and butterflies, and explore that place. I think that says a lot about you, what you’d choose to do if you lived as if today were your last day.
Merry Christmas everyone!
I’m a 21 year old female and understand what many of you are feeling. As a child, I was the most talkative and outgoing one in class and had many friends. During middle school, I moved and began attending the same school as a girl I had been best friends with since the age of 3. I was so excited to get to see her everyday. At the same time, I became depressed. My friendships from my old neighborhood and school dissolved and I missed my old life. During 9th grade, my best friend (the one that I had since I was 3) suddenly stopped talking to me and would ignore me in the hallways at school..I guess I wasn’t popular enough for her. It made me really sad. For the remainder of high school, I had very few friends and the ones that I had didn’t last long. The only thing that kept me going during high school was getting good grades and the idea of going away to college where I could start new.
Sadly to say, I finished my bachelor’s degree in May and nothing has really changed. I made a few friends in college but none of them are very close. I miss having friends that I can confide in. When I visit my old hometown and see my old friends, they pretend that they don’t know who I am.
I do have a boyfriend that I have been dating for three years. He has no friends either but does not seem to care. Although I would consider him to be my best friend in a way, it’s still not the same as having a close female friend.
I find I can rly relate to what your all saying here. Im a highschool student. gr 12. Ive been extremely depressed the last year of my life, at which point I started taking antidepressants which actually seemed to work. I began to try and make friends for the first time. I always preferred isolation from other people. Now, as I try and make friends I feel a giant rift between everyone I talk to and me. I have a small speech impediment and so its hard for me to talk as clearly as everyone else, and I have a quit voice……. Ive been trying my best to make friends. ive found people to hang out with at school now. But noone to hang out with outside of school. Everyone I meet has their own little group that r all bestest of friends…and I always feel like a 3rd wheeel even when im around them at school. Noone seems very interested in me.
Its like noone needs me…everyone else has people (friends) alrdy…. I feel so alone everyday. idk what to do, ive tried to be more social and every day I make progreesss ..but its never enough to impress somsone enough to make them rly like me…..I feel like such a loser. I try and quell my lonlieness by playing online games on the computer, making friends there…its alot easier I can say that… My grades are going down because of this fiasco I call my life. I have no motivation to do anything…….
I just feel like such a looser, ive never been to a party before. Never gone out with anyone outside of schoool. idk what ive done with myt life……I feel like im trying to make up for lost time, I was always the queit kid most of my life. I don’t wannna be that person anymore I wanna choose who I am. But……I can’t change myself. Alll I see is this looser 17 year old kid with no life….slouching grades, no job, and no talent… I was always held in such high esteeem by my family. My sister is a brain child. getting 90’s in her university courses. im such a dissapointment to my family and to myself, I don’t deserfe the life I have. Idk what to do..somoene tell me what I should do. idk what else to type, I just feel like crying im so sad and alone.
I have no friends. My fish is my only pet. I love my fish he understand what its like to be in an invisbible wall.
someone plzzz give me advice……ill take anything
I have read this blog a while back and now I’m still reading it. Nothing has changed much. I’m 20 years old and lately I’ve been motivated to make friends but nothing happens. I went on a few dates, but nothing has come out of them so far. I’m on vacation and it’s nice but I don’t have anyone to hang out with. I just talk to people online that I have never met. This has usually been the case for a long time. Sometimes I don’t care and I enjoy not having friends, as crazy as that sounds. But other times I desperately try to find someone, just one person, who is close to my age that I can confide in. I tried online dating but more often that not it comes out being a bad experience, sometimes even dangerous. I’m not being overly negative, because I’m usually optimistic and hopeful, but then it just continues, and continues….How long is this going to last? I don’t know if I can stand it any longer. At college I see everyone with their circles of friends, and they seem to have no problem meeting people. Yet when I try to be friendly and talk to someone, it’s just small talk, and sometimes it’s even more than that, but eventually it fizzles out. I’m not the ‘party animal’ type and I go against a lot of mainstream crap, so I understand that that might be part of the reason. But I refuse to believe that everyone is the same. There have to be some people out there who think like me and have the same personality. I have met people like that but it’s always boyfriends. I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want normal friends who don’t want anything from me other than my friendship. I want to find a solution to this, someday somehow.
See heres the thing I have tons of friends, in school I always am chatting away, and am very social, I text all the time , and not the phone so much, but heres my problem, not once have I been asked to hang out of school, almost never, why, does everyone hate me, I dont understand. I want to hang out so bad, but I am always with my family and it sucks, and I dont know what to say or do. Thankss
AIIA try making some plans urself , im pretty sure if they see that ur an outgoing person, theyll invite u.
Hi all, i’m a 26 year old male, from England, who like most, if not all, the ppl here is down at the fact that i have no friends.
I have just came home, after an hour drive to see if anyone was around because its a saturday night and its just gone 8.30 but all my ”friends” are doing God knows what, and i’m so fed up of never having anything to do. The times i do see my ”friends” is when they have nothing else to do, or if they need help with something.
I have no problems in talking to ppl, and am quite humorous too (well i used to be). My problem is that the friends i used to have and the ones that i have now, all want to do something different to me. I mean a few years back, i could socliaise without any problems, but then i gave up drinking, but that group of ”friends” continued and it was from this point on that my socialising activities came to a halt. See when i mean drinking i mean it in the sense that, thats all we did when we got together, and it wasn’nt even in a bar or nightclub or house, we used to socialise (drink) in our cars or at the bottom of our street.
The friends i have now, are not even mine, i’ve been tryin to hang around with my younger brothers friends, and they too only come out when it suits them. I’m not sayin they should put me, or any of their other friends first, but i dont see why i should always call them or ask them to come out, even then if they do come out its just a casual chat on the street corner, or a walk to the shop and back.
Man, i’m so fed up of this, its 9pm now, and i’m waiting with my phone next to me in great anticipation that someone might phone me, problem is i’ve been doing this for the past 3 years. I’ve never had real friends, the only reason i think by brothers friends call me is that i help them out so much, that they think ”we best keep in touch”. I have no problem with woman either, i get asked out quite alot, but i’m lookin to settle down now and i dont even drink so bars and nightclubs are out the queation and theres only so mant times in a week watch a movie or eat out.
Well to all u lonesome lot out there, rest assured in the knowledge that u have a friend in me, who like you, is just another nice person, who will do anything for anyone only to have……. no-one.
I can relate to many of the comments on this website but have been thinking lately that maybe I have been too focused on my own internal world rather than the world around me. Maybe people dont listen coz I’m moaning too much or giving off negative vibes without realising it? Maybe I don’t disclose enough about my own interests in conversation? Maybe the choices I make are isolating me/self fulfilling the expectation of a negative outcome?
I miss my old friends and wish that I’d made more effort to reach out to them rather than expect them to “just know”.
Hey you guys my name is mesha im 19 years old, ill be 20 in a month and i have no real friends none. I mean there are some people who i talk to at work and we text and call each other , but they never want to hang out with me ever. I always make suggestions about hanging out but they never say anything, is there something wrong with me that im not aware if. I am a good person and im not rude to people and i dont judge people either, i just dont understand. In high school i had friends but that stopped after the summer of graduation and everytime i want to be someones friend they never want to be mine. I mean i am a fun girl i would like to go shooping hang out at cafes go to show etc, but i never can find anyone who wants to do those things with me. im also not an ugly girl and i dont think to highly of myself but still no friends none . im just glad im not alone and were all going through the same things. I guess the only things we can do is hope and not be so negative with our lives.
Mesha
I am really interested in what it is that makes it hard for some people to make and/or keep friends.
Reading these posts it doesn’t seem to be any one thing, although people have their theories, and the advice given by people who I’m sure are well meaning seems to over simplify things.
I had friends in kindergarten and throughout my school years, right up until the end of high school. I didn’t keep the same friends throughout, they changed with the years. I never had a very large group of friends at any one time except for early on in high school (though in that group there were only a few that I would really consider good friends).
After high school I lost touch with the friends I did have. I had extremely low self esteem and I became a semi-recluse.
I didn’t have a single friend from about 19-25. Then I was befriended by someone I worked with. For some reason she pursued a friendship, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. We clicked very well and she was my best friend (by default really because I had no others, but she would’ve been anyway!) for a year or two, but I still had the self esteem issues and my jealousy and insecurity caused me to be very bitchy towards her and I destroyed that relationship (which I still really regret).
I eventually sought help from a therapist and it increased my confidence a lot. I started to believe I could make new friends and get a boyfriend.
Up until that point I had only had drunken hookups in my teen years, and a few dates when I was older (I met all but one of those dates online).
I forced myself to retry online dating and met my first boyfriend. I was 28 (so that shows it’s never too late, even if you’re older than that) We did break up, but I went back online and met someone else. We’re not together now either but I still have hope about meeting someone.
I never admitted to the first guy that I had no friends. He had plenty and it would have seemed very weird to him so I just sort of made excuses and fibbed a bit. By the time of the next guy (who also had lots of friends) I did have a few friends I met through another job and I still have these, although none are close friends and I don’t go out in the evenings or anything.
I don’t seem to click with that many people. I certainly don’t like everyone I meet. Do people with lots of friends usually like or think the best of most people I wonder?
I can get on with others fairly well on a very superficial level but don’t have that knack for developing things further, or being easy with people.
For some it comes naturally, some people have to try harder, but as has been demonstrated on here, even if you make lots of effort and ‘put yourself out there’ it doesn’t necessarily work.
I think just as in romantic relationships, you have to have some sort of ‘connection’with someone for them to be a potential friend, it doesn’t happen with just anyone.
I do agree that in general friends don’t always just come to you, you have to make an effort and in my case it was a lot better when I got help and pushed myself, however I’m still very lonely and feel sad that I lost a lot of my youth, but I try not to dwell on that.
My goal isn’t to have a large amount of friends, I don’t think that’s realistic for me, even though I’m jealous of people that do, I doubt I could handle it in reality. (I’d love to spend ‘a day in the life’ though!)
I want a decent handful of close and compatible friends, I’d settle for 1 or 2 that I could really count on. People I can call whenever and actually do lots of stuff with (god forbid maybe actually go out at night, lol) and am comfortable with.
I have no invitations for New Years and actually have only ever had one decent New Year, but it’s just too bad and I’m going to try and focus on improving things in the coming months.
I hope all of you have improved luck and more happiness in 2008. I don’t think we should give up, and even if we don’t have any (or many) friends there are still things in life to enjoy.
Just because other people seem to have friends it doesn’t mean they are all that happy (a lot of friendships are bloody awful) and they are not superior human beings.
I bet a lot of people look at me and think I’m normal and together but I’m not, so maybe there are lots more of us out there than we think, lol.
Stay strong :-)
Hi everyone
I’m so glad i found this website, i know how youall are feeling. I just started college this year, and i havent made one friend. All through high school i was social..i was a cheerleader, a swimmer, i had friends! Now i go to college and can’t make one. I actually came home one evening and the people in my hall had ripped off my door decorations and wrote profanity all over my door in a sharpie. My best friend from high school moved away, changed her phone number, and I havent talked to her and it breaks my heart. Im glad im not the only one out there..if any of you go to wvu, let me know =)
I am twenty years old. I work at a library, I have a wonderful family, I have a lovely boyfriend of four years, and I go to school. At this moment in time I am doing everything a normal American girl should be doing in her society. BUt for some reason this society is not what it use to be. Now you have to make friends through MySpace and Facebook. I have noticed that it isn’t people like us who are bad at making friends, it is them. They make friends through the internet, which has no intimate value, and it makes socializing difficult. They party too much, they are always lying, and they make friends purely through gossip. They have no way of being supportive, caring, or kind. It use to bother me that I had no friends. I guess it still does a little, but not as much. Maybe you could understand why:
1. One of my first best friends in elementary school suddenly started talking about me behind my back, and I even recall her making me cry in class. I did nothing wrong. I was MYSELF. She is now working at a pizza restaurant, smokes constantly, and has “tons” of “friends.”
2. My other four best friends have moved on. The first was my best friend since I could talk basically. He didn’t have the best family so he became involved in rap music, drugs, and “fitting” in. The other friend was my friend form about 5th grade until well…I guess technically until freshmen year. After that she became a slut, and was involved with people that I didn’t care for. The third was my friend in middle school, and he started changing in high school which happens a lot I guess. The fourth was a boy I was friends with, then we liked each other, then we never talked again.
I made friends in between these friendships, but those people either moved away, or split off to another high school. I had so much, and now so little. The sad pert is, I don’t feel all the bad. I did what I could, I tried to make friends. It is not something that can be forced. You will wind up desperate, and looking for friends who are really there for you.
I am currently studying to become a librarian. It is something that I really want. I wasn’t very motivated in high school, and now is my time to shine. People seem so turned off by that idea. I guess the Library is too boring. For some reason, I have confidence. You would think I wouldn’t, but a while ago, I realized that there is nothing that can be better that me. There is so much time in one life, and I just wait. I don’t try, I just wait. I believe that a real friend, is much like a real soul mate. You will know. Sadly that person may not last, but you can cherish the fact that it happened. Too many people in this world are sad because they don’t have friends, but I am sad because people who do, will never know real friendship. At least I can say I have.
http://www.sobeginsourlemon.blogspot.com
Нi everyone!
At first, excuse me for my terrible english, as that language is not my native. I am russian by the way, living in St. Petersburg (second largest city after Moscow). I found that site by the Google and I was really surprised, that the problem of psychological loneliness affects so many people around the globe. We have the same problem here in Russia – in my country it is also very difficult to find a REAL friend, at least for me…
I am 21 years old and I have no friends. I had one close friend(as I thought) at school. But later I realized, that it was an illusion. In fact, he was never cared about me, my problems and feelings…. Сurrently I am a student of the historical faculty of the St. Petersburg State University and I have some people to talk to, but there are not my close friends. Of course I dont have an ideal personality, but I am trying to be friendly, open and communicative to people, but they just dont care.
I fell very sad for all of you, who had posted here. By the way, I have read comments about wishes of suicide – guys, it is NOT A SOLUTION of your problem. Remember, that that is your life, it is sacred. Killing yourself just only because some not very clever people dont want to interact with you (even if it is too many of that people – it doesnt matter – they are just stupid ;) ) would be the very, very, VERY thoughtless. Think about people, that loves you – about your parents – they need you.
Besides, it is no need to be jealous about people, who have “tons of friends” – that friends wouldnt help, if something will happen, because it is impossible to have many REAL friends.
I would like to add, that if you want to talk to someone just about everything, or make the acquaintance with russian guy – my e-mail adress is : mikhan_smirnov@list.ru
My ICQ number: 439917280
I will answer to everyone!
By the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)
То idkwhoIam : Dont be afraid of making a conversation with other people. Problem of speech impediment is not so terrible, as you think – you can develop your speaking skills, as the problem of bad pronunciation and quiet voice is not in your mouth, but in your mind. Remember, that only a few amount of people have an ideal pronunciation! Moreover, due to your post, you have a low self-esteem. You should be more confident. One or two failures are not a total failure of your life. I believe that in your life everything will be OK! You will cope with all your problems!
Just like the many other experiences I’ve read, I’m so glad to have found this site. I too have had a life-long struggle with friendship. I grew up without knowing my dad, my step father was physically abusive to us and emotionally abusive to my mother. My mother was also physically abused by her sibling growing up, molested by her grandfather, and raped. My grandmother was emotionally abused by her mother and raped by that same grandfather who molested my mother (but he was her step father). I say this so that you can understand that abuse runs all through my family and I was also emotionally abused by my mother. The sad thing is that she honestly thought because she was not beating on me like her sibling did to her that we were in no way being abused. However, the emotional damage ran deeper than she thought. Though like many of you, I am also a nice person who at one time in my life tried to put the needs of others ahead of my own and my Christian faith helped me to stay alive through reliance and prayer to God himself, I have always had low self-esteem and struggled with confidence in certain aspects of my life. I’ve never been the type who had a lot of friends, but when I was growing up in the small town I lived in I had 2 or 3 very GOOD friends, but now that I’m older and moved away, I don’t have those friends anymore. They’re all married with children. I’ve lived where I am now for about 3 years and have had some very traumatic experiences with the people I tried to be friends with. There were some people here who even cruelly made me believe that we were friends, but their actions proved that they were not friends at all. I am also now married and sadly, my husband grew up around as much abuse as I did, so he deals with it entirely differently than me. I am expressive and like to feel understood…the only way I know how to do that is by communicating my thoughts and sharing my feelings. He on the otherhand, is evasive and cold…that’s how he chooses to deal with the voids. Therefore, though I’m married, I feel more alone than when I was single. I have a lot to offer: I produce and write my own songs, I’m spiritual, I work in the video production field fulltime, I’m very artistic, funny, laid back, I have a 4 year college degree from a nationally ranked university, I’m also working towards grad school, and I’m very compassionate. I’m not a burden on society and I don’t ask anyone for anything. I’m very self-sufficient and been that way since I was a very young girl. All I’ve ever wanted from others is emotional things, not material: to be loved, cared about, and understood. Basic human needs right? Yet, for so many years, I’ve asked myself, ‘why?’ Why am I always the one being left behind? Why don’t people take me seriously? Why don’t they understand me? Why am I always the one having to put forth all of the effort to keep these relationships going and even when I do put forth all of the effort, they still fall apart? Why do people seem marginally interested in me at first, and then shrink into a pattern of never calling, writing, emailing, or doing things with me later? However, they will still keep in touch with their other friends who are never there for them and treat them like crap. Why am I the door mat? Why am I nothing more than other people’s punching bag? I’m sick of being the door mat and punching bag! I deserve better than this! The only conclusion I’ve been able to arrive at is that one thing people observe about me almost immediately is my confidence issues. I’ve noticed too that they’re always people who grew up much more financially advantaged than me with both parents and did not suffer half of the abuse that I did. They can never understand why I have issues with my confidence and all they will tell me is, ‘you need to be more confident.’ They often say it like it’s something that grows on trees like apples and oranges and you can just grab it, rinse it off, and eat it. Then I wondered why they never asked me why I had trouble with it. They just assume everyone grows up like them. They don’t understand that it takes work when you weren’t raised to be confident to develop it. Most of us who grow up abused never will have the same level of confidence as some who grew up “normally.” However, if they knew the hell I’ve been through and seen what remarkable accomplishments I’ve made in my life, they would know it’s a miracle that I’m even alive! I’m such a statistic. It’s often studied that people like me either end up prematurely parents, drug dealers, locked up in jail or prison, and can’t keep jobs! I’m none of those things!!! One girl who I tried to be friends with at one time here even told me that she had a boyfriend like me (with low self-esteem) and she couldn’t wait to get away from him. I thought that was very cruel of her to say. It didn’t sound like she put forth much effort to understand him. Well, that same girl turned on me not much longer after that. When I tried to find out why she wasn’t talking to me and tried a number of different ways to talk to her…she sent me a nasty email saying that if I ever contacted her again she would go to the cops and put a restraining order on me in essence calling me a stalker! WHAT!!!! All I was trying to do was find out what in the world happened. Ever since that incident, and all of the other disappointments I’ve faced, I have learned to suppress my need for friends. That’s totally unnatural, but I’ve had no choice. People insist on thinking of me as some disease instead of who I truly am. It’s as though no one in society wants me to succeed. I feel like I’m constantly fighting people just to get a crumb out of life. I’m like Shrek an ugly oger (sp?). I honestly feel like, even with all of my larger than life accomplishments, if it weren’t for my faith in Jehovah God, I would already be dead. I pray to him now more than ever to help me to move on and put this unbearable pain behind me. He is the only friend I have right now. Every day that I continue to live in this miserable world with His help is a miracle in itself. There are others who approach me now (because I don’t care about friends anymore) and take the same marginal interest I’ve seen in the past…and they want to get involved with me…but since I know that once I start to care they will abandon me, I don’t get involved. They don’t understand it and I refuse to explain myself to people anymore because they never listen to me. I can tell they are not really interested, once u go down this road so many times, you develop a radar for these kinds of things. As far as I’m concerned, people had their chance and they blew it! How many times must we all suffer this hurt before we put our foot down and decide enough is enough? I’m tired of being abused and there are some things worse than being alone. I have made it my determination not to let people treat me like the doormat anymore. They will not bounce in and out of my life whenever they feel like it. I know my own self-worth enough to know not to be that stupid anymore. There’s no need to be desperate as I don’t really need these people as long as God is on my side.
I can relate to all of you. I had a few friends high school. After school was over, I never heard from them again. I’ve tried to establish friendships in the past. But no luck. I’d do all the calling, but they never call me. About 8 months ago, a coworker of mine needed a ride home on a daily bases. So I had my schedule adjusted so we could be off at the same time. We chatted a lot along the way. I thought things were going pretty well. Invited him over for dinner. Did many things for him. I was there for him when his son committed sucide. You know how many times he called me in 8 months? 2 times. He wanted to know if I was going to pick him up from work. Now our schedules have changed I’m pulling back. I’m not going to try anymore. I do feel that real indicator of a friend is someone who will invite you to do something and call you. Not you making all the calls. I do I’ve been doing my own research on this. I think it might have something to do with our personality type. Many issues branch off of that. Plus society is becoming more isolated. People just don’t want to connect anymore. I am an introvert. that’s a bulk of my problem I believe. I took the MBIT test, I tested as a INTJ (Analysist) . On the Ennagram test I was a 5 (Observer). So who knows. How many of you out there are an introvert? Plus what do you all think of my theory’s? Take care god bless
i know exactly how all of you feel, i cry myself to sleep every night because i have no friends, the only people i having out with use me for money, and it sucks, Im glad this site is here because now i can relate to some people
i’ll confess to those who have bad luck; i’m 20 year old male and hadn’t had friends since i was in high school, main reason is because i wasn’t an interresting person do to that i can be random, still the same problem today.
In a way; it’s hard for me to make friends at this age because i don’t have friends, people i know usually hang with the ‘social’ ones because they are not boring.
I will never give up because i just need to get my shit together.
Someone once told me that it would be better if i have a girlfriend because i have a soulmate in life that can comfort me; I don’t have one now but i will find one.
The lesson ive learned in life is to not compare to others and focuse on what i want, because if i keep moving i’ll find something, which is something i don’t do and that i need to work on.
Thank you people i hope this helps
So it’s New Year’s Eve and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I have no friends in this town and I’ve been here for 2 1/2 years now. I’m a single mom, and I enjoy my kids so much. My 8-year-old son still lives with me and we do a lot of things together.
I try to look at the positive side of things a lot. Solitude gives me more time to work on projects and write. I do fun things with my kiddo. I have a decent job (I’m a teacher) and I get along with my colleagues, and best of all, my students.
So, at work I feel like such a cool person, but after work, I don’t think I exist in anyone’s mind, save that of my kids. My kids make me feel like I exist…
I wish I hadn’t moved here. I’ve never had zillions of friends, but I’ve been fortunate enough (never realized just how fortunate) to have 2-3 good friends to hang out with my entire life. I miss them like crazy.
I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year.
I appreciate the advice Micheal,
I found some people to hang out with at new years by sorta a fluke. I called up a sorta new friend ive been interested in and wanted to get togtether wit5h him just to do something. He said hed give me an answer later…turns out he forgot cause I had to remind him and get an answer out of him. Then he invitied me to come over and hang with him and another couple of his friends. 1 of these friends id met before and sorta knew. He invitied alll of us to his new years party, and told me personally that I was welcome to come. I accepted. In the End I had alot of fun, made some new aquantences and rekindled some old. In the end all the work ive been putting into my social life sorta payed off after a while.
I still haven’t found anyone I really connect with, but at least I have people to talk to now… Like I don’t feel like they rly care about me in the way that I view them
I used to have a best friend in my grade school years… and he was all I ever needed I never felt lonely with him around. We rly connected I felt like I could tell him aything, but since I got into highschool our friendship has alll but been deleted. I still say hey to him when I see him, and when we get togtether every odd time each year I find I can still rly talk to him and that we rly get along. But it takes a while for me to recognize the person who is my friend now, I have to talk to him for a while before I feel comfortable sharing stuff with him.
sry if anyone is reaeding this, im just ranting about my life, probably doesn’t make alot of sense but it makes me feel better typing stuff like this down.
I hope someday I will find someone I can connect with, until then I will make due with what friends I can muster.
I’ve read a few of the posts and it’s good to know i’m not alone, and that it’s not always ME doing something wrong! :-(
I feel like i don’t have any close friends anymore. It’s really getting me down, i have no one to turn to. I’m 20yr old student at Uni, i consider myself a friendly, fun, approachable kind of girl however i can be shy sometimes (so unfortunately i may come across as snobby/unfriendly to people?) I also tend to lose touch with people easily, but i can be a great friend if people would only give me the chance.
I just don’t know what i’m doing wrong? I do have a boyfriend who i have been going-out with for 4mths now, and he seems to have so many friends – he can talk to people really easily and people get along with him so well…i’m afraid he will think i’m weird because i have no friends, or the fact i always hang out with him and no one else.
It’s new years day and i feel SO DEPRESSED that this year i’ll have no friends just like the one before…i’m dreading my 21st birthday this yr because i’ll have no one except my family to celebrate with! It’s pathetic :-(
I know exactly how everyone in here feels. I am a senior in high school, and for the past two years i have felt miserable. I’ve always had friends but up until junior year they have all kind of turned away from me. I tried to get into the party scene with them and that worked for a while but i didnt want to do that anymore so i stopped. I used to be so connected with all my friends but i don’t understand why they all turned their backs on me.I’ve been so depressed by not really having anyone to hang out with on the weekends. It seems like to get friends in this world you have to be in some shape or form a jerk or asshole. I dont want to tell my parents because i would be so embarrassed, but they do ask why i never go hang out with my friends anymore and i just feel like telling them “I dont have any” but i shy away and say oh i dont know. I dont know if i should get anti depressants or not. I hope when i go to college all of this changes and i meet some great friends. I feel for everyone and this blog really helps to know that i am not alone and i hope everyone in here knows that everything will be alright
As I was saying before, I had som friends in high school. But now they are all gone. I was married for 25 years. She was my only friend. She passed away back in Jan 06. So now I am all alone. It just kills me. I just don’t know waht to do. I’ll keep trying. I just can’t seem to bond with anyone.
you all take care
Hi, I’m a 23 year old female and I also have no friends. (Hence being up at almost 5am and posting this)
I can relate to all of your stories and situations that have caused you guys in being friendless, and it sucks. It’s such a terrible feeling.
I’m happy to have found this page knowing that I’m not alone.
I hope all of you find the friendships that you’re looking for.
Hey there, I’ve read through a few of these and I can relate to the feelings that some of you have posted. But still, I’m determined to find happiness and inner peace in a positive way. I’ve done a lot of those ‘talk to yourself in the mirror’ and soul searching kind of things and have come up with a few things about myself ; I am an awesome person, who is a perfectionist and is over eager to please people. I haven’t given people a chance in the past to earn my respect or to give something to me. It’s human nature to make things easy for yourself, and if you find a person who will jump through hoops for you without doing very little, you’ll jump at this. I’m also a hugely analytical person, and very deep thinking. I have a tendancy to over-think a situation, sometimes missing the fun stuff. I also judge myself unfairly and criticise myself way more than someone outside of my headspace would. I’ve decided that going down this road wasn’t working so I made some changes to the way I think. Instead of expecting to be friends with every person I meet, I’ve taken the head work out of it, and just enjoyed the conversation. I’ve realised that people have actually started coming to me, and I haven’t had to try so hard. I do tend to slip into my old ways occassionally, but I keep remembering what I’ve just written. I’m currently 26 and most of my life has been a roller coast of heaps of friends, very few friends. I also experienced bullying in junior school, and loss of friends in the last 2 years of high school and it was devasting. I’m not saying that I hold the answers, but this is the stuff that works for me. I think the best thing I could say, is engage in socialable activities that you find pleasure from first, and then concern yourself with making friends. And remember, all those nasty people who seemingly have lots of friends, a lot of that is just for show. There version of friendship and the depth that it runs may be very different to your version of friendship, and theres nothing wrong with that. Never give up hope that you’ll connect with someone. There are billions of people in the world. I’ve just moved to the other side of the world (from down under) to the UK and I’m have the best social experience ever!!! Good luck everyone.
I am a 20 year old female. I will be 21 in June. I haven’t had any friends in…5 years, maybe 6 years. No joke. I’ve never been on a date, never kissed, never been to a partty, etc. My co-workers, for the most part (espescially guys), ignore me. I never get hit on or flirted with by anyone. My co-workers are always going to movies and parties together and talking about their plans around me. I was bullied in school for being extremely shy and “different”. I was homeschooled starting after the first couple weeks of 6th grade. When I left, I was still friends with a girl I’d known since kindergarten. Well, turns out she was a horrible friend. We fought all the time, she was constantly turning on me, and she had serious family issues at home that she’d take out on me. She’d come to school and sit witht he popular girls and laugh at me or utterly ignore me and act like she was pissed at me, and be like, “What did I do??” I had a younger playmate down the road for a while, but she was ALWAYS gone. We hardly ever got to play together because her family was always on the go. At the age of 12, when I should have been in junior high going to dances, I found myself hanging out and playing with a *3 year old girl* in the neighborhood because there was no one else. I was always told I would make friends as soon as I got a job, but it never happened. At work I am usually invisible. I don’t know why I repel people so much. I’m completely ashamed at this social reject I’ve been since I was about 9 years old. The thing is, I am kind of a loner. I don’t really have any desire to go to parties, I’d rather be by myself curled up with a good book. Part of me feels like I don’t want friends, and another part is sad because I don’t have any. I guess I just wish people would have the desire to be my friend and hang out with me if I wanted to. After years of being homeschooled, I now have a bit of social phobia. Sometimes my hands even get shaky around people and I drop stuff. I have this permenentaly depressed look on my face, and I tend to look like I’m angry even when I’m perfectly content and just relaxing my face. My dad has the same thing. My eyes also always look sad. I guess maybe I intimidate people and they wonder what’s wrong with me. People probably assume I’m a bitch when they look at me, but I’m not. And you’d think my co-workers would have seen by now that I’m a nice person, but they still (like I said, mainly guys) ignore me. Sometimes I get really depressed by my life. I don’t know why I’m such a reject. I always treat everyone with respect, I’m very compassionate, very patient with people….I don’t feel like I deserve this.
“If I die here, every inch of me shall perish…”
“Except one.”
“An inch”
“It’s small it’s fragile and it’s the only thing in the world worth having.”
“We must never let them take it from us.”
“I don’t know who you are, or whether you’re a man or woman. I may never see you. I will never hug you or cry with you or get drunk with you.”
“But I love you.”
“I hope that you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better, and that one day people have roses again.”
-Valerie
Never let the world bring you down :), society, at least where I live have chosen to ignore people who are perfectly fine and beautiful, because they don’t measure up to thier lofty standards of how people “should ” be. Just know that you should not define yourself by those false ideals and values. Someone out there will love you for who you are.
If you need someone to talk to ill be checking this forum regularly :)
Amadeo – I was having the same thought about the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBIT) test. Yes, the first time I undertook this test, I scored the exact same type INTJ (Introvert, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging), however I took the test 3 years later and swayed slightly to ENTJ (Extrovert, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging). In my personal opinion, I’d say that this could have a massive impact on the way that people view the world. Especially for those of us with deep thinking or Judging tendancies.
As for friendless girl, I would suggest taking a risk and putting yourself out there. If isolating yourself isn’t working, then try including yourself in your workmates conversations, and may be even ask to be included in a trip to the cinema. The worst they can say is no. The way I look at it, you’ve got nothing to lose – its win win all around for you girl!!!!
this is going to be an essay sorry for it but ive hit rockbottom please read…
im 25 years old male turning 26 in a couple weeks from Australia. I have just hit the lowest point in my life today. I have not a single friend, noone to ring up on my phone and noone to ring me on my phone I still live at home with my parents and a younger brother and sister who are 10yrs younger. I cannot believe whats happened. When I was in primary school it was excellent I had the best childhood anyone could ever hope for, heaps of friends so many things to do I was so active. Then highschool came and slowly but surely its gone downhill. When I turned 18 and finished highschool I remember the day I walked home and I thought to myself how glad I was to finally get away from there and away from everyone I felt so happy that finally I didnt have to see these ppl again.
But I think this is where I really ruined my life I got addicted to a computer game, I played on a senior football team when I was 19 right at that very moment if id of not been addicted to this computer game I can just see it right now how many friends and things to do id have at this exact moment but when I was 19 and addicted to a game practically every single weekend teammates, people would ask me to come out for a drink or during the week etc, and I turned down every single one of them until they stopped asking. Now I realise it I withdrew from society pretty much, I got so addicted to this game that I was thinking about it all day every day and racing home from footy training to get back on it.
So from 19 years old all the way through till I was 24 I was completely addicted to this game avoided just about every single invitation to go anywhere from anyone, all this time I did not have a single friend that id call on the phone, tbh I didnt even have a phone that whole time no need. So those 5 years I completely wasted I missed out on everything social, never went out on the town I can almost count on my hand how many times ive been drunk, probably no more then 10 times in my life have I been drunk and its not because im a teetotaller its because I dont have any friends and I just havent been out.
ive never had a girlfriend in my life, from 19yrs onwards ive never had not a single person close to me but when I turned 24 I got this fulltime job (first fulltime job) I work at and still do now, and right at that moment i quit this game I was addicted to I havent played a computer game since so its been over a year and a half since ive played a computer game, and from there ive tried to do soemthing about this horrible lonely feeling I have but ive been hit by brickwall after brickwall, because I havent been out I dont know how to make friends I guess and god its really starting to kill me. Its funny when I was addicted tot his game I didnt feel sad or anything but now since ive stopped gaming and im trying to restart some kind of life ive had so many times when ive just cried myself to sleep i just painfully regret being addicted to a game and wasting 5 years cold of my life… ive failed at every attempt thus far and after almost 2 years since quitting gaming im still friendless without a single person that would ever ring me or who I can call up.
I say ive hit the lowest point today because just the past week I almost had a moment where I thought I was finally going to break through, I went to a workmates going away BBQ just before new years eve and his girlfriend who also works at my work asked me if I was interested in finding a place to move into with her since her boyfriend is leaving I said yes straight away and she gave me her phone number and she sent me an email saying some stuff about her and that she has to find a place by the 12th because thats when her lease runs out I was so happy I am going to finally move out god I was excited. The next day I asked this girl whos 30 who also works at my work what she is doing for newyears and if she could invite me anywhere and she said she was going into the city and she gave me her phone number which I thought was amazing at this point I finally thought Id made it out of my complete lonelyness. The next day this girl txt me saying what she was doing she said she was going into the city with a gay mate to a gaybar and that Id probably get hit on constantly and I could come with her if I wanted to (im not gay). I txt back saying that doesnt really worry me etc but it made me ask another person at work a 19yr old guy what he was doing that night and he said nothin so I asked if he wanted to come into the city and he said yer ok. I guess I was scared off this girl and figured id just have heaps of beers with this guy from work and try to mingle with some girls, but that night about 10pm the girl txt me saying where she was and that she was really really drunk…. this moment was probably the best moment of the past couple years I had a girl who wanted me to move in with her, another girl txting me saying shes really drunk and where she is but I was with this guy from work… so anyway I held off a bit and drank more and she txt again and I said I was coming to meet up with her but it went downhill from here, the guy I was with I dragged around in my search for this girl because she kept sending confusing txts on where she was and I guess I was just desperate I basically forgot this guy I was with and had one mission to meet up with her and then my phone died. Walked all over the city midnight came and went and the night turned out to be a shocker, never found her and the guy from work started to call me one desperate guy. we went home and that was it, I was so angry I didnt go straight to wehre she said she was etc I was so angry with myself felt like such a stupid idiot.
so i was feeling really sad and bad about that figure ill never have another chance like it again, the guy probably thinks im a desperate idiot and doubt wed go out again, and then today I get an email off the other girl from work saying shes had dinner with her friend and she let her move in with her so basically said sorry for fucking me around. I guess ill never move in with her then so im stuck at home with not a single friend that will ring me, not a single friend I can ring right now, im unbelievably lonely. I want to move out so bad but since this girl said shes got another plan I cant move out ive easily got the money but shit how good for me would it of been if i could of moved in with her.
I feel so amazingly terrible right now, flat as a tack I just cant see hope now, my work only has those 2 girls who look decent and are close to my age the rest are much older or married/divorced, only way I can meet other girls is to go out and I dont have not one friend to go out with, so id have to go out by myself which is pretty rediculous isnt it… I mean surely youd have one friend to go out with but I dont have not one.
I think im a really shy person, this past year ive played footy and quite a few times after games all the boys would go itno the club for a beer and I just couldnt get myself to go in there, the times i got myself to go in there they were all laughing telling funny stories and I was just there silent could not think of a single thing to say I was pretty much hoping they wouldnt ask me anything where id have to speak in front of the group etc. This is really bad for myself now… im turning 26 and my back has been sore the past 2 years which has prevented me playing well at footy so as it looks now I have to retire from football for 2008 season so whatever functions/teamatey things I could of squeezed myself into now will be gone. I dont really have any friend making skills ive missed out all those years when my fellow age group where hitting the town every second night I was at home addicted to a computer game. i have thought about crashing my car into trees but if there is one thing that I wont do and that is kill myself if ive got any self credibility at all I just wont kill myself.
Im a fit person, pretty toned muscle wise not huge muscles but toned because the sport ive played the last 8 years or so require decent fitness, im decent looking I think but because of no social experience dont know what other people think, lack personality and socialness I guess. Shit im screwed. Has anyone ever dug themselves out of a 26 yearold hardly any social experience hole with absolutely not a single friend ? Its really started to eat my heart out dont know how much I have left…
I am freak and want to die……………………………..
the Myers Briggs Type Indicator Test is quite interesting. They gave us one of those in our ethics class in the engineering curriculum. I was an INTJ too i believe…there were only 2 of that type in the class…they put us in groups, based in the first E vs. I type but not based on the Full 4 letter code, so no one really knew who the 2 INTJ’s in the class were. It was pretty fun seeing how people thought…lol, almost instantly all the Extroverts that were in their group started talking talking talking about random stuff while the Introverts on the other side of hte room were real quiet and trying to figure out what was our next task..it was so amazing to actually physically SEEEE a difference play out right there. the professor who was administering the test told us at the end that the INTJ types account for like less than 1% of the US population, and that most genius, professors, and historical creative thinkers were of this type…. She also mentioned something very KEY to our disscussions here..that this type always tend to “feel like they don’t belong”.
Very interesting , just thought i’d mention that. I HOPE all of you had a good holiday season!
Quick question for you amazing group of people..
1. Do you feel less bothered about loneliness when you’re at work? because you feel some purpose and have the default environment created where people “Have” to talk to you ? (Im a airport design engineer and a pilot..thats why i asked)
2. At what times do you feel most strongly depression about your loneliness? (for instance…around V-day…holidays…when you’re watching a movie by yourself…in other words, what about your environment could be “triggering” thoughts or is this a constant feeling you “worry” about?)
thanks
oh yeah…i took this test once, its not official, but its interesting:
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
I do not have full confidence in any form of personality disorder diagnosing and the whole social premise on which it is based and justified. (just the word “Personality” means “Not standard”,,,so how can you make a test to tell people what they are or are not “conforming to”? another controversial topic of human civilization i guess).
Hi all…Not sure if you all remember me, but I posted the LONG blog above. I have a situation that’s been torturing me, even leaving me in tears that I was hoping that some of you could help me with. 4 months ago, at my previous job, my superior and I had a rocky relationship. I didn’t really understand her personality because she would have me cracking up one minute as she was quite a comedian, and almost in tears when she got on my case about certain job responsibilities the next. After spending so much time trying to figure this woman out, I gave up saying, ‘oh well, people are crazy.’ I just decided, being the Christian that I am, to continue to be patient with her and try to build her trust professionally. Well, I had no idea until my last 2 weeks there, but she made it known that she was sad to lose me and I was valuable to her! Wow! What a change right? She also told me that she was interested in us having a relationship outside of work (getting together), now that I wouldn’t be working there anymore. She hugged me real tight and for a few minutes out of my life, I felt cared about. I told her that I would keep in touch and kept my word. First, I emailed her asking for her home phone and telling her about my new job and got no response. So, I figured maybe she was busy and I gave her a call about a few months later to see if she wanted to do lunch. Fortunately, I got her on the phone and she said she did, but that she needed to call me back to confirm. Well, that whole week went by and I heard nothing until the day before we were supposed to meet. She then emailed me and apologized for not calling, explaining that she had another committment and asked if there was another day we could meet because she wanted to get together soon. Well, her excuse seemed understandable, so I wrote back saying the next Friday would be good and that I’d look forward to getting together. Well, I have heard nothing since! I’ve sent probably a few more emails here and there, but nothing long and not so often that she’d get annoyed. Still no response. Also, here’s another weird thing…she added me as a friend on myspace…so why would she do that if she didn’t like me right? Also, why would she insist we keep in touch and get together if she really didn’t want to? Trust me, she’s not the type who says things she doesn’t mean. This woman put the ‘unt’ in blunt! Was it too much for me to ask for her home phone number when I sent the first email? I didn’t think it was bad then, but now I wonder. I’ve been debating if I should call her and ask her if I did something wrong, but I am afraid to do this as I’ve been mocked in the past for doing that. I also find it hard to move on because i really want to get to know her. For some reason, her topsy turvy personality has become intriguing to me. I don’t know what to do I’m all confused.
Peace Like a River — LEAVE IT BE! Don’t contact her again. People say let’s keep in touch all the time and absolutely don’t mean it. It’s just what people say. It’s like “Let’s have lunch sometime.” You’ve made more than a good faith effort to be her friend and she is not responding. The myspace addition still keeps you at a distance. There are people on myspace who have millions of “friends” because it’s like collecting points.
I hope I’m not being too harsh because I truly know how you feel and it sucks chasing after people who you thought there was a chance at friendship with. People prioritize what is important to them. You said you already have sent several emails and no response. You called and she said she’d call back and never did. She doesn’t want to be social with you. Adding you on myspace was to appease you. If you call her and ask what you did, she will blow you off. She’ll either be real sweet and brush you off, or she’s going to get hostile, and tell you to leave her alone. Either way, you’re not going to build a friendship with this woman.
I’ve been in your situation so many times before. I think people like us cannot chase after people’s friendship. You have to let people chase after you, because you’re only going to get hurt when they give you the brush off. Don’t give them the chance to brush you off.
Good luck.
I try to make friends with someone I know. But I hit road blocks. About a few weeks ago I called a friend of my late wife. My wife passed away a couple of years ago. They are a couple and I called her to say hi. At the end of the phone call, she asked me if I’d like to hang out with her and her husband and play miniature golf and have lunch. I said yes that would be nice. She told me to call her sometime and we will set it up. About a few weeks later I contacted her and took her up on her offer. Anytime I suggested a day she would have some excuse. She didn’t even suggested a day. So I knew she was not interested. I guess it was an empty gesture. It dose not surprise me. It’s happened before. That’s the story of my life. I do things for people. Call them to say hi. Again no one ever calls me. I guess I don’t fit in. That’s the way it goes.
hey all. :)
I’m kind of skeptical about the internet since I’ve had some bad experiences on it…but it’s always nice to feel like you’re not the only person feeling a certain way so I guess I’ll give this a try. I have friends. That’s not my problem. It’s more like….I don’t like my friends because I chose the wrong people to hang out with in high school. They are selfish, judgmental, and overally critical of others because they are so self-conscious of themselves. I’m actually really happy with myself. I’m not perfect, I know I’m attractive, I know I’m smart and funny. And I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise. I’m confident, but modest. Everyone should have self worth. I guess I want friends that support that self worth and are there when I have problems. People who will listen and not just change the subject because the topic is difficult. I don’t want surface relationships based only on what clothes I wear and bands I like. I mean, having things in common is nice, but you eventually run out of things to say. I just don’t want to pretend to fit in anymore. I want to fit in without trying or having to hold my tongue because someone will make fun of me for what I say. I want someone that thinks of me as one of their top priorities. Maybe what I want in life will never happen, but it’s nice to finally put it out there. Into the Vast Machine where anyone can read what I say and maybe understand it. I’m not going to feel sorry for myself. That’s not what life is about. I’m going to live happy and keep trying. :) P.S. That means you too. Don’t give up and strive for what you want.
I just wanted to say thank you all for posting. Even though I will probably never meet any of you, I don’t feel so alone anymore. So many of the comments I have read here could have been written by me. Although I have a few acquaintances, I have been pretty much friendless all my life (I am now 41). Most of the time I’m okay with it, but when I think about all the things I’ve missed out on, like never being a bridesmaid, not being a godmother (not even to any of my three nieces and nephews), not having anyone to just chat on the phone with, then I get depressed. I am the third child in my family and the only girl and I have never even felt a part of the family. My two brothers have a close relationship with each other, but not with me.
While I don’t blame my mother (at least not consciously–ha ha), I do feel that she never instilled in me an appreciation for friendships or taught me how to value or make friends. I am trying to teach these things to my daughter as she begins to venture out into the world.
Good luck to all of you and I wish you all peace in the new year.
N…I see what you’re saying and I’m not stupid. The problem that I have is that my mind knows that I’m beating a dead horse, but my heart takes a much LONGER time to follow after it. I just threw the situation out there to see what people would say. You addressed the myspace thing and the fact that I emailed and called but what about her personality? You see, I also mentioned that personality wise she is very BLUNT! Blunt people in my experience do not hold back what they truly feel…and she never did before…so why the change of tone before I left my job? Why say keep in touch if you don’t mean it? Why give people false hope? I personally do not tell people that I can’t stand to keep in touch with me and I’m not even blunt. It makes absolutely no sense from a logical point of view to tell someone that you have no interest in being social with as you put it to keep in touch. It’s actually very cruel to do something like that. I guess the true colors are really shining through here. Oh well, I’m tired of trying to figure it out.
I find that it’s easier for me to make friends when I don’t give a crap…then when I care people stray away. I’m so sick of this world and its twisted ways and the people who inhabit it. I will never fit in and never really did. It’s a sad situation and I hope God brings about the end of this system soon because I don’t know how much longer I can live like this.
Im 23 and I am pretty much in a similar boat as everyone else here.
During my last year at high school I had a group of so called friends who I would hang out with most of the time. Suddenly they started to phase me out (why? don’t know). After that it was off to university where I mainly focused on school rather than making life long friends. So 4 years passed quickly and now I am in a position where I have no friends what-so-ever. I guess the only that has been going somewhat well is that I have a pretty good job. That kind of makes me more depressed knowing I am happiest at work?
I’ve basically developed a ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude so I suppose that has hurt me a little in making new friends, but I know that honestly, I do give a shit.
Well, it was good talking about my situation in this comment, I guess ill leave my msn if anyone wants to chat: go-big123@hotmail.com
I am 25m. I am INTP(With a pitfall in iNtuition,Intra. & Thinking).I am dealing with so many people almost 11 of 16 types(MBTI). They find me very interesting to talk to sometimes but this is becoz the fact that they all know what I am made of.They took this MBTI module too. I am curious to know that whether they know what i think about them. Its really hard for me see them everyday thinking that they know that —I am alone. What if they actually know all my downsides. I am horrified by these thoughts . Can there be an easier way the resolve this. I don’t have anybody to talk to most days .No one can see my pain .Its burning me down in flames but can show it to others. Wish I could just find one person who can see me. All my life I wanted to create something new……….It Never stops!!! Things get worse When I woke up everyday It seems like what is happening rightnow has happened before.There is no present or past.My life is so lame.
I really relate to everything you all are saying. I am 23 – attractive, fashionable, and succesful girl. I always had a lot of friends in high school…I was actually very popular. I had tons of friends in college – but starting my sophmore year I became very withdrawn and unhappy. I started not caring about others and did things that hurt them. I starting losing my friends one by one. I am now in a better emotional place – but realize that people have moved on from that time and have enhanced and made new friendships. I am stuck. I dont know how to meet people or show peoplle I want to be their friend. I dont really understand. It doesnt help that I have become extremely insecure and that I think I have developed this slight social phobia. I dont know – just felt like getting it out there!
It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. I feel so bad for you people, in some ways you remind me of myself. My heart goes out to you all…and I hope that you all find your way and are happy, as I hope to be.
Some things about me…right now I am in grad school. Like someone else here in college I focused almost exclusively on academics and was very shy. This really hurt my social life and I have only a few friends, they’re not very close, but it’s a start. Some things I would like to share:
If you go to school, every day try to talk to someone new, just for the pleasure of talking to them. Talking can be a lot of fun. It wasn’t fun for me before…but hopefully I am starting to figure out why. Always be confident when you talk to people. People immediately judge you if you seem shy, nervous, or not confident. They are more likely to treat you like shit if you behave this way.
Before, just about a few weeks ago, I would get depressed when I talked to some people. This is in part because I was afraid to talk to people that I thought were “cool” and felt like a loser if I talked to people who were “uncool.” BUT…one thing hopefully I’ve learned that will remain successful is it starts with YOU on the inside. If you are confident in YOURSELF, you can talk to anyone and enjoy it. It’s still a challenge for me to be confident all the time, but hey it probably should be a challenge; it’s asserting your life force, your RIGHT TO LIVE and “dominate”; to get what you want on this planet, be that pussy or whatever.
I am also pretty terrible with girls, because of my lack of experience. I get crushes easily and am still too shy to talk to most girls who I think are hot. But I will continue to talk to as many girls as possible. The girl trouble is probably the biggest for me. I get very scared about this sometimes and occasionally I want to cry that I just have such bad skills with girls so far. But I will continue to be confident and just treat every mistake as a learning experience, and never take rejection personally.
Also, the pick up community I have found is actually somewhat interesting/helpful because they break down social interactions sort of analytically, and I have been able to learn from that a bit about some of my bad habits when it comes to social interactions and to try to check them. (mostly to always be confident, keep head up high, etc.) This might seem trivial, but always holding your head up high while you walk will make you happier, try it!
But the main thing for me is girls (I’m 22) and I am really anxious about my lack of success with them so far (haven’t kissed one even). The girls in school that like me, I don’t really like that much is the problem. There is one that I sort of like though and I will try to go further with her. I think some of my classmates (probably the tougher/”meaner” ones) laugh at me when they see I am still sort of shy around pretty girls.
Also this really fucking weird thing happened to me in school…another male student bought me lunch and coffee. I don’t know if he was gay, but this makes me fucking nervous as hell because I am NOT gay and no GIRL has every thought I was gay, thank goodness. I have nothing against people just I AM NOT gay and it bothers me if ppl think I am because I then think maybe I am behaving the wrong way.
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!! KEEP PLUGGING!!
does anyone have a solution?
i feel the same way.
Sassy, Obviously, I feel the solution depends on the what is causing our problem in the first place. Some people may have a mental disorder , such as manic depressive schizophrenia, ect. Or just plain mean. They may be a small percentage. I do think personality type is the chief cause. Being introverted, probably effects nearly 80% of us on this site. Making friends requires a lot of time, a lot of trust and the desire to talk to people. That is hard for us. As an introvert , we are very selective who our friends are. We don’t have the skills to make friends. We appear standoffish, aloof and don’t want to be bothered. Most of us are quite intelligent. We can be out spoken and opinionated. Plus we have trust issues and don’t really like socializing that much. We are not really not much into small talk. The solution may be that we need to socialize more. Be around people. People with common interests. That would help work on our social skills and social cues. Observe people who are great at making friends. Learn from them. Research issues about being an introvert. We can learn how to become less introverted. Maybe we can have a 50/50 mix of extrovert and introvert, or even just a little less introverted. As an introvert we will always need time by our selfs. to recharge. That’s where our energy comes from. We will never be an extrovert. That’s not our nature. But maybe we can have a better balance. Here is a excellent link on introverts and friendship issues.
http://www.helium.com/tm/570630/friendship-truly-introverted-preson
I wanted to tell all of you this. i have the same problems as most of you here. i am a 21 yearold guy with no friends at all. i wanted you all to know, i know how you feel and it’s not a lack of intellegence. you all sound very smart to me. if you’re trully like me, you all have low self esteem and FEEL stupid, but you aren’t stupid. the reason you FEEL stupid isn’t an intellegence issue, it’s actually your poor social skills. we’ve been quiet so long we did not build up our social skills, we do things such as stutter or say something weird, and it makes us feel stupid and we get ridiculed for our poor social skills. it’s NOT an intellegence issue. the best way to get over this issue is to get help. right now im working on talking on the phone with a girl from online, forcing myself… FORCING myself. just do it. it’ll feel like the end of the world, and sometimes you may feel the pain of a heartbreak, and this is VERY painful to us, but remember, you are smart people. you have the abilities to make friends. also wikipedia avoidant personality disorder. you guys aren’t alone.
Scott, I think you hit the nail on the head, that is exactly what I feel and how I act. I can remember being in grade school and later high school and having panic attacks when it was my turn to talk or just thinking about being asked to talk, I hated it. The really problem is the monitoring, as the article mentions, the constant monitoring and the extreme sensitivity. I am sick of it. I just wish I could be normal, i wish I could interact with people and be myself and not have to worry and monitor so much, I can’t stand it, i don’t bother talking to anyone anymore, I just avoid it.
I’m 20 years old and study English at a good University in England.
At Primary school I had one ‘best friend’ and a few acquaintances, but I felt the main barriers were 1) Stutter 2) my parents were educated and from the south, so I seemed like an outsider in my rough northern school and 3) my parents were Scientologists which made me feel different to everyone else.
Throughout High School I had the same sort of pattern: one ‘best friend’ and a few acquaintances and actually managed to get a girlfriend and regularly attended a hobby store. Then, by the time I left school and turned 17, it all fell apart. I literarily had nobody. I went through 2 years of college seeing very few people apart from my family and my employers at a part time job I got.
Then, when University came along, I tried dressing ‘cool’, being friendly, got my hair cut and dated a girl. By the end of the year I was left with basically nothing. Which was a massive let down. I feel that I’ve developed significantly, e.g. I can now go into a bar and order a drink, or talk to someone politely in a seminar. It doesn’t matter though. I am still left with no friends. It’s such an awkward combination of factors: 1) I was alloted to share dorms and kitchens in my first year with people I had nothing in common with. They found me odd and alienating. 2) My parents, in bringing me up, very rarely took me out to socialize with other children or other families. It’s easy to take this sort of thing for granted, but people ‘learn’ social rules i.e. how to be cool, how to talk and be charming and how to make new friends. It isn’t ‘natural’ or inherent: it’s taught and rewarded and produced. There are so many things that can go wrong or right for you that it seems to me to be quite beyond our control. It’s sort of like the weather.
Although I’m not a Scientologists myself, when I walk through campus, or down a street, or walk into a bar, I immediately feel as if everyone were looking at me. I look at myself in the mirror and see an OK looking young chap. I look at my high grades and accomplishments and my interests and start to feel a bit of self esteem looking through.
Then, when I walk out of my lonely flat and see people looking at me, or when I buy a bus ticket or order a pizza, I imagine that they’re thinking inside their heads ‘what a weird odd ball little chappy’ and the like. It’s worst when I talk to girls, as I automatically think they thing I am a looser and can’t wait to get away from me, so I normally don’t bother.
I moved in with three girls who I didn’t know in the second year of University. I tried to talk to them, I always said hi. I asked little questions like ‘what’s on TV?’ but was greeted with monosyllabic answers and eventually just stopped bothering. The thing is that it’s not really my fault. They all met in their 1st year and are all part of the same sports team. They have their own social group: why on earth should they want me to be part of it? Imagine the University Hockey team social meeting, with this one random guy sitting in the middle of the bar.
The problem is that by now, the 3rd year of University, everyone has their own social groups and social networks. Everyone has their own boyfriend and girlfriend and if they don’t, they’ll look for one through their social network. Walking through campus is terrible. I see boys and girls holding hands and looking happy, or groups of people chatting away about interesting things.
Although I have 2 friends with whom I can talk to, I don’t see them very often (2-3 times a week). Someone on this board mentioned that having no friends makes you invisible and it’s absolutely true. Since very few people know about what I did and thought today, life seems quite miserable.
I’m not sure that there’s anything inherently wrong with us. It’s more of the case that our social history and geography holds us back and prevents us from making new friends.
If you aren’t attached to a social group, then you don’t get invited to do things like parties etc and subsequently end up not meeting new people.
Oh yeah, to make things worse I am a 20 year old virgin, despite having slept with 4 different people i.e. being naked in bed with each other and respective hand on/inside respective reproductive organs, I never actually managed to stick it to them. It just always went wrong. Story of my God dam life.
Oh yes, this is my MSN address. If anyone would like to be featured in my prestigious catalog of MSN disasters, please add me.
theapparatus@msn.com
Joe, I can really identify with a lot of what you wrote about (and I’m sure plenty of others can as well). Tonight I am feeling quite depressed, largely because one of my ‘friends’ that I chat with online has been acting very distant for no reason. I didn’t do a thing to cause it, and it really hurts me. I like this person a lot, even though I’ve never met them. For this reason, I know I shouldn’t care and should try to meet real people. But, we’ve been talking for about a year now and so this doesn’t make sense to me. It seems like he’s pulling away just because I’m trying to get ‘closer’ to him maybe. It’s really hurtful. Whenever I meet someone who I think will be really great something always winds up falling apart in the end.
And school has start back up again for me. Is it going to be the same old story again? Going from class to work, without meeting a single friendly person whom I can hang out with or just talk to? I completely give up.
Hi guys.
Where to start … I guess by saying I have no friends either. I am little older than most of you, but all of your stories are very familiar to me. Sometimes I think it is our trial to be alone. My disconnection started early in that I still don’t know who my father is, my mother dropped me off at my grandparents when I was six months old and I don’t ever remember feeling close to anyone. Well, not very often anyway. I have a good job, I’m a sports journalist, played sport at semi-professional level, but as I said fate has left me pretty much cut off from the world now. I’ve always been a little shy and uncomfortable around people; it takes time for me to truly trust people to let them in. I have had one girlfriend in my life who died in a car accident 15 years ago. She wanted to wait until we were married before we had sex, so I am still a virgin, too. Around the time my girlfriend died, my grandmum started to show the effects of advancing alzheimer’s and I had to look after her. I was her primary carer for six years and it got to the point where I couldn’t go out at night because she would have panic attacks, and she needed help with basic things like going to the toilet, showering etc. So through the grief of losing my girlfriend, being closed off from the world for six years, I lost contact with the few friends I had … and now it’s all just too hard to start because everyone has their circle of friends, I work weekends and nights and my life is a vicious circle. I have nothing but empathy with everyone in this forum. If I have advice for any of you, esepcially those of you in your early 20s, it is try to reach out to someone because the longer you leave it the harder it gets. It almost becomes easier to stay shut off rather than take a chance. I truly wish that everyone here finds a true friend, because the one thing I am sure of is that everyone here would be a great friend to have.
2 words, self pity. Get over yourselves, by the sound of it, who want to be friends with any of you by talking about yourselves as if you are so special. People who have friends are FUN to be around. If you are not, can’t laugh at yourself, have no sense of humor, well who the hell would want to be around that. Sounds like a personality change is needed.
God’s Seven Commandments for 2008
Daily Rules from God for 2008
1. Wake Up!! Decide to have a good day. “Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up!! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart.” I Samuel 16:7
3. Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. “He who guards his lips guards his soul.” Proverbs 13:3
4 . Stand Up!!… For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.. “Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good…” Galatians 6:9-10
5. Look Up!!… To the Lord.
“I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
6. Reach Up!!… For something higher. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, And He will direct your path.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
7. Lift Up!!… Your Prayers.
“Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.”
Philippians 4:6
I thought this was mighty special, just like all of you are and don’t forget it!!!
You are all very important, because God Loves each and everyone of you and he hurts when you hurt!
It’s amazing how some people on here say that you have to be confident to make friends or you’re more likely to be treated badly. I find that statement somewhat problematic. It insinuates that everyone has the same opportunities. Research proves that the kind of experiences you’ve had in life are directly correlated with your level of confidence (i.e. someone who grew up with both parents in an affluent household have a better chance of growing into more confident individuals than a parentless person in poor socioeconomic circumstances). That’s just one example, but it can get even more complicated than that like people who grow up in affluent households with both parents who are never home…thus confidence of the child suffers. I’m not a psychologist or anything like that, but all you have to do is live life to know this. I’m so sick of people saying that I need to be as confident as them when my life is nothing like theirs. Additionally, I find that some people don’t know the difference between confident and cocky. Most people who have slammed me with the ‘you need more confidence’ jazz are cocky individuals. They are overly confident. People also tend to not understand humble people. A humble person often gets mistaken as unconfident because they don’t brag, they don’t stick their head in the air, and they don’t walk around with their chest stuck out. I think that U.S. culture is very sick when it comes to judging people. Americans look too much through a narrow tunnel thinking everything is black and white when there are so many complicated issues and factors involved. Don’t you all get it? Those who reject us are trying to make us believe that there is something wrong with ourselves when half the time they know nothing about our circumstances. But you have to be smart enough to know the difference…it’s not you, it’s them. I recently had to tell myself that with an experience on here I wrote about earlier. I’ll say it again IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S THEM. Don’t let anyone tell you that you need to be more this and that…because the truth is, they just need to get to know you and love you for who you are. They’re not going to change for you, why should we have to keep bending ourselves to their will? Friendship is a 50/50 effort and if we do all the work, it will still fail. Make them do their part too. Tell them to shutup with that ‘you need to be more confident’ B.S. and get to know you!!!
To Lu who wrote on January 24, 2008 at 10:58 am. You are a very rude person for saying what you did. You do not know ANYONE on this board to make such an insensitive comment. If you are so popular, what are you doing on this message thread? Should’nt you be out entertaining your friends.
well im 16 years old in highschool i had one friend that i talked to. i have a great sense of humor but i can’t talk he got to know me and found out that i was really funny but he moved and i have no one to talk to and when i do talk to someone i say something weird that people dont understand and think im stupid i get really nervous when i have to talk and i dont know if im depressed i look good im nice but i dont even talk to my parents im in 10th grADE i have few gfs that just fucked me over got in one fight cus he was messing with me untill i explode on him im really nice but he made fun off me everydAY
lu…2 words:SCREW YOU!!!!! I agree with anon…you don’t know anything about the people on this board. You need to stop judging. It’s people like you who make life so unfair…I bet you have a ton of friends because you’re a JERK. That’s almost a requirement to have friends. People like to be friends with insensitive creeps like you and then the sincere people have no one. You can take that remark you made about self pity and shove it where it hurts. I don’t think you even know what pity of any kind means!!
US male here, turning 21 in 2 months. I used to have plenty of friends. I was a badass in middle school and high school. If kids made fun of me they usually regretted it within a week, and it didn’t happen that often. I changed schools every four years but I didnt move too far so I kept most of them. then my stepdad went nuts when I was 15 and my mom thought it to be a good idea to move us 3000 miles away so she could live with her first husband, a pill and computer addicted loser who kept trying to kill himself, but never had the balls to pull it off. This situation was agitated by the fact that my dad died of cancer just months earlier and my paternal side of my family immediately turned their backs on me. Haven’t seen/spoken to any of them in 7 years.
After that I’ve had nothing but acquaintances and turned to ganja to keep me happy. I went to college and made some decent friends, but I felt so out of place (it was 2500 miles away in a very liberal town) that I became paranoid and aggressive and started having panic attacks. I fell in love out there but sabotaged the relationship (because I didn’t want to get hurt) before we ever got intimate. Unlike a lot of guys on here though, I got lucky a couple times outside of that.
I returned home after two years and took a decent job taking care of a warehouse, where I could do my own thing most of the time. Unfortunately, all the friends I had left here either had moved, turned preppy and snide towards me, or went down the wrong path far enough so that I didn’t feel safe around them. I had the warehouse to myself so socializing wasn’t even an issue. A little over a year later, the place burned down so I had to go back to school. My grandmother died soon after, but she was a bitch who detroyed my confidence for the most part so I didn’t miss her, nor will I ever.
Now I’m at a state school and living off campus with two other recluses. I’m a decent guy but I don’t put much faith into friendships. The amount of times I’ve switched locations, it doesnt make sense to create really involved relationships with anyone. I havent had a panic attack since I left the first school, and generally I feel alright about myself, cause I’m not in any legal or financial trouble. I have talents which will take me somewhere. I just wish I could regain my faith in other people enough to open up. I have three really good friends, two of which are over 1000 miles away, so I might talk to each of them once a month. The third goes to the same school as me, but hes’ a loser even to me and he thinks hes better than everyone else cause hes a teetotaller with a chip on his shoulder. I only keep him around since we’ve known each other since the sandbox days. I have three more semesters of school to take and I’m free. Who knows where I’ll go from there. Without friends to tie me down, the world is at my doorstep.
SOCIETY … Society is different than a 1000 years ago. Today we live in an information age. I’m a white Afrikaner from South Africa. I grew up in a western community. It’s a lot different than our fellow brothers and sisters in the townships or rural communities.
Once becoming economically active, working and living in a large city, circumstances change. Other than hurdles such as sanitation or education, one is now faced with trying to cope and keep up with the latest developments in your skill or trade.
That’s very different from a tight nit community, grouped together, helping one another with common challenges. Instead in a western culture, people tend to isolate themselves more, start a family and strive for the ideal euphoria.
Just to give an example. In our street, we as a community have had only a few social gatherings in about 15 years. I don’t even know all the people that live in our street. In fact i’m yet to meet them !! That’s a lot different in the townships, where if it’s someone’s birthday then everyone in the township joins together and parties from sunset till morning. U know your neighbours, and your neighbours neighbours.
Whatever the reason may be, today is definitely a lot different from our forefathers who sat around a fire, hunted together, and then shared their food amongst everyone. We’re faced with divorces, split families, children in orphanages, and too make it worse, who of you really know all your cousins very well,
Just a thought.
Here’s a good site that might help some of you… http://www.succeedsocially.com/ I remember reading these comments here last summer. I too felt no connection with anybody in life. It is a really a horrible feeling. It feels like your trapped. I am saddened that any of you have to go through this. Nobody should go through this.
I hope all of you the best. I would be friends with all of you in a heartbeat! I love you all! If any of you need any help, just ask me.
I am a total extrovert and grow energy off other people. I’m wonderful, fun, attractive, awesome and not perfect… no one is. I’m social all day at work because I make a living this way. I also rarely see bad things in other people, I’m overall non-judgemental. I’m married and aside from my husband, I prefer being friends with girls over guys. Guys are easy to make friends with but I only want girl friends. And I have NONE! I can’t make any. It’s been like 2.5 years now and although i’ve moved cities twice during this time… I can’t even make a single girlfriend. It’s like a curse. I can talk to them all day long but when it comes to making friends… after all the bad energy i’ve gotten from them, I get extreme excitement and anxioty when it comes to hanging out with them. I try to ignore this problem. I think I AM ME… take it or leave it. Because if you get to know me you will see the good or the bad… and I can’t even get to a second phone call with any girls. Im a total listener and a loyal person and go out of my way (to a point) to be friends… but nothing works. Its really sad. I feel alone or like, what’s wrong with me? Someone tell me what’s wrong with me and why don’t any girls want to be my friend? ANSWERS PLEASE!!! I’m becoming obsessed with the fact that I have NO friends. I have to keep myself from telling people on the first hangout.. that I HAVE NO FRIENDS… which is probably a turn off for friends. I’m totally hetero and this is way worse than dating. I hate it. But want girl friends sooooo bad. I’ve tried everything.
BLAH!
Can I ask why some people go through life with no luck in their social life? Almost all my life, I have not had any friends (I would define such people as beings that will call, ask or drag you with to do stuff, invite you to parties, dinners, hanging out, going to clubs, etc or just want to talk to me without me be the one to initialize the contact all the time). I am in college now. How amazing it would be to have a friend or even a girlfriend at 20?
The stuff that really leave a scar at the moment or pushing me downhill, is a study-trip/social gathering over 5 days, we did abroad recently, a time of fun and dancing into the night for ALL the students in the class. All my classmates seemed to function and have fun together, except for me. The girls dragging the boys out to on the dancefloor to have fun, ME NOT INCLUDED. Sure they would talk and sort of give feedback if I got up and joined on the dancefloor , out of courtesy and influenced by alchol, when hitting the clubs in the evening, but no responses or follow-up back.
In the end of the night the class would go up to the hotel rooms to chill, most girls and guys relaxing and having fun talking about all or nothing, flirting, playing music and laughing.
Some other things in specific and general are:
-that when the people in my class seemed to always take pictures of all the other people except me on the trip, almost as if they would forget me.
-most of the students in my class, seem to have befriended each other on Facebook, except for me. I have almost never gotten requests, even though we have a Facebook group. In general I have gotten three requests from other people. All my classmates have 150+ friends in general vs my 40. This may not be a proper measurement of friendships, but social networks are an important tool in building and maintaining friendships.
Just some stuff I have to get out, after finding and reading this thread full of BEAUTIFUL people. Sometimes it seems as if THIS IS MY STORY and SOME ARE TO SUFFER TO LET OTHERS BE HAPPY.
Lucky vs unlucky, I am in the last bracket, no friends and walking alone into the world……
Thanks and good luck
Sebastian
Ps: People suffer all over the world in poverty, but this is my reality.
Hi im Phil, im 18 and live in sunny wales UK :D
1stly id like to say how sad it is that ‘Lu’ would post something so ignorant on a site like this, what gos around comes around LU you gimp (no ofence to any genuine gimps, i love your kind in all your leathery glory) and..
2ndly id like to share with anyone thats willing to listen my thoughts on friends, ive only just managed to get myself going in the right direction after 3 years of depression, heavy drug use and friendship killing. Over that time ive successfully destroyed every close friendship i had, got myself kicked out of two colleges and been sacked three times WOoO!!!!
When i quit drugs a year ago the fact that i had no friends really hit home, i also moved to a diferent town leaving what was left of my social circle behind. Over the last year ive found it VERY hard to make new friends, but have tried to stay proactive and banished the demons of depresion BACK TO WHENCE THEY CAME!! i am now begining to see the results of my months of rejection (and introspection) and am making new friends.
1) i came to terms with the fact that SOME people didnt think as deeply or care as much about others feelings as i did (also when your depressed your much more sensitive to hostility and wankers in general lol)
2) when i did finaly start conversation i maintained eye contact, listened more than i spoke and tried to smile :D even though i wanted to run
3) as i forced myself to speak to more people (on a daily basis) my confidence grew and i found it much easier to make general conversation which has now (through consistantcy and reliability) led on to the beginings of close friendships.
i found that i really started to see results when i began to get over my isues (depression, paranioa) its an on going proccess. But dont lose hope!! Very sorry about the essay, if anyone wants to talk my msn is thebadgerslayer@hotmail.co.uk
***RAED SELF HELP BOOKS
lots of love and wish you all the best of luck in your friendship quests!!
Phil
Wow – the raw impact of this article. Over a year after it was written and it is still going strong. Like all of you, I found this website by googling “have no friends”.
I am 27, a successful professional with a high income, and have never had friends my entire life. I can’t begin to explain how it has scuplted me as a person. At first it was lies.. lies to people about “how I’m going out with some friends” and then went to the moveis by myself. Embrassment at letting co-workers know I have no firends.
Around two years ago, I became a workaholic, sometimes sleeping in my office, jsut to avoid the world. I have since received several promotions, earned an advanced degree, and have a high income for my age. Do you think it has compensated for the isolation? No. It has made me arrogant, misanthropic, and sometimes ferocious around people. I can honestly see mysel fbecoming Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.
The depression has always existed, I’ve given up hope on developing social skills. the people who say things like “get over it” and “just be more friendly” are normal people, who have no idea what it’s like to be one of us.
It brings me a bit of cheer to see all of you with the same story as me, but the future loooks grim for us.
Just wanted to post again and comment about what others have said.
To the person who said, it’s not us…it’s them. I sort of 1/2 agree with that. It IS us in the sense that most of us probably don’t have the skills necessary to make friends, i.e. I don’t know, smiling at people, appearing friendly, I don’t know. However it’s them in the sense that…there are plenty of people who have many friends who are not the most moral people.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about girls, even to the detriment of my schoolwork, stupid I know. And I’ve been reading some of the pick up stuff out there. And a lot of these things…confidence, etc. are sort of signals to other people about your heirarchy in society. I found it interesting that, to girls, physical attractiveness is not as important as sort of social heirarchy – they like sort of cocky, playful guys, in other words guys who are sort of at the top of the totem pole in terms of power over other people.
And girls will do some pretty – I don’t want to say “mean” b/c it’s who they are, it’s their instinct. But I’ll give an example. I liked a girl in school and I made the mistake of showing her that I was interested too early by sort of looking at her too much. Then she went and got her friends to sort of completely TOOL ME, i.e. got her friends to sort of look at me with this look like “wow, you’re so hot.” I know this sounds crazy, but pretty girls test you all the time and they will play with you if given the chance. Nothing’s more fun than messing w a naive guy.
Maybe I’m making a bigger deal of this than I should, but it takes so much EFFORT to sort of be confident, try to talk to people, etc. etc. I don’t know why, but even if I know a girl likes me and she’s not that pretty or whatever, and I want to go further with her, I have to really force myself and so far, you know, I haven’t been able to do it and I don’t know why, frankly it’s been driving me almost insane. I’ve even seriously considered going to a prostitute to sort of get over this…I don’t know what it is fear or distrust or what, something is sort of like holding me back and keeping me in a cage and like I said I want to beat this but it takes so much effort that I have to almost sacrifice my schoolwork to do it, and still not be very successful
And then I think people start thinking of you as a loser, girls start to think of you as a pussy, etc. and like it sort of weighs on your mind quite a bit, IMO.
It’s like, you know, people tell me just be friendly, say hi to people in the halls, but and I don’t want to be making excuses but for some reason this is much harder than it should be. I think other people probably consider us weak, too, which really bothers me…because we’re not so much weak in other areas like we’re very smart, we work really hard, we’re probably physically very strong, but for whatever reason there is like a wall or something, maybe it’s something that we ourselves made up.
And I’ve been reading like all these self help books and such and I’ve implemented some changes but I have to put in pounds of effort in order to move an inch. Maybe this is all just in my head, I don’t know.
Hi all,
Wow, so many posts here – I’ve tried to read them all, but I had to admit defeat. I have to say that I am not surprised to find others who feel like me, although I am surprised to see so many in one place!
I can really relate to what most people here are feeling, especially knowing that even being a nice, honest and genuine person serves only to get you used and abused by so called ‘friends’. And to all of you people who feel that being social seems harder than it should, I know exactly what you mean.
I am a 29 year old man, and I currently have no friends at all, and have lost contact (deliberately) with my family. Although I am married, and have a lovely young daughter, my wife also has no friends, and a very poor and strained relationship with her family.
Our problem is that we both have Asperger’s syndrome (and I suspect, from what I have read here, that many of you do too – go google it!), and were both diagnosed as adults (very recently in fact). So, we are both not good at dealing ‘normally’ with people, and a simple conversation, even with someone you know well, can be really stressful – especially given our whole lives being full of social difficulties, and not knowing why. We are always on edge around people, trying to tell how things are going, trying to avoid putting people off or whatever.
Having found each other, in order to preserve what little sanity we have, we have stopped chasing around after people, trying to make friends. However, I really, *really* wish that we had some people we could relax around, and be really *friends* with – I need someone other than my wife to talk to; she desperatly needs someone other than me; and my daughter, as she grows, must have people around (especially other children), or she will not develop well.
More than anything, I am painfully aware that I do not cope as well as my wife with the world at large, and if anything happened to her, I would really not know where to turn. I could not bring up my daughter alone, and be self-employed (I cannot work in a normal work place). My first reaction, if my wife were to be killed for example, would be to walk out of my front door and never stop walking – but I cannot do that with a kid to look after. But, who is going to help me if something does happen? Who can I rely on? Hell, I don’t even have anyone around that I would trust to babysit!
If anyone reading this is feeling like they need someone to talk to, and is (preferably) in central Scotland, or has young kids, then drop me an email: malgor (at) thedarknesscomes (dot) com – I would love to talk to some of you, and who knows, maybe after we are all finished bemoaning our fates and the state of society, we might find some friends! :)
PS Seriously, anyone who reads this and thinks that (as MC says) “most of us probably don’t have the skills… “, go and Google ‘Asperger’s Syndrome’, or ‘Adult Asperger’s’ – if it seems to fit the bill, speak to your doctor or a physciatrist, and don’t stop pushing until they consider it and send you to a specialist (it took me more than a year). You probably won’t get any help from anyone if you *are* diagnosed, but trust me, just knowing that there is a *reason* for all this will change your life. It probably won’t win you any friends, but you never know!
My theory on the subject and observations is that somebody just don`t have the “modjo” or born with luck that weight in their favor.
Don’t laugh at me, but maybe we can consider each other here a “friend”. We all have something in common (no friends, lonlieness) so maybe that’s our bond.
Wow. A lot of these posts sound just like me.
I’m 28 years old, married. I’m a physician. I’m pretty, friendly, and physically fit.
I always had problems making friends, like a lot of you. I always had just 1 or 2 friends in gradschool through highschool. In highschool I became popular, and people liked me, but I really didn’t have any ‘best’ friends. Just a bunch of aquaintances.
I was actually voted homecoming queen my senior year of high school, but looking back I think that was probably mostly because of my looks, and because I’m friendly – not because I actually had any friends.
I don’t know why I can’t make friends. I spent 8 years in college, including medical school, and I don’t have any friends that I’ve kept in contact with. I remember my first year of medical school, within the first 2 weeks of classes, everyone seemed to have already formed thier social groups, cliques if you will, and I seemed to have missed the boat. I didn’t really fit in anywhere. I talked to people and people talked to me. They seemed to like me, but nobody would ever invite me to do anything with them.
I have two friends right now, but I work with both of them. We seldom ever do anything outside of work (although the two of them are together all the time outside of work). I’m really kind of the third wheel in that situation. One of them talks badly about me all the time and the other one tells me what she says, but I can’t confront her because I don’t want to betray the confidence of the one that told me. I don’t know. It’s all very high-school.
I think I may be unapproachable on some level. I don’t know why, but I’ve had people tell me that I’m intimidating. I’ve also had people tell me that before they got to know me, they thought I was a snob. I’m not a snob at all!! I’m a very generous, unsuperficial, genuinely nice person. I like people, I’m just quiet.
I think also that I have problems bonding with people. I can have fun with people, and have conversations, but never really seem to form a friendship. I don’t know why that is.
I have a husband who I love very much, and that is really the only friendship that I have.
I haven’t had a friend since i left high school. Its hard to make friends when you are a worthless human being and know it. How can you have a friend you don’t respect? How can you respect someone who would have a worthless loser as a friend? Vicious circle that is.
If my only option is to hang out with people like me… id rather be alone.
I’m sixteen years old, and I don’t really feel like I have any friend that I can really confide in. When I was a kid, and I had a best friend who I did everything with. Then she moved away when I was 9, and I had to try and make new friends – which was hard since we had all been in the same class for years, and everyone had already formed groups. I ended up going to a different secondary school to them all (coincidentally the same place that my old best friend ended up going, but by then we were drifting apart). Everyone at my new school didn’t know anyone else, so we kind’ve all formed groups pretty quickly (since we were 11 and secondary school is scary on your own). The three friends I made then are still part of my ‘gang’, but recently we’ve all started moving onto new groups, since we actually don’t all have that much in common (me in particular, since I’ve changed a lot since then). Thing is, even though I’m generally a pretty helpful, friendly person, I just can’t seem to make new friends. There’s just always some kind of barrier: even if I do make friends with someone, they already have best friends who they do things with, and I just don’t feel comfortable intruding on that (since I’m not really friends with an entire group). I just feel so lonely at school. What’s really got me through the last couple of years (I was depressed for a while after my grandmother died) is two of my online friends. I can confide in them things that I’ve never been able to talk about with any ‘real life’ friends. Thing is, they’re both a couple of years older than me, and have recently started college/work. I feel so much more lonely now than ever, since they’re like sisters to me and suddenly they don’t have time for me anymore.
I am 16 years old and up until a month ago i had a group of very close friends and one girl that i would consider my best friend….but i fell out with that girl because i saw her boyfriend beat her and i told her to leave him as i didnt want to see her hurt because i cared so much about her…she then starting spreading nasty rumours about me telling people i was pregnant…i shared my deepest secrets with her that i had been self harming because my life is extremley hard and i had no other way of dealing with it and i felt that was the only way i could and she used this against me,laughed at me,called me a nutcase and spilled my secret to the school….I am a quiet and friendly girl and now she has turned whatever friends i had left against me…i had to leave schhol and now im working as a hairdresser..i have friends who are guys but its just not the same,all i want is a cose girlfriend that i can talk to and that can help me because im really struggling with life at the moment….i feel so scared and when i think of when im older nd i want to go out clubbing with my friends..will i ever be able to experience that?How can i when i heve no friends?Im not a bad person,im not perfect but i dont deserve this..its amazing how a person can give so much and getting nothing in return….Iv been beaten up several times and threatened with an axe so even if i want to go shopping with my mum,i cant without being scared that i will be attacked again…i cant go on living this way…im a strong girl…but im only human
:(
I have three “friends” who desperatly want me to go out with them, have fun and be good friends like we were in high school, but i think i have social anxiety and i try to savour every moment because i know i will be too scared to go out with them again, i feel safe from hurt if i just go to work, come home and not talk to anybody or have friends at all…it makes me feel like im all alone in this world because its my fault i dont want friends….i just dont want them but i would give anything in the world just to have one…and want to be with them….
I had loads of friends at primary school. When your young at about the age when you first start school you can just play with some one and you become friends. When you go to secondary school you have to be someone and talk to people and make friends. At primary I was bullied into being someone’s friend but that was only because no one would be her friend and she was upset. I stuck by her and got along with her. She turned out to be the best friend I ever had. Now at secondary no one wants to be my friend. I’ve been friendly with people and tried to help everyone out. Most people have just walked away from me and don’t want to talk to me. I am also a goth so everyone thinks I’m evil but goths are not evil. I often cry alot when I come home and feel sad alot of the time. I feel quite alone and my self-esteem became really bad. I had to take some classes for a while, which helped but I’m feeling quite depressed and sad again.
i asked my mum if I could change schools or change my class but she’s not prepard to do anything about my friendship problems. That really upsets me because I feel she doen’t care. I’m very shy all the time apart from when I’m just at home. I find it hard to talk to teachers and start conversations. I managed to do that on my first day of secondary school and about 2 months after that but now I’ve sort of given up. I still do try every no and then but it still doesn’t work. I’m worried about my health as well because if someone gets me angry and you just want to shout at them I keep the anger all bottled up. I do cry but I still feel angry. I’m scared that one day I will have a major explosion and I could end up hurting some one if it gets that bad. I can’t keep in touch with my primary school friends because they’ve all moved on and made heaps of friends. :(
I am a 25 year old male and have no friends, no real social skills. To be honest, I don’t want any of these social skills that seem to get people so much. All those types of ppl seem very fake to me, everyone so ready to talk about BS, and chatter about nonsense that they don’t even really care about. Do these ppl even understand that we’re all going to die? that this is a fact? and that this should really shape HOW we live? But life is so glib, from what I can tell. I will graduate from college in a few months with a philosophy degree and I already see myself not finding a job. Who will hire someone that doesn’t buy this whole charade of telling the whole world exactly who you are in a few sentences or less? forming relationships based on the grossest superficialities? etc. No, not for me, I’m done with the whole superficial charade. But the consequence of that is intense loneliness, intermittent feelings of guilt, suicidal ideation/preparation, etc. Top this off things I’ve done in my past haunt me to this day, though I know there are explanations that mitigate culpability. So, I set myself apart from ppl naturally, doing them a favor. Honestly, I never thought life would be like this–what a buncha BS!
To any of the girls who post on here and say that their boyfriends beat them…I have read that girls w/ low self esteem are attracted to guys who treat them like crap. Respect yourself enough not to be with a guy who treats you like dirt.
Unreal! Once again Im sitting alone in my place on a Saturday night thinking “I must be the only person in this whole world that has no friends”
Google proved me wrong.
Im a 26 years old professional female and have a massive struggle with the fact that I have no friends in my life and its heartbreaking. Like most of you, through school and college you have a group of friends etc… I always had a large group of extremly close friends to hang out with and share my life with. Four years ago I move from my home down, and its all “turned to custard” since!!!!
For the last two years I have been completely on my own up here and I feel like a complete ass! I try to make friends, but at the end of the day I can force someone.
I feel like I dick because I have to distract the people I work with from asking me what I get up to on my days off etc…. otherwise they will realise that I have no mates and that my life is actually really empty!!
I have family, but we are all not that close, and one good friend back in my home day, but it makes every day in the place you are living so so hard with you have no one to call, your text or hang out with and have a laugh or a wine or just what ever, just be mates..
I never ever ever thought I could feel this low and horrible and such a loser!
I know exactly how you all feel. I’ve had problems relating with people since I was a child. At a very young age I was always in my own little world, very observant, quiet, and shy. I was sexually assualted by my best friend’s parents when I was 5. Had nightmares for years that I told myself were just dreams. As a boy I was always told that I acted like a girl because I was quiet and witdrawn. Older kids picked on me and even tried to kill me on several occasions. In junior high I had a few friends for the first time in my life. In high school these same friends turned on me. I was beaten nearly to death by a clique of cowboys that were previously friends. I still have a disfigured face from this. I found friends among other loser drug addicts who felt as I did. 5 of these people committed suicide while I was close to them at seperate times. My father passed away when I was 15. I really kept to myself and tried to stay out of trouble but cliques would hunt me down to whoop my ass continually. I then made friends with some bad ass rebels who were willing to retaliate against those pricks with chains. These friends were confused as well and many of them ended up in prison or dead. Although one or two actually made it out alive with their sanity. I was kicked out of my house at 17 while paying rent and providing for my mothers boyfriend and family. I was homeless for a year before moving to florida with my uncle. He got us evicted a month after I arrived and was homeless again till I saved up enough for a down payment on a place. I lived alone on an island in the keys, camping out, fishing for food, and working two jobs during the day. I eventually got on my feet and helped my new roommate start a construction business. After we became a multi-million dollar corp. he stabbed me in the back and I was evicted and fired due to a bookkeeping technicality that his father screwed up and tried to cover up. I moved back to Texas and tried to go to school. Several more people I know were murdered in this shitty town. I joined the military and traveled the world. Ended up in Iraq. Traveled all over SE Asia, made lots of friends, Moved to Japan, Became leader of a technical department of the NAvy, made lots of money and bought a house. Was injured on the job and forced out of the Navy. Now I am back in school, have had one failed relationship that left me devastated, I have no friends, people constantly blow me off, I am excelling at school but no one gives me any respect. People constantly act friendly, then fail to answer their phone, or blow me off if we make plans. Chicks hate me. I have dated about 30 women over the past year and havent gotten laid once. They all play games with me. I try to make friends but no one knows me so I am in a catch 22. I have people that start fights with me because they see me as the lone wolf. I am contemplating suicide, because after all the BS i have been through and overcome, here I am again at the bottom with no one to talk to or confide in, a disability, disfigured face, guilt from war, lost job, and nothing to look forward to. Its impossible to get up from this when my self esteem has gone to rock bottom. And to think just two years ago I was on top of the world and had it all nothing could bring me down. Two years of people telling me otherwise since I been back, and stabbin me in the back every chance they get, has finally gotten to me. People Suck! Im a 28 yr old loserr
TO J-Man
What do you mean you are a loser? You have done so much in your life, very few people have lived a life as diverse as yours. It’s almost as though I feel you made this stuff up because it’s almost not possible that people could do all that stuff by 28.
Please explain why you think girls play games with you. You haven’t gotten laid but why. Did they reject you? Did you ask for sex and did they say no? Did you try to kiss them and did they slap you? I am actually very interested in this. Could it be that they really did like you but you didn’t believe it yourself, because you felt bad about yourself? Please respond
I know Im not a loser but society can really get you down man. The problem is people wont even give me a chance to get to know them. Then when I do these people leech off of me emotionally and then blow me off. Its like a power struggle where you act conservative at first and as soon as you open up to people they feel they have power over you so they blow you off. My diverse life makes it seem even more depressing because while I may have conquered my demons and grown internally people cant even see past face value. What a jip. It’s like no matter what you do people just judge you based on their own preconceptions and dont give you a chance. When I open up to women they see that I can be a very genuine person, so they tend to take advantage of that. This past year I have tried to be more conservative and let people ask about me while I convey an interest in them. The problem is they dont even know my full name before they blow me off. I get seen by myself on campus, at the grocery store, out to eat, and it just reinforces my creepy -ness to others, because people subconsciously tune you out if your not part of the socially dominant crowd. The games women play are that they act really interested, will let me pay for everything on a date or two then realize that I have no social network and fail to return my phone calls, show up for dates, etc. I know ive faced a lot of adversity but the rejection ive faced these past two years is just dumbfounding. I know keeping a positive attitude is key but repeated rejection and evironmental factors cannot be ignored.
J-Man, I don’t want to sound weird but you sound like my brother or something. I’m not going to repeat my life story but it’s posted on this wall in case you care, if not, that’s cool.
About women: I am not one to give advice on this, because I was and still am very shy and insecure around them but I am trying to change (I’m 22). I have been listening to some tapes on women and also reading some of the pick-up artists’ work.
Today I went and smiled at some cars passing by and that made me feel good, I am trying to break my shyness.
Take it or leave it, this is what I heard, I hope it will help you: do not pay for dates. Split the bill, go to someplace cheap, do not go anywhere extravagant. If you throw money on a woman, she perceives it as you trying to buy her, and she loses respect for you. Also, this guy I was listening to says you must fake confidence until you sleep with them, only after that can you be “yourself.”
Best of luck J-Man, I wish you nothing but the best and the most success possible ever.
Also I notice that when I write these posts, when I speak, when I think, I should focus on the positive, do everything more positively, with more positive energy.
Yourself is your only true friend. Remember that.
Social networking sites – hey! Virtual friends are better than none at all. And also: friends can be a burden. Freinds can wound deeper than loneliness. We come into the world friendless, we leave it friendless. The rest, as they say, is history! :o)
I am a geek, but what the hell – I’m a loner. My pc is a good mate though! It responds to my touch beautifully! Awww, microchips I love you so!!!!
Seriously now – really, I formed a click with some real friends. Aged 32, a previous social outcast. Went drinking every Friday. Talked about life, love, pain. Got really ill on the drink. Saw people sobbing and wailing – those with a life. Troubled souls, the lot of them. Answers in a bottle. Pah, I left them to be alone again. They scowled at my online friendships, they howled at my predicament – and yet, I seem happier than they are!!!!
All I can say is this: If you guys and gals have a pc, then make online friends. The tool to do it is here before you. Make use of the people here – they are like you and I – lonely. Confused. Damn right pissed off with life as it is. Much in common then! Friends!
I am 35 and have been on the roller coaster ride of a life time when it came to making friends. In high school, I wouldn’t say that I was an outcast but I wasnt’ popular by any means. I had a few friends and we would hang out occasionally outside of school. but not very often. I wish we would have. Sometimes I would sit on my front porch just hoping that one of my friends would pop by and ask if I wanted to go and do something. It wasn’t going to happen. I emersed myself into church where although I didn’t fit in with people my age really I did have people that cared for me. I decided to go to a Christian college where I blossomed. I started having fun and acting goofy and completely came out of my shell. I developed a lot of friendships and life was good. Those were great years. After college I stayed in the same town but all of my friends moved away. I never found a church home in the town I moved to and eventually stopped going. I tried many churches but none ever really seemed to care if I was there or not. I was lost in the crowd. I did make a few friends from work but eventually they moved on and now I am down to no friends. I am currently engaged to a guy who is quite a bit younger than me (the way I met him was through work) and he is in a band which consumes a lot of his free time. I go to see him play sometimes but I don’t like to because I just sit there by myself. His bandmates wives are all friends and they really don’t include me. they all grew up together, have kids and are the same age. I am about 8 years older than most of them and one I am 13 years older than and so its hard to develop relationships. So I either stay at home and watch TV or I go to see him play but sit there by myself and look like an outcast. At least at home I don’t feel like I am judged but then again I am sitting at home being lonely. If it weren’t for my fiance if I died no one would even know or even come by my house to check up on me. That is my biggest fear. I work with a lot of males and so I don’t feel comfortable asking them to hang out with me on my nights and the girls I do work with we aren’t that close. I just feel so alone. My fiance keeps telling me to get out there and meet people but I just don’t know where. People like him so he doesn’t understand where I am coming from. His friends and I aren’t that close and I am sure they think what does he see in her. I talk to him about this sometimes but its hard for him because he doesn’t understand.
hi everyone
I am very lonely. im 19 uni student in aust. I moved out of home last yr to go to uni, and moved about 2hrs away from family and friends.
In my last few years of high school I drifted away from my friends and family because of my boyfriend. He is a lot older then me, and I was very young when we got together, I hide this relationship from my family. This caused me to lie to my family and used my friends to cover this.
Ive lived in sydney for almost 12 months and just havnt made any friends here.
The only person I really have is my boyfriend, who i love to death and Im glad to have him in my life.
But he works long hours, and when he is not here I feel very lonely and wish that i had friends.
I fill my days just watching tv and surfing the web.
I was thinking about getting a cat, so that i would have some company during the day. does anyone else find this is good company?
i would love to chat to someone on here, it would be nice to talk to someone who feels the same
hi all (bare with me im finding it hard to put my feels into words)
Like all of you Im lonely. Im 20 and working yet I still dont have any friends, im friendly and all the rest of it but i have i would say throughout most of my childhood have found it hard to make friends from about 10 years onwards, the friends I used to have at an early age kinda just drifted apart somehow, i presume it were due to personal interests or something but i dont really remember how.
Now I sit here, no one to knock for me, no one to see if im alrite, just have no close friend or any friends and its so depressing, lonely with nowhere to go nothing to do no one giving a s*** if im living or dead for anyone to even blink an eye-lid, I really dont know what keeps me going, i swear this is half of the issues why people do drugs or are alcoholics etc….. but amazingly enough im none of those.
To make friends i have tried just going out by myself for a drink to club where ever (took alot of balls to do it at 1st) but no one seems interested, few other things i have tried but i cant even think properly at the moment.
The last few months I have been meeting up with an old mate from school and slowly its making me feel better now that we go out and that but i still find i need a closer friend as i can still feel the loneliness creeping back in .
The only advice I can think of to give to others on here is to try and get in-touch with old friends then just go out for a drink, get to know what they do for fun etc….. and if you like doing what there doing join them, if you dont, dont worry, keep in-touch with them still and meet up once a week or something and if you are unsure take a risk, do something different it may change your life.
sounds great, now i just need to figure out how to make new friends witch i dont have an answer for, anyone ?
Buck up, little soldiers cuz the ride gets bumpy…
Yup…I’m a loser. I’m 40 and have no friends. Sure, people come sniffing around b/c I will ALWAYS help them while NO ONE reciprocates. The gym is my only solace, like so many other people have mentioned. I go to the damn gym so much that now I work there as an instructor. I’m nice and say witty, off-the-wall, obtuse comments in my classes which leave people with glazed looks on their stony faces. Everyone seems to pal around on the weekends, but I’m not included–I’m sort of an odd duck and have accepted it lo these many years. And, the better shape I get in, the more people hate on me. Don’t you want your instructor to look like they work out? I guess sarcasm doesn’t help, either. It’s just that the years of not having anyone to talk to sort of grates on my nerves and I’ve become bitter.
Anyway, I’m mostly depressed and I work for myself so it probably just compounds the whole friendless situation. Thankfully, I have three dogs that are my only friends and I have a boyfriend who is too busy to talk to me. Oh, well…I don’t like people anyway and most seem to be just plain mean.
My only concern is that I’ll die alone, like my father. No one found him for two months in his condo (a neighbor smelled him–yummy). He hated my sister and I after he and my mother divorced 20 years ago and never talked to us, again. He was abusive both physically and mentally. I’ve never had any self esteem and have always hated myself so it’s no wonder people don’t like me. I wouldn’t like me if I met me, either.
I’m just hoping that if I ever become infirm that I won’t suffer or be neglected. I don’t care about dying alone, really, I just don’t want to be in horrendous pain with no one to help me. I pray that I have enough money to last the rest of my life; die in my sleep in my own bed; and that my dogs go to a good home and no one just dumps them at the shelter. It sort of pisses me off that I go to the gym b/c I’m just extending my torturous lifespan!
If I could be positively assured that there is no hell, I’d probably just climb in my car in the garage, start it and let the noxious fumes waft me into an eternal nap.
I’m 19 and my problem is that when I moved the same day me and my mom left my dad, I pushed all of my friends away because I was so depressed, confused and everything happened so fast. (This was when I was 13). When I moved I knew no one in the neighborhood and didn’t want to make friends with the wrong ppl so I kept to myself. Ever since then it’s been hard to WANT to make new friends. I don’t want to go anywhere and do anything but keep to myself even now that I’m 19. Then come to find out, the same ppl I thought were my friends then and the ones I made in school, were not my friends at all and the friends I tried to make last year were fake and phony so now I really don’t want to be bothered with so called “friends”. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and never become ‘friends’ with these ppl from the get go.
I don’t have trouble making friends…it’s making quality friends that I have more things in common with, that aren’t fake, that won’t stab me in the back. That’s what’s hard for me and now I don’t even have the desire to make friends at all. I am weird now and I never thought I would turn out like this. How could I go from loving having friends, hanging out with them all the time to…not wanting to be around ppl AT ALL (except family u can trust) and not wanting to go out at all? Those ppl just want to go to parties to get drunk/high and have sex with random ppl, get diseases and have babies. (which some of them has already done). I’ve changed a lot and those same ppl are still the same. One of those backstabbers always calls me and I don’t know how she got my number. I don’t want anything to do with her so I never answer the phone. I can’t trust her because all she does is LIE and talk shit about you behind your back. I knew her since middle school and she hasn’t changed at all!!! I’m not mean so I don’t tell her to leave me the hell alone and jump off Mount Everest, but I think she’s slowly getting the point since I never call her back or answer.
One of my other ex friends has obviously moved on and thinks she’s better than me now. She also pretended she wanted to hang out and ‘be friends again’ but I soon found out she was lying. Another one I knew longer than all of these people and she betrayed the heck outta me recently and now wants to talk to me again now that SHE’S lonely. She wasn’t a real friend anyway and I always knew that but when I was younger, it didn’t matter to me because I knew her for so long and our parents were best friends so we were always together. Now SHE’S LONELY and has no one so now she’s trying to get close to me again. I was lonely a long time ago and she never was there for me so fuck her trying to take advantage of me. She can kiss my ass because I want nothing to do with her.
I used to be TOO FORGIVING. Now, I’m not going to be a push over anymore. Although I don’t have friends and don’t go anywhere really…I’d rather be here than hanging out with those ppl and that’s why I ignore them. I am not desperate. Sometimes I get depressed because I’m always dwelling on the past and worrying what my future will be like but I’m working on letting that go and living out the rest of my life. We only get one and it’s short as hell.
I’m crying reading all your posts, and I promise to read them all. I was born extroverted but became very introverted around five years old. I’ve always been an outcast at school and talked to myself at free times or would eat by myself. I was always happy to help people, I do it a lot of times for free and I can joke around. But no one ever returns what I give them. It’s gotten even worse since I was twelve since I tried to commit suicide and told two friends about them b/c I was sure they loved me. They didn’t care and now I know they only came b/c I have a nice house. I moved around three different continents all my life and I think that could be a factor why I am like this, but I was an outcast even among the “outcasts” (army brats). My mother and family really hurt my self esteem calling me fat legs or big belly and I know I’m very ugly. I’m constantly torn between my religion as I try to help others but feel fake, try to take advice but feel worse for being selfish. I’m contradicted plenty of times and if I don’t do right I’m called a failure at school by my teachers and classmates. I can’t find anyone with similar interests in the country where it isn’t even my first language and my accent s horrible.
I don’t even have a mother to talk to. She’s always out with her lover (she’s still married) that robs our money, takes drugs, etc. and my father is in Afghanistan. I don’t know why I can’t make any friends, I try to be nice and I know I like to please (I love acting) but no matter what I do, even being myself, no one returns it. No one writes to me, no one calls me, and I’ve been depressed for about three years (I’m 15 now). I’m very desperate and awkward and even tough I convince myself it’s not so bad, it is bad. I don’t know how to feel to not hurt God, but I don’t want to hurt myself even though it is very selfish. I have an obsession of not being selfish! Absorbed! I guess people step on me and I’m very hurt b/c my mother is doing horrible things and abusing my good father that works hard for us in Afghanistan. I don’t feel good that I act the way I am when others have it worse. Even my “online” friends are gone b/c they have real lives and day in and day out I spend time on the internet.
I don’t see the point for college or “success” if in the end, I’m an awkward person that can’t make friendships. Sometimes I wish I could fly to people here and make them happy and be happy with me.
I hope someone would write to me, it’s ziggy.adams@yahoo.com
I really thought I was the only one who had no friends…Agian just like everyone else, I had tons of friens in school, and college, but once I finished it seems like everyone left, and I never was around, I called a couple now and then never got a return call…..I feel like I can’t trust anyone, because almost every friend I had either borrowed money and never returned and vanished, slept with my kids father, or betrayed my trust completely. After the last time my close friend slept with my ex, and my other friend knew about it, I started to feel like I didn’t need any friends, like it didn’t make any sense, but now about 3 years later I feel so lost and alone. I never to anything but work and be with my kids, I wanna go out and enjoy life I am only 25 yrs old, and I feel like I am missing out on so much, I don’t know what to do with myslef, where to go, it is so lonely….I don’t even know if I want friends now, but I need some suggestions on things to do myslef for fun, or I will go crazy.
I have 2 beautiful kids, which tends to be my best friends, we do everything together, and they tend to listen when I wanna talk, so pathedic, and I am tring to cut that off, they need to enjoy there child hood , not worry about mommy…..
Any one with suggestions feel free…….
I do not have any family or any friends and I am single. It is sad because people assume I have it all, just on how I look. I am considered attractive and for that reason, people assume I would be surrounded by everyone. Truth is, I feel this deep pain every day. The pain stems from not being loved. I like many others here, am a good person. I never betray people. I am always there for people, yet when I need someone they all disappear. I have never been married, no children. My dream is to someday have my own family, but why is it that it falls short? Because I have been hurt so many times, I am sensitive. It would take a man that “really” loves me and stands by my side. I don’t cry every day. It’s just I want that forever love and when things are going downhill, that is when I get upset…because I am always alone. The closest I have ever been with a person has been with long term relationships with men. So, if that breaks up, what do I have? Nothing once again. I try and make friends, but that doesn’t work either. Every holiday I just sit in my house. Not trying to sound down, but I am down. How much more can I take? I am 33 years old now and even though I try to maintain hope, I always get betrayed. I thought I finally found a best girlfriend and she just stopped calling me. It seems that is what people do…just stop calling me after I thought we developed something. It hurts! I have been incredibly depressed for weeks now. I want to be happy. How can I when over and over it is the same situation.
Miss Single,
I feel your pain. I wrote earlier about many experiences like yours. This may be a crazy idea, but I am going to try something I never have before. Just by reading your post, I thought maybe we might be able to bond on the fact that we both have had experiences where just when we got to bond with someone they dumped us. I never publish my email online, but you should write to me at bigbabyk@gmail.com. Don’t worry, I’m not crazy and I really am a woman. I’m in my mid twenties and though I have a husband, I don’t have any kids. I would not want that kind of baggage with how lonely I already feel. Most of the time, I feel like my husband doesn’t understand me because he just hasn’t been hurt enough in his life. He’s kinda naive in how he thinks about people. He can’t see things for what they are. Anyways…don’t mean to put him down, he’s a good guy, just doesn’t get me a lot. I look forward to hearing from you. Are you in the U.S? I am in the U.S. Florida actually.
Hey guys! reading this all has made me sad and i want to be all your friends! it is a punishment to go through life with no one to talk to – so please, if you would like to talk, e-mail me!
pirateraccoon@gmail.com
Hi guys. I’m 35 and I’m going through this with the rest of you.
I can be fun and I can be funny, but it takes a lot of effort and it doesn’t really feel natural a lot of times. Plus I get inside my own head and I get trapped in cycles of negative thought and it makes me very anxious. I can start relationships, but as soon as I start to get close to someone I feel weird, and then I become weird. I’m so used to being alone that I will stop calling and making appearances because it becomes very uncomfortable. And then its over.
During my college years, I was one of those people who would hang out as part of a group, but I never made the decision about where we would go or what we would do… I would just come along. I never felt motivated to rally a group, or even to do much of anything beyond sitting idly.
I’m not bouncing around joyfully through life like I see so many other people do. And it seems so natural for them. They go camping and canoeing and rock-climbing… and its just one adventure after another, they always seem to have something coming up and they seem to put very little effort into maintaining that quality life… or so it seems. I know that sometimes its only like that on the surface. But still, I envy them. They are surrounded by supportive groups of friends and confidants, and they’re always mixing it up with one another.
At this point in my life I am alone. I have some family nearby and I’m grateful for that, but I had a bad day today, and I had no one to call. I’ve had to become savvy at pulling myself up by my bootstraps, picking my head up and marching on. Some days thats not so easy.
I’ve made a habit of doing things that are “nice” for myself… like cooking nice, healthy meals. Keeping my place tidy. Getting myself prepared to entertain people in my home. But in the past, I’ve found myself at someone’s house, and almost as soon as I get there I want to leave, because social scenes are just stressful for me. When I have people over to my apartment, its worse. Its social anxiety disorder, with a measure of chronic depression and a dash of low self esteem. But I refuse drugs because they make me feel sick, and just on principle I refuse them.
I feel better after reading many of your stories, because I am relieved not to be alone in this. I’ve been in worse situations than I’m in right now, so things have gotten better. There was a time when I didn’t leave my apartment for about a year. I was unemployed and just lived on an inheritance with as little contact with the outside world as I could possibly maintain. I’m a pretty heavy drinker by most people’s standards, but I’m working to get a handle on it.
I feel better. It feels good to get this out there to people who can understand. I have hope for all of us. And I believe in everyone who has had the courage to post here, and also everyone who hasn’t found that courage. Hang in there. It can get better.
I ramble… but I’d like to make contact with a couple of people here…
TheBiggestLoser who posted a few days ago… I’d like to hear from you…
and anyone else who has an inkling, feel free to contact me!
blink000@gmail.com
I’m very glad I found this place, there are so many people here. I have been so miserable, it is amazing how many people are attractive, selfless and kind but still are alone, I can’t understand it. I am utterly alone, I was at college but I dropped out, no one from there talks to me anymore, I have very few friends, one or two from high school who are all moving on in life and leaving me behind. My family is cold. I just had an enormous fight with my mother, I was just trying to make her see sense, trying to snap her out of her own little world, an intervention of sorts. It’s a long story, instead she told me I was a drain on the family, so much money time and worry has gone into me because I have never been happy. I have no one, there is no future for me, I have no talent, no will to work, no will to live. I am so very lonely, I feel worthless.
Though I just got a job, I really want to quit. I am too tired, and it is all wrong for me. I meet people occasionally through my flatmates. Though I like them, they just like me to look at. I dislike going out, I don’t like the noise and crowds, for a few months I would barely leave the flat at all, sometimes I wouldn’t leave my room. Not helping myself much I know. Nobody ever calls me or contacts me, and often I don’t want to live anymore. There is nothing. PLease talk to me, I will have cheered up by then I promise, today is just a bad one! mbrpitcaithly@hotmail.com
here I am again, bored out of my frickin’ mind. The only good thing i have is my daughter, my wife is a dirt bag, lazy, i am in debt deeper each day, i have lost everyone around me, i don’t even want to see people I know, i have nothing to speak about, my son was thrown out of school because he is lazy and takes after my ex, she moved away and now she doesn’t want to be bothered. for 17 years she ruined my life destroyed every holiday, family outing, teacher meetings, school assemblies, now gone, i am out of my mind with frustration! you can only imagine
Hi guys, after reading all of your thoughts I am so glad that I am not the only one with no friends & family. Like many of yourself ‘s I am an attractive & friendly person whom people assume has friends & a loving family but sadly I don’t! I often try to see myself from other peoples prospective often thinking I must have a huge floor that people dislike but I just just don’t know what it could be. I always had friends at school & I always have a laugh at work with the girls but that is as far as it goes – I would love to have a best friend who knows everything & there’s no pretence . I come from a really sad background & I am sure this is why I find it hard to make & retain friends. My sibling committed suicide & I find it really hard because I was so close to him & even years later I cannot talk about it without crying – no body that I have met through work knows & would guess that any thing like this would of happened to me because of the way I come across.
I could never admit to anybody that I had no friends because I feel it is quite sad & I just feel that there is such a stigma attached to it. I remember one person that I met said in conversation said “there’s something funny about somebody that has no friends”.
I love having a good time & people do have fun when they are with me so it is just strange that I don’t have friends.
I feel for you all & know exactly how you are feeling x
fuck friends, if you have them you can’t trust them therefore if you have none there’s lesser drama to put up with.
I’m going through the same thing. I’m a 19 year old guy but and had really hard life and I’m really shy because of it, I don’t have anyone to talk to or go out with. I hate looking at other people and wishing I could have what they do. I’m not really ugly and I’m a really good person, I don’t know what to do. I hate feeling this way…I wish I had someone to talk to. I live in Connecticut, but if anyone from anywhere wants to talk, email me at jrod1728@aol.com or my AIM is jrod1728
Loneliness was the first thing that God’s eye named not good.” – John Milton
It was the sixth day. God Almighty had just finished creating all the living creatures that move along the ground. As He had at each stage of creation, God paused and evaluated His work. “And God saw that it was good” (Genesis 1:25). Only one more task remained.
“And the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being” (Genesis 2:7).
Here was God’s only creation that would not live its life in total ignorance of its Creator. Rather, made in God’s image, Adam would fulfill a role no other creature could — he would have fellowship with God and be the object of His love. But after placing Adam in the Garden, God observed that there was still something missing.
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him'” (Genesis 2:18).
God recognized Adam’s need for contact with another human being — a need God had built into him. More than just a fellow inhabitant of Eden, Eve would be the object of Adam’s love and would love him in return. She would share the wonders of creation and the responsibilities of stewardship. With the creation of Eve, Adam’s intimate relationship with God was complemented by communion and companionship with someone like himself.
By God’s design we have an innate need to be loved and belong. As children we learn to give and receive affection and are taught the skills that will help us find acceptance in society. Through our relationships with family, friends, co-workers and others, we form our sense of individuality and find our place in the mosaic of life. It’s when that need for affection and fellowship goes unfulfilled, that we become restless, unhappy…lonely.
If you are struggling with loneliness, you’re not alone. Everyone experiences seasons of isolation for one reason or another. Usually we overcome loneliness by meeting new friends, entering new social circles, or taking some other action that reengages us with people.
However, a variety of personal factors and other circumstances can sometimes short-circuit our ability to connect with others. Perhaps you have become insecure about meeting new people after the death of a loved one. Maybe some social setbacks have led you to think that no one would be interested in your company. Relocating to a new area may have left you yearning for old friendships and unable to start new ones. There are many ways that long-term loneliness can take over our lives.
Causes of Loneliness
Loneliness doesn’t develop overnight. It can be the result of a lifetime of influences that shape our personality. Or it can evolve after a major transition or trauma. Often we are unaware of the subtle forces that can slowly lead us into self-imposed isolation.
Some people tend to be loners because of circumstances in their childhood development. For example, growing up with an unaffectionate or overly critical parent may make one shy away from intimacy with others. Some people simply never learn to communicate well or get along with their peers. Others have overly aggressive or demanding personalities that make people withdraw out of intimidation. Conversely, people with low self-esteem often withdraw from social situations they believe will lead to rejection. Loneliness can become a lifestyle for the person who struggles with poorly developed interpersonal skills.
There are also many social factors that contribute to loneliness. We live in an age in which modern technology has made it easier to do things without other people and without leaving our homes. Television is the chief culprit that robs us of time with relatives and neighbors. For some, especially the elderly, the increased likelihood of becoming the victim of a crime keeps them from venturing out of their homes. Also, because our society is more mobile than in the past, families may relocate several times for career advancement or other reasons, which tends to discourage the development of deep friendships.
Loneliness can result from “situational factors,” circumstances in life that increase the possibility of isolation. People who are unmarried, divorced or widowed are more likely to encounter loneliness simply because they are more likely to be alone. However, loneliness can also occur when a marriage relationship doesn’t produce the closeness we expect. The student separated from home, the leader who must remain aloof from his subordinates, the individual with a disability or disease — all face a greater chance of loneliness due to a situation in their lives.
Often loneliness brought on by developmental, social or situational factors leads to problems that only worsen loneliness. Alcoholism, drug abuse, family breakdown and other social ills are frequently rooted in loneliness and usually lead to greater alienation from meaningful human contact. The proliferation of gangs, religious cults and other deviant social groups can be attributed largely to people’s need to belong somewhere and their failure to find acceptance in a traditional setting.
Whatever may be contributing to your loneliness, there is a way out. It begins with confronting a cause of loneliness that every human being must come to terms with — the spiritual loneliness of being separated from God. Each of us has a need to connect with something larger than ourselves in order to fill the spiritual vacuum that exists within us all. The Bible is God’s plan for developing the most important relationship in our lives.
Loneliness and The Bible
As the story of Adam and Eve illustrates, God intends for us to share our lives with other people. The importance of personal relationships in God’s eyes is evident in the amount of space devoted to them in the Bible. Both the Old and New Testaments have a lot to say about marriage, parenthood, friendship and church fellowship. But it is also clear from God’s Word that there is one relationship that is preeminent from God’s point of view. That is the fellowship He wants to have with us, which forms the foundation of all other relationships.
When we accept God’s gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ, we enter into communion with the Creator of the universe. God Almighty becomes our Heavenly Father and He places His Holy Spirit within us. Jesus referred to the Holy Spirit as the “Counselor” (John 14:16), whose presence would guide us into all truth (John 16:13). The Apostles Paul and John said God’s Spirit would fill believers with assurance of our membership in God’s family (Romans 8:16; I John 14:13). Day by day, through prayer and Bible reading, we can experience the wonderful fellowship that God wants to have with each of His children. He is never too busy to listen.
A dynamic walk with God is a solid foundation for building relationships with others. As God’s children, we are members of an incredibly large extended family that encompasses the world. Our brothers and sisters inhabit every nation on the globe. Spiritually speaking, our “immediate family” is the group of believers with whom we attend church. They form an important support group that functions much like our natural family does. Christians who don’t go to church or don’t get involved in church activities cut themselves off from a rich source of companionship.
If you are a Christian suffering from loneliness, ask yourself if you have taken full possession of the abundant life God wants you to have. Are you spending regular quality time with your Heavenly Father? Are you active in a local church? Ask God to lead you into a deeper relationship with Him and greater involvement with fellow believers.
If you have never invited Jesus Christ to be your Savior, now is a good time to do so. Making Jesus the Lord of your life will put you on a path that leads to intimacy with God, new friendships with fellow Christians in this life and an eternal place in God’s presence in the life hereafter.
Steps for Overcoming Loneliness
Perhaps you’ve heard these suggestions from well-meaning friends: “Why not join a club?” or “You should do some traveling.” They aren’t bad ideas but they aren’t solutions to the problem of loneliness either. The following steps will help you break free from thinking, emotions and behaviors that may be at the root of your loneliness. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you identify actions you can take to overcome loneliness.
Admit the Problem – Only after you acknowledge that you are lonely can you take the steps necessary to escape from your isolation.
Consider the causes – Evaluate your life honestly in light of the factors mentioned above. Do any of them apply to you?
Accept What Cannot Be Changed – The death of a spouse, a relocation away from old friends, and other unalterable circumstances must be faced squarely. God can use transitions in our lives to open doors to new experiences, but we must be willing to let go of the past and move on.
Alter What Can Be Changed – Many of the causes of loneliness discussed above can be overcome. Do you fear rejection because you feel inadequate? Do you stay in your home watching television when you could be at a social function? Has your best friend just moved away? Regardless of the reason for your loneliness, you owe it to yourself to take measures that will meet the problem head-on.
Work on developing self-esteem by stopping destructive self-talk, such as telling yourself that you are unlikable. There are many good books on the subjects or rational thinking and misbelief therapy that can help you.
Practice looking at yourself from God’s perspective. Study the Scriptures and meditate on verses that depict God’s view of His children.
Make it a point to get out of the house at least once a week. Attend church activities; participate in community functions; take a class, etc…
Get involved in a cause. There are many groups looking for faithful volunteers who want to make a difference. Of course, working for a ministry or charity is also a great way to meet people.
Develop New Habits That Build Up Your Inner Self – As you become a stronger, more self-assured person, you’ll find it easier to make new friends and encounter new situations. Try some of these strategies for self-improvement:
Meditate on God’s Word for relaxation and to ease the effects of stress on your life.
Establish a schedule for a day, weekend or a week. Loneliness often seems more intense when we have nothing to do. Organize your time and be sure to include some outside activities.
Start exercising regularly. Take walks around your neighborhood, a local park or a shopping mall. You’ll feel better physically and emotionally.
Make the most out of your time alone. Aloneness (as opposed to loneliness) can be a very positive experience. Aloneness, or solitude, gives us a chance to reflect on our lives, to meditate on God’s will for us and to find healing for the wounds inflicted by the world. Many experts feel that we spend too little time alone and that we would all be better off by planning regular times of solitude in our lives.
Make an Effort to Make New Friends – Often all that is required to escape loneliness is the determination to seek out a new friend. Overcoming shyness and the fear of rejection are usually the biggest obstacles to initiating a friendship. Keep the following in mind as you try to establish new relationships:
Look for someone with whom you share a common interest.
Take the initiative and give the person a call. Chances are that person may be looking for a friend as well.
Build a friendship slowly. Don’t overwhelm a new acquaintance with your problems and opinions. With time the openness to express feelings will develop. Give compliments and be thoughtful. Refrain from giving unsolicited advice. Be a good listener.
Consider Buying a Pet – Pets can be a wonderful source of companionship. Don’t overlook the possibilities. Pets offer uncomplicated companionship and unquestioning affection. They can even become the catalyst for friendships with other pet owners.
Loneliness can be overcome. But it’s up to you to take the steps necessary to break free from its grip. Ask your Heavenly Father for the courage to reach out to others and try new things. Trust Him to give you what He wants you to have — an abundant life that includes intimate and faithful friends.
Are you searching for peace with God? Find it here!
Telephone Prayer Counselors — If you have an immediate prayer request, or if you need to talk to a caring Christian friend, please call our 24-hour Prayer line at 1-800-759-0700.
hello, i have read a few of your comments and decided to write one myself. i have recently left high school, and was once very popular. But i stood up for a good friend of mine, and everyone turned their backs on me. This friend has now also turned his bak on me, leaving me with no one but my girlfriend. She is very popular and always out with her friends, but they also dont seem to like me so i never go out with them. i dont understand why everyone has turned their backs on me, i would have done anything for them, and still would. im a 16 year old boy and feel like i am missing out on the best years of my life.
Feel free to reply.
I decided I’d throw my hat into the ring. I am 21, and I have no close friends to speak of, just a lot of high school acquaintances. The last couple relationships I’ve been in, it would be the girlfriend who facilitated get togethers, or she would be the one getting invited out and I would tag along. I don’t even remember the last time I got invited to a social event among the circle of friends I was part of in high school. I consider myself to be a nice and considerate person most of the time, but it doesn’t really seem like anyone is interested in hanging out with me. I stumble across people’s journals and profiles online and read comments about how much fun last weekend was or whatever, and just kind of scratch my head and wonder why they would’ve decided not to tell me about it. I don’t know. Maybe I’m even more socially awkward that I think I am, and people are turned off by that.
I think I may be close to rock bottom now although I’m not quite there yet. I have gone from not having any friends to pretty much being a recluse. Kind of like the story of Howard Hughes, except I don’t have all of his money. lol. I keep coming back here every once in a while when I’m really down to remind myself how many other people are going through the same issues as me. It makes it easier in a way to know I’m not a lone and yet at the same time, it also makes me wonder if there is a way out of this or if it just will get progressively worse every year that goes by.
I too suffer from low self esteem and depression. I think it has gotten even harder for me the last couple of years because my Dad passed away. He was probably the best friend I ever had. He always knew the right thing to say when I was down. And we used to always have a great time laughing with each other about the crazy world we live in. He died of Lou Gherig’s disease (ALS) in April, 2006 and I miss him a lot. It was a horrible way to go and being as good a person as he was, it always reminds me how unfair life really is for some people. I guess it also says we have to relish the time we since we take it for granted until one day it’s gone.
I haven’t given up and I will keep trying. For me because I’m shy and kind of introverted it is definitely a challenge, but I will keep trying.
joshua825@gmail.com
My name is Brandon and my story has be written, by all the people who post on this page.
However, I’m Not going to tell my story, at least for now. All I wanted to do was post a rap slash poem slash spoken word that was TRULY and COMPLETELY INSPIRED by this topic, and mostly, by OUR experiences
I hope it touches you, you can feel the words, and take something from it. Here goes…
Wherever you are, whatever time of day,
No matter your pain, i feel your struggle,
the tears runnin down your face
This goes out to all those stuggling to find your way
Don’t expect you to understand it,
i didn’t plan this,
Word to God for these lessons that you give to me
lessons are hard, souls get scarred, so many dreams erased
Rare, n.h. and Jones, you already know my stuggle,
so hard to go on when nobody loves you
Images painted across text,
no doubt feeling hexed,
just crossed out my last reason to live,
now there’s nothing left.
If a verse was equal to Scripture,
paint me like Jesus, uplifting the people as my dying picture.
Life sucks! No one will hire someone with the degree I have. I’m 25 and live with my twice divorced mom. I have no friends, I don’t even know why I wake up in the morning! Maybe so I can pretend like “something will happen” and things’ll turn around. Blah. I’ve been saying that for four years now, and more! Oh, and then there’s this whole Christ thing and God thing, as if God’s going to make it all better…please! Man, just really low right now and need to vent. Keep trying to drink enough so that I’ll get the courage to hang myself. What a shite life! And get this, I’m a phenomenal writer, but it doesn’t matter if life is unlivable! And life is unlivable if you have no one you can talk to, and I mean really talk to, who’s on your level, who won’t stand over or under you. And also, I have my vices and my past, and I don’t want to start any relationships based on falsehoods, so I just don’t even try to make friends, because I want to be fully honest and know my honesty will just skare ppl away. Very sick life, where the people who take seriously the maxim, “Tell the truth”, are left without anything at all. That’s just great!
Wow I am not alone. I’m 25 married with 2 kids. I can’t remember the last time I had a meaningful conversation or when I had a good laugh with a friend. Anytime I say anything it always seems like I’m misunderstood. People judge me and see me differently than I really am. Or maybe I just can’t communicate very well. I don’t know. I think people see lack of social skills as being weak or dumb or slow but I’m actually really smart. I am so depressed. Why can’t we all just love each other and be friends? There is so much hate in this world and selfishness and fear.
I am 42 years old and so lonely. My only friend is my mother and I often think about the day she will die and how this will affect me. I can’t imagine life without her. I often find myself thinking that when her life ends – mine will go with it. Why is it so hard to form connections to other people?
Lonely, have you ever read Dostoevky novels? If not you might like to check them out, they’re very real and relevant to the types of things we’re talking about here. _The Adolescent_, _Brothers Karamazov_, _Crime & Punishment_, are just a few I can think of. They’re hard reads but really worth it for certain types of people (like me). They help keep sanity…also Soren Kierkegaard if you’re inclined towards Christianity.
holy cow, i just googled “why do i have no friends” and found this site. i wish i had solutions for all of you. but after reading thru the first 30 or 40 posts, at least i don’t feel so crappy any more.
sincere thanks you all of you.
TO SCOTT:
I can tell just by reading what you’ve written that you’re a great writer. Pour all your grief, anger and energy into a book! You have the perfect teen voice! I’d love to read your work when you’re done. Don’t hang yourself and deprive the world of your talents.
I just think I am fucked up. Depression runs in my family and I won’t be surprised if I am schizo. At first I did have some friends, but I planned on drinking beer and watching sports every weekend when I was 40 – 50 years old. These guys do it every weekend and then go to the same damn bars around town. Forget about anyone getting your back to be a designated driver. These guys are cutthroat. One guy has not driven for the past 3 fu**ing years!!! Why the f*** should he get that type of special treatment. Thus…
I snapped after a while and just told one of my friend’s off to the point where he had to run away home because of my viciousness. He deserved it though. Who in the hell talks about how they can beat up their own friends up in a fight for conversation? Especially when they all have been carriaging his drunk ass for the longest time!I couldn’t take his bullsh*t tough guy talk so I just snapped on him. Stupid fool. Ran away like a little fu**ing cunt.
It’s funny because after I snapped they all of the sudden are going out to all these nice places and I KNOW its to get me steaming. Fu** them. I am glad at least I got them closer together because I know they are just a smaller group with less drivers that will just turn on eachother in the end.
One guy is just a man child who I had to pay a hooker to get him laid. He is 25 and can’t even operate a clothes dryer for fu**s sake. Another guy is disliked by our group but he is so oblivious to it and just hangs out all the time. One guy is getting married but they bash his fiance so much that it gets me so disgusted, why they do that? I have no clue.
I always had so much hate in me and I am a mean person. My sister and mother do not have any friends as well. Its just in my blood. Now I know I am set to look for something to do for myself to be successful.
My dad was a son of a bitch. I am the man of the house and have been for the past 13 years. I take care of my clinically depressed mother and sister and I am the entitled caregiver for my grandmother who is close to being bed ridden and is 87 years. She has not had contact with anyone for over 10 years. I feel pain for her. Getting up every morning and giving her coffee just pains me knowing she has to live another day in a sh*thole with nothing to look forward to for the day…week…month….YEAR.
I am a Cancer and I am loyal to people who I know will watch my back BUT I HAVE NEVER EVER MET SOMEONE LIKE THAT. NEVER.
This is just a rant. I used to be such a nice guy but the entire world has turned on me excpet my family.
Ruby,
Providence is intent on stringing me along, though I see what he’s up to! Two weeks ago I pleaded in anguish for a job, “God, if you want me to live, you have to give me a means to live…I need a definite path.” Lol yada doo. Then three minutes later, hello, I get a call for an interview. Finally! God answers prayers. I’ll be working soon, making dough, serving mammon, etc. Those moments are nice. Couple days later, go to the interview, get rejected. “Oh God, thou art holy, for thy judgments are made manifest.” He do what he do. Ok, so I’m in awe for a week, and then, all alone during the day, getting bored talking to my dog, she loves me regardless (guilt x10), I decide, “Now’s the perfect time to get it right.” I’m a coward, so I can’t just do it, I have to do it by establishing the appropriate conditions that makes doing it possible. That for me, as I’ve ranted, is getting sufficiently drunk so when I’m on the chair self-tied and shitfaced I’ll be able to look at things and say, “eh, fak it”, and shimmy off. So as I’m about to get in my car and buy my means, I check the mail and oh, what do you know, out of the blue I get a check for $1k from my granddad, telling me how proud he is that I completed my degree, and I didn’t even announce it yet, because technically I haven’t completed my degree. Figure that wretchedness! So now I’ll feel bad if I do it after he was so kind to think of me. How can I disappoint, kill myself and not even have my diploma? Providence again, stringing me along! But, things for me wear off in a day or two, or after a few hours of insane reflection, and I’m back at it, “Life is such a bore, I’d rather be dead, something’s wrong with me, I’m a loser, lalala, it won’t matter” I’m really great to be around, you can tell, so I sit on the comp, look at porn, get disgusted with myself, type ‘no friends’ in Google, write my piece, read it again, and again and again, read someone else’s, feel bad for them, want to help, at the same time don’t want to, because helping seems to presuppose strength, and strength in a place like this is suspect (am I wrong? serious). Well, then I read your post and it makes me feel, well, good. Providence! Get my drift? Inevitably, I’ve caught onto the game: I’m being strung along with little things studding my consciousness, giving me a reason to live. Providence uses you too, he’s great to be around. Soon I’ll question the basis for your assessment, I’ll tell myself, she’s a female doing what females do, doing what I do because I’m a female too, she’s feeling sympathy for me and taking my petty little rants seriously (no reason not to) and taking the time to say something nice. And that’s all she’s doing, taking the time to say something nice. Taking the time to say something at all: just like I did with Lonely, but isn’t that better than saying nothing at all? Anyway, soon I’ll turn your entire nice post into something totally opposite: why? Because I move as if I know everything. So, before it comes to that, before my insight crystallizes and the mood takes hold, I just wanted to say, “Thanks.”
21yo, 3.5gpa, 100 facebook friends, and but NO friends to hangout with or help me out with anything; no one who invites me to do anything at all. The problem is not social skills, it is not looks or intelligence. I am stumped. No friends since the age of 11, wtf. I think we are just too different; maybe we are a bit too above the fray, a bit too kind-hearted for the jealously and gossiping that people love to engage in. A bit too philosophical, broad-minded, too reflective in our thoughts to feel a connection talking in the linear, completely predictable, uncreative, activity-oriented manner others seem to have perfected. I would love to have friendship, but maybe as a concept, for us reflective-types, it is just an ideal, something to aspire towards, and get perhaps poor substitutes of in the form of acquaintances, but never quite achieve it – we are too different, we are too dispered, there is no one like us who is around us. Even if there was, we would not know because not having friends, even if you are otherwise quite cool, is itself considered shameful. We can only be friends with each other, but we will never meet another person like us, who is willing to admit to not having any friends.
It is seemingly “eccentric” to live without friends. But maybe there is no choice, my friend perhaps does not exist. I should maybe live in anticipation that perhaps one day I will meet a friend, but I am not holding my breath. I will act like I have friends in this world that I haven’t yet met, because a world without friends is unliveable. But, a friend is not something I am likely to meet, I can only hope for his coming, and I can hope that in whatever I do there is a friend that appreciates what I do, because without that hope it will be tough to live a life of cruel disappointments; and the ridicule and aloofness of the people who fit in so well, friendship being a concrete reality for them, when it is only an ideal for me, because perhaps they recognize their own species.
Ruby,
I meant it when I said thanks. :) Didn’t mean to sound sarcastic or ungracious, if I did. (Though maybe I just sounded like a lunatic!) Haven’t had a “new” person address me by name in a while, esp. someone that’s got a little insight into my inner world, so you’ll pardon me maybe for trying to turn everything into a disappointment. Anyway, I queried your posts from a year or so ago, things better for you now? Still living at home? I have a dog too, she’s a chocolate lab, good to be around.
Dan,
I have the feeling that each person I encounter on either a daily or weekly basis (neighbors, relatives, school peeps) just looks at me and thinks, weird, crazy, abnormal, “eccentric”, why isn’t he married, why doesn’t he have a job, why’s he still living with his mom, etc. I severed all my ties with my “friends” about 4 years ago, because it all seemed so superficial, like no one really cared about who the other person was. And it wasn’t just other ppl not caring, but I was also uncaring, and I hated how superficial and empty I was. I didn’t want to keep moving in that direction of falsification. But severing ties with everyone and becoming “real”, that seems to have put me on a new path of falsification: you absolutely cannot address ppl face to face on a certain level if they’re not ready/willing to go there. And since most ppl seem to be unwilling, you have to just keep quiet, pretend, etc. Because I hate engaging ppl in inane conversation nowadays, whenever my neighbors try to talk to me I only give them limited responses and I think they look down on me because of it, as if I’m developmentally disabled or gruff or something. This is compounded by the fact that I never have ppl over. Indeed, my only real “friends” are the authors I read: Dostoevsky, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, et al. The bad thing about that is when my mood isn’t right for reading, (and writing for that matter), then I’m left pretty desolate. Sounds pretty stupid to most ppl I suppose, but honestly these are the only ppl I can really engage on the level I want to engage others on (aside from an uncle I have, who’s pretty into Catholicism, which sometimes gets irritating)…not so much an intellectual level but a deep, reflective, self-to-self level. I don’t like all the glib and surface stuff, it’s such a waste of time. The bad thing is, though, like you said, that face to face no one can really admit their inner person to someone else like we’re doing here online. We just don’t know if that’ll be acceptable for the other person, and would rather not face the possibility of further embarrassment, disappointment, ridicule, etc. Well, I don’t even know if I want a friend in the sense that I’ve understood it up to now. All of the friendships I’ve had in the past were fake, unreal, undeveloped. There was no real understanding between people, just not enough maturity for that. What I really want is just a self-to-self encounter with another person, a being-with, without the suspicion, mistrust, and all the other stuff that I so regularly bring in. Don’t know, seems almost impossible, like you say. In 6 years of college I really only talked to one person in a way that approached something true. But so much timidity and defensiveness nowadays that neither of us (me mostly, I think) did what it took to develop things.
(18 yr old female) I’m surprised to hear there are this many people who feel this way. I thought I might be the only one. I’m not going to lie, it’s not that I don’t have any friends. I just feel so terribly lonely. I guess, really, I have many acquaintences, because of the school activities I’m in. But I never hang out with any of them. I spend my weekends alone usually, and sometimes I like it that way. But other times, I feel like I’ve gotten myself nowhere because I haven’t been social enough. I feel like something must be wrong with me because I have no long lasting relationships.
I’ve had one best friend since elementary school, and I fear that I may be becoming too dependent on her. Now, she has this boyfriend, whom she met online, and so she spends all her time talking to him now, and I’m afraid that I’m interfering by trying to keep up the friendship. But she is the only one I can truly feel comfortable around and be myself around. The friendship is really a reason for me to live, but I can never actually say that without admitting that there’s something wrong with me.
Anyway, I, too, feel like I am a very caring, understanding, compassionate, and genuinely down-to-earth and honest person. I don’t believe I’m annoying, because I’m typically very perceptive about the way others are feeling. I’m thinking that “dan”‘s comment is right…. maybe people attatch themselves onto others and form disfunctional relationships, but for those of us who aren’t all that “disfunctional”, it’s more difficult to find a friend.
I am 21 and I have not a single friend, the problem is that I actually enjoy being alone and discovering things I like on my own. I do not care for other people’s feedback and that’s a problem because it is egoistic and arrogant, but I am a self-sufficient individual and barely depend on other people to have fun or obtain things. I know the time will come when I will need to make friends but I have forgotten how to socialize lol! Sometimes I also feel the need to speak to someone besides a parent or a brother, but I just get online and talk to some long known contact from another country and voila. I am a victim of the Internet and its malevolent dominance over the real physical relationships. I need help rofl.
Browsing through some of ur comment perhaps im the youngest of all.haha… 14 lonely boy on the loose. Blah blah blah…. yea… im not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, my family aint poor- just sort of a little struggle. I can’t play those pay to play games which most of my “friends” do. I don’t have a handphone,i mean how m i gonna chat wif them, communication, or even ask them out
Everytime they chat, i am just sort of categorized out, watever topic they were dicussing i don’t even have a single clue! They talked to me. yes, as a friend. However, when theres a group work or sort, im just being left out, i do searched for an empty seat for myself. But somehow i felt like an “extra”.
i do not blame anyone for those problems, its all just my own problems. I created them.
i have to argee, i , myself isnt even socialise enough. yes, like i said, they talked to me, but somehow i just dun even know how to reply them. A laugh? A smile? A shrug?
HA HA, i just looked like a complete fool. i often just somehow offended people. i don’t why…somehow…every word that comes out of mouth doesn’t make things good.
Everyday i wake up, i wonder, why m i still living? Why do i even go to school? For god’s sake, WHY? Everyday theres just this emptiness in my heart, waiting to be filled.
i cant, i dunno how to even express it out. nobody will understand me…
People! It is important to keep a positive attitude. Remember to control your negative thoughts before they entrap your mind. If you have pessimistic views about everything around you, you’ll never learn to find joy in life. Force yourself to think positive thoughts and you’ll change the way you think over time. Remember to smile, even if you don’t feel like it, smiling is a very powerful body gesture and other people pick up on these almost unconsciously and you’ll either be rejected or accepted. Be courteous to the people around you even if the world around you isn’t. Believe me, it feels better than receiving.
If you are a timid person or simply have trouble communicating and meeting new people just try talking to them. By just saying hi and hearing the voice of the other person you’ll feel relieved, never make any negative comments about anyone or anything. Most people dislike hearing other people problems, you’ll be ignored. Remember to laugh and insert a funny line here and then. Practice at home, look at a funny person, maybe look at your parents or any funny acquaintances, and adopt some useful traits.
It really is that simple, smile, establish small and sane conversations, try laughing. Even if you don’t feel like sharing a lot of details about you, you’ll get to know more people and more about them over time and you’ll feel better around them. This is how trust grows, and you’ll feel better about yourself. The next step would be filtering the kind of people you like and trying to start a friendship, it isn’t that hard and even if you fail there will always be someone else out there. Failure is a great thing, you learn a lot of things from it, it is painful, but it teaches you a lot.
Good luck
My story it a little different from yours, but it just goes to show that even though people may look like they have it altogether, they may not. I am 32, I am married, I have a great husband, we communicate all the time, but neither one of us has any real friends. We are caught in weird place. We have been married for 8 years and can have no children. We both have relatively large families and we help them out whenever they need it, but not one of them has ever been there when we needed help. All of my friends moved away from our area, got married and had children. Their lived have been consumed by their own families and they have no time for us. Those whom we have met either end up having children and gravitate toward their other friends with kids or they get divorced and being single, do not want to spend time with us because we are married. Even though we are pretty close, our marriage needs that external realtionship to keep us going strong. I read some of your posts and it seems like some of you are feeling desperate. The only suggestion I can offer up is you have to find happiness within yourself. Make new challenges. Get outdoors, watch a butterfly, sit along a creek and just embrace the natural world. That is how I have come to love being alive. I am still in college completing my bachelors degree and I am minoring in sustainability studies, and by delving into actions I can take in my everyday life that can have an impact on the environment, I realize that we are all important. Whether we are striving to make it better or worse, we all matter. Even if people reject you or don’t understand you, nature will never pass judgement on you. A creek will not stop and say I don’t like you, it says join me, watch my beauty, see my fish, my little ecosystem that is just as important to the earth as a whole as you are. No one can make you feel good or bad or indifferent, only you have that control. I have come to accept that people come and people go, but you will always be there for yourself. By strengthening the you, people’s opinions will mean less and less until you are able to say. I am ok with me and I am ok with you. If you do not like me, that is ok, you don’t have to and I am ok with that. That inner peace will take over any feelings of desperation that may try to creep up and take over you. You will say Hey feelings, you don’t control me, I control you. I don’t know if anything I said helps, but it has helped me. We all need each other and we all need the earth, please help to take care of both of them.
PLEASE READ !!.. (at least i would feel like someone is there listening to me..)
OMG ! i am SO glad to find this site .. never thought anyone would feel the same way i do..
I am 20 yaer old cute girl… very attractive and has a nice personality.. i laugh with everyone.. i help everyone.. i am the best when it comes to fashion.. i am super friendly.. but guess what!! Don’t Have a single friend.. Not even ONE! ..
and my mom has this big deal with the family so i have no connection with them what so ever…
i don’t know what’s wrong! why can’t i be like everyone else..! i feel so pathetic .. really pathetic.. i act infront of poeple like i’m a confident girl.. but deep inside i am Crushed!! feeesooo lonley…the only time my phone rings is when my mom calls! i want to be like other girls.. go out, have fun, and do girly stuff..
i never had a birthday party.. i spend it alone..with mom. no presents no phone msgs ..nothing ..
never got invited to a wedding party, birthday party ..Any kind of a party!!
WHY!! i am extremly nice person and very attractive! yeah and also guys.. only losers come and approach me!! that if they ever do! the good cool guys just stare at me..
so no friends.. no family-.. no boyfriend..
and yeeeah!.. i loved someone for more than 4 years.. i still do.. and he didn’t love me back!! what a life! i showed him many times that i might have feeling for him.. but he just keeps ignoring..
omg i am so lonley… i feel like a big big loser.. i know no one and no one knows me!
and the other day a guy told me..”you think you’re a big shot!.. without yor car (i have a nice car) , you’re nothing! .. who knows you without it!” .. That really really crushed me real hard.. because it’s true..
i act like i’m someone.. but i’m not..i am very very depressed.. nothing can make me happy
I’m in high school, grade 10 and basically dont have any friends. Im always alone and nobody to talk to. People talk to me sometimes and I know a few of them but I usually lose them as I move on, Ive lost all my best 3 friends in life… I have a few friends over internet that I knew as real friends but they moved on, and I never really go out everywhere. I am a really shy person and have very low self esteem, my only hope is that this will change in the future. I hope it does… The only people I can talk to are my family, thats it.
I am 26 years old. I’ve been without friends my entire life. I was molested from the age of 6 until the age of 13 by my father and it thrust me into a shell that i still haven’t found my way out of. I have been at my job for two and a half years and normal people make colleagues and work friends that they go out with and still, I am never asked to participate. I went to college and was never asked to go to the parties. I have lived like this for years. I stayed in an abusive relationship up until last year. I stayed with him for 9 years…since I was 16. He was my only ‘friend’ and I clung to him for dear life. I try to get in contact with people on myspace from my past and nothing ever plays out. I live alone. I go to work and I hate weekends because I have no one. I read all of these posts and my heart pours. I spent years wondering if it’s the way that i look. I tried suicide. I tried meaningless sex. I tried meeting people online. I tried changing things about myself to make me popular. My sister is the opposite. Her phone will ring 10 times in an hour and mine will ring 10 times in a week…all of them being from family members. I have wondered recently if I should go back to my ex because ultimately, I would have someone to come home to. I can handle the screaming, and the slamming doors, and the aggressive sex. I can handle the tears and the pain because I would at least have someone.
I have not known what to do with my life for quite some time and i feel lost most of my days. Will this ever change? Will I ultimately die alone?
I dont know who I am or even who i want to become.
I just wanted to share my thoughts.
Hi all, I am also finding all your stories very moving, as i am in a very similar situation. I am in London, so if anyone is from the UK and would like to talk just let me know. I won’t go into too many details but I also don’t understand why I have no friends, everyone I have ever been close to has betrayed me and I have put up with all kinds of abuse out of fear of being alone. I am no longer always openly giving, but still deep down I have a very big heart and I care for people intensly. My ‘best friend’ of about 7yrs has just ditched me claiming that she never really liked me and doesnt know why she never told me sooner…….and after 1 phonecall I am supposed to never speak to her again and accept that she has been fake to me for all that time. I am vivid with rage and hurt, and it is made worse by the fact that I have had this kind of thing all my life. Society does little to help people like you or me and it has devestating consequences. People seem to be brainwashed by the media and popular culture into believing that if you do not fit into certain categories then it is your own fault that your life is the way it is eg. weight/apperance, social status, negative steyreotypes ect. This all results in feeling completley alienated and lack of social sability just makes for an unraveling spiral of self-ruin. Having another human being beside you who you can share everything in your life with and trust that they will never abuse you I think is the most vital human bare nessesity there is, it makes you feel like you have the power to achieve anything because if it doesnt work out you have someone to comfort you and get you back up to try something else. Speaking from experience, when you do not have this, you try anything and everything to fill that empty space, cumplusive buying of nice but unnessesary things, drinking, smoking, drugs, casual sex, turning a blind eye to someone abusing you and so on. We need to help eachother and for everyone here please don’t give up, life is too short and you do not want to be thinking when your old ‘where did it all go to? ‘ Its scary having to do things on your own that you usually associate doing with someone else but if you do you’ll respect yourself more for having the guts to do it…
Anyone who wants to chat, especially from the UK (but anyone welcome) let me know, having someone to talk would be a great help for me and yourself. Best of luck and Peace and Love always, Fiona, 19, London x
My story is a little different. I know why I have no friends now, because since I was 16 I’ve looked at child pornography online and am now 26, so that’s about 10 yrs of that being in the back of my mind. I keep myself away from ppl because I know most would not want to know me. The last time I looked at it was about 6 months ago, but it doesn’t matter because if you’ve done it once then it’s always there. It’s too bad I didn’t know how things would be before I decided to do this. I wish that at the time when this began I could see the people in the pictures as persons like me and be disgusted and sad for what was happening to them. But I just saw them as pictures, and so got myself wound up in those fantasies. I wish I was more mature then, but I can’t change the past. I don’t want to lie to ppl so it’s hard to form any relationships. So, at this point, life seems pretty hopeless, and I bet a lot of ppl would say that it’s deserved. Well, I’ve had things happen to me when I was younger, and those things weren’t deserved. Maybe if some things hadn’t happened to me when I was young I wouldn’t have looked at child pornography online? But I did, and now I have to accept the responsibility in my life. I don’t know, but I know that before this I always felt lonely and alone, isolated and without recourse. I grew up in about 10 different places so I don’t really know anyone or consider anyplace home. Honestly, I’m just waiting to die. Thanks for reading if you did, and I’m sorry if I offended anyone here.
I’ve always been picked on and bullied for being small and skinny. People think I’m alot younger than I am and when I tell them I’m 26 they are shocked. My whole life its been like this, ignored and passed over for being shy and small. I wish people would take me seriously. I have never had a friend. Once long ago in high school I had a friend but she used me. Thing is I never learn. I want to trust people and love them b/c Im so fucking lonely. I don’t even know who I am. My little sister is the popular one and I am the loner older sister. I wish I knew the secret. I wish to god I knew how to be appealing to others. They way I am as myself is not enough for people. I wish I was more.
SAM – Theres no shame in curiosity. Its human nature. I assume you looked up child pornography out of curiosity but nothing more than that. Try to stop feeling so guilty over something so insignificant in reality. Everyone in the world has thoughts that if they told other people they might be labeled as a ‘freak’ or ‘perverse’ n lalalala (it does my head in believe me) but that doesnt mean they’ll actually act upon them. Child sex just isnt what people think of as the ‘norm’ …..a long way from it, but so are many other things, if something is different or unusual it catches peoples attention and of course that sparks off curiosity. Stop beating yourself up.
Fiona – thanks. when I was 16 someone on mirc sent me an unsolicited pic of a nude 14 yr/old girl. I didn’t think much of it at the time, though the girl was attractive and would be someone I’d date then. 6 months ago I typed taboo in yahoo and came to this site that had bizarre pics and some were very small on the screen but I could tell they were illegal w/children, etc. The majority weren’t but the whole thing just bothered me because of types like Oreilly that want to call everyone a pedophile. I dunno, I don’t feel like I’m a pedo just like I don’t feel like I’m gay for having seen gay pics. But it bothers me because I wonder how many child porn there is out there and how many ppls lives are impacted and it makes me feel guilty. I dunno, since I’ve always felt isolated and lonely, even before this, maybe it’s not the cause, but only compounds it because of types that need someone to be the salem witch, and then my isolation makes me feel like that salem witch. But then I read stuff like that from Elizabeth and feel guilty because many lives are given a great deal of undeserved suffering because of unwanted sexual advances, the same sort that must be behind pics like that. I know that suffering can make ppl stronger in the long run, but in the meantime it must be pretty hard. Dunno, I just feel bad, maybe I’m over analyzing things.
27 yr old female here, mother of one, not married, no friends. It’s a beautiful day here, my apartment has a great view of the pool, it’s sunny and the weather is great, people are around the pool and having a great time and I sit alone in my apartment wishing I was one of them. I’m alone all of the time, everyday, all day. My phone NEVER rings with invites by people to attend anything. I NEVER have anyone call to just say hi, how are you doing. The one good friend I had, I guess got fed up with me and decided to stop talking to me, not that she talked to me that much anyway.
I’m extremely lonely and I just want to leave everything behind. I’d love to be someone else. No one comes to my house to see me, no laughter, no girlfriends to hang out with or guy friends to be stupid with. The thing is I’m not shy or a wall flower BUT I can’t make and keep long lasting friendships. I think I give off a vibe of unfriendliness. I’m trying to rectify that but it is hard. I’ve actually thought about setting up a website for people like us to connect to other people so that we all don’t feel so lonely.
Hopefully this will end. I’ve wished and prayed and hoped for one thing since I was a little girl. God please grant me a good friend. I just want some friends. Why is that so hard for me to achieve??
Lonely in Texas……
Krystal,
What part of texas are you from? I’m from Houston. 26 year old female…never married no children. Feeling the same.
I’m so used to having no friends that I never think of making new ones. I don’t know if this is wrong but I enjoy spending most of my time alone. I’m the sort of person that doesn’t need to go around receiving compliments and other form of positive feedback to feel good. It’s not that I am very proud or egoistic but I am happy with the things I do day to day and don’t feel like I need approval from anyone else to feel ok. Every now and then, maybe every five months, I sort of feel alone, but a short talk with my parents makes me feel back to normal, it works like a form of therapy. Maybe all of this is an excuse deeply impregnated in my subconscious that won’t let me break out of my shell and live a different life. How do you know if you are ok? Should I act like the rest of the people out there and start making friends right away even though I don’t feel the need? or should I wait some more time and let things happen for themselves? I am all eyes! Thanks.
(female, 18)
Hey Depressed and Lonley
I can relate a bit to your situation. You seem like a nice person, so I think your problem is just insecurity. You say you’re attracitive and fun and stuff; well, I don’t think you actually believe that. (I mean, you probably are all of those things, but you’re self steem isn’t that great) You need to stop wanting the others to like you, cause it doesn´t work like that. Just be you, stop pretending and be happy with who you are.
I’m sure you’ll be fine =)
SAM
Don’t feel so bad. You´re too hard on yourself
I can relate to so many of you. I’m 18 and in freshmen year of college and I just feel like a complete failure. I have an amazing boyfriend that seems to know everyone in school but I never get to hang out with his friends because he likes having his time alone. I guess I have some friends here but no one close at all. I feel like a failure because everyone around me seems to have found their group of best friends at school already. Nobody ever calls me to hang out. I have close high school friends that I talk too but I just feel like such a loser at college. My boyfriend will always ask me what my plans are for the night and I never have any other than doing work because I am premed and constantly swamped. He’s going away this summer and I won’t see him and I don’t know if we’ll still be together next year and if we won’t, I will have absolutely no one to turn to. It isn’t that I am a mean person, I am really nice to everyone I meet it’s just that I don’t put any effort into most of my relationships with people. I don’t think anyone dislikes me but no one ever really thinks of me or calls me to hang out. I just really don’t know what to do with myself. I feel so lost and I feel like I am doing everything wrong.
I have had very short friendships. I am not the type of person that gets asked out by guys, I am very attractive, but no one ever seems to want to ask me out. I don’t get asked to outings or parties that co-workers are invited to. It has caused such depression in my life that I’ve contemplated ending it. I am divorced, and he was my only friend. I have no children. the family that I have all lead their own lives and don’t really communicate with me. I am a friendly person and i’ve never understood the wall between myself and the rest of society. I had a myspace page with old co – workers and I see these pictures of parties and everone was there but me. It made me so sad and I closed my account and never went back. I had the emptiest page…no comments…no invites. Even in internet world, I had no one. I don’t know what to do and the more alone I feel, the closer I come to the inevitable.
My birthday is coming up and I suspect that no one will call. No parties will be thrown in my honor. Not even a card will arrive in the mail. The most depressing day of my life. I hate to sound so self pitying, but that is what this is for, right? to vent and to let my fingers carry these to all willing to listen…so that’s what i have done.
Lonely in Houston – all I can tell you is, men and women were created equally and women should, just like men, ask others out. You are saying you are waiting for someone to ask you, dont, ask them.
I’m 20 and I don’t have any friends. I’m not sure why.
I had a really hard childhood, alcoholic/drug parents, living in foster homes etc.. I went through things no child should have to go through. Now im 23, 2 young kids, engaged but absolutely no friends. I had some frinds in high school but after I got pregnant young I lost them all. I feel so worthless. I am pretty, funny, loyal and honest but I can not make any friends and dont even know how because I am a stay at home mom and don’t get out to socialize. I’ve become really shy and introverted now and feel very akward around people, even my own family members. Im so lonely and just want someone I can talk to and listen to who I can relate to but most women my age are in university or working or party animals, and Im none of the above. It really sucks but its nice to know im not alone.
i know alot of people but it seems like i just cant get close to any of them. i try really hard but it seems like they are always busy or just dont want to hang out. the only person i can really talk to is my bf but sometimes i just want a break and go out with someone else. im the one always initiating the get togethers. i wish that i could just connect with people more. it is hard for me to make new friends because i have gotten hurt so many times before with friends stabbing me in the back. i dont really know what to do.
Try being 34, single, without a romantic relationship, without a career (and your dream job, that YOU created and busted your arse for to succeed is just tanking and you KNOW it’s time to give up but you don’t know how), and without friends who are less than 200 miles away—–WITHOUT any sort of social phobia or introverted tendencies. Someone who has been outgoing and fun and used to have a world of friends who all are now moved away or married or whatever.
I’m not unattractive at all. No supermodel, but definitely an attractive woman. I’ve had ONE boyfriend my entire life. I have no idea why men want to screw me, but not love me. My chosen field doesn’t appeal to me anymore….and if I have to lose the ONE damn thing that has kept me going—my business—I don’t know what there is left for me to do. I can’t stop crying, and I’m so ashamed of who/what I’ve become. I had so much promise, so much life….and now I’m just this shell. I’m bored, I’m lonely, I’m miserable. All I have is my dog, and he’s old enough that he’ll leave me soon as well, and I have NO idea how I’ll survive.
Add to that—I have no idea how I could just move and start again when my parents are aging. They’re not that old, 61, but they are really ALL I have. How do I leave them? And where do I go? No one is going to hire me for a job in my field. I’m so embarrassed that I’ve ruined yet another chance I had. And I have friends I love dearly, but none of them are close enough to come hold my hand and tell me (even though I know it would be a lit) that everything will be ok.
I’m beginning to really REALLY wish I wasn’t so scared of dying. When I was young, I assumed it would get better. That I had choices and chances. Now I’m in my mid-30s and sickened by it…I am jealous of people younger than I am because I’d give anything to start again. But I’ll just keep getter older, and more lonely, and more pathetic and more alone.
What kind of life is this?
I was never really a social person, and I’ve had friends all my life but starting in my early thirties, they all got married and moved on and I remained single so we eventually drifted apart. The funny thing is, I don’t care that much. Like I said before, I was never a social person. For some reason, I just never want to have anything to do with anybody. It’s a real bother!
But now that I’m 43, I keep thinking about what that kid said in “About a Boy”–you need backup. You can’t just rely on yourself and your family (if you only have like parents).
So what am I going to do when I’m 60?
By the way Sarah, it’s okay to screw up jobs. I’ve had on a couple of occasions come up with these ideas that just failed miserably (like starting a newsletter–nobody wanted to buy it). But if you didn’t try, you’d be wondering all your life.
Don’t feel compelled to find a job in your “chosen field.” There’s no reason to do that. I hear it from people all the time–“But I majored in Geology, and now I can’t find a job in that field!” So what? Doesn’t matter. It’s just a job–it’s not who you are. Well, okay, if you’re a doctor or an athlete, it’s who you are–but for the majority of us, it’s not.
Just try to find a stable, decent job. You can use it as a ground for yourself–build a base for support–so you can do the things you want to do/try in life.
Hi there been through the same trauma which you’ll went through and I’ve read some posts of users that request to open groups but none did, so I took the liberty to open a yahoo groups which units all of us into a huge network of friends. So none is alone here anymore!!!!!
Hail to Friends United 101. Let’s show the world, we the great people, deserve better than the rest. Live up your spirits. Beyond our knowledge, we have something in common which brought us all here. Don’t worry, if your phone doesn’t rings anymore, no worry’s if nobody wishes you birthday and of all you are not alone anymore. Join the world of Friends United and show the world, of the big network which you have created for yourselves than the rest of your peers for you have friends from all over the world and can you believe that now, you have friends worldwide willing to listen to you, care about you and most of all willing to meet you. Join our world, to voice conference your views, discussions, emotions, share the burden, jokes, and anything which gives support at all levels and at all times a true friend would to take part in every aspect of your life. Anytime, anywhere you go to any part of this world, just remember that friends united is all ways with you no matter wherever you are. Be remember to meet our friends who resides on the other part of the world if happens to go over. Good luck my dear brothers and sisters. Sorry for grammatical errors.
Congratulations!
Your Group friends_united101 has been created.
You can access your group using the link below or from the Yahoo! Groups
Group name: friends_united101
Group email: friends_united101@yahoogroups.com
This is to make sure we can get online and communicate with others through YM!!!
This is the longest post I have ever seen.
I belong to a group on meetup.com for shy people in my area, but I have never made any friends through that. I even posted a message asking if anyone wanted to be my friend, that I had such and such interests and hobbies – no one answered….:(
I go to work, 40 hours per week, and to church, but I have no friends. I feel really really lonely.
I’m attractive, fairly intelligent, really helpful, but have never been able to connect with girls. I feel constantly ashamed that I might be found out as a loner – eek, there is such a stigma attached to this – friendlessness.
It’s like when people find out, their jaws hang down to the ground……
Hi there, I am so comforted by finidng this website, but also saddened that so many of us have the same problems. I am 25, and I have always had friends in the past. High school, college, I actually knew alot of people and always had things to do. Now im in my last year of uni and all of my good friends have dropped away. The girls all have boyfriends now and are always with them, my guy friends also got girlfriends, and even when i try to reconnect with others I used to hang out with, they dont return my phone calls. I can’t understand why. For the past 2 years, I havent been able to make any new friends. I have a great boyfriend who is pretty popular, but i cannot rely on him for everything. Because i feel so rejected, Im terrified he’s going to reject me too, like there is something defective about me. My therapist cannot understand, she says there is nothing wrong with me. Perhaps I am trying too hard? Maybe people can sense my nervousness? Now I never know what to say and find it difficult to be myself. The one good friend I have had for many years is now always “too busy” to see me and it really hurts. Well thanks for listening.
I too have no friends, I wish I had someone to talk to about life, my life, their life. I wish I had someone I could go travelling with to exotic places. I wish I had someone to cry to, and tell a funny joke to I heard on tv or made up. It’s hard to meet people because there are not many places you can go alone where you do not feel awkward for being there alone. Weekends are tough and even harder when my mom notices I have not gone out and asks what my friends are doing. I am 24 years old, well-educated, diverse, out-going and accepting of everyone. I did have friends once but I always had to call them, they never called me. One time, my “best friend” said she would meet me at the bar and when I got there, I searched for her for 45 mins and when I finally called her, she was heading to another bar with her friends. I was so upset because the least she could have done was call me and tell me to meet her outside so we could go together. So I got in a cab and left to go home. That was the moment I woke up and saw how bad my friendships were. After that night, I have stopped calling all the people who were my friends for any other reason than because they liked who I was. None of them have called me since. It’s not that bad though because my mind is less cluttered. I have more time on my hands but I try to use it by doing things I like, watching documentaries, reading up on things that come to mind, making plans for my future. See, the problem was that before I was spending so much time wrapped up in superficial friendships (those take more time and effort than real friendships) that I have no hobbies or anything I know I am good at other than school. Now, I have time to do the things I have never done before. I’m not sure what those things are but as I become more comfortable in my new skin, I will start to feel okay about being alone and focus on something other than being alone.
For all those out there who feel the way I do, it’s okay. It’s okay to feel sad and alone, but remember that your value as a human being is not determined by how many friends you have. You are okay on your own, no one can take that away from you.
Hi all,
I think we are all pretty unlucky on this site. Sometimes people fall off the edge – they either jump or get pushed. The trouble is that once you have no friends you become very vulnerable and people can sense it. Then it becomes a vicous circle.
I lost my whole group of friends when i was 18 over a stupid row over a boy. That was 12 years ago and I still feel like I’m paying the price. I make new friends quite easily, but at my age they already have pretty solid friendship groups. It’s really embarrassing when they start to realise that I don’t have one. Then I feel like I’m dependent on them to be in the group. Eventually I lose touch with people, either through moving or insecurity or feeling like I do’t fit in the group becasue there’s no history there.
So it’s a bit of a trap people fall into – now I feel like I’ve developed a social phobia because of it too. I used to get on well with my work colleagues, but there are lots of little cliques and alot of the people I was friendly with have now left, so when I go out I feel like a spare part. I decided not to bother going out with them anymore, but they don’t like that and it’s making me paranoid!! I just want to chill out and have a laugh with people, but I get so uptight about things.
Anyway, I think it’s great that this thread exists so we know we’re not alone.
Take care all x
Wow. Do I understand all of you. Hang in there. We can all do it! Remember…things are not always as they seem….I think that often in the case of people with enormous groups of friends, these friendships are often based on going out to pubs/clubs/shopping together. People seem to use each other for social contact, but disappear when their friend has a problem and needs help. I know because when I was at uni [Aussie for university] I had heaps of friends, I couldn’t walk between lectures without bumping into someone I knew – but they all but 2 seemed to disappear when I had family problems. I don’t blame them, we all have problems and sometimes we really just don’t have the strength to help others, I know. So, try not to take it personally if people cannot be there for you. I read a quote somewhere once: “Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”. It you can, turn to God, who loves us all. Close your eyes and pray. Breathe, God created such beauty in the world [mountains, forests, butterflies] and each one of us is just as beautiful inside…and just as loved. Try to find out who you are, what you really want and dream of in life. I believe that this is our purpose in life. Then, You attract good people, when u r in tune with yourself. I am in the process of finding my career, and I believe all will be well :-) …for all of us.
Back to what i was saying about people with 20 friends…..I think that if you have 20 ”close” friends, how can you really be there for all of them, remember birthdays, etc. and really have close ties with so many people? There r only 24 hours in one day! Apologies to those who may have so many friends. Maybe tell us all how you do it :-) I have everyone who wrote on this site in my prayers. I truly believe that we live in weird times -people have become disposable, we all move around the globe, friendships are lost and we look for new ones, money and confidence are valued over substance and character. Let’s not believe what TV series and films show us – life is different. Walk on…….and never give up. If you want to email me for a chat, feel free: evie.peterson@yahoo.com
Hi Everyone…
I’ve come back to this discussion a few times now. I am actually glad to see it is not a thread that has died out. :) I’m a bit older than most of you: I am 35, live in FL, have been engaged for many many years and have a household of pets, no children. I’ve come to a few realizations over the years that I feel might be helpful, and I am sure some of you feel the same way:
We all might very well be genetically or environmentally programmed to fit this “role” within society. Some people are born athletes, some are born to be aggressive, some are born to be self-centered. And there are takers and there are givers. It’s not a justification for how we might be treated or viewed, but it IS part of the bigger picture. I have seen a few posters here say “You just need to get out there. You just need to make friends.” It’s a very complicated issue, it doesn’t have an easy answer, and it also has many influencing factors, on both a personal and societal level.
I spent a lot of time in my early and mid 20s being absolutely anguished over my situation. And my teens were a mess. I went to an all-girls high school, and was the artsy girl everyone liked to pick on. To all of you who have been extremely depressed or suicidal – it comes with the territory. I just want to reach out and give you a hug and let you know that someone REALLY UNDERSTANDS. Myself, I’ve never quite fit in, from childhood on to this day. And believe me, I’ve tried everything: being myself, not being myself, helping others, not helping others, joining groups, being proactive, being submissive. I finally got to the point years ago where I just accepted that this was a part of the cards I was dealt: both who I am as a person and how I was raised (overprotective parents who were also very antisocial). I have to accept who I am. I am attractive. I am also very cerebral and brainy. It’s hard to truly know how people perceive me, because I am looking at myself through my own “tinted glasses.”
I also have always had issues with being used, not having true friends, and feeling like many other people were very selfish, self-driven, etc. Maybe I am just jaded now, but the anguish I once had has been replaced with a sad acceptance. When I find myself in a friendship where I am feeling these bad feelings, in the old days, I would have allowed it. Now I just move on. For those of you that are in that anguished state, maybe these thoughts might help: you can’t change other people. You can only change how you respond to them.
One of the things I realized about myself is something that I think might help a lot of you. I have always been the one who would go out of my way to be helpful. I have done so many things for other people I have lost count. And like a lot of you, I got to the point where I felt used, and that people would only be there when they needed something. But the interesting thing is this: I realized that I had almost programed myself to instantly offer to help because it made me feel needed. It made me feel appreciated or accepted. A “mini-high of hope: “Oh wow maybe I will finally fit in or someone truly likes me!” And then of course a huge let down later. Once I had this realization, I started to change my behavior. Now, when I hear someone tell a story, and my heart leaps out and I want to say “oh, let me help you with that, I can make things better for you,” I take a step back and look at why I am really thinking of helping. Is it because I truly care about this person and want to see them better off? Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes the answer is no. If it is no, I work on not offering my help so readily. Has it changed that people always come to me for help? No. Has it changed my overall feelings of being alone or used? No. But it has definitely decreased the amount of times I feel pummeled and cry when I do something for someone and get nothing in return.
People who don’t know me at all (which = most people lol) think I have my act together, that I am a beautiful confident woman with a successful business. So I must be projecting that, because I really am a somewhat insecure and very lonely person. How these people can also sniff out that I will help them and then readily accept being discarded is still a mystery to me. Maybe I project that too. Perhaps since I seem like I don’t need the help (having my act together), they don’t feel they have to offer. It’s hard to say but interesting to think about.
A few people have mentioned how important their pets are. My pets are what keeps me going. I realize I have surrounded myself with them as my own support system, and also as my own “break the glass in case of emergency.” When I am sad or suicidal, I think “Who will take care of them?” and it brings me back eventually. It’s sad when I think about it, but for those of you who are facing every day feeling so isolated, I can tell you pets do help :) It’s the unconditional love.
Take care everyone. If you need to chat, please please let me know. I am on AIM a lot :)
Hugs to you all…
thank you corgigirl73, i havee been in similar situations that you described and i needed to hear what you wrote. loneliness is no joke. its like an ocean, and depending upon how you treat yourself you will either make it to shore, or drown in those dark waters.
i have my own overprotective parents, and i have my friends that are only there to take from me and give me almost nothing in return, but i realized that despite the fact that they are using me. i actually do get something from them, i know i am a loner, that i get deppressed easily. so i help those people that will use me so that i can feel real. i realize that they dont care, that when im in need they wont come for me- but i help them cause when i do i feel complete.
they always are in need, and so am i. my needs are just internal whereas theres are external.
in a way they do need me, and i love them even if they dont love me the same way.
my needs will never be fulfilled with them, but theyll always need the security blanket that i provide, i wont let them fall. if they need money im there, if they need a ride im there, if they need anything and its in my power to give, then i will.
even if it hurts, cause i need to feel needed. and just by helping them they stick around me. maybe not close enough.. but just close enough to keep me from drowning,
theyre my mirage that keeps me walking in the dessert, my lifeline when i cant swim, and my love will never be returned but its just too addicting to beleive maybe someday ill mean something to them.
in the end. they are my security blanket, all i need is someone to look at me. not through me. if you have your hand out i will most likely take it.
and for all of you lonely people out there. i feel drawn to you. i feel your pain, and pain is at the base of all of you.and me, but i keep building anyway. you just need to keep going.
keep building your place on this earth cause its all yours, never stop when you feel you cant go on. these feelings are things that you have to accept, to move on and past.
just listen to your own heartbeat, it wont stop. not on its own.
dont give up, dont settle for the lonliness that seems to eat your sky and pour black raindrops to block out all you see.
if you wanna talk just stop by myspace. im just ashley and my friend id is 64096883 i will talk if you come:) ttyl
Hi, I’m Ugly
No one want me, I have no friend, and I hate looking at myself. I will live somewhere far off away from society, living with the only species that doesn’t hate me, and that man best friend.
Finally I realize I’m not the only one who feels like this.
I’ve always been very shy and the only people who become my friends are the ones who just latch onto me. But now that I’m at college none of my friends go to the same one and I only see them a few times a month. When I got to college I thought that I would make a bunch of friends and people would want to hang out with me, but that hasn’t happened. It makes me so sad when I see people walking around school talking to their friends and I just walk around alone by myself.
I’m shy but if people start talking to me I’m really nice. Sometimes I feel intimidated by large groups of people because I never feel like I have something witty to say or that they ignore me so I just stay quiet. I always thought I was fairly good-looking and I’m a fun person to be around. But lately I just don’t know anymore. I feel like if I try too hard no one will like me, but if I don’t I’ll just stay alone. I don’t want to keep be-friending guys who just want to hit on me. I just want a real friend.
I don’t know what happened to me because my brother has a bunch of friends and so did all my past BFs and current one. I want more friends but I just feel like no one wants to be my friend.
if anyone wants to talk to me : (AIM : jaqomatic)
Hello,
Iam a very depressed and troubled person. When im at work or with my friends i have to be mr happy and smile and be nice but when im alone lately ive just been crying. Everything has me depressed even things that dont directly effect me example being people in the world being sick, current issues with our government and so on. Iam a24 year old male i should not be crying all the time. I have few friends and all the other screwed me over in ways to long to type. Even the few friends i do have i feel like they dont want to be around me. I had a bad childhood and even worse for the past two years i was in a abusive relationship with a women who twisted my head so bad. it turns out she lied about everything including her age and i found out she had a family and was married while i was with her. When we were together i was not allowed tro leave my house talk to any friends and i fi even thought of going out she would keep calling and calling me till i picked up. If i didnt pick up she would start driving by my house. it got so bad the coops were involved and everything. Thankfully iam not out of that relationship but i cannot get a girl to even look at me now i dont know what my problem is i tried everything iam so lonely and miserable
Im always depressed in school and shit because nobody likes me and i feel like im just a waste of space i hang with the wrong crowd of guys and started smoking and drinking and breaking all the rules because in a sad attempt i was trying to get popular it never happened i still find myself sitting at home after school punshing holes in my wall in anger and crying myself to sleep sometimes im 16 and ive never had a girlfriend that shows you how fucking bad i suck at life i don’t understand why my life has to be this way or why anybody should have to suffer like this some people don’t realize how good they got it sometimes i envy the life that some people have and then im stunned when they say their life sucks
Trying for these 23 years on the planet to maintain any enduring friendship has often convinced me there is something fundamentally delusional about the entire conception, like some widespread fantasy that is impossible in reality but which people believe in anyway. After not just being rejected, but actively targeted and psychologically tortured for making myself vulnerable and opening my heart to others, I do not have any faith in the idea of human bonds any longer. Life was born in competition and the struggle for survival; why should mere biological human nature be any different? That is the way the world has shown itself to be, and as painful it is to think that way makes me realize a constitution like mine is not fit to exist in it.
So whattaya gonna do elly?
life is hard without friends and football i guess. all u people sound cool if use want to make friends my advice would be to go out and socialise, go clubbing, talk to people buy drinks let people buy you drinks. if you are working make friends at work there are numerous ways of making friends go out enjoy your life dont ruin your life by always feeling bad and down. there are friends to be made everywhere and anywhere. stop feeling bad about yourselves, you will always have family there for you. trust me friends are good to have but it is not always that important just enjoy yourself. I dont need to many friends i would rather spend time with my family and cousins and watching football, listening to music. Im 22 and like producing music that keeps me occupied.
Guess how I found this site- by typing “I Have No Friends” into google. Fun, huh? It’s nice knowing there are people that feel the same way as yourself, but it’s funny, because although I know there are other people out there like me, who are lonely, reading about it here, online, seems totally different than real life. There are so many people feeling like this, as evidenced by the enormous amount of postings, yet I never seem to meet people like this irl.
I feel bad about feeling sorry for myself, especially after reading some of the posts on here- people have been so much worse off than myself, abusive relationships, childhoods, and whatnot. But we all have our own problems and situations, and even though I know people are/always will be worse off than myself, my problems still take up a lot of my thought. I feel like I’m self-centered for them, and shouldn’t be wallowing in self-pity (I’m sure many feel the same way), but I do anyway. And sometimes, to tell the truth, pitying myself makes me feel a little better. Being “strong” and pretending everything is ok and not allowing you to feel sorry for yourself seems to be very hard and I don’t want to do that.
I say I feel bad because the reason I have no friends has nothing to do with being anti-social or strange (although, I think EVERYONE is weird or strange in their own mind or by themselves), or whatever. My main reason, I think, is because of school choices I made. I’m 20 years old now. I left school before 12th grade due to certain problems (nothing to do with behavior or whatever) and finished it through the school but didn’t attend. I wasn’t around friends or people, so I missed out on making a lot of friends then. I did have a handful of good friends though; guys that I’ve been going to school with since I was a little kid. No problem there. The problem came after- it’s typical with my religion for guys to go out of town for high-school, or if not high-school, most people go out of town after for a few years, same as college. I did not want to go out of town, and I got a job (while attending a local college as well), but ALL of my friends go to out of town schools. All of them. Since then, I have no one to hang out with and it’s pretty sad. No one to go anywhere with, no one to just be around. Sometimes I really regret not going to an out of town school, because THAT is where almost all of these guys make their lifelong friends. I missed out. I am friendly with people at my local college, but it’s difficult to create friendships there because my lifestyle is so different from everyone else’s. I can’t just go out to eat anywhere because of religious dietary restrictions (which would make going to parties kind of hard too), I can’t do certain things on Saturdays (drive, use electronics, watch TV, shop, etc) and other things like that. I don’t really go clubbing, and not old enough (yet) for bars. Like I said, I feel dumb because it pales in comparison to some other problems on here, but it feels significant to me nonetheless. I have a great family too, which I am thankful for, but sometimes you feel like you need friends outside of your family, so you’re not some pathetic loser. (I’m not saying you ARE one, just that it makes you feel like one.)
You would probably not know this about me if you met me, though. I’m pretty friendly to anyone- I take the bus and train and often feel comfortable starting conversations with people near me that I don’t know. At work people like me, as well as lots of people online. Personally, I like my personality. One of my bigger problems is my self-esteem. I have zero. I’m good at faking it though, and project confidence, so people don’t know how uncomfortable I am with myself. I know this will sound really superficial, but it’s mostly about my looks. I don’t care about looking perfect, or looking like a model. I really don’t. But I just want to look average. I really don’t have any idea how I am, my self-perceptive image is really skewered. I feel ugly. I don’t think I’m HIDEOUS to look at, and I have had a few people have crushes on me, but that gives me zero validation. I don’t know how ugly I am, but I know that I’m not “hot,” and I don’t even feel mildly attractive. I can’t smile, which bothers me very much. I never had braces (parents couldn’t afford it), so I have to do these annoying close-mouthed smiles which makes me sad. I wish I could just smile. I also have a horrible nose. I hope to correct my teeth sometime if I ever have money, but until then I can’t be myself. So that’s another issue; I feel like I’m not good-looking enough for people to really like, other than friends I’ve had my whole life. I know, I know! It’s ridiculous, stupid, and insane how I let my life and self-perception revolve around looks, especially when I know that there’s more to me than that, but I can’t help how I feel. My low self-esteem ruins my life. I truly feel that if I were good-looking, I’d be 1,000 times happier. I wouldn’t have to feel like a person trapped in an ugly shell and therefore unable to be my true self around other people.
There’s so much more to say but I’m not sure where to even start (or end), and I’ve already typed up this ridiculously long post and feel like I have written nothing of substance, just my self-absorbed complaints and silliness when people have issues that seem much worse than mine. So I’ll just stop here. I would post an email address but alas, I’m paranoid. :(
am so alone..it shuldnt be like this.im a girl 18 yrs old and i have basically no friends.wow feels weird to finally say it/write it..but thats the truth.sure i have a few acquaintences but ive neva had a best friend. even when i had friends in highschool they wernt close and i was always the third wheel. i was a pretty quiet kid..so im told, and i dont remember ever talking really.ive gotten better and i wouldnt call myself shy anymore, but i just run out of things to say to people(is that a disorder??). i had a small gruop of friends in highschool but towards the end they became frinds with a different group which i didnt feel comfortable with..so i became even more quiet and basically for a year i said nothing. now im out of school and they have stopped talking to me(not that they ever really did during yr 12)and i dont have anyone to go out with or talk to..the truth is i think i am scared of relationships. scared of starting sumthin with sum1 and feeling like i have nothing left to say/give.i usually feel i am boring.its so sad..i feel so ashamed of myself.such an outcast.i dont understand how theres so many ppl out there with so many friends but i cant manage to find one.i cant help for feeling sorry for myself..i shuld be having so much fun during these years but im not and i feel old already and im only 18!i feel like its the end of my life and theres nothing left for me. i dont kno whats wrong with me. its a bloody saturday night and im at home trying to tell people ill never see my deepest thoughts. i turned 18 a few months ago while i was still at school and my then ‘friends’ didnt even get me anything not even a card..i kno that sounds selfish but they said they were gna. it was hardly a celebration at all..no party..nothing. its so hard to make friends when people know you have none. i can not go on for the rest of my life like this.
how am i supposed to make friends if i never have anything funny/witty to say?
and how am i supposed to make friends if i always feel like crap and sometimes its just too hard to pretend i’m happy
i couldn’t believe theres so many ppl out there like me until i stumbled across this site after searching “what to do when you have no firends”. i thought i pretty much had it when i was in high school, had a group of friends until it all ended the day we graduated. only 2 ppl kept in contact and now they have better things to do than to spend time with me- they’d rather be with other people. its amazing just how non-existant i feel all the time like if i werent here nobody would notice. i do have a bf who has stuck by me for nearly 2 yrs but i’m honestly scared that he’s gonna leave from gettin sick of me bein upset. he has his friends and he can go out and have a few drinks and catch up but i never have my turn. its been over a yr since i even went out other than with him. i’m sure my family has noticed but they dont batter an eyelid. all my bf says is how i’m negative and he doesnt want a gf who’s upset cos that upsets him and he feels guilty. this does not make me happy in the least but i’m so upset and frustrated i have no idea how to fix it. i’m scared of goin out on my own and bein the loner in the corner. my bf tells me he loves me but sometimes he doesnt reply when i say nice things so i think he’s bein dishonest. if i lost him i’d lose me too. i dont deserve this and noboddy on the planet does. i dunno how i got here and i dunno how to get out. but if i dont soon there’d be nothin to save anyway
i understand and feel all your pain…but all of us can not give up on this. ever. we have to keep trying.change is possible and theres always hope.i know it may not look like it at times and maybe all the time, but i believe if i keep trying that change will come.and same for all of you.
‘Jay (not the same as the commenter above)’..looks are nothing, trust me on this one. you say you like your personality..you dont know how lucky you are. i wish i could say the same..i am a good looking person and unfortunately have basically relied on my looks all my life, and it has left me with no life and no good friends. seriously, i would rather love my personality(or even have one) than be good looking. nothing good comes of it. dont concentrate on your image as i have done, if you’ve got a good personality you should should let it out and be yourself.you really dont need looks to back it up.people will love you for yourself.
Wow…yeah…I actually decided to leave all my friends from highschool because I felt it was the best decision for me. I was going no where and drug riddled. In the process of sobering up and getting a job, I’ve completely forgotten these friends, but I still know them in my heart and want to be with them.
After 3 years of this I know I can’t go back and if I ever do it will be some kind of divine coincidence. All I can do is move forward and try not to get myself in the situations that led me to where I am now. Unfortunately that instates a constant state of post-traumatic paranoia and that effing sucks. The hipocytical part is I still party everynow and then, albeit not as much as back then.
I want to say I regret the last 3 years of my life, but there is so much I can actually stop and be thankful for and also can look ahead and plan for something, whatever that something is. I guess who knows what the eff the future holds at this point.
I come back here now and then and it helps to lift my spirits, I appreciate that even though we can’t see each other, we are all good people who share common feelings. I don’t feel so alone. I have lost 2 very close people to suicide and when I read about anyone who has thoughts about this it worries me. Please don’t feel as though this is the answer, so many other lives will be hurt. Vent your feelings here, we are listening.
Hi, I’m in college and I get really nervous around others and so it makes it hard for me to establish friendships. I feel so alone sometimes and there is no1 to really chat with except for maybe a couple of people but they either don’t want to hear me talk about how crappy/lonely/depressed I feel or they eventually get annoyed. I don’t know. It’s hard to fake being happy sometimes but I guess I just have to do it. And I try to be social but maybe I don’t try hard enough. I also think too much and get paranoid that people hate me because of the weird things I say. I feel like a freak sometimes. I don’t know why I’m not normal. I don’t know why I have no confidence. There is this guy who has taken interest in me and I’m fine chatting with him online but in person i get so nervous and I just don’t talk as much. I feel like he gets annoyed with me sometimes. I’m trying to talk more, it’s just difficult, especially when you’ve been pretty much anti-social your whole life. I’m so depressed and lately I’ve just been feeling like i want to cry everyday but I hold it in.
if anyone on here wants to chat about loneliness and not having any friends feel free to email me at crap1999@gmail.com
Lately Ive begun to think friends are very, very overrated. People are shit. When you are down, they kick you and smile to themselves about how great they are. When you are up, they kiss your ass to get a piece, to bring themselves up. Everyone wants to survive.
True friendship is very rare, especially(?) in America. Wasn’t it Nietzsche that had 1 friend later in his life, almost no friends at all in the latter part of his life?
A lot of people on this board for some reason think that there is something wrong with them. I think that’s almost certainly not true. As another poster on here said, it is only the people around you who can make you think that there’s something wrong with you. Fuck them for making you feel that way. What gives them the right? Who the fuck are they? They are shit.
I am currently 20yrs old in college. My life was going great, I was getting good grades in all my classes, I had a wonderful boyfriend, I had a best friend to hang out with, I also had a job where I got along with my co-workers. Life was good. Then everything started to tumble down like I feared. My grades are HORRIBLE now, my boyfriend and I decided to take a break from our relationship, I quit my job due to all my co-workers leaving as well and I didn’t want to be stuck alone with people I didn’t “click” with, and my best friend no longer contacts me. I tried calling her, texting her, emailing her and she has not responded in over a month. We’ve been friends for 3 yrs (ever since highschool)…she was the only best-friend i’ve really ever had. Now I want nothing to do with her, I needed her to be by my side and she wasnt there. It is hard to be alone…I have no one to hang out with or to even really talk. My boyfriend was really my best friend (besides the one ive known for 3yrs). My boyfriend and I would talk about anything but now we are on break and if I lose him for good then i’ll really be all alone. I dont know what to do. It hurts so much. Im so young, I should not be feeling like this. I should be living up my youth but I feel like im wasteing it away by sitting on my butt all day going to college, coming home to do homework and watch tv and so on. I have no one and Im depressed
I’m 24 and have a great boyfriend, great family, good job and good co-workers, but I just can’t seem to make friends. I’ve always felt as if i’m on the outside looking in, all my life. Since the end of high school, about 8 years ago, I have had no friends. The girls I was ‘friends’ with through most of school had a fight, then made up and decided to ostracise me for no particular reason, which hurt a hell of a lot, and I think has made me trust people even less than I already did.
I dropped out of college due to depression, and have been working ever since, I also made myself go out temping for a couple of years, to try and force myself to meet new people so that I could learn to make friends, but it didn’t work. I think I manage to hide my shyness quite well now, but I probably still come across as socially awkward, and I often run out of things to say to people who I don’t know very well.
I now have a great job that I really enjoy, and co-workers who I get on with so well, but I really just can’t seem to make the leap into friendship. I still feel on the outside, even though I’m pretty sure that I shouldn’t, and it hurts really badly. I come home to my flat every night and watch television on my own ’til my boyfriend gets home from work. We spend the weekends together but never go out with friends or socialise with anyone other than our close families.
I know I’ve probably got it a lot better than some people, but I still feel as empty and lonely inside as the rest of you.
Anyway, after that long, self pitying rant, I’d just like to say that I do have a sympathetic ear, and would love to hear from any of you (after all, it seems like we’re all in the same boat, and maybe being a bit proactive about making friends couldn’t hurt) and if anyone wants to talk, or whatever, my email is eh4565@gmail.com
I just got done reading most of your postings …
God Bless you all for writing what you did … while it doesn’t bring friends to me, it helps to know I am not the only one like this.
I am in my 40’s. In the past few years, different “friends” of mine have made major changes in their lives which caused a strain on our relationships. While I do not pass judgment on their decisions, and how they live, I couldn’t be a part of their lives knowing what they were doing, and those decisions being against my core beliefs and values. Well, come to find out that I am the one being chastised by other circles of friends for not being supportive of them. (These different circles are not friends with each other but found out what happened through other channels.)
Interesting how standing up for your beliefs causes you to be alienated. I didnt expect this during middle age. It is VERY hard. I really don’t have any friends now. I question every decision I make because this experience has caused obvious depression and self-esteem issues. I struggle with normal tasks, like so many others have cited. The pain is deep and numbing.
It makes me wonder what this is all for …
I’m 18 and a freshmen in college. I sometimes wonder what is wrong with me. I’m thin, tall, guys always tell my I’m pretty, I have nice enough clothes, and I’m not a total bitch. I’m not like the nicest person in the world all the time, but I have a big heart and really do want the best for those around me.
I think the problem might lie in my own personal identity. I know who I am, but it doesn’t seem like there’s a whole lot of other people like me. I’m pretty, but I’m more importantly I’m really smart and kind of have a dorky personality. I like to go out and drink on the weekends (if I can find anyone to tag along with that is), but my school work always comes first.
I never really had lots of friends. I feel into a group of friends the last months of high school and the summer before college was so amazing. I had friends for the first time in my life! Then, I came to college. No one. It sucks. I even joined a sorrority, thinking that would give me friends. Wrong. I mean, what is wrong with me?
Okay, so I lost all of my friends last week. At first only a couple of friends left me because they thought that I was a bitch and deserved to be taught a lesson. Honestly, I’m not a bitch and I have never had such intentions towards anyone I know. They just chose not to talk to me anymore. I had only one friend left and she was talking to me. A while later, she finds me talking to an old friend of hers whom she doesn’t like anymore. She then tells me that I have betrayed her and simply leaves me.
Now I have no one to hang out or spend time with. I sit in class alone each day at recess or if we had any free classes. They talk about me behind my back to others and try their best to make me jealous. I know they don’t care as they show that. I have tried with all that I got to be a good friend and this is how I get repayed?
This particular friend has been in the same position but I had saved her from it and tried to take her back without fighting with her. Now, instead of doing the same for me. She jumps at the first chance she got to leave me and move on. I get that they’re not good friends but I just want someone to hang out with.
I can’t make any new friends at school because I have been in this school for all of my life and everybody knows me but isn’t a friend of mine. I’m shy and I find it hard to start a conversation with anyone. Now, at class I’m going to have to sit there all alone listening to them talking about me and making fun of me. I sound like I’m 10 but I’m 16. I know I have done nothing wrong..so should I apologize or wait for them to come back. What if they don’t?
P.S: I really mean it..I can’t make new friends!
Hi Hopeless,
I really feel for you as something similar happened to me at your age. Even though it was many years ago it still hurts now and has affected my self-esteem. At the time I hated my ‘friends’ for treating me so badly as I knew I would never have treated any one of them that way. This made it impossible for me to forgive them, even when, months later a couple of them tried to befriend me again. In my head it was ‘too late’. I thought I was brave walking away from them, but to be honest, if I could go back I would have just forgiven them, cos it’s horrible carrying all that hurt around inside you all the time. It’s damaging and no good for your self-esteem. So my advice to you would be to just be yourself, not aggressive or angry. Sooner or later they’ll come around and even if they don’t, at least you know you tried and it was their problem not yours.
All the best
Shax x
Isn’t weird how we all feel this way? How we’ve all had similar experiences with this situation? Reading all these posts, it seems like there are people that are worth it, and that there are plenty, yet… where are they? where are you guys? There’s no one here I can talk to…. neither here nor at home. Im glad to know that Im not the only one who tries to be respectful, considerate, nice, and honest with others, when in the end we receive nothing in return. But I wonder how much longer Ill be able to put up with this.
As a young girl in elementary school, I was extremely shy. I never said a word. I had a few friends, good friends. But they all moved away, everyone I had grown to trust had left me. My brother’s death didnt help any either. Middle school was like jail for me. I had no one. High school wasnt any better. Now, my first year in college, things seem to be the same. It seems like nothing changes, yet at the same time…. it seems like it all does, or at least the people. Im still the same shy, timid, naive, low self-esteemed and hurt girl I was in the 6th grade. I have a hard time openning myself to people. I just cant open myself up completely, I cant trust them completely. Because of this, people lose interest in me. About more than half a year ago, I had found a friend… someone I hadnt really considered as a friend at first. I was really sketchy towards her. But after a few months, she really seemed to consider me as a good friend, something rare for me. She always wanted to hang out, she told me her problems, I was nice towards her. Something she wasnt to I guess. But a few weeks ago, things started to change. She started getting mad and bored with me. And I havent heard from her for about 3 days, which is rare considering she had emailed and called me every single day for the past 5 or 6 months. Im not too surprised though… it was only a matter of time before it would happen. I knew it was coming, Im just surprised that she had considered me her friend for so long.
I find it weird how in tv shows, songs, movies, magazines, surveys… everyone seems to be lonely. We all seem to be finding some comfort in someone, someone to trust… someone to at least talk to. And yet, no one seems to find anyone. Out of the tons of people who feel the same. Maybe its because we dont know what it is we really want? What it is we’re reallly looking for? But I guess, in the end, it doesnt really matter. We enter the world alone, and we’ll die alone.
Dude, how gay. I typed “I have no friends” in Google and this is where I was taken. I just got done making a fool of myself in front of my boyfriend, crying and being all pitiful and shit. He took me to some concerts and we stood there the whole time, surrounded by his dozens of friends. None of them talk to me or acknowledge my existence, so I pretty much stared at the ground or off into the sky until we left. My boyfriend was confused and upset, and could not seem to understand why I had not enjoyed myself.
He obviously doesn’t know what it’s like to have no friends. He’s popular. Everyone knows him and likes him. He is not aware of the fact that for the first 2 years of the 4-and-a-half years that I have lived in this forsaken town, I was harassed by everyone at my school and had zero friends. Boys from my school used to come by my house almost every day after school and yell horrible things and throw stuff at my house… or at me if I was outside. One time they brought their paintball guns. That was fun.
People would invite me places, telling me to meet them there, and then not show up. They’d say rude things about me right there in the classroom, right in front of me, loud enough that I could hear. Completely on purpose. Those same boys made fun of everything I wore. I hated getting there early in the mornings, because that’s when everyone stood in the gym and mingled. I always stood by myself. When I tried to talk to people, they would give one-word answers and then make up excuses to walk away. It fucking sucked.
I didn’t make acquaintances until my sophomore year of high school, and now, a year later, I have only one real friend. My boyfriend doesn’t understand why I feel awkward in social situations, or why I don’t converse with people unless they speak to me first, or why I feel so bad about myself, or why I assume no one want to hear anything I have to say.
He doesn’t understand why I’m sarcastic to people and sometimes downright mean. I won’t lie and say that I’m “not bitter” about the stuff I’ve gone through, because I am (and there’s more besides the school issue), but most of all I simply refuse to let people get to me first. I always assume people are going to make me feel bad somehow. That’s my life. So I shut them down before they can. I’m fucking stupid.
Anyway, I know I am wasting my time right now. I’m just bitching. I just wish people were more understanding. They always say, “But if you just strike up a conversation or chime in with what someone’s saying, you’ll be fine!” No. It’s a much more complex issue than that.
Forgive me for feeling socially awkward; I’m used to being an outcast. Forgive me for not speaking unless spoken to; I’m used to people blowing me off and not giving a fuck about what I have to say. Forgive me for being ornery and acerbic; sometimes it’s for attention, and other times it’s me not knowing what the hell else to do.
JESUS CHRIST. Just kill me now.
Worthless, I know how you feel!
I too shut everyone else out before they can hurt me… and I cant seem to change that…. I just dont wanna get hurt anymore.
And yes! It is a much more complex issue…. it’s not that easy to just start a conversation with someone. WHAT DONT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND ABOUT TAHT?!?!!?
i feel ya!!
Dude… for reals. People learn how to act based on the life experience they’ve had. My life experience has taught me that nobody really gives a shit about my input, people mock me behind my back and right in front of me, and there’s some unidentifiable quality about me that makes people really not want to be my friend.
The point? When I meet people for the first time, I don’t speak to them unless they talk to me first. That way I know for sure they want my input, and I save myself some embarrassment in the process. I’d rather be known as “that shy, quiet girl” than “that annoying chick who talks even though nobody wants to hear her.”
How can something so simple be so complex?
Seriously! You took the words right out of my mouth. Same here. And I’ve actually been told that Im conceited because I dont talk to anyone!! like… WTF!?!?! ughhh… it just gets me mad, and sad as well.
Like you said, I only talk when spoken to. I dont say hi unless the other person says hi first cuz from my experience, everytime I’ve ever said hi, the person has either a) acted like they didnt see me and just ignore me or b) looked at me and never said anything….. so why the helll go out of my way to say some 2 letter word taht’s obviously worthless to them? Nothing I can do to make me trust anyone any easier.
I agree with you guys as well. In high school I was always known as the shy/quiet girl. College I do talk but they are never friends, they are acquaintances. Ever since my boyfriend and I have been on break my “best friend” has never bothered contacting me after numerous phone calls and text messages to her and yet…these acquaintances in college know more about my personal life than a friend i’ve known for over 3 years. Makes me wonder what a real friend is because I do not think i’ve ever truly had one. I feel like i’m at my lowest point right now…I have no one to really talk to besides my mother but really…when you’re 20 yrs old do you really want to tell your mother EVERYTHING that goes on in your life? no, thats what girlfriends are for and I do not have any. I feel like i’m slowly going insane without anyone close to me. When I was in highschool I was able to deal with being a bit alone easier but in college, I yearn for people.
Oddly enough, I click more with college people than I did with high school kids. I even got asked out in college and I get comments from random guys about how pretty I am..something I never received in high school. But yet, all I do is talk to people at college but never go beyond that. To some extent I think i push people away…I rather not be friends with them. Just an acquaintance. It just seems easier that way.
But yeah…enough of me ranting again.
Hi All
I just turned 17 years old. I recently dropped taking public school with a bunch of people and i am now taking home studies. I had a bunch of friends back when I was attending school from every grade. Everyone wanted to hang out and stuff but now, all the kids at our school is all about partying/drinking/drugs. I am not into the drinking and drugs and will not be peer pressured into that kind of nonsense. I do not know what to do. I have a lovely girlfriend I have been with for roughly 3 years and we spend a lot of time together and she seems to be the only person out of my family to make me accept the changes in life. All my buddies right now are changing into druggies. I do not want to confront my friends about it because it is there life. I have been staying home lately and working on my car like the usual. I hear everyone telling me, once highschool is over it won’t matter who you meet because 99% of them, you won’t even keep in touch with and everyone goes there own way. I have complete confidence in myself and think for myself but I don’t know what to do now in this situation. I do want friends but I want the right friends not people who do not respect themselves. I think all the posters on this forum are very caring and respectful. I have been going through depression on and off for many years but after thinking about it, I don’t think it is me, I think it is the way I think about things and that is what makes me strong and independent. You should all be proud of yourselves. Go shoot some hoops or become good in something!
Good luck to you all, i’ll keep updated with this thread.
I’m located in the bay area also if anyone wants to talk
Most of my life, I’ve never been the center of attention…I’ve never been confident, never had many friends…right now , I have 4 people I can call a best friend…I don’t know what exactly is wrong with me, but it just seems like I’m such a pathetic loser…like there’s a mark on my forehead, that says “Stay away”. I don’t know why I don’t have a gf…a lot of people tell me I’m good looking so it makes me confused…maybe I just need to learn how to be confident…but the question is, how. A lot of my friends in the past have bullied me emotionally and verbally…I responded by doing nothing…and over time I would just get frustrated and cut them out of my life one by one…but seeing all your guys posts, it gives me hope…I didn’t realize there were so many people out there with no friends…I really feel like one day I’ll be surrounded by tons of people who love to be around me..guys and girls…and a beautiful girlfriend as well.. I think I just need to grit my teeth and start trying to meet people..but not in an awkward way. Good luck to the rest of you, and don’t give up.
I totally understand rene!!
Here in college, I do feel I have more in common with the people, but I feel I push them away. Ive always been alone, and because of that I guess I cant get used to talking to people or confiding in them. Im afraid Ill get hurt as well. I’ve never really had a true friend either. I guess Im destined to be this way for the rest of my life =/
I know this is quite fruitless but I realy just need somewhere to write. If anyone reads that’d be a bonus.
Throughout high school i never really had a group of friends, just some people I hung out with when they weren’t doing their own thing. So I went onto Uni, took up bodybuilding and it boosted my confidence, made plenty of new friends, but again, only hung out with them at Uni. Outside Uni they all had their own friends. Throughout this only my closest and oldes friend remained, and now, even he has another group of his own friends he does things with.
Im 20, soon to be 21, and I love going out, the handful of times Ive been invited out, I love taking my cars out for drives but have no one to share all this with. I find people only come back to me when they need something from me, and I always give, not only because Im a helpful person because now I just crave being around people. I love meeting other people but not having anyone to go out with means I have no way to meet anyone.
It hurts to see everyone live flourishing social lives from my own home. I can probably count the number of times I have been clubbing or taken my car out on both my hands. And I cherish these memories because they are what i wish my life was always like.
The worst part is, these thoughts plague me continually and take away from the studies and work I should really be concentrating on, negatively affecting so many other parts of my life.
Im not really after any advice…like I said…I just wanted to type this here annonymously because I mean in the real world, who am I going to tell?
Just wanted to add a little more….very late at night (3am) and I cannot sleep as I should be applying for graduate positions, already missing Uni tomorrow so I can stay home and catch up. But so much else on my mind.
Currently eating as I am rverting back to my bodybuilding lifestyle..a lifestyle where I can be alone with myself and the gym and make myself somewhat happy. Thats all I have. For me, going out involves a 10 minute drive to the gym. And I will lie to people who ask me and tell them I did something ‘normal’ like everyone else. In an effort to make myself sound slightly less pathetic when discussing weekends and so on.
But what really hurts me most is…i wil be 21 soon. All around me school friends 9acquantances) all turned 21…and even people I thought were very close to me…never invited me, one girl in particular whom I shared everything with…I wished her happy birthday and so on…and only later on Facebook I saw photos from her 21st…it may sound shallow and maybe a little self indulgent…but actions like that really hurt. But for my 21st, my parents have asked me what I will be doing which I brush off…jokingly they have even asked if I have any friends….If only I could answer that…
I dont want to have lived my life with having done nothing for a 21st birthday…but I know that there is nothing I can do…If I was to count the number of people I ‘know’ it would surpass 300…but if I was asked how many people I thought actually cared about me genuinely…Id be hard pressed to find 3.
I don’t want to come off sounding suicidal, but I feel happiest when I am asleep, because my dreams actually present me a much happier life.
There are times when I can be happy by myself, but so often I just wish I had someone. I wanted to go eat at an all you can eat very badly….but who with?
Again, I apologise for the fractured ramblings of these last two messages, I just really need to write somewhere. I wish I had someone to tell this all to, but I just don’t.
For me of late it’s like yeah how long will it take before this person whom I have just met will not have the slightest thing to say to me.
How I wonder what I am projecting. I guess it doesn’t help being maybe 20 years older than most students on campus and in my residence. I would have thougth that beyond age people can connect spiritually. I put my faith in eventually meeting and becoming intimate with a person of the sex (a woman) eventually. This seems to be how things work for me over the past 10 years or so. Hook-up for a few years than hack it alone for the same amount of time. I am keeping my fingers crossed.
I should add that having a learning disablity doesn’t make life easier. I am sometimes slow in forming my sentences and can come off as being anywhere from inarticulate to illiterate. The irony I am graduate student at an internationally renowned university studying in my second language. I bet a lot of us posting here have learning disablities as this conditon has certain social side-effects that correspond with the problems were are experiencing, therotically speaking
YOU ARE ALL MY FRIENDS.
=)
Trmzo, you sound so much like me…and how I think as well. I was wondering how my 21st birthday was going to be like cause everyone makes the 21st birthday a huge deal in life…but I have a feeling mine will be non-eventful. I also like dreaming, because my dreams are more exciting than the current life I am living..I am so bored with my daily routines…and having no one to help me escape from them makes it harder.
Soledad, i’m glad you can relate to me. I used to feel like I was one of the very few people in this world who thought like this and its helpful to know there are people who are like me.
I wish I could be more outgoing but i’ve always been shy and reserved. I am getting a tad bit better but nowhere as good as it should be. I should have close friends, I should feel loved…instead I feel left alone. I’m afraid to meet new people because they will find out how lonely I truly am. Its embarrassing…
Thanks for reading Rene. Thing with me is, when I do go out, and the people I do socialise with on occasions are extrmely extroverted and I just fit in most of the time, Im a reserved and quiet person, but around the right people, Im as extroverted as anyone else. WHat I don’t understand is why Im never accepted into a solid friend circle. I know everyone has their own groups, but what am I supposed to do? ow can I find my way into a good group of friends.
What you said about dreams is 100% what I believe, I can live out my wishes in dreams, and sometimes just wish I could keep sleeping and dreaming.
Have you had your 21st? I do think about inviting people over to my place and then getting one of the people I know that organises club events to organise something for me. But A collection of people randomly…it is bound to be a failure. So I guess I will just treat myself to a good workout followed by a good meal and maybe see a movie. Sad but at least I’ll partially enjoy my 21st.
I wonder how many people who read this when it first came out, or who posted a reply to a reply over a year ago, will ever come back to read it again. It’s a lengthy conversation, filled with so many testimonials to the very feelings and experiences that I have had, that so many of us have shared without knowing we had anyone to share it with.
I’m currently involved in a romantic online relationship. My boyfriend of over a year is also my best friend and confidante, my closest person to myself. The problem with this is that he is 8,000 miles away, a resident of a different country where summer is winter, today is tomorrow, and the time zone differences shift with the weather. I can’t touch him. I can’t cling to him in my desperation nor comfort him in his own darkest moments. I can’t go to a movie with him, or play a board game (granted, with the advent of online scrabble, this is possible, but that really isn’t the same). We can’t share food or drink or clothes, can’t go shopping. And, as this is a man we’re talking about, he might not enjoy that anyway. I don’t have any girl-friends. I did, once. I had a very best friend who was close with me, we talked about everything that we kept secret from the world. But she got another friend, one who drove, and took her to parties, and I was always too timid to ask my parents to go out, or not fun enough the times I did, and eventually I was no longer invited. And eventually I no longer wanted to be — cocaine and ecstasy and alcohol, all before high school graduation, all with a hold on my prior best friend. It scared me and left me alone. I didn’t know how to socialise, did not know how to talk to anyone who wasn’t obviously in pain.
And so I watched. I watched as closely as I could as the others around me grew up, every day fascinated by some new discovery about my peers. But always too shy, or too awkward, or too poorly received to ever speak with them. It turns out that damn near everyone in my high school experimented with drugs. It wasn’t just my friend, and it wasn’t that unusual. I would have myself if I’d known that. And I regret -not- doing it, in a way. I should have learned social skills. I look now at their facebook pages, or at least the ones I can see. I liked all of these people. They were fun-loving, intelligent, witty. Every one of them had some glowing merits in their personalities. But somehow it seems they couldn’t see mine.
I am a very loving and caring person, and a true friend. It seems that one has to get to know me before seeing that. But I was confidante and rainy-day friend to quite a few people in high school. There were people that liked me. Maybe even some that respected me. But I can’t for the life of me work up the courage to contact any one of them. I wouldn’t know what to say, what to do. And so I look for more like me, that have these same experiences, people who know and understand this predicament.
And so I am here. Having googled ‘”never had any friends in high school”‘ in search of one person’s rantings, and having found not one, but many voices. Not one, but many stories, lives, painful memories.
Not one, but many potential friends. If anyone wishes to contact me, please go to my facebook, or email me at denim_ninja at hotmail co uk. Add me to msn messenger on that name, or aim on streetmusician23.
One on one chat in an IM window, or even realtime chat in a chat room, is a step up from posting on an old blog, not knowing if anyone will ever see or has ever responded.
Love to all,
Elizabeth
I really feel so sad when I read all the comments. I hope someone takes their time to read my comment.
I’m Josefine and I’m 15 years old. This year my life pretty much became hell. About three years ago I moved and had to start at a new school and I got alot of friends over the years. Some were just friends and two really close friends, Jonna and Elina. Last year Elina moved away from the city, and I didn’t hear from her; and I got in a big fight with Jonna and didnt talk to her for six months I think. During the time I got a new friend, Josefin (who has the same name as me), she became my best friend, and I thought she was exactly like me. But she changed, and she became this huge bitch to everyone except me. So she talked about my friends behind my back, and I lost many friends because of her. Though all wasent her fault, alot of people that I didnt even know started disliking me, because of some fights I got into. Only girls though, but if you ask me girls are harsh than guys. As I said, alot dislikes me now, about half school I guess? So anyways, me and Jonna became friends again, and that made Josefin pissed. They really HATED each other. So I only were with Jonna when Josefin didn’t know.
Then, the beginning of this year I lost contact with Jonna again. But me and Josefin got two friends in the other class, and I got in contact with Elina again! We met every weekend, thats when she came to the city. But then my grades were really bad, so I didn’t go to school for almost two months. Then the school had a meeting with me and I came back to school. THAT’S where everything changed to the worse than before.
When I came back Josefin didnt even look at me and didnt talk to me. I talked to my friends in the other class, and they said she was angry with me because I werent at school so she was alone. But I were depressed dammit! And she didnt accept that.
Now i really had no one, except those in the other class and Elina. I know it’s silly, but I HAVE to have someone by my side at all times. Jonna wrote a mail to me two weeks ago and said we lost contact and we should meet so she would call me on monday. I asked her if she was friends with Josefin, and she said no.
then on monday, I saw her with Josefin, laughing and having fun. I got no call. I waited another day, no call. I wrote a mail to her, but she didnt reply.
Now I see her and Josefin everyday, and They are best friends or something. I really feel like I have nobody, and I know it could be worse but I’m so depressed and I don’t go to school anymore. I can’t be seen without a friend, I just can’t. I can’t explain in words how good friends me and Jonna were, and she betrayed me and ignores me. I’m almost suicidal, thats how depressed I am. Don’t tell me it will go over. My entire life will be ruined because of these people, what am I going to do with my life when I don’t have good grades? I’m all teared up just writing this. Guess I’m not like you guys, I’m mentally messed up and ALL I ever think about is killing myself or killing those who hurt me and I’m not a retard, I know I sound crazy. I also allways think “i would never kill myself, i couldent kill anyone”. But i’m not even sure anymore. I can’t write everything that happened to me and why i’m like this, its not all because of these people, there were like ten girls, that threatened to kill me. And I know they wont, but I know they would beat me up if they got the chance. So I allways walk around with a knife in my bag. And I lost three family members, one of them were my dad. Maybe thats why im so messed up.
I cant understand why people are so false. I really nice, i have humor, im good looking, acually really cute i think, im doing nothing wrong! But people still betray me and treat me like air. I don’t know what to do. And I wanted to get it all out, I cant explain my feelings right though. I’m just going to turn into an old lady with 500 cats so it would be better if i just died, that what i really think. I wonder if they would care if i did.
And guys, i had. I dont really like guys, except emo kids and japanese guys. My ex was emo, and he was reaally cute. still like him. But i broke up because i feel tied up. I allways do with guys. Or no, i really dont. Its all in my head i think. I love anime, and japanese. I’m going to tokyo for two months next year, to hug some japanese people which I adore and learn more. I’m going on a japanese course next term, hope i make some new friends that feels like me. I guess i wont though, everyone i meet already have tons of friends and i dont feel like i fit in then. And i love to dance. Stopped dancing though, because there were only bitchy girl there. I like to draw too. My family is very artistic. I stopped drawing because people thought I were a freak so my interest kind of faded. I also like to swim. but I can’t do that because I think i’m ugly without makeup. maybe watwerproof mascara?
and no, I’m not emo, and I’m not a weirdo. I’m just a regular girl from sweden and this is how i really feel and havent told anyone. hope someone took their time to read this and feels the same, or dosent. it dosent matter.
I relate to “Hopeless” alot, and i know exaclty how you feel. I’m in the same situation except i don’t even go to school cause im embarrassed.
I just googled “i have no friends” and this site up. It makes me sad to know there are so many unhappy people out there. I’m 25 and reasonably happy with my life. The only pain that I have is one that everyone on here seems to share…i have no friends. I a big circle of friends at school, who turned into dicks in the last month(some of which i’d been friends with for 14 years) I don’t speak to any of them now. I started college and also had a good group of friends but again when I left we all drifted apart. The thing that worries me is that I know evryone else still socialises but I seem to either escape peoples thoughts of all the people I’ve ever thought have been my friends actually haven’t. I have people I work with who I get along with, but no one to go for a drink with or just hang out with. I’m just a normal lad and just thought this was a good outlet for my troubles. I’ve never written anything this before and I suppose its quite healthy to vent frustration.
josefine…I know its tough I understand what you are going through and I’m sure people would miss you. I hope you feel better from letting all your frustrations out.
Besides my boyfriend, I have no one else that I am close to. I’m in my second year of college and he’s the only person I have. Sometimes I blame him for my loneliness, but I know that isn’t true. I can never seem to make the step from acquaintance to a friend, and it’s not for lack of trying. My phone never rings. Every time I let myself get close to someone they always end up hurting me. I’ve almost become numb to it. When you are close to someone long enough, disagreements are bound to happen. I suppose it’s a fault of my own character that I can not deal with it when it happens. I feel so worthless and replaceable. I’ve fought with the only person I was semi close to today over something I’ve had entirely no part in, and I think that has shredded that friendship. My best friend before that blew me off for drugs and World of Warcraft. My best friend before that started dating my ex three days after we broke up. My good friend before that romanced me until I told him I was in love with him, at which time he found someone else.. All of these have been in a short time frame. I feel as though whenever I overcome one hurt, another comes along to knock me down. I’ve just about given up on trying. I am unhappy with how my life is going and I see no hope for change in the future.. At least I’m not alone in my loneliness.. It seems that everyone else has posted the same story.
Trzmo,
no i have no yet had my 21st birthday..it isnt until awhile anyways (feb 8th). But I know it will be boring and probably just be around family. I lost a lot of people I was once close to…so being REALLY alone is getting heartbreaking…this year is by far my worst year ever…
Trzmo and Rene… Wow!!
I never knew anyone else actually liked dreaming!!
I look forward to sleeping every night just to dream…. its like I live a double life…. and my ‘dream’ life is most ‘real’ to me….. its like an entirely different world…. i wish it were real life =/……
but thats cool how you guys like dreaming as well!! i always tend to mention my dreams, or want to mention them, to my family or someone, but no one seems to really care =/…….
all these stories make me sad!!…. too bad we all didnt have our own state or country….
Soledad,
I agree, dreaming is like a double life. It’s my escape from reality. My dreams are becoming closer to real life though, since I started dreaming only about things that happened. I also like talking about my dreams with my family, I’m sorry that your family don’t care. The worst thing is to wake up though, since you know it will be long until you can go to sleep again.
Yes, it would indeed be cool to have our own state ^^ And I think everyone here understands each other much more. Wish we all lived in the same country at least, it would be cool to meet everybody :)
Soledad,
Of course I like to dream, its what i wish my life was. Whats sad is that for most other people its a normal life. I really don’t know where I went wrong, nowadays I look at even school friends Facebooks and everyone has a great life. For some reason, I get shunned from every group no matter which I try.
I am trying to organise a little something for this weekend, just a dinner then out to the city, but its so difficult a real mission, one would imagine this to be a spur of the moment thing for most people huh.
Its really good to have you guys to share this with even though I only read what you write.
Rene, my 21st is in July, all the people around me have had 21sts filled with friends and well wishers. I could easily fill out a large hall with the amoutn of people I know…but as for friends, well…Thats why I hesitate in doing anything.
I know its only a number, but everyone else makes a big deal out of it…for once I’d like to be a part of that.
I assume you two (Rene & Soledad) are from USA?
I know this is a bit contradictory, but one thing I want to say is, don’t read all these posts for too long, read them feel good in knowing there are others like us and you can find smoeone, but reading this makes me sad for all of you because I know what you’re going through. Do something fun, read a book, watch some Simpsons (I’m a kid at heart). Be cheerful and dont let these thougths take over. If you’re anything like me, you’ll spiral deeper and deeper and ignore the little things in life that are good.
Yep i’m from the good ol’ USA born and raised hehe :)
lol Soledad, that would be nice to be in a place where its just people like us…that sounds a bit stress free.
Trmzo,
and i agree…doing something fun really does take the mind off of this stuff. Guess I should hit the bookstore soon.
Hmmm… yes I can relate to all of this stuff. I have always had problems relating to people in acceptable ways and have come up with all kinds of theories about it… it’s how my mother raised me, I’ve adopted my parents’ poor social skills, i am brain-damaged, I am too smart, I am not smart enough, I don’t have the right kind of smarts, I don’t dress right, talk right, eat right, walk right, breath right even. On and on, trying to find some black and white, “this must be IT” solution. The truth is it’s probably everything and then some. Anyway, I guess I wanted to share some things that have shed a bit of light on this crippling problem for me. First of all, I think for me the solution has to be spiritual in nature and also inclusive of all other arenas of potential self-analysis. Second, I have found that discerning carefully between factors that I CAN and CANNOT control is very helpful in giving a bit more coherence to the problem and removing the sense of being overwhelmed by an insurmountable obstacle. Third, I think that the only way to really grow is to take a balanced, compassionate, and also creatively critical view of myself and all of the outer expressions of “me”, most of all how people respond to me. Fourth, I have found that a LOT of what holds me back is “ego,” “attachment,” and all of the negative past associations that may have been built up over time for me.
SOOOOOOOO……. You have to get YOURSELF up, i guess, but the whole problem is that you’re too depressed from being lonely to do what’s needed for yourself.
What I miss is a sense of brotherhood. Some people turn to sports, some to masonic cults, etc… i don’t know. The thing is that I think I have been engaged in a pattern of unconscious behavior for so long that sends signals to people such as “i am not worth talking to” or “I don’t have anything to offer” or “I am a failure”, that I really have to be Constantly Conscious in order to project something different as well as taking peoples’ reactions with a grain of salt.
It’s really all about compassion. That’s what the dalai lama said when I saw him speak one time, he said “my religion is compassion.” I think that is important because it is the essence of realizing that any perception of isolation is in fact an illusion. Again, this is the spiritual thing. If you are in any way religious, that can help. All religions teach the one-ness of all things, but modern American Buddhism also teaches practical ways to observe that one-ness, such as, the sky sends rain down to the tree through a cloud which blossoms an apple which you eat and then you are sustained through food, so You are the Sky in a relative sense. Meditating on these things I find clears away the DOUBT and FEAR that cause me to REPEAT over and over the same things that get me into a place of stuck-ness and lonliness. Anyway, hope that helps. Friends are so important, but bad friends can destroy you, never forget that. Find who you are and what you want in your heart through meditation and the ability to see people for who they are will Naturally Arise. Then you can KNOW that it is worth your while to invest time in someone, then you can Concentrate on getting what you Need. Love to all! Amor omnia vincit (love conquers all)….
PS…. Don’t even get me started on the societal obstructions to meaningful relationships…
One more thing… For all of you with JUST a boyfriend or girlfriend… sometimes being on your own is the only way to get motivated enough to get out and establish a life for yourself!
Don’t dump him/her, just establish some independence.
I only come to this site when I am having a fight with my boyfriend, or when I have no boyfriend. I forgot who it was earlier that said “loneliness is an ocean”.. but that has really resonated with me for some reason. It is definitely an ocean, and there are so many people in this ocean, but yet we can’t find each other. It’s so bizarre, because in real life I never see anyone that I would think is in my situation, but there must be people like me all over the place. Where are these people?
It seems that I can only get things done when my boyfriend is around. Every time he is not around, I sink into this abyss of depression and all work gets put off. If I try to go shopping, or watch a movie, or do anything on my own, it just makes me more depressed.
I have such anxiety sometimes when I talk with people I don’t know, that I actually start to physically tremble and I have to clinch my jaw really tight so people hopefully don’t notice.
I am so unbelievably sad right now, I am just waiting around the phone for my boyfriend to call or message me. Why am I utterly incapable of functioning on my own??
rewind (person who posted above) i know exactly how you feel. its like i rely on my boyfriends company because i have no one else. i wait for him to call me or i text him to get him to call me. i love him but i kind of feel trapped because if i ever decide to break up with him, ill have no one.
I know, being in a relationship is difficult. As i posted on my previous comments I am currently in a “break” from my relationship. But really, no girl should ever have to rely on a man to make her feel happy or complete…we should be able to do that ourselves. I’ve seen strong single women who are content with themselves and I wonder how they do it…i only wish to be able to be that confident one day. I figure i’m still young and I have a bright future ahead of me..if I have to say goodbye to someone then so be it. I’m able to say that now because i’ve had to say goodbye to some of the closest people i’ve ever had. I grew up with some of them. But life sometimes just grabs you by the hand and tells you where to go…
its sad I keep coming back to this site..lol..but I feel comfortable talking on here. And usually im not one to talk..I let others talk..so thats says a lot for me lol
Well I feel like I have no friends too. I feel really sad today. I am hit with the harsh reality that I don’t have a best friend or close friend. I just recently got betrayed by a close friend and now feel no hope because how could I ever let anyone in again. I dont know what I am doing wrong in friendships. I have a boyfriend but feel so down on myself that I dont even know why hes with me. I feel like pushing him away now too. If I was lovable I would have friends. My daughter also feels lonely and has no friends. We both value friendship and want friends but cant seem to find any. I am so sad and frustrated because noone thinks I am worthy enough to be there friend.
I am so sad and depressed I dont know if anything will change.
I just want good people to know the real me and love me.
i completely understand you Trzmo. as soon as i read your first post i kept reading all of yours. i used to have friends and now they’ve all decided that other ppl must be better than me. i dont hear from them and infact have lost all phone numbers when my phone died. that was 6 months ago and nobody who still has my number has called or sms’d. my birthday is in 10 days and i’m absolutely dreading it. i have nobody to invite, nothing to celebrate and not expecting any wishes from anyone. my boyfriend who kept telling me he’ll get the day off work didnt bother so i wont see the only person i really want to either.
i guess ur right about not reading here too much, it is depressing
p.s i love simpsons too :)
Today I realized I am at fault for my lack of friends. A girl from work called me and asked me to go to the beach. I made up some excuse not to go without even really considering it. It’s like it fell out of my mouth. I don’t understand why I push people away.
Now I’m trying to will myself to go to a class at my gym tonight but I think I really am suffering social anxiety. Anyone else know how it feels? I am scared to go into public and have some interactions, don’t know why…
Really nice of you to read loner. I appreciate it. I haven’t been back here for a while as my social life suddenly picked up (I have spurts) where I spent the last full week around friends/going out.
But I felt i had to come back because there are always times when Im as down as I was writing and I know others are too.
heres another hint that may help besides not reading here too much. Join na internet forum that corresponds to your hobbies. Me, Im a bodybuilder and I modify cars. Its great t talk about your passion and have an outlet to share. Plus on the off chance oyu may meet some great people.
I’ll write back here on the 14th to wish you a happy birthday loner :) I really hope you enjoy the day. My plans for my 21st if I can’t get a decent party is to go to the gym, drive my car which I love and treat myself to a great movie and a great meal. Still sounds fun to me…Make the best of what you have I guess.
Well, i am the same even though i seem to have 3 friends, non of them i can happily discuss things with, its like ive never met someone that wants to know what i think or asks me questions about me. im always helping being nice yet this bites you on the ass.
i always think to myself “you only live once”
I am always making excuses up for not going out. I’ve spent too much time on my own, at home, that I can no longer relate to people in the outside world and whenever I go out I feel anxious as if something were about to happen. At school, I don’t talk to people unless I am talked to and try to keep conversations as small as possible, if I go on too far with the convo I’ll start stuttering, it really pisses me off. I can’t find happiness in simple things and I abhor simple conversations, yeah, those conversations that normal people have when they jump from subject to subject in less than a couple of minutes. I’ve forgotten how to socialize.
Estimated about 700-900 people posted here since last year. About 1/10 of these are repeats, make you feel betters, simple comments, and nonsense.
I know exactly how everyone feels here..i moved to london recently…and i just lost my job after a couple of months..they said i wouldnt fit into the “family”..mainly because of my social skills. ive got exactly “one” friend who i usually meet online and who’s kidding around most of the time, so we cant really be serious and speak about things that concern me. my girlfriend just broke up with me. and i feel so lonely..its tearing me apart. at least my mom’s trying to be there for me..but it’s just not the same. i cant even cry..i just dont know what to do with myself. like others i thought about suicide..many, many times..but i just cant do it. my existance feels so pointless…ive got nothing to life for…yet i life on. it feels like being a ghost…surrounded by happy people…now i started drinking…but it doesnt drown my sorrows…and my only wish is for this nightmare to stop.
why don’t people like me..i just dont understand??? i’m not selfish..i help whenever i can..i don’t ask for anything in return…i like to go out…are chatty when people talk to me…yet i feel used…cheated…misunderstood…
what is wrong with me???
and i just noticed that alcohol makes u spell horribly!!
denny, hey i feel used, cheated and misunderstood as well..i don’t really know whats wrong with you and im not going to try to give advice anymore because i guess there is something wrong with me too HAHA
and mr. qwerty, ive seemed to have forgotten how to social as well, i talk to no1 expect online people who i don’t even know and i have absolutely no friends HAHA but i guess that’s why we all come here
im 31 year old and have hardly any friends. certain events have contributed to me not bothering anymore because ive lost confidence and been let down too many times by people. maybe its me, i dont know. is it because i exepct too much from people?
I just think that they should treat me the way i would them but often is not the case.
people depress me eveyone has their own issue goin on, and i get quite fed up listening to peoples shit and bravado all the time so now i cant b bothered. I sound really miserable but i never used to be like this.
My boyfriend and I were just now talking about how if we ever got married, would we want a big or small wedding.. I said I wanted a small wedding, and he said “well who would you invite if you had a big wedding?” (knowing that I don’t have many/any friends).. and I hesitated and said “I dunno….” and he replied “so is that why you want a small wedding?”
My heart just sank when he said that, because it hurts me so much but he doesn’t understand. He has a million friends and I literally have zero close friends. But that got me to worrying about my wedding.. what IS going to happen if/when I get married? I will have just family members and a few “friends” I would truthfully be embarrassed to invite because they will notice they are the only ones there. The only people I consider “friends” I don’t even talk to more than twice a year.
More and more lately my boyfriend has been sort of beating around the bush regarding my friendlessness.. I try very hard to pretend like it doesn’t bother me, but it really hurts me when he mentions it. I don’t want to talk to him about it because pity will only make me feel about 10 times worse at this point, and more importantly, I know he would not understand because he himself is so popular.
I like to tell myself it’s going to be different soon.. but it just gets worse and worse every year.
Hello everybody. I am 19 years old. I have almost no friends after highschool. But somehow it`s ok. I listen to music, I watch tv, I read magazines and I feel ok. Maybe my case is even worse than yours, because you don`t have friends too but you do feel the need of friends and i don`t. I guess it`s normal to have friends, to go out every night, and drink …but who decides what`s “normal”?
All my life, despite having friends from school, sports or work, I’ve always felt I’ve walked alone. It’s a different quality of life when you’re a loaner. It’s within my own opinion to believe that the loaner people of the world are all similiarly wired and generally all have the same chemical make-up. No matter what the environment (which does play somewhat of a factor in our developement as people) I am predisposed to be this way. But then again maybe that’s just me. I’m quit opposite person than I was in highschool couple years back. I had a lot more friends, I was very social and very ambitious. The weird part is despite the dramatic change, I know I’ve always been the same person. It’s hard — i’ll see my friends when they come home here or there, but as routine or “normal” as it should be each time, I feel i’m different, they knoww i’m different. My lonliness, and anxiety are consuming me so much,It’s getting worse by the day. I was that shoulder to cry on when life seemed limited. I was that friend that you can count on a 4am. Now…i find it hard to even leave the house sometimes. Life is different…life seems limited…At a point in time, I existed in this world, but each day is short-lived because of some emptiness in my heart, self loathing or maybe some fear. I keep myself breathing knowing that they’re others among me and maybe hoping that i’m not so alone. See You around someday.
– i know this is stupid to add but listen to Paranoid Android by Radiohead on the right moment;
theanonymous… i know how you feel! then again, i think we all know how you do =/…….
Seems like we all were…. or are, that shoulder… that support that others need… yet, in the end… they never return the gesture… i guess thats how it is… b/cuz of this, i’ve come to hate people all together LOL… it may sound conceited or w/e but that’s seriously how i feel…
but you are NOT alone.. you have us =)
but yeah…. i actually met a ‘friend’ about a year ago on a spanish forum… when we found out that we lived a few cities away from each other, she wanted to meeet me… so we met… and i actually thought she would be the friend i had always longed for… but about 4 months ago… after she had broken up w/ her boyfriend, everything changed… she was always depressed…. didnt want to talk… she’d get mad at everything i said… i told her that i didnt know what to say and that it wasnt my fault… she let it go.. and then became super religious… she would start asking me about my reliigion, and then criticize it without really knowing the truth about it… she think she does… she NEVER lets me explain or talk… she cuts me off all the time… we’ve gotten into a few arguments with her even saying that im not a believer =/…. and since those arguments….. about the past month, all she talks to me about is her friend from brasil!! she’s ALL she talks about…. and it seriously bugs the crap outta me!! i try to change the subject….. i try to do something for her to just …. fkjdsfakfdsklaf….. but everytime i do, she doesnt even talk to me… she gets mad and signs off… she gets mad cuz when i sign in, im never the first to say hi… im never the one who callls her first on the phone…. and …. ughhh!! and about her friend from brasil, it may sound like jealousy but its not… i myself thought of it being that…. but i realized its not… and i realize that each day that passes by, we drift more apart from each other… and in a way im kinda sad… here i had the chance to be good friends with someone… but again, i pushed her away, like always…. but at the same time i feel relieved….i just want it to end already….
necesito deahogarme! por ke neta ya no puedo mas!!! =(
i agree with theanonymous completely.. i do beleive we are made of something else and this is what makes us diffrent..
i think the hardest part about this is coping with the fact that there are just some things that cannot be fixed about urself, no matter what you do.
i once beleived my choices in life caused me to fall this far, but after a while i learnt that nothing i wouldve said or done would have changed anything.
i would still be here, at the same spot as i am right now..
i used to have friends around high-school time.. we grew apart (them together, me apart) and i was left alone.
for around 7 years now i am pretty much alone.. (i am 22 now)
i have to face some harsh things about my life.. excuse me for pouring out like this..
never will i get to go to a party with friends and enjoy myself.
never will i have anyone to call to when something importent happens, or nothing at all.
never will i feel acceptance among others as a given.
never will i get to feel that first kiss.
never will i get to tell a girl i love her, and hear it back.
never will i get married and have a child to call my own.
these are truths that are hard to realise.. just because we see other people have them every day, it makes it all that much more difficult.. and sometimes i even cling to the thought that i might have it one day.. just to keep going another day.
i guess if i read my own post 7 or so years ago i would think “this guy is a freak in a cave”, actually im completly “normal” on the outside.. i go to work, i pay bills, i interact with “coworkers” but it all means nothing.. it all seems pointless.
someone here said that we dont need a friend, we need a savior and that doesnt exist..
but hey, i dont mind being someones savior, if he/she will be mine.
I have a dream. I dream of building a place where my family and I can live safely. I dream of building a community where people like you can come and be relaxed. A place where friendships can happen, and where we can all share our lives.
I know how to do it, I know how to build it, and I would do so tomorrow if I had the means.
Anyone know how to raise a few hundred thousand pounds quickly? Short of robbing a bank?
Or, does anyone have a big bit of land in the south of France they feel like donating to a good cause?
On a more serious note, I really am going to build a house and ‘lifestyle holiday camp’ (for want of a better title) in the south of France, as soon as I can afford to (and every spare penny goes towards that dream). My question is: would you come? If I said that you could come along, and *really* relax, and get to know people, and that I (and the rest of the staff) would make sure that you went home a happier person, and had people to talk to even years later – would you take the plunge?
I believe *I* would, and that is why I will build it – I’d like to hear your thoughts though. Please email me if the idea interests you, or excites you, or fires your imagination. Or, just email me to chat :)
malgor@thedarknesscomes.com
I posted on here almost a year ago, and decided to read through the post I had left. Now I feel even worse, realizing that everything has stayed exactly the same way. I thought maybe things would have changed by now…in the beginning of the year (I’m almost finished with my junior year in high school) I hoped that I could make a new friend. that’s all I wanted. One meaningful relationship. none of my friends understand me. When i told one of my friends that i had depression, she said sarcastically, “Oh, so nothing makes you happy? Why don’t you just kill yourself, then? I also tried talking to my mom, but she basically says, “get over it,” or tells me that she doesn’t want to hear it. She wants me to go to a therapist, but I don’t feel ready for that right now, and I wish she understood how much it would mean to me just to have someone to talk to, without judging me. I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I tell myself that I have a good life, and every opportunity in the world, and I know it’s true, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. I feel like no one cares about me at all. I am so sick of everything…..it makes me feel even worse that so many people have posted on here. If there are so many lonely, friendless people in the world, than I guess it really is possible to be talented, pretty, and interesting like all of you are, and still never have friends…I am just so tired of never having anyone to share anything with. it makes everything feel like a waste of time. I am getting more bitter and resentful by the day. I don’t even want to talk to the two friends I have managed to hang on to through the years, because I feel like they don’t really care about me. they don’t understand me at all. one of my friends snapped at me tonight, for no reason at all, and I almost started crying. It wasn’t just that she snapped at me, it was everything combined. When I started thinking about how she could yell at me like that, over nothing, it made me wonder how much she really understands me and cares about my feelings, and that got me started thinking about how I really don’t have anyone I could turn to, becuase it’s the same with my other friend, and then it all went downhill, with depressing thoughts spiraling in around me until I just wanted to die..Maybe I’m just hypersensitive, but I’m weary of all of this. I don’t want to be treated like this anymore. Every time i try t start off a serious conversation with my friends, they brush off my feelings as if they don’t count, and I am forced to listen half-heartedly to what they say. I pretend to smile, for my friends, so they don’t give up on me entirely, but I think i am getting less and less convincing every day.
I don’t even have the motivation to type anything more here. I got a 29 on the ACT, but that’s not good enough, nothing is good enough. I don’t care about going to college and have decided not to go. College just doesn’t seem like living to me. i know that what I’ve got not is not really “life” because I feel numb and dead inside most of the time, but I really can’t stomach the thougt of going off to college to rot in college for another 4 years after I slog my way through the rest of high school. i guess I just wish someone would want to sit down and talk to me, and ask me how I am, but really mean it for once. i dream of collapsing on someone’s shoulder, and baring everything, absolutely everything to them…of crying, and opening my heart from this horrible numbness, and letting it all come out.. I think loneliness is like a wound, and when left untreated, it begins to fester, and grow into a sea, a great shadow that darkens your entire world. I have been alone too long, and my loneliness has robbed me of my joy and grown into a rotting wound deep in my soul that won’t seem to heal. I can’t make friends anymore. It doesn’t matter who I talk to. I am too miserable and hopeless to make any connections with anyone. I feel dead…if I smile at someone, it is fake, and when i laugh, it is forced. i wouldn’t want to subject someone to being my friend. I’m not a good friend, because I can’t really force myself to care about anyone, or anything anymore. I feel like a walking corpse..I wish I could cry….I wish i had someone to talk to….but I don’t. sorry for this morbid post, especially after Malgor’s inspiring words. I do hope you build it. it is a beautiful dream
I just posted a few minutes ago and forgot to say that if you want to email me, I can be reached at WritergirlAD@aol.com . I would really love someone to talk to, but I don’t want sympathy, and I really suck at conversing online, so I will probably kill any sort of conversation within a few emails. But still, I am not as unfriendly as I might have come across in these two posts, so please don’t hesitate to send me a message if you want to.
Happy belated birthday ‘loner’
I was thinking last night that I have no friends and that’s the way I like it. When i think of all the people I’ve had relationships with in the past and think of restarting those same types of connections it repulses me. The idea that if you have no friends you don’t know who you are is wrong. It’s the other way around: only through retiring into oneself alone do we find who we are. Having hundreds of friends as a social accessory, as defined by the modern interpretation, and trusting none of them, is just a reflection of our internal confusion. There’s a quiet time for everything, including a time to be away from friendships. You can’t learn who you are by only having fun times. It’s the dark days that form you, that make the soul emerge. You don’t have to go chasing the darkness to speed things up, it comes to everyone soon enough.
Like others here I typed “No Friends” into google. I was curious to see how other people thought of friendship. If having no friends makes you unhappy then perhaps you don’t understand what friendship really is. In it’s popular modern form, I believe it doesn’t exist, it’s an illusion and is just the first elements of control or love. However, as time goes by I think there is a greater opportunity for the modern world to discover what friendship was really about to begin with, or in it’s oldest term “brotherhood” (which can include the ladies, by all means). You see, when something looks deadended in this world, you’re not understanding what it is you’re looking at. The truth always increases possiblities and always leads on to further discovery. Modern friendship as defined by the emotional attachments and control issues certainly doesn’t exist: but then that isn’t actually friendship. So all of us who have reached this stepping off point have the decision to make: do we step forward and re explore the world of real friendship, or do we run crying back into the destructive, hollow, deadended ways of frienship?
I choose to step forward, alone, and happy.
Apparently, like everyone else here I googled “no friends”. I’m 20, in college, have a great boyfriend of going on three years…. I went to a small high school where everyone knew everyone, everyone was social. except me. I started out with friends, and then by the end of senior year, I felt like I had fallen off the map. I spent my senior trip watching the rest of my class having fun. I went to college… my own roommate wanted nothing to do with me. I’ll admit I’m not the prettiest or smartest girl out there but I’m not disgusting, and I feel like I could do very well for myself. The problem is, two years out of high school, I have nobody to talk to. I can’t move outo f my parents’ house because I don’t have anyone to live with. Sad, right? I work with a great group of girls who always exclude me. I try so hard to fit in. While other people are making friends in classes and labs, nobody even looks up to ask my name. I don’t understand. I realize that I need to reach out, but nobody ever, EVER reaches back. I get increasingly depressed when I facebook stalk the old high school friends who all are going on to have great lives, getting married, and are still a very tight-knit group, even with some people overseas and people spread across the country in college. Why am I ALWAYS the odd one out? All I desire is someone, just one person, to FOR ONCE reach back. IT sucks. It makes me really wonder why I’m here and why this stupid life is worth living. and the worst part? I go online to some random discussion forum because I don’t have anyone else to talk to. not a single person.
thanks Trzmo :) with the time difference it probably wasn’t belated, i’m in AUS. great to hear u were out and about having fun.
i know what u mean about finding other people interested in what ur doing, seems i’ve let it go abit far as i dont have any real interests anymore. bit upset that after 12yrs of my friend visitin 4 my b’day she just forgot all about it this yr and 4 the 1st time in my life i am not celebrating at all with friends. had a dinner with bf and fam tho & got some really nice pressies.
u shouldn’t spend ur b’day alone, its the only special day thats only urs, not like xmas, easter etc. i’m sure u will have a fun time. i’d love to send u a card hehe
Whenever I feel like just giving up, I come on this site and it makes me realize that I am not alone. I spend nights just crying myself to sleep because I am so lonely. I have no friends . Its hard…so so hard. Everyone deserves a friend, everyone. Thank god I have a boyfriend who keeps me sane because without him I would be a mess….
Its good to know that there are others like myself who have this problem.
I feel like a loser just being here, but you all sound like great people. I’m 16 and I don’t really do much in life, I’m all by myself most of the time. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and some days I just get real lonely and realize how crappy my life is. Being around all these people I don’t know what to think of myself. I’m letting myself be controlled by people that push me around. I’m starting to really think I am stupid, anorexic, weak, OCD, gay. I don’t know what I did to these people, but I try so hard to be a good person and all I get back is shit. I feel like giving up, feel so alone, stopped eating, losing a sense of reality, suicide comes across my mind all the time. If only I could say goodbye to everything right now.
i am exactly like u lonely girl. dunno what i’ve done to deserve bein so alone. think my bf is over it today, told him i feel unwell and he said i’d be fine should see someone, then went out with his friend after i told him i’m depressed and he never bothered to reply.
feel like i should be dead
Loner I know just how you feel, and your boyfriend is right that you should talk with someone, apparently he just does not want to be the one. I’ve been there thinking that your other half could be the one to help, if just to listen so that I could get my thoughts out, I don’t expect that they can solve my problems, but just to have a friend to listen sure would help. You say you feel like you should be dead, why? Because he’s to inconsiderate to help his girlfriend? He’s the one who is failing you, you haven’t done anything wrong, in fact you did what you should have done, you reached out, unfortunately it was to the wrong person, I was there just like you, in fact I tried to kill myself, and 10 years later I’m glad I didn’t I found someone who care for me ia everyway possible, we got married, and have 2 wonderful children. If this happened for me then it can happen for you, you just have to believe, in God and yourself, with that in your heart you can do anything, Please don’t give up on yourself, you are stronger than you know, we all are, everyone of us here. fell free to email me at mresch1118@gmail.com
thanks MScott R for the friendly advice. I was having a very bad day as it was my b’day wknd and i spent it at home for the first time in my life :S i jumped to conclusions in the end, my boyfriend called me as soon as he got home, he wasn’t out ignoring me (he did have something to do & told me before he left). looking back at our sms’s he did tell me it’ll be fine and we can fix everythin together, didnt see it tho cos i was so upset. he called to tell me that everythings going to be ok and that he loves me cos i’m a special, brilliant person…… nearly cryin just thinkin about it!! been together 2 yrs now and he always loves me regardless (& i love him 2 :P), just took that day to really realise that. hopefully in 10yrs i’ll have 2 kids also :)
No time difference loner, I just got a bit caught up with work, but I didn’t forget.
Im actually from NSW :)
oh i thought u were from USA like soooo many of the others on here…oops
well hope things are looking up :)
I am a 20 year old depressed man. I have no friends except 2 people that I am not necessarily close to that I seldom speak to. I am always alone whether I’m going out or at home. I made it to grade 12 but didn’t graduate, so college is out of the question for now. In high school I’d have people I’d speak to, but even then I never hung with anyone. Senior year was the worst for me, and it’s too long to explain it so I’ll leave it at that. I never had a girlfriend, but “hooked” up with girls in the past, but still never felt what it is too actually be loved by a woman. I often walk the streets alone not really paying attention to what’s going on around me, I just think to myself and self pity. Music has helped me out through these times and I enjoy driving my car through the area (by myself of course) listening to my favorite music. I can’t remember when I had someone sitting on the passenger side of my car next to me because only god knows how often I get company in my car. i spend most of my days trying to looking for work and when I’m at home which is basically 24/7 I’m online, reading, or listening to music, I’ll sometimes watch tv. Sometimes i just sleep during the day to try and forget about the pain at least for a few hours. I never have contact with anyone expect for my mother because she lives with me and helps me too. I have been thinking about suicide more and more, because my depression has gotten that bad. I fantasize about ways of killing myself. This past weekend a 14 year old boy jumped in front of a train about 45 minutes from where i live and died. I think about jumpers who jump from the big bridges around my area or who attempt to, and i think maybe that’s how i should go out too. Or at least just hang from the ledge off the bridge until police come and talk me down just so i can finally get help that I think i need. I was walking near the train tracks of a nearby town a couple of days ago thinking about the kid who jumped in front of the train, and thought what if i did that. I was alone in that area, as it was behind some back road. I was walking back and forth and then walking across the train tracks. I finally saw a train coming from the left of me and the train conductor must have saw me because it blew its horn, so i quickly backed further away from the tracks. if i was closer to the tracks or on the tracks itself and didn’t move there would have been a great possibility that the train would have pulled its emergency brakes on, and i would be in even more trouble. After backing away from the tracks as the train was coming i looked at the train as it passes by me, i looked into the windows and saw some people’s heads looking out, i wondered if they knew that i was contemplating suicide or just thought i was some hobo. I am glad to see i am not alone but still feel very alone, and feel like i am the only one who feels this horrible enough to seriously contemplate suicide. I feel like i fcked up on my life way too much and i blew all the chances that i had. The literal isolation that i go through EVERYDAY doesn’t help either; I have gotten used to it but won’t accept it as a permanent way of life, even if that means taking matters into my own hands. God please stick by me.
Eddie, id just like to say you are not alone in feeling that. Numerous times Ive seen approaching trains and thought of it. I live in a two-storey house and often look at the railing on the balcony as a good solid support…I think of it too much.
I also enjoy listening to music by myself, 90’s pop music from days when I was younger and happier (f course still alone) and take my car for drives, since I bought it, I can count on one hand how many times the passenger seat has been occupied.
But I have good days, when I will talk to people, have a few words to people at my gym.
Please just think about the possibility of these good days that may still come. I know that one good day makes up for so many bad ones because they just fill me with joy.
Please don’t do anythign rash, I know just how tempting it is to do so, but that will certainly do you no good and cause trmendous pain to those around you.
Feel free to write back and I’ll reply :)
I think about suicide everyday and I really do believe i will not make it passed the year 2008.
Life is pointless.
I was thinking Hanging my self, OD on some pills mixed with energy drinks.
Thanks for your message trzmo. The only person around me is my mom, if i were to kill myself no body would be affected by it execpt my mom. I often think about suicide but am too scared to go forth with it. Or i just don’t know what way would be the best for me to commit suicide. Every day is a struggle for me, but what affects me the most is the loneliness and isolation. I am tired of being rejected and ignored by everybody. Even people who seem to offer help or to hang out or just talk, ignore me, it’s like everybody in this whole world is fake and hypocritical. I would never do that, if I offer my company or help than you better believe I would be there for you. I am sick and tired of being made into an outcast, I even act like myself in the hopes that people who are like me or feel the same way I do will befriend me, but even they ignore and reject me. I read other past posts from different people saying that maybe it was their fault for having no friends because they always push people away or tend to not get close to anyone. If you push people away for whatever reason then you do in fact reject and ignore people yourself. So for the people that do that, don’t come on this forum telling everybody how you have no friends and want to talk to people when you yourself reject people and ignore people, yes that makes people like that hypocrites. For those of us who would really want somebody to talk to us and befriend us, let’s not lose hope because as long as there are people like me still living, you’ll always have a friend in me.
Everyday, Im alone in the room, on the computer. I go to work 4 days a week, being a closer and seeing every young person be out of there before 5pm and Im there until 9-10pm gets me down. I feel like Im the only person like me around here. I try to be the good guy, but I get ignored I guess. I never had a group, well I did but they the guys taunted me and made fun of me and said shit behind my back. So called friends.
I never knew my relatives or my extended family, so I never get in contact with them. I have no one basically, never had a girlfriend. Iam almost fuckin 20! and no girl. Late last year, I had this girl catching my eye. She looked cute and was my ethncity too. One day, she gave me her number. A couple of days later, I texted via email (the loser way), she replied, we texted back and forth for a while. A week later, I asked her out to coffee and she accepted. We went out and I made a fool out of myself. She never talked to me again, she ignored me. I thought she was the one.
I have always been taunted, messed with in my life. I wish I had cousins, brothers, friends behind me. I have no one. WHY? WHY!! god, why have you done this to me. Iam not a bad person at all. I dont smoke, I dont drink, I dont do crime…WHY WHY WHY
Sometimes I tell myself, one day it will change. When will it come? I think someday I might snap and go crazy at someone. I dont know what to do in my life. Life is boring but it shouldnt be.
i wish i was never born.
i’m so alone. sometimes i wonder what the point of living is if im in so much pain and no friends. i keep coming back here to read other peoples posts..sometimes htey make me feel better to know i’m not the only one who feels this way but sometimes the pain i have is so great that i feel nothing can cheer me up. and the reason i have no friends is i don’t know how to communicate with others and when i’m in pain it’s hard to fake being cheery around others which it seems thats all anyone wants..i’ll probably die alone and unhappy..maybe someone will murder me soon so i don’t have to deal with the pain anymore
I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years and i love her so much, i can talk to her but i have no real friends i can talk to when i have problems or when I’m annoyed. I end up talking to myself or my goldfish or I just keep it bottled up inside.
She has good friends she can talk to, go out and share stuff with, but when she does, I’m home alone with nothing to do (fun Friday & Saturday night for me). I try to make friends but its difficult, and even with the little friends I have now i don’t get invited to anything.
I want to get married but I’m worried about how many friends she will have at the wedding compared to the 0 friends i have. I don’t even want a Bachelor party because of this and because i will have no one to invite.
I’m a nice guy and help people at work to finish there jobs if it looks like they have to stay late, but i get no help if i was in there position, I end up working till 1 in the morning…
Its true that nice guys finish last (in one way or another).
I’m just like most of you, I have no reason to get up in the morning. I have a girlfriend and she is great, but no matter how great a girlfriend is it’s still not the same as having guy friends to hang out with. I imagine I’ll die an early death from being so depressed all the time. I want to have friends, I want to have fun, but I guess it’s just not in the cards for some people. Just like No1 I come here every so often and read some of the posts just to know I’m not the only one. If only we could all get together somehow.
I am 22 and never in my life had a best friend. Never been invited nowhere! Not even contacts! I had a speech problem and got picked on alot for that. I been bullied by 20 people on an everyday basis, and the only one bullied for the stupiest things! I tried to be myself but no one never had any sense to accept it. I felt alone everyday of my life. I try to look my best. I say if no one can’t accept me its their problem.
If you have no friends and are thinking about suicide why just not go ahead and do the things you fear the most? Most people are afraid of dying already so why not say fuck it and go around being yourself and meeting people your age in a mall or school? If you think your personality sucks you have most likely come down to that conclusion due to thoughts of perfectionism or fear of failure and taking risks which have made you an coward individual (I don’t care about your family problems, if other kids bullied you or someone touched you down there, it’s all about getting over the past and starting a change).
If you take no risks in life you’ll never live. Some things in nature can’t be manipulated or are not understood by our minds, therefore we must take the risk, see failure as a lesson and embrace its benefits. Most people are kind but most of them portray a superficial and fake attitude to protect their egos and prevent being criticized for being themselves, but once you know them most of them are cool and interesting people. If you fear making friends because you see that most people drink or do drugs let me tell you that there are acquaintances for every occasion who can later become friends. There are “friends” for drinking, for doing drugs, for studying, for going to the movies or a party, or if you want one or two friends for doing all the aforementioned. Unfortunately you’ll never make good friends if you don’t go out and take the risk of meeting new people.
If you think you can’t do this on your own and don’t have the guts to talk about your problems with your parents because you are ashamed, my advise to you is to start doing something on your own. Go to your school counselor and tell him/her that you would like to visit a psychologist and talk about your problems and change your paradigms, this will give you a a self-esteem boost and you’ll be able to achieve your goals. Also, reject any form of medication, I don’t understand why in USA every single mental weakness is seen as a chemical imbalance, ffs, you can do this on your own. At first the placebo effect may make you feel different but some time afterwards you are going to go back to your old doings which translates into developing tolerance towards the medication which is total BS. You came to this world being a sane, prejudice free individual, you can fix yourself and I know it because I overcame most of my problems as well.
I know that all the environments we live in are different and some people who you live with and some situations can’t be changed but in the mean time you can work on yourself and try to develop a strong mind. If your parents treat you like shit but you still have a roof on your head, a bed, and food on your table, then they must be doing this out of good will, just respect them and avoid pointless negative situations, stay strong minded, and most importantly set rational goals.
I can’t emphasize this much more, go visit a psychologist if you can’t do this on your own, those people are specialized and they didn’t obtain their degree in vain. A lot of psychologists decided to take that career path because they had problems as well and therefore they comprehend you. You’ll be surprised by the things they uncover in you, things that you would not have been capable of detecting yourself. I know I am some other stranger from the Internet but I assure you that it is all in your head.
I am sorry if my post sounded cheesy, but most of your problems are not out of the ordinary and it takes perseverance, a strong mind, and a humble heart to accept your weaknesses and overcome them. ACT NOW damn it, no one will make these changes for you, days and weeks are passing by in fear and apathy, STOP hurting yourself!
man i’m pissed off!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no friends and everytime i’m upset i end up here. stupid bf was meant to meet me now, then takes a shift at work so i rush home to get ready to meet him later instead and he calls to say he’s goin out with mates….who the fuck does that??!!!!
can things possibly get worse for me?? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
oh man.. i feel your pain loner.. getting that feeling of rejection (even though its not, really..) from someone so close to you hurts allot..
now i know how i feel when something like this happens, like the person would rather do anything in the world but be with me. i would be really insulted
but thats the kind of thinking years of loneliness gets you doesnt it?
lets think about what a NORMAL person would do in your situation..
get mad.. angry, thats about it. what he did was normal guy behaviour.. but you are in a gentle situation and everything hits you hard right now so lets try and keep perspective on things, his true intention was not to hurt/offend you somehow.
wow its been awhile since i looked at this site and im glad some of you are still commenting a bit (trzmo and soledad). Its summer vacation for me right now and im away from college for a bit. I’ve actually gone out a bit but this guy that im now friends with isnt as great to hang out with as i once thought. I just want someone to talk to, someone to be my friend and this guy ends up flirting with me non-stop. I think he wants more out of this and im not willing to give in. It depresses me because I feel like I have no one to talk to. He’s nice to have around but I don’t like him hitting on me and acting…like…a guy. I wish i had more girlfriends..but I just dont and the ones I do have left town for their college. Trzmo and Soledad, what are your emails or AIM or myspace (anything lol) so I can keep in contact with you two?? you guys are sweet people and I dont want to lose contact with you guys. Sorry for not responding much on this site..been sorta busy.
I’m within the same feeling as everyone else here, I feel that I’m losing people around me but what concerns me is of how or what they think of me. Its been a problem for me since going through so much of what life has to offer that in the end its the people around you who make our lives the way they are today. You always have a choice to how you may live but the influences of who gave you this ideal of how you think is from the idea of what you percieve from people. Its people who influence you on how to think and behave, hence forth the meaning of culture. Nothing is wrong with being a loner or that of having no one to call as a friend, people are subjected to think that one who has no friends is a outcast and should not be looked at or considered weird. Children all the time notice difference from the others around them and create difference to pick upon children who are less fortunate. Its like any quota about life… “You were born into this world alone and you will die alonce” and “In the end, the path to life is that of a lonely one, whether you have found a friend or not in the end you are the only one walking along your own road of destiny.
hi dily….
yeh i know it wasn’t his intention but ur right, i am fragile and i dont think he realised what he did. after he called me later on he just left to go out and i didnt hear from him again…nice. i did tell him today that i was angry at what he did and how he then went on to ignore me and he was very sorry, i guess thats something :) anyway everythings ok now. lets see when he’ll stuff up again like a typical guy :P
To Eddie (sorry, I didnt read all the posts until now..)
how is it hypocritical to be on this forum if some of us said we push people away??? Yes, I want good friends and yes I did say I push people away but its not like I want to. I just do. I am afraid of being hurt and im afraid of becoming close. If I do connect with someone (by some miracle, its rare for me) then I try to keep them in my life as close as possible. So, in a sense, i’m not entirely easy when it comes to meeting people. It takes a lot for me to trust people or to even engage in a conversation with someone I do not know. I am not an open person…I am reserved. I can not help that; I am just that way. I WISH!!! I had a loud personality and I WISH I could be myself around anyone but I just can’t. I have to trust them first. So if I am a “hypocrite” for that, then so be it. But I do want friends…good friends. When I meant I have a tendency to push people away is because I am so quiet and they eventually just get bored of me anyways. I’ve had some close friends who I could act myself around…TRULY act myself around. They’ve moved on with life and left me with their college, girlfriends/boyfriends and so on. I wish I could meet someone like that again..they are hard to come by.
I’ve read most of the posting on this site and strongly identify with just about all of your feelings, experiences, etc. I’m in my late 30s, recently unemployed (no fault of mine in my eyes), a 2 year old transplant from another state, very litte contact with one friend from the former state I lived in, a bf who I believe is only around for convenience (to be honest, we have not been sexual for over two months, we sleep in separate rooms and he rather jack off to porn rather than have a physical connection with a human being). I have a tomcat who I love and care for.
I started to feel this withdrawl from social situations as a child, when my mother would have guest over I would leave and hang out in my bedroom by myself. My sibilings were condescending towards me growing up; I’m the middle child and as a result of their behavior I decided to sever all ties with them. In my eyes, I felt I was better off when my “family” was out of the picture. Their unpleasant behavior towards me became apparant when our mother passed away more than a decade ago that my aunt had to get involved and straighten them out, still much of their behavior did not change and I considered myself a person with no family and no friends of my own. On the other hand my bf’s family have treated me as if I am family and I makes me feel good. The problems is that because of my situation with his lack of a connection with me on any level has made me withdrawl from attending recent family functions with his family. I know that I’m repeating this pattern that started when I was a child.
I attempted psychotherapy and it did help alittle, at the conclusion of my stent with seeking help, my therapist stated there is nothing wrong with me, I just need to get a life and surround myself with positive people. Most of my growth has been on my own and without the need for medication, I did attempt to take prozac a few times but felf like I was on speed (yes as a teenager and into my 20s I experimented with alot of drugs). I am thankful that I never formed addictions to drugs, now I don’t drink nor smoke or atleast I used to smoke bud up until 6 months ago, it just makes me lathargic.
I spent the last 20 years of my life working in the legal field, medical field, financial field and last was in a grocery market which I consider to be my all time lowest in position and in pay. I never finished college and I can see that I have made ALOT of bad decisions that have led me upto where I’m at now. NO WHERE with NO ONE.
I sometimes think that I’m glad to be lonely with no one because I don’t have to deal with the usual bs that comes with friendship; there are times like know that I wish I did have friends and would overlook the bs. In my experience with the many times I have opened up and allowed people in, I have been nothing but burned by just about everyone who I have been friends with. I recently had all of my family heirlooms stolen by a former friend, I have been insulted in the presence of other people by a former friend, I have been beaten physically by a man who says he loves me, I had a friend who ruined my credit due to a real estate transaction, etc. I got so bad that I refuse to give my phone number out or even let anyone know that I have a phone because I knew they would never call and as always they never do. The irony is that I don’t care that these people are no longer in my life but their actions towards me is what bothers me?
I find myself staring outside my windows wanting to go outside and yet I stay inside. Once in a while I do go outside and run erands but end up home in a separate room by myself with my cat.
I’m not ugly, I’m not overweight and I know that even if I was this should not matter because its’ who you are from within that matters. I people watch when I do go outside and wish I could be numb and superficial that maybe I would have friends, then I think to myself that because I’m a “dark, cynical, negative” person who would want to be friends with me. I’m not that person from my eyes, I just don’t sugar coat things and I’m pretty straight forward. I look for people who are realists with views, ideas, thoughts, emotions, I don’t want to talk about fashion, hollywood news, etc. I want the meat of life, true experiences of clarity on all mental, social, emotional planes.
Why is this considered dark, cynical, negative? Why am I lonely? Why do I have no friends? Whats wrong with me? I think to myself, nothing is wrong with me it everyone whose wrong towards me, but is this realistic thinking? I like to think that I can now pick and choose who my friends are, but it feels that I’m not the one being chosen for a real friend; or if I am chosen as a friend once they are done with demeaning me in some form they leave. I have had many female friends come looking for me once they burned me and apologize, I forgive and forget and again they burn me that I sever ties.
Right now, I’m over my pitty party and feel that I need to eat, and because I have nothing to do but watch TV or stare outside the window admiring what a beautiful day it is and how time is passing me by.
one more thing…I hate my screen name. I decided to change it to NEMO, which in latin means no one. I remember this from Charles Dickens book Bleak House, one of my favorite novels….
Sorry if it seems weird, but I take it as a compliment to be named weird, means that I’m different from the mold of many…Please do not consider this to be narcissistic and no its not a sign of split personality, I just like NEMO better than xyz…
Hello Everyone
I would like tell you all, that i deeply care for all of your concerns and hearing about suicide thoughts is just heart breaking. It took me some years to understand and realize what friendship meant. I had made friends since very young or at least friendly relationships with others. The two times in my life i had the chance to make a real connection i had to move out far away (another country) totally sucks fortunately for me i still keep in touch with then, although we didn’t have a chance to share things. Now i had make friends or something like that, people who were looking to have fun. I was and accessory to them. they only call me for favors and parties but never to be a friend. In this case, I was just that to them, i do know a lot of people but prefer to keep to myself. I m really picky about who is welcome in to my life now. I have only one best friend my husband but other than that i don’t really have any close friends that, i could share and talk about my dreams or pain (i”m not hurting) I sometimes speak with some friends but i keep it light and fun and the only reason we are friends still is because we have a common bond we know each other way to long a have friends in common, we enjoy laughing on the phone. I can tell you about how many times, i have gone out of my way to be an awesome friend, loyal. super kind $$$ Designer dots Type of gift etc but some of them were jealous and other were just jerks! and the friendship only lasted as long we were sharing a hobby an activity etc get the point?. So it’s normal to go in to rough patches when you feel lonely. Friendships most of them have an expiration date like, lovers relationships even our life has an expiration date in this terrenal plane, some of us live 100 years and other just 3 . Of course there is long life lasting relationships and friendship but not all of us get it and it’s ok not to get it, not everyone is rich but we still keep going and do our best etc… but you don’t need these people to complete you, people come and go like seasons and for a reason. You just need to get your massage and keep going and when a long time goes by without any friends it’s great thing, enjoy it improve yourself!…don’t ask yourself question like why? i don’t get it? How you ever thought about “you are not supposed to get it” and move on, we don’t need to have every answer to every question maybe the truth will be to much to handle LOL! I can only give you and Advised be happy no matter what, do things that can make you feel good, go out alone for a movie a bite or just read a magazine in your city park etc… people will come to your life open yourself to a bigger realm of love be kind to yourself stop tormenting yourself with, why i don’t have friends? who cares, of course it ‘s nice to have someone to share and feel that people want to be around you. If you really want that, do this STOP! saying things like people don’t like me, instead say people like me because i’m cool funny etc.. i know it seems a bit odd just try and nurture yourself buy yourself some flowers, write yourself a note (a silly one please) and little by little things will get better. I’ve been there even hospitalized for trying to take my life what a fool. I’m in my 30’s with a beautiful family, children pets etc and nice little business and some friends to chat a little, open yourself an account on myspace/ facebook etc and you’ll see old pals will pop out out of nowhere ….Now also keep something in my mind, maybe when you reach out to someone and didn’t get no answer “maybe” they were having problems too, give it a second chance and see what happens. You got nothing to lose and maybe win a friend or two and keep on moving, work out, have fun, and laugh a lot. Please get rid of negative people yeah those blood suckers, the ones that are never happy for you and try to put you down, even if they are family show them you love yourself way to much to be dog by idiots demand your respect! I rather have no friends then a bunch of jerks around me . “No company at all is way better, than bad company around”.
Much love to all of you
May the force be with you amigos!
Hi everyone, I’m a 23 yea old mother of two, divorcing my husband which makes my situation unique. My husband did a good job of isolating me and then kicked myself and my children out of our home, I was a housewife and a full time student, now back living with my parents so I don’t have the resources to get out and meet people or get a hobby or anything, it is very difficult I have not spoken to a friend or have even had a riend since I was in high school, I have never taken part in any normal adult social scenes like a club or concert, I think that my case is actually pretty extreme, because I am at home I never even come in contact with adults outside of my immediate family, I have been alone for so long that I have become avoidant, even though I am so lonely, I do not feel as though anyone would want to become friends with a suddenly broke, mother of two, who has never experienced anything. My only escape from this lonliness is in my head, I talk to myself, but that’s old now…my only hope is that things may change once I graduate and get a career, but after seven years I now find it so hard to wake up in the morning, everyday feels like torture, so muc so that I was thinking that I can’t wait until my daughter is a teenager so that I will have someone t hang out with, now don’t tell me that I am not the biggest loser that you have ever heard of.
Hello everyone. I’m a 13 year old girl who, like you, has no friends whatsoever. My heart aches when I read your posts. So many of you are in your 20’s, you sound so kind yet so depressed. I can understand, we all need people to get through life. I have terrible self esteem and confidence, I am fat, ugly, stupid, etc. I’m the class loner, pig and joke. You can always count on the people in my class to talk behind my back or laugh at me in my face. I feel sad and alone everytime I look around my classroom. There are groups of friends who are friends with other groups of friends, much like a family. I wanted so badly to be popular, but I failed. Now I feel as if I have been rejected from this family. They all hate me. I have a mother with paranoid disorder, as well as depression. I am mostly alone. No one in my class wants to be friends with someone who hasn’t got any. They always have someone to sit next to or hang around with, while I’m the one who sits alone on a table. I don’t see any open chances to make friends because of this – Can you help me?
Hey everyone,
It’s almost 2 in the morning over here and I decided to just roam on the internet because I didn’t feel like crying again. I am 18 years old and I’ll be graduating HS this Friday. I feel so alone and depressed… I only have one real friend and a boyfriend. I feel like I haven’t made any new friends since 6th grade..(that’s when I met my best friend…my one and only friend). Sure, I have made acquaintances since then…but I feel like I try to be really nice and giving to everyone but they never want to hang out or contact me outside of school. I just feel so used. Like no one really cares about me. I am really shy due to my low self esteem…I feel like I am really ugly, stupid, and absolutely useless. I don’t even want to attend my HS graduation because I know no one will cheer for me when I go up there. My boyfriend is very well liked and smart and funny….I sometimes wonder why he even goes out with me. =( In fact, I’m scared that if we breakup…I will never be able to get another boyfriend.
Why do people not want to be with me? Am I that boring of a person? This senior year, I’ve gone through several days where I spoke maybe a few sentences max during the whole school day. This is because of my low self esteem. It’s really depressing. It makes me not want to do anything because I feel like I am not good enough for this world. Also, college is coming…and I feel like it will only get worse since my best friend and I are not even going to the same colleges. I fear that I will suicide =( =( I have had sooo many thoughts of suiciding these past two years…
Is there a reason for me to live if no one even cares that I exist? I think i will suicide if my boyfriend breaks up with me…because by that time, I will have no one.
I hate everything about me.
To Hinder:
Suicide is not a solution!!!! What are you talking about?! Life is the priceless treasure and you are thinking about suicide, because of some not very clever people, who do not understand your good attitude. In fact, some years ago (I am 22) I felt the same….Now, I do not pay much attention towards what others think about me. But I also do not have a friend, so if you want some conversation – please write: mikhan_smirnov@mail.ru
Good Luck! :)
Oh, sorry – mikhan_smirnov@list.ru
I looked up on a search engine what to do if you suddenly wake up and realize that you have no friends or perhaps you’ve known it for some time and want to do something about it. There is nothing at alll wrong with the vast majority of posts here, though I cannot claim to have read them all. I can say this. It does not matter who a person is in terms of their being judged by another both in good terms or bad- anyone can go down this road in life and find they have no friends. There is no way anyone here making a genuine post can be thought of as anything but desperate to connect with someone. And that is a good thing. : )
I was once in an extrmely social and popular fraternity in college with many friends. I have to admit I thought of many of my friends as jerks and even at that time in my life when I had most friends, I never felt that there wasn’t something different about me because I was always so concerned about being nice to people, and this concern never really was visible in them by me. They gave me a lot of playful fun about this quality which I assume they all found so foreign which to me is unexplainable. I remember one time being so tired from going out with so many friends that when they came knocking at my door wanting to have more fun, I wouldn’t answer because I was having too much fun and realized I was losing site of what I thought were more pressing concerns. I would trade anything I could to have that moment back! I went to law school. I know ancient history, Greek, and Latin. I played shortstop on every baseball or softball team I was ever on. There is no reason why I have no friends.
This is why I suppose it hurts so much because it makes no sense. But here it is- I have absolutely not one friend and I have not had one for over two years. It is embarrassing to say this, I know! There is no way I’d say this in the open so technology has its merits. I was voted most popular my senior year of high school and I was a very nice person to everyone even then. But this pain can happen to anyone, and there is nothing wrong about wanting to change it. And it is true as many here have said better than I ever could- there is no other pain like this.
But I have discovered that taking the easier way by waiting for opportunity may not be enough. I don’t have any answers.
I can only say this. Just like the previous post, if anyone wants to send a line just to vent or even feel like they are making a connection, I will leave an email at which I can be contacted and would enjoy an exchange of thoughts. I can hold a conversation about pretty much any topic and would sort of enjoy it. I am just a pebble on this beach here. But we all have seen Castaway, surely? You never can tell what the shore will bring in the next day- or something like that. : )
parker77027@yahoo.com
I’ve lately realized something: in my sleep, my dreams often involve situations where I am hanging out with friends, but these “friends” in my dreams are often faceless figures or are random acquaintances from real life.
I’m 24, intelligent, attractive, and not missing a great number of things from my life – with the exception of this one gaping void called friendship. I have not made a single friend since high school – not in college, not in grad school, not at work, not even am I able to connect anymore with old friends who have all moved onward, upward, and away. Back in high school I was well-known, well-liked, and had a stable group of friends that I took for granted. Now my days are spent reliving old times or incessantly analyzing situations in which my passive temperament has perhaps failed me in attaining a friendship.
My poor boyfriend, whether through guile or guilt, has been sucked into my world of isolation and spends all his waking hours with me. He has not made a single friend in the past year, and I can say with certainty is all my fault. Unlike me, however, he doesn’t seem too saddened by this and has even been able to say to me “I have no friends anymore” – a phrase I will probably never utter to another real life person.
Five or six years ago I never thought I would actually be unable to make a SINGLE friend in.. well, half a decade. (Wow, HALF a decade, and during the prime years of my life, too..) Now, I think I must be more aggressive in making friends, but how to do so without seeming pushy or unpleasant? I think that I haven’t had a friend in so long that I’ve forgotten how to simply interact with people. Whatever I decide to do, I must do it soon because I’ve realized in recent years that there are few things more suffocatingly unbearable than friendlessness and isolation.
P.S. I want to see Sex and the City in the theater, but what is more depressing than dragging your boyfriend to see this movie because you have no female friends?
Something else I’ve noticed is that I google my own opinions like “I hate it when X happens” or “Isn’t X the worst movie ever made?” because I have nobody in real life to voice my opinions to, and I just wanted feedback on my thoughts. Sometimes I just think “gee, what would other people think”, and a regular person would just ask a friend, but alas…
That is actually how I found this page – I googled “I have no friends” (probably like the most of you did).
Will read the replies Ive missed and rely to them after my exams.I hope I don’t fail.
Rene, I don’t really want to publish my email here. Are you ok with putting yours up?
If not, my secondary one is rex02c_00@hotmail.com
I don’t check it often but if you mail me there and I see it, I’ll pass you on my real email.
Take care people and stay positive :)
Wow! Do you think when Lee Iwan posted this article, he thought that it would get the attention that it would?
I honestly, strongly, and truly believe that the people connected to this page have a much greater purpose in life. I have been lurking this page for the past 3 months and I really believe that it is time to understand that we are not alone at all. We are just seperated, and for some reason we have to experience an angle of today’s society that most dare not to ever admit or experience. We are positioned away from a type of ‘society’ only because we actually think for ourselves. Lots of you do not care one bit to be someone who follows or leads in a group, but rather instead to be just someone who experiences fragments of their life with others. You just listen to what your mind is saying to know what makes you feel what is right inside, and because of that now, you feel like you have to suffer. The suffering is something that will enrich our lives and we will be able to spread our knowledge of our experiences to those who may confront this type of reality one day. So they never try to hurt themselves or the ones around them.
I will always be lurking this page. Reading what you post. Trying to feel what you feel.
I hope you all find a certain happiness to an extent where you forget about this page for awhile. I do know some of you will.
Take care and have an relaxing Saturday.
Hey Shannon.
For some reason your post stuck in my head..I went out and was thinking about it, so I thought I would write to you. I hope you are okay. There is nothing wrong with getting divorced and having kids and being broke, a lot of people go through crap.
I thought, maybe you could have playdates with your kids and neighbourhood kids and meet other mums like that? Ask if they want to have coffee or something? Or at kids parties there are always opportunities to talk to other parents? I don’t know, I don’t have kids, but I’d imagine that could be an option. It’s very true that telling yourself you’ve never experienced anything is boring and that, you’ll believe it, but it’s not true, you have kids, you can talk about that, about what you are studying or what was on TV, just crap..but I do understand the avoidant thing..I get nervous around people and am terrified we’ll run out of smalltalk so I freak out..my problem and reason for finding this site I guess.
But, I read this quote the other day and it was ‘to be popular you need to be mediocre’ and it is so true…if you really want to be popular, you should have the same opinions as everyone else, drive the same cars, eat at the same places and have the same perfect family..
PS: No one needs to know you are living with your parents and broke, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, just say you’re in between houses, or suburbs or whatever. I hope you feel better..it sounds so lame, but if you write down good things about yourself and stick it somewhere you will see it, hopefully you will believe it too. And faking it and smiling really does make you feel it after a while, that’s what I do…:)
My experience has been the same as many people here. Well it turns out I have Asperger’s Syndrome and that has explained everything. Check it out, you may be surprised how many people match this and don’t know. It’s not very well known here in the states. The best luck I’ve had making friends was to seek out others like myself and it seems to work.
im 17 and now that school is out all my freinds ditch me for each other. i did everything for them. it kills me that i have no one to talk to or anything………..
I am 20 ~ Hello Everyone I too am Lonely, But it seems to me with what seems to be a room full of lonely people(seemingly nice people too) WHY don’t we all come together? Either just to talk to from a distance or just maybe we might meet someone from the same state?
my facebook is http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=608215463
Someone Contact me :) Mr. Lonely in waiting, lol… I got this idea from the Beatles song Eleanor Rigby it says “all the lonely people, Where do they all come from. Where do they all belong?” and I am thinking if there are so many lonely people then we belong together, we would understand each other and generally are kind hearted people!!!
ALSO my yahoo IM is ASOJC1@yahoo.com. just let me know you are from here when you message me :)
Hi all,
This is my first post here. I have read thru the postings and wish all of you good luck.
I am male 49 yrs old. had lots of friends in school. I moved to Cicero IL in the 80’s ,
I had lots of friends there as well but stopped having close relationships with people as Trust was an essential part of the mix. I was involved with some criminal types and I needed friends that would watch my back as well as I watched theirs. Well I had a few of these really good friends .. but over a period 5 or 6 years several were incarcerated, were killed (yes killed) or died from various causes (suicide, drug overdoses (some may have been murdered) etc.) These were the kind of really good friends that would stand by you thru anything. Well I started to shy away from developing good relationships as the passing friends I loved really hurt. I found it much easier to just have aquaintences and bar buddies and coke buddies. Later I moved away from the crime scene, did alot of Coke and Drinking for maybe 10 years or so and had one really good friend thu much of the 90s. He was (and still is) a huge drinker. I stopped drinking in 2001 and had to stop hanging out with him as me not drinking caused us to drift apart. With no bar scene and by no longer associateing with criminal elements (organized or minor players) I had no pool of candidates to choose from. The neighbors and people in my community were not interested in me for a friend so I moved again to a nice suburb. The people were a bit snooty and if you did not meet their standards you were nobody. They also liked to call the cops on anyone who did not fit in in THEIR neighborhood. I made friends with the people I worked with but did not associate with them outside of work. i moved and bought a home in a great suburb but never really made friends with the neighbors as I did not want to take the chance of having neighbors for the next 30 years that I did not get along with. So back to friends at work ..This worked kind of .. till I was downsized . Well thru a few different jobs and tryng things like community activities etc I was hoping for things to improve but I never made new friends. I have always felt uneasy and aprehensive. So I quit seeking friends .. just kept aquaintences. I talk to the people at the grocery and other businesses. But nobody pays much attention to me at all , I might get a hello or goodbyse but if I try any conversation it goes nowhere and I end up feeling like a complete fool.. I Feel Invisible. If I did not make a point to talk to people I think no one would talk to me at all. If I wore preppy clothes, cut my hair short and drove an suv (ok I have an suv) I think I may just dissapear in surbia. This is my theory of suburban invisibility. I don’t think anyone cares about people around here .. And I am tired of the searching for a real friend. Sometimes I just want to sit down in one place and not move and see if anyone notices .. (I will probably get arrested)
I did try lately to see a therapist .. Went into the community services center .. they made an apointment for me in 30 days (good thing I was not in crisis) Went to the apointment yesterday and it was for screening ..no help .. another apointment in 20 more days to finish the screening .. Then maybe I will get to see a therapist in another month after that. 2-3 months wait .. wow these folks really do care (sarcasm)
My only refuge has been Meditation .. since 2001 I have been studying and practicing.
I have been able to cope and keep my head on fairly straight .. not too many black thoughts, no suicidal times etc. I have fely pretty worthless at times and have wondered what the heck is wron with me ..
Sorry to bore you all with the long story .. Thanks for listening (reading) though.
I will check back from time to time. Knowing that others have some similar probvlems is a help.
I will check back from time to time .. Thanks For Listening
Suburban Invisibility
Hi! I can relate to everyone on here! I haven’t really had any friends since I was in 6th grade. and my social skills leave much to be desired. I’m 22 now, and I’m still very much alone. I have 2 friends, but they aren’t close and we rarely, if ever, do anything together. Sometimes I feel so alone that I just cry. I have depression, and having no close friends to confide in or cheer you up doesn’t help. Sometimes I feel like guy Invisible. I feel that no one really notices me, and if I try to start a conversation beyond saying “hello” or “good bye”, I’ll end up sounding like a fool. It’s too bad none of us on here can actually meet in real life. I would love to befriend each and everyone of you guys! Too bad its only the internet…Anyways, if anyone on here ever wants to talk, my AIM is superchibimoon. My Yahoo is nakayoshi.princess .
Hello, i just turned 27 years old on june 10th. I have no friends. I have 4 kids. They are my only friends. But it still gets lonely because i long to have adult friends. I can’t talk to my children like I would another adult. I have no one in my life. I feel like I just want to cry all the time. I try to sit outside and look socialable. but that does not work. I guess life is just soppose to be this way.
i just happened across this site. i was looking for a chat room.
i am married to the best person i have ever meet. we have nothing in common, this maybe why we get along so well. she is my second wife. the first was a bad idea that 2 overly young kids could have together.
i had many friends in high school. after high school those friends went their own way, i made a few new friends but, i soon lost touch with them.
now adays i find my self needing some one to talk to. my wife is wonderful, but like i said we have nothing in common. the things i’m interested doesn’t interest her a bit. if i tell her i need some one to talk to, she tells me i can talk to her. when i have tried to explane to her in the past that i need others to talk to it would end up breaking her heart.
i am not depressed, i have never had a problem with depression.
i still have a need.
i’m a 34 yrs old man. my interests include: i’m a huge movie buff, i own over 700 dvd’s, i love to read fiction, gardening takes up some of my time. i am trying to make a living at writing fiction. i also love to fly-fish, i havn’t been in over 7 years, but i still want to.
if any of you may have the same interests or just need someone to talk to drop me a line at tlbelknap@hotmail.com, i am also on myspace, but myspace is kind of a bore and i think it may be more geared towards kids.
any time,
TOM
Life is something that I will never understand, guys and gals let me tell you something, the more you do something for others the LESS they seem to care, this is what i have learned. I am a caring person and has helped so many people when they needed help but as i sit on my chair and type at 1247 am pacific time, no one gives a sh** about me, no one calls me, writes me, nothing. It angers me how people are, im sorry for being negative but i wish HELL and torture on all those people that always had help and always had someone to help them , but in the end help no one else and care for no one else.
Life is not suppose to be this way, I don’t know anymore, i sit here at 34 and very sad, and angry. I take care of my 2 folks who are old and non of my family does anything for these 2 people cept me.
I treated a person who i thought was a pal for 12 years for dennys and sometimes vegas hotels and cared but in the end no calls from him, hes just a useless motherf*****, and i wish him hell and torture.
I am a nice guy but the amount if pain and frustrations that I have just overcomes it all, i used to open the door and be so polite..no i don;t do that.
I used to always let other cars come in the lane and they never said thank you ..F&&& them, i am done being nice and will do unto others as they have done to me.
People, don’t care for those that don’t give a s*** about you, the more you give to others the less you get back and they take your kindness for granted, be yourself and just live your life.
Those of you that have a spouse or kids are very blessed, i wish i had either, but i have nothing cept 4 dogs that are the only ones that smile and care for me…..
I wish you all the best and hell and pain on all a**hols that take nice people for granted and use em!
I agree with you so much rare. Stay the way you are and I can guarantee you it will pay off. Don’t let spineless man-children and women who have “princess” syndrome get in your way EVER.
Hey everyone,
I’m just curious. How do you all deal with the terrible loneliness? I am 41 and will be 42 soon. I’m trying to lose weight and take care better care of myself. Thinking that maybe if was better looking that people would be nicer to me. It is amazing to me how much better good looking people are treated. I mean I don’t consider myself ugly, but I’m definitely not going to be on the cover of GQ any time soon. Is it all about looks? Maybe it is.
If you have any thoughts on this, please feel free to e-mail me at joshua825@gmail.com
Peace.
Josh
Hi everyone…I’m 14 yrs old and I only have 1 friend which is labeled as a loser, same as I. When I was in 1st year…the first days of school was loads of fun like I never felt before and they were even the popular ones…but one day…one of my friends stopped talking to me!, she was even hiding her face from me!!. Being curious, I asked my friend to ask ——-(girl) if she is mad at me. Then she came back and told me a horrible news…she said “yes”. I was like “HELL NO!! i DON’T WANT ANYONE MAD AT ME…NOOOOOOOOO!!!”. Then the next day…all of my friends stopped talking to me…I wondered why, then with my guts I asked one of my friends why were all of you mad at me. She said that I kept looking at ——- and said that I have crush on her! and even thought of me as a “TOMBOY!” The next day…the situation got worse and that was the start of my self-esteem running low…they even also stopped looking at me and said that I had a crush on my other friend(girl)…it was all a big misunderstanding!! I dunno why they did this to me!!(snob) and they even said that I HAVE BAD SMELL IN THE ARMPIT!! all the populars knew it!!! and they even said that I LOVE LISTENING TO OTHER PEOPLE’S STORIES!! then my grades started to get low and often embarrased when others see me the only one carrying a big bag because I have no locker. And my brother which is also one of the jerks at school has loads of friends than me and I FEEL EMBARRASED WHEN MY BROTHER’S GIRL CLASSMATES SEE ME WITHOUT A FRIEND AND TALK ABOUT BAD THINGS ABOUT ME!!! my parents don’t know about my situation and my stupid brother keeps busting me about I have no friends and my parents feeling sorry for me all the time…(sigh) AND EVEN THE OTHER SECTIONS LOOK AT ME SUSPICIOUSLY AT THE CORNER OF THEIR EYE!!(snob) Please help me!!!!!!!…..
Not much I can add to the comments here. I have never had friends or at least someone I could talk to and am 51 yrs old. As a child I was friendless, kids used to make fun of me and pick fights on the playground then later in the halls – since 1st grade. That made me tough and good at defending myself. My mother was mentally ill and told me I was a mistake and she hated me whereas my Dad worked and did not want to become her victim either, so he was distant towards my problems. HS graduation night I walked home alone, no parties and no friends. I left home at 17, joined the Navy then got several degrees when I got out. It took me a while (years) to get over the childhood negativity and feel confident with myself, but I did it. Still throughout those years friends were few and far between. Attempts to find girlfriends were even worse. So for years I went out to bars, gyms, joined clubs, churches and helped people. I was the type of guy that “helped” women, and the only thing it got me was dirty hands and a rude cold comment after I did what they wanted me to do (they knew the comments would stop me from ever contacting them again). Yea they thanked me at the time but like others here I never heard from them after helping them. This occured in a half dozen cities all over the country I had lived in – again and again.
After about a decade of that I got tired of being lonely and the negativity from women and married a girl I met in the Ukraine – via e-mail. I was extremely happy, I helped her get a education, citizenship and we traveled the country. Then one day after 6 yrs together she wrote me a “Dear John” letter saying she did not love me. She felt that way just after Graduating College and getting her citizenship. That was after she cleaned out our joint bank account. Within a week she left our home, shacked up with another guy and refused to talk to me – except through her Lawyer. I cried for 10 months straight – everyday. So I applied myself in work, getting promoted and making very good money. I still go to the gym with no one ever talking to me and the people at work are only work friendships. Since I am older bars are even more negative, if that is possible. Attempts at the Web dating services are a joke, never had a response except when I put down my salary – that was a mistake.
I have “changed” my life several times and am thinking about doing it again. Not that I expect a different result but tired of this rut I am currently in. As a child I was very depressed, now sad at times but not depressed. I am under the opinion that many people are just born to be lonely with no reason except fate, the stars, or whatever. Its like some people are born rich or poor for no reason – it just happens. Probably people have been lonely since time began, but now we can see others are just like us.
hey,
i don’t have much of a story to tell, i’m 15 years old boy, i am a sophomore in high school and i feel unloved and uncared for.. Every night since about 7th grade ive contemplated suicide. I have become a professional at putting on a face and acting like theres nothing wrong. Everyday at school i would just sit there and no one really talked to me and i didn’t talk to many people, All i did during class was look at suicide methods. the reason im still here and not gone or dead is simply fear, fear that if there is a hell that i will go to it for suicide or fear that like everyone says that its a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Ive made a promise with myself that if life doesn’t get better by the time im 18 then its probably never going to. I use to think i had friends until it dawned on me that friends aren’t suppose to abandon you during times of struggle. All the people that i considered friends now treat me like a complete stranger, and thats the only way to put it, ive come so far with the emotional pain that i simply have no emotions anymore, exept sadness, i haven’t felt happy for more then a few seconds in at least two years and my smiles are false with no emotion behind them. Last year, i was going to commit suicide but talked myself out of it, on the next day to school some girl had printed out my suicide note and gave it to one of the teachers, that turned into a shit storm and they made me go see a psychiatrist and said that i couldn’t come back until this was complete, i was so good at putting on a fake face that she didn’t find a thing wrong with me, With my arrival back at school everyone made fun of me and would not leave me alone, not many people know how that feels,how much pain you go through for people making fun of you about committing suicide. . . . So now i live my life with no emotion and i feel that there is no point, the one thing that is keeping me alive is the fear
I believe that if i came this far that i can keep on and i will try to “keep on keepin on” for as long as i can and if i do commit suicide and there is a god, then i will put in a good word for you guys because you have been a HUGE help for me, steve is not my real name but that is only because i dont want family to find this then question me and try to help me, because they can only make it worse. If you guys wanna send me an email or share your story personally with me my email is rlksk8team@gmail.com
Thank you sooooo much for listening
Jeff:
I feel what you are saying, you are a good guy and you have been screwed in this world due to your kindness, i would just be strong and keep going. I have been tring so hard for the past 8 years to run my business and have failed at it, i am not making that much money. I live with my folks because they are sick and my mom suffers from skitzo and she screams demon screams . I have decided to invest my money which i reall don’t have into a new business and hope i can make decent money.
I am going to move out of my hell hole and face my struggles in my own apartment, life belongs to us as much as the a**holes that use and abuse good people like us.
I hope all of you guys get what you dreamed off, Being mentally strong is the key, don’t ever let people destroy your inner soul.
I am almost 34 and tierd of being abused by my parents negativity and living life not on my terms. Live life on your terms, fk people that don’t care, for me my outlet is the gym and playing video games, the gym has saved my life and it has helped me with my financial problems, mentaly i am very strrong and fit.
Go join a gym and you will feel great, donate and help at the church, you see I live at home right now with 4 dogs that are hard to hand, my crazy mother will open the door and the dogrs can run away, i am changing this BS life..moving out and taking 2 dogs and going to live life on my term for once, not on everyone elses term.
I have helped so many people, hell in 92 when the streets were flooded i helped 2 70 year old couple cross the street and be safe, i have helped a lady that came into the wrong section of the freeway, i was exiting and she can in..i put my hazzards on and helped her get out…i have taken my father who falls out of bed all the time and taken him to emergency room so many times….
I have given all my life but never got back…….LIVE life on your term..no one is that special /awsome that they can just do whatever they want, you have to be strong.
I had my child aborted in 96 and I still feel like hell to this day, i have been very unlucky with money and friends……one day i will adopt a kid and he/she will be my friend……
Steve………
Do not think of suicide, as a youth i was a misfit, and outsider, i grew older and got to know myself pretty well, killing yourself is not the answer….you live life 1 time and this the only chance you have, it will never happen again.
Dont let people get you down, i never had a prom date and i was a outsider in HS, it is a bit harder at your stage of life, but you will be fine..
God bless you all and be strong!
hey everyone,
i am 20 yrs old nd alone
i nvr had a best friend, all through high schools i had friends but none of them considered me a best friend so i nvr considered them a best friend. In my junior yr of high school, my uncle sexually molested me and i had to move to another town. I met someone and i have been good friends wit her for 2 yrs now, the other day we got into a huge fight nd she nvr wants to talk to me again. now she is out wit my ex friend who she met through me. i feel so alone, i have no one to talk 2 or anything.
In my first semester at college i was raped and nvr got help for it and now i truly think its messing up my life. everyone calls me a psycho and i relle am crazy and i dk wat to do. i tried to commit sucide once but ended up in rehab for a couple of weeks. no one understands the pain that i go through, im not sayin i have the worst life or anything but i just wish someone would understand me, i wish i had a bf that loved me. i did have a bf of 2 yrs nd it was great but he broke up wit me for a 16 yr old sl*t.
i just wish i had someone to talk 2. i tried tellin my feelings to this one friend i had but she diddnt wanna be my friend anymore when i told her i thought of killin myself sometimes. i just don’t know wat to do anymore, this world would prob be better off w.o me so no one had to deal wit me or anything.
thank you tho for listening….
I’m so down tonight..
I contacted my best friend from high school and wished her a happy birthday, only to find that she’s surprised to hear from me, even though I wish her a happy b-day every year, I would consider her my “best” friend, even though we only speak about twice a year now (although we truly were best friends in high school). I always go out of my way to get her a gift and contact her on her birthday, but more than once she’s forgotten about mine. I would actually be embarrassed if she knew I still considered her to be my best friend.
The very worst part is that I found out she’s getting married – and she’s made no effort to tell me or to invite me. I always thought that she would be one of the very few guests I would invite outside of my family at my own wedding. My bf just asked me if I’m going to be a bridesmaid – ha! I would be lucky to be even invited. I’m just so hurt and embarrassed.
I am so tired of being nice to people just to get nothing in return. This happens all the time, not just with this person. I’ve concluded that I must be doing something wrong, since most people don’t seem to have my problem. Am I too nice to people? Do I come off as being needy? I don’t get it.
Hi, i just cannot believe how much i relate to the ppl on this site, and i am feeling really low again tonite because of the whole no friends thing and reading this site has actually made me feel slightly better knowing that there are people out there like me
here’s my life story in brief:
i was really popular in elementary school had lots of friends because i was funny and happy, but somehow as i went on to high school we grew apart and it was around grade 10 that i realized that i had no friends left. Then to make matters worse, i got picked on by these punk kids at the school for the stupidest reasons. By the end of high school, the funny popular happy kid was long gone.
So i decided to make new friends by going away to university, however, being picked on in high school took my self esteem away and i was so intimidated when i got to university(especially by the women) that i avoided social contact even when people ask me to join them and stuff becuase i was so scared of people, i was even afraid to walk in the hall when i heard people were out there, it was THAT pathetic
and i have an inferiority complex seeing as i am way smaller than most of the kids and was not exactly “manly”
but i still made friends and met a couple of good ppl(even though a bunch of them screwed me over, but hey i got no one so who am i to complain)
and now im 25 and i have made so much progress since those days and i got no problem talking to ppl and i am pretty well-liked by people that i meet everywhere, im still pretty funny so that helps too. BUT, the problem is, the people that i meet and would like to be friends with usually live far away from me, or they just seem to have too much of a life of their own to bother with me, i try sooo hard i seriously do, but now that im back home from university, im back in the same hole i was in when i was in high school and there just doesnt seem to be any way out
one of the things that get to me the most is that, i try to be nice, but all i get is ppl taking advantage of me, and they know i can’t do anything because i am so small in stature and i have no backup, it makes me feel like i have no balls i am such a coward and it sickens me to the bone and that people can constantly screw me and i have to take it like a bitch
not to toot my own horn but i could honestly be the chillest guy in the world if ppl just got to know me, but now that im out of school its sorta hard to get to know anyone,
it’s too bad i was so shy and low in self esteem when i first went to college, now that ive improved and i can talk to anybody now, including women, there’s no prospects, there’s no platform i can use this newfound confidence on. I always seem to do just enough for me to lose, it’s so frustrating. I am now stuck back in the same loner hole as i was in when i was high school
anyway, i just wan tto say in closing that it makes me feel better knowing that there are so many like me out there………..i too see people with pictures of their friends and wonder why that can’t be me, i too get mad seeing people that picked on me have tons of friends and i gotta see a movie alone
but my own personal philosophy is that, as long as we keep trying, keep on living our lives, sooner or later, something good is bound to happen………it has to………so fellow loners, stay strong and god be with you
dear whybother or anyone else looking for someone to talk to. i would love to listen and share my feelings with you too. i am an 18 year old female. i moved out of my house a few months ago with my boyfriend that i love very much…but he is all i have. my best friend of 5 years i still consider my best frined although she has her own group of friends that she spends all her time with and works with. it hurts me that she has not seen my new apartment..the only people that have come over are my boyfriend’s friends and my family. i have no friends whatsoever. i talk to the girls my age at work but i am too shy to ask them to hang out because i dont want them finding out that i have no friends…and i dont want them thinking im some loner that is desperate for a friend. but it hurts so much. i always think about how my birthday is coming up in august and i will have no one to celebrate it with ..and i will be lucky to have anyone call and wish me a happy birthday except for my boyfriend and family. I already ased for my birthday off at work, but why even bother? i will most likely sit home and do nothing. :( also, i get so worried that one day i will get married and have no one to be my maid of honor or help me plan the wedding. i think about this all the time and have no one to talk to about this. this is my first day off of work in a week and i was so excited to just have a lazy day and i am spending it sitting here at my computer crying and typing this instead of out shopping with some girls and having fun which i would much rather be doing if i HAD friends. i would have no life is i did not have my boyfriend.. that makes me sooo depressed its pathetic. what is wrong with me?
hi guys, like some of you, i keep coming back here to help me realize that I’m not alone. Used to have many friends, they came and went, lost touch, they moved. 26 yrs old, low self esteem, depression. Old friends are in relationships, guys friends hang with their girlfriends, girlfriends spend all their time with boyfriends, etc. My boyfriend knows how i feel, and he pushes me to go out with friends, “why dont you see so-so tonight?”, its nice that he’s encouraging but the sad fact is that if I DID have friends to go out with I would! Him wanting me to see them only makes me more depressed at the fact that I dont have ANYONE to see! Sometimes i make plans, those people often cancel last minute. My former best friend actually didnt show up at the bar we were supposed to meet at. just left me there, waited 1.5 hours for him, just didn’t show up. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this treatment. he’s the most selfish person i’ve ever met, but i keep in touch with him cause i need someone, anyone, even if all he does is talk about himself and forgets my birthday.
how sad is that?
The worse is weekends…what do you guys do on weekends?
I used to rent movies and watch them alone all the time. or paint. or visit my mother. when my girlfriends and I were single we went out every friday, i often felt out of place and unhappy, they shared their inside jokes and got drunk (i cant drink alot cause of antidepressants) but happy that at least i was doing something and out socializing. I am terrified of spending the rest of my life like this. I nearly cry when i see people downtown hanging out, talking, so naturally, so fun. And the worse thing is, there is nothing fundamentally wrong with me! Nothing! If i could have friends 5 years ago, why not now?
Do you guys ever go to movies alone, or dinner? Do you think a whole lot more people feel this way then we think? Do you think they just hide it well?
Thank you so much for listening and sharing your thoughts, as long as we have each other, we can all keep on keeping on!
I feel like im in a box and that i can’t get rid of this stigma. I use to have friends, I use to enjoy company, but a few years ago, i started to notice that i was really alone. I have heard from a couple of very old friends, who I was very close to, but they are strangers to me, I can’t see myself with them because my life is so depressing, i just want to roll up in a corner and melt. I am moving backwards.
k.a.s.:
I know all too well what you mean. My boyfriend is all that I have as well. Ever since I graduated high school (it’s been 5-6 years now), I’ve only had boyfriends as companions. Now that I am getting older (I am 24), I constantly think about who I would invite if I ever got married. I’ve even tried to convince my boyfriend (jokingly) to elope with me, so that I don’t have to worry about a wedding. There were very few periods in my post-high school life where I did not have a boyfriend and was thus alone – and let me just say that it was SO HARD, I think I cried every other day.
I really just wish I had at least ONE female friend – one that I could shop with, eat with, hang out with, call for no reason whatsoever. I used to have friends like this when I was in school. All my old friends still have friends – new and different friends – so what is wrong with me??
I know exactly what you mean by not wanting your coworkers to find out you have no friends. I would be embarrassed to let anyone into my boring and pathetic life. I wish I could just have the courage to say – “I have no friends, yeah so?” I don’t think most people even realize that this is such a huge problem for some people, but it really eats away at you and leaves you so demoralized.
I try to let my boyfriend think that I am okay with not having any friends – but deep down I am desperate for just one close friend. It really hurts and I don’t know if it will ever get better.
I too am sitting here typing alone with no friends.
I try to be nice to everyone but people just do not want to know me.
People want to hang out with others who will bolster their image. Unfortunately shy people like myself are not image boosters. That’s how transparent and shallow people have become.
i am so glad i found this website. it is crazy how much i can relate to so many of you. like someone said that they have dreams that they are with friends and i literally dream that i am with my old firends EVERY night…and i hate it. it makes me so sad to wake up in the morning and realize it was just a dream. and i can totally relate to having nothing to do on the weekends when my boyfriend hangs out with his guy friends…i know exactly how it feels. but i want him to have a social life besides me..so i sit home and do nothing after work. i wanna be friends with all of you guys. i wish u all lived close to me but u probably live accross the country or something. :( my email is schwec07@yahoo.com. feel free to email me there and maybe we can exchange numbers and text or something? i would love that. im hoping i wake up to an email tomorrow, as sad as that seems. goodnight.
ohhhh hell yah, i totally relate, especially to that girl that said she was afraid to let other potential friends know that she has no friends
i remmeber taking this 2 week course a couple of months back and i met a couple of really cool ppl there that i really wanted to keep in touch with……..and on the last day, im like trying hard to stay after the exam to get everybody’s information, it’s like we’re life long buddies or something, but i had to do it cuz i have nobody!!!………it just felt so pathetic!!!!!
oh well i got the contact information but we lost touch anyway……ppl usually have lives of their own, except me
exactly..everyone seems like they have more than enough friends that they have no room for us to let it…
i have a feeling i’ll be on this site a lot………i already spent all last nite reading through everybody’s posts
i just dont know what to do sometimes……i try so hard, everybody either lives too far or just…..somethin else
i totally relate to that other guy who said u just always seem to do jsut enough to lose…….that’s how it is with me too………….things just seem to work out just right….to screw me over……….
great guy, too far away…….another cool friend, in a serious relationship, no time for ya…and the list goes on……
hi
here’s my story
i got picked on in high school by ppl for some really retarded reasons, such as i wore the same clothes twiice or some dumb shit like that, high school was absolutely horrible for me
so i decided to go to university to try to make new friends but i was too shy and nonconfident.
but i somehow managed to make some friends, or who i thought was my friends and we decided to live together the next year
but when i came back to university after the summer, they had all decided to drop out and run off from the lease we signed without even telling me…..
so after they screwed me over for the lease, i was once again alone after i lost all the friends that i had struggled so hard to make in one fell swoop, to make matters worse, i was forced to move into this student residence off campus which was basically just a place for old students to hang out and i had to room with this overweight 40 year old who had fungus on his skin and smelled so bad people down the hall was complaining about his smell
so i dont have any friends, at home or in university, but i did go on vacation to seattle once and made a few good friends, so this past summer, i worked this dishwashing job, which if any of you have ever been a dishwasher, u know it’s the most horrible job ever, but i worked and worked all summer just so i could go back to seattle and visit and party for one week
and here’s where it gets really sad, my “friend” down there told me i could stay with him, so i bought plane tickets and i got really excited, but when i got there, i was told that he was moving and couldnt accomodate me, even though i heard that he had friends in the background partying…………..so i ended up wandering the street and staying in some really cheap hostel place for 2 days only before i got sunburned and had to fly home early, in the process, losing all my money that i worked so hard for all summer for that one week with my so called friends
and i didnt even get to see any of them!!!
right now im just so angry that i just hate everybody, honestly, my only hope in life, is for it to end quickly and painlessly……..i pray to god, if nothing good happens to me, just give me this one small favor, let me die soon and painlessly,…that’s all
where do you all live? anybody in western new york?
I posted here about six months ago. So far, not much has changed. Got railroaded out of my apartment since the kid whos’ name is on all the bills said he was moving out, and thusly I had to as well (couldnt afford the whole rent anyway). I moved out and a week later came by to get the last of my shit and hes got a high school buddy of his living in my room, before my lease was even up. Thank god I didnt leave anythig important in there, since it all got thrown out. The kid was always a POS and I didnt consider him a friend, and I guess I shouldnt be so shocked that he turned into a bullshit artist. Now I’m living with my mom and grandfather. She drinks about a quarter liter of vodka a day, he cant remember shit that happened 30 seconds ago. I picked up smoking again and honestly dont feel too bad about it.
Worked my ass off in school and finished the year with a 3.4, and 0 new friends. Paid a visit to a new “friends” house back in Feb. and his first words were, :You’re not gonna stay too long, are you?” Just turned around and left. I’ve gotten so angry towards people that I honestly dont give a F about how they view me anymore. For the first time in my life, I told a homeless person how I felt about giving them money. Haven’t been out any change since. During a college voting thing, I was approached four times on the way to lunch and finally told the last two people that all they were doing was perpetuating the lie of democracy. I was told “dont be a jerk”, I told them not to be so smallminded. They were the ones being snide when I didnt immediately side with them and kiss their asses (the whole debate was over a 7 dollar charge). I seriously dont care anymore.
Had a friend visit me from my last college, and we had some fun. We were both busy but we spent two entire days together, catching up, walking around, drinking beer. I’m glad I have at least one true friend, even though he’s halfway across the country and I have no idea when we’ll see each other again.
Basically I realized during these past six months that while I do have friends, I’m not really too keen on starting any new friendships with the kind of people I’ve got around me, and the kind of life I’ve got right now. I think we can all agree that in the modern Western world, we are killing ourselves as a society. We have no culture to bring us together other than this GD internet and TV. Men and women have no idea what their roles in society and ever their own families are anymore, thanks to feminism and affirmative action. In the state I’m in, there are 10 year olds shooting heroin since theres really nothing better to do. Right now I’m reading Patrick Buchanan’s The Death of the West, and it was opened my eyes wider than any self-help BS or counselor ever could. I see the problems I have suspected all along have been the biggest factors in creating this confusing, pointless mess of a world we’re in today. I’m not a fan of politics as you may have guessed, and I’m not even much of a Christian, but I highly recommend this book to all of you who want answers as to why its’ so difficult to find anything meaningful in a land where we have everything.
PS – Dont read Dale Carnegie. His books were written in the early 1930s and none of the tactics he recommends apply anymore. Try Les Giblin’s How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, since it was written later, albeit before the internet but still in the beginning of the technological age.
lonely girl:
if your ever on here again..i can totally relate to you & would love to talk.
-katie
Also bella:
if your ever on here again id love to talk. i read your thinking about getting a cat to keep you company while your boyfriend isnt home, and thats exactly what I did and its not the same as a human being to spend time with and talk to but it definately helps!
sorry for all the posts everyone
yeah im lonely, i talk to people as aquaintances but nothing else, im 17 and had a major falling out with a kid who like tried to be a “leader” and i eventually got to being friends with him when the relationship was on the rocks with the girl like a year later.. who btw was intro. bc of me and that lasted like 3 months and now im at least friends with the girl again who is overall pretty nice to me… but no matter what i do i always feel lonely, even when i did have friends, a lot of girls that went pretty goo goo over me. that was when i was younger but still. And now im 17 and my ex is a little younger than me and makes me feel like shit bc shes gone down a road or gone thorugh a drug phase and im always there for her and tlak to her every day and im friends with some of her family even and yet she doesnt put me on her myspace… and im wondering if shes embarrassed by me or something and if so thats shallow as hell but can any girls help me with this? why wldnt she put me on, itd make me feel so much better, and i wld take her down the shore just me and her and stuff
but if she doesnt im just gonna feel used for my car bc im gettn my license and a car in a couple of weeks thanks for your input those of you who can help
btw if anyone has aim im me im bored as shit haha my s/n got suspended its riviello67
and yeah i can relate to everything everyone has said for the most part… like trying not to let possible friends know that i dont have too many.. im actually pretty good at that at school though. there was one person who said something and i dont know where it is on here but i cldnt really relate to but other than that everyone seems to be in the same boat.. i think a lot of america or even the world is.. either fucked up on somethn’ or mentally fucked up bc they dont have anyone.. i guess itll get better in colelge or something o well i dont really care as i may be getting a recording deal doing an m knight shamalan movie yeauh thanks for anyones input btw on the fprevious post.
hi i am a loner as well and i just like to say this
i think a lot of it has to do with circumstances and luck, even though we are all partially to blame for our own situations
seriously, anybody who is successful in any aspect of life has to have at least a bit of luck on their side…anybody who goes on with the cliches, life is what you make it and u decide everything are just generally ppl who have got it good and don’t know what it’s like to be in our shoes, and people who have been LUCKY enough to meet the right ppl
Sure you have to be more proactive and meet the right ppl, but u have to be lucky enough to be in the same place and to be in a the right situation to even have a chance to make those things happen
ppl who are lucky enough to have friends like to sit on their high horse and criticize ppl like us as if we’re such losers and some sorta deviants because we havent been as fortunate as them and i don’t think it’s fair because most of these ppl can never walk a mile in our shoes and not shoot themselves in the face
seriously, i see ppl who are shy as hell have plenty of friends, ppl who are pricks have plenty of friends, and ppl who are good and cool have next to none,
we do have to less self defeatist, but a lot of it has to do with luck and circumstances as well, im sure most of us on here, if not then all of us here, could have friends if only given that one break, meet that one person, land that one good job, meet that one special someone in some place
we just need to catch that break, and a lot of us just havent been able to get that break ……..and real life, unlike in the movies , doesn’t always have a happy ending
the most we could do is just keep on living, like one person said on here, and hope that someday, we’ll catch a break, god knows it’s long overdue for most of us
tmrzo, I don’t know why but every time i click your email it freezes my computer…odd =\
and yes, im back..again on this site. My life has kinda (a little) boosted with being social. I get invited to parties and to hang out but sometimes I feel like they do that when they are bored and have no one better to hang with..but whatever. I just hate being so damn shy. Not that long ago I saw a very cute boy while i was in a neighborhood helping an old friend out. I was walking outside and He caught my attention by saying hello to me from a far and once i saw him..i couldnt stop staring. he was gorgeous. I smiled, he smiled…I wanted to say hello but could not. I was too shy. Next time I saw him outside he said hello to me and this time i said hello too…but I couldnt make myself go further in the conversation so i walked on. He would stare at me and I could tell he thought i was pretty by the way he stared and smiled but I never did anything of it. Now i havent seen him since and because I wont be back in that town until late july…i doubt i’ll ever see him again. I cant stop kicking myself right now…I just want to be normal. I just want to be able to talk to strangers comfortably and be myself. I hate being this way. I need help…being shy is keeping me from meeting people. I need people in my life..i am thirsting for new people but I just push them away….
i meant to spell your name..Trzmo. lol sorry about that.
In high school, I thought I had the best friends anyone could have in the world. We hung out 24/7, talked about everything, we did everything together. Ask anyone who knows me, and they most likely will describe me as happy, perky, smiles all the time. Yeah, that’s basically how much they all know about me. Then halfway through college one of my Best Friends from high school stole my credit card info. and used it to buy his GF lavish gifts. This was one of the many disappoint in my life. I never felt so betrayed, and I didn’t want anything to do with any of my friends from that circle ever again. I had tons of friends in college so I tried to forget about it. The following year I was extremely depressed gained 30 lbs by binge eating, and decided to study abroad in dublin, hoping to clarify myself, relax, get away from all the fake people. Wrong. I went with my freshmen year roommate, who I thought was a really good friend. And this was the last time I trusted. Eventually, I found myself in the worst friendship of my life, she was verbally abusive, a very jealous girl. She felt the need to constantly put me down in front of our male counterparts. So I continued to solve the problem by eating. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and by the end of my study abroad experience in dublin we had ended our friendship. During my senior year in college I had been able to make it seem like I had tons of friends and was always busy. But I mainly found myself in the dorm, sitting on my computer, feeling lonely all the time. I had a really nice roommate, she may call me her Best Friend. But ever since my past experiences, I can’t connect with anyone. I can’t open up. I wish I could trust people, but now I’m always worrying about how they may hurt me, and whether or not they really like me. This summer I am the loneliest Ive ever been. I just started an internship, but I feel like im already not fitting in. People annoy me now. And they all seem fake now. Where are the good people who don’t take advantage of their friends? Bc that’s what I need right now. My eyes hurt from crying of boredom from being alone all the time.
Hi, I am a 25 yr old and i have gone through all the bullshit that has been talked about on this board,
university, no friends, high school no friends,
currently no friends and no prospects for friends, unemployed, no gf, never had one, never had a girl close to wanting me except on some email chat room cuz i have no confidence nor should i have any seeing as i look like im 12 yrs old and i am short ugly and skinny
going absolutely nowhere in any aspect of life ……nothing to look forward to except death
my solution is to all this is that i just dont give a fuck anymore,
i’ve tried and tried and tried it seems i never get a break
so i am going to try my best to get a job, save money, then im flying away to some far away city to start up fresh
it’ll be like i was reborn,
i deleted facebook and msn, nobody msgs me anyway, i have to msg all these ppl all the time trying to get different ppl to come out and i never get no responses back…….so fuck everybody as far as im concerned
im basically going to try to wipe the slate clean and start up fresh and pretend like all this bullshit never happened………and i suggest to all the ppl out there who feel as hopeless as me to do the same…….ppl have their friends from high school and university, and when you fuck those up, what do u do, ur doomed???…….as far as im concerned im done, there’s nothing for me where i am
MOVE AWAY TO A NEW PLACE WHERE NO ONE KNOWS YOU AND START NEW PPL!!, IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO GO……..get away from the negative energy that has gotten you where u are today, do it while u still can!!
I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I contacted a very distant “friend” that I know through someone else (person I posted about previously – the one that did not invite me to her wedding – to perhaps find something out). I was just making small talk, and she takes forever to respond to me with obligatory one-worded responses, and then finally says “I need to go. I have things to do.” And signed off. I feel like I was teetering on the edge of an abyss and she just pushed me off.
I have read many of your posts. I also do not have a friend and sadly, I don’t think I will ever be able to have many friends because of my personality. Although I am nice, kind, caring, and giving, I think that people don’t really care about that in a friend. People who make friends easily are those who are either talented at some sport, humorous, interesting, attractive, or very sociable. I was born shy, and kind of socially awkward. It’s so depressing because I don’t think I could change what god has given me. *cries* Why couldn’t I have been born naturally funny, or attractive…or sociable…or anything?? I guess that’s why it’s so hard for me to make a new friend. No one wants a boring, useless person as a friend. Sigh, I guess life’s not fair. Those people who are attractive, humorous (or possess any of those qualities listed above) just don’t know how lucky they are. I’ve been given nothing. so there’s really not much to lose if i disappear from this world..
xceed
hon i am def interesting and definitely funny, and i STILL got no friends….it’s all about just being living your life being strong, and hopefully one day, u’ll meet somebody, you just havent had that opportunity to meet those ppl yet……..neither have i, all we can really do is hope………oneof these days, somethings gotta go your way………don’t give up
just rememeber, shy ppl have friends, and the biggest pricks in the world have friends…….it’s not about personality so much as it’s about circumstances and luck
how long can a person go on having bad luck for right??? something’s gotta go right some day
i am like most of you,
like i seriously get so jealous of others that i wish them dead
when i see their facebook pics of happiness
i can’t even have facebook anymore because i see too much of other ppl’s happiness and it makes me feel so bad
im constantly reminded of what a failure i am
Here I am, back again – but with a different purpose in mind :)
If anyone is still managing to read through all of these posts, you might have noticed that I posted about a dream I had, something I wanted to build (https://leeiwan.wordpress.com/2006/06/23/what-happens-when-we-have-no-friends/#comment-40709). Well, I’m building it! (though not in France, as originally planned :P)
I thought to my self “I have a way to help people. I have a *duty* to help, and I know I can make a difference to people”. So, after a bit of planning, and a lot of phone calls and research, I have started the ball rolling towards making a difference in my life, and helping to change the lives of others (maybe even *you*!)
Now, however, I need your help to do it – 1 man and his wife can only do so much, and we sure can’t build a community with no people in it.
So, do you want to change the world? More importantly, do you want to change your world? If you didn’t, you probably wouldn’t be here.
Check out my new website at http://www.ecoactuality.com/ and join me. My concept of a better world may not work for everyone, but it just might be right for you, so check it out and let me know if you are interested.
Any questions, just email me: malgor@thedarknesscomes.com
I really hope that things get better for everyone here, and that you can all find some hope to hold on to.
Take care,
Malgor
I moved to USA a while ago, while growing in an upper class town I acquired a lot prejudices about the American kids during high school (everything I heard about was doing plans about drinking, partying, and getting stoned during the weekends). I know there are great sane people out there but I was so scared of getting along with the wrong people that I isolated myself. Now I am starting college and I still don’t talk to a lot of people nor have friends even though college is a partial different experience. I don’t define having fun as doing the aforementioned things, these are some things that I will not adapt to simply because they seem to be part of a negative common rule in a very superficial society. I am not religious at all but I respect my body, am I too conservative? Usually the people that I get along the best with are other foreigners, perhaps they too suffer from some sort of culture shock and have a hard time adapting but I simply don’t notice it. So how do I have fun? I like science and robotics, making electronic music, learning languages, and reading. I know I can make some friends by joining some clubs but considering my interests I would probably be seen as a geek. Perhaps I got a serious problem with stereotypes and I haven’t gotten over it. How can I be myself in this country!? Some advise would be awesome!
Arecibo – I am not from this country either, but I’ve been here for almost 2 decades so I an pretty much accustomed to things here, but sometimes I still feel like an outsider because I don’t really have friends. What I can tell you is that not everyone is the same – I hesitate to say that college kids are mature and grounded than high school kids, but you are more likely to find people like yourself in college. You don’t seem to have a problem communicating in English – which I think is probably the hardest part about befriending foreigners in my opinion. So I think you should just be yourself, you might find that not everyone is superficial or stuck up.
You say that you don’t want to join clubs because you don’t want to be seen as a geek. Well, you just have to stop caring about what people see you as. Everyone was pretty friendly where I went to college, nobody was really ostracized for being ‘geeky’. If somebody doesn’t want to hang out with you because you are into robotics or something, you probably shouldn’t waste any energy worrying about it. But in my experience, there were some pretty ‘geeky’ people who had a lot of ‘non-geeky’ friends.
I am 24 and have zero friends. My boyfriend is my entire social life. We go out to eat, we watch movies, we shop, we take walks. It must be a lot of burden for him to bear. He is the only one that I can confide in, but I can’t tell him everything. I used to have friends, so I can say that boyfriends do NOT fill the void of friends.
There are apparently lots of people like me out there, so WHO are you and WHY can’t we find each other in real life? Sometimes life is unbearable without friends.
I am a normal person with the same hopes and dreams as everyone else. I would just like to share these with friends.
hi, i much like many of you have no friends, and i am 25 years old and i dont see any way out of this
but it’s the darndest thing, everywhere i’ve gone in life, ppl have commented on how funny i am, like literally everybody always tells me how funny i am…..
and then i thought to myself…….don’t funny ppl usually HAVE friends??? from what i can see, funny ppl usually have lots of friends
so how is it that i am sitting here, at this point in my life, with no friends, and i can’t get a girl???
and that’s really the most tragic part of all, is the fact that, girls, friends, a decent job, a happy life……..all these things could’ve been had, and should’ve been had……..and yet here i am
i’ve come to the conclusion that some ppl are just born losers, and i am one of these born losers, no matter where i go, what i do, somehow some way, i’ll end up losing
my only hope in life now is that god just shows some mercy on me and send me to hell now and go find himself another fucktoy other than me
A big HI to all of u.I also dont hv any frnds.Somehow I also am good to the point of being marvellous to people but they dont respond or sometimes they misunderstand my words,actions and intentions.I really relate to the gal in linkin park-numb.I hv also been rejected by a guy who I thought cared 4 me. But I go on with life thinking tht after rejection only there can be a REBOUND. still life cant be that bad bcoz somehow we hV each other.2 know that there r others like me gives a lot of hope.So CHEERS 2 all of ya.And CHEERS to our attitude.YIPPEE,YAHOO.
I am a 34 year old married mom of two kids and have not had any friends for several years. I had lots of friends up through college. It seems that our social life evaporated after all of our friends graduated from college/graduate school. My ex-husband was VERY outgoing and I am more reserved so for years I just kind of rode on his coat-tails post college. He was the one who would invite other couples over for dinner and set up parties etc. at our house. For years, my friendlessness really really really bothered me. I felt so horrible about myself for it. I couldn’t believe I was in my late 20’s and then 30’s with no friends. I had thoughts ranging from “I must have some obvious mental disorder that other people see and avoid” to “I must have really bad Karma” to “I must be a total dork or social boob.” It drove me crazy because I kept thinking how I’ve always thought of myself as pretty normal but here I am with no friends. Anyway, after several years of feeling guilty and ashamed, I just kind of grew tired of the issue. Also, I started meditating and delving more into my spiritual life and so used the friendlessness situation to practice acceptance and living in the Now. Anyway, the end result of that acceptance is this new found clarity and understanding that being friendless is very very common these days. Once I started opening up to people about it, I found out that so many people are in the same boat. For example, my second husband is the coolest guy ever. He had traveled around the world for 2 years after graduate school. He worked all these cool odd jobs to support himself. He went on tour with the Grateful Dead back in the late 80’s. He skis, kayaks, rocks climbs etc. and has lived in some of the coolest places in the US. He’s really into music and could talk for hours and hours with someone about it. He has a graduate degree in Biology and is an all around interesting, funny, and intelligent guy. No friends either. Well, one or two but he hardly talks to them anymore. All his friendships evaporated and he is left at 35 without friends. Also, take his parents. His dad is a surgeon and has lived in the same town for 20 years. He’s a really interesting guy with a library full of books he’s read. His mom is this big hearted eccentric woman who used to be an interior designer . No friends either. Not one that I know of. They just have us and his 2 brothers. They say they just grew tired of “keeping up appearances” and don’t have the energy anymore to socialize. It’s like they are just tired of people. My parents don’t have many real friends and they have lived in the same town for 15 years. My mom says she really only has two friends and she is VERY involved in her church. She also said that she knows several people that say the same thing at her church…nobody socializes there and everyone is too busy. I talked to my older brother about it. He said he’s just too busy to make friends with people now that he’s married with 3 kids. He said it takes too much work to get to know other people. He just wants to be with his family. Anyway, I guess I realized that I’m really not the freak that I was beginning to think. I see now that it is VERY common these days. Just look at all of the posts here. There is even a book about it called “Bowling Alone.” I guess we no longer live in the world of the 1950’s with the neighborhood parties/grill-outs, the Bowling League, the neighborhood church, the corner store, the deli, the civic groups etc. where people laid down roots and got to know each other. So take heart everybody….we are not freaks, losers, or pathetic. We are just the victim of circumstances (okay and maybe some of our own devices). Here’s some advice that helped me…..Maybe you could try to connect with whatever source of spirituality you have or at least seek it out. That Divine energy does exist and it can help to heal your pain at this difficult time. You could start with reading Eckhardt Tolle’s book The Power of Now and use the loneliness as a time of spiritual growth. Also, I suggest any of Deepak Chopra’s books. He is so wise. Please take comfort and know that there are many many of us in the same boat with you!!
Wow! This thread has been going on a long time! I am 40 and have no friends. I have learned some things over the years, though, and it is interesting. First of all, you can tell if you are an introvert (and I don’t like that word – ugh!) if being around people takes a lot of energy away from you. Extroverts draw their energy from others. It is just how it is and it may make life more tolerable to know, understand and except that.
Second, I found out through going on classmates.com that there were actually people in my school who liked me! (OK, they were guys – not other girls – so maybe it doesn’t count) I was almost a complete loner. I am actually a very witty person, but for some reason, only in prime conditions. But, it was funny to find out that quite a few men that I interacted with on the site some 20 years later after high school actually wanted to date me but never dared ask. So, here I went thinking I’m a fly on the wall and unattractive when actually I heard comments later that I seemed like I had it all together and didn’t need anything or anyone. Well, that must be my fault.
I also have come to accept that I’d rather be in a room full of men than chatting away with another woman. I guess that the shallow chitchat just isn’t my thing. Maybe some of you wonderful people are deep wells like me and would rather have deep meaningful conversations that actually accomplish something. Maybe you are a task-oriented person like me.
I do want to have at least a couple of close bosom-buddies to do things with – I think! Sometimes I think through of what it would mean to have to maintain such relationships and think maybe I don’t want to bother. But, I’m going to work at it in the coming weeks. I did find a wonderful older couple that I just fell in “love” with and we had such deep conversation all evening long. They may not stay in the area, though, so I don’t know how that’s going to work out. But, I won’t be one to just befriend the first person to come along. Seeing that it takes time and effort, I am going to choose them wisely.
I am a 27 yrs old female. I have always had friends, not too many close friends. Im more of the introverted type of person. I talk to many people about things, but not things within my personal life because of mistrust. I’ve had some friends whom I thought were close to me, but when I got sick and needed someone to talk to they all have seemed to turn there backs on me. Now I feel I dont have anyone to talk too. I’ve always been there for my so-called friends without even asking questions. Just gave a ear to talk, a shoulder to cry on and encouraging words. When the tides turned and I needed them they dont even answer my calls, return my text messages. Nothing. I dont have the type of close knit family. I feel all alone facing a unknown illness that is almost preventing me from working.
The saddist part of it all is that I am a very nice person who cares alot about people. I have always put other peoples needs before mine. I feel as if I dont exsist and free falling into the world of depression. I just wish one of my friends would at least take the time to see or ask how I am doing. Just be there for me emotionally. Give me some encouraging words. Uplift my spirits. I love to laugh. I laugh at some of the corniest things ever. Its one of the best medicines.
Now I feel my heart is begining to harden because of this. Its making me bitter. I dont want to be that way, but I cant fathom how people can be so cruel and hit people when they are down. Everyone needs friends. Good friends, but Im learning everyone is not worthy of having good uncondtional friends.
The cold, hard truth that is evident through all these posts is that we live in a fallen, sinful world where people are naturally concerned about themselves most of all and what would best serve them. This is why when we have a problem, are sick, are down and out, many people head the other way or ignore us. Of course, not everyone is like that, but in general, that is the world in which we live. We also are concerned about #1 when we care more about what people think of us or are too scared to embarrass ourselves, etc.
Don’t let bitterness take root in your spirit. It will prove to eat you alive from the inside out. You can make a concerted effort not to be bitter by focusing only the things that are good, lovely, worthy of praise – even when it is outside of yourself.
When you see others “hanging out” and chatting with a group full of friends, know that they have struggles, too. They are just a different kind of personality that operates a different way. Their problems may be totally different from yours, but remember, they are the ones with more contacts with people and therefore may have a lot of “people problems!” Jealousy, backbiting, gossip, stabbing ‘friends’ behind their backs, distrust, taking advantage of, etc. etc. You just may not see that part. This is partly why they may talk so much, do you think?? A lot of gossip to spread around. Try not to envy them for their “friends.” Sure, some may be really true, but it is not the majority of cases by reading some of your posts.
If you are a true introvert, you will never be like that – unless you are good at acting, but you know it can’t truly last if you are not true to yourself. Who would want that? Be okay with that and enjoy who you are. Maybe you lived in such a dysfunctional situation as to never have had the chance to figure out what you really like or what you COULD be good at. Try something new and remember that things take practice and good teaching to excel. I see many of you are excellent writers. I tend to think that the most intriguing writers are loners. Bless the world with your gift.
If you feel that you are absolutely good for nothing, worthless, ugly, insane, etc. you are not going to like what I type here, but you are choosing to believe a lie. The Lord God Almighty DOES have a plan for your life. You can choose to let your aimlessness or feelings of worthlessness either separate yourself more from Him OR make you run to Him. He says, “You will find Me, if you search for Me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:13. You say in your heart right now, “Yeah, sure, I tried that and it doesn’t work” We live in an instant society for the most part. Too impatient. HE has already given His life for you on the cross and rose again. He did His part. He knows and understands your feelings of loneliness as His best friends deserted Him, too. God’s already done it all, now search for Him with ALL your heart. Don’t give up. You will find Him in His Word, the Bible. That’s why He left it for us. It is the only living book, so don’t open it without asking Him in Jesus’ Name to open your eyes to see Him and know Him. I did and found that He truly in all sense of the word, is my Best Friend. I will continue to accept the kind of person He made me to be and try to improve the things that can be improved and continue to wait and see how He answers my prayers for a good, TRUE friend.
Hi everyone! I used to come here quite often and post under different names describing different circumstances of being lonely, ignored, left out, broken hearted, etc. I came back to let everyone know that I am doing great these days. I made the choice that if ever I am invited to ANYTHING, I will NEVER say no. Because of this attitude change on my part, I now belong to a book club, a bunco group, and I have a blog with 20 friends on it. I never feel lonely any more. I know that getting to the point where you would be invited to things is hard, but put yourself out there and be around people and eventually you will be invited and NEVER say no. I know how it feels to be lonely and sad. I have been through the depths of lonliness and I blamed everyone but myself. I think the previous poster is exactly right. We live in an inward turned world where everyone just thinks about themselves but all that means for us is that we have to try harder and put ourselves out there even more. I am confident that eventually everyone here can overcome their lonliness. Do not fear rejection and each time you are hurt from putting yourself out there, learn from that and do something different next time. Good luck to everyone and I hope you can all find yourselves in a different place in your lives soon. I did.
Hi my names Jamie and this is my story……I’m 16 when i moved from the city to the country when i was 11 it was easy to make new friends at my new school (since there were only 6 girls in the whole grade i was in). So from 11 till 15 my life was great, I had a group of friends, i went to parties, dances, and even had a few boyfriends. but most of it all started at the end of grade seven when a new girl named Ashley came to are school, she was the social kind of person who knew a lot of people. She introduced me to this guy named Joey, we became boyfriend and girlfriend he was my first real relationship, but he wasn’t perfect. He smoked a lot of pot actually his whole family supported this habit and his brother was a drug dealer, I myself was all new to this i have never seen pot in my life or knew anyone that did it. I didn’t care though i was really falling for this guy even though he smoked pot he was a good boyfriend and cared for me, after a month of going out i made the stupid decision of losing my virginity at 13 to him, and about a week later he dumped me. I was heart broken, actually depressed for months it took awile it’s probably why i started smoking pot at the beginning of grade 8 at this point though i still had friends my grade 8 year was actually fun alot of hanging out with people like Ashley and I became best friends with a girl named Tristan we hung out all the time.At this time also another guy came to are school named Zack. Tristan, Zack, and I and another guy named Kyle would be hanging out most of the summer at Zacks house…….we were all pot heads by now.Tristan and I would sneak out my window at night and walk to zacks place we would smoke pot watch movies sometimes have a little to much fun. After awile i had a reputation for being a slut which i didn’t like…and made my self-es stem go pretty low.
Tristan and I went into high school together the whole year Zack would have huge parties in his garage that the druggies went to. People did esetasy, cocaine, and drank alcohol. i never got into anything hard i’ve only drank, smoked weed and did mushrooms once well as my grade 9 year went by less and less people went to those parties and eventually Tristan didn’t want to hang there anymore..she had found a new group of people…..and left me behind with only the memories of what good times we had now i don’t have anyone ……………….i always feel upset thinking my life can be so much better
i just don’t know what to do
to ‘this bird says’,
my god what u wrote sounded exacly like my life, same age, same circumstance. its unbelievable how this situation just happens and i have no idea how or how to get out of it. bf is currently out with friends and i’m sittin in my pj’s alone as usual…feels great :S
i’m from melbourne, aus….u?
ncarolinanow, thanks for the encouraging words. I defiantly took heed to them. There are good people still in this world. I am going to be fine. I have our Lord and Savior on my side and he is always going to look out for me and everyone else. I believe the true test of a person is how they handle adversity. So far I’ve had my ups and downs with mine, but Im a work in progress. Thanks once again and may God Bless and continue to bless you.
anyone here from Ca?
Understanding2U, I’m glad that you are encouraged! Yes, we are all a work in progress, as you said. I’ve handled ups and downs in all kinds of ways….to both extremes. I’ve been married to a man who struggles with binge drinking for 20 years. He may not drink for years or months, then WHAM! we must deal with it again. When it first happened and he came home late and drunk, I’d throw his plate of food at him when he finally came home! Yeah, THAT really worked to change him! I saw that that did nothing, so the next time I greeted him pleasurably and basically pretended it didn’t exist – more of the same… Of course, this is just a form of manipulation on my part to try to change him, when anyone who knows an alcoholic knows that there’s absolutely nothing you can do to change the person. But, as a result, we’ve moved a total of (yes) 39 times in the past 20 years and I may be stronger on some things, but mostly I am pretty well wore out by now. Like you, I have been physically dealing with some health problems. The tests all say I have systemic Lupus.
So, honey, I say these things to let you and everyone else know that I’ve been through my share of junk, too. Here is an illustration that you may appreciate. I believe the Lord gave this to me during a very hard time when our four children and I were living with my parents for several months. They were ages 7, 6, 5 and 4 at the time. I was studying (just for my own good) gardening – reading a primer on it – and the illustration came to me that just like compost – which is essentially well-rotted scraps, garbage, refuse and dung, these things which are considered undesirable, smelly (which may turn people away), and completely revolting – if given enough time, the proper balance of bacteria, bugs, worms, aeration, etc. CAN TRULY become the most glorious, precious, valuable means to grow the most beautiful, award-winning, desirable flowers, fruits, and vibrant vegetables that you could ever have.
Isn’t that great HOPE? Some of the most terrible, heart-wrenching experiences can make your life (but YOU are in control with how you let it “sit” in your heart) a rich, valuable, full-of-fruit life. Try reading books about real people like that. I think of a woman named Doris Van Stone. The book is called, “Dori, a Girl Nobody Loved”. I personally saw this woman give a seminar. Incredible! And PROOF that when life gives you crap, you CAN be beautiful! You can find it at http://www.christianbook.com.
So, I know that you are struggling with bitterness, I do at times, too. It is only natural, but we are called to live super-naturally. Pull it out by the roots with God’s help and ask Him to let the junk turn into something wonderful!
P.S. I laugh at the most weird things, too. My kids, who are all now teenagers think I’m pretty funny.
Oh, I just looked on that website and found that there are a lot of the kind of books that would really relate to ALL of you here. WOW! Look up the book I told you about and then see the related books near the bottom, ’cause some of you are guys. WELL worth the cheap price they are! Enrich your life! http://www.christianbook.com
OK, for all you lonely teens out there – don’t let the day go by without checking out Dave Pelzer’s story. I won’t spill the beans for you. Just look up “The Privilege of Youth” A teenager’s story of longing for acceptance and friendship. Sound like you?
Also, his book, “Help Yourself” BYE! :)
I’m 17 years old, and very lonely… all I have is my family, music, and my dog. I haven’t made friends since 7th grade, but it was such an awkward time that I just pushed everyone away and let my friendships go because I was embarrased of myself with my ocd and my appearance because I was much taller than my friends and was already starting to develop while everyone else still looked like they were five. I had a best friend, but since last year, we’ve drifted a lot because she had frineds other than me and flaunted it, making me feel inferior and I felt like I didn;t have anything to say to her. I know I’m pretty, that’s not the issue, but I just CAN’T talk I don’t know why. I wish I could be the fun outgoing girl, but instead I just sit there with my mouth sealed. People look at me like I’m some kind of mystery when really I just want them to approach me so I can feel comfortable enough to talk to them. I’m going to be a senior in the fall and don’t want to face another school year without friends. I’m really depressed and I feel even worse when my older sister tells me about what she’s doing or goes out with her friends. I just don’t get why I have to be like this. I’ve never had a boyfriend, but I want one… I don’t want to die alone.
On facebook I have 298 friends. Yet, I spend every weekend alone. I was always there for my friends, yet when I got down on myself they weren’t there for me. I dont understand why I am so easy to ignore and shun. I feel I am a nice person. I can meet girls and they usually like me but when they realize that I have no social life, they usually take off. Girls don’t want a guy with no friends. It demonstrates low social value. So…not having friends extends to not having girlfriends. Not having friends makes it harder to enjoy myself at work. Not having friends is going to ruin me on a number of levels. The thing is I am in a small town. Everyone sees my car parked outside my moms every weekend and I am sure they snicker to themselves due to the fact that I am not out having fun like the rest of them are. Every friend I have ever had has left me. I am unlikable I guess. I have even introduced people to each other and now those people are good friends together and never call me. Its enough to drive me insane. I have even considered paying someone to kill me. Its the hardest thing in the world when ones “good friends” dont ever call. People I have known since high school (I’m 32 now) have even shunned me. I have no one. I have to lie everyday at work and make up stories about how I spent my weekend due to the shame of saying that “yet again I have done nothing this weekend”. I hate myself because of this. I cant even talk about it anymore. Thanks for listening.
SEASUL5, my situation is pretty much like yours; I’m 18 years old, and I find it really hard to talk to people, I never know what to say to them and I’m always afraid of they not liking me. I have friends and we go out and do stuff together, but I hardly talk about my feelings or say what I really think to them, causes it’s hard for me to trust people, and like you, I’ve never had a boyfriend.
I think you should talk to your sister; tell her exactly how you feel. I know you may be ashamed of talking about your situation, but she might be able to help you cause she knows you and cares about you and is also a young person.
You should begin by not caring about what other might think of you, I know it’s hard, but the person whose opinion should matter the most to you is yourself. After all, you are the person you’ll spend the most time with. Ask your sister if she could take you out with her sometime, and just have fun and try to be yourself, as hard as that might seem to be. Good luck!
I relate to every single posting. Today I was crying to myself saying how lonely and homesick I am. I am alone in this huge city. Why? My family is overseas and I only get to talk to them over the phone. But I always have to sound happy so they won’t notice my sadness.
I had very close friends in college, who i still talk to on a daily basis. I moved and had to leave those friendships behind. In my new place, I made ‘social friends’. Then ones you only call or talk to when it’s time to party, but they never call you on your Bithday or invite to their house for thanksgiving. So I decided that I don’t need those friends.
I had one other good friend that I would hangout with but she decided to make excuses and break dates. So I let that friendship go.
I am 28 and this is the loneliest i’ve felt in a long time. I just want someone to go watch a movie with or have lunch. I don’t need a boyfriend to replace my loneliness. I just want to be happy and have a reason to live other than exist. I keep praying for things to change. I hope they will.
hey i relate to all these things, im an 18 yr old male and have ablolutely no friends. All throughout highschool i had no “real friends”. then slowly i just started to hang out with nobody at all. It sucks i just dont understand it. Im more depressed than ive ever been, i dont do anything all day but stay home. Ive never had a girlfriend. Everytime im around people i get the feeling that they just dont want me around. Its been this way most of my life from elementary to highschool. In highschool it felt as though everybody thought that i thought i was better than them, but i didnt. Sometimes i just wanna cry, or maybe even kiil myself. Im not hideous or anything im an average looking guy but never had any real connections with anybody. I saw people with their group pictures and social cliques all throughout highschool and i envied them so much. I pray for death every day, im so pathetic. I hide my feelings from my family, i act like i dont care about anything but really i just need a friend. Ive lost all my social skills i cant talk to girls anymore, i cant even talk to people anymore.
Of course i relate compeltely. I am now 32 years old and moved to North Jersey in December from NY State. When i moved down here, a coworker promised me that she would show me around and introduce me to her friends. We have not hung out once. I am desperately lonely. I am a nice, pretty and intelligent girl and i have met some guys of course. but i need friends. I Desperately need friends. I cannot hold in all my feelings and emotions anymore. i find myself telling personal things to my coworkers in need for an outlet to speak. and i know i shouldn’t talk about such things in the office. It seems like my soul is ripping apart in despair. If there is anyone in North Jersey who can email me… pls do. rstorey@iesltd.com. pls don’t block my email address.
i know what its like, feeling like you’ve been lost all your life
i got a symbol for the word ghost tatooed to my arm awhile back :P
it felt appropriate since ive always felt like an outsider, even as a kid
its defined me
i grew up in so much isolation that its become a way of life,
& a sad one at that
i had to move back home because i was suicidal
and now the only person ive ever (pathetically) been close to, my mother, has got cancer again and it isnt looking good
i feel so worn out with everything
maybe i have no reason to complain, ive done it to myself afterall
but it hasnt been a good life
heres my msn if anyone wants to really communicate:
alex_burnell@hotmail.com
also, in regards to the top, changes in America’s social networks
let me just say that this is what comes of material progress in my layman’s opinion
family matters less, friends matter less, technology insulates us to an insane degree
all those old systems spurned by our new abundant way of life, things we thought we didnt need anymore, like spirituality, concerete extended families units, basic decencies like generosity & compassion, its all coming to bite us back in the ass these days doesnt it seem so?
every day there seems to be some new toll from self indulgent lifestyles, posioned food, staggering inflation, gas out of sight, prospects of new wars & crusades, massive unemployment
is it all just business as usual?
I would like to say I have no friends.
Im an 18 year old female and I’ve never had any. The only friend and boyfriend I ever had was my online boyfriend who broke up with me 6 months ago. We were together for 5 months. I became too clingy and he hung out with his friends more. I couldnt let go, and i still can’t. It got to the point where he threatned legal charges and my psychiatrist and therapist have advised me not to talk to him. He blocked me a few weeks ago and that’s the last I ever heard.
It’s so crippling to me, it’s the only thing I ever had in my life, I got in a car accident a month ago because I couldnt stop thinking about it, he told me everything we had was a lie (which I don tknow whethe ror not to believe) and that he wasnt attracted to me so I dont know how to gauge my attractiveness now) and I havent driven since then. I know I have to again but Im so scared. It’s always on my mind. Everything reminds me of him. I care about him so much but he doesnt about me. I dont know what to do about my future. we were gonna meet in fall but cant now because I have to take a class at my local college. Ive taken classes there before and the kids arent anything like me.
He was only the person who ever understood me and I cry as I type this that I dont know what to do. IW ant to see him in the future but I Dont know how. Im so afraid and Im so alone. I would love some help and companionship.
thanks for listening
If anyone woul like to talk to me you can contact me at
saphronsazzle on yahoo
IceQueenieScully on AIM
fearful.symmetry on MSN/hotmail (thought I dont use that particular messenger much)
P.S. Whoever said anything about adopting children overseas, I have been thinking about that a lot lately. That or artifical insemnation. I don tknow how I could work it out though exaclty. I am a virgin but I would love to be a mother and feel I have a purpose in life.
its like im living through some of you people, im in high school now and it seems like i lost all of my friends from b4 (whether they still go 2 school with me or not) and cant make new ones. im shy, but i’ve always been that way and used to have alot of friends. it’d just be nice to hav a couple of friends to call up and do stuff instead of just sitting in my room, listening to my family keep whispering about how i hav no friends
hey everyone
if anyone wants to talk or something email me summer_in_hawaii08@yahoo.com because i feel the same way as most of you. :/
Hey all. I have spent the last two years of my life on a few high notes and some of the lowest lows I have ever experienced. I got together with my girlfriend two years ago, and thats where it all went downhill. I was pressured by her to forget about all my old friends because they were “not cool”. I listened to her and started ignoring everyone I knew and even pressured my mom into homeschooling me my senior year instead of going back to normal high school. I didnt really have big regrets for a while, until a little over a year ago. Now, she becomes very moody and yells at me alot and makes me feel bad about myself. I am not the type of person that tries to argue or put people down. I rather take the punishment and move on. I only have her now, and when she is not mad (which is rarely ever now) shes the only person I have. I feel so incredibly lonely now. I am the most depressed I have ever been. Very often I break down in tears (especially when going to bed) and think of thoughts of suicide. I have searched many ways to commit suicide but when I went to complete it I never had enough nerve to do it. I know most people would say just break up with her and move on, but for one I truely love her. No matter how much she hurts me I still love her. And secondly, shes the only one I have and I have lost all confidence to talk meet new people. I used to be so outgoing and have alot of friends, i was even the nice guy at school who would hangout with anyone and was very popular. That has all left me. Now I am incredibly sad, lonely, and wish I would fall asleep and never wake up. I am about to start attending school at a university and possibly I could meet a friend. One friend who understood what I feel would be the most amazing feeling I could ever hope for. I read what alot of people had to say here, and all I could do was cry and wish I could be there and befriend all of you. I wish people like you guys were around me.
Hi I, much like a lot of you, have no friends……i was popular in elementary school, but then when i went to high school i got picked on and lost all my confidence and my friends as well.
so i went away to university and i was too afraid to talk to ppl to make a lot of friends, i still managed to make a couple of friends who eventually screwed me over (disssappeared and ran off on the lease that we had signed for a house)
so now i am back home in the same exact situation that i was in before, living the same pathetic life i had in high school and i can’t stand it
because honestly, despite suffering a lot of emotional anguish in university, the experience made me socially a lot better…..however, now that i am back home, i have nothing once again, no prospects for anything……
now many of you are probably thinking that i should just go out, but the thing is, i only have 2 friends, neither of which are very good friends by any stretch of the imagination, i only get to see them once a month and to be quite honest, i dont even like either one of them.
i am socially a lot better now but i have no prospects in which to show off these newfound social skills………i took a class and i made tons of friends there but they all lived really far away from me and we eventually just lost touch no matter how hard i tried to stay in touch with them.
i just got a new job and much to my dismay, everybody there was 40+ years old……
i think for me that’s the most frustrating part, all these things, friends, girls, a life…..could be had…….and should be had, but it just seems that things just work out against me no matter what i did and i always do just enough to lose.
i am so unlucky it is unbelievable, i know ppl who can meet really cool ppl without making any effort……….and then for some reason, it is unbelievably hard, almost impossible for me to meet anyone cool……i just dont know why god hates me so much
i think many of you are like me, it’s not that you dont have social skills, u do, but there are no prospects and ur just not lucky enough to meet the right ppl for u and find urselves in the right circumstance like some of the luckier folks..most of whom probably arent half as cool as we are, but are just plain lucky
i really hope this ends soon as it is an awful way to live, …………well let me correct that, it’s not even really living…………i dont know what it’s like to be alive…….one day i hope i will wake up in the morning and actually be glad to be awake
Hi everyone,
I posted again here a month or so ago, but the post was held for moderation until today, so you all might have missed it. Please, put https://leeiwan.wordpress.com/2006/06/23/what-happens-when-we-have-no-friends/#comment-40842 in your address bar, or scroll up until you see my name, and read it.
I really think that, if we are willing to work together and make some changes, we can change our lives (and the lives of others). From reading these posts, it seems that many of you, like me, are genuine, honest, and nice people. People who want to help others, but are being beaten down by repeatedly being used and abused by those few ‘friends’ you do manage to gather.
Well, I am tired of being a square peg in a round hole, so to speak – so I have decided to get my tools out and make a decent square hole! Please, take the time to read my last post, and visit my new website (click my name at the top of this post), and sign up on my site’s forum. Even if you don’t think that what I am trying to do will suit you, at least give the forum a go – you cannot make friends if you don’t try to meet people.
Hopefully, for some of you – those of you who have had enough, and are really willing to make a change to improve you lives – hitting my site and signing up wll be the first step on a road to a new, and better, life!
See you there!
-Malgor
Hello.
Like most of you, I’m a pretty lonely person, turned 20 a few months ago. I can count the number of friends I have had in my life on one hand. Currently, the only person I have for company is my sister’s boyfriend. He’s a great guy but its just a strange situation to be in and it doesn’t feel organic. I’ve never even been on a date and I have no real friends of my own.
I hoped things would get better once I got to college, and predictably they didn’t. Hung out with my roommates for a short time, things turned sour, and we dispersed on poor terms. Another short term acquaintance with a girl from my study group turned out to be unfruitful. Depressingly, even when just the two of us hung out it felt like I was a thrid wheel. I tried to inject my own personal histories or whatever into conversations whenever she would prattle on about her famous uncle who was a German Airfoce commander or whatever. Y’know, keep things interesting, but I guess people just don’t want to hear about my pathetic, small town, po-dunk childhood. Not like I can blame them.
I’m a smart guy. I’m double majoring in both Music Performance and Biology, and I’m getting a good GPA. I’m a pretty good looking guy, albeit frighteningly thin thanks to my sky-high metabolism. I have honestly tried to make friends and extend my hand to people, tried to be confident, but for some reason everyone seems dissinterested in my friendship. I try to keep positive but it gets harder every day.
Nah, I don’t expect you to read all this crap. I just needed to get it off my chest. I think I’ll bring my guitar to the beach today. Maybe someone will care enough to say hello.
hey OM, you sound like a nice interesting guy,
feel free to chat with me anytime, I’d be willing to listen. I posted all my messenger info a few posts up.
I am turning 21 today and I have been telling people that I don’t want a big party because I’m too busy with work. The real reason is that I have nobody to invite to a party. I will only get well wishes from family tomorrow and nobody else in the world will remember me and my birthday. (Even my family forgot one year except my parents)
I feel so pathetic. I only have one friend who isn’t a very good friend. She lives an hour away. We see each other less than five times a year. I live with my boyfriend, who is really my ex boyfriend but we haven’t actually talked about breaking up, but we essentially have, this place is small so we share a bed, which is horrible.
I had a lot of trouble with friends after primary school. Ended up with less and less friends until I had to leave school in year 11.
I just wish I could invite some people over and we could celebrate my birthday. I haven’t been able to celebrate it since I was a kid. I will be alone tonight, instead of being surrounded by friends like most other 21 year olds.
Don’t know what to do. I try my hardest to ignore my lack of friends, but on days like your 21st birthday, where everyone asks and asks about what I am doing to celebrate, it just really gets me down.
Happy Birthday Alexi! I am sorry that you’re going to spend your 21st birthday alone. I am turning 21 in December and wouldn’t be surprised if I am alone on that day. But I will do everything I can to not make it a miserable day. I have no friends except for 1 kid I still talk to who I went to school with but on very rare occasions I actually see him. I hope my 21st birthday isn’t like my 18th birthday. It was a horrible and depressing birthday, I got into argument with my mom because she was nagging to take me out to eat but I didn’t want to because I had already ate, and I didn’t want to spend my 18th birthday with her because every day of my life I see her and have to deal with her annoyances. So I went out alone and walked through the streets of the Bronx, feeling depressed and sorry for myself. I bought myself a sweater and a few shirts’s so that I could at least feel like I did something that day. I thought to myself if these people in the store or in the street only knew it was my 18th birthday and saw how I was spending it, would they wish me a happy birthday or laugh at me for being so pathetic. The sad reality was that it was kind of pathetic and something to feel sorry for. I don’t like to think about that day but I sure won’t ever forget my 18th birthday. Hopefully my 21st coming up this December will be a joyful one.
Thank you Eddie. I hope your 21st isn’t lonely in December. Nobody should have to spend their birthday as miserable as most of us seem to.
Today I know I will get the obligatory family gathering, where they will hassle me about things. I just wish I had a party to go to. I moved out of home in April, I haven’t had anyone through that door except me, my parents, and my ex. My parents don’t talk to my ex because of a big argument, so it really is just me and him. I see my parents when I’m working as they are part of my business that we run, we’re on really good terms, shame I can’t even have them over for dinner.
What I would love is somebody to talk to. To go places with. To share things with. A good friend, somebody who is there for me and me for them. I have always been a good friend.
I hope everybody here finds somebody to talk to, to share their thoughts with and sometimes it’s good to be able to listen to somebody else. I wish we weren’t all over the place. I’m in Australia, feels very far away.
Alexi, I would like to wish you a very, very happy birthday. I know your feelings and others who come here oh so well. I wish I had people in my life to do things with, people who understand me and accept me for who I am. Unfortunately right now I dont and it does bother me, but there are some things I can change. I’ve decieded to start doing the things I have wanted to. I might have to do them alone, but I refuse to live my life sheltered up just yurning for some friends who obviously arent my friends to come around. Im taking charge because we are the ones who are accountable for our lives. I dont want to say, should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. My advice to everyone here is to do what makes you happy and be yourself.
Alexi
Happy 21st birthday. its not fair that you feel that way on a birthday that should be fun and happy. if you ever want to talk you can just email me. i posted my email a few posts up. i see that u wrote you are in australia. i always wanted to see that place. email me and we can talk if you want. :)
Happy (slightsly belated) birthday Alexi!
I know how you feel about bad birthdays – all I can say is try to remain positive, and try to do something special for yourself on your birthday for the future.
I’ve just had my 30th birthday, and, like all the others, it was just another day for me. My wife tried hard to make the day special, but I didn’t even receive cards from most of my family, and I didn’t see anyone. None of the few friends and associates I have ever remember when it is. Lol, I got more ‘happy birthday’s as automated emails from web forums than I did from real people!
Thing is, I have never had any real friends, and have always been ‘the weird kid’ who was in to computers and stuff. So, for me, birthdays when growing up were either embarrassing forced social affairs with lots of people I didn’t like, and who didn’t like me – or were uncomfortable family affairs, which usually ended in an argument, and always felt like everyone was there through some sense of ‘duty’. Or, many times, we were on holiday, so pretty much nothing happened for my birthday.
This meant that I grew to dread birthdays, and avoid them. When I became an adult, I placed no value whatsoever on my birthday. I would just avoid celebrating it, if my wife would let me! :)
But I have to say: don’t let that be you. You are special, and you need to keep that in your mind. It doesn’t matter if other people see it, it is what is in you that matters – and celebrating the day you came in to this world is important!
You have no friends, through choice, circumstance, or fate, but that doesn’t matter – the worth of a man (or woman, in this case) cannot measured by the friends they keep, unless they have some. So the value of a ‘loner’ exists only in how they see themselves. So, choose to be someone special!
I know you are in a crappy situation right now, but try to lift yourself above it. Try to find a way out, but also, every day, find a reason to smile. Is the weather nice? Smile about it. See a cute kid at the store? Smile. Suddenly remember the words to a song you haven’t heard since you were a kid? There’s another smile.
There is magic in everything, if you choose to look for it – and the world can become a better place if you see the magic in things. Sure, it won’t fix your situation, or bring you more friends, but it will help you get by, and may help guide you to a better place.
Next year, if you are in a similar situation on your birthday, take some time to yourself, and light a candle in a dark room. Write a list of the things you have done and achieved in your life, and burn it, telling yourself that this is a measure of who you are, and that these achievements, however small, are important. Even if only you know them, they each changed the world. Promise that you will continue to build on these achievements – write down some things you want to do in the coming year, and put it somewhere safe. A little ritual like this will mark your day as special, even if it is only you who experiences it :)
Good luck for the future, and I hope you are feeling brighter today!
Take care
-Malgor
malgor@thedarknesscomes.com
I am 21 and I work as a freelancer for a gaming company. I spend all my time working inside my house, without any real interaction( i only get out of the house to buy food and such). Sometimes i just talk to imaginary friends( yeah, i’m 21 and i have imaginary friends) and I walk like a tiger in a cage talking to myself and imagining stuff .
Wow, how do I begin? I have no job, no friends, no boyfriend and I barely leave the house. I rely on my hobbies to keep me happy, and I talk to imaginary friends inside my head. I also have crushes on fictional characters. Pathetic, I know. I’ve come to ignore my loneliness and even enjoy my strange solitude, but every so often the facade comes crashing down and I can’t believe my eyes. I have to start trying to make friends, once and for all. But I’m afraid that if I try talking to someone, they’ll think I’m being creepy.
And, oh please, it is so lame to read some of these comments talking about how LONELY they are and how they have NO ONE, but then turn around and spoil it by mentioning a significant other. Urgh. You actually think that counts? Get off of your cross, geez.
I’d love to know someone, anyone.
Late reply, but Rene, I dont know if you still read here, but if you do, please put up your MSN contact? Id love to have someone to speak with with whom I can be open about social shortcomings.
Ive been seeing a couple of girls and seeing friends more, but Im still the awkward eprson I was before inside and I ave no one to talk to about what I really feel for fear of being ridiculed…
brooke do you have msn or aim?
I am not surprised to find so many others in a similar situation as mine. I am from India, where I did not have so few friends. but after I moved to the US for grad school, I seem to have lost all friends. Nobody seems to like me here. People atleast used to like me in India, but here, everybody seems to hate me even though I have always been helpful and polite and smiling all the time. One of my roommates said I sometimes go into a shell when I suddenly lose all my cheer. Maybe this is when people start to hate me. But this happens only bcos of my loneliness. I have no idea what to do right now. I used to have a lot of hobbies like writing and cartooning. but now I have lost interest in everything. the only things I do are my studies and part-time job. On the weekends, I tend to go near crazy bcos of boredom, but theres nobody to help me.
I also never had/do not have a girlfriend
Nice to see I’m not alone on this.
Also guilty of having no friends, both due to the fact that I’m exceedingly shy and I hate people in general. Seems like the only way to be popular to act like a loud, extroverted jerk. Humanity just plain disgusts me sometimes, and I’ve found that most people have no problems lashing out at those human beings who don’t want to interact with society. It’s depressing, to say the least.
Any time I did make friends in my childhood, they moved away. Just my luck.
I posted back on June 11th .. stll hangin on .. no luck seeing a therapist yet .. they are still trying to place me with one. Each apointment so far has been to do paperwork or to analyze my past involvement with drugs and alcohol.
Now things are turning for the worst. On July 5 my wife went into the emergency room .. she wasa shaky, disoriented and unable to speak correctly or coherently and her motor skills were severly impaired. We have been married almost 30 years.
She had been taking several medications for Depression & Bi Polar disorder. IF YOU TAKE LITHIUM THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT SO TAKE NOTE. The theraputic dose of Lithium is very close to the Toxic dose. Minor things such as other drugs taken (especially pain killers), dehydration etc can cause you to become toxic.
Her kidneys had slowed thier function causing the Lithium to back up in her system causing it to be at a toxic level. This poisioning caused her to have several strokes and seizures. She went into a persistive vegitative state. She became totally unresponsive and while the body was alive the brain was not functioning. Three weeks later she Passed Away. Now I am not only without friends but I have lost the only supporting person in my life. IF YOU CURRNETLY TAKE LITHIUM ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO PUT YOU ON SOME OTHER SAFER MEDS!!
I am trying to maintain some type of normalcy .. I have to work or I will loose my job, my home etc. But I am really having a tough time inside ..
Hoping to be around to post in the near future ..
Suburban Invisibility
When we’re all alone and everything’s dried up, this is the time we should really try finding out who we really are, what we’re passionate about and and what we can see ourselves doing in life. I’m 28. I’ve had health issues for the past few years.. to the point where I even think my depression may have caused them. I’ve lost almost all of my social ties and my life is one bad dream. I’ve only left my parents house 10-15 times in the past 2 years. Extended family doesn’t undersand, I’m talked about.. it’s just a downward spiral of anxiety and loneliness and feeling like everyone looks at me as if I have 3 eyes. I’m thinking of maybe joining the navy. It’s not being in the navy that would bring me happiness, it’s the fact that I’d have a purpose. I’d be held accountable. I’d be connected to something much bigger than myself, and be forced to improve. Maybe something like this is all we need… to join something bigger than ourselves and be surrounded by others. The adventure comes in knowing our lives can then lead off in any direction. Nothing is expected of us except to just be there and listen to instruction. I can’t keep laying around playing video games and expecting things to happen for me. Moving somewhere far away is out of the question, because I’d still be alone and starting from scratch. I now understand why a lot of people join the service. It’s a good option for people like us who need a kick in the butt to get going. Presently I see no reason to work and have money considering my social life dried up and my friends all moved on and settled down. I think there will be many more people like us suffering in this country because we’re all too individualistic. As another poster said, nobody stays in one place.. careers, jobs, etc.. everyone just moves from one place to another and never sticks around longer than 5-6 years. I’d like to live in a place where a community is just that, a community.. when we have that, we have one of the best things this life can give.
I wish all of you luck out there in discovering and realizing your hopes and dreams for the future. This period in our lives does not have to be permanent, and these negative feelings we have are an indication that we need to try something new to get our human needs fulfilled.
I’m 28, I don’t know what happened but. I’ve always been distant from people. But I had some friends in highschool after that they we started failing apart. One remained a good friend we did things still once i a while. He seemed like a loner like me who didnt mix well with others. But he spend so long working overseas now we hardly speak anymore.
I do have a sense of humour, but I know know if i’m capable of hurting people feelings pretty easily, this stems from the “mind games” we used to play on each other in highschool, mind games in terms of how well you can muck with people emotions, ie make them feel embarrased or hurt their feelings, generally with really bad jokes. Unfortuantely, I did not realise other not from that highschool did no appreciate these mind games, for example @ my new highscrool, and Uni. After failing ill and taking a short time off I grew distant from already distant uni friends.
It took me a while to realize what was happening. 5 years!!! But then before I knew it and stopped these mind games I finished uni.. and did so many contract jobs that I hardly got to know the people around me.
I’ve also had trouble with girls due to low self esteem.. For example some girl asked me out, I refused because i felt they was going to prank me. Then I had nasty incidents with pimples later on. That didnt help..
I’ve asked girls out myself but got rejected.
Back in 2002. I started chatting online.. After getting to know a few girls.. they pushed really hard for a relationship most of them within 1-2 months of knowing them.. and i told them I wasn’t ready yet.. Don’t know maybe all those mind games in high school screwed my emotion up, I didnt really feel anything for them either??, In the end they felt I wasn’t going to make the commitments so they all stop talking to me. After that I stopped chatting up girls online.
Now with my closest friend gone overseas to work for god knows how long, I was planning to join him.. That was when I was tired of all these contract jobs.. But hes made his own new friends there, and I spoke to him less and less now. About 1.5 years ago he came back for a while. But he coudnt find his line of work here so he went off again. Now I ended up in a permanet position..
What am I going to say to people at work, girls online(if I ever go back on), girls @ work.. What I did on the weekend, or avo? Write music, watched tv? Code?. These are all solo activities.
Some people at work seem to choose to ignore me. I probably would like to get involved in some sport activities there but thats hardly a start..
Me again, Anyone who wants a chat about anything whoever you are talk to me at riojones@gmail.com
Note I rarely check this email.. So if I dont respond then i probalby havn’t check it yet.
Me again X 3. I think there are lots of people out there who have issues socializing..
I’ve only been to several friends birthday parties in my life.. you can count them on two hands..
One of which I was the only person who turned up.. and I didnt know the birthday boy that well anyway. Well atleast I made a difference.. Would have have been really demoralizing for him if no-one showed up at all ^^ dear me..
I guess it woudnt hurt getting to know people better by being the one asking a work college to have lunch together.
Like many here, I have no friends. My story’s similar to many here and it’s no fun writing it all down. I stumbled upon this site after googling “no friends”.
I hate to say this but for some reason it’s comforting hearing that other people are going through the same kind of crap. It helps me feel like I’m not alone but at the same time it also makes me feel like a bad person, since I’m comforted by someone else’s misery.
Alright now stop crying and do something. seriously. the whole world is filled with phoniness so just fake it the same as everyone else does!! lie/cheat/steal beg/steal/borrow you’ll make plenty of friends woo
ihatepeoplelikeyou_hotmail.com
hi
compared to most of you out here, i’m a little better off. i had a few good friends in school who i’m still in touch with, and though it took a while, i found some good poeple in college too.
but there’ve been a lot of periods in my life where i’ve wondered how good my friends really are, or just wanted to be alone for weekends at a stretch. i’m essentially a loner.
some advice: don’t try and make friends. i mean, don’t seek out people to be friends with or have a need for friends.
try and do stuff that makes you happy – watching tv, reading books, playing sports. be a self-sufficient person, find joy in your own activities, and in being alone. be at peace with yourself, don’t reach out for others to solve your problems.
when you need to, ask people for stuff, or help – small stuff – tv guides, books, a football. over time you’ll start to be familiar with people with whom you share hobbies. maybe you’ll go out for movies or food after gym or whatever.
asking someone if they’re having coffee after work is a simple and clear invitation to get to know you. if that person doesn’t like you… well you tried, move on. on the whole, everyone likes making new friends.
the important thing is – don’t go around NEEDING a friend.
have your shit together and be happy for your own sake. then let friendship happen if it does. you shouldn’t wait for someone to come along and make your life worth living.
p.s. nowadays i spend way too much time getting up at noon and surfing the web till 4 am in my hostel room, looking for god knows what. if anyone needs a pen pal – my add is aedh_wishes@yahoo.com
All of us can relate, and we all want to do something about it. we all want friends, so why dont we all be each others friends. I’m sure in your own areas theres many people like you/me. What would you guys think if I started up a website for anybody looking for friends, where we could post events/our stories/ etc etc. and that way none of you would have to be embaressed because anyone that you hang out with would be in the same situation you are. the fact that i have no friends makes me laugh now because its such a funny thought. saying it out loud just sounds like a joke to me. but please if you think what i came up with is a good idea email me at otabiei@aol.com.
Kind of a weird site for such confessions. But I guess it helps people to get a weight off their shoulder by telling all this stuff about themselves. I don’t know whether or not it helps, but anyway, here’s my story:
I have the idea that I’m lonely sometimes. Right now I am 17 years old, yet I have had this feeling since I was 11, if not even younger. I don’t know why. Before I turned 12, I really didn’t care about stuff. I talked to someone now and then, but I was mostly just watching television, playing videogames or making homework. At some point, however, this changed.
After going to my new school, I really only had one friend who also happend to come from my old school. He was exactly like me: he had nobody to talk to. So we just sat there.
Me and my friend were bullied for atleast two years. It was at that point that we finally came in a class with no bullies. It was there where started talking with other people. My friend, though just as shy as me, initiated these friendships. Over time, we had a group of about six people. Even then however, these people would visit eachother, have parties etc, only I never joined them. I guess I was too shy to ask whether I could come too.
During all this time, I did something terrible. I kept changing my own personality. I thought that maybe people wouldn’t bully me anymore if I behaved like a machoman, only to be bullied more. So I thought that maybe people would like me if I behaved like a really nice open-minded guy, but it only made me a pushover. And so forth, I kept adapting other personalities. I did this for atleast three years. I never made any friends like this. But the worst of all is that I have lost track of my own personality. I simply have no own personality anymore, I lost it in time.
Looking back on those events, I realise it is just stupid what I have done and tried. One should live their life for themselves, and not for others. Who cares if I don’t have friends and never will have? It is my life, I will amuse myself….. what I just wrote is what I have been telling myself the past few weeks. But it just doesn’t work. I feel this unending loneliness inside me, and it’s too great to simply ignore.
Reading the posts of so many other people who share my problem gives me a relief. I am not alone. It is good to know that.
Though one should not bother too much with relationships. It may sound harsh, even impossible, but one should simply focus on what they enjoy in life. For example, if you like videogames, but people think you’re an even bigger nerd because of that, who cares? Go design videogames or whatever you want. It is your life. Whether you’re a rockstar or a pushover, it is your life. Live it to the fullest.
Right now, I am focussing on things that I like. And it helps me forget my loneliness. Heck, ever since I have forced myself to be nonchalant about other people, I have actually become much closer to some people I know from my school.
I hope for all of us that we will find friends in time. Though do not make making friends a lifegoal. Other people are not important. This life is about YOU. It’s YOUR game.
Strength to all of you. Let us fight this beast called ‘loneliness.’ Remember, the good guys always win. And the good guys, are WE.
Me again Part 4:
Its meltdown at work as the bombshells goes off that I have no friend. More people have decided to ignore me, and pay me little respect, like talking over me.
Don’t know why its bugging me more now..
Maybe I’ve been spending alot of time thinking about my situation.. and what I want and how I should be and that kind of crap. All this kind of stuff are in my deep mindset and I bascially need to convince myself to change my current set of principles with ones.. weird.. Never been to a pychologist before, nor has it ever been suggest to me by anyone before. Though the idea currently is going through my head.. I have not found any good reason why I need to see a pychologist?
I usually keep it all under wraps.. I like keeping people distant. Latest example is refused the buy me a beer offer drink from my boss twice. I think he still has little respect for me @ the moment.
I do have those blackhole trigger words (which I dont even know which words myself until they are spoken). Which I would go cold on any conversation immediately as they are not something I would like to discuss, I feel this has to got to do with my stance is of telling the truth. I have been happy to tell others that I did nothing on the weekend.
But at the moment since the bombs have already gone off.. It doesn’t really matter.
I am sometimes slightly depressed I think most recently.. Never been sucidal..
Maybe it bugs me because when people speak to you one day and the ignore you on other days.
or I guess as I get older now.. Maybe thats bugging me now.
I’ve got an uncle thats in a similar situation to me.. he married @ 45 to my aunty who also has never been married b4..
Both my parents I guess are quite unsocial, my late mother. Since we move to another country she had no friends. Neither did my father though my father, though he chats online alot now.
Genetic???? I also got a cousin whos was a reculse like me.. His parents contributed to it by not letting him play with anyone dumber than him..
I actaully haven’t kept in touch with him since he moved interstate.. I feel like the family blacksheep
Baaahh Bahhhh Bahhhh..
In response to Problem SOlver there are already website out there that address this.. A large forum that lets you to me other reclusive people and deal with your issues, meet people.. I checked it out briefly but saw no reason to take part or read any of the articles.. So as you can see still am not intersested in it.. And “speaking from experience..” alot of other people would hardly care for that stuff either.. If we’d all care everyone would be posting their email address up and go contact me today.
Oh one other thing you dont need friends to have relationship with the opposite sex.. Sometimes if you get a little respect thans thats the start.. that is what I realize…
Just be honest with that special someone when the questions come.. if your nature is true, you treat them well, and you are ready for that commitment.. then anything is possible.
Sometimes i feel like there is no one else like me, but obviously i was wrong. I’m 25 years old and and never had a friend my whole life. I’m not weird looking nor fat. In fact i’m quite fit and girls have tried talking to me, but like many of you, I’m societally awkward. I never know what to talk about. I got nothing to relate to them. I feel like im not worthy enough, smart enough, or funny enough to attain people’s friendship. I’m afraid that if people got to know me they will see me for the loser that i am.
I find it funny though, we can live for so long and never finding others who are as lonely as we are, but yet i find some many like me on this post. I’m sure that if i met you guys in real life, we would become good friends, because i truly understand the loneliness and despair of having no friends.
Trzmo,
funny..i havent checked this site in such a long time (well…feels like it anyways) and I just read your post. I did message you though through email…not sure if you got it or not. I dont exactly feel comfortable posting my msn email on here or anything too personal for that matter. But, yeah, if you got my email (which was a while ago) then i’d be more than happy to talk to you that way. :)
What hurts me the most is living with knowledge that I am a lovely, kind, caring, funny, sweet person and yet nobody is in recognition of that. I haven’t had a single friend since the day I started primary school and I loved “pathetic souls” post because I could really identify with it. The only “friends” I have in high school are the idiots I hang around with and the only reason I hang around with them is so that I won’t be alone. These “friends” are thick, stupid and ignorant. (“All Indian people are Pak!s and bomb everything.”) How is it that repulsive, ignorant, stupid people manage to find friends when I cannot?
The past few years of my life have been hell. I have sunk so low and become so depressed that I feel I can no longer function properly. I can’t talk to my parents about it because they’ll get angry at me and then try to encourage me to join some stupid activity course or seek psycholgical help or something. I can’t talk to my friends about it because I have no friends. I often feel completely worthless, helpless, in a constant state of despair… I can’t even describe it. After my dad has said goodnight to me, I put my head under the duvet and the tears instantly come leaking out. I feel that if I actually did “take my own life” a few people might notice and it might be on the news, but a few months later everybody would forget about me and continue living their lives as if nothing ever happened. I wish their was a way of dropping right off this planet without hurting the feelings of others (I’m scared that my mother or father will blame themselves for my death.) I really need somebody to cry to and I know that this sounds absolutely pathetic and I bet hundreds of people are laughing at this right now but I need somebody who will hold me. Somebody who I can confide in and talk to and cry to. I think I just need somebody who will listen and respond because they’re able to because they’re going through this right now, too. I’m not trying to gain attention because I hate attention, so please don’t accuse me of being an attention-seeking teenager. I just want to talk to somebody about this before I sink so low that I go, literally, mental in the head.
I often find myself clicking onto other people’s MySpace profiles and looking through all of their pictures where they’re having a great time with their friends and I feel more lonely than ever. I always think, “Wow. Wouldn’t it be great to have friends?” I look at pictures of them and I never feel jealous or angry, I just feel extremely depressed and melancholy. I’m fourteen years old and I feel that these are the days that should be the happiest days of my life. I should be genuinely happy, bursting with energy and spending every day of my summer holiday with my friends on the beach or shopping or something. The reality could not be more different. Every morning I wake up and don’t bother getting dressed or having breakfast. I just log onto the internet and aimlessly surf through Google until my mother comes into my room and tells me to get dressed. While I’m getting dressed, I’ll see people outside going somewhere with their friends. I’ll hide behind the curtain and watch them (yes, I know this sounds horrible and strange but I’m just interested.) On the rare occasions when I bother to sign into MSN, I’ll observe how my “friends” and classmates have messages on their MSN name such as “OMG! TONIGHT WAS AMAZING! SO TIRED NOW THOUGH!” and “Cnt wait for tomorrow! Gonna b so gud!” and I’ll sit and stare at their names, trying to work out what is wrong with me and why I was never invited to whatever social event they are referring to. In the end, I’ll end up making up the names of people and putting my MSN name as something ridiculous like, “Fantastic day! So exhausted now though! Lucinda, Mallory and Paviki, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. Love you, girls!” Sadly and pathetically, Lucina, Mallory and Paiviki don’t even exist and I only wrote that foul message on my name to give the (false) impression to my classmates that I actually have friends. I don’t know why I feel inclined to do such a creepy, ridiculous thing just to preserve my reputation as the “cheerful and eccentric” girl from school but I do and I don’t know why.
This problem with feeling alone is that you wake up and it’s right THERE in front of you. It’s not something you can avoid or forget about or laugh about. You wake up every morning of your life and it stares at you in the face for the rest of the day, right up until the moment where your head hits the pillow and you gradually drift into sleep. When you look out of the window, it’s there. When you log onto MySpace, FaceBook or Bebo and see that your “friends list” contains over 100 “friends”, none of whom are your real friends, it’s there. When you think about life and the future, it’s there.
It amazes me how all the idiots and imbeciles manage to make friends, go to parties, have fun, live life to the limit and be genuinely happy with their surroundings and who they are while all the strange, clever ones have it the hard way, cry about it, think about it, wake up + have to face it and have to do internet searches with the words “I Have No Friends” in the Google search box at 1:00 in the morning. Funny, that.
You are young you still have good chances, Nijntje. Maybe change highschools and start a new life. Maybe tell people you werent fitting in and wanted to get away from it all.
Uni/colledge will give you another chance, and same thing would be moving in with flatmates who are complete strangers…
i totally agree with u nijntje..when i was reading your say i kept saying that u r actually describing my own feelings and the same actions..omg its da same things that hurt me that having all these friends on the msn and facebook but none of them r next to me none is realy a friend and seeing all those ppl out wz their friends kinda makes me pity maself more and more..but its kinda relief to have someone sharing da same feelings and actions..like u say da most that hurts is to wake up everyday knowing that’s another day of being LONELY..!
I spent most of my life working.Working in an arcade for over 10 yrs 8am to mid nite 6 days a week.Then nearly 17 yrs as a police a police officer average 115 hrs weekly.Now I am 55 and moved to a new town.Married with 3 teen boys.My wife works at 7pm until 630am,then sleeps all day to 5 pm 4 days a week.I know no one here and I have absolutely no friends.Not even ones I could call on the phone.I have spent most of my life by myself and I am ready for a relationship.I have said to my wife numerous times we spend no time together either.She has friends where she works and I am isolated down at the end of a dead end street with no car and no money I can add so much more.I am lonely.If you have any ideas please e-mail me.Thanx
Thankyou for the two comments I recently received in response to my post – it’s so lovely and comforting (and a relief!) to hear advice and comments from people who are going through what I, and thousands of others, are going through too. Like every childhood summer, I have spent this one alone, holed up in my bedroom with nothing but coffee and a laptop as my trusty companions (not forgetting the hardly eventful and occasional visits from my mother asking me if I want beans or peas with my sausages and chips.) I know this may sound ridiculous but I’m actually starting to see the amusing side of having no friends to speak of. We don’t have to try to impress our friends, we don’t have to make that much of an effort, we don’t have to pretend to be someone we’re totally not, we aren’t influenced by the stupid decisions our friends make and we don’t have to suffer from peer pressure or whatever “pressures” are discussed by those laughably serious teenage magazines (usually regarding smoking pot, having sex and excessive alcohol consumption – none of which apply to me because hey, guess what! I have no friends!) I would, of course, like to talk to others who feel as pathetically hopeless, socially inadequate and worthless as I do because perhaps I would then have at least one friend who I have something in common with. Whenever I log onto this site, what amazes me is how extremely intelligent, interesting and cool the people sound in their comments. Some comments have made me weep because they’re so sad, some comments have made me laugh because they’re so witty and some have made me smile tearfully because I can relate so well to them. If anybody would like to e-mail or talk to me (for whatever strange reason) my e-mail address is: creativeintent@hotmail.co.uk – I would really like to hear from like-minded teenagers (like myself), college students, adults or whoever.
Hey Frank, please leave your email address.
Another post from me.. I have some how lived my life in the past few years in a shell, and ghost my way betwen various tempory work and home. With relatives and close family talking me down and not being supportive have led me to do little to change my circumstances. Now the full realization is hitting me hard. Atleast a couple of years ago i used to chat online and talk to people.. Even got a few invitations to visit them. I kind of never accepted those offers.. I was hiding in the shadow of my own misery..
When I look over my past life I now kind of feel like the fisherman who fell over the cliff, the one where a fishing boat comes along and goes come in I will save you, and I reply no GOD will save me. and the boat leaves… THen a helicopter comes by and says grab the rope and we will save you.. and I got no GOD will save me..
Drowning in my own sorrow is no fun at all, now the cat is out of the bag again. Its starting to distract my line of thought at work to the point I am dazzing off and can’t concentrate.. :(
hi, i, like most of you have no friends………..and i don’t have a significant other either and im 25
(there are a lot of you that complain on here that have gfs/bfs, im sorry but you don’t belong on here because at least u have companionship)
and im not going to bore everybody with all the details of my life that has led me up to this point, it has a lot of similarities to a lot of stories on here
i had loads of bad luck, other ppl screwed me over, i screwed myself over, but whatever mistakes i made in the past i’ve paid for them and then some……that basically sums it up
so now im desperately trying to make new connections, but maybe it’s just me, i have this problem where i’ll make friends………..and then i’ll try desperately to keep in touch with these ppl…….
and these arent just acquantances, these are ppl that i become, or so i thought, good friends with, we’ll make all these extravagant plans….we’ll do this and we’ll do that, but then as soon as we leave, THEY just DON’T keep in touch,…….they’ll ignore my messages and facebook posts and emails or whatever and then that’ll be the end of that…………that just happens to me constantly, with 4 different ppl this summer alone………it’s soooo frustrating………just gotta keep trying i guess….
but i was just wondering if it’s just me and have other ppl experienced this…….i just dont get it………..it’s not like i left these ppl on bad terms, we always leave on the best of terms and yet…………………DAMMIT!
OMG its I just though I woke up of it only to discover I was living life in a nightmare.. I have been making running away from people all my life.. Of course no-one girls are chasing me no more but I am still running away..
It’s possible that some of you might have forgotten how to socialize, some of you simply need a confidence boost, or some might have even developed social anxiety or social phobia. About 7% of the US population has this problem. http://socialanxietysupport.com It took me a while to find what I had. I’ve tried to overcome this problem but it’s hard…
@Me, I’ve also pushed away most of my friends by slowly denying their invitations. I kind of feel like I don’t need anyone to be happy but in the inside I am dying. You sound exactly like me, you should visit the site I put up in my previous post.
I Google’d “I have ‘no friends'” and found this site. I am so sad about having no friends but was very surprised and I must admit – a little relieved – to know that I am not the only one going through this. I never thought I had trouble with friends. I had several all throughout school. In highschool I was involved in a lot of extra curricular things and had a small circle of good friends. But the trouble started after highschool when they would not keep in touch despite my efforts. In college I made a couple acquaintances but no close friends. I did meet my husband at a young age and I have him… we also have two little boys. I stay home to take care of my boys but have zero friends. My son just turned five and that day was sad for me as I realized I’ve gone nearly five years with hardly any adult contact. I was in a club for moms for 4 years and didn’t make one good friend! Before I had kids and was working there were some coworkers I liked and they seemed to like me too but we never saw eachother outside of work. Also just when I thought I had made a good friend, there would be a situation where everyone goes out to lunch – and they would all go together. I would eat lunch alone in the car crying. I am sad that my 30th birthday is coming up in a few months. I was hoping to have some kind of party or at least a quiet dinner with friends. Nothing big but something memorable. I mentioned it to one friend I have leftover from highschool (she doesn’t live far away but only wants to get together once a year) – she did not respond to my idea. I am feeling like a big loser. I think I’m a pretty nice and interesting person. I am definitely not ugly…. a little above average looking I would say… I feel like I can hold an intelligent conversation and I have many interests. I just don’t know what is wrong. I feel like I have nothing to show for my life except my little family. Oh I also have no other family. I am an only child and my parents and I are estranged. My husband’s family all lives 3,000 miles away! I feel so isolated. At holidays it is just my husband, myself, and the boys. At least going through the very difficult time of my life before I met him and I was truly, truly alone has made me more appreciative of having him. Before him it was pure hell, really. I was going through a tough time with my parents and had absolutely nobody to talk to. I would drive around at night crying and praying to God to send me my soulmate. That part did work out thank God. But I can’t but feel like there is something missing that only girlfriends can fill. I want someone to gossip with, laugh with, have lunch with, cry with, and be there to support while they do the same for me. I have prayed and prayed that God would send me a friend. Maybe I’m just not meant to have one. I hope some day I will be ok with that. :(
P.S. I should have mentioned what’s happened with the couple of friends I have made here and there… I had 2 good ones. My one friend I had for 20 years. She moved two-thousand miles away and I’ve only seen her twice in five years. I wish we could be close again and I have tried but she only replies to my emails like twice a year. I had another friend I cared for so much and what I loved about him is that he wasn’t afraid to tell me and all his other friends how important we were to him. He was tragically killed in a car accident. It was the worst hurt I’ve been through in my life… like being punched in the gut. My life will never be the same.
I feel so sorry for everybody here, particularly those who haven’t had any real friendship or contact with anybody for months or even years. It amazes me how all our situations are weirdly alike! I long for a friend. A really close friend. Someone who I can invite over to watch films and lie in the garden and watch the clouds and talk about EVERYTHING with, even private stuff. I would love to have a friend who calls me up out of the blue and says things like, “Hey! Want to go out for a coffee later?” or “How was your holiday! I miss you so much!” I never had a close friend during childhood who I could confide in and love as though she were my sister and I think that’s one of the main reasons why I’m a complete loser now. I have such a strong desire to be around a woman or girl who would listen to me and understand me and cry with me and hug me and tell me that I was the best friend anybody could ever wish for. The closest I ever came to a best friend was a girl who moved to England from Finland called Aino. She was so lovely and was Finnish. It’s pretty sad that I only seem to be able to properly communicate with people who can’t even speak English. I spend these days alone and I have these images in my head of everybody in my year group going out at nights, getting drunk, dancing at parties, taking photographs and laughing and being silly. I’m never going to be one of those people. I think about those people having fun and my face just screws up and I start to cry and cry and cry. There is just nobody in my school who I can relate to or who shares interests with me and I think that’s because I’m either more mature than them or because I don’t have anything in common with them. I know what it’s like to be excluded, ridiculed, humiliated and ostracized. One memory from primary (elementary) school that kills me to think about is the time when two girls stood in front of me. One of then asked the other, “Who’s the most unpopular girl in our year?” And the other whispered in hear ear, “Suzanne.” They both burst out laughing and everybody else heard too and stared at me. I think I just sat there with a burning red face and hot, prickly tears in my eyes.
Quite a lot of interesting read, and interesting how strong the replies keep coming. I did not think I was gonna go rant like this, but here I am.
I’m 21 years old, and I am from NY, and my scenario is a little different. I do have a few friends, but all of them are scattered across a lot of other states, and I’ve seen a few only very few times a year. They have established lives with their own set of closer friends while I do not.
I get praised a lot on how cool and calm I am, and seem that nothing agitates me, no matter how grating. Beneath the calm exterior is a broken, timid man who bottles up a lot of things.
For the most part, I’ve always felt alone. I do have a good family, but outside the family, things don’t go well. I’m very shy and quite an invtrovert, though I do step outside. I am a super nerd, and while I am not ashamed and admit what I like, I get constantly teased for that. I had some close friends, but one by one, they all bailed getting into different things, and leave me hanging, getting into other things, or ditch me all together for women or the popular crowd while I sticked to my things. It has been many months since any friend came over to my place, and years since a female guest visited me. At some point, I feel alone at my end, and was unable to maintain new friends who are close.
I grew envious when I kept hearing from online friends they’ll go hang out or stay over their friends, and it is quite frequent. Seeing them once in a while does not cut it, but being far, and frequently busy makes it hard to see them, and afraid of being a bother. Even when I do hang out with them, I am usually the guy everyone likes to constantly tease. It is harmless, but it does get to me a lot. In the past, I tell a few ex friends to quit teasing, then they bailed. It was only minor teases, but still didn’t like it, yet just like that, I lose those I were pretty close to. Over the years the emptiness got worse, and it gets to me more and more frequently, I just feel I got nothing, not only in friends, but other things.
As for a girlfriend, never got one, and was never even close to it. Time and time again I mustered the courage to confess to a girl I like, despite the shyness, and not only I always get rejected, but also completely ripped upon. I get laughed, and thrashed at saying I’m lame, and the stuff I like is stupid or how my presense would degrade their status, and gave me an attitude for expressing my feelings. Some who were simply friends whom I confessed to winded up bailing me quickly too. At some point, I simply gave up, and just stopped trying. Girls at my end mostly want badasses, and the few nerdy women I do meet are long taken. I winded up devoloping a depression when I see couples, mostly around those my ages, but surpressed it when I am with coupled friends I rarely see. I envy couples, and I envy those who have friends whom they just don’t see once per every few months for merely hours. I feel empty between all those times.
I also feel I lost the spark for life. There have been nothing that captivates me, and finishing college in art (which I am still an amatuer), I just lost intrest in it, and have no backups. There isn’t anything I feel I excel in, and feeling completely lost while those around me got something established and doing something, while I struggle to find a purpose. I tried getting work for a long time, but never had luck, even with the volunteer stuff I try on anime conventions I go to, was not find worthy. I am very modest, but to a fault where I just don’t exagerrate myself, and not bite off more than I can chew, but led me nowhere.
The worst part is also lack of motivation. I got no goals or nothing to prove. I can better myself, but then what? That is the nagging feeling. I don’t care about being on top or to be better than the rest. I find that kind of mentality stressful and feels annoying when you push yourself, and don’t get what you like. I like things simple, but of course, that is not the way to do things, if you know what I mean. I find nothing truly captivating, and can’t seem to find what else sparks me. Even the things I like, gaming and anime, just gets stale at some point. Many say be more outgoing, I did that, but feels like there is nothing interesting. I am not into any clubs or bars, and find difficulty just interacting with people, espicially those I have no common interests with.
It just feels like things for me is a mess these days. I make single mistakes, and instantly, I lose a friend and forever ignored, making me always cautious and tense. All the teasing, which still occurs nearly every day even at home, makes me self-concicous. I feel I can’t ever enjoy myself without someone just constantly bashing, bringing me down, providing negative comments or just teasing about it leaves me unable to relax, even in my sleep. On the rare moments I feel good and confident about something like wanting to do somrehting I like, I get laughed at, even by family, and just like that, my confidence shatters, and just makes me afraid to talk about somehting without being ridiculed or slammed with harsh criticism to make me feel worse.
At the very least, I am not suicidal at all, and I am not willing to abandon the remaining things I still enjoy for the sake of others. Unfrotunately, sticking to my things is what made me lose my closest friend. I like Japanese RPGs… a lot, and I am passionate about it. My friend dislikes it, and never supportive, and just ditched me since I didn’t want to let it go for starters. Many, say to be myself, but overall, I have little appreciation for whom I truly am, especially with women.
I’ve likely shot myself in the foot many times being this way. I feel different from many others around me, and that is where I feel difficulties lie. I got some people to talk to, but ultimately am the guy people like to talk to, but not hang out with, and no presense. Even those whom I stand next to, look around and say where am I… even though I am right beside them. I feel I can’t express myself, and get ranty without someone getting pissed off. When I vent out the things I bottled up to even family, I get agitated and disagreeable, and just inflict pain on others, making me feel even worse in the end. Online friendds vent their problems for me, and I always listen and care for them, but when I do the ranting, they wind up living. The help usually feels one sided, and feel I can’t really talk to anyone wihtout feeling like I am a bother.
I just feel like a loner, and don’t really got much. I lack friends to be with often, especially those who share the same, nerdy interests I do, I’ve given up on trying to find something, feeling the rejections are more and more painful. I can’t find any sort of work, and I feel lost trying to find a future. Parents try to help, but been a lost cause. Things just look real grim for me.
Apologies for being ranty. I don’t know how many of you will bother reading, and maybe it was pointless just posting like this. Even I have difficulty making some sense sometimes, and just feels like a lot of things are warped. Maybe I am wasting my time making this kind of post, but we’ll see.
Extra note: I do feel for a lot of you, but at the same time, I do envy quite a few. Seems like a few do have companions or some have some career established. What do I have really? Feels like nada, and even worse, not feeling driven to fix it, hence, I feel I am stuck in an infinate loop.
Wow. Im really glad I found this website, I thought I was the only one with no friends. I had a few really close friends all the way up until highschool. Then, all my friends left for diffrent schools. Except one who i talk to every once in a while. I feel very alone with no friends at my school, like an outcast or loner. But im glad to know im not the only one. I feel invisible and pathetic, I dont no what i do wrong though, im not good at making friends, oviously..but thats becuase im shy. No one else at my school seem to be shy. If they saw lonely person all by there self, woudnt they want to try and make friends with that person?…..Becuase no one at my school seems to do that to me….But I guess there is only a handful of friendly ppl on this planet. Anyway for anyone who reads this and is also feeling very alone, some advice: dont kill urself if u have no friends, if ppl r to stubborn and self-centered to care about u, its defianatly not worth dying over or being depressed all the time. Having friends isnt everything.
reading these posts makes me feel a little better…at least I know I’m not alone. I always had friends growing up, though as I grew older I began feeling more and more isolated and left out in the “groups” I was a part of. then, in 11th grade, I just stopped spending time with my friends, period. everyone thought it was weird because I seem normal, cool, attractive, used to go out and party, but then just stopped suddenly. I ate lunch alone everyday and had absolutely no one to talk to.
I thought things would change in college (I’m about to start my second year) but they didn’t. all throughout last year, people around me were becoming friends and having fun and I was just in my dorm room alone every night on the internet. like a complete loser, even though the friends I did make were really cool and fun. but I just never went out because it takes so much effort to be around others for me, and eventually I got left behind. and now I’m about to go back, and everyone is excited and making plans and I have absolutely no one. I hate it. I wish I had forced myself to make friends last year, because now I’m afraid it’s too late. It’s so embarrassing to have no friends, especially because my roommate is a crazy social butterfly who knows that I have absolutely no friends and doesn’t understand that I like to spend time alone. though I do want friends, and I think it’s just hard for me to admit that. this is insanely incoherent and rambley……..but I just don’t know what to do. ah well.
Den,
Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine. It’s spooky. While I wouldn’t say I’m a hardcore nerd, I do spend plenty of time in front of the computer, and finally last year I kicked a ten year long video game habit. I’m also 21, from MA. Part of my problem was moving around all the time, but I was also teased a lot during school which I didn’t take well (I was an only child and grew up pretty poor in a relatively rich section of the state). I was also really fat for most of my childhood. If I didn’t lose my temper at the teasing, then moving (even if it was only 7 miles away, at one point) was sure to end any friendships I had. Like you, it’s been months since I had a friend at my house, years since a female caller. I’ve gotten laid, but its’ been quite a while.
Like you said, girls our age in this part of the country go for badass “gangstas” and rich wiggers. Both of these sorts of people I can’t stand. they’re extremely fake and usually fund their lifestyle with activity that they wouldn’t dare to commit if it werent for rich parents, bailing them out all the time. I dated a sister of one of these kids on and off for two years and was invited into their lifestyle for a brief time. I hope to never go back (it ended badly, needless to say). I’ve also found, like you said, that the genuinely “nice girls” usually don’t stay on the market too long, and are extremely hard to find. And yes, getting ripped on by girls was a familiar thing for me through high school and the first two years of college. It sucked hard.
I’ve also got a smattering of really good friends all over the country, but like you it’s mainly phone conversation that keeps these relationships going. Sometimes I wonder if it’s really worth it. My best friend in the world lives in KS, and while we were going to art school (another weird similarity) together, we spent every waking moment together it seemed, smoking bud , playing video games and generally having a chilled out, good time. Now I see him once a year, we’ve both quit smoking and its just not the same. He’s got a shitload of friends, I’ve got one out here who I’m pretty sick of, sad to say.
Lastly, I totally get the motivation issues you’re referring to. When I was smoking and gaming all the time, I knew in the back of my head that there were better things to do with my time. Now I’ve quit both and am trying to move ahead in my life ( finishing a Marketing degree, looking for part time work) but without friends, it all goes back to my old familiar mantra “who the hell cares?”. If I hadn’t taken summer courses this year god knows what I would have done with my time, but I’d venture to guess I would have gone back to my old vices.
Anyway, just know that you’re far from the only one in your situation. We might be far and few between in this part of the country but were certainly not freaks. We were just smart enough not to get involved in anything too heavy and wear our hearts on our sleeves. Leave your AIM if you want to get in touch, we’ve probably got a lot more in common.
Im 18 turning 19 in january. I was no freinds. if im not working im sleeping or im on the computer or im at school. Honestly Im soo close to givving up on life. I have to say a year back in highschool becasue i’ve fail most of my courses. Ive have one friend but she moved, and now we lost all contact.
I was diganosed with SELECTIVE MUTISM and well its just a social phobia, anxiet attacks and what not. I don’t know how im different from anyone. At work people are like so close to each other and me.. im just there.. in just a somebody.. a nobody.
My brother dosnt even want to hang out with me. Hes afrid to be even seen with my in public. I mean.. i get customers who tell me that i look sad all the time but i really not. I dont getttt itt O M G like for the past 7 years ive been spending my life on the internet in chat rooms.
I have 0 self confidence. Im fat, and ugly.. i have really bad skin.
ive been bullied in the past and its just lifes not fair.
Im not asking for much.
I want to be that girl who goes out to the moives with friends.. who has facebook.. who goes on holidays with friends.. who goes shopping together.. someone i can talk to and someone i can look up to.
Im 19 and i have never had a real boyfriend.. ive never huged a man let alone kissed one. I just feel like im so late in life.
I cant even see myself in college becasue i dont have motivation to do anything anymore. I dont know what i want to get into. i cant even see myself getting married.
I cant hold a decent conversation without freezing up.
its like my parents dont care.. my brother dosnt care or understand what im going through..
sometimes i just feel like susciding becase i feeel like there nothing left to live for.. but the only thing holding me back is that i dont want to hurt my family.. the one thing that matters to me no matter how much they care, feel what im going through.
If it wasnt for my family i would be long gone by now.
=( sigh.
Hello – I’m suffering from the same as most people here on this site. Is there anyone out there in there 40s? Just curious and hoping to make a connection with others in my age group. I will add though that now that I look back on my life, I’ve been very lonely since a small child. I was placed with my grandparents when little so my mother and stepfather could go out and enjoy being in their 20s. Never around other children and had to basically learn to sit still and be quiet for the weekend until my mother would pick me up. Anyhow, I know life is messy and we all have our stories. I am glad I found this site. Anyone, please feel free to write, all ages, circumstances. It really does help to talk, write about it. I’m in the New York area.
lsillaur, I am 50 years old. I am friendless it’s no fun. You can check my earlier posts.
Here is my email asmaestas@gmail.com Write anytime.
Hi everyone. I’ve been really depressed today because my second year of college just started and I had to watch all the new freshmen effortlessly make new friends. You may guess that the reason why this was so depressing was that I myself couldn’t make friends in my first year of college, and you would be right. I’ve had to deal with being friendless for much longer than a single year, though, and my frustration with this circumstance has built up so much that I had to google the phrase, “I have no friends,” today in some weird hope that I’d find others like myself.
I’m not really sure what I want to say right now, but I have to say something because my thoughts have been locked inside myself for a long long time. It’s 2:38 in the morning right now and I really should go to bed but the compulsion to type this random comment will not go away!
Okay so, about being friendless…well, the last time I had a friend was way back in grade school, so you can imagine how much this situation has been gnawing on me. Having no friends just does something to your head. It makes you feel that no matter how good a person you are and no matter what you’ve accomplished, that none of it matters. Because surely if you were REALLY a good person, surely if you REALLY had accomplished something great, then someone out there would see your “greatness” and become your friend. But it’s more than that. Being friendless doesn’t only make me feel like I’m not a good person; it also makes me feel that there is something seriously wrong with me. I mean, most people make friends so easily; it’s like breathing for them, just natural. But for me it couldn’t be more difficult, and I wonder how I ever became the human repellant I seem to be.
I guess I should stop talking now. I must say, it does feel good to type all this down, as well as read some of your comments. I do feel less alone now, which is weird considering how impersonal internet communication is. Well, I suppose that is all I have at the moment. Thanks to anyone who actually read my comment, and I’ll probably post another one tomorrow.
I hear you@ Melissa
“it makes you feel that no matter how good of a person you are and no matter what you accomplished, that none of it matters.”
It makes my want to give up trying..
Its hard. Its hard to see someone opposite to you. And then theres you.. like you have nothing to look back on.. all the memories.. becasue you have no memories of you and you “friends”. My parents don’t even understand me.
I wish i could get some professional help.
How can one not get it.
For starters I am posting this again.. I seemed have posted in on a different less read topic in this forum.. anyway
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness
Thats me… :( didnt know they called it something..
As for Melissa you need to be the assertive one in making friends if people do not find you approachable.
I have no friends and I am sad cause I have no one to hang out with ever. I am very shy and don’t understand how people make friends. There is only one person I really talk just over messenger but he wont’ ever go anywhere with me cause I am just someone he talks to on MSN when he’s depressed and has broken up with a girlfriend or something. life sucks.
I am 41, mother of 2, 13 and 14. I am financially secure due to my husband passing several years ago and am after several years found a gentleman who is hard working, a bit gruff but loves me and my kids..my problem is I have only 1 or 2 people I can call friend. I try to confide in family, they just push my feelings aside until they need help, usually financially, I invite them over almost every weekend, sunday for an impromptu dinner so that my children can at least have a relationship with them and their kids, but..no one, not one of 5 siblings ever invites us over, this has hurt me so badly, my children are old enough and notice and when they ask I am always honest and say I don’t know why. I have had several good friends over the years but the ones who I thought were friends just weren’t who I thought they were. I’ve noticed that I am not the best judge of character at times because I try to see good in people but when they continue to hurt me so badly I finally ask why and they seem to just leave my life without explaination…and of course I blame myself. I recently send out invitations to a very significant religious event for my kids and kept it small under 100, well the people I thought were friends, who always ask for favors and we never say no, they all replied NO, the people who we see rarely said yes, I am so devistated, I just wanted to cancel the entire thing, I sit here tonight, crying my eyes out, reading other people’s stories like mine and realize that I too will be alone when my kids leave and don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I’ve asked people and they say nothing, people just grow apart, but it’s got to be me….does anyone else feel like this?
Very similar story for me as well. I am 28 years old, a decent looking guy and back in college. I am sitting here on a Friday night waiting on a phone call back from a neighbor who I believe is my friend, but I get the impression his wife doesn’t think much of me and doesn’t want him to hang out with me. I have one ‘best’ friend that I speak to every once in awhile that just came back from military and is starting college; and another ‘best’ friend that I am unsure what happened. I am very honest and caring will do anything for my ‘friends’ but they only seem to call me when they need something. I do not know if this is depression but it is a feeling of wanting something more, just someone to talk with and hang out with. I just don’t know what is wrong with me. Thanks for listening everyone.
What an amazing place to find tonight.
Just look at the sheer numbers of lonely people here… people who sound so much like me. Maybe we passed each other on the street before, and would never know to reach out and try to establish a connection… never knowing that the other person was yearning for connection as much as we are.
I’m 34 years old, and haven’t had a friend since 1992 when I graduated high school. Not one person to hang out with… to be ME with… for 16 years. I have social anxiety, depression, etc. But who knows if it is a cause or a symptom?
I feel like my case isn’t as strong as most of you here, but I have been depressed and felt like a loser a lot nonetheless. I’ve known a guy and we’ve been through a lot these past 4 years. We started as good friends and gradually romantic feelings started to develop and we were together for 2 years. He had had arthritis and psoriasis since he was a kid and recently they got from bad to worse. He’s 23 and unemployed since he finished high-school. About a month ago, I broke up with him for various other reasons than the ones mentioned.
The thing is, during those four years, I’ve grown to be so attached to him that I rarely ever spent quality time with my other friends. I’ve been so emotionally dependent on him that even after the break-up has been established, I found myself checking my inbox for his e-mails first thing in the morning, or on some days I’d call him again and again just to talk. I still crave for his attention even now.
The thing I’m most scared of is losing the friend I’ve found in him. I feel like I’ve lost the ability to make friends with others. I simply don’t care about others cause he is the friend that I want. I’m prolly not making much sense. Sorry.
Loneliness feels like a knife digging in to me. As I have gotten older it is just life. I can’t seem to hold a conversation with people well. I have done lots of different organized groups for nearly a decade. I’ve learned that people want a pecking order. If you come across a certain way, no matter what credentials you hold, you can be at the bottom or with little respect. If you do something or say something odd, down you go. And it’s a vitous cycle as it fuels itself. I have lost so much sleep over the years worrying about what I do wrong. I worked hard in school and work and live comfortable now but now I have a flip: people get jealous of what I have and try to explain things. I’m tired of proving myself when at the end of it all, it is all about where people think you fit in and not about what you have done or could do, it is all perception.
The one good friend I had is no more because his new wife steered him away.
I am married and have a baby. They are my life but I do need to be able to vent with someone or people and get out for a drink or a hike. My dad, I talk to once a year, usually Christmas. He has his own agenda. Her family, I don’t think I fit in or it is about how poorly I handle myself in conversation with them.
Work, I hardly ever get invited to things outside word. My manager of 8 years got married and never tells me, the ring is a dead give away. I know others were invited to his wedding. I feel like quitting but where can I successfully land now that I have a family to support.
My grade school years, I got picked on and made fun of all the time. I had a couple friends but I was too odd. It didn’t help that we moved 7 times growing up in school. My dad was abusive to my mother, brother and I.
I just want to be able to get good nights sleep every night and quit worrying. And let go. I want to just be happy with what I have in my wife, daughter and 2 dogs. I may never have any more friends but I wish that with acquaintances that i have that I wouldn’t come off so much less than what I am and have done or say the wrong things.
Me I need to learnt to talk again.. I hardly talked to anyone during the last 2 years.. Pretty amazing when work on various contract jobs for about 3/4 of the year.
I figured out that my problem stems from 4 things..
1) love-shyness
2) just mean :(
3) Unrelastic morals
4) Low self-esteem
Love-shyness.. to the extreme :(
Mean, Yes I was verbally abused by my dad.. and mentally tormented, and mentally supressed by his words of negativity..
These are really horrible things to subject anyone to, and growing up with that crap as a child thats how I thought you socialize in the real world.. I’m being trying to fix it (4 years into it now), but I guess I didnt identify the last one supression with “words of negativity”.. But I reliaze I too have that trait and now scrambling to fix it.. Unfortantely its like a little demon inside of me, it still gets when I am pissed at sometiming.. For example when I first realized that my dad was using some “words of negativity” on me I went off on him.. Just 1 line before I realized what I was doing and shut my mouth.
I am rarely violent.. other that the time I leaped 1/4 way across the class-room to punch my friend in the shoulder (yes I have some) who had been given me alot of crap. I think it was over him forgetting his lines in a play because of something i did… I’m normally quiet as a mouse so that was quite shocking for everyone, epecially with the explicitive.
Unrelasitic morals really held back my love life.. Its difficult to explain why you haven’t slept with a girl at my age (27), plenty of sniggers from everyone that find out, and refusing to date girls who ask me out, or sleep with them on moral grounds (online relationship) doen’t help either.. ie they arn’t the right one for a long term relationship, is kind of stupid when I think about it.. would really hurt their feelings for a man to reject such an offer.. Its kind of weird that a girl that made moves on me later all talk about how it be nice if I got a wife??.. What happened to the date? Freak the hell out of me…
4) Yes low self-esteem.. doesn’t help much when there is so much negative energy.
There seems to be so less hours in a day to fix up my life..
My my life seems so surreal now.. that I have come out and see what is happen to my life.. and my youth..
I know I am very intelligent, and can be funny and romantic.. but I have all these flaws I need to fix up before I can be someone again.
Anyone that wants to talk to me can contact me on riojones@gmail.com. If you want to start to save yourself then you need to take the first step..
Like a lot of people here, I found this page on a google search. I’m amazed that there are so many people in the same boat as me. Sometimes it feels like you’re the only one.
Well, I have almost no friends, and I can hardly believe it’s worked out this way. I had friends all the way up through school until my final year, for which I moved school. I didn’t know anyone, the new school was huge and I was incredibly busy with studying for my college entrance exams. I made a few acqaintances but just sort of decided it wan’t worth bothering to make friends for that one year. I’d make friends once I went to college, I told myself.
I didn’t though. I don’t know if that one year of cutting myself off from people damaged me, but I think it might have. In my first year of college, I made new friends in the first few weeks but soon decided that I didn’t want to spend time with them. I don’t know if this was because I felt that I didn’t really like them, if I was unused to spending time with people after the previous year, or if it was some from of socialphobia manifesting itself. Anyway, I started to avoid these new friends.
To give these people their due, they tried. They really did. They were so good to me, and I just threw it all back in their faces. In that first term, they phoned me to ask me why I wasn’t coming to lectures or why they hadn’t seen me in a while. They invited me to nights out when they saw me. They were really kind. But I just kept avoiding them, and eventually they stopped calling.
Then… this bit is really bad. When I returned to college for second year, many of them greeted me as though nothing had happened. They were open, friendly and inclusive. I really didn’t deserve it. And for a couple of months, I managed to stay friendly with them. But soon I was back to my old avoiding ways – and I was worse than ever this time.
Third year passed in a blur of lonliness. I wanted friends, but it was impossible to make them by this stage. Spending all this time alone seriously affected my social skills, and I began to find it difficult to talk to people, even people outside of college. So now it was harder than ever before to make friends. It was a vicious circle.
Now I’m starting my final year in college, and I don’t have a single friend there. And it’s all my own fault. I have only two friends in total, both outside of college. One friend I’ve known since I was eleven, and the other I met through a part time job.
This friendlessness has upset me so much. I don’t go out partying like a normal person my age should, I don’t have a group of friends to go travelling or to gigs with. The whole thing has gotten me down so much that I find it impossible to study. I skip lectures as well. I’ve gone from being at the top of my class in school to getting terrible results in college. I have no motivation or energy any more, and no real life plans.
I don’t understand it. What happened to me?
Hey, it’s me again. Thanks to the two who responded to my last comment. I guess I want to talk a little bit about why it’s so hard for me to make friends. Well, the truth is that I have some form of social anxiety disorder, but a different form than what is the norm. You see, I don’t have any great fear of going to public places or asking a teacher a question or even giving presentations. My fear is strictly limited to having conversations with people. Whenever someone in one of my classes tries to start a conversation with me (note that THEY are the ones who start it, not myself), my mind goes into freak-out mode and I find myself trying to end the conversation as soon as possible. As an example of this, the other day this guy asked if it was okay if he sat by me. I said that it was fine, but then I got out my iPod and started to play Vortex so that he couldn’t start a real conversation. I knew at the time that this action was self-destructive, but I couldn’t help but do it. Better, I feel, to stop conversations before they start than to get involved with one only to discover that the other person got a poor impression of me. I am so socially awkward that I feel no need to make it more obvious than it already is.
Anyways, not sure why I typed this up. It may have nothing to do with the topic at hand, but I felt like saying it anyway. And Lucy, I find it interesting that you brought up how spending time alone for a while can affect one’s social skills, and how even cutting oneself off from people for a single year may cause one to change how they interact with people. I guess this is one of the main hurdles for many of us here, that we have dug holes so deep that we just can’t see any way out. And the holes keep getting deeper and deeper every day. *sigh*
wow..i was so surprised to find this website..i am a 50 year old female who until a few weeks ago, managed to salvage 2 friendships, one of 30 years, the other on and off for many years…the 30 year friendship may be over now and the other one is shaky..why? hmm…so many reasons..i don’t feel they reciprocate..i feel i am the better friend yet know that i started planning the end of these friendships a while back..
i find it impossible to make close friends..of course i feel sick about it but when i seriously ask myself “do i really want to make a close friend and have to see this person all the time, talk on the phone all the time, hear their problems all the time?” i tell myself “NO”…the 30 year friendship worked mainly because she lived in other states most of our lives..she’s been back nearby for a few years now and it doesn’t work for me…i could go into more detail but what the sense…
i know that i am an aggressive type person but very open minded..i have started to realize that i say the wrong things at the wrong time..once you’ve done that, it’s over…i started a new job, the perfect job, last year..i work with 5 other women..none of them like me…i think it’s because i say what’s on my mind instead of keeping it to myself and i end up offending everyone..at least this is what i think..
i think too much, i research too much..if someone states a problem/situation, i will spend the entire next day researching so that i can “help” that person find an answer..i find this a permanent part of myself..i guess people dont really want answers..they just want to vent..
when i feel left out and see others connecting, i feel it is because they all have common ground and that common ground is always something negative that they complain about..i tend to keep my “problems” to myself so that maybe i come across as not having any problems..
i have weight issues and i tell myself that is why i have no friends..i cannot stand the thought of getting dressed up in one more tight outfit to sit one more night at one more place and feel so darned uncomfortable that i want to crawl under a table..or go home and watch TV and be alone…
i am married to the most wonderful man on the planet..he goes everywhere with me, does everythng with me..my family loves him because he does everything for them..as do i…and as alot of people here have stated, i have 2 sisters who NEVER visit me and hardly EVER call just to say hi or to invite me somewhere..they call when they want/need something and that is the truth..they both have kids..i have none so i tell myself they are too busy with the kids to bother with me..i make sure i visit them all the time, call them, write them just to stay connected…
they also make fun of me at family gatherings..always have…i could go on and on but you get the picture…what i wish is that all of us on this website could get together for a party, wear nametags and just knowing why all of us are there, it would be so easy to make friends, wouldn’t it? i am wondering now how harsh i sound in this blog..thinking that i’m sure none of you like me already..lol…actually i treat everyone well, very well, always helping the underdog, always trying my best to help…maybe it makes me look like a sucker, don’t know…wish i didn’t care but i do of course…
best to all of you here…thanks for being here…
well I seem to have lost all my social skills particuarly in the last couple of years..
Need to chat online again to get it back..
or play the games at Person.com.. basically you have to come up with good questions to ask the opposite sex and then answer some questions from the opposite sex.. and then rate the questions and their answers
I’m 42 and have no friends. I mean none. But I know what happened. I had all kinds of friends when I was younger and in high school. I was a partyer in high school. Beer, marijuana, but nothing more than that. There was always a good time going on. Even after high school, I still partied for a while. But eventually something changed for me. I quit smoking pot and after a while I stopped seeing those party friends so much. Then I quit drinking and it went even further. It seems like all we had in common was partying, but I know that’s not true because we used to do a lot of fun things togther but I guess the partying was the glue. I moved when I was younger so all the friends I had as a youngster growing up were gone then. And those friends you grew up with can’t be replaced. Those are the ones that you grew up with, that you had those special life experiences with when you discoovered things and learned things. I agree with the other writer who says that a lot of the problem is that there aren’t lifetime jobs anymore. I can’t keep a job more than 4 years without getting alid off and then have to find another one and make new friends. But those only end up being work friends. Not the same as friends you grew up with. And most of them are just like going to the bar to drink anyways, and I’m not interested in that. i don’t want to go to the bars anymore. I have a boat I haven’t put in the water in 6 years because I have no one to go fishing with. I come home every day by myself to an empty house, eat dinner by myself and go to bed by myself. As far as I’m concerned, it’s amazing to me that I haven’t killed myself. I can’t take vactions because who the heck wants to go somewhere by themselves. And here’s another thing…………..I have went through personal ads looking for a significant other….and no, I’m not gay, just alone because I know how many people think that “he must be gay” just because he’s not married at the age of 42 or whatever. All the women have kids and that’s not something I’m looking for. I know I’m 42, but I want my own kids. But anyways, back to what I was trying to say. I think that even if I did find a girlfriend it would be weird to her because I don’t have any friends. I mean it isn’t the norm, thats for sure. What do I tell her when she asks me where all my friends are? Or what I like to do? I can’t do any friend type activities so i just do things by myself like work on my cars or home improvement type things. But even those things don’t matter really. I’m not religous so I’m not going to meet people at church. And most people already have their inner circle of friends. Everyone I once knew had moved away and have their own families smewhere. There’s just no easy answer. I dont rambling.
One of the girls that wanted a relationship with me later turned out she had a child. But I turned the offer down for other reason she was like err 15cm taller than me.. Look back at it the point is life is short and if they have a child who gives a shit.. you’d be surprised that in just 60-80 365days since being born you will grow old and die.. I had a uncle that married my aunt around that age.. Especially any woman who doesnt have a child become very agiated and jump on any that takes even the slight interest in her.. as after 40 it will get harder and harder to have children
Today I thought of the most ironic thing that happened in my life.. I must admit my life has been a mess..
I was thinking about the friends in my life.. My earliest friend I can remember is my neightbour.. she was a nice girl but her family moved interstate and I never saw her again..
After that in primary school my two best friends where girls in (year 1-2) as well.. We used to play at lunch together.. of course there was those hand-clap games, elastic jumping games,.. but what I remember most vivdly was a game called family.. Just bascially make belief family life.. One of the girls would sit on my lap or on the other girls lap.. (Father, mother and baby)
, and we would do things like cook dinner, drive, go on outings that sort of things.
The most terrible thing was I had to change schools since a new one was built in our area, and all the sudden I knew no-one.. Life is such bitter.. I was already kind of anti-social and really shy back then due to my upbring.. but I was sure I was nice to them.
The point is when I grew up I was too afraid to play family for real.. A first it was subtle hints from friends commenting on my reluctance.. Like “you like her right? this continued throughout to university… and I would always reply NO or not really.. I just coudn’t bring my self to ask girls on dates or show particular interest in them..
From this upbring I have suffered may setbacks in life.. as far a career, health, lifestyle, personality and other issues are concerned.
Great to get this bit off my chest..
Aj, You are wrong there… Girls wont mind if you dont have friends as long as you are nice to her.. Don’t let that hold you back.
The really tall girl who I turned down a relationship with knew I had no friends… but I was really nice to her.. and she overlooked the fact I was way shorter than her.. and that I had no friends.
You see, if you have no friends then she can have you all for herself..
When I moved to a new town and a new school last year, I thought I could start over and make friends. Obviously I was wrong.
I am so tired of seeing new people come in to my school and form friendships completely effortlessly. I am so jealous of people who are good at socializing. I simply don’t have anything interesting to say – no stories to tell (why would I? I have no social life), no jokes to make, no witty remarks.
I really think that nobody ever wants to approach me (except guys, sometimes) because I don’t LOOK friendly. But I can’t walk around with a smile plastered to my face because more than anything I hate being phony. I am a really nice person, but people want interesting more than nice. I actually think I’m pretty interesting – in an unconventional sort of way.
Anyway this post will likely amount to nothing, but thanks for reading.
We should all be friends. We have so many of the same experiences and feelings about the world. Maybe some of the bad feelings will go away if we start helping people out who we can expect to help us back in return.
I dont what it is with me Im 20 just started college and feel like I should be out partying and having a good time. I have no friends i can go out and experience these things with. I have also never had a gf and no matter what somone might say im missing. I work out alot and thing im good looking so i dont know if thats it. However i rarely would just walk up to a girl and talk. Sometimes they might smile at me and i look away IMMEDIATLY. I almost think that if I talk to them they will just think im a creep or that other people will say i am a creep. Actually i kind of disagree with that last statement i think im afraid that it will look like I am trying to hard.
I have rarely seen guys chatting up girls for the first time i just see that their together like it just happened and they didnt do anything for it to happen as if they were just that good.
I really feel like im missing out i dont want to be old and have experience none of these fun things. Damn time is ticking away on me what the hell can i do? Ill tell you one thing posting on the internet about stuff like this only further reinforces the point . I or anyone else would never do something like this is they were “normal” I suppose does that make me wierd. God this is annoying. Wow .
I should go out and do something I go to the gym alot but that really is not social most times i dont even talk to anyone there.
Hi Rich I’m Chris, I post on this site many times before, the last time I post was about a year ago, so you can guess not much has change. I just got my PC to work, It didn’t work on MAC.
Nevertheless I am very happy there is someone like me out there. Rich I’m the same way, I have trouble with anything and everything when it come to socializing with the opposite sex. Girls are very mysterious to me, and it seem like the only way I can win one is to win the lottery. I’m going to be a 2nd years in college, I have no friends first year, went suicidal, and also never had any girlfriends off any sort much less friends.
I don’t know what I would do if this trend continue, all I can tell you is I am having trouble waking up. I take all sort of drugs to make me feel past out, to waste the day away. Frankly I know it has long term affect in the long run for me, but I don’t care, I just want some joy in my life.
I just don’t know how much longer I can continue waking up like this.
I will be 50 soon. I am married with a great son. I had one friend but she wanted me to leave my wife and when I wouldn’t she bailed. I have no friends at all. I am so lonely and I feel so unwanted and like the biggest loser of all time. I feel ugly and that I have done nothing of interest or note with my life. When I die noone will come to my funeral and noone will have anything nice to say about me. I hate myself and this miserable life.
I have no friends. I have acquaintances – I have idle chit-chat with my neighbor; I laugh with those at work, but I have no friends. When I do have friends, I am dedicated to them and the friendship because I see those who have attained the title of “friend” as if they have become a part of my family.
I am a wife and a mom of two young girls and my family has isolated me. I have become fifth in the priorities line up: my two girls, the dog and the cat, then there’s me. I think like most women, I set the absolute impossible goal of perfection for myself – at work, at home, as wife, as mother, as a friend.
Lately it has become impossible to maintain. I’ve had enough, I need to learn to say no. Until recently, I was too busy trying to be a superhero to have the time to think about the complete absence of friends in my life. I sometimes convince myself that I don’t need or have the time for friends. But there is a HUGE difference between being alone and being lonely. I am not alone, yet I’m incredibly lonely.
hi i don’t think i need to sit here and bore everybody with the details of my pathetic life……….the fact is im a 16 year old trying to live the life of a 25 year old…….i’ve had to work sooo much harder than most ppl to get to the point im at…….and im still pretty dam pathetic
i have no friends….i got potential to do a lot of things but nobody can see it…..i want to party, nobody to do it with, i got a great sense of humor, no prospective girl to show it to…………it’s almost like i just wasn’t meant to succeed
i was so desperate i actually went to see a psychic, and she told me basically the same thing i just told you……….i have tons of bad energy around me and she said things will most likely never get better………..unless i pay her 500 bucks for some meditation session taht she “guarantees” would work………….which i turned down…….but im soooo desperate and sooo scared that things would never change that i am actually considering falling for this obvious scam
most of what she said did describe my life perfectly………i dont know………i need advice.
generally pychics sessions are for pure entertaiment purposes. They aren’t supposed to be offering real services at such prices otherwise they might get fined.
If you have issues being assertive, as in starting the conversation take some drugs… but I think they arn’t for young adults.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/mentalhealth/204610.html
I’m thinking about taking this drug to treat my social anxiety disorder.. But right now I am at the I am aware of it but don’t care stage.
the meditation she recommended wasn’t medical, it was some kinda candle blowing thing where she talks to spirits and open doors and that kinda shit which would apparently gurantee results……..
and @ me……..i’ve read some of your posts and u don’t strike me as the hopeless type……and believe me, i’ve seen hopeless types and i doubt they would ever get out of their funks………..
u have girls that like you…..do i think girls mean way too much to men and have too much control over our lives…HELL YES….but i guess that’s just the reality of it……
friend or no friend………..a girl could totally change your outlook on life, the right one that is……u get ur dream girl……u have a companion, somebody that has your back, somebody to talk to……….not to mention the sex haha of course which i havent had in longer than i would care admit…ahem(years and years)……….u gain so much confidence……and that would translate to making more friends for you too…….
as for me, i get no play from girls……..mostly due to the fact that i look like im 16 even though im 25…….im short and not too attractive, and i ruin the rare opportunities that i DO get with girls because im so self conscious of these things and have no self-confidence……..my insecurities literally eat me alive………
and to top it all off, i have no friends i could talk to because my so-called friends usually blow me off so im stuck suffering silently by myself, i just don’t get how these other douchebags always meet the coolest ppl to back them up and hang out with while everybody i meet turns out like crap…….bad luck i guess, and i get so insecure about having no friends especially when it comes to talking to girls……..they would think im weird and there’s something wrong with me………..so there’s another obstacle for me(as if i didnt have enough already)……..cuz i dont think girls like guys that have no friends no matter how cool they are.
i think the key is , i know it’s cliche…..but it IS to be positive…..
i know it’s a bold statement considering the fact that they’re successful and im not
BUT, i think that i am a stronger person than the ppl that have friends and are happy……these ppl just have better circumstances than ppl like us………if u put their brains in our bodies…….they would’ve hung themselves years ago, if u put my brain in their bodies………….i’d get 10 times more girls than they ever did
i guess god deals out different cards to different ppl…………and it’s up to us to try to play it the best we can……………and if we keep out wits about us………..everything would work out alright……..there’s so much about life that we can’t control….so why worry about things we can’t control……….just be happy and do what makes you feel good………popular or not……..we’re all gonna die anyway so who cares
anyway, just stay strong……….and believe in yourselves……..yes i agree it has sucked………i’ve had a long long long history of bad luck dating back to when i was in grade 10……i’ve had my moments i guess but definitely very minimal good memories while others irritate me with their facebook pics and whatnot
but u MUST believe in urself no matter how shitty it all seems……..and one day things will work out in ur favor…………luck is a streaky thing i find…….all we need is that one break to turn out lives around in the opposite direction so lets stay strong and go out there and find that break
i simply refuse to believe that our destiny is to just sit here and be miserable…….there’s something out there for us no matter how bad our circumstances seem…………we’re not as lucky as some of these other ppl but we are stronger than they are…….we’re fighters and i hope everybody here keeps fighting and one day we will realize our true potential and all the ppl that screwed us over…..it’ll be OUR turn to blow THEM off……..
Right now I am getting to know myself.. yes.. may sound weird but I got a big list of speed-dating questions.. Not to know what to ask on dates.. but how to answer.
So I know how to answer some questions.. like who is my hero and why? if it ever gets asked.
Mind you I’m short as well. Generally was the shortest or 2nd shortest guy in highschool and about half the girls that have taken interest in me are taller than me (probably the reason why I turned them down, but I dont give a crap now. I think I’m fine, one the girls suggestested that we should kiss in the swimming pool good enough for me as far as our hieight difference) , I also wear glasses with a strong correction, have a speech impediment (my speech is improving daily since I serious started working on it.)
Though I have average looks to most girls.
I think I’m intelligent, can be witty but sometimes my answers are plain stupid, spotenesously romantic at times but most of the time they never get to hear it because its a social outing/workplace not a date, but I also tend to drift in conversations alot because, I want to keep my conversations short, at the same time I want to continue talking so I drift off topic really easily. I also find that when I do seem to cut them off to add in my point.. I think thats kind of rude… as I dont respect them and their opinion… anyway there was this woman I worked with in her mid 40s that did the same thing even worse then me.. I guess she just wanted to talk to someone.. I was going down a similar life path as her at the moment by not seriously trying to ask girl on dates, and refusing all offers.
Maybe work on your pickup lines, or personality by chatting online, I guess the trick is to spend your time talking about her life, and talking about your work, she’ll figure out you have no friends but dont let that taunt you. She might be taller than you, in the end just admit your talking/fliriting to her to work on your confidence/social skills. (in my case which was true) That way she can really get to know you without the impression you are trying to hit on her. Just never make any Real Life moves on her, “test pickup lines on her, ask her what she thinks of dating idea you have”, be geniunely intersted in her life. EVentually she might take interest in you.
Worked for me only thing was I genunely wanted her as a friend only.
Or just take a crazy shot at a bar pickup, there are some loner girls in this world as well (but i dont think they will hang out in bars). The older you get the harder it gets sadly.
Think about it this way a study estimated that 1.5% of American males in 1983 suffered from Love-shyness.. Therefore there is 1.5% less males to go around for females. So something has to give. Sure now with the internet there is a much lower proportion of males with loveshyness affecting their abililty to find a gf. This number would be really low say 0.2% of the male pop.
Females with love-shyness dont need to worry about being loveshy all she needs to do is look pretty and wait for a more assertive male to come along and pick her up.
it just sucks so much that all the friends i made are either crap or when they are cool…….they live far away from me so that we just lose touch………..sorry this website has opened up pandora’s box……hahah
i’ll prob be back again later……….it’s sunday and i got nothing to do……
im trying to give myself a new look, new clothes etc……..for those of you out there in a similar situation to me……..it might not be a bad idea
i dont know im 25……….something must happen soon………if not, im afraid this will never change and im stuck in this forever…………….
I’ve been reading all these posts. Remember I’m 42. I had a pretty good time throughout high school. I mean it was a party every day. But then I quit partying, and, by connection, the “partyers”, too. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18, but I have had relationships with women. A few long term ones. One was for a couple years and another was 4 years. I was engaged to both of them (not at the same time…..lol). I really can’t remember what went wrong in the 2 year realtionship, but I even asked her father in that one for his blessing. The 4 year one was a nightmare. It’s sad, but true, that in EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP that I’ve had with a girl, that I have been fixed up by someone. I have never asked a girl out on a date on my own. NEVER! That’s pathetic. I’ve never really been able to tell if a girl liked me or not. So I was never willing to take a chance. I think succesful people take chances, so all you young guys out there reading this, start taking some before its too late! Anways, back to the nightmare relationship………………..I was fixed up by a friend and we eventually moved in together. She became pregnant and all was well for a little while. To make this story shorter, she lost the baby after about 4 months and things went downhill from there really. We were together for about another 1 1/2 years, but we fought all the time and our lifestyles were heading on different paths. She wanted to keep partying and I did not (remember I quit partying). She had 2 kids about 10 years old from a previous relationship and that wasn’t working out either. I couldn’t discipline them because I wasn’t their father. Their mother wouldn’t do it, and she wouldn’t and couldn’t help them with school, and they needed it. It wasn’t important to her. We were very different people and I was fixed up just for a piece of ass (no offense to women folk here)….. that is what it was supposed to be. But I tried to take it for more than it was because, well, I wanted the family life in such a bad way. That is always what I have wanted. Maybe I want it too much. Anyways, the breakup was hard on me, a lot harder than it was on her, I’m sure. I tried changing her into something that I wanted and that is never a good thing. Are you young guys listening to me? I didn’t trust her. She was not deserving of trust. That is the truth. She did so many things underhanded that eventually it just kept feeding itself and then I did more things to get back at her. She eventually cheated on me and left. But not before I busted her.
It took me many years to get over the whole deal. It wasn’t just about getting over her. It was about getting over the relationship and the way it turned out. I was thirty when that relationship ended and I haven’t had another since. That’s 12 years for anyone doing the math. So I can truly relate to what Vincent said before. I did respond to a few personal ads in the newspaper after I got over her. I met a couple, but nothing came of any of it. Eventually, I think, I just sort of gave up. Especially after realizing that MOST of the women in my dating group already had been married and were divorced and had children. I hope this is not taken as a dig against divorced women with children. It may be ok for many guys and probably a lot of second loves work out. I’m in a little bit of a different boat. I’m 42 and have no children. And I want children very much. It’s just that I don’t want to start off with a ready made family. I want to have a child with a woman (after marriage this time) and for the both of us to discover and learn and enjoy parenting together for the first time. I know that it is not going to happen for me. I have come to accept that now. I have put that dream of mine away and have focused on other things. I mean a lot of boring alone things like building models and home repairs. And there are many fun things I would like to do but really can’t by myself.
There’s a little more to the story. There was another girl. Let’s call her Cindy. I had a friend in high school. We partied all the time. Well, his mother’s boyfriend had kids from his previous marriage. One of the kids was a girl near our age, a couple years younger. However it happened, my friend and her developed a relationship. One day, after school, my friend and I went over to his house and she was there. I’ll never, ever forget that moment, when I first saw her sitting there, actually lying there, watching tv on the pullout sofa bed. Our eyes met and they locked for what seems like an eternity now, even then. And I really don’t remember how it happened or when, but somehow my friend and her broke up and her and I hooked up. I don’t think it lasted long, at least the first time. You see, she was a foster child because her mother wasn’t even able to take care of herself and her father had problems, too. Both her parents still had visitation, but the girl lived in various foster homes. Well, sometime she went to live in a different foster home and the people were strict. She wasn’t allowed to see anyone. I’m sure they had her best interests at heart. And it was a distance away so we sort of drifted apart. Eventually, her father got his act together and got custody back. He had other children, too, who were in foster homes. He got them back, too. Anyway, when she got back to her dad’s, which, by coincidence was right around the corner from my dad’s where I lived, she was pregnant by someone she had met while living at the last foster home.
We got together again. I want to tell you a little something about this girl. She used to get up in the morning and come down to my dad’s house and leave notes on my car. She would start my day by telling me she loved me and how she looked forward to seeing me when I got home. All that kind of stuff. If only I knew then what I know now. I think I was around 20 or 21 years old then. She used to come down to my dad’s garage, in the cold of winter, and just sit there with me while I did bodywork on my car. There was a heater, but still it was cold.
We got into arguments like any other couple. We’d fight. We’d get back together. But now I need to go back just a little bit. Before Cindy came back to live with her dad and before I got back with her, I was seeing someone else……let’s call her Robin….the 2 year relationship I mentioned earlier. Robin was the one in high school that I saw one day and couldn’t get out of my mind. It was her face. There was something about it. I don’t know. She had a boyfriend in high school so we didn’t hook up until after high school somehow and it was a dream come true for me. She had a great family and they were really into Christmas. We fought, too. Robin’s the one whose father I asked if I could marry her. We didn’t get that far. Anyway, Cindy came back to live with her dad. I’d see her every once in a while walking down the alley to go to the carryout. Eventually, we started talking. Well, one day I was over Cindy’s dad’s house and I kissed her. I was still seeing Robin. I wasn’t trying to be a two-timer, really. It happened. Maybe I wanted to see if something was still there. Remember, Cindy was pregnant by the guy she met while living in the foster home. Anyway, I told Robin about what happened and we fought. And Robin was a tough girl, too. She wanted to beat Cindy’s ass. But she didn’t. Anyway, me and Robin stayed together over that but we eventually broke up. Cindy had her baby. After Robin and I broke up, and it was at least a year after I kissed Cindy, me and Cindy got together again. I don’t remember how long Cindy and I were together that time, but we eventually broke up, too, and went our seperate ways. She met someone else eventually and got married.
Fast forward a few years………………..I got set up with the girl who I had the 4 year relationship with, call her Medusa. I’ve already explained most of that relationship, so I’m not going to repeat it. It was a pretty bad relationship, though. Especially after she lost the baby 4 months into the prenancy. Looking back there were a lot of signs that this wasn’t going to be a good relationship. And also looking back, I think I only stayed with her initially because she was carrying my child. And after she lost the baby, I don’t know why I stayed with her. Maybe for fear of being alone. At this point all of my friends were gone. But I do remember thinking about Cindy a lot, especially during the last year of my relationship with Medusa. I remember the notes on my car and the nights in my garage and all the other good, quality times Cindy and I had together. And there were a lot of good times and some kind of connection between us. I guess it was sort of like a Romeo and Juliet story. I had all that going on in my mind and heart while I was with Medusa. I guess I compared the two relationships. And I know I didn’t really put anything into the relationship with Medusa that last year or maybe even a little more than that. I knew Cindy was married and it never occured to me to try and reconnect with her. I know once, after Medusa and I broke up, I did call Cindy and she answered, but I didn’t say anything and I hung the phone right up.
I don’t know if it was even 3 months after that, maybe a little more, but I remember watching the local news on a Monday morning while I was getting ready for work. It was the day after Superbowl Sunday, January 25, 1998. I just happened to catch a phrase describing my end of town and started to listen to the story. The news anchor wasn’t mentioning any names when I caught the story, but they were showing the house and shivers went down my spine. I knew the house because it was Cindy’s father’s duplex and I knew she was living there. I listened more to the story and the facts weren’t clear what happened. Eventually, they did mention her name and her childs name and the story as they knew it. Her husband had beaten her in the head with a frying pan after trying to initiate sex with her while she was sleeping on the couch on Superbowl Sunday. He tied up her daughter in the basement with duct tape and rope and then beat Cindy over her head repeatedly with a frying pan. They said that Cindy was in the hospital in critical condition and that her husband was in custody. Cindy’s daughter had managed to escape from the basement and went to a neighbor’s house and called police. But it was too late. The police had a standoff with her husband but he eventually gave up. I went to work. I watched the news when I got home and learned that Cindy had died. Her husband is serving a term of 15 years to life for murder and kidnapping the daughter.
I know this was a long story about a life that most likey none of you know. But it is all 100% true. What I really want to convey here is this…………you need to take chances in your life. If you don’t muster up the courage you’re going to miss out on some really important moments and, most likely, a lot of happiness for yourself and someone else, too. I don’t know what it was about Cindy in my life. She came into it in a peculiar way and was a part of it even when we weren’t together. I think she was my soulmate. A lot of circumstances happened with the multiple foster homes and the pregnancy, but somehow, even after all that, somehow she would still find another way back into my life. And I’m not talking about purposely finding a way back. Neither of us did it purposely. It’s sort of like fate just kept bringing us back together. I was young and stupid and maybe I didn’t want to get tied down. But I did want to get tied down. It’s weird. But even when she wasn’t there she was in my mind and heart. I think I compared the kind of love she gave with the kind of love in my other relationships. None of it could compare. I think in my relationship with Medusa, even though I never cheated on her with anyone physically, I sort of did because I was having an affair with Cindy in my heart.
I often wonder how things would be different if circumstances would have just been a little different. I think I’d truly be happy now. I think Cindy and I would truly be happy. I think about how I made that phone call to her and just hung up. How if I would have just went to her and told her how I felt how she would still be here to love. I think I could love someone else again. I don’t know if I could love someone like I loved Cindy. But, I guess I shouldn’t anyway. I think there are different kinds of love and they can all be good. I think any love is good.
There are a lot of people out there without good friends. There were a lot of people in high school who were always the outcasts, the ones picked-on. They are probably some really decent people. All I’m saying is that you can go out there and meet someone if you take the initiative. Put a personal ad in the paper or online personal site and advertise for a friend, just a friend, with a common interest and see where it goes. The same goes for a romantic friend if that’s what you want. But be careful and feel the person out first and if you meet, meet them in public first. If they don’t seem sincere, dump them. If they are sincere, it seems like they would want to take it slow and not rush things, just like you do, in order to feel you out, too.
By all means, though, don’t be like me. Don’t wait until you’re 42 and the years have slipped by and you find it’s too late. If you have an “inkling” in your heart about someone, listen to it and take the chance. And don’t let the circumstances dictate what happens to you. You dictate what the circumstances are. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but there are adages out there about true love coming along only once in a lifetime. Maybe there are different kinds of love, but only one soulmate kind of love. But if you don’t reach in within yourself and make something happen, then you’re going to find yourself like me, a cynical, dried-up, shell of a man, alone, lonely, and miserable. And the miserable bleeds onto others and then they don’t want you around because you’re a downer. It’s a viscious circle. I’m pleading with you that if you can, you need to figure out a way and make something happen. Don’t wait for something to come and happen to you because it might not. I have one thing in my life right now and that’s my mother. No friends. No siblings. No children. No love of my life. I live alone. I eat alone (unless I am visiting my mother). I sleep alone. I don’t take vacations because who the hell wants to go on vacation by themselves. I have no one in my peer group to talk to about things. I often do things in my garage by myself. It really sucks people. I hope it’s a long time until my mother passes. Then I will be 100% alone.
Please, don’t let your lives end up like that. Everything is better when shared. I still remember when I was happy. And I’m glad I got the chance to at least experience it for a while. Get off the freakin’ computer and get out there and LIVE.
Fuck.. omg so many things went wrong in my life I feel I need some black candles treatments, I swear to god.. .. in so much physchial pain today, probably need 1 week to get over it… I guess. Can’t even sit… to make matters worse I broke my glasses as well today just 10 minutes ago..
Everything thing that has gone wrong with my live has gone wrong.. Lost my mother to cancer, I suffered from so many medical complications that when you calc the chances of any single person having all of them is like 1 in several billion.
Was brought up in a disfunctional family
Still not suicidal yet.. but what the fuck whats with all this bad karma…
AJ, I refuse to believe it is too late at 42. I’m not too far off from that myself really, and I don’t want to start believing it is too late.
I think loneliness sometimes becomes like a drug… an addiction. It’s a comfort place, a crutch. It is supremely scary to try to stop being lonely, to let go of it. It’s more than social anxiety or shyness I think. Loneliness becomes who we are and what we know. And even in its pain and depression, it is still comfortable. Well, I feel that way sometimes anyway.
I read a quote by Van Gogh the other day that almost made me cry: “One may have a blazing hearth in one’s soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it.” I really think I have something to offer people and the world. And that makes the loneliness even more painful sometimes I think.
Has anyone ever considered doing charity work through the United Way in your communities? This could be a way of meeting people also who want and need your help.
There is a listing of persons who need everything from good mentorship to painting someone’s homes and driving them around. Its almost endless. Check out the United Way’s list of people requesting for help from somebody, and then contact the United Way on their website or call. This could be a way of meeting other people and also feel good that you have made a difference not only for your community and for the persons you help. You never know where this may take you.
I think 42 is too old in my case. The idea of starting a family this late in life is unrealistic. There are so many other things to consider. First, you have to meet someone and go through all the rituals of dating and courthship. And chances are the first one you meet isn’t the right one, so you have to meet another. Those are astronomical odds at 42. Then I have to add in meeting someone around my age with no children. Then there has to be some mutual attraction. I don’t know when the last time a woman has been interested in me. Then I have to be able to tell if someone is interested, which I have never been able to do. Then the idea of no friends. It is weird. What would she think about that? My god, I wouldn’t have anyone to even invite to my wedding. It’s too much to overcome. If nothing else, I’m at least grounded in reality. I’m not addicted to loneliness. I hate being lonely. But I don’t know how to escape it. I’ve been hoping for years that something, anything, would happen to turn things around. It does seem as though some people are born losers and destined to be lonely. Even the Beatles wrote a song about it and that was nearly 40 years ago. And the way life is now, not being able to stay at a job for an extended period of time, I think, does contribute to this phenomenon. I think the biggest thing for me was the major lifestyle change I made after high school. I completely quit partying. I stopped smoking pot and I quit drinking. It wasn’t doing it for me. All of my friends kept partying. After that we had nothing or less in common and we drifted apart. And I still think those friendships that are made and cultivated while one is growing up are the ones that can never really be replaced. During your younger years and throughout adolescence, you and your friends go through the growing process together and experience growth together. They now you and you know them. It is a strong bond forged from the mutual growing from within. Frienships formed after those years cannot be as strong as those. These friendships formed in later years lack that “I knew you throughout all of our childhoods” part. There is something about growing up with someone, over time, over years, through elementary and junior and high school, that “something” that forms in your core about the other. You really know that person. You are part of that person. Friendships later in life don’t have that quality. Neither of you know how the other was growing up, what they went through, what they experienced.
That’s the kind of bond that I’m lacking. I didn’t even have that in high school because after junior high I moved away to live with my father and I had to make new friends. Those were my partying “buds”. Maybe that’s why nothing ever came of those freindships after high school. They all had their own friends from growing up when I entered the picture. Their best friends were already determined. And I know for a fact that 2 of the guys I used to hang with were best friends then and they still are. They grew up together. Those bonds formed in childhood cannot be replaced if they’re lost or altered or abandoned. Lucky people, social people will be able to form new friendships n these cases, but they would still never have a friendship like that developed in adolescence. I could tell those friends anything. Anytime. I think it takes years to cultivate a great friendship. A total friendship. A whole friendship.
I think some people, myself included, just have bad luck, bad karma, whatever you want to call it. Whether it just finds them or we (they) make it themselves, it surrounds us and envelops us and is darn hard to get rid of, if it even can be. It seems a lot of negative life experiences impact our lives along the way, shapes the way we are, and influences how we become. Who we become. It starts in the early years when the kid isn’t picked for the dodge ball team. Or is picked last. Just because he has to be picked. It grows a little more when he is laughed at by his peers because his pants are a little too short because his parent is too poor to afford a new pair. Or when he has a crush on a girl and approaches her only to be rejected. It’s all of these things and more. It’s a slow killing of the soul. Little by little. Piece by piece. It’s the repeated knock downs. Sure you get up many times, but it becomes harder and harder and eventually you just say, “why bother”, and you just don’t put yourself into those positions anymore. You give up and you resign yourself to your fate.
Well, that’s what I think for what its worth. I’m not a psychologist. I don’t submit that I have all the answers. Any answers for that matter. I only know what has happened to me in my life. I know things I have done wrong and wish I could take them back. I know when I felt happiness. I know when it was taken away. In don’t know why it was taken away. I know some really low times when I just wanted to die. But you know what? Even in those low times, I was still feeling something. Now, I think, I would characterize how I feel as “numb”. I really don’t get any joy out of anything. I just sort of exist. I figure I’ll finish living this life out and then it will be over. And I think I’ve come to realize that it really wouldn’t be fair to anyone else to screw up their life by coming into it. I know I’m a downer. I accept that. It isn’t right to bring that on someone else. I honestly don’t think that I can get back to where I once was. I’m always going to have all that “mind baggage” that I think about, and because of that, I would never to be able to be there 100% for someone to cultivate a real and meaningful relationship. And that’s not fair to someone else. Because of all this, I think the most important thing that I can offer anyone, or society, is to just stay out of it and keep my problems to myself and just stay alone. That’s my contributution to the world. I. also, know that loneliness is not the worst thing in the world. There’s an awful lot of suffering in this world. Famine, disease, war. As bad as lonliness and being alone is to us, it really isn’t much compared to what a lot of people go through. I’m not trying to diminish what all of us feel, just to give it a little perspective.
There are worse things to have inflicted upon you other than loneliness. And I think this page is getting way too long, too.
True I feel the sorts of myself.. I feel I just exist.. I dont care really about myself.. thats the worrying thing.. I just not taking seriously looking after my own health, certainly not taken any drugs, but not taking the steps, or trying to make something with my life as far as a relationship is concerned.
I guess I just stopped trying to progress in my life in couple of years> I’m trying hard at the moment but a little bad luck just cropped up.
As for my current bought of illness I have never taken a day of work my whole entire life when I did contract work. Such a shame I fall ill recently starting permanent role, just 2 months ago.
BTW My uncle, and aunty married in 2 months since being introduced to each other by colleges at work. Life is too short to waste another precious minute.
@ aj…….i totally relate to what you’re saying about the “some people being born losers bit”……..BUT that being said, it is something that i personally cannot afford to believe………
i’ve had a lot of bad luck……picked on in high school, grew up without a father(cancer)…..had no friends, went to university, “friends” screwed me over, being small, 12 year old looking, ugly, guys pick on me, girls laugh at me, and the list goes on….
i have also thought that, maybe some ppl, like me are just not meant to succeed……but even though it feels that way, I refuse to believe something like that……..I look at pictures of myself when i was a little kid, and i see a bright little kid who was ready to take on the world, i was not born a loser, but something went horribly wrong along the way that has led me to this point
you yourself has said that circumstances don’t define us, we define our circumstances……..i think we’re all at least partially responsible, bad luck or not, for the circumstances we’re in……..and if we’re powerful enough to get into bad situations, we’re powerful enough to get out of them as well
and What is the definition of a loser?……..in my opinion, a loser is somebody that stops trying to win………..like i said in my earlier post, most of the “successful” ppl who are lucky enough to have friends……..who strut around thinking they’re better than ppl like us……..can never walk a mile in our shoes without hanging themselves……..just the mere fact that after all we’ve gone through………….we’re still here fighting and we havent put a shotgun in our mouths makes us WINNERS(al bundy quote)
i think a lot of us on this board, focus so much on the negative feelings, that we forget to give ourselves credit for how strong we really are, most people have friends……we’re ppl who have been robbed of some of the best life has to offer…….and yet we’re still here fighting despite everything………ppl like us are stronger than most ppl……..and i think we need to give ourselves more credit for that
As for now,
As for now, im taking things day by day, trying to be positive, i really believe that my negative emotions and energy over the years has trapped me into a negative cycle of bad luck
there used to be a time when i was a child………that i just couldnt lose……..but the teenage years, my dad dying and being picked on had a profound impact on me
i truly believe that if i stay positive, forget about the past, as hard as that is to do sometimes and start anew……….i could overcome everything and i really feel like im on the cusp………i ALMOST got with this way out of my league girl (i messed it up)…..im making friends despite the fact that we lost touch and they moved away…….i feel like i’ve come a long long way, and i’ve still got a long way to go…….but my way of looking at things is………..
im soo excited and happy to see the future………because it’s unknown, and nobody knows what’s it’s going to bring because nothing in life in certain…….and i can’t wait to explore it and see everything the future has to offer because the past has little to offer
and that’s the advice im giving to all of you out there who are in the same boat as me………the future is a mystery, f’ck the past, it’s gone…..just look ahead and think of all the exciting things u havent experienced and interesting ppl u havent met…..u just dont know what’s going to happen next……it’s awesome……..stay positive! if you let negativity consume you, ur just trapping urself into negativity
and AJ, i honestly admire you, i told my cousin recently that if things didnt get better by the time i was 30 i would kill myself……….after all u’ve been though ur still fighting is really admirable………….i think u should do whatever u can to make your life enjoyable……..just don’t think about things u don’t have or whatever………..ur right u do face huge obstacles………but so do we all……..and how many ppl in life actually get what they want anyway…..not too many……….just take things day by day……do things u enjoy and hope for the best…..god will see that ur a good person and things will work out well for u in the end……….so hang in there
to everybody don’t give up, im going back to school, getting jobs, taking classes, keeping up with old acquantances……..anything to expand my social network……..remember one friend to lead to 3 friends, and then 10 and so on…..we just need determination….and a lil break to go our way and then we’re off……….just like bad luck……good luck, once it goes………..it could go on for a long long time………so like i said…….forget the past and stay positive………
ps…just a side note, about the being embarrasssed to tell girls u have no friends thing……….what i do now……….i make up a sob story about how my best friends moved away this summer………and now im stuck with ppl i don’t really like……..so i need some new companionship……..gonna try it out next time i actually have a prospect, whenever that may be, hopefully it’s soon
It’s me again, just wanted to post about my current state of mind. I don’t mind so much the fact that I have no friends, really it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. In fact I would say that I’m more comfortable being a loner than with other people (I don’t even have/want online friends). Just that having no friend has cripple me with the opposite sex, and this annoys me greatly.
I’m considering paying a call girl just so I won’t be a 30 year old virgin but the really sad part is that I am taking a weight training class and working out first before I do it. (i’m slim but working out to get more fit and more muscle to impress a hooker, i know it’s weird and sad at the same time.)
Do you guys think it’s pathetic to lose your virginity to a hooker? Or should i settle for a less attractive girl?
Its the social phobia thing.. thats our disablity.. We are just afraid.. too afriad to speak out, talk to strangers, talk about our lives.. because we have nothing to say about ourselves.. we just trudge through our miserable lives work.. and then going back home.
What we need to do is enquire what they did on their weekend, enquire about their family..
Even people who are blind, deaf or wheelchair bounding are dating and marrying.
Hooker. No please read the topic of Love-shyness @ wikki.. Honsetly you can date any girl.. just because you date her doesn’t mean you need to marry her.. Just because you sleep with a girl doesnt mean you need to marry her as well.. so try chatting up the opposite sex.
hooker??…….even if u do that, it doesnt count, technically u got laid but u would still feel like a virgin afterwards because u paid for it………there’s nothing like that feeling of legitimately scoring, especially for underdogs like us…………..there could possibly be no greater feeling
u can do it i guess to get some experience, but u still would not feel any better u would feel exactly the same, if not even worse than u did before
like i ranted about before………ppl like us focus too much on the negative and we forget to give ourselves credit, we’re still here after all we’ve been through………so after all we’ve been through……….we owe it to ourselves to get somebody good……..
never settle……im not necessarily talking looks or personality, both those qualities are arguable…………..but never settle for anyone u don’t like or ur not attracted to…..i think we all deserve somebody that we like……………people who are desperate like me for example, tend to forget sometimes that sex and relationships is supposed to be a great and wonderful thing…..i get blinded by desperation that we forget that simple fact…………….
after all we’ve been through…….we owe it to ourselves to get somebody taht we love and is attracted to…….not somebody we don’t like just for the sake of getting somebody because ur still miserable anyway so what’s the point…….
and it’s not always social phobia………i was so scared to talk to ppl before………but now im way better though still pretty dam pathetic……….i think it boils down to confidence………and that takes time to build……….i think what needs to be done is for ppl to force themselves to go out there……..or take a class or something…….put themselves in a situation where they are forced to socialize……….and as time goes on, the so-called “phobia” can be overcome.
i’ve seen quiet shy ppl who have tons of friends as well as really social interesting ppl who have next to none…..a lot of it does have to do with luck and circumstances……but we need to at least try to help ourselves even if we’re not as lucky as the next guy………
As for no friends I probably tell girls that I have suffered social anxiety disorder all my life. Making me to afraid to talk to people, to the point I can’t ask girls on dates, run away from girls who ask me on dates, or want relationships with me
Also started taking drugs to start taking drug to treat my shyness. Just to get those drugs now..
And my best friend from highschool went overseas to start a new life.. and he no longer wants to talk to me no more (which is true)
Just bum along to some bar or something like that. I might try that since whatever works.. ergg. which I can’t even speak properly or didnt use any pickup at all..
well, for me it all started when i was 14 and had to start highschool. i didn’t know but a few people there and didn’t even have any classes with them, and sadly was far too shy to talk to people i didn’t know. i ate lunch alone most of the time, sometimes in my car, or even in the bathroom, because i got tired of having to eat alone most of the time. i had a few people who took pity on me and would talk to me and sometimes considered me a friend, but i never became close with any of them. sometimes people invited me to eat with them, i would when they did, but later was too scared to initiate it myself. they probably thought i was rude. there was one boy in highschool who was attracted to me and i totally screwed it up by ignoring him out of fear. one time we were alone in the hallway, and i just passed him by didn’t even say or do anything. if i had that moment to relive, i would have kissed him. i let my shyness conquer me.
once, a girl who seemed real nice asked me for a ride home. i would have, but said no b/c i wasn’t supposed to drive with another person in the car b/c i had only had my license for less than 6 months. i should have just given her the ride. maybe we would have become friends. i never saw her again. i’ve always regretted that decision.
after highschool, i only had relatives to hang out with every now and then. i was too afraid to talk to coworkers. but did end up befriending one, who the only reason we became friends was because he was stuck alone in the same room as me for 8 hrs. we never hung out outside of work though.
i actually was so desperate for someone to hang out with, i actually contacted someone i hadn’t really been friends with for years. we’ve hung out a few times in the last year, but things are not the same between us. there’s still some tension in the air. plus, she goes to school far away and has new friends there so isn’t really all that interested in hanging out with me, i don’t think.
i finally got a boyfriend when i was 21 who i met at work. we’re now married. i still want friends though, more than anything. i feel incredibly unfulfilled. i say i don’t have any friends b/c i’m shy but some people think that that’s just making excuses. i hate that i’ve been denied something that everyone has. it’s not fair. i feel like there’s something wrong with me.
i’m scared i’ll never make any friends.
Hi,
Wow poster ME you are much like myself. I oost many many friends when I quit hanging at bars and many more when I quit drinking. Many other friends go another direction when you get married and have kids. I too have a boat that has seen the water twice in 4 years. Sux to tske out the boat to fish by myself.
Amazing . ..
In all these years I find that this whole trouble making friends thing is sometimes tied to low seld confidence. I balk at meeting some new people etc because I fear the rejection that has become a pattern.
My one person I could talk to, reach out and phisically touch etc .. my wife had severe bi polar and depression. She passed away on July 27 2008. NOW I AM TRULY ALONE. If I did not have to speak at work I probable could get thru the rest of my life silent .. I wonder if iI will ever be able to find a new girlfriend??
I don’t know where I would start After almost 30 years of being married I am a total dating newbie. I am shy , I am a wreck, I am OLD (49).
When I was young as Me says you would fing girls and friends thru the bars, parties and drug buddies that you would hang out at. Now they are all in the past I don’t drink, still smoke pot but have been buying from same person for years .. no need to hang out at the woods etc .. (That scene has been long busted up by rthe cops anyway)
I may try to check out some bars in the near future .. I hope women won’t find me odd offering to buy drinksetc when I am drinking soda. Oh man I long for the good old days when all you needed was some coke and cash and you would pair up with someone without much trouble .. at least you could get your foot in the door to a relationship. Alas the 80’s are gone too.
I will post about my future adventures soon ..
Now I head back out into the huge lonely world …
Hang In There Everyone!
Hi Again,
In my post I mentioned feeling alot like poster ME .. I also meant to include poster AJ when I mentioned the bar & party scene .. the boat etc.
Hang In There
Yes. Low self esteem. No. Social phobia. Just yesterday, I was at the supermarket and I started coversations with 3 people. One was the greeter at the door. She was older than me, maybe around 60. The others were an older couple, husband and wife, with whom I started talking to the wife first. I heard them talking to each other about something and then I just interrupted with my two cents. We talked the entire time while we waited in line. Those are “safe” conversations….nothing could come of either conversation and there was no intent to have anything come of either coversation. For me, the problem lies in the intent. Putting a “rap” on some chick is way different. You need to be clued in first that they may be interested. I never get the clue.
I gave up being positive long ago. It’s an admirable quality, but, over time, fades. At least it did for me. I haven’t had to deal with anything more than anyone else. Yes, I do feel like I lost my true soulmate in life. I could love again. I don’t drink so bars are out of the question. And I think it’s pathetic to go out by yourself unless it’s too the neighborhood watering hole. But to go out on a Friday or Saturday night to a hot spot by yourself, well, few people do that. And if you’re thinking of a singles club, well go check them out yourself and see. I’ll let you discover what it is and how it is on your own.
Vincent….. I said we ought not let circumstances define us, but we should define our circumstances. I believe that but think it’s harder than it seems. Circumstances play a HUGE part in what you are, what you become. Maybe we weren’t born losers, but destined to become losers. And yes it depends on how you define losers. Maybe I should say losers in the sense of obtaining what we want and need and are able to get. You could be a multimillionaire and still be alone like we are. It’s all relative.
I guarantee I’ll be with a hooker before I die. I plan on getting at least one more piece of ass before I die and it doesn’t seem to be happening any other way, so why not? No, it’s not my first choice. I see nothing wrong with it for people in our position. No, it doesn’t replace the intimacy or the longing for a connection with someone. But it is human touch. And I think touch is very important. I remember when I was in grade school how my teacher asked the class what they thought was the most important “sense”. Most said sight. The next most popular was hearing I think followed by speech and taste. I said touch and I was the only one who said touch. I remember because I remember being embarrased because everyone turned and looked at me. Sort of ironic, isn’t it?
Most of you still have chances because of your age. You better try and overcome the obstacles within and make it happen……define your own circumstances. When you get older things are different. Life is going on for a lot of people and they have not the time to be a big part of your life. Women my age have baggage……kids and ex-husbands. I’ve been there with that and Medusa. It’s not a good scene, man. There are just so many other dynamics infused into a realtionship of that nature. It’s waaaayyyyyy harder! I look at it like this…………….most people by the time they reach my age are married and have kids or have been married and have kids. People who haven’t married by my age have a stigma put on them by society. We’re either gay (I’m not……. not that there’s anything wrong with that—LOL), or we’re just passed over because we weren’t good enough for whatever reason. And there IS another little subtlety in life too that isn’t really written down anywhere but is there. That is that we’re SUPPOSED to procreate and create more people…..taxpayers. The laws are geared toward people having children. You get tax deductions for these little future taxpayers. Well, we didn’t do our job and create some of these little buggers and single people with no children get no breaks whatsoever! That’s off point, though.
Bottom line Vincent, it’s hard to enjoy most anything by yourself unless it’s a solitary activity anyway. Like solitaire. You don’t need anybody else to enjoy that. But most things you do. And you get bitter over time. I have. It just plain sucks! There’s no other way to say it. There is no sense in sugar coating it. Most people have their friends already. A lot of people are reluctant to even let new people in their group. It can be a threat to them. They could lose what they already have. Poeple think like that. They have the same thoughts we do. Most people are possessive and it’s no different when it comes to friends.
It’s hard to be positive for an indefinite period of time. I was for quite a while, but just too many things kept happening and chisled it away piece by piece, little by little. And when that’s gone you’re sort of just stuck with reality. You live day by day, nothing new happening, just exisiting, same old, no highs, no lows, just numb. Face it. It’s a major deal to find a new friend. You don’t know that person at the beginning. You don’t know if you can trust them. What about common interests? Not everybody is a match. It’s harder than it seems. Their morals might not match yours. They may not have any. So although it may seem like a doable deal to find new friends, many are eliminated from the pool right away because they don’t share your same values. And I’m sure we all eliminate some based on just how they look. And they might do the same to us. It’s complicated. It’s just not like when your a kid. An innocent kid. Our innocence is gone now. We aren’t as trusting when we are adults. We KNOW how people are. It may sound noble to perceive someone as innocent until proven guilty, but rarely is it like that in life. We and they have to prove ourselves to each other. That takes time. And it takes the happenstance of meeting that person first. It just has to happen. I don’t think it can be forced. Personalities do conflict.
I could put an ad up for a fishing buddy, either in a personal ad or maybe on a board at a marina. Well, I may find someone with a common fishing interest. I would expect to, I guess. But what about the rest? What of they’re not a good person? Or maybe threy’re a good person and I’m not. Maybe they’re a heavy drinker and by the time we come in from fishing out on the lake all day they’re to drunk to even help me dock the boat. That isn’t any good. Or maybe they’re those kind of people who like to do nothing but talk about themselves all day non stop. Maybe they’re a big bullshitter. It’s more complicated making friends than just going out and meeting someone or putting up a personal ad. Friends have to click, just like a husband and wife. And nobody clicks with everybody.
And proximity figures into it, too. Your perfect friend or gf/bf may live 3000 miles away. How would you know? What way 3000 miles? It’s a big world.
Anybody on here fish? And live near Lake Erie in NW Ohio?
Forgot something I’ve been wondering. I wonder if the people who started this site read this stuff? It’s sort of weird, isn’t it, how this site is about doing business in Mexico and Internationally? I don’t know what that has to do with loneliness. You would think this kind of thing would be on a Psychological site of some sort, wouldn’t you?
Hello All
Let me share my current stage of my mind too..I moved from my country 2 years ago to Dubai when i got married with my favorite man… I am so happy to have him… but it affected on whole my social life… here I have no close friend… some people are around me …but they are totally crap… i have to call them every time or invite them for dinner and in return I rarely receive call from them when they need me to do something for them only… nobody wants me as a friend because of my self… I am not shy but i don’t have sense of humor and I cannot make the people laugh and be happy but I really care about everyone…
I try to be positive and happy when I want to make friends but nothing is happening
Even now my family are the same and always expect me to do lots of thing for them and in return nothing…please somebody help me … i really want a friend and I will be the best friend for her..
thanks
Eva
i don’t even turn my phone on anymore. why bother? i try to make friends but they run away from me sooner or later. i guess i try to hard. i thought i made a friend this summer. we hung out a few times. out of the blue he stopped taking my calls. last week he called me, but it became quickly evident that he had dialed the wrong ‘matt.’ rather than make small talk he just grunted ‘oh’ and hung up the phone. i’ve tried joining web forums but i just get ignored or put down. i am 40 and go to community college full time. i just keep my head down and try to do my work. i have a girfriend and some pets to keep me company but that’s it. i just try to have a rich inner life like so many of you. i too have imaginary conversations with imaginary friends and it’s the ony time i ever feel popular or wanted. it’s just as well, though- i know i’m a loser. i KNOW that if you send me to the plate in the bottom of the 9th i am going to choke. i won’t even bother flipping a coin with somebody. THEY always win (unless, of course, by WINNING the coin toss you lose, then it reverses. I have been going to the gym for 15 years. it doesn’t matter. i’ve never made a single friend. just yesterday a couple of guys in the locker room struck up a conversation about how much of a social scene the gym was. news to me, like everything else. did you ever get the feeling that everybody else is in on something? i don’t mean in a paranoid sense so much as they have their little a-list club, and it’s just no fun unless they can exclude people. it’s funny (i know i’m rambling sorry) but i look back over my whole life and it has always been this way- pre-school on up, through various schools, jobs, the army, always the same. my friendships were always pursued by me. these people never called me- always the other way around. and when i didn’t call- they never cared enough to find out why. they just probably saw it as a relief. two weeks ago i got invited to a party (first time in years). naturally i was excited, til i showed up and it was $15 a head to get in. i was basically invited b/c they wanted cash. i saw some people i know there and it’s weird- when i talk to these people i am just trying to get away as soon as possible. why, you ask? because feel so fucking LOW about myself and my status that i feel bad for the other person. i don’t want THEM to be seen talking to a loser and therefore have their own status put into jeapardy. it doesn’t take long though. a few seconds of chit-chat and they’re like “well, i’m gonna go grab a beer now, so…’and that’s that. There were literaly hundreds of people at this event. i was the only one walking around alone with nobody to talk to. SAME AS IT EVER WAS…
Ya, it is hard to make friends. So screw it. But there are plenty of social groups out there to hang out with where many of the people there are just is shy. So be apart of something and expect nothing else in return. If you want something in return, take the easy way, pay for it!
Otherwise…
But let’s see what is there:
Outing clubs
Craft clubs
Bicycling clubs
Church
YMCA full of teams sports
Charity
You have to give them a shot, like 4 or 5 attempts, and expect nothing but to just be apart of something. If the entire group is simply a click and they don’t look well upon new people, leave right away!!!!!!
If you suck at cordination, Take up running, biking, or swimming. Pay for a coach and join a league. Sports…. typically if you push to improve and people notice, it says alot about your character and people will approach you and converstations begin.
THE KEY TO LIFE IS FAILURE AND LEARNING FROM IT. But you have to put yourself out there and endure for awhile. That is why sports are typically the best, there is accountability.
Oh, and people will always let you down. LIFE IS TOUGH!
AJ I still don’t think you should be so resigned to your fate
i know this dude, he’s at least top 3 coolest friends i’ve ever had (of course he lives real far away from me and i’ll probably never see him again)
BUT. the point is……..he’s 44 years old……he lives off the government because they diagnosed him with some kinda mental disorder, so he gets about 900 bucks a month, and he lives with his GIRLFRIEND, never works, actually even smokes crack from time to time……a lot of people would see him as a LOSER, and maybe he is that in a lot of ways……….
but i’ve never seen somebody would such a zest for life……he goes out parties all the time………he’s so smooth with women it is unbelievable he is so charming it’s incredible……..he’s gets girls half his age, and he’s not great looking, he’s poor, and he’s old……
the point is, in your situation, you should just do whatever u want whenever u feel like doing it and not give a f uck about anything………..have fun, live, have sex, do whatever u want, but don’t let bad experiences from the past affect you so much………
if you’re as screwed as you say you are, you have nothing to lose, so the positive part of that, is now u have the freedom to do anything you want without consequences
i mean i shouldnt be one to talk i still find it real hard to get over the past as well…..but seriously, you, me and other ppl on this board must get over the past if we want to move on……….i understand some of us are in real tough spots……..but as long as we’re still alive, why not try to make the best of it
and as far as the loser thing goes, failure to get what you want and need………u’ve had more life experience than me but in my 25 years, i’ve come to the conclusion that NOBODY gets what they want and need out of life, so in that sense, everybody’s a loser………….you’re only a loser if you see yourself as one
i know situations look grim, but the way i look at things now, is the future is a mystery…….and im excited to see what happens next……….there are no guarantees in life so anything could happen, and i can’t wait to see what would happen………..we’ve all gone through a lot of grief, and we should all give ourselves credit for coming this far……..so let’s keep an open positive mind and see what happens next
the point is, keeping a positive attitude does not guarantee that all your dreams would come true, but it does make you happier…..and give you a much better outlook and prospects for life…….and it’s a domino’s effect….better outlook comes better possibilities, and who knows, keep fighting one of these days ur bound to get a break
the important thing is to believe and keep thinking positive thoughts, such as all the exciting things ur gonna be doing in the unknown future……..that’s how i get by nowadays
on the other hand, a negative atttitude DOES guarantee that you won’t go anywhere
so don’t let the hope die!
also……..don’t think so lowly of yourselves
that’a big problem that a lot of similar ppl to us have…………..we think we’re not good enough…….and we end up personifying that in our daily personas that we present to other ppl, especially women…………..
we end up embodying that ‘not good enough” attitude……..over time………it becomes so deeply entrenched in our psyches it almost becomes a sixth sense……..as soon as we’re around women………..we shrink like we’re slave servants meeting the queen of the castle or something………i know from my own past experiences, i tell myself to be confident but when it’s “game time”……….i instinctively become so patheticly scared, it’s uncontrollable……..
i actually had this girl recently that i am almost positive i could’ve had, but i started to get scared having to meet her friends and family………..number 1( i have no friends she could meet)……..number 2, i could almost see her family and friends laughing at her for being with this 12 year old looking skinny short kid……….
i guess the most important thing is that we have to learn to love ourselves…….forget what other ppl may or may not be thinking because we can’t control that…….and it’s silly to worry about things we can’t control………..and over time………confidence will grow and we will do much better with women……..
but we have to learn to get out of the trap we set for ourselves………since we set the trap……we should be able to get out as well………just a little faith and willpower wil pull us through
i am happy to say that i am way better now, much more confident……still very insecure but at least i don’t have that “sixth sense” i talked about earlier anymore………and i am convinced that all of us can be better if we allow ourselves to be
and one last thought, i don’t think people who have significant others belong on here at all
you’ve got a gf/bf………u’ve got something………ur not alone………u’ve got somebody to back you up and make you feel better after a bad day
this page is for ppl who have absolutely no one and have to face the struggles of everyday life by themselves
sorry i get kinda irritated listening to ppl complain about how much their lives suck and how lonely they are, and then they go……oh and my girlfriend/boyfriend this and that……….contradicts the whole purpose of their post
GET A CAT
So, an observation. Everyone on this page has done much bitching (myself included) about how much life sucks. and it does. When the only person I can talk to is my boyfriend, when I think about the prospect of my wedding with no friends present because I don’t have any, I get really, really depressed. And of course, this leads to further antisocial-ness. But. I don’t see anyone attempting to make connections here. Everyone here is so alone, which I completely understand. yet, nobody will reach out to anyone else. Is that our problem? I, for one, am too scared to contact someone for fear of rejection. Is it the same with anyone else? I’m looking for friends. Are you?
Hi – I’ve read lots of posts and there are lots of people here I would love to sit in a room with and just chat and try to laugh about life. We all have so much in common and need each other.
Cheryl, Eve, Laurelak – I wouldn’t mind exchanging more chat. I’m looking for friends as well.
my email is lsillaur@yahoo.com
I may not have a human best friend but I have 2 of man’s best’s friends.
They are sweet and loving. I love them dearly. They bark alot, but that is part of who they are.
Of coarse I was refering to same sex best friend. My best friend is my wife.
I wish I had someone to chat with right now. Is anyone reading?
Alex – I tried to email you and received a message that this mailbox is unavailable. Here’s mine if you want to communicate – lsillaur@yahoo.com
Hmm BigMacFella become a ChickenBurgerFella.. they have less fat than Big Macs. You don’t need a game show to loose weight. You dont need to loose weight, you should be taking steps at loosing weight at this very moment.
For me, I feel that in my situation I just have given up trying, maybe this is the same for a few of you. I reliazed to start off you need to accept yourself as yourself. That is accept your flaws and take the active steps to fix them where humanily possible.
*I’m going to see a pychologist soon to treat my shyness, love-syhness, obsessive cleaniness disorder, just joined the state sponsored waiting list, and hopefully will get 6-12 free session. I think I rank pretty high on mental issue.
*Started talking to people of both sexes on public transport..
lsillaur, dont bothered.. alot of people here have serious problems.. While the idea of
Hey “Me” the last part of your sentence to me was cut off.
WOW, even on this board I get rejected! Unreal. A story of a fat man’s misfortune is revolked. Why, even among losers, I a am the biggest loser bet yet can’t get on the TV show “The biggest loser.” What a parady. A fat man needs a place to vent. And eating a cat out of hunger while asleep is not a good way. Poor little kitty, not even a scratch mark was left on me.
What I have noticed from this board, is that a good portion of the people here had a good High School experience with friends. From the sounds of it, these are the exact people that formed clicks and pushed me away. You guys all partied instead of studying and when life caught up, you have nothing to offer and have no friends. Shame on you all.
There are those who had as crummy a whole life as me, but I don’t want to hear about mis perfect-had everything, marries a rich guy, gets fat and has no friends. I was always fat. You people make me sick. You had a good life, got lazy and lost it. Shame on you!
Hey, what’s up everyone. I haven’t posted on here in a couple of months. Every time I feel really lonely and sad I always think of this forum and it makes me feel better that I’m not the only person that is really lonely without any friends or a significant other. We’re all on the same boat so even though we are physically alone, we are going through the same types of struggles together so we can all empathize with each other. I often come on here and read the posts you guys leave.
I’m always listening to music and it even helps with my bouts of depression and keeps me from falling into despair. One in particular song which also happens to be one of my favorite songs is “Message in a Bottle” from The Police. Every time I hear that song I remember this forum and everybody in it. We can all understand and relate to the message in the song. For those of you, who never heard it, listen to it, listen to the lyrics, he uses the island and the bottle as metaphors. The message of this song is powerful and true, this forum proves it if you know what I mean.
Thank god for the internet if it weren’t for the internet this forum obviously wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t have been able to feel connected to anybody like I did by reading a lot of your posts. With no internet I might as well just had to have sent a “Message in a Bottle” lol but then again that song came out in 1979.
lsillaur I know sentence ended.. I wanted to say something but must have decided to post it fast for some reason.. maybe had to go to work..
What I was saying is most people wont be bothered emailing someone else.. I know from experience I find talking to someone else very tiredsome sometimes to the point I dont stop writing to people.
If you want to get to know people better talk to them on the street, on public transport, while your waiting in a queue.. can be members of the opposite sex or same sex. Talking over the internet is totally different to someone online. I don’t think trying to talking to someone with little social skills will help improve your situation. I personally think that you get conversation topics from reusing topics from people, and responding to questions using the best response you have heard from others.
I’ve started more to strangers on the street to improve my confidence. I generally feel much more confortable talking to males.. since females can’t look at me when I talk to them.. I find that really distracting.
I find I get the brush off factor from my aunty.. She will call me up maybe just to check if I am alive then just end the call as fast as she can as if she lost interest in me.. Coming from a person that married when she was 40ish.. I must admit that most people with various form of social anxiety disorder are not supportive of others in the similar predicatament, I find this phenomenon quite intriguing. Perhaps they want to suffer alone or they don’t have the energy?? Alterntavitely they just find you boring and you find them boring?
I guess they don’t really want to mingle for whatever reason.
BigMacFella no-one is rejecting no-one, just a figment of your imagination. Low self-esteem is really affecting you badly.
As you can see in the “The biggest loser”. Even fat people can be social and have personalities. I think alot of these gameshows require participants to have certain degree of charisma or social skills. That allow participants to properly interact, talk about their weight experience and so forth. Otherwise the show would be pretty boring.
You just need to fight your problems. Probably more than just your weight????
Get another cat or dog. Don’t let something in your past haunt you and affect you for the rest of your life.
”””””””””””””””””””””””’
I got up and fought my issues but got sick as a result. Took me out of work for almost 4 days.. and dampened my ethusiasm and efforts for 2 weeks.
To combat our problems ,this advice is to everyone not you in partilar BigMac, make sure your diet is right, Drink 8 cups of water a day, eat plenty of fibre, exercise, take vitamins. Because when you actually face the lights your going to stress yourself out. You’d probably find yourself dazed by your current predictament, have that sharp pain in the back of your eyes when you gaze into that spotlight that highlights your failings.
It felt so cosy shelling yourself from society and living life like a robot.
Now I probably sounded like a discordant organ in my current ramblings but hey this just me, and I wont have time to restructure this posting to give it a more logic flow.
Talking about organs I seem to have connect well with people in my last job through music. Learn an instrument. Then you have something to talk about show and tell.. Blah blah..
Eddie I just post here to share my life experience. and If I post it all up I can see the whole picture. You know a picture is worth a million words, and a pretty one is worth a hell lot more.. But mines pretty gruesume and I can fix some of it. What I really want to read here is someone who managed to fix up their life. That will be nice reading.. so work on it guys and girls..
As for listening to music.. I can tell you probably like instrumental music, but not contemporary classical, film music soundtracks and hate dance music that has no flow.. Typical taste of people with varing degree of social anxiety disorder.
I know this guy who weighed 350 lbs and lost 150 just riding his bicycle everyday about 20 miles for just over 1 year. He claims he didn’t even change his diet.
I cut down my BigMac intake to 9 BigMacs a day.
Although the day before I decided to start my diet, I ate 20 BigMacs.
Talk about a BigMac Attack. I hope reducing my intake I will lose weight.
Oh and initially I was eating 10 BigMacs a day. Now I do 9.
Hey guys! We’re all in a boat that no one else wants in! We don’t want to get in anybody else’s either. Or at least that is how I feel about it. And yes, talking on the net is much different than having a chat on the street. Neither of them ever go anywhere. But at least you have no obligation to the strangers…
It’s hard to find friends as much as it is hard to actually be one! Ego’s and Persona’s rule the day, and I am just happy knowing I am not on that boat!
Actually you get more out of talking to strangers than you expect.
1) you work on your confidence approaching strangers..
2) you develop your conversation repotitre. The other day I talked to a kid playing with a 6X6 rubix cube, I could tell he was good and not mucking around. I can mention it as a side topic any time now (atleast for the next few weeks) He said can solved one in 11 min.. Me I can’t even solve a regular rubix cube without taking one apart. There is supposodely a 4X4 rubix cube. See just 2 minute talking to anyone allows you to converse with someone else.
3) I think net talking works as well but doesnt solve your anxiety that much.. Atleast from chatting online you get to be yourself, develop your personality.
BigMacFella.. maybe you should learn to cook. Or eat subway more often.. Mind you subway is very high in salt, and sugar…
Anyway supposedly Subway does not offically endorse the “Jarred diet.” because it is unhealthy. 1 6-inch roach beef sub for lunch, chips, and a foot-long vegie sub for dinner hardly the calaories.
Hi,
I’m 28 years old I get so depressed because I have no true friends. The one person who was my friend traded me on for my sister inlaw..Because my sisinlaw had to become her best friend she tends to take what i have AHHH!! So I realized she wasnt my friend and have been all alone..I’m married but tend to take out frustration on my hubby and son. I feel horrible about. At times I dont even know how to talk to people anymore.. I would just love to have a friend I can tell come over and hang out and she will.
so, i figured out my problem. a am a bitch. well, at least i think that’s it. or maybe i just come off as one? i’m really not sure right now. all i know is that being in a room full of people i don’t know (and some I do) is the most uncomfortable thing ever. and I hate it. and I always leave feeling more alone than ever and like I want to just die. yep.. that’s it. i’m a bitch. well, too bad people – i’m just going to be a lonely complaining stupid bitch.
I am 25 years old and I have no friends right now. I feel the world is too judgemental and I can not say what is on my mind without being looked down upon or ridiculed. I have no one to share my thoughts, feelings, or dreams to – not even a god since I am agnostic. I have tried to make friends but the people that I like just don’t need me in their life, and the people that do I’d rather not be friends with. I feel trapped and alone just waiting for someone to rescue me from this prison. I am willing to admit it is mainly my fault for not getting out there and facing my fears of rejection. I hope I find the strength to overcome this and find some meaning in this world. If anyone can relate, wants to talk, or maybe brainstorm some solutions. eq_leranor@hotmail.com
I think that the root of my insecurities and low self-esteem and to a lesser extent my problems all started in middle school. I’m a 20 year old Hispanic man who was born and raised in a predominantly white area in NY all my life. In elementary school all of my friends including my best friends where white, the girls that I had crushes on were also white. I never thought anything of it or the fact that in my whole grade there was always only a handful of minorities in total including Asian, black, Latino, Arab, etc. The kids in school never really said anything or deliberately pointed it out. The kids were too busy watching power rangers or playing with Barbie’s or to be more direct, too innocent to be thinking or acknowledging things like that.
I understood Spanish but spoke only English to my parents and the rest of my family, English was my first and for a very long time my only language. Everything changed when I got to middle school, which was an enormous school with five times more kids than in the elementary school. Of course 75% of the kids in my grade were new as was the school. Everybody had to make new friends and try to fit in the best way they could. By middle school girls and boys were already going out with each other and experimenting with each other. I for the most part had a very hard time. I was always rejected by all the girls (who happen to be white) and made very little friends. They used to call me dirty Mexican and try to not hang out with me or be cool with me just because I looked Mexican. For the record I’m not even Mexican, my parents are from South America. Even the kids that knew this would still call me a Mexican because to them we all look alike. I felt very low about myself, even worthless. I felt I was an ugly loser who had no friends just because no one wanted to be associated with someone who looked Mexican. I felt (at the time) white people were so much better than Latinos in looks, in social status, an academia (I no longer feel that way about whites) however I still do feel white woman are so beautiful, lol I guess that just stuck with me too. I finally started to act out in school and be rebellious towards teachers and faculty in an attempt to try to fit in, but all that did was make people laugh at me and think I was dumb as shit because I never passed any of my classes.
After many suspensions and failing courses I finally got removed from the school and placed in an alternative based middle school where other kids with “real” behavioral problems landed. After getting kick out of that school as well I got kicked out of a few more until I finally stayed in a school in the 10th grade that I would do relatively good in and be promoted back to my public school district for my senior year. When I arrived at that school I was very self conscious and still insecure about myself, I was socially awkward. I occasionally got Mexican jokes cracked on me and a few girls still called me a Mexican in a degrading way. I never built up my confidence to talk to a girl because I assumed that to them I’m an ugly looking Mexican. I did make friends though with other types of people of varying type of races. But after all of my experiencing of the past it brought me to hate myself to this day and hate the fact that I’m Hispanic and even contemplated suicide.
I know that I will always be Hispanic and I should deal with it, but my fear is that I will always be judged, rejected and no girl will ever give me the time of day because of the way I look, why should anybody deal with or put up with that. I rarely talk Spanish outside of my house and I don’t dress like a ghetto Latino or like a day laborer would, so why should I be judged by other people. Even if I put on an Abercrombie outfit I would still be and look Hispanic so there’s no point in trying to “dress white”. I still feel like I’m worthless and ugly and never going to be able to fit in just like in middle school. What’s the point in doing anything if I’m always going to be judged, rejected and never good enough to have friends or a girlfriend because people are so shallow that they can’t even give you a chance or look past my looks? If people got to really know me they’d know I’m not your typical Latino, in fact I’m far from it. I’m always welcoming of other types of people whether it be potential friends or girls, however growing up around white girls my whole life I find them the most physically and sexually attractive. I’ll try any other types of girls but to me white girls are the prettiest but with my luck they are the ones I’m most intimidated by. I’m not too crazy about Latinas. I’m so insecure of myself, and have the lowest confidence imaginable when it comes to approaching woman (of all races) and making friends, because of fear of being judged or rejected like in high school and of course middle school. I wish somebody would just give me a chance.
I can’t believe I actually stumbled on this website. When I was typing, “I have no friends” in Google” (gotta love Google !), I thought I must be the only person in the world typing something like this into a search engine. Reading all of everyones stories was like reading about my own life. As some of you said, friendships are like romantic relationships. If you don’t click, nothing is established to build upon. Like so many of you, I completely dreaded who I would invite to my wedding if I ever got married because I have no friends. Or I did but not anymore. Then I think, what kind of guy would even want to date me when he finds out when I have no friends. I’m a 32 year old female, never married, no boyfriend, no kids either.
I remember the painful feelings of overhearing co-workers talking about their weekend plans , which only reminded me that i didn’t have any. Thus, i would always dread Fridays. Weekends , obviously were so painfully lonely and each weekend, I keep thinking to myself, “How much longer can I take this?” It’s incredible how we human beings need interaction and contact with others for our survival. I find myself literally aching to have someone to hug, to be able to make night plans or weekend plans and actually have something to look forward to besides my computer and TV. What makes this even worse is I hate my job, which is temp, and there is no one there I can go to lunch with unless I invite myself or ask if I could join them, which would seem pushy. They seem like they are their own little group and I am so isolated. So I come home, watch tv, eat. then start it again all over the next day. It’s like a double nightmare. Dont want to go to work but don’t like the intensly lonely weekends.
I have tried many times to make friends, only it never turned into anything. I was my genuine, nice self, where does that get me? When that didn’t work, I tried harder. Still didn’t work. Having things in common doesn’t mean much. I like shopping, movies, eating out, having drinks, would love to travel,so why am I alone? I see plenty of people doing these things with their friends and know that it’s simply not enough to have the same interests. People have to be INTERESTED in you and if they’re not, it doesn’t matter if you like the same things as they do.
I guess my biggest fear is that I’m boring. Plenty of acquaintances and former co-workers will tell you what a sweetie and friendly gal I am so why is it that they do not want to engage in more in-depth conversations which could lead to something of substance. I do my part. I ask open ended questions, then listen carefully, and say things back in response to let them know I was obviously listening. I tried to convince myself that I must be “pushing people away”, but I know that was just my way of keeping the utter devastation of such a revelation that people dont want to be my friend, not because I’m “pushing them away” but because they are simply not interested. I know I DON’T push people away, quite the contrary. These days, I have stopped trying so hard when I know it results in nothing, at which point I’m crushed. Becuase the way i see it is, if I don’t try, then I won’t ever have to experience the rejection. Then I can make it seem to myself as if it was my choice not to befriend them. Pretty pathetic huh?
Thank you for reading this far.
Hey Guys.
Maybe this “Great Depression II” that is about to hit is a blessing in disgues for all us lonely people. Now, we will all be waiting in lines at soup kitchens talking to keep warm in the coming winter. And we will all be in close proximity to each other in our card board boxes in Central Park NYC. Maybe all those Big Macs I ate will keep me alive through this starvation period. I was just saving fuel for when there is none.
Oh well… Good night and Good luck…. Make sure you save you spot in central park before someone else does !
lostlonelysoul.. you need to be assertive. Ie be the one that starts the conversation. I think its about taking an active interest in THEM. Now their interstest are.. ask enquire about them.
There are actually plenty of people who have a gf/bf and have no other friends.. Your partner will have you all to themselves which is a big plus..
Today I read something important.. They say people who suffer from social phobia generally feel colder (temperature wise)
Now I intrepret this as they will tend to wear more clothing than the average person. It takes seconds to chat up a guy.. and somone who wears more clothing than necessary is probably like you. Just try to close to these people in public..
How to overcome your self perceived boredom.. Talk to people online.. talk to random strangers in the street..
I have decided to talk to atleast 2 strangers a week.. I think I went well today..
rememeber getting a realtionship with is not like winning the olympics, rather its like getting a job.. there is plenty to go around as long you are committed and willing to try. ANd there is a prize for nearly everyone.
Get out of temp work. Fix whatever your issue that is keeping you in temp work.. Since I have been temping for 4 years and hardly made any friends.. though I have a few numbers but never called any of them.
More importantly DO NOT REJECT OFFERS and advances.. a date is just a date to test compatability.. dont kick yourself down with reasons of why they wont like you.
I’m currently fixing up my life.. And hope you too can decide you will NOT GIVE UP, forget about workmates.. get a BF first.. and they are lining up in the streets. Seriously.
Having no kids is a good thing, less baggage.. You dont have much time to get things right so get a move on.
Talk to other people with social phobia, then you might understand each other better and understand yourself better. Here’s a start
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postx1267-0-0.html
At the moment I am happy to talk to anyone who has any sort of Social phobias.. just post up hotmail contact.. otherwise I assume you just dont want to know people.
BigMacFella do some volunteering work.. Work at an animal shelter maybe.. that will keep you busy and give a little exerice since the animals need to be exercised, you too..
I posted a few posts ago but I didn’t go into much detail. I think I’m coming close to the end of my struggle to have friends and I just need to implement a few strategies to get there. I was addicted to gaming for about 6 months – World of Warcraft. Before then I at least had a couple friends I would hang out with from time to time. I have some social phobia but it is not too hard to manage and push through just more discomfort. I don’t want anyone to realize that I have no friends, and that I have no life. I think the gaming is still a bad influence in my life as now I am playing games like spades. If I’m not gaming, I’m watching tv/movies. I am trying to put a 10 hour per week limit on these, so to force myself to do constructive things that are more likely to win friends. Also, I want to implement a weekly schedule so that I have something planned for each extra hour in my day. That way I won’t revert to my bad habits.
This weekend is terrible. I am having a break from my boyfriend (who is my only only friend) and I just want to sleep it all away.
I typed in “my boyfriend is my only friend” in google, and you know how they have suggested searches for popular entries? Well, apparently “my boyfriend is my only friend” was a suggested search. This could only mean that there SO MANY PEOPLE like me out there, single or not, with absolutely no friends. I must run into a few every now and again, but we would never know because we wouldn’t ever talk to each other.
So, I want to scream to the world: I HAVE NO FRIENDS! WILL ANYONE BE MY FRIEND?! Please! I am a nice person, please talk to me! Invite me out! Call me! I won’t turn you down!
I carry this like a dirty shame secret around with me every day, just dreading anyone finding out. I don’t want it to be that way! But I don’t think most people will understand, except you guys. I so, so understand almost every single one of you. I’ve been there and it just keeps getting worse as I age. I am 25 now – a lot of my peers are getting married – WHO will I invite to my wedding? I think about this fact almost every day, and I’m seriously considering Vegas, or a courthouse.
Does anyone want to talk? I am soooo in need of human conversation where I am one of the participants. My email is lrowe321@gmail.com
Or AIM me at aph3113
Thanks for reading.
Same boat as everyone else. Im young, 21. In college, work, go to bars/clubs here and there… But by myself. Its been hard, Ive been to about 4 different high schools and 2 colleges. I moved during times of connection with others. Still I have acquintences, but no friends. I feel like during the weekeveryone is saying “oh yeah lets hang out for a few mins”, but when the weekend comes, everyone disappears. I look at my phone, no calls. It’s depressing, but as a somewhat shy person I’m usually not expecting people to call me just to talk. I feel like I’ve got a likeable personality and all that jazz, and i have confidence with my looks, but I guess when the weekends come I’m not the one to call. When I do call others, it seems like they don’t know what they’re doing with their night, then the next day comes and I ask what they did, and they make it sound like it was the night to remember. I feel like I always miss out.
OK here the deal. If your a girl or guy who have a bf or gf, please don’t write it here. It already depressing as it is without any friends for most if not all of us, and now u have to post your stupid BF crap, just to make us even more miserable.
Any other mid 30’s people (or 30-early 40’s only please) who are lonely as hell interested in sending me an email? I cannot believe I am resorting to this, but I guess I have to reach out any way I can. Give me a try. imoverhere00
im 19 just started college after working for 2 years. life was so depressing for those two years especially after me and my gf (only friend) split up. i have no friends now and honestly can say i have begun to hate most all people. all i have is my family but they seem to think i am ok. i tell myself everyday that once i get the proper means to do so, i am going to kill myself. it’s pretty much a guarantee…. im pretty sure the reason i have no friends is due to me being completely unconfident, shy, cynical, and extremely depressed. i thought going to college would really help me find friends but that has not happend. i try to look at the positive side but honestly if things dont somehow improve there is no possible way for me to succeed in any way. it’s alrite though, i am a worthless human being like the majority and me ceasing to exist will have little to no effect on the world. wwwwoooorrrrdddd
its the most absolute catch 22. you need other people to get ahead in the world yet those other people more often than not hold you back. im about to graduate college, and last week i went to a resume building/interview skills seminar at the school. i was pretty much told that unless i joined some clubs, im screwed in the career field i want to go into. so i have one year to join clubs and come up with three reference letters from either professors or my one recent employer (who i left in so-so standing).
the other day i was watching tv alone (no kidding) and i realized that i have absolutely no idea who i am, what i like, and what i want to do in my life. this scares me. even if i live to my 90s, one quarter of my life is gone. and it sucked at that. the kids i went to school with are already landing 50k/year jobs (even in this economy, the area i live is so close-knit almost anyone can find work – unless you dont have friends). theyre driving brand new cars, getting married, and getting their own places.
i havent earned a paycheck in 13 months and as of last week, was told that im not qualified to work in a goddamn overstock warehouse (like big lots). something about interpersonal skills, imagine that. and what really screws me is the fact that ive tried so hard, spent so much money, spent so much of my formative years trying to get that social network in place just to have it fall apart, that in effect im in no better position to enter the real world than i was when i was 14. thats how naive and inexperienced i feel.
forget it. im giving up on the job market right now and joining some clubs that i can almost guarantee you will see me as a liability more than anything else. why wouldnt they? im still a little kid.
my mom, when shes not passed out, is on my ass over every little thing. she hasnt done that since, you guessed it, around the time i was 13-14. thanks to vodka she has it in her mind that a 21 year old with no college degree and a total of two years work experience in warehousing can get a job at an insurance company. see, up until she was about 50 she had all her jobs given to her, and really she didnt even have to work. now shes broke and expects me to clean up her shit (not literally-yet. im sure at her rate thats gonna come soon enough).
so, thats pretty much my situation. no friends, no job prospects, a load of bricks for a family and the knowledge that ive wasted the last 4 years of my life, even with my 3.3 GPA. oh yeah, and i went to the doctors yesterday….ive gained over 80 pounds in two years without even realizing it. i knew i gained some weight, since at my school about 95% of the work is done on your ass, but 80 pounds, i cant understand it, so now thats working against me too. after 3 months of being clean i would kill for some bud, but now its to the point where i cant afford it. fuck this.
at least ive got a backup plan. i figure that if im not out of this rut by 2010, im going into trade school and getting my electricians license. somebody the other day asked the class what they would do if they were just getting out of high school again, and i realized i never would have gone to college. id have gone to tech school. because all the people i know who went to tech school are making obscene amounts of money, and money out here equals respect and opportunity. sorry im rambling, but the inner workings of my head are in a crisis mode right now
Hi,
I just found this article, and felt really surprised. It feels so comforting to know others out there feel the same way I do. I am so sorry to each and every one of you who has written on this page. I completely and wholeheartedly feel your pain. Loneliness can seem unbearable at times. Even though I’m married and have children I have no close freinds to share my life with, and it is incredibly painful. I miss the freinds I used to have many years ago, and its been so long since there has been anyone with whom to just talk. Some nights it feels overwhelming, and thoughts slip into my mind of not really wanting to go on. Its as if no-one really has time for new freinds where I live they all went to school together and have grown up together and I’m just a stranger from out of town to them. Sometimes I wish they would know what its like to be in my shoes, because if they did they could never be so cold. Anyway, remember you are not alone.
Hi guys
well just read a few posts and I am completely astonished. I am 23, was living with an abusive boyfriend from 16-18, which lead me to leave home and my support systems, and into the position of lonliness and isolation that many of you are also in.
However now I have developed confidence since then and have no trouble talking to or meeting new friends. I have some nice people around me and am in a much happier place.
I just wanted to write to let you all know that things feel shit sometimes, however they will get better. Do things that make you feel better about yourself and people will automatically flock to you. Because if you don’t seem happy with yourself then how can you expect any one else to be happy with you… Just my 2 cents.
Umm add me to msn if you want a chat or someone to talk to, kimberly20rayment@hotmail.com
Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself will only make the situation worse, sorry to sound harsh
We are all introverts, where in lies the reason. In high school you grow up with kids since you were little so you become extroverted around them (much like why your extroverted around your family) and I think most of us had friends. For me it became harder the later years in high school as more clicks formed and I was being left out. In college it even more difficult, the nice guys who want to be friendly are boring and not interesting, they have nothing to say. So what it boils down to is if you can’t meet a complete stranger and be extroverted and talk the shit, your fucked. Many of us want to open up and talk to strangers like we can do with our family,(where we are funny, whitty, always have something to say) but in public their is a mental block, and we cannot get over it due to our past. Shyness I don’t think you can completely get over, some people are born shy and certain events in a person’s upbringing can harden shyness even more.
For me I can converse with strangers and I have found they think I’m alright for a little while, but with people I am not really connected to I don’t show emotion or don’t give a fuck attitude. And so these people who hang around me at first I think are my friends shun me eventually. An example is college, even these people I know for a a couple weeks, it’s hard for me to open up no matter how hard I want to. This shouldn’t be, I shouldn’t have to know them since childhood. Maybe it’s because ppl like family or high school friends we opened up as children when their was no real pressure to act to a societal norm of what being cool is or what to do so ppl will like you. And once you act yourself around another person, you can now act that way forever with them. The kids in college when first meeting them I was introverted in showing my true personality, — and so then even if I did know them for a couple weeks it became even harder to open up and show my true personality, if that makes sense, because they already have an identity of who I am around them and so did I. It ingrained my shyness.
We truly are disabled, I think shyness is very much limited to the extent of curing past a certain age but I always hear about ppl who couldn’t deliver a speech in front of ppl or who were shy and came out of it. I just know I tell myself, “I want to have friends, I want to talk to other ppl like I do to my brother” “I don’t want this life” no matter how much I try it’s like an automatic trigger when meeting a stranger, a shield sets up similar to a biological feeling like when someone breaks into your house, — your mind no longer is in control and when you try to think of something to say thoughts don’t pop in your head when you speak the words don’t come out right.
The thing I think depresses us all is that the world is wired this way. Guys and girls. I am 22 and an above average looking guy only have 1 guy friend (shy like me) and have not had any relationships with a girl. If you don’t have friends or can banter with chicks and be confident and all this stuff it’s a demonstration of lower value and you blow yourself out. We are more like animals then humans the way ppl flock in groups and determine everything based on cool or not cool. Let’s drink because I’ll be perceived better. Can’t hang around this kid he’s not cool. Ppl are inherently cruel to act in the best interest of the self, except for us.
I also think not having friends greatly impacts our personality. Friends shape how you behave, what you believe, they make you more confident. It’s a cycle and the longer without friends the more you perceive yourself as a nobody. And so when we’re around ppl nothing is in our mind, and we are used to viewing and listening. I’m told shyness is all about how you PERCEIVE yourself. I am certainly going to try to improve my shyness and view myself as who I want to be.
I’d love to meet ppl off of here and I think everyone should put where they are from and their email if they want to start making friends.
My email is bwd623@yahoo.com from Orlando, FL
For as long as I can remember I’ve always been shy. Meeting people is so hard for me except when I have alcohol in my system. I wish I didn’t have to be buzzed in order to make conversation or come up to someone and say hi. I don’t drink often so…. Anyways all my life I’ve been a loner. Glad to know I’m not alone :)
Los Angeles, CA and my e-mail is j_boy02@yahoo.com
wow this blog has been going on for almost two full years! Its amazing how many of us are in the same situations dealing with the same problems yet we are all so unique and different.
i love listening and reading about everyone elses problems because it makes me forget my own for awhile, but it makes me worry and wonder about you all too, especially the suicidal ones…i wish you the best
now i never like to talk about myself but ive been dying to get some of this out of my system. I am a 17 year old guy senior in high school. Ive been dealing with depression for a few years now, ever since my parents got divorced but its steadily gotten worse especially last year. Last year, my junior year, i was doing horrible in school and my parents lectured me just about every night for it. I also got into this incessant habit of lieing about just about everything. I mainly did this to be with my gf whom my parents hated. we had been going out for about 2 years (off and on) but our parents couldnt stand us spending so much time with each other. now we are just sorta friends…we tried the whole friends with benefits thing but then mutually agreed that we were both using each other because we couldnt find anyone else and it screwed with emotions.
I have also lost all of my longtime friends (one i knew since kindergarten) we just drifted apart in interests and one went to another school. i do sit with a group at lunch but we are basically just a bunch of outsiders with nowhere else to go so we sit together but do nothing else out of school. after school i just go straight home because noone ever invites me to anything and there is just noone to hang out with.
The only true friend that i have found is my guitar. it has gotten me through so many bad times and let me channel that energy deep inside of me. Music is the only thing that really makes sense anymore. It is pretty much the only thing i am passionate about and the only thing i get motivated to do. and i love coming up with wierd unique chords instead of the basic G…C…D…Em that everyone uses over and over. i could just never truly express myself with just those chords.
the only thing that i really really need right now is a friend or better yet a gf (its hard being alone after nearly 3 years of being with someone). the only problem is im so shy and quiet. ive always been “that really nice but quiet kid that sits in the back of the room” and when i try to speak up i just get ignored. i literally feel invisible sometimes because even not just one but nearly all of my teachers dont call on me when i get up enough courage to lift my hand for one question…
i feel like i am a really nice person, if i have a choice i gladly choose to suffer to make someone else feel better because in my mind thats the right thing to do. but then noone acknowledges that and it just makes me more depressed even though i did something good for someone.
anyway…ive rambled on for awhile here now…
thank you to those who took the time to read this and everyone elses posts. It actually does make me feel better to know im not alone in my suffering.
email me if you want to: zamrocker07@yahoo.com
I am 27 yrs old. I am married and I have children. I just don’t understand why I have no friends. I really am a nice person, and I am not just saying that either. I have tried ever thing. Saying hi, smiling, trying not to be to pushy, backing off and letting them talk, my children has made cards for their kids. I don’t get it. I am a pretty person , I go to the gym. I have a nice house, I go to the park with my children all the time, we go to church all the time, but I also don’t live in a glass house either what I mean by that is my life is not perfect. I take care of my Mother and Mother in law. Their husbands left them so I take care of them. That has not been a bed of roses either. I would give the shirt off my back any time if I found a true friend. I am very old fashion. I don’t going parting or go to bars, I don’t go around looking at other man. I just would love to have a friend to sit and talk with some coffee, going to the park seeing our children playing together while we talk about what ever.
So I know how you all feel I don’t get it. I feel like their is some thing so wrong with me. I don’t care about having 20 friends cause come to find out latter on in life none of them will be their for you when you need theme the most. I would love to have just one really good friend.
What is friend
– some one you can trust.
– some one that you can respect.
– some one who is not going after other men or your man.
-some you can talk to and cry on each other shoulders with.
– some one you can watch , note book, gone with the wind, etc…
– some one you can go shopping with.
– some one who will give you good advice .
– some one who some times says nothing and just let’s you talk.
– some one who tells jokes and makes you laugh so hard you can’t breath.
-some one who will have coffee and cake when you really need it.
– some one who wants to have a cook out with each other family.
-some one who tell no more box’s of tissues and no ice creams and take you out to lunch and have some good times.
– some one who gets to gather even for holidays.
Any who, I have no idea why I have no friends. I hope all of your prays come true. Thank you for letting me talk, boy it felt great.
well i just found this site and have read some of the post.and i have too say i am not glad too see so many lonley people becuse i know what you fel.always beeing lonley and no1 too talk to when the weekends come you wanna go out maybe whit some friends but no 1 too call and it fels like shit i am 27 and no friends no girlfriend and i am geeting sick abaout it i have even thougt about moving too a diffrent country i am from sweden btw.well my quevstion is have maybe some try that and how did it work any answers is grateful. Sorry 4 the bad englis
married/dating ppl get off this site please
u dont belong here
is there anybody out there?
if anyone wants to talk I’m always here
alex_wherry@hotmail.com
i’m 21, living in new jersey and my e-mail/msn is cristinanj87@hotmail.com
I have no friends either. I’m 18. I also have social anxiety. Reading the posts here, I’m thinking even if I could overcome by anxiety in social situations, it would still be an uphill climb in finding some friends.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the age we live in sucks. Lots of people seem obsessed with traveling. I could care less about seeing the world. It’s all the same, isn’t it? I just want some close friends, to settle down and have some occasional fun. That’s my nature. But it seems like I’ll have to wait like 20 more years for that to happen. Everyone I meet is so on the go and worldly. I can’t relate to anyone. Half the battle is just pulling myself out of this depression and getting my work done.
My childhood was basically spent watching TV/doing homework. I took both of these things very seriously. But now I’m left without any real passions in life, and everything bores me. I wish my parents pushed me more when I was younger.
I’m naturally shy. And I’m pretty sure I would be 10000 times more happy if I lived 200 years ago, rather in this crappy world.
http://www.succeedsocially.com
Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler
These things are my last hope.
Wow I haven’t been here in a while. Lot more comments. I understand each of you. Too bad we all couldn’t live on our own island or something, away from everyone else lol.
Rene, do you still come and visit? I saw your post from a few months ago, during the summer. I was moving out of my house and into my grandma’s due to problems with a neighbor, and we didn’t have any internet here. But I’ve got it now, and if you’d still like to talk, here’s my email: angels.usc_fan@hotmail.com
hey joe (October 11) you need to relax, why can’t married/dating people come on this blog?…I’m 20, and i have a fair few friends, and a great group of close friends. so why did I google “I have no friends”? I need to try and understand what my brother feels like so i can help. Hes 23 and has no friends… Hes great looking, rippling body, has a degree and is a teacher…but from my observations, although initially nice to talk to, he is so eager to impress and make friends, he begins to push them away, often by trying to outwit them or make them look small(defense mechanism i guess)…which just ends up making him look like a cockhead. does anyone reading feel like they do that? if not, would it be a good idea for me to intervene, despite being younger, and try to coach him on how to treat people when you first meet them?
i’d appreciate any feedback
i have no friends because i’m too depressed and i sound too depressed when I attempt to talk to others and I can’t think of anything to say…and who wants to talk to a depressed person who doesn’t talk?….also, I get really nervous around some guys and I want to socially interact with them I think, but I just don’t know what to say or do without sounding awkward/desperate so I end up just sitting there acting like I’m too good for friends/boyfriends………I also hate when someone else speaks for me and doesn’t give me a chance to say what I need to say..I guess because of my social anxiety it sometimes takes me a moment to figure out what I need to say or if it’s even appropriate to say…I also hate walking around in public because I know how stupid I look and that I walk like a horse…and I don’t think it’s just in my head..I just don’t walk as comfortably and normal as everyone else so I feel embarrassed when I have to walk anywhere in public, but I guess I have to just get over it because there isn’t much I can change about that………………And I just realized what I wrote has a million f-ing “I’s” in it…so perhaps “I” need to stop thinking so much about myself….and my e-mail/msn add is cristinanj87@hotmail.com (previously stated in a former comment yesterday)
I am not shy, I am married, but my wife and I both have hard time with people/friends. We are extroverted, and I think it may be a good thing, but does not keep the friends around? I don’t think we are cockheads, but maybe are very opinionated. We like open discussions and truth. People are too easily offend when you get personal.. And we can take what we dish. Nobody wants o Have to kiss butt to be friends.
Read my previous post, too. I still feel that way.
Weekends are sure rough. Most of the time I don’t even look forward to the weekends. I’ve reached a point where my passion for life is fading away.
It’s sad to have no one to call. I can’t remember the last time anyone ever called me. Well except bill collectors. A couple of days ago when I notice a missed call on my cell phone from a coworker. I was really excited. So I called him, thinking I got a phone call! This is cool! When he answered, he said he never called. Some how his son pushed the pre set button on his phone. He has me on his pre set from the days I used to drive him home from work. We use to work the same hours I felt like an idiot. To this day, which is over a year and a half, he has never called me to say hi and just chat. All I can say is the weekends are boring.
I had no idea there were so many people like me.
21, fourth year architecture student, and not a single close friend. I’ve never had a girlfriend–never even been on a date–and I can’t understand why. All the personality traits that are supposed to be desirable–humor, honesty, kindness, empathy–I have them all in excess. Yet here I sit, alone. Always alone. Never a phone call, never an email… What have I done to deserve this?
“”BigMacFella says: “You guys all partied instead of studying”” …………….Yes, I was a BIG TIME partier in high school. Marijuana every day. Drunk every Friday & Saturday. Often times drinking on the weekday evenings. And during summer recess……………high 24/7 the whole summer. Great times. But let me tell you I graduated with a 4.132 GPA from high school and went to college and got my degree in Mechanical Engineering. None of it was about the partying except for the friendships, or so called friendships, that were based only on the partying. Yes, I probably could have been in a different “click”. But I wasn’t. I was in the “burn-out” click. They were more fun. Simple as that. And its true that a lot, maybe even most, of the people I hung with weren’t really good in school, I could relate with them better. They were real. Least I thought so then.
Im 16 years old and a junior in high school. I never really had friends since i moved after 5th grade to my grandmas house for the summer. The whole summer i just sat there and watched nickalodean and did a whole lot of nothing. I then moved in my new house since my mom got remarried (parents divorced when i was 1) I never liked my step dad but thats another story. Then at my new school in 6th grade which was still elementary school i didnt have any friends and it was a really small class. I was a loner from 6th-8th grade then i met some nerds who played online games and got me into it. I am a good looking guy but nowone liked me so i went all the way down the chain were i thought i could be excepted. I ended up wasteing my life until 9th grade on online games. The nerds i hung out with eventually got tired of me and annoyed of me. I am a nice guy i dont know why they didnt like me. Then in 10th grade i was a loner and now i am a loner. I seriously have no friends at all. I feel like crying when i watch videos on youtube of kids having fun together. I feel like i missed out on my childhood and im almost an adult. I feel so sad and alone. All i do is play gold now and play online virtual golf. I dont have any friends accept the friend i have online that i play virtual golf with but that doesnt count. I just wish i had someone to play with around my neighborhood that i could have remembered doing those fun things kids do and think to myself i had a fun childhood. I envy the kids out there who had all those fun times playing and being so inocent. I feel like i missed out. I feel so empty inside.
hii all..im a 21 year old girl..i can very well understand the pain all of u r going through..im always ignored by ppl..like all of you im caring, kind, understanding..but it doesnt seem to matter. i recently spent my 21st bday at home..with FAMILY..yea FAMILY..on my sisters bday..her friends threw her a surprise birthday party.they came home at twelve at nite bringing her a cake and some gifts..ahh u should see the differences in our birthdays every year..makes me feel so inferior. i now know wot hell must feel like becoz i am living in hell rite here on planet earth..i just hope there is some truth in the saying “there is a light at the end of the tunnel”..and things get better for ppl like us.
if anybody wanna be friends..email me at mystikmagic@gmail.com
degrading other human beings isn’t going to help your self esteem
wow, I too typed in “no friends” on google and found this. Its friday night and again I am at home with nothing to do. I am a young adult in college and I have gone through most of my teenage life without friends. I am sooo lonely I dont think i can take it much longer. but reading these has helped me realize that I am not the only one like this, and i felt like i was. i dream about having friends and taking pictures, going out and having fun. ive spent the last 5 years doing pretty much nothing on the weekends with anybody, only my brother. never been to a party or school dances, except prom which was a nightmare, my so called friends ditched me and left me alone on the street because the mom of one couldnt get over a grudge because i quit her basketball team when i was like 13 so she got all my “friends” to ditch me, i didnt have a date either. I’ve never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy. i am very pretty, according to all the people who tell me i could be a model, and I know I am, but I am also fat and short at only 5 feet, my doctor said im obese, like 70 lbs overweight, ive been trying to loose weight for years. I also have a POS that makes it hard for me to loose weight and a bunch of other unattractive problems. so all I have is my beauty, which is not enough to live for, life is nothing without the love of friends. I am very quiet and shy which is why i have no friends. I am boring too, i sometimes hang out with this one girl i’ve known since kindergarten I call my friend but she really isnt because she doesnt care about my feelings or want to hear the tough time i am going through, I think she only hangs out with me because she knows i have no friends and feels sorry for me .And im even quiet when im with my “friends”! they say to me, why are you so quiet today? just talk more! and i try, but honestly i have no idea what to say! i try and try to think of things to say, but nothing comes to mind. I am no fun to be around because i dont talk!so nobody wants to be friends with me. But really, WHAT do people talk about?! i dont get like how people choose friends, like what makes them be friends? i am seeing a therapist for this, but hes not really helping me, i think he really doesnt know how, which i was afraid of. there is something wrong with me, and i really dont know how to fix it. and everyone my age drinks, i mean like everyone. but i dont because i dont like the taste and i dont want to because i dont like the idea of not having control, it doesnt seem safe. i am nice and kind, everyone says im sweet and nice, but nobody wants to be with me because I dont talk and am not fun. socializing is not natural for me, I am not normal like that.my brother is very popular and hilarous and smart, his future is bright. I am not that smart, i dont have the skills to do jobs i want and dont want to do jobs that i can do, so i feel screwed for life. the only thing i am good at is art and makeup, but makeup artists make no money and i want to make money, and for art i can not draw from my mind, and all the good jobs require that, i would do graphic design but you have to like and be good at public speaking, which i am terrible at and its my biggest fear. my family is poor and on the verge of loosing the house i grew up in, i am working all the time which i hate because i work in retail and i am obviously like i said, not good with people, i get nervous and just hate working with people. nobody understands either, my brother is my best friend and all, but he just doesnt understand because hes is so friggin popular and outgoing being president of his class, and my mom is outgoing too so she doesnt understand. my therapist is also outgoing, but no matter how hard he tries to understand, you cant if youve never experience it before. Also i have a great family, parents really care and are worried about me, theyve been extremely good to me, my brother too, and so hes my best friend, and i had great childhood. Pretty much everyone in my high school were extremely nice and good people, and I couldnt even make friends with them! I dont know why i am like this, my life would be great if i just had friends, it would make growing up so much better if i had friends to talk to about it and relieve my stress by having fun. it is painful to see others friggin texting all the time, when i have no one to text. i just want someone who will call me and help me and be with me when i need them, and i can be there for them and help them when they need me, you know, a true best friend, i would be happy with one. i just want to be happy, i have a bad feeling i will never get married if i can even make a friend, never mind talking to a guy i am attracted to, and i am a romantic. i cant seem to get to know people and let them get to know me. i have read most of these posts and can see potential in a lot of you, especially if you’ve had friends before, you propbably still have the qualities to make more. i just feel so worthless and hopeless, i am think about ending my life. i wouldnt if i could see how things could get better, but i dont see how i can change my personality to be a more appealing person. i am realistic and am not exaggerating. i feel so stuck. it seems no one can help me so i dont know what to do. if anyone could help, please post, and to all of you out there, your not alone!
I too typed in ‘no friends’ on google and this was one of the sites I came up with. I can’t believe how many other people are out there feeling the same way. It’s 3.50am and I can’t sleep. I bookmarked this website a few days earlier and wanted to read it. I have some people in my life but I wouldn’t call them close friends. I really related to the person ‘Vonnie’. I could have typed that myself. It’s amazing how you can read so many posts and one can stand out to you.
Anyway, I was thinking about why I don’t have many close friends. I’m deciding to look at myself rather than others. I am the common denominator, I guess. I find that I do pull away from people. I’m not sure why. Even growing up, I would feel like I was the ‘black sheep of the family’. Of course, that was my thinking. I feel that I put that label on myself. That I was a ‘natural’ outsider. That I was different. I even used to feel like I didn’t deserve friends and have nothing offer. Again, I don’t think that true. I am amazed how thinking something over time can dictate our actions and feelings, even though it’s not true. I do want to change this and am continuously doing my best to work on it.
starz4tearz@yahoo.com
I’m lonely too – 25yr old female
No friends since high school and even then they were only acquaintances
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong people seem to like me when I’m around them daily (work environment) but no one showed to my “going away” party when I quit, no one invites me to join them when they’re doing stuff. Everyone wants to cry on my shoulder but no one offers theirs when I need it.
This is what I do maybe it will help someone else. I too have no friends, just acquaintances at work. I’m 33 and every relationship has resulted in pain. I take ownership, some of it was self inflicted by various defects in my character. I used to wonder wtf is wrong with me and spend endless hours replaying what I could have done. I began to realize life is all about Perception Self-Realization and Acceptance.
Perception-How we perceive reality is our reality. If you like me spend too much time wondering what is wrong with me that I dont have friends then you will believe it. You will replay past events through the lens trying to answer the question of “what did I do wrong”, “what is wrong with me”. While that can be good for self improvement its dangerous b/c you often have to assume you knew the other person so well that you are able to read their mind and perception of your actions. A person who seems distant and uninterested when you need them the most can be easily viewed as not caring, but for all we know they may be having a rough time of life and are preoccupied with something else. What made me realize this was a friend/acquaintance who was always uninterested in other peoples personal lives. Come to find out her mother who gave her and her brother up for adoption, and had disowned her on numerous occasions when they would fight, was dying in the hospital and she was being pressured by family to make amends. She didnt want to hear others problems b/c it made her think and others problems seemed trivial. I was the only one she told about this and I’ve been working with her for over a year others she had worked with for 5+yrs never knew.
Self Realization- When you are alone, it feels like you are slowly dying each day hoping that today will be the day someone calls just b/c they missed you or someone will care about you. Often that desire is so strong to be close to someone we end up with an all or nothing mentality. When I meet someone new I used to get really excited and hope that this was someone who could be that friend/girlfriend I had been hoping for. I got ahead of myself and wouldnt let the relationship develop slowly over time. Best analogy I can think of is someone dying of thirst, when they finally get water they dont take time to enjoy it they hurry up and drink as much as they can as quickly as they can trying to fill the void that has been left from being without it for so long. The water is gone quickly b/c they were too quick to have this one source of water fill the need. Better to sip it, keep it close to you in a pouch until you come to the next source of water and refill your pouch there adding the new water to the old water.
Acceptance- I’m learning to accept life as it is not as I wish it was. My family is never going to be what I wish they were, no matter how many different ways I try to make it as I want it, I have to accept them for themselves. I’m alone b/c I have chosen to be. I don’t let people close. Every close relationship has been very painful. So its not that there is anything wrong with me, ok thats a lie I feel there is but for me temporary loneliness is better than years of regret and pain.
I go back and forth. How do you overcome years of disappointment and hurt. You can only get burned on the stove so many times before you quit going near it. I’m afraid thats where I’m headed b/c as much as I try the above things I still struggle. I’m losing hope that life will be the way I want and trying to accept life as it is.
I isolate myself b/c hearing of others nights out remind me I stayed at home or worked last night. I won’t be going to holidays with my family this year b/c all 3 of my sisters will be there with their husbands and kids. Holidays have become a reminder that I am alone or of that time I brought that girlfriend with me. I’d rather distract myself than be reminded of what I dont have but I want to be closer to them. How do you overcome that? There’s nothing they could do to not remind me of what I dont have, unless I could engineer their divorces. Then we could all be miserable together. Sorry morbid humor is one of my “Distract myslef lifes not that bad” coping skills. Really I just want to feel special to someone outside my family.
it’s a funny thing what happens when you begin to lose hope
btw I live in Pittsburgh. My email is red_velvet@comcast.net Dont ask about the nickname I earned it! maybe you’ll hear the story. I cant say I’m like some people, I’ve had plenty of gfs and used to have friends but now I’m just more like F*ck that fires hot, very reluctant to get close to it again. I understand and can relate to a lot of people here. it’s good to know that I’m not crazy, well ok I am a lil crazy but good to know I’m not the only one walking around feeling disconnected.
Well sketch I’m just like you.. the point is I think I’m crazy now.. haha I got to stop pushing people away.. I havn’t even had the chance to get burnt yet..
I generally feel I am currently going through self actualization with a blend of Self-Realization , which I a much more subtle description of what I am going through right now. Because my life is an utter mad house when I think about it.
The point is even I truely know that choose to be alone, it makes no sense to me and I truely regret those decisions I made in the past. Yet as recently as last month I continue to keep it up and push people away.
Anyway sorry to hear your situation.. you have my deepest heartfelt sympathy.. I guess I am working really hard to get myself out of this hole of despair.
I was bawling my eyes out until i read lisas comment about the guy in bosnia who staged his own funeral to which only his mum turned up and i began pissing myself laughing. Its ironic how it can make me feel depressed yet so happy at the same time.
Whenever i think i should make friends i talk to people and am reminded why i choose to be a loner. I personally dont care but when my daughter says ” mum y dont we have any family friends i feel a little weird”
what really cause pain to us and make us like being burned is to see that jerks and nerd and bad people actually are the peoplar people who get all friends despite they are bad persons and jerks!!!!!!! and we the good people get nothing but hang in there this is a test of will from god and also the jerks have friends but also they are being tasted if they apperciate those friends or not so donot be hard on your self its just life and there is people with friends out there and people with no friends and we happned to be the ones with no friends so hang in there and remmber u cant make ur life better sometimes u must know that somtimes this is the life god give it to u and u just live it and donot feel like u wasting ur life because u not wasting ur passing and succeding in the test of life gods test so hang in there
and at least we all do have team mates or roommates or scool mates or at collage and we talk to them and consider them friends and its better than nothing and u also may realise that there is a progress in ur way of talking to people and progress in ur personality i mean at scool i wasnot talkactive i was calm i was weak and not funny but now at collage i talk all the time i have like 2 0r 3 best friends at collage who i feel free to talk too and they also feel free to talk to me and i realized that now i become a funny person at least to my self i always laugh and make jokes and talk and smile the only thing i wish is if i could meet my old scoolmates so they can see that im not that guy they know before and let then know that i have changed
I am an illegal immigrant living in the US, the rest of my family are legal residents and it will probably take another five or six years for me to get a green card. I’ve been in this country for almost nine years and I know people’s views on illegal immigration and as a result of this is can’t establish any sort of relationship with anyone due to fear of humiliation. What’s worse is that I have no ties with anyone or anything back in my country of origin, I feel more comfortable speaking English, and my hobbies/interests further bury me in a hole of social ineptitude (electrical engineering, programming languages, linguistics, total nerd…) I have no friends and I don’t want people to find about my legal status therefore I avoid most sort of social situations. I am trapped in a cycle of death! It’s been like this ever since I arrived here, I really don’t know what is keeping me alive since I have no encouragement nor motivation. It would be great meeting others like me :/
It’s 3:40 AM and i can’t sleep… My life is the same and i been thinking of killing myself for the last couple of days. Life sucks…
The world is heading in a very, not so great direction that will make your silly problems fall well behind. Worry about having money to have a place or even eat food may become a reality. And for some, this may have already come to be. Most of you here are so self absorbed that you haven’t got a clue of the monster that is about to engulf us all. Times are here where you might as well join a church or become a part of something bigger than yourself, whether you are at the top of the pecking order or the bottom. You won’t give a f**k ! Trust me ! Just get out there and be a part of something if you aren’t.
So here is my story. All my life I pretty much had one friend or like a school click that I did not hang out with out of school. The closer friends I have had I lost to drugs, bad relationships, etc… In college I planned to make a lot of friends. Well it turns out I went to a commuter school. So everyone left on the weekends and no one really interacted. I made a couple of not so close friends, but nothing close and we were all disposable to each other. They all went home on the weekends. So through college I just ended up hooking up with girls to satisfy the sexual needs and to keep me from being lonely. I was never particularly attracted to them, they were just there. One I was with for a long time and we actually became best friends. It ended and now I have nothing. I am 25 and trying my damndest to make a few friends. Its not going to well. I have my best friend about 80 miles away. But he just got married and is also becoming a drug addict. I worry about losing him. I do not know why I cannot make friends. I am somewhat shy, but put in a decent environment I can be social. I am relatively decent looking. I try and try to make friends, but things never seem to go well. I live in fear of complete loneliness and it results in making it difficult to live my life.
im 18 yearsold and im mexican (not of the ones how live in USA, so sorry for my english) i was tiping in the internet “i have no friends” (in spanish to) maybe in search of a answer to my sad life and now reading many of your situations i just start to cry couse is just like see to myself in a mirror, yeah like many of you im nice, i smile (sometimes i think theres not reason to smile) i help to people how needed some help, and so many good stuff about me and i still wihtout friends, well the truht is i have a BF and he is awasome but i dont see it to much couse he have now another friends, WTF IS NOT SUPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS, i dont wanna to die alone, so many nights i cry and i think so many thing like as it would have been if I had friends you know, i think so many times instead of watching TV could be with my girlfriend, on a party, in a movie wiht my friends have some good crazy time, laughing about something stupid that friends always do……………………but not, im here in a computer like always just me and my stupid cat lookint at me like if she can really see how sad is my life (ok i must admit that comment about my cat is funny but is true o_O she is looking at me) well i wish i can wrotte something more but time to sleep couse tomorrow im going to school and like always is like eternity watching how everybody have a good time make some jokes and laugh, i laugh and make jokes to but i dont really a conection wiht them,well i must to go to and just want to say the things i like are RUNNING, VIEDOGAMES, MOVIES AND TV WATCHING and if somebody want to talk just writte to my email is “blacksword55@hptmail.com” byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i have alot of friends and im not in a relationship with any girl right now but i have 3 ex girl friends but the thing is i donot feel happy with my freinds im not happy and i donot know why?!!! so i dumped most of them and i start to be alone because i want to be alone for a while
this loneliness is just getting unbearable..i look around at my family and their fones are constantly ringing and beeping..they are always texting..and on the few occassions my fone rings, i run to it eagerly only to realize that its a wrong number..how i wish i had friends..this friendlessness and loneliness is just unbearable.. i only dont commit suicide because im afraid of going to hell..i hate my life and my ocd is making it all the more hard..i dont understand when things will get better..life is hard like this…i just feel so sad…im not even motivated in my career anymore..the guy whom i love so much is not interested in me which adds to my misery..i hate my fuckin life..and lady luck seems to hate me too..if anyone wanna talk just email me..i have written a post before this.
We’ll all have a friend when we die.
God will be our friend.
Apathetic dont talk of suicide. I’m sure you are worthy of this life and on some level if we are all honest we often choose to be in this position. I know i dont go out of my way to join outlets to find like minded people. On some level i choose to be a loner, because in actual fact we are feeling superior to others and I do find others inadaquate. I have strong morals and values that I always find others lack. I meet people who seem Godly yet they turn out to be less than.
Life in general sucks, lets face it the world has gone mad.
But remember we are all here for a purpose and once you realise yours you will find some contentment.
We shouldnt judge ourselves by our friends but who we are as people.
Having friends is so overrated maybe just being friendly and making ourselves available to others if needed is enough.
Most friendships are purely superficial.
Just concentrate on being a good person maybe doing volunteer work and I believe it will all fall into place.
.
to all u guys i know u all had friends at high school and at collage but they really left u because they donot want you and aslo because they have many friends donot be ashamed and be aware that those guys who left u are not worth it even if it is every one on this planet it doesnot mean u are bad because life itself are not worth it!!!!
Growuppeople
some people are dangerously isolated
its the spirit of the times
and thats contributed to the monster you speak of as much as any crashing economy, war & pyschotic leader
its the all pervading alienation some of the more sensitive people on this rock feel
don’t belittle their feelings
some of us are wide awake and watching whats going on with real dread
that doesnt mean we forget everything in our own lives however
try to have a little compassion
jeez
i meant to say
dont belittle their feelings
because at least theyre
not COMPLETELY asleep like most others seem to be
I’m 23 and I haven’t had a friend since I was a child (under 12). I don’t even think I’m capable of making one anymore. My self and my brain have matured through adolescence and into my 20’s in isolation, as a result I have been ‘built’ to be all alone. I would give anything to just have a real best friend (I know, sounds so lame and childish). I would prefer a best friend to a billion dollars. I am so incompetant, weak, pathetic. I can’t even carry out one of the most basic human behaviours, forming bonds. Still, I feel the need for a friend so deeply that it twists my heart when I think about it. The only conclusion I can come to is that I am a defective person and that people are right to reject me. So many have and they can’t all be wrong. There’s only so long I can go on alone and I’m trying my best but sooner or later I’ll put myself to sleep like an injured animal.
I made my only dear friend in college when we were going through troubled times, but she is slowly drifting away from me. She has found someone special and has made lots of friends in school. I haven’t made any and continue to be ignored by my peers.
Nowadays, I see her less and less.
After not seeing her for some time, she and I agreed yesterday to meet at a social gathering. I said hello to her, but she had to leave to say hello to someone else. Although I recognized other people in the room, even said hello to one or two, I felt very awkward because everyone quickly formed into groups and I didn’t belong to any. When I told my friend that I felt like leaving, she said that I was not obligated to stay, so I left early.
I still remember late nights talking about woes, the time she cried inside my spare sleeping bag about how lonely she felt not being able to love. I always told her that everything would turn out alright, even though in reality, her situation was much better than mine. I guess that everything did turn out alright for her. Things haven’t changed for me, but I no longer dare to confide in my friend about my troubles. It will only become a burden for her new friendtastic life. With her troubles gone, my friendship is seldom needed.
I’m 21, and I’ve had the same experience in life as EM. It has been so long now that it hurts too much to think about having a friend, and I’ve given up. I’m just drifting now.
I don’t know if having a best friend is worth a billion dollars. My best friend is now dating the boy I was infatuated with for three years but was too shy to tell him. Actually it feels more like losing a billion bucks.
Hey Silly
Your hubby is your friend. You don’t want just a friend, you want a real friend, someone who gives a shit about you and you give a shit about them in return. I have too many friends and my wife is my only true friend. I have extra friends to give away. Let me know if you want some of them. (–:
We all have our downs.. I looked at my past and my hurt and saw that I really had no one to talk to until recently. All you people have to do is hope, do not let the past get to you or it will get a tight grip on you. Instead, hold your chin up high…. start a conversation with a cashier…. hold the door for a person who has their hands full.. make their day brighter and know that the smile on their face is the way of saying thank you. Don’t be jealous of your friend, but instead wish them the best, even if they are with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend wish them the best in that relationship. The past is past and that is all that should be said about that. When also when walking through the streets do not look at the ground or drift into space in sadness, but look at the orange filled sky that day or the stars in the nighttime sky and be thankful that you live another day and that your deeds and your hope will be rewarded one day and for those that have no hope I say that you WILL be comforted one day… for those who think about taking their lives…. don’t do it… make the most out of your life and take the initiative to make your life better research tips from others who have made it through what you have gone through…. I could go on and on about the many ways to defeat hopelessness but here I will end. And remember God is always overlooking your soul and God knows what you feel as it was said from the Bible, God does not give you what you can not handle, so whatever you are going through now you can defeat. God bless!
i feel the same as many of u out here. i am 20 now. i have a few friends, but they end up leaving me not wanting to be my friend anymore. i didnt do anything bad to them but i just cant find commonality with them and i dont know how to talk about interesting things and carry a good conversation. they are always so selfish and they want all the things to be done their way and they never listen to me when i talk because i am not that good of a talker. i had never turned down a friend when they needed help and i never did anything to hurt them, why is this happening to me?
sometimes i just feel like life will be so much better without those non-caring, selfish friends of mine. i talk to my family when i have some troubles with maintaining friends at school, but they dont like to listen to me either and all these years i felt like no one ever appreciates me, life is just meant to be sad and lonely.
i am a very genuine, kind hearted person who is only asking for people to listen to me and show some respect and care. is that too much to ask for?
i felt like a friendship with my only one high school friend is about to end, i just feel like life is not worth living anymore…
i feel kind of depressed because everyone in my age had boyfriends and girlfriends, but i dont even have any guy friends before and i am begining to think that only old man and people or someone worse, i consider myself above average looking and people think that i am pretty, but i cant find the opportunity to meet any GOOD guy friends or any potential boyfriends. if anyone wants to talk, email me at c191990@hotmail.com
November 18th (my birthday) and not one phone call from anyone. Probably because I don’t have anyone (friends) hell my family didn’t even call…This Sucks!!!!
Happy birthday then MScott R
Thank you Caligirl…
I could write for pages about this, but i’ll keep it short… my childhood was a mess… till my 6th-7th grade i had a few friends at school… but even then i had probably the fewest friends of all the ppl there, and they cudn’t be called best friends also — i had no true friend… at home, i was physically abused many times, and saw physical and verbal abuse b/w my parents almost everyday.. and they just didn’t care about my personal issues — they would just ignore when i try going to them with it, and worse, they used to make fun of it later… also, i have no siblings.. and i have not a single caring relative — its true, not one… i spent most of my childhood totally alone… when i was around 7th grade, i skipped a few grades, and that made matters worse.. i lost those few friends i had (circumstances made me totally out of touch with them), and also now i was the the youngest guy in the class — i was discarded and neglected.. i was alone most of the time in school, at home… everywhere.. i was alone almost always… i was at an adolescent age at i had not even a single one to talk to… even in college, i wudn’t fit in the age group, and the neglect continued at college… at home, the issues continued… and i continued being alone all the time — sit alone, study alone, and entertain myself alone… now i work, and even in the work place, i try to be as nice as possible, yet ppl just won’t be good friends with me… i’ve always tried being nice to everyone… i am introverted, and that kind of hinders my free expression of feelings, but i do have a good sense of humor… but ppl just don’t want to be good friends with me… i have had and now have, zero true friends… i just don’t know what’s wrong with me… i have now convinced myself that this is my fate, and mostly this is how its going to be in the future, and that i just have to accept it and live with it…
I could relate to all of you!.. i have no friends and i thought i was the only one like this… but now i know its not true..
belated happy birthday, mscott R!
Ray, i can’t say enough dittos to your second post..
Hey so if any one just wants to talk, email or what ever I wouldn’t mind alking with people who share the same feelings. It may even help us to deal with our common problem. I’m at yahoo, M_R_1118. I check it once a day,
I wish all of you a nice Thanksgiving! My Thoughts are with you all.
im the type of person who really never had a true friend im tired of being so different! my whole life if been me ive been this punk rock kid whos always been nice to people i would hang out with any one!! everyone i meet tells me how nice i am and all that crap and it seems the only reason i also haven’t committed suicide yet is because i know where suicide takes you. i just wish i had someone to talk to and stuff someone i can share ideas im tired of being alone! i feel for all of you here and may god bless you all peace!
To be honest reading these comments, to an outsider, you’ve got 50 people in a room, all saying i wish i had friends to eachother, but making no action for the resolution of the problem. Exchange emails and talk. Many social psychological problems are ‘talked’ into existence. No i’m not saying they’re not real, i’m saying that the very act of putting a problem to the fore of your attention, makes that the most defining thing in your life and a self fulfilling prophecy is brought about. I know this to be true from experience. I have been agoraphobic for many years, but most strikingly for the last 5 years i haven’t had 1 friend, i have never, yes never had any relationship, i’m a virgin, can’t work because i am so awkward around people i am a disruptive presence to a potential employer, i.e. people are freaked out by my painful lack of sociability. I was extremely popular at university, but almost overnight changed due to both my returned agoraphobia and malnutrition related neurological problems,(twitching/muscle control problems, major negative and rapid personality changes and all kinds of alterations to my walk/posture/mood, yes bad diet can very quickly do all that and more, ask your doctor) life has been not pleasant. I read of people on here, who say that they’ve got no-one, but then in the next sentence, say my boyfriend this or my girlfriend that. If it makes these people feel any better, i would have no chance and have never had any chance of having a relationship. It is not in me. I could not trust someone that long. Also i am repulsed by the kind of physical/emotional interdependancy that relationships require. Some people are literally born without those traits that drive us to have relationships. The idea of sleeping in a bed with someone else is so alarming it makes me actually laugh. Why would you want someone in your personal space, especially the fact that you close your eyes and they could do anything to you, murder you. That is just too much trust. I’ve not been out of my parents house for 5 years and i’m in my thirties. So i thought i would post here to give you perhaps a little perspective on your situation. If you have ever had any type of relationship, then you are 90% of the way there because you have the ‘components’ that a normal psychological life requires. If you go out, and especially if you can hold down a job, believe me you are on the very good 100% normal part of the roller coaster. For someone who was born incapable of entering the amusement park in the first place, trust me, the fact that people who are in relationships and jobs think their lives are devoid of social contact, is very strange to read. Best of luck to everyone and ps, nasty people get friends because in evolutionary terms, they are better survivers and therefore better fulfil the whole reason of having friends, deriving a use out of social bonds for the improvement of your own survival chances. That’s why the bastards get the best girls. A nice guy or girl can be taken advantage of or beaten to a pulp and thus the offspring don’t survive. The barstard hurts anyone he wants and his procreations thrive with the rewards. cheers, a another.
I have practically no friends. Yeah i do have one but she’s in the states and i dont feel the connnection anymore. I’ve got ppl I talk to at work and only one at school. Otherwise I’m pretty much stay-home with sightings of my mom and her boyfriend. It sucks, having no normal life, but during this time of extreme solitude, which, even for me, has been exasperating, I’ve gotten to my “deeper” self plus a whole bunch of bad habits associated with mild depression. I’ve had friends before, through K to now. It’s pretty much been a really, really long exam for me, though. I never wholly felt comfortable before other people, even my mom. I’m an introvert, but sometimes I explode out of nowhere (not a breakdown, but more like awkwardness)and it seems to other people as plain awkwardness, like I’ve mentioned. Why? I’m always asking. Though I know this has been mostly my fault I continue the habit of blaming the world and pretending that it’s all fine. Just some dumb ppl, right? Truth is, I really need someone I can talk to, laugh with, and be brave in front of.
What is wrong with me?
Is it possible to find my friend here?
well, i would say the phenomenon of feeling lonley is not such a rare problem. we think other people do have friends and don´t feel depressed like we do, but now, after reading these comments, i think lots of them are in truth lonley.
i also don´t know what to do. i thought i have a friend and talked with her often about my problems. then she wasn´t here for 6 six months. when she came back she only wrote me an sms and that we should meet. but then she didn´t call me or wrote me a mail. now i know what a person she is. i didn´t trust her even earlier when i told her about my problems (at home) because i had the impression that she told it to everybody. and always when we met she laughed at me like i´m stupid and she never consoled me. it was like speaking to a wall. she was sometimes so cold. but she was my only “friend”. it hurts me so much because she knows i don´t have other friends. she has other friends but she never asked me to go out with them. now i have really nobody and i don´t know why she abruptly break off the friendship. i´m a really nice and helpful girl. i´m not ugly and not stinking! i´m asking often myself why i don´t have any friends. why is nobody interested in me?
(please excuse my bad english, i´m from europe) ;-)
I am in a similar boat with everyone else here. It makes me really sad that I have no friends, but being 25 years old I feel like I can not stand being hurt by people any longer-so I would rather just talk on e-mail. I used to be ridiculously– drop on your head stupid-nice. It was so hard for me to make friends I would let people treat me like a piece of crap and walk all over me because I would rather be thrown down a staircase then be alone– thats how bad it was. I used to live in a party house that all the kids from school would come to after school and destroy. They would spit on my floor and put cigarettes out on my rug then call me poor and say my house was dirty. This made me feel like I was lower then nothing. At first, I thought this was the price I would have to pay in order to be cool. Then, it became clear after they never once invited me out or called me that I actually hated them. The three insignificant acquaintances I did manage to acquire would criticize me, put me down, steal from me, borrow money and not pay it back, and only hang out with me a couple times of year when they were really bored. I was completely alone for 2 whole years of my life between the ages 17-19. Everyone stopped contacting me during this time and I remember praying I would die every night before bed. My one friend that I was friends with in high school used to call me and invite me over. I never knew why she did because she didn’t even seem to like me. She would always abandon me in favor of just about anyone else. Come to find out, that when I would drink and pass out she was going through my pockets and robing me. I just found out this other girl I was friends with since the 4th grade was plotting to steal from me. Just to clarify, I have never stolen from anyone nor would. I am a good person. I used to drink more when I was younger but not excessively. To date, however I have become very bitter of people’s treatment towards me. I have become so accustomed to people criticizing, rejecting, looking down on me, using or taking advantage of me in some way. I will not give anyone the opportunity to hurt me anymore. The only friend I have nowadays is really the only person who has ever been nice to me in my whole life. I do not feel the way people treated me was my fault. I am and always was very accepting. I would be friends with anyone- no matter their appearance. I know this post is really supposed to be for people who have no friends but I feel as though the ones I have had for most of my life were really not friends at all. I am lucky enough to have one friend but would love to talk to someone else who has had similar experiences. Please someone respond to this if you have been through stuff like this.
dear ricarda,
The girl you are talking about does not sound like your friend at all. She sounds like a stupid b#@. She is the kind of person that has to put someone else down in order to make herself feel better. In other words, she is getting pleasure form your misery. I have been friends with plenty of people like this. When people are often at their most vulnerable certain people who are mean and don’t feel good about themselves will pray on you. It probably feels like it is better to have her then no one else at all, but I don’t think in the long run that she will ever end up doing anything for you but hurting you. I am not trying to sound like an expert but I have met a lot of people like this in my life. I have similar problems to you. I hope that you find someone who is worthy of your friendship one day. I like to hear about peoples problems like this because If nothing else it makes me feel less alone.
I think someone who said alot of people situations have to do with luck is right. I know this girl who lives in a different town then me and is much more shy and introverted but has many friends. I ask other people how could this be and they say she was just lucky that she met people who were decent and got to know and accept her from an early age. I feel this must be a large part true although I also have to believe if this same person were ever to try to be friends with others she would probably not have much luck. Also I can identify with Understanding2U. It is so hard not to feel closed off when all you do is get hurt by people.
its said that when u think of something u want and really need it u donot get it but when u not thinkin about it its comes to you!!! thats what happens with us but i sugsest for us to keep ourself busy all the time in work club at the gym suck it up it happens!!!
Hi everyone!
I think I’m here for the same reason as all of you, I googled something along the lines of “birthday no friends sad” and ended up here. It’s strangely reassuring to know that there are plenty of other people in the same situation.
Here’s my story for anyone who’s interested.
I’m a 37 (38 in two days) year old guy from England who’s currently living in Canada. I wouldn’t say that I’ve NEVER had friends, other the years various groups of friends have been and gone and I still try to maintain links with a few of them. But I feel like I don’t have a true, close friend …a ‘soulmate’ if you will.
I’ve thought about this a lot (jeez, who hasn’t!) and I think I’m close to working out what the problem was and is. So let me share this with you.
I’ve had a stutter since I was a kid, and this made my teenage and university years very difficult indeed. But saying that, I had a few friends and I used to hang around with a group of heavy metal fans and was kind of accepted in an ‘on the fringe’ kind of way. At university the same thing happened, I had a loose group of friends but never felt like I was completely accepted into the clique.
When I was 27 I attended this great speech therapy course which caused my stutter to almost disappear. This immediately made socialising and networking much easier for me, but I made the mistake of immediately embarking on an intense, 5 year relationship with a girl who had even worse social problems than me. This relationship caused both our social circles to shrink even further.
Big mistake number two was when my relationship finished I immediately jumped into another 5 year relationship which led to marriage (currently separated unfortunately). The same problems beset my marriage because my soon to be ex wife had an underactive thyroid which meant she was house bound for much of the time.
My job has taken me to Malta, Ireland and now Canada, where I’m living alone since my wife went back to England 6 months ago. I know that sounds like a pretty sad situation, but to be honest I’m feeling a little better about things recently.
As soon as my wife left I knew that I had to do something. So taking that age old advice of “join a club” I joined a squash club and took lessons. I also started to regularly attend a British meet up group through http://www.meetup.com (thoroughly recommend to everyone on here) and I’ve also joined a couple of other clubs which I’ll be attending very soon. Incredibly (because I wasn’t expecting it) some of the people I’ve met through squash and other places have real potential to be friends. But as usual I was afraid that I would screw up by saying the wrong thing etc etc.
So to tackle this demon of mine once and for all I started seeing a therapist for precisely this ‘no friend’ problem. He took me through my history and we talked about specific situations at length, and I must admit that it was a very worthwhile exercise.
I realised that the problem is not necessarily other people, although without a doubt there are plenty of jerks out there. I always thought that I was a kind, sincere, funny and reliable kind of guy. I still do! But I’ve also realised that there is another side of me that sometimes pushes people away and can cause prospective friendships to evaporate. The other thing is I enjoy my own company despite craving the attention of others which is kind of a vicious circle.
I’ve also realised that my situation didn’t exactly make it easy – I’m a guy with a stutter from a dysfunctional family who has travelled around a lot, has had two insular long term relationships and has a very unsociable career as a computer programmer. There’s little wonder I’ve struggled to find real friends, especially as the old friends I had grew up, got married and had kids.
Anyone ever seen this advertisment from the UK? It made me cry when I first saw it – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIvARfHHI4k
Anyway, in conclusion to this post, I’m still searching for the answer, as we all are. I think I’m quite close to finding it, but it just breaks my heart to see so many people suffering in this way. Hopefully I’ll come back here some time to see how you’re all doing.
I have never felt that I had any ”real” friends. I am 27 and even when I was still in school, they were only classmates who I saw every day but never got invited to any activities with. I am a biker and tried joining a club to share in the lifestyle and the joy of riding but due to a few 2 faced people, I was chucked out. I tried joining another club but noticed nearly at once that I didn’t feel welcome. I tried very hard to earn their trust and friendship but for nothing. Today they had a bbq and without anyone asking, I offered to help out in the preparations. So I spend nearly all day helping out and ended up cooking a whole pig and everything but then, not 1 word of thanks or anything. Not that it mattered but they tried to ridicule me and I ended up leaving when no one was around. I keep telling myself that i’ve gotten by without friends so far and that I can keep doing that but deep down, I know that friends are important and a true friend is a rare thing to find.
Hi fellow lonely, I say this with a smile and hand extended in friendship to all…
I’ve been here a few times, quite a lot actually, Posted s a few times, but mostly I read, there is something comforting here, and I wish I didn’t have to say that, but it’s true, you make me feel less alone. Sad isn’t it, that you being alone, makes me feel better. I mean that I don’t feel so singled out, detached, and like I said before I wish I didn’t have to say that. I wish we all had friends, at least one, or two, or a whole world full of them…but we don’t, what ever our reasons are we all feel alone, but truly we are not, I mean we have found each other, right? Isn’t that a start? Can we the lonely, who have all gathered here maybe start to find a way to connect with each other? In doing so, maybe we can help each other, and in turn help ourselves…Some of us may make a friend or two along the way, I know I want to, don’t you?
I’m starting my own little blog, and want to make it something more than this site, I’m new to blogging, and would love any ideas that any one may have, I want to do this to help you, me all of us…I want to make a more interactive site, someplace more than this, (don’t get me wrong this site has it’s own therapeutic value) but it’s still very impersonal. All we do is come here to vent our frustrations, and it may help, but only to get our thoughts out, then what, were still alone right? Wouldn’t it be much nicer to connect on a more personal level? Please if you feel like I do, and you must, or you wouldn’t be here, please join me. I would welcome any and all ideas to my blog. my email is M_R_1118@yahoo.com I hope to hear from you, Michael
http://thelostlonely.blogspot.com/
Dear M Scott R
I tried to leave a comment on your blog- couldn’t do it. When I tried to publish the comment it said “Comments on this blog are restricted to team members” and that I “may not comment with this account”. Do you need to pay for an account or something? Have I made a mistake somewhere along the line? I’ll leave the comment here instead:
Hi,
I often check the comments and I followed your link.
In my favourite yet saddest day dream a car stops in front of my house and there’s a knock on my door. When I open it, I recognise my closest friend straight away. We hold each other like family because we haven’t seen each other in such a long time, not for very long because we’re in a rush and there’s a sense of urgency. He’ll say to me “We’ve come to take you home, I’m sorry that we took so long”. We rush out to the car and inside I see my two other dearest friends. We’re a group of four and we know each other so well. Then we drive home, I’m really at home, we’re all really at home and life finally unfolds.
None of these people have ever actually existed. I don’t have a problem meeting people, the problem I have is making a friendship once we’re acquaintances. I try, I’ve tried for years, but I just can’t do it. I strongly suspect that It’s because I’m not worth being friends with. I try to change who I am but no matter how hard I try I can’t change the basic aspects of my personality.
Throughout the years I’ve experienced terrible depressive episodes as a result. I’m so lonely and my self esteem is so low. I just can’t make me love myself when nobody else will. Every time I see a doctor or a psychologist they just try to medicate me. I don’t need medication, I need a life that’s worth living and a self that’s worth being.
I am 23 and also don’t have any friends. I had friends when I was younger but we just drifted apart or they did not wish to hang out with me anymore. I used to be depressed also whe nI was younger..I didn’t want to go outside or talk to anybody so I may be to blame for not having any friends. I am in college and I would just go to class and just go home adn not do anything. It is not that I want to stay home, i’d love to go out and have fun but I don’t have anybody to do it with. Now that I am older I stil have noone to talk to except family members. I am a nice, quiet and reserved type of person and i’ve been told that I have an old soul but I can’t sem to find anybody who I can relate to. I like to have fun too but nobody to have fun with except my boyfriend. He has been really adamant about me having someone to talk to other than himself. It really hurts to be such a nice, upstanding person and have no friends but I have everything else that I could want. I used to have low self esteem but now that I am older I’ve gotten more confident in myself but not confident enough to make friends. It is easier for me to talk to the opposite sex than another female. I do have many acquaintances and people who did try to contact me I never called them back so I may be somewhat afraid of making friends because I fear rjection and I don’t know why. I have facebook if anyone wants to add me feel free to. Thanks for listening..
i have lost track in my life since end of junior year. beginning senior year, i just lost it with backstabbers and untrue friends. since then, i been to myself, but its been like that my whole life. I been to one party….lame, drinking or smoking dosent excite me at all. but you gotta do it to be in the cool kids club.
i dropped out of the my local college near me. im not good with the ladies i guess, girl gave me ur number, we went out for coffee and since then, she ignored my calls and texts…. :( . low confidence right there…nobody cant be cool with me i guess. i havent had a job in 7 months now.
i dont know what to do in life, i spent my birthday alone, again this year. im 20 years old…..what can i do? i wish i just had someone to talk to, call up…see whats up. im not asking alot, i would have a life of good people around me then being rich. materials aint nothing to me but im always buying something off the internet each week to keep me excited. How lame is that?
i dont know what to do…..military and go from there :(
Hi MaybeItaly; I’m sorry for the goof on my blog, it’s all new tome, and I’m still learning. I think I fixed the problem, please try again, and let me know, I really want this to work. If not please email me at rsm.1118@gmail.com. Hope to hear from you. Michael
Hi Lost in this damn world; I read your post, and can relate to you totally. I too thought the military was my only thing to do. I joined the Marines, and fortunately found it to be one of the best things I ever did, I only made one good friend while I was in, and we have lost touch but I still look back and think I was lucky to have met him, but the thing that I value most about my time in the Marines is that it taught me to be self reliant, sure I was alone, and that sucked but it did help me to feel that I was strong enough by myself…I’m not saying you should run right out to a recruiter, I’m saying make sure you join for the right reason…I hope things work out for you. Michael rsm.1118@gmail.com
Hi All,
I am a long time lurker, first time poster. I can relate to all of you. And, I mean ALL of you. I would like to share my experiences with you in a later post, but, personally, I think the thing that gets me is that we know, or at least, recognize that we are decent people. We know of our own personal hell that we have put up with. (In my case, I was picked on so much in elementary / middle school that each day seemed like there was always a mountain in front of me, and I failed to climb it successfully. Personally, I know how horrible that feels and I promised myself to never inflict that kind of pain on anyone else. Because of that I never cared to have friends growing up, but now that I have been in the world, I (very stupidly, I think) wanted to revisit it and try again.) And, in some cases we have learned from that and try to be a better person because of it.
I have had people tell me that I have an excellent personality, and I have had people tell me that I am worth more than I care to give myself credit for. And, I have had people tell me that “oh, you’ll have it one day.” (I am a 26 y/o male, btw.) Yet, each time I try to make a friend, I get nothing. And, it is frustrating. People tell me “oh, you need to put yourself out there.” My response: “Why should I? Every friend I ever tried to make never materialized; why should I put myself through the hell and heartache again? Why? What’s the sense?” I would love to have a tight friendship with someone close to my age. I know it will take time, but still, how am I supposed to achieve that when nobody will let me in? I am so frustrated and fed up with it that I would much rather force myself to give up on the whole notion of ever having friends, and just not feel anything and force myself to accept solitude. At least that way, I will not feel hurt or let down anymore. I know I will be a little bitter, and I worry that will spill over and seep into the decent person that I have worked hard to establish, which I do enjoy being decent and not an A—hole, though no one seems to care, but at least it is better than having hope for something that is hopeless. I really think that I need to be resigned to my fate and accept it, and, dare I say it, even try to enjoy it?
Thank you for your time in reading this. I am sorry that we are all in the same boat. (Or, is it better to say “sinking ship?”) By reading some of your comments, some of you fit the bill rather nicely in what I am looking for in a friend. I have often wondered if the person that would be the best friend for me would be the one who was equally as lonely / friendless as I am.
The best to you all,
svandrew
I definitely commend all of you for posting your thoughts on something that we all unfortunately face alone and often in pain. My name is Michael and I wanted to personally extend my friendship to all those needing a friend just like me. I live in Toronto, Canada. I am was always looking to develop friendships with people as lonely as I am. Please feel free to write me and I will gladly reciprocate as well : pushkinalexander@ymail.com
I have no friends, and my whole family, all the people I grew up with, have died. I’ve always been shy, but I used to try to make friends, and when I was younger I usually had one or two. But in recent years I have found that people are shallow and just crap on you when you give them your friendship. I’ve been hurt so many times that although I miss having friends, I don’t want them any more and I avoid becoming close to people now. I doubt that I will ever have any friends ever again. I really empathize with the people on this forum who write that they are nice and yet no one wants to be friends with them. I have encountered this phenomenon over and over again. I know plenty of complete ass holes who have lots of friends, and yet in the past when I sought friendship not many people seemed to be interested in someone who was nice. I suppose nice people are boring and jerks are exciting. In a way, I’ve fallen back on the “imaginary friend” fantasy of childhood. I watch classic movies and read classic novels, and those characters are now my friends. It’s pathetic ass hell, but at least they aren’t going to let me down.
Well, today is my birthday and I turned 21. I’m feeling ok considering I don’t have any friends and no one to call me and wish me a happy birthday except for my sister. But i’m so used to it that it’s not like I was expecting for anything else. I don’t drink and obviously don’t go out since I have no friends, but I thought I’d just leave a note with you guys since I’ve wrote on here before and know that you guys would at least understand how I am feeling. I’m just loungin around in my house enjoying my own company. I had some pizza for lunch and I feel stuffed. I’m also having mild fever like symtoms like muscle aches and a headache and just feeling kind of sick in general. Today I at least have hope, hope for the future. I’ve made it this far with no friends and in isolation but the future is unpredictable and anything can happen, so we all just need to hang on and take it day by day. Happy Holidays you guys, your in my mind and heart.
dont u guys just hate this time of year?
me, being friendless, like many here, struggles to maintain his sanity during the holiday season……….
i have a whole month off from school after exams and unlike regular ppl in my position i was just totally dreading it because i know i have nothing to do except to sit around at home drowning in my friendless existence
other ppl from my class were so excited, talking about all the things they got planned, how great, a whole month off……..they actually have lives these ppl
near years eve is usually when im at my saddest……..how can i sit at home, another yr gone by without friends, accomplished nothing, sitting in the same position i was in at the same time last year…….all the while knowing all those ppl are out there enjoying their lives
i do tend to have a lot of popular acquantances that lives far from me, and seeing their plans on msn/facebook/etc etc just makes me even sadder…..
hopefully, by this time next year, things will be different……………………….
Happy birthday Eddie!
You’re right to have hope, because you’re young enough to transform your life. It’s possible to do that at any age, but it’s easier when time is on your side.
Thanks Tim :) Kind of reminds me of the song ” Young Turks” by Rod Stewart.
Happy birthday Eddie, I know it´s out of time but anyway I just wanted to leave greetings for you. Me too, when I´m alone, I like eating something good . ok, keep on and don´t lose hope even it that is very small.
Happy Birthday Eddie,
I agree with Timboy. I’m double your age and I think you have all of the world’s possibilities in front of you. All I can say is dream big man and try to take as many risks as possible. I think for many of us risk taking becomes harder the older you get. Give it a shot, you have nothing to lose.
My 3 ‘best friends’ : Loneliness,Depression & tons of Anxiety disorders
Dear Friends,
Its been quite awhile since I last posted, although I have read everyones posts on here. I just want to wish all of you at this time of year all the peace and love and joy and happiness in your lives that is long overdue you for Christmas, and the absolute best of everything in the coming new year!!! That is my prayer for you on here!
Hold onto your dreams and ideals no matter what they are! Never ever give up on HOPE! Realize that there is a God and that He really does care about you and love you so much! Let His light shine through you all.
This is Satan’s ugly world right now that we are struggling in, and too often the Good people are tossed by the wayside.
Evil always hates what is good.
I find if you can become more thankful by counting all of your blessings that you do have everyday, it will help you appreciate your life alot more. Always know that there is always someone out there in the world that has it harder than yourselves too.
Try to put yourselves deeper into your work or passions whatever they may be, and become the very best at it that you possibly can.
Its in solitude when one can rise to much higher and greater and deeper levels of outstanding achievements, but only if you choose not to allow yourselves to drown in all of this crazy world’s negativity and sorrow.
Choose to become a Great Achiever, and then one day the mindless people of this world will have to stand up in awe of you! Lift up your heads and know that you are Somebody! You are a unique individual! There is no one else in this world quite like you and can never ever take your place!
YOU ARE TRULY SPECIAL! Make your Life count! The worldly people do not understand you because they live in their own shallow little worlds. Its only just about themselves all of the time. Immature and self centered people they are. You do not want to be like them, do you? Everything with them is about ME ME ME! Yuck! They seem to be unable to think very deep on most levels because they choose to live their lives wastefully and selfishly on such a superficial level.
Its up to you to make this world a better place in which to live people, because if people like us don’t, no one else out there will. You can see how corrupt this world has gotten if you listen to the news and look around. The world is cracking up! People all over today are much more disatisfied than they ever have been, even with all the material wealth, more than most people in the past had ever seen.
They call this a Great Depression! What a Joke! They don’t even know what a Depression era was really even like. But they are trying to create one now. Why? Because… they can never be satisfied. They really hate themselves inside. So how can you expect them to care about you and your feelings? They are truly the miserable ones. Do not be despising yourselves because you can’t fit into their ugly little clicks or worlds. Being different is not always a bad thing. In this case its actually a good thing. You are set apart because you have a larger plan in the greater spectrum of life to fulfill. Satan just loves deceiving people. Thats his business. He wants you to believe you are worthless, while the “truly worthless”(by their own choice of course) believe that they are the people. Can you see their arrogance and haughtiness?
Some of you are being called to a much higher standard of calling than many, and its in that great solitude that you are being put in a place to endure and struggle with everything you got in you. When you feel you might be losing yourself, that is when and where you will actually find yourself. Know and accept that there is always pain in gain. Lift up your voices and rejoice and stand up and be heard! You have every reason to be confident if you know who you really are.
Be willing to pay a sacrifice, because in the end, your rewards will be great! You must realize that and believe it with all of your heart and soul. Keep your mind fixed at all times on it. This world isn’t for the faint or weak of heart by no means. Stay strong willed and focused! Choose faith and trust in your Creator to help you to overcome and endure. Meditate on God’s word and pray on these things. Think on things that are pure and right and lovely and good.
God’s Peace be with you!!!
i was just watching it’s a wonderful life
i’ve heard what a classic it was and i’ve never seen it before
thought i could lift my spirits give me some better perspective on a miserable life, make me feel better during this time of year…….and i really related to the guy in the movie
but the end…….they ruined it by giving that line…….ur not a failure if u have friends something liek that…………dam that made me feee like crap
Most of the “friends” I’ve had have ended up at least one point or another betraying me. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t confide in many people except my dog
It’s so interesting reading some of the posts above. As a 19 year old and as a sophomore in college, I can relate to everyone here, except that I actually do have 2 people that are close to me: my girlfriend of three years and my cousin of the same age. The only thing I will say of my girlfriend is that our relationship is absolutely perfect, and I am extremely lucky that she found me or I’d be just as lonely as my past before her. My cousin is a great guy and I always enjoy myself when I am around him, although I can’t truly be comfortable with him since we seem to have different interests and values.
Both of them are extroverts. They can easily make friends, especially my girlfriend. They enjoy going out and having fun at parties. It’s common for them to have phone calls, texts, and Facebook messages from their friends on a daily basis. I, on the other hand, do not like going to parties. I am more introverted, although not a total social-phobe. It’s weird…I can carry a conversation, but only with people that I can get the right vibe off of, meaning they are easy for me to like. But most people don’t fall into this category for me… It’s hard for me to even start or carry a conversation with those that I can’t relate to. Especially guys that are “jocks”. I don’t know if it’s the intimidation that I felt ever since I was a little kid, but those guys scare me. Which is even weirder since I pretty much was one in high school. It’s like I fit the criteria: I play and do like sports, movies, songs, games, or whatever. But I have lots of other interests too, and I just never found any meaningful relationships with anyone to share them with.
My girlfriend and cousin were both in the popular crowd in high schoo, and yet I just never fit in with any kind of group, whether be the popular crowd, geeks, or theater kids, skateboarders, etc. I have always been just myself in high school and after, and have yet to find anyone to really hang out with outside my gf and cousin.
They say that you find yourself in college. But what if you don’t? I already make fantastic grades, know what career to pursue, and am a great leader since I participate in academic groups. I have the personality traits to be a cool guy, so why is it so hard for me to find meaningful relationships outside of my gf and cousin?
I just wanted to add that there are a few posts above that I can really relate too. Some people said that they had a girlfriends, but not any guy friends. Besides my cousin, I basically have no one. And I forgot to add that my cousin is moving away soon, so I won’t be able to see him on a regular basis. My social life lives through my girlfriend and her friends, and I recognize that isn’t a healthy. My girlfriend talked to me in the past about this problem and how I can start making my own social network, but for now it is non-existent. Just like some of the posters above, I am afraid that my girlfriend and I decided to marry, then I will not have anyone to invite to my wedding, or not have anyone to throw my bachelor’s party.
I realize that there are other people in far worst situations, but I still would like to find my true happiness. Perhaps I can start taking more chances and life will lead me there. Good luck to everyone here, may you find happiness and companionship as well.
I’ve visited this page long ago reading and agreeing to many posts, but it’s my first time posting one.
Right now I don’t really know what to write but that I can’t sleep lately because I feel so lonely. I’ve been fine being alone and enjoyed being alone, as it felt kind of special… and partially since I couldn’t find anyone really who I could relate to as I observe the people around me.. All I can remember about highschool and last years is studying. Studying from when I got home from school until almost midnight and then enjoying the time of my own. But at some point I started to miss people, wishing I had a boyfriend or several close friends who we can relate to, have good times together and be friends of life. I started to feel how empty I am without experience, confidence in my self to step out into the world, or knowing how to get along with people… like in school, people start to become close or form some kind of groups while after the first day, while I stay alone and anonymous.
This, moving to a new school in last year of highschool, and getting into a fairly good university have brought self confidence down more along with my grades, one of the few things I could be proud of my abilities… and thinking of going back to those huge lecture halls filled withthe buzz of smart people all better than me in some aspect is sickening.
Well this isn’t what I exactly wanted to write and it doesn’t really sound like me, but… another night without sleep…
Probably my not so perfect english counts towards the reason too.
Things can get better. They did for me. I was very lonely for a long time but I have friends now. My advice to you all would be to use this time alone to focus on yourselves. Is there a skill that you’ve always wanted to learn, a subject you’ve always wanted to know a lot about? If there is than this is your chance to achieve what you want to achieve. Just concentrate on yourself and your interests. Do what you want to do just for your own enjoyment, go where you want to go and never worry about other people thinking you’re a loner or whatever. For me, these things worked and eventually things started to go better for me. I decided to stop focusing on my loneliness and instead I used the time to learn how to draw, collect records, read the books I’ve always wanted to read. I volunteered my time for charity and basically just did what I wanted to do, e.g. when I wanted to see a band I just went and when I did I realized that there were actually a noticeable amount of people who were also alone (one of these people is my friend now) and no one really cared anyway. So, right around the time that I stopped really worrying about having no friends and started to become more interested in life I started making friends. Good luck and all the best for the new year.
anathoer new years eve alone i am soo tierd of it.i am 27 and this is second year i am all alone on nye.i really wanted too do something this nye and ended up alone it sucks soo the plan 4 the new year is too leave this country i am from europe btw and start my life all over some where else too do stuff i like and most importend thing is too try and meet some new ppl and i hope too make a friend or too along the journey.and too all you lonely ppl like me happy new year and i hope next year will be better 4 all of os
I know many people but dont have a friend to talk to. I want to share, i really want to share but it must be someone who atleast listen to me. I will listen the whole day.
really……………………………………………………………….
I can’t believe there’s so many people, commenting and replying to one another’s comments on some random blog. Well, I mean I found it randomly.
I am a 24 year old female. I am really alone in my life and don’t know how much longer I can live like this.
As so many here, I had tons of friends in school. My closest friends had kids before highschool was over, I had nothing in common with them anymore. 10+ year relationships dissolved pretty quickly.
I was an outgoing kid, but I had my first panic attack when I was 11. My anxiety got worse from that point on, taking affect on my entire life. I was agorophobic for a couple of years in my late teens. I ended up alone and kicked out of home at 18, without a highschool education. I had 2 friends who were alcoholics at this point. They introduced me to a guy, I was with him for 3 years and abused. I had no one else a year into it, I didn’t know what to do.
I got my grade 12, I found a job, I ditched the guy. I trampled over my anxieties. I do everything alone.
I am nervous with new people, but that doesn’t stop me. I try and I mean it. In the last year I have met probably 30 people with the potential of forming some type of relationship. Never happens. We talk for a while and eventually they drop the ball. All I can assume from this is that I am boring, because I don’t see where else I am going wrong.
In the last year I have taken every social oppurtunity I’ve had, done things I normally wouldn’t do. I’ve joined classes. I’ve gone to parties when I am not even really a drinker. I start conversations with people on the street. I’m not a person hiding and shy, I really do try. Nothing.
I do think it has a lot to do with luck. I am always being shit on in stupid little ways by life it seems. I have a lot of problems right now, aside from having no one in my life, and it’s exhausting to take it all on alone.
Lack of a social life for so many years causes problems in and of itself. I’m not 100% certain on who I am, what I like to do, what I want in life. I have a hard time making decisions, I don’t even know how well I can trust my own thought process. At some point these are things you need to bounce off of someone else to know if you’re on base.
I am not so confident in my social skills. I don’t have as many interesting stories as someone who goes out and does fun things with friends 4 nights a week. People are very interested in what you did on the weekend. Doing nothing worth mentioning doesn’t exactly open the conversation. Hearing how much fun someone else had is sad, but I be happy for them anyway.
I haven’t really had a serious relationship aside from the one. Most guys I meet are interested in casual sex/a one night stand and nothing more. I don’t know why I can’t find a guy to have a relationship with. Neither does anyone else. I have family that bug me about having a boyfriend, even having KIDS!
Like a lot of you, I am always the person to listen but not be heard. Was always this way, even when I had a lot of close friends. Now it’s just anyone I socialize with, I listen to their problems, but mine are brushed off. Is it some kind of scent we give off?
I spent New Years Eve alone, I would have given anything to be partying with other people my age.
Jun, tell your story. I want to listen.
I feel like this page is a secret hidden treasure corner of the web, a place where people who are in similar situations can find a small comfort, even if only for a minute, knowing that they are not alone in being alone. I hope this page does not go away or, I know it’s silly, but I would feel a loss. I check this page once in a while…maybe once a year, maybe shorter, but I never forget it and every time I check it, there are constant new posts. Most of us probably get here by typing in the same phrase on google, “I have no friends.” Anyway, I wish there was some way to ensure that this website does not just one day up and disappear, or I will feel lost. How strange, huh?
I am not happy to see that so many people have the same life as me but at least i am not the only one. I have moved a lot of times, and where ever i go I can’t make friends there. I am 17 and wasn’t able to make any friends since 1. If I try, I end up making fool of myself. Bieng so alone I spend time, all the time just sitting watching a movie, just sittng home alone. I have lot of skills: like bieng good in science, going to gym year ahead, knowing martial arts, bieng a good cook and baking cakes on holidays instead of my mom now and more…. But whats the point? What good does it do when having no friends I can’t even enjoy my life. I barely can force myself to go to school to put those skills to use, I don’t know how I will even live, how will I get to college or what job will I get, people go to school when they don’t want to to meet up with their friends, find out what work they missed by asking their friends and pass it with the help of their friends. I feel like i spent my entire life and still am spending it alone on the entire planet.
xxxxx to you all…Basically i know how everyone of you feels. My aloneness is actual but not quite factual. I spend alot of time alone outside of work etcc. but in work i get on well with people but just feel out of place, most of the time bt not always. Outside of work i don’t exist. I have friends who i went to college with bt we hardly meet up anymore or speak on the phone, then i have lots of random buddies most of them are males that wewe trying to holler at me but got rejected then we stayed in touch, one or two have become good friends the rest are mere associates. I’m nt going to say im an angel cos im not. I can be overly critical, appear aloof, withdrawn, serious, shy, all that good stuff. I try my hardest not to be but i think it seeps out my pores. i can’t fool anyone.
guys i got a question what if someone like us made it and became famous at football soccer nba or whatever how can he covers up being friendless or he will have friends because he is famous and beimg famous makes people intersted in being your friend?????
good question sexyboy i would try not too hide it but true my fame maybe start a organizsion or something too help people like us
all you youngster out there. I have felt lonely with low self esteem all my life. I am in my mid fifties. even as a teenager i prefered to be separate than being the third wheel tagalong. even aflter i married i was alone. my husband had his he-man life with friends who treated me with disrespect. we stayed together because i didn’t know better. now he is ill and i take care of him. i still have no friends, no love, no respect, no confidence, and low self esteem. i am seriously hurting now that i’m also ill. my daughter doesn’t associate with us except holidays as we are her dysfunctional family. my son doesn’t respect me. he acts like his father does. i don’t believe in suicide or hurting myself. but i am unable to leave out of fear of the unknown. i am feeling very disparate. i am very good at making myself guilty for feeling this way. any help out there? life is very hard.
shay, I’m sorry to hear all that, especially that your health is not so good. I don’t know what kind of advice would be helpful to you….I hope you have hobbies of some sort, anything constructive that you enjoy doing (music, gardening, reading, etc).
Also, I don’t know what situation you are in, but mid-50s isn’t necessarily too late to leave, as frightening as the prospect may be.
Life can be hard indeed.
Hi guys. Thank you all for writing…. Female / late 20s.
I have only 3 close friends that I can call up at any time, and an amazing boyfriend, but I’ve always been ashamed of the fact that I was never able to make friends easily. My 3 close friends are friends from childhood but they are all busy most of the time so we only meet occasionally. Plus they are all very popular and have their own friends that they are just as close with, if not closer to than me. I live in NYC and work in Manhattan.
I also worry about my wedding and who I will invite.
I think my social skills have just deteriorated since a long time ago. It makes me so envious to see groups of friends just forming all the time in my church, work, and this one other community (which I cannot name, bc there is just one in NYC). I’ve been told I’m really cute/pretty, and extremely smart, and funny, and have depth, etc etc but I can’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’m Korean American but I’ve never really felt comfortable in any setting my entire life.
I’ve finally started to get counseling this year, with the encouragement of my friends & boyfriend. If anyone would like to chat, or work/live in my area, please feel free to drop me a line at lia7488 (aim) and lia7488@yahoo.com.
This page is awesome! Thank you all for expressing your feelings! I truly thought I was the only one with a difficulty making and keeping friends….. I think we can all support each other in saying that we can all understand each other and take some personal strength from our openness.
Praying that we can all lift each other up with encouragement and understanding!
Thank you for letting me know I am not alone anymore.
all you lonenly ppl feel free to right to me i am a loner too and it would bee nice too have somebody too talk too my email is the_gunner81@hotmail.com
Sexboy asked what would happen if you were famous and had no friends, or if being famous would make you popular.
Well, check this out. Neil Diamond (the singer/songwriter) could well do with a visit to this board himself, read about it here – http://tinyurl.com/6svfea
I guess you can be friendless no matter what background you have or what profession you follow.
It’s been a really long time since i posted here… but I needed to vent. Great boyfriend who seems to appreciate my existence – that’s my only saving grace. no friends otherwise – in fact, people seem to almost shun me. i just want to know what’s wrong with me. at work – i did something wrong but the manager, rather than talking to me about it, managed to tell everyone i worked with. what the fuck? so now i am looking for a new job out of sheer humiliation. i don’t know how got to this place, but it is lonely, humiliating, and depressing. anyone here in colorado? snnowkitty@msn.com to chat.
I’ve been reading this page for awhile. I decided to post because today there is someone I really want to talk to and I can contact them online, but I’m so afraid to even say hi to them. I have an intense fear of rejection. I’m afraid they will think I am boring and annoying. I thought I was making a breakthrough this week. I’m 22 and I have been shy for years. This week, all of a sudden I called some of the people I have been ignoring the past few years (people who used to be good friends) and I even messaged people online, etc… and then, a mere week later, I’m back to where I was before (I don’t know what got into me in the first place) Completely mortified that I made myself look stupid, and they are only humoring me. I feel I can only make a good impression from a distance, with the right clothes/makeup/taste in music, taste in art and film, etc… without letting people know the real me, because it would be rude to make them talk to me when I am so bad at conversation and I have nothing to offer. If only there was a way to know if people REALLY like me… If I could find that out, and see that they do, then maybe I would be able to open up… but I have this nagging doubt that the people who try to talk to me are only trying to be polite. So, I save them the trouble by not trying to get into conversation.
I’m the person who wrote above… If you are having the same problem or just want to talk you can e-mail me at badatsports@ymail.com
hi, i’ve been quite the frequent creeper on this page…….i can relate to just about everyone
my story is that……when i was in high school i had no confidence and was picked on…..so therefore when i went to college……i had no confidence to talk to anyone….i always turn away from any groups of ppl because i was afraid
despite my social inadequacies i still made some temporary friends who was actually part of the popular ppl……and had some good times despite my struggles and believe me i had a lot of struggles……….loking back i really regret not being socially better, because ppl were real good to me, they really were……..i just didnt have the social skills to recipricate
for reasons that i dont want to get into anymore……..i was abandoned for the lease that i signed with my so called friends during the second year and was left all alone
anyway…….to make al ong story short, im back home now, and i am actually way way better socially……….but regardless……..im stuck back in the same situation that i was in when i was in high school……..no friends and just wasting away all the time on the computer………….it sucks because now i know i can make friends and have a good time but despite it im stuck back in the same rut i was in in high school
luck definitely plays a role……it’s funny how life works out against you sometimes
the thing that sucks is at this age……25……most ppl have their own crowd and even though they might like u…..they can’t be bothered with you…….and it’s just not as easy as it would’ve been if this were high school, when i was picked on
anyway……i just wanna say that, this page has been of great comfort to me…….and to all the ppl that feel bad don’t……..everybody goes down a different road in life…….dont compare yourself with other ppl who have friends………because they have a different road then u do……they’re not better than u………just so happens the road they’re on is less bumpy……….give yourselves credit for hanging in there………because if they were in your shoes……they might not do as well as you have
and i see a lot of comments about being too old…….age is really just a way for the government to track you………..it’s really all about life experience……i’ve met 18 yr olds who are mature enough to be 30 and vice versa………dont let age discourage you( im 27 and dont have a gf….etc)…………it’s never too late to start……remember, everybody’s got a different life path and it’a fruitless activity to compare with other ppl(u dont compare with other cars on a different highway when ur driving do u?) exactly…….just keep going ………..one day u’ll get to where u want to go
I posted a while back… search uberhuber21 with the find function to find the post.
I live in Raleigh, NC. I read a few of you live in the NC area…If you want someone to talk to and even hang out with.. do not hesitate to contact me.
aim: uberhuber21
email: silentcalm@gmail.com
Things get darkest before the dawn.
my boyfriend is mad depressed right now. he’s upset because he feels like he has no friends. he has a buddy that comes to stay with us when he has class because he lives like 2 hrs away. but my bf feels like he just doesn’t connect with him anymore. my bf is growing out of just smoking pot and playing video games all the time. he wants to get out and do stuff but his friend doesn’t. then when i tell him to make friends with my family and friends he says they are hard to be around. (at first my “brothers” can be)
the thing is he is saying all the things that you guys are. he would fight and die for the people he cares about. and he doesn’t understand why everytime he tries to make a new friend or hang out with old ones they just brush him off. i really sucks because i have soooooooo much fun with him. but the fact that he’s unhappy makes me sad. i love him a lot. i want him to just come out with me and meet new people. mingle at parties (which he isn’t bad at i’ve seen him in action)
i just don’t know. i want him to be happy and i know i make him happy there is something missing in his life.
suggestions???
yeah.. so my story is kind of the same..
Back home in South america I was the kind of girl that was friends with everyone!
I never felt alone, if One girl wasn'[t there for me I had someone else to hang around… They weren’t just school friends, they where my childhood friends…
Unfortunatly, or fortunatly I don’t know yet, I moved to canada six years ago..
I never felt so lonely and vulnerable.. I went from a small school to a HUGE highschool!
I started to over eat!! I gained sooo much weight, I become so depress and I just shut my self from the world..
I am lucky enough to have wonderful parents! And I am also lucky enough that I can have a great time with them, I am also lucky that My childhood friends are still my live friends.. I love them, and I know that whatever happens they will be there for me..
They are the first ones to call me on my bday even though they are all over the world! they are the first ones to get happy if anything happens to me, and although we see each other like ones every year, When I am with them it’s like nothing has changed..
that said, I AM 21 years old! I want to hang out, to have fun! I want to go out on friday’s!!
I lost weight! I feel “good” (well is more like a roller coster, some days I feel great some others I feel bad).. I went to college for three years, and I had a blast!! compare to highs chool, college was heaven.. I managed to have a great time.. I made a good friend, but after we graduates she doesn’t seem too interested in contacting me, i am the one that calls her to hang out …
I am now in my first year of university, and it is really tough! I am 21 surrounded by 18 years old.. it is really not that bad, b/c i LOOK 16 but I feel that I am in a different stage..Part of my problem is that I feel I am not intelligent enough, not pretty enough, not funny enough.. I am so afraid of being boring… I know the only way for me to change is to change my mentality, and have a positive outlook…
I made a good friend in university, well I think I did, and we hanged out for a while but I think I became to clingy.. She doesn’t talk to me any more so lately I’ve been feeling kind of down..
I know I am not perfect, but I can honestly tell you that i AM GOOD hearted, I love helping people, and making them feel good about themselves!!!
I will go out of my way to help my friends..
I am soo tired and soo depress, and just annoyed at life! I DON’T want to grow old..
I don’t even have a boyfriend! which also affects my confidence..
I don’t know guys, I think I should just accept the fact that I am a loner..
:S
To Asford and everyone,
Perhaps he should try to relax and chill out about life for a while. I have lately been examining my behavior and those of others that seem to be liked by others. It seems to me that those people who are relaxed, have no isssues to pursue, and have no hangups that they feel they have to hide, are people that others like to be around alot.
Of all my siblings, I had the most friends. It wasn’t because I was prettier,or smarter(not by a long shot) but because I wasn’t afrad to admit what a loser I was. I didn’t dwell on it anymore than it was socially acceptable, but I was more comfortable displaying “liabilities” than my siblings were. Maybe it made me seem more human or less of a threat than my more perfect siblings, or maybe because I was more relaxed, no one felt that I needed or expected anything more than a relaxed friendship. My son’s girlfriend is like this. She never comes across as having to prove herself or of any point she wants to make, she’s seems kinda ditzy (but she is very smart), giggles alot, not at all sophisticated, yet people love her.
I sympathize with everyone because I feel that my daughter is also sad because she too is friendless. I don’t know what to say to her because she’s can’t take criticism. She is 19, pretty, very intelligent, but bossy and kind of uptight in that she is always having to make a point. I know she has a good heart and that she is very concerned about the environment and social causes but on the small scale issues she has a hard time. She comes across as being very self-centered, not in a snobby way, but in that she never has any time for anbody but herself. For example, she can’t babysit to help her aunt because she has got to clean her bedroom (which didn’t get done because she decided to do something else). She can’t help out her sister with homework because that was the time she had scheduled to do her nails. She can’t do chores around the house because her learning disabilities make her need more time to do her homework. It’s always about her issues. I know she struggles as a person with dyslexia but could that have made her into a “me first” person? She also has always had a hard time showing any of her weaknesses, so I don’t think she can truly be herself around others. Sometimes I feel that she can’t admit any weaknesses even to herself. I guess her self-esteem is terrible so she hides it by being overly authoritative.
I don’t know how to help her and it has made me truly depressed.
Any suggestions to an older Mom from the younger generation (or others!!)
hey everyone….of course i found this link by typing “i have no friends” on to google haha. i think it’s cool how just by reading the first few entries y’all posted i could relate to them all.
for me…i guess i’m just losing friends in general. and it sucks. because i’m 19 years old…never been in a relationship, i don’t know what real love is..i’m still a virgin. i have all these questions to ask and it feels like i have no one to talk to about my un-important personal problems. other people just deal..and i just stress over it all.
i’m not in college, i’m unemployed… after highschool, all of my friends parted goin off to great colleges and moved into their own places….while i had to finish up as a second year senior at a new hs. it sucked…it was horrible…i had no friends there.
but at least i graduated.
i’ve become more depressed lately. and it shows in my appearance and how i eat. though running helps relieve the stress…but anyways i don’t have many “real” friends. sure when i go to parties there are those people you converse with…but that scene can sometimes get tiring. ’cause when the party’s over….who will actually be there if ya needed them or wanted to chill….not many..and maybe not any at all.
i don’t wanna say i’ve got it bad…’cause i’m sure things could be a lot worse. i’m thankful for my family…there are just some things you don’t want to share with them ya know? so it’s kinda hard explaining personal stuff…..and right now i’m very confused with life….i always think about suicide…but i’m too much of a wuss to harm myself. and i know there’s soo much to life that i haven’t seen and experienced. and i’m glad that even when i don’t have friends or anyone to vent to…there’s always music and blogging haha.
well anyways…yeh that was my rant. eh
For all those who are lonely I wanted to shart a with the you existence of a website called “A Lonely Life” come check us out. w w w dot alonelylife dot com
i’m going thru the same thing 2. what the fuck happen??! i have all of these friends then all a sudden i don’t. i used 2 have so much friends until i went into fifth grade and moved 2 another school and a new place 2 live in the city. i even thought at the time that it was so easy to make friends. now looking back i almost can’t believe i thought that compared 2 how my life is now! now i’m in high school and it sucks ass soo bad. because of my social problem and that i’m a loner at school, everybody thinks i’m so weird and i’m even made fun of becuz of it, and its hurts so much becuz i’m always trying 2 make friends. its just so shitty going 2 school and seeing people hang out with friends having a good time, knowing that i’m missing out on all of the fun i’m suppose 2 have in high school, feeling pretty much that i wasted my life. i even ditched school and got lower grades just so i don’t have 2 feel so lonely watching everyone have their fun. it even hurts thinking about it. what the fuck did i ever do 2 deserve this?? i feel so curse. i already think i am. i only have one friend. and i have 2 do my best in hiding the fact that she’s my only one.
email me if u want. it would be nice to talk 2 someone so i wouldn’t bite. my email is newginix@yahoo.com
Hello Everyone!
Ever since I broke up with the love of my life in 2006 it seems my life has gone downhill. I had everything that i practically wanted friends, a job, a wonderful boyfriend until we broke up i fell into this deep depression and went downhill, i got myslef into drugs and went kinda wild, not becuase i wanted to but that was the only happiness i could get and forget about the one i loved! Its sad even my bestfriend stopped being friends with me because i was doing drugs, from what i thought best friends are supposed to be there for you through thick and thin and she left as well as my other good friends. In general my life has been a struggle with having friends it seemed like always a battle of trying to be kool, and popular and that just proved me that noone really liked me in life which suck so bad. It is a cruel world. Everyday i wish someone a friend could call me on the phone and want to hang out but noone and here i am expressing how i feel bc i even feel that my therapists is always trying to rush me when i go to sessions which upsets me at the end. I get jealous of seeing how many friends people have on facebook and stuff like in the two hundreds i now that they dont hang out with all of them but i only have 28 there is a difference and i think thats sad :( Ugh! is just exactly the way i feel!
Its a thursday night, no plans, no life, no friends, nobody to call…to talk to. Im 21 years old, male and living in the western part of the US. My life has been a downfall since 11th grade in High school. I have dropped out of college and unemployed (lost job mid-last year. I couldnt find a job since then. I have been just sitting at home doing nothing but just playing video games or on the pc surfing the web talking to “internet buddies”.
In the last a couple of weeks, these “internet buddies” have rejected me as a whole. I dont know if its me or I just have bad luck but I get it everywhere. In real life or on the web, maybe life isnt for me.
I never had a true friend that I can say. Im not too good with the ladies, too shy around them but I had the potential of getting serious with a few. I dont know what to do in my life. What steps to take forward, life after high school is hard. Some people had it easy, having a large social network and friends. Yet me, not so much.
If anyone wants to talk please email me at my.spacedat@gmail.com. I hope to hear from you guys soon. KEEP ON GOING!!!
Let me start by saying that this is not a positive post nor a negative one, but rather an informative one. No one can get you out of this shithole but yourself, ask yourself how much longer you want to remain in the situation you are in. Procrastination and cowardliness lead to lost time, even if you have a good salary and the ability to accumulate physical things your life is meant to be shared with others. It is the people that surround you that give sense to your life, your physical or mental imposed isolation and seclusion makes your life worthless.
Social success requires initiative. Some of you may have actual anxiety or depression problems and are in need of professional treatment but the majority of you need to courage up, stick to what you know how to do best in order to develop self confidence.
In reality making friends isn’t that hard, in fact most of you, if determined, could simply go out and start talking to people. The problem lies within your thought patterns. I bet most of you are introverts and over analytical, the thoughts generated by this kind of personality usually lead to a negative outlook on life, insecurities, and other self-confidence issues.
First control your mind, think positive by refusing and pushing away negative thoughts, when you are about to criticize/judge someone or something quickly divert the subject in your mind, or simply try making something positive out of it. People don’t like boring assholes, whiners, and naggers.
Develop your humorous side, people like to laugh… memorize good jokes, watch comedy central, who knows, there are ton of sources out there also take into consideration that people don’t like clowns so act accordingly.
Become genuinely good at something you really like and look in classified ads, high school/college clubs, local boards, meetup.com, or the like for people with interests in common.
Were you bullied in school? Empower yourself by creating a new body, lose weight, gain weight, work out, eat better, look better, and consequently feel better. This may sound like a cliche but it really does make a huge difference. Do you think you are ugly? Accept yourself how you are, you will look like this forever and it would be a shame to waste away your life because of this simple detail. Look at yourself in the mirror for 5 to 10 minutes everyday until you come to accept the person you see in it. If you are man, about 30% of women are mainly after men looks, the rest want to enjoy a charismatic and humorous guy. If you are a woman you are safe since you get to chose so in a way you are safe. The rules of the physical world are simple, look like shit or do nothing about it and be treated like such.
If you are a good looking person people will most certainly approach you because genetically speaking you have a set of physical features that make you more desirable, unfortunately if you are an asshole and an arrogant you will push people after they know you. Balance is required in everything. If you are ugly or simply average looking you need to work 3 times as hard as the good looking guy to get what you want. That’s how life goes… Dress well, you don’t even need the most expensive clothes out there in order to fit in. Money should not be a limitation, even hobos have friends. Like I said before, it’s all a matter of personality and how proud you feel of what you are and how others perceive you.
Are you an egoist? Do you reserve your own person to yourself most of the time? Stop being like this. If you want to receive you need to give, therefore make people feel good about themselves by saying positive things about them, the objective here is not trying to become a suck up but rather genuinely appreciate characteristics of that person. Listen to people carefully. Be generous and never expect something in return.
Don’t become too emotionally attached to people unless someone reciprocates in a similar manner, the human mind is very dynamic so anyone can become an asshole in a flash and destroy your feelings. Never go against your beliefs in order to become accepted by those you admire, you’ll destroy yourself very slowly. Life is all about trying to create a balance, the good thing is that there are lots of people out there willing to share their lives with you so you are not obliged to stay with the same individuals forever. There are the kind of friends or acquaintances you talk to everyday and then those old friends that you see every few years. Having a really good friend is ideal but you must take into consideration the being-an-asshole factor or that person suddenly going away.
There are tons of self-help books out there and tons of articles and writings like this one on the internet but the truth is that if you don’t actually try the things they say you’ll never change your current condition.
might as well add my 2 cents lol…
im 21. Theres a few things that i believe I, as well as most other people in similar situations, can attribute to having “no friends.”
Its not so much as just not having friends; rather, a state of mind if you will. Humans are creatures of habit. This is a known fact.
When we’re having a bit of a rough time, and end up with lots of time to ourselves, its not hard to over think things, overreact, and/or take other things for granted.
Many people become saturated in their own self pitty this way. Its not hard to notice someone who is doing this.
Now I don’t know about everyone else, but not many people who walk around saturated in self pitty, sad, depressed and constantly negatively reflecting, are going to attract people looking for a friendship, or any relationship for that matter. That is just one of the effects of this “state of mind”.
Many call it depression. There are plenty of other words for it too.
When i recall times when i was unhappy, or thought terribly of my life at the time, in retrospect it wasnt all too bad. Not making the most of situations will do this to you.
This blog sort of seems like a contest for “who is depressed the most”.
When i look back on nice or even great things people have done for me that made me happy, never once has that happiness exceeded the levels of happiness i reach by doing something great for myself.
No one can put a smile on your face like you.
Say your a bit overweight, and become obsessed with the fact that your a bit fat. It’s not hard, but turn all that negative energy and powerful feelings into a powerful effort to lose that weight and become healthy. Maybe you smoke and want to quit. Maybe you are financially screwed and would like to overcome that hardship. You get out of life what you put into it. Set goals. Upon reaching these goals you will effectively “reset” your state of mind into a much happier, self confident, and most importantly, proud one.
Without even knowing it or trying, you will be giving off an amazing aura oif happness and such. Other humans will unknowingly be attracted to this, it is simply nature. You and your self confidence can only grow from here.
Everyone encounters challenges and struggles. It is how you handle them and use them to your advantage to learn and better yourself and overcome these challenges that will decide your state of mind.
We humans are such limitless creatures in terms of thinking; although capable to feel a wide range of emotions, never will a human actually experience all of them in a lifetime. The possibilities are truly endless, however. In the end, it is all solely up to you as to how you feel at any given time.
peace
I am 20 years old female and very depressed. The only good friends I ever had was when I was young, and of course as my luck would have it, they both moved away before middle school. Since then, I really have had no friends. As middle school and high school progressed, those around me found their little groups of friends and I was ALWAYS the odd one out. Whats wrong with me? I am a nice person, I am always open to talking to anyone. People come to me for advice, but when I need someone to talk to, they honestly dont listen. Why is my life this way? Am I a boring person? Am I not attractive enough, funny enough? I feel like everyone thinks they are superior to me and really no one cares that I even exist. I think about suicide atleast a dozen times every day.
I have the social skills. I am a nice person. Ive had boyfriends. But what is it with girls not wanting to be my friend? No girl I try to become friends with ever exerts the energy to make the friendship work. All I ever do is feel like an annoyance and a burden to people since no one seems to want to spend time with me. I have given up.
I am 21 years old, and have somehow managed to graduate from college without making one single friend. I have never had a girlfriend, either. I am so disappointed in myself. I feel like I have let my entire family down, and it is only a matter of time until they realize how isolated I am.
They have hinted their concern over me having never had a girlfriend, but in terms of guy friends I have just avoided questions or changed the subject to convey the impression that I have at least a few friends in my life.
Just by looking at me, no one would ever think that I was such a loner. I have an approachable appearance, and I stay fit, academically motivated, and am always ordinary and pleasant when talking with people. But I have no happiness. There is no joy in my life, and it shows on my face. My theory is that friendships are born out of a certain connection through eye-contact, one that makes you appealing other people. This is what I am lacking, and have been for so long.
My face shifts between sad, angry, blank, or disturbed. But in those rare moments when a huge, genuine smile breaks out, there is a fleeting moment of connection with other people – especially girls. It never lasts though. I am all alone on Friday and Saturday nights. My energy to continue in life is gradually slowing down, and I feel like there is simply nobody in this world that could ever help, understand, or change me. But it feels good to write these feelings anonymously to others who struggle too.
People are only ever interested in me if I am paying for something. And the only way I can ever interest a potential friend or partner is by being the person who works bloody hard and looks after everybody. That seems to be my purpose in life.
Yet now that my business has failed, I am on the verge of bankruptcy – where are all my friends?
When is the last time anybody phoned me, sent me an email, remembered my birthday? In fact, dispite having had to contribute to the office birthday gift, wedding gift, retirement gift etc NOBODY ever did anything for me.
I am a person who would not be missed if I died.
hey guys i posted an entry on this a few days ago. but i’m readin more posts from other people and i just wanna let y’all know if ya need someone to talk to just hit me up on my e-mail. just ask for it..i don’t wanna post it to the whole world ’cause there are some crazy people. oh and congrats to you james for graduating college! hey at least you’re done with that part of your life…i mean i’m 19 and i would be a sophomore in college but i didn’t go to college. i guess it’s never too late…but i just have lack of motivation.
omg james you just exprest evrything that i am and how i feel.its sucks i know too be alone just the other day there was i girl that i liked and she liked me wee talkd and had fun and chatted on msn ontil she meet some old friends of mine.they started right away making up things abaout me saying i am gay and that i lie much now she wount even look my way and that hurts becuse i am nothing liked that is why left does friends becuse they are those things they accused mee to be and i didnt want people too think i am the same exept they are not gay but lieng and jalus.but honestly i am happier alone than in a group where you know when you turn your back people are gonna talk shit abaout you.dont know if i made any sense but had too write it down.sorry 4 the bad english i am from europe
i have people who want to be my friend, but i don’t want to be theirs. I don’t give anything back. How twisted is that? I had a good deal of friends, but always superficial relationships, then i just stopped giving. I will start giving though
I’m the same as everyone here… I’m really not sure what to do. I’m friendly to people; I’m attractive… I’m like everyone who has friends. Yet I have none, or no real friends. I’m 20, and a university student, and most of the people I meet don’t live nearby, or we have very different backgrounds, or I’m older than them, or whatever.. I actually have sort of made a friend in one of my classes, but I don’t know if it will last or develop into a true friendship. I did have a true friend for a while, but of the opposite sex (is that a real friendship?), but we had a fight recently and I’m not sure if we’re friends anymore. I’m so frustrated and sick of all this. I have so much free time, and I’m home every Friday and Saturday night. Yet you’d never guess it if you met me in real life. At school I had tonnes of friends… and best friends… now I’m a sad loner. Although what I’m writing might be coloured by my mood at the moment (I usually don’t feel so pessimistic). Anyway… thanks for reading…
Why don’t we all make friends with eachother? Just an idea :)
Hi, I’m 20, and I thought I identified with a lot of you. Things were going great for me for a long time, but it went downhill ever since I entered university.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than a year, and it’s a fantastic and loving relationship which we both enjoy so much. The problem comes in that people think that because you have a boyfriend, you don’t need them. But I’m forever craving for some female company to talk to.
When university began, most of my close friends flew off to distant lands. My ex-“best friend” of nearly 10 years hated me for having a boyfriend and accused me of neglecting her – though I feel we drifted apart and have been drifting on and off for a few years. Things had been difficult cause she hated my religion, and never failed to make me know that. We were mostly kept together by circumstance – somehow we kept ending up in the same class.
I entered uni with my boyfriend and having a relationship at this age is not common here (Asia), so I feel that we’re sometimes shunned and misunderstood. People think we’re exclusive when we’re really introverted and find each other’s company best. It’s pretty much the same as how best friends stick together, except we’re of different genders. Perhaps it is also our fault that we avoid outings. We’re really uncomfortable when people drink, spew vulgarities, make dirty jokes and dress in a flashy and revealing manner. This happens a lot with people our age, so we avoid those kind of outings.
And because I’m introverted, I find it extremely difficult to open up to people. Many people around me are very loud and I feel uncomfortable with them. I’m also afraid of judgmental people. What I look for is people whom I can talk to and share comfortably on a 1-to-1 level, and people who are just normal and nice.
Even if I find nice people I could relate to, they just have other closer friends, from their previous schools and stuff. I don’t have so much time to hang out with them because of an insane school workload and other stuff, which already leave me with insufficient time for my family and boyfriend.
It doesn’t bother my boyfriend so much because he came from a school that had really good and well-behaved boys who are still his great friends. My school had an entirely different culture, and I was stuck with my “best friend”, and so I couldn’t make very genuine and deep friendships.
I get depressed whenever I visit facebook and see how photos of how others are going out in large groups, tagging each other in notes, posting on each others’ walls.
Often I just want to have somebody to talk to other than my boyfriend, especially a girl. This problem comes on and off for me, and when it comes on, it can leave me depressed to the point of feeling nauseous.
No one except my boyfriend knows that I have this issue. I am rather good at pretending that everything is going great, and I really just don’t want to saddle anyone else with my problems.
I’m just crying out for somebody to care.
Just to add on, I’m also a bit of a tomboy, and so it’s terribly hard to find a girl I can relate to. I do not connect with girls who gossip, bitch, and are overly concerned with shopping, their appearance, and their nails. It’s not that I detest them – I would just be a great misfit around them.
I can relate better to boys, but it’s just different.
I read a few of these stories and sympathize with some of you because I don’t really have close friends anymore and since I don’t see many suggestions on the board, I will throw one out that some of you may not have tried…
GOLF
I thought the same thing at first, you don’t really like sports and golf is for old people in funny clothes. But with pro golf getting more popular with younger people, it is a GREAT way to get out and meet people and have fun. I don’t really have any close friends anymore, my wife is my best friend. When I have seen old friends from HS and College we have gone golfing. Adult men don’t go see movies or drink coffee together. It’s awkward. Golfing is fun and you can talk and hang around with people too.
But I really suggest for people who have any interest in golf to give it a try. People at the golf putting and driving range are always starting conversations with you and you may find that a lot of people you meet and already know like to play golf and watch golf on tv. It is also a lot of fun to buy nice clubs. Don’t go out and get them until you are sure you like it, though. (Used clubs cheap on ebay)
Making friends is difficult and an activity like this can open doors to meeting new and different people. What is great about this sport is that YOU CAN PRACTICE AND PLAY BY YOURSELF, and with groups of new people. They will pair you up with a group if you are alone. ALSO, golf is a game of all skill levels. If you stink, that is ok. I have seen an old man play fantastically and an athletic guy play terribly.
Hopefully we will all meet some new, quality friends.
But you have to get out there!
Good luck
JMalone
I’m 27 years old now in my last year of law school. This has been an astonishing journey. I’m very thankful that people are taking the time to read this.
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I’ve been searching for this site for awhile. I found it a few years ago (I think this is the same one) and someone emailed me and I met her. I flew to her town and we hung out. Then she came to my city and we hung out again. She thought I was interested in being her boyfriend. I wasn’t interested in her that way because she was very materialistic. She was very hot too. I introduced her to my younger brother and my friend because I was treating her as a friend and all of the sudden my “friend” and brother forgets about me and starts hitting on her and she actually went with them while she was in New York visiting me. I felt very humiliated not because she went with my brtoher but just because of the total disrespect that was shown to me. I would never do that to others. I just don’t understand how people operate and what they are looking for in life.
My No Friends Story (not a bestseller)- So, I used to have lots of friends before I was hit by a car which was at the end of 6th grade. I suffered serious head trauma. Then I went to a new school and I was alot quieter than I was in my previous school but people still liked me because I was smart and confident. I had good reason to be smart and confident- I had 4 brothers and a sister and I wanted to impress my parents and make them happy. Things were structured and they made sense. Then I went to high school and I had less friends but I wasn’t totally out of it. I lived in the dormitory and I couldn’t make deep connections except for with one trouble maker who ultimately got thrown out of the school. He is now doing very well and we are friends but he is more religious than I. Perhaps I couldn’t make deep connections because I became more complicated and I was more difficult to understand. During these high school years my parents relationship began to deteriorate further and further which added to my stress and caused me to fall into depression and no one wants to be friends with a depressed person. But I don’t think high school was that bad compared to what happened after high school because after high school life for me has almost zero structure. I went to an all boys high school and elementary school because I had a religious uncle who recommended to my parents that I go there even though I wasn’t religious myself and neither were my parents. So I graduated high school in 3 years because I hated high school so much that I just wanted freedom and I thought it would get better. I was terribly mistaken. I made another huge blunder by listening to my oldest brother who told me to go to another all boys college because those are the boys I can relate to and I would make friends there. He was so wrong. He also told me to study Accounting because that is a job that you could use. He was terribly wrong about that too. I hated accounting and I still do. I have a degree in Accounting but I’d rather be homeless than work as an accountant. I had no friends in college because the people were so dissimilar to me. I was never religious like these people I was just forced to be this way. When I turned 18 I received my personal injury money for the car accident earlier in my life. I invested 70% of the money with my oldest brother with an oral contract. Big Big mistake. He made millions of dollars off of this money and he did not treat me properly. We haven’t spoken in over a year. Then I went to law school. This was the first time in my life I had girls in my class. I may say that I am good with the girls. I’ve had over 10 girlfriend and considering my background I think I do ok. However, I have no guy friends and I can only have one girlfriend at a time. And girls don’t like guys with no friends so once they learn that about me they become uncomfortable. My last girlfriend moved in with me in August because I asked her to after we’ve been dating for only 2 and a half months. I so wanted affection and just a hug that I asked her to and she agreed. She moved out in mid December. It was so sad because it should have worked out if we had not rushed things but I was so desperate for companionship that I made a foolish decision of having her move in so quickly. I think I reek of desperation because the girls know that I need affection so bad. I’m not sure how they know that but I think it is true. Anyhow, I have alot to be thankful for: I live in a beautiful apartment, I have a great job, I love skiing which I did last month, I get to meet beautiful girls, I’m almost finished with law school even though I have no idea how I got here because I’ve done so little work and I’ve been so depressed. Now for the bad in my life- my oldest brother who I don’t talk to, my mom is sick and addicted to illegal drugs, I have no friends, I don’t have any good relationships, I have massive amounts of debt. I have alot more to write about. Perhaps some other sad night. I think it would be a great thing if there were meetings simialr to AA or GA (Alcholics and Gamblers Anonymous) for people who suffer with not having friendships which are so important to mental health. I appreciate anyone reading this. mwseee@yahoo.com
I also want to encourage people to leave posts and not just read through them. It will give this board more of a community type feeling…..
What do you do when you have burned so many bridges in life?
I am in my late 20’s and feel as if I have firebombed my way into isolation and loneliness. The few meaningful relationships that I carried on from high school have totally deteriorated because of my neglect and reclusiveness but also because I have found myself stuck in a cycle of personal conflict that has prevented my normal progression as a human being. It is upsetting to me because when I am around my old friends and family, and when I meet new people who are going down the good road and taking full advantage of life I begin to feel this paralyzing sense of inadequecy, failure and depression which in turn leads to many more self destructive patterns and actions. I have repeated this cycle over and over again for years .. this pattern of feelings and actions has crippled my ability to create new relationships and to maintain with any meaning the ones I have, it has haunted me in my attempts to improve my personal life and achieve my personal goals and most of all it has eroded my heart, my passion for so many thing that I once had great passion for. That is my biggest concern for myself, i believe relationships can be repaired and new meaningful ones can be generated, personal goals can be achieved no matter how late in life but if there is no more underlying passion for any of it after all the self abuse, if you don’t believe that any of it amounts to a hill of beans anymore then what can you do?
Ideally I would like to be on my own rat free tropical island with a good supply of libations, a good library, wifi connection, and a couple of dogs to keep me company … but that is not going to happen in my life I am not a billionare… so what can you do?
Is this life nothing at its core or is there something fundamental that we can all grasp onto and say “yes, this is the ground from which I will rebuild myself upon?”
I was just taking a shower and I had a revelation. Not some sort of revelation from God- just a personal revelation that I have every so often. But this one felt like it was deep and on point so I’m going to share it. The thought was this– that I’m way too hard on myself. I don’t let things just be. Instead I analyze them and turn them over in my head many times. I think too much. I believe I got this way because I’ve been hurt by my close family and I’m on the ‘oh so careful’ lookout that it doesn’t happen again. And it is very easy for me to be rubbed the wrong way because I’m ultra sensitive to painful feelings of neglect and disrespect. And even if someone didn’t mean their comments/looks/vibe to be an insult towards me I still feel it as a put down. I have to relax a little and be softer on myself and softer on the people that I meet. I know people— so they are my friends. What is to be gained by saying I don’t have friends other than the simple answer that it is the truth. If the truth is so painful why not put some spin on it. In fact, if I’m easier on myself then I don’t have any real strong emotions that need to be expressed. It is only when I have such sharp, deep feelings that I have an intense desire to be with someone to share them. The funny thing is when I don’t need friends that is when they come and when
I want friends so bad that is when they elude me (life is so funny). If I’m just chilling, I have a good time by myself and it is much cheaper than being with someone. I can always stroll to the Starbucks and bring a book and talk with people who are there. I’m not socially inept, just too hard on myself. I sometimes think it would be good if I took up some type of relaxer such as smoking pot but being that I’m not good at smoking(the inhaling part) and I don’t like drinking and I don’t like the drugs my doctor gives me(Seroquel or Clonapen) I need to learn how to use mind control. I feel better when I relax and lay off myself and just let myself be witout being so tough on myself and tough on others. And not to reek of deperation that my life is missing something and I so badly need that missing piece. My life experience has taught me that life gives to those who don’t need and punishes those who do need (think financially and friends- he’s got millions of dollars but just keeps getting more, he’s got too many friends to handle but he keeps getting more and then others can’t even have 1 friend and they can’t afford health insurance). I need to be happy with my current life situation and if I get friends well that is great but I’ll be fine without them because things are good (I’m not hungry, homeless or naked– I just have massive debt) and I have no painful, deep cutting thoughts that I have such a burning desire to share. Who wants to listen to my thoughts when they are so depraved anyways? Haha…. I’ll think about school, the weather, sports, walking, lunch, clothing, coffee, books, the subway system, synagogue, travelling, food, my room, my bed, baths, chess, playing football, skiing, rollerbladng, bars( the test you take for becoming a lawyer and the ones where you have a cold beer for $6) and of course girls and all the rest of the distractions our great world has to offer. And I’ll leave behind the painful questions of what is life all about and ignore the painful feelings so they go away. Don’t feed the things that are bad for you. Why would you feed something that is hurting you? Let the bad in your life die of starvation! Feed the feelings that make you feel better! This helps me, I hope it helps you too. mwseee@yahoo.com
I’m tired of hearing this same shit over and over again. I’m like most of you: nineteen, freshman in college, and not a real friend in the world. All of my “friends” are actually distant acquaintances with whom I live in an eight person dorm/suite. I smoke weed, and I’m damn proud of it, but I realize that my “friends” often just use me to subsidize weed-related expenses. They all have, at times, obviously gone out of their ways to avoid me. They only invite me to things where they expect me to contribute somehow, usually monetarily. The truth is, there is nothing anyone can do about my situation, or your own. We live in a society where people are viewed as disposable. When your “friends” get bored with you, they simply toss you in the trash bin and find the next sucker to leech off of. And here’s the real zinger: I bet that most of you do the same thing to others, with or without realizing it. We are all programed by modern society to treat each other as disposable. You can fantasize that God or some elephant headed being with six arms cares about your problems, but in reality, your doing the same thing that people who smoke weed do: practicing empty escapism. Religion is the most widely abused hallucinogen/stimulant, a drug that is no different than cocaine or heroin. As Marx once said, it is “the opium of the masses.” I’m not going to give you empty words of encouragement, for doing so would be more cruel than the lies and false hopes that methamphetamine dealers give to their junkie customers. Instead, all I will leave you with is this: to find your true oppressor, look no further than a bathroom mirror.
What did the bathroom mirror ever do that you call it my “true oppressor”? Just joking, and I partially agree with you that change has to come from within.
Well it is my 22th birthday and alone as usual. No friends and no significant other. Ex friends all bailed on me for a popular crowd or women, and been constantly told off before I’m meant to rot alone. I talk to some people online, but no one close around me and confidence feels too shattered at this point to pick myself up again
happie birthday Den :)
Happy Birthday Den.
I relate to the majority of postings on this site. I am 24 and had no problems with friends until I went off to college. I didn’t make any new friends other than the roomates I had throughout school. I graduated and moved back home. I’ve tried to keep in contact with some of my good friends from high school, but they seemed to have moved on or don’t want to talk to me. I only go out when I hang out with my brother or sister. I live at home and I know my parents realize I do not go out on the weekends while everyone else goes out. I realized in college that I wasn’t the same around people like I was in high school. The more I think about it, the worse it seems to get when I’m around new people. I now have no real close relationships other than family. I don’t know why or how this happened. I also have not ever had a close girlfriend. I am the type of person who everyone thinks is real nice, but at the end of the day I don’t think I get any respect and I get 0 calls from anyone. I feel like if I acted like everyone else and used people more I would have more friends, but I know thats not the way its supposed to be. I feel like i’m losing out on what is supposed to be the best years of my life. Thanks for listening.
I forgot to say:
When I do meet new people or get into contact with an old friend, I feel like I don’t know any kind of etiquette on when to call that person to hang out with them. I find that I only connect for a short while and eventually do not speak with them again. Its like they do not want to talk to me for no reason, but there must be something. Thats what is so frustrating. The people eventually stop taking my calls and I’m left in bewilderment on what I did wrong or what I didn’t do right.
I have completely the same experience that I don’t know what i did worng. I can easily get dates because I’m funny and smart. but, when they meet me something is wrong. i feel uncomfortable. One girl texted me after a date I enjoyed hanging out with you but did not feel a romantic connection(whatever the hell that is) can we be friends, I texted her back yes but never heard from her again. And I really liked her. I’m planning on drinking before anymore of my dates so I can’t act stupid just stoned. I have lot of good of physical things and my life requires me to stay on point but i feel best when I’ve been drinking.
Hey, Im 15 years old and im in high school its a very difficult part of my life…. I find myself being sad all the time. Its hard to get to sleep at night anymore! I have to live at my grandmas because my mom kicked me out and same with my dad
Ive went through a divorce and i have a crazy family who is weird! So i have none of the other normal things teenage boys have like xbox or rockband so i feel like a cant relate to anybody! i have one friend who i really can hang out with and thats a girl! theres anothger one ive known since kindergarden but hes not really a friend anymore.!
I feel like drinking alchohol all the time as its the only thing that makes me feel better!! the only thing I want really is to have a like 3 or four friends and have them like me for who i am and not always feel like I have to put on a show! Im so so sad latly its unbearable.. plus im gay so think of all the added pressure about that! I wish my life could be like those old movies based in the 50’s like “stand by me” or “Now and Then” I wish I oculd have that so much! Soon I will probably kill myself because i have no reason to live and the fact that i cant keep up with the pain I feel inside
yeah being alone sucks. it would be nice to have someone who really was into you and not want anything from you.
I just recenty had a female walk out of my life who I really cared about. she just walked with no explination, and when I tried to get her to tell me why……. she would ignored me. Im like damn you don’t really care about me b/c if you did you would tell me where I went wrong so I could fix the issue to better myself.
My life SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nobody cares about me I feel they only care about what I can do for them. I sometimes wonder why the hell Im here on this earth.
My last few years of High School I had friends. But, because I was too immature they apparently could no longer see me as a friend. Now that I’m almost 25 I still have no friends. It doesn’t help either that I have no job because of the economy. All the dreams of getting married or being a Mother is just that a dream. As a result of the unfortunate events I’ve become depressed. My Husband is always trying to encourage me to make friends. But, I don’t want to because it’s a struggle to find someone interested in my hobby’s or just loves being a big kid. He tries to fill those voids as much as possible, but eventually grows tired of entertaining me. Lately I’ve been role playing with my husband and his friend. So I added his friend to my chat group as well as his sister whom I babysit for. I hoped to communicate with his friend about D&D and discuss woman topics with his sister. But, my Husband grew tired of me changing the status on my chat group constantly, and called me out. I admit I that was a problem. But, he took it too far and made fun of me. This of course is what my Brothers used to do to me when I had no friends. It hurt me when they did it, but it hurt three times as much that my Husband did it. Now I don’t want any part of my chat group nor am I excited about playing D&D anymore. I don’t want to be friends with his friends. I realize they’re his friends and in a way I don’t blame him for doing what he did. I don’t want my personality to drive away his friends. I hate who I am.
i am actually a bit like you guys, a nice guy. but i have freinds. so i will try to give you some advice to making freinds.
first of all dont go in to early, dont say hey buddy wanna come round to my house. on the same day u meet him/her. go nice and slow.
A good way to make freinds is to show suttle little changes and give little nice things to people when they might be in need. like hey you can borrow my pen.but say it in a cool way.so maybe.hey i dont mind you using mine. or maybe talk to them on the way home from school.
I have noticed that most of the people here are girls.Usually finding that nobody contacted them after highschool. let me explain
for me in, britan we have a prescholl primary school and secondary school,for girls,secondary schools change alot.literally full of people ready to bich on you 24/7. soon they snap out of it, but towards the end they get bitchy again(fuck).
oh btw im a boy with a sister
not a gay boy…..
of course if you ARE gay then things are alot harder.
i myself formed a sort of group with my best freinds,groups are very important for most of us, but its also nice to find someone in your same position. notice a group who is talking. try and drift around them. if they say something like he/she actually thought i would…this is your chance
all you need to say is yeah that retarted,whether or not you believe that,its essential to do.if a group dismisses you,go to another one.never EVER go to a group younger or older than you,older will tease,and your age group will tease if you go with youngest.
I know its not ideal but dont be too nice.dont go suddenly defending something that you dont have good reason to.
well thats all my advice
oh an btw,dont give up all hope.God bless you all.
Hi.
I’m 16 now. Lifes been very up and down for me but along the whole route I’ve always ended up lonely.
Currently I have maybe 5 ‘friends’ but I don’t see them much because I’m so depressed and I don’t think they give a **** about me tbh. I was pulled out of school because I was being bullied so that hasn’t helped either.
When I was 11/12 I had absolutely no friends, nothing. My dads a drug addict and he used to kick off a lot and as a result I couldn’t have anyone round and word got around that my family were weirdos and I got picked on about it. I couldn’t really meet anyone around because we were in a very poor area with a lot of drugs and violence so it wasn’t safe for me to go out alone.
When I turned 13 we moved house. I had a great summer with the local kids here. It was a lot of fun but by the end of the year my dad was causing more problems at home beating my mum up and stuff and I was too depressed to really go out and do things with them so they soon abandoned me.
My dad left home in early 2007. It took time to adjust, obviously, but by the end of the summer I had a close group of friends. I was still depressed but I began to come out of my shell and enjoy myself. December 2007 was hard but for other reasons.
The first half of 2008 I really got some friends and had a great time. Then my best friend died and I fell out with my other best friend. Most of the others stayed with me till the end of September but then they disposed of me.
I’ve kind of hung around with a few people since but I’m depressed so I barely go out. As seems to be common on here, I’m absolutely addicted to cannabis. Just feeling really lonely and I don’t know where my life goes from here. I only have two people outside of my family who I can properly talk to and hang around with. Thanks everyone. Peace and the best of luck to you all.
Hit me up on MSN anyone if you want.
My add is supertownend@hotmail.co.uk
I’ve posted here a few times before. I think shit has officially and ultimately hit the fan for me.
About 2 weeks ago, my mom got shitfaced drunk and fell, and cracked her face open. She missed four days of work and lost one of her jobs, and is on probation on the other one. Shes taking pills to help with the withdrawal but she’s pulled this “getting sober once and for all” act before.
In the last 2 weeks, I’ve had communication from 3 different friends that I am no longer welcome around them due to my anxious, perceivably negative attitude. A friend I’ve known for nearly 17 years (since we were five freaking years old), pretty blatantly let me know that he’s made new friends closer to his house, so he dosen’t really need to hang out with me anymore. That was one hell of a text message. Another decided he’s too cool to be seen with me since he’s off cocaine now (partially thanks to yours truly, BTW) and has since joined the army.
I’ve lost about 1000 bucks I don’t have to repair bills so far this year, and I was laid off a week before xmas. Im taking 5 extremely technical classes at school this semester and squeezing in a job right now would be impossible. I’m nervous as hell all the time, nearly had my first panic attack in 3 years a week ago. Im only 5 more courses away from my BA and i cant afford to screw up now.
Im gaining weight like a bastard because i’m so anxious, and I live in New England so since late october its been impossible to go outside and blow off any steam. I can’t afford the gym anymore cause of my financial situation and my house is literally too small to work out in.
I dont have a lot to look forward to anytime soon. No girls (its been 52 months since I’ve had any action at all…consider that), no jobs in my state, and now – absolutely NO friends around here. Nobody to talk to. talking to the walls only lasts for so long, and nobody in my family has any real interest in hearing me, unless i’m offering to run errands/do chores. I was thinking of moving out to the opposite end of the country (the southwest, somewhere warm), where I don’t know anyone and I can start a new life. Most kids I graduated high school with have moved out of state by now, since this state is one of the most expensive in the country to live in but also one of the most economically depressed for the average person (Mass). But as it turns out, I can’t go anywhere until my grandfather dies cause its just me and my mother (who’s in her sixties) to care for him. Lately knowing this has gotten to me and I’m finding myself snapping at a man in his late nineties. It sounds awful even to me because I love my grandfather, but I honestly can’t wait till he passes on so I can actually start having some semblance of a life outside of school and this house.
My only wish is that I’ll find a place to live that’s peaceful, livable, and not overrun by disgusting, selfish, greedy people sometime before I die. Then maybe I can allow myself to relax and enjoy the few good things that I have.
I came across this site well over a year ago and it is still going strong today. Loneliness is a growing epidemic but nobody really knows about it except for the lonely people who are experiencing it.
I think the shame that is felt is one of the saddest parts of having no friends. The shame is a self punishment that makes the problem worse. I believe, that if more people talk about loneliness and having no friends, we can destroy the shame stigma. For this reason, I started a blog called Adults Without Friends that expands on the “No Friends” topic and offers articles, reviews and resources.
Hi Everyone,
I have really been isolated for a long time now. I have a few people I talk to. Basically, a friend from High School, but he lives in Ohio and I live in Florida. I also have a friend I met on line I Have kept in touch with, but he lives in Boston. I’m 42 years old. I really feel uncomfortable going to parties or any type of group event. I don’t have any local friends and I spend the majority of my free time when I’m not working by myself. I’m just wondering if I will be like this for the rest of my life. How do you re-learn to be a social person when you haven’t been doing it for so long? I’ve been like this for a few years now. If anyone has any thoughts, let me know.
joshua825@gmail.com
Thanks for reading this.
I go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting at least once a week. And the concepts that they talk about are very helpful. And it is a very helpful way to control my gambling impulses. I am a gambler and it has caused me alot of destruction in the past. But here is the thing: at the meetings people barely talk about gambling and the meetings generally consist of people sharing for about 5 minutes how their life is going and what things in their life can be improved upon then it is the next persons turn. The meetings range from 10 people to 75 people. I just went to a meeting tonight. And I have a really great thought that I feel very, very strongly about. And I don’t feel strongly about much. Here goes, EVERY PERSON WHO HAS NO FRIENDS SHOULD GO TO ONE OF THOSE MEETINGS AND MAKE FRIENDS. Whether it be a Gamblers Anonymous meeting or an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, go. Go to the meetings. It is no pressure and it helps so much with feeling alone. All the sudden the entire room is filled with your friends. If you say “I don’t need AA because I’m not a drinker”, have a beer or two and go to the meeting and make up a little story about your drinking habits. These meetings are so great it may even be worth to become a gambler or alcholic just so you can go to the meetings. Try it. I think it will work. Do a search for meetings in your neighborhood. This idea is terrific. It is an offshoot of my idea to have Friendless Anonymous meetings. But that idea is a little far off because we generally are not great networkers. mwseee@yahoo.com
I felt empowered today. And yes, I still have no friends. But, I didn’t feel like a victim today. It feels like my whole life has just been about people stepping on me and then they don’t even say thank you for providing them with a body to step on. Well, today I said no more. I’m coming after those who have hurt me. And I’m coming hard! The tormentors have seen their last day. For those that are beaten, rise up! For those that are down, awaken! We can not stay down the world can not exist in its optimum state without us. Unite! We can do it! Yes we can!
Dear b, I feel the same way as you.
I am also in my late 20s and I feel so immobilized. I do have a couple of close friends, but they each have their own life and other much closer friends and I’m constantly setting myself up to be hurt, time and time again. Sometimes it’s just easier to be alone, but then pretty soon i get depressed because no one is around. It’s an unending cruel cycle. I also feel inadequate, like I’m a loser, and that I can’t achieve my personal goals.
If you want to chat, let me know.
lia7488@yahoo.com
i am 20. and i have no friends. i have a lovely boyfriend who loves me alot. but i resulted to lie to him about where i school, my family status, where i come from and i too lied to him about my work status. i am stuck between telling him the truth or to continue lying to him. whenever i pick up the phone to talk to him, i am not myself. i faked a voice just to please him and to make him love me. however im losing ground, because i love him. i dont think he deserve to live in these lies anymore. i have no friends and i am afraid that he knows that i have no friends. hence i lied to him again and again that i am out with my ‘friends’ when actually i am alone. he starts to suspect me, and wanted me to introduce my friends to him, yet he always got rejected. i have no one to turn to. i dont know what to do. i dont want to hurt him, but i know i have already hurt him from the day i choose to lie about my own identity. i love him, yet i am so ashamed of myself to him the truth. i will leave. i hope that when i start anew in another country, my life will be better.
So I thought this was comical, so I’ll share it. I have a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment in New York City (Manhattan) and because of my stock trading and irrational behavior I had to make my living room into another 2 bedrooms. One of these bedrooms was taken by a student at a University which is in the area. He is from france and his English is not perfect. When he came to look at the room available he was clearly scared of the whole situation and he looked seriously uncomfortable. I thought, I can look at a place and play it cool. I wouldn’t be nervous at all. Guess what happened after one week? He had a dinner party with 5 of his friends from France who go to this school. How many dinner parties have I had at this apartment in my almost year and a half that I’ve live here? A big fat zero (0). Perhaps if we are put in some kind of emergency situation where we know nobody and we must socialize and we get out of our comfort zone then we can make friends. I don’t know I just was real jealous that he made more friends in a week than i have made in 10 years. Just to talk and laugh is all that I’d like. mwseee@yahoo.com
I have zero friends. I do have imaginary ones because I choose too. It’s creative and fun, especially when you are older. I am over 30 and still like to play with kids toys and games. I try to be imaginative and fun because with all the horrible things in the world, you have to be creative. I plan to write my autobiography and get it published. I have so many interesting things to say.
Let’s say I lived 4 decades so far. The 60’s-80’s were interesting, today is horrible. Everyone is conservative, arrogant, selfish,greedy, power hungry, sex starved or moral starved.
I think being unique,weird,bizarre,eccentric is good. I like the fact I am different. I speak over 25 languages self taught, been to 37 states, lived in 9 of them, seen practically every old movie, listened to every song since the 1920’s. I love antiques, old cars, old technology. I believe in reincarnation, past lives,etc. I seen ghosts before even. Have even spoke to the deceased. Very interesting experience.
I’m no exception. My whole life I was sheltered and made alot of mistakes yet never took the efforting of learning before it was too late. Around high school, I was without most friends I knew and decided if I was nice to everyone than things would be different. Apparently the habit continued to college and I rarely get calls from friends I interact with and get along with. I would spend most weekends in my dorm room on the computer while my roommate like he always does plays his games. On vacation breaks, I would try to show my parents I’m normal and go hang out with old friends I knew but that was only two times a week and I wasn’t fooling myself otherwise. If college has taught me anything else besides academics, its that I’m a negative person who’s sensitive and never take risks even the smallest ones. Worst yet, I think my best friend is a gay guy but I know in my heart I’m a raging heterosexual. Going to 20 years old and yet no girlfriend in site because I always make excuses for myself. Other than that I am quite the social science fanatic. My specialty is history and war which is probably one of the reasons y I’m so aware of my surroundings and negative all the time. Even my professor talked to me because she was disturbed by my papers in class for being so far left and cruel. Whether one might perceive it as a gift or a curse, I find it difficult to say who I am. The reason being is that who I am at this very moment can be very different from who I am in another situation. For now, I am a procrastinator, and my fear of being ignorant can at times lead to an uncontrollable urge to learn and experience new things. I goes through life at my own pace. I also tend to look at the little things in life, and am often at awe of the more simpler things. As if anything, I’m a dreamer. I love music, history, art, and other cultures. I feed off of creativity and originality. These energies are my motivators.
Hopefully things will change but I want it to be the change I make with my own strength.
So, I feel like a loser because I live in NYC with nobody to hang out with. It is so sad having to go out by myself Saturday night after Saturday night. I don’t know how things will ever change. If I knew I would do it. So sad. i don’t know what to do. I hope I won’t be alone for the rest of my life. My family is a disaster and I have no friends. i think I’m manic depressive. I have loads of energy with nobody to share it with. So sad.
I am a 52 year old man married for 3 year my wife is my only friend and I have no other friends. Just like all of you it makes no sense. I am a caring person a progressive open minded loving do things for “friends” all the time, complement get involved work hard play hard. Care about our planet take responsibility for my self do more than talk about helping and still makes no one like me. I see these people I work with that are uncaring uncomplimentary non responsible and they all have friends endless friends. Hurts so much just don’t know what to do. All I want is one male friend i can confide in. I used to have friends some moved away others got married and had kids. I have always been an outcast don’t think like most other people. Get upset about world issues maybe that is it care too much.
i almost cried when i read a guys message about abortion and stuff….
i still am almost about to
but you see….i thinkabout another thing. people who make freinds bounce back from a bad day.They dont hold a grudge.
oh and your all thinking freinds arent that great…dont expect them to be after 5 minutes of being with them…its relying on them that you find it makes a big difference
i cant explain how depressed i am from reading that short post
im 18 going on 19. its kind of a relief that im not the only one with this problem but i wish nobody would have to go through this because it is very difficult to live with everyday.
im very shy, a little paranoid and i dont like to be out in public because i get extremly nevious when i run into someone that i know but im not friends with. i don’t know why its so hard to make friends, i constantly get depressed and dont know what to do because i dont have a job or go to school so i just stay home on the computer. i try to not think about my future because i honestly think im not gonna go anywhere, i often talk to myself because i dont have anyone to talk with. I used to be outgoing when i was younger and i still have a little bit of it left inside of me but being shy overcomes it. im a very nice guy i respect people, specially women.
if only there was a place where all of us could meet and give each other company
OMG Its so relieving to see that I’m not the only person in my situation. I sympathize with everyone who has said something. I must admit that I’m another person who googled ‘no friends’ lol. Im 21 years old and a senior in college. I have a similar situation to many people who have posted. I moved around alot when I was younger, and in high school I went through alot of family situations and problems that prevented me from getting to close to people. During my first few years of college I had a small close knit group of friends but over the years we all grew apart. Now I live alone off campus, and really have no friends. The only person I talk to is a cousin of mine who lives in my home town. I never really wanted to return home after college, and I really like the city that I live in but my lack of friends is almost forcing me to go back because I have no one here. I dont think there’s anything wrong with me. Im a very nice person but as alot of people have already said sometimes its just hard to connect with people because it feels like everybody already has their own circle of friends. But Im not going to stop trying. Good luck to everyone!
The above Post is very strong and optimistic^.
I made a list of things that I think make me unique:
1- I was hit by a car at age 11.
2- I received lots of money at age 18.
3- I had very little parental supervision growing up.
4- I went to college at 16.
5- After college I went to Law School.
6- I have not made any good friends for for almost 12 years. Some here and there but nothing lasting.
7- I went to religious schools growing up and I’m not relgious at all anymore.
8- My mom is a drug addict.
9- My brother stole a significant amount of money from me.
10- I filed a lawsuit against this brother.
11- I am very poor now.
12- I have no girlfriend.
13- I have high levels of anxiety at times.
14- I invested in property and I was a heavy stock trader from ages 18-26. I am now 27.
15- I get very high levels of anxiety after I visit my mom.
16- I went to a dorm high school.
17- I live in a beautiful apartment with a very high rent but I subdivide it so I can afford the super high payments.
18- I love skiing- I’ve been to Colorado 6 of the last 7 years. I live in New York now and I’m 27.
19- I enjoy Tampa, Florida.
20- I don’t like New York because it is too cold and very materialistic and I have bad memories here but I doubt my ability to survive on my own so I don’t want to move to a new place like Portland, Oregon even though I like the nature and the pace there much better.
21- I’m a super fast bike rider and rollerblader.
22- I like cafe’s and restaurants.
It’s so weird to see that there are so many people who feel the same way. I actually searched “no friends” on google. i felt so pathetic at first, but reading all this kinda helped. i feel a little bit less alone now, weird eh?
how strangely comforting to know that i’m not the only person on this planet feeling the same way, this feeling of loneliness. how did we all end up this way? when will we find happiness and friendships that last? are the good people destined to live and die alone?
i almost give up, 2 more years and i will be 30 years old and still be friendless. every now and then, i say to myself maybe just end this pathetic life already, or maybe get the hell out of this town and move to someplace where no one knows me. ah, fucck this life.
Basically my story is this. I am 24yrs old soon to be 25yrs old. Its not that I don’t have any friends at all , i just feel like I dont have any friends. I am shy by nature or nurture depending on how you want to look at it so I find talking to people difficult at times although I mask it pretty well. I just come across reserveD I guess. Anywayi have a few clos friends who i dont see regulary and who i dont fully connect with but they are all I have. The last time i remeber being normal socially was in middle school. By the time i went to highschool i felt like an alien awho didnt belong anywhere and to be honest that feeling has never left me. I think i’m an interesting person but not alot of people get to see that side of me. I have family that look at me like a I am strange, friends who seem to be baffled by me and collegues etc who although seem to like me i can’t help helpo seeling so separate from them. Ive been through alot in my 24yrs. Both of my parents have passed on…one of them only a few months ago. I ve struggled with self esteem since I was a kid, I was emotionally abused by my grandmother who would always put me down and show me up in public (hence why i developed shyness) I am very attractive so Ive been told by everyone and anyone but it never really transfers in pictures. It may seem crazy but he most depressing thing is going on sites like myspace and facebook and seeing all the people you went ot school with enjoying life and still keeping in touch. What did i do to fall off like this? I dont know if i’ll ever fit in i feel abnormal. I have relationships but they are usually just sexual and even then they are not forfilling because i am alsways fightin git. In the past I have mad good friends but find people use me me. May be cos i seemm to need they’re apporoval or i dont know i come across a whole heap of ways depending on the time of day so its really hard to tell waht the problem is. I know im a difficult person to deal with but even then i dont think i desreve this kind of treatment. I think i deserve to have friends and feel like i belong and have relationships. I think i deserve to take happy pictures of me and my friends and ahve people to creat memories with. Like i said its not that theres no one but its weird the freinds i do have are ifickle and fake and sometimeish and i i cant be myself around and i just dont know what i want or what im looking for.
25 this year and i feel all alone in the world ..I cant even be bothered to type this properly i dont even know if it makes sense i just wanted to say something …anything…any way its just me..
When you have no friends you don’t have an identity. When you have no friends life doesn’t mean much.
When you have no friends a lot of things just don’t apply to you.
When you have no friends you start talking to yourself (or am I the only one?)
When you have no friends even the most insignificant conversation with someone means a lot to you.
When you have no friends it’s harder to appreciate beauty in the world.
When you have no friends you feel ashamed all the time.
When you have no friends you feel weird laughing out loud.
When you have no friends weekends are just like weekdays.
When you have no friends birthdays are so depressing.
When you have no friends you have nobody on your side.
When you have no friends you are very aware of being alone in public.
When you have no friends your self esteem is shot.
When you have no friends you bottle everything up.
When you have no friends nobody hears you cry.
When you have no friends you don’t want to open up to people for fear of them finding out.
When you have no friends you think you the only one (although this seems not to be the case here).
When you have no friends it is hard to get outside opinions.
When you have no friends you feel like you have a disease.
When you have no friends a bad day inevitably becomes worse.
When you have no friends nobody can do you favors.
When you have no friends nobody is there to tell you you’re okay.
When you have no friends nobody will help you move.
When you have no friends it is hard to make friends.
When you have no friends you can’t vent.
When you have no friends you don’t really need a cell phone.
When you have no friends you have no support system.
When you have no friends you have a huge void inside.
When you have no friends you can only depend on yourself.
When you have no friends you have no inside jokes.
When you have no friends you can’t have parties.
When you have no friends you can’t go to parties.
When you have no friends you don’t appreciate free time as you should.
When you have no friends you spend way too much time on the internet.
When you have no friends nobody appreciates you.
When you have no friends nobody validates you.
When you have no friends you have nobody to cook for.
When you have no friends you have nobody to share good news with.
When you have no friends you lose patience.
When you have no friends you have less to lose.
When you have no friends you miss out on life.
I don’t think I’ve even scratched the surface.
i don’t have any friends either :( i used to be very outgoing and make friends easily – but i moved around a lot and when i was 19 I immigrated from Europe to Northamerica – things have been stressful since and my last few birthdays i have spent alone – at least I had a couple of people remember my birthday – but they are guys who are interested in me and i think once it sinks in that i won’t be their girlfriend they’ll take off – this has happened quite a few times before :( If I died tomorrow (which i hopefully won’t!), the only people to attend my funeral would be my mom and my partner. Same thing if I had a wedding. I would like to have a facebook page, but I don’t because besides my partner i have nobody to put on it. I’m so embarrased and sad about this. I really love people and it hurts me not to have friends to share my life with. But it comforts me to see that I’m not the only one who feels this way and although i don’t know any of you it’s good to know that we are all in the same boat. I really hope that all of us will make some good friends soon!
hum.. I feel so sad I am in this big house by myself with no family husband boyfriend or friends. I long for it so much, I’m so tired going day by day and meet meeting anyone through out the day its so lonely and depressing :( I had a friend back in high school but I come to find out that she was alway jealous of me I guess that is the problem with females. but I really want a friend and I so sad I feel like crying. I live in a small town and it makes it worse because there is barely anyone out here to begin with. I’m trying to cope with these feelings but like I said I am taking it day by day* good luck to you all and may you all find your happyness.
Again, I too yahoo’d “why do I have no friends?”…I got into a debate tonight with my husband that I never leave the house unless I am running, working, going to school, or grabbing a bottle of wine…haha, wine is pretty much the only person that gets me. Does that make me an alcoholic? =) I totally understand what everyone is saying and feeling. I too have the same situation, tons of friends in high school, always a party to go to or people to hang with and here it is eight years later and poof…they have all magically disappeared. Guess that’s life and we all have to understand on here that it isn’t out faults if people miss the qualities in us. We know we are good people and despite what anyone says, what comes around goes around and eventually we will find that loyal someone to be a good friend to us. Don’t give up, don’t change. Just be yourself and soon you will make friends. Most importantly, have SELF CONFIDENCE! Many of us believe that we are losers because we have no friends. But really in high school it’s so easy, you are forced into clicks and spend eight hours a day going through the hardest moments of your life. So of course when we are out in the real world, people tend to split up and go their seperate ways…family, school, drugs, careers. We are all on a different path. Just believe in yourself and never compromise who you are to please someone else. That’s the only way you will find a true friend….
S’s^^ post above was so refreshing that someone knows how I feel and agrees with me. It is amazong how many aspects of life ‘having no friends’ touches. I do wonder whether having no friends is a cause of other problems or whether is is a result of other problems or whether it is just a really complex web of issues feeding on each other.
S’ your post really touched my heart. That’s my life right there. You really know how it feels to be with out friends. God bless you!
I want to start a support group in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Anyone from this area that is interested please email me at jellbn@yahoo.com
I am sincerely sorry for all of you. I am not completely alone, I have been with the same man for over four years now and he has always been my best friend… It seems silly of me to feel so alone after reading some of your posts. My problems are at work… When I graduated high school I moved a couple of towns away to go to college, at that point I had no friends other than my boyfriend, so all I left was my family. Here I am working full time and attending college full time, immersed in people nearly all of the time, and I cannot manage to make any friends. The problem is I am extremely shy, and I do not like revealing personal secrets, that is why these sites are comforting… they allow you to tell your story somewhat secretly. I am very sensitive, and I care very much for people, it just seems to get harder to care when all people do is take. I am a 22-year-old attractive woman, and it seems like all the men I meet are only nice to me because they are attracted to me, and most of the women just dislike me. I have run into problems at work… I try to hold my own weight doing what is characterized as a “man’s job,” but it seems that the men that I work with would rather me sit in the corner and paint my fingernails. I have tried to be one of the guys and pick at them like they pick at each other, but I suppose I hurt one person’s feelings in particular. We have never gotten along, and now he is turned the fun and games into a personal vendetta. He hurt my feelings and I just stopped talking to him, and he turned my insecurities on me. I get sad at work sometimes, because we all help each other… However, the people I work closest with never come to help me… and I told him it upset me… so he takes all his buddies around helping others, and says, “gee I hope no one is getting mad because we are all working together.” So I keep getting more upset more reclusive, and it is upsetting my boyfriend to hear about it all the time, so I try not to talk about it. I may not be alone, but I feel that way…
When I was reading everyone’s post I couldn’t believe there were so many people who feel the same way I do. I too am a nice 33 year old girl who has trouble making friends. So many times I have been the dropped friend and no one ever explains to me why. I have a few friends that have stayed, I guess, but I always seem to make the effort. They respond to my invites but I get frustrated that they rarely ever invite me to do anything. I also don’t feel like they know me that well even though we have known each other for years. I feel like the friends I have are more my friends because we went to high school together then because they see something in me worth their friendship. Then with new people I meet I try to do all that they say to do to make friends and somehow it never works out. Guys are another problem. With one guy I really liked I put a lot of effort into it only to find out 3 years later he never wanted me around but just couldn’t tell me. So I am terrified of putting effort into any guy and whenever a guy looks at me I ignore it which isn’t helping. Only one guy has proven to me he is there for me but I’m not romantically attracted to him. I hate that I have this much trouble and so I watch other people to see what they do and I find they do the same things I do so I just don’t get it. Some of them I feel are highly egotistical which irritates me and yet other people eat it up, I don’t get it. I guess it is a vibe difference but I’m not all that desperate for any friends it is just that I like people and when I find someone who I find interesting I try but then it goes wrong. I hate the rejection.
I am 28 years old and have no REAL friends either. I have one friend who is about 20 years older than me and is married with two children, so we don’t spend much time together. And when we are together, she’s always preoccupied with other things like her kids and her other friends or husband. I guess the reason why we still hold on to this friendship is because I am the godmother of her son, who I love dearly.
I don’t have a boyfriend, in fact I never had a boyfriend. The first guy I was ever involved with was 27 years old and I was 19. I went out with him a few times even though I wasn’t really attracted to him. But then again, what does a 27 year old want from a 19 year old? He took off after I denied him, a decision that I regret and thankful for. The second boy I was involved with was really sweet and somewhat shy. Like myself he was quiet and thoughtful, sadly though I did not get to know him well enough because I moved to another part of the city without saying goodbye. I guess you could say, he’s the one that got away. I still think of him every day and wonder what my life would have been like had I not moved.
To this day, I am still a virgin. yes, you heard that right, call me a prude or whatever but I just haven’t met anyone that deserves me completely or maybe I am just too damn picky when it comes to men. But lately, I feel as if I am running out of time. I am pushing 30 and still a friendless virgin, and I don’t want to be a 30 year old virgin! I don’t know why I am typing this very personal details of my life but since I really have no one else to confide in, this website is the only one right now that can be my friend. I absolutely relate to so many of the people on here, having no friends can be quite embarassing and most of all, very lonely indeed. Year after year, I tell myself that the new year will be great, I will meet new people and make new friends. Well, sure I meet new people and eventually make friends with them only to be disappointed to learn they’re backstabbers or liars. I am truly baffled by how some people stay friends with others who are just plain pricks, guess they love being dazzled with their BS.
Well, I had enough of this fakery. Before, I was very accepting and would make friends with anyone I found interesting, but now I don’t make friends just to have friends. Since after high school I have been alone. I have had co-worker friends and acquaintances, but that’s about it. I long to have a girl friend that I can talk to for hours or nothing at all and yet still enjoy each other’s company. I want to have a friend who will always be there for me no matter what. Is that such a big of a favour, dear god?! When will this loneliness ever come to an end? The happiest moments of my life was in my childhood years and i hope and pray that someday soon I will be happy and laughing again because I don’t know if I can still go on like this. It’s strange, I am more comfortable going out alone than before but despite this, it isn’t enough. I still need and want a friend by my side. What’s the point of all this food and entertainment when you have no one to share it with?
i have to admit, I feel much better now…getting all these emotions out in the open. i sincerely wish you all the happiness in the world. sleepy now :)
that person is a genius
i couldnt have described it better myself
and to add to that list
when you have no friends, you constantly get paranoid about offending anyone because they are a potential friend and u dont wanna ruin it
when you have no friends, the slightest thing other ppl do to you bothers you to no end(non replied email….etc)
when you have no friends, every contact you make means so much but the feeling is usually not reciprocated because most ppl have friends and they dont need u as much as u need them
hello 22 here.long time listener and first time participant. I’ve placed effort that a person would exert on a brain surgery into making friends. Since highschool days felt as if theres a invisible ward that pushes others away. Gotten to the point i cut my last year of high school and simple didnt go. Naturally fond of solitude, i’ve spent many of days wandering around times square or somewhere interesting and simply think. So its rather odd I joined up for the army, I started out infantryman but I dont have what you call type A personality, and im not fond of cursing, very compansionate so it made my integration to my unit difficult (the problem was deeper then that but simply paraphrasing) Anyway, I tried out for Snipers and found a great place here as far as my solitude allows but it gets rather lonely reguardless. its scary when i think its possible my career will be spent here and ill be alone forever, and when i do speak to anyone im such an awkward, inept, spaced out individual that im considered odd and. oblivion your post struck a cord in me, quite a bit i identify with and encouraged me to write, so thank you. if you’d like to talk, chaosheart@gmail.com , im out in the field quite often (afghanistan atm) so if i dont respond right away you’ll know why
Hi everyone. I didn’t think I’d ever come back to read your comments on this website again, yet here I am.
Being here and reading makes me feel less alone, I come to feel more a part of… something.
I just wish it was as simple as meeting some of you guys in real life and really connecting with someone else whose like me, someone else who can be awkward, someone else who doesn’t always know what to say, but someone else who understands and I can really, really talk to.
I’m 18 now and I lost my last meaningful bond when I was 12. Yeah, I’m missing out on what’s supposed to be the greatest years of your life. 6 years is a long time to be alone, I feel like I may be losing any aspects in my personality that were outgoing or fun because of it, which makes it even harder to make friends. God I hate growing accustom to this… to this life. If you can even call it a life.
I think I’m not the only one here who just doesn’t care about things anymore, and just doesn’t feel a reason to bother getting up in the morning.
If I hadn’t turned to mmorpgs, I may have killed myself by now, because I really have no idea what else I would do in isolation. but they really have helped keep me company through a lot, which is really pathetic.
Just recently I’ve found 1 person, which I was really happy about at the time, that I can consider my friend now, but I really don’t think I’ll be able to maintain it, because I don’t really feel needed or wanted and there’s only so much I can do to entertain someone, I simply can’t always do it. I fear they may start not caring if we hang out anymore or not.
Anyways, that’s all I have to say. I’m going to come back, I really hope someone replies to this or has had some sort of similar experience…
It is amazing to see all the people who don’t have friends on this one web page. You feel like your life is a complete waste of time. When really, God put each and everyone of you on this Earth for a specific reason. You are God’s children, and he has a plan for each and everyone of you people. Sit back, relax, keep going, and let your life unfold to reveal all the wonderful things it has in store for you.
Regards,
Dr. Phil
I give up. I am 21 years old and friendless. Have been in this situation for years. Even when I was in high school I never really hung out with anybody outside of school. Just had acquaintances that I spoke to at school and work. I met a few people here and there throughout the years but none of them stayed, all of them already had their own circle of friends anyway. I’m from NY and in a city of 8 million I don’t have any one to hang out with. I occasionally talk to 1 person who I went to high school with, but he’s got his own life and friends of his own. I talk to him about once a week but don’t see him much, I’m not that close to him anyway. Other than him I literally don’t talk to anyone else except for my mother. I have a cell phone but rarely ever use it except when my mom calls, otherwise it never rings. I even bought a ring tone (pointless) months ago of a song I like but I never hear that tone lol. I am unemployed right now, and not yet able to go back to school. I look for work everyday and even gotten interviews in the past, but no luck. I just sit on the computer alone in my room all day reading, listening to music, watching youtube videos, and listening to news and commentators, believe it or not they make me feel less isolated from the world. I feel so unconnected from everyone and everything at times but then I remember you guys, yup I regularly read these posts. Sure it helps, but the problem, the shame, and the reality is still there. I can’t even listen to certain music when I’m at my lowest point, I think to myself “the artist/band wouldn’t know how I feel therefore I can’t fully connect with the music”, especially when a bunch of outgoing, social people with more friends then they can count are listening to the same song, it kind of feels like “ok, this song no longer only belongs to me, it now belongs to the majority of the population (people with friends)”. I don’t think it is possible at this point to ever be part of anything social, because I am of the most awkward types of people out there, I can’t even start a conversation, especially if it’s with a girl. How pathetic is that, 21 and I can’t even speak to a girl without being completely serious and awkward. I’ve been living like this for a long time now, and I don’t think I want to continue. I think about suicide sometimes, I think it would be perfect for me personally. Besides, who would miss me anyway’s? I don’t have any friends and never been in a series relationship with a girl, point black, no one would miss me except for my mother because she’s mother. Sure I love my mom, but I am an adult now and I should for once in my lifetime make a decision without thinking what my mom will feel about the decision, it’s my life, nobody else’s. Life is overrated anyway’s….. Death is promised to everybody. Everyone seems so fake, everything is all about competition here in the US and in many other developed countries. Competition for money, looks, higher education, status, materialistic things, etc. is that all the meaning of life really is? If so, life really is overrated. If anybody wants to talk my email is IntellectualsNY@aol.com I really wouldn’t mind speaking with anyone.
Dr Phil…LOL ;P
PARAGRAPHS PEOPLE, I know your all writing with much emotion, i feel you all :-)
I once has a friend, that was a girl, no no not a girlfriend, not that serious, we were just 2 kid that found peace in each other… it was in p-school, she would hold my hand all the time, look at me with a sincerity, I sorta shunned her for a bit, just a kiddy thing, but I always would hug her and stand there at the end of school days and see her of, that was something special, a kind of friendship that you cannot manufacture, it was innocence, 12-13 year old innocence, an uninterrupted and naturally born connection. I was so lucky to have a girl care about me, unique even.
Suddenly losing friendship with her still hinders my direction today, I find resolve in knowing I will come around soon enough. I must or will be 30 and pain pathetic situation will continue. I seen One Hour Photo, great film (Robin Williams was just amazing as the loner Sy) This was extreme, but this is life for many.
I never had friend beyond 13 years old, im not 23 and I know Ive lost a decade, a beautiful time gone forever, where did the time go, am i weird, well, I dont think so, many of you hear me, it is hard to gain trust, find goodness in people out there. I’ve lost my precious teenage-friendship years that was soo painful to not have some friends to hang with or visit, party on weekends, I’ve moved around too much, f*cked up my social life. It causes much pain to think back. You maybe 13 or 14, try having a friend or a few that you can find peace with, a natural goodness with, you will regret it if you don’t. Hold on to these people forever, its important to have connections, good for the mind.
So i guess don’t hate yourself if you’ve tried..for others being lousy communicators, it ain’t your fault, the world is going this way, 1 for 1 none for all :P I know there are good people of all ages, you must connect with your community and gradually you may find peace, this is my plan ;-)
wow its nice to know there are people out there who feel the same but its so unfair. try being in high school and feeling like everyone has a place to fit in except for you. im not made fun of, im ignored as if i dont exist. i lost my cellphone recently and havent bothered to look for it because its not like anyone even calls.
i have difficulty trusting others because of past abuse and so far i’ve screwed up almost every relationship in my life- leaving me no one. i feel so unaccomplished and like a failure. so days i wonder why im here.
I always knew there were others out there like me but its nice to read these..helps a lot.
I’ve always been more shy, when i was a kid i was out going until i was around 8 or 9 and became more shy and kept to my self. I remember at my 6th grade birthday party handing out invites to everyone in my class and only 1 girl showing up to my party, and it was very odd as i did not know her well. Then middle school, i had one or two friends that were almost close, but then when high school came around they went off into different directions.
I have a lot of trouble keeping friends, i end up pushing them away eventually and i push them away so hard so that they will not want to come back. Part of the reason i do this is because i enjoy being alone and able to do my own thing without people bugging me wanting to do things all the time. I remember when i graduated high school, i had about three friends and then right after graduation i pushed them away so i could do my own thing. I show horses and am 100% dedicated to that and didn’t want my friends wanting to go out and screw around interfering with that.
I prefer being alone, but i just wish i had someone to call and talk to about my day. I work midnights 11pm-8am and am at work all by myself (i work at a retirement home) and it is killer. I just wish i could call a friend and say “you wouldnt believe what happened at work last night”, “you will never guess what i seen driving home today”. Its just that i miss. I feel like im just going a day at a time. At the end of the day i stop and think of who i talked to, just my mom and my dad. I actually stop and think about the conversations i have had and its just with mom and dad. I look at my cell phone call log and its all my parents calling, look at my contacts its all my family.
Its really really hard at times, i actually find myself talking to myself at work. I use to work at walmart and loved it bc i could talk to employees. I am actually now to the point where i do not even try. I am a total people pleaser .. always put others ahead of myself.
I did this to myself, i know. I wish i could go back in time and undo what i have done, i wanted to be alone…i still want to be alone but i just want someone to call me, ask me how my day was.
I do feel my parents caused my social skills (or lack there of), my parents are not the worse parents ever but not the nicest. Neither of my parents were happy with their lives so i was not aloud to be happy either. Always yelling at me, everything i did wrong was pointed out. Hate hate HATE that feeling. I love them, i do not think they know what they have done, but my life ended a long time ago. I would never let it show and i try to hide how lonely i really am, but i just cant. Smiling feels so fake.
This is crazy.
i never knew there were so many people out there that feel what im feeling.
i hate feeling like this, all clenched up inside.
& the list of how it feels like to have no friends is amazingly precise.
i’m turning 14 in 3 months, & ive been through alot right after i turned 13.
Im constantly feeling like a wall, & i just want all this to be o ver.
the ‘friends’ i had are all backstabbers, and im losing faith in life. =(
knowing that we all share the same emotion depresses me e ven more.
but just a litle advice, we should always keep our head up, & tink positive. because it WILL get better.
i hope.
I don’t know why I am here. I already wrote here before. It did nothing for me. But this page with a scroll bar I have not seen before makes me feel connected with someone.
I suppose I may be writing because I recently left my cousins whom I visited for a few days on easter. They are like my brothers. Probably my only friends that laugh at my friendless, shy, muted and meek personality.
I am 16. I have no friends. I have connections to few people. These people I see rarely. Real friends I had, they all moved on in life and barely exist anymore. Most became backstabbers, some left to different countries.
I don’t have any real friends. I never had a girlfriend. Never dated. Never kissed. Never had sex. Never did anything.
I’m nervous going outside because the teens outside are with their friends. If you are alone, you are considered nothing and you are vulnerable to them. I cant go enjoy sports and hobbies outside because I have nobody to enjoy them with.
Im sitting at home, at my computer. I already missed 2 days of school and cant think of doing all the homework and things I missed. I am depressed because I just left my cousins.
Where is my life? My only friend is the internet world. It makes me feel connected and understand the world. Makes me feel like I am not an outcast. Lets me communicate with people that are not friends, but some random people from the internet.
Where is my life? Where am I? What do I do? Why am I typing this?
I am ending this now, without looking back at the text, just pressing the submit button. I dont know why. I hope life gets better for everyone here. I hope everyone finds their friends. I hope everyone is happy and satisfied.
Well here goes my story, 20 year old guy in a top 50 business school.
I started off from kindergarden from being shy. I remember having racists peers who picked on and excluded me because I was black/ not italian in a catholic school. I do not hold it personally against them, because kids at that age believe what their parents do and most their parents were racist. Besaides many of them turned around by grade 5 when more black kids came to the school and outright told them they were racist. I never bothered to confront them about it, because me and an Irish guy, and polish knew they were so we did not waste our breathe to try to change them.
I had teachers who gave me too much work and by grade 2 I stopped being shy and started to be the bad argumentative kid. I was not stupid, I just did not like many subjects which was anything besides math or english and I would act out, to avoid doing the work.
I remember being accused of giving my grade 3 teacher a heart attack, well at least he blamed me behind my back infront of the class and tried to poision me with rat poision and was putting my lunch on the window sill when I went out for recess where the rat poision was sprayed. I figured it out when dead insects where in my lunch and I lost like 20 pounds and my appetite.
So from grade 6 onwards being black was popular or something because all the girls started to be intrested in me, the kids whow ere previously racists started acting black, and somehow I ended up being the most popular kid in the school. You might ask how the F is this guy lonely, keep reading.
By grade 8, I had it all, women, popularity, an audience of people listening to my every word, everyone knew my name and I did not know theres, it was like a movie man. They use to call me don king because I would arrange fights after school.
By highschool, well I was still popular. I’d say less popular than in elemenetray school but I still had friends to hang out with whenever I wanted. didn’t always hang witht them but I could if I ever wanted to, they were happy to see me. In grade 10 I switched schools into the more suburban area and I just got more popular because there were not many black guys, so ladies liked me and men envied me so I had more friends then in my previous urban high school. However my friends there were good and I’d say real friends, they would invite me places, if I missed school they would come to my house to check on me, reall good people.
By university, I just lost all ability to make or keep friends. something about my university, I think it is the people, they changed. I cannotmake any friends and this is far more depressing for me because I was never use to having no friends. Even when I transfered schools, there was a girl who transfered the year before me and I was never really all alone. I wouldn’t say I have no acquintances, tehre are people I talk to, but they are not friends. I find that the different groups with the exceptions of whites (who are a minority here) are only interested in being friends with the same race which cuts me off from 75% of the population automatically. These asian from china, korea, india, pakistan, they will only interact with others of the same background and even when I am invited to go somewhere with one of them who is more westernized, I feel like it is not genuine or I would be out of place.
I do not care too much that I have no friends, I mean more time to study for me, which I definetely need.
I will suggest something that a guy who I talk to said to me. We Westerns, we see things as good and bad, black and white, easterns they see things as shades of gray. There are no friends and enemies, there are only people, human beings. This statement is liberating, I do not worry anymore. Do not see people as friends, there are only people you talk to.
Who ares if someone likes you, when you die no one will remember if you were liked, they will remmeber what you did for others, your kind acts. Jesus did most of his kind acs to complete strangers and so did most of the saints.
Jesus had no friends and for Gd sake the man was perfect. Do you call it friends if they leave you when the government says they a re going to hang you? Would you tell the government to hang your friend over a rapistst and murderer named barabas? If Jesus is Gd and he could not make friends with people it just shows that people can often be selfish and pricks. They will act in their own self interest and like in Jesus’ case often that means not making friends with YOU. Why did Jesus’ friends betray him, because it would not have benefited them to say they were his friends.
I have the choice to go out and make friends, I am on a campus of 50,000 people, I choose to not go out and embarass myself and look like a fool to make others happy. I will not drink alcohol or do drugs for entertaining others, I am not their monkey.
Maybe I am anti social, i’d rather avoid a party if
I can, I will think up any excuse to avoid going to one. and perhaps people feel I am ducking them, which I truthfully will admit I am, I do not want to go to parties, I do not want to meet college kids, I’m kind of conservative and I sometimes feel they expect me to act like some kind of black sterotype or characicature so I’d rather just avoid them. If not they expect me to go hit on girls, which I don’t fully feel comfortable doing when pressured into it. I am not attracted to many girls, maybe I do not have a strong sexual desire or maybe I whacxk off too much so I am no longer intrested in real girls, who sweat, smeel stink and fart, and try to tell me how to live my life and change me, no offense ladies.
At this point I just want to finish my degree so I can go into the work force. I am not entirely anti-social maybe I am just mature for my age, I get along fine with anyone outside school. I can have a random conversation with a complete stranger which happens very often downtown where I will most likely work. I do have hope to look forward to. I do not think I will have some life long friend like in the movies but I will not spend the rest of my life being anti-social either.
My advice= best way to stop being anti-social is to find someone anti-social like you. So if you are by yourself in college then find another person you always see by themself and start talking to them with a whats ups. what are they going to do, ignore you? They can’t make fun of you because they have no friends either and you are both similar quite people.
I read some of the posting. I am past 50 , and very lonely. During my lifetime, I lack social relations , friends, loving family and endure a lot pain.
I feel a lot shame because I know that we should not feel victim . That dwelling in pain and feeling hopeless is feeling victim. Many people consider that we could overcome all our problems that taking personal responsibility and not blaming anyone but ourselves is the way. There is a lot truth in that statement. But it is also very relative.
Many times there are many circumstances in anyone life which play a big role
Many times many of our problems are product of pain inflicted upon us or abuse. In those cases, the mantra to take responsibility because it is our fault sounds empty and without any substance.
It is avoidable the feeling of impotence when we try hard to do the right thing and everything turn wrong or we are still in a hole.
We try, do the effort, walk the walk to not avail
When we struggle with loneliness, illness, economic issues, bread and butter issues of daily survival and it is uphill battle .
I feel overwhelm and I think many do
I pray but many times, I lost faith, because I am overburden.
Reading this posts , I have the idea that maybe we lonely people should take some step to relieving our loneliness, getting in touch with each other.
Maybe if this web site could become a place to meet others, to exchange ideas, thoughts and build friendships, to create a community among us, the lonely.
And maybe could a solution or a help to improve our lives.
Could we try it? What do you guys think?
Hi Lonley, This is something I’ve been looking into.
How do we get started.
Who lives in New York City?
Hi everyone. Amadeo maybe emailing each other
Bob I do not live in New York but not so far
So long everyone
Hi Lonely my email is asmaestas@gmail.com
Why do people post on this site? Not to give opinions about not having friends but rather I think the reason is that this is one of my social networks. How sad is that?
I was saddened by all the postings I just read…all you lost souls…relief is just a prayer away…Jesus wants to be your personal friend and saviour…READ ON…God never left you…we and our weak flesh…leave God and all his devine comfort…for we live in a society that craves earthly things…touch,feel,sight; why so many people don’t know about God’s love is because of false teachings in the world’s churchs today…negitive thoughts in…negitive thoughts out…crap in…crap out, get it!! Shut off your TV’s, cell phones, computer games…open up a King James Bible…and take a journey…to God, spend some time with your creator and open up your mind to his teaching and peace will come to you…you see my child…you just have to ask.
I’m 18 y/o female. I stopped having friends 5 years ago, and I made a few friends over the time, but they always lose interest in me (at least I guess that’s what happens). I’m nice, and I’m naturally shy but my hard time making friends has made me become more friendly. I’ll admit, I’m a little eccentric, a little nerdy but I’m not trying to be cool, I’d just like a friend! I live in a more rural area and that might be the reason keeping me from making friends. I’m still young I know, and there’s plenty of time, so here’s to hoping.
If anyone wants to talk, email me at sausilito@live.com. I’d really like to hear from some of you. You can talk to me about anything. If you’re feeling rather lonely, just want to share something that happened today, or whatever!
JustSomeRandomGuy and None – I know how it feels. It’s especially hard being lonely when we’re at the points of our life when we should be having the best times, partying with friends, etc.
Keep going though. We can’t worry about what we can’t change. Loads of people are in the same situation, and we must get what pleasure we can.
As I said, either email me or add me, supertownend@hotmail.co.uk it’s not much but it’s always nice to be able to speak to people and communicate, if even via text on a screen. Thanks
Just to sum my life, I got none. I’m a highschool junior soon to be a senior in a few months. I’ve been pretty shy and introverted for the past 2 years, which I can’t really get back. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much. While everyone has been out having fun with eachother, I’ve been sitting at home watching tv by myself. I’m just SOOOOOO sick of being the funny kid at school a few people like to talk to, but no one wants to hang out with outside of school. At this point I’m willing to even spend time with the “nerdy” kids, but of course, they won’t even acknowledge me. I’ve read most of your posts and it seems like a large amount of you are predominantly “older” than me and I truly do understand how much all of you hurt since I feel the same way, but I think I kind of have it worse. Actually, I have it A LOT worse. Highschool is a whole lot different now than it was years ago. Everybody in the 70s pretty much got along ‘cuz everybody was high off of something. But, my heart sincerely goes out to all of you since I can relate and I wish the best for all of you.
Keeping you all in my prayers,
Ryan
May 7, 2009
Good morning Ryan…I don’t know if you believe in God…but I am assuming here due to your praying that you do…Ryan, do you pray for yourself? One thing that we all need to do is to ask God for strength to get us through whatever challenges have come our way in life and you will have many…these challenges Ryan are to make you strong, to be someone that can over come anything…are you an overcomer? You see Ryan God needs you to be strong for him, dying to ones fleshly desires is hard for everyone…Just so you know Ryan…not everyone did drugs back in the day…most didn’t, the media will have you always thinking the negative about everything…remember that…well I’m sounding like a mom…by golly I am!! So if you would like a pin pal…remember hearing about those “back in the day” just keep writing I live in Colorado, suns out, going to be a glorious day…if I let it!
Mrs C
ps…if I’ve misspelled something don’t laught to hard, I do that at times!
you people don’t understand, i visit this damn website every fucking single day to see if there is one more person out there who does not have a single friend so that i can feel better about myself. i am the biggest loser, i am a failure. i haven’t had any real friends since i was 12 years old and my family thinks i’m an embarassment.
people have been right about me all along. i am a piece of shit and do not deserve to live. i have no one to go to when I need a shoulder to cry on, let alone talk to about how my day went. i cry every night and pray i will die in my sleep. i’ve lost my faith in other people, i have lost my faith in myself. deep inside i know it’s only a matter of time before i lose my mind or kill myself, i know i need help but like i said i have no one to talk to. my own mother doesn’t give a shit about me because i am not as successful and pretty as my sister. so how can i even trust other people now? girls are so catty and most are backstabbers, at least guys are less despicable.
Its been a while since I’ve been here and I admit I’ve gotten a little better since last time. Thinking back on my teenage years and my year college years makes me feel there is nothing wrong with the way I’ve been and everyone goes through those phases regardless.
I’m thankful for this comfortable life I’ve been given yet thats not really enough to make me feel happy about everything.
I have friends now but they’re just not my real friends. Worse yet, I got dumped twice, in the same week. haha I bet I’ll laugh at this when i get older.
Other than that I’ll just keep my head up and continue with this road I’m on trying to find my own answers and become comfortable with who I am. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a life worth living always being worried and overthinking all the time. If anything, this is “wuts normal” in this new world.
I hope everything comes to realize this and realize your still young and you have plenty of time to change your ways, its never too late. If not, get some help anyway u can but thats probably not ganna happen with me because my pride wont allow it.
Good Luck everyone and live your life everyone.
To: thislife May 7, 2009
My God women, where are you and how old? First off pull up your “boot starps” and get moving…out of your funk…know this…satan and his followers have a hold of you in your mind…order them out…you have the power to do this…do you know this? Second, God will never answer your prayer to be put to death…he needs you here…whole…in mind and body to fight his fight with satan…has anyone shared God’s good news with you? I know you are a beauityful person, body and soul…you know why…because you are a child of God…we just loose our way from home at times in our life…while other people have never had the chance to know God and his love for us…lonelyness is state of mind, all disicions are yours…in your mind, think about that for a moment…instead of reacting to your emotions try writing them down and have a coupe of coffee or soda take time out and a few deep breaths and think about the thought that came into your head…is it positivily a truth or satan’s lie? satan and his workers ar working overtime with you…you are strong…tell him…want to hear more?….can you feel my compassion for you?
In his service,
Mrs. C
So, this site is still going strong! How sad! How does that Beatle’s song go? “It’s a fool who plays it cool and makes the world a colder place”. Perspective, perspective, perspective. How many aspects of life are there? Many!-Food, health, sleep, exercise, reading, bathing, personal hygiene, beauty, travel, sports, working, hobbies and I’m sure I’m missing some. Of course, having friends makes all of these activities more enjoyable but there is more to life than companionship. People with no friends generally suffer from low self esteem. Low self esteem generally causes one not to care about him/her self as s/he should. And to think that s/he is not deserving of the good things in life even if s/he has them. People of our type practice self-sabotage. Please repeat after me: I am worthy of all the good things in life. And again, I’m deserving of the good things in life. Don’t allow thoughts of I deserve to have a bad life enter your mind. You can, but then you will suffer. Rather, constantly repeat, I’m deserving of a great life and I will go get it. Easier said than done but better said than not said. pappelbon@yahoo.com
u know u r lonely when your cell phone never rings, and u have 2 check it constantly just 2 see if it works. sometimes i feel like taking the damn thing and throwing it in the river or something. i just asked someone to go with me to pick strawberries this weekend, but i bet she won’t even respond.
u know u r lonely when you no longer have a cell phone or a facebook.
Its almost 2am here and Ive just spent the last hour reading alot of these posts..Its strangely reassuring that others feel the same way i do..but also very sad.
I’m a 22 year old female and have few friends.
I had a handful of very close friends in high school..but after graduation everyone drifted apart and i only have three people that i would classify as friends..i don’t even see them that often.
I know i have depression,i started going to a counselor last year and was diagnosed with social anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder.
I was put on antidepressants but they did not work and i eventually stopped seeing the counselor..i know that i should probably go back,but its so hard..i just want to be normal and happy.
I wish i could make new friends,but Ive never been on of those people that walks into a room and can just talk to people they don’t know..i get anxious and analyse everything i say in my head..which in turn probably makes me look like a snob or a weirdo lol
I wish i knew why i was this way..everyone tells me that im very attractive and smart..i just wish i could see it.
Anyway,none of this probably makes any sense but it feels good to get this out..even if it is to a bunch of people on the net lol
I am a nice guy. I don’t have any friends. Even my roommates exclude from stuff all the time. Sometimes not on prupose, most of the time on purpose and they are both asses. I have a sense of humor and always willing to help someone else out and get shot down. I’m not a freak of nature or anything. I would cry about it, but that’s not going to solve anything. I’ve thought about suicide too. Why should I live? Just to work and pay bills and grow old alone no friends or girlfriend. I’d rather die. I won’t do it though because I’d probably fuck that up too.
My ma always said that true friends are the most difficult to find and you would be lucky if you managed to find one in your entire life.
I think she always said this to me as I was growing up because as long as I can remember I have felt inadequate and anxious around fellow peers and NEVER thought I would fit in.
Now 22yrs old I still feel the same way. I have tried the fake friendships in the past only to feel more hurt and depressed when I realise that I mean nothing to them. I am extremely thankful that I have one person I can say is a true friend. Even though we live hours away I cannot see her whenever I want, at least I have her and can count on her in times of need.
At the moment I feel horribly alone and have also recently broken up with my boyfriend but at least I now know that there are many of you who have been through similar experiences and that it’s just not me.
If you are lucky enough to manage to find one person you can call a true friend then I think you are extremely blessed. Majority of people aren’t worth the time!
I am 15 and I’ve never had any friends either. I’m also afraid to go to school and failed all projects i had to do with other people or which involved social abilities. That’s the reason I have to do this year all over again and I’m afraid I won’t be able to finish school. It’s become more extreme now and even get physically ill when I think about having to go to school. Now I’m not going to school anymore and hide in my room.
I’m really afraid of people too and feel like i fail everything. I’ve become so weak and don’t understand anything anymore. Sometimes I really want to hug someone, cause it’s so freaking frustrating to be thinking and crying all the time alone. I really want a friend but i cannot make one, because i feel like i’m so different.
At school all of the people are like so ”normal” and able to talk. They probably think i am weird cause i don’t like things like watching tv and going out listening to radio. So i like japan and visual kei and that sort of things. And most people here whee i live think it’s stupid. But I really ám not able to find anyone like me.
And to top it off, i am really small and skinny, so it’s easy for them to bully me. Though it doesn’t happen that often. I don’t think I’ll ever hav a bf too, cause i don’t dare to talk to anyone. I never write this sort of thing on the internet, so it must mean I’m really desperate right now.
I’ve also read some of the comments made here, and actually feel like being even more different here. Cause still other people that are lonely seem to have at least some self control >I feel like I don’t have that at all sometimes. Like really want to hug someone or breaking things, or scratching my arms with my nails. Still though, when i hate everything, after awhile i suddenly love everything. And then i am extremely nice to people though i realize it much later. i still want to luv everyone that’s nice even though wanting to die.
Hi, I am 53 have never really had a friend that I could spilled my guts to. Was married separation was not my choice and I still love her, she was my best friend even though I had a mate since school who was asummed as being my best friend.
Part of my friend problem stems from not making contact with them as I move through my different job roles and not having a social interest. I am smart, everyone loves me, I am kind, helpful etc…. but guess what! I have no real friends, It bothers me as I can see the same happening to my 24 year old daughter who has stated living with me. My goal at the moment is to ensure she has something socialy to do ie. group activity. I know I should do the same buttttt I am alwaqys busy with work and when I am not busy I like to relax alone.
Tonight I could not get it out of my mind that I have no friends and can’t fully understand why.
I am at a point in life where I can comfortably make choices but I don’t know which ones to make. I am so confused about direction so I stay the same usually so I don’t upset others.
Ray in Australia
hello there, i am in my late 20s and have no friends either… my life consists of work, sleep, work, sleep, and so on. i am not kidding..the only time i ever go out is when i do groceries or go shop for clothes. i hate my life! i hate holidays, weekends, and long weekends especially when the weather is so nice people go out with their family and friends and i have no one to go with. i hate it!! so what do i do when i am not at work? i go on the computer or watch tv or stare into space until i fall asleep. what kind of life is this? i work to pay the bills and then die alone!!
To Sukris,
if you read this please, please, talk to your parents/guardian/school counsellor(s)/family doctor/trustworthy neighbour,uncle,aunt,cousin…anyone about your feelings. Ideally a professional, who has had experience dealing with others similar to you, can help lead you out of your predicament.
You really need to express all your inner angst before moving on, your young age leads me to feel that you can recover and go on to a fruitful existence.
Don’t give up, there is a way out of your entrapment because you still can and show love from what you’ve written. Believe.
kennydoc1999@hotmail.com
I’m a 19 year old college student now. I appreciate this site because I can finally express myself a little. I will try and summarize what I want to tell.
I’ve been alone ever since I began school. My father never taught me how to play sports. He really didn’t do anything. He was there, and I seen him all the time, but he never acted as a father to me. Now I think he’s ashamed of me because I don’t act like most kids. The only role model I have is my mother. She taught me most of my morals and necessary life things. Hell, she taught me things that my bastard father was supposed to teach me.
I was told by teachers and adults that I have a great personality and that I was good to be around. Even though many people said that, I still was picked on by kids my own age. Younger kids picked on me at one point. I never played any sports in my neighborhood, and I was always referred to as a demon. I was pummeled with rock almost every day by kids my own age. So it was natural that I didn’t socialize with other people. I always refrained from talking out loud in school even when it was necessary to talk. The first time I actually held a conversation with someone was when I was 13. It was about integers in a math class. That was the only conversation I ever had.
Even to this day, I don’t speak to others. And it hurts. I try and hold conversations with other people my own age, but I can’t. I look around at my surroundings and I see people eating together, laughing together, making stupid jokes with one another, playing games with one another. I get so emotional when I witness these things. I even tried joining clubs. It’s apparent that no one likes me. Everyone thinks I’m just a demon that needs to be disposed of and ignored.
It’s amazing to see how many people say that they have little to No friends at all. You think that you are the only one going through being alone…. then you find out that there is a whole world of people that suffer from feeling alienated from the rest of society.
It is most difficult being and feeling alone. I admit I a tendenacy to push people away. It is not something that I desire to do but it happens of out of fear of being hurt or the fact that if I let you close you won’t like me and leave anyway.
I can’t speak for all of the lonely people out there but there were times when I did things just to fit in with others so I felt like I belonged somewhere. I learned you can’t do that… people must TRULY like you for who you are.
I do think that just b/c those of us who have issues that cause us to be alone shouldn’t be alienated. I see many people who have deep rooted issues yet they still have people to be by their side. So sometimes it’s like what is it about me?
Im starting to think that this is a real dilema in our society. What can be done for those of us who suffer? There ahs to be away we can come together and get a grip on this thing. Anyone have any ideas or suggestions?
I’m 24 and also without friends. My problems go a little deeper, though. I dropped out of high school at the age of 17 mainly due to depression and social anxiety disorders and as a result my friends began leaving me one by one. Needless to say my days grew very depressive. It got to the point where I simply shut down and turned away from the outside world. Homebound for 7 years. Didn’t take a step out of my house. I often wonder why life has treated me so and thoughts of suicide were not uncommon. I’m not crazy, but I’m pretty sure many outside of my family think so.
This month, 7 years after the downward spiral I finally see a dim light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I stepped out of my house for the first time in many years several weeks ago. Unfortunately, I don’t feel any sense of achievement or happiness from this event. Even walking down the street is a challenge both physically and mentally. My walk is off and I would get disturbing looks from people as I pass by. It doesn’t help that I’m tall and my facial features really stand out. Brown patches around my eyes and a melancholic look which has become my face at rest. I haven’t smiled in a very long time. The world is completely alien to me and I am still without friends, education, experience or a job. I just feel very lost and useless and it is conflicting with the need to get what is left of my life back together so I can do something to alleviate the burden which I have placed on my family.
Thanks for listening. The internet is really the only place I feel comfortable with sharing my problems.
Hi everyone. It’s incredible that there are so many lonely people like myself in the world. I’ve read many of the posts here and found that most of you are really decent, highly intelligent individuals with beautiful, passionate souls that for whatever reason are finding it difficult to meet and keep friends that you can go out & share the good times with. I’m a 48yo male trapped in a loveless marriage with no kids in the social desert of outer south-west Sydney. While I never had lots of friends through my life (I’m not about to break any Facebook-friend records, lol), I’ve always managed to muddle along & often go out solo. I just find it really difficult to meet any males around my age & in my predicament that I could socialise with – most it seems are either shackled to their wife or aren’t willing to expand their existing circle of friends. Anyways I’ve probably said enough now.. I just want to end by saying that I really am thankful to you all for being so honest and real .. in my opinion you are all wonderful people and I am proud to be in the same company as you. Keep on smiling, love you all.
Thank you Rossco from Oz. That was way cool! I appreciate your comments! The feeling is mutual!
hi. i posted a comment on this site a few months back with a different name. nothing has changed, i still feel very much alone. i don’t know if there’s still any hope left for me to find real friends. i am so sick of being alone and having no one to talk to. i try my best to put a smile on my face, be positive, and just go with the flow. but no matter what i do or don’t , what i say or don’t say, i am still left friendless. it’s almost as if my only purpose in life is to live and suffer alone. i don’t know what i am doing wrong, i know i am good person. i provide financial support to my family who live far away( mom, sister, and brothers). i am happy that i can help in any way i can, but at the same time i feel as if everthing i do is not appreciated. the only time i ever get a phone call from them is when they need money.
my life is so lonely it’s numbing my whole being.
Hi Dave –
I really really felt your pain. I’ve posted a couple of times on this board if you’re interested.
While my situation is not even close to yours in terms of the suffering you’ve endured, I certainly am VERY familiar with the feeling that everyone else is excluding you, holding social events but you’re never invited, the feeling that you’re all alone when you go out in public. What makes it difficult for me is that I AM in a community, where people do know me – but I get rejected day after day. It’s not like people don’t know I exist – they DO, but they still choose to reject me on a regular basis. Sometimes I think it might be easier if I just retreat into a hole, and never emerge from my apartment. Then at least I wouldn’t have to deal with the humiliation of knowing that people can see I have no friends. But I don’t give up – I am trying each day. Please email me at lia7488@yahoo.com if you’d like to talk!
Im a 21 yr old women, been lonely without friends for a couple of years now. It seemed after high-school everyone went their seperate ways without thinking about the rest.I have read alot of your stories and felt a little better about not feeling like i was the only one living this.I would describe myself a giver, energetic, loves sports and animals and enjoy talking to people, but haved stopped talking a while ago, because i have not received any calls or invitations nowhere and i feel like i am the only one interested in making new friends. It seems like people when they have one or two good friends and a boyfriend, they feel completed , and cant seem to want to know you.I have tried my best to meet people at sport events,concerts or just by web, and felt even more lonelier when i come back home alone, with my dog waiting for me with his unconditional love. When im not working,I try to pass the time by gardening or bicycling, but after a long day by myself , i would like to sit back, take a beer somewhere and just talk and have a good time with someone. people dont have time anymore to take the time.Ive been repeating postive thinking each day, but its been a challenge when you see no results. I ‘ve been patient , but feels like four years of my life went bye and nothing good came out of it. I feel your pain and your desperate attempts to end your lives, but deep down inside i feel thats not the solution.I tell myself that one day, all of us that have written a paragraph on this site, will finally find really good friends. It will make us appreciate more our friends because we will know what it was like being alone.I wish you all the best my friends!
cheers
Missy, if you have MSN can you add me at: disclosed_83@hotmail.com
Guys!
This is ridiculous huh?
I feel the same way, and I have probably most of my life on and off. I was elected Senior Representative (meaning that the whole class chose me out of everyone)…that’s an honor right? Through middle school, scarred…like most people i hear. Through high school, and now post-graduation. I joined a college organization and felt shunned. Life doesn’t seem fair huh?
I am told by most that “I’m beautiful”. I’m funny, I’m confident…sometimes, I don’t always have the right thing to say, but no one does. All I know is that we give off a spirit of rejection, when we feel this way.
Imagine this…You’re standing in a crowd, scared to talk to others (because you’ve felt the pain of rejection before…You may know these people or not), you’re waiting and waiting for people to talk to you…(no matter how you do it, standing awkwardly will always appear on the outside…awkward) So, you decide to walk up to some girl/guy you remember, you say “hey”, but you couldn’t think of anything to ask or say, not to mention out of fear of rejection, your eye contact isn’t really there, neither is your voice the way it sounds normally…so this person subconsciously picks up on this stuff, and responds, hey? in a weird way…
Our actions will affect the way people act towards us. When we’re confident, people will be more receptive.
I know, I know…i hate it too, people should be more accepting, because we all have things we go through, but the choice is…do you want something to hold you back like fear? Fear is stupid. I hate fear.
Let’s get out of this hell hole, and have friends we love and who LOVE US…because we are all awesome. I know it.
oh yah! something else I feel like I should share!
I am going to talk about Jesus, but my feelings about him aren’t always good. So if you’d like an inside honest, non-religious scoop…here it goes.
I felt like the Lord called me to this ministry school about 2 years ago, and I went there last year. It was great…popularity, fun, friends,met my husband, God was good and seriously showing up in miraculous ways like healing the blind and deaf and mysterious money deposits into my bank account, and so and so and so on…..So really I didn’t have time or reason to complain.
Before I got married, I had gotten into this rut with God where I couldn’t feel him or see how He was doing anything in my life…so I “turned my back on him” felt like why should I care if you dont? Then, I got married, and all hell broke loose, I was learning to understand my husband, discovering things about him that were very hard to forgive, feeling distant from the friends i had made before because they all had the school (common bond) and i was married (they weren’t), looking for a job in our new town (right as the economy crashed and right before christmas..so people were FULLY STAFFED)…every job application felt like i was an undesirable person, leaving me at home for hours a day with nothing but domestic crap to do over and over and over again.
Basically, I wanted share with yall that in the same circumstance…the days I chose to let God be my friend were the days I thrived. The days I rejected him, and blamed him for my life were the days I cried to no end.
Thanks, and bless yall because we all need encouragement!
I feel strange. I feel that I have screwed someone over that I know after reading his post. If he reads this, he knows who I am speaking of.
Truthfully, I never wanted to feel guilty, because I don’t feel like what I have done was wrong.
Anyway, I feel that the whole friends thing is just sad. Me, I get bored and annoyed with people easily. I have some friends, but sometimes I just wish to go out and find new friends and meet new people. It is as if I want friends, but at the same time I don’t because I’m not finding what I’m looking for.
Sometimes I wish I could throw them all away so that I don’t have to think “should I call”, “should I text”.
I am confused by my feelings, cause they change every day just like my opinions.
Anyway, life is good, it’s normal, not any different from other people’s lives, but I feel that it just HAS to be special for me. It can’t be bland and dull. Something beyond expectations has to happen every day.
And so I keep waiting for that special person to come along.
I don’t need 1 million people, just 1 person.
jules
p.s. Hi Spen, if you read this. I was surpised to come across your post. I was reading and then I had a moment “wait, this seems familiar…oh”.
Anyway I’m not sure what happened after we spoke last year but, um, hope things get better for you
Holy sh#*, I had no idea people felt exactly the way I did.
I suppose the reason I don’t have friends I see (outside of work, lunch, ect..) is because I feel depressed. I’m 35, depressed about getting older, depressed about being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2 yrs ago, depressed (and ashamed) that I miss and want my married lover who I was with for 8 years. Depressed because this MS makes me more stupid. I think also I have had some learning disability from day one. Oddly enough, I wish I was a kid again with a different family. Can’t remember one happy day in my family…unless it was Christmas, my favorite day becuase everyone got along and we were all together.
And don’t even talk about a date, I couldnt care less.
I have my movies and books that I get lost in.
Does anyone else here feel that way too about movies…getting lost in them?
Frankly, I couldn’t care less if I died tomorrow.
I’d be with God and be happy, and be what I was supposed to be in this life.
=[
Laura – I know EXACTLY what you are talking about when you describe how others must perceive us when we give off that aura of rejection and depression. While I have several friends myself, and a boyfriend, I just can’t seem to get to know new people. It’s like, I haven’t made a single new friend in the past 7 years and I know it is because I fear rejection to the point where it immobilizes me. The last time I was out of my element was when I walked up to an acquaintance after church one day (of all places) and said hi, and after a half-hearted hello, she turns to another girl and asks her to come over to her place later that night, and i know they aren’t OLD friends or anything. They continue to ignore me while I just stand there. It is EXACTLY this type of thing that I fear, and while it may not mean that I’m an awkward person all the time, I just can’t stand going through it over and over…..
Hi JM – Yes I do feel that way about movies. There have been periods in my life, even recently, where I don’t talk to a single soul outside of work for weeks, and I just hole myself up in my apartment where i live alone, and watch movie after movie after movie. Tivo is my best friend. Yes I do have a set of really close girlfriends & a boyfriend, but they all have LOTS & LOTS of other friends that i’m not friends with so i frequently feel like they’re choosing others over me…..
Hi everyone, its been 2 years since I’ve been here. I can’t believe this site is still alive. I was thinking of a solution here, I’ve read many recent post, mostly people talk about how they “fear of rejection” when they try to make FRIENDS. I was thinking of setting up a twitter account. Get all of us lonely people together and maybe we can do something about this because seriously if we don’t act now, will be depressed our whole life.
My solution to avoid being depress is WORKING OUT. Dopamine can do you wonders, takes off lots of stress.
Twitter solution: “For the lonely souls out there!”
Have you all heard of twitter? WHAT DO YOU GUYS/GIRLS THINK of it? Its a way to get everyone involve and start making friends and get to know each other and maybe hangout as a group!?
Hey I’m all for it! http://www.twitter.com/asmaestas
mine is http://www.twitter.com/leogistic
maybe someone will actually talk to me now.
Hi everybody,
37 year old guy here in the same position as most of you are.
One of the first things I have noticed in life that the shallower you are as a person, the more friends you have.
It’s seems that people want to hear nothing other than the great weekend you’ve had partying, the new cell phone you’ve bought or the new shopping mall you’ve discoverd.
If you’re not in that mould than it seems 90% of the population isn’t interested in you.
People don’t want to hear truths,they want to hear about your fake MTV lifestyle.
I keep feeling more negative about people and of course this doesn’t help me making friends.
I often vent this criticism and people just don’t want to hear this. They want to hear how peachy and perfect your life is. Different=strange=not exceptable.
The loneliness is killing but surely I shouldn’t start acting shallow, just to fit in?
Jason
Well I’m sorry, for me life isn’t about shopping malls, the latest fashion or clubbing.
JasonD
The one thing I can say is you need not apologize. Being a whole person with real feelings real problems etc. is difficult yes. Man just keep doing you and being what is true.
Hi, my name is Anthony. I just found this blog and I must say…
So many people feel the same way I do.
I am 24, single, and lonely. I have friends (from high school), but they hardly ever call me. And when I try to contact them, they just blow me off. I know my friends are busy, but they could at least go out of their way to contact me, just to see how I am doing.
I am currently without a job. Michigan’s economy sucks, and not many places are hiring. Believe me, I have been looking for a new job, but I have had no luck.
I would love to meet some of you people. If anyone wants to contact me, I have Yahoo Messenger and AIM.
Yahoo: a.tarantino@ymail.com
AIM: tarantinoanthony
I have no girlfriend, and that is something I wish I had every day. I am not very good with relationships… Some girls have said that I am too clingy… but I try not to be. :(
I just want a companion, someone to talk to on a daily basis. Someone who will love me for who I am, and I will love them in return… Oh well.
I am glad that I have stumbled across this blog, it surprises me that so many people feel the same way that I do- it helps me to know that I’m not alone; however at the same time it is depressing to know that we are all in the same position.
I graduated from high school and lost all of my friends (at least at the time I thought they were my friends). Instead I have come to realize that I was, I guess you can call a “filler” (I was someone they could hang out with when everyone else was busying or didn’t want to hang out). What hurts more than being left behind, is the fact that they not only got rid of me, but replaced me with someone they claimed and spent hours talking about how they truly disliked the person. When I asked them why I was replaced, they snapped at me, saying they were done with this bullshit (I have yet to figure out what the bullshit is). I was stupid enough to fall for their “friendship”, I had seen them befriend people before and then turn around, treat them like crap, get everyone to hate them, and then ditch them.
Having found out that I meant nothing, has caused a lot of depression, I have started to isolate myself from the rest of the world. I guess the positive side of this, is that I now know that I am not being used anymore.
I completely agree with JasonD. It is the shallower people, the fakes that have all of the friends. I believe this is because, they are all mold themselves into whatever the people they hang around want them to be. It will backfire at some point, and they will come to realize that they have friends, but aren’t friends with themselves.
I start college in the fall and can’t wait to be given a fresh start. I am determined to find friends, and everyone else who has writen on this blog should too.
Anthony you find someone that loves you as much as you love them. Best of luck to all.
Hi all
I just found this blog yesterday and it has really cheered me up. I am 31 and i live in Ireland but i can tell you that people can slip through the cracks over here too. It is so nice and comforting to see that there are people like me out there, I do feel deeply for every one. I have always been a loner and have found it very hard to make friends, i dont know why, i get nervous and sometimes irritated by people and want everybody to think like me, and so i usually just retire to my solitude where i reign supreme, but whenever i do try to fake it and people please it never seems to work either. I joined aa recently cause its a nice fellowship and I do have a problem with alcohol, but already i am starting to feel isolated there and have not made any friends, afterwards people congregate and go for coffee but I always just go off home I guess because I am so sensitive to being rejected or just not used to initiating social contact.
I sometimes feel very bitter that my whole life has been one of solitude, but i dont know who to blame, there isnt anybody and im done blaming myself, ive tried im still trying, people jsut dont seem to stick to me, they fall off like bad fridge magnets :)
i envy my older brother who seems to have the charisnma and has no problem making friends.
I do okay with girls on occassion because i am a musician but when i see groups of people walking around town or hanging out together, it depresses me because i feel like a total alien. i know i have alot to be grateful for but having no friends does tend to make life seem a bit shit and pointless at times,
but i am still hopeful things will change soon.
but its so comforting to know im not the only one who feels like this, and i did not even know that.
best of luck to you all, we should all unite and start our own unique little clique for loners: )
Hi all
I just found this blog yesterday and it has really cheered me up. I am 31 and i live in Ireland but i can tell you that people can slip through the cracks over here too. It is so nice and comforting to see that there are people like me out there, I do feel deeply for every one. I have always been a loner and have found it very hard to make friends, i dont know why, i get nervous and sometimes irritated by people and want everybody to think like me and so i usually just retire to my solitude where i reign supreme. but whenever i do try to fake it and people please it never seems to work either. I joined aa recently cause its a nice fellowship and I do have a problem with alcohol, but already i am starting to feel isolated there and have not made any friends, afterwards people congregate and go for coffee but I always just go off home I guess because I am so sensitive to being rejected or just not used to initiating social contact.
I sometimes feel very bitter that my whole life has been one of solitude, but i dont know who to blame, there isnt anybody and im done blaming myself, ive tried im still trying, people jsut dont seem to stick to me, they fall off like bad fridge magnets :)
i envy my older brother who seems to have the charisnma and has no problem making friends.
I do okay with girls on occassion because i am a musician but when i see groups of people walking around town or hanging out together, it depresses me because i feel like a total alien. i know i have alot to be grateful for but having no friends does tend to make life seem a bit shit and pointless at times,
but i am still hopeful things will change soon.
but its so comforting to know im not the only one who feels like this, and i did not even know that.
best of luck to you all, we should all unite and start our own unique little clique for loners: )
When will I learn how to say “I love myself”? And the reason that I will be able to love myself is not from external sources (such as friends or accomplishments) but from within? I don’t want to think hurtful thoughts or behave in activity that is bad for me because I love myself! This forum needs to be a reminder that we are all alone and we can’t rely on others to make things better. This is not to be construed as meaning that the pain we feel will go away but it should send the message of it is time for accountability and to look at the situation straight in its filthy eyes and say I love myself and I will do my best to keep you at bay.
am just like u george …same age and no friends…infact i cal relate to almost all the posts here…it is really tough
There is a very sad, sad story about an impoverished lonely little jewish woman named Marabel Chanin.
Marabel lived in what is now called America’s new
“third world” burbs in Detroit Michigan.
She was 88 years old,
She died alone from fear and of a broken heart.
She had been an only child, without siblings.
Never married and no children. No friends either
There wasn’t anybody to make funeral arrangements.
For five months she lay in the county morgue on a cold slab.
Watch as strangers are touched and come to her funeral.
I am sorry, but this story just brung tears to my eyes and if you haven”t seen it on utube below,
please click below.
this really is sad. my hear truly goes out to those that feel like they have nobody in their lives.
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been,
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door,
Who is it for?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Father Mckenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear,
No one comes near.
Look at him working.darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there,
What does he care?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name,
Nobody came,
Father Mckenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from her grave,
No one was saved,
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
If anybody wants to chat my Skype is likearollingstone16. I’ll be more than happy to speak with someone. I’m 21 years old from New York.
Hi,
So, I’ll never be good enough(I will get more positive as this post plays out). I have few friends, even fewer family and everything seems so superficial to me. The world seems backward to me. The smart people who have interesting points of view and don’t go with the herd are the throwaways and the jocks who call people fags are the ones with the friends. This should not be.
I have completed law school and I’m studying for the bar exam in late July and this summer is actually going better than I expected. I knew it would be lonely but I didn’t know if I would like that. I have found that I like it very much. I go to a lecture starting at 9:30 in the morning until 1:30. Then I have the rest of the day to review my notes from the morning and practice some questions. It is interesting to note that during the 10 minute breaks when groups of “cool” people form, I notice solo people like myself and I talk to them which is comforting. I am not the only actor in my solo show. Back to how my summer has been playing out, thankfully, I have a park near my house and a really nice library where I can sttudy. The park is extremely nice. I can sit on a nice park bench or when the ground is not wet, put out a blanket and relax and study and “people watch”(people don’t watch me, I watch people) I may be the only one who appreciates my sense of humor..
I would venture to say that a problem that we have is not only that we don’t have friends but also that we don’t see people often enough. So, my suggestion would be that we go outside to a place where people are and just make eye contact so that we are not in the isolation of our own mind. Perhaps to a fast food restaurant with a book and order a coke to drink. People are going to be people. We can’t change others we can only try to change ourselves. I say try because results are not guaranteed. I’m thankful for the wonderful things that I have and that I have done. I am also thanful for the bad things that I have done and that have befallen on me. It is so important to keep a positive outlook on things no matter how bleak the picture may seem. This is self evident. I don’t think anyone can make a reasonable argument against that proposition. Best of luck and keep a positive attitude.
how can we be social and have friends?
Check this out on utube. This might make you some friends!
thanks for the link Leah..a very nice gesture…very nice way….but i can’t go around with poster in my country :((
I know how all of you feel, I am 25 and I used to have a small circle of friends but they moved out of state. I only had one boyfriend for four years he was like my best friend but he cheated on me and now he is married to this woman and expecting a child, he even told me he is very happy with her and never really missed me. I feel very lonely and sad I don’t have any friends I can call and talk, go out on the weekends pretty much they only thing I do is go to work and come home,I don’t have any brothers or sisters and I don’t have a really good communication with my parents since every time I tell them I feel lonely they tell me they are other things in life to worry about and there are people out there with real problems, but I think no having friends is a real problem. I consider myself a good looking person but shy is very hard for me to make new friends, people at work like me but they are older than me and are too busy with their families. I just ask God for a real friend that cares and will be always there.
That’s how most of us feel her Jennifer…i am with u.
I am a 22-y-o girl. I have health, money, beauty, a good CV, a nice family, and a lot of different satisfying hobbies I am able to practise. So why shouldn’t I be happy?
But I sometimes miss something… and I thing this something could be to spend sometimes a bit of time talking to some people I like. The truth is that I feel lonely some days, and I am never able to develop a friendship with someone.
I am friendly to people, and I have no problems with talking to them, but then I stuck myself at home and I just meet them at work or things like that (at the uni or elsewhere).
I think I have two problems.
– First one: I am really fragile and feel very decieved when someone I trusted lets me down somehow, or when I discover that this person is too selfish, or things like that. So I don’t dare to get closer to people. Maybe I ask too much from people. Maybe I am the biggest selfish. Why am I so easily hurt?
– Second one: When I meet someone who thrills me and we get closer, I usually fall in love with her or him (usually it’s her rather than him; Most times I go with boys, it’s because the girls I like never want me). So then I tell her or him. If it’s her, she puts a wall between us to keep the distance, and we aren’t close anymore. If it’s him, we have an affair and then it’s over, and we aren’t close anymore as well. That’s the way I loose the few friends I could have.
I am not trying to change this situation anymore. Now I try to feel in peace and to drift with the water, and no to fight against my feelings (I mean, against what I feel like doing).
George, I really like the way you see things, you are so positive and no matter how bad it is not to have friends you see the good side of it. By reading at some of the post I can tell that most of us are very nice and smart people by the way we express our thoughts. No having friends is very sad but we also are stronger than others and appreciated more other people. Since we also learned to be by ourselves in the future if someone does something wrong since we are stronger we can let them go and know that is better to be alone than with a bunch of fake friends or a boyfriend or girlfriend that don’t appreciate all the good things we have to give, so please everyone keep thinking positive, we are not alone God is with us and they will be better times.
thanks Amanda,
thats if you were refering to my post and not some other george,
its friday night here and i am home watching tv with my mom, she is nice but
i get very irritated sometimes because i think its your fault im here and not somewhere else more fun, but i know thats not true.
recently a girl i was crazy about dragged me backwards through a bush about ten times and i am still sore about it. she was very confident and extroverted and had loads of friends, so it was destined to come apart when she discovered i was socially challenged shall we say:)
but you know what i find it hard to imagine hanging out with a bunch of guys or girls on a regular basis because its just so alien to me…
but like everything it has to be approached in small steps and not one giant leap.
recently i find myself trying to be friendly with people in shops, then when i leave i laugh to myself cause its a bit strange
but you gotta try somethin!
someone please email me
ezsingles@gmail.com
Posted before on April 21, 2009 and once before.
What is different now? Nothing. Exact same life, even more depressing now. Where am I headed?
School ended, my outside of school activities ended. What happens now? I am stuck at home doing nothing with no one.
Where is my life really headed?
none, you can chat with me if you like. missmoss2010@yahoo.com.
Most American adults have no friends or a very limited set of friends. It is the nature of American culture and society. The attitude is keep it moving and mind your own business. American overemphasis on independence leads to a general disconnectedness to others. We are so self-absorbed in our own little lives and careers to the point that we truly don’t care about anyone else with the exceptions of a significant other and close family members. I think that we are quickly becoming an antisocial race of pod people who cocoon ourselves in our homes and tune out into the collective consciousness known as the internet.
When you’re a kid, it is easy to make friends. Remember when you were in Kindergarten and were invited to everyone’s birthday party in the whole class? But as we get older, it becomes much harder to make friends because people become more harshly cynical and judgemental of each other. Also, people constantly judge each other on superficialities based in physical appearance. This has always been a social problem for me because I am mixed and I obviously look like it. I am an outcast in American society by definition. Being multiracial, I’ve never had a natural social group. I have always been a token even when I had so-called friends to hang around. When I was in college, all of the cliques and social groups were strictly based on race, much like prison. Because of this, I wasn’t involved in any social aspects of university life and didn’t make any real friends. Even though I am tall, good-looking and well dressed, it is hard to find an attractive girl who is truly interested in me because most of the time these girls only like black guys or they only like white guys or they “stick to their own kind.” People don’t know how to feel about me because I am noticeably different.
Do you guys think the common thread here is sensitivity? It seems to me that insensitive people have close friends. I have always been told I am too sensitive and take things too personally. This makes sense to me because if you are insensitive then it will not really matter what anyone does to you. Maybe stupid people have more friends because of the same reason. I have read about many famous people being friendless.
Anyway hang in there we are important!
I am nice, and friendly with people, i smile, interact with them, even at work i always participate in group activities and workplace picnics etc. but still have no one that is friend…
u r right RL…people r insensitive and they have more friends…i always try to be genuine and am always honest …but what i have observed is that people who r insesetive not genuine, made up of, they have friends!
I think sensitivity is a factor. I also think that insensitive people don’t have friends. How can one have a friend when s/he is insenstive to that person? What is a friend? You know it when you see it. But my personal definition is that it is unity with that person. Unity of goals, unity of spirituality, unity of purpose. Sensitive people are very self absorbed. They are constantly upset about this or that. They are sensitive for their own feelings but not for those of others. I welcome other explanations of how friends are formed and what a friend is. To end of,f here is the dictionaries definition:
friend (frnd)
n.
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
5. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.
I did not look at this definition before I wrote my piece. I have friends under definition #’s 1 and 2. But I don’t have any friends with warmth and affection.
Im am 21 and have no only 3 friends. even when Im with them, I dont feel like I can be myself. At home with my mom, I say what I want, act goofy, and speak my mind, but around others, I am quite and agree with everything,and very reserved…basically known as the quite shy girl. I want to change that and act the way I really want to!! but Im aftraid that they might look a me as a poser or fake, because Ive always been quite. Im friendly and easy to get a long with, but I just cant get myself out of my shell. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I want more then anything to experience so much…parties, first kiss, being goofy with friends, and so much more!!! I put on a front that I am at peace with life and that Im content with the way things are, but the truth is…Im Not! I even have a hard time talking with family, especially cousins, I never feel like I know what to say. I am terrified that I will end up alone in life, and live a life that I wont be happy with in the end! I see myself as ugly, fat, and I tell myself so much that I am going to change, lose weight, and then Ill make lots of friends, get a boyfriend, and then Ill be happy, but I cant even drive myself to eat healthy for more then a week!I think I scared that even if I change my appereance, my confidence and happiness in life wont change! then what? I have an older brother who is married and has kids, and I see how happy that makes my parents. They probably wont say it, but I can just tell that they wonder when I will bring home someone, and start actually having life with friends! It makes me sad..more then anyone would know. Honestly, I want to be able to break out of my shell, and life life to the fullest, without taking the easy way to spare embarrassment! I just want to find myself before its too late!!!
Hey Evonia,
Don’t worry you are not alone I been feeling the same way all my life. I am 26 and I been shy all my life my sister is 26 and I always wish I was like her, she has many friends and is very outgoing. I had my first boyfriend at 22 and he made me very happy for 4 years but at the end he left me for someone else more outgoing but I keep a positive attitude that the future will be better just have faith
I had written on this blog awhile ago, and I am beginning to see that people are becoming more hopeful. That is what everyone needs who is in this situation. I wish I could say that my problem of not having friends is solved, but it hasn’t, and it looks like it won’t be for sometime. My friends left me, because they believe that drinking and partying are the answers to life, and I don’t. I stopped talking to them for awhile, when the partying was all they were willing to talk about, and that turned against, because they believed that I had become a bitch (excuse my language). And not only that, but they have taken with them my other friends too; people that they looked down upon and were disgusted by, once. I have wanted to tell my parents about everything that has been going on, but I can’t open up to them. I don’t want them to think that I am some sort of failure. It’s hard living in a society, where you must be a fake or partier to have friends.
claire
i understand totally you should never feel like you have to be at parties all the time or even be the life of the party for that matter. i notice as time passes we as people become more and more superficial you have to do this be that and it isn’t right.
Claire i totaly understand you i have expirient the same proplem.it comes a point in your life when you just stop wanting to party and stuff like that.i myself hit that point and lost all my friend but thats ok i have discoverd new things and more fun than partying like travel ore reading a good book.so just know you are not alone whit that proplem just start doing new stuff and you will see how much better it feels i know it did 4 me
Well Im 33 And Everything has turned totally opposite, I Live In South Florida And Had More Freinds then I Could Count Over 100..But now i dont even have 1 Humm..i dated 1 person for a long time and when we broke up i moved 40 minutes south wound up sleeping on the floor of a freinds house, no money no car, no job and eventually no freinds
well u see life just keep gettin better and better not only u feel lonely with no friends but also u find ur sister who actually have friends that she go out with all the time and she go out and have fun while u cant and u fell bad deep inside and every time u see ur family ur mother or father it seems on their faces that they are asking u why u dont have friends while ur sister have friends?!!! i have two questions want some answers please guys does this makes me a looser? the other question does this means that my sister is better than me or more social but keep in mind that i dont want not to have friends i want friends and my two close friends at high school dumped me after high school was over and i do my best trying to make my self a part of any activity or a place my mates at collage go and im also friendly and try to help people out when they need me or if there is anything i can do to them and my sister only have two friends (sisters) and she always go to their house all the time but they never come to our house kind like she seeks them please anyone with wisdom answer my two questions and thanks
Thanks LVS and Code, it makes me feel a lot better; knowing that there are people out there that feel the same way I do.
You don’t need company to be happy. It’s a misbelief created due to the early years of life where we are figuratively tied to an adult. We can enjoy our lives in solitude, don’t let peer pressure put you down. Some people are better off alone.
Hi
I’m a 40 yr old female who thought I had it all together. I thought I had friends, happiness etc, until last week my entire life sort of crashed.
It started when my husband and I had an argument because he tried to hook up with a girl at work. If that weren’t enough, I snooped in his email after finding this out. You know ‘they’ say ignorance is bliss? yeah. Well, when snooping in his email I saw emails from my ‘friends’ telling him how awful I am and how he should leave me. My daughter (grown) went on to tell me that ALL of my friends feel like this about me because they have told her. Then she went on to say how she agrees with them about how awful I am.
So in a matter of a week I’ve lost my husband, my daughter, and all my friends.
Knowing that they feel this way about me I can’t see ever talking to any of them again. I don’t work, so I have no other friends at work either. I’ve never felt so alone. Over the last 24 hours I’ve just been locked up in my room because I don’t want to see anyone here at the house, I’ve only went out of here long enough to go to the bathroom.
I didn’t feel that I was that awful of a person until all this happened. I always try to help others and have shared my house with friends that didn’t have anywhere to go. I’ve given money to friends and charities, and have shared nearly everything I have. I tend to talk a lot which I guess they hate too. Not anymore though, I guess if I just stay by myself I can’t irritate anyone anymore.
I guess like most others I just typed in to search ‘no friends’ and found my way here. It’s so sad reading what everyone here has said, I’ve only been going through this one week and feel really bad, I can’t imagine what some of you have felt going through this for years, I guess I’ll find out eventually though because I’m done trying to be friends with others only to have them think all this inside about me.
Maybe they are right, I’m just awful.
Well I’ve been watching this site for about a month now, and I realize alot of people post here, but I highly suggest that some of you post your email so some of us can get in contact with each other and perhaps start friendships.
HI everybody!! First of all I’m blown away by how many people feel exactly the same way that I’ve felt many times, really lonely in the world although sorrounded by many acquaintances.It’s conforting to know that I’m not the only one but at the same time is sad to see what this society it’s coming down to, I even found the following article:
Study: 25% of Americans have no one to confide in
Updated 6/22/2006 10:42 PM ET E-mail | Save | Print | Reprints & Permissions | Subscribe to stories like this
By Janet Kornblum, USA TODAY
Americans have a third fewer close friends and confidants than just two decades ago — a sign that people may be living lonelier, more isolated lives than in the past.
In 1985, the average American had three people in whom to confide matters that were important to them, says a study in today’s American Sociological Review. In 2004, that number dropped to two, and one in four had no close confidants at all.
“You usually don’t see that kind of big social change in a couple of decades,” says study co-author Lynn Smith-Lovin, professor of sociology at Duke University in Durham, N.C.
Close relationships are a safety net, she says. “Whether it’s picking up a child or finding someone to help you out of the city in a hurricane, these are people we depend on.”
Also, research has linked social isolation and loneliness to mental and physical illness.
The study finds fewer contacts are from clubs and neighbors; people are relying more on family, a phenomenon documented in the 2000 book Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam, a Harvard public policy professor.
The percentage of people who confide only in family increased from 57% to 80%, and the number who depend totally on a spouse is up from 5% to 9%, the study found. “If something happens to that spouse or partner, you may have lost your safety net,” Smith-Lovin says.
The study is based on surveys of 1,531 people in 1985 and 1,467 in 2004, part of the General Social Survey by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago.
Not everyone sees such a dire picture. People still have other friends, sociologist Barry Wellman of the University of Toronto says. “We have a lot of ties that aren’t super strong but are still pretty important.”
Why people have fewer close friends is unclear, Putnam says. “This is a mystery like Murder on the Orient Express, in which there are multiple culprits.”
The chief suspects: More people live in the suburbs and spend more time at work, Putnam says, leaving less time to socialize or join groups.
Also, people have more entertainment tools such as TV, iPods and computers, so they can stay home and tune out. But some new trends, such as online social networking, may help counter the effect, he says.
To me this is a big Red Flag that shows that regardless of all the technological advances today’s comunications, people are more and more isolated from each other but of course! we don’t need to hear about that because we alredy living and experiencing this painful “reality”…Finding this web page has also made me feel hopeful, hopeful because I know that we can find the power within us to change, cause mainly in most cases “loners” like me are in this situation because we are afraid, afraid of reaching out, afraid to open our hearts a bit more, afraid of reyection…we are all looking for the same thing, true friends,real connection, closeness, intimacy, fall deeply in love but if we don’t find courage to take a risk ,to take the plunge, to make room in our lives and hearts to welcome these new amazing people into our lives,we’ll always be wondering “what if”
AND since to SHARE is to CARE, I want to share a statement to the virtual world (that means YOU that U’ve read till here so far!)maybe it will trascend to the real world and maybe who knows even one day to the celestial and cosmic world …
That I Gissella Franco Valiente ( which btw my last names meanings are FRANK AND BRAVE!) Am worthy of great friends, wonderful people that’ll keep forever in my heart and hold great memories together, I open my heart, my mind , my soul and welcome YOU into my world which is far from perfect but maybe who knows we may be perfect for each other…I’ll call , I’ll visit
I’ll be more than happy to listen And I’ll give you tons of XOXOXOxoxoox
i see a lot of people on here are 20-21. well, im 47 and have been alone a good looong while now.im in good shape. i get out every day. looking for a female so i dont have to live and die alone! i live in daytona bch fla. and im not skeered, so, email me at: jhalder2006@yahoo.com. only thing i kinda require is for a woman im interested in to be height/ weight comparable. thing is, i kayak, lift weights, swim, bike. so im looking for someone who also takes decent care of themselves! cya, hope i get an email
I guess i’m from the other side, i CHOOSE to be alone. I’ve had some friends and currently a best friend that i’m growing out of. It’s always drama,”LISTEN TO ME” bullshit and honestly i just love being alone. I’m a loner but certainly not lonely. I keep busy reading,comics,rpgs,tv shows,biking,nature,etc
Let me tell you people, that hole you are having WILL NOT BE FILLED with having friends! Life’s problems will get bigger and you will face betrayal,jealousy,fake friends (almost 90% are fake,it’s true) and like i said they will not save you.
If you are looking for some shallow fun,friends are perfect for you! But deep emotional talking.HA! forget it.
Peace
well, funny thing is, people THINK i choose to be alone. nope! and…this is mentally very bad. BIG part of it is this friggin country, or i should say empire. its this every man for himself shite. its unnatural, not good. so, once again, friends would be great, im reallu looking for a QUALITY female though. not a drunk, or half wit. so ha, heres me email again, why not. jhalder2006@yahoo.com. course, odds are very much against me, because people complain but want to stay by themselves out of habit, fear, whatever.
I used to have friends until junior high when I first became depressed. I am now 23 and still friendless. I feel like a loser and sometimes even ask myself, “Why would anyone want to be my friend?”. I don’t date either. I think dating is scary. I’m too quiet and introverted. I get bad social anxiety still and medication does nothing for me. If it wasn’t for family I would have ended myself a long time ago.
I’d like to think I’m a good friend because I’ve always been someone who would listen so that people would have someone they could talk to and vent to and I would be the type of guy who would send e-cards not just for holidays but to see how everyone’s doing and to make sure they’re all having a good day but as much as people would tell me I’m sweet and assure me that I’m being a good friend I’ve never really had any true friends. At the most I would have classmates that I would see at school and such but that would be back in high school. I’ve never really had anyone I could hang out with or even treat to a movie. I was never invited to parties and such. It doesn’t help that now thanks to the internet people can play video games without even needing to be in the same room. I’m 26 and I don’t even know anyone at my college yet. I knew some people in high school but no one kept in touch unless being added to facebook counts. I was bullied in elementary school but although I could remember the name of the person who defended me, years later in high school I don’t think he would have even remembered he defended me or what my name was as I never did hear from him again. School also puts pressure on me in other ways. Many people my age are already finished school and you tend to need to be finished school to get a good job, which is needed to impress people these days. What hurts the most is that I had a best friend in grade 7 but I accidentally pushed her away because I was scared she was going to become popular and then ditch me. I have older sisters who are already married so I feel the pressure from myself as well as from others to be liked. I know some people on the internet that like me but many of them don’t live close enough and more importantly I think the real reason they like me is because they tend to have drama in their lives and I tend to be the only nice guy there for them as if I were their only choice for a potential boyfriend. After reading several posts I envy a lot of you because many of you have at least been in a relationship whereas I’ve never had a girlfriend my whole life. I get depressed for having no friends but I find the feeling of loneliness worse as at least depression can be substituted with anything that makes me happy whereas there’s no way around accepting being alone. I’ll leave an e-mail address because even if you couldn’t cheer me up it would mean a lot to me to be able to cheer you up and it’s nice to have some genuine people to talk to.
Yeah I found this page by googling “no friends.”
I was fairly introverted as a kid, partly because my interests tended to be arts related.I tended to be satisfied with that-and that I had few friends and hardly ever went anywhere. Anyone I did have a close relation to were not from the area. I tended to be very anxious as a kid, and I also looked 10 years younger than I was so that also contributed to my difference form others. As high school was ending I began to realize I had a problem, although I was as much worried about pursuing my artistic interests as I was about a social life. I assumed one would lead to the other. Well, it didnt. I couldnt get into a school that I had picked to pursue my interests. For a few years it haunted me thinking that I had missed out on a good thing that would have helped me socially as well as career wise. Now I know it probably wouldnt have helped. I went through a period of extreme isolation where my only social contacts were immediate family. I tried counselling, psychologists, even psychiatry. I did meet people to pursue some art related freelance work but they were many years older than me with little in common and it never lasted.I tried various kinds of personals, eventually I made one friend through an ad-but she moved away after two years to get married and when she finally returned, divorced, she had really changed-and she disappeared on me. I think in a sense she had been using me, and its hard to accept the fact that while I had regarded her as my best friend, the feeling wasnt mutual. She also was on prozac and that may have contributed to her change. As it stands I am almost 39, I have tried using mutual interest activities to create friends but have not been successful. Volunteering, courses, everything short of getting drunk in a bar. One time I took a course on marketing yourself and a guest speaker said that people should look to their friends for help and I joked that i had no friends and she looked at me like Iw as from the moon and said: you have no friends???
It really disturbed me. There may have been a few missed opportunities (although they were more like one night stands and never felt like a good idea or anything that would last) but in general I always tried to seize any opportunity even if I was afraid. I tended to attract crazies and hostile people. I have been told I am attractive, well spoken, charismatic, and that it is hard to believe I could be introverted with little social contact(right now I have some internet friends I have never met who live in other places and a family member. A point will probably come soon when I am alone-at that stage I think i could be pushed to a final option unless my health deteriorates-at this stage my metabolism has slowed down considerably-I know its situation related more than age because when I had some false hope it sped up).
We had a pet but he died after 17 years and it ripped a hole inside me so i wont do that again-especially when no one would be there to take care of it if something happens to me. My main social outlet is feeding wildlife that visits my balcony.
Not having any sort of social life(never had a girlfriend either)as you reach 40 is not a fun experience. It affects your thinking as others have mentioned. You do have a lack of confidence. When i was 22 I was bitterly angry to see people in groups-friends, couples etc. I am not bitter now, just resigned to it. I think its like a lottery. Some people win, others dont, and its just one of those things in life. Luck has a lot to do with it. Right place at the right time. On the other hand you may have a perfect friend and they get hit by a car.
I still have my art, and i have had some modest success from time to time, but the sense of joy is gone, partly due to the depression I have from circumstances. Not enjoying my work is the worst of all since it was all I had in my solitude. Seeing that others have similar problems(and a few who have never had relationships at all) at least reduces the feeling that I am a complete anomaly. Misery loves company.
@Lonely (July 29th 2009): You didn’t leave your email address. You can add mine though: disclosed_83@hotmail.com
I meant to but forgot right before posting. It’s yoursanyday@hotmail.com
i got many fren but they all no fren me i always like a selfish girl i don no i do wrong wat they all no fren me i so sad now can u help me
I see so many similarities in the comments here. I was reluctant to comment myself but thought I would add to the long list. The funny thing is that this is not even a forum for people in our situation, it’s just accumulation of people drawn here by google searches, mine was “I have no friends”.
I am 25, I started to notice the lack of friends after getting married when I was 21. I joined the military when I was 19, before that I had friends that I grew up with who I thought were very close. We had our “crew” and I naively thought that we would be friends for the rest of our lives.
After joining the military I was soon stationed in Germany where I met my wife, she was in the military as well, we have 2 children since our marriage in 2005. So the family part of my life is there fortunately enough, however, there is still the empty void of not having a close friend to share the deep aspects of life with.
Eventually after 3 years in Germany and no calls from friends the entire time, it seemed the old crew was fading. Last year I got out of the military and am now living back in my old hometown, the group of guys that I grew up with are all still living around the town, however, they are also all still single.
Upon coming back to my town I would get together with all of them a few times all up until this past March, but I noticed a trend. Every time we got together alcohol was the focal point. If we weren’t drinking together, than the connection just wasn’t there. So in reality these guys just wanted to partake in the fake worldly garbage and just have fun all the time. I never felt like I could be myself around them, they never asked “hey man how is the wife and kids?” They just didn’t know how to identify with me anymore, and honestly I was getting sick of trying to identify with them. Going out to clubs and getting drunk and talking about the next new materialistic piece of junk was more important than substantial talk about meaningful things. Also, any other talk was focused in the past and how fun it was, other than the past our present identity seemed to not matter or be relevant. Now saying that, I understand that you cannot be serious and talk about meaningful, important, life related subjects all the time, but when everything is focused on the past and things of no meaning constantly, than what is there?
The last straw for me was this past June, I went to another party (go figure) with these guys, it was my friends house party. I remember driving there with a good anticipation, thinking that maybe this time we will have an awesome time. As I arrived the reality of the situation started to sink in, I was happy to see everyone, but suddenly my one friend left quickly without even saying goodbye, than my “bestfriend” left with his new friends to go clubbing. I was there an hour before he left, and was quite irritated as I thought we would finally get the chance to genuinely catch up, have some laughs and talk about life. After he left the only person in the party I new was my friend that was throwing the house party, the rest of the individuals were his new friends that he accumulated in my absence, which is perfectly normal and fine. However, these people made no effort to introduce themselves to me, I felt invisible and soon desired to leave. So I left and haven’t seen those guys since, nor really talked to any of them. My friends just can’t relate to my situation anymore it seems.
I desire a friend in my same circumstances, who can just go and do something with me without drinking, someone who understands the values and beliefs that I have, and someone who reciprocates. I know that if I had a situation of trouble I could never call any of those guys because they were never there when I was gone, it was always me contacting them.
The hardest part for me was losing my best friend, we grew up since the third grade joined the military together, and now look at us, living two completely different lives. We don’t even know each other anymore, just 4-5 years ago we would discuss everything with each other. It was one of those friendships where we knew each other so well that if we were sitting quietly we would know what the other was thinking.
Now, I know from reading some of the posts on here that my situation is not as bad as some others, however, I think we all know how it feels to be lonely, or to feel that void of not having someone who genuinely takes interest in who YOU are, none of this fake stuff but simply you. Saying that, I don’t think we should ever have to change ourselves in order to have friends. We may need to be more open, but that openness should be met with reciprocation, conversation and sharing goes both ways, and if someone is continually disconfirming to you than they obviously don’t care who you are as a person.
However, we have to remain hopeful, I am planning on finding a good church to go back to, and hopefully finding some other guys there who can understand me and my situation. I have had plenty of “friends” in the drinking/bar/partying scene, but guess what, when you stop doing all of that stuff they are no longer there for you. It’s all superficial. Like I said after getting married the partying stopped and the concern for being hip and up to date stopped, because guess what that stuff doesnt matter, it’s all vanity, dust in the wind. What we need here in this life is true friends who will be there when you need them and when they need you, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and intellectually. What we need is a confidant, a person to love like a brother, or sister, a person who knows your body language to a T, a person who can laugh at the things you laugh at, a person who you can just sit quietly with.
It’s true we all live in this modern world of fragmentation, the technology that was originally created to connect us has caused us to become more disconnected, ironic isn’t it?
I will take this time that I have now without friendship and get closer to God. Maybe that’s what this time is for. He saw me and the way I was around my “friends” and was not happy with the drinking and partying. So maybe he separated me from that element to allow me to grow. I just have to trust and hope that he has a friend out there for me, and that he is just molding me to become more firm in my convictions before sending me back out into the world of friendship. You see, friends need to accept you for who you are, and the the convictions you hold in your heart. I will maintain hope, and try not to be cynical because its so easy to fall into that. I sometimes cringe when I see the groups of friends having so much “fun” together, I want that, but what I don’t want is for it to be fake. Because what I had before was fake. True friends stick it out, and if they change or you change lifestyles so be it, they should still be your friend no matter the difference. Even though my “best friend” is single and lives the single lifestyle doesnt mean he cant attempt to understand my situation, I understand his and have went to him in every circumstance, however he never went to me. He never congratulated me on the birth of my daughters, never even came to see them or my house here. He has not made the effort to understand me, he has not reciprocated, therefore, he is not my friend. He doesnt care about my life, but he is all for it when I take interest in his. If I talk to him the conversation is about him, if I start talking about my life he does not respond or changes the subject. Therefore, I have let him go. It’s a painful process, but what choice do I have?
Maintain hope everyone, I would say start to talk to God now in this loneliness, get back to basics. Jesus is always there for us, and promises and promises to never leave our side. Start there and ask him to give you a friend in life, one that truly cares about you and one who will uplift you in the right ways. I will leave you all with this.
The Great Commission Matthew 28:16-20
Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Seek first the kingdom of God and all else shall be added on to you, yes even friendship.
God bless, Dan
Hey. I just recentyly left a very abusive realtionship. There are charges sill pending and I am awaiting the trial date to take place in March. I was in the relationship for four years. During that time I was isolated from all my friends and family and now I am all alone dealing with the loss all on my own. I am in so much emotional pain and going to therapy.
I have never felt so alone and lost. How do i go about making new friends. My old friends do not want anything to do with me because i kept running back to the abuse after all the help they tried to give me. my self esteem is low yet I am working on the best I can.I workout watch what I eat, I figure tha is a start. First the body then the mind.
If there is anyone out there who can relate to my story and would like to be my friend my e mail is weiner2009@live.ca I am thirty five and female I live in kitchener Waterloo Ontario please send me your thoughts and experiences I would love to hear from you.
I have been reading these web posts and would like to join the lonely community. I seem to have a hard time making and maintaining friendships. I am not looking for romantic love or commitment. I would just like to develop some friendships ( male or female) for mutually satisfying intellectual/emotional/humorous/honest conversations I can’t seem to find anywhere. Please respond to this web site as I am new and I am unsure about giving out my web site as of yet. Thank all you folks who are honest enough to share your feelings as I am seeing I am not alone.
Hey lonely ass…Im a lonely ass myself.
i would be happy to hear from you. We are not alone obviously.
I hope you conact me.
I feel so lonely, I had friends in HS but now they are married and happy while I’m alone. I had a bf I was very happy when I was with him I felt I didn’t need friends but he left me for another woman. Now I feel lonely I don’t have any friends besides I stopped calling the friends I had because I don’t want them to feel bad for me because my bf left me and somehow I used to feel jelaous of how they used to tell me how wonderful their husbands were and how happy they felt, while I was miserable. I keep asking myself if all of my x friends can be happy why not me? I know there is a saying you make your own happines, but how you can be happy when you have no friends, I am very shy too so is very hard for me to open up to strangers. When I used to be with my x I could wait for the weekend to be with him, now I can care less if the weekend is here or not, I want to go out and enjoy life but with who is so difficult.
Dan, why are you feeling lonely? At least you have a wife and children that care for you, you shouldn’t feel that way you have the love of your family, what else do you need.
Here’s my email.
kg2006 (at) mail.com
Wanted to add that its probably harder to make real friends then find “girlfriends or boyfriends” since the system is set up better for that.
Very few “just friends” sites.
There should be a website forum for people with no friends. There could be a section where people discuss their isolation, and other sections where people discuss hobbies or whatever.
And someone said you dont need people to be happy. that can be true. But social isolation can affect the brain. on the other hand, bad encounters with people can do the same or worse.
I have a question for you guys and anyone can reply. I have been friendless for quite a while now. I’m 42 and almost 43. I have been trying to make friends by replying to ads on craigslist. So far I haven’t had much luck. Today, I’m going to meet a guy who is interested in playing tennis. My question is: Is it better to be honest and tell someone that you don’t have friends right now, but you are looking to meet new people? Or is better to lie and say that you do have friends, but you are looking to make new ones? My experience in the past has been that if people know you don’t have any friends, they will think you are a “loser” or a parriah and not want anything to do with you. I have posted here before, but it’s been a while. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. My e-mail is joshua825@gmail.com. Best of luck to all of you.
Josh
On Friday the love of my life got married is been three years now since he broke up with me, he moved on with his life and is happy with someone else, doesn’t probably even remember anymore, I don’t have anyone I can call for her besides I don’t want to talk to my family about it since is been three years I should be over him by now, why I can’t move on with my life and be happy like he did, it hurts so much.
I have been a loner most of my life, I used to be very outgoing and sociable as a child, but as during high school i lost all my confidence and became extremely self concious.I was became petrified of ridicule so i left school and ever since i have been locked inside my own little world in my head.
i seem to be getting worse as i get older, the older i get it seems the farther i drift from society.
I have tried everything, trying to be cool and aloof, trying to be enthusiatsic and interested, and even tried being myself whoever that is, but it seems friends are alotlike money you got to have some to make some.
I have had endless conversations with my mom about me being too sensitive and self concious but its like telling a giraffe he’s too tall. it seems almost impossible to change and relax around people, i just cant, i have chronic social anxiety, i gave up alcohol and joined aa just to try and make friends but it aint happening there either, Im at my wits end.
my ex girlfriend was remained my bestfriend after we broke up but i knew it was not really a healthy situation. recently she met a guy, we went to u2 concert together and he texted her, i got very sulky and that was enough for her, she called me every name under the sun and said to never contact her again.
so im feeling a bit sorry for myself, i am thinking fuck it im going to go out and get shit faced.
I feel for every one on here and i dont usually feel anything for mankind because as soon as people mention their friends they have lost me, i cant identify, but at least i can empathise with all you guys, I hope everyone finds some comfort from their lonliness, life can be hard.
To Dianne,
Dianne, with all due respect, a man needs other men or buddies apart from his family, they offer a different perspective, a place to vent. It’s the same with women, women need other women to vent to and express their concerns with, surely you can understand this?
DanG25, yes I understand this and I’m not pointing at you all I am saying is that at least you have a wife and kids, by reading at some of the posts in here I see that others including me don’t even have a significant other to rely on, I come home from work to be lonely I wish I have a special someone in my life at least.
Diana,
I understand how that lonliness can be, I felt that way for two years before I met my wife, and I know that is not that long of a time in comparison to what others here have experienced. And you are right I should not take for granted what I have been given. I hope that you do find someone special that can love you for who you are. I will keep you in my prayers, I dont know if that means anything to you, but, I will do it anyways.
– Dan
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32292246/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/
hey read this story, sooooo sad
for all parties involved, what a loser this dude is
but creepy how similar is life is to ours
another shit day in my life. turned 21 today and no calls, no friends as usual. pathetic existance. BIG 21!
Happy Birthday Chris! Don’t feel bad. I just turned 21 this past December 16 and didn’t do a darn thing that day, except eat some pizza lol I even posted that day on this forum. Its occasion’s like these that are the hardest for people like us with no friends.
Dan, Thank you for your words, I have a son with my ex and I thank God everyday for him, I hope I could find someone who is nice and can love my son too. My ex of six years left me to married someone else but life goes on everything happens for a reason maybe there is someone better for me out there. I think people in here are way too negative that doesn’t help at all, think positive and you attract good things but if you guys keep feeling bad you aren’t getting anywhere. Just thank God for the good things you have right now, sometimes I see people that can’t walk, see, have a brain disease and they aren’t complaining about life. Besides I learned one thing is better to be alone than having a million of fake friends around you.
wow…feel like shit I put up a post a week ago and it is no longer there. I have no family or friends..I am feeling the effects very much. Now this.
Christine? There is a post on Aug 1st. Maybe that’s the one. I feel for you. I hope things will get better for you.
really amazed to read all your comments im 47 yrs old and as each year goes by my confidence drains away. people just dont want to know me im married with 2 kids whom i love to bits but in the outside world i feel a freak but the worst part is i seem to accept it im not bad looking quite literate but when i speak to anyone they look at me like im from mars! but what can you do? just carry on i suppose. remember you are not alone you are all my friends bless you all.
hmmmm. Perhaps we feel unlovable? Such that we are not worthy of having friends? Read the book “Loose Girl” a memoir of promiscuity, by Kerry Cohen. Very powerful book which gave me alot to think about in terms of relationships and self awareness. pappelbon@yahoo.com
John, I’m sorry to tell you this but I think you need HELP asap, normal people don’t do or post stuff like that to everybody to see, I don’t think anybody cares about your private life.
Well, Sarah, I am really sorry, but not everyone has the financial resources to afford help. I am only a 16-year-old without a job or parents that I feel comfortable talking to. Also, I thought that talking about your private life was the point of this beautifully impromptu cantata of loneliness. I did not think that the point of this was to be normal. I am very lonely with no friends—a problem that has plagued me since childhood. For me, this also expresses itself sexually. I was trying to convey this, in some small way, to the world: my hidden secret. I apologize for offending you, but I felt that the cathartic atmosphere of the above comments forfeited the rules of formality. I did not go into the sex, which would have been inappropriate.
In my view, sex and related concepts are not offensive. They are when you put a body part into a body cavity—more if you make it more, less if you make it less. It is not inherently offensive. You may disagree on this point, which I respect. However, I think that you, and whoever deleted the post, should respect my view by allowing me to repost my message, or at least a (subtly) edited version
Forever and Always,
John Doe/Smith/Jones/etc.
John, I’m very sorry I didn’t know you were that young, I though you were an old pervert man, but at your age is normal to feel this way about sexuality. I think that if you are going tru this you should let at least let your parents know, there are also different programs with free counseling that could help you is worst if you keep it to yourself, in these days people are more open about homosexuality and I’m sure that if you live your life without hiding who you are and what you like you will be alot more happy.
I guess posting on here can be cathartic in a way. I’ve posted before. I think for those that come here to cast judgements on others, you should reconsider. You never really know anyone until you have walked in their shoes. I think we are all just searching for other souls to ease the pain of being a lone all the time. Today is my birthday and once again I will spend it by myself. Enough said.
Best to all.
happy birthday josh…..dont worry about it, i havent celebrated my birthday since i was probably 4th grade
i disable the birthday function on facebook because im embarrassed that nobody would wish me a happy birthday
last birthday i had my mom wanted to celebrate it bless her soul she jus wants me to be happy she’s seen me unhappy for so long
i told her to just pretend it didnt happen becuase there’s nothing to celebrate
life without friends ur dead already…that’s the way i feel……….even if i was a big doctor without friends i might as well be a crackhead sleeping on a park bench
30/male. The last freind I had was when I was 20 & girlfreind when I was 17. (wow its incredibly depressing to admit that.) I allways thought it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo, when I read or hear people talk about someone subconsiously doing things. But just now as Im reading all these posts. I realized I really have been pushing any possble freinds away. All my old freinds used to miss me like crazy and give me there numbers but I just didnt call them. Now its been so long Im accually scared to run into them. For that matter maby I should try to admit to myself Im scared about life. in general.
well I wont ramble, there is enough love in my heart for a million people, even if they dont feel it.
dont know if anyone agrees but certain folks like us can have friends BUT WE have to do all the running. We could easily call someone we know and offer to go out we will drive of course and maybe buy a couple of drinks you get the picture. what im trying to say is some people attract other to them they dont have to make the running but others have to make all the running. I personally cant be bothered anymore and i think that goes for most of us on this page the whole thing just wears you down dont you think.
@ Elijah- I agree, many of us perhaps don’t want to, or for some reason are unable to do the running. Or when you did have freinds they did all the running without you reciprocating.
It certainly wears me down too, but I find alot of solace is being extra kind to strangers ie. allways holding the door open or helping them when they drop something, things like that.
Google search: help i live in montpellier and i have no friends!
Spent an hour writting a response, very very similar to y’alls. But then I thought, it’s just going to be another example to add to this wall of wails.
I think what may be a solution, and I’m going to get started with it tomorrow morning, is to throw yourself out there into the world. Do as much as you can. Basically put yourself on the line for things to happen. It’s not you that’s looking for friends, you’re just doing whatever you’re doing, but those actions will happen outside your four walls, and they will affect other people whether you realize it or not, and that will increase the chances of you meeting someone interesting by a ten-fold at least! It’s not proven, I just came up with it, but it’s blatantly obvious isn’t it?
Look, to evade my shitty life I play a single computer game called World of Warcraft and I can tell you, it totally evades you. Start playing and you look at the watch again and five hours have passed! It is the shittiest, most mind-numbing, frustrating, demoralizing game you’ll ever play (don’t even think about it!), but, it’s total evasion guaranteed. Well my friends. It’s time. I’m not saying quitting it completely, because extremes are bad, but daily outside activites (besides work) must take up your time!
If this works, I’ll be sure to post back my success, if it doesn’t, I’ll be sure to post my wailing again!
Hope nobody is offended, wailing and crying is good, and I am totally for it. It’s what we’re doing here and it feels good, it’s a step forward.
I’ve felt perma-lonely since I was a little girl. I was a bright, creative, outgoing kid who couldn’t leave a conversation without making a friend. I never did experience anything traumatic as a kid but one day I woke up and couldn’t fathom that I deserved a shred of love or decency. I’ve been living with this frame of mind for 13 years now and I’m almost 23. I’ve managed to destroy all of my relationships… with family, friends and boyfriends. The boyfriend I have now told me that I don’t deserve to be treated lovingly. I don’t completely understand why…I may not feel that I’m deserving of anything good, but I have never stopped being compassionate and friednly to others. Oddly enough, I like people and wish I could relate to them, but I’ve become someone I can’t relate to. I miss people and I miss myself. I’ve tried therapy, hypnotism, meds, majoring in psychology, meditation, every renowned self-help book… My life has been centered on filling this strange void. I’m hopeful but exhausted. Hoping that I can find myself and that someone will give me the opportunity to be a good friend.
Vince,
Thanks for the well wishes, I appreciate it. I agree you do kind of become faceless in a way. Life becomes in a way just going through the motions as opposed to actually living when you have no friends.
Elijah,
I also agree with you. Any friends I have made in life were either through school/college or through work. I think it definitely gets harder if you are single and you reach middle age or older. It just becomes more difficult because most married people want to be with other couples and as a guy, single guys are less interested in friendships. It’s kind of funny when you mentioned how exhausting it can be to maintain friendships. I agree that for me at least the last few years, it seems to have been more of a chore than something I enjoy to maintain friendships. In my opinion, friendships have to be built around some common interest or common likeness, otherwise what’s the point. I definitely think some people just have it a lot easier because they naturally attract other people and people want to be their friends.
Xef,
I also agree with you. In the end, all we can do is try and do something different then the day before. It certainly can’t hurt. There is one guarantee. If you do the same thing every day without trying something different, it is pretty much a given that nothing in your life will change including meeting new people.
“Oddly enough, I like people and wish I could relate to them, but I’ve become someone I can’t relate to. I miss people and I miss myself. I’ve tried therapy, hypnotism, meds, majoring in psychology, meditation, every renowned self-help book… My life has been centered on filling this strange void. I’m hopeful but exhausted. Hoping that I can find myself and that someone will give me the opportunity to be a good friend.” Very well said especially “I miss myself”.
Labor Day weekend- nobody to do something with, how pathetic? I’m sorry for spoiling the mood……
Aww you guys make me feel so much better about things! I am 27 and have one friend. I thought it was my fault, people DO tell me I’m weird and crazy, so I figured I really am and that’s why I can’t make friends and people aren’t interested in me. However, I’ve always kept in the back of my mind that most people I come accross are extremely shallow, and like many of you have said, only care about alcohol. There’s so much more to life than beer pong, yet I can’t find anyone around me who agrees with that sentiment. I’m pretty, I’m in shape, I support myself, I’m very nice, smart, funny.. I don’t know how I manage to be so unlikeable to the average person. I grew up moving from country to country so for a while I figured that was part of my being weird nowadays. What I remember of my past friends, overseas, is that people had many more values, virtues, and culture than what I find today in AZ. Really really sad in my humble opinion. I just want a group of friends who care about more than video games and getting wasted every weekend. I’m so lonely and want to know where the ‘good’ people are. Thanks to all of you, though. I definitely don’t feel so alone now. BTW-It was my birthday less than a month ago and I didn’t do anything lol. Embarrassing for sure when people ask how my birthday was:)
One more thing – I completely agree with the “I miss myself” comments. I am not who I used to be at all. Once I was bubbly and happy and positive and ambitious. I suppose feeling like an alien creature for 8 years can wear on a person. I don’t know who I am anymore and that’s one of the saddest parts for me.
“I suppose feeling like an alien creature for 8 years can wear on a person”.—- Do you really? I can’t imagine why feeling rejected, disdained and like a complete outsider would wear on a person’s ability to function in society….. This is how I deal with society these days, I’m cruel with cynicism. I also find that I am unable to deal with anyone who is not a complete push over. When someone says something that threatens me or that seems to be trying to stand up for themselves I lose my composure. Ahhh, I just love this existence. Inhale, take a good breath of that air and keep plugging away by yourself. Whomever is running the world and makes the rules hasn’t taken the air away from us yet……
Gee… im losing hope here. Im soon 15 and i have no real close friends. It kills me when i see how many ppl i know are so close to eachother. I’ve never had a b-day party cuz im afraid no1 would show up or that they have better things to do. I never get invited to the simpeliest shopping sprees or even when their going to the cinema. Oh did i mension that i have a twin sister? she has everything i want put im to stuck up to tell her or anyone. I dont want to loose my pride that way, cuz im sorta sure that she hates me.
I switched class in 7th grade in an a brand new school, after a month or so i started skipping class more often cuz i dint related to ppl, i was always the one that was being chosen last at a PE lesson and i would get piteying looks. And of all that it got worse and ppl thought that i was missing my sister, but i wasnt i was glad that i didnt have them -mom&sister- around all the time. So.. next day i found out that i got swicthed to my siters clas in order to hope that i wouldnt skip. But it got all worse, i did make some ”clasmates” in that class that eventually would talk to me sometime and sit with me during lunch, but over all my siter hated that i switched to her class and would all the time bring it up in arguments that im a ”lone wolf” and that i wanted to steal her friends and all that. so in order to get her to shut up my dear mother bought her a new macbook computer.
so now im in 9th grade, my grades are so poor that im pretty sure that im going to end up as a hobo or something. but my teacher told me that i still could work my way up if i really want to. cuz i think that im smart and a good debater. but the problem is that i lack motivation, i have no idea what i want to do with my life, and yet im surrunded by ppl that now what they want. im so confused and lonely and depressed and in 1 point i started cutting my self. i still do it somettimes but im pretty thats not the way, i can never show myself in shorts again.
i still have alot to tell but ican see that my post is getting ridiculosly long, im sorry- x
Hey Lily,
I wanted to write to you, because I used to see a lot of what you’re describing in yourself…in me.
I had to laugh as I was thinking back on the times I would get so mad, hurt and angry at myself and the world around me that I’d act out. I remember the pain in the ass “perfect” sibling whose shadow hung over my head (and my parents never let me forget it). I remember feeling that my real personality is just outside of everyone else’s understanding. I was lonely, angry and bitter…hating and hurting myself more and more everyday.
Every choice you make is for a reason…yes, even the choices that hurt you. Sounds completely insane..”Why would anyone intentionally hurt themselves when they’re forced to live in their own skin??” People are not as simple as that…look at the sadly high rates of depression…if you didn’t have to work at happiness…everyone would be happy.
Firstly, you totally deserve to be truly happy…as happy as you can imagine. You also deserve every single thing you want right now. I’ve come to see that when we listen to what we’re told we’re “supposed” to be, we lose the best part of ourselves. My best advice to you is the best advice I’ve stumbled upon for my own self… You know all of the obtrusive, unwelcome demands that you get bombarded with from society, cliques at school, the media, and even the harsh voice you talk to yourself with? Actually listening to and caring about that nonsense WILL make you feel inadequate, depressed and useless if you let them become more important than whatever it is you want for yourself.
If you don’t know what you want for yourself…you absolutely WILL…if you stop being abusive to yourself, Lily. Would you ever tell a friend you cared a lot about that they shouldn’t have a birthday party because no one would come?? Would you ever cut your best friend? Then NEVER purposely cut your own skin. Treat yourself like your very best friend, and you’ll become your best friend. You’ll also become much more likeable to others (that’s how it works when you like yourself).
But in all reality, screw what everyone else thinks…if your sister doesn’t want you in her class…so what? If you get picked last for a team, I promise you won’t remember that when you’re in your 20s…Once you discover happiness in who you are, you can laugh off being voted the ugliest, stinkiest most dumb-faced looser on the entire planet. Not giving a damn because you’re secure enough with yourself is empowering, isn’t it?
I started feeling a lot better almost as soon as I started keeping a journal, where no matter how crappy my day or life was going I only allowed myself to write down 5 things I was thankful for whether they were about myself, my family, my life….
It is just a fact embedded in human nature that everyone suffers from the same feelings you do. When you’re on your own team instead of fighting against yourself, life is less of a battlefield.
There’s really more than enough destructive wars going on in this world, please don’t wage war on the most private, intimate and important place in your world; your own head.
Angelina, I want to thank you for what you wrote it really helped me a lot. I was always very shy during school years and people always used to picked on me and laugh, I was always too scare to defend myself that I never did anything, now I wish I could go back to put all those people that hurt me in their place. My mom threw me a party once and only family went because I didn’t have anybody to invite. Now I’m 30 and during my life I only had one boyfriend for four year who left me for someone else, is been like two years and I still care about him while he is already with someone else. I don’t know I always try to stay positive thinking happiness will come to me one day, and I will find someone who will love me just the way I’m but then my past keeps hunting me and again I get sad and feeling bad about myself.
o my i cant believe there are actually people like that with noone. i mean i didnt kno the world could be so cruel thats so sad. i pray for all of you
I didnt realise that there are so many more people in the same situation as me..you always feel like your the only one..
When i was 16-18 i was so popular and was out all the time socialising, partying, going out ect..loving life..and now i never go out at all, apart from to go to work..i hate it..im so lonely and down all the time..the worst thing is having nobody to even talk to..im nearly 20 years old and wasting my life away on doin nothing, these should be the best years of my life but i hate them..i dont have one friend left, mainly due to people drifting away after college etc and also because rumours about me went about and everybody chose to believe them..iv lost all my confidence, most of my bubbly personality and dont even know how i can start over. i considered moving but cant even afford the cheapest of places right now..iv had nobody for just over a year now..i miss clubbing and the socailising aspect the most..i went out once on my own and never again, it was horroble until i was so out of it i didnt care about anything..im just so fed up of being in on my own all the time..just want to be happy again and get back out and doing the things i love.
Your not the only one amy, I wish you the best life has to offer.
I have never had a friend in my life. Now in my early 20’s (21) I realize the strength you can get from friendships. However I still can not find anyone to be friends with. I just don’t know what to.
i have never had a friend either. cant wait to die.:)
Angelica,
Thank you.. that helpt alot. I hope your right (I kinda already know you are). I started to keep a journal, it got better really. instead of maybe intentionally cut myself on something, i write it down. I would possibly die if anyone read it.
I guess your right, im not going to be surronded by those in school 4ever and im thankful 4 that, even if their the most obnixous son of a bitches in the world they still want me to ”be a part of their class” or whatever. but i know i dont fit in. when i start 10th grade (u switch school here in Sweden) some ppl say that u could start over and meet new ppl. I hope i do.
Angelica, thansk that was truly inspiring your the best.
x
If anyone lives in NYC and is interested in chatting or hanging out with a friendless soul who is non judgmental hit me up. pappelbon@yahoo.com
hello there,
will there ever be an end to this utter loneliness? i have lived my life for the last 15 years without anyone i can call a real friend. god, i must be cursed.
hi everyone its me again gotta tell you i work for a large company with over 500 people there and i feel bloody invisable! people walk past me like im not there if i talk to someone have a chat when i see em a few weeks later hey presto they walk past like they dont know me its wierd. can anyone relate to this i really get sick of folks pretending they havent seen me! o.k im gonna stop moaning now and have a few beers and drink to us all remember you are not alone. xxxxx
elijah it’s not that ppl are purposefully trying to ignore you, this type of thing happens to everybody all the time
it’s just that ppl who have friends dont notice it and it doesnt mean anything to them
to us, since we want to make connections so bad, every little percieved slight has that much more of an impact
every person you talk to becomes so important whereas to most ppl it wouldnt mean anything
trust me i know this symdrome
To God/Mother Mary/Buddha/Whom-it-may-concern,
I have a question.
Why am I alone?
I don’t feel like I have any friends.
Am I a bad person? Do I smell bad? I don’t think so.
Is it because I am selfish? Arrogant? That’s not what people say.
People tell me that I’m a pleasant boy. My teachers say that I have good communication skills. That means that I can talk to people. So why do I not have anyone to talk to?
Is it the world I live in? Or is it my fault?
Am I alone with this problem?
I cross every birthday knowing that no one will remember my birthday. No one bothers to buy me presents or make it a special event. I spent my 21st birthday with my family, who love me very much.
My mum tells me that family matters the most. Does it?
Why does the TV tell me something different?
Why do I wake up everyday knowing that if I died today, nobody would mourn my passing. Society will continue to function without me. My friends will continue their life as they normally do. Class will carry on without me. No one will miss me.
My world really doesn’t need me does it?
Where are all my friends? I am a sociable person. I am active in organising activities in my school, I play sports. I have project groups. I have classmates. I have random people that I say hi too as I pass them by along the corridor.
But where are all my friends?
I have no one to turn to in an emergency. I have no one to talk to when a girl breaks my heart. I have no one to listen to me when I want to unload my troubles.
Where are all my friends?
I tried making new friends. I join clubs, church activity groups and constantly meet new people. I love new experiences. With every person I meet, I feel like I know more people. I feel like I am one step closer to finding a friend.
One step closer.
Everyday, a step closer.
Everyday, I wake up full of hope.
Everyday, I end up disappointed. Hurt.Troubled. Disturbed. Stressed. Angry. Vexed.
Where are all my friends?
I am so lonely. I have no one.
Will you be my friend?
Me and my boyfriend of 3 years just broke up, and he was my only friend. Now it’s just me and my one year old daughter. I have no friends to do anything with, and I am angry and sad. I constantly wonder what did I do to deserve such lonliness and solitude? What did I do? I believe in God and I know that He has a plan for me, and I also know that when this life is over, I will be in Heaven and never have to experience sadness again.But what do I do until then? Am I suppose to live an unhappy lonely life until it ends?I have had a lot of hardships in my past, and I feel like I have suffered enough for a lifetime. Is a few friends or some loyal companionship too much to ask for? I just want to be happy.
Hi sad, I know how you feel the same happened to me my bf of 5 years was my only friend and left me for someone is been a year now, believe me it gets better with time. I have a two year old son I try to go out with him and be busy he makes me happy. Your daughter is all what you need to be happy I know sometimes you feel like going crazy because you have nobody to talk or that cares about you but you need to be strong for her.
Wow, I never thought I would ever find my way back to this site. I wrote my little tirade here a little more than year ago. I’m 21 now, and things really haven’t changed all that much since I last posted
I found a few casual acquaintances, but I get to see them once a week if I’m lucky. Whenever I do it’s usually just to watch them play video games (yes, I don’t even play with them, just watch) or get drunk. I also recently found a job, which is nice from a financial point of view, but still provides me with no reliable friendships. I have tried to form study groups with several of the people in my lecture classes, but every time I do I get stood up. I am never given a reason why. They simply fall off the face of the earth and I never see them again.
My parents will be coming to visit me in a few weeks. I’ve been calling them now on a regular basis literally because I have no one else to talk to. I haven’t seen my sister or her boyfriend in months. No, I won’t bother calling her. I have nothing of any worth to offer her anymore except a bad cup of coffee in exchange for the half a tank of gas it takes to drive up to where I live. Besides, she’ll just ask me, as she always does, if I’m gay because I haven’t found a girlfriend yet.
It’s gotten to the point where I take every opportunity to avoid interacting with people. I spend my time tucked away in my room far out of sight from the rest of the people I see regularly. I am frightened to be around people anymore, and the thing that disturbs me about it is that I never used to be like this. Just today a woman roughly my age made a passing comment to me about a pretzel I bought for lunch and smiled at me. I smiled back and cracked a joke, but deep down I was terrified. I never felt so undeserving.
I know I’ve got confidence issues, but I just can’t seem to get over them. I didn’t grow up in the city, but I came here for my education. It’s been three years since I started college the massive crowds still make me uncomfortable. It’s amazing how alone you can feel with so many people around you.
I know how you feel OM, Im also in my third year and I dont get along with much of my friends I have left. My brother pisses me off how he thinks I need to share everything with him and he only sees me as tree that grows money. My parents on the other hand always worry about me but they live too far to visit.
Freshman year I thought was amazing, I met so many new people and made alot of friends but as every semester went by, I found it harder to make new friends and the ones I already had were either kicked out, transferred, or dropped out. Since then I’ve had confidence issues and don’t really get along with anyone in my classes. I always keep telling myself that I dont always have to love but just dont hate. Even now I just want college over with so I can become a cop.
I’m not suicidal but im having a hard time being positive and confident when I’m sensitive to rejection and get stood up alot of times. Perhaps I’m just looking for companionship in the wrong place but thats just my low self esteem talking.
Dont be so hard on yourself, you can make college work for you and you only turned 20 something. Theres plenty of opportunities for you and if anything you should really consider doing exercise or a sport to make your body more active. I hope the best of you.
I’m almost 25. I have no friends. I truly haven’t had a friend since I was 14. Ten years of trying and failing. I’m sure that it’s my own fault. I wish I knew how to change so I could have just a few real friends. I’m really lonely.
I’m so scared that I won’t ever really make any. It has been so long that my personality has been shaped by isolation and I’m scared of people. I don’t really know how to laugh or have fun with them. I can laugh at their jokes but always as an outsider. It is so sad because I really like people, they’re funny and beautiful, but I’m so anxious around them.
Life doesn’t make any sense when you’re a reject. What is the point of achieving anything if you have no one to share your success with. When I was younger I used to feel really bad on my own on birthdays, new years eve etc. I don’t really care about holidays enforced by social institution anymore. What does kill me inside is the constant lack of interaction. I want someone to share dinner with on my payday. Someone to drink beer with on summer evenings. Someone to call when something interesting happens in my life. Someone who wants to share their life with mine.
I, like so many feel the disparity that so many of you feel…I think to myself, “why”, and have yet to find the answer, “why” am I alone? “why” am I not where I want to be in life? “why” must I go on like this? I know me, I’m not a bad person, or ugly, I’m actually a pretty good person, I help others when they need it. I offer charity, be it monatary, or time, what ever the case, I try to, and for no reason other than to help. It’s God’s way. So I ask, why am I alone? I have tried all the usual ways, and always they seem to fail, social sites, classmates, co-workers, even people on the street, I just can’t connect to anyone, and after all these years, I can only assume it’s me! It has to be, why else would they all shy away from me? But what is it, that makes them? I’m clean, nice, well spoken, albe to carry into any conversation, and bring substance to it. I have manners, respect for others, I am genuinely interested in the people I meet, and want to know more about them…but it nevers gets that far, so where is it that I am failing? I mean I know that’s the problem, I amfailing some where, but where? How? Oh well…keep moving forward I say…and hope for a better tomorrow…
Today was so sad. I’m so lonely it hurts.
o.o … I am in the same boat, anyone in Toronto that wanna talk or something? >.> I like libraries =D
Mscot how old are you? I feel the same way you feel. I’m nice to people but I been lonely for a long time at this point I don’t even think I’m ever going to get marry, my family always keep asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend like if I’m weird.To make it worst my relationship with my parents is not the best. I don’t know what I been doing wrong in life, I’m very shy but I know other shy people who have plenty of friends so Idk what is my problem.
You know what, all I did was ask a question, that I think any American should ask, and I was re-directed to this site.
I’ll tell you what, when it comes to advice. Do not take the advice of your peers, do not take the advice of your scholars, do not take the advice of your parents… unless they are from bible principles. Only the bible can give you something to refelct on that should give you what is needed at the time, to learn any given lesson that the lord has in store for you. That goes for ALL of us.
Angela,
That DOES NOT go for ALL of us. You may be a fundamentalist Christian but don’t you dare push your belief system onto others. FOR ME, taking the stories in the bible as a truth that transcends the advice of scholars, peers and parents would be completely unthinkable and absolutely unacceptable.
If you can think of any specific passages in the bible that you think might help lonely people, by all means come back and write them. DO NOT come here and preach intolerance. I am sure that the people who come here have diverse world views. I am sure there are Christians of all kinds, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, baha’is, Muslims, Atheists, Agnostics etc. You have no right to come here and try to devalue their beliefs. Beliefs that don’t match up with yours are just as valuable.
If you want to convert people you are doing a really bad job. Faith is an individual choice. Really…Who do you think you are??? You have no right to say what goes for ALL of us.
Or maybe you’re just a troll.
Let me make it clear that I have no problem with people sharing aspects of their faith that they think might help. In fact, it is interesting and very kind when people do that.
But, I think that intolerance of other people’s belief systems is completely unacceptable. And Angela’s post was intolerant and preachy.
Em,
that last posting of yours was very well thought out and spot-on; after all I think most people who read/post on this particular site are in search of the same thing: love and acceptance, Angela veered things off by bringing her own agenda and ( dare I say this without getting a vitriolic reply? ) trying to pound us into submission with very simplistic answers to problems that can’t be solved with just belief.
Angela, thanks for sharing but I for one can’t use your advice ( pray for my soul if you wish as I only wish well for you ); if I may use these metaphors life is not black and white, good versus evil, rather a blend of the two and what you get is sometimes murky and grey. Life and situations within it unfold and flow for us to experience. Take it however you wish to.
Take care all of you…
Hey everyone, just found this site. It’s really uplifting that I found just as many people who don’t have friends and are young. I am a 21 yr old female, and I was born/raised in FL. Everyone here is so transient that its impossible to make lasting friendships. Or at this point everyone has all the friends they want and don’t want to include anyone else. So I’m really depressed… I used to have a ton of friends but ever since college it’s been really hard on me.. Where is everyone located.. just state and country is all im asking.. Im just curious. Thankx guys..
xoxoxo, MeL
Seems like another Halloween with no plans. No friends. No memories, no nothing. :(
Hi Laura, I’m 39 years old. I know what you are feeling, and believe me, it hurts. I’m very shy, so shy, that I tend not to be myself, when I’m around people, but end up being who they think I should be, and yes I know how wrong that is, and I try not to, but most people I fear will reject the person inside of me. So Laura my email is rsm.1118 at gmail . com if you ever want to talk…that goes for wny one who may want to talk more directly with someone who’s in a similar situation…
Angela, I agree with Em, your beliefs are fine, and expressing them is always welcome, they may help to lead someone to a better way of life, but trying to force feed them down everyone’s throat is simply wrong, Jesus didn’t force anyone to follow him, or to believe in God, in fact all he did was speak the word, and brought it to people in a gentle, peaceful way…Now you say that we should listen to our peers, or parents? Is that what the bible teaches, or does it say, “Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long.”? I’m sure heeding the advice of our parents falls directly under that commandment…I choose to listen to all those around me, everyone has something to offer, I’m sure even you have something of value to bring to this forum, and I’m also sure that God would want you do do so in a more tactful manner…I would love to hear you thoughts, and beliefs, I’m sure I will learn something new, but if you come swinging at me with a bible in your hand, why would I want to listen? I will however sit and listen to you in an open forum, where we could share back and forth, because I’m sure I could help you to learn something new as well…This site here is not for people to force ideals on one another, but to help each other, here at this sire, all we want to do is to find some common ground, so we don’t feel so alone, and if you choose to come in “forcing” the bible, you’ll only end up alienating yourself, and the is just defeating the purpose of being here. This site is a place for charity. something your bile also preaches, and I can’t think of anyone who wants charity “forced” down on them…Can you?
I have been without friends for most of my 50 years on this earth (i.e.: no one has called me on my home phone for over 3 months – sometimes I wonder why I even have it, DSL?). The one thing I learned throughout all that time is don’t let being alone control your life. Everyone suffers through bouts of depression because they are alone and wonder why things are the way they are. There is no simple answer and there never will be. Believe in yourself even if others don’t. Sometimes you may be overwhelmed but being alone for long periods of time should toughen up anyone. Fight the urge to feel sorry for yourself – a little cry is OK but know when to stop.
Okay, I’m an eighteen-year-old girl and a college freshman. I’ve always been the odd (wo)man out since I’m shy and mellow. In high school, after four long years, I was pretty much able to get along with everyone and had a few really good friends that accepted my “individuality” as they put it. In college, I’m back to square one and my loner qualities are definitely not appealing to anyone. I dress very dark, listen to rock and some metal, write a lot, and read a lot. I’m a bit of a video game, fantasy genre, and movie dork. I’m a Biology major with a Pre-med track; and I sprinkle in interesting writing courses here and there. I get along pretty well with my roommate and we often eat together. However, when our schedules conflict, I eat alone by the scenic window in the dining hall with my iPod blaring in my ears. I’m an honors student and am doing fairly well in all of my classes. I’m usually in my room doing absolutely nothing or homework. Being a loner has never seemed like a bad thing to me, but it would be nice to have just one real friend to hang out with and talk to. Loneliness isn’t a fun thing.
P.S. I suppose I go to a really preppy and un-diverse college. Also, I think people automatically view me as a bit of a “rebel”. I don’t like labeling too much. I honestly feel as if I was born on the wrong planet or wrong time period. I would do anything for my friends, but sadly how can I when I have none?
jersey i am the same exact way. only i am 21. my msn is danzigfan@hotmail.com maybe we can chat online.
Hi Everyone,
I noticed a lot of people on this site say the same things, they can’t understand why they’ve no friends, don’t know whats wrong with them etc…
But that’s what’s wrong with you, you don’t realise the truth is most people are naturally selfish, maybe that’s harsh but what I mean is most people care only for themselves, they only notice what is going on in their lives and for most people they are not looking to make new friends because the majority already have a group they belong to and that aspect of their life is already sorted.
I’ve learned from experience that most people aren’t thinking “she’s weird, I’m not being friends with her…” they reality is they DO NOT EVEN NOTICE you don’t have friends. If you sit alone in college in ur classes people aren’t paying attention to you anyway and they’ll assume u sat alone because you wanna be left alone.
I too have no friends atm, ive just finished high school and lost contact with everyone, but oddly enough while in high school i had 4 best friends and i was even invited to parties and things by people who werent my good friends but people i sat with in some classes etc.
Each of my friends went to different colleges, im taking a year out to save up for an expensive college i want to go to, none of my friends are friends with eachother anymore they each made a new set of friends at their colleges and only occasionally have time for me….
So now I’m alone and bored
you know i believe our lives are mapped out from an early age and there isnt a damn thing we can do about it. We are what we are we try to make our way in the world but it doesnt feel right does it we feel awkward and self concious i do, ive been thinking back to my childhood i was a plonker then and im a plonker now but i just gotta live with it. The hardest part is knowing that thing wont get any better.
I’m 26 and feeling so depressed and lonely. I just have no luck with people. My parents are divorced and my sister is addicted to drugs. I have noone to talk to in my family members. I had some good friends back in college but now that I moved out from the states(I am an international student who used to study in U.S.A)Now I live in Asia. I went to grad. school here at home and I can’t get along with anyone here. They all just fucking use me for boredom. People who I thought are good friends they all backstabbed me and left me like trash. I feel soo pathetic. it’s Friday night and my phone doesn’t even ring. I called like 4 people and they all chewed me!!
I am soo sick and tired of geting rejected. I have a boyfriend but we wentfor like 3 years and I am started to get sick of him and we only hang out once a week. I feel soo lonely.. All I want is someone I can talk to or have dinner with on weekends..why it is so hard..I go to bed alone crying..again..:(
I used to hate going to school because I have no friends, and then there are all types of kids who have friends, getting invited to parties, going places, having fun…making the terrible, shitty fact that I have no friends all the more “easier” for me. I don’t know what happen, years earlier I had a bunch of friends, i was even one of the popular kids, and now I’m just alone. I try to make friends right now, I’m kind towards other, I offer thing, yet nothing get’s me anywhere I want to be.
And the more this has happen I’ve surprisingly learned to accept the fact that it’s okay to have no friends. And it’s not all that bad to be a loner as most ppl make it. Your bored alone, learns some ways to entertain yourselves! Society may make it look bad that you don’t have friends, but it’s wrong. It alrite to be alone, and it could be FUN as well as long your not HURTING 4 the fact u have no friends.
Some ppl r just happier being a loner, and u can b that way too!
I do not understand why so many people here are whining & moaning. I’m a 25-year-old loner myself, but I’m pretty happy, since I’ve been that way for most of my life. I’ve had to go through some pretty screwed up things in my life, (witnessed my best friend in freshmen yr. of high school, who I played soccer & football w/ & had known for years, empty his brains out in his room with his old man’s gun at 15, saw my own Mom try to kill herself a year earlier when I was 14 at home through hanging herself in our basement in the middle of the night, but my old man & I saved her life with CPR, she unfortunately suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, & I could tell you all tons of other shit that’s gone down, but that should do the trick.) Remember, noone is immune to the trials & tribulations of life, I mean we all have ups and we all have downs.
I have never cared what other people think of me, & if people don’t like me then I won’t like them. I’m tall, 6’4″, smart, really hot & in shape, & have slept with tons of women, but I don’t feel I need fulfilling friendships. Being a lone-wolf or Lone Ranger type is fun!!! You see, I love people, I just don’t need them. One reason why some find me threatening is since I’m so outspoken. I tell people what I think of them to their face. If you’re no good, I’ll call you out on it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a nice guy, yes, but I’m not Mr. Nice Guy.
I remember when I was at a frat party when I was 21. Some loud-mouthed southern prick from Georgia was irritating me since he was talking trash. So, I decided to walk up to him, look at him straight in the eyes, cock my right arm back as far as I could, & nail him right between the eyes. I knocked him out cold, I mean he didn’t know what hit him. I learned later that I had fractured his orbital bone, & sent him to the hospital with a bloody nose.
Needless to say, I made a hasty getaway with a few of my friends & I never was invited back to that particular frat house. But man, what a rush it was. My point is this. Be proud of who you are & where you come from, no matter what your situation. Just count your blessings, & be thankful for what you do have. Life’s too fucking short to sweat the small stuff!!!!!!! Now, I’m going to hit the rink & play some hockey & hopefully kick someone’s ass!!!!! ;-)
Happy Way-Belated Birthday, Chris. I hope your 21st year is full of happiness and that you find that one true friend you are looking for.
I believe a song dedication is due for your missed birthday. I am terribly tone-deaf so bear that in mind and smile.
“Manage me, I’m a mess
Turn a page, I’m a book
Half unread
I wanna be laughed at
Laughed with, just because
I wanna feel weightless
And that should be enough
Now I’m stuck in this fucking rut
Waiting on a second hand pick me up
And I’m over, getting older
If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I’m over, getting old
Maybe it’s not my weekend
But it’s gonna be my year
And I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I’ve been going crazy I don’t want to waste another minute here
Make believe that I impress
That every word
By design
Turns a head
I wanna feel reckless
wanna live it up, just because
I wanna feel weightless
Cause that would be enough
If I could just find the time
Then I would never let another day go by
I’m over, getting old
Maybe it’s not my weekend
But it’s gonna be my year
And I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I’ve been going crazy I don’t want to waste another minute here
This could be all I’ve waited for
(I’ve Waited, I’ve waited for)
And this could be everything
I don’t wanna dream anymore
Maybe it’s not my weekend
But it’s gonna be my year
And I’ve been going crazy
I’m stuck in here
Maybe it’s not my weekend
But it’s gonna be my year(it’s gonna be my year)
And I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere(go nowhere)
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear(everything I fear)
Cause I’ve been going crazy I don’t want to waste another minute here “–Weightless by All Time Low
Razor Ray. You are right. We shouldn’t care about what we did in the past. If people don’t wanna hang out with us it’s their loss. I shouldn’t care about those people who hurt me. They are not my real friends. you are so right life is so short to sit here and whine. I’m gonna go out and practice golf like u practice your hockey! I feel so much better today after doing some exercises!! we should ALL LOVE OURSELVES! :) I don’t care anymore if I’m a loner or whateveerrr!
im 21 sad my brithday just went i cryed on my brithday infact it was a day like no other no one wished me happy brithday let alone no one knew it was my brithday to begin with even if they did they wouldnt say hey lets go out for a meal or do somthing either ways it would have only made me more sad ppl knowing its my bday and not giving ,i dont know why i dont look bad im a realy nice person im freindly and try talking making a convo with ppl either ppl just hate me dont wana be freind with me or we have a blank covo cos the effort comes from me i dont even wont to try anymore i feel so sad ….i give up…here i am being nice and no one is ever there for me i dont get it….i just feel to cry…sit in my room and contemt sucidal thoughts…i feel so alone….so worthless and wounder why no one likes me or why ppl dont even try to talk to me i dont get it…and the ppl who do are not therefor me or wouldnt go out and fun …since ive come uni ive made no freinds it realy sucks lifes sucks …nice ppl get no freinds i dont no why i just get hated on…im realy shy maybe thats were i fall….im shy around guys and shy around ppl….im a realy shy person but i dont show it try not to buit atleast im nice and i try…i wiish i just made a bunch of few decent freinds who wold wait for me stuck around for me be good freinds and like to go out have a little fun…nbut theres no one signed anaonomous
Thanksgiving!!!! Thanksgiving???? Thanksgiving…. Which was it for you?
My thanksgiving will be pathetic. I have no family to go to, no friends to go to. I guess I’ll just mope. Nah, I’ll smile and take a walk and smell the roses and look for what I can appreciate. I’ll see the cup as 10% full and not 90% empty. Haha. This is the joker.
Dont worry. I have nooo families either. All of my relatives are broken apart due to financial problems.. My parents and their relatives all fought against each other for money so we no longer see each other. Every thanksgiving and on every holidays I have no relatives to hang out with… but it’s ok. You will get used to being alone. After crying for like 2 months now, I am over it.. I’m now used to being alone and I like it this way. I don’t care about anyone anymore. I don’t care about being alone. I just do my own things and keep myself busy and happy. At least, there are 2 friends in my lives.. thank god…
Hey I just read most of your posts on here. I found this site because I am turning 21 in less than a week and I have been seeing all of these people I used to associate with and their pictures of their 21st b-days with a large group of friends & it is frustrating. I dated a guy in my close-knit group of friends where we had all grown up together and remained freinds. The relationship lasted three years and now that I moved on to a new relationship, all of the people in this group of friends have made me an outcast, to the point where if I show up at a party or public event, they’ll humiliate me in front of everyone and kick me out, or try to start fights. Not all of them hate me, in fact it is only my ex-bf starts the drama, but no one will stand up for me at the time. If I see them after the party in an individual circumstance they will come up to me and be friendly. Sometimes they even apologize for how I was treated. But if they really were my friend they would stand up for me! I hate it so much because I go to college locally and there are so few situations where I won’t run into these people. I live in a small town so it’s really difficult. I want a fun 21st birthday that I can remember and photos of me with friends on that day. I just want to find a solution
I can definitely relate to all of you here- I do wonder whether spending so much time with my boyfriend and his friends is the issue… I was made to move to this country from too far away and I feel like a foreigner in both countries now. I am now planning to get a graduate job and work through the loneliness- I think it is true that making friends is easy if you truly wish to though. As cliche as it sounds joining a club or acquiring a local bar/cafe/pub or weekly club visits is the best way, and the main secret is to appear like you’re having fun.
My main problem is lack of interest. Although I know loneliness is depressing me, for some weird reason I just can’t bring myself to doing the above, or making effort in catching up with old friends.
Perhaps I’m too scared to try and be rejected… But watching Marabel Chanin’s lonely funeral does make me want to at least give it some sort of go- no one should end in such a way..
Dear Everyone,
Im 20 years old and living in Quebec. My family is so far away (another country/another province) and the only true friends I made are starting to make their own lives where they are living (which is again an other province away). I seem to make friends but then they never call me back. It always seems I am the one trying. No friendship is worth being one-way. And I always feel so alone becuase no one really WANT to go out or socialise with me. I am a hardworking person, going to university, but you always need people surrounding you. That is what they say, that will keep you going. And I only have my books and my teddy bear to keep me company. People either have other needs, are more shallow or something else that just baffles me. Thus I have no true friends. And I just want to say, my case is not as drastic as some I read through, but I 100% understand you all, and wish you all the luck.
MadameK
hello there,
like everyone on here, i too, have no friends. if there was one word to describe me, loneliness would be it. english is my second language so forgive me if my english isn’t perfect.
Life is passing me by. i see people on the streets with their friends and loved ones enjoying each others’ company and there i am all alone pretending like i don’t give a damn. i get so jealous whenever i see people my age having a good time. it hurts so bad that sometimes i go home and lock myself in my room and cry until i fall asleep and wake up the next day and face the same experience day after day after day.
I had never known such utter loneliness, i am surrounded by people everyday and yet i can’t connect to anyone. i want to die.
Hello “Somebody” I understand how you feel, about being jealous. I see all the people around me, and they are just going about their everyday life, it seems so natural to them, and so hard for me, and I can’t understand why. People around me tell me that I’m very likable, yet I never seems to make lasting friendships, I have family near by, but never see them, they don’t call, or come to visit(me that is, they go visit each other often)and even on the holidays they seem to wait until the last moment to invite me, this year I think I will just say “No” because I do not want a “pity invite” I would rather stay in, alone. I don’t know why, because I feel like I’m a good person, I am nice, polite, I’m decent looking, certainly not model quality, but not ugly, I’m very intelligent, well read, and keep up to date with what’s going on. I’ve been told that due to my size I may be intimidating to others(exercise junkie)and that may be why people don’t respond well to me, but even after talking with them and even making them laugh and feel relaxed around me, they still seem to be hesitant. I end up asking myself, did I do, or say anything wrong? SO I go over and over the conversations, and can’t find any reason. I have been seeing a therapist for the last 2 months, hoping she can shed some light on this, if nothing else she is at least helping me to understand that I am a normal person, a good person, some one who is worth knowing. And that is what is saving me from total depression… I would never tell any one what to do, but I will say that it is helping me, because the same as you I too wanted to die! I would never take my own life, (God gave it to me, how could I throw it back at Him) but I just wanted it to end, which was why I started seeing the therapist in the first place, she is helping me, I truly do not want to die, I want to live, and find the one person I am searching for…I just want to tell you that you are not alone, there are people searching for you, they just haven’t found you yet, so don’t give up! I like meeting new people, and if you want to email me, please do, that goes for any one who reads this…
rsm.1118@gmail.com
@MScott_R you said,
” I truly do not want to die, I want to live, and find the one person I am searching for…”
In earlier posts, you said you were married with 2 kids. Just curious, but are you not married any longer? Just wondering what you mean by you want to “find the one person…”?
I’m 46 and have never had many friends. The really only have one good friend right now, but he lives in another state. It bothers me more and more each year that goes by. Getting older and not having friends sucks. On the other hand, I’m not the kind of person that really wants to “hang out” with someone all the time. I would, however, like to have a girlfriend right now. It’s been a few years. I always thought I’d be married with a family by now, but it hasn’t happened. I want to believe that the Lord has something in store for me before I leave this earth, but time is slipping by. My life feels so worthless and without purpose. So many days go by that are just wasted; I accomplish nothing (other than work, with I don’t find rewarding). However, like you, I don’t want to die and I don’t have thoughts of suicide. I do wonder how long I can go on like this, with no friends and no one to love (other than my family, which isn’t all that close). I should probably see someone, but I think talking about this stuff would make me even more depressed. I’ve tried it in the past with other situations, and it ended up making me feel worse. I easily predicted what the psychologist was going to say, so I decided I didn’t need to pay for that.
Anyway, this is an interesting thread. It’s been going on for a long time! I could write for hours on this topic, but I’ll stop here for now.
HI Mark, I guess I should clarify, yes I am married, it is a wonderful marriage, but that’s where my social life ends. That’s not all bad, but not all good either, I seem to have lost contact with friends over the years, (for various reasons)I have just grown apart from most of them, some have moved away to another state. I don’t think that we have to stay friends with someone just because we grew up with them, in fact I think that narrows our chances of new experiences. I like to meet new people, from all walks of life, I feel more enriched by it. For the last 20 years I have been alone(meaning no friends) while I am married, and believe that I was blessed with this woman, I still feel a emptiness that chews away at me. My normal everyday routine is get up see my wife and kids off, then get ready for my day, go to work, come home (they are wonderful to come home to) we all spend time together every evening, but when we go our separate ways for the night, they all go to friends, and I end up back here in the digital world, sitting at my desk. So I guess that’s what I should have said, I truly do not have a friend that I could call up and say hey, let’s go get a beer, or anything like that, I know what most will say, “just be happy you have a wife and kids” and I am, I thank God everyday for them, but still a person can feel alone, even in the most crowded room…What I meant by “finding the one person” is everyone has had that one friend that they just connect with so well, that they become symbiotic, I had a friend like that, and I guess that’s what I’m looking for, as is anyone here on this blog. You know if you want to email me, please do, rsm.1118 @ Gmail . com I’m online quite a bit, and like to talk with new people…MScott
i get so sick of this shit. 21 yr old virgin never had a friend never had a gf im always approachable and always tried to fit in JUST CANT i want IT TO END I WANT IT TO END RIGHT NOW I HATE MY FUCKING LIFE everyday just crying b4 i go to bed every fukin night. walk around school and everyone has something. fuck everyone
anonymous,
where are you from? O.o
Hello to all of you that read this. I just want to wish everyone a wonderful holiday season. There are so many cultures celebrating this time of year, and so many people that are not, like some of you, some that are alone, for one reason or another, by choice, or just by situation. I would like to tell you that, while I know it is of no comfort to hear this, you are not alone, somewhere someone is looking for you, and they know that you are loking for them, be it a friend, or a soulmate they are out there. What ever the reason, you just haven’t met them, but this time of year scares me, so many people turn to suicide, and it breaks my heart. I know how it can feel, the loneliness, the depression, the self hate. I have been there, and every once and a while I let myself revisit how I felt then, I do it because it reminds me of how bad it can get. But it can also turn good, as I have said in previous posts, I am a married man, and for a time it was great, then it went bad, for a few years, it was a nightmare. But we have been working towards making it great again, and for the last year it has been pretty good, good enought to mreind me that there is hope! I love my wife, I have always felt truly blessed, we’re not perfect, not by any means, but we are a perfect fit for each other, and we just lost sight of that. We know this now, and now it is time for us to heal ourselves. I still have no friends, and that feels like a huge black hole in my heart, but I have confidence that one day I will find that friend, I know God is with me, as he is with all of you, even if you forget him, he certainly will not forget you. I believe that he truly does have some plan for each of us, even if it’s not obvious to us, I believe in time it will be revealed. I’m not trying to be all “Preachy” or trying to tiurn anyone towards God, I’m simply stating my beliefs, what you choose to believe is up to you, I just want to wish all love and hope. MScott
Happy Holidays everyone.
Here’s to three months of eating alone. I certainly hope college isn’t the peak…
Happy Holidays to you Jersey! From one loner to another, college isn’t the “peak” in fact, it’s barely the beginning…
Wow, what difference a year can make. Today is my birthday and I am 22 today :)
The last time I wrote on here was one year ago today on my 21st birthday, if you go up to that date you will see.
So many things have happened since. I was pushed mentally and emotionally and endured a lot of unpleasant circumstances.
A lot of firsts happened to me this year. I got my ged in May, I just finished my first semester in college, I got called to jury duty for the first time, I fell in love for the first time, and socialized more than I ever did the over the past few years, I had the courage to go to music venues and concerts by myself for lack of friends or any body really, and I’m glad I did I’ve been doing that all year.
Even though I didn’t make a ton of friends this year or no close friends doesn’t mean I will stop trying. I am the happiest I’ve ever been with all my accomplishment this year, and even though I am sitting here alone, same as last year the difference is on how I feel and what I did with myself since. And I know I won’t be physically sitting here alone much longer <3 :)
Anybody's life can change with time, mine did. Don't ever give up people.
I wish you all Happy Holidays and you are all on my mind and heart. Feliz Navidad!
Thanks for the post Mscott, it was very nice and thoughtful of you.
Hey Eddie, I very happy for you! It sounds like things are looking up for you. It’s nice to read something positive on this site every once and a while, it’s very uplifting. I don’t know if that was your intention, but that’s what it is, Hopefully it will be a source of inspiration to others that come here, I’m sure it will, keep posting, whether it be good or bad, I find it to be very theraputic(not that I’m telling you what to do) but it is, and lately I have been finding myself here more and more, not sure why, but I like to post here, I just wish I could be more than a posting here, I wish I could actually make a difference, I don’t think I do, but I’ll keep trying…anyway have a very Merry Christmas….MScott
this life is just too hard for me, i just want it to be over. i cant take it. thought after thought is either about death or depression. i hate it when people smile as i suffer. its so unfair. why has this happened to me i was nice to everybody. i try to force people to hang out with me im so desperate and alone. i hate it. i have no goals no ambition. i hate politics, i hate business, i hate sports, and i wont be a musician beause i suck at music. theres nothing else i want to be, theres nobody i look up to. its over
i am 21 yrs old. i have been lo9cked in a room all of my life. every single day is the exact same. its such a pointless life. i ahve no characters in my book its jsut me and my pain. loss after loss obstacle after obstacle. AND I DONT CARE IF I HAVE FOODAND A FUCKIN APT. I EARNED THIS SHIT. I GOT STRAIGHT A’S I DID WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO. DONT GIVE ME ANY OF THIS SHIT HOW SOMEONE ELSE HAS IT WORSE OFF. ITS NOT LIKE THERES A BULLSHIT METER ON WHOSE LIFE IS SHITTIER I FEEL WUT I FEEL. THE GUILT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE. I SWEAR. nothing happenbs and im not anti social and i doint choose to be a loner. but here i am alone. i have tried i swear if one of u mfs saw my life videotape u would saY, WHAT ELSE COULD THIS KID HAVE DONE! HE COULDNT DO ANYTHING
Anonymous…I could never perceive what it is exactly that you feeling, but I can tell you that I was in the same place as you are…for years it seemed…I had similar thoughts, I’m still without friends, I try everyday, and at the end of the day I ask myself, was it me, did I do something wrong, why don’t people get me, should I have done something different? I asked those questions for so many years, I begged God for an answer, I tried to analyze everything. The one conclusion I came to, is that I didn’t do anything wrong, I am not a bad person, or dis-likable. I simply may not be completely understandable. People say I’m a nice funny person, I believe them, but what they also tell me is that I’m different, not in a bad way, just in a way that people don’t get, the things that I am into, or interest me, are probably not the same as what most people are into. Once I thought about that I came to an understanding, and I feel much better, I’m OK with who I am, and knowing that people think I’m a decent guy, makes me feel better, still I would like to meet some friends that are like me, and into the same hobbies as me, it would make things less lonely, but at least I can feel better about myself until I do find them, I don’t know enough about you, to make any kind of judgment, and I still wouldn’t if I did, I don’t judge people, I only wanted to write this to you, to tell you that you are not alone! Everyone here is not lone, I know that doesn’t add any comfort, but it’s true, we are all hear at this site, looking for the same thing, so that sort of gives all of us a bond to one another…I hope you can be strong, and hold on, one day things will change…MScott_R
I am feeling extremely lonely. Want to talk about my miserable life. Is someone here. Reply please.
im 18 years old.. i have no friends at all..me n my family used to live in different countries so i got moved schools alot and never kept any friends from any of them.. the last 3 yrs i have been in txas and i still hav no friends.. everybody in the school i was in knew eachother so i was always left out of alot of their conversations. i never made any girl friends only guy friends.. no matter how much i tried talkin to girls they never talked to me like a freind.. they would only seem to answer my questions that i would make up as an excuse to talk to them.. guys would talk to me and invite me out but the problem is my dad… he never lets me go out anywhere.. im 18 and have never been to a party or anythin.. the only place i have gon out to is to the movies with guys.. lying to my dad of course sayin that i was gonna go with girls because he wont let me go with guys.. but most of the time he doesnt let me go out at all so nobody ever calls me anymore bcuz they know that i wont be able to go out.. they just dont even bother askin me anymore.. my dad is really over protecitive and i understand that he loves me buy i think he is not helping me by doing that.. he doesnt understand that it is depressing 4 me to be in the house all day in my room with nothing to do and absolutely no one to talk to.. AND I REALLY MEAN NO ONE! i really have zero friends! which is sad becuz sumone my age is usually going out to the mall with friends and going to partys and things like that.. i mean all i do is go to the university and come back, do homework and just sit in the sofa and usually cry because i feel so lonely
its also sad because i try to do so well in school and i used to do really well but now its like i dont even have energy to study.. i mean i do pass my classes but with like C amd B and i know i can do better but lately i just feel so tired.. and its weird because i dont do anything at all to be tired. i sleep alot because i have nothong better to do.. i think that the not doing anything is makin me tired..i used to go to the gym with my mom but she didnt like it and instead she moved to this other place to dance but i did love the gym and i wanted to keep going because it made me feel better but of course my mom doesnt want to take me to the gym and i dont go to the dancein place shes at now because its a bunch of ladies like in their 50s and 60s// oooh and i cant go anywhere myself because they dont get me a car so that i wont b able to go out!!.. i really feel so alone.. my mom doesnt even care about anything that i say.. my dad either,, hes too busy with his work..the rest o my family doesnt understand me and how could they.. they are all old.. i have no young people to talk to.. my family doesnt understand what its like to be in stuck in youre house the whole day.. this really suckkss.. its soooo depressingg… plus i fight alot with my mom and dad.. we fight every single day!! so that makes it even worse :(
I have come to the conclusion all you need is family and to love yourself I can say I have had 2 friends and when I have needed them the most recently they have turned their backs on me, I have suffered misscarriages, leading from those depression, more so after the birth of my daughter who is 11mths now, I have been called selfish by my so called friend s for telling them my problems, these friends seem to think they can say what they like but as soon as you dare to comment on theirs your shown the door!!!!!
I consider myself to be a good friend, true friendship i think should hold no boundaries you should be able to listen to your friends but you should not be expected to sit there and say nothing even if what you do say hurts your friend and if it does hurt them that much it cos they know your right.
Just had to get that out lol anyway been to docs put me on anti dep feeling loads better, consintrating on me my hubby and our two beautiful girls, to hell with so called friends who needs them
I just wanted to post because I haven’t posted in a long time and I still want to be part of this forum. I got sworn in as a lawyer last week. It was a great and exciting moment for me. I’m 28 years old tommorow and it really is very painful not having a single girlfriend or guy friend. I don’t know what other people do that I don’t that they can get friends. Perhaps they comb their hair differently? Could that be the reason they have people to talk to who want to understand them and I don’t? Or maybe I wear white socks with shoes? That must be it, who would want to be my friend when I don’t dress like everybody else………. Maybe I should just start saying hi to different people………….. They say insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. It’s time to do things differently. I am in a program, similar to alcholics anonymous, where they talk about stepping off the carousel of insanity. We keep going around and around behaving the same way while expecting different results.
Thanks for listening,
Ive pretty much resigned myself to the fact that Im gonna die penniless and alone. its now been 9 years since Ive had any real freinds. Ive lost the ability to open up to anyone. Its hard knowing no one will ever say “I love you” to me, but Im good at going about life like everythings ok. My mom laughs at me , not in a good way somtimes. that probably hurts the worst, knowing shell never be proud of me.
its good I have family, otherwise I wouldnt be alive. wouldnt want them to be mad at me in the grave.
Im searching for smile and laughter, sometimes I imagine having it all.
If the grass allways seems greener on the other side. but what if all the grass is dead on your side?
sorry for beeing so depressing, you guys are the only ones to talk to. hope I dont sound to crazy.
Well good luck , and I hope you find happiness everyone
maryland, usa, maxc72@rocketmail.com
I have virtually no friends. I had to take this semester off for financial reasons. I feel like such a loser since I am not working full time or in school. I am looking for work everyday. All the people I knew turned their backs on me. All I do is listen to that sad song “Burnin for you” by Blue Oyster Cult. I am just so lonely in this world. I am 22 and the future isn’t looking so bright for me. If anyone would like to talk my email is EjS8NY@aol.com I am from NY.
I have posted once before. I thought things were improving but they went right back to square one. I am 39 male and still have no local social life. The people I know well all came from or live in other places, mostly the US and beyond. My social life is mainly typing online. Never had a girlfriend. Never dated. Just was never in a social situation for a long enough time where such things were remotely possible, or if something seemed to be there-it was wrong place wrong time. All I care about is jump starting some sort of social life or professional hobby in public so I can fight off cabin fever and the anxiety that is fueled by my isolation. I have tremendously bad luck despite being a hard worker, intelligent and careful. I needed a mentor when i was 20, but never got one. I met users. Lots of them. I used to blame myself for problems-thinking I wasnt trying hard enough-but I have come to believe that a huge part of my problem is that i was born in British Columbia, and for ambitious, thinking people, this place is a death sentence. It is a labor province, and very reserved socially. On the surface it appears to be friendly in a hippy dippy way but that’s an illusion. It hides a great deal of apathy and lots of users. Found out recently that my brother was sociopathic–and it was a friend in the US who clued me in. This after many years of explaining his behavior to doctors, professionals and therapists here. How could it be that someone with no medical training could offer an intelligent diagnosis when all the doctors/hicks of BC could not? I never used to hate this place, but now I hate it in every fiber of my being. I have tried various means of making friends here over the years–online, print ads, volunteering, and the wall of separation remained. And yet, I have a friend in Seattle. Is there something about the barometric pressure here up north? I have been told the best way to make friends is through common interests. I have lots of interests-although, unfortunately, they dont help to make friends locally. This place is very narrow-you either like to ski, hike, do drugs, discuss gossip in restaurants. Beyond that-good luck. I warn anyone thinking about moving to BC to be ready for a huge culture shock. If you are intelligent, and especially like thoughtful conversation, you better get a partial lobotomy to keep on a level playing field with the laid back locals.
I have seen from other posts that my situation is not unique-I am better off than some, however I have other family problems to deal with besides loneliness.I just wish I could go back and time and prevent my parents from ever moving here before I was born. Its too late for me to go now. And if you are alone, be glad you dont attract mentally ill people like a magnet. I tend to attract very obnoxious folk who never mean what they say, have no integrity and are desperate. And yet I have friends going back 10 years and one friend going back 20. But they arent from here. It just doesnt make any sense.
32…and without a singe friend…i try to make friends…be friendly, honest and sincere…but no use…don’t know what to do
what can i say? another Friday night at home by myself. i am so sick of being lonely i wish i was dead. I never had a boyfriend, let alone a friend. the people who i thought were my friends backstabbed me. the people i work with hate me and want to get rid of me.
just like everyone on here, i long for real friendships but apparently being sincere and having values take you nowhere. yes, life is unfair. i have given up on trying to convince myself that things will get better. my life is meaningless and i am ready to die.
Wow, I had no idea there were other people like me. I also have no friends and don’t understand why. I feel like I am a good person and a good friend, but nobody is interested in including me in anything. Even my own sisters. I have 2 sisters and they do stuff together but never include me. They don’t answer the phone when I call (I hav given up calling them over a year ago). I’ll find out from word of mouth that they will have get togethers and I’m never invited. I have a few friends from work who act like they like me when we are there, but yet never invite me for drinks after work when everybody else is going…i really don’t understand it but assume it must be me. I’ve tried altering my personality to be “different” somehow, but that does no good either. I’ve tried being social, talking very little, smiling a lot, everything…it just doesn’t matter. It’s gotten to the level where I pretend that my aloneness is by choice, not circumstance. Of course, that isn’t true b/c I would love to have friends to talk to, confide in. I have wanted to ask my sisters what’s wrong with me, but don’t have the guts. I guess I’m afraid of what they will say. I wish I could disappear because everybody would probably be a lot happier.
this is exactly how i feel. people are good, nice and friendly at work but when it comes to get together i am not invited. so they r not friends but good colleagues…but still no friends…
This is my first year in college, and at the beginning of the year everything was great. I met people that seemed to be interested in me, and we ended up spending a lot of time together. However, since the beginning of the second semester, the two people that I used to hang out with (who are now dating) have decided that they would much rather spend all their time together. They have completely left me, and for the past couple of days the one guy blames me for what he calls me “abandoning” them. When it was them that stopped talking to me, stopped inviting me to hang out and eat with them. I have invited them to hang out and everything but they have chosen to ignore me and never respond. Yesterday he was yelling at me because of it, and was blaming my personality and behavior. Stating that my crappy behavior and outlook on life was making his girlfriend cry herself to sleep every night. And that I state and tell everyone my shit. I do not feel like this is correct. They were the only ones that I told things to, because at the time I thought that they were my friends, but apparently I was wrong. If I had known that they did not want me talking to them, then I would not have spent my time trying to get to know them. I also don’t tell everyone everything. The only time that I talk about my problems is when they bring them up, and then I have to hear them complain about it. It’s a bunch of crap. I keep everything on the inside, and then they complain about that. There is no pleasing them. The other person that I have met at school, finds it funny to beat me when he is completely drunk and put me down all the time. He has yet to apologize for what he has done to me. I guess that it will never occur.
All I want is someone to hang out with, that wants me there. I am tired of people who are completely fake, and then blame others when they start hating their life.
I came across this site by accident. I will be 59 in april, my mother moved in w/me 17 years ago. I have been single since 1990. My job has been a problem with my social life but mainly my mother has been a fence keeping out any possibility of a personal relationship. I have tried in the past, dated a few guys but no one wants the package or was looking for a free ride. I am blessed with financial freedom but as all knows, this cannot buy love. I have had a beautiful boat, horses, “toys” ect. My Dad died 3 years ago and I was crushed. (He was not my blood father but closer to me than my ‘real’ father). I do not have children of my own, but have my sisters children as my family. They are all afraid I will date another ‘loser’ who will take advantage of my good nature and financial freedom. I have basically given up on anything. My mother has been very hard on me all of my life but I was the only one who was available to help her when she needed help. I had only one dream left to build my own home on my beautiful property in the country. I am afraid I am getting too old to do this. The neighborhood is deteriorating where I live now and I really do not want to move my mother out into the country. Her 90 yr old friend lives next door. I have dedicated my life to a job/company who could care less about me and a mother who basically feels I am on this earth to meet her needs, pay for all of her needs, cook, clean, wash her clothes and provide her with a place to live for free. Thanks for listening to my whining. Mabey if I read this blog of my own, I may change my attitude. It would be nice.
It’s been awhile since I posted! Awhile back I posted about this guy at work I was trying to make friends with. I did a lot for him giving him free lifts from work and doing a lot of favors for him and so forth. Nothing came out of it. He was just a user. A person told me that you can’t buy friendships and you can’t earn friendships. You can’t get friendships that way. You can support a friendship you have buy doing things for them. But can’t earn it or buy it. You can’t get people to like you that way. They may end up using you. There is a lot of other things we must do to get to that place where we can make friends. Which I’m not really sure what it is. This same guy try to do me a favor by giving me and my date a lift to a party along with his wife. I told him I was taking my own car and I was not interested in riding with him. I think he only wanted to do me a favor so I would star giving him rides again. It’s nice to turn the tables on people who refuse to be friends with us. especially those who use us. This is for all of us that been on the short end of the stick when it comes to friendships. So screw them! You should of seen the look on his face, when I told him that! I loved it! I found me a girl friend who I am going to marry. It dose not take the place of true friendships. I need both friendships and relationships. But I can’t go the rest of my life with nothing at all. One or the other is ok but not ideal for me. But I will take what I can get.
It’s still hard for me. There are times when I need someone to talk to out side of my relationship. Hell I’m still searching for a best man. She understands my situation. She is very compassionate about it. She has a lot of friends. I envy her in a positive way. She’s the only friend I really have. And that’s very sad. I’m 52 years old. I feel deep in my heart that my friendship situation will ever be solved.
I’m a 20 year-old female. Looking back, I’ve had trouble with friends my entire life. When I was really little, I was the girl all the other kids ran away from during recess. I used to sit alone waiting for the bell to ring to go back into class. I never told my parents, because even at 6-years-old, I was too embarrased.
I was always nice, but I was shy then, so people assumed I was boring before ever getting to know me. However, by the end of elementary school, I had a few friends. These friends weren’t people I could confide in though, and they changed from year to year. Come high school, they were non-existant.
High school was better for me. I went to a different high school than everyone else so I saw it as a chance to kind of re-invent myself. During the first 2 years of high school, I had what I call “school friends.” People I talked to and had fun with in class, but those friendships never left the classroom. That was when I made a conscious effort to stop being shy. I liked outgoing people, so I wanted to be outgoing. I got over whatever fear I had of being rejected by people in social situations, and started making friends. Soon, I had a big group of friends and some I could even confide in (including my current best friend).
Unfortunately, I had a falling out with one friend, so all but one stopped being my friend toward the end of high school. I’ve been depressed ever since (I’m now in my 3rd year at university). I have only one friend left, my best friend of 4 years. She’s amazing and I tell her everything. I’ve finally learned to feel lucky that I have her, even if it’s only one friend. Since I’ve started to change my thinking, I’ve been a bit happier.
But recently, I was hired for a great job and everything (except for my social life) is finally starting to go well. This has led me to feel depressed again. Wierd huh? I think I’ve come to realize that the reason is that I literally only have one person to share it with. I worked really hard for all this and wish I had a bunch of people to call to tell who could be happy for me, but I don’t. It’s really pathetic actually. I never go on MSN; yet, I signed on and posted the news in my MSN name hoping someone would ask about it. Isn’t that sad?
I’m just tired of being dependent on one person because I have no other friends. I feel like I put so much pressure on her because I have no one else. And having read your stories, you’re all probably thinking, at least I have one. But her life does not revolve around me (and it shouldn’t). She has other committments. I just wish that I had enough friends that when she’s busy, I’m not left with no one to talk to and no one to hang out with. It makes me feel so alone.
I feel like I’ve reached an age where just about everyone has their group of friends already so they aren’t looking for new ones. I’ve come to the conclusion that if you don’t stay in touch with friends from high school, you won’t have the opportunity to make friends again.
I just miss having people to laugh with.
Hey everyone.. Im 21 years old and guess what I also have no friend.
It’s sad.. to look at your cellphone call history and have only mom and
dad and sometimes my work manager LOL.. but I guess Im glad that at least
I have my family. I spend many nights crying all alone in my room because
I feel so lonely. Maybe Im asking for too much? I have a great loving family, a decent job, good health.. maybe having a friend would be asking for too much for me. Some days I am fine but many other days I still feel very lonely. I go to church, work, volunteered at many places…I go to gym… still no connections whatsoever. maybe its my destiny to not have any friends.
My younger siblings are very popular always get invited to stuff and whatnot…while Im just eitherworkin or sitting at home doing nothing.
Its embarrassing. I remember making friend wasnt all that hard when I was younger..actually i was one of the most popular kids at school. i was outgoing, confident i was the leader. then things started to change when i moved across from my homecountry many new responsibilities were given to me at young age…it kind of made me lose that young, vital energy i had in me before and i dont know how to be that confident again. I work full time with people who are at least 10 years older than my age they are all married and have a family on theirown… so you see it is not like i can go out withthem on a saturday night orsomething. at church its full of little kids or old ppl hardly any one at my age range. there is one guy but he likes to hang out with olderpeople(which I understand, since there is no one else eside me in his age group hed rather be with “adults”)
sadder thing is i never even had any boyfriends yet… go figure i am probably biggest loser here
i have no life. seriously. i am a nobody but a working machine
i dont even get to spend all the money i earn too what a joke..
my life is a joke :)…
Just found this site. I think there are a lot of people that feel the same way. I know I do and I am in my mid twenties. I maybe have two friends that I can call close but am not able to see them as often as I would like and as I am getting older the more I stay instead of going out. I think it is a great idea posted to start trying to start a network. I am in the NY area but it looks like we are in the same boat across the world. Glad to see I am not that unusual. luckynewyorker1@gmail.com
Hey, I think there is something seriously wrong with me. I am always down. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of this cliff, and everyone’s down in the valley, having plunged already, but I’m incapable of doing it. There’s this thick glass wall that’s a blockade. I’m in my first year at college, 18-years-old, and I literally hang out with no one. I eat alone. I sit in class alone. I do everything alone. And I realized I talk to about five people there–one being my roommate. There’s no good reason for it except that there’s something wrong with me. I have a great family, had a couple of friends in high school–no I was too close with though. I’ve never had that. I don’t why. I think I’m depressed, but not in the normal sense of the world. I’m depressed about the world. I’m depressed about the superficiality of it. It’s like everyone’s fake, superficial. And truth be told, I wouldn’t want to be friends with a lot of the people I meet. Or maybe I would. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve made myself the loner since day one. I think I’m just different, like a malfunctioning bolt in a world of synchronized robots. But there’s so much pain out there, so much of the dark underbelly of the beast. It feels wrong to be happy. I don’t know. I sound mental. And when I’m in college, living off this great scholarship, I think about all the helpless people out there, people who need food, money, clothing. Shouldn’t I be out there, helping them somehow? Am I selfish? Maybe I’m just hypocritical. I don’t drink, but supposedly that makes you lose yourself. Well, I want to forget who I am for a while. Maybe it’s time.
Hey JersyLoner…first let me say that you need to stop the self criticism…it’s not goping to let you move forward if you are always telling yourself bad things…I know that sounds like advice from Oprah…but it’s true. I knwo everything you are saying, I have the same thoughts, about people, and friendship, relationships…but still I would like to have a couple of close friends…For more than 20 years now, I have wondered what it was that has set me apart from everyone else, I find I come back to the same end. It’s me…well not me so much as my fears…the fear of getting close and getting burned, the fear of rejection, the fear of ridicule…I used to have a few good friends, but one by one, I felt as though they had betrayed me, or abandoned me…Some just stopped talking with me, when I came home from the Marine Corps, and tried to see my friends, I found that they had gone their seperate way from me, I still don’t know why, or what happened, and at this point I don’t really care, I know now, as I did then that I didn’t do anything wrong or different… I look back at the days before with good feelings, and think to myself that perhaps we grew apart during my time away… I still try to make friends, at work, or at school, and sometimes I do, they don’t seem to last, but I cherish the time I have with each person…I have a family, (wife and two amazing children) and that keeps me pretty content, but there are times when I wish I had someone to go have a drink with, or to a game with…I try to stay positive, as much as I can, sometimes I will let myself have a “pity party” just to vent it out to myself, it helps…But don’t give up. don’t let yourself be defeated…I’m sure you’re an amazing person…you must be an inlelligent person,(you said you have a scholarship) I’m sure you’re not unapproachable…I think you just need let you like yourself more…I think if you do it will show on the surface, and things would change… I wish you the best, as with everyone who visits this site… If things do change for you, take note, and be sure to write about it here, it may inspire others who come looking for hope* MScottR
I came across a brand new book. Its title is “LONELY” by the author Emily White. It is a rather expensive book at a list price of $25.99. Amazon has it on sale at about 30% off that price.
Emily is a lawyer and so am I. That fact alone makes the book particularly compelling. I am about halfway done with the book. I only started reading the book last night so it is pretty captivating because it normally it is difficult to keep my attention for that long. The book is 330 pages.
She has an interesting blog too. In her book, she makes alot of very interesting points. Also, in her book, with regard to past research done concerning loneliness, Emily writes about the research in a very easy to digest style.
The point that stands out most for me is her idea that Depression and Loneliness are not the same thing they are realted but very different. Loneliness may in certain circumstances may not even be a component of depression.
I live in New York City and I’m a lonely person. If anyone would like to try to connect email me at pappelbon@yahoo.com
22 year old female here from NJ….. Nice to know I’m not the only one here with a bullshit I’m forced to call my life. Every day I feel like one of those people in their 30s who haven’t done much with their lives but then I have to keep reminding myself that I’m only 22! I guess I was always the lonely kid, I can’t really remember a time when I actually was happy. Sad huh? It’s gotten to a point in which I’m ready to give up on ever finding true friends or even true love, I really feel those things are just not meant for me. Somehow, I feel the world has inverted even more. I’m seeing way too many good people suffer and go through hell and then the people who are actually such assholes, are the ones making it in life! Go figure. To make a long story short, I’m a recent college grad who now works only part-time because I am having a hard time finding a better job, I haven’t been with a guy for a little over a year, and I only have this one friend who seems to really care about me (we’ve been friends for 3 years now but I wonder if she would like to be my best friend…..) My life is so boring I could cry! All my hopes are pinned on finally buying my car in June so that I could get out of the house more often. I’m actually used to being lonely but even a pro like me suffers every now and then and it just sucks! If anyone would like to get to know me just comment to this message so I can give you my e-mail. I wish the best for everyone!
Hi CC, I just read your post, and would like to take you up on your offer to get to know you. I have come to this site for a couple of years, I find it to be somewhat comforting. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the fact that there are others like me, and that makes me feel less alone…if that makes sense. I don’t really like the fact that there are others who hurt like I do, I wish it could just be a happy shiny world, but it’s not…anyway before I ramble to much email me if you would like someone to talk with…
rsm.1118@gmail.com
CC you did not leave an email address.
I finished the book “Lonely a Memoir” and I wanted to write my thoughts on it.
Depression is treated as a serious problem but loneliness is not. There are 2 types of loneliness either intimate loneliness or social loneliness. This seems to make sense. People with a great relationship with their husband can still feel lonely and people with a bunch of friends also feel lonely.
Loneliness could be a result of lonely people being very needy people. Not needy in a a bad way. If for example, a very fat person needs a huge meal in order to feel satisfied the same applies to us lonely people, we need true fulfilling relationships to feel part of something and to be considered friends. This is probably why Facebook friends and the like just don’t do it for us.
The book also mentions a genetic predisposal for loneliness. Therefore, if you have a parent who is lonely you likely will be lonely. Broken families tend to cause loneliness. There is a big difference between solitude and loneliness.. You choose to be in solitude but you don’t choose loneliness. Some claim that there is a link between coming out of the closet (being uncertain about your sexuality) and loneliness. I could go on and on. but I don’t want to lecture.
If anybody is interested in giving me their thoughts on this subject I’d love to talk.
death is crawling faster
life is going slower
that stare he gets everyday- but he knows that is what they fear more
the seasons are his friends and the nearest soul is his enemy
wired since the start to be the same
longing for a special someone to keep him sane
reluctant to move his arms or legs scared for no reason
ambition is not his goal so success means little
being an impecunious bastard means nothing to him,
because he cannot buy the things he wants at a store.
He is sensitive, to an extreme that a nearby train noise
in the middle of the night touches his inner soul
Most people would laugh and that figures-
they crawl to weak friends who sympathize
As the seasons change it does not bother this soul
he knows time is cyclical and the time that is growing
faster is just an illusion.
death is life and life is death
the lonely soul is free
jerseyloner feel free to email me my email is rvdfrgsplsh@yahoo.com im in the exact same boat as you
I’m not sure why I’m so comforted by this site. I guess it’s like others said in that seeing you’re not the only one in these situations. Prior to this site I really thought I was the only ‘normal’ person with no real friends.
I’m a 24 year old female med student getting ready to graduate and throughout my entire life I’ve had ‘girlfriends’ who would quickly back stab me. During the 2 years of middle school I had 5 different groups of girls befriend me and back stab me. Since then I’ve had acquaintances that I thought were friends only to have them lose interest in talking to me and going on different life paths. I always came to the conclusion that why this happens is because I have a unique combo of beauty, success, and brains. I like talking about what’s going on around the world (not what’s going on in ‘the hills’) but this conversation is not met with equal enthusiasm or interest by people my age. So I fake interest in this crap and will make temporary friends until they realize I’m really interested in ‘bigger things’.
I really see myself as very social and personable but cannot seem to make real friends. I’m on my rotations and patients always come back to see me and praise me for how comfortable and trustworthy I made them feel. At this point I don’t blame myself, I blame our society’s lack of personal skills and dumbing down. I do what I can and treat others as I would want to be treated. I’m the person that’s always been there for other at the drop of a hat but they have never been there for me. At this stage in my life I’ve given up on making true friends. I enjoy the people currently in my life (as brief as they may be) until they move on… and they always move on. I’ve realized this is not my fault though. I am also seeing the most shallow jerks have so many friends and the honest, sincere people get screwed over to no end in more ways than one. As people drift in and out of my life I try to enjoy what I have today and if I don’t have girlfriends to call up on a weekend to have a drink then oh well. The ‘loners’ are often also the strong ones. They have their own unique personalities and interests and don’t conform to what’s popular at the time. We may lack friends but are the strongest of people. Trust me, I know how lonely it can get but, as cheesy as it sounds, hold your head up high… I believe one day it will be worth it
Oh wow thanks to everyone for all your support and comments that’s means a lot to me. My e-mail is cedl4072@yahoo.com if anyone wants to chat.
Hello, everyone. It’s me again. Same old, same old with me. But whoever wrote that poem, hats off to you. It was a little rough in form, and a bit unconventional, but that’s what I loved about it. Raw emotion etched onto a page.
Im 11.I know your what your thinking.I am always at the bottom of the social food chain.In gym we play ultimaate frisbe and i end up sitting in the bleachers because im “not on their team.Day after day i go to school and get shoved, cussed out, and heck a kid even stabbed me with a pencil.They always tell me the “nobody cares about you” junk.As far as friends go i have ZERO! when i was in kindergarden i always got left out of games shoved on playground.when i tried to make “friends” they would pretend to be my friend and would just ignore me.ALL the way through 5th grade i just stayed scilent and got depressed.
i am trying in my 6 th grade but i realize i havn’t a single best friend EVER!
I sit alone at the lunchtable and at the playground.
I am always nice and will help everybody pick ip their books and binders only for them to bindercheck me and call me hopeless.
Im kinda anorexic and wont eat for 2 days, yet nobody notices.I am called ugly and have low self asteem, yet i know im not THAT bad.im skinny and i guess i dont have the facial features that people want. I am confused how somebody popular will juke somebody out in gym yet when i do better all they can do is point out what i did wrong. My parents fight and i get saddened over that when they fight along with my sister who joins in.What i dislike most is how they are all just like 3 year oldsfighting for a toy.As a result of being depressed i am almost failing in everything. and my parents will get kinda mad.then i might go 3 days without food just as a impulse of staying away from people. I cant think of a single person i can talk to.
If i talked to a teacher, after punishment of the child is over it gets worse.
If i tell my mom or dad, all they will do is tell the principal in a e-mail witch i have tried before and nothing is worse than them squeezingyou to the person you dislike so its pointless. All im doing every day is going to school, coming home sad and haveing parents lecture you, and then doing homework, and going to bed. But the more i go with it the more the bruises build.I bursted out crying in the middle of class last week. Just the combination of everything. The bullying, the being yelled at all the time, with the lonlyness is too much. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.
Hi Charlie,
I am sorry to hear things are so hard for you. I know I went through something similar when I was your age but trust me when I say it gets better. I moved to a new school when I was in 4th grade and dealt with a lot of bullying. My parents would do the same things yours do and it just didn’t help my overall situation. The problem with those kids is that they are insecure and are willing to take it out on the closest person. Have you talked with your parents about how you feel when they fight? It might be good to tell them that it makes you sad. Are there any clubs at school or out of it that you might have any interested in? Sometimes joining activities even during summer will take your mind off things. I used to read alot when I was your age. It was a way of escaping my situation. I know its hard right now and especially when you feel like you have no one to talk to but there are a lot of people like us willing to listen. I know personally and don’t feel sad it WILL get better. You have your whole life to meet new people like you are meeting the people on this posting board. If you need someone to just listen go ahead and email me or any of us. We all went through it….
Charlie, learn to love yourself. It may seem hard, but once you learn to do that, you won’t care what other people think about you. Never ever stand for bullying. Talk to someone about it. And you’ll always have people on here that will be willing to listen. Ma actually sparked that thought in me. All of us talk about being lonely on here, some of us self-instated loners like myself, and we all want to just be ourselves and have somebody who gets us to talk to sometimes. We can do that on here. We can be your support system when you’re down. We can be a shoulder to cry on. This is bigger than us.
hi glad too have found this site but not glad to see many lonley people becuse i know how you feel like.well i guess some people choose to be lone others just have bad luck i guess in meeting pepole. well my story i kind of diffrent i never choosed to be lonley.when i was a boy i got sexuliyoused bitten up and i always have to hear that i was never good 4 nothing and this was by my own cousins i never have the heart to tell my parents i think becuse i dident want to couse proplems but now when i think abaout it maybe i should have said something.they robbed me of all my selfestime and trust in people and i have had only 1 girlfriend and even her i pushed away becuse all i wanted is too be alone.i am 28 and feel like life have passt me by and i am kind of tierd being alone and dont trusting people becuse i think there is something good in every1 and i dont whant them bastard to win so i am gonna start school again and get my diploma maybe in tourism couse i have always loved too travel and see new places. and maybe after so long time maybe go and talk to some1 abaout this i shoultd have done that earlier but i guess its never to late 4 anything.well all i can say when you feel down and feel lonley always know that ther are some1 who have it worse so heads up guys and girls and just be your self couse true people will like 4 who you are and not 4 what you have:)sorry 4 the bad english
Kudos to Ma. I liked the message to Charlie.
Another very lonely human being here, just saying hello to my fellow lonely souls. I don’t know what I can really add to the conversation, lately I feel like what is the point in saying anything, since no one is listening? I have found that when I am at my most desperate, I can at least blog about it and get some of those feelings off of my chest for a little while. It’s not quite the same as having a friend to confide in, but it makes me feel better than having no one at all… *hugs* to all of you…
hi, i am a 21 year old who attends university, has a part-time job and have some people who i call friends but no one knows the real and every time i feel like i am close with someone, they abandon me completely, it has happened to me all my life, i feel so alone, no one knows who i am, i always have to put on this happy personality because otherwise i will be completely alone, i will commit suicide on my 21st birthday which is in august 2010, because i have lost all hope, i give up, i am going to crash my car into a wall hopefully driving 130mph into a wall kills me, because i don’t want to be on this lonely planet anymore, i just want peace, my most favourite time is when i am sleeping because i can dream about a happier life, i even tried to drink away my problems, i have tried drugs, but nothing works, so i wish you all a farewell and hope that your lives end better than mine, i want august to arrive sooner because then i will be ready and i will be dead and sleep for eternity
goodbye
Hey, don’t you dare talk like that. You’re important to someone out there. You just have to find them. We can’t play God–as much as we’d like to try. Your life is too entangled with everyone else’s. <3
F, please, re-think your plan. As much as I can identify with what you’ve said (I’ve thought of offing myself thousands of times in my life) I must tell you from the perspective of a 30-something person, 21 is tragically young to die. You have so much to live for… with or without friends in our lives, we have a purpose, we have a reason to live, if for no other reason than to be good to one another and try to make the world a better place, and to see what the future has in store for us and everyone else. Don’t you want to know what the world will be like in 40 years? Don’t you want to see hover cars and space travel and all of the other wonders we will be achieving soon? How can you know if you don’t stick around to find out? I know these sound like weak reasons but they are the reason i am still here. As an atheist I firmly believe you only have ONE chance to get it right – if you die without even trying to have a good life it’s a shame, a waste, and a crime against humanity – maybe you would be a perfectly boring ordinary person or maybe you would discover a cure for cancer – either way you deserve to live and find out. I know that things often seem bleak, but things can also change at any moment, without warning, and there are things in life that you wouldn’t want to miss. It would be a shame to give all of the amazing things in your life up, for no reason. If you need someone to talk to, talk to me, I’ll listen.
i find it amazing to hear stories of so many good people with such bad luck. or is it luck? i dont really know and we can talk forever about if luck exists or not. but here’s a little of my story. i made 2 major moves in my life. the last of which was to be what i thought the best of them. i moved to a new high school made friends pretty quickly but they were older and graduated. then i made the best friends i would know to that point. i was part of a group and felt really good about it. had a lot of fun, parties, prom all that stuff. got a serious girlfriend and were together for over a year. we broke up and she started telling my “friends” made up stories about me talking behind their backs. well then i left that group but kept very few of them in my life. found a new group and that was alot of fun as well. was with that group and then we just kind of grew apart and i stopped getting invited out and eventually we just stopped talking. no i have 3 close friends. one who doesnt talk to anyone bc his gf controls his life. one who moved to the other side of the country and one who just moved to europe. i am here alone. saturday nights i spend alone driving around thinking about what i had and what i want but cant seem to find it. i am depressed beyond belief and if it wasnt for me being embarrassed to stay home all weekend i would. i have a decent job and lots of friends at work but they are older than i am with children. i am 24 and just want to go out and have fun. i dont know. i could write my story all day. it’s just nice to know i’m not the only person to feel this way.
If anyone still uses this and is need of someone to talk to or would like to make freinds im always here for anyone who needs to just talk or vent or whatever
kingofspadesx22@yahoo.com
You, jb, are a good person. I’m here for anyone who wants someone there, too.
thenightgull@aim.com
I was popular in high school. Prom queen. Best dressed, and the president of many high school clubs. After high school I went to college locally and didn’t leave home. A lot of my friends stayed too and so for the next 10 years I had lots of friends.
When I got in my 30’s I have to admit, things started changing. I became obsessed with finding Mr. Right to have the perfect the children and lifestyle.
I failed miserably. Don’t feel bad for me though. My once friends – now aquaintances have children, 30 to 100 extra pounds and husbands that cheat or have cheated. Their children are non achievers and have disappointed their parents and broken their hearts.
So, naturally, I can say that I didn’t miss anything but I have a different kind of heartbreak.
Now the heartbreak that I suffer is that I moved 5 years ago. I’ve reached out to neighbors, Craigslist, churches formed groups, gone to happy hours, and still I have no one to call on the phone and tell about my day, except my husband.
I have no one to have lunch with on a beautiful Saturday, so I go alone. I may chat with those around me when I go out, but still I don’t make any friends.
I read the book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” 20 years ago and it’s teaching is a part of my life. But, those techniques don’t seem to work anymore.
I try not to condem or complain. I am sincere in my approbation and praise, etc.
I don’t have a disease, or condition, I am super clean, I am a business owner, successful. I am charitable and giving.
I have over 100 facebook friends. Mostly all from high school. But no real friend to go to the movies with. No one to go shopping with.
I meet ladies all of the time and have meaningful conversations that I always believe will lead to friendship, and no phone call.
I have no one (except my husband) who is happy when I land a client or proud when I accomplish a goal.
I am a very loyal and supportive person. Sure, I have some quirks. I can be a perfectionist. I don’t expect anyone else to be. I am an etiquite appreciator. I know that most people just don’t know better and don’t always keep their promises or practice good manners. I understand and tolerate this in people.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a prude. I love to have a good time. I have jokes like a comedian and I love making people laugh.
I just don’t understand why I am not attracting other women like myself into my life for friendship. I try so hard without being desperate.
I wish I had some answers. Do you have any? I am so lonely.
@Lisa,
I know how you feel. It sucks when you try so hard, but just don’t get anything back. I also have no answers for it and I don’t know where we go all wrong.
You can be very happy that you have a husband though, I’m sure he’s always there to support you and you can count on him.
Still I don’t know where we lonely people go wrong. I still have friends but I can’t seem to make new ones, which I really really hate. I do my best so hard, always trying to be on my best, trying to make people laugh, people can always count on me, I’m always willing to help, and still It doesn’t work.
These facts sometimes make me feel really shit. We try so hard and get nothing in return. Sometimes I feel like my life totally sucks and that I have no reason to live. I always try my best and keep trying, but I dont get rewarded. We do the same as other people and still make no friends. I really dont get what we are doing wrong.
When you have no friends you have no people to go out with. With this said, its so hard to make friends if you have no one to go out with. That’s what makes us stuck in this stupid situation. Because you have no friends, have no one to get out with, its really hard to get out of this situation. That makes me angry, I dont wanna be a lonely wolf for life. I want to have friends, have a fun life, get a wife and marry etc. I dont see that happening this way.
Also, it seems that the cooler, more rougher people, always have more friends. They mess up their school and stuff, get worse marks etc. and have lots of friends. The people who seem to do better get marked as a “nerd”. Youre getting punished in this society for doing good on your future. Being marked as a nerd, less people want to have contact with you. This is so unfair as people dont even try getting to know you.
Also, currently more shit happens in my life then good things. My father passed away a year ago, I miss him lots, then I made some new friends who turned out to be wannabes and go out with the cool people. This makes you only see the bad things of life and makes you feel bad. The best thing we can be doing is keep going on and try to make the best of our lives. Maybe someday we get new friends, meet new people to hang with, and get our wishes to come true.
I really hope for all of you guys that this happens. Life is hard in this way, but it will be better.
My last thing: I also feel that if you somewhere went wrong with your social life, you can’t get out of this lonelyness. You did something wrong that made you this lonely, although you don’t know what. I also dont know where I did go wrong. With having no new friends, we cant go out and do new things etc. This makes you stuck in this situation.
Anyways, good luck everyone and keep on posting.
Lisa, hopefully this got you some answers. Also good luck!
SirLonelyRre (Want to post this Anonymous) – 18 years old.
SirLonelyRre has a point here. There’s a reason behind being lonely. I mean, I was always the offbeat kid. I just sort of view the world differently than others, and that set’s me apart, no matter how much of a nice of a person I am. Yeah, and being mature is apparently a social killer, too. I thought stereotyping ended with high school, but apparently, it never ends. My college appears to be more into cliques than even my high school was. And I’m not one to fit nice and easily into a designated bin. What get’s me is that I have plenty of acquaintances, people to just have nice, general conversation with in class, but no one to hang out with really, no one to just go out and have a good time with. I don’t think I’ve ever had that. Granted, I have a couple of people that call me friends, but no one I can really connect with. I don’t believe those like-minded people even exist to tell you the truth. As I’ve said before, a broken bolt in the midst of synchronized robots. I’m different, which equates loner. And I’m dealing with it. There’s nothing wrong with any of you, you’re just a bit different than everyone else, and they’re not willing to appreciate that. So, why care? We’re stuck in this rut, and I don’t believe there’s a way out. Let’s just all sink into the mud–we’ve been keeping to ourselves long enough.
Hi Everyone,
It’s been a while since I’ve been here. I did make one friend. Unfortunately, he isn’t local to where I live, but I’ve been able to travel with him a few times so that is good at least. I know how hard it is to be alone all of the time. It is interesting though and I don’t know if anyone else here deals with this, but I know I suffer from social anxiety. I just have a very difficult time in social situations. I get very stressed out and the worst part is because I don’t really have a social life, I feel like I don’t know how to make small talk with other people unless I just start lying a lot. As I think a couple of people mentioned, it becomes harder and harder to make new friends especially when you are out of High School and College. I actually had a few close friends in both High School and College, but for the most part, they have mostly drifted away. I still keep in touch with one friend from High School and then I have a couple of acquaintances from old jobs I keep in touch with.
For those of you still in High School or College, the only advice I can give is maybe try and find an activity you like or a sport that might help you meet other like minded people. In College, I was involved with the College Radio station and I also joined a Fraternity even though I ended up dropping out of the Fraternity. I still made some friends through it.
I don’t know. I definitely am not a good role model since I’m now 43 and almost 44 and like I said in the last 5 years I have only made the one new friend who doesn’t even live in the same State as me. I have no local friends I can hang out with. I think the hardest part is once you get older and you’ve been a lone a lot, you start to get into a comfort zone and routines that get harder and harder to break. I guess I’m lucky that I have a good job and am financially independent, but not having friends definitely sucks. I hate going to restaurants by myself or like any type of events so I end up spending a lot of time by myself at home. I feel like such a loser, but I haven’t given up yet. I will continue searching and try to force myself to try new things. I think that’s all any of us can do. And if you have any family around that you are close with or if you are lucky enough to have a gf or bf or spouse, count yourself very lucky and at least treasure that.
If anyone wants to drop me a line, I’m at joshua825@gmail.com. Best of luck to you all.
This is so sad. Just reading the last 10 or so posts makes me want to cry. Someone said they want to commit suicide on their 21st birthdat in August. Another women has a marriage but is miserable. I can’t understand what kind of cruel God rules the world. Why is he allowing this type of activity to go on. We have good souls and we are being punished. This can only be the work of a sick mind. How does God create us this way. It is so sad. While I can’t offer any new answers because as a group I think we cover them very well, I can tell you what will NOT be an answer. Suicide is not an answer to a temporary problem. Do not try to solve all your problems at once. Take it one day at a time. The situation did not get out of hand like this overnight (I’m referring to the deep feelings of loneliness) and the situation can not be solved over night. This board reeks of pessimism. We need to stop it. No more pessimism. You miss every pitch that you don’t swing at. If you are pessimistic opportunities will not arise—-guaranteed. While being an optimist about the situation may seem difficult it is absolutely, positively the only way to go about solving this problem. Because if you say that you can’t or won’t or are not able to or any other reason which holds you down— you are going to be held dow. Guaranteed! If we go over to someone in a depressed way there is absolutely no chance that something positive will happen– maybe a slim chance but sooo close to zero—–. If on the other hand we feel optimistic about changing our lives and making connections with new people our chances are much, much better of succeeding. And I personally have no problem dieing while I’m fighting to succeed. I will never go down without a fight—- this includes suicide as well as simply resigning oneself to a miserable life without fully exploring how to make the world cooperate with your mind.
Wow, its been moonths since i last visited here. Like 10 months. Anyway, Angelica helped me alot. Yet still I haven’t found my kindred spirit but i’m alot happier and confident and don’t beat myself up over things.
I posted here around 5 times over the last few years, and I figured I would come back and read my old posts to see what’s changed. As far as circumstances go, not too much. Still living at home with drunk mom and demented grandfather, still friendless. In fact, I don’t even have that one friend I mentioned above anymore, since he got his dream job and is way too cool to talk to me now, unless he wants a shoulder to cry on or to brag about something he just bought. Last time he called me I told him to lose my number. I think he finally got the picture. Graduated college in December, collected unemployment up until 3 weeks ago, sort of looking for work.
But my attitude has improved tremendously since the last time I posted, because I’m finally living FOR ME, and NOBODY ELSE. The last six months of college and working a horrible call center job made me realize that I wasn’t really living my life, almost everything I was doing I was only doing to please my family and non-existent friends. Shortly after New Years I had a major panic attack that lasted the better part of a week and I knew I had to go to therapy.
After about 12 weeks of therapy, reading, writing, and introspection, I’ve learned that I really put too much value on regaining a “normal” social life like I had back in high school and the first year of college. And by failing to achieve this ONE GOAL, I concluded that EVERYTHING in my life was shit and that my only purpose was to please my mom, aunt and uncle, and grandfather to avoid being screamed at or “disowned” as they loved to threaten me with. The last three years of my life were spent doing things I had little to no interest in and smoking literally pounds of pot (I drank a ton of rum for a little while too) to deal with the stress.
Well, I finally put my foot down the end of January. I stopped contact with my “friend”, told my mom to shut up and deal with her own problems, and let my aunt know that if I want to hear her advice, I’ll turn on the church channel. The result? I feel a LOT BETTER. No more phone calls from the loser telling me about his fumblings with girls and that bragging/bravado. No more drunkass, pathetic old women telling me what to do, and now that I’m out of college I’ll probably only hear from the aunt around Christmas and tax time. The only stress in my life now is of my own creation, and I feel better about dealing with it.
I’m getting back into what I used to love: writing, DJing and getting outside. I freak out people who used to know me since my circumstances haven’t really gotten better (in fact, some might say worse), but I’ve got a new sense of confidence and a much better (yet still formative) sense of direction. My family hasn’t disowned me, simply because they knew they’d be in a bunch of trouble if they did (I’m the only physically capable person they know). In fact when I mentioned the possibility of moving across the state line (20 minute drive) my mom started trying to bribe me to stay here. It’ll happen anyway, once I find work.
I guess what I’m trying to get across is to not give up on the hope of having a happy life, friendships or not. I think Ben Stein said that the first rule of success is to decide what you want, and that’s absolutely true. Deciding what you DON’T WANT is equally important and will give you at least a little bit of direction. So identify the negatives in your life first (probably won’t be hard) and get those out of there. Admit to yourself that you want better, and write down some ideas and goals to keep yourself focused. In some cases, burning bridges and starting fresh is absolutely the right thing to do.
And please, if you’re really hurting like I was with self- loathing rage, suicidal/homicidal thoughts, and physical symptoms like stomach cramps, sleeplessness and erratic blood pressure: GET SOME HELP. There’s absolutely no shame in it. The better social workers will work something out if money is an issue. You’ll be surprised how much better you feel just to be able to unload a lot of baggage on a neutral party. I used to think therapy was only for the weak-minded too. But after most of my lifetime being mistreated, neglected and shat on by people, I realized that without help and a new way of looking at things I was doomed to be weak forever.
And thank you to Mr. Iwan for keeping this blog post up.
My whole life I never knew my birth mom. And it was hard growing up with out guidance and love from my mom because I didn’t have one. It was difficult growing up since I always swallow my sorrows and never vent. Please excuse my grammar as English isn’t my first language.
When i was in middle school I always ate alone at lunch. Same goes in high school. A few nice kids offer for me to sit with them but i had acne problem and i didn’t join them because i didn’t know how to socialize.
I had couple good friends in high school but we have lost touch now.
I’m in college now and still friendless.
I read each of your posts and i realize i wasn’t alone. It was a little relief in a funny way. I didn’t realize there is so many people like me.
Please email me so we can talk about our problems.
i’m in my 20s Male Asian. i’m very caring and very good listener and caring
DearJohn2525@yahoo.com
HI CC
I like to be your frined
see my post as well
email me at DearJohn2525@yahoo.com
I tell myself i need to stop babing myself and move on with my life.
I need to get away from here. I carry a note in my pocket and it keeps me comfort. I tell myself to keep on smiling and keep on laughing.
I know things can not get worst, it can only get better.
Some of you teens out there i know how you feel. i’ve been there.
My loneliness years were in high schoool.
drop me a line dearjohn2525@yahoo.com
or we can chat on yahoo
I had always thought it would be easy to be alone, having grown up as an only child with having marginal relationship with extended family and no real support system other than my parents (which I was grateful to have). I was never popular in school, always kind of the outsider, but I always had a small circle of friends. I hoped, that as an adult, it would be easier to be different and somehow I would make friends that would be cool with my uniqueness. This continued through college. Once I left college, however, and moved to the city, my circle got smaller and smaller. I ended up moving to the city only knowing one person, my best friend at the time, figuring it would be easy to make friends. Well, how wrong I was. We had always been close and spent many hours together, however, a relationship with a dominating man that convinced her I was the spawn of Satan completely dissolved our friendship. We haven’t spoken in 4 years and that was the last “good friend” I had. I am now married, but my extroverted husband doesn’t understand my issues with making friends. He works long hours and I spend many many solitary hours alone. I never thought being alone would be this difficult, but sometime it is hard to wake up in the morning feeling like I have a purpose. Most women my age have children or at least families (sisters, brothers, etc…) that they talk about-I cannot relate. I am definitely a nice person, compassionate, and open-minded, however I am becoming more bitter about people as the years go on and people have turned their backs on me. I know that it’s normal, to some extent, for people to drift apart over the years, but how is it possible to not have any friends in your 30’s? If I died, there would be few people at my funeral. I’m not suicidal, but it’s an observation that sometimes saddens me. I have accepted that my thoughts and ideas on life are somewhat unusual, however, I don’t think that should doom me to a life of solitude. I’m not a serial killer! I would love it if I had 3 good friends; I am not asking for a lot I don’t think.
It’s crazy, judging by the number of responses on this site, it appears that many other people feel alone. This tells me that a lot of people are concealing their lonlieness because it is not socially acceptable. Everyone pretends they have sooooo many friends, that they are so happy, when the reality is, many people feel the same way as us but are afraid to admit it.
My nightmare,
I had a dream about my old friends that I abandoned last night. I was sitting in a beautiful green field at my old house with my family, it was so happy and full of love, I don’t know what we were doing or talking about, but it was full of love. Then I noticed down the hill, were a couple of picnic tables and all my old friends where sitting and drinking and laughing. I hung my head in shame but then looked back at my family and half smiled.
But then I turned around and my old friend sandy was standing there and she said “are you gonna come down with us, or am I gonna have to scream?” I didnt even hesitate I said “yes I will come down” (half a tear in my eye). we took a few steps and there was my friend sarah (I loved her like a sister, and still do but havent seen her in 15 years). I started to tear up and said “but its been so long” her eyes looked at me with a beautiful longing and we just grabed each other and hugged and started walking together arm in arm in the most wonderfull embrace. I asked “how are you” In the most sincere voice Ive ever used. she said “ok” and smiled. Then she looked up at me and asked “what do you want to do today?” I paused looked at the ground and slowly back into her eyes and said “Just this . . . . Just to keep holding you”
Then she sat me down next to everyone, and they were all so happy and beautiful but I stared to ask how each person how they were and they wernt saying much, and I started realizing it was a dream. and the most incredible wave of sadness hit me. that has stuck with me all day.
I miss you guys soooooooo much, and I still love you more than you’ll ever know. even though I havent seen you in 15 years,
I would gladly give my life right now, if it meant you were safe and happy.
I wish by some twist of fate these small digital words find you some day, and you will know that I feel like the luckiest man in the world for having known the most beautiful, careing, incredible people the world has ever known, you were so worried about me when I was sad, and I felt your pain like it was my own.
the pain is so unbearable, I miss you so much. I so scared and alone.
I miss you as much as anyone has missed anyone before.
hello, i`m Helen and I `m russian i`m married and i live in Italy.. i moved here for my job and for my husband ..and i feel tottaly depressed…
it is a new country ..a new world so i fell absolutely lonely…i speak english and italian..if there is someone interesting… well..i `d like to have some new friends…
I know how all of you feel.
Honestly, I am not a bad person. I’ve had significant others throughout my life but I’ve always felt entirely empty inside.
Pretending you’re alright is the hardest part. You don’t want the few people who actually give any concern about your well-being anything to worry about; day after day I plaster myself with this smile that everyone knows me so well for.
I may be young, but as far as I’m concerned a happier life seems increasingly harder to attain. Sadly, even I understand that although everything in life may seem negative, it is important to remember that there are innumerable positives that grace our lives every second. I wish you all the best of luck in finding yourselves, and making sense of each and every day.
~gr
Another trash day.
Things gone worse since my last post.
I feel again like I have no reason to live.
Getting good comments on my clothes etc, but no, people were just making fun of me.
Seriously, some people need to f off. My self confidence is totally gone at this moment, and im deffo staying home for this week. I ffs dont wanna go to school.
I really have some stuff to work on, first of all that I make no new friends, second of all that I totally lost my self confidence and totally feel uncomfortable at college now, which I first DIDNT.
I just wanna die, but actually I’m too scared of dying. I cant commit suicide cause jumping before a train is just too hard… or jumping from a roof or something. Just feeling like im stuck in this life…
To LisaAtl,
I dont know if you are reading this, but I have to let you know that. You’re are
a WONDERFUL person. At least, you have a GREAT husband that supports you.
Not only, that you have also successful CAREER that many (including myself)
could only dream of. For me, I’m a TERRIBLE person, I cheated on my GF of 6
years, visiting prositutes. NOTHING I do now, will bring her back. Though,
she’s NOT a perfect person like I am. I REALLY regretted it. I’m now suffering
from depression as a result. Also, I cant really hold on to friendships as well.
I’m basically back to sq 1 like when I was in my early 20’s.
No friends nor girlfriend. It’s like the whole world have forsaken me.
Basically it’s karma, I believe. I really don’t know how to forgive myself.
If there’s really a god, pls forgive me, I really dont know what else to do.
It’s REALLY a terrible feeling to bear……… I REALLY dont know what to type
anymore.
Sinned,
Alex
i believe the problem is shyness, for me it is anyway, i also don’t believe i’m good enough to be someones friend because i struggle to make people laugh and i feel awkward in my own skin. the thought of actually going out with a girlfriend on a date feels humiliating when you are a male in your mid twenties who is stuck in a low income job and doesn’t even earn enough to rent a 1 bedroom flat. sure i have qualifications and i’m pleasant, i have hobbies and interests but alot of that means nothing in the scheme of relationships and being successful once you become an adult. i’ve been listening to joy division and nick drake alot, trying to find artists who empathise with my situation, that is the gloomy side of it. the brighter side is to keep trying to change things and to never give up no matter how bad things seem to be. i find if i keep busy i’m not dwelling on my weaknesses so much. its never easy. i thank music for keeping me alive, particularly radiohead and their tower of strength.
To jeff (22:25:48), (if you happen to read this)
I may be younger than you. But I undertstand how you feel. I ‘m quite a terrible person (if you read my eariler post) Yes, I do help people when in time of need.
However, from what I have learnt. Being nice to people, does not make you popular. Maybe, we or I lack to fundemental social skill to communicate with people. Take me for example, I sometimes I can be blunt when speaking to people. From what I experience, most people if not all, only wanna hear honey coated words.
Politics is the name of the game. Hence, that’s why probably most if us failed in this area. So called friends are good to have but real friends are people who HELP you when in times of need. I may be atheist but if there’s a god.
————————————————————
May the almighty help us all. Draw strength from your love ones, be it the creator, your parents, yr silbings, relatives or friend(s). You are not alone in this journey. The path of life is long & unpredictable. If we fall, we must pick ourselves up again. Faith is the strenght we should strive on. Focus is the will we grow on. Even there’s no one we can turn to.
We must sail through the stormy seas & survive. I know that everyone has fear. Fear of being alone, Fear of none to share our moments of happiness & joy. Fear of no shoulder to cry on, comfort us in times of need. BUT, hush!
we all come through the cycle of life alone. Have this etched in your mind & you will not be alone.
I hope future & returning people may find solace & do not weep over lost relations & love. The great love you will ever have is from within you & your parents.
Anyone who wish to share their woes with me. Feel free to leave your msn or skype. Just leave your contact here or email @ tfsixshot1980@yahoo.com.sg
My time zone is GMT +8
wow…couldn’t stop crying reading these things…same boat here guys, I feel like my ‘friends’ aren’t really anything other than drinking buddys..oh sorry my one friend I should say. I hate what I’ve become which is pretty much the same thing that I’ve been since early high school..It seems these problems stem from that time in a persons life, why don’t schools enforce rules to prevent discrimination of any kind…When I was younger, I was REALLY quiet, came to a high school where I only knew a few people..Some person died and BAM I was the one who everyone was dumping on because someone spread a stupid rumor and that lead to people following me home, death threats bla blabla..Anyways yeah back to my life now… I’m not happy with anything in my life, have a shitty part time job where I’ll buy groceries or fill my friendless void with unnecessary material objects…I sit at home almost every day waiting for someone to call, message or whatever…sit on FB playing stupid RPG games that you can buy a house and you have friends yeah that fills on a bad day, about 6-8 hours of my time..I have a BF which has sooo many friends and he KNOWS I’m jealous and at times rubs it in how he has “millions” of friends and can go to them at any time…dig the hole deeper why don’t cha…I had a friend since I was 4 years old and a falling out occured with the BF and her and now we don’t speak…best friends forever? I wish..She was a panic attack chick with little friends and now when I find info on her she has all her friends from HS back and elsewhere, meeting new people and so on, its like role reversal…I was never introverted, opinionated yes but GENERALLY I’ll say I was a nice person…Now I HAAAATE going out by myself…make excuses to not leave the house and sit and wait..for nothing….I have ambitions, but when the time comes to act upon them I start reverting to this thought that I can’t do anything without someone…ok maybe not anything..but anything a 22yr old good looking chick would WANT to do with a girlfriend..I hang out with my bf doing nothing and my mom and I drink together…shes in a bad spot herself and when I say I need to get out and MOVE ON WITH MYY LIFE I can see it in her eyes that she’d be f’d without me, which is a serious guilt trip that I just can’t get out of..talking about predispositioned loneliness…fits her to a tee…no friends but a shitload of family…I’m a single child who was sheltered beyond NORMALITY…having to ride a school bus until grade 8 because my parents were so scared I was going to get kidnapped..let me tell you how happy I was to have to take public transit at that age…yeah its a life story…at least you guys are listening, we all have eachother online, but online is online and cannot substitute healthy human interaction…sorry…anyways i’m a high school dropout with good intentions, when I go out I have no prolem socializing with girls and what kills me the most is when I’m out of there and still alone thinking ‘oh I’d love to be her friend, I NEED that kind of person in my life’ (noting that they actually seem like they can keep friends/not into malicious/drag down patterns etc)..I used to have a cell phone and go out every night until the rooster sang I had friends but I realized that they had bad intentions and I didn’t want that type of relationship…where the hell did I go wrong..I can’t keep relationships..I want to go to college, move out, buy my own house (or at least rent!) be genuinely HAPPY with MYSELF, but I keep things in so much (lack of friends to talk to) and I’m a very anxious person, now I get mood swings where I’ll snap at people who I’m close to…I feel people are trying to brag about how great their lives are and I’m sitting here crying to myself because I have nothing..I resent being the way I am and I’ll probably turn into a psychopath soon enough if I don’t get some sort of relief from the pain in my heart and the blur in my vision of MY LIFE! No matter what I do I cannot keep friendships..oh funny story, I tried to get help from a counsellor thinking I’m doing the right thing by at least TRYING to talk to someone, and the bitch cancelled MY appointment the day before..huuuuuh ain’t that some shit.
lol…I just googled ‘how to be happy with yourself’ and I’m disgusted with what these people suggest..check this out..
Choose to be happy
Learn to be content
Improve yourself
Appreciate Every Waking Moment
yeah that last one killed it for me…shut the f**k up because I’ve tried this crap and NOTHING WORKS..If I don’t turn into a psychopath, (looking at these options, most likely to happen) I’ll end up eating myself to death…I forgot to mention that I’m noticing that food is turning into my friend…NOT HEALTHY..I’M AWARE OF THIS…And I hope none of you resort to emotional eating because I think of myself let’s say 3 years ago and how good I looked and guys would hit on me etc…Now when I look at myself I nit pick every stretch mark and view myself fatter then I actually am…body dysmorphic disorder is the name of that problem…I really don’t want to bother people with these stupid things but I don’t want to end up on TLC for being the next 600 pound woman okay…..actually…thinking about it…that miiiight be a way to get some friends? lol I’m joking I’m a sarcastic person I hope you’re all aware of this…I’m just trying to lighten my mood… :) hope I hear something back from my novel that I’ve just written.. and thanks guys I appreciate the support regardless of how hard it is for you, yourself. I hope someone replies to this..or is this my online life spilling into my real life now…”no messages..” agh.. smile guys even if the joke is at my expense.
I just recently got a pet hamster and i’m much happier. I think pets are important part of human life if i am lonely.
But i’m 200 percent happier because my pet brings me joy.
I think dogs or cats will be even better, but i can’t because of my apartment.
Hi LonleyChick, I hope your feeling ok. I hope everyone on here is feeling ok for that matter (I really do). as for me its day by day ya know?(lately Ive been wishing I could fall asleep & never wake up but not today)
@lonleyChick, First of all I by no means think I know any anwsers to your problems, I only know what Ive learned from experience(limited as it is: having no freinds for 9 years or so), for what its worth all I can offer is my ear & my words.
Im sorry for what happened to you in your past, I had a simaler thing happen to me. But different, I was ambaresed to show myself or talk to anyone from about 17 to 23 or so.
I know everyone’s different & I dont know you, but it sounds like you have a good heart. I know its strange but I find solace in my daily life because I feel for people like you, I would be scared if I didnt worry, because that would mean I didnt care & maby thats part of what a psychopath is? not caring?
I too feel people brag about how great their lives are, & sometimes I feel guilty because I know I have very little, but I still have alot more than some. but that doesnt mean the pain we feel is any more or less depending where you are or what you do or have done? I dont know.
people care, and that isnt a hollow statment because I care. Best of luck to you and everyone else here as well.
lonelychick… add me jackosn1@live.com
I feel the exact same way…. my stories sound like each of yours during high school I had friends and then I spent 10 years with the person that I love dearly and unconditionally to find out that they didn’t really ever love me anyway…they just dealt with me! :(
I just don’t understand why can’t we all move to a community together so none of us would NEVER EVER be alone anymore :D
I thought it was just me who had no friends!
Just finished my first semester of university and made a whopping of four aquaintances. None close of course. I am always terriefied of truly opening up to people because in all my past experiences with friendships have ended up in me being ditched.
I suppose its slightly better than my last year of high school…I started off with about four “friends” and ended up with none. The last term I spent as a loner hiding from everyone in the library from sheer fucking emabarrasment.
I’m introverted closet gay guy so I don’t exactly long to be a social butterfly with hundreds of friends. But when you have no one who sincererly cares about you, or no one for you to care about, its the most pathetic feeling in the world. I mean what the hell does it say about you when society as a whole rejects you for being the person you are?
I’m a 49yo Australian male.
Aussie men are suppose to be stoic and have lots of mates (friends).
I do not this stereotype.
I’ve been basically friendless all of my adult life. As a child I had a few good, close friends but after I left school things seemed to slide.
Even though I have a successful career where I am very much respected, am married to a loving wife with 2 fantastic kids, I still feel like I am a total failure in life.
Friendship seems to me to be a bit like the world currency system whereby a person’s social ‘value’ is set by the market.
The only way to maintain or improve your value is to uptrade with those of more value than you while offsetting the costs by simultaneously downtrading with those of lower value.
I have been out of the market for so long now, and my social currency has now become so undervalued, that any exchange will cost far more than I am prepared to pay in terms of my dignity. I have become as cutoff from the rest of the world as North Korea.
A psychologist once told me that I was an extrovert living the life on an introvert. This amazed me as I always thought that I was a pure introvert.
But it all makes sense to me now.
My pain is caused by an unfulfilled need to connect with others in order to create a complete whole.
I feel so incomplete and impoverished.
Oh well, must go on, I’ve come a long way so far and it’s not too long now to the big sleep.
I must be stoic after all.
Hello all,
its being alittle while since I was here. Anyway, to Allan. U should be glad yr wife & kids are there for U. As for myself, I feel better now, expanding my social circle. Gotta know more ppl, though they are mere acquaintances. Well, @ least things turn out slightly better. So hang in there folks.
Alex, after 25 years of marriage and 21 years of parenting I can safely say that this is not a panacea or even a solace for a lack of friendships.
In fact, a lack of outside friendships can put undue pressure on your family relationships as you come to depend on these people too much and expect far more from them than is appropriate.
It seems the the harder you try, the more you get involved, the more ‘acquaintances’ you make, the worse it actually gets.
After 30 years of being at the bottom of other people’s invitation lists you just accept the reality of situation and give up.
I’m supposed to be at a car rallie today but someone forgot to ring me to let me know where to meet up. Funny, everyone else gets a call but I always get forgotten.
I know my fellow club members don’t hate me, in fact most of them quite like and respect me, but for some reason I just don’t exist outside of their presence.
These days I practice the art of indifference. Doesn’t ease the pain all that much but at least I can shrug off some of the embarrassment.
Well, Allan. For starters, my philosophy in life is similar with yours, which is indifference.
I also noticed this is quite common among males over the age of 18 (lacking of friends), regardless of nationality. 2nd, it is quite common among “developed” nations. Maybe it is some sort of pandemic or something (LOL!)
Anyway, I don’t really try too hard with acquaintances. I usually initiate a contact or 2 & see how things goes. If the relations just fade, @ least I dont feel so hurt as it’s not a “full bloom” friendship.
Back to U, Allan. Though I can never fully understand your situation. (as I’ve never been a parent nor married) I can assume that the role of a spouse & father can be very taxing. But yr relations with yr family should be good & stable @ least? (+rewarding as well?)
For appointments, maybe you should initiate contact @ times. I know that kinda sucks, but do try @ times. The key is never give up. I think you should change your perspective on life in general. I know it all seems bleak & gloomy most of the times. But life itself is a struggle, no matter you’re the rich & famous or the poor & unwanted.
To give up socialising is basically giving up life itself. Being 49 years old, is not end of the road. You have the life that many people yearn for. The trick is be “sunny”. If you’re humorous by nature, its gonna be easier. If not, try to learn some things that people in your club doesn’t know. Share the knowledge, that’s how guys usually bond. (No pun intended, but I thought aussies are a very friendly & open bunch. I’m a Singaporean btw, & people aren’t that open nor friendly. I should be in a much deeper shit than u do, heh)
Anyway, just to know you know something abt myself. I’m a 30yr old guy. I have worked afew years for mere peanuts. I chose that coz I was more into gym & fitness than completing in the rat race of this retarded, pragmatic, “follower” society of ours. I do not envy my peers in any sense. However, because of this choice. I was often oztracised.
Back in mind, I think that friends should not judge you on your social standing nor your “popularity standing”. If that’s the case, they are NOT my friends.
Sometimes, our behaviour may also affect how much people wanna connect with us. It’s good to have feedback sometimes. Just dont dwell on it 2 much. IMHO. A little indifference is good but dont be too disconnected. Coz it’s never too good to build a wall ard U.
Cheers from Singapore,
Alex.
Hi Folks,
Feeling particularly , down this morning. Somehow, whenever I’m alone in the house. I feel that the loneliness, am trying hard to fight off the demons.
Well, today is my last day of my medical leave. Alone @ home, skies are still gloomy from the morning shower. Now, I somehow got a feeling that I probably gonna walk down the path of life alone without friends nor spouse. I also feel that I’m losing my social skill bit by bit. If acquaintances drops by occasionally in my life, I’II just take it with a pinch of salt.
I try embrace the loneliness like death (which comes to us all eventually) with a smile. Sad but true.
I always thought I was a weirdo until I typed ’21 with no friends’ into Google just now and read all of your comments (yeah, that took me a while!). I’m glad (well, not glad but you know what I mean!) that I’m not the only one out there who has no friends (and no boyfriend) and is feeling lonely. I always see photos of my ‘friends’ on Facebook who are having a brilliant time with their many friends and I feel like such a loser. I tried going to dance classes to make friends before but it seems like no one really makes an effort nowadays. I only made two friends at uni and I only talk to one friend from school. I guess I should be lucky that I have these three friends at least.
I’ve been very alone for 2 years now. I haven’t really had a full conversation with anyone other than my mum in this time. I’m turning 18 in a couple weeks and in September leaving home to go to university. In school I had a group of lovely friends and a long term boyfriend of 2 years, we went to different colleges as I wanted to study art full time and he was going on to do a-levels as all my friends were. I knew things would change and it would be difficult to remain as close to everyone as they would still be together. After a month of being at different colleges my ex boyfriend broke up with me and when he went out with our friends they stopped invited me as I was no longer with him. I would see pictures of everyone out having fun on facebook so decided I would delete facebook enabling me to forget them and meant I didn’t have to know about the things they were doing without me. This just made it harder for me to meet people at my own college as facebook seems to be the main way to make relationships grow. I tried to stay in contact with some people from the group but my ex boyfriend would keep popping up in conversation and the things they did at the weekend or something funny one of them had said. I’m very sensitive, I feel, so I ended up not calling them and they never called me, so that was that. I got through college by saying very little and not really being close to anyone. College is over now and I’m going to university in a couple months, I just really hope I meet someone who won’t care that I have no friends. I need something to wake up for and I really want someone to laugh with and talk to.
Liza, embrace those 3 people, love them.
I am 28 and have been reading this page off and on for the last three years and am now finally posting. I could literally write pages and pages of reasons why my life sucks but I will try to be as concise as possible. Well here it is. A poster said above if you are married and dating, “get off this site”. It is as hard if not harder to find a friend when you are in a committed relationship. I have the love of my life and that is pretty much it. I have literally NO ONE outside my fiancée and her parents. I have NO family (long story), co-workers (self-employed), no friends or even neighbors that actually say hello back when you greet them.
It started in my teens, unfortunately coming from an urban environment and not being involved in the culture (promiscuity, drugs, alcohol and gang-banging); I never really quite fit in. When you are the only person you know that cares about what PHP or MySQL is, you aren’t the first on the list to the latest party. When I was on speaking terms with my family, they only called when they needed something technical repaired or setup.
In my late twenties, it really is getting to me and my fiancée. Not ever drinking, smoking, doing drugs or even belonging to a church (we are in the Bible belt and are Agnostic), makes it a bit hard to develop any kind of meaningful relationship. We seem to make people feel guilty by just being around them. So anyway, as you can see, we have a couple of environmental issues we are dealing with.
SOCIAL NETWORKING
MySpace was the coffin; Facebook was the nails in the coffin. In my opinion they both have completely expedited the decay of humanity in western society. I know of people that have 2,300 Facebook “friends” but end up on the street and have nobody to call on. I had a Facebook account with about 8 “friends “and only heard from one of them – my fiancée. The account has since been deactivated.
TEXTING
People don’t even know what each other sound like anymore. Disturbing that people will send over 50 text messages that take over 30 minutes to write when you can just call the person and have the same conversation in literally 3 minutes. Unfortunately beyond my understanding, not conforming to this standard puts another barrier between me and most people I do meet.
But if anyone wants to talk to a REAL person and just converse, contact me on AIM at: techtragedy or EMAIL at: techtragedy@aol.com.
Im so f-ing sad, my life sucks. Im smart enough to know Im not a bad person, but I know I dont lead a good life. 1) 34 year old virgin, thats only ever kissed 2 girls when I was 16-17 & cant talk to a girl now without shaking like Im a met addict. 2) dead end job making 8 dollars and hour, where I f-around on the internet all day & make no effort in getting a raise or working up to my ability. 3) 15,000 dollars in debt & can only afford minimum payments, so it will take me 10 years to pay them off after paying over $10,00 in interest. 4) all I think about all day is getting home and drinking till I feel like Im gonna throw up, and then wake up feeling like I literally wanna die cause Im so hung over. 5) sleep in a family members basement & havent paid them rent in 6 months cause I spend all my money on alcohol and gross things on the internet. 6) Im close to beeing comited, I could just stare at a wall & blank my mind for hours if I didnt think it was socially unacceptable. 7) I have nothing to look forward to, Im the most socially akward person Ive ever met, Im not even comfortable around my own family, at chistmas and holidays I just feel antsy and just think about how I wanna leave the whole time. 8) I used to inhale butane & gasoline every day so my memmory is horrible & I shake like Im addicted to coccaine. 9) Ive said to myself every day “man I suck” for years , . .said it so many times I now belive it through and through, like a stone truth.
this list is not therepudic at all. Im gonna go home and drink half a bottle of whiskey and ignore the world, and contimplate the easy way out, if i wasnt so lazy and a whimp I would have done it years ago like i should have.
Hi All,
Cloudy skies again this morning, abt to go to work. U know what ppl. Actually, I really like talking to people. I really do. I really dont know what to do sometimes. Esp now. Yes, I do have some acquaintances but I reallyh need the connect, really sucks to have no real friends. I really tired of calling ppl & inviting them out. I just so mentally tired, really tired.
Gtg folks, gonna drag myself to work now. See U people ard soon, thanxs for reading & bye.
Bellses- I really feel for you. I hope something good comes out of all of this, and your life somehow changes. Best Wishes and keep your head up.
Thanks Eddie.
bellses, I don’t know who you are or where you are but i feel for you aswell. You sound like a great guy who could do alot better than you’ve been doing. You seem to me like you know you can do better and deserve more for yourself, but you need to go out there and get it…people who don’t know you can’t judge make a fresh start and give people a chance.
Then again we can all talk the talk, then we look at ourselves are we any better off. Im about to be 21 i also have a dead end job, i rent a house and no boyfriend to speak of just a user that i can’t seem to get over and get rid of he doesn’t really want me. My friends have definately been disappearing off the face of the earth, i have a handful left, so much so i want to ignore my 21st birthday because i cant think of many people i want to celebrate it with. I feel alone to sometimes even when im not on my own.
Thank you atters, I really appreciate your kind words. its people like you, people that care for strangers, that make this world a beautiful place to live in. & yes I know I can do better, but I dont deserve anything, or anyone. I can only ever imagine what its like to live a good life.(I dream every day of where I could be if I was normal) Im to scared to make a fresh start & give people a chance, I can only look in from the outside and appriciate kind wondefull people from afar. its been too long. Dont get me wrong I am full of love (I think to much) and would give my life without question to save others. Anyway, I realize my dreams will only ever be dreams & Ive started to get my affairs in order.
you make a great point, seeing all the posts here I realize it doesnt matter if you have no freinds, or one, or only your spouse or whatever. its the fact that feeling really lonley is painfull no matter who or where you are. pain is universal, it has no prejudice, or reason. If I had a magic wand the first thing I would do is wave it at all of you and take your pain away.
bellses don’t get your affairs in order you have so much living to do. Don’t ever think you don’t deserve anything and no one, I repeat, no one is normal. People aren’t looking to be friends with Normal People. They want uniqueness. The only question is where can you find people that might share your interests. There are so many online things like this that don’t make up for human contact but at least get you started. Trust me I am as shy as they come and I am not always easy to talk to myself. Don’t dislike yourself and think you aren’t worthy of friendship or human interaction. You are and the fact that you are full of love shows you are one of those wonderful people that you mentioned. Don’t give up just reallocate your dedication maybe start off with an online group to get involved with and then maybe some clubs outside your home. It really makes a difference in how you feel about the day.
my last 2 nights on earth & I have nothing to do. youde think I would want to go out and do somthing but no, the fact I have nothing to do only helps to confirm my decision.
god Im so scared of myself.
Bellses, what are you talking about, you have something to do, finish what you started, which is connecting with all of us, you them, me…we all have the same connection here. You’ve taken a huge step, and an equally huge leap of faith just posting here, and look what happened, you received this out pouring from so many here, and these people don’t know you from Adam, but you have touched each and everyone of us. I hope this is something you can see, we are real, albeit we are all digital dwellers, but real none the less. It’s not what you are looking for I know…we all know, but for some of us, it’s something, more than what we have outside of this digital realm. I’m going to bet that a lot of us here have had the same idea as you, but let it be just that, an idea, one that fails…I pray to God it does…Bellses I don’t know you, but I can relate to you, in fact so much that I will tell you that I have tried to do what you are planning…twice, and both times my plan failed, and after the second time, (since I had nothing but time in the hospital) I sat,and I thought…of everything, good, bad, indifferent…I asked myself hundreds of questions, played out all the scenarios, and still after my little soul searching journey I came up with nothing…sounds stupid, but I still had no reason to live, but I asked myself, whats the worst thing that could happen if I let myself live…really, what could have been worse than lying in that bed, with nothing to do, but force myself to think about the why’s and how’s… I like challenges, and decided to give myself 3 months to see what could happen, if I lived, I mean I already knew what would happen if I died right…lol and for 3 months I looked to change things that were within my control, started trying things that I hadn’t done before, like something as simple as joining a gym ( I was kind of a fat guy, really fat) and for 3 months I spent a lot of time there in the gym, I was still fat,but liked the fact that I was working against it…I also liked the small things like clothing feeling looser on me. It got to where the regulars would walk by and say hi, I know it was just being polite, but it menat a lot to me, it meant the they saw me, they acknowledged me, it gave me just a tiny ego boost…but that was enough to get me to walk up and ask for help from time to time…that led to me making “gym friends” people I could talk with while I was there. It may have been small talk, but small talk is waaay better than no talk, I say! And I did make a friend that I could hang out with, someone who became a really good friend. I know I’m dragging this way out, but can you blame me, there is so much at stake, and like everyone else who has been opening themselves to you,I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, and like everyone here I truly do care about you…please at least give us a chance…I know everyone here only wants you to be safe, Damn it Bellses, please here us…because we heard you…
Bellses,
I’m sitting here, thinking about you, my heart is pounding out of my chest, with fear…I’m afraid for you. I truly hope you change your mind, all of us here do. I know you feel alone, and undeserving, but Bellses all of us here have, and I hope you can see the at least here on this site you have a chance for meeting someone, anyone…please reach out to us, you did once by posting here, I know that wasn’t just you venting, or just saying goodbye, I know it was you reaching out in what feels like the darkness for someone to take you by the hand…well, you got lots of hands reaching back to you…now you have the choice, do you take us by the hand, hold on, and let us try and help you through, or do you shove us away? Everyone here has some sort of pain, loneliness, feeling that we’re not worthy, or whatever, but the point is, were all reaching out, to each other, please take more time and reconsider…please!
Im so sorry to make you worry. & thank you for sharing your story w/ me MrscottR, & thanks everyone else for sharing your storys to. you are very brave to do so.
Im still in alot of pain, but Im leaning towards not going through with it this weekend. My mind is still racing with hate for myself, Im having a hard time right now not listing why Im horibble. I cant think clearly when the option is in my mind.
I shouldnet be using this bourd to spread my pain, If I have Im so incredibly sorry, from the bottom of my heart. this is a small digital realm where we can feel not so lonley. & right now I dont feel as lonley.
Right now I cant imagine any good in my future, but I hope I will see past the pain soon. My first reaction is jelousy & pain, I need to fight those feelings.
I will try not to be alone this weekend, I think that will help.
There is love in the world right? I see imense beauty, but I see no love.
Thanks again, your words of kindness have not left my thoughts. & they wont.
Bellses, my blood ran cold when I read your posts. And I wish all of us could be there, watch over you. I’d never let you out of my sight. WE’D never let you out of our sight. But we’re here, right here, right now. The crazy thing is that they’re so many of us across the board. There’s bonding here. There are people who care here.
I’m just a teenage dirtbag, but people like the ones here, who talk to you and care about you without even knowing, they give me hope.
Jersey is spot on, Bellses, about people here bonding, what Jersey is wrong about is being a teenage dirtbag…completely wrong…Jersey, how can you say that? You just took time to open yourself to a stranger, to share your feelings…that I say, is not something a dirtbag would do…You have something special inside you if you truly care about Bellses…I can see it, why can’t you?!?
I just wanted to say hello & say Im feeling a little better today. Im not as afraid of myself right now.
I do feel like you guys are watching over me Jersey, I know thats weird but it gives me some solace & makes me not feel alone. It helps me not feel so bad. and I thank you for it.
& MScottR is right, your not a dirt bag.
Bellses, I’m so glad you here you’re feeling better…Apparently God does answer prayers, you are right to take solace, and know that you are not alone…Keep believing in yourself, trust in yourself to be stronger that the pain, we believe in you..
Michael
Merely reading your comfort, bellses, and the people reaching out, and me seeing myself in every one of you gives me the warmth I need to continue living for at least another day.
We all have the same battle, it’s all coming from the same place. self-acceptance, the quest for care and love- it’s nothing new. but ill be damned if we let something as asinine and meaningless as fate stop us from trying. whether you’re reading this as a teenager who moved to a new school and can’t find anyone to attatch to, or a 60 year oldwhose entire life has gone down-hill since puberty, there’s nothing to stop change. Life is YOUR game. Fuck any obstacle that’s standing in your way, screw your baseless low-self esteem, and take wind off the mere knowledge that love EXISTS. belonging EXISTS!!! That should be motivation enough in and of itself. Isn’t it something worth fighting for? Isn’t it something worth dying for?
I don’t know how to thank you. So I’ll smile. It’s the best I can do.
jersey, a smile is all thats needed, it says that we are getting through to each other. I think once that starts it will have the snowball effect…smile here…and who knows, perhaps you’ll be smiling everywhere… :-)
Well said James8, love and belonging are things worth fighting for, & I truley belive that. But I still dont see it for myself yet. (my predominant thought is still “I have nothing & I am nothing.”)
With that said, I realize I really need help now. Ive found support groups in my area(how to deal w/ mental illness & such), Im scared to death to call or go to them. but I really need to build up the courage to do so. Im fighting to not admit I have a serious mental health problem, I feel like its admiting I have an arm growing out of my forehead. They will say I need to go to a doctor and go on meds and stuff? we’ll see I guess, . . .
Also my real name is Matt, nice to meet you. . . everyone.
Hey techtragedy, I can totally related to your situation. In addition to being married, I also have a completely severed relationship with my extended family, leaving only my husband’s family for me to reach out to. People in my area are not at all friendly and – in fact – will go out of their way to avoid you.
Let’s not talk about the friend situation. I have few, if any, friends that I can call up and get together with and I have work from home as well. I find Facebook to be completely demoralizing and depressing, and using it makes me want to go live on a remote island, apart from any people.
Also, to the person who posted that people on Facebook always seem to be having the perfect life on the site, I just have one thing to say: THEY LIE!!!! Don’t believe what you read on Facebook, because often times people are lying and b-sing, just like they do in real life, to show off. Don’t believe the hype.
I have not written here for a long time. I’m a 28 year old lawyer in a city. The rent in this city is very expesive so I have 3 roommates. I feel so alone here it is unbelievable. I feel the need to be with someone so badly.
I was recently went on vacation by myself to a less sophisticated beach town. In my city I am just a run of the mill average Mr. Joe lawyer. I may be smart but there is nothing unique about me here. I just don’t feel special. So, as I said, I went to this beach town where the sophistication level was not very high. Thank God I knew someone from the area who let me stay by their house so I didn’t have to get a hotel room. I went out one evening just for a drink and to listen to some music and to test my luck………
I walked into the bar/club and I felt so comfortable. People were nice and moderately friendly. Unbelievably friendly when compared to my city. I met this really cute girl and we had a really nice time together. Of course she asked where my friends were. This question is the single strongest question for me to deal with. Where are my friends…. I managed to deflect the question but the question lingers as it has always lingered since about high school.
I just came from a married friend’s daughters first birthday party. He was the only one who I knew at the party. We had met in law school. I noticed all the different married couples there who also came to the party. I felt as if I’ll never get a mate as good as the people there. I was a desperate friendless fool who thought that I can achieve fulfillment through passing tests and getting degrees. I don’t know what kind of girl I will ultimately get. I don’t know what kind of girl I deserve. Do you think I can maybe pull off an upset and actually get something better than I deserve. I always feel like I’m the one who is being cheated meaning that I always get the lesser part of the bargain.
It is kind of comforting as I type here and my life moves on and I really feel like I have lost the reins. I just don’t know why I can’t find a companion to keep me warm at night and to listen to my feelings and be concerned about my well being. I promise I am willing to reciprocate. I may not be the most exciting person on earth but I am extremely devoted, very kind, sensitive, thoughtful, non-judgmental and sweet. Perhaps a major flaw of mine is that I’m desperate for that companion described a few sentences back. I’m not one who believes in entitlement but am I not entitled to feel desperate……. Ahhhhh, but that is not the question- the rule of the world is funny- to those that have God supplies more and more and to those that don’t have they remain without…. hmmmmm that is a concept that is funny
Also, for those in pain….. and I don’t mean to say this is a grand great strategy……….. go to a hospital….. not to check yourself into the hospital but to see all the pain and suffering that is going on…….. to experience and be part of an enviorment with massive pain and suffering……. that is what to an extent is going on here….. we write and others are able to feel the pain………. it is soothing to both the listener and the writer…………
I came upon this site like most of you; I got curious about what would come up in Google and typed in “I have no friends” to be pleasantly shocked that there were people, just LIKE me, who were lonely and without friends! You know, it’s weird not having any friends. I remember back when I had friends and was the social butterfly I now wish I was still, I’d see someone alone and never imagine being alone would be very hard, but it is, soooo very much is.
I go to high school and am the loner, if you haven’t figured that out, :p and I see people with there groups of friends, wondering where is my group of friends, or where are the people that I’m suppose to be hanging out with or connecting with just like everyone else? But, there’s no one. There’s people out there that are so worried about not fitting into the majority of people out there, but already have there small group of friends. And then there’s me, and I have to worried about fitting in with ANYONE, if you catch my drift.
See, there’s so many things that come along with being alone, for me anyway, there’s; feeling left out, depression, self-insecurities, more boredom to experience, etc. It’s really amazing just what one simple thing, and that being lonely, could make you do and feel. There were a few times, where it just got too MUCH for me, and I’ve done awful things to myself, one of them being that I cut myself. And then in high school, there not really fond of loners, and have to make fun of me JUST for being alone, making me feel more like shit for it, when I’ve felt enough of that.
And I’ve tried to connect with people, I’m beautiful, well that’s what people say, I dress nice (I HOPE), have good hygiene, I treated everyone kindly and YET no one wants to become friends with me, shit, people even say I’m likeable, YET don’t want to become friends with me. And I do have this one friend, I rarely see. Seems like every time I talk to someone with her, they almost ALWAYS take an interest in her, that sometimes I feel like her shadow…. Anyway, I’m going to be desperate as I already am :p, and put out my email lilmiss2dyfunctional@gmail.com, so, I could find someone to talk to, and hopefully divide this pain I feel from loneliness with.
im 10 i had some friends but i dont trust them so now im lownly and desspret to have some friends please be my friend im kind and sharing andd i love games and football. im looking faor somebody that cares about me
[…] read your post on this page and I just wanted to say hello. I really identified with what you said. I am a lonely geeky […]
Hi, I hope you guys are doing good.
I think I’m reaching the point where I’ve quit trying to make friends. I just don’t have energy anymore. Funny thing the other day, this guy at work who I see see once in awhile on my break, we always chat and he is very friendly. Then last week I caught him on Facebook IM. So I said hi, thinking we will have engaging conversation. Wow! He just said hi and a terse response and brushed me off. I saw him a Facebook again an IM him but no reponse. The last Friday I ask this coworker who I knew had some friendship issues. I asked him if he wanted to go bowling with my wife and me. He gave me a flat no. Well at least he was honest. I don’t know what the hell is going on! I guess it gets worse as you get older. I feel for all of us.
i am thankful that I stumbled upon this website. I have always wondered if I was the only one who did not have any friends and I am amazed that there are other people out there like me.
Like most of you, i used to have friends in school. Elementary was probably the best years of my life, I had 3 best friends and many other real good friends. Even though I was a little shy I had no difficulty making and keeping friends.
However, my life changed when i moved to Canada and I lost touch with all but one of them. MY first year in junior high was unbearable, I spent most of time eating alone in the cafeteria. Sometimes, I even ate lunch in the washroom for fear of being seen eating alone by certain people. The following year came and I finally made some friends. I was ecstatic! At last, I didn’t have to sit alone in the cafeteria anymore! I actually enjoyed my second and third year in junior high, thank god! Then high school came and we parted ways…well sort of. I made efforts to overcome my shyness and somehow I managed to hung out with a few people. It was only then I realized I was hanging out with the wrong crowd. We got into trouble for shoplifting and were ordered to do hours and hours of volunteer work. As soon as I completed my hours, I stopped talking to my “friends”. The last two years of high school were probably some of the most lonely years of my life. I hung out with a couple of girls but the friendship could only go as far as skipping classes together and eating out during lunch. Somehow, I managed to graduate…Soon after I found out it in the news that one of my friends from junior high had drownd. I was in disbelief and very devastated.
Fast forward to 2010 and I still don’t have a person in my life that I can a call a REAL friend. I guess it’s rare to find genuine people, it seems everyone is so judgemental and fake. Perhaps it’s the city I live in that prevents me from living the life I want. Or maybe some people are just born lucky when it comes to friendships. But what I have learned is that sometimes it’s better to be alone than to get hurt by the people you’re supposed to trust.
I’m 54 and feel alone. It feels weird typing that – like
your confessing to being an alcoholic. The world is like a film that I’m
watching from a very great distance and I’m never going to be in it. I ask myself how can you get to 54 and have absolutely no friends?
5 months ago I told my colleagues at work that I’m gay; they have been supportive but coming out has made me feel
even more detached and alone than I felt before. I’ve got 2 beautiful children who do not live with me and whom I see every 2 or three days. Much as I love them I dont feel part
of their family.
The worst part is that I’m a clinical psychologist and the only time I dont feel
alone is when Im helping others with their own issues – but then I go home and am still friendless.
I think the core of my problem is fear of rejection. I feel unable to take risks because I think it might be devastating if I do. It is so entrenched that all my clinical training and 15 years experience has not been able to dent it significantly.
The other day a client came to see me at the clinic and whilst he was waiting he was chatting confidently (and not inappropriately) with the receptionist telling her how nice she looked; she was flattered. I thought: ‘And I’m supposed to be helping you?!’ I could never do that in a million years even is ‘she’ was a ‘he’.
It feels quite painful to realise that you need more help than your clients.
The truth is I need my clients’ misery to stay connected to the world and thats’ not a healthy place to be.
Hi guys,
How you all doing ? I’m actually in the middle of my working hours now. Everyone’s busy including me but somehow I just pause & “drop by”
To see how’s everyone is doing. Mornings & evenings are hard wonder how many of you feel the same? Looking for some1 to chat with, my msn is “alexkiawong@yahoo.com.sg” cheers.
Hi guys, it’s me again.
Over the past months basically nothing happened, but I’ve learned some stuff.
As robyn above here said how she deleted her facebook, that’s the kind of connection you can have with people. You need to find this connection and use that to get in contact with them. In that way you can get to know each other better and get in touch in real life. This is one of the key things IMO to get to know people.
I sit here and cry as it another Saturday night (well its just like every other night) alone. My Husband is at work – part time 3 nights a week. I have not spoken to anyone apart from him since Thursday when I went to the doctor. I have a nearly 5 month old son and have no one to share him with – no friends, my family arent interested in him (well I wouldnt expect anyone to be considering they arent interested in me).
I struggle to go to mother’s group – I do not fit in, we donot have much money, we live in a small unit, drive an 18yr old car (all we could afford when our car was written off in accident) while they have husbands that work full-time, have houses, nice cars. I cry on the inside when they “complain” about needing to control their babies grand mothers by having nanny days – to make sure that they get to do all the gushing and not having the baby overwhelmed – if that makes sense?!?
I do not have parents, they died when I was a teenager – so they have missed out on my special moments, 16th, 18th, 21st, getting married, my first child being born. Last week I had my baby at mothers group – he was so loud and squealing – it overwhelmed him to be around so many people – I felt uncomfortable with the looks they gave me.I was embarassed when I had him – I had to be in hospital 8 days before I had him due to pre-eclampsia, no one apart from my husband came to see me – one SIL called me, only to find out why my induction failed. I was in hospital 6 days after I had him – it felt like jail in the end, shut in a small room with a new born baby that I had issues with feeding.
Husband called my work and let them know, I had a couple of people come in – I know thay felt sorry for me, I could sense it – when people arent genuine. To make matters worse husbands family (who have disowned him) found out that I was in hospital and kept leaving messages for him to contact them. We have choosen to not have anything to do with them as they are toxic people and its hard when my family dont have anything to do with me yet the people we dont want in our life harass us. Husbands family have stalked him, followed him, found out where we live, left letters only for him, they turned up one day – lucky the baby was in bed. I ended up calling the police – husband tried to take out AVO without any success – the judge said he couldnt prove harassment.
My wedding day was horrible – barely a dozen people were there, none of my family could/wanted to come. One sister didnt reply(havent seen her for 6 years), one said she couldnt come due to money (lives different country havent seen her for 14 yrs), brother had a sick MIL – I had asked him to give me away (in replace of Dad), rang me on the Monday before to tell me, my phone died I scrambled to put it on recharge, he never called back. Other brother was at the end of the recovery from surgery, his wife obviously couldnt come either. No one sent me a card or called me on my wedding day – in the video I spend most of the time crying. Its the realisation that I have no one there for me, I break down when the pastor talks about my parents.
I feel so left out as they are all older than me – 22yrs-12yrs older than me (I am pretty sure I was a mistake pregnancy – my Mum was in her 40’s and dad was in his mid 50s). I dont know them at all. And to add to that I have no friends and find it hard to make friends – have been let down by many people and I find it hard to trust anyone. I was always left out of things at school, always last to be invited – usually to make up the numbers. I was always used for things, of course people want to know you then but if I needed anything I was told to bugger off.
I remember I was lurking around the small town where I grew up and this girl rode around on her bike with me and she said to come to her place but I had to wait outside – I waited and waited like a fool – to finally have her (much) older brother come out and abuse me – shouting at me to f off fatty etc – they must have been enjoying watching me waiting out the front. There are many other things happened over the years which made me shut down and not want to do anything with many people. I was 7 when an older brother was murdered (shot in the head) and some girls at school found out and they said they had a secret to tell me and that I should met them at the back of the school – when I did they said they were going to do the same thing to me.
I did have a couple of friends at high school (year above me) I was completely lost the week they went on a school excursion – no one to talk to. It seemed that I lived in the school counsellours office, probably because I did.
I seem to sabotage any sort of relationship as there have been people that have been nice to me and I always do something to stuff it up – I suppose to avoid hurt I do the hurting before they have a chance. I have attempted suicide in the past and have a terrible scar on my arm that gets so many comments like when I give blood they ask about it, some assume its from a carpal tunnel operation – someone commented that it looks like they stuffed up the operation, it is so shameful having this reminder there. Even though it is faded it is still visable, I know its there and why its there. I read above that someone thinks that they wouldnt have many people at their funeral, one reason why I havent done anything about the thoughts that I have had – in death I would be feel shame about the non attendence, so I cant do it – lousy rational but it is working so far.
I feel so alone. I’m 17 and my family had to move and part of me wanted to. I had friends. And not the ones you just talk to but real friends that listen care and understand you. Until We learned that my mom had her Identity stolen. The police caught the some of the people and when they did they said that they were going to kill us for getting them arrested. They tried too one night but we were all asleep. We woke up and got a call from the detective saying that a couple of people reported seeing 3 men outside of our house trying to look in. One had pushed something in which when we walked around we saw that our broken window that had boards nailed to it was down. We were stricken with fear and had no choice to move. I was happy about it and I convinced my self that living without any friends was going to be fine. That I would be a lot happier but I’m not. I’m at this new school with no friends and all of the episodes of depression that I had gotten over finally are now coming back but only harder this time. It seems that every time I have a fire lit and burn strongly inside with the passion to do my work and be successful some always puts it out. I have dealt with loneliness before but I swore that I would never come back to the place known as loneliness but I have. I know how you are all feeling about having no friends. I tried to make friends but there all jerks who ignore me. But we are all friends here. To us who have posted here. Thank you.
In some ways I really feel like the people here should unite.
We all feel the same way, and we should be there for each other in some way at least.
Anyways, I don’t know what happened but I seem to fade away with my “true friends”. I’m still myself but gosh, something must’ve gone wrong as we didn’t meet up in 2+ weeks… In college everything seems to go better… weard. :/
I’m at the edge of snapping as if I lose my “true friends” then it’s totally over for me. I might have people to hang out with at college, but we don’t hang out after college. So basically that means boring days on myself…
First order of business, GROUP HUG. I love you all, really.
Lonely RRE, you’re totally right about college. I don’t like it much, actually, because I feel like relationships are such a show here. As in, OMFG I know so many people and have so many friends… and then they’re never really there for you? But I’m trying to change that, trying to meet the kind of people I can see myself building meaningful relationships with.
The people you come to love can honestly be found in the weirdest of ways, take all of us for example. Believe it or not, we’re connected.
And I’m starting to realize how much I appreciate everyone on here.
bellses, i made this post for you. you think that your life is worthless? im not gonna go on about gods love is in you or anything like that but i can safely say that the beauty you talk of is not true beauty. you talk of beauty as if it was a aesthetic thing. beauty is the warmth of a fire while the snow piles up outside. beauty is the feeling you get when you put a ice cube to your forehead on a hot summers day. beauty is not a womans curves or a mans muscley complexion. beauty is something you cant touch, but you can feel. i dont mean to be rude but saying your commiting suicide online doesnt only affect yourself. do you realise what it feels like to see that someone wants to commit suicide because of what other people may think about him. do you realise how fucking angry i get when i see that? i feel the lump form in my throat and i get possesed. if youu think you arent perfect, then think about this. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO PLEASE. im sorry for all this swearing, in guess this isnt my kind of place. i dont have problems socially anmore but i did when i was younger. but seriously everyone think, who are you trying to please? if you think about it, it should be yourself. if youre not pleased withyourself, its because of what other people think. look at your hand and think of how complex all the structure inside it is. that incredible craftsmanship is part of you. you were created by chance. millions of things made a chain reaction by chance forming you. each generation the probability of you existing is less and less but by chance your grand parents met eachother by some way YOU WERE BORN BEAUTIFUL.
Hi..I too am glad I found this site. I am 23 in college and I have absolutely no friends or anyone I can confide in. I dread weekends and my birthday and any kind of party holiday. I am worried about what it is doing to my body and my mind, I notice a lot more changes physically lately and I have never been well mentally. I get soo depressed when I see groups of people talking and laughing together. Lately I have been increasingly pessimistic and I never smile anymore. Ever. Its hard to not complain and I feel bad when I do so, so then I become even more recluse. Its a very twisted downward spiral. Its hard because I’m also a bit of an outcast from my family. I am starting to fear social situations more and more. i didnt use to be like this in first year of college, it scares me to see how much ive changed. I would love to have a couple people, especially other girls to hang out with on a friday night and to support each other, but it just seems impossible to find this.
Travel is my only refuge, where I can meet like minded people and chat but it is far too expensive and I have been getting sicker and sicker mentally that I wouldnt be able to handle the ups and downs of it. I am studying business and we always have to do group projects, but people never want to be friends or to meet over lunch or drinks or just to talk for a while socially.
I hope you feel better about yourself if you’re feeling down now. Try to do something nice or say something nice to yourself everyday. Be your own best friend first..you are unique, relish in your strengths and your differences from everybody else
@Jerseyloner Im so happy your “trying to change that, trying to meet the kind of people I can see myself building meaningful relationships with.” Makes me smile.
@Lonley New Mum your not alone in feelinig the way you do, thanks for sharing your story. Im right there with ya. :)
@oh I do talk as if beauty as if it was a aesthetic thing. I know its not something you cant touch, but feel. I only meant or was afraid I wont feel beauty in my life as I hope to feel it. Im not a phycologist, so excuse my attempt at explination. But maby my isolation from meaningful realtionships has led me to see beauty differently than I should or different than it is in the real world of normal relationships.
Im not naieve in thinking that theres such a thing as a normal life or normal happyness, I only know what I observe: people experiencing things in this world that I never have & never will. Im not naieve, I know I can experience these things if I had the courage.
& as I said before it want my intentian to spread my pain in anyway, in fact thats the last thing I wanted to do. I guess it was selfish to make others worry about a thing so serious as what I wrote, I wasnt just looking for attentian, but I guess I was on some level otherwise I woudlnt have posted here at all. I think I really needed an outlet for how I was feeling & I think it helped. As I think it has helped alot of people here. it was so far the worst time of my entire life, & a gain I know it could be worse, Ive seen pain that there is in this world. & Ive also seen aching beauty.
as far as who am I trying to please? I have know Idea, . . . maby I dont think I could ever please anyone, and maby there inlies the problem.
@Carrie Words to live by, thanks for sharing them. :) “I hope you feel better about yourself if you’re feeling down now. Try to do something nice or say something nice to yourself everyday. Be your own best friend first..you are unique, relish in your strengths and your differences from everybody else.”
indeed bellses i dont think your a attention seeker. nor are you naieve. but you cant honestly say to me or anyone that you don think their is anything is good about you. of course in adolescense we have the odd strop but thats nothing relevant . people who think themselves worse then others have to realise that nobody is judging them. and the people who tell you they are better then you etc, why give a flying fuck? they are spiteful little shits. if i was a judge of people. i would say that you are mature( many men never mature, i know because im one) brave, and you are doubtful. Doubtful that you should actually kill yourself. everyone can tell there is a spark of life that you want to preserve. dont do anything stupid
Hey guys anybody live in the Phoenix Arizona area give me a shout! wangm@cox.net.
Hi All,
Its great to find this site . I have always had trouble making friends not sure why. I did make a few friends in my teens who I stayed friends with until I was 30 and then came out as gay and lost them . I have not made any close friends since then and have only had a few dates in the past 12 years. I am now 42 and still have never been in a relationship. Im not sure why I cant get people into my life, I just started to work out again maybe this will give me a new outlook on life .
Felling incredibly lonely. Anyone wanna chat? drop me a msg @ alexkiawong@yahoo.com.sg (msn) or skype: wong.kia.soon.alex
http://www.facebook.com/towriteloveonherarms
“It started with a Twitter message on Sept. 19: “Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into molly’s room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay.”
That night, the authorities say, the Rutgers University student who sent the message used a camera hidden in his dormitory room to broadcast the roommate’s intimate encounter live on the Internet.
And three days later, the roommate who had been surreptitiously filmed — Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old freshman and an accomplished violist — jumped from the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River in an apparent suicide.
The Sept. 22 death, which the authorities disclosed on Wednesday, was the latest by a young American that followed the online posting of hurtful material. The news came on the same day that Rutgers kicked off a two-year, campuswide project to teach the importance of civility, with special attention to bullying and the use and abuse of new technology.
Those who knew Mr. Clementi — on the Rutgers campus in Piscataway, N.J., at his North Jersey high school and in a community orchestra — were anguished by the circumstances surrounding his death, describing him as intensely devoted musician who was sweet and shy.
“It’s really awful, especially in New York and in the 21st century,” said Arkady Leytush, artistic director of the Ridgewood Symphony Orchestra, where Mr. Clementi played since his freshman year in high school. “It’s so painful. He was very friendly and had very good potential.”
The Middlesex County prosecutor’s office said that Mr. Clementi’s roommate, Dharun Ravi, 18, of Plainsboro, N.J., and another classmate, Molly Wei, 18, of Plainsboro, N.J., had each been charged with two counts of invasion of privacy for using “the camera to view and transmit a live image” of Mr. Clementi. The most severe charges carry a maximum sentence of five years in jail.
Mr. Ravi was charged with two additional counts of invasion of privacy for attempting a similar live feed on the Internet on Sept. 21, the day before the suicide. A spokesman for the prosecutor’s office, James O’Neill, said the investigation was continuing, but he declined to “speculate on additional charges.”
Steven Goldstein, chairman of the gay rights group Garden State Equality, said on Wednesday that he considered the death a hate crime. “We are sickened that anyone in our society, such as the students allegedly responsible for making the surreptitious video, might consider destroying others’ lives as a sport,” he said in a statement. “As this case makes its way through the legal system, we can only hope the alleged perpetrators receive the maximum possible sentence.”
It is unclear whether Mr. Clementi was gay; classmates say he mostly kept to himself. Danielle Birnbohm, a freshman who lived across the hall from him in Davidson Hall, said that when a counselor asked how many students had known Mr. Clementi, only 3 students out of 50 raised their hands.
But Mr. Clementi displayed a favorite quote on his Facebook page, from the song “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again”: “What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.”
And his roommate’s Twitter message makes plain that Mr. Ravi believed that he knew Mr. Clementi’s sexual orientation.
A later message from Mr. Ravi appeared to make reference to the second attempt to broadcast Mr. Clementi,. “Anyone with iChat,” he wrote on Sept. 21, “I dare you to video chat me between the hours of 9:30 and 12. Yes, it’s happening again.”
Mr. Clementi’s family issued a statement on Wednesday confirming the suicide and pledging cooperation with the criminal investigation. “Tyler was a fine young man, and a distinguished musician,” the statement read. “The family is heartbroken beyond words.”
While Mr. Clementi’s body has not been recovered, witnesses told the police they saw a man jump off the bridge just before 9 on Sept. 22, said Paul J. Browne, the New York Police Department’s chief spokesman. . Officers discovered a wallet there with his identification, Mr. Browne said.
The police said Wednesday night that they had found the body of a young man in the Hudson north of the bridge and were trying to identify it.
Officials at Ridgewood High School, where Mr. Clementi graduated in June, last week alerted parents of current students that his family had reported him missing, and encouraged students to take advantage of counseling at the school.
The timing of the news was almost uncanny, coinciding with the start of “Project Civility” at Rutgers, the state university of New Jersey. Long in the planning, the campaign will involve panel discussions, lectures, workshops and other events intended to raise awareness about the importance of respect, compassion and courtesy in everyday interactions.
Events scheduled for this fall include a workshop for students and administrators on residential life on campus, called “Respect Resides at Rutgers,” and a panel discussion titled “Uncivil Gadgets? Changing Technologies and Civil Behavior.”
Rutgers officials would not comment on the death or the arrests, or say whether the two defendants had been suspended. But a spokeswoman issued a statement saying that “the university takes these matters very seriously and has policies in place to deal with student behavior.”
Mr. Ravi was freed on $25,000 bail, and Ms. Wei was released on her own recognizance. The lawyer for Mr. Ravi, Steven D. Altman, declined to comment on the accusations. A phone message left at the offices of William A. Fox, Ms. Wei’s lawyer, was not returned.
Some students on the Busch campus in Piscataway seemed dazed by the turn of events, remembering their last glimpse of Mr. Clementi. Thomas Jung, 19, who shared a music stand with Mr. Clementi in the Rutgers Symphony Orchestra, had also played with him in a selective regional orchestra in high school.
On Wednesday afternoon, hours before Mr. Clementi’s death, the two rehearsed works by Berlioz and Beethoven. Mr. Jung recalled the times they shot each other glances and laughed during difficult passages.
“He loved music,” Mr. Jung said. “He was very dedicated. I couldn’t tell if anything was wrong.””
Al Baker, Barbara Gray, Nate Schweber and Tim Stelloh contributed reporting.
“JOSHUA, Texas (CBS/KTVT/AP) Bullying may have claimed the life of another student. Jon Carmichael took his own life Sunday after some say he was bullied by bigger classmates.
Jon was an eighth grader at Loflin Middle School and those closest to the 13-year-old say he had been picked-on for years.
Phoebe Prince (Personal Photo)
Jeremy Stanbaugh, one of Jon’s best friends, told CBS affiliate KTVT that Jon was bullied “because he was short.”
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20001475-504083.html
“It’s just gonna be quiet around here without him around,” Jeremy said to the local station.
Other students told KTVT that Jon was a good student and well liked among his friends.
Karen Gowan, who took Jon to her church with her son, hopes there is a lesson to be learned about bullying.
“If there’s one positive thing that would come out of this is that kids would learn to treat other kids with respect,” Gowan told the station.
In Massachusetts, another student, 15-year-old Phoebe Prince, committed suicide after she was mercilessly harassed for months, something that school administrators knew about but did not stop.
Now, with nine students charged in the bullying of Prince, who hanged herself at her family’s home in January, questions have arisen about how accountable school officials should be for stopping bullying.”
Reporting Contributed by CBS Affiliate KTVT
I don’t know about everyone else here but i know that the wall that is built up around me only exists because i seem to be really tense and awkward around potential friends and colleagues at work, what i mean is that i am nice but i don’t feel “cool” and fun enough, i’m not playful like other people are and often i don’t get the funny references others make so i just laugh but say nothing or i react but i come across as serious. I know around seasoned socialites people like me are a bit boring in that sense. Funny thing is there have been rare occasions where i did feel 100% comfortable and was able to joke around whilst being fun. I can see that alot of this came from upbringing and high school experience. I was bullied alot for 2 years for being the quiet kid and then at home i felt that my family were always grumpy and serious about everything so in terms of having role models I really only had myself and my own head to look for an escape. I can see me being more fun and not taking things so seriously though. If i can just make one or two proper attempts at being outspoken at work i think i can get over it slowly. but once i give up then everything stays the same and there will never be progression.
For instance at my new job i have been there a couple of months and haven’t said alot although i do join people for lunch and i’m pleasant i just don’t really know how to have fun and i’m not witty enough compared to the other staff who are really confident.
I recently went out with a group of people to play sport and the others were all being very playful and had inside jokes and were very cliquey, which is fine but i just felt out of my depth. that’s why constant daily interaction is so important and i lack it from being a hermit in the past. i think i can be adaptable sometimes though. often i meet a potential new friend and get talking to them, then i see them chatting with other people and they are like a different person, more witty and i know it shouldn’t, but it makes me feel jealous and i fall to pieces over it. then i walk away thinking that i’ll never meet a friend where everything feels genuine, but i don’t really know that for sure, i just have to keep trying and not let rejection or awkwardness get me down so much. often i react to “saying the wrong words” by not saying much at all for days. I think i’m too sensitive in that sense. i beat myself up internally for days.
so there is alot of work to be done. practice, practice, practice and courage is the hat i must wear from now on, even if it hurts. i think i need to not fear the pain of trying, that is the key. its much easier just to hermit myself into a safety zone.
I have full blown agoraphobia which means i avoid bars, clubs, theme parks, movie theaters or any place possibly having more than 10 people in the same space, I enjoy the company of people but have a hard time finding friends just willing to hang out at their houses. I get along great with the guys at work, but dating can be hell when your idea of a date is take out and a DVD at home. Most women my age wanna leave the house at some point and i dont mean hitting the 24 hr Walmart at 11:00pm. God i wish i could meet more like me. but how do you meet a homebody when you ARE a homebody. Nice to meet you guys
Here comes the weekend, I remember when fridays were my favorite day, now they are my least favorite. Because I never have anyone to talk to for 2 days straight. but its nice not having to go to work I guess. I will drive home and sit by my self counting the hours till I can sleep so I dont have to be awake anymore. maybe Ill go out and get a haircut for some human interaction.
I hope you guys have a nice weekend, I really do.
Hey everyone…
It really really breaks my heart to read all of these posts. Especially the last one, bellses. “I will…sit by myself counting the hours till I can sleep so I dont have to be awake anymore.” I sure know what that feels like. I can’t help but think that loneliness is the most painful type of suffering in this world.
If anyone is in NYC and works in Manhattan during the weekdays 9-6 type of job, let me know – maybe we can be a support group for each other.
i can relate to all these stories. Im 14 and a freshman in high school i am extremely shy and i have zero friends.I feel as if friends is the key to everything, But i wouldn’t know because i don’t have any.My life is like a schedule, i do the same thing every single day. I don’t go anywhere, besides every once in a while when the family goes to eat somewhere. I also feel as if i have this really tight knot im my chest and it only loosens when i cry, and thats what i do….I lock my self in my room or the bathroom and cry. I always ask myself and god why me? I’m always nice, i never ever talk about anyone what so ever, im always good in school, eventhough i hate it.And theres another thing..school. i feel that if i had friends i would look at school in a different more fun way, but i just can see it..i hate school. thats the time of day i hate the most. the classes can be fun but when it hits luch..its a different story. It just me. By myself. Alone always. I hate it. and it just dont seem to change. i pray and everything. but all i can do is give up and stick with it…its just the way it is…i guess.
Bellses, you always manage to break my heart, you know that? Honestly, if you lived in my town, I’d be the annoying teenager always showing up at your door with coffee and books to read and asking you opinions on every minuscule, insignificant thing I obsesses over as a teenager. I’d value your opinion and wisdom on everything. Idk, you just seem like that type of person.
And Aries, sweetie, I’m five years older than you, and I want you to know that freshman year is too early in the game to be thinking this way. Be yourself, and you’ll start attracting kids who are just like you. I didn’t meet my best high school friends until the end of junior year, to tell you the truth… I want you to hold on, please?
I’m sorry JerseyLoner, dont worry about me. My wish is for the best of intentions. I think, . no Im sure I would learn far more about life than you in such an exchange.
I wouldnt wish my life on my worst enemy.
but, ive found some happyness as of late. there really is so much beauty in this world. & dispite of me, I know I’m lucky to have experienced what I have.
still my consolation is that it will end.
but there is beauty in that fact right?
forgive my incoherence, I hate to quote a long verse but, . . .
“One is moved to turn to him,
The exceptional man,
Telling him all these things, and waiting
For the deft, lucid answer.
At the sound of that voice’s deep
Specific silence.
The sun winks and fails in the window.
Light perpetual keep him.”
no one will ever see me that way, but I’ve know people like that. And for that I’m thankful.
@Tim,
I so know what you mean! You’re like the nice guy who always takes care for everything, but you can clearly see that you get treated different. People don’t start talking to you about certain subjects, and they do with their friends.
You get no inside jokes, and they don’t fool around with you, that’s just what you want, but you don’t get it! I always feel like the second chance, and the person who’s nice but not the real friend, gah. Then you feel bad and just don’t feel comfortable being with those people…
Idk if I ever will get a real life. All I do now is play games 24/7 to pass time.
Whenever I feel down I go on here just to meet you same minded people, it makes me feel sorry for everyone, but also a bit better :)
19 years old at the moment, still over 50 years to go, hopefully it will get better… Fuck this life right now.
@Jerseyloner
I just read your post on the 20th of September, and that really made me feel better. :)
Good night for now, but just had to say that. It truly made me feel awesome.
Group hug to all, we are connected!
It has become a routine for me to Google every few months about “not having friends”.
I don’t know whether my problem is of too high or too low self-esteem. I feel I have already created much more than my “friends”, yet I get no attention (I stopped trying years ago) and the ones who have nothing meaningful to say (Facebook is great example) get the most.
The only attention I get is when somebody needs help with something that requires some thinking and creativity. And I always help them, or even do the whole thing for them, because that’s the only time I do what I like to do while being in company of other people.
When I do mention some projects I’m working on (and I’m usually invoked into it), I get the feeling that they think I’m bragging, or even that they hate me for constantly working on some new ideas while they just waste time with stuff like Facebook.
One friend actually confessed to me that he gets depressed in my company because he doesn’t have anything to showcase like I do. That’s the same friend that I previously got the feeling of hate from.
My girlfriend, who is the only reason I’m still somewhat mentally stable, is going to university. And I’m a dropout (was supposed to graduate 2 years ago), currently in graduate program. Whenever I start talking to her about me being a loser and waste of space because I dropped out and am 2 years behind already, she says to me “I envy you because you have found a passion that you can make living with.” She is the only one (excluding the people I don’t know personally) that I get positive feeling from when I talk about what I’ve done.
I do stuff that I do for myself, the will to create is the main purpose in my life, but it’s nice to get some appreciation from the people you personally know as well, and I miss that.
The crazy theory is that people maybe think I don’t need any love since I’m supposedly so happy because I have the enthusiasm. But the truth is that I’m very lonely (I see my girlfriend every 1-3 weeks) and I’m starting to think what’s the point of being creative if I don’t have any friends to share my creations with.
All this make me think that I have a problem with high self-esteem, or that I should become like others, constantly babbling about nothing. So I hate myself, and then I hate others for making me hate myself.
I go through few months of depression every year and each year it seems worse. But, I discovered a big new passion this summer; programming, so I think I’ll be too busy when next period of depression is supposed to come. I hope so.
This is the first time that I have written about my feelings, or at least what I think my feelings are. It’s very hard for me to say or write anything personal.
The thing is that I must be somewhat proud of everything I do, whether it’s my work or a simple comment like this. So I don’t ever share anything personal, because I feel it’s not meaningful enough. At the same time I don’t talk about my projects either (to the people I know personally), because I get the feeling that no one’s interested.
P.S. I’m sure I’m over-thinking the socializing too much, but I just can’t escape my mindset. I’m trying to, but I’m becoming more and more aware that I shouldn’t at all, because that’s who I am and I don’t want to pretend I’m someone else.
I’m a 21 year old college student and I’ve never had a best friend…I’ve barely even had a good friend. I do have a boyfriend but it’s a long distance relationship and he lives 700 miles away. I read this page months ago and thought I had posted my story but apparently not…I came here because recently I’ve been feeling near suicidal because of how lonely I am.
I was weird growing up…I don’t know why. In middle school and high school people were friendly towards me and tried to talk to me and I just didn’t talk to them. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was afraid to. My whole body stiffened when someone tried to talk to me. So I didn’t have a single friend all throughout high school. It was pretty bad.
I then started college. I stayed home for my first year and a half of college. By this point I had become very lonely and knew that I had needed to make a friend so I tried to be more open with people. I didn’t make a single friend.
Becoming desperate, I decided to transfer to another school where I could live in the dorms and be forced to make friends. I did that and it worked at first. I’ve been at this school for almost 2 years and though I’ve made friends, I haven’t made any lasting relationships. I haven’t made any good friends. It’s gotten worse as time has gone on. I spend more time alone now then when I first come here.
On a typical day I will find myself going to class, eating alone, and then spending the rest of my day sitting alone in my room. Sometimes I will be invited to do things on the weekend but that is only once in awhile. I have nobody that really cares about me. I am on the fringe of a few friend groups but that’s pretty much the best I’ve got. Because I am on the fringe I am easily forgotten.
I don’t have anyone here to go to with my problems. I’ve tried opening up to people but the ones that I’ve opened up to have all pushed me away in some way. People don’t like to hang out with me either. There is something about me that just tells people to stay away. I wish I knew what it was.
I have a boyfriend but it’s extremely long distance and we only see each other every two months or so. When we first started dating, it helped a lot. As time went on though I became envious of him. He has so much going for him. He complains about being busy and I just don’t get it. I spend my days looking for ways to pass the time so I don’t have to feel the loneliness. I take my loneliness out on him and tell him he doesn’t understand and never will. We do nothing but fight these days. I know I would feel less lonely with him here, but I know that won’t happen for a very long time. 2 years at the least for us to be in the same place.
I just feel so alone. I feel like I have nobody to turn to. I feel utterly hopeless. I have had suicide on my mind for about 3 months now and I don’t want to do it. I just want the loneliness to go away. I’m just so sad…
I’m so glad I made you feel awesome, LonelyRRe. If there’s one thing that puts a real smile on my face, it’s making people smile. =)
Feeling a bit down myself today… Sometimes, I want to walk out into town and keep walking, never stopping, and most importantly, never looking back. But wishful thinking isn’t going to help me get anywhere.
P.S. SMILE
Wow, for the longest time I thought that maybe it was me that had the problem when it came to trying to be a devoted friend… I’m 36 years old, and have yet to ever have a best friend that would last more than a couple of years. I would feel so warm and fuzzy inside once I thought I made a true friend, I would go the extra two miles to ensure I would keep them by providing my time, labor, shoulder to cry on, my vehicle, what ever they needed at the time “just call me I’ll be there!” And sure enough, they would take advantage of this. But when I needed someone to talk to, someone to hear me out, all I’d get was a busy signal. I cant tell you how many times I have been called up at 3 am in the morning to drive so and so home because he was to drunk to drive, or fix so and so’s car because “Earle, you’re such a stand up guy!” But after all is said and done, I’m left here alone. My phone never rings to be asked if I want to go to a movie or night out because “I’m such a stand up guy”. So yes, I’ve become very bitter these past few months, but guess what, I STILL go out of my way to help people and try to be the good friend, why? I don’t know, I guess it’s hard wired in me.
@Jure and Earle,
I totally feel you 2 guys. You’re a sweet person, always work hard and try to help people out, and still you don’t get it back from others. It just seems that people who are “too good” get abused.
What you said with “hard wired” is what I understand. You can make it a bit less, but you can’t get it totally away, because it’s just the way you are.
I also think it’s in what age group you are. In high school/college people totally care about how much fun you are to hang around with, but I think when people get older they start to care less. If you have a nice job, nice co-workers, then you will find some true friends I guess.
Life’s just so weard… everything seemed to go nice for me, but all of the sudden I totally lost contact with my friends. Maybe it’s because I quitted sporting (cause they didn’t even go when they said they would, so I could go alone all the time -.-“), or maybe it’s because of a small argue we had, but come on, seriously?
All I know is that it’s not me who’s being the bad friend. I’m not going to restore contact cause it’s not my fault. I want THEM to be the friend who actually want to contact me and show that they want to hang out with me.
Not just me who always has to go behind stuff to make sure that he participates. Real friends should just invite us.
Maybe I might ever leave my home country and make a fresh start, away from this mess. Build a new life and totally start over, that might be a good solution.
Have a great evening.
-LonelyRRE.
I’m slowly making my way through all of the posts on this site, and I truly wish that I could be-friend all of you guys, I can relate with so many posts here it’s frightening. At the same time, I want to help many of you emotionally just by being there. It’s amazing how cold and sterile this world can be at times, rarely ever seeing a smiling face, or exchanging in friendly conversation. Only to come here and see so many people going through the same things.
One of my ultimate goals in life, (as I’m sure many others have as well), is to find a woman who is truly my best friend as well as my lover. Over the past few years, I became good friends with a young woman who I fell in love with, and I let myself be used so badly, I feel like such a moron. This was all entirely my fault.
We both were deeply involved in animal rescue, something that I had a great passion for, (not nearly as much right now) as did she. Needless to say that was how we both met. Over time she decided to start her own rescue group, which I was thrilled about, I poured my entire self into her now, pretty successful rescue group. During this time, I had deep feelings for this woman, always playing it cool, keeping a cool head and being the ultimate gentleman; never any inappropriate advances or awkward conversations. It came to a point, I loved her so much I would give up my existence for her well being. I went to the ends of the earth, buying things for the rescue operation, donations, countless hours of time, labor and space… sheesh, I still foster two of her dogs now. Rain or shine, I was their, repairing, trapping dogs, being bitten, you name it, it happened and I was doing it.
During this time, we would have some of the most meaningful conversations, lasting in excess of two hours some times. I even went as far as to change my mobile phone plan three times to get the best rates, it was the most I talked to someone that much in years. Some of the signs were there that she was interested in taking things a step further; those “looks” that woman will some times give, always flinging her hair around, and she wasn’t afraid to get close to me either. So this is where my mind became cloudy and lost sight of reality and the fact that we were “just good friends”. I was supposedly her best friend so I was told.
So, finally the day came when I was repairing her car, only to over hear she was going on a date… well that just crushed my soul and broke my spirit in pieces. I actually had problems breathing for the next five minutes after that. I put my whole world into what I thought – (well, wanted to be) the rest of my life with someone who I adored, someone who could do no wrong. Only to find out that she didn’t feel the same about me, that she like to date “a** holes” were her exact words. I felt even worse when the typical line “It’s not you, it’s me” came up.
Now this was all my fault, I don’t deny this, I fabricated this faux relationship based on my extreme anticipation of finding the perfect soul mate. So needless to say I’m still not right in the head, I’m still VERY, very hurt. I made it clear that I could no longer work with her because it was going to become way more painful than I could imagine and I don’t deserve to watch her date someone. I knew I could treat her so well, and be much better for her than some jerk who will likely not care.
I cant really say why I’m writing this today, perhaps it’s just to get this off my chest, or to let others know what happened and not to follow the same protocol. So I basically stepped away from one of the best friends I had had in my entire life. I know this is likely a long boring read, and I apologize, but this is killing me. Going from such an emotional high, to serious misery in such a short time. I hope that everyone here is progressing much better than before.
@Earle Its not a long boring read, it is heart-felt, honest & candid. & I feel your pain as Im sure many others here do as well. I wish I could say just the right thing to ease your pain right now, but I hope that that wish of the right words is support enough.
@Bellses, thank you very much for your comment and wishes, they do indeed help. Just coming here and reading makes me feel better some times.
＠Ｅａｒｌｅ ｓａｄ ｓｔｏｒｙ．．．．．ｊｕｓｔ ｗｉｓｈ ｕ ａｒｅ ｂｅｔｔｅｒ ｎｏｗ．ｂｒｏｔｈｅｒ ～
The real truth is, most people in high tech societies don’t have true friends. What they have are people who happen to be around for a time, a season or a circumstance. When it ends, those so-called friends disappear. The only difference between people like us and people like them, is that we tend to understand the difference between real friends and people who are just there with us because of circumstance.
After a lifetime of being treated poorly by everyone, I’ve learned that while TRUE friendship is a great thing to have, the common friendship that most people actually have, is overrated. It would probably feel good in the moment to just have anyone around, but when the moment ends and you realize that what you’ve had is not real friendship it can be even more hurtful to you then if you never experienced that at all. I no longer actively seek friendships. I haven’t for many years now.
Is life unfair? No. Life is neither fair nor unfair, because life is simply a state of existence. PEOPLE are unfair, and the systems controlled by people are unfair. People and systems decided for us a long time ago where we would be placed based on how we look, our interests, how we speak, etc. and now all we can do is make the most of it, because from the day you realize this reality to the day you die, it’s going to be a rough ride.
Like most of you here I got to this by searching for “I have no friends”. I’ve never really had many friends, the last time I remember having any friends was back in primary school. Even then I didn’t have that many, but atleast I had a few people to talk to, we even exchanged phone numbers so it began to be not only at school. But then I dropped out and went to homeschooling because the high school here sucks. Sometimes I wonder if it would’ve been different if I had just went anyway, but I still doubt it. Now I’m 19, in 3 1/2 months I’ll be 20. Never had a girlfriend outside of a really embarrassing and stupid online relationship when I was naive and dumb. Outside of that nothing really happened. For years in my teens I fantasized about having a significant other and friends to do things with. Finally, after a long, horrible stint of depression I just jumped in on a whim and signed up for a class after seeing an ad. I went to that class for a day a week for several months, for the first one or two being pretty quiet. Some girl approached me finally, asking for my phone number and maybe we could be study buddys and stuff. I accepted her offer and we texted and talked for a while. I didn’t find her all that attractive really but she seemed nice, you know, don’t judge a book by its cover, don’t be shallow, etc. Finally she asked me if I wanted to go see a movie. Well she pretty much lied and ruined it, we never made it to the movie after I made the trek to meet her and ended up leaving our meeting spot emotionally destroyed. Even worse I had to sit beside her for the next few months of class which sucked too. At that point I just kinda did bare minimum interaction with her and despite her continuing texts and offers to hangout, I rejected every damn one of them. Screw her. The other people in my class? Pssh. I did ask a sweet attractive girl out on a date during that period, we had interacted a little before and she was nice, but she told me she had a boyfriend. At least I could respect that she was honest and committed to him, something lacking in today’s world. Later I gave her a Christmas card and she thanked me and gave me a hug. A little while later she had to drop out and I haven’t seen her since. Sometimes I still think of her, hope she’s doing well and wish her all the best. A few other people in the class I talked to, another girl (I’m kinda wondering why I always seem to get girls, even as acquaintances, guys really don’t pay attention at all) we did little small talk and stuff in the class room and texted a bit but after the class ended she stopped responding to my texts and other than a happy birthday (Better than nothing and more than alot of people do though), I haven’t seen or talked to her since. I still see the class staff and such now and then, and they’re nice and talk to me, but they’re all older people, not the kind that I can just hangout with. A few times in the past, I had someone speak to me, initiating the conversation, but somehow I feel like I just was too simplistic in my answers, not carrying the conversation far enough to mean much/form a relationship. The backstabber girl and the other acquaintance that now ignores my texts sat at the table with me for that whole period too, but apparently it didn’t mean anything. When forced together in the class we’d talk sometimes, although there were times I really felt like I wasn’t included in the conversations between them. I thought that was the blooming of friendships.
Well, the class ended and I rejected backstabber and the other girl, well she ignored my texts so I don’t bother anymore. I tried texting a few people from way back in primary school that I saw a few times since then, but to no avail. They have lives, some working multiple jobs. Heh, if only I had even one job. They have Significant others, jobs, probably things to do, and never really made much effort in texting me anyway, so again, I just gave up, deleted them from my phone and got rid of my unlimited texting plan because it was a complete waste of money, it wasn’t worth it after class ended. Even worse some of them see me face to face and all I get is a wave, a Hi, maybe, but not like they really care to get to know me again. Tried IMing one girl from primary too, she didn’t really seem interested in doing any conversation and just stopped talking midway through one conversation, I said nothing else, leaving her to pickup where I left off, maybe I sounded nosey or something but I was just trying to make a friend. She never responded and later it appeared she just deleted me. Well, I got my first job this year, it lasted 1 1/2 weeks before reasons beyond my control dictated that I could no longer commute. Wasn’t a bad job, and my coworkers actually made pretty good conversation and effort to know me, even though they were still alot older than me. But I appreciated it, and I must say the older people talk to me alot better in general than the people my own age. We even exchanged contact info. Well my job ended. I was very dissapointed.
I got inducted into the ambulance service and now help people and get to use that training from class. Not too bad, really, but most of the people are again, older people. Noone really bothers outside of the service to do anything, again pretty much no contact when not actually together, sometimes, not even much is said to me then. There’s only one or two young members who I barely see there. Well, maybe I wouldn’t meet anyone in the service, but maybe it’d make me more interesting, or socially attractive, even a chick magnet? Well, I thought it might, but no, it has had pretty much null effect on my gaining friendships, a significant other, or any other social aspect. So now I’m just lost. I came away from all this with better confidence, definitely less shy than I used to be, not afraid of people, of talking, or anything, and I think I may have had anxiety in the past, but at the moment there isn’t much, and depression even hit the road a while back. So I don’t know what’s wrong, all I can think of is maybe I’m awkward.
I’ve done so much and yet I’m just lonely, and if I dropped off the earth, I fear noone would even realize it outside of my immediate family and maybe the ambulance service sooner or later. Everyone else I know is on Facebook, posting pictures of themselves with their girlfriend/boyfriend, their group of friends, their social adventures. Me? I don’t have any. If I take a picture it’s probably me by myself when I set the timer on the camera since I have noone to hold the camera for me… I go in and out of hospitals all the time, never have I seen any 20-something nurses bother to strike up conversation with me, and I think alot of the doctors have a god complex. Patients are the only ones that really talk and that varys depending on mental state and a myriad of other things depending on how serious it is and whatnot. So now other than the ambulance service I’ve been otherwise sitting on my ass for months, I tried some parties but found nothing but a chance to get tipsy and a bunch of people I didn’t know, douchebags and bitches included. None of those past classmates or acquaintances ever took it further and invited me anywhere except desperate backstabber girl who got rejected 90 times. Play stupid games win stupid prizes, bitch.
2011 is approaching and I know my New Years will be spent alone. If I’m lucky maybe I’ll have some wine and listen to some music so I can atleast celebrate while everyone else is out having fun. And who knows if 2011 will really bring anything new in the social arena. It’s all so depressing… I don’t know what to do about it anymore. I figured, well maybe a girl will come sooner or later but how long is that going to take? As I said, most every girl I even dare glimpse at appears to be taken. I’m almost 20 and this is supposed to be the primetime of my life. People my age have SOs. Am I going to end up being 40+ and lonely like some of the people here? (No offense, I feel for you guys too! ): ) Am I going to get a girl, but then lack friends? Will that affect our relationship? How does this shit supposed to ever get solved? I’ve ruled out everything I can think of. I don’t seem to fit the Social Anxiety thing because I can get along fine with people, its not like a phobia. I don’t think it’s Aspergers because I seem to miss the symptoms of that too and I think I do pay attention to eye contact and gestures. And I’m not as shy as I used to be, hell, I even help teach people in the new class sometimes nowadays! sigh… Well, sorry for the long rant… 2:44 AM…3:11 AM after revision.. lol
Wish you all the best…
Jim… all to true, I never looked at it that way before, very logical.
This is what happened to me. This was the only friend I had. Now I have nobody. So over Thanksgiving break, I go to Hawaii to visit my best friend who is going to university there. My dad got me a free ticket using his flier miles (he travels for business all the time). This was something me and my friend had planned at least 2 months in advance. It was also agreed up that we would stay in a hotel the last 2 nights (my dad has tons of free hotel points as well xD) because the max amount of time that she was allowed to have a visitor stay in her dorm room was 3 days.
Well, I get there all excited to be there because I hadn’t seen her since she left 6 months ago. However, a day or so later I kind of get the feeling that she is annoyed at having me around. She pretty much texted people on her phone non-stop or was on her lap top on some kind of RPG forum and didn’t really talk to me unless it was necessary. I asked her if she was happy that I’d come out to see her and she assured me that she was. I’m a quiet and easy going person, and very easy to get along with. So I tried to ignore the odd feeling. She told me she was just stressed out by all the school work that she had to do and that it really wasn’t the best time to come out (!)
On the evening of Thanksgiving, myself, her, and her friend (who was really nice) made a little potluck in the dorm kitchen and afterward she went upstairs to get something so I came along, since I didn’t really know my my way around the building and didn’t want to get lost. She told me “You don’t need to come with me to the bathroom!” in a very sarcastic sort of way. I didn’t know she was intending to go to the restroom, so I sort of shrugged it off and waited until she was done and we went back to her room and we went to sleep.
The next day, we met up with a group of her friends and the girl we had dinner with the previous night to go see a movie and then get some dinner. They were all very nice people, but I didn’t know them at all so I felt a little awkward at first. I noticed that she was leaving me out of the conversations she was having with her friends (although they were polite enough to try and include me which I appreciated). At dinner, it was even more awkward. She didn’t speak to me hardly at all again unless it was necessary. So I took a page out of her book and decided to text one of “my” friends to let her know how I was doing. What a big mistake! I accidentally sent her one of the text messages I intended to send my friend in which I told her I was feeling left out….That was a very awkward moment. She looked straight at me and was like “I’m not leaving you out of the conversation” For a minute I was slightly puzzled and she said “You just sent me a text to your phone. You didn’t finish what you were intending to say”. I said I had nothing to say.
We go back to the dorm on campus so I could get my stuff because I had to check into the hotel that night. She told me she didn’t want to stay overnight in the hotel because she school work to do, so she would just stay at the dorm but she would walk me to my hotel. I told her that my dad did use his extra points so that I could get a two bed hotel room and that she had agreed upon staying with me (which was why he had gotten a two bed room in the first place). She asked me if there was anything I wanted to say and that she wasn’t “into” hiding -edit-, and that if I had to say something I should just get it out in the open. I didn’t have anything to say, so I said nothing. I figured if she didn’t get it, there was no point trying to explain this to her.
The next two days were fine, and she and her friends came to the hotel to swim in the pool all the next day. She said that she would stay that night, and I offered her friends if they would like to stay with us as well, to which they agreed since it was a long walk back to campus. The rest of the night was alright. They were nice people who I got to know a little better and we exchanged phone numbers and such, and they expressed their regrets that I wasn’t staying longer which was touching to me, since my friend didn’t say anything.
The next day, I left to go back home. We all said our good byes and gave each other hugs and promised we would keep in touch. I thought I had patched things up with my friend, since she seemed pleasant enough the day before (although things still seemed a bit awkward). When I got home, I sent her a text message to let her know that I had made it home ok. She never responded. Later, when I went online she was not on my buddy list and I had a feeling that she might have put me on ignore so I went to a website where you can look up who is blocking you on their buddy list. I entered her name and it said that she was online. So I signed on using another account that she didn’t know I had and she appeared online. When I said hello and asked her how she was doing, she instantly signed off.
Wow thought it was just me that had no friends but i guess im not alone all your stories have helped me realise that im not alone
I give up trying to make friends. Obviously I’m just not that interesting enough to bother with. Living day after day with nobody to talk to except your family is depressing. Every time I see a group of people my age hanging out, I feel jealous. Why can’t that be me? Why must I be the one who is the outsider always looking in? I have accepted that it must be my fate. I believe that there are some of us who are destined to walk alone in life, and I am one of them. Having tried everything I can think of to “meet” people and make a real friend has never panned out to anything. I don’t understand why. I’m a nice person, I have redeeming qualities. So I’m quiet. Better to be quiet than obnoxious and loud mouthed. I guess I’m just not worth knowing. Sometimes I think I’d be better off dead.
wow jessica you couldn’t have describe yourself to myself anybetter……..its like same comment i was going to post lol…..i accepted my loneliness turning 23 soon just wanna forget my birthday ……last birthday i almost did but my family keep saying its ur birthday commin up…..i was like yeah yeah i know……whats the fun in life without friends…. it hurts it really does. friends is the one that makes you who you are, what you are and how you become in life!
For my small part: I feel I want to scream! because I want to take you all suffering souls and show you their are people that could be there for you, . . . on the same wave length, . . . feel what you feel, see what you see, smell what you smell, love what you love, find everything just as funny as you, cry and be touched by what stirs your soul the same as you.
But alas we are all different & if you follow my/everyones thread you know I’m not qualified to impart any form of wisdom, only what I think right now, . . what I think as I type these words.
I don’t wish to pretend I know any more pain than you, any more loss, any more lonliness, but I am here. I don’t know the right thing to say %99 percent of the time, but we are here. I wish I could be loved, give love, I wish someone, some day, would say I gave alot of love, but I am here.
The next time you look off into the distance, and your heart sinks, your breath stutters or you close your eyes in pain, know that I, we, he, she, they, have been there & people from now till the end of the world will be there.
My only hope the equal amount of love will be in their, your, my heart from now until eternity.
christmas is coming soon whos excited here? i guess none of us actually are….the only one u get christmas with is ur family but you have no one to envite no one to talk about it…………and so on dam
Well, another birthday came and went. I’m 25 now. And I have nothing to be proud of. I had it with my family, but I had no friends to call and wish me well. I didn’t receive any birthday cards in the mail (not even from family). It rained on my birthday, the 17th and was depressing. I hate this life. I don’t want to go on. If nobody will ever like me or want to be friends with me, I don’t think I can bear it much longer. I don’t want to continue to go through life alone. It’s painful. I’m silently crying as I’m sitting here typing this. Does nobody care enough about any of us on here to get to know us?! I know all of us have feelings. We aren’t just faces in the crowd. We deserve more than a passing glance. We deserve to be UNDERSTOOD, if someone would just take the time to get to know us.
Happy Birthday Jessica, . . . I care. We care.
it really is painful isn’t it? I say every other day “I don’t think I can bear it much longer”
but alas I’m still here. to give more than a passing glance when the opportunity presents itself.
I’m not looking forward to the holidays, I feel like a prisoner in my house because I’m forced to pretend to like a person I hate more than anyone I’ve ever met. At a time I’m supposed to be happy.
Ces’t la vie.
warm wishes and happy birthday from the heart.
Thank you for your kind words Bellses. I too will be trapped in the house over the holidays as well. Just with my immediate family of course, but even that gets to be over whelming. I’m depressed about other things in my life, and I feel that having no friends adds to my depression even more. I’ve heard that to make friends, you have to go out and meet people. Alas I say, where do I go to meet these people? In all the classes I’ve taken in college, I haven’t made one real “friend” (aka someone you do stuff with outside of class). It seems that every time I offered to do something such as go hang out at the park, or go get something to eat or go to the movies, they’ve always said they had other plans. I guess I’m not interesting enough.
MERRY X=MASS PPL DESPITE NO FRIENDS NOTHING AT LEAST I TRIED TO ENYJOY IT WITH FAMILY……AND FOR THE NEW YEAR I THINK WE SHULD ALL TRY AND GET OUR SAD LAZY INCAPABILTY TO MAKE FRIENDS AND JUST GO OUT AND FORCE OURSELF AND ENJOY LIFE AND HOPEFULLY SOMONE WILL COME AROUND :)) FORGETING THE FACT THAT SOMEONE WILL COME ALONG……IF YOU KNW WHAT I MEAN
well, i’m 16 and i have no friends so …
Happy belated Birthday Jessica. I also want to say how sorry I am to know how difficult things were on your vacation. I share your pain believe me, I ended up getting my heart crushing news – right before my yearly vacation, which destroyed the entire time for me too.
People change, some times for the better, some times for the worse. People like the ones here are also subject to change as well, but one thing we share that others don’t… is the fact that friends… true friends, are golden. We make attempts to hold on to, and cherish these bonds like trophies, only to find out that bond has been broken by someone not as dedicated to the friendship as you were. I hope that everyone here had a very enjoyable Holiday season.
i am a 15 yr old guy.
while i group i used to have a lot of friends but since my 12 yr old( since 12 to 14 i was bullied) i stop haveing friends and my confidence decrease allot (sometimes i cant even look in people eyes), my only friends was a guy that i knew since 5 yr old but we stop talking to each other and some guys of my age that live in my street but time set us appart.now i enter in high school and its a complete hell , i stay alone in the school, no one goes to my birtday party, i have no one to talk on msn, and in school vacations (xmas, spring , summer ) i stay alone in home drinking coke and play some shit computer game( i dont even have a facebook cause i am so afraid of dont have a single friend in facebook) ,my only friend is my dog, my life is a complete hell , can someone help me ?
p.s – i am not a bad-looking guy, i always try to be nice to people but i never had a gf
Happy New Year,
I am so fucking depressed right now. I’m so lonely. I’m so-I don’t know. Fuck this life. Nothing is going right in my life. Not school, not my family, and no friends. I feel so alone.
I am tired of people…of humans, especially young people. I am 23 and it seems that majority of people around my age are so shallow and judgmental. They want to be around “cool” people with status, I thought that nonsense would end in high school but it continues on to college and into your twenties. I can’t make a single friend at school or at my job, and I try, but it never works. People don’t seem to want to be around me since I am a bit awkward and introverted.
I am sick of going everywhere by myself. I drink to cope with the loneliness. Just last week I went to a bar (by myself) and got drunk. This 50 something year old guy sitting next to me (who was also drunk) started talking to me and I happened to tell him how I was a lonely person, he kept on hugging me and telling me not to do that to myself and that people love me, if he only knew how hard I try and how much I get rejected…
chaosheart@gmail.com if you ever need to talk Jessica
That sucks Jessica. At some point I thought a lot about suicide, but you just have to keep running. For me, music usually keeps me running and that is what keeps me happy. Try to find something that keeps you occupied, I also always play MMORPG’s to fill in my time (very addicting though).
I can’t say my life is complete, but I had such a great night yesterday that I feel so much better and so much more confident. Finally I’m actually in something that gets uploaded to Facebook for example, that just does you really good.
I’d say keep working on what you have, if you still have a good relationship with family, go out with them, try to maintain what you have. And if you have nothing, I would move to a new place and make a new start.
Also you have to push yourself to the limit. I actually said things I would NEVER say, and it felt good. Just fap everything out you say, and don’t care about what others think.
Have a good day everyone if you can. Please don’t burn out, get something that keeps you running. My social life isn’t like it actually has to be, but it got a bit better. And if we all keep making little steps like that, hopefully we get out of this mess at some point. For me, the first step is made, on to the next one!
Im so glad I found this site, I thought I was the only one , but now I know that this might be just normal , I ‘m actually in college right now and dealing with the same prob, I dont know who I am anymore, and I please the people around me , think too much of what others think because i have low esteem , so i thought that this might be the cause why my friends don’t last long but im not still sure until now if thats the real reason.so i tried to change hoping that i was right, I tried to have more self confidence in myself, im actually goodlooking and talented yet before i couldn’t tell it to anyone even just use it as a joke because i was afraid of what others would think , yet I realize that YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU FeEL IS RIGHT and do what you really are happy at, dont think of what others will think anymore , and i think thats where people gain their friends , when they have self confidence in themselves, but though I know all this , Im still at the process of struggling against it, im into the habit of still thinking what others might think because i;m afraid that by doing what I wish, i will lead them farther from me because they wouldnt accept me,,just like now this college , im actually doing what i feel is right , its starting to work, but i still am paranoid and think that they might not like me sometimes, but I realized that as long as you have self confidence and believe in yourself, you wont get affected if they disliked it , and once you dont get affected they will learn to accept it, theyll be the one to accept, though I have no right to give advices since im not really sure if this theory is correct and that doing that will make you have friends , i actually know this is one of the process to do, but theres more which i still havent discovered and need help, the friends who i had no trouble socializing before and being self confident in them, I now lost , because this year, i chatted them everyday , and invite them often to hang out with me , and now i realize that theyve stop asking how I am, and noone is chatting me anymore, so I dont know whats wrong, is it because i had low self confidence and low esteem in me that I’ve also casted them away because of pestering them . why they have changed etcetc , thats why im confused right now, since i dont know why the friends that use to ask how i am dont ask anymore and that when someone who i hadnt talk to for a long time ask how I am, i dont know how to be myself again , its all because of this self shit belief we have, i hope we all change and i hope that when we do change , the law of attraction does apply , that when you have assertive thought yoou attract positive outcome!
I feel like shit. Nothing has meaning. I’m glad that others feel the same.
I am really glad I found this site. I am completely and utterly ALONE. I am a college student, lonely, without friends. I didn’t have anybody in middle school or high school, and have never gone on a date in my life. My roommates are always out partying with friends while I put my head on my desk while my eyes fill with tears. I feel like I’m just maybe too hideous and ugly that nobody wants to associate with me. I am so jealous of everyone that has a smile on his/her face, can make jokes, and laughs with friends, and doesn’t have a care in the world. I feel so left behind. Even though I am young, I feel so old on the inside. I wonder what’s wrong with me. I am truly drowning in sorrow that I have to carry alone. My only friend was my guinea pig, and she died a couple of months ago. Each night I plead with God to send me just one friend, just one friend out of the billions of people in the world. It feels so easy to let go and just wish life goodbye. Sometimes I feel like I wasn’t meant to be human, because if i was, I wouldn’t be left with this overwhelming desire for human affection and friendship that all humans long for, and need. I find myself talking to myself a lot , just so I have a chance to speak. I have often thought how easy it would be to come back to my apartment after classes and hang myself. I wonder why, if the eyes are the windows to our souls, nobody can see the pain I am made of and the hurt that towers over me. It is so nice when someone makes eye contact with me, even for a few seconds, so I can feel for a fleeting moment like I have been acknowledged. I feel as silent as a whisper, as distant as a dream, as lonely as a ghost…………………………………………………………………..
When I turned 40, no one called me to say happy Birthday, except one late card I received 8 days after.
When I turned 50, no one called, and no card.
Im about to turn 60 and I am sure I will cry.
I have not goten a single christmas card in 11 years.
Allen
Happy Birthday Allen, may it be a safe and wonderful day.
I fucking hate this life. I can’t even really make online friends. The few people I am friends with online I’ve known for a long time. But I can’t make any news. I must be so fucking annoying and so weird that I’m not worth knowing. Why the fuck do I exist? Why the fuck do I keep on living and breathing? I have to put an end to this sooner or later. Nobody would fucking miss. My family would. But I’ve stopped caring about them. They think I’m weird anyways. An embarrasment. I can never do anything right in their eyes. I’m too socially isolated. I’m the oddball. Fuck them. If today was my last day on earth, I would be glad. At least I wouldn’t have to wake up tomorrow.
I know how you feel Jessica, I’m an embarrassment to my family, especially my mom. (she laughs at me) its so painful. I haven’t gone out with a friend or girl in 11 years.
I imagine you are worth knowing & your not annoying or weird. I have to believe that about you because I want to believe it about myself too.
If I knew you I would try to show you beauty in this world that can scaresly be described with words, I would show you moments of awe and grace that make your soul weep & fill your heart with utter joy.
but we are here and all I can do is wish for those things. I hope that wish for you helps.
I am 18 years old, turning 19 in a week which I could care less about and I have no friends. In way I guess I feel old already weird enough as it is when I feel like I should feel like my life is taking off, wich is clealy not happening.Suppose I lack confidence however, why the fuck am I put here, why arent givien a break one fucking day of my life. Being that lately I dont know what to with myself but to take day but day hoping theres more. I like to think of myself as perfectly normal and I dont understand why. why???maybe thats just the way Im suppposed to be. Im generally not a sad person and hate admiting to this sad pathetic life of mine and how I let myself become this, I guess one thing is that I cant imagine one other person out there like me, Ive rather it be me than anyone else because it hurts too much and I wish it upon anyone. But I guesss one lonely girl in the world doesnt matter. wshing for things sometimes brings a black bitter heart, perhaps I shouldnt wish them. I just feel so Isolated and not wanted for anything the world, no purpose or worthy of anything.
For “Yeah,”
I agree with all of your sentiments.
I know how you feel Celeste. It sucks doesn’t it? When people don’t care. I always think to myself, why would it be so hard for someone to just get to know me? Am I that boring/awful of a person? Are we destined to live the rest of our lives friendless and lonely? Could somebody just GIVE US a chance?! Our hearts and minds are open. We’ve tossed our hooks into the lake with the bait, but yet no fish are biting. What’s it going to take to get people to PAY attention to us? Do we have to conform to the social norms in order to be excepted? Will we then have a friend? Will someone notice us then? But then again, what ARE the social norms? How is that some people are friend magnets and other are not? I can’t stand being fucking lonely. I don’t start school for another couple of months (who knows? I might actually make a friend, but I doubt it) so I have nothing to do all day long. I don’t get that many calls for my job. My life is the same every fucking day. Monotonous and boring and lonely. I feel like I am living in my own personal hell. I sit day after day in front of a computer screen for fucks sake. If I didn’t have my computer, I think I’d go insane from my boredom and depression. I’m tired of trying to go out and meet people because nothing I do ever seems to make any difference. Nobody is interested. Nobody cares. Nobody wants to hang out with a nobody with no friends.
I’ve always felt alone. As an only child, it was hard for me to have patience with other people. I had quite a few friends as a child. 5th grade is when my best childhood friend turned out to be a thief and i could trust her no longer. We’re still cordial if i see her and since her family lives nearby and know me pretty well, i sort of want to be nice. anyhow, fast forward to 8th grade, where i met my best guy friend (E), who i met in the lunch room where he sat across from another good friend of mine at the time. We’ve been friends since then, especially since he ended up transferring to my high school along with another good friend from middle school (J). Now that i think about it i was pretty comfortable with my social life back then. Fast forward to 2009-2010. I start to get sick of hanging out with them and watching them be pot heads and arguing with E all the time. Last June he called to tell me about a trip he wanted to go on and invited me. A month later i read on Facebook thru a fake account that he “had a great time”. Even texted a week prior to ask about the plans and told me he was getting a rental. Heard nothing since. Then he calls my home to tell me some nonsense and i made sure i sounded dry and nonchalant. A month later he texted his “hello” of sorts and i didnt reply. The more i think about it i regret not replying. I even dream about him often. I’m miserable. The only person that would talk to me is in a relationship with an ex-con and texts me once out of 4 months. i suspect she’s getting abused for some reason but she’s a ditz anyway. I have no-one but an over obsessed idiot from another state who does text me and talks about the same shit over and over and complains about the whores he encounters and even he had buddies and more girlfriends than i have had boyfriends (none). My family pitys my social life and are sick of my miserable-ness. I’m tired and i’m so heartbroken. I think i’ve lost my ability to hold a convo with someone my age. I walk through my college campus lonely and i hide in the library now. I’ve become bitter and anxious to start a new life in another city. i’m moody and i wake up with a shield over me to protect me from hurt. It’s not like i haven’t tried to make friends, i’ve been talking to this guy this semester whose in 2 classes and we’re the same major but i’ve tended to withdraw myself from any opportunity for him to get closer to me. I don’t know myself anymore and it’s hard to concentrate on schoolwork when that’s all i have going for me. Oh and to top it off, i’m on academic probation. So losing my social patience with people and no outlet has had an impact on me whether i want to admit it or not. I hate being trapped in my own body.
*more lol* I’ve been thinking maybe if i had a facebook i would be more accessible to people but my other half tells me to keep hiding from evil. I’m so tired of this nauseating feeling. And all my life i’ve not tried to fit in per se, but i express myself in a joking way which some ppl find awkwardly uppity since everyone i encounter is a lame brain ding dong. In addition E, has moved to another city according to the evil facebook, and i feel that if thats true, i just lost out on a pretty cool road trip visit something he should know about. I hate to see happy ppl and lets not even get on the technology issue. Before i got texting it seems that ppl were calling me all the time freshman yr. Soon as i get text i find out just how “there” ppl are for you. I hate it when ppl don’t text back but i like to make them wait for me lol. I really want a new phone but then it would be pointless since noone calls me. I have noone in my phone except for out-of state relatives that are no where near my age along with automated numbers and a pizzeria lol. At least i see i’m not the only one feeling like this.
My only friends are my cats…I’m at home all day long and dying of boredom and frustration. School doesn’t start until May for me. And I’m hating every minute of my boredom. No one calls.
I feel for all of you. But remember, we are young, and later on the people might get more mature, respectable and acceptable. Hopefully we get out of this shit..
My social life still isn’t too bad, but just not how I want it to be. This morning there were these 2 girls and I just came up with something to say to them, yet I don’t… If I did they’d probably look at me and think I’m outgoing. This is a good way of making convo’s and people actually appreciate it.
I think that’s the problem. We have to be spontaneous in what we do, like the thing mentioned above. And that’s where I’m going to work on right now.
I’m going to give up everything to get a social life. I will do my school work, only use the computer for educationial/social stuff, participate in events as much as possible, and just flap everything out.
I WILL GET SPONTANEOUS, I WILL PARTICIPATE IN EVENTS, I WILL BE CONFIDENT, I WILL MAKE SURE TO GET INVOLVED, I WILL GET A GIRLFRIEND, I WILL GET MARRIED, I WILL GET AN AWESOME SOCIAL LIFE AND FUCKING LIVE IT UP!!!!
Sorry for all this BSing, but I feel stronger and more driven than ever before to get out of this fucking mess where we can’t really go out. Be with me!
Interesting reading these testimonials going back to 2007.
Let the self-pity commence…
I haven’t really had any friends since secondary school (high school). In the last 10 years I have been out socially maybe 5 times – with peers that is, not including family. Being quite unattractive appearance-wise, people (mostly women) seem all too willing to attribute ugly personality traits to an ugly face without bothering to get to know you. They ‘want’ to hate you, and it seems like you really have to work to prove that you’re not a creep, when in fact there’s nothing that I have done that shouId lead anyone to think that. Paranoia? Perhaps, but some many experiences have led me to believe otherwise. Combined this with my mother being diagnosed with incurable cancer about 4 years ago and I feel like a prick for moaning about this sort of thing. Her life matters far more than any of my pathetic problems.. yet there it is, almost 32 and no friends.
Even without a typical introvert personality, the weight of all those rejections over the years can turn someone into one – kind of paralysis ; fear of failing again, fear of having all those negative thoughts about yourself confirmed…again. It really has effected my behviour if ever presented with an opportunity to know somone new. Aloof, awkward, inconsistent mood-wise, thise is not the way I would like to be when inevitably the pseudo friendship ends it’s like – where the fuck to from here?
I have a good enough job, dress appropriately, am clean and tidy, treat others decently if ever given the opportunity. It matters not. As for joining a club, or going out to random events it’s like if your doing so alone you might as well write ‘loser’ on your forehead. People draw conclusions that go something like “well if this guy has no friends, there must be something wrong with this guy and so I’ll steer clear, and who wants to waste time on a loser anway”
Oh and facebook…. Reconnected with people from school, or the small number of acquantances met at university, and becoming painfully aware of their full social lives – and now families – all shoved in your face – oh yeah great! I’m just a vague memory to these people, yet it feels like memories of them are all that keeps me going sometimes. Oh man, this is life is a FAIL.
Hi guys,
It’s really interesting that I have found this website after googling ‘why i have no friends’ and its amazing to find out that how there are so many of us actually I now believe that there is a real famine out there for true friendship’s and strong relationship’s. Because you all seem to have gone through what I have always gone through myself, I mean you can’t please some people no matter how hard you try so why even bother, they will simply just not accept you in their circle of friends so don’t even try. I don’t know weather you know how it feels i.e you are a bunch of guys in a so called friends car and are heading somewhere then the guy chooses to drop you off on the way simply because he doesn’t want you around them has that ever happened to you it has to me? or you go to visit someone you thought was a friend the later the person lives a report with the others for you to stop going to her place cause you are disturbing her and all you were looking for was a friend you simply put it makes you feel degraded, humiliated and very very inferior, it has happened to me so so many times i simply needed others that understood what I have gone through. but you know life is like that sometimes, guys out there will mistreat us and make you feel mad, or sad, or lonely and rejected sometimes it makes you feel all of them at the same time, but as a Christian I remind my self that Jesus Christ went through the same rejection cause the Bible says ‘he came to his own but his own received him not’ remember the same people he came to save turned there backs on him and if it happened to him then how do we expect it not to happen to us too? You know its funny and guess what this is not an American or Western problem but its now a World Wide problem this world has evolved and become a global village and we are all either infected or affected by the current crisis in this planet as one preacher put it the world has become a neighborhood without becoming a brotherhood, as I said I have been going through the same things in fact just this weekend and I think I have come to some conclusions of my own on this topic that I want to share with you guys. I think I know a few guys and ladies in my neighborhood who are going through the same things i.e they are approaching 40, not married, still staying with parents, have no job etc… I am sure if you’ve looked around your neighborhood and you have noticed a few of them I mean this problems we have been talking about are actually ripping them apart inside probably some have even contemplated suicide but what happens when you bump into one of them in the street or somewhere else they just smile, pretend everything is ok while deep inside you know everything is not ok they are just putting on a plastic smile some of them even have social websites and put their pictures but write on the relationship part I am in a relationship and you know that he or she is not even taken simply so that they make themselves more marketable. why are people so fake? and have you also noticed that whenever you hang out by yourself nobody even looks at you or is bothered by your presence but once you are walking with a good looking chick everybody’s eyes are on you some of them even look for an excuse to just come close to where you are and join in, is it jealousy? Covetousness? or are people simply interested in you when you have something they find to be nice in there eyes and are out to get it from you? so my point is we are all hurting but we are trying so hard to cover it up from others so that they don’t see what we are going through, I have actually stayed without a gf for almost 20 yrs now how comes they pretend not to see how much I am hurting? But well here is the main question why do we go to such great lengths, Probably its because we are scared i.e if people find out I have no friends or close friends at that they will mock me, or take advantage of me or misuse me, probably its like a tortoise revealing its weak underbelly to a prying predator; but you know the truth is you might not have power to control what they do to you but God in his grace has given you 100% power to control what you do about it, and you also can choose weather you will go through it alone or find someone to talk to about it, and walk it thorough with them I mean you don’t have to tell everybody or just anybody about it because some people enjoy watching others in misery as you know not everybody has your best interest’s at heart this world can rape you and expose your bleeding and beaten carcass for everyone to see and laugh at it, but you should try to find someone who you can honestly talk to like a counsellor, or a trusted person in authority a Pastor, Priest, Senior Teacher guess what they have also been through what you are going through and they will listen to you and offer you a listening ear and sound and solid advice but please find someone you can trust not everybody is trust worthy I have been doing this for a while now and I feel so much better about my self and my life, in fact I have realized that many of this people who are out there in hot cars with hot chicks and living the picket fence life well most of them aren’t even doing as well as you think remember what Will Smith said ‘people spend money they didn’t earn, to buy things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t like,’ how true today, there for you can even organize a series of meetings i.e once or twice a week according to the intensity of your problem and don’t hold back your true feelings, just be completely honest and open with the person and you will experience how this weight will slowly be lifted from your chest you see cause as you share your burdens you sort of let them out i.e your actually relieving yourself from that pressure, I know its not a one day or one month therapy it will take time remember all this pain has taken years to come in it might take years to it get off; but after a while you will be able to smile again and start enjoying life again finally it will make you start feeling good about yourself at least if you can get rid of that low, self depressed and weak minded mentality and find real joy in living then you have won half the battle, cause anyway its all in the mind, the brain is a terrible thing to waste after all how many people have no job’s but yet are happily married or how many people are not so hot or rich but still have happy families, don’t beleive the hype. as I conclude don’t let a bunch of low life’s who enjoy hurting and frustrating other people rob you of your dream life but get in the drivers seat of your life and quit being a spectator and people pleaser its so much better when you know where you are going and driving yourself there, instead of relying on someone who will drive you into a ditch the same one he or she is heading to and as mahatma gandhi said ‘live like you will die today but learn like you will live forever’ I hope this post has helped somebody and if it has feel free to share with me i love hearing from other. thanks for reading.
Jamu – on usamawambua@yahoo.com
all the best in your life’s endevors. and remember -a candle loses non of its light when it lights up another candle.
Hi guys,
Like most people out here, I’m happy that I have found this website. At least, I feel less lonely knowing that no mater what your issue is, there will always be people in the same situation than you on this planet.
Sometimes it’s true that no matter how nice you can be to others, that does not mean that they will be that nice to you in return. You have to be confident, and believe in yourself. The first thing there is to do is, of course, being happy with your loneliness.
But how? Even if I try, it’s hard. I’m a 20 year-old girl who goes to the boxing gym like 4 times a week, because to me it’s like a home. There, I can talk to some people, yet I have not made a real friend there.
My dad always used to tell me that nothing happens for nothing. That it is made to happen like this. That I have something to learn from this. Indeed, these past 2 years I have made real progress on my personality. I work on myself constantly.
Definately, seeing these posts makes me sad. I know it may not be a good thing to depress myself any more by reading this, but at the same time it feels so good. Honestly, I know it cant be worst than you guys, because I have one best friend. Still, she is so busy compared to me. Plus, she has a boyfriend. I feel like I’m at the end of the list. I still feel lonely as hell.
If someone needs to talk, just let me know. :) I think that could be a good start.
Hi Ember,
I dont mind msn or skype. Anyway, my msn is alexkiawong@yahoo.com.sg.
Pls indicate where U got my msn in the add msg box, thanks
It sucks not having anyone to hang out with, but talking to people via the internet is pretty cool, as long as we are careful. I’ve met a great person online, and I’m glad. Known for like a year, now. I hope we can find some real life people to hang out with in our lives. I’m going to do something with my life, and focus on nothing else, but achieving my dream/s.
Fulfilling and focusing on one’s dreams, desires, is a good way to not think about our problems.Forgetting them. Maybe along the way into doing that, we encounter great people who then become friends of ours. :) We should all try and do what we love, even if we will feel as if we are going at it alone. Doing something on our own is good for our self-confidence, too.
Don’t give anyone the right to just assume something bad about you when they find out you have no friends. Just present yourself as who you are, who you truly are and ignore their remarks. There will be people who will like you for who you are, and having no friends does not tell anyone of your TRUE SELF. :)
That would just be ignorant.
PEACE AND MUCH LOVE.
Keep an optimistic mind. Thinking positively attracts positivity.
yroses21@gmail.com
Hello Ember , I hope its still open. my msn .. is celestecaz@live.ca Thanks, would really help
Alex and Celeste, I’ve added you guys. Where are you from? I’ve got east time zone, so I hope we get to chat sometimes!
thanks for the add but sorry Ember seems I didnt get an invite, can you give your email please thanks. from ontario canada, eastern time as well
It’s your life, so take over it. Your’e better than everyone else and can do and say what you want. Enough said.
Nothing is more painful than going through life alone, I can certainly attest to that. Growing up, I had close friendships with two or three people that I spent most of my time with. After college and into adulthood it became harder to maintain these friendships until finally, each and every close friend I had disappeared. Desperate for some change, I moved to a new city only to find myself more isolated and with fewer friends than ever before. I was so lonely and isolated at one point I was convinced if I dropped dead it would be at least a week before anyone found my body. If not for my immediate family who I remained close to, I would have been a goner for sure. Now, several years later, I am married but still have no close friends outside my husband. I’ve found it’s much harder, as an adult, to make friends, as people seem to be very consumed with their lives and families and there’s less opportunity to interact with others outside work. I tried connecting with old friends on Facebook, but found everyone’s desperate attempts to make their lives sound completely fun-filled every minute more depressing than if I just totally cut myself off, which I ended up doing. Having lived a solitary existence for most of my adult life, I’ve made peace with the fact that I have very few friends and am comfortable with it for the time being. If I make friends, all the better, but I am finding sometimes that it’s easier to be alone.
oh man. I wish I could email/im the author who wrote on here in 2007. he called himself “loser”. my life is almost exactly the same. i also attempted to study mechanical engineering, and like “loser” I also barely made c’s. I was in the major to prove to the world that I can be important too. B/C my mom, the only real human contact I’ve had, always told me in high school, “you are too fragile. you are fragile. you should study art.” since I do draw sometimes. guess that’s all I’m good for. not sure why at 29 I am still alone. In high school and college I ran and hide from people, usually in the bathroom. And now at my job and my age I STILL run and hide. A woman I work with told me, and I thought she liked me, “You can’t come up in work being moody”. Just b/c I was sad that day and not talking to anyone. So now I hide from her b/c I am afraid. So no friends. Confident on the outside when I teach my preschool students art. But a loser on the inside, even after therapy, 12 step group, self help books and believing in god for first time.So I have accepted, for whatever reason that I do not know, people have enough friends and I am by myself. Perhaps that is why anytime I have ever had a boyfriend I am too needy and they always end up getting aggressive physically with me since I am such a loser.
And just like “loser” I also know the SCUM manifesto and I feel the same way about my ugly little titties as he felt about his little penis. Plus all three relationships I have ever had I guess you could call domestic violence. I call the hotline every week and looks like they were and I didn’t even realize. Oh well. I just do my job and accept what I am.
I hate myself %99.9 percent of the time I am awake, every day.
But the small glimpses of awe inspiring beauty & the feeling of grace in my heart I get from the arts, make me glad I’m alive every once in a while.
I hate everyting about myself & every decision Ive ever made & every thing I’ve ever said to others. I will never be strong, smart, confident or function well in this world.
I live vicariously through people with intence passion & aren’t scared to create beauty & fight for what they love. All I can do is pretend. but in my dreams I’m well and everything is fine.
& maybe thats enough.
“that globe and universe are rude and early expressions of an all-dissolving Unity, — the first stair on the scale to the temple of the Mind.” – Emerson
i know the feeling all too well, how i hate being alone all the time and wishing i was dead. i hate it. hate it. hate it.
I feel like all of you feel in this entire thread from top to bottom.
I just become immune to people rejecting me and trying to use me.
Ive experienced every feeling , emotion throught this entire forum , from suicide to severe cold loneliness , bitterness , hatred , severe depression, feelings of madness , alienation of myself , child abuse , beaten . I can write descriptive words here forever but…. Ive learnt…
Nobody is waiting for you , time doesnt wait for you , the world doesnt wait for you. If you dont make changes yourself and learn and out think all the swines that try to use you , then the world will just consume you.
Sit still and look at the time ticking and the cars passing , nobody is waiting or coming to a halt for you or me. Look at the Japan Tsunami , the world still carrys on , the sun still rises and time still ticks on. Its a barbaric world and everyone for themselves. Its a fight for survival and nobodys gonna stop on the sidelines just for you or me. Ive learnt that you have to make your own life even though its freaking hard but its either standing up strong and pushing ahead or laying down and dying. Even if you have lots of friends , they not gonna give you a life or make you rich.
Life is unforgiving and much harder as each day passes with overpopulation , technology , rates , taxes. I feel it everyday and want to give up but the only place you going to find strength and motivation is within yourself and in your heart and mind. Just believe you are going forward. Its great when you meet a wonderful Woman that strenthens your heart and mind and activates that motivation and hunger to succeed. Even if you dont meet her , keep strong and have faith , fight the depression, sadness and dont commit suicide cos we all gonna pass away soon enough , so why speed it up. You never know what tomorrow may bring you , so just keep strong. Each day that goes by is a day closer to our natural death , so live your life and drink lots of coffee to revitalise your mind.
Im stll very much alone but stuff it , i dont need to beg anyone to be my friend or take interest in me. If it happens , then it happens. Dont determine your life from other peoples actions. Those people dont live for you or me.
Stop living for other people and be a strong individual.
holynetworking@gmail.com
There is really no point of living on this planet, let someone else do the suffering and not me. I should just end it.
After reading this massive thread – all i can say is… im shocked…
I’m shocked because i thought i was a minority in feeling all of the above
When in reality there are so many of us whom feel exactly the same…
Why oh why can’t all of us here today – form a friendship group?
We are all alone – and all extremely similar
If the author of this website is reading this… i would urge them to make something where we can all share our email address or join a forum where we can get together.
More importantly – the people on this very page are special
In my opinion – MORE special than the popular peeps with lots pf friends…
We are sensitive souls that can feel and think and love
Except we live in a jungle of preditors – where survival and material things are all that matters… Let us all unite here today to support one another…
Let us find a way where we can all get together – first online
There is no shame in feeling alone or isolated – just look above…
We deserve real friends… friends who can relate to US
And those friends are right here on this very page…
Forget the popular narcisistic selfish outgoing smily sexy rich or charismatic people… we dont need them as they make us feel even more isolated…
We need EACH OTHER
Please someone read this and try and make it happen
First we can all unite in a special forum online
Then perhaps we can find people in our local places
This is a massive thread with so many people sad and lonely
The potential to have a huge forum with so many like minded people is just waiting to happen…
Make something positive of this Blog
Turn it into a forum and a community of FRIENDS
Peace and Love – you know your purpose now..
Now go and do something and change the worlds/..
Ah. So lonely today. And full of despair. My dad told me “you need friends. what’s wrong with you?”. I don’t know how to respond. It hurts.
Jessica, there is nothing wrong with you, your father should know this :( It is hurtful, but I can’t think he intended it to be so. We are all lonely, and I still say there is nothing wrong with us, not any one of us! I wish there was an answer for people like us, I wish there was a pill…a book… anything to give us the answer we are looking for, but I have yet to find it, what I have found is that the harder I try to more I feel like I fail… I’m going to just let what happens, happen… it doesn’t mean that I won’t be open, but for now I’m going to coast for awhile. I’m going to find other interests, things that keep me with myself, doing what makes me happy, and avoiding those things that make me sad. I’m sure I’m making any big revelation, I’m just saying this is my plan for now… I can’t keep putting energy into things I can not control… I’ve been volunteering at a local senior center, and I’ll tell you it helps, plus I’m making others happy at the same time, it’s bringing me some happiness in an unhappy life. It has also made me realize the these older people that I help don’t have a lot of people that come visit them, and they are so grateful someone has found them… I’m not saying you should do this, all I’m saying is that I have found something to fill the void in my life, and you know what, I’m making a lot of friends, albeit older friends, but still friends none the less that are happy to see me :)
Good luck hun, Madeline
I know the feeling . The lonely thing hit me again today too. I didn’t want to get out of bed today again :( not sure if you can but know theres nothing wrong with you and I feel you. I know Im not one to say anything but Keep your head up high Jessica hugz. Lately my mom has been saying the same. What am I supposed to do, I know I need friends. everyone needs a friend. just sometimes gets to me so much that the only conclusion is what if there is something wrong with me, what if Im being punished. Im not a bad person or maybe just maybe theres something great ahead waiting for me, something great t and none of this will matter anymore , I doubt it though . I try to deny I don’t have friends and that I spend most of my days alone, I mean what do you say to people. All this rambles in my head over and and over. My mom even asked if If Ill ever have a bf I cried again today. I fear that one will ever love me in that way and overwhelmed if someone ever did and if I could let them. Having dark thoughts again I don’t know what to do.. Not sure what to do wih myself these days, If only I was going to college in the fall like I was planning to do things would be looking up by now and soo much better. I have to now wait a whole other year to go to college / Don’t want to get into it bu its because t wasn’t possible to go before and Im not sure I can wait much longer . Im fearful of what I might do or consider to do. Waiting is all I seem to do with my life, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting anymore
Ever since I first posted Ive been following this feed closely reading word per word, every emotion , I take in and feel out I feel for each and one of you, I going trough the same things. I see myself in every posts and it truly breaks my heart and it shocks me even more that Im not alone and from all these posts guess a lot of us would never dream of someone else living this too. I cant believe we carry this with us everyday, I wish I could help . I wish sometimes just one person knew. You know, I guess its true you never know what someone ways upon their heartm what we carry in our hearts. I just want to give some strength to you all and please dont blame yourself. Keep strong
Wow,
I feel nice and relieved and also sad at the same time reading all you beautiful people’s comment. I thought I was the only person with no friends but there are many people like me. I also faced similar problems in my whole life. I tried to make friends for many years but no one understood me. People can’t even see me as if iam invisible. Now Iam invisible. I dont go to any one. I do not go to any friend ship circles to be crushed by others. Facebook is another crap in which we can see every one enjoying their life, chating, cracking jokes……….. and still we are are out of the big picture. I think I may have to enjoy my life by myself. Iam trying the best to do that. We should take it as a challenge and live in this world as Warriors.
(Warrior is not in the sense that we should fight but we should raise our self and live by our self like a warrior. We should value ourself, we should raise our self esteem to the tip of the sky).
Oh beautiful Guys and Gals, God is always with those people who have good heart. God is always merciful. So we all should never loose confidence.
Dont care about what other people say about us because different people think and behave in different manners.
And the most important thing to do is we should LOVE LOVE LOVE our self as much as possible. After all our self is the only the person whom we have as a friend.
First i forgot to mention about myself in the previous comment. My name is Refas and Iam 25 Year old Man.
Hey all you beautiful people why dont all of us start friendship. All of us are having the same problems. We all are in the same boat.
I want to be friends with both Men and Women. I dont have both friends.
Let us start friendship it might turn out to be good.
My email ID is refas086@yahoo.com
Beautiful posts lately, I’m sorry if your sad & happy if your finding some optimism.
we are so alone, but you are in my thoughts. remember: people care & there is awe and beauty in the world.
I suppose I always had this notion that one cares either which doesnt help. In a way already have myself set up I guesss . Ill find myself saying it and thinking even more. my mom says not to say that. Always wonder where it comes from. Yet I would do anything for anyone, I care deeply about everyone, its just in my nature I guess. Do I have reason to think that no one would about me?
Yes Bellses you are right “people care & there is awe and beauty in the world”.
There is nothing more beautiful than caring and kindness in this world. still we are alone walking in the street and going for movies alone. It sucks.
Celeste Iam also facing the same thing, no one cares about me………………
Why cant we all be friends through online and emails. It might be turn out to be nice because all of us are having same problems, all of us can understand each other very well than anyone else in this world. But we should also becareful about the bad people in the internet.
If we can use it in a better way it may turn out to be miraculous.
Hey jessica, celesta and every one refas86@gmail.com is my email ID. This email ID is my heart. My heart is always open for everyone…………………
There is indeed beauty in the world I cant deny that and sometimes breaks my heart. Its weird I admit though I am suddenly reminded by sometimes the smallest sweetest things which bring a smile and warmth to my eyes and I try to soak it up and take it in think it keeps me here and present. Sometimes I think I am twisted to hope that that girl and that man holding hands and smiling
should be me should be me that is happy and has someone to share and hold my hand but for the most part it brings a big smile on my face. Even seeing nature at itsst or people smiling around me, or a kind act that anger drifts away and Im filled and overjoyed wanting it to last but know Ill go back there again.. Then even in the weakness times I try to look for something, anything to fade and melt away and die away my sadness and pain I feel everyday. Still then it comes and goes but I guess thats that. I ofen wondered if anyone else notices what I do but I guess these posts prove me wrong and hope you continue to see it too.
I wonder if anyone sees me walking alone, I wonder what they think. Am I awkward, do I come off as I dont have any friends, a familiar rouine passing by
acting as if I have my own thing going on. Yes I must seem be a bit odd I try to hold a smile to seem friendlier even if all I want to do is hide in a corner or hide my face. But I know to just keep smiling and keep my head up high and keep walking, however, sometimes I dont, I just dont. ts a good day when I walk confidently and proud even if no one cares, I feel happy and no one can take that away from me, I am being, I am me. I am lovable and so are all of you
Refas thank you, look forward to connecting with you :) and remember someone cares
I just wanted to add as well, if you ever feel lonely, if you ever feel disconected from this world or like you have nothing right now like me , I feel you. for whatever the world has to offer for you all keep holding on but for now.. here is my id celestecaz@live.ca
aka lonely one
Same story… suffer from lonely face… I seem to have lost all my friends… again. It’s as if everyone hates me, despite the kind things I do… No one tells me why they desert me though.
Anyone else notice how ever time you do something nice for someone, it drives them further away?
Also, my name is nick brown. my email is kimoshnikov@hotmail.com if ya wanna chat. or something. i’m notorious for listening to people’s problems and actually caring about it.
I’m from LA,CA by the way.
yroses21@gmail.com
We can talk about a lot of things. Interests, problems..anything. :)
I know that feel, my problem is I try to be close friends with girls as I have little to relate with any other guy. For some reason which boils my blood is that they don’t want a guy friend that isn’t gay. Tried to kill myself back in grade 10. Failed. Not sure what do anymore.
someone asked me where are my friends again at today and and I didnt know what to say. I just kinda panicked turned red more than usual being as pathetic as I am , made some excuse and ran off. how I fear that question. I hate it when peoples ask or I feel them becoming suspicious. I am an outsider. If you know it I know it please dont ask. just go and leave me alone if you want to. Nothing is worse than being asked that question, Ive rather die..
Wow its crazy that there are still so many comments after 5 years! A lot of you seem to have the same experiences as me. I always had friends in high school, but in college they have all stayed close and basically “kicked” me out of the group (I’m 21). I don’t understand why, but I’m finally accepting the fact that they aren’t my friends anymore, all we have are memories. I haven’t made the kinds of friends in college that I used to have. Sure I have people I could ask for help with school, or even to hang out once in a while, but its not the same. It would be awesome if we set up some kind of social forum for all these people to communicate :)
Today is May 23rd, 2011. Is this forum still alive? It seems like the last posts were in 2008. I just found this website tonight and have been reading all the posts. A lot of very young people. Well, I just turned 66 this month. I have been lonely all my life. When I was working it was difficult, but I did not dwell on how alone I was because I always had hope things would change for me and working helped me to pass the time. I hated working and am glad I am now retired, but I still have no friends except my cats. It is kind of frightening. I feel like even God himself will not intervene for me and others. I remember in the news many years back about a man who was venturing out in the wilderness to take pictures and his car broke down in a deserted part of the world. No one passed by the car and he could not walk or find his way back to civilization. He wrote notes on his dusty windshield while he was sleeping so people would know he needed help. But no one ever came. After months went by and his food supply was gone he died of starvation. He took pictures of himself and those were on his camera when people finally discovered him. This just shouldn’t happen. Lonliness can really be a killer. People take their lives because of it. I don’t expect anyone to be at my funeral let alone discover me when I finally die. I love all the people here and totally relate to all you have written. I am still reading all the posts. I am posting now to find out if this forum has any life to it. Blessings to all of you.
Incidentally, my email address is if anyone cares to reply. Since they don’t post the email address I thought I would post it myself. Hope to hear from someone. Love, Johanna
Season of loneliness is breaking out again. Wow veeeeeeeeeeee
What else should i say. I cant cry for the rest of my life………………..
Good things have come my way. Maybe life is changing. However, a fight with my mom kinda hit a nerve. She said I was so outgoing when I was younger, whats wrong with me. I replied saying clearly there is somnething wroing with me and then she denied saying it. Wonder why she sometimes saids stuff like that. I feel she hates me because I dont have friends like she used to and questioned if Ill ever have a bf or will ask me why werent you friends with them.
Stings but I have to let go..
Hi Celeste – I have been reading these posts a little bit at a time. I cried the other night sitting at my computer about this lonliness business. It is definitely no ones fault. It is this crazy world we live in. The world that people under 25 live in today is terrible. It is difficult to meet people. I don’t know if it is more difficult to meet people today than it was in the Victorian era. That is something maybe you could research. I haven’t done it yet, but I know it was difficult for women if they could not find a husband.
My personal feeling is that it is better to be more introvert than extrovert. If you are overly extrovert you aren’t tending your inner garden or reflecting on important issues or things you should confess to yourself to God. Talents like music and dancing or art require that you be more of an introvert since that is where the creativity and creative ideas and thinking begin. They don’t start outside except that one might be influenced and inspired by another person’s creativity.
Anyway for eons mothers and daughters have had conflicts. One has to try to keep loving one’s mother regardless. I love my mother at 23 and have grieved in my adult life that I did not appreciate her enough or forgive her enough for her shortcommings.
You have to forge your own path in life. And it is a lonely business. I remember the saying that “If you make one real friend in your life you have been blessed.
Love to you Celeste
Johanna – jgtreegardener@gmail.co
Thank you Johanna
Hey Celeste – I meant to say “I lost my mother at 23”. Johanna
Im really sorry to hear that
To REFAS – Maybe we can do a FACEBOOK thing. If someone gets a FACEBOOK account – that could be a meeting place whenever. Some people might check in every so often, some people might make friends, lots of possibilities. We would have to name it something that does not relate to “lonliness” though. Maybe “The Flower Garden”.
Hi everyone,
I read many of your comments and I feel slightly relieved because I can relate to many of you . Im 21 and I’ve always had problems making friends and I’ve had trouble connecting with people. I’ve been unsure of who I am for as long as I can remember. I don’t know how to be me. I’ve dealt with depression for most of my life. My grandmother died from colon cancer two years ago and my life seemed to fall apart even more since then. For the last two years, my depression has been difficult to handle. I’ve been taking medication and I’ve been seeing a counselor for almost 2 years (she has been so helpful). Many times, I become overwhelmed and emotional and I have thought about suicide a couple of times because I have dealt with depression and anxiety for most of my life. Like some on this feed, I am a nice person but I can’t seem to keep friends in my life. At this point, I have given up and I am alone. I live with my family but they don’t understand and they aren’t sure how to help me, which makes me feel hopeless. I believe in God and I tell myself when I feel hopeless and very depressed that as long as I live, there is a chance for my state to change. Other times, I grow weary. I heard something from a lady who had plan her suicide ten years ago. Looking back, she said that if she had carried through then she wouldn’t have been able to experience the good that was around the corner. I keep telling myself that there is a light somewhere around that corner. Much hope to all!
Dear Anna – I cannot help but reply to people on this list. As I mentioned in a previous post a few days ago, I am 66 now and have always had difficulty making friends. I also have been a good person. But you must not consider suicide. My mother took her life that way so I am keenly aware of matters on this subject. You must be willing to go through all life’s changes. God has given you this life and it is He alone who must take it back. Mortal life is an opportunity and a gateway to Eternal Life. Jesus did not have such a great time on this planet either. This life is to make choices. It is not for most people a picnic. You must decide never to consider suicide or you will always be leaving the door ajar for it to claim you. It is the Enemy who is at the root of all this. I believe God forgives people who commit this act, but still we must not do it.
To me you are a young sprout. When you say “all your life”, it is just a few years. You must put some of the blame for your problems on the world in general and the decline that our society is going through. It is true. Our society is regressing with its lack of morals.
jgtreegardener@gmail.com
Johanna
I love that facebook “flower garden” idea :)
Well Folks – I spent about 4 hours creating a Facebook Group for those interested in participating. I am not a pro at this and I encountered a lot of bugs and obstacles since I already have a separate Facebook account. Difficult to explain.
In any case, if you go to this web address
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sanctuary-to-NO-Friends/211461218893941
you will reach the new group called “Sanctuary to NO Friends”. That was the best name that I could come up with. A lot of titles were already taken. Open to any suggestions you may have. Write to me at <jgtreegardener@gmail.com
Blessings to all
It doesn’t get easier with age. I’m 57 soon to be 58 and try to keep from freaking out because of lack of friends. I think people are cautious, and protect their little worlds and really have no time for friendship. That has been my experience with the few girlfriends I used to have. Too busy, must go, can’t too busy. Now I have not one girlfriend I can confide in and have to pay a therapist to keep me from imploding on myself again and causing fall out within my marriage. My husband only cares about his business. He is not interested in my emotional agnst or my issues with lack of direction. Again – he has to protect himself and dismisses me as self-centered, lazy, and fairly worthless except for providing him with sex. So these days, at my old age, I feel like a whore with no friends. Funny that life is so unpredictable. To have only yourself to console yourself with is the most difficult task in life.
Randy Meyer, yours was a very insightful/heartfelt posting. If you wish to “talk” you can write to me at: kennydoc1999@hotmail.com
Randy Meyer, why are you still with this man. Leave him. If you are co-dependent, find someone to help you leave him.
I hope this thread is still active. You are all wonderful and brilliant people. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Every one of you.. <3
I am here to give everyone hope because this page once gave me hope.
I have been following this page for about two years, getting update whenever someone replied. I have to say that I now have friends, after never having any before. All I did was just persistently ask my acquaintances from school if we could hang out. Over time, they started inviting me. I know that everyone has a different situation, but I think that if people stop worrying that others won’t like them and just be a bit more open to making friends, I think that you will make some.
Eric
Also, Johanna, I joined your page.
Thank you Eric – I think some people are not coming on board because it is not “popular” or has a lot of people yet. I spent a lot of time setting up to be a place of fun. I was hoping others would add their ideas and comments.
As far as I can tell this is an active forum. Many people have gone their way since it started several years ago, I forget exactly when.
Anyway, WELCOME to the http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sanctuary-to-NO-Friends/211461218893941 “Sanctuary to NO Friends” Facebook website :).
Johanna
I’m having a really hard time losing my best friend. I don’t really know how to deal with it. Any advice?
Hello “lizardsja” – I am sorry about your friend. People pass away every day, some are nearby and then there are the ones that are close to our hearts. The ones that are close to our hearts cause us to grieve. It is a difficult, irrevocable loss. It shows that you had great love for this person because of the depth of your grief. Many times when people die, even our parents or relatives don’t even cause us to shed a tear due to family feuds or disputes or unselfishness on our part to not care bout the person who has passed on. I would say that it is wonderful that you can feel this loss so deeply. It is a gift that you feel it this way. Otherwise, if you come to realize how great a loss it is much later in life and reflect on how you did not grieve for this person at the time and only years later you realize how insensitive you were to not recognize your loss – well, that is worse than the gift of grief you feel now.
So, I would say, you should hold this grief close to your heart, go through it for however long it takes and do things to commemorate your friend. There are many ways to do that – through relating to others involved who might also feel as you do about this friend, but also through art. Make a collage with pictures from a magazine that tell about your friend. Or make something beautiful in some other media. Get a picture and frame it nicely and put some beautiful silk flowers nearby so they won’t wilt. I have done all the above when I lost my mother. I have a corner of my living room over my piano with a picture of my mother and also a few of my beloved pets that I have had over the years. Blessings.
Johanna
Thank you for the advice. It made me feel a lot better. I know that I need to feel it. Its just especially hard because after losing my best friend it feels like all the friends that I have left don’t give a crap about me.
I feel like im slowly losing everyone in one way or another..
Reading this long thread just made me cry, because I can easly relate to almot all of you. I’ll try to write my story as much as i can, english is not my native language…
I’m 23 years old, i live most of my life lonely and the only friends i have at the time is my girlfriend who doesn’t have friends also. My problem is that I feel extremely uncomfortable in a group of people! and i find it hard to maintaining a successful relationship. I can have good chat with people one on one, but when it’s more than one person my brain just shuts-off… my confidence drops to zero and i sit there like a plant
last time i tried to make friends was 8 months ago, I was in good motivation to make a change in my life! I had contacted with my 2 good friends from high school years via facebook… They were just what i could wish for, they both tried to help me! Anna was super cool, we met in a nice restaurant on the beach, we talked about things we been through it was nice, until she made a surprise and brought her friends, than i went from feeling amazing to depression! they took me to a really good dace club, but it just made it all worst, the only thing i wanted is to go home… well and almost the same happened with my second friend Tim… i’ll skip on that sorry
Basically after this attempt i left hurt like never before, bleeding from my soul, suicidal thoughts, I’ve realized that i’m not able to have friends. Anna and Tim continued calling me, months after that and i just ignored them. I’ve realized that i don’t have any social skills anymore and there’s no way we can be friends.
Not every day is a living hell after sometime you learn how to “live” with it, but on days like today, when you see how lonely, boring and small your world is… i want to die! to end this suffering, and hopefully reborn living much happier life. I actually bought a helium tank to make an exit bag, in case i couldn’t take it much longer…
and what about having a wedding? I wonder how weddings of lonely people look like? f**k
This loneliness is a killer of life and every thing good that comes with it. being lonely even makes you stupid type “Brain Dopamine Receptor Density Correlates With Social Status” in google
That’s why most of us may suffer from low dopamine levels in our lonely brains, that leads to, ADHD/ADD, low sense of humor and on and on and on…
You know what guys, reading your stories and writing those words really heal something inside of me, i feel much better so thank you all and thanks for reading this
Hello Stephan – What country are you from? Your English writing is terrific! Well, to your post:
I know most young people are not going to buy most of what I have to say about your post, but it is important you to consider a few of what I believe to be truths.
First of all, making friends while in school is difficult because of competition between girls and girls, boys and boys, then between girls and boys, etc. about clothes, who you talk to, who you call your friends, what grades you make, and on and on and on. Then, when you leave school and go onto college or junior college, you find it might be even harder to make friends – not so much because of the trivia that high school kids call important standards to call you a friend or not, but because it is a little different world. But connections in a college can be on a more mature level and last longer.
But when you get out into the work force – that is where it is that you find all your friends that may have had disappear. They go on to their life and you pursue your life. Finding friends once you start working is not so easy. Some are better at it than others. So you have to find your own way in how to meet people.
Your feeling strange when your friend brought along another person is understandable. It is really true in my opinion that “two is company and three is a crowd”, which means that unless three people are really united by more than just being acquaintances, usually three is a bad number socially. It is easier to speak your mind and give out your hearts feelings to just one person, but when another person appears – that sacred trust is not possible a lot of the times.
Another thought is that 23 years of age is so very young and vulnerable. And our world, which you have been born into is really a mess. It is easier to understand if you are aware of what is called “the End times” in the Biblical world. I leave it to you to follow up on that.
I found that when I was younger (I am now 66) that I had the same experiences about not feeling comfortable in many types of social situations. This goes away to the proportion that you understand who you are and what your convictions are in life, what things in this world you feel is right to participate in and what things are not right for you. Not all things are right for all people. Some things are downright evil and if you are not comfortable in that situation – good for you. Get out. When you learn who you are and that you are basically a good person and really you are your only best friend.
Try to stay away from t he suicide trips on the mind. I know it can absolutely unbearable when you feel some things and there does not seem to be anyone to talk to at the time or any real answers available to soothe your heart. But I tell you again, a lot of this is due to our world as it is now. Not that it hasn’t been this way in the past times, but people today don’t have much time to reflect, to take care of themselves. Young people are all to often just left to figure things out for themselves.
So you must search for what is truth for you and realize that we are living in difficult times and you must learn to be strong and find your own way. Some people are lucky to find friends along the way others are not. I think the more sensitive you are, and even the more intelligent you are, the more difficult it is to make friends. One example I can never get out of my mind is the great inventor Nicholas Tesla (Go here for one website among many: http://www.robertlomas.com/Tesla/Independent_Article.html ) The man was greater than Thomas Edison in my opinion because Thomas Edison was actually a jerk. He promised Tesla a lot of money if he would help Edison invent something. When Tesla did invent the thing Edison said, “Oh, I was just joking.” Edison was full of pride and had very little integrity. Tesla worked for Edison, but Tesla left him after this incident. But what I am getting around to saying is that Tesla died alone in his hotel room.
You will have to make your own conclusions about this story. My conclusions are that great men are not always treated well in this world. Many people are not treated well in this world. Unfortunately no one can guarantee you that you are going to be treated well here on this planet. We can’t answer the question why some people fare better here than others. I certainly don’t have the answers. I am still struggling with things related to this article even at my age.
So, last thing is give a visit to the Facebook page that I created for the people here and maybe contribute something now and then. Web address is: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sanctuary-to-NO-Friends/211461218893941.
Blessings to you Stephan,
Johanna
Stephan, your story really got me.
It all sounds similair to me, and I really feel for you. You’re an awesome guy but really, in group conversations I have the same and I know how you feel.
Someone always knows how to take the word and meh, making the conversation in a big group and then failing it, that’s what I’m personally scared of. Then all the eyes will be pointed to you and you’re like ehh…
I don’t know how it’s with you, but if it’s the same problem, then I would suggest to be proud of who you are, heads up, and just don’t think. I know myself it’s not that easy but I keep and keep thinking that to change.
You can’t change people from the inside but you can at least try to make a change. If you don’t, nothing happens. If you do, something might happen.
At least try to make the best of it and enjoy yourself in a good way. You also have a girlfriend so I’m real happy for you because of that.
Pheace out!
everyone here is so strong. i don’t know how you do it. you are amazing people. I just feel like the friends i have are so fake all the time. why can’t people just be honest and forthcoming? I’m so sick of all the bullshit!! I just want friends who will be reliable and trustworthy… people who actually care and dont spew lines that aren’t true. People are so good at being manipulative. I just wish there were people who knew what it was like to be there for someone… to really care about what they are feeling and why they feel that way.
hm well Im back here again. Well my cousin is gone and Im happy shes on to her adv, Wish her the best. Just wish I could have mine. Shes all I had. and summer is going by so fast I feel like Im wasting away here alone, fed up tired strong need to be wanted is nagging on me. Im trying to enjoy the summer and make the best of it but I remain a self tortured, fustraded, uninspired, constantly in self doubt, fearful and alone. Im fading Im dying..I dont know waht to do with myself anymore. Next year seems hopeless as it gets closer and closer and summer comes to an end. I still ahve time I know maybe Ill meet someone but I doubt it . Thought I already made a friend but I guess not oh well one night of fun comes and goes Ill take it . I went shopiping the other day and I bought some preety dresses because I love to dress nice and it makes me feel good and heels but I realized have no where to go to go. No ones to going to notice me and think I should talk to her, I wonderr if anyone thinks hses a preety girl when I dress nice I smile and try to seem more welcoming instadid of walking straight and wanting to hide . . Sure I smile and walk proud and at times try to make conversation but sometimes I cant help but come back to the truth. I carry it with me. Im ugly, awkward as hell and nobody wants me. and Maybe my life has no connection to anyone ot anything maybe Im and will be always a just a lonely girl just trying to get by. what is my true calling?
Stephan I just wanted to say I can relate to you with everythign you said
It’s the constant rejection by people that gets me angry, that makes me bitter. No one wants to talk to me, at all. I try and reach out but no one calls me back, no one wants to ever see me. I am not a loner by choice, I am put into this isolation by the constant rejection I get from people. I don’t understand why no one wants to even talk to me…wants nothing to do with me.
I’m so fuckin angry. I think most people are materialistic, conformist and shallow people. I don’t understand people, I don’t give in to their mainstream values and social norms, than they look at me as if I was the one with the problem and for that I get punished with isolation, rejection and humiliation.
Hi It’s been awhile since I posted here. The thing that stands out for me is that we don’t have anyone to turn to when things are not going well. Also we don’t have anyone to share our accomplishments and our happy moments. Being without friends is hard on our health and our mental state.
The bottom line is that being without friends is very stressful . That scares the hell out of me
Sitting here alone again like most nights chatting away. Hate that all I have is the internet not that I havent met decent ppl, the most decent and nicest I ever coudl actually imagine but its the internet and I am a freak for that that. goes without being said. WHy cant I meet nice, down to earth ppl like that. Last night I was all dressed up and decided to hit a bar for the first time even tho Ive been 19 since march I havent had anyone to go with so I went alone and I just sat there alone. I felt like such a loser however I loved what was going arond me wish I was part of it. It made me even more depressed that i wasnt experiecing that. Scares the hell out of me too that I have no one to share anything with. All I want is to experience a normal 19 yearold olds life, go out party make friends, be out there making an identity, want my independance, someone to have fun with joke around with , share things with and not feel isolated as I feel. Im never had a boyfriend besides a guy I used to mess around with a bit , dont care saying Im a virgin, Im shy, havent had a friend since hm 6 grade, wentt troug high school alone, got decent grades but nothing all that amazing, never really went to parties, constantly feeling down on myself. always been a bit shy but Ive gotten better, certainly have issues Ive built up over thpast couplfe of years, low self esteem, dev a bad body image, skip eating sometimes but I guess thats whole other issue however I do sometiems blame my appearance , all I think is ugly in the mirror, the thought of suicide has crossed my mind, hide imy room, and think and think it seems all do, and onder some more and dream and think and now I just stay home alone now most nights and I hide this all. I hate my life. Theres no one to talk to, Im not sure how I make most days go by. I thought if I had all this time to kill I would be good at something, dev something exercsing my writing skills, deep thinker maybe not as I thought . my words are not profound, insighful or well thought out t. .. I wanted to go into journalism, become something but I guess Im not a writer like I once dreamnt. How I thought Id have a role model , go to school for it , make it and maybe write a book one day. All those dreams are gone. I feel dsicourage. Im left to figure it out what to dowith life. I guess my being a loner didnt translate into being talented or gifted at anything. I , , Most people just assume I must be.and I dont know why I am not smart Im just an average person with an person mind with no one but myself and random thoughts and a strong desire to be finally ack in this world and feel some sorta connection. I can say Ive never experieced whats really like to be happy, I long to feel that one day
This is a comment section people!
Hi, this is the first time I’m doing this, but if I don’t let my feelings out soon – even to complete strangers – I might end up doing something stupid. I’m a 22 yr old female in my last semester in college, and I have absolutely no friends. I have only ever had one boyfriend and even that only lasted one month until I ruined it. I really don’t know whats wrong with me. My family is always asking me why I don’t go out with people or make friends, and I get upset about it because its not like I’m not trying. I do talk with people, even though I’m a little shy at first, I usually get over it and talk. I try to be nice to people, I try to make myself appear amiable and happy hoping that someone will want to be my friend. Nothing ever seems to work though. I know that it was my fault, because I am very insecure about my body and I don’t like going to the beach or the clubs, but right now I am so lonely that I’d go anywhere, do anything, just so that I won’t be alone. Every day I feel so depressed because I just sit in my house and stare around at the walls, checking facebook and my cell phone hoping that someone is trying to contact me – no one ever does. I don’t want to appear too desperate to people, but right now I really am. What makes me feel even worse is that my own mother goes out and parties more than me. She’s outgoing, pretty, and has more friends than me. I feel like such a failure because I’m not pretty, I’m shy, and I have no friends. I really am just tired of living like this, and I don’t know how much longer I can go on. I’m ready to just end everything, but I’m also scared. I have no idea what to do anymore.
sugargirl89 please email me if you like someone to talk to. I know exactly how you feel. I understand where your are coming from. asmaestas@gmail.com If you feel comfortable about it you can post your email if you wish.
I am a 20 year old guy from australia. i used to have heaps of close friends in my old hometown, but then i moved interstate and became severely depressed. i have social anxiety and sleep most of my days away because i don’t see any point in living anymore. i hate myself and my life, i never pictured me to be like this at 20. i wish life was easier but it’s not, it’s really hard and i hope that people in similar situations can find hope as well so that they may enjoy a nice, meaningful lifestyle…
aw its horrible, Im 19I sleep away most my days away ys away too because see no point either I dont know what do with myself anymore. But I have good days when I get myself trough and you just have to pull yourself together and I know its not easy as that but who knows it could be a better day. I know its small but you owe it to yourself atleast that instead of dying some more, feeling even more fustrated wasting away. . Still longing for some hope to hoping that my life has more meaning. I feel Im such a failure right now, a screw up in all its defintion. I fear of no change and the fear is turning into horror. I cry sometimes at night now , been going trough a lot sleepless nights thinking worrying, wasting away days sleeping like I said. It has become a bad habbit of mine as well has not eating much or at all some days too partly do to do with my bad body image on top of thatI hate every part of me inside and out having so much low self esteem, everyone sees right trough it. How wish I was a talker and easily share things instead I have such a scattered mind. . My mom is such a conversationalist, shes loves to talk to people and anyone I wish I could do the same. I always envied this quality. The weirdest part of me is that Ip reffered to write instaid of feeling awkward . Today Im still not a talker and dont think Ill be ever be but I try
know yyoure woth it because youre here and even if no one seems to care I do. We all do . praying for you all . Im really scared and feel hopeless too. Dont cause harm to yourself, or do something out of indiffernce dont break you spirit even if it seems its gone already. I know its still in there. Hope we all find someone to shine it trough soon
without a friend in the world. lonesome and scared where wiil I end up. In my dark times like these I turn to what some of you would say is god but Im not entirely sure if I believe in god yet it changes day by day. I smily just I just try to reflect and listen and maybe theres something there to guide me atleast someone to talk to. a voice that is there, trying to keep my spiratuelity intact because it keeps me sane gives me a new prspective when Im at my lowest and feel most alone and dead inside. Im trying not to turn away. Its just that I still dont understand. I dont understand why do we have to live in misery and in drepression. I hope to makes sense of it one day and come out it. So I promise get up tomorow and the day after that. I spend my life waiting. I dont know what Im waiting for
Hey everyone. First of all, I have to get this out there that I find it pretty funny that this random blog post has attracted all of this… Anyway, my name is Rachel, I’m 22, and I thought I’d write here too, because I’ve found myself in a situation with out any friends. I went to high school and university abroad and I became quite close with some people in these other countries, but now I’ve moved back home to another continent and because I’ve been away for so long (a bit more than six years) I don’t know any one here. The worst thing is though, that the people I was friends with abroad aren’t really keeping in contact like they said they would. They were the closest friends I ever had, but I feel like they’re ignoring me. They aren’t answering my emails. I have no idea why. I feel so lonely that it’s unbearable sometimes. I’m living with my parents now, which isn’t actually so bad since they are really open and kind people, so I lucked out there, but I haven’t had a proper conversation with anyone else, let alone any one my age, in more than a month now. I think that where I live just isn’t a great place to meet people. I’ve been volunteering but in the volunteer programs no one really wanted to get to know each other, and when ever there was a conversation, it was started by me. I’m going to try a new volunteering job soon, and also a real job, so maybe that will help. It just really hurts that people who I considered to be my closest friends seem to be ignoring me.
I’ve been reading a lot (I’m reading the Great Gatsby now, I really recommend it!), and writing, which helps get rid of that ache, but the relief that they give is only temporary.
I have no idea why I’m in this situation. I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging about myself or anything, I really don’t mean it like that, but people seem to really like me as a person, and regularly compliment me on how kind and genuine and interesting I am, but now they’re not talking to me! I don’t have any one to talk to about this, and I feel so alone. The worst thing is that I just can’t picture myself making any new friends. I mean I have a really hard time relating to most people, and I don’t know where I’ll find a group of friends who I could connect with as much as my friends from university. At the same time though, the fact that they haven’t replied to my emails makes me wonder if they really ever were my friends, but that thought makes me really sad, and I really don’t think that it could be true at all. I don’t know. I’m glad that this place, even if it is a comment section of a blogpost, is here. All of you seem like really wonderful and incredible people. I joined the facebook group by the way!
Anyway, I hope that all of you can find solace in the fact that the internet has brought us all together.
Hai Rachel
Iam REFAS. I was also in a similar situation like you. I was outside my place till the age of 11. When i went back to my place. I had no friends nothing. This happens because we learned and lived in another culture and now we might become new to our culture. If you want open your mind you can send mail to my email. my email ID is refas86@gmail.com.
My inbox is always open for all…………………………..
Hey Sugargirl89
Dont worry we all are in the same boat. Iam REFAS and iam also a lonely person. im not happy. I become sad and depressed. See my life is also similar to yours. I know your feelings. iam also going through the same. refas86@gmail.com is my email id . You do send a mail………….you open your mind……………
And any one out here can send emails to refas86@gmail.com. You will get replies………….
I’m 32 and live in New Zealand and I have to say that the last few years have been the worst of my life. My mother was diagnosed with an incurable form of cancer 5 years ago, and I’m an only child (no involved father) so I’m still at home taking care of the place. It sucks, I’m selfish to moan when her life is in danger, but I can’t help but feel bitter at what seems to be fate…
Being hassled a lot in school because of my appearance meant that I didn’t get to develop the crucial social skills and confidence at the time others do. I became…. the idiot. Moving on to university studies things were practically the same except not as overt ; the majority always judge you by looks, those who don’t move on to other courses and you never see them again anway – I just never managed to get past the polite stage and it would always end with a cordial “see ya later” except I never did. I just didn’t have the social skills to make anything more lasting – or perhaps they were only being nice, who knows.. I have got in touch with the few of these “friends” (more like acquaintances) through facebook – but in a way this is a double-edged sword ; I now get to have their full social lives and in some cases family lives shoved in my face… while I have been out socially in the last 7 years maybe… four or five times !? (excluding family and work functions you’re obliged to attend)
It really hits you once you start working… I don’t think i need to explain further, other people have, making real friends in workplaces is very, very hard to impossible and frought with complications. It just doesn’t happen. The hobbie or volunteer groups produce the same kind of relationships found at work ; polite, professional and utterly devoid of any personal connection. Although there’s way more I could be doing, once a week.. once a month.. for an hour or two just doesn’t seem like enough time to get to know others…
Just read some of the story’s on here, so sad!! I really did think I was like the ONLY person in the US not to have any friends until I typed in Google 21 with no friends!
I find it so difficult to express how I feel. Funnily enough I actually used to be really loud at school, popular, really open minded but one by one my friends have just drifted away and now im left with no one!
I have my boyfriend, he has quite a few brothers and childhood friends who he’s close to. I often think oh it’s a girl thing, like men keep their friends and because most girls are so bitchy thats why they drift apart.
My boyfriend hasn’t a clue how I feel we’ve been together since we were 14. Im starting to feel now though like i need to explode. Sometimes i think im going mad!! My mood is constantly up and down all day long at work and home! I try so hard to put on a front that im happy and have a great social life ect! I get super paranoid about what people think to my looks and personality. I spend sh*t loads on make up and clothes ect.
I have a shi*t job which involves taking orders from colleagues, they constantly speak to me like crap which really gets me down and i work in a room on my own. Im a smiley person, but the last few months i get so nervous when i speak to people and just don’t have a clue anymore how to f*kin make conversation!
I get so scared in case i start getting ideas to kill myself which i have done before but would never go through with it, what about if i do in a few months down the line? I sound like a mad women!
I feel so unloved nearly all the time, so lonely! My boyfriends good to me but I just think to myself all the time what about if we split up then what will I do?
So often I think to myself what’s the fukin point, no friends, shit family!!
I read on the internet, how to not be lonely, and people always say pray to God or work towards a dream ect, what about if like me you don’t have no dreams?
I don’t think im depressed, I just so badly want a group of girl friends to laugh with and go shopping with, where can I get my social life back?
I just want to tell, everyone that our past, like how our parents raised us. Does effect how we relate to others. But it does not have to rule our lives. We want so bad that people to become our friends, then reparent us. We first, do the things we wish our parents did to us, on them. Then we expect them to do it back to us. When this does not happen, we feel the shame, that we felt, when we where children. When our parents did not fill our emotional needs. Then anger, but the anger cannot be express, we never learn how to express it. So we hold it in. We learn that our parents who are mean to us, are the only people who are, are friends. Then we have a standard of finding unhealthy people. People who treat us mean, who don’t give. This is are only standard how we were raised. You have to start to reparent yourself. If you are a christian, then allow your heavenily Father to reparent you. But if you don’t blv, then start, seeing yourself not lonely. If you look back in History, alot of great men where lonely. Maybe because, they thought differentily, and did things differentily. Is that so wrong?
Ive decided to create a dummy face book fan page so we can all post random thoughts and stuff about life love sports TV movies music or anything that floats your boat. I invite everyone here to join. and hey i figure if we all have nofriends in real life what better place than facebook : ) The page is called Joe’s Pancake Shack.
I decided to create it in the spirit of the sanc to no friends facebook page without the “NO FRIENDS” appearing in the name itself. Thats a hard pill for anyone to swallow.
PS the email to search via facebook is joe.pancakes@yahoo.com
I’m 22 and I haven’t had a friend since I was about 13. No girlfriends either. The longer one goes without friends, the harder it seems to make them. You forget how to carry on conversations. I myself have always tended to be shy at first and never knew how to talk to anyone. The only reason I used to have close friends in the past was because I had known those people since I was like 5 years old — before I came into my own as a somewhat socially inept loner. But at 13 I moved and lost touch with the individuals I had been close with. My shyness took into effect and isolated me from my peers.
I made no friends in high school or college even though I tried my hardest. I had joined academic clubs and made a few acquaintances in school, but there was no one I ever felt comfortable calling up and asking to hang out. There was no one who appeared to want to talk to me outside of the classroom. So I never got really close with anybody.
I just started graduate school and the prospects aren’t looking too great. Most of the other students already have their established circle of friends and don’t want anyone new. That, or they are middle-aged and don’t want to hang out with a kid in his early twenties, and I don’t blame them — for it would be awkward for me as well.
My parents don’t understand me at all. They think I’m weird and need psychology. Sometimes I even get the feeling that my mother believes I am going to be one of those crazy mass murderers you here about in the news. It’s really embarrassing. In fact, that is the feeling I experience the most — sheer embarrassment. I’m embarrassed that I have no friends or girlfriend, that I’m not attractive as I want to be, and that I’m not intelligent as some of the other people I know. In this regard, despite the fact that I’m getting an advanced degree, it’s in a liberal arts subject that I’ve been told will get me nowhere in life. Basically it’s a venue to nothing but more student loan debt. So why do I pursue it? I don’t know. I guess it’s the only thing that might increase my confidence. I have little confidence, many insecurities. I hate my life. I hate being the third wheel everywhere I go. Hope is the only thing that keeps me going.
In short, it’s tough making friends when you are an adult. Most people aren’t looking for them… they already have them. Often I look around and observe my peers, and conclude that I don’t even want friends. I just can’t relate to anyone my age. The young men I see are all loud, crude, misogynistic, and of the party/clubbing type. That’s just not me. And it seems that’s the type of guy that women go for — seeing as how they are all lucky with the ladies, and I’m not. I like to think of myself as a nice, understanding, caring, down-to-earth, quiet guy who loves classical music, opera, ballet, the liberal arts, and international politics/cultures. This is who I am. I don’t want to have to put on an act and be outgoing in order to make friends. I’ll come off fake and foolish.
So on the one hand I desperately want a friend, someone to open up with, but on the other, I am content with being by myself. I suppose at different times I want different things. I guess the best thing would be a friend who understands that sometimes I just want some alone time, but will be there when I need him/her. It’s just that society vilifies people who want said alone time so much that the people who seek it are labeled undesirable, and thus, few want to be their friend. But I ask, what is so terrible about being a loner? What’s strange about being reflective and sensitive? I don’t get it.
James know you dont know me and its not much but I feel resemblance/certain similarities between us and id like if maybe if we stayed in touch . I too struggle with being self content and the need to open myself up more to others which I think id equally just as important. You have be happy with yourself and doing some things alone but need good people around you. I have no life. Im 19, never made friends since maybe grade 6 I believe. Currently just starting college very soon. Thinking it might bring change in life but I don’t know Il” seesee how it goes not that Im one to have hope. I guess.. kinda shy myself, alyways have been so I understand where youre coming from there dont let your parents or anyone put you down for that .. Ive learned that being a bit shy or tad bit reserved isnt always a bad thing. Just be you. Personally I Kinda prefer that youre not the loud party type. Everyone can’t be the same. Ive neve felt part of something. Conversing and carrying a convo without feeling or seeming awkward even though Im doing it always be hard for me. If You would like ot talk or something add me or leave me a msg or email … celestecaz@live.ca.
you’re call of course
btw I think you’ re much smarter than you think. Dont dare put yourself down like that. It’s always been a tendacy of mine.
Celeste
Hi my name is Michael Wilson and I live in Sherman Texas and I have absolutely no friends and my now ex has given up on me too soooo what do i do now?
hai
I am a mentally retarded person to the social part of my brain. I mean i know what is happening around me and i enjoy music and movies like others do and i do my daily routine stuff but that’s it, outside that, i dont do anything. I just sit there idly from morning, sunrise to night, sunset.I keep staring at the wall.I dont have the slightest clue why god made me like this or what for. I never had a meaningful relationship with a single person in my entire life. So of course i dont have any friends. Since i dont have the ability to suicide either i havent done it yet but it is one thing i will never give up.
Well,having read most of the comments I do realise there are people in a worse emotional condition than me.I thought I was the loneliest person on Earth… now I see – it can always be worse (at least that`s the phrase in my language).
Never forget that there is no better friend than yourself, I used to want loads of friends when I was younger but now I’m Married and in my thirties this no longer is an interest. I used to find friends held me back, the opposite of helping. I usually try to have one good friend and leave it at that, any more than one friend gives me a headache.
I used to think a (work colleague/drinking buddy/not a friend) of mine was crazy going on holiday on his own, drinking alone, smoking alone and then he told me what it was like. He said he was at peace with himself for the very first time, no acting, no pretending to be nice, just enjoying the moment for yourself.
I have since took this on board and tryed it myself, and then you realise freinds can be good but then you can live and have fun without them too !
I’ve actually met more interesting people drinking alone than I would ever meet in a group, and the fun of just pub crawling and picking any club you want is pure bliss ! If you don’t believe me, just try it :-)
You will have a very exciting night club/pub scene if everyone was going out as a loner, everyone will be desperate to get it on more and have a chat !
Bring that on, too many people hide behind groups, cliques LOL !
Message to Nathan,
There are more people like you than you think, I’m a really shy man and only God knows how I managed to end up Married but it happened. I found that going out drinking led to things that I could not find elsewhere. Just pick a bar with loners in it and get drunk, then you will find yourself actually chatting to the loners, this is how I found a best friend and there is nothing wrong with the guy, just that he’s shy like me.
We have a lot in common ! Like that we don’t have a wide circle of friends, which is well cool. It was very uncanny that we both hated the same things in life and had the same views on Politics, and life in general.
I used to see him at the same bar at a sporting event but never said hello until after the 4th time I saw him. He was all bored and alone and I felt some sympathy, LOL. Which was a pathetic thought really, because I was in the same boat. So I went up to him and said I’ve seen you a few times, he said he’d seen me around too and then we started chatting, the second meeting we actually exchanged numbers and we have been friends solid for 6 years now.
I am a 18 year old girl I’ll be 19 in less than a month. I have two really good friends and a few other people who I may not see often but I know like me for my personality. On the surface I am a happy, funny person who is always laughing and talking loudly. So why do I feel so alone all the time? When I get home and I sign on to msn and theres this one girl who I talk to that I’ve never met for over two years and I know she likes me but I still feel alone.
I’ve read through so many of these replies people saying they have noone and I’m in tears because I relate so much to so many of you guys.
I’m really overweight and I’ve never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend and it doesent bother me 90percent of the time but the other 10percent of the time I get so upset and frustrated I will cry and cry until I physically cant anymore because I’m pretty sure at the end I will die alone. When I was younger and I started year 7 I was literally ditched on my first day of school and for like 2 years I had nobody at all to talk to or to relate to and before that I just couldnt make friends as a kid I was so awkward and loud and so used to my own company I just didnt need anyone because being alone was the most natural thing to me in the world. Being ditched on my first day of school literally scarred me forever I think about it now and I still feel so worthless and upset. The friendships I have now are a blessing but I know at some point they will just fizzle out I mean they have to because the moment one of my main friends dosent talk to me for longer than a day I’m pretty sure they are mad at me and I always think well whatever I dont need them so why should I say anything to them but I’ll feel so angry and upset It really unsettles me.
I’m the type of person that my emotions really conflict with each other its like even when I’m really happy I’m equally depressed at the same time. My moodswings are getting out of control and I feel so worthless and alone all the time. Even as I’m writing this I know I will spend all of tomorrow with my bestfriend and it will feel good and then the second she leaves. I’m going to feel empty. I know compared to a lot of people on here I’m lucky but in other ways I’m worse off because I see people talking about they have partners or are married and have kids. I just cant imagine I will ever be lucky enough to have that.
I’m the type of person who will talk to anyone that has something to say. I will not judge or use you or make fun of you for the way you feel. I like to think anyone who has ever shunned me has lost the best friend they never had because once I decide I like someone thats it I’ll be yours as long as you need me and even though I keep getting the crap beaten out of me emotionally. I’m still so open. So if anyone wants to talk to me feel free to drop me your email address or something in a comment below.
Your not worthless KatKat, its people like you that make it worth befriending someone, stay open, stay nice, & always remember that people care. :)
I am alive, still no friends, I have a girls number but I’m afraid to ask her out on a date. I’m afraid she will think I’m crazy. I havent been on a date in over 10 years.
I’m so scared, but I guess I will give life a try. wish me luck.
Thank you. Bellses and Good Luck!
We should all meet up
thanks for the message rob .
nathan257x@gmail.com
I’m in nursing school. I have no friends. People ignore me, and think I’m weird in class, even though I’m friendly and nice to everyone. I have asperger’s. Even my teachers are starting to notice that I have no friends in school….One of them said “You think you’re in the mix, but you’re really not”. I died inside because that is how I really feel. She said a lot of them that made comments about me were just catty girls who were jealous because I get the best grades in my classes. I hate being ignored! I hate people thinking I’m weird. Like, I’ll sit at table at lunch with the rest of them and nobody will talk to me. I’ll never fucking make any friends. I’m also the only white girl in my class. Everyone else is Filipino. Go figure. I guess that doesn’t really matter, because even white people ignore me, as does everyone else. I’m so tired of this. I’m tired of being constantly critisized by other people of how I should do this or do that. The people in my class are all just a bunch of catty assholes that don’t deserve my friendship anyway. I’m tired of trying.
I have been alone a long time and as an only child it was fine for the most part. My parents and I have a fairly good relationship but I feel like im a drowning a little and need to break away from the situation that I am in. I have this idea that if I start new somewhere else I will have enough strength to go out and make new friends as I don’t have any where I am now. I have been considering moving to the otherside of the country to LA. I know it will be difficult financially and maybe even emotionally being that I am an only child. Am I wrong to think that things might change? Would I be just making it worse for myself? I know its a big chance/change which I have never been good at but something new might be refreshing.
To Jessica
When I was at secondary/high school at about 14 years old. I had a music teacher who used to sit behind a piano singing songs to make fun of people one day he sat at the piano singing (my name) has got no friends got no friends. How I didnt burst into tears I will never know and the worst part was I actually heard some girl in the class say “aww thats sad because she has no friends” and she and her friends started laughing at me. When I was younger than that I used to go to this summer holiday activity club and I was the only white kid there so I think its fair to say when theres no diversity in a group and your the out cast its hard to make friends since one group trends to be iron tight and stick together. I’ve always thought stuff like that was silly because if it was a group of white girls ignoring an asian girl it would be racist. I dont really have any advice for you except maybe try and meet people on different courses or see if one of the girls is a bit of an outsider with them.
To Lisa
I dont think your wrong to think things will change but of course it depends on what you will be doing I mean what do you do now? Do you work? Do you go to college? Will you be meeting people? I’m also an only child so I get what you mean about the drowning feeling. Being an only child im used to being alone but still feel really lonely.
Ahhh, look at all the lonely people. Where do we all come from? ;)
But seriously, I’m a sophomore in university and I have no friends but my cats, music and occasionally my books. I’m hoping once I get in nursing school or once I become a nurse I’ll have some sort of social life. I hate talking about myself, but I’m a great listener, so I don’t know why anyone would dislike me….I’m not even hideous or intimidating. I’m just a teenage girl. I wish I could meet just one person like me who needed a friend too. Until then…wallflower I remain.
Take care, sweet souls. It saddens me to see that some of you have seriously considered suicide. I know I have considered it before as well, but there is always a ray of hope that if we put in positive effort to find friends, we’ll receive positive return. I mean, that’s how the universe is supposed to work, right? :( I desperately wish there was a meet-up site/forum for people with no friends so that we could find people in our area or something. I don’t mean craigslist personals by the way, ;D. There is this forum though:
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/
Love and peace to all of you. I’m a bit of a Buddhist, and meditation always calms me down when I get too upset about my loneliness. Even if you/I never find friends, I read a quote somewhere about how fools look outward for happiness and wise men look within. Let’s be our own friends.
wow been 10 months since last posted i remember comparing myself to Jessica o and first off the people who comes here saying they have no bf or gf WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?? u are so not on terms of our level… u started we didn’t!, there are other people here dying just to get 1(ONE) companion besides there family members…. anyways my life still sucks.. even here because no one has gotten my attention. but i guess that’s one of the most critical thing about us lonely s>> we just what to be notice and accepted by others right??… buy no means i am homophobic but there was a time we were par and par with gays and lesbianism they were hiding in the closet like we do…but now they all stepped out of that closet and living there life to the fullest why cant we do that to?? why??!! i ask myself this every living day.. i wish this loneliness and social anxiety could stop nowwwwwwww!!!!! im dying :(…(feels like taking my heart out and put it in washing machine let it steam dry and comes back out wrinkle free and clean!!! (23 and lonely)
mean to say they have a bf and gf ……….
Hate how people assume it’s die to social networking. I just hate everyone and everyone hates me. There’s a difference.
If you soften all your rough edges
There’s nothing to hold onto.
Being likeable is the antithesis to being remembered, and that’s what you all seem to be aiming for. A friend who remembers the good things about you, what you like, how to talk to you, a friend who remembers to call you, because that’s the appearance of care. I don’t have friends, and I like it that way. I get annoyed enough when my boyfriend overstays his welcome; I can’t imagine having people clamoring to hang out at all hours of the day. The people you go to class with, hell, total strangers usually would care enough to help you if you were really in trouble. Everything they can’t help with, you’re very capable of handling yourself.
I am by myself, but I look outside, I see people, I hear my neighbors in my hall, and I realize I’m not alone. I CAN talk to them. I CAN interact. I can’t affect how they react to that, but who cares. I’d rather make a bad impression than tell myself they’re some sort of unapproachable gods of sociability, just for hanging out in groups. Loneliness is always self-imposed.
Social success is just about letting go, and involves ascribing to groupthink most of the time. And the ability to be comfortably alone is a skill.
(Being likeable is the antithesis to being remembered, and that’s what you all seem to be aiming for)……….. isn’t that u, since u CAN talk to them, u CAN interact with them etc.. WE CAN”T!!!!! GET IT?
damn haha i didnt think thered be this many posts, i know i dont have it as bad as some of you but, to a certain extent i know i feel the same. So yeah im in highschool im 16, in gradeschool i was friends with everyone didnt have a problem fitting in and not i have maybe no, i really dont have any legitimit friends the past couple weekends i have cried to myself just sat at home and listened to senses fail. another thing that adds to my lonlieness is im in love with a girl i went to gradeschool with, ive been in love with her since the sixth grade and yet ive only seen her maybe three times since gradeschool. It sucks, being lonely sucks but, im trying my hardest to suck it up cause if theres one thing scrubs has taught me its nothing in this world worth having comes easy.i know im not a depressed guy, i usually try to see the bright side of things most of my life ive been an optimist but, when depression hits me it hits me hard. im stilll trying to gather up the courage to pour my heart out to this girl but its the scariest thing in the world to me.
I’m a 28 yo woman and I don’t have any friends, I haven’t had friends since I was about 14. Yes, my mental health has suffered because of this, I became a hermit at age 22 to age 26 and dropped out of school and didn’t work. I’ve been without any friends for so long, it’s what I’m used to now. I’ve also never had a boyfriend. I agree, I wish we could all meet up together, that would be great.
Wow I thought I was alone until I read all these post. I am so happy to find that I am not the only one having a serious friend problem. I’m 28 female and I have no friends. Growing up I always had plenty of friends, and was always the life of the party, but over the years, I went thru a lot of betrayal and back-stabbing from people who were suppose to be close to me. Now as a mature adult, I cannot seem to keep a friend to save my life, I am always the one doing nice things and going above and beyond for my friends and even associates. I am finding that most peolple who claimed to be my friends were just using me because they saw I was so kind. I constantly wonder why those who are rude and nasty to others often have so many friends, but the nice ones who are really true do not. It has made me a quiter person and it is definately lonely. I’m sure I could find new friends, but I am not in the business of being used for everything just because I am kind. I’m not sure what to do anymore.
HI Shana-
Hang in there. I am about the same age as you and have the same problem. I have some many things I want to do but a lot of them I can’t do alone or would feel akward without someone to enjoy it with. Do you live near a city area? Sometimes living near a city actual helps for Loners like us.
Hi,
Yes, I live near a city-Tampa, FL.
Hi to all, so glad I’m not the only one feeling like this…Since everyone else has been so open and honest, I’ll give it a go…I’m a 21 year old girl (22 on Tuesday) who has had trouble with friends all of her life. I have one best friend and a few scattered friends here and there who I see once or twice a year. I just transferred to a new university this fall, so I figured it would be a fresh start in the friend department, but so far I have not had the exact results I’d have hoped for. I have no trouble talking to people, if small talk counts, It’s the taking it to the next level that is difficult for me. I rarely go out, though I would if I had some people to go with because its mucho awkward being the loner in the bar. Looks wise, I’m prolly a 7 out of 10 (8 if being generous), but dating life has always been nil (with a few brief exceptions, not that it helps self-esteem wise)..I’m pretty friendly, chatty, funny, and somewhat intelligent, but I have always felt that I repel people for some reason (based on experience)..Though I’m not one of those overly confident types either, most of my life I have delt with low-self esteem and teasing.
One thing that bothers me is the people who have plenty of friends, but completely abuse the privlege…I always overhear others gossiping and badmouthing so-called friends, which makes me feel like saying, “then why bother wasting your time with someone you can’t stand? ” Though it can be depressing, I would rather be by myself than be surrounded by people I don’t want to be around…Hopefully this is a phase..I do wake up everyday with the hope that one day, life will change. Maybe tommorrow or the day after that will be the that day. It does seem that this feeling of isolation is more common than expected..If everyone took a chance and put themselves out there, people would feel less alone.. Reading and writing on this board has helped me realize that the best thing to do is be yourself and not give a fuck what others think.
Stay optimisic everyone!
I can certainly relate to nearly all of you here. I’m almost 26, no kids, but happily married. I don’t have a single friend. None nearby anyhow. I have met some great people through the internet but there are always so far away. It seems nearly all my life the minute I make a friend they either stab me in the back, blow me off, or become freakishly obsessed. Yes, I have been stalked in the past. Therefor, I am also very wary. That’s part of my problem…you just don’t know anymore so I don’t really trust many people anymore. I have always been kind of shy. My husband is a wonderful man but is gone alot because he is a truck driver. This spring and summer I went with him over the road and got see and do alot. No vacation by any means but I did escape from this cesspool of a town. I have seemed to get along better in other parts of this country. If I wasn’t a slave to a house payment I would so leave this place forever.
My mom died from cancer when I was 17. My dad doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me. My brother is out partying but he’s young. I suppose most 22 year olds are like that. The rest of my family is so very dysfunctional. When my family visits from another far away state. I am forced to portray this stupid facade. It’s always a party for them and constantly brag about their fucking trips to Europe. I cannot be myself around them really.
I don’t want pity. Fuck pity and anyone seeking it. I just want somebody to be a genuine friend. I used to have a facebook account but deleted it because it’s a stupid social crutch and when you live basically down the street and pretend to be my friend only talking on facebook. To hell with you. Everyone has become so dehumanized by “social networking” myself included.
Of course, most people don’t think a woman like me would be this much of a social reject. I have been told by many people I’m beautiful. I am not conceited. This is simply what other’s have told me. I paint, I have broad and wide variety of musical taste, I write, I consider myself an amatuer photographer. I love to travel and have been to alot of different states. I love animals, I mean, I am not snobby. I just don’t fit into any particular scene or label because frankly, it’s retarded and I’m past that high school bullshit. The douchebaggery of society is bursting at the seams. Sometimes I wonder if I should have been born in a different era. I bet alot of you wonder the same thing too. Seeing all these posts nearly made me cry, but I think it proves one thing. We’re not broken, have some bs mental disorder, need meds, etc etc. I think most of us are just surrounded by assholes.
Gonna post my email address loopylass3000@hotmail.co.uk If anyone wants someone to talk to write me or not the choice is yours.
I come to this site every once in a while when I feel completely alone and the only 25 year old female in the world without girlfriends. I am a professional, attractive, love history, arts, traveling, film but cannot for the life of me find a friend that sticks. I’m in this gray zone because I’m not single but don’t have babies- and everyone I know is either partying it up or popping out kids. I work really hard to have the ability to travel the world and don’t think I’m conceited but nobody has any interest in being my friend.
I feel like my life is passing me by. Years of hard work and little play have gone by. My younger brother has a million friends, parties all the time and I’m so envious. He has never invited me to a party even though I don’t think I’m lame. I can’t remember the last party I’ve been to. I hate the douchy people who like to “fist pump” and would like to have a few friends to drink some wine and just hang out with but apparently that’s not in the cards for me. I’ve been blessed with so many amazing experiences with life and death lessons yet my generation only seems to be interested in jersey shore and kim kardashian. I just don’t get it :/ I think I’m going to just stop trying so hard and accept what cards the universe deals, I’m really going to try hard to not give a fuck what others think and just live my life because it’s a great one- friends or no friends
Happy Birthday Carrie,
I didn’t call her, I’m broken, damaged goods, its to late for me.
But I wish you all the best & I think you deserve the most wonderful friends & all the love in this world.
demotivator…
[…]What happens when we have NO friends? « Lee Iwan Accumulated Experience[…]…
If anyone wants to talk my email is jasletch@gmail.com.
I am 16 and have a single friend. A friend who I am not very close to nor care very much to actually see. However, unlike most people here I do not want friends nor do I believe it will impact me negatively. I am currently enjoying my life of doing whatever I wish whenever I like. Being alone all the time gives me excessive amounts of time to think everything over, learn whatever I’d like to learn, and be whoever I want to be.
Can relate to a fair few here, Im 22 and for the past 4 – 5 odd years i haven’t had any friends which most of the time i usually dont think about it to much or let it get me down i think ive somewhat “programmed” myself to not think about it as i know it just seems to make things worse and depress me but every once and a while when i really think about it it can be frustrating and a feeling of “loser” and “whats wrong with me”.. its not that im a bad conversationalist or anything, i actually speak really well but i just have problems with evading peoples space, i struggle to take it to the next level by asking them if they want to hang out or whatever, i think a large reason for this is because im embarrassed somewhat of taking that first step of getting friends back, im embarrassed to get to that point of them knowing i have no friends or having that line of “hey bring a friend along to the party” and then i turn up with no one.
I kind of want a gf again but of course you need to be friends first for that and that seems to make things worse in my head for that because of the fact of getting to know them and then have them know that i dont have any friends feels like it will turn them away. as my last relationship everything started smoothly, it wasnt really an issue but then a few months after dating she kept sort of paying me out for not having any friends and her friends would also say things to her about it which just made things worse and have me think about it more.
No friends since 2004 (end of college). Before then I barely had any either, but growing up I tried somewhat – since that was the norm (birthday parties, “best-est” friends, valentines card-counting, etc). I’m going to be 30 soon. Life is the same. Quiet, but I just got a cat. So that’s good. I find it neither satisfying nor dissatisfying to be alone all the time. It is what it is.
The main drawback I can think of as I get older, is for any future children I may have. Apparently school PTA’s, birthday functions have some “hidden politics” involved. Parents need to network with other parents for the sake of their children.
My life is peaceful and happy. I don’t regret not having friends. But at the same time, I don’t want my future children to end up a hermit like me.
Friendship can be a blessing too.
Psychology here…
[…]What happens when we have NO friends? « Lee Iwan Accumulated Experience[…]…
Yeah. I feel the modern society is one big cause of why so many of us (myself included) seem lost and entirely alone. I think that social networks today are computerized, friends today only exists in pixels for a lot of us. And the friends of flesh and blood have become somewhat strange and alien. That’s what I think is a basic cause. For many not all cases though.
I have had problems making friends my whole life, I often needed help from my parents (who love me and care for me with 100% of their hearts) to make friends. And today at age 21, I haven’t had one real girlfriend, or friends at all for 1.5 years. I now have what I like to call pixel buddies. Friends online has probably become the new thing. And will most likely evolve into something even more absurd. Virtual Realitites or whatever the techonolgy allows in the future.
I have mostly given up on life. I don’t go out, nor do I contact anyone, my cellphone has been quite dead for the last year. Only calling my parents.
Like so many others I have a strong will to make friends, but I don’t know where to look. Plus others might find you strange and outdated. And knowing what to say and such. Oh well I hope I could meet anyone one of you like myself. I believe when you we are so deep in the mud and lost in the dark, people like yourself will be the biggest comfort.
Good luck to all of you may life suddenly smile at us one day.
I avoided my peers in High School , and as a result, didn’t make any friends as a teen and young adult. I’ve been lost, confused, sad, and friendless for so long- for about 14 years- and I’m so deep down in this hole I dug for myself, it will take a lot to dig myself out and to feel like I belong and to feel happy.
A classmate told me at age 16 when he discovered I didn’t have any friends and avoided my peers-“Poor you, so lost, so confused…” and I didn’t want to hear what he was saying so I said stop. In the past few years, I’m realizing how lost, confused and sad I am.
Like FA said, I hope we all find happiness, we deserve it!!
I also avoided others in high school, got so bad that during my second year i would stop going to school and didnt tell my family about it for that entire year. Simply wandered the streets in new york. I did drop out and went for a GED, and life is still “meh”. Happiness is in such low numbers now a days. Keep your head up Shana and everyone here as well
And what a time of year xmas, simply another day for me…
I must say that I’m glad I came across this website but it is kind of bitter/sweet. On one hand I’m glad I’m not the only one out there that has treated people with respect and have no friends but it also makes me sad to see so many other people out there in my situation.
When I was a kid, I just thought friends would always be there, but I have learned the hard way that it takes a lot of work to keep a friend or a friend.
I’ve also wondered how many times you should call someone before you just give up. I’ve had so many people over the years just ignore my phone calls.(Which is basically a non-verbal way of telling you that they don’t want to be your friend anymore) I guess it would be too akward to actually have a friend break up with you.
I hope your all ok this time of year, I hope you found smiles on x-mas, if not then maybe on new years.
Take care,
I really glad I found this web page because I feel I’m at the point know were I’m losing it a bit. It’s the new year for new starts but I can’t stop crying, I’m in my first year of university and I’ve been there since September and I have no friends, not even someone I can walk up to and say hi or a group I kind of know. I’ve always been a bit shy but I think I becoming more and more so because I’m not making any friends. When I was in high school I had a great bunch of friends and then when I got into 6th form some of them left, I tried to stay in contact with them but I don’t live any were near a bus stop so I can’t just go and see them. Even when I was younger I never really when round my friends house, but that mainly because my dad wouldn’t let me. When I got into 6th form I had a great bunch of friends who I though they were all my best ones, some of them left and decided to other courses somewhere else and I try to meet up with them but I either can get there or they have just stopped talking to me. Then when it got to the last year I really though “wow, I know they say the friends you make in university are the friends you have for the rest of your life but there people I know I can always be best friends with” when we all left I talked to them all on facebook and stuff we even all met up before we all went to university but ever since then I have asked to meet up but they are either at uni or work, so I though ok Christmas will be the best time we can work something out, so I did I said lets meet up but the first date they couldn’t make it to so I suggested another, but no one replied back, so I posted something similar to say do you all still want to meet up, a week later no reply. Maybe the friends I thought were best friends, to them I was really only just a friend. I am a kind caring person and am never mean about anyone but I don’t understand why they don’t seem to be talking to me anymore. Although I have said to my friends countless times I want to meet up no one is inviting me to any outings and the other day I tried to talk to one of my old best friends but they never replied. I know it sounds silly but I feel so alone and as if I’m loosing all the friends I worked so hard to make. One of my old best friends who is really lovely and quite a xbox guy, asked me out when I was in my first year of 6th form, at the time i didn’t really want a boyfriend I was enjoying being single with my friends around me, so I said no then when I started getting into my second year he left, once he had gone it was only until he left did I realized that I liked him to. I told his best friend but nothing ever really happened.Then a couple of weeks into uni I tried to talk to him about it and basically said that If he asked me out again I would say yes, then he started to give sort answers and stopped talking to me. know he has a girl friend and I am so unhappy I feel as if I have thrown a really lovely guy away. I’m 18 and I’ve never been on a date with a guy let-alone go out with one, I know I’m a bit fussy but I stopped ever since I realized I liked this guy. I so worried and I don’t want to grow old with no friends and never had a guy in my life. I feel like I’m wasting my young life not having friends to have a good time with and I’ve even though about changing my uni course just so I can start again, in fact that is what i am going to do. You are all so lovely and I wish I had friends like you, thankyou.
Ive always had friends. id wake up somewhat early, make breakfast call my friends, make plans, even if there was nothing to do we’d do nothing together. ive been with the same guy for the past 4 years and the first three i wasnt up his ass because i had my friends to keep me sane… he is so popular and is very much loved by everyone. im jealous of him because within the past year ive literally lost ALL of my friends and there really is no reason why. people have stopped returning my phone calls. no one calls me to see if im still alive and ive recently been layed off so i have no job. all i do everyday is sleep til 2pm, drink coffee just to get out of bed and do the dishes and watch t.v and play on the damn computer. thats 4 days out of the week. the other 3 days i stay at my boyfriends which is about 45 min away and im constantly up his ass and i hate it. the fact that i have no friends anymore is really hurting our relationship. im so embarrassed that i dont do anything at all everyday that i lie to him and tell him im going out with old friends, or i lie and say im sick so i dont wanna go anywhere. i feel like such a loser. i also live with my dad, whose never home. all he does is put food in the fridge and leave me money. IM SCREAMING INSIDE FOR SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT ME. my mom lives in the next town but shes practically poor, walks to work everyday and is depressing to even call. i call her anyways just to see if shes okay and i pretend im interested, and i pretend im okay so she doesnt have to worry but when i hang up the phone i cry. when i hang up with my boyfriend i cry. when i hang up with my dad i cry for him to come home and ask me if im fucking okay and why i never go out. but hes not home enough to know that i literally have no friends. its so hard to get a job when you have no car and no friends who you could give gas money to take you somewhere. im depressed. i think about killing myself everyday. if you people could see me you wouldnt understand why im so sad. i really believe im beautiful and fun so why doesnt anyone ever wanna be around me? i used to pick on people who didnt have friends and who looked different in high school, i wish i could take all of that back. i wish ive never bullied anyone. its the most hurtfull thing to wonder why nobody likes you. i wish i could give every single person ive ever hurt in my life a hug and sincerely say im sorry. ID BE THERE FUCKING FRIEND!!! THEIR BEST FRIEND!!!!
i need help… im dying inside… whats worse, is my boyfriend knows i dont have “many friends” , dude, i have none. he always tells me to make more friends and that really hurts my feelings because i really try…… none of you are alone, i know that makes no one feel better because i dont feel better at all but if you have any way of getting to and from therapy i strongly suggest it. id go to therapy in a heart beat if someone cared enough to take me
”All things have a place under the moon as well as the sun.”
I think you’re all amazing to be dealing with not having any friends at all..for some reason I think so, somehow even brave too. Time passes by and still nothing happens…may be a social issue with me, though, but it is nothing extreme. I hope to be able to go out and deal with the world, with having a job. I have no life. Yes, no friends either, but this whole other part of life gets to me so I need to get a job in order to ‘survive’. Hopefully I get to it before this new year is over. I know that having no friends (having no friends doesn’t affect me to an extreme level) will get to me again in years to come, or months, or whenever I may start feeling sad or something, but somehow it is nice to go out in a sunny day and see people. It makes me feel a part of this world, and not so alone. It’s strange too, that some of us have made a friend/s here and there online, but nothing in real life due to whatever problem we face. I’ve made an ‘online friend’ and somehow it is enough for me, because I somehow need to communicate, need to talk to people. That is a problem, the not having no one to talk to, yes there are our families, but what about close friends? Either way, it is somehow comforting to be able to have someone to talk to online. Hopefully I start being a part of society and no one thinks me strange or weird for not having any friends, and decides to want to talk to me and…I don’t know, a friendship begins.
I met this ‘online friend’ at this website https://www.tumblr.com/ it’s pretty cool, and i’ve met really nice people there :)
:) I hope you all the best.
I just read a couple of the messages here, I just realized how much more lonely the people here are than I am. My name is not actually Sky for obvious reasons, and that is because I don’t want to expose my name. I’m more than welcome to talk to any of you because I feel your pain, and I just want all of you to know that there will always be someone out there waiting for you.
If you just want to talk it out, just add me skyvced@hotmail.com
I am 44 now. I feel frustrated and jelous and angry and hurt when I see people who have friends at resteraunts shopping bars etc. If I want to get out I have to go out alone. I dont understand why I have been dealt these cards in life when it seems that theres someone for everyone except me. I dont even have a single friend. I took years of abuse from my boyfriends sister because I didnr want to be alone but finally got tired of it and am now without a single friend. I guess after reading this I guess Im not alone. I have considered smoking weed lol just to have friends but my tolerance is too low.
Makes me quite sad to read this, from time to time, hence the post. I guess I’m not in deep shit as some people here describe, but I just don’t feel comfortable in pubic and haven’t really made a good friend in a few years like before. Still, it’s not bottom down, but it’s just not the best situation.
I’m just not the kind of person to talk random bullshit. Yet sometimes I do, but that’s with people I’m comfortable with. Yet people in public seem to make a conversation out of nothing over nothing. Can’t do that myself and dunno how to do it.
Guess it’s just the personality, got weekends planned full pretty much, yet I feel this way for some reason. It’s probably insecurity combined with your personality. Although all we people here seem pretty optimistic sometimes about it.
From the past few months, I can tell it’s just a brainfuck. Before when I was a child I was loved in my class, always had people to play with, got along with everyone. Went to high school and well, that basically concluded the end for me. Haven’t made a real friend there and I guess high school fucked me up.
How is it possible to go from a state as loved child with having a lot of friends to making none and getting closed? I think it’s the environment etc. we all live in and other factors that determine this. This, including your thoughts, probably gets to your brain and gives you a mindfuck. Some days I feel really self confident and feel like I want to do everything, the other day I want to kill myself (at the moment of course, not forreal).
Why do these mood changes happen? Dunno, but what I stated above seems for me the main reason. Maybe I need to deal with that in order to be a “normal functioning” human who can socialize with other people?
We’ll see, yet I personally stick to the conclusion that it’s my mind which is getting me insane, nothing else. I just know deep down inside those social skills are buried beneath a layer of hatred and shit that has happened, but it can definitly be pulled out.
We will see over the course of years, I’m sure something will bloom out.
Love to everyone, hope you all the best.
Also just read a few other posts, and what I’m gonna try is to take risks. Got nothing to lose, might as well take a few risks and gamble.
Gamble is winning or losing, but who doesn’t gamble will never win. Not giving a shit at this point, I’m gonna try and make something from it. I shouldn’t be afraid to ask people out, ask a girl out, or whatever it is. If I’m not going to take risks, nothing’s going to happen. So fuck it, let’s do this.
I’ve already taken lots of steps to improve my life, and they part of worked. Now we need to take a big leap forward and really make something of it. Let’s do this for real, I know everyone can do this.
Listen to some beautiful like I’m doing right now, imagine yourself like you don’t give a fuck about everything, and just think, I can do this! It’s really motivating, music has always been motivating for me. So now I’m again, motivated to make something from it.
Out onto the real world, good luck!
The isolation has gotten the absolute best of me. From struggling with alcohol last year, getting arrested, losing my license, losing my car, losing my fuckin mind by acting like a complete psycho in public, to now, where I just sit here in this “state” day in and day out.
This solitude has fucked with my mind, I am bitter, angry, and full of hate. Books being my only solace, but I am so jam packed with work this semester that I can’t find any time to read for pleasure. I can’t stand being around people anymore because this is when I feel my loneliest and most angry. I feel like an alien around people. I look at my peers, classmates, acquaintances, and I hate them, I hate them because they are not alone, I hate them because they can feel happiness, I hate them because they are not ostracized like I am, I hate them because they don’t feel hate like I do, I hate them because they are human, because they love, because they are social creatures, because they feel pleasure. After reading The Vampire Lestat, I must say I feel precisely how the “immortals” felt, how they no longer had sympathy or empathy as they were now vampires, yet they could never again feel what it is to be human, they were stuck, in the same nothingness that I feel, feeling only one pleasure and only because it was the only pleasure they could feel, the only one pleasure I can feel is because it’s biological and wired in me to feel this way, other than that I feel nothing and am nothing. The vampire’s solution to end it was to jump into fire, we all know what that translates to for “mortals”.
I am bothered and teased on a daily basis, I stand and stare from afar, with an expressionless face, but it says it all in the eyes, the dark tense eyes, with yearning but hate, despair with an act of vengeance as there is nowhere here to move but forward.
At rest, I strip naked, exposing everything under the skin, only for a while though, I put the skin back on, take my box cutter and proceed to cut my arms, this is where what is underneath the skin is marked on the skin, for a few days at least, for these few days I feel I wear a bit of myself, the freak, loner, weirdo, friendless, unlovable, untouchable, monster that I am.
“It is the business of the few to be independent; it is a privilege of the strong. And whoever attempts it, even with the best right, but without being obliged to do so, proves that is probably not only strong, but also daring beyond measure. He enters in to a labyrinth, he multiplies a thousandfold the dangers which life in itself already brings it, not the least of which is that no one can see how and where he loses his way, becomes isolated and is torn piecemeal by some minotaur of conscience. Supposing such a one comes to grief, it is so far from the comprehension of men that they neither feel it, nor sympathize with it. And he cannot any longer go back! He cannot even go back again to the sympathy of men and its society! – Frederich Nietzsche
I know that no one has visited this site in a while, but I just wanted to encourage those who return. Like many of you I have found comfort knowing I am not alone in my plight. I am engaged to a wonderful man. I attend Church twice a week, work five days a week, have pets, and several hobbies. Though on the outside it seems that I am well liked and social, this just isn’t so. I just celebrated my 30th birthday and not even my parents bothered to call, let alone any “friends”. Not that this is surprising, it seems that I am in one-sided relationships. Where I do all the contacting, listening, helping, encouraging. I just scrolled through my phone and realized besides my fiance no one has tried to call into my phone for over a month. I sometimes ask myself why I can’t seem to maintain healthy friendships with the people around me, and then I think do I really need the friendship of these superficial people who obviously don’t care about me? I remember what real give and take friendships are like. The best friend I ever had died 2 years ago and it just is too much too bear sometimes. I want to talk to them, they got me and never judged. They knew my awkwardness in meeting new people and made it easy to be myself around others. Without them I feel like I lost a huge confident part of myself. I need a friend to talk to, I bottle up so much of my sadness putting on a happy face for those around me. It gets more difficult everyday, but I keep on trucking. I figure things have got to eventually get better. Thanks for letting me vent. I feel for every single one of you and I will keep you in my prayers.
P.S. I have so much love to give. How come no one wants it? And why don’t you guys live near me?
Congratulations on your engagement lonelyloner. :)
well im 22 , a girl and practically had only 2 best friends my entire life and they both ditched me for new ones.. one of them moved away just before college and the other just decided to ignore me, mistreat me and get new friends, im actually reallyyyyy sweet ive been told that.. also very shy. maybe kinda good-looking> dont mean to sound all cocky. its been 2 yrs since the other friend i used to go to college with left me. and im soooooo lonely it hurts, i cry all the time and dont laugh or smile anymore.. ive always had so much trouble making friends. i dont even have a bf . it hurts me so much that i cant live happily anymore and that i never have anyone to care abt me ever. i sometimes worry about future, and what my loved one will think of me when they find out im a loser.
Thank You Bellses
I am 19, and have not had a friend besides my “gf” (quotes cus we have ALWAYS been horrible to eachother) for the last 2 years. she got rid of my last friend by sending him naked pics (no relationship developed tho..) anyway im still with her, likely just cus I got no one without her. its funny tho lol, my facebook literally has 0 friends besides her, and I hate her.
shes turned me stonecold, and now that ive been friendless so long im socially awkward and get very nervous and am afraid to look people in the eyes.
having no friends is annoying. its funny, cus if I died tomorrow only my family would be there.
guess im like all of you guys. im 5’8 134 lb and I look decent but my mind is so fucked up. I literally can never have someone who is a friend anymore, I dont trust anyone. I fuckin hate it. its like why am I even around?? Ive gotten over the stupidity of suicide a long time ago and realize Im to live out my days, but often they feel worthless, and I know my happiness is a self delusion.
lifes dumb… im an extremely nice guy.. I am not obese or insanely skinny.. I look cute (I USED to be asked out.. that was before I got awkward and girls can feel it when I walk by them or behind them.. god I hate how I cant walk thru the mall and buy some food or go to gamestop without girls looking back at me.. they have a sixth sense or something.. cus im not even freaking looking at them.. ground or straight ahead.)
but here I am without friends, im going to list how I get through it and feel.. decent.
I exercise, I play League of Legends(man those players piss me off !)
and I go to work. and am currently in a CNA program.
thats all I do. ive never done a damn thing in my life worth mentioning, and foreseeably will not.
I wish that people could just be near me enough to get to know me.. yes im socially awkward but if you talk to me enough I start to crack : D only one girl atm seems to like me, but she mentioned some guy in college that would talk to her (only when his friends werent around)
We all know that story, girl wants the guy that doesnt care for her. and she likely would date me, but it would only open her up to “climbing the ladder” and im not a fuckin notch in anyones belt.
TLDR no friends blow if you dont play video games and/ or cant find a litle self worth on your own..
so… to all you guys in the same boat as me.. just stick it out and find what sustains you, doesnt have to make you happy, just distract you as you age.
also if anyone wants to yack with me heres an email address of mine.. penpals maybe? talk about our day/whats on our mind.. all that shit no one else will never get close enough to listen to?
zobar
psn
at
aol
.
com
email is broked.. so nevermind
KW.
I know what kind of situation you’re in. Because I am pretty much quite alike. Well except for the fact that I don’t have a messed up “gf” as you described.
I just wanna cryhow similar a lot of us on this comment page are. How our situations can obliterate our chances for doing some good.
But yeah. I also play online games to trick my self to forget that I am completely alone.With no one to talk to. As well as being addicted to playing, I really feel like doing something, but what I have no idea of. I do go out and watch movies at the cinema, alone, and other things. Like you I have not really a problem talking with people. But I’ve become so awkward around people. Plus I only talk about things that interest me. Mostly science related, small talk is extremely difficult for me.
But on the other hand, I’d like to mail you and like that. But I don’t know if added email adresses here on the site is allowed. o_O
Reply back to this post though,if you’re interested in talking some more :)
-FA
I felt like I was the only person in the world that had no friends. When I came across this site I just goggled, “20 and no friends.” After reading all these stories I couldn’t help but cry. I didn’t have social life until high school. I honestly strived off being around other people, talking or hanging out with someone. Literally being in my mother’s house or being alone for too long would give me anxiety. I hung out with the worst people; the people that didn’t care about anyone but themselves. I was the worst kind or child always getting into a lot of trouble. I think I picked bad friends because they were the easiest to fit in with. I knew that I was depressed and tried to tell my parents but was told to snap out of it. I was a cutter and have tried to commit suicide a couple of times growing up. One of my attempts to take my life ending me up in the hospital; I was 17. My mother finally had enough of me and sent me to live with my father and then my social life was gone. My senior year I was in a new school and was hanging out with the underclass and as soon as I got out of there that even stopped. I used to go to church and was really into the youth group but still couldn’t make friends with my own age. It wasn’t that I am immature but I felt like no one went out of their way to get to know me. Everyone my age was graduating they were hanging out with the people they have known for most of their life before they went off for college. I am a nice person and when I am at work I am very social (I work in retail) and out going to strangers and co workers. It is weird to say when I am not there I get shy and just hide within myself. It has came across my mind that maybe I lost my ability to be social that I am nervous to be me. I have definitely changed since high school and would never be around the people I was back then even my music has changed. I feel like another person but maybe I am not sure who that person is. I don’t know who I am or who I want to be. I am leading my own life but am scarred to take chances. I feel like socially I will not be accepted and something must be wrong with me. I do have a boyfriend that I live with and I love him with all my heart. It hurts that most of our fights are because he is going out with his friends. I know I am jealous so I have been trying to control myself but when he is out that’s when I feel more like a loser. I have wanted to delete my Facebook since I don’t use it but struggle that if I do that I will be completely cut off. The one person I was close to that was like my big sister moved across the country and now my life consist of work, the gym and my dog. I don’t know where to meet people. Sometimes I will text an old guy friend just for the social part even though I know what they are really after. I just need some friends. I don’t go to school and the people I work with just are not at the same point in life as I am. I live on my own, pay my own bills, and I do not like drinking and doing drugs. I do not blame my parents they saved my life but I feel alone and I try to just go day by day without feeding this depression and just submerge it. My biggest fear is to lose my boyfriend and be completely alone and I try to not be dependent on him. It’s hard to know what the right thing to say and do when you have these unconfident thoughts running through your head.
-Angie
hi my name is angeles i had no bbf and now i do and i now you ppl can have bbf like my
To All the Lonely People: You are lonely, because your standards of friendship are too high. You all talk about caring so well yourselves but failing to get anything back. Such standards bring loneliness. Social people talk a lot & laugh a lot but when all is talked & laughed, there is the same emptiness- no more, no less.
Lonely people are different & they believe in Love & Light.
It IS difficult to have no one to run the hardest ideas by but consider why? It is because, you don’t know anyone who’s opinion you can trust.
Hi i’m 19 years old… its amazing how many people feel the same way I do. I read in some comments that some people front and fake a smile and that’s what I do most of the time. I pretend to be normal sometimes and have friends, but that’s just so people won’t think I’m wierd. I go to college and I wouldnt say I have friends, their just people I talk to, and its mainly about school things, but their not people to share my feelings with. I sometimes feel that I can’t be myself because I’m afraid of what people may say. I try to talk and make conversations but I feel that I’m just being fake and I find that i feel WAY BETTER if i’m just by my self.
Years ago, since middle school I was very attractive and a lot of people hated on me. It wasnt a normal kind of hate. Sometimes they will throw me food. one day some girl pushes me. I’ve been in a lot of fights, and I’m not a problematic person at all. People would just love to mess with me. The funny thing is that went all through high school. I became a whore to people, and its funny cause I wouldnt even have bf’s!!!! anyway… that kind of messed up how I look at people nowadays. I find my self not wanting to talk to people, many times think that the conversatins their having are so stupid. To be honest I just stay quiet, and I’m tired of trying to fit in.
I have a bf, but It’s not the same. He has tons of friend who he loves and calls” His brothers.” I sometimes get really mad because he wants to be with them, and not me. I think maybe their is something wrong with me sometimes, and I feel as if I don’t let people in my life, or give them a chance. I really lost hope for people and stopped being nice. I use to be such a sweet girl but now I’m just a bitch because people made me like this. I dont feel suicidal or I dont have problems. I just think I’m traumitized with everything that happened to me in middle and high school. I’ve also lost interest in making friends
Somtimes my expectations are too high, and people just dissapoint me. Theres always that one thing they do that makes you realize their fake or just not good friends. I’ve gave up and I really thinnk that it’s God plan for me not to have any friends. maybe friends will just be bad influence to me or make me worse?
Idk but I trust god to give me strength to deal with people sometimes, they frustrate me. I love God so much and I feel that he is my only friend. That’s just me.
thanks for listening
So here it goes i used to be the most popular girl in highschool i had a good fun highschool experience and when i had graduated u can say i disappeared i left out of state for the whole summer and everyone really seemed to care about me and for me as they did contact me through facebook but once i came back from that state it was all perfect everyone wanted to hang out with me all these guys wanted to date me but i didnt appreciate any of it because throughout my whole life ive always been dissatisfied especially since the guy i loved rejected me so during that same year i left out of state that same year and everything fell apart a dramatic situation caused me to cut off this person i thought or considered somewhat a friend and then all my other friends basically went behind him and no longer felt the need to contact me especially when i came back so i only had one friend who was lets say my sidekick and i leaned on her for support as if though she owed me everything in her life cause i made her the person she was ( she used to be fat and ugly i made her look good) but now i just found out shes fake as hell she never cared or tried to reach out for me when we argued but i always fixed things between us and shes so insecure and nasty to pick guys and having sex with them before her so called “best friend” me so i cut her off and before i did i confro nted her to i slappped her around a bit the last time i saw her now im on my own i know u guys must think im crazy and abusive that may me true but theres nothing more i hate than people who are fake towards me and waste my time i had told this person to walk out my life but she refused promising she was a real friend but i caught her being fake so basically im the type of person who confronts anyone and anything im pretty i know how to dress and people want to be my friends but never follow through when it comes to hanging out im so alone im working two jobs and even at work i cant find a buddy im just tired of living in the city i live in i feel that if i moved away to another state i would be happier but at the same time i feel as if though i have unfinished business here and i dont want to leave until i face this lonely depressing life instead of running away from it like a pussy. i feel as if though im a really real person and thats why people might not want to be friends with me cause im blunt to the point ill say whatever i feel to my friends i dont care what they think and i am a calm and collective person when approaching my opinion but people always seem to take offense to the truth cause a matter of the fact is people dont like honest people in this world people like liars and fake ass bitches man i just want some real fun fucking people in my life just party goers no drama and shit just pure fun and being outgoing i want to meet motivated individuals such as myself and financially become successful with whatever i do but i will say one thing ive learned that friends are just obstacles that stand between you and success especially the fake ones once i became so alone i didn’t give up saying oh im gonna kill myself it just brought this animal in me that really wants to be successful and do good in this world and actually be someone you may not win every battle but we live to fight another day and i want all of u to remember that!
I feel lonely and like I’m misunderstood most of the time, I’m glad I found this website, reading other peoples woes that are similar to mine really let me know that I’m not the only lonely soul out there because the amount of lonesomeness I feel is destructive. If anyone wants to talk or leave their email, I’ll be sure to message you. Is wanting atleast one friend in life too much to ask? I mean, honestly.
welcome and destructive how so? celestecaz@live.ca
I have a large family who I am pretty much estranged to because I want to be. My immediate family it seems as though everyone is doing their own thing and going through their own struggles. I feel as though I’m misunderstood because when I say ‘I am lonely’ boy do I mean it. It’s very hard having no one to turn to and these days it seems like I’ve turned more and more to food which only contributes to excess weight gain which depresses me even more. But, what I don’t understand is why in fact a normal, fairly attractive young woman who is only 22 like myself and in college has such troubles finding someone similar to myself who is Christ-driven, outgoing, fun and enjoys shopping like most other women. What’s wrong here? I sometimes cry at night because I don’t see what the difference is between me and other groups of girlfriends who hang out together. Where is my posse? When is it my turn? I WANT A BEST FRIEND. I’m loyal, I’m friendly, I’m kind. What’s wrong here? I don’t mean to sound conceited if I do, but I’m trying to gain perspective here. I’ve been longing for a true friend since middle school. What gives, what gives…
After reading all the comments I thought I should also say something about the lake of close friendships in my life. I have always tried to be a good and caring friend to everyone but for some reason I never seem to have anyone who cares for me. I will soon turn fifty one and I have no close relationship in my life. I wish I knew what I have been doing wrong, it seems strange to me that at this point in my life I have no one I can really call a friend. I know it sounds pathetic for a fifty one year old man but sometimes I just sit here and cry because I am so lonely. I was married for five years when I was in my early twenties but it soon became clear that the only reason the women I was with wanted to be with me was my money so I wanted a divorce and I have been single ever since. I don’t really want to get married again but a close friend would be welcome. I’m sure I will enter old age alone and that is very scary and sad but I can’t force people to be my friend so I’ve somewhat given up on ever having a close friend.
David, I completely understand your situation. I guess age is rather irrelevant when it comes to feeling lonesome. I’m much younger than you, only 22 and we’re both having that same difficulty in ours lives. At this point, it seems sometimes that the chances are very slim when it comes to making a connection with another person, but hopefully both of our situations will turn around in due time. It’s very hard not having anyone to talk to, call, chat with, etc. And I’m glad that you found out early on about that woman you were with who seemed to only be after financial security. I think I’d rather be alone than in some usery relationship, am I right?
I can relate to everyone here. I’ve been anti-social since I was a kid. I remember being 5 years old and being painfully shy and as I got older things only got worse, I’ll turn 30 in a few days and have only one friend who lives out of state and we only communicate via phone/text… I’m also a very nice caring and giving person but I do find myself being somewhat of a cynic and an open Atheist which I think may turn off many people. It just seems like I can’t find anyone who shares my interests and ideas and perhaps I need to learn how to compromise. I feel like life always has to be all gravitas and profundity when in fact most of the time people don’t want to think too deeply about things. I find it especially hard to relate to other women as I find most of them to be extreamly needy and I seem to clash with them because I have more of man’s mentality when it comes to relationships/sex etc. I would say i do have some unorthodox views and perhaps this scares people away. I just wish I could find like minded individuals who enjoyed other things besides going clubbing, getting drunk and talking about celebrities.
I understand how you feel, Laura. It sucks being without someone to talk to and I feel like you and I are a bit similar. I too am not into going clubbing, drinking and smoking either and it’s hard to find others like myself in my age group (22) who aren’t interestedin that either. I don’t think I could ever find myself hanging with an open athiest though, it’s against my beliefs.
I understand you Laura. I’m 26, and I have no friends. I went through a year of nursing school, and didn’t really make any friends because it seemed all my classmates were interested in doing was getting drunk, going clubbing, and talking about celebrities. I was the loner of the class, and was always pretty much by myself unless we had to do a group project. I kind of give up to be honest. I’ve lost faith in humanity. I’d be interested in emailing you though. You seem interesting. Let me know on here if you’d be interested. I haven’t been here in a while, but Bellses if you’re still around I hope you’re doing ok!
Well, it’s sad to see how rotten society has become with money and greed. I can relate to many here. First of I’m 24. I would say I am a little quiet, but I did have great friends once and a very supportive family. However, I realized over the last few years that you cannot trust people nowadays. All these “friends” are now gone. They simply dumped me in favor of others who were more outgoing and from whom they could profit from to climb a ladder. They are now high in the corporate world or somewhere else doing many activities together whether it being drinking, clubbing or whatever. I always was a caring and nice person but I guess that’s how life goes.
I graduated last year. Unable to find a job, I became quite isolated. My search job turned rotten. This hurt my relationships with my family foremost and women second. I am simply not able or interested to talk to people like I used. Those that I befriended at university vanished after graduation. Virtually, I was left on my own and no one to turn to, no connections to find a job. People who I managed to keep contact with are into clubbing and drinking. I rather join them then be lonely. Yet, I don’t want to form a close friendship. One year later, I am stuck at a dead end job while my best bud from 5 years ago is somewhere enjoying life. My only true friend left for a job opportunity weeks ago. I can really use a friend right now. Here’s to hoping for a better future.
I couldn’t sleep for two hours yesterday night, eventhough it was around 3AM in the morning. I suppose I was pondering over my life and really trying to evaluate why I have no friends. I don’t feel as though there was anything I did wrong throughout school that would deter people from wanting to socialize with me, perhaps I just don’t put myself out there enough, but I don’t see myself engaging and interacting with people who are unlike me and only interested in being under the influence and sex. I really don’t know when life is going to change for me, it’s getting rougher, especially since I recently lost my job and have been unable to find another, I feel like a real bum.
Thank you so much Jessica! You have just made my day. yes I’m doing ok, I hope your ok too. :)
I hadn’t thought about this site in a while, just happened to think about it this morning.
I do want to say hello to everyone else here as well. Its kinnda funny this little posting place is one of the most honest places I’ve ever seen and I thank you for that. you have shared your pain, and I know it is as real as mine. I truly wish I could do something real to ease it for you all.
So I ran into an old friend from high school at work, I would never have seen him otherwise. He said he wanted to get some old friends together from our class, and asked if I would be interested. I said “yeah definitely!” But I am so scared because I severed all ties with them right after high school, I really don’t deserve to be their friend anymore. and I don’t want them to see what a massive loser I am after having done nothing for 16 years since I saw them.
I have this weird hope that I might reconnect with maybe one of them and then maybe I’ll have someone to talk to every once in a while. Even if only to catch up, say “hey how are things?”.
I am so scared, what do I even say when they ask about me? “Umm a bunch crappy jobs and never had a girl friend or any friends.”
:(
I don’t know, I guess I’ll leave that out. I really don’t know what to do.
“I am so scared, what do I even say when they ask about me? “Umm a bunch crappy jobs and never had a girl friend or any friends.”/ I really don’t deserve to be their friend anymore. and I don’t want them to see what a massive loser I am”
THIS is what turns people off. If you have time before this meetup, Imagine how you wanted to live the last sixteen years and tell people THATS what you’ve been up to. I ran into a bunch of old co workers from almost 11 years ago and told them I was 4 years in at the best job i’ll probably ever have, recently divorced, planning to go to Canada for three weeks this summer and going to the SXSW movie /music festival in Austin. The point is even if you flat out lie they THINK you enjoy going places and are way more likely to stay in touch or and include you in plans. Then from those new friends just branch out
Joey, I don’t think that is a good advice. That’s just lying. You’re respresenting yourself as a person you are not. Therefore I strongly disagree with your opinion on that part and would never ever recommend anyone to do that.
What are you going to say when you actually get involved with them? “Yeah I was lying, I don’t even like baseball, I never was married, I didn’t even make that trip to Canada”. People will mark you as a liar. Why would they even bother to hang around with you if you’re only going to tell them lies. They’ll find out eventually. Relationships with people don’t work that way, that’s for sure. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here in the first place, cause we’d have a bunch of friends because we lie about our lives and activities.
The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to stay optimistic and go there being open minded. No harsh feelings, just stay optimisc and be in a good mood.
It might be hard to do, but if you go there being freightened that’s not going to help I suppose.
Talk about your interests, what you’ve been up to, share your opinion on subjects. Don’t be afraid to get heard, that’s the best approach I think. There’s no need to go all out, but just being optimistic, acting energetic and actually contributing to the conversation, it might even be a little, is always good.
Still, life is what you make of it. Even if nothing ever happens, you can still be optimistic. You are the one that makes that crappy job actually turn out well. When I’m all by myself, I just talk to myself what I have to do or basically say my thoughts out loud, sing, or do anything to still keep that positive sense.
I think, that if you only have negative thoughts, you look at a negative way into reality. Bellses, I’d really recommend what I said above. Go there with a positive mood and just tell yourself that you’ll have a good time. If you go with a sad face, being all negative, that’s a turn off for people. Negative influences are something we don’t want to experience, so we stay away from them.
If someone is negative, you’re done quite fast. People all want to have a good time. Hearing shitty stories all the time isn’t going to cheer people up.
Best of luck though, all of you. That was the advice I’d like to give.
hi every loney ones out there the name is brett c i hear all of your crys and then sum i am in the same boat ass alote of you ppl out there it is so hard to right this but i feeel your pain i am lonley but i dont care what ppl think say or do just leve me alone that way i dont get hurt i one so call friend but she is marraged we go out onley because her hubby dont do what we do we go shoping donw to the beach or for a drive but it is not the same my age is 44 and she 55 + but it gice me sum thing to do i had 1 so called friend if you can call him that the story gose like this he had my ph number and i had his we didnt talk 4 a long time next time we talk he had a prob with a girlfriend so cut the story short fuk over buy him because he gave my number to other girls i had to change ph number to fix the prob yes i did think of taking my own life sum thing would stop me from doing it i would drive to the beach at nite i would push the car at its top speed and i mean top speed all i had to is turn and it would be all over . i live in austraila queenland i have came close to finding sum one y bother every time i get close to sum i seem to fuk it up sum how ony one that talks to me i just tell them too fuk (off) i dont care but you do care a little no one lissan too what you have too say only the ppl that been there that know the truth and only the web site like this helps a lot it would be nice to find sum one but you know in the end that not going to happen every one on this site has a story to tell and then sum no one know what your going thro but you i have a short fuse and a temper to match it
I too turned 30 2 months ago and am still a virgin. Truthfully I gave up hope in my teens of ever meeting anyone, let alone having sex.
I am 6’3″ tall, 325lbs, lost my hair at age 20, and have no illusions about “self image”. I don’t believe I’m necessarily “hideous” but I certainly don’t draw any positive female attention.
I spent 3 years in the ARMY and despite having lost a significant amount of weight at that time (regained it obviously afterwards), I still had no ability to attract women. If they WERE attracted, it’s quite possible that I do not possess the ability to recognize these signals. Not like I’d have known what to do anyway, it’s not like there’s a technical manual which points out what you should do in a relationship. Women lack schematics.
I have never been in a relationship, never kissed a woman, only been on 5 dates in my life, and never been in love. I am not certain at this point if I am capable of love, or that I would even know what it was if I were to feel it. When watching television or movies, scenes of affection cause me physical pain. I typically change the channel or leave the room breifly until the scene is over.
I hate elitist holidays like Valentines day as they single out people like myself who have no significant other in their lives and make me feel even worse. It’s no wonder so many people kill themselves around the holiday season. Nothing beats watching all the “lovebirds” in their self induced delerium galavanting blissfully through the park, holding hands, making out, etc, whilst simultaneously wanting to rip my own heart out so the damn thing would stop hurting.
The only reason I haven’t killed myself is that I believe that for 1, it’s a mortal sin, and for 2, only sissies give up. Suicide is a cheap way out and I won’t be a bitch like that. I would however not be dismayed if I were to be killed in a traffic accident or from some sort of disease. Due to my weight, I have already begun having periodic chest pains. If I’m lucky, my situation will finally be over soon. I would thank god for the end of this existance and I can only hope that the end is near.
Sure hope I didn’t ruin anyones’ day, lol.
I’ll chat if you want, Zyquan. I’ve got Yahoo.
i too want to have good friends i feel too low and alone but good genuine ones only i am 44yrs of age but everyone says i dont look my age i just want to have someone to talk to meghatoronto@yahoo.co.uk thanks if anyone want to be friends
i think that most of us have times that we feel we don’t have any friends. I have 200 Facebook friends which amounts to about 10 people that i actually am interested in hearing about and a couple who i would consider as friends. Having said that i often feel very lonely, I live with my girlfriend and she is constantly talking to or meeting up with friends and family and when we go out people seem to radiate towards her more than me. The truth of the matter is that she thinks higher of herself than i do, is more involved in social activities, works in a caring profession, spends her free time crafting, gives a great deal of attention to her appearance…she’s not perfect and i know there are qualities i have that she doesn’t but she knows herself better and respects herself more and this is why she has what i don’t. If you don’t care for yourself, then generally you don’t really care for others and so others don’t care for you. It is a sad state of affairs and its a mental trap that i would suggest i and all the above have got into. At some point or over time we just started feeling bad about ourselves. That has to stop. People who feel good about themselves have friends, people who don’t, don’t. Its as simple as that. If you walk through the whole of your life feeling bad about yourself you will never know what it is like to feel friendship, you may collect a group of acquaintances, confidants but not true friends.
…. Bad news kids – It gets worse with age.
I am 46 years old. I was the most popular kid in my whole elementary school!
In high school I had literally hundreds of friends. I had plenty of friends well into my 30’s, but buy my late 30’s I had less, and less friends. On my 40th birthday, my 27 year old girlfriend of four plus years dumped me. I was very depressed for a couple of years. But buy the time I was myself again… It was too late! Everyone faded away! Now the most popular kid in school is 46… Never married, no kids, and alone. I always thought there was time to get married later, and after many long term girlfriends I now haven’t even had a date in years. I’m gonna’ die a lonely old man… What irony!
Is this an old comment section? If this is so, I am sorry. I am 53 years old and I guess I must have turned out weird after being in the military. Nothing has been the same. I have no friends, I guess everyone must think I am really weird because I like doing things that I consider fun like riding scooters, skating, and other things the people my age seem as being weird. I don’t know why? I am loving, to everyone and I give of myself but no one really wants to talk to me.
To add to my previous comment, I was diagnoised as being bipolar in the military but I think I ajust had a mental breakdown. I went for years in a haze of depression and once I was on the right medicine it was like I was a brand new person and I wanted to live my life freely, and all those things I have misssed out on for all my life. I have been depressed since 6 years old and didn’t realize there was more to life than just laying around and sleeping until I was put on meds who has helped me to be alive. Maybe I am just making up for lost time and doing all those things I missed out as a child, but regretfully people my age seen me has being really strange. I foundn out many people on My FB has blocked me. I was wondering why I never got any response from anyone and now I know. Even my very best friend since 1st grade has blocked me. I feel horrible and lonely and wonder again why I am alive. There is no one my age that has that active lifestyle so it is just me alone.
i think that a lot of people have been socialized to think being their own best friend is ‘selfish’. the self’s needs are very real…they can’t be denied for long, so this can be a really crazy-making scenario w others if it isn’t acknowledged as equally important to being in relationships w others. learn habits of self-care (pleasure) w/o fear or guilt. realize if u have been responsible, others–all things being fair–are equally responsible, including their behavior towards any efforts on your part to be decent. learn to say “no” calmly, assertively as necessary and don’t be afraid to set realistic boundaries to avoid being exploited. be upfront about your own needs and how disrespect for them affects your relationship w others. people need to recognize the value of mutual (and voluntary) respect; ask f what u need and don’t think u ‘didn’t deserve it’ if it wasn’t met. find out what u can do for yourself as well. enjoy the process of learning to empower yourself w/o hesitation. and realize that it u have felt this way, surely others have too and try to find out who those empathetic people are who will care about this issue and listen. people who care and are willing to work w u are your real friends.
I read some of these posts and I truly feel bad for those people. I relate to a lot of their struggles. Yet then I read other individuals who are talking about their husband/wives, boyfriends/girlfriends, and friends. You know who you are, and you are not alone. Do you realize what some of us would do to have a significant other or just ONE friend!?!? So, please, spare us all the sob stories. I have nobody. I can’t picture the situation changing anytime in the near future either.
Believe me I have tried, but nothing seemed to work. Most people have friends and they aren’t looking for more. They have their little clique and ignore everyone outside of it. So it’s impossible to meet someone. This is especially true in the high tech modern age where everyone buries themselves in their laptops, smartphones, books, headphones, etc. So even those who don’t have friends isolate themselves from any potential human contact. They aren’t sure how to communicate with others so they just refrain from it. They look busy or disinterested. I know this because this is exactly what I am finding myself doing. I have failed so many times at making friends and girlfriends that I have become permanently scarred. My lack of social success has made me awkward and uncomfortable around people. I’m smart but shy and socially inept. I have no confidence because I have no idea how to hold up an intelligent conversation. The fact that I don’t exactly look like a model makes things worse. I can understand why nobody wants to get close to me because until one actually takes the time to get to know me, I initially come across as a loser. And who wants to befriend a loser? Even the friendless have our superficialities.
Let’s all just be honest with ourselves: life is unfair. Some people are born inherently smart, attractive, rich, funny, confident, and/or athletic, while others are born dumb, ugly, poor, boring, timid, and/or frail or fat. Chance plays so much of a role in how we turn out. So much of our potential is already determined from birth (our genetic make-up, what type of family we are born into, what country or region we reside in, etc). Some are predisposed to be winners and some are predisposed to be losers. It’s like this for every other species and humans are no different. Nature is selecting us socially inept, shy losers to fail. It doesn’t want us to succeed and pass down the genes that made us socially inept and shy to begin with (there are such genes). In due time it is possible that people like us will all be a thing of the past. Our unfavorable traits are being phased out of the gene pool as we die alone and don’t produce offspring, whereas those with the favorable traits are finding mates and passing those favorable traits down to the next generations. It’s all part of evolution. Nature is one cruel son of a bitch.
i dont have any friends and i was ok with that cuz i have the most wonderful gf in the world, and shes my best friend, but tonite i found out she may be cheating on me and if its true im giving up on humanity
Mr Smith, I’m one of those that already have a spouse…But I still do feel lonely and I would really like to reach out to someone. I feel like I can relate to you, I see a lot of myself in what you are saying. I’d like talk sometime, if you are interested… my email is badatsports@ymail.com.
I am really amazed by this comment section. It’s just a random blog that people just happened to find through google and start posting all these really personal stories. Just pouring their hearts out. I wrote here in 2009 when I was dealing with insecurities. I wrote things here that I couldn’t express elsewhere. I wish there was a way to contact people here. I think we could all help each other. But unfortunately, there is no contact information.Please, if anyone here wants to have someone to talk to, feel free to contact me. I want to learn to be open and have a deep friendship. It has been over 10 years since I have had a close friend. Everyone in my life feels so distant, so fake. I want to break through and have a meaningful relationship. I would really love if someone would contact me. my email is badatsports@ymail.com
Im 48 male no friends i have a good education very smart person where anything machanical works is concern good job love my dog but no friends i pray god would take me soon. i have diabetes have tried to esculate to the point it will take me i go to a wellness clinic for my back problem and i wish i was like certin people that worked there they are so fit confident but i,m trapped in this useless body its scary to be alone dieing is not so scarie i welcome it ,People wish they could win the lottery, I would give it up because all i want is a freind i can do things with go places, watch listen to music , with but people don’t like me all i do is pray god will take me, better looking people other than me seem to always have the best life
I can definitely relate to every posting on this site. I had plenty of friends in elementary school but separated from them when I went to high school. I went to a different high school than my elementary school friends since there was one catholic school in my city where I was raised. I was the only Non Catholic Asian kid in my elementary school and no one seemed to mind. They though I was cool and unique.
My troubles began during my teenage years in high school. My parents did not make alot of money, and they kept pressuring to go to university and become a doctor. I was studying alot and I only made a few friends. I also held a p/t job to save for school, and participated in extra circular Unfortunately during my last year of high school my marks weren’t high enough to get into the schools I wanted. I was depressed since my other friends got into their dream schools, and I was going to be separated from them. I try to keep in touch before we went on our separate ways but it didn’t happen.
In 2004 I studied Health Science and hoped to make new friends. Unfortunately I wasn’t enjoying what I was studying and my marks slipped. I made some friends when I lived in res and didn’t keep in touch with them after I went to college to study IT. I was embarrassed to tell them I got kicked out of university.
During my college years I felt happy what I was learning and made a few good friends. I held paid co-op position where I was making money, and felt good about myself. After my college years I met my 1st girlfriend. Even though she wasn’t Asian I felt that both of us were very close and clicked well. During that time I was very thankful to have met a wonderful girl who cared about me, and we both tried to work our problems out together to become better people. The only thing that I was not satisfy was my job. My ex also though she could do better in her career also. Both of us decided to go back to school to get better careers. Unfortunately we were not going to be going to the same school.
I went back to University in 2008 in a big city. I quickly found out it was really hard for me to make friends and people in a big city. The only friend I had during that time was my ex girlfriend. Her and I would take turns seeing each other despite we were four hours apart. I also started making new friends slowly and became more confident in myself.
Unfortunately things started to go downhill. In 2009 my parents were arguing I shouldn’t be seeing my ex anymore due to cultural differences. My grades started to slipped and eventually we broke up in 2010. I tried to ease the pain by participating in extra circular activities, started going to the gym, and tried to make new friends. I eventually got my degree in Oct 2010, and ended getting a temp job for an IT Coordinator in the public sector.
As of now I feel that I have few close friends but many acquittances. My colleagues tell me that I am upbeat, hard working, in good shape, and smart. Ever since I broke up with my ex 2 years ago, I recently dated one girl who I though will be my new gf. We went on a couple of dates, and I bought her a cake and card for her birthday. Things started to go well until she started to treat me bad. I noticed that she would treat me good at times and others she would say nasty things to me. I remember one time that I made supper for her, and she said that I would frown sometimes when I talk in a nasty tone. I felt embarrassed and angry considering that I came all the way to work just for her. She tried apologizing but I never took her apologies seriously since at that time I felt that I couldn’t trust her. After that incident should would text me once and a while, but she recently forgot my bday despite that I got her a cake and card for her bday. It was the first time in my life that I felt being taken advantage of someone who I though was my SO, but turns out to be a self centered backstabber. I have a feeling that she found someone else. I wasn’t expecting big gifts, just a simple wish would suffice.
I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I try to improve myself to become a better person both career and personal. I always be courteous and polite to people, I go the gym 3x a week. and try new activities to make friends. I also follow the principle of “Building relationships first and success will follow” mentality that good things happen to people, when you are friendly to others. My friends and colleagues are shocked that I am still single. Being 28 years old and not having many good friends and a SO sometimes gets to me.
I feel my downfall for making friends and finding my SO is my hunger to find a better career that will make me happy. I been working hard throughout my life but always get screwed in the end. Most of my friends are either married or in relationships. It is difficult for me to keep in touch.
Hopefully soon I get a job that is permanent and pays well, so I can spend more time making friends, and family. I hope to find my SO as well. For the single guys out there. find ways to improve yourself. Don’t worry about finding a gf. First resolved all your problems in your life than you will build self esteem.Than the rest will follow. Have a plan and stick to it. Be thankful of the strengths that you are given, and use it to your advantage. Any weaknesses you have (eg shy talking to girls) work on it, and soon your weakness becomes your strength.
For the single ladies out there, please don’t play games with guys. That gets old and shows that your immature and selfishness. If you feel that things are not going well on date, be upfront. Don’t try to be friendly. Feelings will be hurt, but you’ll save yourself time. Guys don’t like to be lead but only to find out that the girl is not interested in the guy.
For both guys and girls, be active as much as possible. Avoid cliques. Cliques kills creativity and opportunities to meet people that may help you in the future. Try new things and get out of your comfort zone. Life is too short to be timid and fearful. Sorry for the long post but I felt i needed to vent out my frustrations with people with similar problems.
I HAVEN’T HAD FRIENDS IN A NUMBER OF YEARS. I HAVE TRIED MANY TIMES AND IF I DID FIND A FRIEND THE FRIENDSHIP NEVER LASTED. THEY JUST LOSE INTEREST. SOMETIMES I CRY I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW SELFISH PEOPLE ARE. I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I WILL BE FRIENDLESS FOR LIFE. BUT I KNOW I WILL SURVIVE.
Hello Everyone, Im 38 Ive been a loner most my life because of Bullying from my school days, in school I had one really great friend and I thought we would be best friends forever, but one day my friend just stopped calling me I tried to contact him but gave up, after no responce, I really dont know why all of a sudden this happened.I then went on to college and still never made any connections with anyone, Since then I never had anymore friends, I never was good a meeting woman, I only had two girlfriends in my life. Its been very lonely, I was in a couple bands as a drummer, and that was a good way of meeting other people who shared my interest in music, but the bands broke up, and it was really about the music not about being friends or hanging out. Nowadays I try to keep my mind off it by diveing into my work and music and hope one day I will meet a great woman, As many on this page I feel the same lonely, and depressed but try to not let it get to me.
I’m 19 and have been lonely since like 7th grade. I went to Catholic School K-6 with the same classmates in one room (school only had around 100 kids total so it was small), but I went to public school for the first time and unfortunately, I was so naive to the “outside world” (I grew up on a small Indian reservation) that I made a fool out of myself. Some old classmates went to other schools in the area while the ones that were at public school with me drifted away and found their own groups. I basically hid in a classroom or the bathrooms just to get away from it all (I got into 3 unnecessarily fights with people whom I didn’t even know over something as childish as my “presence”). I didn’t have any good Jr. High memories.
When HS came around it wasn’t as bad as Jr. High because students were a little more mature, but it was still tough. I thought I met a few great guys at freshmen orientation, but they didn’t hang out with on my first day of high school even when they agreed to. Yep, lonely on my 1st day. I could never really connect with dudes from the basketball team either because I was the worst player that year and didn’t earn respect. Our team morale was horrible. Fights amongst players, complaining parents, and lack of sportsmanship. They were into all this rap crap while I preferred traditional Chinese music (it calms my soul). I tried so hard to not look like a loner and it just backfired on me. I remember always being alone at a table in McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Jack in the Box, and other restraunts. They were just so naive, but then again, I just didn’t know how to socialize.
I transferred to this HS my sr. yr. because I wanted to escape all the lonliness and actually enjoy my teenage years. However, it was a fail because everyone that was a sr. already knew each other since kids and I just showed up at the wrong time and people pretty much had their groups since like 7th grade. At least I didn’t have to hide in the restrooms or classrooms like I did back at my old place (I remember hiding from a couple of pricks because I reported on them for holding boxing matches in an alley and they were bullies to me. I hid behind this blackboard on the ground in the corner of the wall. Lol, I even hid in the girls restroom one time…NOT COOL!). I lived with my dad’s side of the family for that year and my parents have been separated since I was 3 (they had me at age 19) so it was even harder on me not to see my siblings.
Graduation came and to be honest, I hated it. Why would I want to reflect upon those bitter years? I wasn’t known by anyone there and it showed when my name was announced and the only ones cheering were a few family members waaay on the other side of the football field. I was glad to get the eff outta there. I had many false hopes there where the other person didn’t follow through with it like going to the mall or the movies only to have them make up some excuse. Facebook don’t help either cuz I was either ignored, blocked, or cut off from Instant Messenger.
All I want is a friend who actually cares and doesn’t make false hopes or leave me by myself. Even my teenage cousins have done this and it made me feel like crap. Leaving me behind to sit with a girl at a basketball state title game with 15,000 people in an arena was demoralizing; I just went outside and missed it. They even left me behind at carnivals and parades. It’s hard to trust anyone nowadays even my own relatives. I mean, I wish life was like all those anime shows where characters make friends with each other as in Bleach, Gakuen Heaven, and Pokemon
I’m not going to make any assumptions about the people here. I can’t prescribe a cure-all, a panacea that will solve all of your friendship issues. But there is one thing I suggest to anyone capable. This might seem counterproductive at first, but: learn to do and enjoy many things ALONE. Take up swimming, biking, roller blading, kayaking, do some volunteering, get into an art scene if you’re artistically inclined. Find things you’ll enjoy doing, and think really hard about what you want. You may need to try different things: if you have little money, you’ll have to be more creative, of course, but its not impossible. Teach yourself soccer, that’s pretty easy on the wallet. Or jog, which is basically free unless you have no shoes.
Meditate too, and do deep breathing exercises if you can: slow deep inhales and exhales. Try to cultivate some sort of inner peace, and then spread it around. Start small, like really small, build up your confidence, slowly (e.g donate to a canned food drive), and go from there. I’ll be honest It won’t be easy at first, but you gotta keep at it. There is no shortcut out of this mental mess we are in, so we gotta start from brass tacks.
Until we learn to enjoy our own presence, until we can be content with ourselves, we can’t have good friends. If you want to connect with other people, you’re gonna have to learn to be content with who you are. Anything else is disingenuous, and will lead to loneliness and heartache.
Then you’ll also have to reassess WHY you want friends in the first place. Do you want friends to give people the impression that you’re popular? Do you want a bunch of yesmen as friends who will agree with you about everything you say and never say no so as not to rock the boat? Or do you want to actually connect with people and treat people like ACTUAL human beings?
I think the people posting here (in general) depend too much on being polite, nice, etc. but not on actually being real, emotional thoughtful human beings. Our society too seems to emphasize this sterile, distant interacting with others. We need to break out of these habits somewhat in order to connect to more people and make more friends. We need to be real. Now, I’m not condoning being an aggressive asshole who just says what’s on his mind, tact be damned. What I mean is is we need to reevaluate why we act the way we do with others, and try to remove that cold, distant politeness that seems to pervade our everyday interactions. You can’t possibly be friends with every person you meet, of course, but I think we can improve our friendships if we learn to just be more human, more honest, more integral, not just polite or nice. Because while these are alright qualities, they aren’t conducive to having real human connections, but just shallow “nice” ones.
We gotta stop moping, the self-pity parties, the “woe is me”-isms. All of that bullshit. It’s not doing you or me any good. We’ve got to learn to play the hands we’re dealt in creative ways. Or unlearn the bad perception we have of the hands we’re dealt, because maybe they aren’t as bad as they seem. We just gotta tell ourselves, “hey mr.woe-is-me, get the fuck outta here!”.
We all gotta collectively pick up our pants (because they seem to be dangling around our ankles for some reason), go out there and kick some ass. Become comfortable with who you are, gain some modicum of inner peace, then get out there and be a fuckin’ human being. It won’t be easy, but it may be the best thing to be done in our situations.
1. Apathy.
1.1 Apathy itself.
You just sit on your ass without mustering up sufficient motivation to do what it takes to beat this thing.
1.2 Procrastination.
Eh, I’ll get around to it.
1.3 Deferral of Action.
“I’ll start working on this when I finish college/graduate law school/get a real job/buy a house/improve my emotional health/complete five years of intensive therapy/blah blah blah.” FAIL.
2. Excuses and Justifications.
2.1 The Special Case.
Somehow you fall at the extreme far end of the bell curve. You’re a special case, and no existing solution can possibly work for you. You’re just that fucked. Any advice or recommendations, no matter how logical or sensible or demonstrably effective, is therefore to be dismissed offhand.
2.2 The “Yes, But…” Game.
“You should do X.”
“Yes, but…”
“Well, try doing Y, then.”
“Yes, but…”
“Uhhhhhh… Z, maybe?”
“Yes, but…”
2.3 Pseudo-science.
(Mis)using evolutionary psychology, behavioral genetics, endocrinology, or [fill in the blank] to explain why your case–and the cases of half of everyone else in here, apparently–is hopeless. Or, if not hopeless, why evolution has stacked the deck significantly against you.
“My pheromones are defective! That must be what it is!”
2.4 The Rugged Individualist.
The refusal to change or improve yourself. “I shouldn’t have to change”, or, “I would have to change my essential, true, core self to be with somebody, and I’d rather commit Seppoku than do that.” You have this fanatical devotion to the ideal of your own egoistic subjectivity. You refuse to be flexible. Keep this up and you’re probably fucked.
2.5 But I’ve tried everything!
Short answer: no you haven’t! You claim to have tried every last thing out there: PUA, No More Mr. Nice Guy, How to Win Friends and Influence People, etc. etc. etc. Since none of it worked, you feel justified, and even self-righteous in declaring yourself fucked.
2.6 Trying to win the title of “Worst Incel Ever.”
“If you want to be the king of pain, stand in line!” – Henry Rollins.
You’re trying to convince everyone you’re the worst case ever. The most fucked up, the most incurable, the most doomed, the most unfuckable, the ugliest, the creepiest, worst piece of living sub-human shit that ever crawled out of a fetid shit swamp.
Quit flattering yourself. Get over yourself, or else you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself.
2.7 Fatalism.
“Some people are just meant to be incel.” Huh? “That’s just how it is. You might as well just resign yourself.” Well, you just screwed yourself, I can tell you that.
2.8 Law of the Jungle
You might not be playing fast-and-loose with evolutionary psychology, but you do tend to view your problem as a matter of male animals competing over scarce resources (women) in the jungle. You might not literally believe in the “alpha male” theory (humans aren’t analogous to canines or lions, btw), but you view yourself as being at some kind of competitive disadvantage who will never be able to compete with “Mr. Muscles”, “Mr. Tough Guy”, “Mr. Comedian”, “Mr. Money”, “Mr. Mysterious”, “Mr. Pretty Boy”, or “Mr. Smooth.” You’ll end up like the omega male of the pack, dying in the woods alone having never reproduced, having been soundly defeated by your male betters. (I keep saying ‘male’ because I’ve only ever seen males lament this.)
Two problems: The “Mr. Incel” within you poses much stiffer competition than “Mr. Muscles” or “Mr. Smooth.” Secondly, unless you’re in Alaska or on a Navy destroyer or something, a mindset of artificial scarcity contributes to self-defeat.
3. Overanalysis.
3.1 Overanalysis itself.
Every last little possible detail or angle or potential course of action must be scrutinized and dissected and analyzed and critiqued to the nth degree. It’s just too bad that human interaction isn’t as analyzable as chemical interactions in a laboratory. You get so preoccupied with this, and the field of possibility gets so fogged with infernal confusion and complexity that you can’t even act. And the surest way to fail is to… not act in the first place.
3.2 Getting hung up on minor shit.
“What if she sees the surgical scar on my ass?” What if what if what if… what if you stopped worrying about minor shit like that?
3.3 Pseudo-science.
Overanalysis at its most acute (see 2.3).
3.4 Thinking Way Too Far Ahead. Or, Preemptively Making the Decision For Him or Her.
“He won’t like me. So I’m not going to talk to him.”
“What if she agrees to go out on a date with me, but then decides I’m boring?”
3.5 Distorted Logic and Hyper-Logic.
Maybe your IQ is stratospheric. Maybe you (also) have Asperger’s Syndrome. (Full disclosure: the person writing this does.) Maybe the world of supercomputers and quantum physics are child’s play to you, but human interactions are like an ant trying to wrap its brain around string theory. You fixate on the wrong things and churn out MS thesis-length analyses that absolutely mystify everyone else. You blow elementary aspects far out of proportion, deconstructing them in ways that would cause an Oxford logician to have a brain aneurysm. But if you ever do experience a breakthrough, it won’t be because of your considerable intellect. (See the Onion’s video about NASA scientists planning to “approach girl” by 2012.)
3.6 Mr. Spock
The realm of human interactions strikes you as being irrational, or as Mr. Spock would say, “that is not logical.” If it isn’t as cut-and-dry as the laws of physics or mathematics, then it is somehow invalid. “Syntax Error: Does Not Compute.”
You’re not so logical as you might like to think, I’m afraid.
3.7 Picking apart every last thing you did wrong in the recent or distant past.
“It must be because I blinked 32% faster than the normal rate during the crucial 12 second window when…” And then you spend days reconstructing every last possible thing that could have been done differently. It’s good to learn from your mistakes, but some people take it way beyond moderation.
3.8 Prudishness.
You’re not motivated by shame or fear, but you overanalyze how your actions may be misinterpreted so you don’t act. You have a rigid and/or antiquated view of what is appropriate behavior to the point where you think you’re sending out signals but most people would interpret it as platonic interest.
3.9 “Only science can save us, you fools!”
Basically, our alleged “pop psychology” format is bullshit. Only rigorous, empirical, objective, systemic inquiry can possibly unpack the infernal riddle that is involuntary celibacy. Perhaps the explanation (and potential treatment) is genetic, or neurochemical, or evolutionary, or endocrinological, or urological, or [fill in the blank]. If only the government would give you a $50,000,000 grant, you could come up with an effective solution (that could be sold to Pfizer for a hundred million smackers), and demonstrate once and for all the supremacy of your intellectual vigor and how it towers above we mere sheeplike pedestrian drones.
3.10 Construction of an Indelible Incel “Identity.”
You have constructed a hard-and-fast binary categorization: the noncels on the one side of the dividing line, and incels on the other. Incels are somehow indelibly so, and are immutably distinct from noncels. Who knows, it might even be genetic? Closely related to ‘Pseudo-Science’ but not always, as many who commit this sin don’t put quite that much thought into it.
4. Naivete.
4.1 Highly Idealized or Naive Views about Romantic Relationships.
It ain’t fuckin’ Disneyland out there. It’s probably too much to expect things to play out that way for you, unless you join some throwback fundamentalist sect (and even then….). Reorient yourself for adult life in the 21st century.
4.2 The Myth of “The One.”
Some among the ancient Greeks believed that in primordial times we lived on the moon and were Siamese twins. Then there was a Cataclysm and we all got split off from our “other half.” It’s an innate human desire to be reunited with your “one.” Thing is, it could be a dude who’s your best bud or something.
We don’t believe in Zeus and Athena anymore. (Well, most of us don’t.) So drop that “soul mate” shit.
4.3 One-Itis
“You don’t understand! There can never be anyone like her!”
“He dumped me. I’ll never love again.”
“S/he is my only chance at true love
4.4 Infatuation in Response to the Slightest Bit of Attention.
“OMG she smiled at me!!!!! She laughed at one of my jokes!!!!! I’m saved, hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!”
4.5 Perfectionism.
“Okay, she has to look like Bettie Page, she has to have attained at least a level 70 with one of her WoW characters, she has to like Star Trek, she has to be a passionate believer in the 2nd amendment, she has to like post-punk ethereal dreamwave vegetarian slowcore, blah blah blah blah blah….”
4.6 “Some day my Prince will come.”
This subcategory would include people who believe in the White Knight or Goddess. He/She will magically appear in the most unlikely place and will fix everything else about your life. Ahm no. Going to events or places where there are members of the appropriate sex will increase one’s chances in meeting him/her- though there is no guarantee that it will happen. Also living your life to the fullest, the good and the bad, is your responsibility.
5. Fear.
5.1 Timidity.
Fear that you’ll be wrecked and ruined if you get rejected. Fear of approaching. Fear that you’ll be ridiculed, slapped, kicked in the balls, beaten half to death by her brothers, etc. etc.
5.2 Fear of being hurt. Trust issues.
This is understandable if you’ve experienced partner abuse or family abuse or any number of other traumas. But whether it’s warranted or not, it’s something that must be worked through.
5.3 Fear of what you’ll get.
“So, like, what if I fall in love but then realize that, like, I’m better at being solitary?” (See also 3.4: thinking way too far ahead.)
5.4 Fear of the Past.
You’ve been hurt, in one way or another. You had a relationship once, or something resembling one, and it ruined your life. You’re afraid of the ghosts of the past, and that you’re permanently damaged, and unable to handle what might potentially come in the future.
6. Rage.
6.1 Misogyny
“Radical feminists have ruined everything!”
“Women only like jerks and bad boys and alpha males. Not nice guys like me. Fucking bitches.” (This line of thinking is often tied in with 3.3: psuedo-science.)
6.2 Misandry
Some qualifiers. If the membership of this board represents all incels out there (keep in mind that it might not), two out of three incels are male. Therefore, for simple numeric reasons, misogyny would be more common. And second of all, misogyny has had far greater ubiquity and persistence over the history of incel/loveshy/shyness on the internet.
With that said, misandry is just as counter-productive, self-destructive, and futile for those it afflicts.
6.3 Distorted Perceptions of the Social World
The deck is systemically stacked against “people like me.” It’s a conspiracy that the vast majority of fools fail to recognize, mainly because you and people like you are the ones bearing the brunt of it.
6.4 Grievance as a lifestyle
Everyone’s out to get you. The world is conspiring against you. Anybody who pretends to be on your side is insincere, and their true colors will be revealed before long. You can’t win.
6.5 “You’re doomed, too.”
It’s one thing to condemn yourself to this fate. It is quite another to tell others they’re equally screwed. Too many people don’t like to go down alone. They want to drag others with them.
7. Shame.
7.1 Excessive Shame.
Your mother told you that sex was evil and dirty. Or something. You’ve been slapped with Victorian ideology whether you like it or whether you don’t, but are forced to live in a Postmodern world.
7.2 Excessive self-consciousness.
You fret and fret and fret about what you look like naked, whether your dick or pussy is too funny looking, and so on and so forth. For some, they have experienced past trauma or have been saddled with some kind of psychological/emotional disorder. This is understandable, but it must be worked through.
7.3 Scrupulousness
This often afflicts those with fundamentalist religious baggage, whether they’ve attempted to cast it off or not. Even dirty thoughts are wrong and sinful, and this can result in a fucked up OCD-like compulsiveness. Others have an Aspergian preoccupation with being perceived as gross or perverse or transgressive or sexist or inappropriate by would-be objects of interests.
7.4 Excessive Concern Over Offending Others or of Making Others Uncomfortable.
“What if the very thought that I might possibly be anything more than a dickless asexual gender neutral teddy bear makes her want to vomit?”
“I can’t talk to this girl sitting next to me at this bar. I don’t want to ruin her night.”
“But I’m a gentleman. I can’t go around bothering random women I don’t even know!”
“I don’t want to ruin the friendship.” “Dude, you’ve only known her for a week!” “Okay, I don’t want to ruin any potential friendship.”
Good thing you don’t have to worry about your hand’s emotional well being, yeah?
I’m 32 year old female. Both my husband and I feel lonely. We both have a hard time making friends. My husband’s family all live far away and they are not as close. My family doesn’t care to be involved in our lives other than my Mom. My mom visits me roughly 3 times a month even though she works less than 3 miles from my house. She recently started visiting after I told her I felt lonely she never visited before…..very sad. Since we basically have no family my husband and I have tried to make friends but they usually have become distant acquaintances as either they are too busy to want a friendship or they already have friends and don’t want to spend the time on new ones. The last time we had guest over to our house was September of 2011. How sad is that, just the thought makes me cry. I have also tried to make friends at a MOPS class, but no luck. The last two christmas and New years we have been alone. I also worry for my kids. I have a 3 year old daughter who loves to meet people and socialize. I feel so sad, she constantly asks me if anyone’s going to visit or if we can go visit someone. I take her to church on Sunday’s and she goes to preschool two days a week. Other than that, she has no interaction with anyone else. I am angry with my family for abandoning us like they have. I also have a son who is 15 months at the time. He is too young to know any different, but eventually he will grow up and I worry for him too. I feel blessed to have a husband and two kids. I realize that there are people out there who have no one, so I try to stay positive and happy for the little family I have. Sometimes is just too lonely, I wish we had someone close who cared about us. I wish we could visit someone, go to the park, have a playdate, but we have no one, but God. So I need to learn how to be His best friend. The pain is so strong I actually feel my heart hurting. Dear Lord, please help all the people who have written on this blog find genuine and true friendship. Fill our hearts with your love, allow us to forgive those who have rejected us, some of them might not even know how much they have hurt us. Please help us remain loving, positive and encouraging that we may be able to recognize the pain in others who might feel as we feel today….lonely. In Jesus name I pray… amen. Sending good wishes and much needed love your way…..
Hi Everyone,
Periodically, I have checked this site. I posted a long time ago and sadly things probably haven’t gotten any better for me. I guess it depends how you look at it. I have been living in South Florida now for almost 22 years and I have no local friends here. I did for a few years when I first moved down here, but anyone I was friends with has left the State. I’m 46 now and will soon be 47. A word of advice for those of you who are in your 20’s or 30’s now. It doesn’t get any easier the older you get. In fact it gets a lot harder especially if you are single as I am. Luckily, I have my Mom who lives nearby and she has a dog I like helping her take care of, but that’s about it. The only thing I have going for me is I have a good job and I make good money, but all the money in the world won’t change the fact that I spend most of my time a lone. Part of me is ok with it. Since I’m basically an introvert. But I sometimes wish I at least had someone close by I could grab lunch or dinner with and maybe catch a movie. My biggest fear is that one day my Mom will pass away and I will have nobody. So, for those of you who are younger, try your hardest to make friends or at least find a significant other when you’re younger. Best wishes to you all. If anyone wants to connect with me, you can e-mail me at joshua825@hotmail.com.
Peace
You guys are great, each and every one of you. I walk the same path as you. I just turned 38 and have two friends, my wife and child. Its a little different for me now. I can’t even meet new people anymore. I can’t even speak on the phone with anybody. At first, I just had no other friends, now I have no desire to meet any at all. I find myself thinking “I hate people.” I hate their fakeness, self centeredness, and their parasitic ways. I paint with a broad brush, I know this, but it has taken over now. I hug my small family close and I fight daily not to instill my disdain for people on my son. So maybe he will grow up happier. I realize many of you guys don’t even have this. I count my blessings everyday. I was abused as a 5 year old, sexually. It has become harder to block that out as I had done for many years. This would be considered the reason for my inability to tolerate others by a doctor I suppose. I type this as a flip side to what most of you fight for. You guys try to make friends, yet I work against making them. It was not always this way. I used to hang out with people I went to school with, but now if I meet them in a store, I’ll talk to them, but its more like I’m talking to an aunt I hardly know. I have to force myself to talk to them or even sound sane while talking. I just don’t know what to say. I can’t help it, I’ve tried. So, if you guys run across somebody at work or wherever you try to befriend, just remember Jay. That person could be like me, or even me. But please remember, they, nor I, can help it.
hi im new on here ive been reading a lot of your posts and I can identify with nearly all of you. my story is… abused all my life by my mom physical. then thrown out in the middle of the night at 17, had to survive on my own so developed really tough side on the other hand though really wanting love so ended up getting used by men who just saw desperation, they beat me etc. I have 3 children who are the only jewels in my life and I adore them even though there dads treated me the way they did. there dads don’t want to know but they have me and I will always be there for them no matter what, I have self confidence now I think but I still feel worthless, my attitude has changed to kind and funny now and its all because of my kids. even though I love my kids and would gladly die for them if needed I wake up every morning and face the world completely alone when I say that what I mean is there are no friends there is no family there is nobody just me and my kids, my kids have friends but when im feeling down or need to talk about something or when I need advice or babysitting or anything concerning my feelings there is nobody at all. people say hello to me or when im at church I get the odd conversation but im starting to get weird, people might think im self centred but when there is a chance to talk to someone I blurt out everything cus I don’t know when the next time is going to be when I get to speak to someone. but then I remember yes that’s it they don’t care I get weird looks and a oh ok and then it on my own again. im loosing all my social skills and when my kids grow up and fly the nest im going to end up alone most likely in a nursing home covered in urine and cat hair. I want to get married to a man who don’t beat me and I want more kids and I want to get old with my loved ones around me is that so wrong. I have had no friends since I was 20 I am now 32. someone help me before I have to do a shawshank out of the local nursing home . :(
The reason people are becoming more into themselves is because there is no trust anymore. No one wants to go out of their way to help their neighbor or others who need help. I can be friends in a social setting but I do not want personal friends because I like doing my own thing. The only people I like to be intimate with is my family. Even then my family has the ME mentality. I listen to their problems and help them out the best that I can. I feel that if I tell them my concerns I feel like I am a burden since they seem to have problems as well. I decided to talk to a therapist. I can say anything I want and not be judged. It isn’t for everyone but I really do not like to share my most innermost thoughts.
The usage of the internet makes it easy to have virtual friends and frankly that is fine with me. I have lived with my boyfriend for 13 years and I do not like to share my inner thoughts, it is none of anyone’s business, and besides, does anyone really care how one feels.
The population of the world and the rush, rush world, it is hard to get to know anyone. Many people do not have the time to invest in a close friendship. There are some people who enjoy having friends and hanging out. I can understand that. When I was young it was all about going out with friends and having a great time. Now that I am in my 50’s I could care less about having friends, and frankly I feel like I have to entertain people when they come to my house..and that is really rare. I don’t like having company. I have too many things to do around the house and company breaks my routine.
Some of you think about when you get older and no social support might be a reality but you can have friends but not in the same way as a young person would think. There are senior citizens center, local eatery places that locals meet to have breakfast, etc. Finding a church with people in your age group is a good meeting place and finding friends. As you become aged, those friends will give you a call or visit.
To be isolated is because someone does not work towards finding avenues to find friends. What is your interest? Find groups that have the same interest. I can’t tell you where to find the groups, that is something you will have to do for yourself. You do not have to tailor your life around those who you do not have any thing in common with, you find people that have the same commonality.
As for me, I am happy where I am at. I enjoy being alone and I also enjoy talking to people in public but they are social friends not close friends. I have my family, my boyfriend, and my animals, what else do I want? Nothing else.
In addition, I enjoy going places by myself unless I go some place with my sister. It seems like when I go places with others, their time and the places they wish to go to is not my idea of having a good time. If I want to lay out on the beach for 6 hours and a friends becomes antsy and ready to do something else, to me that is irritating.
I would not fret if you feel like you have no friends, you can be your own friends or find people like what you have in common.
In business there will not be a big change. Some people will become friends because you have something in common. Others wish only to communicate with business matters.
Anger, you sound very angry and cynical. I understand many on this blog have missed the whole point of the original article. No one has really answered that. Instead everyone has a bad life on here all because they do not have friends and of course of past issues. Living in the past is the past. If a person cannot move from the past then that person should get help to find out why life cannot go on. We only have now and to drown in the past of course the life now is going to be rotten.
We make our lives the way we want it to be. Negativity breeds negativity. People pleasers and the poor, poor me of what has happened to me in the past. I would say most of the people on this world has had some issues from the past. What one person may say well I was worse off than that person does not discount the other person’s pain. Pain is pain no matter what or to what degree. It is what you do with the pain. DO you let it eat you alive? Or do you find a positive way to live in life?
No one can help a person to do the job for you, you must do your own work for your own life. Some on here may be too needy, and for me I don’t like to be around needy people. They are a drain to me. I have better things to do than to pull someone out of their quagmire.
I’m going to take the high road, there are people that post here that are mean and not considerate to others feelings. (we are all entitled to our opinions)
Remember, there will always be those that understand.
I cannot speak for everyone, but I can relate to the other people that have spilt their feelings on this site. Unlike YOU who are bored with life, search out sites like these and can only offer advice that no one takes… It must be a lonely life for someone that fulfills all their needs through empty relationships with several people, as you sound extremely interesting and entertaining(sarcasm), and mostly fake their way through life. Why the xxxx are you placing your input? Personal gain or satisfaction? Hoping that your preaching will be receives as uplifting and could change some whiny bitches opinions? People vent, to vent. It is hard enough living as an individual today, much less a social awkward individual that truly feels love, caring, and support for others that is so often not returned. We do not want to hear your opinions, go terrorize your friends and continue to live in a world of your own. Your are not helping anyone other than yourself… Maybe you should work on your personal skills, as they are not well received here… Thanks
If anyone still checks here, I hope you are healthy and happy and finding some meaning and love in you life.
I haven’t but I’m trying.
“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.”
~Emily Dickinson
I won’t say that I don’t have any friends. I will say that I have a slew of aquaintances and fairweather friends. They are there when they need something, when they are bored, or when they have no one else to talk to. In return, I am told that I am a secondary option if I plan something. I had a few close friends but they have either drifted away, abruptly stopped dealing with me, or always make empty plans like, “We should do lunch,” with no follow through if I try to. I’m almost 40 and I have no kids and am not close to my family. I am also in between jobs, so I know I feel lonely because I am alone about 24 hours a day…no job or coworkers to distract me. I consider myself to be outgoing. I am a writer, poet, and filmmaker. I laugh a lot, am a good listener, have a shy streak but not debilitating. But still, for some reason, people don’t like being around me. I was told by someone that I am too old to have these feelings, so I have no one to express this to. I wish there were more to do than vent to each other on this blog.
What happens? Nothing much. You’ll have lots of freedom and a lost mind that is (usually) devoid of thoughts and desires, and trying to keep any motivation will be a gargantuan task, as your life will feel hopeless and useless, though at one point you won’t care anymore about all that depressive stuff. You’ll care less about actually accomplishing or pursuing anything, as if you’d have nothing more to gain or to lose, like being stuck in an unchangeable dead end, and you will only do things as you see fit/are required to accomplish. I chose to be isolated and have no regrets. I only want solitude now to go through life as a detached observer, avoiding gratification and new experiences whenever possible. I just simply follow my ineffectual (or desperate) and idle pattern, drifting aimlessly with the flow.
It’s fine with me, I really don’t need anything to do with other humans or the world per se, it’s not my thing. I don’t really have an interest (you can also call it passion), can’t talk about anything, and I’m not preoccupied with anything at all. Even when I do, I lose the questioned interest fast, like in days time, sometimes just hours, minutes or seconds. It’s like having no personality, possessing a zero existence and no thoughts on anything (only temporarily). Life is pretty weird when you’re mostly empty. You can make some brief observations, but they won’t matter to you and you’ll forget about them in an instant. This is what can happen when you choose this lifestyle.
At least you will care more about the knowledge you might attain. You’ll pay more attention to everything, because you tend to insta-forget what you hear. I’m aware that I have to write everything (important information) down or I’ll forget what was being said. Usually I don’t bother to write comments like these, but I made an exception just now, so you might know what might be the consequences of self-isolation and zero human relationships, that can last until the end of your life (assuming that you’re in a similar situation at hand).
When you realize that you’ll never belong to anywhere and never have a relationship (or connection) with anyone, you can give up on that aspect of life and focus on others. Some things were just not meant to be, so some of us will have to accept the fate to remain friendless and come to terms with that great solitude that’ll be our only company besides ourselves. And then, you may also have that self-depreciation, as you’ll never be satisfied with anything, and you won’t even want to express yourself, nor to contribute. The only cure I found for this is that you trying to activize yourself and get into things. So, no matter, I try to keep writing on my blog, though I generally have no idea what to write about.
I feel the exact same way. im 21, and I live in small town usa. I went to a small private school where everyone knew each other and were so close and had been together since infancy. I stayed for junior college and everyone went off. even my best friends moved in together as roommates. im jealous as hell. and because its such a small town, theres no one left except high school kids, which doesn’t appeal. its a rural area with not much prospering economically so getting a job to keep myself busy is difficult. all I have is school. or the reruns of roseanne, lol. im transferring this fall and I literally cant wait. a huge school, hopefully with a lot of people that I can meet and befriend. I miss it. Ive suffered from anxiety depression for 11 years so its obviously become chronic. especially now that im 21 and can get my hands on alcohol, it doesn’t help and I know it. im just ready for better things and I hope the same happens for you all too, soon.
I first wrote here six years ago. I would write on and off through that first year and I would sometimes come back every now and then over the years. I just want to share something with everyone. I was 20 six years ago and at that point I was severely depressed over having no friends and never having had a girlfriend. The isolation was brutal and my only friend was my mother. But then something happened. Thing changed for me. A little more than a year after I first wrote on here, I went back to school. And in that same year I met a girl who would later become my girlfriend. We were very much in love and I finally experienced what it was to be with a women for the first time, I will never forget that. Even though our relationship did not last long, she was my first love. After that relationship ended, something else happened. I met new friends. For one whole summer all I did was hang out with a bunch of the same guys and we had fun the whole time. After that I met another friend, and then I met two more whom their friendship lasted around 2 to 3 years. The sad thing about all of this is that they are all gone now, all of them for various reasons. Circumstances change and so do we. Friends just came and went.
Now I am back here at 26. I find myself in the same situation as I was back then. But it is slightly different now. One of the differences is that things changed for me after that point, I never thought I would find a girl or meet friends, and it did happen to me, so it can happen to you too, there is hope. Only now having gotten a taste of everything, it only hurts so much more to not have it now, it was kind of like a “tease” of what things can be like. I have not had a girlfriend since her and I am back to being depressed again, but for some reason it is worse, I had hope back then that something could change, that I still had time. But now that I am older, I feel like it is all hopeless. I have a whole array of problems now that I did not have back then, things are not going to be exact obviously, but I don’t know how I am going to get through this, there is just so much going on now that makes meeting or having friends difficult. My one and only friend is still my mother.
Only time will tell I guess. With a little bit of faith and hope, and of course patience, for now there is just uncertainty, with sadness, anxiety, fear, and of course….loneliness.
Anyone that needs someone to talk to or a friend, my email is ejs8ny@aol.com You don’t have to go through this alone.
The more I grow older, the more i realize that certain things won’t change until we change them; certain things won’t move until we move them. The only way to get what we want is to take that first bold step in its direction. If I cannot make a friend for myself, I believe i should be able to make myself a friend to someone.
It is necessary to clarify the difference between being alone and being lonely. The former is a good thing because sometimes we need time alone to reflect on whatever situation is going on around us; we need time to think, relax and re-energize. On the other hand, when we say we have no friends, I believe we’re trying to say we’re feeling lonely. In that situation, we can go out and make friends: go out and look for someone to talk and interact with. For those of us who love watching sport, we can go and see a game at a restaurant and for those who love watching movies we can go to the movie theater. There are a good number of outdoor events we can go out and be a part of. Although it is sometimes not advisable to make friends with just any stranger we meet but a “hi” with a “smile” will go a long way.
The real issue however might not be that we don’t have someone to talk to; it might be that we don’t have someone close enough who we trust and can confide in. At least every living individual interacts with more than one person everyday. Some of us go to school where we have school and classmates, some of us go to work where we have colleagues and even those of us in hospitals and nursing homes still interact with fellow patients, nurses and doctors. Hence, it would be correct to say everyone of us is surrounded by different people who we interact with every single day of our lives. Therefore, the reason we say we do not have friends is because we wish the people around us could be closer to us the more and be a part of our lives. We all want at least somebody to share our good, bad and ugly moments with. This is understandable as we are humans. Since it is easier to change ourselves than to change someone else, one solution to our problem would therefore be to change ourselves, change our lives, change our character and live not only for ourselves but also for others. When we do this, we attract other people to ourselves, which would make the feeling of loneliness disappear. The truth however is that those other people also feel the same.
Let us go out and be good friends to all the people we meet; let’s make ourselves trustworthy and good confidants to others. In doing so we would building a foundation and network of true friendship in our own lives.
Eat my cake, drink my wine, be my friend :)
(Your friend, Cemon Age, 2814557904)
The older I get the more I realize what really matters is: to be there & to listen.
To be honest I had quite a lot friends even though a lot of them were online ones but still it helped me. Recently they barely talk with me or not as much, and the only one I get to talk to about my day is myself and my mother. I’m a freshman in highschool and I get along with my classmates fine but I don’t really have that many close friends. I’m probably the nicest person I can think of, I could literally give my soul for a person but no one feels the same. I also even draw gifts for people to make them happy (I’m an artist) and hopefully they will think of me and call me but honestly, no one bothers to say hi first or invite me out. I admit I’m not really that attractive but I’m not looking for a boyfriend or anything.I don’t know what people really think of me but I’ve been so depressed recently I just want a bit of attention at least from someone to ask me if I’m ok. But I guess I have too high hopes.
I don’t even have a a single friend.
Neither do I Sandhya.
I have just read all you comment. I cried. Yet why? I have friends. I feel happy with life. There are 7 billion people in this world. yet non of you have any friends. And all you need is a bit of courage. go to someone. ask them. YOU need to reach out. someone once told me not to look for friends, because you wont find any, you have to be a friend. I hope this helps
Yeah sure here’s my email…celestecaz@live.ca hit me up. I have nothing else to do these days