A sociological study of changes in American's personal networks and close friends, provides some very interesting food for thought. I don't think the results of the study are earthshaking news, we are all aware that our lifestyles and mobility prevent us from forming close personal ties, and our present personal and social networks are very different from our past.
The study provides the evidence, now I'd like you to think about the future.
What will these mean for the US society in the next 20-40 years if it continues? What happens in a society when these relationships are no longer available? What are the "new scenarios" and what changes in behaviour do they provoke?
How will this affect our work, lifestyle, health, politics and consumer habits? What opportunities or challenges are created for workers and businesses now and into the future?
Is this an international phenomenon or limited only to the US?
How is this affecting you and your family? Is it noticeable? Is it only nostalgic to think about being part of a larger social network or are there "real" consequences when it becomes smaller?
A short quote from the article in the ASA News, June 16, 2006 says:
"AMERICANS' CIRCLE OF FRIENDS IS SHRINKING
Washington, DC —Americans’ circle of close confidants has shrunk dramatically in the past two decades and the number of people who say they have no one with whom to discuss important matters has more than doubled, according to a new study by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona.
“The evidence shows that Americans have fewer confidants and those ties are also more family-based than they used to be,” said Lynn Smith-Lovin, Robert L. Wilson Professor of Sociology at Duke University and one of the study’s authors.
“This change indicates something that’s not good for our society. Ties with a close network of people create a safety net. These ties also lead to civic engagement and local political action,” she said." America's Circle of Friends is Shrinking, American Sociological Association
Other Mentions on the Net:
October 27, 2006 at 8:09 pm
I am 38 years old witha wife and 3 kids; Yet I have no confidants are freindships to speak of…I know that this will have an adverse effect on my senior years……a
I person without friends tends have more frustration buit up due to that fact they have noone to vioce their personal ideas and thoughts…communication with other people becomes more difficult and you tend to get paranoid more easily…
January 14, 2007 at 5:37 pm
I grew up with socialphobia. I stopped making friends in 7th grades and the friends I did have did not want to be my friend anymore due to becoming so depressed I could not talk anymore. I became suicidual (also my family was very abusive their was a lack of concern for my safety and mental health. I could not keep a job due to working with people. I went to counseling and still have a hard time making friends. I am early and will graduate in august. It took me a while to go to college because i had to talk to people and usually hide in my mom’s house. I still am suicidal because i have only a few friends. and the friends i have are from a ex which makes it weird because he has another girlfriend. I am still friends with another ex boyfriend but am very codependent on him.
When you have no friends you do not know who you are. You don’t feel like you exist. there is no reason to smile. friends are their to listen t problems do something with. help you in your time of need. I fear making new friends. I will be moving soon and the friends I have will not be going with me.
January 23, 2007 at 5:14 pm
I just don’t understand life, i have always been nice to people, gave and helped anyone but in the end no one ever helps me and i have no friends.
I am a gym fanatic and bodybuild but non of the people that i see over there can relate to my life, i feel alone and my pets are the only friends that care.
My life is a struggle, i am a good looking fella but any fun or friends that i have seems to go away and deep down inside it hurts , I am extremely nice and i have no friends but jerks and non caring souls always seem to have someone.
I have no one to talk to that can relate to what i go through, o well i guess thats just how life is, thanks for listening.
I hope to financially become stronger and maybe i will adopt a child and have a friend, i am a good person and it’s sad how socity is rotten. My child will be my friend and i will be his/her friend till i have a pulse .
January 24, 2007 at 11:59 pm
I’m 21 years old and I have no friends. I had tons of friends in high school and now I have none. No one talked to me after we graduated. I guess I wasn’t a good friend. I miss them a lot. They are all still best friends and it breaks me heart that I have no one. I’m jealous of my bf because he is so liked and has so many friends. I can’t understand why I don’t. I have so much I need to say and no one to say it too. I’m always depressed because of it. Right now I hate my life and it’s because I feel so alone.
January 28, 2007 at 3:14 pm
DH I know how you feel, I sit and type and i feel so alone and i have tons of phone numbers of friends from highschool next to me but none of them ever return my calls. I have always helped people and been there for everyone and no one has been there for me, my brother almost died and i was there for him slept 4 nights in a hospital till he was able to go home. I have visited my friends mother when her husband/his dad died and my friendship with him after 13 years is over. I am very social and i am a gym obsessed fella, i just don’t understand why life is like this. I bought my friend of 13 years coffee always, gave him money, helped him, took him to vegas for free , i did this because both of us had so much in common. i am 32 and a struggling entrepreneur, friendship is all i asked in my life, thats all i wanted, i just wanted someone to care as much as i have cared. My family is jaded and no one cares and i have no friends.
i have been there for everyone and no one ever been there for me, i could shed a tear but i won’t. Just my luck i guess, i want all of you lonely good people to know that i am with you and i will be your friend.
January 31, 2007 at 12:25 pm
rare, DH, tnx i dont feel that alone anymore :)
February 2, 2007 at 4:45 am
Oh my god,
I feeling like crying as i read all your posts. I really understand, I can completely relate to all that you are saying. I am not cruel and nasty the way others are yet they seem to have all the friends. I am loving and caring like you, and i would give my life to anyone who needs help. I would be the best-est friend to anyone, if people would just give me the chance.
I cannot believe how much not having friends has changed and scultured my life. I am a completely different person. And i hate who i have become.
I am not a person that particulary likes to talk about my self, i am quite happy to listen and help others in any way that i can. I am so alone, i didn’t realise being so alone could be so demoralising. Why do i have no friends, i keep on asking myself. why? I honestly cannot answer, this question is way above me. Why do people walk all over me, why do i let them? I just dont know.
I wish i could help myself, but i dont know how. My confidence and self asteem is seriously running low. Please some one help me, please be my friend!
Love & Light,
Raphaela.
February 5, 2007 at 6:01 pm
I also don’t have any friends and I’ve been ashamed of it all my life.
February 6, 2007 at 10:28 am
i am 20 yrs old. i feel the same way. i have no friends who i can share my sorrows or happiness with. i am not a bad person. i am a nice person but i have’nt managed to make any TRUE friends till now. My family and relatives make fun of me. this has made my self esteem very low. and now i have lost the ability to make friends. i somehow can’t find people who i can connect with. is there something wrong with me? or this is normal?
February 7, 2007 at 3:44 am
I’m in the same boat. I’m 33, unemployed, with almost no social skills.
I think our society has moved into most things being “disposable”, and for the most part this has also applied to people.
We do not have long-term links with neighbors anymore, or hold lifetime jobs with co-workers we know and trust. Our lives are fragmented and broken, which means our friendships will be as well. The internet, google, etc. has also been a major cause, who needs a friend to help anymore with something you can just research yourself on the all-powerful world-wide-web?
I think the only real thing we can do is sort people on a massive scale as best we can. We must save our trust, love, empathy, etc. for those people that will go above and beyond to reciprocate.
Start with people who share your passions in life to the extent you do. IE. Go do what you want where other people also do it, and talk to each and every one of them until you find the ones who feel the same way. If they don;t accept you for who you are and how you act then move on to the next person.
Unfortunately the days of trusting people indiscriminately are over, if you disagree just try leaving your car in your driveway with the keys in it and see what happens. But this does not mean we have to be alone.
February 8, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Well I am glad I found this site because I thought I was the only one feeling like this. I am 20 yrs old and All my life I had friends a ton of friends, but then I moved across the country when I was 13. I went all through high school with one friend. After high school she became this “preppy” girl and acted like she didn’t even know me. Now I have been in college for 2 1/2 years now and have not had a single friend. I feel like such an outcast. I am so depressed these days because I have no one to talk to. The only person I could vent to died last year (family member) and I had to go through that alone, I literally had no one to cry to. My parents never really talk to me much. If I ever went to them with a problem they would shrug me away or say their busy. I try to make friends but they never call me back or just eventually try to avoid me(so it seems). I don’t think im repulsive and I am not forward. I am a nice person and I have a really good personality. It just kills me. I have never been so depressed as I am now. I have actually been thinking of ways to commit suicide because I feel so alone and I feel like pretty much no one will miss me. I am so miserable it’s pathetic. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. This is the first time I have told some one about my feelings in a very long time and I told my feelings on a blog. I just don’t know how much longer I will be here. Thanks for listening…..
February 9, 2007 at 12:52 am
I’m 21. I have NO friends…not a single one. I’m really nice- at least I try to be. I am a bit shy but I do try to make friends. People just don’t seem to get me- or want to. I think I am a pretty girl, I dance and I love fashion. I’m an intelligent pre-med student. I have a lot to offer people, but I just cant make friends. I have an amazing boyfriend but I’m still lonely. Whats wrong with me? Somethimes I just want to curl up and cry. I reach out to people but they always just seem to dislike me. I don’t understand what I do wrong. I am quite confident and happy- but this part of my life is hideously depressing. I just want a few silly friends to have fun with. I’ve never expressed how I feel like this, but its amazing to see that so many other people feel the same way.
February 9, 2007 at 5:54 am
I wish i could find you all and befriend you, you guys all sound so Amazing!
Its funny, up untill now i thought it was me! I thought i was doing something wrong to make people dislike me for no reason. But, now i realise it is not!
These nasty People are not even worth my time!
I have had enough trying to fit in with other people. I have tried some many times in so many ways, i have now completely lost who i am.
I am so upset to think i have let people make me feel like this.
I am a good person and i dont deserve to be treated like im not.
“To all you lovely people out there, Remember that you are good, and that you deserve the best, and no less!
You are worth so much, and if people are stupid enough not to realise what an amazing person you are, then…. they are Really losing out!
Dont compromise any part of yourself . You are who you are, and you cannot be something your not! You are not being true to yourself.
If you are not being just you, then nobody will ever see ‘just you’ and like you for ‘you’.
Accept who you are. you sound like such great people!
Remember ‘ There is always someone for everyone’!
Love & Light Forever!
Raphael.
February 9, 2007 at 8:39 pm
My God. I’m exactly the same. I’m a 22 yr old female. An Honest,caring, hard working girl.
I have only one real friend who is at University and lives about 100 miles away. I only get to see her when she comes back and because of my working rota we hardly get to see each other that way as well. Otherwise thats it. No-one else.
I have no idea what i’m doing wrong. I’m chatty,i smile alot,i would do anything for anyone for little or nothing in return,i have plenty of interests and i’m very loyal and trustworthy.
I’m of average looks and i’ve had BF’s in the past.
Like someone who posted earlier,I also had plenty of friends in high school, all of which magically stopped contacting me seemingly over night once we’d all left.This hurt ALOT!!!
I’m starting to loose hope that i’ll never make another true friend. I’m slightly shy but normally once people start to chat to me i’ll open up and be bubbly.
I don’t think i’ll get another BF. Most males chat to me and then go off me for what apprears to be no reason at all.
I hurt so much inside because of this. I live by myself and the only company i have is a lil hamster. I swear she understands me more than other people do,as mad as it sounds.
I look around my work place and everyone has there own lil “clicks” and when i try to join in polietly,i get shrugged off and i’m left isolated again.
Like so many of you my parents are always going on about my non existant social life and they constantly refer to me as “unnatural” about not having a BF in my life.
They only add to the pain each and everytime they do this.
I’m so glad i’m not the only one who feels like this. Makes me feel better to know their are plenty of other people out there who share this same horrid experience.
February 9, 2007 at 9:55 pm
I have always had a few okay friends, then a few years ago I met Annelise, my best friend, but now I think our friendship is ending, and she is/was my only friend…It’s just so sad to have no one to talk to, and no one to have fun with anymore. All I do is homework; I just don’t feel like I have a life.. at all, but yes I am shy, so it is quite difficult for me to gain friends. But I believe I am a nice person who always gives, but never receives. With all of this happening this year my confidence has been decreasing…and I have had thoughts about suicide…a lot, but I know there’s others like you guys out there that I will hopefully meet one day, which makes me keep going.
~Chole Fransau
February 10, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Life is not fair.
February 10, 2007 at 1:38 pm
actually i dunno er help
February 10, 2007 at 5:52 pm
I’m glad I found this site. I’m 21 years old and have realized that as far back as i can remember, ive had difficulty with friends. i was always the mediater or mercy person, always the person who my friends would come to when they needed something. but, they never were there when i needed them and they used every opportunity they had to put me down as much as possible. now in college, the situation hasnt changed much. ive never liked the way i looked and i always knew thats why i didnt date much and the few guys i did date didnt treat me very well. ive tried so hard to be a good friend, and in a way, i dont mind so much that the same effort wasnt returned since deep down, i dont expect reciprocity, but, it would be nice to have someone to call and talk to…or someone call me and invite me out somewhere. my 21st birthday just passed, and it was terrible. i thought i had made good friends at school and we made plans for my birthday…all of them either forgot entirely or forgot to request off work and everything fell through. so i spent my birthday having dinner with my family, then lying to them about seeing my friends later so they wouldnt feel sorry for me. i only received two phone calls on my birthday wishing me a happy birthday. for a long time, ive blamed alot of my problems on how i look, and decided that boys only want to be friends w/ pretty girls, and girls dont want to be friends w/ unattractive girls b/c then boys wont flock to them as much…b/c of this thinking ive been bulimic since i was 14…and thats been my only good friend…i study and work alot, and i tell myself sometimes that i cant go out and do anything b/c i have work, but, really, i know i work so much so ill be busy and wont have time to think about how i have no one to do anything with. the only 2 people in my life i can call friends arent around…one is in denmark, the other married with a baby….and even before these events, i got passed over alot. maybe its selfish of me to say, but once, just once, id like to be the ‘better thing’. the something that someone would change plans or take off of work for…make time for…i know id make time for them… i wish all of you the best, and if you happen to read this, thanks, i know i wrote alot….
February 11, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Hi, everyone. I feel your pain. I’m a 28 year old dentist, and I’ve always had a hard time making and keeping friends. It’s funny how similar all your stories are to mine. It can be very depressing if you let yourself think about it. I hate checking my cell phone to see if someone called, getting excited if it says I have new voicemail, only to find out it was a patient calling to confirm an appointment time or something else like that. I’ve had many girlfriends as of late, long before I became a dentist, so I know they’re not into me for what I do. However, I hate the idea of getting married with me not having many friends at all come to my wedding. I have one friend from dental school, one from grade school, and one friend from high school that I keep in touch with. I went to college at two different places for a total of 5 years, and I don’t have a single friend that I keep in touch with from there. It’s sad, and it makes me wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m a nice person, and I know I never had a hard time making friends as a child. It really just started in junior high and high school, then just got worse in college.
I wonder what people like us are supposed to do. The reality that we live with is constantly staring us in the face that we don’t have many friends. There is endless potential to have negative thoughts about ourselves for this reality.
February 11, 2007 at 11:28 pm
(20 y/o Female) I don’t understand why I can’t make any friends. I am in college and I do try to talk to people but then they just ignore me after a few days. I am not blunt or forward. I just want that one (or a few) good girlfriend that I can go out with, shop with and just be silly with. I don’t even have one. I have a b/f who is wonderful but it’s not the same. I can’t tell him every single thing b/c it’s diff when it comes to girl talk. I love chick flicks, I love going to see them at the theatre but I usually end up renting them and watching them alone. Sure my b/f has sat through a few but like I said it’s not the same. I don’t think I am that ugly, Im blonde, blue eyes, and athletic. Just about all my clothes are designer. I try to stay up to date with the latest trends. I am so worried b/c my birthday is coming up and I don’t want to spend it alone. Another thing I am concerned with is my bf. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and have talked about possibley getting married in the near future but the problem is, is that I dont have any friends to be in the wedding nor do I have any family. All I have is my Mom and Dad. The rest of my family lives over 500 miles away and wont even try to make the trip here, they have never came to visit me and my parents since we moved and it’s been almost 7 years. So why come to my wedding. I just don’t want to embarrass myself or my b/f by not having any one on my side of the wedding. I just hate having to go through this part of my life alone. Like I said it’s not like I don’t try to make friends. I just wish I had that one good girl-friend or group of girl friends that I can pal around with and be silly with you know just be girls. I can’t help but cry b/c I feel so alone.
February 11, 2007 at 11:36 pm
if any of you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to IM me at pixiekiss145…
February 12, 2007 at 1:46 pm
It’s very sad that so many people have the same horrible experiences. I’ve just broke up with my girlfriend and now I’m very lonely and have nobody to talk to. What makes things worse is that the friend I thought I had hasn’t been there for me. She split up with her boyfriend last year and I got very close to her and was there to listen and help her get over it. We would talk for hours, socialise together and text each other most days. I broke up with my gf over 2 weeks ago and she still hasn’t even asked me about it. I feel used as well as lonely. The most frustrating thing is that I’m at university and absolutely surrounded by people who could be my friends and I do chat to people, but nobody seems to want to be anything more than class mates with me. I would not feel comfortable meeting any of them outside of class. However when I look around it appears as if everybody has made really close friends there, except for me. It makes me feel that there is something wrong with me.
February 13, 2007 at 12:12 am
My whole life has been a mess, in my 20s i got into computers and had great jobs but my managers hated on me for being a prodigy and I had to defend myself and decided to quit my corporate jobs in 2000 and go after my own business, it’s been a horrible 7 years and Living this nightmare without much support is very harsh and brutal.
I am very honest and would like to add that i suffer from ringing in the ears and both my income and my ringing has got worse, i don’t care about the rining anymore but i wish i was successful with a business. Being the person that always gives and never gets is horrible, i have given so much as friend to others and no one cared to be my friend, i am not ugly or badlooking , i dont base loneliness due to those matters.
I have a successful brother who always boasts about his life and its funny how i was there for him when he almost overdosed, life is just funny, the good get screwed and the idiots have the fun and have the friends.
please love yourself and never think suicide, just think of it like this we all came into this world alone and we shall leave alone.
Running a business would be awesome if i had success in it and that would be a great friend for me, being unemployed and struggling without anyone to talk to is very bad and brutal.
My outlet for life is the gym , and it has been like that since i became a failure with my income since 2000, the gym is one thing that i am king of, its my domain and my heaven and joy.
You guys should think of something that will give you some strength, life is BS i agree but don’t just lay there and get kicked.
If you have no friend try to be good to the homeless people, say a hi , hello, or give them a surprise dollar once in awhile.. I am broke but i still do that, remember homeless people are in more of hell than we are, always look at how much u have it better than others and count your blessing.
I will be all of your friends!
February 13, 2007 at 11:21 pm
hey all, another person in the same boat.
I am an 18 year old male currently in first year college. Got one friend, but even that relationship isnt close. I had a few friends in highschool but they diminished before high school got done.
i went through depression for about 5 years. Im coming out of it now, been a lot happier even though my social life has been a lot less (weird eh?). What’s weirder is that i used to tell all my problems to this girl ONLINE who lived on the other side of hte world… sigh, and uh she stopped talking to me after 2.5 years… but ive been a lot happier since she left. We kind of had a romantic fling.
It’s so weird though, i chat to lots of people… Try to most times (sometimes i intentionally avoid ppl) but, everyone is like afraid of me. Im not really shy of anyone. Even people whom I never spoken to before sometimes have a hard time making eye contact with me or speaking to me.
I know something is wrong.. when my one friend doesn’t smile at the sight of me. He hasn’t for awhile, however some others that i talked to have. Sometimes I think it’s impossilbe for me establish strong relationships, and might not be far from the truth. I wonder if Im an annoying fake. Some times i know i can be fake. (Atleast i recognize it…).
Never have had a gf. Mostly cause ive been depressed during those school social years. Now it’s because girls are petrified of me (pretty sure they fidn me creepy, maybe cause im a loner?). I am a good looking guy. I know this… and I know within me I got a good personality. I just don’t know how to get it to it’s full potential. I don’t really care that i havent had a gf or even kissed a girl. Im sure that stuff will come to pass… Of course I’ve always been on the outside looking in. Seeing everyone in their cliques, them looking at pictures of them and friends having good times together. Sometimes i wish i could have pictures like that…
But Just got to look at the positive… Atleast being alone gives you time to do things you otherwise couldnt! Im pretty sure this sadness is just a laspe in my life and will go away, I cant be any more grateful, since I’ve been in the best condition I have been in years. There always ups and downs, kind of like a stock market chart.
Anyway, I dont expect anyone to read this. I know im jumping around blah blah and i basically wrote my life story. It just feels good to get stuff down. I was feeling sad today, and that’s what made me wrtie this…
I think the worst part of being alone is that… when you die, no one will be at your funeral service. That upsets me.
Anyway bless you all and dont fall into arrogance!
Bye.
February 14, 2007 at 11:12 pm
You know, maybe everyone on this list should make some sort of group and try to get to know each other. I have friends, though I lack the “close” friends that I once had. There are plenty of people I can talk to, but there is a definite change as compared to how things were when I was younger, when you had best friends whom you shared all your experiences with. I think that it’s a function of the way the world is right now – people are forced to specialize, to focus on work, to distrust others. The lack of personal communication, as well as easy access to massive groups via the internet, means that we don’t develop intimate relationships with individuals. We need individuals in our lives, or everything will fall apart. I have a lot to reflect on… used to be I could count out who my best friends were, now I don’t even think I have one.
February 15, 2007 at 4:14 am
It’s 3am here, and I can’t sleep. I thought that maybe I just was too wired from work, because that always makes me ‘high energy’ (sarcasm). I’ve had a few beers tonight, thought it might help me sleep, no. So here I am, on this message board that I don’t know, with strangers I don’t know, the only people listening. I went through my cell phone’s address book, thinking of people to call. So I called the only person I thought would: A. Be awake, B. Willing to listen. And that person happens to be about the only friend I have. He wanted nothing to do with me. He was my best friend in school, and now, when I need him, nothing. I’m married, have a child, and that should be good enough. But for the first time in about 2 years I cried tonight. Out of nowhere. Just couldn’t do anything. I tried fighting it for about 20 minutes. I’m not a cryer. I just realized I’ve had it up to the perverbeal *here*, that I can no longer take a”it”. I don’t know what “it” is, but “it” is pissing me off.
I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying, I guess I just understand, and unfortunately I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’m sorry everyone else here has a similar story, and no friends alike. Maybe it’s because no matter how commanding we are, people don’t take us seriously. I can control me, but not what happens to me. I don’t know, maybe I need help. But being man, means not admitting weakness, so this is not an admission, just a venting I suppose.
Lastly, I just wish I had a friend I could have called tonight to have them just say, “Don’t worry man, everything’s gonna be alright! Do you want me to come over, we’ll have a beer, or just a cup of coffee.”
Thanks…
February 16, 2007 at 6:07 am
Hi all. I know what its like to have no friends. In my twenties I went thru the same thing. Believe me it wont last forever. I dont know what changed, I had plenty of friends up until I left school. Then I had plenty of friends until the end of my apprenticeship and then I was alone. I`m a computer Tech now and do onsite repairs, so I`m always meeting people who want to be friends with me. This may sound a bit silly but I`ll give it a try. It sounds like you all try too hard. If you stop worrying about it and go about your lives, you will automatically make friends. start a business that involves going to peoples houses, Onsite dog Wash, computer help, (even offer tutoring for older people, they have children) babysitting. anything! If anything it will take your mind off your loneliness and you will gradually become popular thru meeting people. You will be surprised how often you will spend an entire afternoon chatting with a customer. I feel so sad for you all because I know exactly how it feels to be lonely. I once was desperate and suicidal too but it soon passes.Put an ad in your local paper, town Newspaper, mow lawns clean houses, not only will you make money but you will make friends. There are so many ways to start your own business and with it meet people. be confident in yourselves, grow plants, buy bulk lots of seeds for 5 cents each and grow them into $5.00 plants, then sell them at a trash and treasure market. I could go on for ages about ways to make money but especially to meet people. I live in a town of 300 people in rural Victoria, Australia and I have an endless supply of friends Say no to Drugs as it always ends up in despair. Love yourself first, all else follows. Many best wishes to you all. Paul. ratcat17@hotmail.com
February 16, 2007 at 6:57 am
Sorry guys I didnt tell you about my current circumstances. I,m with a fabulous woman. I`ve never been married and we have two great kids, (not mine) I would never get married because I believe that its an old tradition that somehow lingers. I believe that if you meet your soulmate, why not exchange vows of tolerance but agreeing to find different paths if you both fall out of love. After all, that`s what divorce is all about, one or the other has fallen out of love but wont admit it. Agree on taking only what you brought with you into the relationship. If you bought things together sell them or one or other partner must pay half the value of the item to the other partner. If you fal in love, wait five years before you live together. I`m serious, If you still love each other after five years you will tolerate living in thje same house as each other. If you get married straight away then buy a house, you will have all the pressure of a mortgage and you will have to get used to your partners little quirks so in two out of three cases you will seperate. Some of you have partners or are already married so I should say this. Take time out for yourself and seek external pleasures from your partner. He/she will listen attentively to what you have been doing and in most cases you will find it helps your relationship. Paul.
February 17, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Hello everyone. I found this site while performing a web search on the phrase, “have no friends.” This Internet never ceases to amaze me with all the information you can find. I am in my 40’s and sometimes still wonder why I don’t really bond with people. I’ve been around people all my life–in school, church, work, and beyond; but yet still feel an unusual sense of isolation. Like all of you, I’m very nice and have even been told I’m very personable. I try to live by Christian principles and treat people with respect and kindess; but it seems the only time I get a phone call or e-mail from “friends” (I’d rather call them “acquaintances” or “associates”) is when there is a need or a service to be rendered. Otherwise, it’s as though you never come to mind and they never think to call you until then. You begin feeling like a commodity or a “used” item, rather than a true friend.
It’s fact that everyone does not “click” or “connect” with everyone else because of personality or temperment differences, or perhaps because of beliefs, income brackets, ethnicity, or whatever.
The Proverbs in the Bible says something like, “In order to have friends, you must first show yourself friendly.” I always try to practice showing myself friendly, even if it doesn’t yield any true friendships. I won’t grow angry or bitter because of not having a real circle of friends. Even as I type this, emotionally I’m starting to feel better than I have felt in weeks. I sometimes become down about not having friends to go see a movie or go sightseeing with, but I’m thankfue that it’s not to the point I can’t function in my daily life. Sometimes, it’s just “life.” That’s all it is. People just choose to associate with whomever they feel comfortable with. Other times, life is just so hectic and busy, and to widen the circle of friends for some people would be adding on to their already crowded life schedule. The truth is, TRUE friendships take time and work, and most aren’t willing to give either, or so it seems.
But in the midst of it all, I know I have a faithful friend who promises he will never leave or forsake me, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ, for he told me in the Bible, “Lo, I am with you always, even until the end of the world.” Blessings and peace of mind and heart to all of you!
February 18, 2007 at 6:58 am
I have no friends or family and never have. I don’t want to depress anyone more than they are already but I was never really able to make friends and as I have got older (in my 50’s now) it hasn’t changed.
As an atheist I have to be careful whenever I speak to people because where I live it seems every other person went to the catholic school and I have found that hostility towards atheists has grown considerably since I was young.
I feel being alone all the time – except for my dog – I am going a but nuts, I talk to myself constantly, by nature I am quite outgoing and like to talk, so as I have no-one to talk to I invent conversations with myself. I wish I could control it.
I think I used to be normal but now I suspect I look and act a bit odd so my chances of anyone wanting to hang out with me are even less than before.
If I was a man I am sure I would visit hookers as even that company would be better than nothing but there is nothing available to women so each day is an endurance test to cope with alone.
February 18, 2007 at 10:17 am
I understand completely. I think the problem is that we try to please others instead of pleasing ourselves. People are drawn towads strength. Have beliefs and strong opinions, and stick by them (without bending them to seem polite)!! And if you seem out of place where you live then move! (It’s what i did.) We have one life to live.
February 19, 2007 at 11:51 am
Im the Same 18, when i left school no one contacted me only 2 ppl oonce and nothing since, ive always had a group of mates and 1 best friend till year 11 but i was never invited out to partys sleepovers and clubs, pubs, cinemas, shopping general things. i wasnt invited out for new years i did nothing for my birthday i never have done anyhhting with friends as no ones cared. iv had a few boyfriends nothing long term as im shy, my confidence is terrible now, i was bulied by popular girls for stupid reasons, im not ugly or anyhting but i dnt no what to do i havent been out in over a year to parts or an social gathering, i have noone to talk 2 on msn, no neighbours or old childhood friends. my family tell me to go out and get friends vbut i dnt no how, im too shy constantly think bout how do i look bet they think im ugly, and feeling completly uncomfortable in every way, i hate walking past people in the street, i dnt no where to look, id love to have atleast 1 person who cared for me, i do the same thing day in day out wich involved no contact with people or friends type situation. i just want to cry.
February 20, 2007 at 11:25 pm
I am 16 years old. I’m a Junior in highschool and will be starting on the football team next year. Yet, I still have no friends. In school I probably appear to be one of the popular kids, because I talk to everyone and hang out with the “popular people.” But, nobody invites me to do anything outside of school. In Illinois I had many friends, I basically lived at their house. But after my freshman year, we moved to Texas and at first, finding friends was easy. For about the first 2 months of school, all I did was go out with friends(mainly to smoke…)but when my parents found out and grounded me, everything seemed to fall apart. Even after I was off of punishment nobody invited me to do anything outside of school. I went through my whole sophomore at home, doing whatever, but never with friends. And so far, my Junior year is the exact same. I’m hoping that when I get my license things will change, but my parents seem reluctant to take me to get it. I don’t know what to do I’m just glad I found this site so that I may have people to talk to. Maybe I can find someone out there like me, and we can hang out.
February 21, 2007 at 12:23 pm
I am 41 and feel so lonely. I have a dysfunctional family who cause nothing but heartache and people around me take me for granted. I do things for others, show concern and help them in times of need, bit it seems to be a one way street. People are very selfish and self absorbed. I have a good husband and lovely boy of 8 but I sometimes feel so worthless.
Take heart all you lonely ones out there, the world does not deserve you.
February 21, 2007 at 2:18 pm
I’m 22 and am currently in my final year of college @ a Big Ten school. In high school I was voted most friendliest, was on the prom/homecoming court, and felt like i had a billion friends. After high school ended, i held on to a core group of 4-5 friends, and we sort of drifted away from the rest of my high school social network. This had a lot to do with weed, as we smoked up nearly every day. I came to college and started dating a girl from my high school who went to the same college. I never developed any friendships with ppl at my university. I would go out semi-often, and hang out with my g/f’s friends, or my roommates friends, but never had any friends of my own. No one to call up and just hang out and play some vids or whatnot. If my g/f wants to go hang out with her friends, i’m stuck alone on a fri nite and it’s embarrassing and depressing. I can choose to go hang out with my roommate and his friends, but i always feel like an outsider, so that’s not much better. I don’t understand what happened…it used to be so easy to make new friends. i try not to think about it…i tell myself that i like being alone. the truth hurts, so we lie. :(
February 21, 2007 at 7:10 pm
I am a high school freshman and I have a lot of casual friends, but not one best friend or a certain clique. This makes me anxious and I have had depression for a couple weeks because my close friends from elementary and middle school never hang around with me anymore. I feel hopeless sometimes, and am desperate search for a good group to hang out with. I think I am a great girl, have awesome grades, am nice, funny. So why do I have so few friends? Should I join a sport or club or something. I can’t stand how crowded my high school is and want a best friend. I am really close with my mom and brother, but I want to get closer with people at my school and my own age.
Wow, that felt really good to get all of these feelings out.
February 22, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Actually Raj I have lived in three different countries and over 20 different towns, villages and cites.
Bearing in mind I lives in the same town until I was 25 that’s a lot of moving in 28 years.
Could be that is part of the problem – I never did fit in but now I just don’t belong anywhere.
I have lived in my present country/town for about 18 months, I can’t move at present for various reasons including money and dogs but I don’t expect to be here two years from now.
By the way being alone is a very hard life every day and gets even harder as I get older but moving alone is one of the hardest things I do.
There is going to be a time when I won’t be able to do it alone anymore, I have a constant worry about what would happen if I ever had an accident or needed to go to hospital, who would look after my dogs and how would the bills get paid. I find it best to just get through life one day/hour/minute at a time.
February 22, 2007 at 8:27 pm
PS:
Holding and keeping strong views can be dangerous – wasn’t Madeline Murray O’Hare the ”most hated women in American” and lived with constant death threats and abuse.
She did at least have the support of family, friends, benefactors and an organisation. Being threatened, abused and harassed when you are alone without any support or protection is another story.
Talk is cheap and easy the real world is rather different.
February 24, 2007 at 3:19 am
My entry will definitely be the longest, though not necessarily the most tragic or enthralling.
I’m so surprised this latest comment was made so recently. Usually when I stumble upon and read “confessional” entries on sites like these, whether they are meant for confessional entries or not, they are years old and I wonder what’s happened to the people since. This is odd.
Reading through all of these has made me cry several times, but I guess it’s good to cry over someone other than myself once in a while. I can relate to a few of you, though most seem to have it much harder. I never used to think people could just *not have* friends, but there are so many of us, aren’t there? No one should have to be lonely like this.
I’m a junior in high school and I have no friends. I had friends my freshman year, a small and fairly tight group; we met in middle school and became friends out of a common shyness. We eventually became more confident around eachother. The relationships were not ever extraordinarily supportive or sentimental, but now I realize how much having friends affects your confidence, and your enjoyment of life in general.
I moved away after my freshman year. It’s a common teenage problem, but I seem to be dealing with it quite poorly. Sometime during the summer (when I moved), I broke off contact with all of them. I didn’t feel any need to chat idley with them. A number of them made calls (multiple by each) and left messages, but I never called back. I have a terrible fear of the phone, and any other sort of one-on-one conversation where escape is difficult and the pressure is on me to be witty and interesting. A few also tried to contact me over the internet. I’ve gone out of my way to avoid them. I’m convinced now I don’t miss them, as people, at all. I felt guilty for neglecting them at first, but I know now they were only contacting me out of boredom. After reflecting upon what our friendship was like, I realized that the only thing that held us together was our crude sense of humor. We harrassed people and did stupid things and broke minor rules together, like a group of immature guys would.
I only miss the abstract notion of friendship: being physically WITH someone, having a group to just be AROUND and to make me feel like I have an identity. I feel like a terrible person for not genuinely missing them, and I feel even worse for missing such empty relationships, which I was obviously only interested in for my own enterainment and self-confidence purposes. Maybe I’m too emotionally undeveloped for real friendship? Are some people just not “wired” properly, to be able to connect with others as individuals? Besides autistic kids. I don’t think I’m autistic. I want to like someone but I just don’t.
I don’t even have a reason to go to school anymore. My grades are shit because I lack any sort of motivation beyond not wanting to be yelled at. It seems pointless to strive for a well-paying career and successful future, as I doubt I will be happy regardless of what I accomplish. I have always considered personal relationships the most important things in life, but I realize now I have never really had any meaningful ones.
When I registered for my new school, my counselor told me that I would most definitely begin making friends in a matter of weeks. I know school counselors are paid to say things like that, but thinking about it just rubs in the fact that it’s been about two years and I still have no one. I accidentally convinced a certain religious girl, or she convinced herself, that we were good friends, but luckily it was broken off before it went on too long. I’m quite sure she was only trying to convert me, but I feel bad for leading her on anyway. I’m afraid to try and make friends now, because I will be stuck hanging out with and being pleasant to people I don’t like. It’s hard for me to outright tell someone I dislike them, but not saying so is basically lying. It’s such a dilemma.
Like Aaron, for the past two years or so of no real friendship I have often talked to a certain someone online who lives on the other side of the earth. I’d given up on “internet people” outside of him. I guess I would have considered him a friend at some point, but for the majority of our knowing eachother he has repeatedly hurt my feelings, and probably I, his. It’s like some kind of emotionally abusive marriage. I have clinged to him because I have needed him, and I could usually convince myself he cared about me up until now. He doesn’t display much interest in my problems, as petty as they are, and it hurts. He thinks I’m a stupid kid. And I don’t have enough energy to try and entertain him. He has his own shit to deal with, anyway. I worry about him all the time and I still feel like I love him. We’re just “drifting apart”, mostly my fault. It’s quite painful. I’ve been able to cope with being lonely in the real world, to some extent, with him. Now I’m just falling apart. When you don’t even have online friends you’re just utterly, utterly alone.
February 24, 2007 at 6:44 am
im 18 it was my birthday the other day and i did nothing but have dinner with my parents (not a word said) i had good friends in high school but lost all contact when it finished. i did have another group of friends a few years older than me but they worked all week and when the weekend came around they’ed never call me. i havent had a single friend for a year ive become affraid of talking to people and affraid of looking at people in the eyes, ive had one girlfriend. when i do meet people at work and stuff i fell like they arnt interested in the conversation so relationships are never formed i am very nice to and i hate how nice people never have and friends and the wankers and jerks all ways have a hot girlfriend and a big group of mates. it kills me
February 24, 2007 at 12:00 pm
I have no friends, i like to keep myself to myself, live with my parents and dont work :)
February 24, 2007 at 11:16 pm
I feel terrible and had no idea that so many people felt a lot like I do. I am 22 years old and just graduated college and returned home. It was difficult becuase I met my first and only girlfriend 1 year prior to going away to school. I live in Illinois and my colege was 750 miles away in north dakota. Things went well though becuase I flew home every 3 day weekend, holidays, and summer. College wa so-so. I didnt really make any friends untill my last year which sucked. Then 2 months prior to graduation my girlfriend of over 5 years decides to cheat on me with a guy in a band and then a high school drop out druggie. I garduated school last december and returned home to zero friends since all were up at college. I now have no job or girlfriend either. My days now consist of surfing the net and watching tv. It so boring and depressing. Plus it hurts so bad thinking about my ex on top of that. I was planning on graduating and comming home to ask and her to marry me. Like many, I have always been very shy and had trouble making friends. I used to be much worse and have improved immensly, but still I have no socail life or social support. Since all of us on here have so much in common, why dont we talk to each other for support. My yahoo and aim id is brandon198406, feel free to message me anytime. I know what its like to struggle being shy and not having friends to help support you.
February 25, 2007 at 12:18 am
Nice to know there are other people out there who have similar problems and are willing to share them. I used to feel like I was a useless, unwanted anomaly, and I blamed myself for it. Sometimes I still do.
I’m a college frosh, and since middle school I don’t think I’ve had any close friends, just casual ones. Moving to a different city for high school probably didn’t help. It really sucks to not even have a single person to hang out with on a regular basis, and not really understand why that is. Sometimes I just feel this deep, desperate desire to pour my heart out to someone, which I’m sure you can all relate to. And when I find that there’s no one, I want to cry.
I considered committing suicide in high school, but I felt that would be letting my mom down a bit. So I’ve always tried to distract myself, or find things to concentrate on – school, mostly. Don’t know how the rest of you deal. I guess making posts like these is sorta therapeutic.
February 25, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Isn’t it funny how we all feel so alone, not having any friends. But yet it is very clear we are not alone at all, there are tons of people just like us.
I am 24 and happily married – but have no friends outside of my husband, who is my world.
Sometimes I feel like I have forgotten how to be friends with anyone. I have a great personality & am very friendly, but I have a hard time getting close to people or letting people get close to me.
I work with some great people & consider them aquanitences – but no more. I dont talk with any of them outside of work.
How can we better connect with each other? Where does everyone live? Anyone got a myspace?
I live in Arizona, USA
I do have a myspace – http://www.myspace.com/jenaust
It is set to private, but feel free to message me and add me to your friends list.
February 25, 2007 at 6:52 pm
I’m 25 and I don’t really have friends either. I’ve tried to join clubs, and organizations to meet people. It just seems like people are so busy. Nobody has time to catch a movie, or go for coffee. So much of what you all are say sounds similar to what I feel, and am going through.
February 25, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Hey I am 19 (20 in 14 days) and I have no friends. I am going to spend yet another year by myself. If any of you have any suggestions that would be great. According to my bebo page, I have 149 friends but they are nothing but acquaintances. I had no friends in junior school but in secondary school I always had close friends who I could tell everything to. They were a shoulder to cry on. But when I make friends I totally rely on that person for everything, which isn’t right at all. I had a best friend for 8 years and a boyfriend for 3 years of that and all of a sudden I had no-one. Neither of the 3 of us talk anymore and we haven’t for the last year.
Just as those friendships were ending I met this girl I work with, she is lovely. We grew friends really quickly. We did everything together. But one day a new girl started in the job and I feel she has stolen my best friend. I only see her once a week now; we don’t go out driving or drinking anymore. People in college think I am really popular because I talk to everyone. I float around the groups but I have no real close bond with anyone. Even though I talk to all these people in college when it comes to going out at the weekend not one person seems to invite me. I am a tad bit loud and love attention but that is only because I don’t get it anywhere else. I have a close bond with my parents and sisters but I need a person or group of friends who I can talk to, ring during the night if something is wrong.
I am nice to everyone, I loan people money, am always a shoulder to cry on and I am there for all my “friends”. But none of them are there for me when I need them. I think one of the reasons I don’t have any friends is because I tried to kill myself 2 years ago and when I get drunk I tell new people I meet this story. This stops them becoming my friend I think I don’t know though.
How are there so many of us out there that feel like this? I thought I was the only one. We need to form a group in our own country for people like us who need someone to talk to. We must do something. With so many people on the world no-one should be lonely. Thanks for taking time to read my life x
February 25, 2007 at 11:35 pm
I’m glad that i found all of you and i know exactly what some of you are going through.
I am 23 years old and i havent had any friends outside my family. I’ve been going to a jr. college for about 2 years now, but im too shy to talk to anyone. I never know what to say, and if i do say something i feel akward. I don’t know what else to say, but i feel hopeless.
February 26, 2007 at 8:12 am
If you want to hear the bitchiest whining ever, read on.
I’m just another quarterlife loser kid out of college back home to live with parents, with no job, no friends, and no support network, aside from ol’ google. Lately I realize that my entire existence has been a downward spiral ever since I was born. Everything I tell you is the truth.
Ever since I was a little kid, I was a sore loser, and a lone wolf. For recess I walked in circles alone with my head lowered to the ground– literally. The insects were my companions then. In high school, I hung out in the library alone in the back, so I could carve bad words into a desk. Right now, I’d really like to make friends online, just any old platonic companion, but I can’t seem to even figure that out. I’ve tried yahoo chatrooms– people there just plain scare me. They are no different from normal people- they have their own world going on, and they leave outsiders in the dust. Not like I have anything in common with anybody in the entire world.
In college I made no friends. Tried the fencing team, anime clubs. No one liked me. And I was a really bad fencer anyway. I lost to a 4 foot tall fat Hawaiian girl at a novice tournament. And then I had a nervous breakdown, and completely embarrassed myself. Everyone laughed at me. Anyway, I’m not surprised no one likes me because I have a creepy stalker vibe that I can’t seem to wear off. And I’m so poor a thespian that the one time I tried acting preppy creeped people out even more.
I believe I am the way I am, because I DO in fact fear people deeply. I always think that people are out to judge me, and I don’t want to expose how big of a loser I am to anybody at all, and that’s why I barely do anything with other people. My only support network are my parents. Though I love them deeply, my parents rub in my loser status constantly and still treat me like a kid. I have to thoroughly explain what I am doing whenever I go out, they tell me when to go to bed, they make me exercise, I have to “wear a jacket when it’s cold,” a hat when it’s sunny, and they tell me when to brush my teeth still. It’s ridiculous.
Job-wise, being unemployed for nine months can really wear out your self-esteem and social skills. Just ordering a pizza ON THE PHONE makes me sweaty nervous. Despite this I always try hard at everything I do, I want the respect of other people deeply. I that’s why I studied aerospace engineering, which is a very difficult major. I went into it with not much science talent, or pure curiosity in the first place. I gave it my all just to get by with C’s, but I graduated with NO JOB PROSPECTS at all. Not even temp agencies want to interview me. In fact, the entire time I have been unemployed I haven’t even gotten ONE in-person interview. NOT EVEN ONE. And since I’ve never held any job experience or social skills of any kind I can’t even get a job at Borders. I am more useless than a pet rock.
I am in no way hedonistic at all. I adopt a life of extreme temperance. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, and I am a vegetarian. I barely spend money. I always try to be helpful to anyone I come across. I spend my free time perfecting my drawing skills, and piano playing, but in truth I know I’m very poor at these things. My parents and other family members share the same opinion. I just completely suck.
If you haven’t figured this out already I am also a virgin to the extreme. Never had a girl, never been kissed, never held hands with a lady. The ensuing sexual/romantic frustration has completely warped how I perceive women in a negative way that is too depressing to dwell on. I don’t look women in the eyes even. I am literally writing a manifesto- lets just say it’s the antithesis of the SCUM Manifesto. I think about my small penis size a lot, and I draw hentai of Gadget to solve my sexual problems (as my parents filter porn out of our internet).
I must be masochistic, because for every situation I must explore its negative connotations to the extreme. I constantly think of lazy yuppie Harvard communications grads with six-packs F***ing “babes” atop a high rise penthouse speaking fluent Urdu. I do this most often when I am awake, and cannot get out of bed. I usually cannot get out of bed until I need to pee which could take hours of not doing anything. Though many of you may be depressed at not having friends, at least you have a shred of respect for yourself in not being pathetic as I am- a man, perhaps less a man and more a callow toddler, with nothing but spite and this censored internet to vent.
P.S. Did I mention I don’t know how to swim, I still play with action figures, and that dairy products give me horrible gas?
February 27, 2007 at 7:24 pm
I feel the same way Michael! I never know what to say to people and I feel akward when I do say somthing. I moved around a lot before college so i never made any closer long term friends. I try to make friends but I dunno. I guess im to ugly or somthing who knows. i use to be real depressed but now i am like who cares atleast i can get through college w/ out distractions….I really stay to busy with school to even have a social life. So i dont care any more
February 28, 2007 at 10:38 am
Hi im 16 and anorexic. this is probably why ppl at school think im a weirdo or that im a freak .
Im nice, and cheery, talkative, sociable, gets along well etc. the usual. But i just can’t ge tover not having any friends.
I have maybe 1 or 2 friends. but i dont know if i can consider them best friends, friends or just school mates.
it hurts not having any friends and even my family doesnt seem to understand that.
I have almost given up on making friends now because all that happens is a brief chat and nothing else.
Im so envious of my brother because he seems to get evrything i dont. friends, best friends, suol mates, scessful jobs. etc…
I have always had the raw end of the stick and still do.
I hurts so much not being able to have friends. I try not to think but its make sit worse. even staying at home with my parents feels so depressing and boring.
I want to get out, and have fun, party, go out, enjoy what life has to offer but i cant. because i have no one to be with me.
On days i feel like this i just cant be happy and that brings ppl down to my level making ppl avoid me.
Sometimes i try to kill myself on a usual basis but i always end up waking up in hospital or getting caught.
I just cry because sometimes thats all i feel like doing.
I dont want to be a loner, i dont want to be alone and worst of all i dont want to become a hermit when i grow up.
Im so lonely.
February 28, 2007 at 7:49 pm
I used to have friends in high school, but not anymore. I try to be friendly towards people, but I’m very quiet. I’m awkward and not very talkative around people that I don’t know. I never know what to say to people and when I do talk, I usually end up feeling like I’ve said something stupid. I have no one to go to movies or concerts with. Most of the time, I don’t let it bother me. But sometimes I just feel so lonely that I cry.
March 1, 2007 at 8:56 am
I can really relate to jt… I try to be nice to people, but I just cant think of anything to say to people I don’t know that good, especially when its with several people at once…I just let the others speak, I’m too shy to speak up in a group of more than one person.
I have absolutely no friends:(
I have had a boyfriend for almost 3 months now, and it really bothers me that I cant think of anything to say to his frends or family…I’m so afraid they wont like me because of that, or think I’m weird… what should I do? :(
March 2, 2007 at 8:58 am
All i can say is this its better to be yourself and not conform just to have friends rather than be a fake ass loser who acts, talks, walks like another person and is not their true self. I suffer from a bad case of tinnitus and my ears are pretty jacked up and thats life but I do hit the gym 5 days a week and powerlift.
Remember screw people if they don’t like you, these people are worthless and YOU hold the real value, although im not 100% religious..it does not hurt to go to some kind of gather based on whatever your faith is. You don’t have to be alone, i am alone because I have given up on people and i spend my time either in the gym or wrting marketing materials in a starbucks…FK people if they don’t like you, what makes them so special? Nothing, i have a brother who was spoon fed up da azz and is 100% fake and always lies, the most popular people are the ones that lie the most and have the lowest selfesteem.
I used to be in a relationship with a gal from engalnd and she was so beautiful and we met in college, i neglected all my friends and just had s*x with her for 4 years non stop and then we burned our romance due to too much s*x and that was that.
I have not been with a woman for 7 years and this is all because i became broke and had to live the folks, remember life goes on.
my point of the girlfriend rant was that she was a perfect 10 in beauty but also a perfect 10 in shallowness and lack of selfesteem…she always had to choose friends that were either fatter, uglier or not as smart.
we all have lots of problems, all people do, but just remember that having no friends is ok compared to being homeless and having no friends, no food and no clothing in a cold winter night.
My tinnitus has ruined my life but i have got to the point where i say fk it, even if i go deaf i will not be 100% controlled.
You can go after your dreams, fk people if they don’t like you, you don’t need fake azz people that pretend..
ps- im moving out of my folks home soon and i need to catchup on my 7 years of no s*x…..ill be OK and you can too…..be proud my friends and you will be ok
ok,,,im done :)
March 2, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Hi Everyone, I started this blog http://nofriendweb.blogspot.com/
I thought maybe we could all keep in touch this way. I’m not always the best at updating my blog (s)(’cause I have such a busy social life. :) )
March 3, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Hi – It is somewhat strange that most of us are 20 something females! What is going on here?!
I always had lots of friends and never was lonely growing up, I always had a “best friend”! Starting about 7th grade, I started partying, and getting into trouble..so obviously, I was not the Happiest kid! I was abused by an ex-stepfather for many years which I believe has a lot to do with why I was troubled.. Anyway, I did a lot of partying up until 21 – when I found out I was pregnant – It completely turned my life around! All of my friends and my “best friends” were into partying still, and that was all that I really knew, being that I started so young! So, to say the least – they still party and we don’t have much in common anymore.
I have always had a job since 14, so working and supporting my beautiful daughter are the things I put the most effort into.
I am happy with the way things have turned around, I think I am doing great career wise for my age, having not gone to college especially. And I believe I am a good mother . I also havce a live-in bf of almost three years, we are very happy and in love – although tthe problem is that he works A LOT and I am ALONE w/ my daughter constantly, unless I am at work, I work 1st shift & he is working 2nd shift.
I find it very hard to make new friends…it seems people just really arent all that interested.. I am very friendly, very honest, and I am not too quiet or shy, I am attractive and into fashion.
I dont think I have much in common w/ anyone – being my past, and other mommys, etc… It is just hard to meet new people when you are either at work or stuck at home with a kid!!
I dont see myself becoming close to anyone on the job. I get along with mostly everyone.
I go to my sister’s house nearly every Friday and our children play together – she always has friends over, and I don’t really feel that I fit in w/ most of them, they are all younger, and don’t care about money or career goals, etc.
I am glad to see that I am not the only one that feels this way, and I hope we can all make new friends soon!
Thanks
March 3, 2007 at 11:17 pm
I am 28 yrs old and just married my boyfriend of 8 years. I have never had no more than 1-2 close friends but seems like the older I get the harder is to make friends. The friends I had in highschool and in college do not return my calls. I call them every once in a while to check on them but they never call me. I feel left out in every social event that I attend rather it be at work or at family functions. I sometimes feel that I am not close to anyone anymore. My phone never rings and nobody wants to be around me. Sometimes I feel like my husband avoids being around me. Even my kids say that I am boring. I dont know what happened.
March 4, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I have no friends. I’m a very nice person as everyone who’s ever met me says but none of them want to become close friends. I’ve had a Few in the past but in every close friendship I was taken advantage of and, because I’m so passive they got away with horrendous actions and statements. And i take it because I get tired of being alone. But eventually I can’t and I’ll get rather depressed and suicidal because of the rudeness of people around me or the fact that there Are no people around. I would give anything I thik to just have someone to confide in but I feel thats never gonna happen for me. I’m a uh, modern time spinster who will end up living alone with all my pets. Anyway it seems liek alot of us feel alone and from what I’ve read a lot of you seem to be really nice people that aren’t appreciated. I’m sorry for that because I go through it too. Anyway My aol messenger is IvyStephWhite, and yahoo is quietandproud if anyone wants or needs someone to talk to.
March 4, 2007 at 11:02 pm
I read this web page with great interest; and I have strong statements to make, but with facts to back them up. This will help you better understand life. Myself, I have had many friends over the years who have come and gone. I have come to the conclusion that, because everyone has their own problems, people are too drowned in their own problems and in SELF interest such that any friends who do not advance their cause is not worthy of their time. this is d truth. currently, i have no close friends and i am happy that way. i am not cynical – wen friends get too close, jealousy, betrayal and backstabbing become almost inevitable. some facts:
1. Jesus Christ is the one and only through Friend, Friend to everyone, all you need to do is to believe by faith. Only Him can bring REAL human friends across your path. Just try what I have just said! Invite Him to your life.
2. Nobody really cares about your success as much as you do. Most of your “friends” would secretly wish to see you fail.
3. Friends come and go – you must keep making new friends; but in any case, you have got to realize that there is a limit to what your friends can do for u and vice versa.
Personally, i would rather die a loner than beg for friends.
need any assistance from me, drop me a line
March 4, 2007 at 11:20 pm
I’m 20, male, and have no real friends. Dozens of people, most of whom I’ve met on the internet, claim to be my friends but have no interest in spending time with me in reality, even though we have in the past. I try hard to be a nice guy, help people and be likeable, but still find it impossible to make friends. I think to make friends you have to feel good about yourself. If you can’t be your own friend, then nobody else will either. Having been chronically depressed from an early age, I hate myself with a vigor that has led me, in the past, to injure myself and amputate my fingers. With a background like this it’s unlikely I’ll ever have any real friends, and I’m pretty much resigned to my fate. Some people just aren’t supposed to have friends. Suicide is the socially responsible thing to do in this situation. But since nobody likes you anyway, why kill yourself to make them happy?
March 6, 2007 at 1:07 am
I can definately relate to a bunch of you..I personally had a ton of friends in high school and dated lots of girls..Right before I was suppose to graduate my buddy did some stupid shit which got us both arrested and changed my life forever…A couple of my other friends got lost in meth and locked up themselves…my gf at the time was really messed up and vented all her BS on me which eventually destroyed our relationship… I made it into college and thought it would be an awesome chance to start over and it was the first year in the dorms meeting a ton of people…we partied alot and had good times…the second year (right now) shit hit the fan..the funny party guy who got along with eveyone turned into the drunk asshole who starts and talk shit….I’ve lost a ton of friends by being an idiot when im drunk…prob is now I can’t stop drinking becuase thats the only thing that takes the edge off of reality..so now I’m stuck without any friends..everyone already has all their clicks and it’s really hard to be HAPPY and OUTGOING when your so depressed and pissed off…
Nobody wants to be friends with people who are depressed and have issues. So one day I just decided to say fuck the world and not give a shit anymore. I used to care so much about what people think of me, how i looked/dressed all the time, sitting next to someone I know in class, blah blah…now I could a give a damn about society and how unfair it is…I mean I have a roomie who smokes weed all day and is flunking out of school and he has managed to connect with tons of people (other stoners of course but still!)
I definately agree that going to the gym helps! It allows you to get all that extra energy out and have some human interaction. I just can’t wait until I’m 21 and I can go to the bars and find some chick fucked up like me :)
March 6, 2007 at 1:43 am
I’m 20, female, and tell myself I love solitude.
Try to believe its better without friends.. been hiding away for like 6 years.
I found pot when I was 14.. it was then that I realised I dislike myself. I stopped going to school.. and staying at home smoking pot was my life now.
By the time I was 15 I was addicted to pot and had already had my arm stitched up.. and i didnt even cut myself for attention, because i knew id only be called an idiot. I seriously freaked myself out.. how could i do this to myself?
When I was 17 my clothes got darker and so did my mind. The only good thing that year (2004) is that I stopped smoking pot.
Depression got worse.. 2004-2005.
I could only hide in the dark for so long.. the year is 2006 and I still wasnt really going out of the house.. but i was kinda positive and started to look at myself more – I wanted to change and do something.. ya know, be happy.
Sadly i still didnt go out much and That state of mind lasted for like 6 months.
I got glasses in december 06 (im short sighted) I see everything clearer.. and Im getting sick of being alone and hiding.
I HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR TOO LONG.
I currently smoke a little bit of pot.. and im bored – I have no confidence .
Ive never had a job.. i know i have to make a change right now. where do i start..I cant hide anymore. Im sick of being weak. but i know i am the only one that can help myself.. i dont know where to start.
I currently go to a councilling once a month but its hard to talk about myself. I wanna learn to love mysellf.. I know once I do I can start to love others.
If you have any advice: frozenqueen05@gmail.com
March 6, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Ditto to all. I am 27, married, 2 kids, and lonely. My life is fulfilling except there is one empty place and that is where I wish I had a best friend. Someone to talk to and hang out with. Someone that would call me first with a problem or when they are happy. I dress mainstream, I used to be told I am attractive in my dating years, I, like all of you, always try to be as nice as can be and never offensive. I think that is one thing we all have in common and maybe that is our problem somehow, whether or not that makes sense. I don’t really think it does. Well, when I was young I decided I wanted to be the ‘down to earth, nice’ type of person and so that is who I am today. Now I wish I would have decided to be funny or more outgoing. I think having no friends also can make people act sorta wierd in social situations. I know I have said some things I wish I didn’t. It further isolates us. My 2 boys love me now, but at this rate, I cannot help but think that they, like everone else, will grow up and grow further away from me and that kills me. This sucks.
March 7, 2007 at 2:30 am
I can realte to almost everyone of you. I am 19 and am in college and completely alone, no friends, no girlfriend, no life for that matter all I do is sit in my dorm room and either look out the window at people walking by or go for a jog through the campus. I have a VERY hard time talking to people and only had 2 friends through high school that i treated with the best respect only to find out that the one that was supposed to room with me left me for a fraternity 1 week before school started (have not talked to him since) and the other got involved in drugs and ditched me for his drug buddies (have not even seen him in a year now). I am not suicidal or a weirdo just exteremly depressed because i see happy personable people around every corner while i walk by myself in a state of deppersion that is slowly turing into anger. I wanted to bring my dog from my house to live in my room but found out that animals are not allowed in on-campus housing. The only person left that i feel freindship in is my brother, so i travel home every weekend after my classes are over to see him which sadly enough even makes me feel more depressed because i feel like a complete loser going home while other kids are talking about the big bash they are going to that night. I gives me comfort to see that other people have the same feelings as i do, hopefully both mine and eveybody else’s life’s will become much happier through time, or at least we will be able to accept what we are more easily. Thanks for reading this if you did.
March 7, 2007 at 11:06 pm
Reading these posting in tears…. I can relate to some of what all of you have said. I am so sick of my situation. I feel as though I always, almost get to a certain point in my life and then my social issues hinder me from reaching my full potential. Do I like it? NO!! But I feel as though I am trapped and I can’t seem to find my way out of this slump. I am always portrayed as being quiet, but I really would like to be outgoing. This is the only place where I can vent and really and express my true feelings. I refuse to believe I have some type of social disorder…but if not what is it.? I am a Christian and I hope and pray that we all can find peace with in ourselves and our lives. Thank you for reading. I feel better now:)
March 8, 2007 at 2:07 am
Sorry meant to put this in my first post. If anyone wants to drop me an e-mail it is toolfanaticm@aol.com (yes, i am a very huge Tool fan). I dont do facebook or any of that kind of crap because i dont want to make myself feel any more of a loser than i already am when i look at my friends list and see 0.
March 9, 2007 at 12:36 am
I am 19yrs old and i feel da same way. I feel incredibly lonely, with low self esteem, and i have been suffering from cynic deppression for 2 yrs now ever since i left high school. It was so different back in high school i used to have tonnes of friends, i was never left out and i felt really good.Things have changed after high school. Basically these days i only keep in touch wit 3 of my friends back from high school. But da fact dat i have very little friends makes me incredibly lonely and deppressed.It sux to be deppressed when ur a teenager, it supposed to be da best days of ur life bein a teen and being deppressed in my age is no good.I cant imagine wat it would be like though in 10 yrs from now when im 30yrs old, runnin my own business and a family to take care off. I feel lonely especially on the weekends when it seems everyone is partying and having a good time when im at home watching da whole Rocky- Rocky 5 all over again.
Sometimes i can be out goin but i jst say so many stupid things dat ppl jst get bored or get annoyed of me. I struggle to maintain a lasting friendship for more dan a year. I have never been kissed, let alone having a girlfriend in my life. I am not dat bad looking but im jst not good wit girls. Deppression and loneliness is da worst feeling of all. Deppression is getting to serious dat its stopping me from doing da things dat i want and need to do in life. Deppression makes me take days off from work or uni, from seeing my friends i jst feel so numb. But its not only dat i feel lonely, life is jst so overwhelming for me. It gives me da feeling dat every1 is better dan me and it makes me feel worthless and useless.
I need help guys ive spent two yrs seeing my concillor but nothing seems to work, i dont know guys how to snap out from my deppression. Im jst scared dat as days go by im running out of time to get rid of deppression and soon i would start running out of things to do in life. Im scared about da future. I also feel lonely because im a foreigner living in australia. I jst feel different to all australians, no one seems to understand me.
I need help!!!!!
March 9, 2007 at 1:24 am
Hey Heggy Happy 20th Birthday mate!!!!
March 9, 2007 at 1:32 am
feel free guys to send me an email on kingofthejungle87@hotmail.com
March 9, 2007 at 9:53 am
my life is fucket up i dont have no friends my family dont care i wish life was fun but i thank these is my fate i dont no how too act around people im alone 100% of the time im 18 i youst to have friends but thay left one by one im at the start of my life with no body so how its goin too end
March 9, 2007 at 11:01 am
Joseph keep focusing on what you want, a family and your own business. Don’t lose sight of that and try to stay positive and things will fall into place. We attract what we are and if we can stay positive and keep our heads up and smile even when we are sad and lonely then we can get through the rocky times. At times I have felt so sad that I cried and thought about how if I died nobody would miss me and that my hubby and kids would find someone to replace me and eventually they too would not care(that was the depression talking). I got through that although it could come back. I just keep going and try to stay positive and try to fulfill all the things that I can even if there is something missing. I think someday I will be close to more people but right now I will just worry about the things that I can change and do for myself.
March 9, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Life becomes pointless without friends. I am 19 years old, these are supposeed to be the best years of my life – my youth. I’m drifting like a boat without a sail. Every day is a neverending blur. I don’t care about anything anymore. I lost all of my friends around 7 months ago – I went though an extremely severe bout of depression / anorexia. All of my ‘friends’ left me. Now i’m wandering aimlessly through life. I don’t know what I like/ dislike. I am only taking one course in school and I don’t work. So the rest of the time I am alone in my large empty house, willing away the endless hours, the realization that my youth is endlessly ticking away haunting me. I just don’t care anymore. What’s the point in trying, nobody wants to be my friend – everyone already has their own friends (who am I anyways). And then when they see me leeching on to them they will ask ‘well where are your friends’ and I will have to admit the horrid, bland truth that I have none and that would be enough to drive most people away.
I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I have done everything to try and make my life interesting: learning a new language, taking music lessons, and nothing works. I lose interest almost instantly. I have been to councilling but nothing works so I end up cutting or drinking. This life is pure hell. The only way I can describe it is like a boat without a sail – you just float wherever and it all looks the same and in the end you give up trying to direct the boat. God help me.
March 10, 2007 at 5:13 pm
I feel so much better after finding this, really. It comforts me to know that i am not alone in my aloneness. I am 23, I work and go to school, and in neither place have I come across anyone to whom I can really relate. Also, I was dumped about 8 months ago by a guy with whom I had a 4 year relationship. Any friends that I’ve had since highschool or from then talked just stop calling, and after a period of unreturned phonecalls, i start wondering what’s wrong with me. I try to follow up, but make sure not to smother anyone. Its weird, I never had this problem before. It gets heavy and I get depressed, even suicidal, and everything just seems to get worse. For the most part, I am positive, and I really care about people, and I just don’t know what to do.
March 10, 2007 at 8:34 pm
It seems that every”friendship” i have always turns out bad…im not a bad person, i know im not, I am 20 yrs old… i listen to peoples problems, i dont argue….i recently lost a friendship for something that i think was so stupid. We both used to hangout alot, laugh about stupid things…i actually thought i found a “best friend” for the first time in my life, but then it all just went downhill…i really dont know exactly what happened, but she probably hates me now…its gotten to the point where i just dont believe in having friendships anymore, especially with females, ive lost that trust. I feel that theyre all just so dramatic, and full of crap…i hate people who have alot of friends, i hate myself for being alone…i dont go out like i used to, my weekends are spent at home or out somewhere with my family…im not saying thats a bad thing, i really do appreciate my family ALOT, i love them, but i do wish i had a friend…someone i can tell secrets to, my problems, make jokes that only we understand…i dont have that, and i think i never will.
March 11, 2007 at 12:14 am
I am 33 yo and have no friends, I met a really great friend but no more, Because I was so use to not having any friends I did not know how to handle the friendship and teh person who was my best friend is no more, I guess that I must resign myself that I will always be alone with no one to do anything with. The worst part is during the holidays and my birthday…no cards or phone calls and by myself, nobody seems to know that I exist. I try to always be nice and outgoing and portray a happy demeanor, but its exhausting because inside I am empty and cold. I am always by myself, no one to see a movie with or go to dinner with, there are so many things that I would like to do but dont as I have nobody to share the experience with. I wish it would change but at this point I guess it wont. It makes life very long and very pointless.
March 11, 2007 at 1:48 am
I’m 16…short for my age….and have no friends. I’ve never had a girlfriend….never had someone to talk to when I was depressed….never had someone to get into trouble with….well, except my brothers :)..but I feel sad. I have low confidence and want to hang out with someone and you know…get a girlfriend but no girl would ever go for me….I’m 4′10 and 16…I’m not a midget but I’m just a late grower….I’ll sprout up soon but it’s just sad. I used to attend regular school….feeling embarraseed and shy because of my height, but now I’m home shooled …..
March 11, 2007 at 7:50 am
It’s early Sunday morning – March 11th – and I’ve got one thing to write to all you really young people out there with no friends: try to figure out how to get some before it’s too late! I’m a 50 year old, self-described “loner” but it’s gotten to the point where when the weekend comes, sometimes I don’t talk to a single human being other than maybe a checker at the grocery store. Seriously! I haven’t been on a date since September 2000, although people at work tell me I’m attractive enough and young-looking for my age – I’ve even had some of those people tell me I’m funny. But outside of ONE best friend (who lives in California and I live in Washington state), and my parents, I really do not have any social contacts.
I think the longer you wait to try and get help/join groups/take classes/whatever, the harder it gets. I have my dogs (thank God), but no friends otherwise.
March 11, 2007 at 9:26 pm
Entering highschool was a lot of fun. I had quite a few friends then, and even though I wasn’t the lady’s man, or the guy who was invited to all the great parties and social events…I was still content and happy with the way my life was. But in the middle of highschool, many of my close friends had somehow drifted away and really didn’t want anything to do with me. I never really talked to too many girls and I have never had a girlfriend.
I am 20 years old now. I have gone through 3 years of literally having nothing to do then the occasional movie or video games. I’m not a bad person, I’m not a bad-looking guy, and I have many interests and hopes. I may not have things great right now. (No job, no friends, no life.) But I still know that things will get better. I’m going to college this year and I hope to meet some people that I can befriend and have a good time with. I also am a christian, and I have faith in God that he will always lead me and bless me. That may sound like craziness to many, but I believe and I feel uplifted by him.
I notice that many people here state how bad things are in their lives. Life can be cruel that is true. I have a cousin who is dying of a rare cancer and probably will not live to see her mid-twenties, but she is still living life to the fullest. She is a beautiful, kind-hearted person who brightens up everybody around her. She is an inspiration.
Loneliness is common. Almost all of us will experience it sometime. It sucks…it really does. But we as North Americans have it good. If you go to some desolate impoverished nation, you see diseased children that have the biggest smiles. They put us to shame. These kids are often orphans, with a bleak future, but they still hope to have a better life.
I’m not a therapist, but I do know that it is important to have hope. No matter what your life throws at you, hope is something you should always try to keep. In my life, I have to forget those people from highschool. forget the fact that I don’t know any girls, and I shouldn’t feel so anguished over my situation. I believe that someday, my life will be awesome, I hope to travel, have a good job, and have a family and good friends.
To all you broken hearts and people who feel like they are living for nothing. Please do not let the sorrow fill your mind to the point where you do not want to go on. Think positive and know that even though you are lonely, you still have much goodness in your life. Also, try to put your trust in God. I’m not trying to convert people here. But believing and trusting in him has changed my mindset on life. My eyes have been opened and no matter how bad things get. I will always know that he is with me and will never leave. Comfort comes from people and fun comes with friends….but true hope and true love comes from God! He has given me hope and strength for me, why would he reject anybody else…Please do not read this thinking that I am some crazy religious fanatic.
I truly feel bad for everyone here and I hope that you will all find happiness somewhere. And I dearly hope that anybody who is suicidal will find comfort. Killing yourself is not the answer.
God Bless…
March 11, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Today I feel bad inside. Sundays are my worst days because I go to church on Sundays and have no friends there. I sit alone and watch other people being so happy and having so much fun. I have been going to this particular church since we moved to our home last July and still have not connected with one other person. I try to talk to people and then the next week it is like they have never even seen me before. What is wrong with me? After church we have famiily functions a lot and that is when I get to watch my mother-in-law talking to my future sister-in-law like she is Oprah. And when it comes to me, of course, I get about 2 sentences said to me. Then my new sister-in-law gets hugs goodbye and I don’t. I am sick to my stomache right now just thinking about my ‘way with people’. Tomorrow will be a better day. Mondays are not as bad as Sundays. Hey Nick, what you wrote is beautiful. I agree with what you said. Thanks.
March 12, 2007 at 1:58 am
hai,i am looking girl friend pl..
March 12, 2007 at 3:49 am
Hi, i’m Alex.Wow! it’s nice to hear out others in their struggle in society. I myself don’t have many friends. Never really had friends expect a couple of meanless friends that i got drunk back w/ in college. But overall my life is prety dull… My social is dependent on my girlfriend. Through my gf i meet people and talk to people. I never develop the skills to talk to people and make friendships. When growing my parents were very strick and isolated me from others;thus, hindering my social developement. Sometimes when i’m alone and my gf is not around i feel like going out, but then again i don’t have any friends, it would be nice to pick up the phone to call a friend and ask him to go to the bar with me..But ehh i guess life needs loners in this world..part of me likes to be alone and part doesn’t like to be alone. The part of me that likes to be a lone soul, likes it b/c i could be indepedent and do my thing w/out having to think about others;hence, less complicated. Don’t know y, but i feel depress, feeling like killing myself at times…but i think to myself what good do i get from killing myself… if i kill myself i would be commiting the ultimate sin, and go striaght to hell. I don’t want to go to hell. Does n e one? i don’t think many do. i just hope god puts a good friend in my path soon.
March 13, 2007 at 6:38 pm
I know how you all feel. I’ve never had any real friends. I was teased at school and have suffered from low self esteem my entire life. I had hoped that uni would bring friendship but it just ruined my self-esteem even more as i struggled through it.
To make matters worse, i went somewhere isolated where there was nothing to do. I wish i’d had the courage at 18 to move far away from home but low self-esteem made it impossible as did family problems. Come summertime all i had was my part time job and i would spend the entire hols in by myself in my isolated town. It didn’t even occur to me that i could go out and try and join a social group.
I’m only just starting to gain my independence but i’m still stuck at home. Hopefully i can find a decent job in the city and move in with some nice people so i can enjoy myself before it is too late. I’ll be 23 soon and feel like i have missed out on my youth because i’ve never had any fun.. Though it’s my own fault for being so weak. I don’t even have anyone to celebrate my birthday with which saddens me. How can people be so cruel to me? I’m not ugly and i’m a nice person.
March 13, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Hello all,
by the way:::Nick your posting was well put and motivating. I think sometimes we tend to forget how bad a situation can be. For me I just have a hard time getting close to anyone. I feel like the only person who I have to vent is my sister and I feel that I put a burden on her with all my problems. For the most part I am happy with my life I just feel detatched and isolated from everybody. At lunch time, at work I sit at my desk and do not talk to anyone. I have tried the breakroom but I feel so awkward. I want friends and a social life outside my sister and my kids but I do not know what to say when I am around people. I need help………………………………maybe I need to take some social classes or something.
March 14, 2007 at 4:54 pm
Hey,
Im in a pretty bad situation, have been for a couple of years. Im 16, soon to be leaving school, and the last 5 years have been so hard. I was bullied for two years, every ‘freind’ i had turned their back on me. I lost every ounce of confidence and i turned from a happy guy to a wreck. I contemplated suicide,,many times but i guess i was scared. I saw a counceller and ended moving schools, and for the last two years ive made a lot of freinds, but im constantly paranoid and worrying that i will be abandoned again. It doesn’t help that my so called best freinds are two faced about me, it hurts so much but I dont have anyone else. So that means i have to be a push over just so i wont be alone. Ive seen guys in my school who dont have anybody and it breaks my heart to see them day in day out, and i just couldn’t bare to go through the same. It seems everyone i trust stabs me in the back, and they act as though im such a bad freind. I never betray them, always help them in bad times..And they say things behind my back and then phone me to go out every night and i dont understand. Ive got 2 months left in school, and i dont want my last memories of school to be on my own. I wont even post my real name on this site thats how bad this paranoia is..
I’m very good at putting up a front, looking happy, but when i come home at night this situation wont leave my mind and i end up sleeping all night, thinking that it would just be easier to kill myself, because the pressure would be lifted. I can relate to a lot of the people on this site and I am happy that I’m not alone, i just think i could use someone to talk to, who have been through similiar things,, because i cant speak to anyone else about it..Im sure i have major depression, and i just cant take it
well this is a long enough post to read so ill wrap it up there
thanks
March 14, 2007 at 4:58 pm
If anyone would like to chat,,contact me @ comewhatevermay@hotmail.co.uk
March 14, 2007 at 4:58 pm
comewhatevermay90@hotmail.co.uk**
March 15, 2007 at 9:55 am
Hello, I am 28 years old and I too have no friends.
At 20 I had my son and all the people who called them selfs my friends vanished. My best friend moved out of town two months later, my other childhood friend became busy working, his childless life parting Nd then he moved out of town , my cousin moved also out of town too. I could not go party like I use to because my day started at 6am to work then school then my son. So I have been stuck with no friends in the same place while everyone moved on with there life. MY sister and brother live a good distance away and too put the icing on top my parents moved also.
I have no friends, at work there no one I would call friend, I feel like have nothing in commen with people, I feel like I am to serious since everyone left…I use to be happy, fun person…..My world is my son and my boyfriend. But because I don’t have any friends I think it puts strain on our relationship. All his friends girlfriends hava a click together, I feel so out of place because I don’t hav eanything in commen with them, I don’t see things the same way as these girls because my lif is work and my son….not them, they have friends and a social life. I have become anti social because I feel like everything that comes out of my mouth is wrong. I am not a bad person, I am not unfriendly but I am sad and have no confidents in myself because of this. I sit down in my neighborhood while my son plays and I am alone while everyone is together. WHen did I become so unpopular and depress? I want friends, I want to have a group of friends to chat with, friends who have the same incommon, have play dates and more, friends to chill with.In my son’s school not even other parents are my friends, I have nothing incommen with them because I am one of the youngest moms who has her son in private school and they live some where else.
So I am damed if I do, Damed if I don’t. My phone does not even ring.
March 15, 2007 at 10:44 am
Hey JC, you seem like a devoted mom and a girlfreind, and i think that if you allow yourself to be able to speak to more people you might find that in fact you do have things in common. You dont need to have a click, you need to feel comfortable about yourself to make freinds. I just hope you find the freinds you deserve and im sure you will.
March 15, 2007 at 2:07 pm
My name isn’t even Lisa. I am paranoid too. I am a big loser because this is like my 4th or 5th time writing here. I just keep coming back to see if there are even more people out there like me. JC, I always feel left out of clicks too. I never fit in any groups. It sucks, but your not the only one.
March 15, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Just because its your 4th time of whatever doesnt make you a loser, your far from it, nobody here is a loser, i came here to clear my mind and tell somebody else my problems,,maybe finding some people to talk to in the process..Its easier for me to share personal issues with people ive never physically met, think its the same for most people. And im the same, with fitting in, i used to pretend i was somebody im not just so id have the sensation of popularity, and now ive realised that if people cant take me for who i am, then they obviously dont value me..
March 15, 2007 at 3:08 pm
and just to add to that i think that just coming on this site, telling us your problems then just never visiting again is not worth it, maybe a lot of people on this site will have things in common, I don’t know but i think it would be worth a try.
March 16, 2007 at 1:07 am
My heart goes out to all of you. I feel so close to you all because I understand your deepest sorrows. I guess every story counts and adds up so here’s mine. I’m a 19 year old guy in Toronto Canada. For about three years now, I had absolutely no friends. not even one. no girlfriend either (or boyfriend). I am very depressed almost all the time because I feel so out of place in this world. I am a loner, but NOT BY CHOICE. I can relate to what many people wrote here… I never thought that life could be so difficult, so harsh, and so unfair.
I dropped out of University after a month because I was exausted and felt like I needed rest. For nearly six months now, I have been doing absolutely nothing, mostly staying in my room, reading books, surfing the net and writing. Ocasionally I go out by myself for walks or to see a movie. I see people my age everywhere I go, spending time with friends, lovers, etc. I feel so so alone. I’m constantly remembering the friendships I used to have (not that many). These memories are so special to me and they help me go on.
I see a psychiatrist once a month about my ‘problems’ He tells me that I have no apparent disorders or anything of the sort, but why am I so lonely and so unhappy? It’s truly a mistery. If only someone would show some kind of interest in me, if only someone would cross my path and be willing to give me a chance. Maybe its too much too ask.
Before I was 16, I used to beleive in a higher greater power, God if you will, but I don’t anymore. I’ve prayed so many times for just one friend, thats all I ever asked for.
I don’t know what to beleive in, I don’t know where to start, how to put all the peices together of my broken soul. I’m just a walking corpse. I hate it. I feel I have so much love in me, but it’s fading… And I’m afraid that when it fades I will have nothing else to do but jump off a balcony. But I can’t do that to my parents. They will be devastated and I will break their souls too. SO what am I to do? Continue with this pathetic existence, continue suffering everyday?
I tell myself that maybe it is a ‘phase’ I must go through for some reason, that happiness is around the corner, that I just need to hold on for a little longer and someone will be apart of my life. I’m just afraid that I won’t let them in. That I’ll shut them out because I’ve been hurt so many times. I’m a man, yet I’m so fragile. I’m alive, yet I am really dead.
This dammned loop. I curse this loop. Will I ever break out of it?
Please, I will be very glad if someone would want to send me an email.
it’s liquid_blue88@hotmail.com WHO KNOWS, MAYBE WE”LL BECOME FRIENDS.
March 16, 2007 at 2:54 am
Andrew do you have msn messenger or just a hotmail account? And im sure you will find hapiness it comes to everyone at some stage, i think going back to uni would help a lot
March 16, 2007 at 8:23 am
Sara, that is so wierd because I was tormented by a brother too. You are the only other person I have ever heard say that. He would chase me through the house and then I would run in to a room and shut the door and try with all I had to hold the door closed as he would bang on it and push it and he was stronger than me so he always got in and then he would beat me up. I was emotionally abused by my mom and my dad is emotionally disconnected and sometimes he would get very physically violent towards me. I was really screwed up in high school and a little bit after, but I came out of that and have a pretty normal life now (except I have no friends). That is so wierd how similar some of our situations have been. I always think people are judging me too. I always think people are out to make me feel bad and be mean to me.
March 16, 2007 at 11:11 am
I am a 20/yr old female, and I am so happy to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. From the outside, I look like the perfect person…incredible boyfriend, great career, great family, confident, attractive etc. But I have no friends that I can just call and talk to, or ask to hang out. I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 3 years, where my boyfriend didn’t allow me to have any friends and controlled my every move. Since I got out of that relationship, I don’t think I have gotten past that. Yeah, I have made a few friends here and there, but they only last a month or so, and then all of a sudden we stop talking. I was lucky to meet my current boyfriend, and we are planning a great future together, but I still want to have friends. And to make things harder, we are moving to detroit in the summer, so I will know no one! All along I thought it was me…that I pushed people away…maybe it’s not me. In high school I realized how cruel people can be, but it always seems like those cruel people were the ones with a million friends.
March 16, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Wow, I cannot believe how many people on here that I can relate to… I just went on a website search “I have no friends” and I came upon this. Unfortunantly I am in the same situation as all of you people that have written on here. I am 20 years old, and yes, I have no friends. This has kind of been a problem all of my life. Its very hard for me to keep steady friends. I am a very nice, kind, compassionate, caring, giving, smart young woman, and people just dont understand me. I really dont know what else to do anymore. Everytime I try to go and do something with someone that is in my cellphone contacts, they dont want to have anything to do with me. So its not like im not trying at all!! I can be a very funny and outgoing person, but people just dont give me a chance. It is extremely depressing and I try not to think about it, but like tonite which happens almost evey night, im sitting home, and no one has called my cellphone. Could anyone please give me any advice on what to do? Please???? Thanks!
March 17, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Sara: It is so funny you mention a secret hand signal to identfy each other in the wild – I was thinking the same thing! Or maybe a button with a specific image on it – something so we can recognize others in our situation.
We all want friends, but it so hard to actually make any I think because we all assume that everyone we meet in our daily lives (outside this forum!) HAS friends – but maybe, just maybe, they are suffering just like us!?! But how can we tell? *can any of us imagine going up to someone who looks interesting and introducing our selves by saying “Hi, I’m _____, I have no friends and would really like one, do you feel the same?” Riiiiiigggghhhttt!!!
To me, this is VERY frustrating – so many assumptions about others…..I think we all put on a good ‘front’ for others, (once again, outside this forum) saying that we dont mind not having any friends, when the truth is inside we are desprate for someone to call a friend.
I put this in an earlier post but I will put it again: I have a myspace acct if anyone would like to check it out http://www.myspace.com/jenaust – feel free to message me/add me.
March 18, 2007 at 8:04 am
I am 22 and like so many of you, i don’t have much friends.I only have 1 best friend and another good friend.But I want more friends and more people like me.Just like you, I don’t know what or where I do wrong..But sometimes I really feel like a miserable creep just because I don’t have people around me.But what I discovered in the things you wrote was, everyone who doesnt have friends are “good and nice” people.All of us say “we can do everything for people with not expecting anything in return”.Maybe we shouldnt be that good and nice.You know, this is an “evil’s world”.
March 19, 2007 at 4:16 am
People! People!
Look around. DO you have a job? DO you go to church? Network! Friends do not just happen overnight! I am pretty sure, your social netwok is larger than you think. You come in contact with many of the same people everyday and I am sure if you offer a lunch date (you wanna catch some food, a drink?) these people would be happy to come, and more importantly pay for themselves. Before dooming yourself…think abou what you truly have… and a lot of people may know a large number of people but may not know them or be super “tight” with them!
Stay true to yourself, and kep your head up!
March 19, 2007 at 9:32 am
Hi Lottalyfe. You are missing the point here. I do go to church and work, the problem is I do not fit in. The point is, I try to talk to people and be outgoing, but I never seem to make any friends in doing so. Also, the friends I have had and lost I tried with all I had to hold on to them, but lost them as a friend somehow. If you met me on the street you would think I am a norml happy person with a wonderful life. Loving husband, darling kids, cute little house, new car, nice job. But for some reason, although there are people surrounding me, I cannot connect. I used to make friends easily, but now it is extremely difficult. Why?
At this point it is almost easier to succumb to isolation because it is exhausting always trying to meet people and being shunned. Emotionally it has been exhausting.
March 20, 2007 at 5:56 am
Im calling this period of my life a quarter life crisis. I’ve been feeling pretty bad lately. I’m not really proud of anything I do. I don’t really feel like anything I do is any good. I’m overcome with feelings of jealousy and worthlessness. I look at what other people are doing and I think “Why can’t I be working on a project that is as cool as that?” or “I wish I was doing that” or just “Damn that looks . I could never make something as impressive and real-looking at that.” I suppose whatever you do, there’s always going to be someone better, and I should deal with that. Or maybe it is just a lack of perspective. That’s probably what other people would tell me. I hear how awesome I am, plenty of times but it doesn’t sink in. I know that, but how do I stop feeling like this isn’t true.
Stress is part of the problem. I have so much to do I can’t focus on doing anything well, and so I don’t do anything at all. I’m overwhelmed by all the things I want to do, and so I do nothing. I slept 11 hours last night. I’m overcome by dozens of projects for work, booth, finding a job, my websites, puzzlestorm, dealing with other things in my life, etc. All the things I need to do can’t even be listed. Thinking about the list right now makes my head hurt. I can’t imagine climbing out from under this pile for months at least. I know I won’t enjoy anything I do until I am free of this excessive burden and the thought of not enjoying anything in the forseeable future hurts.
March 20, 2007 at 9:19 am
I heard on the radio about a guy in Bosnia who faked his own funeral and then hid in the bushes to see who would show up. The only person that came was his mom. Maybe we should try it. ;)
March 20, 2007 at 3:56 pm
I can relate to all of you…
I’m 15 and I just flat-out have no friends. I keep telling myself I do, when deep-down I know I do not.
In elementary school I /did/ have friends. I remember we found a common interest in this anime show I used to watch and just became friends. We’d talk during class and lunch and hang out during recess. I also made friends with these 2 kids who lived behind my dad’s house–they were my best friends for a while.
Then came middle school… the first day of school I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It was a brand new school and I walked into the classroom for the first time and… I haven’t been a sociable person ever since. I had no friends my 6th grade year. In 7th grade I made friends with a group of girls after they discovered I frequented a website they did and we remained friends until 8th grade where I went to high school. 9th grade–no friends. 10th grade–no friends.
Online, my relationships with people are just as bad. I joined an MMORPG and made friends with a group of people and remained friends literally for years–until I was banned for 7 months one day for harassment. When I returned to the game July ‘05, they were all gone.
I currently have no friends and it is ruining my life. At school I only talk to people if they talk to me, and when I get home from school I just… stay inside all day. I’m not ugly, I’m not fat, and I’m certainly not mean. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…
I miss having friends.
March 21, 2007 at 2:45 am
God it’s relieving to know there are others out there going through the same thing I am.
I’m 16 years old and when I was 13 I switched schools. I had a handful of close friends at my old school but when I left, it was like out of sight out of mind. Everyone just forgot about me. I tried calling them, they seemed uninterested in talking to me, so I just gave up. I got very depressed and for about a year and a half, I just wanted to die. I stayed in the house as much as I could.
Then one day, I just got sick of feeling sorry for myself and decided to try to make friends. Easier said than done. After being isolated for so long, I have lost all of the confidence I once had, I get really nervous in situations where I have to talk to people. But that doesn’t keep me from trying. I’m as friendly as I can possibly be to everyone I meet, even though I’m scared to death of what they’re thinking of me. I’ve traded a few screen names and phone numbers, but nothing seems to happen. I even got up the nerve to ask one of these people to hang out with me over the summer, which he did but we haven’t said more than 10 words to each other since.
I also have tried rebuilding things with old friends. I saw my best friend from my old school in September and I went up to him and said hello. He looked at me, completely straight-faced and said “Hi” and walked away. I hadn’t seen him in so long. Was I wrong to expect a “Hey, how are you?” or even a smile? My childhood best friend and I are still in contact, she’ll talk to me occasionally but it’s small talk because we’ve really grown apart. She’ll talk about us hanging out, but never makes plans with me.
To make things even more difficult for me, I live in a small southern town. It’s really hard making friends when you don’t fit the mold. I’ve met one person with the same interests as me, but she’s in her early 20’s and I guess she doesn’t want to spend much time with a 16 year old when she can go out with her other friends to bars, where I’m not allowed.
I’m not giving up hope, but it can get really hard. I’ve cried myself to sleep many nights thinking, “God what’s wrong with me?”. I hope it’s just a phase that I get over in a few years.
March 21, 2007 at 6:12 pm
hey, troobleever, that is so freaky, i also found this site by googling the phrase “no friends” and coll, i really identify with what u sed. today my friends actually dumped me they tried to put it into nicer words but im not an idiot i know the cold hard truth when i hear it, its over. and it sux. majorly.
March 21, 2007 at 10:00 pm
*…continued*and its not like it was a superficial relationship i mean these people were my soul sisters. your soul sisters cant drop you!!! it just doesnt make any sense the people i care about most in the world dropped me like a fly. they used to love me! we were so great together. how could it all be gone. why dont they want it? was it nothing to them? it was my whole life that group! how can they just disgard the group with the bat of an eye! whats wrong with them? whats wrong with me? this cant be happening. i have no one. the only people i had are gone. i have nothing! i have no where to go. i am nothing without them. i loved them and they are gone. its like having 3 boyfriends dump u all at the same time. i have 3 broken hearts.
March 22, 2007 at 3:17 am
i was so lonely and sad that i typed into my only freind (google) i have no freinds :( and found this site.. i like most here have no one im 3 weeks off my 30th birthday and know that i will again be spending my bday alone as i have for years. im a kind caring freind but it seems people use me then just toss me aside..its becomeing so hard to even talk to people now im so depressed that i think do i really want the heart ache of being disapointed again. most of my family live interstate and havnt called writed or responded to me in years and my brother who lives near me ive found out has sabotaged at least 2 possible relationships.. i have noone and it really hurts especially when you try to tell someone and they either tell you your being stupid or “i dont wanna hear this crap” wich is actually more disheartening than not trying ..i cant keep on like this i try everything and just seem to be troden on or left out all then time im not a happy person anymore and i hate it..u get so lonely and when ou have noone to turn to you just loose all hope and what have you got if you dont have hope…NOTHING
im gunna leave it there cause ill just burst into tears again and im tired of crying..especially since theres none to hear or comfort me
March 23, 2007 at 12:30 am
Are we the minority or are we the majority??
March 23, 2007 at 8:42 am
Hey everyone. Is it possible we might all be introverts? I felt like I was spiraling into some sort of depression about having no friends until I came upon the articles at the below websites. Once I read these articles, I felt a sense of relief because I now know I am an introvert. At least having an understanding of who I am has helped me. Also, in the article it states that introverts are not good at small talk so they are quiet in groups of people. That is so me. So now at least I know I have to work on my small talk and that way I think I can talk to people easier and they will find it easier to relate to me.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts
March 23, 2007 at 8:52 am
Also the article says introverts are misunderstood people. It seems like a lot of us here have felt misunderstood because all we feel on the inside is nice, compassionate, and caring, but on the outside, introverts seem sort of aloof and like they do not want to be bothered.
March 23, 2007 at 11:37 am
Who thinks that it is possible to live a healthy and happy life with no friends? I think this scenarion feeds on itself. Meaning, if you don’t have friends nobody wants to be your friend and if nobody wants to be your friend you won’t have friends. I don’t have any close friends b am able to go out on dates with girls who I meet because I seem like a nice eduated respectful young man. However, once they meet me and findI out that I don’t have friends they don’t want to be with me. I’m going to try and make friends by talking to people not to please them but to please myself because I have so much to say and my feelings are not being expressed. Good Luck to everyone and my email is Pappelbon@yahoo.com I live in New York City with 8 million people and I don’t have a single friend. Go figure. I go to bars by myself but who which girl would want to talk to me if I seem like a loner? I do recall that if I went to a bar with friends I would almost forsure meet someone. Good Luck, stay strong, be positive, give ourselves a chance to succeed. Not trying guarantees failure. Try and give yourself a chance. Sounds like most of us have
nothing to lose anymore or very little. Let us be resourceful and try new tactics to get friends perhaps what we have been doing has not been working. Maybe we should show our other real face- the happy one instead of the sad one. They are both our true faces why not show our glow. It is clear that we all are very emotional people. We are all good people and we can not allow ourselves not to be happy. The
Constitution guarantees us a right to happiness– that is just a right to happiness. We also have a right to own a car. Now it is time for us to go out and get that happiness. Let’s get to it. Look for work if you are home and want a job. Don’t give up. Never give up. It is okay to have setbacks in life but we must get back on the path to happiness which we have strayed from. If we are on the correct path that is all we can from ourselves. If god forbid we were crippled it wouldn’t be fair to ask us to walk. We all have the ability to make friends and keep friends; that is clear from what waw written on this board. Now LETS GO DO IT.
March 23, 2007 at 4:16 pm
im only 15
but im so alone
i feel so stupid for writing this on some website of google
but it might help
i have nothing to lose
my best friend
she was my best friend
but i was never hers
and my boyfriend
he didnt care either
and i love him
and he said he did, but he doesnt
and i talk to people yes, i talk to lots of people
but i dont want just to talk to them
i want to be able to share things with them
and for them to share things with me
ive been depressed for 3 months now
and i dont know what to do
sometimes i think about suicide
sometimes i think things will get better
but they dont
and everyone else goes out
and goes to party’s
and gets drunk
and has fun
and i dont
and i should be
but i dont want to go out alone
i want to share it with people
people i care about
people that care about me
i tell myself once im out of high school i will meet new people
and it will be different
and thats the only thing that keeps me going
if anybody wants to talk to me(even though i live in london)
and if you have myspace
you can message me or add me
or something
ill always reply
and if you dont you can e-mail me
phoebe.plaut@virgin.net
i want to meet yuo all
i want to meet someone special
lots of special people
becuase i know im a good friend, a little sensitive, but im a good friend and im attractive and i have “mates” that all say that they like me and that we should go uot sometime
but we never will
i know that
there just trying to be nice
but why]
there’s nothing wrong with me
im funny
and loyal
and ill meet with you in the middle of the night
or first thing in the morning
i wont be friends with evereyone
but there hads to be someone out there right??
if your looking for the same thing as me, or even just wanna talk about shit
then please find me
its not an empty promise
i have people i talk to
but im looking for someone to
March 23, 2007 at 9:00 pm
I feel like some thing in side of me is missing like I have a huge hole in my hart and there is nothing I could like my just straned on an iland.One min I cry and the next Iam s glad. there is so much in my haed I don’t know what to do what to feel or what to say. it’s like my mined went blank. At school I my scaerd inside. most of the time I don’t show it.I’m strong and I but there is somrthing inside telling me otherwis. I don’t know follow.I don’t show that I’m sad I’m aferd will make fun of me. and the quashton is will I ever have a true friend(s)
March 24, 2007 at 12:36 am
I suppose for all of us the truth is that we need to find a way to become friends with ourself – if we find a way to love ourselves and believe that we are lovable then others will follow.
I think that my lack of friends is down to the fact that I don’t trust or respect anyone who is interested in me – because I don’t like me… If I can gain even a little self-respect, self-esteem, self love then I might find those who like me more acceptable and make more friends.
March 24, 2007 at 7:37 am
Hi everyone! Its actually quite funny, coming across this site. Funny that its so easy to pour out your feelings to blogs like these. Im from Australia, and I feel exactly the same as most of you have explained. Its one of those nights where Im sitting here by myself thinking why I have no friends. Everything else in my life is perfect. I have a great bf, work is good, uni is good, family is as good is it will ever be, but I lack true friends. Sure I have girls I go out with once in a while. But Im talking about a best friend. I sit and wish that 1 day i will find someone who will take me for me, is carefree, funny, laidback will call me up and wanna hang out, do funny shit. Its like ive figured out too late, you know that people have there own friendships and generally dont want to make new friends. All my friends from Highschool drifted away, best friend ended up being a bit of a snob. If I had 1 wish, i wish I could go back to highschool and actually care about friendship. Anyway, I dont really know how I am ever going to find someone. The whole perception that people who have no friends must have really bad personalities is whats ruining the capabilities of finding a friend (if you have none) which really sucks. Anyway after all that, anyone who is from Australia and wants to chat etc, email me, angelchick_555@hotmail.com.
March 24, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Wow, you’re all as worthless as I am. congrats?
March 24, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Hello, I am Tes and I have no friends. (Feels almost like an AA meeting.)
It is so weird to see all these posts, I can see myself in all of them. I had a normal middle and high school life, and I had things to do with people on the weekends. I’m not sure what happened when I went to college. I was kind of worried in the beginning about making friends, but I thought it would just somehow happen like it did in high school or middle school, but it didn’t. I haven’t made a single friend in college, and I graduate next month. What the heck?
I have one person from high school that I see about twice a year. When I start a new class or am put into a situation with strangers, I can usually talk to a person for a long time about anything. I try and try but cannot remember how I ever made friends in the past. Since I graduated from high school, I think I have been even more outgoing than I was back then. I am baffled. It is so awkward when someone asks me a question like “what do your friends think of X” or “what do you like to do with your friend”. I usually try to find a way to avoid answering that, instead of saying “Sorry, that doesn’t apply to me. I have no friends.”
I have a boyfriend and I have been dating 3 guys (one after the other, not simultaneously) over the last 5 years. All my social activities (movies, out to dinner, parties (rarely)) involve my boyfriend and his friends. My boyfriend is extremely popular. Literally 9/10 times we go anywhere, he will run into someone he knows. Recently (actually two days ago) he dumped me. It is actually how I found this website. I just googled “no friends”. Go figure. I am now incredibly alone as it is Saturday night and I have absolutely nothing to do. This summer my boyfriend and I were on a break, and I nearly killed myself. The loneliness is suffocating.
March 24, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Anybody have any suggestions on how we can make friends? I don’t want to blame others for my having no friends but I don’t want to blame myself either. I should try not blaming anybody just like I don’t blame anybody for my being only 5′9 instead of 6 feet or over. But please, please an suggestions. My ears and eyes are open. I want to have friends my life is too good for me not to have friends.
March 24, 2007 at 6:03 pm
This is so depressing. I’ve been coming back to this site for the last hour and reading all the posts. I do have one friend left that I could call, but it is a guy and I have a feeling that he likes me. He also have a lot of friends that he’s probably doing something with, so I don’t want to bother him. It’s embarrassing, because I think he knows I have no other friends.
I actually have a confession. I’m not ugly and a lot of guys are attracted to me. When I meet a guy I usually don’t tell them I have a boyfriend so they’ll keep talking to me. If they think they have a chance with me, they’ll keep talking to me and I won’t be so lonely. I wish I had a best girl friend right now I could call and talk about being dumped. I used to have a best girl friend in middle school, but then she moved away and turned into a selfish snob. I want someone I can go shopping with. I hate that I always have to go with my (ex) boyfriend, he always got so bored and impatient.
I really just want someone to talk to, guy or girl. The weather is so beautiful right now, I wish I could go and enjoy it with someone. I too have the same fears as everyone that nobody will show up to my funeral, and that I won’t have anybody to invite to my wedding (how can I not have a maid of honor?). I am graduating next month and I’m afraid that nobody will clap for me. I won’t get any cheers from the crowd that everyone else gets.
If someone wants to talk I’ll probably be on AIM. My screenname is tes0918. I swear I’m not a weirdo. If you saw me in public you’d think I was a perfectly normal college girl.
March 24, 2007 at 10:43 pm
TES –
@ my wedding I had to have my husbands best mans girlfriend be my maid of honor. I hardly knew her. But I had no one else. I have only seen her about 3 times since I got married 3 years ago.
March 24, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Perhaps it’s fortunate that my boyfriend dumped me, because now I don’t have to worry about getting married.
I thought I was ridiculous – not wanting to get married because I have no friends, I mean what kind of a problem is that? But I guess it’s not that uncommon..
March 25, 2007 at 5:22 am
typing into google with no friends found me this site.
no friends here too. i am getting married and have no friends to come to my wedding. i donno how to love myself and this life really sucks.
tried committing suicide but still am around and feel like an idiot now.
diagnosed as having depression and lost all my pride as a guy.
damn it, this world sucks.
March 25, 2007 at 6:06 am
Hi,
I thought I had a lot of friends until about a year and a half ago. Almost all of my friends were male, and I thought it was all cool until one by one they tried to make moves on me. By the time I announced my engagement to my boyfriend it was all over ~ not a one was happy to hear about it and I was left with nobody who had any reason to hang out with me.
Female friends? Hell no, every time I thought I had a female friend, it turns out they were after whomever I was dating.
Pretty late in the game to quit being naive (27 years old) but I finally learned my lesson. Making real friends takes time and patience.
The reason why it seems that the nicest people are rejected whereas the jerks are surrounded by friends has to do with confidence. People are, above all things, attracted to confidence. Assholes have confidence, but you don’t have to be an asshole in order to get the same effect.
Find something that will give you self esteem so you can be sure of yourself.
For me it was exercise and taking time to enjoy my hobbies.
No friends to invite to a wedding? Big deal! You want to get married right? So keep it small and simple. All that money you would blow on a wedding can go to a kickass honeymoon. That’s the route my fiance and I are taking.
Finally, join some clubs. Adults have clubs too! I’m taking this whole experience as an opportunity to meet people who really share my hobbies. Always before I would hide my true personality to fit in with others, now I’m thinking different. Try meetup.com, craigslist, or yahoo groups.
I don’t have a ton of friends now, but a couple who I can really talk to and trust. Even in America people can make friends.
March 25, 2007 at 10:40 am
Okay, I feel the same as everyone. I’m a 17 year old girl from London – if you’re from London too and in the same boat, PLEASE just post up your Myspace or something? I want a TRUE friend.
March 25, 2007 at 2:12 pm
lol…you guys…you’re just like me, my position and life…..is similar….
I’ve got no friends at all and my only real friend is my computer..hah.
Low self-esteem and having social phobia in the ‘outside world’. It really hurts when i think about not having friends to hang out with,talk with,laugh with,cry with etc. My family is the one that kept me going….17 now…. is it possible to find a place and meet-up? i want to meet u guys..
March 25, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Oh God, as Vince above, I typed “no friends” in my Google bar and look what I found, so many of YOU, just like ME!!! I am the msot social girl in the world, I am 28 and I can honestly say I have never had real friends, except in my childhood, for a short period of time….
I have tried my best to have good friends, but I ran into people who only hurt me when I least expected it, sometimes, deeper than I thought….
March 25, 2007 at 4:32 pm
OMG I can see myself in almost ALL of you!
Im 20 in my sophmore year in college, and all I have are associates. It sucks living in the dorms on weekends because I can hear everyone going out and having a good time. In fact last nite I was looking out my window because people were making loud noises outside , and I saw that the people that I hung out with a couple of times last year were having the time of their lives. I felt soooo lame watching them clown around on the benches and talking about the party they went to. Whats even worse is that a kid that just transferred this semester is like their new member, and all I get is the casual “hey” or small talk when I run into them.
I also hate it cause its getting hot outside which means I have to see people hanging our more and more. Im so tired of spending my friday nights in my room watching tv, and pretending to talk on my cell when my roomate comes in from a party. It seems like everyday I make a pact to “try something different” and be more outgoing, yet i still find myself in the same position. I think we really need to kick up our relationships with our aquantences, no matter how embarresed we might be. I do not want to graduate college with no friends, and I definitly dont want to celebrate my 21st like I did me 20th….alone. We need to start taking those risks and asking what your coworkers or classmates are doing afterwards.
And its definetly no coincidence that all of us are extremely nice and giving, yet we have no friends. I think we might be coming off as goody goody, or as not having a personality. Im gonna make it my mission to be the cynical and funny person I am with my brother, as opposed to being the plastered smile pushover I am at school. People want to hang with interesting people, not people that do nothing but smile and agree with everything they say. Im not as depressed as alot of you are, and I do have some confidence…..but I think we all could benefit from being our true selves instead of what we think people will like.
March 25, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Friendless in chicago, funny that you mention pretending to talk on your cell phone when people are around because I do the same! It’s like I want people to think I have friends… online I will make different accounts for games and hold conversations with myself so it looks like I’m talking with a friend. Omg, I’m so pathetic! :\
March 25, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Dear every one out there,
I just turned twenty five years old, and still remain friendless. I’ve had social issues all my life, although usually managed to maintain at least one friendship at a time. All the girls that I was ever “friends” with would use me and put me down all the time and they even stole from me. I now have come to the age where people are going off and getting married and having children, and it seems like no one ever has time for friends anymore. I am lucky because I a fiance who loves me deeply, and says he does not care if I have no friends that all I need is him (although he has many friendships of his own). I feel so inadaquite as a person for not ever being able to form friendships, and often question myself as a person. Am I really that unappealing to be around? Am I boring? I can’t help feeling like it must be my fault. I have been rejected so many times that I feel like giving up. My hope has been crushed so often by people I try to make small talk with only to have them turn away in complete disinterest . I went to a very snobby high school and live in a snobby town were every body is sooo afraid to talk to others that might not be veiwed as cool. (I know this sounds ridiculous because of my age, but that is how people are in my town.) I am a very decent person and believe in treating others with respect. there has been alot of meaness and hate in my life and I still managed not to let it get the best of me. I’ve read through most of the stories here, and am glad to hear I am not alone. In all sincerity my heart goes out to all of you out there who are truley alone. I know from personal experience that there is nothing worse than having noone. It seems ashame that some of you could not ban together and form friendships, especially the younger people. I just finished being in a situation where I was forced to go away for a year to another country. One of the girls there hated me, and made my life hell, she prevented me from having any friends because she was seen as kind of a leader in the group. I was all alone for a whole year by myself, and the girl was happy because of what she was able to accomplish. Before then I kind of forgot how important it was to have friends until I had none. It is the worst feeling, especially to be shunned by a group. The girl was meaner to me than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. She was overweight and not too attractive and probably jealous of me. Appearances are not important to me (the person is) I certainly do not think that I am better than anyone, but to me she was very ugly on the inside mostly. It unfortunately has left a scar, and now I trust people even less. It seems as though people continually mistreat and reject me time and time again. I know that I am not ugly or fat, but do have a bit of a social problem. I hope that I have been helpfull by sharing my thoughts, and someone will be able to relate to what I’m saying. i feel most sorry for all the younger people who are still in high school. I didn’t have any friends for two years while i was in high school, and it was the one of the hardest things that I ever went through. I think to them i would say don’t give up there is still hope, all you need is to find the right person who appriciates you for who you are. They are still out there and I’m sure that they will treasure your so called “niceness” and not mistake it for a flaw or weakness.
March 25, 2007 at 11:57 pm
Chelsea,
I totally understand where you are coming from. I believe I am an introvert and I have had some of my close family members tell me that I act anti-social and like I dont want to be bothered. This is not true!!! I used to have friends when I was in school, but now I feel like I cant get close to anyone no matter how hard I try. I would be content with just one close friend. I dont have anyone to talk to and that became a reality when my kids and my sister was away for a week. Also when I do try to small talk I end saying something that just does not make sense at all. I tend to do that when I let go of my fears and try to be “fun”. Because of this I tend to just keep quiet around groups of people to keep from embarrising myself.
March 26, 2007 at 9:00 am
Nay: I am the same way.
March 26, 2007 at 1:11 pm
wow cant beleive the amount of posts since i posted ..i cant beleive that there are som many people out there that are lonely..i’ve tryed to make freinds ive never been someone that follows the crowd ive always had and expressed my own opinions and im funny charming and all that but it dont help you make freinds when noone seems to want to try..
i think jule put it perfectly people find something they dont like no matter how small and dont wanna be your friend or make the effort to be your freind which in it self is realy sad and it sounds as though a lot of the people posteing here have tryed and for one reason or another be it there fault oor not havent succeeded..and have come to the point were you start thinking is it worth it to try ,,ive “rebuilt ” my self now at least 5 or 6 times over the years got my confidence and self esteem back only to have none who was a true friend to help me stay there only people who wanted to pretend to be my friend and leave when i needed them most…
a friend is that person who drag you from the gutter and help patch you up not the people who beat you down so much that just cant do anymore
ive given so much to people i thought were friends yet in my times of need they all seem to turn there back.. i dont think its a matter of having somthing in common with some1 i think its more that you respect each other enough to accept your different and still care for the person as much as you do yourself i hope one day all who post here have that kind of friend the one that runs to your aid without being asked not the one that turns there back on you when you give into last of your pride and scream out for help.. people talk about finding there soulmate id just be happy with a true mate
March 26, 2007 at 5:03 pm
friendless in chicago, your situation is almost exactly the same as mine–I’m a 19 year old college sophomore and lately it feels like the closest thing I have to a friend is the janitor who I make small talk with every morning. At the start of freshman year I used to hang out with a bunch of people from classes and my dorm, but none of us ever really got that close and around November or so I found myself eating every single meal alone.
Like a lot of people here I’ve always been really shy and not that assertive, but the thing is, I’m really not that quiet. If anything I’d say I talk too much sometimes, I mean, I used to spend hours talking with my friends in high school and even now when I call home to talk to my parents or brother, the conversations can go on for a good hour or two. That’s why it’s so strange when I find myself sitting alone everyday and not even talking to people in classes. It’s as if everyone is seeing me as this weird loner when I know that’s not who I am.
I guess the situation is partly my own fault since I never really made an effort to get out there and meet people in the beginning. I can’t stand huge parties or being drunk, so I chose not to get involved with the big Friday night social scenes, and I didn’t stick with any clubs since my school is so small and doesn’t offer that many interesting ones. But honestly, I find it kind of hard to believe that the ONLY way people make friends is by going to drunken frat parties and joining lousy college a cappella groups. Seems a little shallow if you ask me.
What you said about being super nice and caring is probably true though. I remember reading about some study that showed people actually prefer annoying, arrogant narcissists over timid or shy people who act like goody goodies. Yeah, that’s kind of depressing to think about, but it can probably make life a lot easier for people in the no friends situation. It means that even if you are naturally kind, you don’t have to act like a saint or a stepford wife 100% of the time. Acting incessantly nice and agreeable is hard, and like you said, it’s also incredibly boring everyone else. Being human means being selfish and opinionated sometimes, you know? Obviously people can’t just run around saying whatever the hell they want to whoever will listen, but it doesn’t hurt to have a little personality. You can’t develop relationships with people without showing them that you’re a person too.
A lot of the time it’s easy to hide behind a facade of pleasantness in order to avoid revealing anything of yourself and therefore to avoid the possibility of rejection, but you can’t form an honest relationship that way. First of all, people are petty and jealous and when you act like Mother Theresa it makes them feel like they’re inferior, and obviously people don’t want to be friends with someone who makes them feel like crap. It’s probably not a good idea to go on and on about your wide variety problems when you’re talking with someone you’ve just met, but you should at least make an effort to show something of yourself. Maybe just say something mildly controversial to show that you have actual thoughts about the world. Even if it scares some people off, you could just as easily attract someone else who feels the same way but wouldn’t know it otherwise.
March 26, 2007 at 8:54 pm
I agree that I really dont show my personality, even with the few people that I talk to on the regular! Its like Im too shy to be completely me, but once in a while I will, and my “friends” look at me like “whoa I didnt know you had it in you, or “OMG your the last person i would expect to say that lol”. Its so weird because When Im at home with my brother Im hilarious and loud, but when I’m around my peers I mumble alot, and I dont take the risk of showing my personality.
March 27, 2007 at 7:48 am
Stay away from the drunken parties! You are doing the right thing. Drunk people always look like they have lots and lots of friends, but believe me, they don’t. When I stopped going to the parties, suddenly, I had NO friends. I suppose if I was still being a drunk, I would still feel like I had friends, but they would not be true friends. And all you people out there worried about no friends at your wedding…It’s not that big of a deal. We didn’t have a lot of friends show up at our wedding and my bride’s maids were not my very best friends, however, that was not the point of that day. The things I remember most were not my lack of friends, I remember that my parents were so happy and the atmosphere was so perfect and my husband and I were so excited. Actually, I barely remember it because of my nerves and the over whelming feelings I had, so a bit more advice would be take as many pictures and videos as possible. The thing that stung a bit, was my two friends that were my bride’s maids got married not long after, and they did not have me as a bride’s maid. Oh well, at least my wedding day was perfect. I agree with what someone said….Just have a small intimate wedding and save your money for the honeymoon. That sounds more romantic anyhow.
March 27, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Observations: Many people here seem to be very involved in a romantic relationship. Maybe we are so involved with our love interests that we have a harder time meeting friends because we are with our boyfriend or girlfriend all the time and we give them all of ourselves emotionally.
#2: Many people here seem to have mentioned that they are more attractive than the average Joe. Maybe that works against us socially because (a) people are intimidated (b) people are jealous and feel inferior (c) anything said being slightly negative makes us come accross stuck up.
Again, just a couple of thoughts that I had after reading many of the posts. I have no friends. :(
March 27, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I think that being attractive and not super outgoing could likely be a downfall in society.
March 27, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Kimberly – I agrree with your thoughts on being attractive. I believe that if I were more outgoing, people wouldn’t think I was stuck up. If you’re attractive and quiet, people think that you think you’re better than them. (I don’t usually give self compliments – but I’ll take a risk at sounding conceited here and say that I think I’m pretty. Trust me I have other faults and they are many). I get told that I come off as intimidating and stuck up; sometimes people would confess to me how they thought about me before they started talking to me. I have to admit I have the same prejudices against people who are attractive and quiet at the same time. I assume that they are (or feel they are) too good for me, and that they have better things to do than talk to me. But maybe I’m just looking in a mirror when I see one of those people.
I also agree with you about the romantic relationship. I know from experience that before I started dating (and I didn’t date until the end of my senior year in high school), I had a lot of friends. Soon I started spending all my time with my boyfriend, and all my girl friends started dating and we never saw each other. Funny thing is they all have come back from boyfriendland and actually have social lives. I, however, have somehow drifted off on my own and cannot connect with them anymore. I have forgotten how to make and remake friends. I have not been single for almost 6 years – perhaps it is best that I try to be on my own.
March 27, 2007 at 5:44 pm
I think that thing someone said about the narcisstic, arrogant people being more popular is definetly true. I always noticed the people who most seem like a-holes had more friends, but this could also be true because they are very confident, and don’t care what others think of them. They also possess a very good opinion of them self, a feature possibly untrue to those of a more humble personality. I think also that the really outgoing people are the ones people are drawn to and see them kind of as leaders or trend setters. They act as though they do not need our approval which seems to be more of an attractive quality then those that require constant validation. those who are arrogant/narcisstic also usually tend to be source of constant drama which could be looked at as exciting for people who are not that way. Maybe “nice” people are inaccuratley being viewed as dull or boring because they don’t come out and stir things up the same way non shy people do. I also noticed some of the comments stated that they are looking for a specific type of person, maybe we are limiting ourselves by searching for only that one type of person. I think that that was my mistake during high school. I rejected people in the same way they rejected me, just because they did not “seem” like my type of person, though maybe if I had gotten to know them better I would have seen we had more in common then I thought. This is just a thought I am definetly not trying to run blame on anyone for anything. I think that earlier comment was very helpful though. It really makes you think.
March 27, 2007 at 11:37 pm
I think about driving into oncoming traffic at least 4 times a day, driving off a cliff, shooting myself, hanging myself daily. I had few friends in High School, none of them talk to me, some don’t even remember me. I fell for a girl who I thought I could finally open up to but like everyone else, she lost all interest. And now I have nothing. No friends, family doesn’t talk to me, $18 to my name, and half empty tank of gas. Why do I bother with this shit? Every time I try, the gutter ends up being my only friend. I’ve threatened to kill myself before, one time even purposefuly causing an accident, 60mph into a telephone poll. I blame the SUV for being so safe. No one thinks anything of it when I tell them that I’m suicidal. At this point, I have no clue why I haven’t killed myself, not like I got anything to lose. I wish I had the guts to just leave, some way to just blink out of existance without leaving anyone hurt. I try to find a reason to live, some thread of hope. The thread shrinks and shrinks every day.
March 28, 2007 at 7:35 am
Hmm, well I probably will be yelled at, and probably shouldn’t be here to begin with. I chanced upon this site while doing a assignment on depression. And I must say I’m surprised at how many people have posted here. Firstly I’m not an American, nor reside in America, so I’m speaking from my beliefs and experiences, which maybe completely different to America. I too have no friends. I haven’t had a casual conversation with anyone for the last 9 years, Parents never seemed interested in me, and after several of what I believe to be attempts to get “friendly” with them, eventually I just gave up. But putting family aside, I’ve never had a friend in my high school years and, while there were several occassions where I felt tempted to “make friends” it didn’t seem worth it.
I once asked a student in her final year of high schoo education why she chose not to have any friends and she replied “What’s the point? In a year I won’t see them again, and in another year if not sooner, no one will remember I even existed” Now here comes my critisicm, the world isn’t about you. It’s not about why people don’t like you, or why you don’t like them. The world is as it is. If you don’t do something nothing will happen. You can’t expect people to like you if you don’t make a move first. For those who try and fail, there are two possibilities, 1. Your asking the wrong person, ask other people, start up a conversation or whatever. Or 2. You look/smell/seem/etc horrible. I’m not saying you a horrible person, just that your not an appealing character, as sad as it is, many judge on initial impression, and I myself have to admit, if someone who seemed as if he/she hadn’t bathed in days, I’d tactfuly tell them to leave me alone, even if they had been the sweetest, most caring person in the world. But bringing this topic to a close, even such people can find peers, so it is not possible to not be able to make any friends.
No friends? Make new ones. I know an individual that started his friendships in a stalker like manner, he’d go to the same cafe, at the same time each day, and strike up a conversation with the same person. I recall he told me the first few thought he was a creep, and called him names such as “loner” and “freak” but that eventually ended. The problem with people is that they care too much how they look. That’s not to say we should be as care free as porn stars seem to be. But that it doesn’t matter how many times you look stupid. As I mentioned above, the girl who said there’s no point in friends. And many you have mentioned how empty or pointless your life seems, well might as well look stupid and try to flinging a pebble at the Great Wall of China (Symbolizing your isolation in this case) and who knows? It might just come tumbling down.
I guess I could write on, but I’ll stop here, before anyone starts calling me one of those “optimistic fools who haven’t had a worry in life” let me assure you, your dearly mistaken. If anything I’m probably a psychopath, my thoughts one abortion, euthenasia, suicide are contradictory to what society promotes. And while many will tell you “No, suicide is bad.” I’d tell you “If it’s what you really want, by all means go ahead” Cold hearted? Perhaps. Anyway if old friends don’t work, make new ones. I don’t have much to offer since I’m not a happy little person with her group of friends either. but honestly, instead of thinking the world is pointless, (I agree) might as well get as much pleasure as you can from it. If you need friends, go make them, But don’t become dependant on them, after all they too are human, and they too will pass you by like the faceless phantoms in the mall eventually.
March 28, 2007 at 7:37 am
Tes, you can talk to me about being dumped. I have been dumped before too. Those bastards.
March 28, 2007 at 7:39 am
Don’t worry about saying you are pretty here, we can all be honest here and sort out our feelings of trying to find out why we have no friends. P.S. I was pretty, but now I don’t feel pretty anymore because nobody says I am anymore. I haven’t gained much weight or anything so maybe I still am. Who knows.
March 28, 2007 at 8:15 am
Being dumped is twice as hard when you have no friends.. not only am I dealing with a loss of a person but I am thrusted back into the harsh reality of loneliness. During the weekdays I am very busy so I keep occupied, but during the weekends it’s extremely difficult. I do have a friend that I talk to about it, but I think he is secretly happy that I got dumped because he probably likes me, and he was dumped recently too. I do think he is a genuinely good person that would talk to me and be my friend without having ulterior motives even if I was in a relationship. But there is always something awkward when talking to someone who you think is secretly, even if subconciously happy about your pain. So I try to keep my distance from him.
Right now I am so angry at him (my ex)… yes he’s a bastard, an asshole, a jerk. But sometimes it’s not so easy to be angry, especially when he didn’t do anything extreme like cheat on me or steal from me. I think it will be the most difficult when the anger wears off and I can focus only on the sadness.
March 28, 2007 at 10:46 am
Yeah well if he is not mean then at least he is stupid to dump you, right? You are smart, nice, and pretty. What and idiot. Maybe it is not the loss of an idiot that is hurting you so badly, but the fact that you lost your only friend as well. I know, because I have been there. I dumped this guy for another guy (pretty mean of me, huh). Well when the new guy dumped me I thought he was the biggest jerk in the world although we only dated for 3 months. The reason it hurt me so deeply is because his friends were my friends and before that my previous boyfriend was my only friend for 2 years and before him my only friend was my boyfriend I had before that for 2 years so you get the picture. I had no social life because everything was wrapped up into these guys. Okay, so now my point, when I dated dude #3, for the first time we had a circle of friends together and we all had so much fun then he dumped me and then I couldn’t hang out with those people anymore. Most of them did take my side and we did a couple more hang outs after, but it wasn’t the same and like usual, I have a hard time keeping in touch with people for some reason so we have all drifted apart. I don’t even know their last names to look them up or anything. Well, I was so angry with him for dumping me but I know that is just because after that I had to be alone in the world. There was no new guy to hang out with (actually I found some, but that turned out badly because I wasn’t that interested in them, I just needed someone to hang out with and one of them really liked me and so that ended up being messy). It took a long time to get over it, but now I have after a lot of self destructive behavior which in turn caused me to need a major change of life and I have and now I am happily married. That’s my 2 cents, sorry it went on and on.
March 29, 2007 at 1:12 pm
…
I’m so glad that whoever is making those posts has nothing better to do with their time than impersonating a total stranger on the internet.
I thought that, having no friends, my life was depressing, but I think I have found someone even more pitiful.
Thank you for making my day.
-The Real Tes Who Is Thankful for Stupid People
March 29, 2007 at 1:42 pm
you know i had written on here like maybe a week or so ago and had asked if someone could help me with my situation or give me some advice and no1 had answered my post.. could someone please help me? or give me some advice??? …. . thanks
March 29, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Hi Amanda. I don’t think this is a good website for finding advice on how to make friends because nobody here has any. I think most people found this page by typing “I have no friends” into google. Maybe you can type “how to make friends” in google or something similar. That’s all the advice I have.
Don’t worry Tes, it is obvious that wasn’t you making those comments. That person sounds illiterate and you seem way smarter than that in your posts.
March 29, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Hi Amanda. I don’t think this is a good website for finding advice on how to make friends because nobody here has any. I think most people found this page by typing “I have no friends” into google. Maybe you can type “how to make friends” in google or something similar. That’s all the advice I have.
**Don’t worry Tes, it is obvious that wasn’t you making those comments. That person sounds illiterate and you seem way smarter than that in your posts.
March 29, 2007 at 10:27 pm
Hey everyone I’m 19 years old and live in Canada and although I haven’t gone threw what everyone here has because all my life I have hade a couple really good friends that I care about and they care about me and I can’t imagine what you people go threw and what I have read on this site I feel incredibly lucky that I have these friends and I believe that all you guys are incredibly strong and really feel bad for you guys but I know that you all will find people eventually I give all of my luck to you guys and if any of you need anyone to talk to email me I don’t bite lol hope to talk to some of you soon my email is
wdcvgca2@hotmail.com
March 30, 2007 at 11:18 pm
hello,
I have read most of the comments on this site and have found the situations similar to mine. You see, I have always been ‘different’ and never a part of the group. Whenever I have been invited to be a part of someone’s clique I have always felt a disconnection. It is always said that the pretty, outgoing and intelligent people have the friends and never find themselves lonely, that that is the key to being the center of attention, but that isn’t so. I am all of those things yet have always felt disconnected. I am an honors student at school, have never been shy, and generally have liked being surrounded by people. Ever since grade school, however, while having a good first impression of me, people tended to shift away as the time went on and in return I tended to do the same.
Maybe it is because I have always been more mature for my age then others. I have always wished to find a person exactly like me, someone who could understand and share my opinions. Three years ago, I have found that person, a person about fifteen years older than me, even though, if you knew him, he would seem younger in the way he acts.
A few months ago, he has found himself a girlfriend who has children almost my age, and is now planning to propose. I cannot say that I am unhappy for him, but I miss him. Our friendship, of course, never went farther then just a friendship, but we would always have fun together, just going out on the weekends, and I miss that very much.
I now have other ‘friends’, if you can even call them that. I never find comfort around them, because everything they do seems immature to me in a way that I would think “I’d never do the things they do”. However, it is nice having someone to go out with on a Friday as pathetic as that seems. I never liked having just ‘anyone’ there. That’s probably another one of my reasons for having no one. I am very selective when it comes to people and would never be for a long period of time with a person who had nothing in common with me.
And now, I sometimes feel like I don’t need friends and at other times I truly feel bad for having no one. Sometimes I feel like I might be overwhelmed by loneliness if I stay alone on a Friday night. That’s why I always find somewhere to go or something to do.
In the end, I’d just like to say that relating to people is difficult these days. Whenever someone else finds something ‘out of order’ with you, they will start backing away and keeping at a distance. They may not realize that you are actually a great person and could be an amazing friend.
Also, I think that being ‘different’ or stranding out is never ‘your problem’. It is not a problem, in fact you might be better for it. Some people out there may never know what they’re missing.
Thanks a lot for reading and listening.
Jule
p.s. Send me an email when you have time.
It would be nice to talk. :) radeon001@hotmail.com
March 31, 2007 at 5:07 am
hi- im a little older than others here-45 so I guess you may have your own interpretation of that. however i’m with all that have posted here. Being alone is very diifcicult, is it feels like living in a void-walking around an empty city- sitting in a vacant house. I feel at times that im not meant to be here and many times I have thought that I shouldnt be. I dont feel anything is wrong with me- im educated, reasonably intelligent , open and honest- but concede that perhaps thats not how others may view me I dont have any friends to talk to – visit or telephone. Its really sad not being able to share your thoughts with others or just have company. It wasnt always like that- but over the past 5 years whatever connections I had seemed to have disappeared. My family are very distant so I dont have that support either. Its strange how so many people here have lamented how they have given to others – yet have been disappointed that their actions have not been recipricated. I understand that too-as its been the same for me. Ive helped friends get jobs,and counselled them through tough times yet when all is well they just disappeared. It feels bad- as you give of yourself to others because you believe in helping- yet when theyre ok- they forgot my friendship so quickly. I am a sociable person – I like going out- yet dont anymore- as id feel like a walking sign post -saying lonely -or friendless. I hate lonliness and just dont cope with it- I so wish I had someone who was a good friend that I could talk to and catch up with. It also seems the longer you become lonely – the harder it seems that anything will ever change. I go to walk and thats really the only place where I get to interact with others. Mosrly my colleagues are married with kids so its difficult to build solid personal friendships there. When I come back home from work the lonliness normally kicks in about an hour later. The telephone syopped ringing many years ago- I dont even know why I still have it connected. Its really awful to think that for the most part the only calls I get are for bills or telemarketers
One of the difficult things about being lonely is it makes you so vunerable- I drink sometimes to fill the void- as when im lucid it re opens doors from years gone by when I had friends. Its nice to reflect until sleep takes the memories. But its not an answer- just a mask to ease the pain temporarily
I have a beach house- which is nice- but ive realise that irrespective of where you are – without friends its hard to really enjoy or appreciate what you have
im scared that my lonliness sucumb to me going something drastic
I still have faith that one day things will change – but it seems to be slipping away.
April 2, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Hi, I am 28, and I only have 1 or 2 friends. I say 1 or 2, because we just don’t talk that often. Up until I started working I had some friends through out my school years. Not alot of friends, but at least a tight knit circle. But it’s so hard to keep friendships going when everyone starts to drift away. I wish I had made more friends in college and kept them close. I am friendly with my colleagues, but of course that isn’t the same. Once we all get off work, we go our separate ways.
I am grateful for the few friends that I do have, and talking to my family helps when I have noone else to turn to. I hope everyone finds some piece of happiness.
April 2, 2007 at 8:51 pm
im 19 and my social skills suck. i have friends but def no confidants.
it sucks.
but im optimistic, email me if you want to chat
insane901@aol.com
there’s no reason why we all can’t be friends. society through us out but we dont have to be walked all over.
April 2, 2007 at 9:38 pm
I’m so glad I found this site. It makes me feel less alone.
So…my story…I’m twenty years old and have no friends. It’s kinda sad, because I’m in college with over 5,000 people my own age. I feel like I’m missing out on what is supposed to be the best years of my life. Instead of going out with friends, I’m usually sitting in my dorm watching TV or doing homework. Life is so hard when you’re all alone.
Wouldn’t it be great if there were places where people in need of friends could meet each other? That’d be great!
My question for all of you is what do you do to feel less lonely?
April 3, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Wow, I didnt think a forum like this existed. I thought I was the only one who felt isolated and disconnected from society but I guess not.
I am 20 yrs. old and I go to a major public institution in the south with thousands of kids but I have no one to talk to or even just kick it with sometimes. I admit I am not the most social person there is but I think I am a pretty friendly person.I’ve never really had trouble making triends. I am from Boston so I have always been sort of reluctant to go up to someone I don’t know and start talking to them. I’ve tried to start small talk conversations with people but it doesnt get much further than that. On occasion I’ll talk to my friends back home but I havent been there in eternity so sometimes theres not much to talk about anymore but the Red Sox.LOL After walking around with no friends all the time for such a long time you start to become very defensive towards everyone and you start thinkin’ f*** these people I don’t need them but deep down you know it hurts because you feel as though you dont even exist. I dont know if it is a cultural disconnect or what but it seems like people are so hesitant to approach me.I try to be friendly towards people,hold doors,smiling and saying hello but as strange as it seems these things are very hard for me sometimes being from Bos.
So much for southern hospitality.I admit my social skills may be lacking but I think I deserve to have friends too. You just get tired of studying chem equations and looking at The Adventures Of Indiana Jones all the time.LOL
April 3, 2007 at 10:45 pm
I am 20 years old. Reading all these post made me feel not as lonely. i talk to so many people when i was in middle school and elementary, i had a lot of different groups of friends that i could just hang out in and start a conversation….but ever since i moved when i started high school my social netwrork decreased!!…and when i made a couple of frineds…i moved again for college. now i have 2 friends but not close one. its SO sad because all we talk about is school! what we got on our exams, what homework we have. nothing more nothing less. i am a loner and outcast. every1 has a group of friends in my class except me. i dread when we do work in ‘groups’ or ‘partners’ because i am ALWAYS the loner in the corner with no one to talk to. i don’t eat lunch at school becasue i don’t want people to see me eat by myself. whenever i have a break, i hide in the library so no one finds me. i don’t talk for an entire school day, which is 8-10 hours. it seems like i dont even know how to communicate anymore. i dont even know how to talk properly. i studder so much. my best friend is the computer and tv. i never dated, never been to a club, never drank. i think moving + family issues during that crucial time of my youth (around 14yrs old) had screwed my life over. i am nice, willing to help others, i dress nice, and i am clean and present myself good. sometimes i wonder why i even spend so much time doing my hair or picking out my clothes when seriously, NO ONE cares about me, and no one even know that i EXIST. but a year ago i have developed major acne, which has totally made me even more depressed, low confidence and no self esteem. i see the new kid come to my class and automactically makes so much friends. why can’t i? i am officially the saddest person in this forum.
April 5, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Heather,
I used to have really bad skin too. I had pimples all over my face. Not to sound cheesy, but proactive works really well (although I know that is not really your major problem). I am also in a very similar situation to you too. I go to college and hide in the corner of the library, and always eat by myself. I have one friend in school, but I hardly ever see him. Then when ever I see other people they always seem to be so happy and well-liked, like there having so much fun. I dread working in groups too because it always seems like onone really wants to work with me, like they already have people they know and can’t be bothered with me.
April 5, 2007 at 5:15 pm
I’m starting to feel that life is a complicated thing that cannot be breaken down to understand why is it bad sometimes. I spend most of my time alone with no one next to me, in early days of school I never been social, in other words I never felt satisfied. I tried to make friends all of the time and grab their attention but it just never worked. The thing is I really want to have friends and a good social life, but it just doesnt work. All of that led me to lose my self-esteem. I started thinking that looks might be the reason. I’ve asked my parents for a nose job at 16 years ! I’ve went through the pain and did it. I feel satisfied with the results but I realised that looks isn’t everything at all. What is really bothering me now is that I need people around me so bad but it doesn’t work for some reason. I even wish I could love and be loved sometime in my life. In high school, I always felt that I’m not good enough like the others, I felt I’m not wanted too. Most of my classmates used to make fun of my slim body. I’m a 18 years old guy now, and as I’m writing this i feel so lonely and I feel like crying. I spend most of my time working out to try to make my body look better, I try to talk to people at the gym and i always smile to everyone but still not good enough. When I see groups having fun I really start thinking why can’t I be like them ! I thought of committing suicide so many times, but then i think that it is just running away from reality. I really want to change this but I don’t know if this is how my life will go on …
April 6, 2007 at 10:44 am
Reading your messages is both saddening and enlightening at the same time. While it help s to know I’m not alone with this problem, it merely affirms my greatest fear i.e. it is possible to have no friends at all. While I might not have been the most gregarious of personalities, I have always kept a small group of confidantes. However, recent events have changed or rather revealed the true status of my fellowship with these people. Firstly, after I hinted, quite directly that there will never be anything more than friendship with person A, he lost interest in becoming my confidant. Apparently, his friendship was his efforts in getting laid. While I am tempted to say all men are dicks at this point, I choose not to believe it because it must be a sweeping and unfair statement. Secondly, this year has been a horrible year. I have failed to secure an internship with every interview I have been to. My friend B however has been really successful and the friendship has deteriorated to the point where I don’t think there is a point in keeping up with it. He only talks to me about his obsession with men and his body ( he is gay) and he didn’t use to be like that. Or was it just me who refused to see it. He seems so shallow and it will be okay if he cares about me too as a friend but he doesn’t. I’m the one making the effort to have a conversation/updates. I’m exhausted by people. I don’t trust people and somehow, I realize the true isolation and destitute that the character in notes on a scandal must feel. I realized that it could be my one true destiny not something that was just kept in the back of my mind. Its depressing to realize things like these. At a time when I need support, I have no support at all. Sigh. If there is a God, he really really sucks.
April 6, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Hi everyone! I’m 22 and just came across this site today. I’ve been at home all day watching TV and surfing the internet while my boyfriend is out with his friend. I’m shocked and relieve to know that I’m not the only one who has this problem. For the longest time I though I was a loser or that something was wrong with me because I couldn’t make or keep friends. I try to tell myself I like being alone, but deep inside I wish I had someone close to talk to other than my boyfriend. i’ve been with him for almost 6 years now and I get jealous when he goes out with his friends (which is only like once a month) I just don’t know how to talk to people sometimes, I feel like I might say something wrong, but for the most part I’m very talkative. I think maybe a little too serious. I feel very insecure about myself and I feel like people are always judging me. Despite the fact that I’ve been told I very pretty ( i never believe it) my self esteem is really really low. I’v had this problem with friends ever since highschool. even tho I know now that you all are out there…. it still sucks. I hope that life will not be this way forever, i don’t know how to deal with it forever.
April 6, 2007 at 6:16 pm
going back, I read a couple posts I missed… Wow Heather, you sound just like me when I was in college. I was always hiding on break and sat alone in class. It made me really depressed to know that everyone had a group or circle of friends but me. after a while, I just didn’t know how to talk to people, didn’t know what to say. I have never been to a club either which is something I am really ashamed of. Actually I’m afarid to go because I’d be way to nervous to mingle and dance with people. I’m even jealous of my sister for being so popular in university. all I have is my boyfriend…. if anyone wants to chat my address is c_douggie@hotmail.com
April 6, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Dear Everyone,
I feel the same way that alot of you guys do. My “friends” would always have parties and not invite me. Later on i would either find out about it unintentionally or they would just tell me about the fun they had, as if they want me to feel hurt. I have been really depressed recently, and i feel as if there is no one who can help me. i feel like my life is meaningless, and i’m just wasting my time with what i do. I can’t find anything I do fun. i’m a freshman in College. My life is just beginning, but it seems like it’s ending already. What should I do? Whom should I talk to?
Thank you for reading this. I feel much better after writing down my thoughts. Thank you everyone.
April 6, 2007 at 8:04 pm
Currently in my neighborhood there is a party going on with some of the people that live around here. They are my age and we have children the same age. We have not been included in that circle. They are exremely social to one another, but they will not even look our way in passing. Our window is open and I can hear them talking and laughing. Why are we all in this situation? Are people in general just bastards, or is there something wrong with all of us? All these millions and millions of people in the world and I do not have a single one of them as a friend. Screw ‘em. I thought I was feeling good about myself today and then I heard the talking and laughing right outside my window and it all went to shit.
April 6, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Yep, I wish each and everyday that I would die, life is useless roaming it all alone not being able to experience the joys that others do. never had a gf never had a friend to talk to without being made fun of. fuck life.
April 6, 2007 at 9:58 pm
peter, that’s a sad, sad story (as is everyone elses) If you’re having this problem at 45 it leaves little hope that things will improve as we get older…..
April 7, 2007 at 2:28 am
It’s 2am and I sit here with tears in my eyes reading these posts, I don’t even know what to feel but pure sadness that there are others out there living the way I am. Up until I was about 12 everything was ok, my parents were divorced but that had happened when I was very young, I had plenty of friends and family there for me. At 13 or so everything changed. There was no one. My mom and stepfather fought non stop and only had anything to do with me when they had to yell at me about something for a few hours to take a break on each other. I spent all of junior high and high school with no friends, no one to talk to. There were a couple good years after high school, mainly because I made good money and started to spend it on booze. Easy to make friends when you buy lots of alcohol. As soon as I stopped drinking everyone i had drank with just stopped talking to me, I guess I should have expected as much, but I was blinded the booze.
Its now been 15 years since the depression and having no friends started. I don’t know how I make it through each day, I just do. Lately I break down crying and shaking or fly into a rage and punch myself in the side of the head calling myself an idiot, loser, whatever the whole time, I don’t understand why things got this way, I always tried to be nice to people and be respectful, I have worked since i was 14, I was a nice guy. Now I just have nothing to say, I try to smile but it just feels wrong on my face. I am at the edge of a complete breakdown and don’t know what to do, it’s not fair that this is happening to me, its not fair that it is happening to anybody.
sorry for being so long winded, just had to get it out
April 8, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Im 15, I had a really great group of friends in primary school. Then I moved to secondary school and i never found close friends. I have a group at school of four mates, but they are labbelled as the school losers…so i fall in that category…i am popular, as in i am liked by alot of people, but i never get invited out to partys or clubs like any other 15 year old should. I stay at home most days, i have three very close friends but they dont know each other, therefore, i never go out with a group of mates…this makes me so sad…i would love to be in a big group of best mates, i dont have that. Someone tell me if they were the same at my age, and things will work out.
April 8, 2007 at 2:10 pm
I WANT THE PERSON READING THIS, TO TRY FORGET ALL THEIR SORROWS FOR JUST ONE SECOND, TAKE A DEEP SIGH, AND JUST SMILE IT AWAY!
Cause just remember, you aint alone…
…things are bound to get better.
April 9, 2007 at 12:23 am
hey everyone! My second post, just an answer for sarah’s question on what I do to feel less lonely. Well I try to do anything that is bound to make me happier and busier. Watch comedy movies, drink, study (not that it makes me happy just fills the mind with other thoughts). There has been a whole lot of new posts since i sent my last post. I tell you what, it makes me feel a hell of a lot better knowing you guys are out there, exactly the same position as me. But instead of letting everyone know our depressive lonely state, maybe there is something we can do about it, set up a chatroom for us or something so we can actually have conversations. Im not a computer guru but if there is anyone who can set up some sort of chat site! then that would be sweet as!. The only other suggestion for anyone who wants to contact anyone from here is to put emails at the end of their posts. Cuz I would love to have a good old chat with someone. I havent met any of you but I really hope you and myself can find what we are looking for. :)
April 11, 2007 at 6:05 am
ok, I have a WIERD experiment….. How many of you are Leo’s?? I never used to believe in that stuff but a few experiences made me wonder. I know two people that are leo’s (male and female) and they are both quiet introverts, but after getting to know them I relized that they had a whole other personality to them (like me. I’m a leo by the way). They didn’t have many friends if any at all and they were both very sexy people. (kinda like me LOL) They were creative, fun and humorous. they liked to read, the guy loved drawing … so many things that I myself love to do. I had alot of fun with them and we can talk for hours but before I saw this side of them I thought they were stuck up people. (usually what people think of me) then I noticed that someone on this site was a leo too. No basis to my experiemnet really, just a funny coincidance and Im curious to know how many Leo’s are here.
April 11, 2007 at 8:05 am
Virgo. And from what I have read, Virgos can be like that too.
April 11, 2007 at 5:38 pm
I have MSN messenger c_douggie@hotmail.com
April 12, 2007 at 3:47 am
i dont understand why it is so hard to make friends these days. i am having trouble meeting new people. i would love to have a good group of friends that i can hang out with, and be close with. i don’t have a family, and thats why its really important for me to find a good group of friends. i am not really a shy person, but i still don’t know how to meet people. you cant just walk up to random people in the street, and say “hey lets be friends”. it obviously doesn’t work like that. i don’t really know where to meet people, or how to go about talking to new people. ive been pretty miserable because of not having anyone in my life. i have this one friend who has a lot of issues, so he isnt really dependable. i dont know how long he will stick around until he gets into his moods and turns into a scumbag. i work at a restaurant, but unfortunately, they aren’t really the type of people i can see myself hanging out with, because most of them are not really friendly. i just wish i knew the answers on how to meet new people
April 12, 2007 at 7:45 am
Jack,
Read these articles because it sounds like you are an introvert, like me. Basically, since I came across these articles, it has helped me to understand who I am and helped me realize it is the small talk I am not doing with people. I need to talk about the weather a little more. I have felt a bit better about my situation in the last few weeks but I, like you, go through 1-2 days of slight depression every now and again, but I still go to work, so you may have it a little worse than me. I drank alchohol like a fish too because it was my only way of being uninhibited. I was free to say and do what I wanted and nothing would hold me back but when I was sober, I was back to my usual quiet self. They even called my Jackyl and Hide, which looking back was probably not the best nickname. Hang in there, with time this will pass for us all by either accepting who we are and living with it, or trying to change, but I think things will get better for all of us.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts
April 12, 2007 at 7:59 am
I just thought of one more thing. Where I live, everyone has been talking about the book, The Secret. You guys may or may not have heard of it by now, but my husband is reading it and he said it is the best present I ever got him. He tells me all about it and even reads parts of it to me. I will be reading it when he is done. Anyway, it talks about the law of attraction and says that our thoughts our so powerful that they attract things and situations. It says that when we dwell on things like having no friends, like we all do, then we attract that into our lives even more. I know, it sounds kind of like hogwash, but I tried an experiment while driving to work. Instead of saying to myself “whatever lane I am in, is always the slow lane” I said “whatever lane I am in will be the fast lane” and it worked! It was the power of positive thinking. Okay, so maybe it isn’t true but maybe it is. If we want to better our situations, then it can’t hurt to read it, right? Hey, we’ve got nothing else to do with no social lives. So maybe if we say to ourselves, I will meet people and I will make friends, then we can attract people. At least we would probably look a little happier because we are not having these miserable thoughts going through our heads thinking that we are so lonely and nobody likes us. Lets try it.
April 12, 2007 at 10:47 pm
hi, it made me cry after i read everyones entries, i feel so alone all the time.. and its so strange because no one would know it, i am extremely beautiful, an amazing personality, seriously.. yet i have zero confidence.. i have such a great life, i’m going to college, i play on a womens varsity soccer team, i have money, but i have no one.. i’ve never had a real boyfriend, because everytime i go on a date or have feelings for someone i push them away, and i hate it because some of them i really liked so much… i used to have alot of friends growing up, always someone close.. but then i hit grade 12 and i took myself out of everyones lives.. i kinda went to some other friends by the end of the year, but once college started, i never hear from them or see them… it hurts so much, the pain makes me stop talking to my family, and people around me.. yet i don’t even tell them because i dont want to bother them with my problems.. its just so fucked up because i can’t find any friends who i trust,.. seriously though, i don’t trust one person in this world, not even my parents.. i am one of the most trustworthy person you could probably ever meet,.. whatever i just don’t understand… i hate this world sometimes, and everyone in it
April 13, 2007 at 11:50 am
Hey,
Ive been reading this site a lot the past couple of months and this is my first post, probably my final. A lot of you people dont deserve such misery in your lives. I’d like to say i dont but i feel as though i deserve it. Ive been depressed for a couple of years, with on and off periods, and only 17 years old. I was bullied constantly in my first years of high school, and as a result i have a constant paranoia and fear about people around me, because i have been let down and stabbed in the back by most of the friends ive had. I feel as though i cant go anymore and i just want to end my life, because its easier for me in the long run. You may call me a coward but i cant go on feeling like this 24 hours a day. even on good days things just build up inside and i just feel unhappy. for everything good something bad happens to me,,i dont think im meant to be here. i would say to you people feeling the same to not be weak like me and just look at life in a positive light and value yourself more than you value other people. My friends are two faced, i cant even trust my family, i get let down by everyone i care about, so is there a way out for me? i think not. Maybe i just need someone to talk to but i cant go on much longer like this..
April 16, 2007 at 8:00 pm
No, are you?
April 18, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Hi there!
I was surprised when I found this site. My husband and I too are both lonely people. We are each others own best friends. We both have came from distant cold and dysfunctional families. For example, my husband had a Father that had actually commited suicide. Its been hard for him to get close to other men I believe now because of that. He is an office professional still trying to climb up that ladder of financial success at 42. I had 3 kids at a very young age in another marriage, finances for me had made it impossible for me to further myself, so now its about my hubby being the best bread winner. Today we live 1500 miles away from family. We decided to move from Minnesota to Myrtle Beach, SC, but things didn’t work out there, and now we are stuck smack in the middle of nowhere in the deep south about 110 miles from the Beach, because of my husband’s job relocation. My husband had gotten let go from the company out here, and the unemployment rate in SC is the highest in the nation. He just recently found work after 6 full months of being unemployed, and that was so scarey. Our beloved pomeranian dies a hideous painful death during this time of unemployment from the poison pet food recall you may have heard about. We miss him terribly.
We are outgoing and caring, kind, loving, thoughtful, hospitable, generous, and intelligent, common sensical type of people. We are not perfect, but we are much more together than most I believe. We love our pets, they are like our children, since we never had any kids together. We are also Christians. Sadly I have found that many of the churches are too clicky out here and are little more than clubs at best, and if you are a “yankee” in the south ( I hate that word now) and alone, its not a good thing. We have been lonely for many years. I’m 51 now and our situation is pathetic. I am a “people person” and I have alot to say. For me to be in this ongoing crisis of “Zero friends” is not where we should be. I have some standards that I will not hang out with druggies or criminals just to have friends also. I desire to talk with some of the nice types of people I have been reading on these posts. You might think I’m too old for some of you, but I am good a good listener too. I only hope none of you younger ones are suicidal because of your loneliness. You have to be tough in this world because even if we don’t know what the exact reason we are here for, know that God has a greater plan for all of us.
I have many interests and talents. I love the chance to entertain. I am a good cook. I am not arrogant as all this bragging may sound like. As I am just telling the facts. I refuse all these years to ever have completely taken away all of my self confidence and self esteem away. The Lord helps me get through each second, minute, hour and day, but there have been many times I thought maybe I wasn’t meant to have existed. But I know its just a dirty lie from the devil! I’m not suicidal by no means, but I do feel a little crazy at times without others to share my life with, besides only my husband and pets. I ask what is my purpose here on this crazy earth. Life is too short and we all need each other. I also know what it feels like to give and give and get nothing in return from others, that hurts but it something you must forgive. I have traveled much in my life. I have many interesting things to talk about. If anyone wants to e-mail me, I would like hearing from you. Jesus loves you and so do I! Leah thomashohenstein@yahoo.com
April 18, 2007 at 3:24 pm
It’s good to know that I am not, pardon the pun, “alone out there”. I’m a 35-year old male living in Connecticut, married with 3 kids. I had a close group of friends in high school and college, but, as so often happens, we have drifted apart. I still maintain occasional contact, but like so many of you, I find myself the one that’s usually making the effort for contact.
I no longer have anyone close to me that I feel I can confide in. The cold reality of the situation really hasn’t hit me until recently, maybe I’ve realized that I need something that I had been content to be without for so many years. My wife works a few nights a week, which means I’m by myself with the kids, which is fine, but sometimes it’s nice to talk about things other than Star Wars and Dora. Compunding things is that I’ve been under an increasing amount of pressure at work. For the past two months or so I’ve been feeling very depressed, and haven’t been out with someone else once in all that time. Last night my wife went out with friends from work, and I have to admit, I’m green with jealousy.
I’m not really sure what the problem is. I’m usually one of the first people that is included when people from the office head out to happy hour, but we’ve been so busy lately that everyone just wants to go home at the end of the day. I’ve always had a hard time making friends, even though pretty much everyone I know would classify me as a “good guy”. I’ve gone through little bouts of this in the past that would last a day or two, and then I’d pick up and be my typically happy self, but this has been going on two months now and is not getting any better.
I suppose my problem is that when it comes to social activities, I’m generally not an initiator, but it’s a hard step for me to take.
I’m really sorry that we all have to be here discussing this.
-Joe
husky_hoops@yahoo.com
April 18, 2007 at 4:30 pm
I am in the same boat as all of you. All my life I have strived to be a good person, to help people, be kind, laugh, smile and make people feel good. As a kid I was called happy-go-lucky. I had 1 friend back then. Through the years I would have a friendship which lasted a year or more and then they would always stab me in the heart. I know I am not perfect and I have made my mistakes but I have always been loyal, honest and a true. I got so tired of being stabbed in the heart by these so called friends so as the years passed I decided to just say the heck with it. I don’t need anyone. Though I am married happily I sometime need a friend to hang with. Someone to call on the phone, someone who accepts me for me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong with my life, why I have no friends. I never get invited to anyones huse, no parties, nothing. I try very hard to keep the depression at bay but at times it gets to be too much. Like now I feel very sad because someone at work who used to be a friend causes me heart ache with some of the things I hear her say about me. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of living in a fantasy world where I dream of being very popular. I don’t have to have a lot of firnds, just real friends who only want a friend, an honest and loyal friend. I read a lot, especially fantasy stories and dream I am like the person in the story. Everyone always wanting to be my friend, people love me, talk to me and listen to what I have to say. Then I wake up and reality sets in. Maybe its just me. maybe deep inside me I am a bad person. Maybe one day I’ll run across someone like me.
I just wanted to say that I know how you all are feeling. Maybe being a jerk to people is the way to go. If it is, I guess I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.
April 18, 2007 at 8:22 pm
I am so alone and depressed. Even work no longer stops the sadness… I am so tired… I constanly feel so empty. I have (starting over a year ago) taken to eating lunch at my desk because no one ever asks me to join them, even the others on my “team”. and when i ask them to join me well… lets just say I do not bother anymore. I geuss its time just to pack it all in and call it a day. why…. why…. why….
April 18, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Well, ive been on this site for almost an hour now reading all of your stories, and I have to say that my story is equally grim. Up until tonight I always thought that I was totally alone and that I MUST be the only person who didnt have a single friend. I finally decided to ask google “Why dont I have any friends?” and I wound up here.
I remember back in high school always having people to talk to, and people to hang out with in school, but even so I was still totally alone. It always seemed that during school hours I was popular and doing great, but for the life of me I cant remember one person from school ever hanging out with me afterward, unless of course they needed me to drive them somewhere, or do somthing for them. Im now 26 and not much has changed. It seems now a days I simply cant meet any new people, and the people I do meet are simply passers by. And aside from the first conversation I have with them, I never manage to get past that and onto anything that could actually turn into a relationship. I have told myself over the years that “This is simply how it is, and theres nothing you can do about it” but im really starting to question that, and what is actually going on in society to cause a need for a website like this. Obviously we are not alone, and there are many other people out there that are feeling the exact same way that I do, but if thats the case, why arent we running into each other all the time? Think about it. If one person like me actually found this site, and took the time to read it and post on it, how many other people in the same situation didnt find the site, or found the site and didnt post? 10, 100, 1000? I dont know, but as this has been a running post for over 2 months (based on the post dates) thats gotta make up an alarming percentage of North America feeling the exact same way I do!
So the question reamins then , why are so many of us in this situation? I dont know the true answer, but I can assume based on the numbers that we all cant have the same living situation, demographic, age group, race, sex, mental disorder, or really anything else that could possibly expain this. Really the only explanation that seems to make any sense at all (and please keep in mind that this is simply my opinion, and I am still in the same boat as all of you) is that our society has reached a point where it is no longer socally acceptable to meet new people, and actually open up to them. I mean, “God forbid that anyone know that I dont have any friends, and ill be damned if I ever let anyone know that. Thus I will soldier on as I am, somehow hoping to meet somone who is willing to talk to me, without me actually having to open up to them first.” Ive found myself thinking that many times in the past few years, and it begs the question, “Am I the only one who does this?”
Furthermore, I have seen noted many times on this page that it always seems that shallow, or “uncaring” people always seem to have all the friends. Has anyone ever considered that this might be due to the fact that those who may be considered shallow, or uncaring may always seem to have friends because they are not actually attempting to open up or share anything personal with anyone in their social circle? I cannot speak from experience, but assuming that these people are as shallow as we all seem to think they are, then it wouldnt be a total stretch to assume that the people they gather with are not actually they type of friends that would be willing to listen to personal problems, or for lack of a better saying “go out on a limb” for the people they know? I guess what im asking, is how do I/we know its not just posturing in an attempt not to appear to be as alone as the rest of us are willing to admit? Or really not willing to admit. Again, based on the numbers it would appear that we are not alone, and there are people just like us everywhere. Thus the only true solution to this delimma is for all of us to stop actiing like we are the only ones that feel this way, and perhaps attempt to open up to someone who may be a complete stranger…
I can’t say that im totally comfortable with this idea, but after spending my entire adult life feeling like an outcast in society I think I just might be willing to give it a try.
Thanks for reading my extremely long post. And if you are interested in being my friend heres my “myspace”
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=75441865 (I sure hope that link works!)
J.
April 19, 2007 at 7:31 am
At work, I have tried opening up to people and talking to them. I ask questions about their lives only to get an answer to my question, and that is it. They don’t ask about me. Nobody wants to try and get to know me. I have been here 2 months now and I have opened up to 3-4 people and the rest of them, I have tried being pleasant to and still, at lunch time, nobody asks me to go. They order food for each other and go around asking what people want from the menu, but nobody ever asks me what I want. It is weird. I used to think that people were just mean to me for some unknown reason, but now I am beginning to think that I have seriouse problems. Hundreds of people can’t be wrong. I always thought I was normal, but now I don’t think that anymore. I must be really uninteresting or maybe I stink. It is getting to the point that I don’t even want to try anymore. Some days I just sit in my office all day and if I don’t start a conversation with anyone, then I don’t talk to anyone all day. At church it is the same way. The only time I am happy is when I am with my family, but when I am away from them I deteriorate quickly. My husband thinks I am awesome and he doesn’t understand it either. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. It keeps getting more and more difficult to deal with. Am I going to live like this forever? The only thing that keeps me going is thinking that “maybe when we move again (in a year), then I will meet some friends”, but that is what I thought last time we moved, and I haven’t met a single soul that wants to be my friend. I am mormon and I live in Utah. The Mormon community is a very tight knit community and when you move to a new neighborhood, you can usually assume you have instant friends, but that has not been the case with me. Nobody tries to get to know me. I wish I knew why. I have given up. There is not much more I can do at this point because I can’t say I never tried. I guess my family will be my only friends but I will have to wait like 20 years to be able to talk to my kids on an adult level. They are only babies.
April 19, 2007 at 8:27 am
Leah I am sorry to hear about your pet. That is so sad. You meant to exist because you brought 3 children into this world and your pets and your husband need you. So, how long have you been without friends? I know what you mean about wondering if you were meant to be here. Sometimes I feel invisible and like I don’t even exist. It would be nice to have people acknowledge my existence. I wonder why this is our fate? Maybe it will make us stronger some how.
April 19, 2007 at 9:04 am
Hey, its Leah again.
I hope all of you are hanging in there okay. I really respect and appreciate everyone’s openess on this message board. I think you are all GREAT! This board has really got me to start really analyzing the “friendless” situation even more. I just wanted to say a few things. First is, what I wonder, how is it that if there are so many lonely people out there, then why is it, I see so many people yacking away on their cell phones all of the time, everywhere, and even ringing practically off the hook for some of them. Maybe some of this may relate to their jobs too. But that can’t always be the reason. Sometimes I wonder too, if there are people who just keep a cell phone in their ear, maybe are really just talking to the air, pretending they have lots of friends, and that they are trying to say to the world ” Hey look at me, I have lots of friends, I’m important.” Also, I want to say about how our society has come to be so over materialistic too. We are constantly shopping as a nation, buying many things we think we need, but actually don’t always need, at all. I believe that maybe it could be to just avoid the loneliness and depression and boredom, for lack of relationships in our lives. Maybe we try to use material things to fill those empty voids in life, but to no avail, and soon we are heading back at the stores shopping again. Thats why it could be at any given time you can see many of the Walmart stores parking lots filled to the maximum. Just think of the money one could save if we weren’t shopping so much. Look at the buffet restaurants too, how they are filled to the max, with everyone stuffing their faces and getting fat and unhealthy. And the Bars are full of people hanging there heads over there drinks up at the bar, getting drunk, or trying to have a sexual encounter with someone, hoping that sex will fill the void. Or feeling no one cares about them, or they feel so misunderstood by the world. What would we do if there were no Buffets, no Bars, no Walmarts?? Well we might become thinner, wealthier, soberer, healthier and saner for starters. In this type of a society people might come to depend on each other more for sharing and fun and enjoyment and self improvement. Also be learning to communicate better, while developing long term and more meaningful, and deeper connected friendships with each other. It might become much easier to go out on a limb for new friendships. and not just having a possible bunch of aquaintances or superficial relationships, or passerbys coming and going, passing on through our lives.
About a week ago, I just recalled when I was at the petfood store, there was this lady who was getting ready to pass me with her cart in the isle I was in, and then she stopped and noticed my little dog. She started the conversation talking about her new puppy, and then she went on about how she knew someone who was abusing their dogs, and that she had rescued the puppy she had. I spoke about the petfood that poisoned my first dog to death. And the next thing you know, we must of been standing in that isle for a good 20 minutes or longer talking about dogs and cats, when suddenly, she confesses to me, and says “I have NO friends. I was like surprised when she admitted this outright to me. Unfortunately I did not let her know that I was in the same exact boat as her. So I used the excuse to let her know what I had been reading about the petfood ingredients that she was unaware about, and I asked her if she had a computer that I could e-mail her the information I had about what was in the petfood ingredients, in hopes that maybe we could also strike up a friendship over time. But she said she didn’t have a computer. I didn’t feel right at the time about asking her for her phone number, so it was time to go, and then I wished her congratulations on her new puppy, and she thanked me for talking with her and then we moved on. Afterwards, I had regretted I had not been as open as she was about not having any friends. The lady was brave I thought to myself, imagine that to come right out and admit this to me, her being a total stranger. I sure hope I meet her again. She seemed very nice. I will offer my phone number if I see her again. I think it can help having a pet to be with in public. It can help break the ice to talk with others. But after that, you need to become creative, real quickly as to how you can stay in touch with a person to hopefully gain a new friendship. Maybe we just need to be more open like children can be. Remember how easy it was just to go run up to some new kid’s house and ask them if they would like to go outside and play with you. Alot of us didn’t think anything of it. We didn’t stop and think to ourselves “Hmm I wonder if that new little girl will say she doesn’t want to play with me and I will feel so rejected if she says no”. I bet if everyone were more like a kid that maybe we’d all have at least a couple good friends, you suppose? I think pride and fear too often times stand in the way of expressing our wants and needs to others we do not know. I guess maybe exposing our “friendless” situation with others can make us feel vulnerable, like we are sitting in a hotseat and what we fear most is the dirty word, REJECTION. This is just one of several possibilities I suppose. Life is full of risk taking, and I guess if you don’t take some risks in life, you won’t ever know the sweet taste of victory. If in times you get defeated, you just need to try and pick yourself back up to your feet again, dust your shoes off, and go on to the next opportunity till you get it right. Well, I am so sorry about how long my post has become on here. The Lord bless you all and be with you and direct your paths! Love, Leah
April 19, 2007 at 10:42 am
Lisa,
Thank you so very much for your condolences about my dog. That means alot to me! Some people can be so cruel. As an example, my dog had just died that day and my mother says “oh you will get over it.” Well that dog was a big part of my life mom, I wanted to say to her ,please don’t be so callous, but thats just the way she is, I guess. Lisa I appreciate your kind words. I have been friendless for a long time now it seems. There had been some “aquaintances” and a few friends that have came and gone while I have been married. Events in some of their lives lead them to other places, such as (new marriage, divorce, distant moves etc.) But now I’m living in the South in a tiny town. There isn’t even a grocery store here, haha. Closest one 19 miles away. it has become even more challenging to make friends way out here. I am not going to give up though. Never! I don’t think being friendless is met to be a fate exactly, but I think maybe we are suppose to learn something out of it about ourselves from this experience. On the upside, maybe it will help us to help others in some unique way one day. Maybe its just to teach us to preservere more, develop more patience, humble ourselves, a time to get closer with God, getting immense insight about life in general, but only of course, if we choose to accept those paths. Life can destroy a person, but only if we let it. I believe we need to keep on going, because we are not the Master of this Universe. I believe there is a much more devine and higher purpose and larger destiny that each and every person on earth is called to fulfill. But its up to us to find it and decide what that is, whether we want to follow whats morally right and strive and struggle toward our unique and amazing destinies on this earth that we were put here for, or choose to stay miserable and angry at the world and let it destroy you, and possibly harming others along the way. Heres an example to the down side. You know that young Korean man on the news that had killed all those college students and professors in Virginia and himself recently. Well this is where friendlessness and arrogance and depression and loneliness and worthlessness, jealousy and hostility at the world. can take a person to its final conclusion if one isn’t careful and does not choose the right path. Its vitally important to control our own thought processes, and to not fall into the demise of the devil who wants to destroy peoples lives. I don’t have all the answers and probably never will, but I will never give up. Its okay to be lonely and down and angry for a little while, but only as long as you don’t act on those feelings in such a way that it can harm ourselves and others. You just can’t let yourself stay there. Sometimes you just need to discipline yourself to walk it off, eat healthier, be creative and do something nice for someone, whenever you see the opportunity at all, pray, read poetry etc. Thank you Lisa for your comments. Remember God loves you and so do I!
Love, Leah
April 19, 2007 at 7:48 pm
I think there are people out there that really do have true friends. I see them all around and that is what makes it difficult. It is hard to see it all the time. I think people it for granted and they do not realize how lucky they are. What they have, a friend, is a wonderful thing. However, at the same time, they too do not have perfect lives and there are things they would change if they could. Nobody has a perfect life. We all struggle and that is what we are here for, to learn. We just have different struggles. Our job is to overcome our problems and to not let them get the best of us, right? I think a lot about that man at VA Tech too. Another thing I noticed as I watched the constant footage bombarding my television, is that many people had soooo many friends! They received texts from all these people making sure they were okay and I couldn’t help but put myself in that situation and think that if a catastrophic event happened in my area, nobody would text me to see if I am okay. I don’t need to be the most popular person around, but it would be nice to have people care about me. Hmmmm, maybe someday.
April 20, 2007 at 10:41 pm
I think I would be okay without friends if it wasn’t for the fact that EVERYONE I know has friends. This has really hindered a lot of things in my life, so many simple stupid things like going shopping or to a movie or out to eat – you can’t do any of those things by yourself without getting the stare-down by everyone else. Also, right now, there is this guy pursuing me and I so want to go for it, but he has about a million friends and I don’t feel adequate at all. I just ended a relationship with a guy I dated for several years who was also Mr. Popular. It got to the point where I had to take a job on the weekends so he can have some free time to spend with his friends while I didn’t feel so pathetic doing nothing by myself. I think, how am I ever going to make friends when I don’t have any? I don’t think I can enter another relationship, friendship or something more, because I am so deeply embarrassed about my friend-less situation.
I mean, what is that? I have never heard of another person having this problem – turning down a wonderful guy (or girl) because they have no friends? What do you even tell them? I feel like I need to get some friends first before I start dating again.
Now that I think about it, I know now why I only ever date guys who are “popular”, who have a lot of friends. I know for a fact now, after coming to this site, that there are males out there, some my age, who also do not have friends or very few friends. However, we will never meet because we would both be in the same boat. A male version of myself would never approach me! Perhaps he would think I have a life and be intimidated, or feel inadequate. If only there was some sign I could wear on my forehead that only people in my situation could see. We could all just be friends with each other without feeling inadequate or stupid.
April 20, 2007 at 10:59 pm
Hello I just turn 18 a few months ago. I was a senior in high school I have heard you see who your real friends are when thing get tough and you need them the most. When I Battled with a drug addiction and was basically throwning my life away, my family disowned me, and was very depressed I turned to my close friends to guided me. What I found out is that all my friends turned their backs on me. I have no friends. Friends I would call brothers stopped talking to me. They didnt want to hang with me because of the drug but that was all I was left with, One friend stuck with me the longest and it was helping but shortly gave up leaving me crushed. I m still addicted. I hated going to school seeing old friends walk past me not saying a word. Everyday I think of them, I miss them and what to be friends with them again but I’m also angry at them for leaving me. I didnt expect any of them to do this to me. Most of them didnt even try to talk to me. My best friend I called crying and he told me he was busy. I want to have friends but I dont want get hurt again….
April 21, 2007 at 12:55 am
Can I say ditto, ditto and ditto…? I’m emotionally overwhelmed trying to read these posts. I have done so many of the same things and feel so much the same way. I even found this article by trying to ask Google why I don’t have any friends as well.
I feel like I have no friends. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I have no close friends. I feel like I can get a long with most anyone, but all too often I find myself all alone trying to think of someone I could call and say ‘lets go do something’ but there isn’t anyone. I do have a couple of old friends. We all live in different cities now, so we’ve not seen each other in years but I do hear from them once in a while, which means a lot to me. The thing is, they both have friends in the cities where they live and they will tell me all about stuff they do with there new friends, but I have no one and I don’t understand why. Like I saw in one of the other posts, I’ve witness neighbors roughly the same age as me, get together for cook-outs etc, but I am not invited. I try to be friendly with my neighbors but nothing comes of it.
Hey PETER… I am not far behind you, I recently turned 40. I know what you mean about the couples with children thing. It is also tearing my heart out reading about the folks here in their teens and twenties who have the same problem. I know all to well how desperation and loneliness can drive bad decisions.
I’ve spent lots of money over the years essentially trying to buy peoples friendships, doesn’t work of course. Some times I’ve been know to order a pizza, not because I really wanted it, but for the few minutes of talking to the delivery person. I just wanted to some sort of human contact. There are times I go for days without having a conversation with anyone. I’ve done little tests at work, of not initiating a non-work discussion with anyone. Just to see if someone initiates one with me… and it’s very rare when someone does.
The other thing is, as I read these posts, I remembered a time with I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade sitting in the school lunch room, watching everyone next to me have conversations with each other, but no one was speaking with me. I remember thinking something like, if all the other lonely people in the world would get together they won’t be lonely anymore. So I’ve been struggling with this for a long time. Clearly it’s something about me. I think there is some merit in the introvert discussion. I am very introverted as well.
Can I be honest about my fear when I post this? No one will be interested enough in anything I have to say to respond. I recognize I am posting to what must be the most supportive group of people on this topic I’ve ever seen, however, because of all the times I have felt rejected by people, anymore I expect people to ignore me.
April 21, 2007 at 8:07 am
I don’t have any friends at all. The friends that I used to hang out with in high school are now gone. My family keeps telling me to get “more open” and “go out more”, but when you have no connections in this world there is not much that you would want to do alone, you need a companion to do something together. My grades have dropped as a result of my depression from realizing that I have no friends and no one to talk with. The feeling is horrible and I often ask God why this is the way for me but He never answers. On top of my social isolation, my parent’s house is a total mess both physically and financially. What depresses me even more is the fact that they won’t quit gambling and attempt to fix up what they have destroyed.
Sometimes I contemplate suiciding by leaping off a building like so many others have done so before me. How the gentle breeze of the air would surround me as I fell, suddenly cut off at the end by a sense of immeasurable pain, but only for an instant. Then I would either be able to find out what is on the other side after death or at least end my misery in life.
My sister and cousins have so many friends to hang out with while I have no one. This really makes me feel horrible. In my spare time all I do is play basketball at the park and work low-paying part-time jobs. I worked at Jewel-Osco last summer and they not only deducting a lot of taxes from my first job, but also took away more for Union fees. This world is so harsh and unforgiving to the inexperienced person making his way through. I’m so jealous of the people who have friends to talk with because all that I do is talk to myself.
April 21, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Hey Ivan,
If you have came back to this site, I hope you read my posting. Do Not Entertain Thoughts of Suicide!!! This is Leah’s husband here. My father committed suicide in 1986 while I was in the United States Marine Corps. All he did is make matters worse for his survivors. Suicide is not the answer! I know all about having a screwed up family…I lived it myself. My father was an alcoholic and when I was younger I drank alot too. All I did was make matters worse on myself! I quit drinkin and my life has improved. I am 42 years old and happily married. My wife is my best friend and I do not have any other friends than her. We get by the best we can, but we would like to have good friends too. Usually when we have met people, they have very different interests than we do, and it just doesn’t seem to work. But, we believe in God and we will never give up…we believe that it is God’s will to bring friends into our lives someday. It will happen when it happens! I did make friends while I was in the Marine Corps, but as time goes by, you lose contact with them since they live scattered across the country. I have tried to make friends by participating in some activities that are of interest to me. Sometimes this works, sometimes it hasn’t. The main thing that I do to keep a positive attitude is to have confidence in myself and my abilities. This has helped me especially in my work life, and I have moved into salary level jobs. Having the extra income in the past to enjoy traveling had helped. You may feel like a loser by not having friends, but the reality is that people who kill themselves are the real losers…like my father! Since his death, I have pushed myself to make the most of what I have been dealt. I have studied hard to get me the income I need to do the things that I want to do. I’ve learned to stay away from people that enjoy activities that bring trouble into my life, like drinking and drugs. I realize I only get one life on this earth, and I will not accept anything less than what I believe in! I just keep on going and going (plugging away) like my mom says. I’ve noticed through out life alot of people that claim to have alot of friends…really don’t have any at all! Not true friends at least. When trouble comes into their lives…these “So-called – good time” friends are nowhere to be found. What a joke! Real true-blue friends are difficult to find for most. A true friend will be there for you in the good times as well as the bad. Many people that claim to have all of these friends I don’t believe have this kind of relationship at all. My advice to you is to just be yourself, be honest and confident that you have a purpose and never give up! There have been many times that I have felt like giving up! But I convince myself that I am better than what life has dealt me, and that my circumstances are Not who I am as a person, and I always take the initiative to make my life better…with or without friends. I believe that a successful and honest, happy person attracts potential people to cultivate a friendship relationship. But it takes time…but it is not impossible. We all need to tough it out and hang in there. Good things happen to people who keep trying. Bad things happen to people who give up. I have a lot of tragic stories that I could tell you, but I’ve kept on going regardless. Sometimes it has been very hard and drinking had made it even worse. I’ve stopped drinking, I’ve attained Professional Certifications in my field of work and I now have a Bachelor’s degree level job and I never finished college. Sometimes I think how I amaze myself when I realize that I am the only guy in the office without a degree. But guess what, I know that I have been more qualified and intelligent about my work than many people with Master’s Degrees. You need to make life a challenge to what you want it to be. Not what your parents want you to be, or let work dictate that you can only have crappy jobs. You decide to be successful. Then you do something about it. My home life as a kid was a disaster and when I was 18, I joined the Marine Corps and began to continue the plan for my future while removing myself from a horrible situation with a chronically drunk father. When I was growing up, I was so embarrassed about my father that I did not want any of my friends to even come over. I always went to see them. I didn’t have a graduation party either, but I went to others parties. I played basketball for 7 years throughout my school years. My parents never came to any of my games. They just dropped me off and picked me up when it was over. I was an honor student and I always tried to please my parents with my grades. They acted like they didn’t care. Nonetheless, I chose to continue getting good grades…I knew that someday I would benefit from being knowledgeable instead of stupid. I’m not going to give up now after all this time. Please join me in this manner. We don’t know what the future holds. I believe the friends that you desire will come when God presents them to you. My wife and I are doing our best to believe for that. My wife, I know has had it even more difficult these days than I about not having friends and family near, because of where we are living at now in such a remote area in the South and is unemployed, while we are both suffering the loss of our beloved dog, thanks to the Petfood Recall you may have heard about on the news. Anyway, don’t let anyone, including yourself take your own self worth away from you. My wife had a grandma from Sweden that had this saying, “Love many, trust few, ALWAYS paddle your own canoe”. I totally agree with that! Life is short and its up to us to make the best of what we have to work with. Happiness comes from within first. Be a friend to your ownself first, and expect good things to happen from there. Nobody can give that gift to you, other than yourself. Hang in the there Buddy, and that goes for all of you as well that read this post.
April 21, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Ray – I know what you mean about trying to buy people’s friendships. I haven’t necessarily tried to do that but it seems like back in the day I always tried so hard to keep my old friends. I was always the one sitting around waiting for them to confirm plans, only to usually find that they are busy or “forgot” to call. I’ve stopped trying now because it’s pathetic. All the time I wonder why nobody initiates conversations with me, usually. And when they do, the conversation always dies off – I just can’t keep it up for whatever reason. I almost never initiate conversations and when I do, it’s usually just to ask a mundane question, not usually because I need to know the answer, but because I just want human contact. The long for human contact and the lack of it is so strangely painful because there are obviously people everywhere, yet you can’t talk to anyone. Everywhere I go it’s like I’m being teased because I so long to reach out to just about anyone who would listen, yet everybody is a stranger. There are SO MANY people out there, why should anyone have to be alone?? It doesn’t make any sense.
April 21, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Hey Lansie – On the buying friends I used to do things like picking up the check when out with a group of people even if I didn’t really know most of them very well. Or spending a little too much on someone’s birthday present, things like that. I guess it was a certain amount of trying to make people like me.
My cell phone has liberated to an extent, even though no one calls me on it either, at least I don’t feel bound to the house just in case I miss there call. Not that I have anywhere to go. I know it’s very pathetic how insecure and borderline obsessive I can get when someone says they will call. I know to them, it’s not a big deal, but to me it’s everything.
I am also very sensitive to determining if a person is loosing interest in what I am saying. I don’t want to bore people. At the same time I can go into a panic in my head tying to think of something to ask the other person so they will talk about what they are interested in. Make the conversation a two way street, but then my mind goes blank. Somewhere about that time the conversation has just ends.
I feel loneliest when I am in a crowd. Church was the worst. I used to go regularly a few years ago. It just got too painful. I would be sitting there listening people talk about being raising there kids and being good parents, reaching out to people in need, and love thy neighbor. The whole time thinking I’ve been showing up here every week for years, someone could try reaching out to me. I would like to feel loved for a change.
I’ve been slowly withdrawing for years. I work from home most of the time and just don’t leave the house unless I need to. I feel so rejected by everyone it’s just safer to avoid people. It’s counterintuitive I know to withdraw and then complain about being alone. However being alone in a crowed is far more painful.
What I don’t get is I am not looking to unload my problems on people, I try really hard to not be a gloomy Gus. Most of the time I just want to have some fun. Tell stories, crack jokes just be silly. It would be nice to have someone to talk to when something is bothering me, but there are also days like to day. I am in a really good mood today and wish I had someone to be in a good mood with.
April 21, 2007 at 8:37 pm
Thank you for replying to my post, husband of Leah’s. Your story inspired me to keep moving forward in life and never give up. I’m sorry that you lost your father at such a young age. I guess good things in life don’t come easy and you have to keep working at it. What you have accomplished despite your past is very impressive. I am not seriously considering suicide though, I am just occasionally depressed. Once again, thank you for telling me your story. I will keep looking for my purpose in life. Good luck to everybody here, I wish you peace and love.
April 22, 2007 at 9:18 am
Ray – I am always the one buying expensive, nice gifts for people. For instance I have a friend I see about twice a year, and we exchange birthday presents every year, and last year she completely forgot to get me something, even though I spent forever looking for a present for her.
I have found that loneliness is a terrible cycle. I am lonely because I can’t go out and meet people, and I can’t go out and meet people because I don’t have anyone to meet people with. It may not make any sense, but I couldn’t just go out and join any clubs, take any classes, go out to bars, or whatever it is that people suggest lonely people do by myself, I would have to have someone with me. I am scared to death of being alone in public, I am very conscious of that when I am.
I just get so nervous when I talk to almost anyone. When they don’t respond or give me what I consider a “courtesy” response, I feel like I’ve bored them. Sometimes when I get out of a conversation I analyze in my head repeatedly what I have said, analyze whether or not I made a fool of myself. Other times though, I don’t know, I have really good conversations with people, sometimes I can just really open up, but it doesn’t lead anywhere, it doesn’t turn into any friendships.
I’m about to move to a new city in a few months, and hopefully I can start over. I figured that perhaps when I meet new people, I would have an excuse to not have any friends, because I’m new. It used to be that I didn’t think about making friends, and it used to just happened. How did that happen??? Now I feel like if I want friends, I need to make a very conscious effort to do so. Every other aspect of my life is great, except I have no social skills. I used to wonder what people meant by “social skills”, but now I see, and I have none. I have been observing people who have a lot of friends, what they talk about and how they have so many friends. Sometimes these people talk to me, and what I have noticed is that they don’t talk about themselves too much, they seem genuinely interested in the other person and ask a lot of questions about them.
I let people think I don’t care that I have very few or no friends, but it hurts me so much more than I ever let on. I have to put this problem at the very top of my list – it needs to be remedied immediately, or I don’t think I can ever be happy.
April 22, 2007 at 10:27 am
Hello everyon
I havd read many of your entries. It is nice to know that I’m not alone, however it is sad to think that there are so many individuals who feel as empty as me. I am 25 years old, and have no friends. I work during the week, which keeps my mind busy. It hits me the most on weekends. I dunno why I’m not connecting with ppl very well. I am a really nice person. I’m loyal and non-judgmental. I work at a large organization and have no problem communicating with others. I really dont know what my problem is…any suggestions??….
I seem to attract people that want to use me, and dont give a flying fuck about my feelings….sigh…..
I wish things were different, I totally feel like an outsider.
thanks for listening.
ps… I consider you all my friends (we should arrange a meet and greet)
pss… Any one here in the GTA? Ontario?
April 22, 2007 at 2:40 pm
If a meeting were possible, and it turns out to become a lonely persons group that helps lonely people everywhere that would be ideal and nice.
April 22, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Yeah but wouldn’t starting a friendship based on knowing that you both have no friends be kind of awkward? Or is that just me making more excuses thus leaving me friendless. I have been tempted to e-mail some of the people on here, but that makes me feel kind of weird. Making friends now seems almost like dating or something. Like going up to someone of the same sex and asking them to hang out and feeling like you may get rejected. Maybe high school wasn’t so bad afterall.
Hey you two that buy people things in an effort to make friends, that is so funny because just last week, I told these two people at work that I would “hook them up” with this item that my husband is an owner of the company. I acted all like it was free, when in reality, I went to the store and bought it for them. I payed full price. I did have some other reasons to do it. I wanted it to look like it was selling well at the store and also I want it to get popular by word of mouth since it is a start up company. Even as I was thinking about giving it to them, that thought crossed my mind of buying some friends. So are you telling me that it doesn’t work and that these girls are not going to be my friends? ; ) Damn. Oh well.
April 22, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Ok everyone, we are a lot a like, we thought we were the only ones, we’ve found each other… and it freaks me out…
Ivan – I was thinking along those lines last night too, maybe we should form our own grass roots support group somehow. Not exactly sure if this is truly the right forum we have found here, but I guess something is better then nothing. I thought about somehow doing a web site or something. I am a little concerted about the age ranges represented here. We are vulnerable and hurting and so we need to be careful. After all this is the internet and you never know who you really talking too. Especially the teenagers I see posting. That said, maybe this could somehow turn in to a part of the answer we’ve all been searching for. What do you all think?
Lansie – I am with you there, I’ve done really nice things for people and at the time I really wasn’t looking for anything in return, I just wanted nice to them. However, I have to admit, not even getting acknowledged on my birthday or other special days hurts. And the pattern keeps repeating, it would be one thing if this only happened with a few people once in a while, but it keeps happening and consistently I feel ignored and left out and don’t know why.
I also don’t go any were alone and it makes all too much sense to me that you can not go out and meet people on your own. I am like that too. The worst part is I am so hyper-sensitive anymore, that even when I do go somewhere with someone, I tend to cling to them and either bug the crap out of them and use them as excuse so I don’t have to meet anyone new, or I will find a corner to stand in and pretend I really am having a good time looking at a plant or something. Not that anyone usually asks if I am having a good time.
Katie – I can relate to you too. During the work day I keep busy, which makes me a good employee and has led to a lot of success in my career. However, on the weekends… damn… I can only live vicariously through just so many reality TV shows. I too communicate well at work. I am often asked to work with some of our more difficult clients because I seem to have a knack for calming them down and making them feel heard. (and I hate it) I’ve also had co-workers call me when they are upset and they tell me I make them feel better. This makes me feel good in a way, but when it’s my turn and I try to reach out to someone I usually get something like, gee… well… I don’t know… hate to do this too you but I got this other thing I need to do right now… I’ll call you later… Of course they don’t, well not until they want something from me. Otherwise I am back on the shelf being ignored. What get’s me even more is when I want to go have fun with someone, any one, and I get put off too. I feel like I am always the outsider.
I’d love to meet up in Ontario, but I live in Seattle, beside I have this other thing I gotta go do. (just kidding)
April 22, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Lisa – How would I know? lol… I have clearly have a disability when it comes to being friends with people… :-)
April 22, 2007 at 4:27 pm
obtw: Here is my myspace if anyone is intereted. http://www.myspace.com/141095217
April 22, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Ray- Thank you for your reply,
The development of a grass roots support group is a really good idea. Besides the support maybe we can arrange different social events for people in different areas. But it would be a little difficult because we seem to be all spread out
April 22, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Just a thought: If we are able to pull off a successful grassroots community maybe we can lower the suicide rate of people. Imagine helping ourselves and saving the lives of others. We’d do a great service to humanity for all the people out there who are on antidepressants, silently suffering through life, etc.
But first of all, what would set this group apart from other options for making friends, such as the church, workplace, etc. What I mean is: How is this group supposed to succeed where others have already failed? If we do manage to meet somewhere at some time, will we just chill together for a while and then go our separate ways…back to our own lives? Because we all know that loneliness affects everyone here and will not just go away.
It would be a good start to find out where we all come from. I’m from Chicago, 20 years old.
Let’s keep this idea in the back of our minds for a while and see where it all goes. Hopefully, somewhere productive. Your thoughts? Let me know if you guys agree or disagree and why. If most of you here think that this is a good idea, then maybe we should get to know each other more better. But I also think that a major problem could be stalkers online and underage teens who post here.
April 23, 2007 at 12:29 am
I think such a group can be about helping us understand ourselves and why we struggle with these feelings. Even though I am open to meeting everyone, figuring out how I can become friends with the people I am around in my everyday would be a very powerful thing for me. I think the traditional options for people to make friends are geared towards those that don’t struggle in this area as much. Just knowing I am not the only one with this problem is already having a positive impact.
I hope none of you saw the derogatory posts that were left this afternoon by some skulker. They have been removed since, so thank you Mr. Moderator whoever you are. When I saw them though, I decided to register a URL, (whynofriends.com) there is nothing out there but I had thoughts of creating a regular message board system with a bit more security. Plus I think this site we are on was intended for a different purpose. Maybe I jumped the gun, but I wanted way to continue our discussions in a more protected fashion. Sensitive issues are being discussed and being attacked by an immature person is not acceptable. Seeing those posts have been removed maybe it’s not necessary.
Personally, I am a little squeamish on the suicide topic. There is a line where people need to seek professional help. That said, I am one of those people on anti-depressants. The toughest thing I ever did was tell my doctor I was having a problem. I’ve been taking my little pill for a year and it has been a great thing. I do think that if I had a supportive group of friends around me I would not need it though, or perhaps they would have encouraged me to talk to my doctor a lot sooner.
I dunno, there are some very serious issues being discussed and a wide array of back grounds. It just seems like there is potential for a lot of good here.
April 24, 2007 at 5:40 am
I’m 17 and I have two close friends, but we don’t go out together or anything like that. I know this other group of friends and they always ask me to join them in parties, but I know their just doing it out of sympathy for me. What makes things worse is that my two older sisters are complete socialites and academically their both doing the things they love well. I’m the complete opposite; I feel nervous when I’m around people and when someone is good looking I get extremely anxious of what they will think of me and it just screws my train of thought up. I’m really bad at school… I fail almost all my subjects and I’m Asian, everybody expects me to do well especially my parents. I’ve been thinking of suicide since I was a young boy, but it stopped for awhile until I moved to a new “white” country. I’ve just never fitted in as well as I did in Asia. Well I know what your thinking “go bak you f’ing Asian”, I would but now I don’t even get along with Asians from the same country as me as well.
I’m just feeling so down and I play computer games just to forget everything, so it just makes things worst cause I am not trying to make friends as well. This loneliness is literally killing me and people are beginning to realise (especially my family) how lonely I am.
And oh did I tell you? My dad died two years ago…lol now I live in a house full of women including an aunt in an extremely small house. But we still have one room each (sort of) which is good. The thing is I never really felt like I lost anything when my dad died, I guess it was because I was depressed even before he passed.
I just don’t know how my life has turned out so wrong. I use to be a happy little boy, no I feel like I can never reclaim that happiness. I don’t even think I can achieve marriage… I am a complete failure. I’ve tried so hard to get along but nothing works, just more failures to ad to my huge failing list. But at least I ain’t a hobbo :D
I just want to say I would never kill my self… but I will, as far as I can see, think about it.
April 25, 2007 at 1:43 pm
lifes soooo hard. i use to have good mates but life took a turn and now feel the lowest of the low. I have a smashing personalitybut i have no friends to laugh with and share things with. when you have no one you change to a different peson. why?
April 25, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Guys,
Its good to read all this stuff you have all written and just to know that other people are going through the same feelings and problems.
Stick with it, you will come out the other side and you will be better for it.
You will be wise and considerate of other people. You will understand suffering.
I think that sometimes it can be good to hit rock bottom. We can turn it round and learn from it. We can become better people.
Human life is so fragile. But that is half the beauty of it.
Don’t let it make you bitter. Let it make you determined.
Remember the world doesn’t have to be this way, you are part of it too. You can influence end change it.
Love and best wishes.
Al
April 25, 2007 at 10:20 pm
After reading all these posts I’m glad to know I’m not the only one out there either. I’m about 17, and I seriously have no friends except one person I know online.
I’m a really nice person, yet no one talks to me, one girl did ask me once if I was okay and I told her nothing was wrong, but other then that no one ever talks to me really.
I’m quite alone, I spend almost all my time doing work of some kind. I try to make friends but I guess I’m just too shy and nervous…
April 26, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Hi im Devin i graduated my HS 2 years ago and ever since that ive had no friends, i was good at skating once then after my friends stop noticing me i quit. My life sucks, i think about killing myself around 5-15 times a day. I need suggestions and anti-depression counselling didn’t do FUCK.
April 29, 2007 at 11:45 am
I’m 22, from MTL , and I do not have any close friends. My birthday is coming soon but I’d rather do nothing than having some pity from my family and cousin. I prefer thinking its a day like another and forget about it like every year…
Every damn year ( it was even worst with my girlfriend it was hard to let her know that I didnt have any friends not even for my birthdays…)
I feel ashamed and embarassed cause I’m simply not good at making and keeping good friendship, often I wish I could be someone else cause it seems so easy to everyone but not for me I guess…
P-S I’m a frenchy canadian (I hate celine dion by the way..) so if something you read sounds weard you’ll know why…
Callis !! ( french canadian swear..)
April 30, 2007 at 1:23 am
Hi! I feel the same way all of you do. It is amazing how many of us do feel so lonely. I wanted to put out there that I am a 25 year old female living in Spokane, WA. I am currently in a relationship, but would love for any other girls in that area to email me! Maybe we can get together and build a friendship. My email is VvStephanievV@yahoo.com. Thank you!!!
Sincerely,
Stephanie
April 30, 2007 at 9:21 pm
Why do I have no friends?
BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I TRULY DON’T WANT ANY. I like being alone. People are a hassle.
I’m sure some of you must agree. As much as I miss being around people…I secretly prefer my solitary existence.
May 1, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Richard you are an introvert. Aint nothing wrong with that. There are 16 different types. I am an ISFP. I recommend all of you do a google search and find one of the tests to find out if you are an introvert. I think Jung is the name of it. Just type in Jung personality test. Make sure you do not take one of the tests that they are wanting you to pay for because there are plenty that you do not have to pay for. It helps after taking the test because then you know you are a certain kind of normal. Sometimes I almost want to say to people, I am an introvert, just so they will leave me alone and let me sit in the corner and watch instead of being engaged in the activities. Instead, I uncomfortably and often times unsuccessfully try to fit in to all of the extroverted activities going on and nobody quite gets me. They do not understand that my brain does not even comprehend what to say in a crowd. the only time someone can really talk to me is one on one and then I will be the best listener they have met and I can talk and talk and talk if I am interested. However, getting to that point where people will come talk to me one on one is difficult because I don’t do small talk. I just don’t. I have tried, and I can’t, so get over it and while you are at it shut up, unless you have something to say that has meaning or is somewhat important or interesting. Don’t ask me how I am doing, most likely you don’t even care and I will not have much of an answer to give you unless you REALLY want to know, well then sit down cuz this is gonna take a while. But no, really you don’t care so just go away. Unless I care about the topic at hand, I am pretty quiet. Unless you are very, very close to me then I am quite funny and even fun. Few people are that close to me. Not even my mom sees that side of me often. Anyone who is willing to stick it out and really get to know me will be in for a treat because I will be your best friend and will do anything for you. I will lay down my life for you (not literally) unless you are my child, which you aren’t. But I will stop all I am doing in my life and be there for you, if you are my friend. Too bad so many people around me are missing out. Suckers.
May 1, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Lori, how do you expect people around you to know that you can be a good friend, if you don`t give any feedback? Extroversion or introversion do not have anything to do with friendships. The human mind is a combination of the two elements, one part pulling in each direction in specific situations. People just have to dare to open up. The answer is probably a combination of multiple and individual complex reasons.
In my own personal experience. I went from a guy who did not dare to change, seeking refuge in games and comics, to say **** IT……. WE ONLY HAVE ONE SHOT. Dumped all the games and comics and started to realize the potential every human being have within. People don`t want to be friends with you, burn`em and move on to you find someone. Remember that behind the rain, there is a sun.
May 1, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Well that is my point. I do open up. Just be patient with me and I will let you in on all my secrets. It is the people that are not willing to wait that are missing out on something special. Trust me, I have been very misunderstood in my life and if you google ISFP, that will sum my personality right up. Like I said, my brain cannot download what to say quick enough in order to make small talk and that is what socializing is. It is bullshitting and shooting the breeze. That is why in high school I always had 1-2 best friends, but never a large group of friends. Believe me, I am working on my ‘problem’, because believe me, it is very painful to not fit in and also being so sensitive. Sometimes I get very depressed. I ache for social contacts, but my personality does not allow for me to be extremely social. Now that I have lost my 1-2 best friends, it is a very lonely world. I am constantly trying to connect with those around me, but being easily hurt, I withdraw. See, you are just like everyone else and you cannot understand me. You must not be an ISFP. We are the most commonly misunderstood personality type.
You are correct however in saying it is complex. Because it is. I myself am just beginning to undertand this. I grasped bits and pieces all along on my journey of life and I always knew I was misunderstood and a few people that I cared about knew something was intriguing about me, but could not wait around for me to open up. I believe they missed out. I could have brought much beauty and fun into their lives.
May 1, 2007 at 4:42 pm
I did do that test along time ago..I’m INTP. not suprising
May 1, 2007 at 4:44 pm
So as you say it is all about communication and feedback. I understand it can be hard after getting rejections, but humans can`t read minds. Let`em know this is who you are etc, maybe some will turn away, but one day it will click. Don`t get locked down in a pattern or framework.
May 1, 2007 at 6:04 pm
I know, I wish I could read minds. But I would not want anyone reading my mind. Then I reeeeaaaalllllly would not have any friends.
May 1, 2007 at 6:23 pm
Im in highschool and Im naturally a shy person. It seems like I have a lot of friends in school, but when out of school no one wants to do anything with me and its like im locked up in my house. Most girls dont think im too attractive and during presentations in school I get extremely nervous. Right now I just feel terrible and lonely. I don’t have any “real” friends to do stuff with outside of school, who actually hang out with me, and I get embarresed real easily. Its making me depressed
May 1, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Accept who you are
If not, stop being preoccupied
and move forward for yourself.
May 2, 2007 at 11:04 am
Seb:
HaPpY bIrThDaY!
May 3, 2007 at 5:35 am
The only way i can cope with this feeling is with drugs. For 4 years. I don’t know who i am anymore. i can’t remember who i used to be.
im tired of this hurt
May 3, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Well Im 16 and I had social anxiety all my life. Since the day I entered pre-school (4 yrs old-ish) my life has been suffering, and loneliness. In the last year, I made some efforts, and I am a lot less anxious than I was before. I’m still a total social failuire, but I was able to make 2 friends this year. I didn’t keep them because I didnt like them, but I could have kept them if I wanted. Atleast that’s an improvement.
But I have to say all that loneliness makes you clever. Look at the other ppl around us. They’re dumbasses, because theyre so happy. While us, we were unhappy, alone in our heads, but it made us so much more intelligent than they will ever be.
Social anxiety is something you have to break. All those other people, they dont have it, but they are stupid. Those of us who can break off social anxiety will be both clever, and happy.
Of course, how to break through? I saw a psychiatrist, and I can say it doesn’t help. Well it helps to get started, after that not rilly. The way to go through this, I think we all know it in our hearts. We just hastle too much with our fears, or with logical thinking. I say, walk and just let things happen. And most of all, forget the fear. Forget the pain. I think with all the pain I’ve endured, I started enjoying it. More pain won’t matter, including the pain to get out of this.
I noticed that getting higher self-confidence helps. I lost weight lately, and I look much better than before, and I feel much better than before. So improving what embarasses you is really a must.
And pretty much never give up.
I intend to become like I have dreamed to become. And goddam the gap, I wont mind it.
May 3, 2007 at 6:09 pm
im a freshmen in high school. In middle school, everyone knew who i was, i talked to everyone, everyone talked to me. I felt great. But high school comes and large groups of people went to different schools. Now in high school, i just cant seem to make friends, i tried being talkative, didnt work; now quiet, worse then before. I feel like crap. I know ive never had good “friend-making” skills, but its worse then i thought. I dont know what to do.
May 4, 2007 at 9:58 am
I’m a bitter old woman of 46 with no friends past, present and probably future. I read all of these posts and it makes me sad that there are so many of “US” out here with no friends to speak of.
I’ve come to the sad conclusion that friendship is a commodity that has a very high price in one way or another. For many years I found myself trying to buy other people’s friendship. I was the one who brought in the cookies and bought lunch for everyone on the team every few months – just trying to be nice and make other people happy. I figured out after a while that people were laughing at me as a desperate looser because I was trying too hard. I overheard several “I wish she would just quit it, she is pathetic.” comments that just hurt so bad at the time. Now I understand completely that we are all just selfish individuals that only allow friendships when it is profitable for us.
Why do we need friends? To have someone to talk to? To have someone to go out with? Selfish – nothing we do has anything to with those other people when it comes down to it. It is all about how being with other people and talking to them makes US feel. Unless you have something to offer others, something they really want, you will not have any true friends.
I’ve given up and expect to spent the rest of my life alone because I know that I have nothing to offer anyone that they might actually want. I am not attractive and I am not very interesting, so I am a pathetic looser by definition. Buying people’s friendship only lasts for a little while – until the money runs out.
As a bitter old broad I have only one thing to say… get over it or get used to it because it will never change. People are selfish by their nature and friendship is just a word that really has no meaning.
May 4, 2007 at 11:27 am
ThanKs Lori
May 4, 2007 at 11:48 am
Hi “whocares”
A lot of what youre saying is actually true..( youre mid part was quite interesting )
but, you should not stop being who you are, a know there’s a lot of dumbass out there
a lot of people who judges everyones but (you know)there doing that because they need to have the feeling there’s superior…in fact there hiding their own insecurity…
So what they think this or that…
you seem to be a giving person there’s nothing to be ashamed of here..
Salut
May 4, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Hi everyone
sometimes i feel like a walking zombie just going through the motions every single day. Life has a weird way of working out differently for some ppl. We were all raised to be a part of a specific social system comprising; work, family, friends etc.. and if we dont fit properly into these social systems then we see ourselfs as outsiders, as weird or different, and then get sad about it, and others tend to see us in the same light, increasing our problem… :( …..
maybe the world has to have some friendless people in it too keep its balance, maybe everyone cannot be happy at the same time because it would interrupt things…. maybe happy people need us in order to appreciate life??…. i dunno… sorry about the yammering….
Anyways, Today, at work, some of the girls were talking about going out for drinks, they didnt invite me, (it could be due to the fact that i am fairly new, who knows), so i didnt let that bother me because i really didnt care. When i got home from work, i called an old acquaintence, asked her to go out for a movie or dinner or whatever, she said she was too sleepy, that she had a long day at work…. so i tryed my best…. im not gonna let myself get upset, there is no point..
peace
hope you guys had a better day
May 4, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Well…
I am young, and I’m younger than 18. It all started one year where I met all of these friends. After a couple of months they thought of me as annoying and bossy. The next year I matured and grew up, and they still thinkof me as my old young self. Just today, I was at a school carnival type thing, when everyone was invited to a party sleepover thing except me. I feel so lonely. I’m in need of a best friend, no one trusts me. I have no friends that will tell me their problems or talk to me. No one ever calls me, talks to me or anything, its always ME who has to go up to them. People think that I’ll blab, which I did in 7th grade. I try to explain to them that I am trustful and I AM.
You guys don’t have to read this. I’m just kind of letting this out.
I do not know if I am depressed or not. This is a matter where I have to go through. It sucks being lonely though, especially at an adolescent age.
May 4, 2007 at 9:55 pm
hey guys
well I have the whole can’t-make-any-friends problem as well and it’s got worse, but besides that, there’s the fact that I don’t seem able to have a conversation with anyone. I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t communicate. I’m 17 years old, and specially at this age it’s all about chatting to get to know each other. I watch people talking to others so easily and I just don’t understand how they manage to do that. There are several people I could be friends with, but I simply can’t because of my lack of communication skills. It’s been like this since I was 13, and it’s really killing me. I have people to talk to, it’s just that I have nothing to say. This is the main reason why I don’t socialize. I’m nice to people, I consider myself an okay-looking girl. I have a nice body, which I could lose eventually due to my compulsive-eating habit, which has been caused by the emptyness of my life.
No one really knows me. Maybe I don’t either, because I try hard to please people and I’ve lost myself now.
Thnx for reading =)
May 5, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I was a nerdy kid in grade school /w no friends. Parents dressed me funny and they couldnt afford normal clothes. I was always a little bit shy, but not overly so. Eventually developed social anxiety because my father would tell me what a stupid worthless son I was. Then everytime I tried to talk to a classmate they’d ignore me, pick on me, or make fun of me. 6th through 8th grade I was picked on and bullied because I had no friends. I finally started to make friends in 9th grade and was on the fringe of being in the main jock crowd. Then some jackasses thought it would be funny to make shit up about me. I had no enemies, it was just a few popluar kids that took pleasure in trying to destroy my social life. They succeeded my senior year so I had no friends.
My 2 years of solitude and my depression destroyed my conversational skills. I still cannot hold a conversation. Even if I do, I’m boring. That is my sin. I am boring. In the 10 years since I have made few friends and lost those friends. My work life is always hell because I’m such an easy target. The guy with no friends. Doesn’t matter how hard I work, how creative I am, etc. People lie about me and try to discredit my work. Nobody really cares because I’m that boring loser that no one wants to work with. Invite everybody out after work for drinks, parties, you name it…except me.. It’s incredibly tiresome to have these jackasses lie to my face and go out of their way just so I wont find out about a company liason. Everyone but me… maybe that is what my name should be? It’s always everyone but me……
Since senior year, my life has been hell. Even a college degree doesn’t mean much if your co-workers and supervisors always label you as a boring loser. Even with my glowing reviews, I’ve always been one of the first people to be let go once my employer starts cutting people. I’m not a minority, but people always treat me like a black man living in the 30’s in Georgia.
May 5, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Can I ask you guys a question? Would you ever refrain from dating someone you really like because you have no friends? (Because you’re just too ashamed, or don’t want to have to explain why you have no friends, or feel like they would pity you, etc.) ..Especially if this person has a lot of friends? I’ve been fighting with myself on this situation, and I didn’t know who to ask for advice because it’s an awkward subject to bring up, but I figured you all would understand me on here.
Thanks for any input…
May 5, 2007 at 9:39 pm
In response to Lansie:
Go for it. You don’t have to even bring it up. He probably wont even ask you about it for quite some time. If he does, you can do what everyone else does….that is, make up little white lies. Something around the lines of : my friends moved and went off to college or something similar, or maybe you can say that you moved away for a while and came back and lost track of your friends or whatever… just plan ahead..
If you guys date for a while you could possibly make friends with his friends. Or maybe not. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
May 6, 2007 at 1:56 am
Hi guys. I posted about a month or so ago and I just wanted to say that you guys need to hang in there! This year started out horrible, and now I have made REAL friends out of previous aquantences. Just this week I have been invited to see spider man 3 with 3 other people, and I just got back from hanging out in my friends dorm room just chilling and watching tv. At first I was nervous going to the movies with just an aquantence who I never had a real convo with…and two complete strangers, but I figured this is my chance to make friends so I put my best face foward and it worked!
The girl who I “knew” said she had fun and that I should come out with her more often…she even suggested we see a new movie coming out I also have been going to the library with her roomate instead of by myself, and it is so much fun talking with her on our way there and back. Plus we sometimes laugh at funny youtube clips when we are supposed to be studying.
Anyway I dont want to delve too deep into this because I know it might hurt to see someone who’s situation has turned around while many of you are still struggling, but I hope that this post shows you that it IS possible to change things. My number one tip is to BE YOURSELF!
I think most of us have great personalities but often times the only people who see it are our younger/older siblings or other CLOSE relatives. We have to realize that being a generic shell of ourself in order for everyone to think we are nice is doing more harm than good! People dont want to befriend someone who has a plastered smile on their face and laughs at any and everything that is said. Instead of laughing nervously lets respond back with our own funny way, showing off our personality. I know that I used to laugh at pretty much everything someone would say, but I realized that by laughing I was able to play it safe and not expose my personality.
May 6, 2007 at 4:01 pm
WL I got to say that youre not alone Ive been trough all this and still…
May 6, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Lansie
I think you sould go for it. You really have nothing to lose. Take the chanse, you might be pleasently surprised.
Good luck girl
May 6, 2007 at 9:38 pm
OMG Lonely in chicago I laugh alot too! I always hated it how other people would come up with hilarious quips or comments and all I could do was laugh. I feel like Im not in a real friendship because Im never the one being funny. When I am with my cousin I am always making her laugh, so I can totally relate to what your were saying. And dont worry about making us sad with your happiness because seeing someone make friends can be uplifting and encouraging :)
May 7, 2007 at 5:08 am
Hey Guys
Well, i have had the same feeling few years back but now , i have made decision in my life not go behind searching for friends …friends ,relationship and love are always MAYA….being ourself is the truth…i deeply understand that every time when we think we need to make friends …..we desperately fail..the reason is every time when we want to make a friend its the play of the Ego..because we are not ourselves ..when we constantly think of making friends and in the process we tend to loose ourselves ……..and we find a person who matches with our ego and not with ourselves….when the ego mask unveils we tend to feel unsafe again and we don’t feel the connection…so we can only get true friends only when we are ourselves …and when we can stop complaing about ourselves.honestly i suffered from severe socialphobia and today i am an independent man….remeber we are the Truth
May 7, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Hey,
I don’t have socialphobia, or at least i don’t think i do, but I have no friends. I feel depressed and lost and alone. I’m finishing up my senior year of highschool and i’m going to college in August. I live in New York and i’m moving to Boston and i’m scared shitless that i’m going to be completely alone up there. I live with my mom dad and sister and we get along well, but i don’t think they see how i’m feeling. Sometimes i leave my phone on and my instant messenger on to see if anybody calls or leaves a message, but i feel like lately noone has. I’ve really spent my whole life (aside from a couple short periods of time) without friends. I talk to people in school, and somtimes will go to a party, and i even had two parties at my house, but noone ever seems to want to be my friend.i was talking to this girl for about a month and she was wayyyyy out of my league, and i was really interested in her, and i was pretty sure she was interested in me, but when i was talking with her one night, she was telling me how she had a huge crush on some other guy. she just wanted to vent on someone and it happened to be me. I feel like i’m ment to be alone, even though i don’t want to be alone. i feel like i have noone to really talk to. i’m going to wallow in a pit of my own self loathing.
May 8, 2007 at 8:23 pm
I posted here a few weeks ago…
At Lori: I took the test as well, I turned out to be an ISTJ, and it said my career choice is the one I’m planing on taking.
At JD: I’m in the same boat as you man, I have friends at school too but no one wants to hang out with me after school.
At Everyone: This page is getting quite full, someone should start a forum or something.
May 8, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Hi everybody. I can relate to all your problems here….Look , I used to live in NYC. And because I lost my common law wife I had to move back to the suburbs of jersey for a stint. Even had a part time job…and boy how horrible people are in the suburbs….I have never expierenced animosity as I did there. People judge and go out of their way to make feel like your crap because you are not like them…..very highschoolish i guess even amongst adults and folks in thier mid to late 20’s…..strange expierence…..um but when you analize why they are like that it is because the world is small….listen move to New York. People are very friendly here. If you are a little cooky it don’t matter. If you are maybe a little creepy who cares but you will make friends…. So I moved back home to New York City and made a whole bunch of new friends you know I lost all those with the break- up with the girl and all.
Just come to new york….Feel the energy and make friends. Do things. Work make cash. Smile at that good looking person….just let all that crap about fear in social activities go.
May 8, 2007 at 10:50 pm
hey you guys, I understand all of you. I’m just like you in a way. Why don’t we all just exchange e-mail addresses? Add me, my e-mail is idboxx@hotmail.com. Post your emails and that way can all stop this heart wrenching loneliness. Post yours! You never know who might want to talk to us ;) Keep the soul alive!
May 9, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Hey WL/Katie.. thanks for your input. I think I will go for it.. we are both going to be moving to a new city together so maybe I can just postpone it until then, because then I could really say I don’t know anyone but him.
You guys say I have nothing to lose, but the thing is, I just ended a relationship with a guy that was so very popular and had a ton of friends.. and he eventually found out I had no friends, and would feel sorry for me and let me tagalong everywhere. For a while he would ask me why I never introduced him to any of my friends, but eventually he figured it out. Towards the end when our relationship was going to hell, he would use the fact that I have no friends against me. Once he said “not many people care about you, so you better be nice to the few that do..” It hurt so much that I’d sooner avoid it and be lonely, than go through it again with someone else. But here I guess I am going to take another chance and hope that not everyone is as cruel as my ex.
What was the most hurtful was that he would blame me for not having any friends, tell me I’m unsocialable and embarrassing in public because I never talk and just seem unfriendly. But the truth is I could be such a great friend if I actually got the chance. I don’t know how to act around people sometimes, but I’m not unfriendly once you get to know me. I only wish my ex understood what it is like to be me. It is so easy for him to make friends that I know he would be shocked to find out that there are people like me out there where making friends is a problem.
May 9, 2007 at 10:53 pm
Lansie, that is a sad story indeed. I’m sorry that your Ex did that to you. I know how that feels, I’m yelled it everyday in school.
And yeah I know what you mean by the “Great friend” part, I would be too if people weren’t the idiots they are were I’m living. I understand what your saying about everything.
May 10, 2007 at 11:43 am
Hi people…..
I dont know where to start really. Ive read a lot of posts on this site and im really feeling with you all. Its sad not having many friends or even worse none at all. Ive had many friends when i was a kid but it all changed when i got into my 16-17 years of age where i developed some kind of Social Anxiety. I got afraid that i was gonna blush infront of people and this just got worse and worse, it went from blushing a lil bit when someone yelled at me, / teacher and i didint care that much back then to being able to blush even in my own home infront of my parents!. When im saying this i kinda tear in my eye, because i know how much i was hurting at this time. Today im 21 and have no friends as a result of it, im trying now to get back some friends and make new ones but i must say that its not always the easiest. I feel a bit paranoid, when i ask someone like, “hey phone me whenever u got time” i think it sounds desperate even if its not. Years have passed and ive lived as a loner and was happy with it. No gf no friends, but friends online that i didint know irl, and played games, and whatever there is to do. Thing is people think i got many friends cuz for example at work etc i sometimes feel like im the one people really get suprised by, can be pretty charming lol. But if they only knew… and whats hardest is to keep this close bound with people, people you meet and even old friends now have their own friends, and i get the feeling they hangout etc if i might call them but they have their own friends and i mine… but thats not the truth. Anyhow, all i gotta say is, im feeling sorry for you all, especially the older ones, life aint fair and people are ignorant trust me on that one, im well aware of that.
May 10, 2007 at 7:04 pm
WL
I really feel for you. I’ve had similar childhood experience. My parents never wanted me and my brother around, they were always encouraging us to play outside, we would play ouside every day ’till the street lamps came on. When we were around them, they were always putting us down, which led to low self esteem, and social anxiety. I am ok, I finished universiy. My brother unfortunately has a bad drug problem.
May 11, 2007 at 8:05 am
Lansie: Your boyfriend was such a jerk! Good thing you got rid of him! Always in my relationships, my boyfriend was my only friend and they never ever cared. Now my husband and I are each other’s only friends and he doesn’t care. He actually wonders why I have no friends because he sees nothing wrong with me. Believe me, real men do not treat you the way your ex did so go for it with this new guy!
Rolfi: That’s funny, cuz I just got back from vacationing in NYC and my brother lives there. He has not made any friends in the last 3 years and he had to go to match.com to find his girlfriend (which is fine, but you would think in a city so large you wouldn’t have to go on the internet). I still think it would largely depend on your personality to make friends in NYC. BTW…I don’t think I could live like that but millions of people must like living there because it is packed. I like my car and my yard and the smell of open space. My brother likes it though.
May 11, 2007 at 10:36 am
Lori – I agree, he was such a moron. But he got rid of me, not the other way around! This actually turned out for the best, even though now I am all alone! It was through this experience that it really hit me that I have no friends, and it hit me that it is becoming a daily problem. It is on my mind almost literally all the time. It was such a slap in the face and such a reality check.. I think I really needed it to wake me up. I need to make a change and not depend on boyfriends only for companionship! I wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend also had no friends, but somehow I always date guys who have a ton of friends, so it’s quite awkward.
Also, I am willing to bet that there isn’t really anything “wrong” with most of us here! I think people think that friendless people must be somewhat hideous/sociopathic/mean/unfriendly.. but I am none of those, and from what I read I think most of us are also none of those. We all have problems.. it just happens that (for the moment) ours is a lack of friends. I have hope for myself, only because in the past I used to have friends, so why can’t I do it again? I’ve noticed that the older I get, the more inhibited I become. I am so scared of rejection or what other people think in social situations, that I usually just try to blend in with the surroundings. But now I realize I need to take risks and be bold(er), because being alone is no way to live my life anymore.
May 11, 2007 at 11:28 am
Hey all,
I’ll be repeating what a lot of people have said but I’m so glad I’ve found this page and I can relate to you guys. I’m 20 and nowadays I only ever seem to have acquaintances, no one I can talk to or go out with and it only seems to make me feel worse. I had a few friends at school but I only ever keep in touch with one person and even then I feel bad for it as I know she has a new life and lots of new friends, I don’t want to drag her down and I have nothing to talk to her about as I have nothing new in my life. Now I have no one I can turn to, recently I thought I had made a close friend only for her to use me and now shes laughing at me behind my back because I got upset. I’ve always tried to help others and been kind, but people seem to just use me and walk away. It’s difficult because feeling so lonely affects everything I do and it affects who I am, I don’t want to become someone differenta$nd hateful because of others. I feel as if I can’t make friends anymore, I don’t know how to and I can’t enjoy being with others, once bitten twice shy.
I’m hopeful for the future, I want to try to change things but it’s difficult. I’m trying to join clubs and go to places that I can meet nice people but loneliness and depression can be the worst things, it can stop you before you’ve even began. I wish you all luck, we all deserve a bit of happiness.
anna xxxxx
May 11, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Yeah Lansie, I agree. It is always on my mind too. I think I expect a lot out of the people I do come across because little do they know, this is what is consuming me. The fact that I have no friends. Then someone does something as small as not e-mailing me back or not calling me back or not saying hi or not being interested in what I have to say. These things are so small but to me they are huge and they hurt so bad. If I had some friends I would not care so much. Maybe people would not care anyway because maybe people are not as kind hearted as we want to thing they are. Life sure can be a bitch. I hope this is not always a problem I have to face. One thing that has helped me was going on a vacation. I forgot all my worries and problems and now that I am back, it is like starting fresh. All the little things that have been bothering me have not added up to where I feel like I cannot take it (that is how I was feeling before I left). I don’t know how long it will take for me to feel that way again. Now I know it was not depression, I truly feel that is was my lack of friends that was keeping me down. If I had depression, it would have stayed with me on my vacation, am I right? I don’t know how it works.
May 12, 2007 at 12:20 am
We all should have a convention!! Get togeather and meeet and greet!! Maybe Vegas or somplace fun like that. Everyone needs things in life to look foreward to. Maybe we are all overdue for new lasting friendships!!
May 12, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Hey Lori, once I was on antidepressants, because my doctor thought I was depressed. But I don’t know if I really was. I think my life would be practically perfect if I only had friends. I don’t even need a ton of friends, just one or two really good friends I could call about anything. I’ve wanted to take a vacation for so long, but nobody to take it with! My ex and I were supposed to go somewhere this summer, but obviously that’s not going to work out anymore. But yeah, I know what you mean by being ultra sensitive to things like someone not returning a call. I think a person with friends wouldn’t be so sensitive to these things because they have their friends as cushions to fall back on. When somebody doesn’t return a call or seems disinterested in me, that just amplifies my loneliness ten times more.
Anna, I too only keep in touch with one person from school, and we talk to each other maybe 3 or 4 times a year. We used to be best friends, but now she has so many new friends and I’m just more of an acquaintance now. I actually saw her and one of our mutual friends from school last weekend (first time in 8 months), and the three of us made plans to do something this weekend. I text’d her a few days but she didn’t respond, but I’ve been reading her myspace and she’s been making the same plans with her other friends! If my self esteem wasn’t so low I would probably have been able to brush it off and say “okay, some other time then”, but it just hurts so much, because I’ve been looking forward to this weekend. I know that I’m not very outgoing at all, and she and all of her friends are very free-spirited and outgoing, she’d probably feels awkward bringing me along. The thing is, she used to be like me, quiet and never really knowing how to carry on a conversation, but then.. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I could learn something from her.
It’s really the weekends that my loneliness hits me the hardest because I used to spend them all with my ex. Nowadays, sometimes I’ll go driving around for several hours at a time, just because even being around other cars out in traffic feels better than being alone. Sounds crazy but that’s how it is. If I weren’t moving to a new town in a few months, I don’t know how I would even have hope. The only reason I’m hopeful is because I can use my newness as an excuse to not have any friends, because not having any friends is a big part of what’s keeping me from befriending people. I feel like nobody would want to be friends with a loner, and I’m a loner because I have no friends. Hopefully I can break out of this terrible cycle.
May 13, 2007 at 1:59 am
So, I posted awhile back. Well today, I’m pretty sure I made a friend. We’ll see what happens.
I just wanted to post to tell you all not to give up, because there’s always someone out there who is willing to be your friend. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, and just get over being scared or nervous. When trying to make a friend, always go into the situation with the thought “I’m going to make friends with this person” because having a negative attitude isn’t going to help at all.
Today has been the best day I have had in at least 3 years. I hope every one of you has a day like mine soon.
Good luck!
May 13, 2007 at 2:43 am
Hi,
I’m 23 and I live in Seattle and I guess I am a “loner”. It’s strange because I’m in sales so I have to pretend to be social, but all my coworkers know that I am not because I don’t really talk to them unless I feel like it. And I like that about myself. But I feel bad because a “friend” from college wanted me to go to dinner with her and a few friends but I didn’t go. The thing is the whole idea of going and making small talk made me sick. And not to mention that I am moving to NYC in June and prior to her knowing that she never returned my calls or wanted to do anything with me. I had friends in college but now I don’t. I try to do stuff with them but our lives are different and they never invite me or they invite me at the last minute, and I do act like a brat about it, but I still don’t go.
It’s painful that my college friends ditched me but at the same time, I graduated and they did not. They probably think I am boring, judgemental or too serious which is probably true, but those are my strong points. Except being judgemental , but you have to have some standards in life.
I want friends because it looks like a lot of fun to have group photos when you go out, but sometimes I can’t handle the closeness too often. But I want to have authentic friends who I can be myself with and not feel pressure to act “cool”, because I’m not, well Ican be, but who wants to be “on” all the time?
Anyway, it’s sad that we all feel so lonely, but I am so happy that there several people that feel the same way. That in itself is encouraging enough for me.
May 14, 2007 at 7:11 pm
I cant believe that there are so many people on this board who have the same exact feelings that I have. Its scary, though, because I know how lonely it is, I wouldnt want anyone else to feel this way. I’ve had a difficult childhood, which I think has caused me to have serious trust issues. Im 24, have never had any friends, nor have I had a boyfriend. I would love to have all this, but have no idea how to go about making friends. Im very self-conscious and have little self-esteem. I try to make excuses as to why I dont have friends…i.e. Im ugly, fat, etc..all this has caused me to develop an eating disorder. Its very lonely, and I cant wait to go home so I can go to bed and cry. My grandmother yells at me and belittles me because I dont have friends and thats “not normal”..I happened to do a search and came across this board. Its nice to know Im not the only person out there who’s like this. Im very shy and not outgoing, this in turn makes people think Im in a bad mood or stuck-up which is not the case. Also, I wouldnt want to change my beliefs in order to get people to like me (i.e. get drunk, talk about people, etc).
May 15, 2007 at 9:01 am
My e-mail is ekbergtoo@gmail.com if someone wants to e-mail me.
May 15, 2007 at 3:50 pm
I too googled to get to this page. Being lonely has been so depressing. I can remember being like this when I was only 11 too. I’m now 29 years old. I have no boyfriend or husband or kids either. I’m surprised at the people who are married and/or have kids and say that they are lonely. Does anyone else regret it being summer when everyone is out playing and having fun and you have no one to be with?
I can’t stand it…..
BTW
Lansie – when you mentioned about not wanting to date someone b/c of th fact that you have no friends but he has a lot of friend and you would be embarrassed about that? I TOTALLY understand. Just reading what your wrote made me uncomfortable b/c I’ve definatley had that feeling whenever I was interested in a guy just so SCARED of having to come to that point of him finding out what a “loser” I am. I think that is part of the reason I could be a with a guy but never get close, but I was afraid of that vulnerable side of me.
May 15, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Jackie – I’m so glad someone knows what I’m talking about! I always try to make it seem like it’s my choice to not have friends, but that’s kind of hard to pull off and he probably thinks I’m a “loser” anyway. I hate pretending to be some kind of antisocial people-hating recluse-freak, I just want to be honest and be myself, but I just can’t. I just think.. I already have no friends, now I can’t even have a boyfriend because of it? It’s such a miserable way to live. I would love to meet a guy with no friends, but if he is just like me, how on earth will we ever meet?
But yeah, I hate it in the summer when I see everyone out having fun.. with other people. You never see someone enjoying a picnic alone.. or playing frisbee alone.. even taking a walk is depressing. It depresses me when I see something beautiful, like a tree in bloom.. or a sunset, and I can’t share it with someone else. It’s just not the same.
May 16, 2007 at 12:24 am
After reading these posts, I feel like I should try to speak with people like me who are out in the community by themselves, although I could see that becoming very embarassing. The whole thing is so wierd,but I think part of this situation for those in our 20’s is the drastic change that happens, because growing up you are always with people your age, even if you don’t have friends you at least know what your peers are like. In your 20’s you really are by yourself and trying to figure life out. Being lonely may just be a part of adulthood.
I am in complete support of a lonely convention in someplace sunny or fun. I too have needed a vacation but have no one to go with. We would have to call it something else besides a lonely convention. Maybe the Singular Circle or a Personal Development seminar where you learn and practice networkng skills?
May 16, 2007 at 7:34 am
KatyKan, lets get it organized. I am all for Vegas because I can drive there from where I live. Does anyone have any other suggestions?
May 16, 2007 at 5:34 pm
I’m 25 from Newcastle, UK. I’ve read every comment on this page and its so weird how similar all of our experiences are.
I’m most definately a loner. I do like to spend a most of my time on my own, however once in a while I’d like someone to maybe go see a movie with, or go to a bar with. Again, I’m a decent guy and a few people have tried to be my friends, but I always push them away/refuse to go out with them because I don’t want to spend to much time with them. I’ve been the same way since I was about 13 (before which I had lots of friends). Its so bad I’ve never been in a relationship.
I’ve often thought the solution may lie in trying to befriend a fellow loner. Someone else who understands your need to be alone.
May 16, 2007 at 8:48 pm
i think self-confidence is the key to most of you guys’ sadness. and the more people reject your friendship, the less confidence you are going to have. so you really have to fight through that pain and maybe even fake that confidence, and you might find yourself attracting people. and i also think most of you need to get rid of your hate. if you look at yourself from the outside, would you want to be friends with you?
also, just because you don’t have friends does not mean you are pathetic or a loser. a lot of successful people don’t have friends, and there are plenty of lonely celebrities out there. and after reading this site you realize so many people are like you, so you are not alone.
please don’t give up on yourselves, this could be a God-given challenge that you must overcome. and it is definitely not easy.
i’m trying to give my advice because i came to this page a few days ago feeling extremely lonely. i have been feeling like i have lost all my friends and nobody is there for me. i read this page and thought alot about why things were the way they were. i recently broke up with my boyfriend because he also could never be there for me when i needed him, and i sort of depended on him for my happiness.
it’s extremely difficult, but you really shouldn’t depend on anyone for your happiness. the reason you are unhappy is because of you, and only YOU can change that. every minute you spend unhappy is a huge waste of your life so end it now. figure yourself out, then go take action to make some friends and not caring what others think of you. be confident. you have nothing to lose.
i hope this helped…
May 17, 2007 at 11:38 am
Hi!
I also came to this website because I was feeling ultra lonely. I can relate to many of the posts on here. I used to have tonnes of friends when I was younger but after migrating to a new country my friendships became fewer.
Throughout High School I had a handful of friends and one close friend. Up until a year ago I had 1 close friend or what i would label a friend. The other people I would label associates.
As I became older I came to the realization that a TRUE friend is something pretty rare and special. Although maybe just rare for me? I somehow managed to lose my only recent friend as well. Maybe it my fault for not being in contact.
Over the last year I have been seeing a psychologist due to depression problems. I have always been a real nice person and extremely loyal although having been so lonely has probably turned me bitter and slightly anti people.
Sometimes I feel like I have lost faith in people and the world after sooo many disappointments. I know that this is something I have to get over and my self confidence is deteriorating bit by bit. I feel like crying right now.
I am a decent looking fellow and I have a tendency to put myself down a lot and often feel like I have nothing to contribute. Its great being able to express ones feelings even if its only in typed form. Thanks for listening to my ramble. It helps a bit knowing you are not alone.
May 17, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Is it wierd to be married and still feel lonliness? That is pretty wierd, huh. I guess I just need a female contact. Just today I drove past this little shopping center with lots of cute boutiques and it said this weekend there is going to be a huge 2 day sale. I got really excited for a second, then I realized, I have nobody to go with. Another thing I feel I really have missed out on is having a sister. I do not have one. Is that wierd to be 27 and still be sad because I do not have a sister? Sometimes I think the loss I am feeling is not having a sister more than anything else, such as friends. If I just had one really close person that I could go do the girl stuff with, that would be perfect. The funny thing is, when I got pregnant the first time, I really really wanted a girl so I could have a female to relate to (I am not that close to my mom), well, I had a boy. I got pregnant again thinking for sure I would have a girl. We had another boy. Isn’t that funny?
May 17, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Katykan & Lisa…
I think your ideas for a convention/meet and greet are great. You can count me in. We all need a fun and positive change!!
May 18, 2007 at 6:20 pm
So many people here…now i dont feel as out of the ordinary haha. The only good friends i have had were when i was so young that i barely even remember them. I had a few somewhat friends during 6th grade…but then around 7th or 8th i lost them. I am now 19 and havent had a single friend since then. I am a pretty shy person and dont every really go up to people and initiate conversation…but i have good social skills and can carry on a conversation (kind of) if needed. Like most everyone else on here i completely dont understand why i am alone…i am a very nice person, and a great friend. I didnt used to mind being alone as much, but recently it has gotten to me. I have been in a relationship with a guy for over 4 years now, and its just that much worse when we get in fights and i have absolutely no one to talk to. I think it also has a bad effect on our relationship because he has other friends that he likes to hang out with,…but since i dont have any others i like spend most of my time with him. If only people would care to get to know me they would find out what a good person i am. But they dont. Oh well.
May 18, 2007 at 8:15 pm
I think Labor day weekend would be a good time to go because it will give everyone time to save money and it should be a little cheaper during that time right?
Vegas sounds fun, but I’m not really a huge gambler so hopefully there will be others interested in seeing the cheesy vegas shows ;).
Lisa what do you think? Is a labor day weekend trip doable? I’m sure there are some good group deals we could get. Ahhh, the privelege of group discounts.
May 18, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Hey all,
I found friends let me down in the past. I developed a tendency not to have friends after that. I would simply lose contact (not on purpose but for lack of effort). I think the high school thing applies to everyone (everyone loses contact). Recently i went on a work placement as part of my college. i met some great people and we had fun. since we came back, everyone has changed…i guess i let my guard down and wish i didnt make friends…now i am back to my lonely self and you know what…i think i am happier.
it seems a bit sad that i am happy alone but at least no one can let me down…i think friends are circumstantial with a time limit…
To anyone who hasn’t lost faith in friendship… forget about past experiences, the key to making good friends is to be a good listener…i see all too often the word ’someone to confide in, someone to tell your problems to’ associated with friends…if you listen to peoples problems and sympathise, they will be your friend…think of it as an investment…
sorry for being a pessimist but i will not deny myself happiness or be depressed anymore, if i have problems i deal with them…i do not need to talk to anyone, i am my own person…i do not need anyone else…tell yourself that
May 19, 2007 at 7:34 am
Hey everyone. I’m 19..no friends.. Its so crazy how strong you guys sound. With me i feel suicidal pretty much every weekend because of the fact i dont have friends. in the summer its worse because you cant go to the beach alone ( well you can but who wants to?) you cant go to waterparks alone, or do any of the fun summer things by yourself. i tried going to the beach alone but i got really depressed because i saw all big groups of friends together laughing and enjoying themselves…
it just makes me think whats the point of going through life when you have no one? i literally have no one to talk to, i mean i go to college but even there i cant have a convo without the other person saying “oh me and my best friend are doing this..”
May 19, 2007 at 7:39 am
Hey everyone. I’m 19..no friends.. Its so crazy how strong you guys sound. With me i feel suicidal pretty much every weekend because of the fact i dont have friends. in the summer its worse because you cant go to the beach alone ( well you can but who wants to?) you cant go to waterparks alone, or do any of the fun summer things by yourself. i tried going to the beach alone but i got really depressed because i saw all big groups of friends together laughing and enjoying themselves…
it just makes me think whats the point of going through life when you have no one? i literally have no one to talk to, i mean i go to college but even there i cant have a convo without the other person saying “oh me and my best friend are doing this..” even where i work i come in every weekend and here how all of my co workers are going out to a party after work(i work with mostly guys) and i should bring my friends and come.. but i always say how i am busy even though i no the reason is that i have no one to bring with me
i have a boyfriend, and without him i dunno what i would do. its sad because he has so many friends and gets so many phone calls when we’re together. him and my mom are the only phone calls i ever get. i get over protected of him sometimes, because i feel like if i loose him ill never have another boyfriend, ill never get married, or even have kids.
this situation is so hard because when you go through life with no one you feel so vunerable and depressed. if i could only have that one girl to talk to or go out with it would mean the world to me! i just doubt that will ever happen…
thanks for listening
May 19, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Hey DaCii – when I had a boyfriend, my parents and him were the only people to call me. I had two ringtones.. one for my parents, and one for anyone else.. and I could always tell when he called, because “anyone else” was always him. And of course, he always got a lot of calls when we were together. Maybe you could befriend just one of your coworkers.. and then hang out with them at their parties, and then trying to “use” them to make friends with their friends. Use isn’t a very good word here, but I think you know what I mean. It takes people to know people, which is why I think a lot of us are in this situation…
Summers really are the worst – especially if you are in school, and it is not in session in the summer. Suddenly your alone time increased by many hours each day. There are times too when I feel pretty suicidal.
It seems to be a recurring theme here – people only having their significant others (usually females with a boyfriend or husband, but I could be wrong?) as companionship. If we could only attract into our lives people who want us just as friends the same way we attract significant others, that would be great. I think this is so common because it takes no work on our part to attract boy/girlfriends since one always pursues the other.. but in a friendship, it’s a mutual pursuit. Perhaps I could be wrong, but I’m going to guess that almost everyone in this situation did not pursue their significant others, but was pursued by that person. Well, I don’t know if that made any sense at all, but it’s my 2 cents for what it’s worth.
May 20, 2007 at 5:46 am
Hey Lansie–
Yeah it sucks when your with your boyfriend and he’s getting calls none stop! I just sit there like an idiot watching him talk wishing that i could get at least one phone call from someone besides my mom!
I find myself going on people’s myspace from highschool and seeing pictures of them out at clubs, bars, partys and all.. its so depressing because it seems everyone made new friends or stuck with their old ones. in highschool i had 3 best friends. by junior year once we all had diff classes, we all ended up drifting apart. i really cant even consider them best friends because if they really were then wouldnt they have still kept in contact?
its crazy how many guys are on this page with the same problems. i thought it was mainly girls who dealt with this since girls have a lot more drama it seems. i thought all a guy had to do was bring up sports or something and he would make another guy friend. thats what my boyfriend does at least and he always sparks up convos with anyone.
its hard to try to go out with my co workers because their all guys and i no they just dont only want me there… they want me and my girl friends… too bad i dont have any! i also have a younger sister (by two years) and she is ms. popular with a lot of friends and a boyfriend. every weekend she does out to a party while her older sister sits at home and watches TV. i think having a younger sister who is that popular makes it a lot worse for me.
May 20, 2007 at 8:51 am
I am not a gambler either. (Besides the nickle machines). We can go somewhere else if anyone has any other ideas. That does give us plenty of time to save and plan for it. Mmmmmm…Paris buffet. Gooood.
May 20, 2007 at 9:29 am
Charisma, look into it people. Get some
Also realize every other tosser is as self-absorbed as you are and are too busy being anxious to even pay attention to your anxieties.
May 20, 2007 at 5:40 pm
hi, my name is Ariel Rodriguez, i moved to the USA when i was 21, now im 25, and all the frends that i had i left them there in uruguay my native country, all the people that i have met here in the usa have not been so friendly to me, my relatives are non existant, and from being a super social person working on my own office from the age 19 to the age of 21 and having a radio program on a poppular radio of my country working as a event organizer for high school students of all arround a state in uruguay,
i became the loneliest wolf on heart, i have been mistreated in all my jobs , suffered from racism and verval agression frequently in some of them i have realized something,
if you dont represent yourself youllbe treated like a useles idiot, guys pleasse it is not easy to make new social circles but is a must in cases like this , ask for peopple to become your friend if you feel like it to, but represent, no body matters more the yourselves, stop being nice to peopple that do not wish you the best, somethimes it is time for a change, maybe our time , so overcome your fears, all and every single one of them, and things will start to work out again, but make this decision a must,
our duty in this life is to be happy and to be happy we need to be able to feel free, to be ourselves, fear is the worst thing in the world, and las thing, do not waste time with people ho doesnt really appreciate you,
walk on (u2).
May 21, 2007 at 2:48 am
yo, any loneley ppl in australia?
May 21, 2007 at 3:03 am
hmmm, ill elaborate. well yr 10. highschool. meant to be a really tough time full of peer pressure, alcohol, drugs blah blah blah. not for me because i dont really have any friends. wat make sit worse is that because your australian your meant to be rip roaringly hilarious and out going, but im not. my “friends” at school think im funny, i have been many times complimented on my good looks. yet i never get invited anywhere.
im not completely anti-social, i like being around people and even though im not the most outgoing im not that shy either.
it sucks hearing people talk about that awesome party they went to and stuff and then when they ask you you have to make up and excuse like you have other friends or was woking all weekend (i do have a job-no friends there awell)
i feel really left out. my family loves me though and i am the main source of humor and entertainment, i just dont see how it can be so dfferent in another social group.
well because yall are in the states it kinda sucks more.
i hate highschool
May 21, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Why is it so hard to “walk across the room” and introduce myself? That zone of the unknown is like a big black hole waiting to swallow me. Just thinking about it makes me nervous.
Here is a slideshow you may be able to relate to:
http://www.lostandlonely.com
May 21, 2007 at 7:41 pm
“# Steve Says:
May 20th, 2007 at 9:29 am
Charisma, look into it people. Get some
Also realize every other tosser is as self-absorbed as you are and are too busy being anxious to even pay attention to your anxieties”
Steve, coming here bashing on lonely people, who are sharing their problems. Real big of ya. Some people are different – look it up. On the flip side, an out-going, charismatic person wouldn’t have written a message like that,here, only a self-absorbed prude would bother to take the time to insult people consoling each other. I highly doubt you have any “charisma” yourself with such an ignorant post. Social phobias, and anxieties are not out of the norm, don’t let this little twit get to ya, ignorance at its best – Good job!
May 21, 2007 at 7:50 pm
I’m 23 and have no close friends. I have friends at work and school but the only time I speak with them is when I’m there. I tend to find that a lot of people do like me but we never really connect or do things after work/school. I’m a really nice person but, maybe a bit shy at times. I would like have big group of friends to hang with every weekend or just have someone to talk too. It’s been like this for like 10 years. I try to cheer myself up by buying things but after a while I just get depressed again. It sucks having to go through this everyday. rman126@hotmail.com if anyone has any advice for me
May 22, 2007 at 12:04 am
DaCii – about your friends from high school.. Sometimes I feel that way too, that if they were really my friends, they would have kept in touch. But keeping in touch involves both parties, and maybe they are thinking that you don’t want to be friends with them anymore because YOU don’t keep in touch. Just a few days ago I emailed a friend from high school and she was so happy to hear from me. She is coming into town in a few days and we’ll probably meet up, although she lives in another state now, so we can’t be friends like we used to. But it feels good to know that she missed me, and was glad to hear from me. This whole time I thought she probably doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, or that she has better things going on in her life. But she seemed sincerely interested in getting together. I guess the bottom line is, if they were your friend once, they will most likely want to hear from you. (Unless your friendship ended in some messy fight.. but I think most people simply drift apart after a while.)
Lately I have learned to give people the benefit of the doubt – it’s almost never as bad as I think it is. I always think that people don’t like me, or dont want to talk to me, but maybe they are thinking the same thing about me. I am probably sending out bad vibes because I have these bad thoughts. If I gave everyone else some credit, I really think most people are friendly. I don’t think you can ever have too many friends, so it’s not like someone would NOT want to be my friend just because they already have an X number of friends. Now, I just need to put these thoughts into good use.
May 22, 2007 at 5:08 am
I’m lonely as shit that shit can be. Literally. I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O MY FCKING GOD!!!!!
May 22, 2007 at 7:33 am
Lansie,
I agree with you. Most people would welcome a friendship. I really think there is almost no such thing as being stuck up. So many times I hear that so and so thought that someone else was stuck up before they got to know them. Being shy can make people come across that way and many, many people are somewhat shy around people they do not know. Don’t get me wrong I am sure there is a certain percentage of the population that is truly snobbish and stuck up. That makes it all the more difficult to get to know people because we have that fear of being rejected when, like you said, that would not be likely. Aaaah, lonliness. It gives so much to think about and analyse. Can’t wait until this phase is over. P.S. Just got a new sister-in-law and I think we are going to be friends. We are going to start doing stuff together (girl stuff). :)
May 23, 2007 at 5:24 pm
I’m a 22 year old female that lives in Southern Indiana. If I did’nt have my 1 year old son, I’d be completely lost. Seems like most of my friends drifted in the past. Needless to say, I feel terribly lonely.
http://www.myspace.com/pristinenight
May 23, 2007 at 5:27 pm
By the way, feel free to contact me at Angelic_Sweetness2007@yahoo.com
May 23, 2007 at 11:38 pm
I have no freinds. When I was younger I was never the center of attention but i always had a few small friends here and there. Then when I was 13 I developed a disorder, in which I suffer from bad body odor. I takes at least 4 showers a day, I am extremely hygenic and probably one of the cleanest people you’d ever meet. But I smell bad. Why would someone want to be friends with me? So now, at 18 I’ve accepted the fact that I have no one and probably never will. I can’t go to the store, the dentist, the Doctor, anywhere in public without being completely humiliated. As hard as it is to have no one to depend on, its even worse when you have everyone to defend yourself against. So, while I know its hard to feel lonely and alone, I’m envious of you all because you’re able to be in society without being degraded. I hope you all find someone and wish you the best.
May 23, 2007 at 11:42 pm
I had a few typos there. Sorry about that.
May 24, 2007 at 2:03 pm
wow i’m so surprised that there are so many of us lonely people out there! i thought i was the only one!
i’m a 23 yr old female from nj and i have a bf but no friends. i had a few friends in college but we developed differing religious beliefs and stopped talking to each other. i have not been able to make any friends since. my only hope was that things would change once i graduated. well they have changed, for the worse. i’ve been out of school for 6 months now and in that time i’ve been mostly isolated. i live with my bf who is my only contact to the outside world. i had a full time job, but i quit because i couldn’t deal with it anymore. no one talked to me in the office and during one of my evaluations i was basically told that i was on the verge of being let go because i wasn’t perky/sociable enough.
i just don’t understand why making friends even acquaintances is so hard. sometimes i just feel like i don’t even exist.
worst of all is the fact that i feel so ashamed that i don’t have any friends! to the point where i am embarrassed to even contact people from high school for fear that they will find out what a loser i am. even though i have accomplished somewhat since high school, those things don’t matter since i have no friends and i’ve been with my bf since we were 13. it goes so far that i am seriously thinking about moving to california just so that i can use the move as an excuse for not knowing anyone. i can hopefully start over.
well i wasn’t expecting to go into such a rant, i guess i just needed to get it of my chest even if it is just typed. thank you to everyone for listening! i hope we all find an end to our loneliness soon!!
May 24, 2007 at 3:37 pm
So my boyfriends friends are going down to PA this weekend… of course he wants to go but im trying to make every excuse in the book not to go, because i’ll feel so weird being the only girl there! actually there will be one other girl but shes a bitch and wouldnt talk to me anyway since i’m like 5 years younger than her!
i dunno what to do! i honestly hate this. i feel like i make my boyfriend miss out on doing things because of the fact i have no friends to bring along with me! i’m also scared to not go because what if the girl brings tons of her friends down and my boyfriend will be with them!
this honestly sucks.. can someone give me some advice
May 24, 2007 at 5:57 pm
DaCii.. I understand your fears, particularly about the other girl bringing her friends. I don’t know how close you are to your boyfriend’s friends, but they are friendly and not going to leave you out, it would probably be okay. Personally I never got along with my ex’s friends, and it was always awkward for me to be with his friends. Would he ignore you if you hung around him while he’s with his friends? It’s probably not going to be a ‘guys only’ weekend if you are invited and another girl is invited. But, I think you can best assess the situation. If it really makes you uncomfortable, you could always just tell your boyfriend you just don’t feel like going.. maybe tell him you just want to relax, or work on some things.. surely you can make something up. I probably wouldn’t want to go either if I were you, especially if the only other girl is a bitch. But, you could possibly end up having a good time, depends on what your boyfriend and his friends’ plans are. Perhaps you could try making friends with that girl’s friends if she brings any.. just because she’s a bitch doesn’t mean her friends are. I think the only way to fix our friendless situations is to force ourselves to try and make friends, no matter how frightening it seems. No risk, no gain. But, it’s possible this wouldn’t be a good time. Good luck with whatever you decide! :)
May 26, 2007 at 11:46 am
Lansie-
thanks for writing. yeah i just dont feel too good about the situation considering she’ll have her friends there and they prob wont talk to me (im 18 theyre all like 25). my boyfriend does tend to leave me out sometimes when hes with his friends. i actually told him i feel sick so i wont be going. i seriously wouldnt mind going at all if i had at least ONE friend to bring with me so i wouldnt feel left out. ahh life sucks =(
May 26, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Hello!
It feels like an age since I posted my message on here, I seem to get so depressed that I don’t want to expose myself to anything but I just seem to spent my time avoiding life.
Lansie, did things work out with your friend? Were you able to meet up? I think I know how you feel, me and my friend seemed to be so alike when we were at school but she has moved on and has grown as a person while I feel like i’m the same arkward person I always was and so I don’t fit in with her anymore. I try to remember that we’re all different and we all change in different ways so I just hope that I will become comfortable in my own skin eventually at least and I think we’ll all hopefully get to that point. I find that I can’t cope meeting people in groups so I’ve tried to get to know people on their own, I just can’t compete with groups, I get talked over. Recently I met up with my friend I mentioned earlier on her own and it’s easier than being in a group and I’d say that it helps when trying to get to know each other or anyone. I still can’t rely on her as she doesn’t return my calls.
eyesonmywall, I was just reading your post and I know how you feel about feeling ashamed but I found I had to try to forget the feeling if it’s possible and find somewhere completely different to meet people, like a fresh start as you were saying. I found I had lost who I was by being around the same people for so long and that I’ve only just starting to by finding new places no one knows me, it’s not easy but it’s a start and I think thats what counts in the long run.
I’ve been reading so many comments on boyfriends and until now I had never let anyone close to me and suddenly I understand what you are all talking about. Since I first post I’m now seeing a guy but he talks about all of these people he knows and all his friends as well as all these people who are antisocial and have no friends that he knows and doesn’t understand so I can’t be myself around him. I can’t explain how I feel to him. Does anyone else get jealous when they hear about what their boyfriend does or knows? I hate feeling like this, I get this pain of jealously that I’m not able to live the same way or cope as well as feeling so bad that I’m the type of person he moans about.
I’m sorry for going on, my head is all over the place tonight. I want to try to move forwards with things but I get stuck and don’t want to do anything, I just find it more comfortable sometimes to be depressed than to try and it’s horrible.
Someone mentioned the possibility of a forum? I think it sounded like a really good idea to be able to talk about anything and everything with people that understand.
Anna x
May 26, 2007 at 4:02 pm
oh my goodness that was long! I’m so sorry, complete nonsense and ramblings, my head isn’t with it at the moment.
x
May 26, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Saturday night and I am sitting here reading everyones comments about being lonely and having no friends. It seems a lot of us have many things in common. I am 23 years old and would consider myself depressed. I have an okay job, i am a good looking guy, have a few talents, and have huge dreams/goals for my future. So whats my problem? I have no friends to support me, no friends to enjoy my life with now, and therefore I really don’t care about anything.
Though I do have one friend that I enjoy hanging out with, he is always busy. For me its not that I can’t make friends, because I always make good first impresison, I just end up losing them all. In fact, I have had more best friends that Ive lost than I can even count. What hurts the most is i see many of my past friends doing big things in their life, becoming successful, landing huge jobs, hooking up with lots of girls, few have become locally famous singers, generally always happy and living great.
For me life has just been going through the motions everyday, hoping that I will one day get where they are, lots of friends, lot of women, and accomplish my dreams. But for now, the interest in living or taking care of myself is gone. Thought of suicide has crossed my mind too in the past, but I know that I am never going to take my own life. I will either live for the rest of my life waiting and hoping, or finally get enough coverage to make something out of myself.
I have thought for the longest time that once I reach fame and fortune I will have more friends and women than I ever wanted, but the truth is these will never be true friends. These people will be my friends because of the things I can do for them. I find myself getting older everyday, more depressed as the time goes by, and confused by this world more and more. Its hard thing to understand, being a loser when you are far from it.
May 26, 2007 at 8:09 pm
DaCii, I’m sorry you had to miss out on your weekend with your boyfriend. Honestly I probably would have done the same, because every guy I date seems to leave me out too when he’s with his friends. I don’t blame them because I can’t expect his attention 100% of the time.. I don’t know what it’s like because I never get the opportunity to leave HIM out.. he’s always my only companion. Does your boyfriend ever mention the fact that you have no friends? The last 2 guys I dated mentioned this to me, and it always made me so uncomfortable, and sometimes even angry.
Guy319, Yes it’s very hard to understand. I noticed that lots of people here do not consider themselves losers.. they think (and are probably correct) that they have decent jobs, looks, aspirations, skills, etc. I have one person that I hang out with regularly, but he is always busy Saturday nights so I don’t particularly enjoy Saturdays anymore (ever since my ex broke up with me). To be honest I don’t even enjoy being around this person very much (he is a great friend and great person, but there are just some things about him..) but I’d rather be with him than alone. And I think he has feelings for me, which I hate, but maybe that is why he hangs out with me so much. Looking back, most of my friends since high school have been guys, probably because they are only there because they like me in the wrong way. I wish I could attract female friends as easily, and they wouldn’t expect anything in return from me other than my companionship.
I too have lost a lot of friends since high school. I just graduated from college, and I just realized that I can’t insert the phrase “my college buddies” into any conversation because I never made any.. I keep in touch with about 4 people from my college, but they are all guys and only one of them I actually met AT college, and I would consider none of them ‘buddies.’
Anna, my friend isn’t coming into town until late next week, and I’ll probably only see her once or twice. She is bringing her husband and kids (she is my age, 23, and I guess that’s the age people start getting married, having babies.. but it just feels weird because I’m not close to doing anything like that), so it’s probably not going to be the same as it was between us when we were in high school. Still, I really look forward to seeing her. Everything you wrote in your post, I could have written. I completely understand .. especially the part about avoiding life, and being stuck, and being depressed. In fact I feel like I know most of you on some level; we are somehow all connected in this.. odd way. I no longer feel strange or abnormal.. and I think a forum would be a good idea, because this page is getting so long. If that never happens, I think we should at least exchange emails, or aim handles. Mine is oneraytheless@aol.com (aim is the same, minus the email part).
Anna, my post is probably longer than yours :)
But I’m not forcing anyone to read it!
May 26, 2007 at 8:33 pm
BTW anonymous jane, I don’t know if you’ll read this, but I’ve actually been thinking about what you said about your disorder. It must be so very difficult for you, but there must be something that can be done? Is it a genetic disorder? Is there medication or anything that you take?
I don’t believe that you will never have anyone in life, even a person in the most unfortunate of circumstances can find companionship in life… have you seen that woman with only her upper torso and no legs? I mean she doesn’t even have stumps, I think she is cut off at around her belly button.. but, she is married and has a kid, and she seems pretty happy. I am not equating your situation to hers, but when I saw her story, I thought, if she can be happy, why can’t everyone else?? I won’t pretend to understand what you go through every day, because I don’t, but I know it must be extremely difficult to have to be preoccupied by something like that, to be consumed by it, even, on a daily basis. I have no doubt that there is companionship for you in the world, but I know it must require extraordinary leap of faith in other people. I truly hope you find the courage to live your life, because you are still so young and it is not too late.
May 27, 2007 at 2:06 am
Hi Lansie. If I knew a way to cure or even lessen this disorder I would but I haven’t found anything. The many different doctors that I’ve seen aren’t really sure why I have these issues or how to fix them. I’ve been put on diets, had many tests taken and their at a loss. I’ve been given medication over the years for my IBS symptoms that they think might cause this problem for me with only negative or no result. There are some others like me that suffer from bad body odor, many of us suffer from different kinds. But most of us have no known way of curing it.
The MSN body odor group, ibsgroup.org, are places where some of us talk and try to find ways to solve our disorders on our own.
Thanks for you’re kind words and I’m glad that people in worse situations than mine can find companions in friendship or otherwise. I will continue living and trying to find a way to relieve this disorder but it is difficult. Hopefully I’ll fix this someday and be able to live my life to the fullest. For all of you, I wish you the best in finding what you’re looking for.
May 27, 2007 at 4:27 am
I thought I’d share my short story with the board (I’ve never posted on a website).
I’m 22 and have really found it hard to make friends. My uni years up until the last half of my last year okay i guess, the only friends I had were the ones who were on my course (i went out with those ppl as well on ocasion), though when i went back home to halls of residence i was isolated (this was the case for the whole 3yrs).
Now I live with some ppl from my course who are kind of friends but not the “true” friends we all want. Thats not to say I don’t like them or talk to them but I’m not valued and doubt I will be missed that much/kept in touch with.
Even though we live in the same house it seems that I am always the one who goes to see them and not vice versa, which is a bit annoying. There have been a lot of birthdays here and out of everyones I was the only one not to recieve a present or even a card (but I was still asked to go in on other ppls presents and sign their cards)… there are more examples I could put here.
I will not be living with my present housemates this year as I will be off to find a good job, so I will be leaving them all and starting again from scratch. I can’t really make friends as I am completely hopeless at social situations (probably due to the way I was brought up) and so find it hard to interject into a conversation with little or no points of reference.
So isolation awaits me for now due to a distinct failure in my ability to adapt to social situations.
May 27, 2007 at 10:18 am
I have struffgled to make friends since i started highschool. I was always the quietest of my friends in junior school but always had friends was liked and enjoyed the company of people. Around just before i left primaryschool at 11 my frineds decided it was my turn to get frozen out. I guess cos it was such a critical time i never really recoverd my self esteem from it and withdrew even more. I had always been shy amonsgt my family and although to those who knew me i was any thing but shy i guess i to everyone else they didnt know wat to make of me. I have never fully trusted anyone since and have spent my whole life longing for true friendships again. I am 22 and its scary too think i havent moved on too far from when i was 14 and feeling the same way. Its not hat i have no friends at all its just that i can;t rely on them, i don’t trust them and i feel as though i can’t be 100% myself around them. Also becuase they are individuals its like im not part of any social group or circle that meets regularly. I just meet these individuals separately every few weeks or so and speak to someof them maybe once or twice a week. But its like most of my friends are guys because of my experiences i have found it hard to get on with other females cos of the bitchyness.. I feel like ive missed out on so much in life. So many moments spent alone, so many nights spent crying. Its like not only am i in this situation but im also ashamed to be in this situation at my age. I know people will say just pull yourself together and get out there but its hard when you dont know how to be yourself, ive never had friends to validate me so im always second guessing myself. I knw i shouldnt need anyone to validate me but its hard to change my mindset on my own. I am attractive and people do try and befriend me but cos i can be myself they find me aloof or stand offish. Its like i dont belong anywhere. I am glaad i found this site though cos i dont feel so alone and can relate to what all of you are saying.
May 27, 2007 at 10:33 am
me again. Apologies for the spellings was typing real fast. Like i said I have a few friends but most of them are male and have their own lives. I have no girlfriends to do anything with. Well i do but one of them spends all her time with her boyfriend, the other one calls me like once every 3 months and the other one we speak quite regularly and are kinda in the same disatisfied state friendswise but she brings me down all the time cos she never tries to be positive about it and we just end up spending four hours finding ways to prove that life is shit, so i try to avoid her . Other than that i have a a few aquantences at work and an old school friend who is like the biggest most competitive bitch in the world so i try to distance myself from her too but no one who is actually here for me and who makes me comfortable to be myself. Its like i dont feel comfortable around anyone enough to trully be myself and to top it all off the majority of my guy friends (4 out of 5) want to either sleep with me, marry me, make me thier girl, or something along those lines. I stay frineds with them cos thier all i have little do they know but it can get awkward at times when you know someone has feelings for you. and even when i keep telling them we’re just friends its like they keep trying. But like i said they’re all i have so i just keep working through it with them. You know what i really miss, just chilling out with a bunch of people and laughing about dumb stuff. Having people to go places with and belonging to a social group being known as one of the gang typa thing. Maybe thats a childish fantasy but it used to be like that and it hurts cos alot of the people that used to be in my social group are still tight and have expanded their network of friends whilst mine has decreased. My female friends like i said either have partners or are fickle friends. Im really lonely and feel like ihave no life. I go out maybe once evry 3 months on a girls night out. I probly see my male aquaintences more often maybe once every week or two but my phone hardly rings anymore and no one calls for me anymore. I feel like such a loser at 22.
May 27, 2007 at 10:42 am
sorry im not trying to flood the board but at guy319 i just read your post and even though it may not seem like it from what ive written but i couldve written your post from a female perspective. I am so ambitious and alot of my friends are doing well in music and differnt things, everyone in the ends is coming up and its like im waiting for my time to shine. I like you can make a good first impression but have trouble keepin friends and holding onto the relationships or turning them into more than just casual friendships. All i keep hearing from people is about my potential, how i should be doing this and doing that but y am i not. No one can understand why a girl like me looks so down all the time. This is nt where i d hoped to be at all by this age
May 28, 2007 at 7:03 pm
I’m 23 yr old male in Australia and I’ve just been through a seperation. I have a 2 yr old daughter but I hardly get to see her at the moment because my ex is preventing me. I am going to have to go to court to see my little girl.
I have had friends in the past but I never had a really close friend. I never had someone to really rely on or share my feelings with and it’s made me really depressed. I think I have failed to keep in touch with a lot of people especially since I have moved a lot in the last few years.
I’m fighting a battle of feeling like I have no friends but my brain knows that it just takes time, making friends is a slow process and you have to listen and care for people even if you don’t feel like it. Every second I share with another person I am grateful for, because loneliness is painful.
I believe adversity suffered by us or our friends is a time when you can really get to know your friends better and connect with them. I am suffering some major adversities at the moment but I know I must put them aside and attempt to connect with other people. I don’t believe anyone can make friends if they focus on their own problems.
I hear so many people here talking about their situation and having no friends and I hope my little story here might be beneficial. I want you all to know that when you feel hopeless that there is hope, the hopelessness you feel is a overpowering grief but it isn’t realistic. Life is a tree that grows slowly.
Anyone, if you want to email me feel free to, kdba18@hotmail.com I am happy to chat or listen if you feel like venting. I have MSN too.
May 28, 2007 at 8:40 pm
I’m a 23 year old male and i’ve had pretty bad social skills my entire life. I had a few friends in high school but they have abandoned me even though I never treated them badly and was a great friend to them. I’ve only had one girlfriend in my life and it only lasted a month, what sucks is I know girls are attracted to me but the only way I find out is if someone else tells me. I started going to the gym a few years ago hoping that it would give me more confidence and better luck at getting friends or a girlfriend but so far it hasn’t, in fact it might have had the opposite effect because now people think I look intimidating. I’m a nice guy but people don’t bother trying to get to know me because they judge me by my appearance and think i’m mean, i’ve even had people say I look stuck up. I just don’t get it, I guess some people are meant to be alone.
May 29, 2007 at 8:27 am
Anonymous Jane: We will be your friend any time. You seem like a very nice person and I see no reason to judge you on here. As long as you keep aspiring to live your life to the fullest, people will see you as a neat, fun loving, and nice person who has overcome things in this life and you will have even more respect than some people who do have it easier.
Anon: I have been told I am intimidating as well and that I look and act stuck up (only cuz I am shy). Even my husband told me that at first he was scared of me. I am so grateful for him, he is the only person who saw me for who I really was and sees me as the person I feel like I am on the inside. He was willing to wait for me to come around and I know he is glad he did.
Lansie: Even though you and your friend are in different situations as far as marriage and kids, chances are she still needs you in her life. She probably still feels like the same person on the inside and if family is something you want in your life, it will not be long before you have plenty in common with her. I think that is a reason I have lost some of my friends. We had different circumstances and felt like we had less in common. I still needed them, but they were not around in some of my most difficult times. Now they do have babies, but we have already gone our seperate ways.
Guy319: Lots of women = lots of drama. Just try to find one that makes you happy. Marriage has been 100% better than just dating lots of men.
May 29, 2007 at 8:39 am
Hey all. Just one more thing…I have stopped being so impatient and so consumed by this problem and I just want to say that things are looking up for me. I have so much planned in the upcoming weeks, that I have had to reschedule things just because they overlap other plans. I don’t want to get too excited, because a lot of these people are just aquaintances, but I really thing positive things are happening here. I still long for closeness to people, but I really hope that in time I will have that since, like many have mentioned, it takes a long time.
Also, I have lowered my expectations from people. If you expect less, you get hurt less. Just put forth your best self, and expect nothing in return. Eventually, you will get something in return and you will be pleasantly surprised because you did not even expect it. Good luck to all.
May 31, 2007 at 8:32 pm
i’ve pretty much gone through my whole life with few real friendships. the people i was friends with either went away or we had a falling out. i’ve just finished university and i hardly went to any parties and the ones i did go through were of friends of my exs.
grad week was a little while ago and i didn’t bother to attend any of the events b/c what’s the point? when you’re not friends with anyone (and the faculty is SO clicky) i’d just be there by myself.
i try to be friendly when i meet people, first impressions are everything…but after the fact, things just don’t really go anywhere.
lisa & anon:
people have always told me i look intimidating. one person told me he thought i was a snotty bitch when he was first around me, and my ex told me he was afraid to approach me cause i looked like i thought i was better than everyone else. The truth is though that ever since i can remember i was scared of groups of people and i would try to look like i wasn’t – a defense thing i suppose. Now that i’m aware of it i try not to come off like it but most of the time, when i’m out in public i get stressed out and probably come off that way. It’s to the point now that i hardly ever notice it.
It’s nice to know that there are other people out there in the same situation…facebook will be the death of me i think.
June 1, 2007 at 8:35 pm
I’m sitting here reading most of these posts and am so sad myself because I totally feel the same exact way as all of you. Out of my teen years, I had only friends but, they weren’t exactly people I should have called my dear friends, even though, I’ve known them all of my life practically. Yet, the whole time when I was in school and I did have friends (not many), i always felt awkward and isolated from them. I also started suffering from major depression. I felt so alone. I would cry all the time about how alone I was and how I didn’t have any friends and to this day (I’m 32 now), I don’t have one friend that I can really count on. It makes me so sad when I think about it. It’s not like I need a whole huge group of friends because I actually do better in small social situations but, if I can only have just ONE. Just one best friend, I would be so happy.
I have been in a online community for several years and have met lots of people. I am a sweet, sensitive, trustworthy, honest person. I have poured my soul out to people to to no avail do I feel like I have gained one good friend out of the bunch. It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong and more than that, being that I have clinical depression (have for years), when I get socially rejected, I feel as though it is because I am too depressed or that they know i have depression. I feel so isolated.
Anyhow.. just thought I share my thoughts. It is good to know that I’m not the only one who’s feeling that way even though, it doesn’t fix the problem.
June 1, 2007 at 8:45 pm
I just want to point out also that like some of you have mentioned in some way or another, I feel as though I can’t be myself. After being socially rejected for so long, I have often find myself, distancing myself even further from anything that is social. It is not because I want to but, I feel it is my way of protecting myself from getting hurt or rejected again so, I do understand that feeling very well also.
June 3, 2007 at 6:45 pm
I know how all of you feel. I’m 22 now and have gone through most of my life not knowing friendship. I’ve had a couple buddies but things always fell through early on. I never had anyone to confide in or just hang out with. Since 13, I’ve had terrible acne, so that had a lot to do with it. All I ever really wanted out of life was to be normal, have a few friends…things people take for granted. I’m trying to hold out hope, and reading these posts helps.
June 3, 2007 at 9:31 pm
It makes me sad to hear so many young people say they have no friends. And even sadder to not be able to give you hope. I am 50 years old, soon to be divorced, and no friends. My birth parents didn’t want me so gave me up for adoption. My adoptive mother died when I was 3 and my stepmom hated me from the day she met me. She couldn’t wait to get me out of the house so she pushed me into marrying a man who never really loved me. It took him 30 years to decide he didn’t want to be married anymore, although I still love him. (not too bright, since he’s screwed around from the beginning). I’ve tried to establish friendships, but had personal information you only share w/someone you feel close to, used against me. My kids are married and have lives of their own. Every day I sink deeper in the hole of depression and I’m not so sure I’ll survive this time. It really pisses me off when you hear that someone committed suicide, and then all of a sudden people are coming out of the woodwork saying stupid crap like “if I’d only known” or “he/she should have said something, I would have helped.” WTF!! I try telling them all the time and they don’t listen! Or when I just try to be quiet and not trouble them, they think I’m pissed off. The couple of times I’ve tried to tell people how truly depressed I’ve been, they don’t want to hear it. I’m just plain tired now and don’t want to deal w/people anymore. There will come a day when I slip out of this torture and into a better world beyond. Until then, I just exist, one more day….
June 5, 2007 at 2:59 am
Aw. I missed some of the posts about opening our own forum but I think that would be great! Being that we seem to think we are the loneliest people with no friends, here we found each other and we aren’t alone! Maybe making a forum could help us and others who may feel the same way that haven’t found their way here! I know a great place to create a forum to do that. It is free and protected. I think we should do it!!!!!!! =]
Steve:
I feel the same way. I had only two friends out of highschool and they feel through. Ever since, I haven’t had any great friends to speak of. It’s just me, my bf , and my cat but, i do understand where your coming from too.
Mrs Peabody:
I’m so sorry to hear about your marriage. That must be a rough thing that you are going through right now. As for people using personal stuff against you (especially someone you had trusted), I had the same thing happen to me also and it hurts when people can take something so personal and use it to their own amusement or just to bully someone. There are alot of cruel people in this world, unfortunately. Over the last few weeks, my depression has been really bad at times that I too, didn’t feel like I would pull out of it. Sometimes it scares the hell out of me because I start to get afraid that I might actually do something to hurt myself and I don’t like that feeling at all so, I definately understand that feeling, as well. I feel like I am constantly telling people in my life how I really feel but, they aren’t listening either which, makes things a bit more frustrating. Sad thing is, people don’t want to hear how depressed you are. I feel the same way and it’s sad because IF they were a REAL FRIEND, they wouldn’t care. They would be there to listen and even if they didn’t have a solution for you, just being there to listen is all one can ask for when they are that down but, i have trouble getting that too then, I start to feel like I’m dumping too many of my problems onto other people so, I back off and keep my feelings bottled inside and I do that alot.
I do understand each and everyone of you and I think we should start a forum. I really do.
June 5, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Hey all,
I’ll try not to write too much this time but I suppose it’s the best place for it at the moment :)
I’d really like a forum like a lot of people have mentioned and I’m sure it would be helpful to us all, sometimes all you need is someone who understands and everyone here understands what we’re going through. Jolene it sounds really good if you know a place we could create one, I don’t know the first things about what would be involved but can help if you need any. My e-mail is foggy-day@hotmail.co.uk if anyone needs to chat about anything at all, my head gets filled up with so much nonsense that sometimes you just have to talk about it and as lansie said just in case anything happens, it could be good to swap e-mails.
I hope everyone is well
anna x
June 5, 2007 at 7:07 pm
I can’t believe I found this site. Reading all your entries makes me think that I’m not alone and I really appreciate that.
I just turned 20 years old and I have zero friends. None. My last two years of high school, I sat alone in the cafeteria, in the library in class. At the end of the day my voice would be hoarse, because I had literally not spoken a single word all day. Those were the bad days. Other days, I was pretty fun to be around. I made people laugh and people generally liked me. But after school and on Friday and Saturday nights, I sat at home alone and watched movies. I go everywhere alone. The only friend I ever had was my identical twin sister. I always thought I didn’t need anybody because I had her, but when she made her own friends, I was left alone in the dark. I realized what a loser I had become. My family would constantly make fun of me and judge me. They say it’s my own fault, that I’m not “friendly” enough. Their advice was to join a club or a team. So I started cheerleading. I did it it for 4 years and did not make one single friend. I was friendly, nice, offered up things we could do together. But they all just blew me off. The same thing is starting to happen at work too. I started at the exact same time as 3 of my other co-workers. We all had the same lunch break and all 3 of them went out to lunch their first day and didn’t even ask me! And they continue to do it. I even try to be funny, and said, “Thanks for inviting me,” so they would remember me next time, and they still haven’t invited me out. One time, on my 19th birthday, they were all starting to go out, stopped, turned around and said, “Do you want us to get you anything?”
But my story may have a happy ending. I decided I needed to force myself to be in a situation where you have to make friends to survive. I believe that is in the army. My sister used to be just like me, until she joined the army. She said she has made some of the best friends she will ever meet in her life and it is like a dream come true. People in the army become very dependent on each other and they end up with friends for life. She just finished basic training and she is now going to be a bridesmaid in 3 weddings this summer. Three! 4 months ago, she didn’t even have a best friend. I really hope this works out for me and I pray all you people out there find the best friends in the world. The greatest friends out there, still need to be found and this blog is living proof of that. If only people could open their hearts to others and realize that every single person out there could use another friend. I think all of you are like me in some way. We must have some sort of personality trait that ties us all together, I think it is that we all have high standards as people. i want every one of you to e-mail me at soul_sista_69@hotmail.com.
I know one day that when I have kids they will have friends. I’ll bet my life on it. No way will any kid of mine have the same loneliness I feel. You can count on it.
June 5, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Hello,
I’m 16 and I have no friends. I used to have 1, but I got into a relationship with my ex where I devoted myself to making him happy. It didn’t work out, it ended really bad. My friend wasn’t there after it ended. I found out she was planning a trip to Disney World and she could bring 3 friends, her boyfriend told me she thought about bring me, but decided not to. It really hurts, and it really sucks. In 8th I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with my ex. Since then I’ve decided to pick my close friends carefully, but it doesn’t matter now that I think of it, people can be deceiving. All I have are acquaintances. On Myspace I can’t even put up a top friends list, I have to hide it. I have nice internet friends who I’ve met through online games I’ve played who have been there for me, but I know they don’t understand how I feel. I cry every night, just thinking of people I know having fun with their friends, going to the beach, watching movies, and going to sleep overs, wishing I could have that fun.
You all sound like the nicest people. Presley I agree with you, I would definitely make sure my children will have friends, this sadness is horrible.
My email address is: j.l.tyler@hotmail.com if anyone wants to email me.
June 5, 2007 at 10:05 pm
It’s not that I have a phobia with people, or I can not interact with people. I just want to have a real close friend who would be there for me and not backstab me. Somehow for me they are hard to find. It’s hard to make friends in high school…everyone has that “circle of friends” and doesn’t need anymore. All my friends moved away in 7th-8th grade…
June 5, 2007 at 10:09 pm
Ahh I feel so much better after I typed that
: )
June 6, 2007 at 2:38 am
nova, i know how you feel, im nearly sixteen and my mum keeps asking if ill have a party and its really depressing because i have no one to invite. its especially hard for us young people because hwne your older you can hide away at home, at school youre bare and open and people see everything.
also, are you a guy or a girl? because you said your boyfriend cheated on your ex, so he is a bisexual or you are? just asking and no, im not a homophobe so its ok i wont rant :)
June 6, 2007 at 4:59 pm
I am a girl, I ment my boyfriend cheated on me with my bestfriend :/ a LOT of times……….
June 8, 2007 at 7:16 am
I added most of you to my MSN Messenger and I have caught up with about 4 people here. It’s cool to speak to you guys.
Download MSN Messenger and add kdba18@hotmail.com
I use it everyday – if anyone wants to chat or anything.
June 8, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Is anyone in or around MS? It is tough having zero friends and no boyfriend so I can relate due to severe social phobia. On top of that I have agoraphobia.
June 8, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I want to start a forum for us all but, I’m not sure what to call it. I think it should not only pertain to us our given situation with social phobia or lack of socialness but, I think it should be a forum for other things that people have.
I just haven’t had the energy to start one yet come up with a name or anything because I’ve been in a really, really, down period for the last several weeks. I think this is the lowest point I’ve ever been in my whole life and when you feel down, you don’t feel like doing much. I need to break out of this habit but it’s so hard.
Last night, I was with my bf at his friends house with his friend and his girlfriend and I felt out so out of place. It was depressing to say the least. Its like when I talk, I fumble my words which makes me feel even more stupid so, I just sit there quiet like which, makes it more uncomfortable. It’s a vicious cycle.
Ugh. I’m so depressed. It sucks not being able to be social yet, I can talk like crazy on a forum with people I barely know. Yet, this is like my only outlet cause I really can’t talk to my bf or my parents about this kinda stuff which, makes me feel even more isolated. =/
June 9, 2007 at 12:50 am
er……..the lonely forum? lol i cant think of names, ahhh best friend…it all makes sense now, well i would make a forum but unfortunaltely im very computer illeterate i cant even spell illeterate.
yea, i think i may be at that point. i cant do anything, im so bored!! and lonely. and depressed. eh, then that gets me thinking about all th poeple in famine places with lost limbs and starving and then i feel guilty. so if i killed myself it would be incredibly selfish to throw away my life wher i have food and shelter when those people are suffering. i dont know.
June 9, 2007 at 1:34 am
Reading the entries here made me feel a lot better because i always thought that i was the only one experiencing these thoughts. I’m in my senior year at high school and school ends in a week. Today was valedictory and it really hit me hard that when i went up to receive the diploma, there was only little forced screams instead of the popular kids who get the top of the lung screams that shake the room, and even the unpopular kids have their friends to cheer them on. I have no one. At break i usually stand with the “popular” crowd, but i have nothing to say to them and just stand there. I eventually stopped standing there and went home at breaks, lunches and spares.I literally became a ghost in my school. I started becoming paranoid, self-concious and insecure. I was depressed about the no friends issue ever since grade 10 and it kept on getting worse. I tried hanging out with different groups of ppl and it started out fine, but i always seem to ask them to hang out and never get proposals. Eventually we stopped contacting. Whats worse is that i now have a weed addiction and feeling more and more hopeless everyday. If i had a girlfriend, maybe it would be better, but how can i meet good girls when i have no friends to go to parties/events with? I want to kill my self but i’m scared of going to hell. What can i do, i get more hopeless and depressed every day, and its also straining my relationship with my family because of my mood swings and frustrations. I just want this whole situation to be over and become a normal person. I’m so desperate its pathetic.
June 9, 2007 at 2:56 am
wow, its really disheartening to see people of all ages having the same problem as i do.
im a 17yr old male with alot of associates but no real friends (like most of u). i can hang out with these people in school and even have some fun but outside of school i have no life. Nobody invites me out for parties or gatherings. its really funny coz in school the ppl i know think im fun to be and we really seem to be enojying but again the only thing i hear about parties and outings is that HOW FUN THEY WERE or HOW MUCH PPL ENJOYED them after they have taken place… (nobody tells me when there gonna happen)
Right now as im typing this , two groups of my “friends” are having great times.I know this coz 1 of them just called me from his pals cellphones asking me the directions to a popular hang out spot , while another one recently borrowed my camera for capturing the fun moments hes gonna have with his friends (there my “friends” too in school btw)
so u see to those all jackasses im perfect as a tool but apparantly, a lousy friend for actually helping them out…i just wanted to get this out , thx
June 9, 2007 at 12:54 pm
I’ve experienced the same thing as you bro, supposed “friends” wouldn’t invite me to come with them to parties or anything and then the next day they’d tell me all about their good times like they were rubbing it in my face. Those people are called social climbers, meaning they will do anything to climb the social ladder and try to become popular. Do yourself a favor and stop talking to those people.
June 10, 2007 at 8:11 am
I really feel like there must be something wrong with me. There exists only a very small number of people I feel I can be open with, and I have a very hard time keeping people interested outside of that. I also have trouble with attracting dropkicks as friends, as I find it hard to let them know how I feel about them or simply brushing them off.
As an aside I’d just like to add that in terms of a gf, I’ve never had no one ever. And if it hasn’t happened by now (I’m 20), when is it ever going to happen?
June 14, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Reading these posts make me feel sad. I know there are people who want to make new friends, but the insecurity of finding them is difficult. I am lucky enough to have 1 good friend, but she never really listens to me, so it’s not like I have someone to confide my feelings. She just wants someone to talk to, but I can tell she doesn’t really care. I know this because I have gone to her house over 100 times, but she has only visited me once. We only live about 4 blocks from each other and I live in a high rise with a great view and she has a small ground level studio with no view. I haven’t told her, but everything I own is better than hers and that we would have a better time on my balcony facing the ocean then in her small, dirty apartment. I think that friendship is a 2 way street and that compromising your principles to gain respect from others is a losing battle. I feel so alone and I just want to run away from everyone. People don’t look each other in the eye anymore. I have no idea if I will find new friends, but I really hope that there is someone who has something in common with me and wants to hang-out.
June 14, 2007 at 8:26 pm
here is a website forum for everyone please try this out its
http://www.alonelylife.com
Please try it out
June 15, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Dear Nate,
Unfortunately I think your friend is on the jealous side of where you are living at and what you own. I know this sounds very pathetic, but it happens alot more than you think.
This “jealousy” had happened to me also with a couple of “friends” in my past too.
Since you are always willing to go over to your friend’s little dumpy apartment, she probably doesn’t mind having you over for company. She probably likes it because you are always doing the chasing after her. But if you would stop going over to her place, you probably wouldn’t hear back from her either, unless she might call you up one day when she gets bored, and decide to ask you why you haven’t been over to her place in a long while. Your friend is probably too self absorbed in comparing what you have, and what she doesn’t have, and is afraid that her jealousy might slip out and show in front of you if she were to hang out at your place as if with everything around her being flaunted, she’d feel thrown in her face. She probably wonders why you even hang out with her at all the way you do, since she might feel she has nothing to really offer you. Unfortunately, but NOT all, but some, of the snootiest and arrogant people I’ve ever met are actually poor people. The only thing I can suggest is that you move on from that empty relationship. Because if you try to tell someone like that, that material things mean nothing to you and that true friendships are whats most important in life, it will probably be just falling on deaf ears. To this day I have learned not to ever trust someone that I believe is jealous of me, because I know they are incapable of being a true and loyal friend. They cannot be trustworthy. These types aren’t out for my best interests or anybodys, just their own. They will spitefully make up things about you and gossip behind your back to others too.
True friendships are a give and take situation. If it becomes one sided, where one does all the giving, and the other all of the taking, its never in the givers best interest at all to keep associating oneself with people like that. They are petty, self-centered and cruel. It isn’t what one owns, or has in this world that makes a person a true success in life anyway, it is whats in the heart that truly matters. Anyway, material things mean zilch unless one has true friends to enjoy them with. Take care and listen to what your heart tells you. I hope this helped.
June 15, 2007 at 8:14 pm
Hi Leah, I don’t know if she is jealous of my material possessions, but there is something missing in our relationship. We’ve known each other for a long time and I know what kind of person she is and I’ve come to accept it, but I find it difficult to accept that she won’t allow me to be me, she spends most of the time showing off what she is, instead of listening what I have to offer and how we can work together. Albeit, she is extremely talented ( amateur artist, magician, cook) but whenever I feel it is my turn to contribute something, she has something else that is more important to do and that’s why I feel it when you say she is petty, self-centered and cruel.
Last night, I think she warmed up to me a little more…she gave me a facial! We watched a movie and she kinda snuggled up to me. She is die in the wool lesbian, so this was unexpected. Anyways, I’ve bitched and moaned enough; I just feel so emotionally used up these days.
June 15, 2007 at 9:10 pm
hello everyone.
I havent posted for a while, but have been reading your entries. I’ve been feeling extra low today. I tought I had a handle on things but i guess not everyone is made of stone. May 24 weekend was bad because ppl at work were asking me what i was up to and i had to lie… how pathetic is that!!
today my mother asked me to pick up something for her at the liquor store, being friday, there were a lot of groups of friends in the store, the parking lot, etc… they were getting boose for bbq’s house party’s, the cottage and sofourth. It was very hard for me to see them, its like every time i see tight groups of friends, & tight family members, i get this extremly sad feeling. i really wish things were different. I keep tellig myself that im going through a transitional phase in my life that will pass… now im not so sure
June 16, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Hello-
This is my first posting. I am 28 year old with no friends. I work as a designer and thought that people in the design community would make great friends. But I can’t seem to find any. I can’t even find any who are not designers. At work people barely speak to me and it hurts cause I speak to them whenever I see them. They to speak each other but not to me. Its hard to work because I am not an unfreindly person. I think it maybe me. People judge me before they get to know me. Maybe my personality is weak and people sense that or maybe I just someone who would want as a friend. I even get prejudged sometimes by my boyfriend. And what people don’t realize is that when you constantly judge someone, soon that person will start to think they can’t do things
for themselve and start to watch everything they do are make mistake people expect from you. And its only happening because you start to feel pressured. Not having friends made me realize how low my self confidence is. I don’t know how to raise it. But I do find out how, I still don’t think I will have friends because or make friend aswell because I am black.
June 16, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Hello my name is Amit and i have no friends i am 23 years old. This is my first post.
I have never had any friends. In high school, i was bullied, teased, racism etc when i was younger. But i used the anger with-in me as strength and channeled it into my education and now i am successful with a bright future ahead of me.. but i have no friends and my past haunts me. People around me would never think twice what i have gone through i put such a good front on and smile that its hidden deep with-in my heart. I try and go out socialize but people don’t seem to want to know me. I always help people with money, advise i listen to their problems..But who listens to mine…!? I don’t think i am a bad looking guy,.. or person.. i have also tried to get a partner to fill the gap but no one seems to like me… To that end i sit alone every evening and weekend lonely on my own thinking what it would be like to have some people in my life that cared about me for a change. When people in work ask me what I am doing on the weekend I really am lost for words..My brother and sister do not care about me either which hurts even more…i am truly alone in this world.
June 16, 2007 at 1:56 pm
kate:925:
i totally understand where your coming from. if you wanna chat let me know, im on msn
June 16, 2007 at 3:22 pm
thanks kate, let me know what your address is. i dont fancy posting mine on a public forum and we can have a chat if you like. I understand where your comming from too.
June 16, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Hi, I’m from England and 39 and living with my parents (for financial reasons). I’ve not had any close friends since I was about 16 and then I only had one! I’m quiet, but kind and caring but it seems society doesnt value these qualities any longer. I’ve longed to be married for over ten years but have no boyfriend, life is so very lonely, I doubt I’ll get the chance now to have a family, life is so unfair, but I guess we have to battle on…hugs to you all xxx
June 17, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Hey, just found this when i typed ‘lonliness’ into google, so here i am. Im 15 years old, living in the united kingdom. up to a month ago my life was fine, i had friends, a girlfriend and was doing well in my studies, now im reduced to pretty much nothing. I spent more time with my girlfriend than my friends, and they did not like this and now have all abandoned me, and im no longer with my girlfriend. I was always there for my friends, and i dont think i deserve to be treated this way, like all of you have posted, and ive now realised good guys always finish last. So now i have nobody, so i spend my days behind a computer, which i cant live like for much longer. Ive had to pretty much fight my way through school and always had my friends by my side but now im alone, and i’m close to the edge. I can relate to a lot of people on this site but i dont want to bore you with my experiences, i just need someone who can understand..thanks guys stay strong =]
June 17, 2007 at 4:25 pm
i am 24 years old girl and im russian. i was born in a difficult time, it was for all of us. i was a very slow child. in kindergarden i used to sleep so much that children would make fun of me and never accept into their small groups. later on when i went to school i was not improving my learning skills and was considered as probably the stupidest child in the class, its not that i was lazy, i was not, but i could never understand anything. so i didnt have friends. i was emotionally and physically abused through all my childhood. i lurned to live with it. and still couldnt make to have a friend i could share everything that was possible. i grew into a beautiful model, but still never gained any confidence, i became one of the best students in the overseas college, i now understand i wanted to prove to myself that i can be better than what they made me be. i have buddies, but not friends, i cant trust women and men are difficult to deal with. i met my fiance, thats when i finally realised i dont have to worry anymore, he was and is everything to me. to all people out there, please dont ever give up, pay attention to people next to you, the reason they might be distant and cold could be exactly like yours. be proud of having a good heart, but learn how to protect it. love yourselves and thats when you ll be able to love others. dont just accept your miserable lives, try understand and work with yourselves. ive been through all that i know what i am saying. i know its very hard, its so hard that you hate yourself for being different. we are not different, always try to find something that will unite us but not keep us apart. dont expect others to be the way you want them to be, be in their shoes. be positive at least find something that will keep you that way and always hope!
June 18, 2007 at 6:44 pm
hi everyone – i’ve been reading these posts since i posted a while ago and it is good to know that there are others out there who feel the same way as i do.
i’ve been feeling really crappy the past few days especially…since i finished school and moved back home i’ve been doing nothing but sitting on the computer and looking for work. i’ve got no real friends in my hometown so i pretty much sit around and hang out with the dog :S
everyone always says things will get better and i do try to think that way but that’s what i said to myself when i went away to school, then when i moved out of rez and into a house, then when i moved back home…i dunno, things just blow right now.
thanks for reading my rambles.
June 19, 2007 at 9:47 pm
hi I’m a sophmore in Highschool and I feel like I have no one I can really trust and talk too.
growing up I had a lot of friends and one bestfriend, I spent most of my time with her, we even decided to go to highschool together. Being in highschool with her didn’t exactly work out. She basically ruined my freshman year and made all the girls hate me. I transferred to a new school with my old friends from middle school, which has been okay. It seems like everyday, its the same, I wake up and feel the same sadness inside of me, every single day. I put up a great front smileing to people, but really I’m lonely and depressed. I have good days and bad days, but mostly bad days. I just don’t understand why people don’t like me. I’m very shy, but I can at least hold a conversation with someone. I just get so nervous around people I don’t know that well. I’m trying to make new friends desperately, I see all these pictures of girls from my school at parties and each others house and I go “that should be me” “whats wrong with me, people my age have tons of friends” I just can’t make new friends, as hard as I try. I just want to know whats wrong with me. I’m shy, but if people get to know me I can be a lot of fun! everyone says once you get involved with teams and clubs in school you meet A lot of new people, but I have and still nothing. I maybe come off as unfriendly, but really I’m super shy and I’m very afraid of being judged. I really I want to make friends soo bad and be a part of a group of friends that hang out on weekends, go shopping, and have fun.
June 19, 2007 at 11:06 pm
Hey everyone. I’m going to be junior in high school. I feel so depressed sometimes that I sometimes wish I could just die. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All through elementary school I had at least 2 best friends, who I had over and really could confide in, and some other friends as well. looking back at those times, i just wish I could be as close to anyone as I was then. I’d give anything to love life again, to be as happy as I was then. I feel like I don’t know how to make friends anymore. To the person who posted above, i know just what you mean. Everyone thinks that if you go to clubs or ‘get involved’ at school, you will somehow automatically make friends. But that is not the case with me. I joined three clubs last year, and I was in marching band, so obviously i had the opportunity to make dozens of friends-i just didn’t. i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am a straight A student, I play the clarinet, I am a very talented writer, I am physically active, blonde, and pretty, I love animals, history, art, my family, and nature. or maybe loved is the right word. i can’t seem to get emotional about anything anymore. when i pick up one of my favorite books, i try to remember why i loved it, and reread my favorite parts of it, but it doesn’t seem to have an effect on me anymore. nothing does. no wonder i can’t make friends. i used to just be shy, like extremely shy, but at least i always knew that i has something to offer the world. i might have been nervous talking to people, but once they got to know me, i was funny and smart and caring. now i feel like i’ve lost all that. i never say anything anymore, not because i’m shy, but because i feel like i don’t have anything to offer anyone anymore. my sophomore year was devastating for me. my advice for all of you is to be yourselves. you all sound like wonderful people, and i bet if you just let others see you for who you really are, you will have close friends in no time. i am terrified that it won’t ever be that way for me again. I think, by ignoring my own beliefs, and trying so hard to fit in, i lost who I am. I don’t seem to have a personality at all anymore. how can i make friends when I have no emotion except sadness, and i’m not motivated to do anything except cry? i feel like my face is a mask. i don’t really show that much emotion anymore. sometimes, for seemingly no reason, i feel sure that i am crazy because of all these depressed thoughts going through my head. i’m always sure that no one else has to deal with such a terrible, never-ending cycle of self-doubt and misery in the inner world of their minds. i put on a happy face, and hope no one can see through it. i hope desperately that i don’t have depersonalization issues, or worse, that im turning into a schizoid. no offense to anyone, but being shy is one thing, but actually not wanting to be around any people at all would make me want to kill myself…more than i already do. I can’t write anymore, since i have no inspiration. i feel like everything i say to the two friends i have left is fake. i don’t feel a real connection to anyone. i wish i could rediscover who I am. I was such a wonderful person last year. I knew who I was, and I was happy, although shy. I had my first boyfriend, who turned out to be a complete idiot, I was making friends, even though i was too shy to call them, I was writing and singing and going to church. it wasn’t like my life was anything out of the ordinary, but i would do anything to have it back. just to be happy again. to feel like myself. to have my opinions again, even if i was sometimes stubborn. my friend didn’t understand at all when I tried to talk to her about how terrible last year was for me. she, and my mom, just told me that I have ‘nothing to be depressed about’ and then my friend went on to tell me how she’s the one who should be depressed, since she had to live through being beaten by an abusive father, then an abusive stepfather, then moving to America from Russia……and so on. but it made me feel so bad. no one in my life understands what i’m going through. i didn’t ask for this. i just want to have friends, and be a normal teenager. i’ve gotten so pathetic that i’d be willing to give up all the goals i had for my life a few years ago, like being an author, traveling to the rainforest and fighting to stop global warming, just to have a few friends who i really connect with. i don’t want to be at my graduation, and have no one cheer for me. i don’t want to watch people in class talk anymore and sit in silence, secretly wishing they would talk to me, or that i could join in and laugh and talk with them. i don’t want to be the loner, the wierdo, of the school. when i was in 9th grade, people actually warned one of my friends that they shouldn’t talk to me, because I’m strange and never talk. if only they knew how much i wished i could talk. *sighs*… i don’t want to grow up and live alone. i want to fall passionately, head-over-heels, in love, and i never want to be alone, my whole life. i want best friends, who i can call at any time of day, and who call me at any time of day, for anything. i always hoped someone would ‘rescue me’. you know, that some wonderful, friendly person would come into my life, see how wonderful i am, and save me from all this. but i realize that it’s just not going to happen, and I am really starting to consider the possibility that I might end up alone, friendless, and childless.
well, i don’t know if any of you would still be interested after reading that, but if anyone wants to talk, about anything, feel free. i know it’s superficial, but my myspace is
http://www.myspace.com/amandapandathetreehugger, or my email is WritergirlAD@aol.com.
June 21, 2007 at 12:44 am
Hey everyone, I’m so glad I found this website…to be able to read everyone’s stories and know that I’m not alone. I guess loneliness finds each other.
Well I’m 19 and from nyc, attending a university. I’ve been feeling lonely since high school. I’ve had many friends but none were close and they were just people I hung out with but not really talk to. There was a time in which I was dating a lot (one bf after another) and I haven’t had friends during that time. I’ve been with one guy for about 3 years on and off and one day it wasn’t working so I decided to break it off and finally hang out with friends more. So even with many new friends I made in hs, none of them are that close to me.
Since I don’t have any close friends, I wanted at least a nice family, but no I don’t. My dad always yells at my mom all the time, I don’t get a long with my sister, so I just cry in my bed at night. I feel like no one loves me. It’s so horrible to have no one to talk to, to bottle up my feelings all the time.
Being in college really sucks. I feel like I have to do well in school and be successful. I’m studying to be some kind of healthcare profession so with my major, there’s no time to make friends and hang out. One of my hs friends was my roommate, but she was always on the phone with her bf all the time and made a lot of noise so I wasn’t able to sleep. This led to a big argument, but it doesn’t matter because she wasn’t a close friend anyway. So basically, I hate college and hope to come home and it’ll be better, but there’s so much screaming and fighting at home too. So I have nowhere to run to.
I haven’t had a boyfriend for the past 3 years now and really want one in hopes of having someone to talk to and hold me. I don’t get it. How come I can’t connect with anyone. It’s funny because when I meet some people at parties (yea I do go to parties from time to time, yet I’m still lonely…it’s like you feel more lonely in crowded places), they ask if I have a bf, I tell them no and they say they don’t believe. I think it’s cause I guess I’m attractive so people assume I should have a bf. I’m actually open-minded and like to try new things. I think one of my problems is that my parents don’t allow me to stay out late and since everyone can by the age 19, I don’t go out as much since I have to be home by 10pm.
So here I am wasting my summer at home watching tv everyday and sleep. I love sleeping because when you’re sleeping, you don’t feel anything and you don’t exist and have to feel lonely. But yeah, I don’t get it, we’re all normal, nice and fun people yet we can’t seem to have any close friends.
When I say life sucks, it doesn’t actually. It only sucks because we don’t have people to spend it with and make memories. Life really is wonderful, if only we all had someone to spend it with.
June 21, 2007 at 12:50 am
I wanna add that I always walk to class alone, sit in class alone and am always in my dorm studying and doing work and mostly haven’t spoken with anyone throughout the day. maybe a few hi’s here and there, but that’s it. Imagine that endless cycle everyday of not socializing, it makes people go crazy. And on weekends I try catch up on my sleep and study.
June 21, 2007 at 6:13 am
It is so lonely.
I don’t know what is wrong with me either. The only conclusion, in my mind, that I can come to is the fact that I have depression and anxiety. It seems for those who have it are the ones who are likely to be outcasts. If you’ve heard the term ‘Fair Weather Friends’ then you’d understand what I mean. In other words, people only like being around others when the ‘weather is fair’ or when they are happy and when things are going well but, if the ‘weather is stormy’ well, you get what I mean. You’re basically pushed to the side. I can’t help that I have this disease and un-fortunately, the weather is rather ’stormy’ but, I’m a very sweet, honest and caring person. I love people and I’m a highly devoted friend. It doesn’t matter to be if you are green, blue, rich, poor, happy or sad. If a friend is a ‘true’ friend, would it matter if you were green, blue, rich, poor, happy or sad?
June 21, 2007 at 6:18 am
Eh. That didn’t make much sense. lol
But, what I mean to say is that I wouldn’t be like that. If I had a friend who suffered, as I do, I would be there for her or him all the way!!! It is just a shame that their is a stigma or even cliques for that matter.
As someone earlier said, people who follow that way, are social climbers. They don’t really care about the friendship as much as they like the idea of making themselves look good and if something were to come along that was better than you, well then you would be tossed aside. I hate people like that. People can really be cruel. It is so sad.
June 22, 2007 at 3:26 pm
I’m having a really bad evening, nothing has happened, it’s stupid but I feel so bad at the moment. I normally try so hard to just keep going but I’m just tired and want to give up. I just want to sleep for the rest of the summer
Ruby and Kaitlyn, I can understand what you were saying about how moving home makes it worse, all i’m doing is sitting in front of the tv too, I have no energy to do anything and no one to go out with. I’m normally ok enough at university as I’m busy with work and I enjoy what I study but now thats it’s summer I don’t know what to do with myself.
I have a boyfriend at university but the more I get to know him, the less I feel like I can talk to him, he makes comments about people and is so criticial of everyone. I can’t talk to him at all. I’m sorry for rambling, I’m just feeling bad tonight.
June 22, 2007 at 11:40 pm
Katie:
I would like that. How do I log on?
June 23, 2007 at 8:29 pm
I’m 28, and i’ve nobody in my life except me. I used to live a transitory lifestyle abroad and those few close friends i had i have lost contact with or have died. I came back to my home country and most of my old friends have moved on or just can’t be bothered with me anymore.
I started a business here and worked very hard for 2 years only for it to completely collapse earlier this year. I own nothing, i know nobody, i have no money and feel in a word “devoid”. I feel like i have completely wasted my adult life especially when i know my contemporaries are enjoying themselves. I don’t so much as exist, more subsist with a complete lack of everything starved of human contact of just someone to even talk to.
The worst part is now i have nothing i feel i lack the strength to attain anything anymore and don’t have any idea how i can get back to who i once was. I was relatively successful and liked by most, confident and happy. I haven’t felt any of those things in years and will probably die trying in some folorn effort. Welcome to purgatory.
June 23, 2007 at 11:30 pm
thx for ur reply annon, i realize how pathetic ppl can get just to get popular
oh yea and yesterday my so called “best friend” (best associate in my opinion) who shares all of his frustrations and secret desires for guys as well as gals held a bday party yesterday in a very fancy and extravagant manner, and guess what , he didnt invite me coz he said that he didnt have enough money to invite me ….. FOR GOD SAKE he invited the ppl that he says he doesnt like just coz theyre popular , and the bday itself was pretty extravagant( he’s very well off ) and he cant invite me coz he dont have enough money ???
i really hope something that shitty doesnt happen to anyone of u …
June 24, 2007 at 10:48 am
Dear Jesus,
I know that you are with me. But I feel so lonely. Lord please help me. The enemy is attacking from all directions. Help me to put on your armor Lord. Lord you know that I have no friends. My two brothers are dead. I miss them terribly. I don’t know what else to do now Lord. Please have mercy on me.
J.
June 24, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Hi. I am a 17 year old guy going on 18 and i will be starting my senior year old high school. I currently have only 1 friend and even she don’t have much time for me. She lives in NC and I live in PA so we only talk on the phone. We talk every day and lately she hasn’t been talking as much. I know your probably all thinking its great i have someone i can talk to all the time. But Its hard because she is my ONLY friend and we ONLY talk. She comes up to visit about twice a year but thats it. So thats the only time I hang out with anyone. The rest of the time I spend at home feeling sad and depressed and lonely. Plus my parents are in their early 60’s and they’re not social. They don’t even talk to each other let alone anyone else. And since they’re older, they don’t want to do much. The only places my mom goes it shopping. I have one sister but shes 15 years older than me, is married and lives 40 some miles away. But anyway, I might as well tell you my past problems with friends. When I was 6 years old I met two sisters who lived on my street, one was 2 and the other 4. After a while they became my best friends. When I was 11 years old, they met another girl in the neighboorhood who was my age and more athletic than I plus she was an older girl, someone who they looked up to whereas I was more of like an older brother to them rather than a friend. So anyway, from the time I met them I hung out with them like every day because theyre parents both worked during the day and they had an AuPair which is like a live in nanny from another country. Anyway, so they met this older girl and they used to ignore me when she was around and then they’d treat me like shit and it made me upset. And they did because I was a sensitive person, especially for a guy. So, when they did that, I’d just leave. Usally, they’d let me leave, but sometimes they’d even try to stop me from leaving, like they wanted to harass me. But if I leftm the’d call me on the phone and appoligize and I’d go back to them and they treated me better for the rest of they day. Anyway, that older girl eventually stopped hanging around as much and I felt like I had my friends back. By the time I was 15, they were both 13, and 11 and theyre mother was conserned about me hanging around there because of the age difference. Just so you know, they didn’t act like they’re age, they acted older, and they even looked older. the 11 year old girl was 5′7 and on the chubby side. Anyway, the summer I was 15, they’re mother was pissed of that I was hangng out with them so since she worked during the day, they still invited me over and we’d go places together. And even theyre father knew I was ahnging out with them and he was really cool with it. But the mother was not. One day I was hanging outside with them and I was aloud to see them when theyre mother was there and she was sitting outside and we let it slip to her that I went to the pool with them that day. Their father said that was nice, but the mother had this horrified look on her face like I had killed someone, then she stared at her kids with this look, but she never said anything outright to me. But I knew she had a problem with me. Anyway, by the end of the summer, we had been hangout almost everyday. But the last week of the summer, i called them and the AuPair said t me that they were busy. And I didn’t see them for a whole week which was very strange. At the end of that week, we had a Block Party and so I thought that that would be a perfect chance for me to hang out with them. Boy, was I wrong. At first, we were talking, but as the day went on they invited theyre friends and family to this block party and totally ignored me. After that, I saw them one more time, two weeks later, and they acted so odd and so distant that I though that our friendship was over. And I was right. That was the summer of ‘05 and it was the last time I talked to them. Now my current friend, I met while I was friends witht he other two. She used to hang out with us but I definatly wasn’t that close to her. But she moved away to NC in 2004 and we didnt talk for 2 months until she called me one day and we talked for a while. Then we started talking every day after a while. I think this made the other girls jealous or someting so they used to answer my cell phone and tell her I was busy. And I didn’t really care because I thought i would be hanging out with the other two forever. At the end of the summer of 05, right before my other friends dumped me, she and I were in a big fight and wern’t talking. Luckilly, we made up after that and we have talked pretty much every day. But now, I feel like the same thing is happening between me and her. Plus, she has a very stressful life, her parents are on drugs and she has a whole lot of problems. So when I tell some of my problems, I know she does’nt care because she so many problems of her own. I’m always worried that she’ll stop being my friend because I am dependend on her because she is my only friend. But like I said, I think thats going down the drain and it is a long distance relationship. So now I feel lonely and I just feel that my life has no meaning. And I am so jealous of those people who have like 200 friends when I dont even have 2! I get so bored that I have to leave the house so I go and visit my 84 year old grandmother at least once a week. Now its like 3 times a week since it is the summer and I don’t have school. I don’t know why I have had such bad luck. I have alway’s tried to be nice, I try to help people out, but It doesn’t pay off at all. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If you read all of this, I thank you for listening to my story because it was a long one! And I hope that oneday, i will find a friend who I can count on to be there for me. until then, I dont know.
June 25, 2007 at 9:26 am
Hi.
Right now I am sitting at work and everyone is talking about this party that took place over the weekend. I knew nothing of it until now. It is so strange because the past few weeks I have been doing and feeling so good. Even up until Friday I felt great. Well over the weekend I went to a wedding and some people from my high school were there. Only 1 of them acknowledged me. They were all my age. Then yesterday church kind of sucked as usual. Just me not fitting in. And now I get to work and have to listen to everyone raving about this stupid party. To top it off I am under stress for other reasons in my life. I am working while my husband stays home with our kids. He has income from his own business but that will only last a few more months and then we don’t know what he will do for a living. I don’t make enough to support all of us. I am trying to pay off debt as fast as I can leaving just a small amount of money in our account with little room for error. I am the only one who pays the bills so I have that weighing on my mind. I do the laundry, cook dinner, and am still in charge of making sure the kids look good and get haircuts, our house basically doesn’t get cleaned. As soon as I walk in the door from work the kids are all my responsibility. I have to go to bed early so I can get to work by 7 AM and my husband gets all pissy if the kids are still awake and he has to take care of them then he lounges on the couch until midnight and then sleeps in the next day. I don’t even want to work, I want to be a stay at home mom. He has MY job and I want it back but he won’t do anything about it. All of this and nobody to talk to. I feel like anyone that I talked to would secretly be happy that I am struggling. I feel like everyone I know is in competition with me. I am probably the competetive person. I am going crazy. I just want to go somewhere by myself and get really drunk and go to sleep. My kids are the only thing keeping me going right now. If it weren’t for them I would be passed out in a bar every night.
June 25, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Hey you guys,
Yeah im in the same exact situation as all of you. Im a girl in my early 20’s and all the friends I had in high school ended up stabbing me in the back or turning into complete losers that I didnt want around me anymore. They would stay at home and drink all night every night, never go out and just find pleasure in gossip and drama with eachother. They would go to Six Flags and make plans to go there right in front of me but never invite me. They would make fun of me and trash me in front of everyone and I didnt need to take that from anyone. Also they werent making the right decisions for themselves and their lives are going down the drain pretty quick so I figured if they cant help themselves, how will they ever be there for me? I think of myself as a very level headed and smart woman and yeah I have my low points but they just pull me down even lower. I want people in my life that will give me good advice, care about me and not want to see me get hurt and help me avoid making mistakes. I try to be that way with my friends but it wasnt working out with them and I figured I would rather be alone than unhappy so I decided to end those friendships.
So alone I am and it sucks so bad. I am very alone. I only have 1 “friend” and she isnt even that good of a friend. She lies to her boyfriend and keeps things from him and she did the same to me but since im so freakin lonley and she “apologized” I figure ill just keep her around because shes really the only person I have left. Guys flock to her and I feel so invisible around her sometimes, especially when we go out. I dont undetstand why because I see myself as an attractive girl but who knows. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep or go see my therapist because I feel so frustrated and angry at the world. I dont understand why me but I guess society just changed over the years, or maybe its just life and growing up?
Anyway I read an idea someone had farther up the page about making some sort of signal or sign to have around for other people like us and I think that is a really great idea. Maybe wear a specific color string around our wrists or something just so we know who we are and arent shy to approach eachother. It could help develop friendships or even save lives. Just a thought. What do all you guys think?
June 25, 2007 at 5:16 pm
By the way if this idea starts some worldwide trend, I want a piece of that money pie :-)
Seriously.
June 26, 2007 at 6:42 am
hi people..my situation in life is similar!i am extremely lonely..i am 20 years .i have like just one close friend in the entire world.People just dont want to be my friend.i am the one who sits all alone in college because nobody talks to me.i try being friendly to them,but they all just ignore me.i am smart and a very nice person like the rest of you. i am a helpful and a kind girl.i dress well,and i smell good also.i feel like such a loser..!to top it all,my boyfriend turned out to be a jerk.i found out that he was cheating me and two-timing me.i am so frustrated and wish i was never born.i have never been to parties and night-stays ,n stuff like that.sigh!i wonder if god ever wants me to have friends and be happy.i feel so empty and lonely because i have no one to share my problems with.i wish from the bottom of my heart that i had a life full of friends and love. it is only that one friend who i have,no other friends. can someone please help me by advising me?i would be reely grateful..and thankful..!take care all of you and god bless you all..!
June 26, 2007 at 10:56 pm
17 yrs old…male…someone please help me….
June 28, 2007 at 6:22 am
I just want to let everyone of you know I have read everyone of your posts on here. To you younger ones I wish you were all my kids, and some of you my grandkids, because I feel just terrible for you and love you all!!! To the adults on here, my heart really goes out to you. I understand completely how hard things can become and I wish you were more than friends, but my sisters and my brothers. (I’m crying as I write this to you.) Please stay strong, and take good care of yourselves. You all are very special and have something good and wonderful to offer, in such a loveless and uncaring evil world.
A few days ago I was given some awful pain medication for a tooth infection by my dentist, and I was all alone, and I had a serious reaction from it, and I believed I was going to die. That made my loneliness even more frightening. But I prayed to God to please not let me die. My husband was in a meeting and I couldn’t get a hold of him at work and I had nobody I could call to let them know I was scared that I was dying. I still want to live, in spite of my friendless and lonely and stranded situation out here. I thank God for my husband and my puppies! I’m so sorry for getting over-emotional on here, but I just needed to say this to you all. Love, Leah
June 29, 2007 at 6:14 am
im a 17yr old girl from South Wales UK , i had a good group of friends in secondary school but now we have just drifted apart , we talk briefly every now and then but we dont hang out no more. ill be 18 in 4 months and i dont want to be stuck at home for my birthday like lasy year it suked!! i think im a good friend , who you can trust , i dont slag people off behind their backs i hate that bitchy shit, is there a good friend out there?? lonsdalesmith@msn.com
June 29, 2007 at 3:23 pm
I have acquaintances of which to speak, and a few friends on msn to talk to, but I don’t feel like I have anyone. I’m 14 and life seems like it can only get worse. I have nothing to look forward to and no one to make me feel better. I feel like a cold, empty shell.
June 29, 2007 at 3:26 pm
hey everyone! i live in the UK and i’m a total loner! never seemed to get along with people for sum reason…used to be real nice, bit shy like but nice u know and caring nd shizz but got walked over and used by like everyone and eventualy i just just thot f**k it! It seems to be the bigger the arsehole u are the more friendz u get and its tru! im 17 and have no friends! i mean wtf is with that?? (excuse the language lol) I’ve got no one to talk to(cept my mom) but u no u cant tell ur parents EVERYTHING and i just feel like giving up grrr! its sooo crap!
i don’t even no why I’m writin on this blog thingy but like alot of otha ppl have said its nice to know i aint the only one.i got a piece of advice to: act like an ass and walk over everyone and be an asshole and u’ll get on fine in this life cuz if your at least half decent ur screwed!
bye!
June 29, 2007 at 10:53 pm
@Chelsea:
I know how you feel, I’m in the same boat with a few people I talk to on msn and such, I remember feeling the same way you did when I was around 14 (I’m 17 By the way.), but you seem like a nice person so I hope for the best for you in the future.
On to my post:
I’m 17, I know a few people, but they don’t really talk to me much, so I don’t have friends, I’m extreamly unsocial and can’t normally have a good conversation with people, but I am a nice person. Alot of the people I meet don’t want to hang or anything or only want to get drunk, goto parties and do it 24/7, and because I’m not like that, nobody where I live wants to hang with me, so I guess it’s cause there’s not other people that do other stuff then the 3 I mentioned above.
I don’t have many interests, but I am willing to try new things with people I meet, but I guess that never seems to work with anyone I meet. So uh yeah, I guess that’s my story…
July 1, 2007 at 11:41 am
Hey if any of you guys need someone to talk to you can always im me. I’m 21yrs old, a girl, and pretty lonley most of the time. My sn is Macluresmorgel. I came up with it when I was about 15 so i have no idea what it means :-). Hope to hear from one of you guys soon. Good luck
July 1, 2007 at 6:42 pm
EsteeFlrwPot, what messenger do you use?
July 1, 2007 at 10:10 pm
I used to have lots of friends as a teenager, but then we emigrated to another country. Sixteen years later, I have none. I get the occasional email from my old friends but it’s hardly much of a social life. I don’t seem to have anything in common with anybody, and frankly I sometimes think I’ve lost the ability to even have a conversation. Over the years, I’ve tried making friends at various colleges etc, but even when you think you’re making headway, as soon as it’s over they don’t want to know you. I’m at the stage I can’t even be bothered to try anymore.
July 1, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I’d like to add that I’ve never had a girlfriend either. I don’t get it. I;m a decent guy, fairly intelligent, reasonably good-looking, and young-looking, too. Yet not one has ever been interested, yet I see some really lovely looking young lasses out and about with some of the most repulsive guys you’ve ever clapped eyes on. I really don’t get it.
July 3, 2007 at 1:29 pm
It seems everyone speaks up about their problems, but no advices on the solutions, which makes this place still lonely and uncomforting. I think we should stop, and do something about it, dont mobe around, go and have a therapy, theres nothing bad about going to a professional who might help you more than your lonely blog friends or parents. it might all sound rough, but you know ive been going through the same shit all my life up to now! and i gotta tell you, noone will care and solve your problems unless theres an interest or benefit that they can get from it. you got to solve it yourself! most of you need a good slap on the face so you can wake up and see that you are not the only one , look behind, pay attention, dont be self centered. life is great, and its only great when you build it this way! look at the rest of the world, look around you, see what a miserably life other people live! anyways enough preaching, i guess none of you will like this post, simply cause it speaks up the truth! pick up your lasy, egoistic, self centered, depressed asses and live your life to its full, or life will wear you out!
July 4, 2007 at 6:52 am
Anael’, this is my second post although I note my first 1 was not printed?! I think people often come to a place like this because they want to change and they want to check in and make sure they are not alone in feeling this way. I think your critical comments are unhelpful and unwise. People who are feeling down don’t need the hole dug deeper for them… doing so is dangerous and frankly stupid. I ask you 1 question Anael’ why are you here if you are so derogatory yourself?
July 4, 2007 at 7:06 am
Cool to see my text in the real!! Hey guys im Suzie and im 32 living down in the Southern Hemisphere with my 3 children. I have been having a hard time since I lost my partner and father to my children, suddenly in an accident 1 year ago (June 30th 2006) it was 1 year ago today we were at his funeral.
He was my best friend and soul mate and since losing him life has just not been the same.
I am also amazed and saddend by how shallow the human race can be. Immediately after his passing there were too many people and I couldn’t think. Now a year on people who we had considered friends and confidants have almost but disapeared.
Grief, on the other hand does not and to be a friend you need to understand grief takes its own course. I certainly don’t walk around crying. Im a strong lady I guess, I tend to cry alone at night for my love. So why have my friends disappeared it feels, that is why im here… to seek others opinions, please feel free to ask me questions to enable you to help me find the answers I am seeking. And in return I will try to help you.
May God Bless you all as you find your own individual strengths to move through this loneliness and come out the other side enriched by your experiences and be enabled to help others in their own phlight.
Suzie x
July 4, 2007 at 11:27 am
Dear Suzie i study people like you, im here for my projects, and you might be one of them. I dont think people find solutions here, as the matter of fact they hope and they search for it, they look for someone who can listen, but find that there are many who are enough busy and collapsed from their own situations. I call it a scream from deep down , the last step before totally falling apart. All can help each one of them is action, im not a stranger to feelings they all go through, but im not a supporter of this method. ive lost few friends, everyone was trying to help, but its the inside will that will help you out. I am not critical to specific cases as you might be my dear,