Comments on: What happens when we have NO friends?

By: Alexi

Alexi — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:22:24 +0000

I am turning 21 today and I have been telling people that I don’t want a big party because I’m too busy with work. The real reason is that I have nobody to invite to a party. I will only get well wishes from family tomorrow and nobody else in the world will remember me and my birthday. (Even my family forgot one year except my parents)
I feel so pathetic. I only have one friend who isn’t a very good friend. She lives an hour away. We see each other less than five times a year. I live with my boyfriend, who is really my ex boyfriend but we haven’t actually talked about breaking up, but we essentially have, this place is small so we share a bed, which is horrible.
I had a lot of trouble with friends after primary school. Ended up with less and less friends until I had to leave school in year 11.
I just wish I could invite some people over and we could celebrate my birthday. I haven’t been able to celebrate it since I was a kid. I will be alone tonight, instead of being surrounded by friends like most other 21 year olds.
Don’t know what to do. I try my hardest to ignore my lack of friends, but on days like your 21st birthday, where everyone asks and asks about what I am doing to celebrate, it just really gets me down.

By: Nina

Nina — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:42:31 +0000

hey OM, you sound like a nice interesting guy,

feel free to chat with me anytime, I’d be willing to listen. I posted all my messenger info a few posts up.

By: OM

OM — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:10:10 +0000

Hello.

Like most of you, I’m a pretty lonely person, turned 20 a few months ago. I can count the number of friends I have had in my life on one hand. Currently, the only person I have for company is my sister’s boyfriend. He’s a great guy but its just a strange situation to be in and it doesn’t feel organic. I’ve never even been on a date and I have no real friends of my own.

I hoped things would get better once I got to college, and predictably they didn’t. Hung out with my roommates for a short time, things turned sour, and we dispersed on poor terms. Another short term acquaintance with a girl from my study group turned out to be unfruitful. Depressingly, even when just the two of us hung out it felt like I was a thrid wheel. I tried to inject my own personal histories or whatever into conversations whenever she would prattle on about her famous uncle who was a German Airfoce commander or whatever. Y’know, keep things interesting, but I guess people just don’t want to hear about my pathetic, small town, po-dunk childhood. Not like I can blame them.

I’m a smart guy. I’m double majoring in both Music Performance and Biology, and I’m getting a good GPA. I’m a pretty good looking guy, albeit frighteningly thin thanks to my sky-high metabolism. I have honestly tried to make friends and extend my hand to people, tried to be confident, but for some reason everyone seems dissinterested in my friendship. I try to keep positive but it gets harder every day.

Nah, I don’t expect you to read all this crap. I just needed to get it off my chest. I think I’ll bring my guitar to the beach today. Maybe someone will care enough to say hello.

By: Malgor

Malgor — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:49:53 +0000

Hi everyone,

I posted again here a month or so ago, but the post was held for moderation until today, so you all might have missed it. Please, put http://leeiwan.wordpress.com/2006/06/23/what-happens-when-we-have-no-friends/#comment-40842 in your address bar, or scroll up until you see my name, and read it.

I really think that, if we are willing to work together and make some changes, we can change our lives (and the lives of others). From reading these posts, it seems that many of you, like me, are genuine, honest, and nice people. People who want to help others, but are being beaten down by repeatedly being used and abused by those few ‘friends’ you do manage to gather.

Well, I am tired of being a square peg in a round hole, so to speak - so I have decided to get my tools out and make a decent square hole! Please, take the time to read my last post, and visit my new website (click my name at the top of this post), and sign up on my site’s forum. Even if you don’t think that what I am trying to do will suit you, at least give the forum a go - you cannot make friends if you don’t try to meet people.

Hopefully, for some of you - those of you who have had enough, and are really willing to make a change to improve you lives - hitting my site and signing up wll be the first step on a road to a new, and better, life!

See you there!

-Malgor

By: Lee

Lee — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 21:20:54 +0000

i really hope this ends soon as it is an awful way to live, …………well let me correct that, it’s not even really living…………i dont know what it’s like to be alive…….one day i hope i will wake up in the morning and actually be glad to be awake

By: Lee

Lee — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 21:19:46 +0000

Hi I, much like a lot of you, have no friends……i was popular in elementary school, but then when i went to high school i got picked on and lost all my confidence and my friends as well.

so i went away to university and i was too afraid to talk to ppl to make a lot of friends, i still managed to make a couple of friends who eventually screwed me over (disssappeared and ran off on the lease that we had signed for a house)

so now i am back home in the same exact situation that i was in before, living the same pathetic life i had in high school and i can’t stand it

because honestly, despite suffering a lot of emotional anguish in university, the experience made me socially a lot better…..however, now that i am back home, i have nothing once again, no prospects for anything……

now many of you are probably thinking that i should just go out, but the thing is, i only have 2 friends, neither of which are very good friends by any stretch of the imagination, i only get to see them once a month and to be quite honest, i dont even like either one of them.

i am socially a lot better now but i have no prospects in which to show off these newfound social skills………i took a class and i made tons of friends there but they all lived really far away from me and we eventually just lost touch no matter how hard i tried to stay in touch with them.

i just got a new job and much to my dismay, everybody there was 40+ years old……

i think for me that’s the most frustrating part, all these things, friends, girls, a life…..could be had…….and should be had, but it just seems that things just work out against me no matter what i did and i always do just enough to lose.

i am so unlucky it is unbelievable, i know ppl who can meet really cool ppl without making any effort……….and then for some reason, it is unbelievably hard, almost impossible for me to meet anyone cool……i just dont know why god hates me so much

i think many of you are like me, it’s not that you dont have social skills, u do, but there are no prospects and ur just not lucky enough to meet the right ppl for u and find urselves in the right circumstance like some of the luckier folks..most of whom probably arent half as cool as we are, but are just plain lucky

By: Lonely nights

Lonely nights — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 18:39:20 +0000

Hey all. I have spent the last two years of my life on a few high notes and some of the lowest lows I have ever experienced. I got together with my girlfriend two years ago, and thats where it all went downhill. I was pressured by her to forget about all my old friends because they were “not cool”. I listened to her and started ignoring everyone I knew and even pressured my mom into homeschooling me my senior year instead of going back to normal high school. I didnt really have big regrets for a while, until a little over a year ago. Now, she becomes very moody and yells at me alot and makes me feel bad about myself. I am not the type of person that tries to argue or put people down. I rather take the punishment and move on. I only have her now, and when she is not mad (which is rarely ever now) shes the only person I have. I feel so incredibly lonely now. I am the most depressed I have ever been. Very often I break down in tears (especially when going to bed) and think of thoughts of suicide. I have searched many ways to commit suicide but when I went to complete it I never had enough nerve to do it. I know most people would say just break up with her and move on, but for one I truely love her. No matter how much she hurts me I still love her. And secondly, shes the only one I have and I have lost all confidence to talk meet new people. I used to be so outgoing and have alot of friends, i was even the nice guy at school who would hangout with anyone and was very popular. That has all left me. Now I am incredibly sad, lonely, and wish I would fall asleep and never wake up. I am about to start attending school at a university and possibly I could meet a friend. One friend who understood what I feel would be the most amazing feeling I could ever hope for. I read what alot of people had to say here, and all I could do was cry and wish I could be there and befriend all of you. I wish people like you guys were around me.

By: caligirl

caligirl — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 05:20:21 +0000

hey everyone
if anyone wants to talk or something email me summer_in_hawaii08@yahoo.com because i feel the same way as most of you. :/

By: nick

nick — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:35:10 +0000

its like im living through some of you people, im in high school now and it seems like i lost all of my friends from b4 (whether they still go 2 school with me or not) and cant make new ones. im shy, but i’ve always been that way and used to have alot of friends. it’d just be nice to hav a couple of friends to call up and do stuff instead of just sitting in my room, listening to my family keep whispering about how i hav no friends

By: Nina

Nina — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 04:49:06 +0000

I would like to say I have no friends.

Im an 18 year old female and I’ve never had any. The only friend and boyfriend I ever had was my online boyfriend who broke up with me 6 months ago. We were together for 5 months. I became too clingy and he hung out with his friends more. I couldnt let go, and i still can’t. It got to the point where he threatned legal charges and my psychiatrist and therapist have advised me not to talk to him. He blocked me a few weeks ago and that’s the last I ever heard.

It’s so crippling to me, it’s the only thing I ever had in my life, I got in a car accident a month ago because I couldnt stop thinking about it, he told me everything we had was a lie (which I don tknow whethe ror not to believe) and that he wasnt attracted to me so I dont know how to gauge my attractiveness now) and I havent driven since then. I know I have to again but Im so scared. It’s always on my mind. Everything reminds me of him. I care about him so much but he doesnt about me. I dont know what to do about my future. we were gonna meet in fall but cant now because I have to take a class at my local college. Ive taken classes there before and the kids arent anything like me.

He was only the person who ever understood me and I cry as I type this that I dont know what to do. IW ant to see him in the future but I Dont know how. Im so afraid and Im so alone. I would love some help and companionship.

thanks for listening

If anyone woul like to talk to me you can contact me at
saphronsazzle on yahoo
IceQueenieScully on AIM
fearful.symmetry on MSN/hotmail (thought I dont use that particular messenger much)

P.S. Whoever said anything about adopting children overseas, I have been thinking about that a lot lately. That or artifical insemnation. I don tknow how I could work it out though exaclty. I am a virgin but I would love to be a mother and feel I have a purpose in life.

By: alex

alex — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:10:49 +0000

also, in regards to the top, changes in America’s social networks
let me just say that this is what comes of material progress in my layman’s opinion
family matters less, friends matter less, technology insulates us to an insane degree

all those old systems spurned by our new abundant way of life, things we thought we didnt need anymore, like spirituality, concerete extended families units, basic decencies like generosity & compassion, its all coming to bite us back in the ass these days doesnt it seem so?
every day there seems to be some new toll from self indulgent lifestyles, posioned food, staggering inflation, gas out of sight, prospects of new wars & crusades, massive unemployment

is it all just business as usual?

By: alex

alex — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:54:45 +0000

i know what its like, feeling like you’ve been lost all your life
i got a symbol for the word ghost tatooed to my arm awhile back :P
it felt appropriate since ive always felt like an outsider, even as a kid
its defined me

i grew up in so much isolation that its become a way of life,
& a sad one at that

i had to move back home because i was suicidal
and now the only person ive ever (pathetically) been close to, my mother, has got cancer again and it isnt looking good

i feel so worn out with everything
maybe i have no reason to complain, ive done it to myself afterall
but it hasnt been a good life

heres my msn if anyone wants to really communicate:
alex_burnell@hotmail.com

By: ann1

ann1 — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:04:16 +0000

Of course i relate compeltely. I am now 32 years old and moved to North Jersey in December from NY State. When i moved down here, a coworker promised me that she would show me around and introduce me to her friends. We have not hung out once. I am desperately lonely. I am a nice, pretty and intelligent girl and i have met some guys of course. but i need friends. I Desperately need friends. I cannot hold in all my feelings and emotions anymore. i find myself telling personal things to my coworkers in need for an outlet to speak. and i know i shouldn’t talk about such things in the office. It seems like my soul is ripping apart in despair. If there is anyone in North Jersey who can email me… pls do. rstorey@iesltd.com. pls don’t block my email address.

By: Jeremy

Jeremy — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 09:13:28 +0000

hey i relate to all these things, im an 18 yr old male and have ablolutely no friends. All throughout highschool i had no “real friends”. then slowly i just started to hang out with nobody at all. It sucks i just dont understand it. Im more depressed than ive ever been, i dont do anything all day but stay home. Ive never had a girlfriend. Everytime im around people i get the feeling that they just dont want me around. Its been this way most of my life from elementary to highschool. In highschool it felt as though everybody thought that i thought i was better than them, but i didnt. Sometimes i just wanna cry, or maybe even kiil myself. Im not hideous or anything im an average looking guy but never had any real connections with anybody. I saw people with their group pictures and social cliques all throughout highschool and i envied them so much. I pray for death every day, im so pathetic. I hide my feelings from my family, i act like i dont care about anything but really i just need a friend. Ive lost all my social skills i cant talk to girls anymore, i cant even talk to people anymore.

By: selina

selina — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 00:34:19 +0000

I relate to every single posting. Today I was crying to myself saying how lonely and homesick I am. I am alone in this huge city. Why? My family is overseas and I only get to talk to them over the phone. But I always have to sound happy so they won’t notice my sadness.
I had very close friends in college, who i still talk to on a daily basis. I moved and had to leave those friendships behind. In my new place, I made ’social friends’. Then ones you only call or talk to when it’s time to party, but they never call you on your Bithday or invite to their house for thanksgiving. So I decided that I don’t need those friends.
I had one other good friend that I would hangout with but she decided to make excuses and break dates. So I let that friendship go.
I am 28 and this is the loneliest i’ve felt in a long time. I just want someone to go watch a movie with or have lunch. I don’t need a boyfriend to replace my loneliness. I just want to be happy and have a reason to live other than exist. I keep praying for things to change. I hope they will.